#uhhhhhh shoot wait

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

wait guys hold on what day is it

[kittycatcomander]

AU where SBI are villains, and Kristin is the villain wrangler making sure all the kids who get counseling in her office get a chance to meet who ever they want, even if they’re wanted dead by the hero commission.

Cue meet-cute(?) between Kristin and Phil, where she spends weeks tracking down the infamous “ Crowfather, killer of heroes and hater of the system” because some little kid wanted see him, and she stands tall and totally not terrified (/s) on a rooftop waiting for him.

And Phil is faced with this woman who spent hours and hours researching his routines not to arrest him but to let a little kid meet him, and he just falls for her.

So they exchange numbers, and everytime from there on out when Kristin has a kid who wants to meet The Blade or Orpheus or Nemesis she just casually shoots THE TOP VILLAIN a message, internally screaming, while Phil is kicking his feet on the air like a stereotypical teenager everytime his phone dings with a personalized ringtone.

Hero!Dream: I have finally confronted you, doer of evil! Today, our fight will be legend-

Crowfather!Phil: wait pause mate- OMG ITS HER 🥰🥰

Hero!Dream: wait wha-

Technoblade: I’ll take it from here

And so begins her getting really casual about the fact she personally texts the top villain.

I’m imagining some side stuff where she meets Tommy, a sidekick in desperate need of help (which she’s happy to provide), and a few others who’s relationship evolves with her over time.

Kirstin when first meeting the Blade: hooooooly smokes this guy is Dangerous, but if the kid wants to meet him… I’ll be prepared

Techno: uhhhhhh (struggling to interact with the receptionist, holds kids and swings them around gently like planes, lets them win fake fights)

Kristin: ok wait he’s like seven shaking puppies built like a brick house

She and Phil talk more and more as the arrangement continues, about everything and eventually life, and things shift from there. The first time that a villain tries hurting one of the kids also shifts their relationship…. especially since Kristin handles it as efficiently as she does.

There’s more, but in this AU I imagine Kristin to have a super dangerous power of her own (unregistered because teehee) that motivated her to work with troubled youth in need of help and kids working with a limited lifespan. I want her to be OP but just friendly and downplaying her ability since she was never in a situation to use it to the full extant.

Also there’d obviously be a CrimeBoys plot and adoption of Tommy into the family (bye bye Dream) which leads to her getting invited over to like. Family dinners and stuff, where the interactions are all completely cute and normal but undercut by her perspective reminding her of crimes they’ve all committed. Like-

“Phil, who had the most beautiful eyes but hands stained with the blood of approximately 3,791 people, passed her the salad with a bright smile. His son(?) continued the story of how he met a new friend. Kristin wasn’t sure if the story was in or out of masks, and she was scared to ask at this point.”

I especially want her to and Phil to reflect the two main approaches to changing the world, where you could either completely destroy the system in place (villains, anarchy) and forcefully restart, or you could tackle an issue at its lowest (if the world is full of corrupt people, change the people from a young age)

[desire-mona]

Opinions on jacksfilms v sssniperwolf?

Penny for ur thoughts plz 🪙 (<- pretend that is a penny shhhhh)

this ask is an equivalent to asking for my hand in marriage just btw.

so in case anyone doesnt know anything abt this old ass drama (i dont know as much as i could either, this is a retelling from the bits and pieces i remember):

so basically sssniperwolf used to be this gaming youtuber but she eventually turned into a half baked "reaction" channel where she just watches tiktoks, makes low effort surface level commentary, and then doesnt credit the creator of said tiktoks. jacksfilms is a comedy youtuber who does a bunch of stuff (sketches, streaming, something called YIAY where he gives ppl prompts / questions to answer n reads em out(with credit!(also hes been doing stuff with ai recently but mostly to show how mid it is which like. eh idk how i feel abt it but its not a dealbreaker))) and he at one point in 2023 called out sniper for her content stealking and lazy content.

he started doing this thing where he reacted to her videos the way she reacts to the videos she steals? i think? and then he gives credit to the creators that sniper reacts to i hope ur following. sniper eventually got mad and was like "uhhhmmm ur stealing from me....." which is rly funny considering she steals from SO many ppl. they had lowkey beef for a while (and obv jack was in the right the entire time) and on uhhhhhh lemme look this up hold on. october 13th of last year sniper posted an instagram story poll like "jacksfilms is close to this place im shooting at should i go see him" i guess to like? talk things out?

(src)

and then some amnt of time later while jack was playing jackbox on stream with his editors and stuff (dubbed the council) sniper showed up at his house, stood outside, and posted a video OF HIS HOME ON HER STORY. ON HER INSTAGRAM WITH OVER 5 MILLION FOLLOWERS. also to add even more context that i found out from youtube comments, sniper has been arrested for armed robbery before, so! some council member alerted jack and erin (jack's wife) was like "erm im gonna go outside" and everyone was like NO DONT OMG. eventually she deleted the story but by that point it was like wayyyy too late. and photos of his house were alr on twitter and stuff. the most ridiculous part is that when jack was rightfully like WHAG GHE HELL she was like this guy is creepy and hes been harassing me! i just wanna talk!!!

jacksfilms made a video being like heyyyyy youtube can u do smthn abt this???? youtube, of course, did nothing in response. i honestly dont know how it ended but snipers still doing her thing and so is jack so ultimately nothing substantial came of it, i guess. i wasnt on stream when it happened but i was GLUED to twitter as it was unfolding since ive been a big jacksfilms fan since i was 12ish. crazy times

WAIT EDIT I FORGOT TO ADD MY OPINION OOPS LOL: FUCK SNIPERWOLF

also fun fact! ive had a couple convos with a council member (marshaldoesstuff u will always be famous) and i was in his discord FOREVER ago. like 2018 forever ago. got groomed in that server it was kinda goofy (NOT marshal's fault - nor the mods of said server, im still friends with a few of those mods and they were always so protective of me and were there to put a stop to everything, i love them dearly.) so yeah im kinda etched into jacksfilms lore in a way that VERY few remember. which is the case for a few different fandoms tbh.

second fun fact: jack and erin r house md fans (erin has a crush on house and jack has a crush on cuddy which is sooo based of them)

thank u for asking and thank u for reading :3 i luv jacksfilms

[no-thoughts-only-soup]

To Secure/Risk it all

Chapter 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

----------------------------------------------

They were running. Running and shooting. Running and shooting while Curt narrated it all.

“Christian shoots the three guards in front of us while Den chucks a knife at the guy coming from the right, and Ivan— SHIT!”

Curt ducked around the corner, bullets blazing past where he’d been a second ago.

Fuck, this was harder than he thought. Then again, usually when he was narrating there was no pressure or incoming danger, much less running around. This was far worse than a regular scenario. Simply narrating the enemies away didn’t work either; turns out that outside interference wasn’t controllable like their made-up mooks they usually sicced on each other. And that meant no Thanos-snapping them away. The only thing he could do was use his power to allow his friends to go on a killing spree.

“Curt? A bit of help here!” Ivan shouted, pointing at another set of guards running towards them.

Pushing aside his thoughts, Curt focused. “Ivan shoots the first guy, he explodes and takes out the rest.”

Ivan did, but then immediately turned around and frowned at Curt. “Wait how? Do the guards here just carry explosives around or something?”

Christian laughed heartily. “We’re literally getting shot at and Ivan’s all like ‘wait that’s not realistic’.”

“Wait, wait! Can I have a bazooka?” Kristine loudly asked.

“Fuck it, sure. Kristine pulls out a bazooka and blasts the guys Ivan shot at; making them explode.”

“YEAAHHHHHHH!” She whooped as a large bazooka materialized in her hands and then took a shot at more guards.

“Now we’re talking.” Den smirked. “Gimme me one next.”

Before he could, though, Den’s eyes widened and she suddenly grabbed his wrist, pulling him around the corner. Christian took down a few more guards and they all started running again.

Damn, he really should’ve let Den narrate. Not only did he continuously have to narrate everything to keep their powers working, but he and Kristine were the only ones with any knowledge of the facility’s layout. And Kristine was too busy playing shooting gallery with the guards. Meaning he was the only one to guide them at the moment.

“Den, uh, mows down the guys in front, Ivan takes — oh god — down the ones from the right. Kristine — shit — blasts behind her—“

Suddenly, Christian and Ivan pushed him down behind a few conveniently placed crates — and bullets rained above them.

“Yo Curt, got a plan?” Christian yelled above the loud noises. “Cuz I doubt we’re gonna make it running around like this!”

Curt hissed as a bullet flew by a bit too close for his liking. “Front gate gotta be packed, but I was hoping to get to the garage anyways. If we can get a truck…”

“Curt, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re getting pinched from all sides here!” Ivan snarkily remarked, arms coiled around his gun. Not that there was an opening to shoot back.

“Kristine, if I focus on keeping us alive, can you guide us to the garage?” Curt asked her, pressing himself down to the ground as the wall behind them slowly started whittling down, showering them with bits of brick, plaster and other kinds of debris. “You also know where the garage is, right?”

Kristine stared blankly at him. “Uhhhhhh…”

“KRISTINE!”

Christian cut between the two of them. “Ok, not to be a party pooper, but even if we do that, we don’t know if they’re guarding that too. We could be walking into an ambush for all we know.”

Curt paused, thought, and sighed. “You’re right. We’ve got no clue on where to go. Ugh, if only one of us could scout ahead, but they’d get shot instantly…”

Suddenly, Den waved her arm, grabbing their attention, all while smiling widely. “Wait, wait! Let me stab Ivan!”

“Den! Now’s not the time!” Ivan protested. “Can you pause your murder hobo tendencies for one second?”

“No, no, I actually have a good reason this time!” Den grinned, waiting in her explanation for Christian and Kristine to finish firing back at the guards when they reloaded, and finally returning to save cover. “If one of us dies in a scenario, they become a ghost, right? So if I kill Ivan, he can go through the walls and scout ahead!”

They all paused, letting the words sink in. And then they fell into a cacophony of agreements.

“Wait, actually…”

“YES! YES!”

“Oh damn, she’s cooking.”

It even swayed Ivan’s stance as he shuffled closer to her. “Alright, not gonna lie, that’s a good argument. Ok, stab me Den. Stab me like one of your French girls.”

And as they all giggled, an idea popped into Curt’s head, and he smiled devilishly.

“Actually, wait.” He interrupted them. “I’ve got a better idea…”

Ivan raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Curt grinned, and he could almost see the chill running up Ivan’s spine. “Remember how you saw SCP-096’s — the Shy Guy’s — face? Which triggers him?”

Ivan was silent for a whole 5 seconds, slowly processing what Curt said. Until it clicked.

“Oh wait, OH SHIT!”

“Close your eyes!” Curt yelled at the rest of them as his squeezed his eyes shut. “The Shy Guy bursts through the wall…”

And just as he said, there was a large noise as the wall behind them practically blew up, and Ivan screamed.

Ivan’s gonna kill me later for this. “…And KILLS Ivan!”

His words were followed by an inhuman screech. A second later, a bloodcurdling and sickening crunch of bones being violently broken. Curt could feel a warm liquid splatter onto his face. It tasted like iron.

The noises fell to a brief, chilling silence. Silence that was broken by panicked screaming and shooting a distance away. Another terrifying screech, and just like Curt predicted, the squad of guards that had been firing at them were audibly slaughtered.

But he still kept his eyes closed. He still couldn’t risk it. And he kept them closed as the sounds of the beast slowly started getting farther and farther away.

Ivan’s voice rang out. “You guys can look, it’s gone.”

And while it was an exercise of trust, Curt did indeed open his eyes. And winched upon seeing Ivan’s mangled corpse.

“Damn he really did a number on ya.” Christian offhandedly remarked, though Curt could sense the shock creeping in his voice.

“Yeah, I need to step up my stabbing game after this.” Den noted, eyes wide.

“Wait,” Kristine suddenly piped up “if we all turn into ghosts, why don’t we just kill each other and float out of here?”

Curt winced. He had thought about that option. Ever since he found out about the truth. It seemed like a good idea. But there was an issue…

“We don’t know how the resurrection works exactly. We come back to life, yeah, but what if that means we return to our bodies? If we leave them behind, that just means we’re literally handing ourselves to the foundation.”

Christian groaned. “Aw man, that means we gotta drag Ivan’s corpse around.”

Den chuckled. “He’s literally dead weight.”

They all laughed at that, and although they couldn’t tell because of the sunglasses, they knew Ivan was rolling his eyes at them. “Whatever, not my problem anymore.”

Curt rolled his eyes back at him. “Go scout already.”

And Ivan huffed for a split second before flying through the wall. Curt narrated how they stuffed Ivan’s corpse into a backpack (a pink one with rainbows, of course) which Den volunteered to carry. Curt noted how the weight of a whole body didn’t seem to hinder her, until he reminded himself of the reality warping powers and put it to rest.

The sounds of footsteps suddenly got louder, and they booked it.

It would have been nice if Ivan could warn them ahead, Curt mused. But it was more important to know whether or not there was an escape route.

“Just how big is this place?” Den complained as she turned yet another corner.

“To be honest I never paid any attention to the map.” Kristine confessed. She briefly turned around and shot one of the guards that were chasing after them.

Christian copied her. “Curt?”

“I dunno man,” Curt panted as he tried to work out the best route “I’m starting to think they gave me a false map.”

“And why are there so many guards!?” Kristine yelled as the two she shot were quickly replaced. “Seriously I don’t remember there being this many!”

“Let’s focus on surviving until Ivan returns!” Curt half-yelled, though in the back of his mind, a small voice wondered if they could.

They were suddenly stopped when a broadcast screen lightened up. It showed a bit of static before the screen turned white, with a single black arrow pointing down the hallway.

Curt’s brain broke for a moment, but he didn’t get time to gather himself, as Kristine grabbed his hand and pulled him to that same hallway.

“Wait!” He yelled after her. “Why are we following that?”

“Because they’re helping us, duh!” She yelled back.

Curt pulled his hand from her grasp, but he kept running with the group. “And you’re just gonna trust some random ass monitor!?”

“Well, if it’s the same person who helped us last time, we can trust them, right?” Den pointed out.

“AND WHAT IF THEY AREN’T!?” Curt yelled back. “AM I THE ONLY ONE NOT TRUSTING THIS!?”

But they still ran, and as the last word left Curt’s lips, another monitor lightened up, though this one did not display an arrow. Instead, it showed them a message:

- Curt has the right emotion, find the room that belongs to it.

Beat.

“BITCH IS THERE A DISTRUST ROOM!? ONLY SANE PERSON ROOM!?”

But Christian and Den looked at each other. “Panic room.” They nodded.

And Curt… sighed. “Well, you’re not wrong…”

“Besides,” Christian smirked, “you really think we’re gonna get anywhere with Kristine at the front and Ivan scouting ahead.”

“Hey!”

“Nah, you got a point.” Curt conceded, also realizing everyone was getting tired. “Alright, you know the way Kristine?”

“Yes! I know some things you know!”

And they laughed as they ran, Kristine guiding them. Something tugged in the back of Curt’s mind, but it was to preoccupied by keeping everyone alive to see what it was. Only when they neared the panic room was it that Curt mentally paused, and his eyes widened.

“Guys, wait! We can’t go in! If we do we’ll be trapped like-“

But they already barged inside, dragging Curt with them, Den slamming the door shut the second everyone was in.

“…rats.” Curt sighed.

A ghostly form took their attention, shrugging. “Well, all the exits are packed, so we’re stuck here anyways.” Ivan noted. Although he said it nonchalantly, there was an tense undertone in his voice.

Kristine raised an eyebrow. “You got here quick.”

“Remember the same weirdo from the last SCP shenanigans? They told me to come to the panic room.”

“And they didn’t use a riddle?” Den questioned, until the obvious zinger got her to grin.

Christian beat her to the punch. “Of course not, Ivan wouldn’t have figured that shit out!”

Kristine and Den laughed with Christian, with Ivan pouting at them. Even Curt could feel a chuckle bubbling up from his throat, but the severity of the situation prevented him from laughing outright. They were trapped. At any moment, the foundation, no, Snee and his goons would figure out where they were. They were ripe for picking.

At that moment, just in time to stop him from having another panic attack, one of the computer screens lit up. And before their eyes, words were typed on the screen.

- Good! You’re all here!

“Dude, who even are you?” Ivan asked. “Are you with the foundation or not?”

The computer screen trilled unexpectedly, almost reminiscent of laughter.

- Come on Ivan, I know you’re not the smartest ಥ‿ಥ

The emoji caught Curt off guard, but the person started typing again.

- But did you really forget about me that quickly? (✪㉨✪)

And it hit Curt like a truck.

…No. It’s impossible.

“…Chilly?”

------------------------------------------------------

Note: I don't end chapters based on word count. I end them on how much of punch the cliffhanger is.

[artsyannierose]

Wait.... YOU ALSO LIKE THE LION GUARD?! LET'S GOOOO

just two questions... 1: who's your favorite character and 2: what's your favorite ships

SHOOT I FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS HELP IM SORRY BUD

YES YES I WATCHED THAT THING RELIGIOUSLY WHEN I WAS LITTLE HAHAHHAHA

FAVE CHARACTER UM JASIRI AND FULI WERE MY FAVORITES AS A KID…NOW I THINK I WANNA SAY KION ACTUALLY? HE’S A LIL PATOOKIE idk i should rewatch it lmao

Omg janja is very entertaining

SHIPS UHHHHHH OH GOSH

SEE WHEN I WAS A KID A SHIPPED KION X FULI LIKE CRAZY AND I WAS LIKE “MEH” ON KION AND RANI

BUT THEY KINDA GREW ON ME SO I LIKE THAT IDEA

ALSO ALSO JANJA AND JASIRI ARE PRETTY SILLY

AS ARE BUNGA AND BINGA

I DUNNO I LOVE EM ALLLLL HBU???

I’ve literally never met another lion guard fan omg

[the-drayster]

What is the best joke you can come up with?

If you can't make your own, what is the best joke you ever heard from someone else?

I had a good one a little bit ago, shoot. Uhhhhhh

WAIT

Okay so.

There's this orchestra conductor, right? He does the wavey stick thing. But he's got some problems with anger issues. It's been a lifelong thing, that's just how he is.

So one day, he's conducting, and this one violin player just isn't sounding right. And he gets mad, and he throws his stick at the guy. BOOM! The violin player got KO-ed. In the death way.

So the police arrest the conductor, and he's sentenced to the electric chair for homicide. Blah blah something about the system that's not the joke.

So, the day comes, and they ask this guy what he wants for his last meal. And he says, "Man, I really just want two bananas." And they're like, okay, that's kind of weird but okay. They give the guy his bananas.

Mr. Conductor's eaten his bananas, the time is here, they bring him to the chair. He's electrocuted. But guess what? He doesn't die. So, they pull him out, and are like. What just happened. But he technically served his sentence so they let him go.

He goes back to the orchestra. It's all going fine and dandy until the trombone player starts sounding a little off. Guess what? He throws a chair at them. That's the second orchestral murder.

The Conductor gets arrested again. Sentenced to electric chair again.

They ask him what he wants. He asks for the bananas again. Oddly specific but y'know what? Oh well. He gets the bananers.

They sit him down on the chair again and give him the shock. But he's just fine! So, they let him go.

Back to the orchestra. Bet you can't guess what happens. The piano player plays the wrong note. Bye bye piano player, hello police.

Sentenced to the chair, bananas, survives the shock.

This one officer comes up to him after this and asks him what is up with these bananas.

The conductor looks at him and says, "Oh, I just like bananas."

The officer is confused, and asks him how he keeps surviving the shock then, if it isn't the bananas.

"It's not the bananas, Officer. I'm just a bad conductor."

[destinyroundabout]

CHAPTER 1 ACT III

"Skeletons, Puzzles, and Time powers"

The trio continued walking through the forest, encountering, the strange variety of monsters.

PAPYRUS: STRANGE, NO ONE HERE APPEARS TO BE PREPARING FOR GIFTUMN!

Allison: Giftumn?

sans: yeah its an annual thing we do at the harvest village. what, humans don't have that? man ya'll are missing out.

PAPYRUS: INDEED BROTHER! GIFTUMN IS THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR! WHERE MONSTERS GATHER AROUND, PREPARING FOOD FOR A GREAT POTLUCK! OH SANS, REMEMBER OUR FIRST GIFTUMN? WE WERE ARGUEING OVER WETHER WE SHOULD BRING HOT DOGS OR LASAGNA! SO OF COURSE WE DECIDED TO DO BOTH...

While papyrus was rambling, dings popped out of the ground amidst the crowd of monsters.

Dings: Psst, kid, over here.

Allison: Oh hey dings. Why are y-

Dings: SSSHHHHHH. Quite down, why do you think I'm whispering?!

Allison: Jeez, sorry.

Dings: Take a look at this!

Dings pointed to a mysterious glowing object. Allison felt an unusual but familiar presence from it.

Allison: What...Is that thing?

Dings: Have you ever played a video game before?

Allison: Yeah?

Dings: Well, this star acts as a sort of save point. You touch it, and boom. Whenever you're in danger, you can always reset back to your previous save point! They're littered all over the underground. Only YOU can see them, so you have to keep them a secret.

Allison: ...Uh huh. Sure.

Dings: I'M SERIOUS. Look just- touch it.

Allison: ...Whatever you say Mr flower man.

Dings: Call me that again and your soul is being split in half.

Allison: Shiver me timbers.

Dings: Grrrr...

Dings was frustrated by his inferiority

Dings: NO ONE ASKED.

Lol. Anyways, Allison proceeds to touch the save point.

(This save point provides you with a sense of unease yet comfort for the rest of your journey. You're filled with DETERMINATION.)

Allison: Determination...

Dings: Looks like skyscraper over there is almost done yapping. See ya on the flipside kid!

Dings goes back into the ground.

Allison: That is one weird and grumpy flower.

PAPYRUS: AND THAT'S WHY THE CITIZENS WONT LET ME COOK ALFREDO AGAIN.

Allison: Wow! That is...quite the story papyrus!

PAPYRUS: WHY THANK YOU DEAR HUMAN...SAY I NEVER GOT YOUR NAME.

Allison: Oh, it's Allison. Allison M-

sans: zzzzzzzzzz...

Allison: Oh-I forget sans was here. How long has he been asleep?

PAPYRUS: WHO KNOWS, NORMALLY I'D THROW HIM AT THE NEAREST LEAF PILE TO WAKE HIM UP, BUT SEEING HOW HE HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF THE FOREST AND VILLAGE...I THINK HE DESERVES IT.

Allison: Awwww that's cu-....uhhhhhh

The trio arrive at a strangle puzzle. It had three basketball hoops and a single bone lying at the centre of the room.

PAPYRUS: NYEHEHEH! ALLISON, WE'VE ARRIVED AT THE FIRST OF THE MANY GLORIOUS PUZZLES YOURS TRULY HAS SET UP!

Allison: There's more of these?!

PAPYRUS: I KNOW! ISNT IT EXCTING!!!

sans: oh we're here now.

PAPYRUS: OH HEY SANS.

Allison: So what am I supposed to do here? Throw the bone at one of the hoops?

PAPYRUS: PRECISELY! GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!

Allison: Alright! I'll just grab the-

Allison: ...bone.

I feel like it's too early for that dog to show up.

PAPYRUS: ...LET THIS BE A LESSON AB

OUT WHY ROCKS ARE SUPERIOR THAN DOGS ALLISON.

Allison: That pet rock thing wasn't a joke??

sans: welcome to the underground kid.

PAPYRUS: NEVERMIND, HANG ON-

Papyurs puts down sans and reaches for one of his basketball shoulder pads.

PAPYRUS: HERE! USE THIS INSTEAD.

Allison: Well, at least it will be serving its actual purpose.

Allison shoots...AND SHE SCOOOOORES WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PAPYRUS: NOT BAD HUMAN! YOUR REWARD SHALL BE EVEN MORE PUZZLES!!

Allison: ...wait what stopped us from just skipping this pu-

sans: don't question it.

PAPYRUS: THIS NEXT PUZZLE IS A LITTLE TRICKY! SO IT'S FINE IF YOU CAN'T...

The room is filled with random sheets of paper.

sans: oh yeah remember when I said this morning I spilled ketchup on the printer and it printed a bunch of sheets?

PAPYRUS: YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT AT ALL!!!

sans: yeah exactly

PAPYRUS: (SIGH) WELL I SUPPOSE WE CAN SKIP THIS ONE. I FELT LIKE IT WAS TOO CHALLENGING ANYWAY.

Allison: What was it anyways?

PAPYRUS: JUNIOR JUMBLE!

sans: I still think crosswords are harder.

PAPYRUS: SANS WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN!!!

sans: hey I just speak the truth.

PAPYRUS: AND LOWERCASE!!!

Allison: Idk I think junior jumble is harder.

PAPYRUS: NYAHAHA! TAKE THAT BROTHER!

sans: oh well.

Allison: Psst, I think crosswords are much harder but I was just being nice.

sans: yeah thanks for that. yesterday he tried solving the horoscope.

Allison: I see.

PAPYRUS: ALRIGHT, NEXT PUZZLE! THIS ONE SHOULD BE EASY!

It's a bone maze...that's it. A maze made of bones.

Allison: I'm gonna ignore the fact that this maze is made of out bones.

PAPYRUS: OUR BUDGET IN THIS FOREST IS...LIMITED.

sans: we have a budget?

Allison: Well, better start walkin-

sans: hold it there kiddo.

PAPYRUS: WHAT IS THE MATTER SANS?

sans: why don't we make it more interesting? here.

sans gives Allison a snowball. Where did he get a snowball from???

Allison: Uhhh...

sans: ya gotta make it to the end of the maze before the snowball completely melts. shouldn't be a problem.

Allison: Sure...yeah...lovely.

This went on. For 5. Whole. Hours.

Allison: (HUFF) (PUFF) I DID IT! JESUS CHRIST AND HOLY MARY I DID IT!

PAPYRUS: WONDERFUL HUMAN! AND IT ONLY TOOK YOU FIVE HOURS, 36 MINUTES, AND 7 SECONDS!

sans: I'm surprised you managed to do it.

PAPYRUS: I'M SURPRISED YOU STAYED AWAKE THE WHOLE TIME!

Allison: How many puzzles are...(huff)...left?

PAPYRUS: ONLY ONE! COME INTO THE NEXT ROOM WHEN YOU'RE READY!

sans: by the way here.

Sans hands Allison some cinnamon buns and hotdogs.

Allison: Oh thanks! I was starting to get hungry.

sans: those actually heal your hp ya know?

Allison: Really?

sans: yeah. It'll be useful for combat.

Allison: Huh...(Oh, a savepoint!)

(The curiosity of what the last puzzles will be fills you with DETERMINATION.)

Allison: Ummm...Papyrus? Where's the puzzle?

PAPYRUS: NYEHEHEH...I'M AFRAID YOU'VE BEEN JAPED ALLISON! FOR YOU SEE, YOUR SKILLS IN PUZZLES WERE IMPRESS. HOWEVER, WE HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR SKILLS IN COMBAT!

Allison: W-what are you saying...

PAPYRUS: HUMAN! I CHALLENGE YOU, TO A TRAINING DUEL!

Allison: Oh dear lord.

sans: good luck.

END OF ACT III

[water-pokemon-appreciator]

[-DON'T POUR WATER ON- hey wait where did everyone go?? DID THAT BASTARD LEAVE ME BEHING I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS!!]

OH SHOOT

Uhhhhhh, abra can get you!

[haven-gum-rockrose]

tell us about riz (ask game)

RIZ RIZ RIZ BET

first impression: oh this boy has so much frantic energy omg and cares so much about this penny girl he tries so hard, hes completely not sleeping to find his only friend...... Fuck I'm gonna end up kinning this guy, aren't I. And then it just kept going

impression now: ...... he cares. so. much. i care so much. its everything and he is everything to me- i actually dont know how to express it. he's like- holy. literally, he works for heaven now. but thats not important, he is.

Favorite moment....... fuck.... hmm... god i really like his interactions with Kalina. it could be "hiss at her, litigator!" followed by him hissing in court, but thats more a fig thing so.... while its not necessarily the moment, i like what it came to mean for his character. Him stuck in the palimpsest at the arcade, having lost to Penny's game, cutting his hands digging through the crystals, simply because that is so often referred back to

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE HES MY LITTLE GUY AND FUCK IT WE BALL: "i'm really gonna spiral here" after getting his own private office to do pi shit in, him suggesting "we can throw rocks in the river" as a hangout option because his only experience with what hangouts are like comes from violent productive adventuring and also noir mystery films/books/games, Riz inventinting the Night Yorb because he couldnt just relax. HIM TALKING TO HIS MOM ABOUT LIKE- IDFK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF OR HOW TO INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS IF THERES NOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE- like shoot me with a fucking gun why dont you- uhhhhhh... "its just a metal tube. i think its beautiful *and then i do a little dance*" ..... theres a lot imma shut up

Story idea....... shit- him hanging out with the seven. please. idk, im very content with my- WAIT NO i wouldnt write about him, but any fanfic where he interacts with jawbone(like as the guidance counselor, not as the dad of most of his friends) - head in hands-

unpopular opinion: shipping fabriz is fine. like i dont like it and any ship stuff for them i read(which i do read) i am personally interpreting as platonic cuz im really good at that, or unrequited. i know a lot of people get pressed about it cuz aroace erasure which yeah if youre changing him to demi thats a bit- or if its one of those "Pok was right, he might just be a late bloomer, lol theyre aged up and actually riz finds out he's pan lololol" thats a bit - like please stop. but if hes dating the guy as an aroace person or theyre qpring. whats the big deal. i know riz doesnt want a relationship and all but - that the point of shipping? like i know for some people its uncomfy especially with how its the most popular d20 ship(at least based on ao3), but to me its like- shipping is literally pushing together characters and its always purely self indulgent??? like ship whoever you want as long as he stays aroace. anyways i didnt need to justify myself and show both arguements like that. none of you know this guy. except two people hi eni and aether

favorite relatioship: ..... LISTEN IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. FABIAN AND RIZ THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FABIAN SEACASTER AND THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THEYVE COME SO FAR IN THEIR DYNAMIC ITS CHANGED SO MUCH - theyre so opposites theyre everything theyre everything THEY SHOULDNT BE FRIENDS! AND THEYRE NOT!! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!!!! AUGH!!!

favorite headcanon: autistic and anxious...... uh..... my brain is very gone... i think he still has like a bunch of different friendship bracelets from Penny that he keeps in like little collectors cases. ALSO I DONT THINK SHE EVER GAVE THEM TO HIM I THINK THEY WOULD JUST LIKE APPEAR ON HIS WRIST SHE WAS SLEIGHT OF HANDING THOSE SHITS ONETO HIS WRISTS BECAUSE HE COMPLAINED IT DIDNT MATCH HIS AESTHETIC AND THEN SHED LEAVE AND HE BE LIKE- im gonna frame this and put in on my wall.... but like as in in a false bottom in a drawer so its cooler

[acapellax]

Where’s Funneh’s Bag of Chips?

•

• (Funneh walks to Rainbow’s room)

Funneh: Rainbow, have you seen my bag of chips?

Rainbow: No, I don’t see it, why?

Funneh: …Ok- ty.

•(Walks to Gold’s room)

•

•

•

Funneh: Gold, have you seen my bag of chips?

Gold: Uhm, no? I was just busy doing my nails as you can see.

Funneh: Oh, uh-.. thx i guess? For telling me.

•(Walks to Lunar’s room)

•

•

•

Funneh: Lunar, have you seen my bag of chips?

Lunar: Nope?

*She was reading a book*

Funneh: *Sigh* alright.. thx.

•(Walks to the last room aka Draco’s room)

•

•

•

Funneh: Draco, have you seen my bag of chips?

Draco: Uhhhhhh…no-.. totally.

*The chip crumbs says so.. it’s obvious*

Funneh: Ok…I gues-

*Paused as she realized Draco’s the one who ate her bag of chips*

Funneh:…WAIT A SECOND??

*Funneh turns her head to Draco*

Funneh: DRACO, YOU STOLE AND EATING MY BAG OF CHIPS FROM MY ROOM THIS WHOLE TIME??

Draco: …Oh shoot-

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[chaolie]

Devoted to Peace, Devoted to you, Day 17

[What is this?] [Day 1] [Prev] [Next]

True to what they agreed to the day before, Dream asks Fundy if he's up for that archery date today. Fundy agrees, his shoulder is doing really well and he can't wait to show off how good at this he actually is. They grab a bow, some arrows, and head out.

On their way there, they stop at the community house and Dream grabs a crossbow. He asks if Fundy's ever used one and Fundy admits that no, but he's really good with a bow. Dream says that a crossbow is a good replacement for a bow if someone has trouble mastering it. Fundy INSISTS he can shoot well.

They get to the clearing with haybales and Dream hands Fundy a bow. Fundy proves that he does, in fact, know how to aim well. He knows how to aim and shoot really well. Dream may-or-may-not be feeling pretty smitten. They spend some time just practicing and talking about how they learned archery first, etc. Dream also shoots the crossbow a few times, but they both stick to bows more.

They take a break a few hours later, they sit down by some nearby pond or river and share lunch. For some time, they just sit there and talk, but Dream soon catches Fundy glancing at the crossbow he set down at his side. He asks if Fundy would like to give it a try and Fundy accepts the offer eagerly.

They head back and Fundy gets the crossbow. He's never used one before, though, so he aims it way too high. Dream decides to help him aim by, uhhhhhh standing really close behind him and steering his hands. It's a bit hard to focus on the instructions he's giving with how flustered Fundy is, but he does manage to get quite a few good shots.

Dream says he can get Fundy his own crossbow if he'd like. He's supposed to help look through the Greater SMP's supplies again the next day, so there's a chance he'll manage to get one then, and if not he'll just make one. Fundy really appreciates that.

They head home to make sure Dream doesn't feel all sore and tired the next day and start to brainstorm some base ideas for their wedding. There's a lot to figure out about it, so the sooner they agree on some concepts the better.

[ava-monstrum]

LCB CH01 [6]

spoilers below

Had to pause a bit to get dinner. It was good if you were wondering. Though I think I ate too much cause my stomach hurts. Good thing I’m not squeamish.

…That’s why…

Yep, I'm pretty sure that isn't Yuri, Gregor stay away.

Ah...

It talks

Yeah this thing is gonna guilt trip him

OH CRAP

HE SOUNDS SO HURT!!!!

THAT HURT MY SOUL

OH CRAP WHAT!?

FLASHBACK!?

His arm is moving on it's own...oh boy

He had to have it cut it to save her

Wow, the officers are still polite to him despite that weird thing.

WAIT I JUST REALIZED That's the kind citizen that was checking on him before Rodion interrupts Gregor's flashback!

Oh...we're back

Hey Yuri

Oh someone else is talking, sounds like that young fella during the time loop. I think his name was like Thomfor? Thomas? Can't remember.

Gregor: "Just live on please...It's not like we got ourselves into this mess voluntarily."

:(

He sounds so desperate

Who's chatting?

Oh someone killed the abno

Someone new is here

Ah.. that woman in the front is Hermann. Yikes...

YI SANG!? WHOS GUBO? YOU KNOW THEM!?

Oh it's the dude with red glasses

BROTHER!?

HONG LU'S BROTHER IS ALSO A PART OF THAT GROUP!?

Outis you probably know them too...

Hermann you jerk, don't call Gregor's arm a gift

Hermann: "That little arm isn't all there is to it."

...I see where this might be going

Now we're back to Vergilius...not looking forward to hearing what he has to say.

Vergilius, don't be mad, you expect the group to do everything for you, but don't give them all the info?

Now he saying that WE should have know, shut up

Those, well not Aya and Yuri but HOPKINS was stupid and didn't help

Outis: "Failure is a common thing on the battlefield. If an objective wasn't met, you devise another plan and redeploy."

Wow thanks Outis, I didn't expect you to be patient about this.

Outis be careful, he can still kill everyone

Oh shoot, Vergilius concedes. a little.

Looks like everyone isn't doing so hot

…sorry Gregor

Oh, what did he hang up?

.....uhhhhhh....Grete? Is this really happening?

Awwww, everyones doing really bad....

Man I wonder how Charon feels...

Yeah, I knew it was the gas mask

Aww man, song time

Gonna listen in...

Thoughts during the music:

Wow, they're really not gonna change their clothes

Also, Yuri was a literal red shirt huh?

Don really doesn't seem to be thinking about this

Dante's really going through it

Hong Lu seems to be ignoring this too

....Is that the HamHamPangPang logo

IT WAS SUNG BY GREGOR!?

Welp, that was something....

Also Faust is the Most Valued Employee for this fight, good for her.

Wow, that was depressing

I was gonna try the gacha but it looks like a weird bug is going on with the extraction. So sorry about that.

Well, I'm gonna bounce. That was a ton of fun and I hope you enjoyed!

[fkyumerica]

the moms

lindita went with jo

jo left before too

she went with moonshine guy

or mellow yellow can follow behind her and show it

she follows tammy

his inbred she gave to him

hangover

and alicia's daughter in the movie pregnant is one too from her daughter

fat skinny fat skinny were the generations of the women

and men, i can get there

it was

tammy

lindita

amber

anne marie

follows them

and they rob a store together at once

dont have to rob

and hit people

again

said i will hit your teeth out

she is losing a foot

and alden left

let big bastard have his inbred for him

yea one tall one

14 houses

got his wives them at once

they leave for spain

then scotland

and bring over all the old ranger guys

elmer fuds

now kill em all

he says

alden/don did

and the kid camp

was the dumbest shit people ever saw

and hey

no one can have more than one

kill them all

and not invited to the party

they do it to you again

im here, did it

kevin federline/alden

its "mr.steal yo girl"

uhhhhhh

no

got fattest to blow it on a guy

well thats not nice

and chris wont teach her child

move her out

to her elmer fud

went with lindita too

and gay women sound like the same woman after

20 of them next to each other

and he doesnt notice me

i can do whoever i want

so they go gay

and wait for men

and get the kids

and fuck them

and these boys are some lesbians

well lets me be them

steal their credit card

and i get the whole atm

who can hold me up to do it

come on elmer fud

why would you think you lose

shoot a kid

bam

who else is in the store

didnt shoot

everyone is gay around elmer fud

wont fight anyone

punched you

cant go around the mountain

the one fight

a book again

women do it too

[princesshillaryellaworld25]

???: Loud growling*

Sick BF: W-What was that?!

Drugfriend: Oh god, i hope it's not what i think it is!

Freund.XML: Troll BF, don't tell us you angered a bear, did you?

Troll BF: Uhhhhhh hehehe About that......

*A loud scream*

Sick BF: Wait, was that?

D-Fender GF: RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!!!!

Sick BF: What?! Why?!

Sick GF: THIS DUMBA$$ PISSED OFF A BROWN BEAR!!!!! RUN BEFORE IT GETS YOU, AHHHHHH*runs away*

Sick Boyfriend, Drugfriend and Freund looked at Troll BF with a cold death glare.

Troll BF: Hehehe Oops...😅

Drugfriend: YOU ANGERED A BROWN BEAR?! 😡

Freund.XML: Have you lost your mind?! 😡😡

Troll BF: Okay, In my defense, The brown bear kept taking my snacks so I thought trolling with it would make it stop stealing my shit, I didn't think it would be pissed off!

Troll Pico: WELL YOU JUST DID DIPSHIT!!!!!

*THE BIG BROWN BEAR POPPED OUT OF THE BUSHES AND ROARED VERY LOUD*

Big Brown Bear: *LOUD ROAR*

Sick BF: *screaming*

Drugfriend: HOLY SHIT!

Freund.XML: THAT'S A MAMA BROWN BEAR!

D-fender BF: AND IT'S STANDING UP WITH IT'S CLAWS!!!!!!

Troll Pico: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

Everyone: *screaming and ran away*

The big brown bear chased after them.

Sick BF: WHAT DO WE DO NOW, IT'S GOING TO EAT US!!!!!

Pico: I DON'T KNOW, I'VE SEEN A PAPA BROWN BEAR AND A BABY BROWN BEAR, BUT i'VE NEVER SEEN A MAMA BROWN BEAR STANDING UP WHILE IT'S RAPID!!!!!!

D-Fender BF: JUST SHOOT IT!!!!

Pico: Okay *pulls out gun and tries to shoot but the gun was empty* Uh oh,I'm out of bullets!

Drugfriend: CRAP! NOW WE'RE SCREWED!!!!

Troll BF: *Dashed past them* EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!!!!!

This is a preview for upcoming story: Camping trip gone wrong!

[ary11y]

Ooo you wanna listen to a story I'm making in a nutshell so bad ooo

(aka I wrote a oc story in a nutshell and now you are condemned to listen to it)

(btw, zurch goes by they/it, Blu (oc) by he/she/it/they and dai by he/him (Kelly calls him a she/her involuntarily and he can't really control it.... I wonder why...........(aka because of kelly-dai lore)

Everyone: oh look I got invited to a party, hopefully nothing bad happens

-zurch epically appears-

Zurch: hello I'm good :]

Everyone: :D👍

Zurch: I lied I'm evil and I wanna be the main oc to have cool main oc abilities

Everyone: D:

Blu (main oc): good thing I'm not a main oc or whatever they said

Zurch: and that would mean dethroning blu

Blu: wait what

Zurch: hey can I have main oc rq

Blu: the hell is a main oc

Zurch: oh right you don't know about fourth wall

Blu: the hell is a fourth wall

Zurch: ...

I'm coming for you :]

Blu: not threatening at all

Zurch: wouldn't it be funny if I bothered everyone with their traumas and stuff

...

-looks at aldwyn-

-a lot of torturing psychologically (mainly aldwyn because it hates him for some reason) later-

Zach: hey I think you're pretty cool funny glitch man.... Thing.... Whatever you are

Mike (Zach's brother): huh????????

Zurch: huh

:] <------now planning to get people on his side

Zurch: ahem

I got expelled from where I used to live and I got bullied by the creator™ and I need main oc very badly :[

Mike, Zach, Chris, Layla and maybe other ocs: aw man that must've sucked, were on your team now :[

Aldwyn: . . .

Mel: you're not going into their side are you

Aldwyn: ............

Mel: why would yo-

Aldwyn: ..

Mel: uhhhhh you do you, I won't be on it's side tho

Aldwyn: 👍

Zurch: wait that thing's on my side

Well

I mean

He has a pretty cool 2nd phase (not cringe at all)

Welcome to the team weird mouthless thing

Aldwyn: ^^

Zurch: ok guys Blu is a bad main oc, the creator™ deserves a better main oc aka me

Aldwyn: . . .

Zurch: you don't think she's (Blu's) cool do you

Aldwyn: .........

Zurch: well you're wrong, go to the timeout corner

Aldwyn: -sad hello kitty wannabe noises-

Mel: I told you it wasn't a good idea, you should have your own opinions

Aldwyn: ...

-determined hello kitty wannabe noises-

Zurch: huh

Weren't you in the timeout corner

Aldwyn: ...

🖕

Zurch: what the hell do you mean by that

-an epic argument later-

Zurch: I am going to murder your fami-

Aldwyn: -gets a little too defensive(?) And discovers definetly-not-cringe-nor-overused second phase thingy-

Zurch: ah

Well, shoot

Aldwyn: -nvm the second definetly-not-cringe-nor-overused phase is gone-

Zurch: well I'll be brb so long suckers

Mel: hey we should make a plan against that thing

Aldwyn: -shrug- 👍

Mel: we should go tell Blu and others

Aldwyn: -nod-

-later-

Mel: hey we're making a plan against zurch and you're gonna help us

Kelly: w-whu-

Mel: jk dai's gonna help us

Kelly: I uhhhhh I don't think that's uhhhhhh y'know too good of an idea???

Mel: why not

Kelly: she's scary :[

Also I doubt she'll help

Mel: idk go ask him

Kelly: .........why me

Mel: you're literally the only one who can talk to him

Kelly: .

:[

-later-

Kelly: she uh she said yes

Mel: amasin

-skip to epic planning-

Mel: ok dai you're up first since you literally don't care about anything so zurch can't manipulate you and you're good attacking people with knives

Dai: k

-one dai vs zurch later-

Dai: I pissed it off but I couldn't hit it

Mel: oh

Well aldwyn you're next

Aldwyn: ?!?!???!!?!??!?

Mel: yea I know you don't like hurting others but just uhh shock it or something, it should be painless and at most it would feel weird

Aldwyn: ...

Mel: you can do that with your secret 2nd phase can't you

Aldwyn: ...

👍

-skip to fight-

Zurch: imagine fighting when you said you wouldn't hurt anyone at all

Aldwyn: !!!

-sad hello kitty wannabe noises-

Mel: wait no don't listen to it it's just manipulating you

Aldwyn: ...

Zurch: oh you're not gonna fight ok -proceeds to epically beat aldwyn-

That's all I have for now, hopefully I'll finish the epic story soon 👍

[scribbling-stiks]

Heart Strings - XXVI - America May Not Have Liked the Guards, but This is Worse

America isn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he’s shaken awake by a boot to his shoulder. His head shoots up to see a familiar yellowed grin.

“Howdy,” Confederacy says, smirking.

America scowls, trying to suppress the shivering from the cold in his bones. The room is dark, sunlight barely peaking through dust-caked windows. The air tastes heavy and old. He’s on top of a pile of faded cloth, holes rubbing against him. A single, very thin blanket it strewn on top of him. It smells faintly of mildew.

He knows his arm should be hurting, but it feels mostly numb.

‘Bleh. Mouse holes.’

Confederacy laughs, and it echos in the slowly decaying building. A hat covers his hair and a scarf rests loosely around his neck.

‘I should strangle you with that.’

“You’ve been out for a while,” he comments, a smug look on his face.

‘I hope they didn't see my magic.’

‘You are such an asshole.’

‘Wait, been out?’

‘Russia?’

‘Mare! Are you okay?’

America flinches at the relief, feeling guilty.

‘I must’ve worried him. And my kids. Fuck.’

‘Uhhhhhh.’

America looks around, trying to ignore Confederacy’s bragging. 

“I got you away from Neo, and he didn’t even notice!”

‘Neo? Neo-Nazi. Cool,’ America thinks, sarcastically.

Then, his heart drops.

‘That means he’s probably behind this. Fuck. Who else is there?’

“And Red didn’t say nothin’ either.”

‘I’m sure Neo noticed,’ America thinks, ‘but then why would he let you take me? And “Red”?’

He looks behind Confederacy and sees a phone on top of a pile of food and a few thermoses, one plugged into a portable battery.

‘Is anyone else here?’

He listens for anything underneath Confederacy’s yapping, but he doesn’t hear anyone else.

‘Fuck.’

“-and I couldn’t have you dyin’ before I kill ya.”

‘And who the fuck are you calling Red?’

“Where am I?” he hisses, interrupting Confederacy.

“Now, now. That ain’t polite now is it?” Confederacy asks with an oddly symmetrical smile, leaning over, his heavy down coat rustling as he moves, “to interrupt people while they’re talkin’?”

“It also ain’t polite to kidnap people,” America bites through his teeth.

‘I wish Dixie was here. He would smack that look off your face. And maybe your jaw too. That would be funny.’

Confederacy scowls.

‘I’m alone.’

‘Where?’ Russia asks, muted panic following his words.

“I… don’t know yet.’

Confederacy paces in front of him, his combat boots loud on the ground. America notes the white shoe laces that appeared to have an attempted ladder-lace pattern.

‘As if I didn't know that already,’ America thinks, rolling his eyes.

‘Who’s with you?’

‘Confed.’

There is an eerie silence that follows. 

“Now, I have a question for ya.”

America pointedly looks at the ground, a scowl set on his face. Then, the side of his face burns as Confederacy kicks him. America rolls slightly, staring up at Confederacy. 

‘Oh, I am NOT laying down in front of you, you prick.’

He scrambles to sit up, his hands tied behind his back and his arm loosely bandaged.

‘Why am I bandaged??’

“Where are the states?” Confederacy says, a false smile cutting into his cheeks.

“I don’t know what you’re-”

America is cut off by a swift kick to his stomach. He gags at the bile rising from it. He looks back up to see Confederacy’s smile has faded.

‘You motherfucker.’

“Where. Are. They?”

“I don’t know!” 

‘Technically I don’t know exactly.’

“Right,” Confederacy spits.

America looks at his jacket, jealous. He also notes the lack of distinguishing features.

America clenches his chattering teeth, holding his legs close to his body in a desperate attempt to stay warm. 

‘Dixie is here to look for you.’

‘What!?’

“So, where are they? They’re with Russia, ain’t they?”

America tenses, and Confederacy laughs. 

‘Fuck.’

“Now to find ‘em,” Confederacy says, grabbing America’s chin.

America scowls.

“Besides, I want an audience.”

“For what?”

“For killin’ you!” Confederacy says brightly.

‘Russia?’

‘Yes?’

‘How long was I out for?’

‘Two days. Your children are worried about you.’

‘Fuck.’

America tries not to let the cold leech through the link. He’s not sure if it's working.

“Would you like to talk to them?” Confederacy asks flippantly.

“What?” America asks.

“I have Russia’s phone number!” Confederacy says brightly, picking up the phone from the pile. 

Confederacy fumbles with the phone for a moment, cursing. Then, he takes off one of his gloves.

‘He’s gonna call you.’

‘What? Why?’

‘You’re guess is as good as mine. But, if I had to guess, it’s to trap the states… and I’m probably gonna be the bait.’

‘That isn’t nice.’

America bites his tongue, trying not to snort at the statement. Confederacy looks at him, offended.

‘Yeah, you could say that.’

“You know, you should really respect me more,” he says with a scolding tone.

America scowls.

‘You think you have the right to scold me? You’re as good as dead.’

“Besides, I’m the perfect replica. Don’t you see that?”

America’s eyebrows furrow.

‘Of Dixie?’

He scowls.

‘You are nothing like him.’

Confederacy laughs, shoving his uncovered hand and the phone into his pocket.

“I’m the best there’s ever been,” he says with a wide grin, gesturing with his gloved hand, “since the failures y’all killed. Or crumbled. Whatever.”

‘Failures?’

‘Wait, they think Dixie is dead.’

‘What are you talking about?’

“And I’ll be able to have the states to myself, I just have to get rid of you first.”

Confederacy begins fumbling with the phone again, looking away from America.

‘Wait, crumbled. Red. A Soviet duplicate? Nazi killed himself, so he can’t be talking about him.’

“And then I can do what he never could.”

‘They think Dixie is dead. And probably Soviet.’

‘What should I tell them?’

‘Thank you for just believing me,’ America thinks, almost positive that his relief sinks into the link.

‘Don’t call them yet, you’re probably about to get a call.’

Then, a phone is shoved next to his face. He hears it ringing, and then he’s met by someone else’s voice.

“Dad?” South Carolina asks.

‘Shit, they shouldn’t have known.’

‘I told them not to, but he stole my phone.’

America looks at Confederacy, only to see no suspicion. He sighs under his breath. 

“Hey kiddo,” he says, his voice cracking.

‘I wish I could’ve sounded more confident,’ he thinks, flinching.

Before he gets a response, Confederacy takes the phone.

“If you want to see him again…”

Confederacy continues, but America tunes him out.

‘This is a trap.’

‘I know. And Dixie and my father are working together to find you and my siblings.’

‘Well, tell them they have to stay hiding.’

‘I don’t think Dixie will take that answer, and my father won’t.’

‘Well, tell them not to get caught.’

He can almost hear Russia sigh, stress leaking through the link.

‘Yeah, I don’t know how you’re going to do that either. Good luck.’

Confederacy hangs up the phone, a proud smile on his face.

America internally sighs.

‘This is going to be a long day.’

~

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