#ugh. im soooooo not normal about any of them

[scattered-winter]

winter PLEASE!!! not me starting to get second-handedly invested in characters for a video game i’ll never play and know nothing about 😭

I'm so normal about the military video game guys I promise I promise

[yuukei-yikes]

You make me want to rewatch the anime...wonder if i can force my husband to watch it with me(he showed me it but it was like...highschool its been sooo long)

Since everyone has autism/hj? Do u have any headcanons for special interests?

I FUCKING LOVE THIS ASK also husband?? HUH?? KAGEFANS ARE MARRIED ALREADY??? huh...well...kagepro IS 12 years old HUH...HAHAHA *holds head* (happy late kageversary, btw)

everyone is autistic. yeah.

ayano's is 1000% all the superhero shit. comicbooks. i like to think of her as a huge spiderman fan. i think she'd love the guy. BUT YEAH comicbooks, superhero franchises in general lol

kido's is music! i imagine them as the kind of person who basically studies a whole album when it comes out LMAO i also think theyre the kind to be embarrassed abt talking a lot so theyre probably online a lot and is instead active in there. they rotate hyperfixating on different bands but music in general <3 also i think they hyperfixate on cooking sometimes and they will just cook and cook and cook one thing after another. it used to be a problem when they only lived with 3 other ppl but now there's like 10 more and also haruka so <3 no more wasted food!!!!

fuckgn. seto. animals. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. i love ppl with animal special interests bc its literally the fucking BEST thing to talk about ever. and mary is plants. theyre both into each other's things too so their talks are so awesomely autistic i think seto and mary just talk for hours and hours and are always asking each other questions and if seto had a long day marys just like tell me abt why birds are fun colors like blue but not other animals :) and seto's like :DDDDD

momo and kano..... hmmm.. everyone else's seems so obvious. but them... like i see momo getting hyperfixated with a ton of different shit always rotating from lets players to toy collecting to makeup to lost media and etc etc but i cant think of like the One thing. kinda same with kano i feel like his thing is that he doesnt know who he is or what he wants so he wouldnt even Have his one thing. i think he'd be super into makeup tho. bc thats awesome but not only cutesy makeup but like special effects insane kinda thing. hes like whoa ppl change so much without any powers......... lol special effects makeup artist kano real

takane. lol. god theyre all so fucking obvious. coding. and i love takane but programmer ppl are SOOOOOO ANNOYING god this bitch would be insufferable. but the autism makes it awesome so its ok theyre not annoying <3 obviously videogames too. UGH harutaka indie game developers is so real to me. also this one is more my hc but erm technician takane is real he is real to me <3 the dan out of wifi bc this bitch took apart the router AGAIN just bc they like looking at the insides. the dan is complaining until the wifi is back AND its faster bc takanes improving and hacking shit. she helps shintaro build his epic pc

shintaro ohhh mygod have u ever met a more autistic bitch than this. he is everything. music!!!! like kido!!!!!!!!! i think kido and shintaro are an underrated duo. in the novels they hang out so much. wait im getting off topic ERM pianist shintaro is real to me idc. also super into collectibles of anime figures lol. also videogames!!! and lost media. i think he'd be one of those people super excited that a secret burgerking commercial never translated from english was found (momo too, they bond over it)

hibiya with the doll making shit. doll costumizing. also psychology post-shitshow bc hes 12 and hes like whoa. this wasnt normal *studies abt how this will affect him and his friends* i talked abt this in a hibiya ask i got lol but yeah also his whole thing abt making dolls. ofc it comes from something creepy but i still think its a cute thing he knows how to do i think he'd love using his new smartphone to find out abt doll costumizing communities and he sews mini mekakushi dan for everyone <3

i bestow to haruka the autistic honor of dinosaurs. FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHH also art/drawing ofc. and cartoons/animation. ppl who like to draw like cartoons okay. he'd be into that. idk if into animating himself i rather see haruka as a painting kinda girl. AND OFC VIDEOGAMES. srry to harutaka again but harutakas autism coexists so harmoniously ...domestic harutaka... these bitches have NO real schedules and are staring at their computers drawing/coding for days. it stinks in there. they make an autistic game together born from their autistic and disabled love. heart<3

i cant think anything for hiyori so hiyori experts feel free to add. maybe idols n stuff!! back to music heh

[poems-of-a-lover]

nick watches spiderman (cont.)

im gonna make another post bc i have a feeling im close to hitting the text limit on my other one but we're still on the first movie!! im gonna try and get thru this movie soon bc i HAVE to get to the second ones before my demons get me

okay where we are rn ben just died and peters in his evil era tryin to find the guy who did it

like hes just goin up to random dudes and beating them up bc he thinks its The Guy when its not

and every time i watch this movie i forget if they find him or if the plot point is abandoned bc peter has bigger problems by then KJGSHLKGJHSKH guess we'll remember together

peter falls thru a roof and these guys just let him go. like they leave him there. to be fair what were they supposed to do but still.

this is where we get the inspo to make a suit!! he sees a wrestling poster and is like "that could be me =D"

agh i wanna look like him so BAD bro i wish that were me

shoutout to him STEALING FROM OSCORP to make his web fluid thats so funny

this handstand moment is apparently judged by a lot of fans as him becoming spiderman but theyre SO wrong that doesnt happen until later in the film in my opinion

like thats just my opinion but other ppl can be wrong ig /lh

also how did he get this police radio. how do any of the spidermans get their radios. did they take them from officers. can u buy them. whats goin on here.

omggggg its captain stacyyyyy he'll be important later

like. incredibly important. GKJHSGKJSHGKJ we'll get to him in a minute.

"spandex.....spandex.......everything.......spandex......" i love peter so much

HE'S MAKIN THE SUITTTTT HES GOT THE SUIT NOW!!!!! THE SUIT OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!

i love this suit sooooo much its so textured and i love the logo its so fun

this car thief scene is rlly the scene of all time i love it

so many good peter lines from this scene

"seriously? u rlly think im a cop? a cop in a skin tight red and blue suit? yknow, u have got the mind of a true scholar, sir" PETER PLEASE BE NORMAL

this head tilt. the peter head tilt. in this context its kinda menacing but hes so me coded bc i also do the head tilt thing KHGSKJDHGKJ

the first time i saw this scene and for a while after i thought he told the cop "i just TOOK 80% of ur job" after he took the gun but he actually says "i just DID 80% of ur job" bc he webbed the criminal and i was so disappointed bc i rlly thought he was making a solid dig at the police force but hes just being petty KJGHSKJGHKSJ

ugh him talking to may here makes me sooooo sad. "u dont have to wait up for me, yknow" "yes i do" SHE LOVES HER NEPHEW PLEASEEEE

shes so worried for her nephew. seeing him hurt just destroys her. this boy is all she has. she lost her husband, her brother, her sister in law, and seeing her nephew come home at god knows what time just beat up and wounded must be so heartwrenching and she cant do anything bc he wont talk to her. i love tasm may shes so interesting.

"aunt may please, please go to sleep." "i cant sleep! dont u understand? i cant sleep! peter, listen to me. secrets have a cost, theyre not for free. not now, not ever." SOOOOO TRUE QUEEN. I SENSE A THEME.

AND THEN HE JUST WALKS OFF. LEAVES HER THERE. AJHGJSKGJAGFSJHF

oh yeah they're pushing curt to start human trials when they cure isnt ready, oscorp is so incredibly corrupt and its done so well in both films

"people die. even norman osborn." AKJGHKJSAGH SOOOOOO TRUE. YES. I HATE NORMAN SO MUCH.

also sorry for just quoting this movie so much it has so many good lines that i could talk about for the rest of my life

oh yeahhhhh this guy wants to start human trials??? at the veterans hospital?????

ugh theyre talking about plot that we dont learn until like the second film so its not important yet but its such a cool thing later on

PETER AND GWENNNNN I LOVE THEM

she really cares about him and it makes me so happy

shes inviting him to dinner!!!! with her family!!!!! its a family hes never met eating a meal hes never heard of but still its with the girl he really likes so hes gonna just deal with it and show up anyway

ugh normans doing things /neg

hes doing human trials. on himself. lets see how this goes HGKJSDHGKJL

oh hi peter. dinner date time.

he brought gwens mother flowers???? KWHGKSJGHSKJHGK theyre a little messed up bc they were in his bag while he was swinging but still!!! he brought flowers for this girls mom hes so sweet

"you must be peter" "dad this is. peter." thank u gwen

oh yeah i failed to mention that the captain of the police department is gwens dad if u didnt catch that from his last name

curt has his arm back!!! the cure worked!!!! hoping and praying that nothing bad happens and he just gets to live a normal life and be happy from now on

he has to go catch the one guy that i forgot the name of (edit its dr ratha) from going to the veteran hospital but the cure is backfiring so hes like. goin thru it. lizard moment.

anyway peter cant cut fish corrcctly

hes never had a fancy meal like this!! hes a little dumb!!!

uh ohhhh theyre talking about spidermannnnn yikes

this is what it feels like to talk politics with relatives

"if i wanted the car thief off the street, he wouldve been off the street" "so why wasnt he then?" PETER. CHILL. UR TRYING TO DATE HIS DAUGHTER PLS BE NICE

"its called strategy, im sure ur aware of the term strategy? maybe u learned about that in school?" MR STACY U ARE ALSO NOT HELPINGGGG

"i think he stands for what u stand for, sir. protecting innocent people from bad guys." banger line right there skajfhksjd

peter still apologized and said that he didnt mean to insult mr stacy but still ksajdfhkjsd cmon peter be nice

BIG PLOT HOLE HERE. peter webs gwen and pulls her closer and she goes "youre spiderman?" before he kisses her. HE HASNT GOTTEN THAT NAME YET. NO ONES CALLING HIM SPIDERMAN YET. WHERE DID SHE GET THAT.

ugh it gets me every time like where did that come frommmm

peter pulling away completely and turning around when her mother catches them is so funny hes trying to be respectful

uh oh crime time

HE JUST JUMPS OFF THE ROOF. BYE.

so yeah curt connors is now a giant lizard monster thing trying to find dr ratha and?? kill him???? okay yeah kill him he just threw his car off the bridge

peter has this moment of either going after lizard or helping save this mans son and he goes to save the kid and i love peter so much

hes also very very good with kids. he convinces this little boy that his mask has special powers to help the kid get out of the car safe and its so sweet

like this kid is terrified and honestly so is peter but hes staying calm and convincing this kid that this mask will make him stronger so he can save him. THIS is the moment i was talking about. this is when peter becomes spiderman.

the moment he gave that kid back to his father alive and safe is when he became a superhero. thats also when he coins the name. but this exact moment is what made him into the actual hero rather than just having the name. he gets home and he stares at his mask bc now he knows he has an immense responsibility to save peoples lives and keep them safe.

i love this movie

oh yeah mr stacy issued an arrest warrant for spiderman after the bridge attack thats so silly of him.

more petergwen lets goooo

"does it scare you? what you can do?" "no." "...youve got to lay low." "no, cant do that." "youve got to. i mean, why?" "because of last night. those people on the bridge. whatever was attacking them wouldve killed them. so i gotta go after it." "thats not your job." "maybe it is." SUCHHHHH A GOOD CONVERSATION. UGH.

OKAY IM GONNA. LEAVE THIS ONE HERE. ive finally got motivation so im gonna keep it going in a reblog like right away but im gonna stop this post here before it gets too long skjhfksjd

[foxstens]

im so fucking mad

so i have access to three bosses currently and i can't beat any of them. nor do i like them enough to want to keep trying.

there's this lady who kinda reminds me of isidora but worse. because a lot of her attacks can be parried but not all and its kinda hard to figure out which ones you can parry and which ones you can't because it doesn't follow the rules of isidora's fight. and there's no walls on the side of her arena so if you fall you die instantly. she's the aggressive kind of boss who chases you and has very short openings. i usually struggle against these types of bosses but especially here because i don't like her.

then there's this guy who seems like??? a blacksmith?? but he also doesn't have any dialogue and his attacks are pretty erratic. i think he's probably the easiest of the three i can fight right now, i got close to beating him a few times but he just isn't dying for some reason. some of his attacks are also really hard to parry or avoid, and i also just don't like the fight. at all. he does lead to a very very very important upgrade though ugh.

and lastly, there's the one i'm mad about. this boss is so fucking cool, he's in a great area, he looks cool, his music is great, he really fucking reminds me of my favourite boss in blasphemous 1. except. he has three fucking phases of which i hate two. IT'S SO FUCKING HARD. the first two are easy individually but then in the third it's just both of them at the same time and it's soooooo fucking hard when these attacks don't mesh together at all and you can't fucking avoid theeeeeeeeem.

and like. the game is being kinda stingy with upgrades. movement upgrades are fine, they come at the right time and i love the platforming. but so far i got one fervour upgrade which is not a lot considering the fact that death is much more punishing here. as in, after you die and you recover the guilt fragment, you don't actually recover all of your guilt and you gotta go to an npc to purge all of your guilt periodically. WHICH IS A FUCKING STUPID SYSTEM WHY THE FUCK

i also only got one additional flask, and two health upgrades which i had to look up because they were in annoying ass spots. by the way the game has a lot of instances where it just looks into a room with waves of enemies. when you get items for it i don't mind, but sometimes you don't even get anything it just happens in normal ass rooms and i don't get it it's so fucking annoying.

and most of all, i haven't found any weapon upgrades. i even looked them up and turns out, none of them are available until i beat at least one of these bosses. WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK. i'm even unable to use the weapon i like against these bosses because it barely does any damage. i guess the reason people are finding this game so easy is bc everyone uses the flail but i don't like it??? it's hard even when using the sword, BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING THREE WEAPONS WHEN THEY'RE SO UNBALANCED

maybe i should wait for patches or smth idk, but that could take years and by then i'll probably be spoiled about everything. i'm just so frustrated rn like i wanna love it but all of these things are so much more annoying than anything in the first game. and like i said previously, i have yet to come across an area or boss i love, so basically the only thing i truly love about this game at the moment is the platforming :'(

[kinktae]

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud 

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

[grayson-dolans-dangly-earring]

It Started With A Treehouse (G.D.)

I havent written any Grayson smut in forever soooooo here take this garbage lmao

@scuteedolans @dangly-feather-earring-dolan @pinksnapbackbullshit

              Ethan, Grayson, and I had been inseparable for our entire lives. We grew up as neighbors, the twins ran into my backyard and climbed into my tree house scaring the hell out of me when we were five years old and the rest is pretty much history. Our parents became friends, we went on vacations together, we were babysat together, and we got along great so we basically grew up in each other’s pockets. As we got older the twins grew like weeds and bulked up quite a bit. There was no denying that they were handsome young men, I just wasn’t attracted to either of them. Or so I thought.

                As time went on, I realized a little part of me always loved Grayson a little bit more than Ethan. I always gave in to him, whether it be where we went to eat or what game we played. All he had to do was look up at me through the thick fringe of his eyelashes with those big hazel puppy dog eyes and my resolve would crumble in an instant. His face would split into a beautiful grin, flashing his brilliant white teeth, and I’d melt. Of course, to his face I would scoff and pretend to be irritated but I was never really upset. I don’t think I ever could be.

               It was late on Saturday night, and my phone rang with a text message.

*Group Chat*

G: hey sluts, movie night?

E: first off, rude. second, no.

Me: why not E? hot date tonight?! Lmaooooo

G: yeah right, Y/N. maybe with his left hand.

Me: EW

E: HEY LISTEN I COULD GET A DATE IF I WANTED ONE

G: suuuuuure ya could buddy.

E: I don’t see you on many dates dear brother so….

Me: OH SICK BURN BABY

G: you two are the worst

E: aww ya sad now?

Me: yeah gray, ya gonna cry?

G: fuck offfffff. Is anyone coming to watch this fucking movie with me or what????

E: I already said no, dingus. I’m sleeping at Aaron’s house tonight

G: so you DO have a hot date!

Me: don’t let things get too sexy tonight E!

E: you are both monsters.

Me: gray I’m in for a movie if you want. As long as its nothing that sucks.

G: do my choices ever suck?????

Me: um remember the 4th of july with the twizzlers and half a bottle of fireball???

G: I MEANT MY MOVIE CHOICES NOT MY LIFE CHOICES Y/N.

Me: mhmmmmmm

G: I came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now.

E: gray that was lame

Me: you are LITERALLY a living meme

G: yeah but you love me baby!

E: I don’t!

Me: yeah yeah whatever I’ll be over in 5

G: YAY!

               I put my phone in my pocket before I slipped my shoes on. I called out to my mother to let her know where I was going on my way out the door. I walked across the driveway and into the Dolan’s front yard. I didn’t bother knocking and I just walked inside. I knew everyone else was gone because the only car in the driveway was Grayson’s. That’s when reality hit. I was alone with him in this big house. Why the fuck was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden? I needed to relax and act normal. I could not let my minor crush come bubbling to the surface right this very second.

               “GRAYSON BAILEY DOLAN WHERE YOU AT?!” I shouted from the front hallway. “I’M IN HERE!” I heard him yell in response from the living room. I grinned and started running. When I hit the living room I dove over the arm of the couch and tackled Grayson onto the cushions. “Y/N what the hell girl?! Are you tryin to kill me?” He said while laughing. His laughter shook my body as I was still on top of him. “You know I like to make an entrance.” I said while climbing off of him. I flopped onto the couch next to him with my feet in his lap. “Go ahead G, fire it up!” He chuckled while pressing play on the remote.

               About an hour into the movie, I started to get tired and uncomfortable because of the way I was sitting. Grayson’s large hand wrapped around my ankle. Still staring at the screen, he said “Stop squirming.” My heartbeat quickened just a little and I let out a fake irritated sigh. He patted his thigh and said “Come on.” I smiled a little and rearranged myself so my head was resting in his lap. Grayson knew this was my favorite way to lay but he also knew I always fell asleep like this too. Sure enough he started stroking my hair and in a matter of minutes I was asleep.

               About an hour later I started to wake up but Grayson was still stroking my hair so I didn’t open my eyes. Call me selfish but it was soothing and I didn’t want him to stop. I cracked one eye open and his phone was close enough to my face that I could read his texts. Now I didn’t want to spy but teasing Gray was kinda my favorite thing and if there was something funny in his texts I could use against him, you can bet your ass I would. He was texting Ethan and the hand that wasn’t stroking my hair, was flying over his keyboard.  It took all of my strength not to shiver while reading his conversation.

G: e I need help

E: whats up bro?

G: im freaking out. Y/N’s head is in my lap

E: dude this isn’t new. she does that all the time

G: e you KNOW this is different. You know how I feel about her!

E: yeah and that’s why I went to Aarons! Man up!

G: I don’t know what to do! God damn it I want to touch her so bad

E: okay well don’t be weird about it. Just like touch her arm or something idk man!

G: ethan you have no idea what she does to me I cant fucking breathe rn

E: well im going to leave you to it FIGURE IT OUT BUD!

G: ETHAN NO

G: ETHAN I SWEAR TO GOD

G: FUCK

               He clicked the power button on his phone and threw it onto the other side of the couch, and his head dropped back, a sigh escaping his lips. Now that I knew he wanted me just as bad as I wanted him, I pulled the courage from inside of me and decided that I was going to make the move to go further. I pretended to still be asleep and I rolled over so my face was inches from his toned stomach. I could hear him gasp above me and I bit back a grin. I stretched out like a cat as his hand ran down my spine. I slowly dragged my hand over the growing bulge in Grayson’s jeans. A groan spilled from his lips and I could feel his body tense up. I slowly blinked my eyes open and grinned up at him. “Are you sure sweetheart? Because if we do this, you gotta be sure.” He asked quietly. I could see the hope shining in his eyes and a shy grin appeared on his face as I nodded.

               As soon as he had confirmation that I was okay with this, a fire ignited in his eyes and his hand traveled down between my thighs. He began rubbing small tight circles over my clit through my leggings. All reasonable thought flew out of my head at the feeling of his fingers on my most sensitive area. My hips bucked against his hand and moans spilled from my lips. “These need to come off.” Grayson said, pulling at my pants. I stood up and removed my leggings, feeling exposed. “C’mere baby.” He said, grabbing my hips and pulling me into his lap.

               Grayson tucked his head into my neck and nipped at the sensitive skin. My hips began to grind down onto his thick thigh and I couldn’t control my sighs as my clit rubbed against the denim of his jeans. At this point I was so turned on I couldn’t see straight. “Fuck baby. You like riding my thigh? Does that feel good?” Grayson growled, his hands guiding my hips back and forth on his leg. “Yes! Hngg-oh my god Grayson!” I whined out. One of his hands left my hip and snaked down to rub me through my panties. He pushed them to the side and sank 2 thick fingers into me. I gasped at the intrusion and he grinned me, knowing exactly what he was doing to me. I tipped my head down and sealed my lips with his. He pumped his fingers in and out of my dripping center and my mouth fell open. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I could feel that heat coiling in my belly.

               Grayson withdrew his fingers from my pussy and brought them up to my mouth. I sucked his index finger into my mouth, wrapping my tongue around the thick digits. I looked into his eyes as I continued sucking and he let out a low hiss.

               “That’s it. Enough fucking around.” He growled as he flipped me onto my back. Grayson stood up and unbuckled his pants, yanking them down along with his boxers. He pushed my knees apart and settled between my thighs. “Please Grayson. I need you.” I whined, on the brink of tears. “Shh don’t cry baby. Daddy knows what you need.” He whispered, lining his length up with my entrance. He pushed into me slowly, giving me time to adjust to his size.

               Grayson pulled out almost all the way and slammed back in, an animalistic sound ripping out of my throat. He began thrusting into me at a near punishing pace and I couldn’t contain the sounds spilling from my lips. “Please Daddy! God you feel so good! I can’t hold on!” I screamed. “Yeah that’s right baby. Tell me how good you feel. Tell me how much you need my cock.” Grayson grunted into my ear, his warm breathe fanning over my heated skin. “Ugh-Gray you feel so good inside me. Your cock is the best I’ve ever had! I’m gonna come!” I whimpered in response.

               His hand gently tightened around my throat, beginning to cut off my air supply. He kept thrusting quickly, his face twisting and contorting as he chased his release. His hand kept tightening around my throat and the air was getting thinner and thinner. The lack of oxygen made my blood feel like it was boiling and my clit was throbbing. Just as my vision started to darken Grayson removed his hand and used it to rub my clit in tight circles as I sucked in a huge breath. The sudden intake of oxygen mixed with his touches threw me right over the edge as I exploded around him. “FUCK!” Grayson shouted into the empty room as my pussy continued to flutter around him. After another half dozen powerful thrusts he stilled inside me as his orgasm washed over him. After he spilled his seed inside me, he collapsed on top of me, his head on my chest.

               “Wow. Y/N do you know how I’ve wanted this? How long I’ve wanted you?” He whispered into my damp skin. I ran my fingers through his messy hair and whispered back “I’m guessing, as long as I’ve wanted you?” He was quiet before responding. “Y/N please don’t tell me this was a one time thing? I want you to be mine. Like, forever ya know?” Grayson said, lifting his head to look me in the eyes. I cradled his face in my hand. “I’ve been yours since you and your idiot brother stormed my treehouse when we were five years old Grayson Bailey Dolan. I’m not going anywhere.”

[ktrxs]

3.7.19

I have no fucking clue why but my body sucks.

I’ve been doing amazingly well at waking up at 4:30/5am and going to bed early for THREE nights. and then on the 4th night, I do everything right. I'm in bed by 8pm. but I just could not goo to fuckin bed, mate.

this happens every fucking time I get to a schedule that I LIKE! I have gotten so much shit done in the last 3 days, it’s unreal. And I was tossing and turning last night and had to watch a sleep meditation video TWICE in order to go to sleep. Ugh.

But this was the second time I used the sleep meditation. the first time? I was OUT. I don’t even remember how far along I got. This time I did a different video and it didn’t really work. I found the first one this morning and I’m going to try that again tonight.

I normally fall asleep listening to American Dad.

These days, I NEED something to listen to. It’s scary when I’m not distracted at night. I become a sobbing mess when my thoughts take over and I definitely wouldn’t get any zzzz

So... yeah. I wish it can be silent. but then Mamie and death anxiety takes over.

But it’s cool. mediation is cool I guess. Also, YO AMERICAN DAD WHY YOU AINT CUTTING IT NO MORE?!?

Since Tuesday, I almost have a post almost done, I'm adding a section to my ebook, I finished my Pinterest course, added a feature to my site where I can control the sidebar from each page and honestly feeling great about all of this.

I love it when I actually work. I make progress on things that I’ve wanted to make progress on. I need need need to keep this up. I will fucking drug myself to sleep if i have to.. not really but something needs to help me sleep.

I like waking up early because i get some sun. and im more motivated when brandon is at work AND i somehow squeeze exercise in like what is this productivity?

Something that I haven't done this week is read. But can you fucking blame me? that game of thrones book is about 3 books in one. I crammed that in for 2 weeks and I’m still not done. I’ll finish the other book I'm reading probably Saturday but holy shit, mate.

also, i have not been eating the healthiest this week. It’s like tradeoffs. You get work done and exercise but not eat right. or you take the time to cook and lose the will to work. IDK.

I need to meal prep a bunch of shit. 

I’m going to make soup today. A shit ton. And then eat it a shit ton. And all will be merry and good. I guess. until tomorrow when i need more food lmao.

But it sucks because half the sink is frozen and it’s difficult to do dishes when only the hot water works. A lovely scalding sensation is what I crave.

I need to clean my house. I need to WORK

i want to finish writing this post and then work on the ebook. I need take pictures for the ebook so im doing that today.

It’s soooooo cute. So, when im ready to exercise, I put all the babies down for a nap in the room and shut the door. I’m not fucking around. I literally put cats down for a nap.

After an hour and a half I go to open the door and all the cats and on the bed together sleeping. and rumples on his hay chilling. One or two sleeping heads pop up and I tell them they can come out if they want. But hardly no one comes out. They;ll stay in there to finish their sleeps.

It’s so cute.

I don’t like them out and about when I’m exercising. My bike trainer spins and some of them try to bat it, but if they do they get a bad rugburn. And then when im on the treadmill, I swear to god cookies jumps on there with me and is shocked when we all go down. like he didnt realize the thing was moving.

And then if im doing some doing something like running teah and frappe get so pissed for some reason like im threatening them and they start to attack me. and baby breadstick wants to race me and i trip over him and you know what?

It’s just best that they get a nap.

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

[starryeyedhoe]

answer all of them >:3c (if you want)

minus 1, 6, and 11 bc I did those already 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?They sent me a picture of their cat last night. Otherwise, nothing 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Unless it's like bad drugs like they gonna die, then eh?4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Nope. Exactly 6.5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Sober7. What does your last received text say?"RIP me"8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Like twice?9. Where was your last kiss at?.... a car...10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Right before I left for school on Easter12. Where did you sleep last night?My dorm room. Excuse me, res hall room.13. Do you think relationships are hard?Yes. Mainly bc I'm shit at communicating and feelings sharing and I think they hate me 24/7 or that I'm annoying and I'm just not good at it14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Nah.15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?I would hope not.16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?¿Por qué no los dos?17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?HA. A lot of people. 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?None of the above. Running shorts.19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?Who knows, I'm a mess.20. Does anyone like you?I think so? Unless I cocked that up 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?No22. Is the last person you kissed gay?Yes.23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?UGGHH YESSS24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?I almost did but I didn't have enough money bc I had to spend a bunch for things so I didn't go get it. :( 25. In the past week have you cried?HA. I cried TODAY. THRICE.26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I think a pitty :) my fav.27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Well, I guess in, now, purely due to the design of our hall bath showers.28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Eww gross no.29. Do you think you’re old?No.30. Do you like text messaging?Eh. Sometimes I prefer calls and most prefer Snapchat.31. What type of day are you having?A real shitty one, thanks for asking :) 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Yeah. More often, recently.33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Warm34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Yes, mah best dude friend.35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship even tho I'm shit at them 36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Just like Avril says, I make everything complicated 37. What song are you listening to?Nothing rn, but I was just listening to "Come to the Fun Home"38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Yes bc I'm constantly sorry for my existence 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Yes and I wish she didn't :/ And another Im glad she does. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?They're funny and witty and sassy and really cute and adorable and yeah :) 41. When did you last receive a text message?This morning like, 11:30?42. What is wrong with you right now?Oh boyyy so many things. Had an episode caused by my autism yesterday, that was fun, and I'm still emotionally drained from it and like wanting to die but more casually.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Very well. 44. Does anyone disgust you?Yes :/45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?If a specific person still tolerates me even tho I fuck up a lot, and they managed to hop an ocean, yeah, I'd go on a date/date them.46. Are you in a good mood right now?No.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My Spanish partner48. What color shirt are you wearing?Mint green/light green49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes, "you have a final next week."50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Myself 🙃51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?Never52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Yeah. 53. Do you like rain?Unless there's really loud thunder and super bright lightening I like it54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Pfft no. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?I'm a lesbian. Of course I have.56. Do you like to cuddle?I luuuhhhhh to cuddle57. Are you shy?"Extroverted Introvert"58. Do you get along with girls?Kinda?59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Again, eww gross no, he's a boy60. What do you carry with you at all times?My phone and ID card61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Sure.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I have never done it except for the abusive one I was forced to soooooo who knows? I'd like to63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Noppeee64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Yesh.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Yep 😊😊😊66. How old are the last three people you kissed?19 and I dunno the other two I was drunk67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do them myself 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Ugh gross neither 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Yes he has a school sticker and a swim team sticker 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? ...Luke Bryan...71. BlackBerry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone I guess72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Like seven months 73. Do you like diet soda? The actual devil74. What color are the walls in your room? White/cream75. Are you 16 or older? Yup!76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No.77. Do you have a job? Yusss :)78. What are your initials? MEC79. Did you ever have braces? Yes 80. Are you from the south? Yes??? Depends on what you consider the south but I'm in the south rn and my family are all southern. 81. What does your last status on facebook say? Probably something fucking dumb from 201382. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? No...83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mama84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Nope85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?Beauty and the beast 86. Do you smoke? Not currently 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? I mean it always depends on the occasion 88. Is your phone touch screen? Yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Wavy 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Yes91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? It depends on the specifics 92. Have you ever made out in a car? Yes93. …Had sex in a car? ...yes.94. Are you single or in a relationship? I don't know?95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Drinking coffee to calm myself down from panicking in the library and jumping up and down in my seat bc I was having a bb episode96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Fourth of July?97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Eh.98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Yes.99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? Yes100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yup.101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Yes.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:TIK TOK. 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Chaco tan lines ✌🏼✌🏼104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I mean, I have soooooUgh girl that was a bitch to finish

[pagahan]

"I just wanna start off by saying that you are the sweetest & kindest person I have ever met. I truly mean that. You are so caring, generous, loving and respectful. You have the biggest heart and it grows more and more every single day. I continue to fall more in love with you and tonight I definitely did. You are.... ugh. So sweet. I think what makes it even more meaningful and loving is the fact that you don't have a lot of money. If you had a ton of money then sure it's still a kind gesture of course, but it's not as difficult to spend so much on people you don't know. I think that's why it warms my heart that you did that. The fact that you don't have much money but you still went out of your way to go to target and get them what they needed. Like... what. No one does that and that's terrible. More people definitely need to be like you. You are the most amazing man I have ever met and I can't believe I get to call someone so special, my boyfriend. I am truly blessed. Truly truly blessed to have you. You told me how people say you are still the same guy you were back then and you haven't changed and whatever.... well.. who cares what they think babe. Honestly, only God's opinion is what matters anyways. Only He knows how far you've come and how much you've changed and that's really all that matters. Who cares what those other people say. Are they here helping you through your difficult times in your life? Are they here to applaud you and acknowledge when you do something out of the kindness of your heart? No. they aren't. Soooooo their opinions don't matter. They don't truly know you or your heart. If they did, then they wouldn't ever say those hurtful things to you. I am so blessed to be able to be on this journey with you and see your heart grow everyday. I'm glad I get to be the one you constantly love on and I get to reciprocate that back to you. You deserve all the blessings you've been given babe. You deserve the world. You are absolutely wonderful. You always say that you don't deserve me.... but after everything you've been through.. (like with the way your ex treated you) you definitely deserve me. (not to toot my own horn) but you need someone like me who can love on you during the day when you're busy, take care of you when you're dying and super sick, and give you attention the way you like when you get on your man period. I would say Im the one who doesn't deserve you, but you know what.. I do. I need you. I need someone like you. We both compliment each other very well. God made us for each other and I have to say, He did a mighty fine job. We are definitely each other's better half and I don't doubt that for a second. I am so in love with you and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life, and even after. You deserve the world baby. With this Christ centered relationship, we can overcome anything and I know the future will be so fun and exciting just as long as we have each other. You always make me laugh nonstop and you never fail to put a smile on my face. I love how we can laugh about literally anything and we understand each other's weirdness, and we appreciate it. Thinking about you makes me smile. Writing about you makes me smile. Talking about you makes me smile. I'm always smiling. I've never smiled so much. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I thank God everyday for bringing you into my life. I want to continue growing with you and becoming a better person for myself, you, and our kids. I look up to you in so many ways. Not in height of course cause you're shorter than me.. but in many other ways. I want my heart to be as kind and loving as yours. I see how loving you are towards people and I want to be that way. I want to be as patient and understanding as you are. The way you handle situations like when we have a disagreement or a little fight. You know how to be patient and just love on me. You know how to communicate with me and I want to be a better communicator. Baby. You are amazing and I hope to be just as amazing as you. I'm still working on myself and I know I continue to grow slowly everyday. Maybe one day I'll be as awesome as you... but idk.. that's a tough act to follow. You told me once that people told you you were unlovable. What. The. Freakin. Crap........ whoever told you that.. is. Dumb. Sorry. Not. Sorry. Ugh. That makes me so upset. Knowing that someone thought that of you. Like. What. You are the most lovable person! I just wanna hold you all the time and tell you how amazing you are. When you cry or whenever you're in your man period, I just wanna hold you and love on you even more than normal. I want to affirm you everyday of my life and remind you how perfect you are for me and how I will continue loving you. You are my adorable little build a bear and you are definitely super lovable. You are so lovable because you're so loving. The way you love on me is how I've always wanted to be loved. You do everything right. You're afraid to make a mistake and lose me, but babe. We all make mistakes. But I will choose to love you through those mistakes. Unless you cheat on me.. then... bye. Lol but no really. I love you. I will continue to love you through any arguments, fights, whatever it may be. I am here to stay. I'm here to fight for you if another girl wants to come in and take you away from me. I'm here to love on you. I'm here to take care of my wonderful boyfriend whom I plan to marry one day. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I love you so so so much ❤️" -Erika, the night of the Hungarian family Baby. I love you. My heart has definitely changed over the years. I don't know that I could've done what I did tonight prior to tonight but I'm thankful that God tested me and I responded.