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#ugh. whatever I’m cool and fine and dandy and NOT on the verge of tears and I’m going to eat fucking jellybeans
peapod20001 · 1 year
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Bro I’m </3 thinking too hard </3
#vent#ugh. artfight. bullshit. fucking shit#I would rather have banter with my friends than draw for people that don’t care#but alas. the all consuming art game#I love drawing for people in theory but I hate how it makes me feel. do you understand what I mean by this#idk what it is but the fact art fight starts TOMORROW has me feeling like a worthless sack of shit#and that feeling is only heightened by the fact that everyone is going to be invested in it while I fucking crumble for what? the 3rd?#4th year in a row?? god. fucking sucks. I get so in my head with this bullshit every year. but I want to do it#ugh. awful. and I feel worse when people make me things and then I don’t get to send something back#awful gross beast. and now I’m just feeling worse thinking about other things. I’m so overwhelmed#and not a damn person to talk to cus 1. there’s no one to listen and 2. I can’t articulate my feelings! I don’t understand myself!#the only reason I know how to act is because I do research for my fucking characters! I’m my own fucking character!#and I wish someone was there to make me feel special like how I (hypothetically) make my ocs feel!!#ugh. whatever I’m cool and fine and dandy and NOT on the verge of tears and I’m going to eat fucking jellybeans#am I going to have a breakdown every time there’s a Holliday or event? I canNOT be caught feeling like a fucking ball of lint every#valentines day dawg. I can’t be that person. I already did that one time too many ok#how’s it feel to have people enjoy talking to you? cus I’m either too much or not enough for people
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