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2b4st4r · 3 days ago

Note

hiiii. i love your writing sm😭 Could I request a Zoro fic that goes from VERY ANGSTY to comfort/fluff? Like they fought and it was heated/bad but they have this rule that if one of them opens their arms for a hug, the other one has to accept it?

pls i saw a tiktok abt the rule and i thought it would absolutely be so perfect for him 😭😭

The Sunny’s Silent Embrace

Zoro x F!Reade

Words: 5,488

Warnings: Verbal cruelty, Emotional intensity, toxic communication, female reader.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

The Thousand Sunny rocked violently, a toy in the raging hands of the Grand Line. Rain lashed against the portholes of the galley, each drop a percussive beat accompanying the growl of thunder that seemed to shake the very bones of the ship. Inside, the air was thick with a different kind of storm—the heavy silence of defeat. The recent battle had been a brutal, unexpected loss, a collective blow that had landed squarely on the Straw Hats' collective gut.

You stood at the sink, the warm water doing little to thaw the ice gripping your chest. Your hands moved mechanically, scrubbing at plates that felt impossibly heavy. Sanji, bless his chivalrous heart, had offered to take over the cleaning, his voice a low rumble of concern, but you'd waved him off. The rhythmic motion was a distraction, a small anchor in the tumultuous seas of your mind.

But it wasn't just the sting of defeat that clung to you. It was Zoro. The thought of him, just a few rooms away, eating with the others, twisted something inside you. You and Zoro. The crew’s unwavering pillars, their steady calm in any crisis, the ones everyone looked to when things got truly dire. And yet, here you were, a chasm between you, built from the debris of an argument that had erupted amidst the chaos of battle. It had been quick, sharp, and unfinished, swallowed by the roar of the fight.

You replayed it in your mind, the specific moment that had shattered your usual seamless understanding. It had been during the scramble to protect a civilian outpost. You’d urged him to fall back, to regroup, seeing the overwhelming numbers closing in. But he, ever the stubborn sword-saint, had pushed forward, his focus solely on the immediate threat. “Just cut through them!” he’d grunted, his voice laced with an uncharacteristic edge of frustration. Your own retort had been a sharp, “That’s not always the answer, Zoro! We have to think strategically!” The words had barely left your lips before the true pandemonium of battle had enveloped you, tearing you apart and leaving the accusation hanging, unresolved, in the smoky air.

It wasn't that you two didn’t argue. Those instances were as rare as a calm day on the Grand Line, but when they did happen, they hit with the force of a tidal wave. Yet, even in those moments of fiery disagreement, you had a rule, a silent pact forged in the deep understanding of your intertwined lives: if one opened their arms, the other was bound to accept the embrace. It was a lifeline, a forced surrender to comfort, a promise that no matter how heated things got, your love for each other would always prevail.

But now, even that seemed fragile. The tension between you two was a palpable thing, a heavy cloak draped over the entire crew. They saw it, felt it, and their usual boisterous energy was muted, replaced by a quiet watchfulness. You were the mother hen of the Straw Hats, kind and nurturing, quick with a comforting word or a knowing glance. But you also had an unwavering spine of steel. You didn't suffer fools, and you certainly wouldn't let anyone, not even the people you loved most, stomp all over you. Not anymore. The past had taught you that lesson with brutal efficiency, leaving scars that ensured you would always voice your concerns, your opinions, your boundaries.

The warmth of the dishwater was a stark contrast to the cold knot in your stomach. You glanced out the porthole, seeing nothing but a blur of grey rain and furious waves. He was out there, in the dining area, probably oblivious to the silent turmoil raging within you. Or maybe not. Maybe he felt it too, this gnawing distance that felt utterly foreign to your shared world. You longed for his presence, the steadying weight of his arm around you, the comforting scent of him. But the unresolved words, the sharp exchange, hung in the air, a barrier you both seemed unwilling, or perhaps unable, to cross. Not yet.

You stacked the last sparkling plate, the familiar click a small victory against the turbulent weather outside. Wiping your hands on a towel, you surveyed the now-clean galley, a faint sense of accomplishment settling over you. Your stomach rumbled, a reminder that despite the emotional storm, your body still craved sustenance.

Opening the pantry, you grabbed a bowl and filled it with a generous portion of Sanji’s creamy seafood chowder, the rich aroma instantly warming you from the inside out. He always made it just right, packed with tender chunks of fish and plump shrimp, a perfect comfort food for a day like this.

Plate in hand, you pushed open the galley door, stepping into the dining room. The usual cacophony of the Straw Hats was muted, the boisterous laughter replaced by the drumming of rain against the sturdy portholes and a smattering of low, hushed conversations. Your eyes scanned the room, searching for an empty seat, but your gaze snagged on the most familiar one. It was your spot, the one you always claimed without thinking – right next to Zoro.

He was there, as expected, hunched over his own meal, eating in that silent, focused way of his. The space beside him seemed to hum with an unspoken tension, a stark contrast to the usual warmth that emanated from your joined presences. The rest of the crew, scattered around the large table, seemed to be conversing in hushed tones, their eyes occasionally flicking between you and the silent swordsman.

With a sigh that no one seemed to notice over the rain, you made your way to the table. The wooden floorboards creaked softly under your steps. You pulled out the chair beside Zoro and, with a subtle clatter of the bowl against the wood, plopped down.

The sound of the rain outside seemed to amplify in the sudden quiet, as if the ship itself was holding its breath. You picked up your spoon, stirring the rich chowder, trying to appear nonchalant, as if the heavy atmosphere was just a figment of your imagination. You listened as Franky described some minor repairs he’d made to the Sunny, his voice a rare subdued rumble, and Usopp chimed in with a story about a close call he’d had earlier. Robin offered a quiet, insightful remark, and Chopper fretted over the general well-being of everyone after the rough battle.

Then, a cheerful, familiar voice cut through the muted conversation. Luffy, who had been devouring a mountain of meat, looked up, his wide grin instantly brightening the room despite the circumstances.

“Y/N! You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, his voice full of genuine delight, completely oblivious to the lingering tension. "We were just talking about... well, mostly about how hungry we all are!"

His innocent interruption effectively halted the low chatter, drawing all eyes to you. You offered him a small, tired smile, feeling a flicker of warmth from his usual effervescent spirit. The weight in the air, however, remained.You offered Luffy a soft smile, a genuine warmth briefly touching your eyes. "Hey, Luffy. Yeah, I just finished up in the galley. This chowder smells amazing." You gestured to your bowl before taking a spoonful, savoring the rich, creamy flavor.

The conversation slowly picked back up, though the underlying tension remained. Chopper recounted his part in the battle, his small voice tinged with a familiar frustration about not being able to heal everyone at once. Franky chimed in with observations about the enemy's unexpected tactics, and Nami, ever the strategist, began to dissect the flow of the fight, wondering aloud where they had gone wrong, her brow furrowed in thought.

You listened, contributing a nod here and there, the warmth of the chowder a stark contrast to the cold knot still residing in your stomach. Zoro, as usual when a post-battle debriefing began, remained silent. He just ate, his gaze fixed on his plate, his jaw working steadily.

"I think," you finally interjected, setting your spoon down with a soft click against the bowl, "that our biggest mistake was underestimating their numbers. We went in thinking it was a standard skirmish, but they kept pulling out more reinforcements. And..." You paused, glancing briefly at Zoro before looking back at Nami, "...we got separated too quickly. When we split up, our usual coordination went out the window."

Your voice was calm, clear, and unwavering, as it always was when you voiced your tactical insights. You didn't shy away from pointing out flaws, even your own. It was a trait the crew relied on, a way to learn and grow from their setbacks.

A low, humorless chuckle rumbled from beside you. Zoro finally lifted his head, his single visible eye glinting with an uncharacteristic sharpness.

"So," he drawled, his voice a low, rough rasp, "you're saying we should've just run away then? Or maybe just stood there and waited for an invitation to fight on their terms?" He let out another scoff. "Always got an opinion, don't you? Especially when it's about what everyone else did wrong."

The words hung in the air, cutting through the already thick atmosphere like a sharpened blade. The crew went silent, all eyes wide and fixed on the two of you. Luffy had even stopped chewing.

You felt a hot flush creep up your neck. You hadn't expected such a direct, sarcastic attack, especially not from him, and not in front of everyone. Your jaw tightened. "That's not what I said, Zoro, and you know it," you replied, your voice losing its calm edge, a hint of steel entering it. "I'm talking about strategy, about adapting to the situation, not about cowardice. There's a difference between a tactical retreat and running away."

He merely grunted, pushing his empty plate away from him with a scrape that grated on your nerves. "Right. And you're always so good at judging everyone's 'tactics' from the sidelines, aren't you?" His gaze met yours, colder than you'd ever seen it. "Maybe if you'd focused less on telling others what to do, and more on keeping up, we wouldn't have had this problem."

A sharp, incredulous laugh escaped your lips, devoid of any humor. "Keep up, Zoro? Keep up?" Your voice rose, the controlled facade you usually wore crumbling under the weight of his barbed words. "I was trying to make sure we didn't walk into a trap! Someone has to think beyond just 'cut 'em down,' you know! Someone has to think about the crew, about the innocent people we're supposed to be protecting, not just the next swing of their sword!"

He slammed his fist on the table, a loud thud that made the plates jump. "And someone has to have the guts to actually fight instead of standing there analyzing every single variable! Sometimes, Y/N, you just have to act! Your 'thinking' got us bogged down, got us scattered, and it almost got innocent people hurt because you hesitated!"

Your eyes blazed, the usual warmth replaced by a furious fire. "Hesitated? I was being prudent! Something you seem utterly incapable of! You charge in, headfirst, every single time, and expect everyone else to just clean up your mess!" You gestured around the silent room, at the stunned faces of your nakama. "Look at us, Zoro! Look at what your impulsiveness cost us today! We lost more than just a fight; we lost valuable time, valuable resources, and we almost lost people because you couldn't listen for one damn second!"

His face hardened, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "And what about your 'prudence,' Y/N? You're so busy being the rational one, the 'mother hen' who has to guide everyone, that you forget to actually trust us! You act like we're a bunch of helpless idiots who need you to constantly point out every single flaw, every single mistake! Maybe if you weren't so busy 'correcting' everyone, you'd actually be present in the fight!"

The words hit you like a physical blow, stripping away layers of carefully constructed composure. "Trust you?" Your voice was barely a whisper now, thick with unshed tears, but the raw pain in it echoed through the silent room. "I've always trusted you, Zoro! More than anyone! And I thought you trusted me! But clearly, that trust only extends as far as me agreeing with every damn reckless move you make!" You pushed your chair back with a violent scrape, standing abruptly. "Maybe I am too much of a 'mother hen' for this crew! Maybe my 'prudence' is just a burden to your boundless ambition! But at least I don't just blindly stumble through life, leaving a trail of destruction in my wake!"

He rose too, his voice a low, dangerous growl. "And at least I don't constantly try to second-guess everyone, especially when they're in the middle of a damn fight! Maybe you should just stick to your dishes, Y/N, since you're so good at cleaning up after everyone else!"

The air in the room became brittle, ready to shatter. The rain outside seemed to intensify, matching the storm brewing within. The crew watched, horrified, as the two people who were supposed to be their anchors, their unwavering strength, tore each other apart.

A gasp rippled through the room, quickly stifled. You stood frozen, your hand gripping the back of your chair so tightly your knuckles turned white. The accusation, the sheer, dismissive cruelty in his voice, hung in the air, a physical blow.

"Just stick to your dishes," he'd said. "Since you're so good at cleaning up after everyone else."

Before you could even formulate a retort, before the searing pain could fully register, Zoro pressed on, his voice a low, venomous hiss, "Or maybe you should just go back to being the 'helpless little orphan' everyone always had to save, huh? Is that what you want? To be 'taken care of' again, because you can't stand to actually pull your own weight?"

The world tilted. The rain outside, the groaning of the ship, the stunned faces of your crewmates—it all faded into a dull hum. That detail, about your childhood, about the orphanage you’d barely escaped, the endless feeling of being a burden, the constant need for others to 'save' you—it was a vulnerability, a deep-seated insecurity you had only ever shared with him, in the quiet, safe moments of your shared intimacy. It was a wound he knew intimately, a truth you’d laid bare, trusting him completely. And he had just weaponized it.

The silence that followed was absolute, suffocating. Even the incessant drumming of the rain seemed to cease. Every eye in the room was fixed on Zoro, then on you. Your anger, so fierce just moments before, dissolved into a chilling, hollow ache. Your expression, once fiery, settled into something utterly cold and distant. It was a look of profound betrayal, a raw, exposed hurt that cut deeper than any words.

You simply stared at him, your eyes wide and unblinking, the vivid emerald of them now clouded with a pain that spoke volumes. The anger was still there, but it was overshadowed by a desolate emptiness. Without a word, without breaking eye contact for a single, agonizing second, you turned.

The scrape of your chair as you pushed it in was unnaturally loud in the oppressive quiet. You walked to the door, your steps slow and deliberate, each one a hammer blow against the silence. Just as your hand reached the doorknob, a rough, guttural sound tore from Zoro’s throat.

"Y-Y/N!" he rasped, his voice uncharacteristically strained, a note of desperation, perhaps even regret, lacing his tone.

You didn't pause. You didn't even flinch. With a soft click, you opened the door and stepped out, vanishing into the storm-lashed corridor, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of seafood chowder and a shattered calm in your wake. The door swung shut behind you with a soft thud.

Zoro sank back into his chair, the sound of the closing door an echo in the suddenly cavernous room. He picked up his fork, his knuckles white around the handle, and resumed eating, his gaze fixed on his plate, avoiding everyone's eyes. His jaw was clenched, a muscle working furiously. He devoured his food with a grim, almost violent determination, as if trying to swallow down the words he'd just spat out.

The rest of the crew remained frozen. Luffy's usual boundless energy had completely deflated, his eyes wide and unblinking, his half-eaten meat forgotten. Nami looked pale, her hand covering her mouth, her eyes darting from the closed door to Zoro, a mixture of shock and utter disbelief etched on her face. Usopp’s jaw hung open, his usually expressive face a mask of profound dismay. Chopper whimpered, burying his face in Robin’s side, trembling. Robin’s expression was unreadable, but her eyes were narrowed, a dark intensity in their depths as she observed Zoro. Sanji’s lit cigarette dangled forgotten from his lips, a wisp of smoke curling upwards as he stared, his face a tight mask of icy fury directed squarely at the green-haired swordsman. Franky's usual loud demeanor was replaced by a stunned silence, his cybernetic arm resting heavily on the table, his sunglasses doing little to hide the shock in his eyes. And Brook simply sat, his skeletal hand clutching his cane, his empty eye sockets conveying a silent, bone-deep sorrow. No one spoke. The only sounds were the incessant roar of the rain, and the almost savage clinking of Zoro’s fork against his plate.

The silence at dinner stretched, thick and suffocating. No one dared to speak, to break the fragile, shattered peace that now hung over the Sunny's dining room. Zoro continued to eat, each movement of his fork a grating sound in the oppressive quiet. His face was a mask, unreadable and stark, yet the tension in his shoulders and the rigid set of his jaw spoke volumes of an internal battle. He didn't look up, didn't acknowledge the accusing stares, the pitying glances, or the sheer horror etched on the faces of his crewmates. It was as if he had walled himself off, a formidable fortress of guilt and stubborn pride.

Nami eventually pushed her plate away, the remains of her meal untouched. She glanced at Sanji, who was still fuming silently, then at Luffy, whose boundless appetite seemed to have vanished. Even Usopp and Chopper, usually the first to break any awkward silence, remained uncharacteristically subdued. Robin simply watched Zoro, her expression serene but her eyes holding a deep, knowing sadness. The storm outside continued to rage, mirroring the tempest that had just torn through their bonds. It was the worst argument they had ever witnessed between the two people who were the very bedrock of their crew.

Meanwhile, you were far from the stifling atmosphere of the dining room. You hadn't gone to your shared cabin; the thought of being in such a confined space with the lingering scent of him, the memories of your shattered intimacy, was unbearable. Instead, you found yourself on the upper deck, exposed to the full fury of the Grand Line.

The rain plastered your clothes to your skin, stinging your face with its cold onslaught. The wind howled, a mournful cry that seemed to echo the ache in your chest. You didn't care about getting soaked, didn't notice the chill that seeped into your bones. All you felt was the searing burn of his words, the shocking betrayal of him weaponizing your deepest vulnerability.

You walked to the railing, gripping the wet wood so hard your fingers ached. The Sunny bucked and swayed, battling against the relentless waves, but its struggle felt insignificant compared to the turmoil within you. Tears, indistinguishable from the rain streaming down your face, blurred your vision as you stared out at the churning, dark expanse of the ocean.

"How could he?" you whispered, your voice ripped away by the wind. "How could he say that?"

The words echoed in your mind, a cruel mantra. "...helpless little orphan... taken care of again... can't stand to actually pull your own weight?" He knew. He knew how much you had fought to shed that identity, how hard you had worked to prove your worth, to become independent, strong, reliable. He knew it was the very reason you pushed so hard, spoke your mind so fiercely, refused to be silenced or dismissed. And he had used it against you, twisted it into a weapon in the heat of a moment.

Your body trembled, not from the cold, but from the raw, exposed wound he had inflicted. The anger was a dull throb now, overshadowed by a profound sense of desolation. You had given him your trust, your whole heart, laid bare the most fragile parts of your past, believing he would protect them. And he had shattered them with a single, cruel blow. You closed your eyes, letting the rain wash over you, wishing it could wash away the pain, the betrayal, the crushing weight of everything that had just been said.

Time stretched and warped. Minutes bled into what felt like hours, the relentless rain and wind a fitting soundtrack to the turmoil in your soul. You stayed at the railing, numb to the cold, the sea a vast, indifferent canvas for your pain. The memory of his words, of that look in his eye, played on a loop, each repetition tearing at the fragile remnants of your composure.

Then, through the howling wind and the drumming rain, you heard it. The soft, rhythmic thud-thud-thud of familiar footsteps. Your heart, already a raw nerve, lurched. You didn't need to turn around. You knew that heavy, measured tread, the way he always moved, even when trying to be quiet.

The footsteps stopped beside you. The air, already heavy with moisture, suddenly felt charged with an undeniable presence. He didn't speak. He simply stood there, a silent sentinel in the storm, his familiar scent of salt, steel, and something uniquely him, reaching you even through the downpour.

You kept your gaze fixed on the tumultuous ocean, your jaw clenched. The thought of looking at him, of seeing the face that had just uttered such cutting words, was unbearable. Yet, the fact that he had come, that he was standing there, silent, beside you in the driving rain, stirred a tiny, unwelcome flicker of something. Was it concern? Regret? You crushed it down. It didn't matter. Not after what he had said.

The roar of the wind and the relentless lash of the rain were the only sounds between you. You gripped the railing tighter, your knuckles white, your gaze still fixed on the chaotic sea. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to move, to run, to escape the suffocating presence beside you, yet you remained rooted.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Zoro’s voice cut through the storm, rough and low, almost swallowed by the wind. "Y/N."

It was just your name, but the way he said it, strained and thick with something you couldn't quite decipher, made a shiver run down your spine that had nothing to do with the cold. You didn't respond, didn't turn.

"Look," he continued, a rare tremor in his tone. "What I said back there… about your past." He paused, a harsh breath escaping him. "That was out of line. It was... I didn't mean it." The admission was grudging, forced from him, but it was there. "I was angry. And I lashed out. I shouldn't have said that. It was a shitty thing to say."

You remained silent, the bitterness a cold knot in your stomach. An apology, of sorts. But was it enough? Could words, even regretful ones, truly mend the sharp, tearing pain of betrayal?

He shifted beside you, the movement subtle. "I know I screwed up," he muttered, his voice still low, almost a growl. "I know I say stupid things when I'm pissed. But… that was different. I know that."

You could feel his gaze on the side of your face, a heavy weight that you stubbornly refused to meet. The rain plastered your hair to your skin, making you shiver. You wanted to scream, to lash out, to tell him how deeply he had wounded you, but the words felt lodged in your throat, choked by the sheer enormity of the pain.

A long, tense silence settled between you once more, broken only by the angry sea. Then, Zoro let out a frustrated grunt, a sound of self-loathing. "Damn it all to hell," he cursed under his breath, the words ripped away by the wind.

You felt it then, a slight movement beside you. He turned, and without another word, without preamble, his arms opened.

It was the rule. The unspoken, unbreakable pact. The gesture, even in this storm-lashed moment of profound hurt and anger, was unmistakable. His arms were open, a silent invitation, a forced vulnerability in the face of his own cruelty. It was a desperate plea for connection, a surrender to the one thing that had always pulled you back from the brink of absolute despair with him.

The rain beat down on your exposed skin, chilling you to the bone. Every instinct screamed at you to resist, to turn away, to let him feel the full weight of the chasm he had created. But the rule… it was there. A promise, forged in happier times, that no matter how deep the cut, how bitter the words, the embrace would always be accepted. Your breath hitched, a silent battle raging within you.

Your body felt heavy, rooted to the spot, a silent testament to the anguish that still gripped you. Every cell screamed in protest, urged you to resist, to push him away, to make him understand the depth of the wound he had inflicted. But the rule. It was a covenant, a sacred vow made in moments of profound love, designed precisely for the times when words failed, when anger threatened to consume everything.

With a ragged, shuddering breath, you finally turned. Your arms, heavy with reluctance and a profound weariness, slowly lifted. You stepped into his open embrace, the cold rain still lashing around you.

The moment your arms wrapped around his broad back, a familiar warmth, despite the chill of the storm, spread through you. His arms closed around you, a strong, unyielding hold that felt both like a cage and the only safe harbor in a world gone mad. Your head came to rest against his wet shoulder, and you could feel the rhythmic thud of his heart against your ear, a steady beat that was both maddeningly familiar and utterly alien in this moment of raw pain.

There were no easy apologies, no immediate flood of tears. Just the raw, exposed nerves of two people who had just torn each other apart. The scent of him – salt, steel, and the undeniable musk of his skin – filled your senses, a potent reminder of everything you were to each other, everything that was now so precariously balanced.

He tightened his grip, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you, as if trying to absorb your hurt into himself. His voice, when it came, was muffled against your hair, stripped of all its usual sharpness, raw and laced with something akin to desperation.

"I'm an idiot," he rasped, the words forced from him. "A complete, utter idiot. I didn't mean it, Y/N. None of it. Especially not… about your past. That was unforgivable. I know it. I swear, I didn't think. I was just… angry, frustrated with the fight, with myself. And I took it out on you. The one person I should never, ever hurt." He inhaled sharply, a shaky breath that felt more like a sob. "I'm so sorry. I’m so damn sorry."

The sincerity in his voice, the rare admission of such profound self-reproach, finally broke the dam within you. A choked sob escaped your throat, and the tears, indistinguishable from the rain, began to flow freely down your face.

"How could you, Zoro?" you whispered, your voice broken, your hands fisting in the fabric of his wet shirt. "You know… you know how much that means to me. How much I fought to get away from that, to prove… to prove I wasn't just that helpless child. How could you throw that back at me?"

He pulled back slightly, just enough to tilt your chin up with a gentle hand, forcing your gaze to meet his. His single eye, usually so stoic, was filled with a raw anguish, a genuine regret that mirrored the storm in your own soul.

"I wasn't thinking," he repeated, his voice rough. "It was a cheap shot. A dirty blow. I knew it the second the words left my mouth. It's because I know how much you fought, Y/N. Because I know how strong you are, how much you've overcome. And in that moment, I was so consumed with my own frustration, I used the very thing I admire most about you against you. I was a bastard."

His thumb gently wiped a tear from your cheek, the touch both rough and impossibly tender. "You're not a burden. You're never a burden. You're… you're my anchor, Y/N. My reason for fighting, half the time. You make me better, even when I'm too much of a fool to see it. And I hurt you. God, I hurt you."

You leaned into his touch, the warmth of his hand a small comfort against your chilled skin. The storm outside still raged, but here, in the circle of his arms, a fragile peace began to settle. The anger hadn't vanished completely, the sting of his words still lingered, but the crushing weight of betrayal was slowly, incrementally, lifting. He was admitting it, truly admitting it, without a shred of his usual pride.

"I need you to listen to me too, Zoro," you said, your voice still thick but gaining strength. "I'm not trying to tell you how to fight. I'm trying to make sure we all come out of it alive. Sometimes, charging in isn't the only answer. Sometimes, you need to think. And I need you to trust that I'm coming from a place of care, not judgment."

He nodded, a slow, solemn movement. "I know," he murmured, his gaze steady on yours. "I know that. And I do trust you. More than anyone. I just… sometimes I forget how to listen. How to actually hear what you're saying, instead of just reacting. I promise, Y/N. I'll try to be better. For us."

The rain continued to pour, washing over you both. But in the quiet understanding that settled between you, a different kind of calm began to emerge, a fragile, hard-won truce after the storm.

You leaned against him fully, the tension slowly bleeding out of your muscles, replaced by a profound weariness. The solid warmth of his body, even through the soaked fabric of your clothes, was a comfort you hadn't realized you desperately craved. The tears had slowed to a trickle, mingling with the relentless rain. You simply rested there, in the circle of his arms, listening to the pounding of the rain and the steady beat of his heart. The argument hadn't magically disappeared, the sting of the words wouldn't vanish overnight, but the chasm between you had begun to close.

After a long moment of shared silence, the only sounds the relentless storm, Zoro let out a soft, low chuckle. It was a genuine sound, a rare warmth in the face of the raging elements, and it vibrated through his chest, a comforting rumble against your ear.

"You know," he murmured, his voice still a little rough, but with a hint of his usual easygoing tone, "we're gonna get sick out here."

You managed a weak laugh in response, the sound a little rusty from the tears and the cold. "Probably," you agreed, tilting your head slightly to look up at him. His eye, still holding a hint of lingering remorse, also held a familiar warmth, a promise of forgiveness and reconnection.

He tightened his arms around you once more, pulling you even closer for a fleeting moment before releasing you. "Come on," he said, stepping back slightly but keeping one hand on your arm, a gentle anchor. "Let's get inside. We've got a lot of warming up to do."

As you walked, side by side, back towards the comparative warmth and light of the ship's interior, the storm outside continued its fury. But for the two of you, hand in hand, a fragile peace had begun to settle, a promise that even in the harshest of storms, your bond would endure.

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nmzuka · 2 days ago

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my critical thoughts on K-pop Demon Hunters under the cut mostly ramblings on things i wish they had done instead that I tried to organize into a numbered list... obviously spoilers for the whole movie

Celine should have been their manager. I liked Bobby he was fun but I think it would have made more sense to have Celine be a more constant presence in the girls (especially Rumi's) lives. She could have better covered for them when they needed to run off and fight demons instead of just leaving Bobby hanging and she could have more consistently been there to guide them and remind Rumi to keep her patterns hidden. They have that one scene where Mari and Zoey ask Rumi to the bathhouse and they use that scene twice instead when they could have had a different scene with Celine. Honestly I assumed she was like far away from them or something but Rumi just goes to her in the end so it feels really weird she wasnt more present when she's the one that told Rumi she had to hide (also it could have made for interesting conflict if Jinu was encouraging her not to hide while Celine was insisting she must hide

I think she should have told Zoey. Zoey has that line when Saja Boys are introduced saying "maybe they're nice demons" which feels like it could have given Rumi some hope that she'd understand especially after Jinu starts saying she should tell her friends. It doesn't really make sense to me how Rumi's voice got fixed just from talking to Jinu (we'll get to that more later) but she's still hiding part of herself from those she loves most so she's still not really addressing her whole being (like the dr guy said she needed to) So she reveals herself to Zoey and Zoey is of course nervous but also trusts Rumi and keeps the secret. Being able to be open with Zoey helps Rumi heal her whole being a bit and her voice starts doing better! But they cant tell Mira because she really hates demons and thinks they should all die Maybe Mira even starts getting a little insecure because she notices Zoey and Rumi are closer in a way she can't pinpoint/clearly keeping something from her The reveal on the stage can still happen but have it slightly different when Rumi blasts her demon powers a bit earlier and it scares Zoey Rumi talks directly to her like "Zoey its me you know its me" and Mira puts together that Zoey knew…. the people she thought were her family were both keeping something from her and it cuts twice as deep. She breaks off from Zoey in the actual movie right after this so I think its fine just having it happen here instead

Rumi's parents We should have seen them like I think its really wild that Rumi keeps saying she was a mistake and the only one that really reassures her she isnt is Jinu I don't really care if its just one parent or both but I think something after she confronts Celine would have worked Like it could have been some "past Avatars" thing where she connects to her mom's spirit because she was also a Hunter Or her blasting off demon magic when confronting Celine somehow calls her dad's spirit to her but there should have been something there where Rumi is told she's not a mistake and her parents created her with intention because they wanted her and wanted to give her all the love in their hearts and it helps her love herself more (SU "every moment you spend loving yourself is me loving you")

Rumi and Jinu bonding we should have seen more of it? they have like 2 scenes with just the two of them before the scene where they sing Free but that song didn't really feel emotionally earned cause we didn't get to see them bond that much? I kinda would have liked even a montage of them spending more time together and would prefer if that time had been spent showing Jinu showing Rumi more about being a demon and having her connect in a way with that side of her She needed to address "the whole to fix the part" so I think she should have been shown to be accepting that part of her maybe it even comes up with her using some of her demon abilities to fight other demons or somehow using it for their performances idk Also they had the bit at the signing where people are already shipping them and I think it would have been funny if they had been caught hanging out and it fueled those rumors I think this would have made her voice getting better make more sense? she's just like "I dont know why but ever since I started talking to you more my voice has gotten better" and its like yeah girl I dont understand that either? why is that happening?? It should have been more directly from her accepting her demon half

The tonic reveal I think it would have been better if she learned the tonic was fake a little later? like she's taking them and getting better which she thinks is because of the tonic but then learns they are fake and questions why she's been getting better and puts together that its because she's been accepting her demon half more (preferably thru the previous point of Jinu showing her more demon stuff)

The bracelet I noticed the tiger holding it in the scene before Saja Boys go on stage near the end but I didnt notice that Jinu was wearing it on stage until I saw a post pointing it out and I watched the movie twice!! Which I guess is a fun detail but I feel like it should have been more directly pointed out? its literally not even mentioned and hard to notice BUT ALSO Jinu should have given the bracelet back to Rumi He's in a place now where he cares about her enough to give it to her and it just feels like it would have meant something to give it to her as a reminder of the hope she gave to him (especially if he's just gonna die anyway)

The big one…. the demons should have all been redeemed/given the chance to redeem I can't speak on how this would have been received from a cultural standpoint (idk much about demons in Korean culture) but from a story standpoint they should have been redeemed… Jinu said the demons were being controlled by Gwi-Ma when Rumi gave Jinu hope it made the voices stop and Gwi-Man mocks him for thinking he could be free so okay the demons are clearly being controlled they do have that little scene where Rumi asks the one demon but it doesnt say anything and I wish it had cause yeah they are being controlled? Im sure some are fine with it but some might want to be free (like Jinu) it just feels wrong to only let Jinu be sympathetic and redeemed when there are likely other demons in a similar situation to him BUT even more then that I think its one of the only ways to make Rumi's situation really work. There is a message about accepting yourself but Rumi kinda never does?? she stops hiding her patterns but she doesn't actually accept that she's half demon and we are still told that demons are evil and need to be locked away (other then Jinu he's allowed to be redeemed thru dying) and it seems like Rumi's demon-ness is cured in the end? which I don't think is good (if that's not the case its really unclear) Rumi should have actually connected with her demon half and then tried to connect to the other demons by giving them hope of freedom from serving Gwi-Ma I just don't think the message works for accepting ones self when half of what Rumi is is still painted as evil and needing to be locked away

this doesn't even touch on the fact that I think Jinu shouldn't have died mostly cause I don't care for the "redeemed thru death" thing I think it's usually bad Like I guess it can work cause he selfishly left his loved ones behind for himself to have a better life before and now he's selflessly giving his life to protect someone he loves but idk I don't think saying the most selfless thing you can do for someone is die... sometimes living and being willing to change and grow is more selfless

I do think the movie was fun (music, character design, art direction) but the overall story was not so strong and at times felt quite sloppy with its message

feel free to give your own thoughts on this just pls keep in mind I'm not trying to shame anyone who really likes it and these are all very much my own personal opinions and reading of what the movie gave us

#zuka rambles #kpop demon hunters spoilers #I'll put it in that tag at least I guess #again fun movie #just turning a very critical eye on it and analyzing it #this post might receive edits as I think of other things or notice mistakes

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beannoss · 3 days ago

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SxF read along: volume 2! (part 2)

My general random notes! I meant to do this earlier in the week but got sidetracked, alas!

this makes me laugh but WHY does WISE HQ in Westalis simply have this image queued up?! I mean he looks great, A+ action pose, sexyman but lmao. Is he just there for inspiration for WISE upper management? (I'm trying not to fixate on super secret agent Twilight's face just up there for whoever to see)

Query: when Henderson explains that he came up with The stretchiest of stretch reasons for excusing/explaining Loid Forger punching a table, it remains hilarious, AND ALSO why does Twilight argue? Accept the win, my man. Props to Henderson for just ignoring him lmao

Mans could have been a culture critic if his life went a different way.

Related, I know we all question how Twilight overlooks this significant display of Yor's abilities, far beyond any other random civil servant, but it would delight me if part of the reason he overlooked it is because he just got waaaay too sidetracked in his bafflement about this apparent twist in the #plot

Compounded when Anya breaks continuity seconds later gdjaskgljalk

Can't say why but I think this remains my all-time favourite interaction between these two:

We don’t often see Yor pensive like this… I’m going to try to remember to juxtapose this against Twilight’s first time having similarly pensive thoughts about Anya and parenting and the falsehood of their family… the contrast stands out potentially between Yor’s conclusion (to decide affirmatively to dedicate herself) and Twilight’s (will have to see again when it comes up after Bomb Dogs and then again later, but i think he either dismisses his own feelings or lets it hang? tbc!)

to what I was saying in volume 1 about normality being a motivation for Yor that comes from outside herself, this feels like a continuation of that...

Not to be posting an entire page but on the same theme: Anya here affirming to Yor that she doesn’t have to be anyone other than who she is, that Anya accepts and loves her as-is. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the Yor and Yuri relationship in lieu of recent chapters, and it’s interesting how Yuri calls Yor weird, says she doesn’t understand things, and doubts or argues against her opinions about her own experiences/feelings (which I think is actually a way for him to assert some control in his relationship with Yor, since it seems she often dismissed, disregarded or diverted from his concerns for her coming home covered in blood as a child, so I’m not… blaming him or judging him for that response; nor for the way Yor handled things back then...) and contrasted with Anya’s quick and open acceptance. It isn’t the same of course: Anya is 5, and children want to love their parents and believe they're the best in the world. But there is the added dynamic of course, that Anya knows Yor’s secret, too, and still trusts and loves her. Yor doesn’t know about Anya obviously, but it’s a crucial element I think, that underpins things in their relationship and will become huge post-reveals. Yuri hasn't had that opportunity (yet).

Another panel I want to bookmark to contrast for later, the most recent Yor and Yuri chapter where Yor is similarly drawn i think… I’d taken that as Yuri’s POV but actually now I’m wondering if it’s Yor’s POV, that she feels the best about herself when she’s dedicating/re-dedicating herself to a commitment she’s made, to something that feels deeply rooted in who she is… these thoughts are veeeeeery nascent, bear with me…

Jumping to the first day at Eden, the gag from the headmaster, noting that some of the children may have gotten in not due to their own merits but that of their parents gets me every time. Endo’s sly digs at the ruling class are always delightful — I think again the anime translation may be my fave, it's a bit more direct iirc, though I’m not sure it’s more accurate...

*dons twiyor glasses* I’m intrigued he made this admission out loud. Yor misunderstands of course, that's the joke, and she's arguably just as generous as Loid Forger deserves and far more generous than Twilight deserves but still. Twilight feeling a sense of safety with her is there already, I’d suggest 👀

Fascinated by the implicit politics when Damian declares that he's the son of the chairman of the National Unity Party and a bunch of children around him seem to actually know what that means (as opposed to faking their reactions I guess?) At six I think if someone had told me they were leader of a political party, my answer would have been “what’s that” Eden kids are shown time and again to already be being groomed for ruling class nonsense, but I didn’t clock this in my initial reads, just accepting (as an adult) that people would know of political parties even if not the political details of said parties…

The name of Donovan's party once again is striking... Especially in the context of the suspicion he wants war. It's a classic obfuscatory far-right type political party name, but the Peak Politics Nerd in me would love to read the NUP's party platform. Is it Unity within Ostania? Or are they alluding to reunification? And unity in what ways? Obedience of the populace seems implicit, but what political rhetoric are they using to obfuscate that to make it palatable to the Ostanian electorate? Or do they not?

lmao ♡

Henderson 💕💕💕 from an intended one-off character hollering about elegance to a man of deep integrity we love this developmental arc for him

Okay this got longer already that I anticipated... I am poss utilising Tew Many images this time around but I'm gunna split this to a part 3!

#sxfra2025 #spy x family #meta lite #here fandom take this!

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strikingnyx · 3 days ago

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emily and her understanding of the concept of love and how she views and categorizes it into three things—platonic, familial, and sacrificial—she loves so fiercely, so deeply, something inside her knows that it will either end with death or nothing at all.

love is something that people can take and take and take from her and not give her anything back, and she's okay with that. It's just so sad and wrong, because it probably stems from her childhood: the years of emotional neglect, the loneliness, the desire to belong, and the desire to be accepted. then to adulthood: the commitment, the job, the scars, her past, her insecurities, her issues. there's so much difference between the other three and romantic love, and she knows the differences--she probably just felt that those three gave her some sort of permanence compared to romantic love. platonic and familial have some boundaries, a line she can't cross and can run away from when things get worse. sacrificial love has two outcomes: the other will live, and there's a chance that she'll die, but it doesn't matter to her anyway. romantic love, however, will strip her bare, in her truest, rawest form, and for her, what is she without her shield, her compartmentalization?

#emily prentiss #criminal minds #bau #God (writers) please someone give emily a person who will love her like it's breathing #holy yappers but it's emily and complex relationships #she deserves to be loved and seen and heard and a family she'll come home to and a partner who's spoiling her and anticipate her every need #give this woman a home where she can be vulnerable and be herself

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ravenstargames · 3 hours ago

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Are there any wedding customs in Limbo? And do the LIs have their own image of their dream weddings?

✦ Are there any wedding customs in Limbo?

(I purposely left out the second part of the ask because this is gonna be long enough OTL im sorry...)

There are wedding customs in Limbo! However, the Sovereigns "officiate" the "weddings".

Limbo's weddings are referred as Bonding Ceremonies or Trials and require to overcome a few...well, yes, trials. Every Sovereign has a different way of approaching this. They themselves don't get bonded with anyone. It's not seen as fair neither to the people of Limbo nor to the people they'd want to be bonded with. Which doesn't mean it hasn't happened befo—

Also, you don't have to be bonded to anyone to be considered legal partners. That can be done signing a few papers!

To quote myself from the Discord server a while ago where we briefly discussed what a bonding trial would entail if you were to ask for The Mindbender's blessing...

It's seyl yapping time with some corrections :^)

Each Sovereign focuses on certain blessings and "rules" you have to follow for them to agree to bless the ceremony. When it comes to blessings, for example Raeya is Strength in the face of adversity, Amon is Determination in the face of failure, and Gael is Knowledge in the face of ignorance.

If you ask for Gael's blessing you basically have to prove him you and your partner/s have the drive to learn from each other constantly. You have to accept your naivety and your ever-changing nature. You have to be willing to accept actions and reactions (independently of if they're considered morally right or wrong) are born from the knowledge (or lack of) you've acquired throughout your experience as a living being. So basically it requires a long period of meditation, self-discovery and understanding of those you want to be bound to forever. People prepare for this for years.

As for the trials—first of all there's a cleanse of the soul and mind done by "priests". Each participant is taken to a small empty room with no windows and no external stimuli with only a priest, covered from head to toe to not be recognized. I'll save the details of this ritual for the sake of not literally writing the whole lore of the ceremony.

Then the participants are evaluated personally by Gael; this process is a bit painful as he basically gains access to any relevant memories and is able to explore them at will. For this he manifests in some sliver of his true form, which can shake the soul of the participants, in which case they're deemed unworthy by the priest. Gael can protest to this, but it has rarely happened.

The rest of the memories have been temporarily cleansed by the priest, beforehand, to preserve the participants' intimacy to an extent, so Gael only has access to things related to the Bonding Trials.

He then decides if they're adequate or not to receive his blessing. If they fail, they are welcome to try again in the future.

If they're worthy, their memories of the previous ritual are completely erased by Gael himself for their safety. Basically the participants just remember they have been deemed worthy.

Then we move to the soul-linking ceremony! This can be public or private. This step is vital for every ceremony in every "pantheon". All the participants kneel down, hands linked together between them with a special rope / tie. Every participant has to be personally linked to the others so in ceremonies with more than one participant this process can take a while as the tying of the rope is very specific.* This is done by another "priest".

*if all the participants want to be linked to each other. if there's two participants who don't want to be linked to each other but they want to be linked to the third participant, that's doable too!

(There's more stuff happening but we'd be here until tomorrow and I have to work or my team will kill me) (I wrote this in the discord message and it's still relevant)

Then Gael extracts a fraction of the essence of every participant as well as blood (this done again by the priest) and mixes it together. It's then solidified in an essence crystal (or more than one if not all participants want to be bound together) that he breaks in as many parts as participants in the ceremony. The crystals symbolize the permanent, unbreakable union of the participants. When Limbo claims their souls in death, they'll travel back to the Great Void together, which is seen as the utmost declaration of love among Limbanians.

After this, everyone is free to celebrate how they see fit!

Some people describe the bond as being able to understand their partners to a deep, spiritual level, or feel them. Others don't notice anything changing.

#lost in limbo #visual novel #otome #about the world of limbo #seyl rambles

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seattlesellie · 2 days ago

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Hiii sweets! ♡︎ i have a few things i wanted to say so i apologize if this is just yap central!

i only recently discovered your blog & I’m completely obsessed with your works! Like… i used to write on tumblr for a handful of fandoms and ended up leaving for over a year due to burnout and my gosh. Some of your pieces (especially the one i’m about to talk about) have heavilyyyyy inspired me to get to typing omg… 😦

You’re a wonderful writer!!!! And i need you to know that!!! i ended up spending like two hours just reading through your works during my accidental all nighter LOL

One of my FAVORITE works i have ever read on this app is “don’t cross the line.” And like… i’ve been on this app for yearsss and i just read it yesterday 🤭 Genuinely, the burn and tension had me utterly BREATHLESS! It was all consuming and it is one of those pieces of writing that sucks you in, completely entrancing you, only to make you crave more & more. I know you published that a few years ago, but gosh, i would literally sell a limb and an organ for a part 2. Like a part of me wants to help write it (if you’d still even consider another part) because i was overthinking about what different scenarios could’ve taken place after that night…. ugh…. you’ve got me obsessed and inspired and my brain running laps with ideas

But changing the topic, i saw a recent post about your situationship & the mental struggle you were/are going through. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over that, because it’s truly a difficult situation to be in—and that it’s much easier to criticize yourself than take action or allow yourself peace. I’m unsure if you’ve ever read the book or have seen the movie, but Perks of Being a Wallflower has a very important quote that is held dearly by so many people, including me. “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I think the fact that you acknowledge that she isn’t good for you is a really good thing, by the way! It’s a step towards growth and knowing yourself, even if you can’t let her go. I hope this kinda helps even a lil bit, because i understand about doing things or being with people that aren’t necessarily good for you. You aren’t alone & you aren’t messed up or horrible because of it

Take care of yourself! and i hope to indulge in more of your content! 🫶

um genuine question do you happen to be an actual angel or something because this helped so much and oh my gosh sometimes u can like feel peoples auras through the screen and i feel like u have a white and pink one does that make sense???? thank u so much for this my love. also don’t cross the line is one of my favs of mine too although i wish i could rewrite it… maybe i should… ur so so so kind. i love that quote from pobaw!!! i have never read the book but watched the film n i forgot about that quote :(( and!!!!! yes i actually would love for u to help me write omg u can send me a pm orrrr just write ideas here ily

#𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 anon 🎀

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all-pacas · 1 day ago

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CAMERON CORNER

even if it isn't a huge theme of s2 compared to stacy and house, cameron has quietly had an incredible run of episodes so far, and spin is no different. while at first her insistence that jeff is a Cheater and should be Punished is treated even by the show as something of a joke (chase and foreman both have a good time teasing her about it), her final scene with wilson makes it clear this isn't a joke and that, in her own way, cameron is just as messed up as he is.

in a completely different way, of course. as you mentioned, her story of falling in love with joe is fairly sympathetic, even understandable. she was twenty, in an impossibly difficult situation, who would blame her for needing comfort and support and finding it? well: cameron would blame her! this episode makes clear two things: that as insane and rigid as her world view can be, she absolutely holds herself to that same impossible standard, and also, that given the choice between doing the right thing and happiness, cameron will every time break her own heart. and BOY are these lessons relevant for the future.

spin and the joe story also continues to ask an interesting question: did cameron love her first husband? i believe she believes the answer is yes, but every time we learn more about him, a more complicated picture emerges. in fidelity, cameron paints a picture of true love cut tragically short (and we will hear this idealized version of the story again in s3's insensitive), but in every telling since then (including insensitive), a different picture starts to emerge. we saw in acceptance that rather than being eager and happy to help nurse and comfort her dying patient, cameron was driving herself nearly to breaking and unable to face the reality of it; we learn here that she spent at least some of her husband's final days in love with someone else — tellingly, a friend who supported and comforted her, rather than her idealized, tragic husband. i don't want to imply that cameron didn't love her husband — i think she believes entirely that she did. but we're also very much learning that cameron considers this to be a matter of control. you can control your actions, she tells wilson. what is right (tending to a dying man) is more important than feelings. she will always pick being unhappy if it also means she's right. and boy do i wonder if that is going to come up in exactly one episode!!

there is a cut line from s1e3 that i always think about in relation to this episode. it's the episode where cameron and chase are playing insane flirting chicken, and it's from a scene cut after the "sex can kill you" speech.

we can control our actions. we should control out actions. what we want is wrong. all that matters is doing what's right. so i bring up the question cameron is asked by sebastian charles again: do you like working for house?, and will be asked again in one episode's time: is cameron happy? i believe she believes so. but i think the show is starting to tell us that she is wrong.

house md rewatch: 2x06, "spin"

wilson is so "hate yourself" by tv girl here.

some freaking out about james wilson below. that's why this one is so long.

i think the overall theme of this episode is pleasantly cut-and-dry. to quote wilson: "you'd be surprised what you can live with." this applies to house, stacy, the patient (jeff the famous cyclist), wilson, and cameron. for expediency's sake, i'll run through that laundry list as orderly as possible...

house and jeff must live with their respective drugs and conditions. jeff dopes with blood transfusions to give himself an edge, and chase and foreman attempt to draw a false equivalency between this and house's vicodin. but, like in cameron's view, this doesn't work (at first). house's disability/condition predates his vicodin addiction, whereas jeff's doping came after (later found to be untrue.) i'm glad cameron disputed this comparison because it gets drawn a lot. house is coping, engendering some sympathy and understanding, while jeff is trying to get ahead. house feels subnormal; jeff wants to supersede "normal" altogether.

but it turns out that jeff's condition was being conveniently treated and hidden by his blood transfusions. so, in an odd twist, the parallel between him and house does stick. their respective addictions allow them to perform their jobs; their "normals" are different than most, and their substances help rectify that - if we don't factor in the collateral damage substance abuse incurs, of course.

but god is there tragedy in the ways this comparison still doesn't quite fit. the patient's blood transfusions are essentially a cure-all, and he can hide the secret benefits from the public. his muscles work like they're supposed to. house even administers the drug to relieve the symptoms in jeff's right leg - the same leg that vicodin can't fix in house's case.

the line from foreman to jeff is telling in this regard: "i doubt there's anything wrong with you that you didn't do yourself." in jeff's case, this isn't true, but it makes the endemic house question reemerge - how much of house's life is his own fault?

meanwhile, stacy and house must live with the tension that exists between them, though house cannot abide by this. house sabotages stacy and mark throughout the episode and reads way too much into stacy's resulting behavior, looking for confirmation that one of house's emotional extremes exists therein: love or hate. as we know too well, this annoyingly psychoanalytic tendency of his carries over tenfold to cuddy, but it's still super prescient here.

over the course of the episode, they enter each other's personal space in 2 polar opposite moods: fury and guilt. both instances highlight their dysfunction; they both impede on the other's ability to perform their jobs.

by the episode's end, stacy asserts to house that, despite her loving him, she also hates him, and they'll just have to live with that if they want to work together, and if she wants to hold onto mark.

predictably, as the titular, unstable character, house violates the established theme and refuses to live with this new arrangement. he exploits the condition (that he, notably, has no choice but to live with) to gain access to stacy's psychiatric records, and we all know how this plays out lol.

in an episode about worship of the imperfect (more on that later), it's powerful that house is kneeling at the filing cabinet that contains stacy's records. kneeling at what he cannot contend with; kneeling and searching for truth; kneeling and corrupting his promise to live and let live.

i'll mention here re: worship that house is flagrantly characterized as god/jesus in an episode where jeff is worshipped by adoring fans. even the way house "heals" jeff through the injection mimics jesus healing those unable to walk. time and time again, i love the house = god (except not quite) parallels.

cameron must live with the burden of her moral compass. cameron is repeatedly ridiculed (no surprise smh) for being so unyielding toward jeff when he admits to taking drugs as a cyclist. it sounds naive of her, but i think she makes a decent argument about the difference between lies for self betterment and lies for overall betterment. maybe that makes me naive and/or a narc, too. oh well. her almost choice to rat out jeff to the press is an interesting decision point for her, and says a lot about her character, forever contrasted with wilson.

she says that kids worship jeff, and that they can't/shouldn't love someone who is a fraud, and implies that jeff doesn't deserve their adoration. again, this seems naive, until she reaffirms house's earlier diagnosis of her behavior: she has his dad's "insane moral compass that won't let you lie to anybody about anything."

to wilson's cheating history, she raises the fact that she fell in love with her husband's best friend while her husband was ill. upsetting revelation, but we'd all be lying if we said it wasn't at least a little understandable. wilson, assuming that cameron is about to relate to him and his disaster of a love life, seems relieved by this, until she drops the bombshell that she never acted on those feelings; when wilson says "you can't control your emotions," she says, "just your actions."

in this moment, cameron (at least to me), fully confirms that she is not to be written off as naive. instead, 2x06 confirms that she has been painfully aware of her own emotional strife, self-inflicted because of her convictions, and forever burdened by her self-control. this is how cameron lives. wilson is surprised by what she can live with.

and that brings me to the man of the hour himself - wilson. i wanted to write about cameron first to emphasize how insane he is in this episode. wilson must live with the consequences of his own actions...after the episode confirms (via cameron) that those actions are entirely preventable, and that wilson has predicated his moral code on a faulty perception of love in the first place.

despite being on her ass about compromising her medical license in order to rat jeff out, wilson admits that he won't expose her (FOR THE TIME BEING LOL). this conversation reveals just how big of a ball of contradictions he is. cameron brings up the idea of kids worshipping jeff, a word that jeff himself defined earlier as "to love unquestioningly and uncritically," and wilson immediately takes issue.

"if love is based on lies, does that mean it's not a real feeling?...have you ever cheated? well, i have. you want to punish him? good for you. but you can't do it without hurting the people who love him."

damn, wilson. what a very harsh, shallow, and selfish way to go about life. no wonder why cameron takes a shot at you and your failed marriages: "is that how you justified lying to your wives?" oh, wait, you weren't finished?

"i always told them."

wilson is so persona-heavy that he can't even keep up the weight during a conversation that he started. this reopens the issue over love in 2x05 and reaffirms wilson's answer - can love exist without truth? not really. to cameron, wilson confirms that he's cheated, and that either he's lying about what love is, or stating that he's never loved his wives because he's been truthful with all of them.

and this conversation, this revelation, unnerves wilson so much that he does, in fact, rat cameron out. stacy just happens to not believe him. this is crazy petty of wilson (and not wholly in character, imo), which speaks to how much this false idea of love that he forces upon himself hurts him. this is how wilson lives. strung up by his obsession to remain morally upstanding, and failing himself every time because he's weak-willed (in this respect).

he makes a final attempt at absolving himself to cameron (and the audience tbh) when she confesses that she fell in love with her husband's best friend. he looks legitimately relieved when she admits to the first half:

this prompts him to make an insane admission of his own: "everything was fine. i met someone who *clears throat* made me feel...funny. good. and i didn't want to let that feeling go."*

then, riding the wave of having found a potential infidelity confidant, wilson assures cameron that, "what happened to you...how can anyone go through that alone? you can't control your emotions."

aaaaand cue cameron's fantastic retort.

i think wilson is profoundly affected by this realization that NO, there is no justifying your cheating, even at the metaphorical altar of house md's current leading moral compass. when he says that "you'd be surprised what you can live with," he sounds excessively bitter. for good measure, 2x06 hands us these visual parallels: cameron content at home, reliving memories, versus wilson, restless at the hospital...

i LOVE when these 2 interact. it never ever bodes well.

now for a major question i have, plus part of my wilson comphet thesis:

who the hell was he talking about to cameron there? (THANK YOU, LOVELY MOOT, FOR HELPING ME FIX THIS) he's talking about the time he cheated on bonnie. if he has had 3 wives, seasons 1 and 2 would have seen him with the mythical julie, who he's about to lose anyways.

i'm not arguing at all that wilson is talking about house here...mostly because i can't textually swing it. but, if you'll walk with me, i can explain further why this exchange is so crazy.

wilson admits, in a roundabout way, to not loving his wives. as we know, and will come to know more, he finds needy people, "fixes" them, resents them, and moves on. he needs to feel needed; it's not sustainable.

cameron has just described falling in love with a best friend who did not exist in her and her deceased husband's domestic sphere. they fell in love at the hospital. their bond, rendezvous, etc. was spatially founded there, already a future workplace for cameron.

wilson is thrilled to learn that someone as morally upstanding as cameron has Something Wrong With Her Love Life. in an episode underscored by diagnosing everyone's own Normal, for a moment, he thinks he's find a normal that's compatible with his own...until it's not. cameron doesn't actually have the same issue (for one thing, she's a better person than he is lol).

currently, wilson cannot exist peacefully within his own domestic space because his relationship with julie (most likely) is so bad. he's taking refuge in the hospital.

wilson is bitter, frustrated, and a little disgusted by his own admission of "you'd be surprised what you can live with." cameron has confirmed to wilson that he's in the wrong. that he's wrong.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY FUNNY. HOW WAS IT DIFFERENT.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THE FEELING.

WHY DO WE NEVER GET ANY FOLLOW UP ON THIS.

why is the chorus of the concluding song "none of us are free."

#malpractice posting #allison cameron #as an aside i always find it so silly when people write cameron cheats on chase -- or whoever but usually chase -- fanfics for this reason #it doesn't matter how miserable she is or how in love she is with whoever else lmao #she's Not Cheating #dump him to his face and run off with her true love? sure. but CHEAT? neverrrrr #cameron loves making herself miserable in the name of what is right

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maevelin · 1 year ago

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The entrapment thing.

So...did I like that scene? No. As a book reader I liked it even LESS.

I won't even get to the point where it was Colin who actively did his best to 'trap' Penelope, by consistently exchanging letters with her, dancing twice in balls, no chaperones over and OVER, demolishing her chances with Debling, 'ruining' her in a carriage LOUDLY with open curtains, having all sexual power over her because sure she is giving consent but she does not exactly know what she is consenting to, creating an engagement before she can have time to actually think about it and without the permission of her family and only presenting said engagement to her mother as a matter of fact and taking her daughter away to their new house without chaperone. I mean...my sweet summer child you are a chaotic TRAP in a human form.

However as a show-viewer I understand it and it kind of makes sense given Colin's background. Given his Bridgerton pride and his "I am a gentleman" attitude but most of all...his past traumatic experience.

The Marina thing has been a great shock for Colin. Colin has always been sensitive and on a certain level innocent and naive compared to his brothers. The shock he had with Marina shaped a new world view for him. It hurt his pride, his feelings and it shaped his character forward.

So we have a male character that has had his own trauma and insecurities and those can manifest at any time.

When he accuses Penelope of trapping him it is like...his worst insecurities coming to surface and he can't control them because he is hurting given how what he feels for Penelope is far greater that what he ever felt for Marina.

However we also need to see how Colin views his worth. At this point he is like...two out of two lied to me. Used me. 'Trapped me'. That alone is a massive hit to his self-esteem and we already know he had issues with that (given how he actively changed his personality to be able to function inside society).

When Colin lashes out to Penelope "then what I good am I to you."...It is basically all his insecurity coming out in waves. Because for Marina he was only good enough to cover for an unplanned pregnancy. She quite made it very clear to him even in S2 where she basically rejected him by telling him that he was not needed at all.

So that was his worth.

For Penelope, he has PTSD flashbacks of entrapment but then she is like...No, I do not need you to fix my problems which is contradictory for him because what good is he to Penelope then? She has power. He has not. She does not need him in THAT way (thus the conundrum of the trap). What other worth could he possibly have? It is unfathomable to him to be loved in such a a degree that his worth would be just that...being himself. Being loved not because he is there to serve a purpose but because he is worthy of love by being himself.

I am not even pointing out how at this point he even gets to the altar and when Penelope falters he is the one smiling encouragingly to her and is the most happy man to every be trapped (like he is one step away from: TRAP ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I BEG OF YOU LOL)

Colin also sees himself as a protector and before he saw all layers of Penelope he viewed her with his own rose-colored glasses that saw her as a virginal damsel in distress needing of his constant protection and care. She was the shy, innocent wallflower he got to save at each ball, and the girl without any protector he had to save from Jack Featherington and after the Marina fiasco that gave him worth. Self worth and he felt as if that was stripped away from. Again.

So even though I hated that accusation I could see where he was coming from and it was growth for him in the end to be...I am in love with a BRAVE woman that has no need of protection and she only needs me to love her and she...loves me. That's it. She loves me. I am loved. No strings attached. I am loved.

Penelope telling to Colin that "I LOVE YOU", that I can live without you, you gave me more confidence and pleasure but I will solve my own problems and what matters is that I am CHOOSING YOU, because I LOVE YOU.

That is something Colin didn't even know he needed. So his was hurt, his behavior reflected that hurt but in the end he grew and got to appreciate having a woman with which they could be equals and he could be himself without pretending to either be a rake or to be the "protector" society has deemed very woman needs as a damsel in distress. It was different sides of the same coin and something both Colin and Penelope needed to work with.

#polin #bridgerton #spoilers #bridgerton season 3 #colin bridgerton #overall I hated it but I also hated that I got it #understanding and accepting are two different things #I can still not like it and understand where it is coming from #Although BOOK COLIN WOULD NEVER!#my meta

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anti-dazai-blog · 3 months ago

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. probably gonna delete later

"bsd has always been about persevering through hardship and being innately deserving of life and love"

you're so right. I agree entirely. however.

those are the themes. not the plot.

#because there are two different crowds of ppl--#the 'I hate bsd and I read every chapter just to hate on it' crowd #and the 'I love the characters I love the themes. ngl the plot's kinda a mess though'#and I 100% understand answering to crowd 1 that there's substance and meaning in bsd #and it's right there. you're looking right at it.#it's about love and acceptance and finding a place to belong #However. I see such an uptick of ppl answering crowd 2 as if they're crowd 1 #my dear friend. nobody's hating on bsd when being confused about the convoluted plot #and if someone says 'I don't really get the plot' and you say 'but the THEMES'#you're not addressing the thing they're saying. you're just saying a brand new statement

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cherealta · 6 months ago

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vivienne would throw all her goals out of the window if it meant staying with the people she loves the most vs agnieszka would isolate herself so she could achieve her goals.

more under the cut!

vivienne grew up in a tight-knit family. she was surrounded by them mainly because one, her grandparents owned a resort in thailand which her mother and uncle helped with, and two, her three cousins feeling like siblings more than anything. because of this she would get lonely easy as not being around people for even a hour would be such a foreign feeling to her. obviously stuff happened as she got older, she grew less close (didn't help moving to the us by herself for the first year when she was just about to turn fourteen, then her mother coming over to the states too when it didn't work out with living with her father - long story). she started losing her mother's constant attention when she was around 10, leading her to try and find it in other places. the co-dependant bsf was that place. it wasn't healthy for either of them. that best friend in question being dao - who'll get her proper introduction soon hopefully. but for now i'll leave it at that (mwahahaha).

this didn't get better when she moved to the states. in fact it got worse. she went to some fancy boarding school that her father sent her to because he still couldn't face her properly. she had nobody that she knew by her side. everyone was a stranger. not only that but she had to learn american customs, to conform to their standards. so she did anything, literally anything, to get the attention she needed. she didn't want to be alone. because for vivienne being alone meant she failed. it reminded her of her mother's sudden distance. she never got a full reason why, just guesses, and it lead her to believe she wasn't a good enough daughter for her mother anymore. not only that she couldn't let them leave like dao. it lead to a lot of hurt and trouble for vivienne. even though she hates looking back on this part of herself i think it helped her grow a lot. it made her realize her actions can have bad consequences, even the smallest ones.

at berry high where she could make her own rules and not subject herself to hellish social standards she was setting herself at the boarding school i think it helped her relax and be a lot less reckless. but she still loses herself at times. not only that but it's hard for the students to see vivienne faltering because they see her as a symbol more than another human being (not exactly their fault and honestly this more how vivienne thinks than the actual reality. but i'll explore this a lot more when i go into detail about how the ace saga personally affected her). hell she even did fall into the trap of pushing people away because guess what - she's human!

but at the end of it all, vivienne doesn't even know what she wants for herself. even by the end of her senior year were she grows A LOT. this leads her to have a gap year and going back to thailand for a year. it helped her understand herself more and to heal a bit from her childhood. now in the year of 2024 which she's currently 26 i think she still has a lot of places to grow. learning how to be selfish for ONCE will help this girl by a long run. somebody tell her it's okay to argue for her opinions, thoughts and feelings instead of feeling like somebody will shoot her in the face if she ever does anything that they don't like.

then you have agnieszka. a lonely child. her mother and father clearly fell out of love by 1996, but they didn't divorce. her mother had to fight her family to even marry him. he was a poor immigrant from poland, to her family they saw him as a nothing more than a dirty social climber. her agreeing to name her agnieszka was a massive fuck you, so divorcing him will just let her family have that win which she'll not let them have. then on the other hand agnieszka's father had finally managed to get himself (and by extension his siblings) a very comfortable life. why would he give that up? they live in the same house until agnieszka has moved out, trying to keep up an "image". even after her mother found out about vivienne and his affair, she still stayed. but they don't share the same room. they don't even sit in the same room as one another.

agnieszka being undiagnosed with autism didn't help either. she constantly felt out of place. her mother tried to "correct" her odd ways, her father told her that she should only embrace those ways in private. this caused her to mask, which lead to her hiding such a key part of her identity. she would just be whatever people said she was. it was easier that way. it's not like she agreed with most people. she didn't understand why life worked the way it did. why her parents lived like that. but it seemed like a easier choice for her at the time.

when she went to school (catholic private school no doubt) she had to conceal even more of herself. she had a gut feeling she liked girls when she was around 14, though she didn't get the confirmation until a girl kissed her. hell she barely knew this girl! she doesn't even remember how it happened. but she was afraid - until she was 17 when she started to give less of a fuck. it became an open secret to the sapphics of the private school. letting herself be their experiment. nothing real ever came out of them. but agnieszka didn't complain. it wasn't like she could hate a bunch of cute girls wanting to kiss her. but it didn't help her with the feeling that most relationships are just superficial nonsense that people use to get further in life and for their own selfish reasons.

she had friends in school - though she lost contact with all of them except two. a lot of them didn't understand why she'd cut herself off from her parents just to live a life she wanted. but agnieszka was tired of living in the shadow of somebody or just being an extension of them. she wanted to make a name for herself but she didn't want to let people in too close. if her parents failed her how could anybody else not?

this is why she chose to showcase her art and became a fashion designer. some of the collections were about personal parts of her life covered with fancy and pretentious words as the name of the collection and then some were things she was simply liked. it allowed people to know who she was while simultaneously not directly saying it.

i think like vivienne (but instead of high school it was university) helped her grow. she learnt to let people get close to her, to build actual connections. it was hard at first. she was still lowkey socially awkward and had a hard time understanding others but as time passed she had a better grasp. though she made sure she lived life how she wanted. if anybody disagreed? they could simply leave. no matter how close. but at the same time i think learning that relationships don't have to be this super complex soul-bonding thing could help her... a lot.

#sorry for any typing errors i am on my phone rn but i just wanted to get this post out #i love exploring them and their differences due to how they were raised #i think once the two of them meet one another and start to get close it also helps them find a balance between these #two things. like observing those types of behaviors up close makes them understand it a bit better and to adapt it to their own lives #because for the two of them to even accept eachother for who they are they have to learn to overcome a lot of personal #choices they choose to do. vivienne would think agnieszka is being too mean while agnieszka would think vivienne is too naive #and while yes both of these things can be true at times #they're not just these two qualities. they're both very complex people #hss prime #hollywood u #hss #hwu #oc - vivienne #oc - agnieszka

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