#unfortunately she's a bit too cool toned to be some sort of purple guy

[ask-thearchivists]

So did you guys, Charmer specifically, murder the baby Titans? You remind me of the villain from that one game I used to play. The guy disguised himself (or maybe in your case, had people disguise themselves to do your bidding) as someone trustworthy and approachable then led the kids to a room where he brutally killed them. Did you do something similar, Charmer? Or had "followers" do it for you?

The Charmer: I think you're glossing over the part where you played a game where you played a person who would kill children? Willingly?? What would the purpose of this as a game even be? Is there some functional benefit to brutally murdering children in this game, that cannot be achieved by any other means? You also aren't being clear about whether real children died to play this game.

[spunky-89]

All Power (Kol Mikaelson x Female Reader)

A/N: Woo a new fic! Cause updating or finishing old WIPs is apparently not as cool. Also, this fic is a bit of a crossover from Teen Wolf, not anything like major, just some references and such.

Word Count: 1.8 k

Warnings: None that I can think of

The air was tense in the courtyard as Kol stood protectively in front of his lover, facing off against his pain-in-the-ass hybrid brother. Elijah stood between the two trying to keep them from tearing each other apart. Freya was off to the side holding herself, feeling guilty for starting this disagreement.

“You come anywhere near her Nik and I swear it will be the last thing you do.” Kol threatened.

“I don’t like liars, especially not in the house where my daughter sleeps,” Klaus growled.

“You really think I wouldn’t make sure that my girlfriend had no ill intent towards my niece? Do you think that low of me brother?”

“Enough, both of you,” Elijah spoke, turning slightly to look at his youngest brother and his lover. “Now, would you care to share what this ruckus is all about?”

“I don’t know, ask Nik.” Kol spat, rage in his eyes.

“You stand there and make me the bad guy when it is your pet human that is lying and has been her whole time with us.” Klaus proclaimed.

“And how do you know this Niklaus?” Elijah inquired.

“Because I sensed it,” Freya spoke up, moving closer to the brewing storm.

“Sensed what Freya?” Kol snapped, becoming more and more fed up with the current situation.

“Something… off,” She tried, struggling to find the words.

“You need to do better than that sister, or else this is a waste of time because you have no grounds to accuse my girlfriend of anything.”

“Enough.” The woman came out from her position behind Kol and came to stand next to him. “Please just stop, all of you.” She requested.

“Darling?” Kol gave her a questioning look and she gave a heavy sigh.

“She isn’t wrong, I’m not human,” She started, avoiding eye contact and staring at the ground. “Well, not entirely human I should say.” She then looked to Klaus, “I’m honestly surprised you didn’t sense it. I mean typically wolves have a sense for this sort of thing.” She remarked.

“Get to the point, my patients is waning fast,” Klaus warned. As he did so, Kol took a threatening step forward, only to be stopped by a hand on his arm.

“Okay, calm down. The short version is I’m a werewolf.” The woman stated plainly.

“You can’t be, you’ve never turned on a full moon,” Kol stated, looking to his girlfriend in confusion.

“That’s because I’m a different breed and I’ve learned to control it.” She then gave a bashful smile at him and said, “I also happen to have an amazing anchor that keeps me grounded.”

“That’s it,” Klaus growled and sped at the supposed werewolf and pinned her to the wall, his eyes glowing golden. “Who are you?”

She saw Kol move to intervene but she shot him a look to let her handle this. She smirked as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, opening them to reveal her eyes were glowing a vibrant purple, wolfish features taking over her face slightly. And before Klaus could make a comment or move, she dug her claws deep into his side and rake them upwards, causing him to release her in shock. She used that moment to roundhouse kick him away from her.

“Who am I? Well, I’m someone you really don’t want to piss off.” She huffed, fixing her clothes.

Kol was looking at her wide-eyed, never having seen her like that before. He watched in fascination as her face shifted back to the one he loved so much, though the claws on her hands didn’t disappear.

While Kol was focused on her, she was focused on Klaus. She knew she just poked the sleeping bear, or well in this case wolf. She acted casual, but she was ready for a full-fledged brawl. She heard him let out a chuckle, and her heart went icy cold. She knew that kind of chuckle. It was the kind that told her she’d just pissed him off and he was amused by her attempt to hurt him.

“That was a neat trick, love,” He said as he stood back up to his regular height. “But you’ll have to do a lot better than that if you want to hurt me.” He growled as his eyes flared and he started to rush towards the woman. Before he could even get close Kol threw him to the other side of the courtyard.

“I told you Nik, not a hair.” He seethed, standing protectively in front of his girlfriend, who was now minorly terrified and clutched onto the back of his jacket.

“Maybe I should just go,” She murmured to Kol.

“Nonsense, you are still welcome here,” Elijah promised.

Klaus had gotten up and was getting ready to argue when Elijah cut him off.

“Why don’t we give the lady the benefit of the doubt. As it stands, if she had wanted to harm any of us she’s had ample opportunities to do so and has not. We shall hear her out before we jump to any more conclusions.” He stated, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Everyone was slow to move, but eventually, all were gathered in the seating area.

“What do you want to know?” The woman asked, practically perched in Kol’s lap.

“First off, how is there another breed of werewolf?” Elijah asked.

“Well, there’s actually a few. I’m from the French line of werewolves, whereas your brother is of the North American breed. As far as I know, the only other breed is English wolves. But there are many different shifters out there from many cultures. Kitsune, for example, come from Japan.” She explained as best as she could.

“How is it we’ve never heard of any other wolves or shifters before?” Freya asked.

“That I am unsure of, but I’ve met loads of different shifters and other creatures. Where I come from, it’s practically a beacon for supernaturals.”

“And you can control your shifts?” Kol piped up.

“Well for the most part. The way French wolves and shifters work is that you can shift at any time, not just on the full moon. But the full moon makes us more susceptible to turning. But for older wolves, it becomes easier to control your shifts. Whereas baby wolves tend to be much more at risk of turning uncontrollably.”

She then spent the next hour or so explaining the differences between the different wolf breeds and other supernatural creatures, although she never really explained what she was. It was actually Kol that brought up the question.

“Me? Well, I’m kinda a special case. I’m a werewolf, but well, an extremely rare one. It’s why I didn’t tell you who or what I was.” She explained, clearly nervous to reveal who she was. But with one squeeze of the hand from Kol, she sighed and started speaking, “I am the twin sister of Scott McCall, the True Alpha. I am his opposite in most cases which makes us an elite team that is nearly unbeatable. So I am what is called a Compliment Alpha. Part alpha, part beta, all power. It’s why my eyes are purple. It combines the red of an alpha’s eyes and the blue of a beta’s.” She explained, once again flashing her eyes.

“Does that satisfy you Nik? Or does she have to go through her life story before you trust her?” Kol asked, seemingly done with his girlfriend being interrogated.

“I swear to you I am no threat to your family. I didn’t even know of your existence until Kol revealed who and what he was. Vampires are kinda new territory for me. This is not some evil plot to harm you or any Mikaelson. You all have become my new pack, and you don’t hurt your own pack.” She swore.

“I shall allow you to stay, but be warned little wolf, I see even the slightest hint of your inevitable betrayal and I will end you and your brother.” Klaus threatened, but instead of being scared she just gave him a smile.

“I would expect nothing less.” She teased as she stood from the couch. “But just so you know, my old pack and I are hard to kill. Trust me, many have tried, yet here I am.”

Kol stood as well and took her hand as they left for her apartment on the other end of town. He pulled her close by her shoulder and kissed her head as they walked out of the compound.

-----------

When they finally made it back to her apartment, he could see her noticeably relax.

“I have to say, darling, I’ve never seen you kick ass before but I would love to see it again,” Kol murmured as he wrapped his arms around her waist and laid kisses on her neck. She giggled and tried to push him away.

“Stooop,” She whined as she tried to wiggle out of his grip.

Kol, unfortunately, refused to let her go and held her tighter as he relished in her laughter. Moments like this were his favorite because there was just joy in the air. All troubles forgotten and burdens lifted to make room for the contentment he felt when he was with her.

The two settled down on the couch and just sat cuddled up in silence for a while. Kol was the first to break it after about half an hour.

“Would you have ever told me?” He asked, looking down at his lover who suddenly seemed very interested in the couch.

She sighed and sat up. She hated this. She knew he would eventually ask this. And she dreaded it because she didn’t have a good answer. But she knew she had to give him something.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” She started, “My identity and my secret is the reason why I ran here in the first place. The danger became too great for my brother and me to stay together. We had to separate, at least for a little while. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” She paused as she recalled the day she had to say goodbye to her mother and brother. The physical pain she felt when she got on the plane without him. “I was scared.” she admitted, “I trust you, and I wanted to tell you so many times, but…”

“But what darling? Cm’on darling, I just want to know.”

“If my identity was found out, I would have had to leave again. Which would mean leaving you. And I couldn’t- I can’t lose you too. It would break me. Shatter me to a point that I would become volatile and dangerous to those who came across me. Because my heart’s been broken a few too many times for me to be able to come back from that.” She said quietly, not realizing that tears had begun to stream down her face.

Kol pulled her back into his arms and just held her.

“I swear to you my love, no one will keep me from you. Not even my brother.” He vowed.

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The Critique of Manners Part VI

~Or~

An Attempt at an Objective Review of Emma (2009)... VOLUME TWO

Haha, bitches you didn't think I could wait a whole week did you? Nah, not me. and guys, I added to it--all total, it's 9,023 words now. this half of the review is 5,214. HOW DO I HAVE SO MANY WORDS FOR THIS THING? I'm not gonna split it into a third part, because I don't need to for picture limit purposes, but buckle in.

If you didn't catch it, read part 1 here

Here it is, the stunning conclusion to my Emma Adaptation Review series (but this isn't really the end because I plan on doing some rankings later). In this half of my review of BBC'S Emma (2009) we'll discuss Costumes and all the very specific things that I love about this version, and some things I don't like, and some things I'm here to defend.

Let's dive in!

Costumes

Generally I liked these costumes pretty well. They were designed and facilitated by Rosalind Ebbutt, also known for her work on PBS’s Victoria and Vanity Fair (1998). And her work is, as her filmography would suggest, by turns, great and so-so.

These costumes are definitely in line with the adaptation’s general aesthetic: warm pinks and golds, with mints emeralds and blues to cool it off a little, are the order of the day. I really appreciate that every character has a definite color palette. The tradeoff is that this adaptation is the WORST EVER offender for the Jane Fairfax Blue™ trope.

Daywear

Emma’s daywear is full of warm and muted colors. Salmon and magenta are commonly seen. I love that most of Emma’s daywear consists of sleeveless or short-sleeved gowns with wide-sleeved linen blouses underneath. It’s not a commonly seen aesthetic so it feels light and fresh. My favorite of Emma’s daywear dresses is the pale yellow with purple floral print.

There’s one other in particular that I love.

Emma’s blue, sleeveless dress. I love this because of HOW OBVIOUSLY it’s a reference to this portrait of Charlotte, Princess of Wales. I mean...

I’M NOT IMAGINING THIS, RIGHT? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS? This is a REAL dress. They still have this exact gown of Princess Charlotte’s. It’s on display. It’s faded, but it’s the same dress.

Harriet has a fresh and innocent green, white and purple color scheme with healthy doses of peach and pink showing. I particularly like her white and purple floral print dress.

Mrs. Weston’s color palette varies, but leans heavily on tans and purples, which is very flattering, I must say, to Johdi May’s coloring and is really refreshing for Mrs. Weston who seems to get stuck in pinks and yellows a lot. No idea what’s going on with the laced-front dress though? This doesn’t quite read as authentic to me, but I do like that her first dress seems to be an apron-front.

I know I already said that this is the worst Jane Fairfax Blue™ offender, but guys I can’t stress it enough. WE ARE 5/5 ON DAYWEAR HERE. LOOK AT THAT. (Also of note, Jane 5 is one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s dresses from the '96 Emma.)

Mrs. Elton seems, at all times, to be wearing some form of pink, but I think I’m right in saying that the white day dress with the rose patterned bodice under the yellow and pink spencer is one of Jane’s dresses from P&P ’80. Can anyone confirm that? They did sneak in some Mrs. Elton Orange™ though, for Box Hill, and it’s worth noting that Mrs. Elton is the only lady who’s appropriately dressed on that occasion.

Isabella gets some understated day gowns that are very nice and also VERY “Jane Austen” in the sense that I feel like Jane Austen herself might have worn them.

Miss Bates, unfortunately is slapped with brown at just about every turn, but at least her “Nice” day outfit has some subtle leaf patterns, which is refreshing. Also Mrs. Goddard has a slappin’ cap. Love that.

Also, Harriet’s Grecian costume for the painting (upper right hand corner). What can I say, but that I love it. I love that it hints at the neoclassical influences on Regency fashion too. This is my favorite interpretation of the painting too.

Evening Wear

You know what I love about this version? It’s the first version of Emma where her gown for the Crown in Ball isn’t WHITE. I know, I know white was fashionable, but it’s just… it’s nice for not EVERY gown in a ball scene to be plain white friggin muslin and also, it’s not one she’s ever worn before, which is great.

Harriet does have only white evening gowns but that’s okay. My only complaint is that, specifically on her Crown Inn dress and in a lot of her costumes in general, the waistline seems just a little low. Hmm. I really like the pale blue pattern on her first evening dress though.

Mrs. Weston though. Woo. Look at those. She has a dark chartreuse gown with black lace trim that any other version would have put on Mrs. Elton, so you know from the dark tones that she’s a bitch. Not so with Emma '09, and that’s good. And her teal dinner number is a favorite of mine. I never paid much attention to her green and gold ball gown but it has some really beautiful, subtle leaf or maybe peacock feather patterns on it and I love that. My only problem is that there seem to be some fit issues. She’s got muffin top way too often. Her orange evening dress is a bit of a dud though, firstly, because it has long sleeves (which is an evening gown no-no) and the fabric slaps a bit too much of sari fabric for my tastes.

Jane, not only is put in blue with both of her evening gowns (although one is so pale it borders on white), ONE of them is another Emma ’96 repeat and not only that, it’s one of Jane Fairfax’s dresses in that film! Perhaps that’s enough to make it an homage, and I have to say, I think Laura Pyper wore it better.

Miss Bates only has one evening wear ensemble, but at least it’s cream and not brown.

Mrs. Elton’s gowns are surprisingly understated, and yet still seem to be annoyingly fussy and, what’s better? They’re not sickly green. One of them is actually a very pleasant mint.

Outerwear

Outerwear is roundly pretty great here. Emma’s primary choice of color for spencers is emerald/evergreen and one of them is Elizabeth’s Bennet’s from the 1995 P&P (though to be honest, I think Jennifer Ehle filled it out better.) I do love Mrs. Elton’s pink and yellow number with the slashed sleeves. Jane Fairfax’s only spencer is, you guessed it, blue, but her friend Miss Campbell has a rather fun mauve one.

There’s no shortage of pelisses and redingotes either. Harriet can be seen in one borrowed from Elinor Dashwood in the '08 S&S, Mrs. Weston has a rather fabulous purple one which she wears with the most delicious looking hat I’ve ever seen.

Emma has two. The first one is a great magenta number with military braiding (and I think she wears with it one of the brown slouch hats that Kate Beckinsale wore in the same role) and while the other pelisse is brown, they had the sense not to make her wear a hat with it that was also brown. Instead, they gave her a contrasting color. Good on ya, Rosalind!

Speaking of hats, I don't often single them out for commentary, but I want to here because… the hat authenticity is… kinda spotty. Let me show you.

Okay first of all, Emma may be a teenager in this pic on the upper left, but she is not dressed formally enough for her sister’s wedding (which is what’s going on in this scene) but at least her hat is pretty good. You can see the ribbons are on the inside of the hat here, which is as it should be… but she never wears this hat again. At any point in the series. Instead, we next see her in the one on the upper right and ye gads this is atrocious. WHY IS HER HAT NOT PINNED ON? IT’S SLIDING DOWN THE BACK OF HER HEAD. SOMONE FIX IT. PLEASE. But wait, there’s more. This kills me because these bottom two are so similar to the one she wore earlier (the correct one) but crappier looking. Jeez.

This is not a hat. It’s a peanut. You know who doesn’t have this problem? Harriet. She only has one sun hat but at least it’s correct.

I also wanna touch briefly on this ^ costume continuity issue.

WTF is this? She’s in the hall, her ribbon is contoured to the line of her dress; she goes into the drawing room and… it isn’t anymore? Wha happun?

I took more menswear screencaps for this version than any other version. And that’s because the men just have more outfits that are, y’know, different from each other.

Mr. Knightley is as understated as ever, but I wanna highlight the first pic there and why I love it. This is Knightley’s first appearance in the series and it’s the perfect establishing shot that shows the viewer everything they need to know about Emma and Knightley’s relationship and how it has always been. He sort of materializes, out of focus in the background, but Emma immediately knows he’s there. And to accentuate how much Knightley is part of her home and scenery, his clothes (similar shades of pale tan, white and minty green to the wall behind him) almost camouflage him and make him seem at one with the moulding.

He also has a rather lovely blue evening waistcoat that I WISH I could have gotten better shot of (although I do believe it’s also worn by Henry Crawford in the '07 Mansfield Park, so for further reading…)

Mr. Weston finally gets to wear clothes that aren’t all brown! He only has ONE brown outfit. He gets PATTERNED waistcoats, one of them a rather spiffing blue and brown striped number. And he wears TROUSERS! Because he’s a gentleman, and he’s not that old and trousers are worn by fashionable gentlemen in this period!

You know who else gets to wear trousers and at least one fun waistcoat? Mr. Woodhouse. Check out that lovely Sunday Best™ waistcoat. The red striped one. That’s delightful.

John Knightley’s evening wear intrigues me. That’s a double-breasted jacket, and you know I’m not totally sure that’s very authentic for evening-wear of this period, but it is different. Unfortunately he also has a flared top hat and that is definitely not on for this period.

One of my favorite things about this version is that they don’t dress Mr. Elton as a clergyman all the time. Yes, he may be the vicar, but he’s also allowed to dress like a fashionable, handsome young man. So I’m really happy that he gets to flex his fashion muscles here.

And speaking of fashionable young men, FINALLY frank gets to be COLORFUL and his trousers are even tight enough. Both he AND Elton are often seen wearing TWO waistcoats, as I would expect them to, and even though Frank’s a dandy, he knows that flashiness is gauche so his pops of color are bright, but not in your face. His green and red waistcoats are always worn under more muted colors, and I just love it.

The only problems are… what’s with the turned-down waistcoat collars? There’s no precedent for this, in fact I think it’s directly contradictory to the style at the time, and also it makes the cravats look a bit unruly.

A Critique of Manners

A lot has been said about the manners in this adaption. Like, the actual manners, body language and facial expressions, specifically vis-à-vis Romola Garai.

And, oh yeah, there’s a lot to pick at here, but first I’d like to talk about the facial expressions.

I'm mostly gonna be talking out of my ass here, but this is my take, so if anyone can make a better argument against my points, I am listening, because I don't really like talking out of my ass and I like to be informed. That said...

I tend to be lenient on the… exaggerated facial expressions because, something I’ve noticed reading Austen’s works through the last several months is that Austen is very descriptive when it comes to facial expressions and I just find it hard to believe that people in the Regency Era never made exaggerated expressions like this.

I’ve heard a lot about how Garai’s Emma is not dignified or lady-like. But let’s think about the context of Emma Woodhouse – she’s never been in society. She’s only had a governess to teach her, and we know Emma’s always been sort of averse to being told what she can and can’t do. Emma is the highest ranking woman in her social circle (barring Isabella’s occasional presence). Emma doesn’t have to be ladylike. At 21, she’s already her local Lady Catherine. She puts a lot of stock in her position in society but, as Mrs. Elton will be the first to hypocritically point out, she’s very poorly behaved. I'd be very curious to see what would happen if Emma went to London for the season. Probably, she'd be seen, comparatively, as a country bumpkin. Can you imagine how she might get on in a sea of accomplished young ladies? She can barely handle having ONE rival with any kind of grace.

Austen never describes bodily movements of the kind we’re looking at when we watch adaptations, so why not have Emma’s body-language be un-ladylike in the conventional sense of the time? I’m not saying this to excuse the absolutely inexcusable (Frank’s head in her lap, kneeling on the sofa backwards etc.), but while Emma’s mannerisms aren’t exactly ladylike for her time, they’re not overtly masculine either (which was one of my biggest problem with Death Comes to Pemberly for example.)

Yes, there’s an ideal for manners. But we know real people didn’t always follow those ideals. In dancing for example, many dancing guidebooks of the day were full of repeated instructions not to be too loud or rambunctious when dancing. What this tells us is that people were doing just that, and probably quite a bit, too. I think that, while taking societal strictures into account, we shouldn’t totally discount the idea that people in the Regency weren’t really that different from us, and young people especially.

Now I’ve already mentioned some of the inexcusable aspects of interaction in this adaptation and they’re so notorious at this point, I don’t think that I really need to go over them much here. Although I will say: is it ridiculous to have Frank Churchill put his head in Emma’s lap? Yes. Did it make me more viscerally uncomfortable with the situation on Box Hill than any other version? Yes.

I was like, 14 when I watched this the first time. This was an effective way to telegraph to young people like me that Emma is being extremely inappropriate here in a way that no other version really managed to, even when I watched them when I was older and understood the period more. I’m far more acquainted with Regency manners than I was then, but to be honest – if they had been accurate with the manners here, when I was 14 I would not have understood what the big deal was. Is there merit in circumventing historical accuracy in favor of reaching a less-informed but still-interested audience? Yes, I think so. There were three other versions of this, at that point, that did this scene with more or less pristine manners. Not every version has to follow the manners of the time to-the-letter to be good. That’s my feeling on the matter.

There are things that do really bother me though. Like the idea that Harriet Smith doesn’t know how to spoon soup, for instance. As I said in my review for the Miramax version, table manners are pretty basic, there’s no reason Mrs. Goddard wouldn’t have taught Harriet this. It does provide a good moment to show Emma tacitly coaching Harriet and showing the trajectory in which this relationship will go, but personally I don’t think it was necessary—there are plenty of other ways that could be done.

Also: kids at the dinner table? I know this is part of building the familial atmosphere but it really does annoy me, because apart from building the familial atmosphere (which they do very well and frequently in other ways) it really didn’t need to happen, and it doesn’t add anything.

The Heart of Highbury

So, as I’ve hinted at throughout this review, the bread and butter of this adaptation of Emma is emotion. This version goes hard and heavy on showingthe relationships – Emma’s relationships with Mrs. Weston, Mr. Knightley, her father, her sister, her brother-in-law, Miss Bates; Jane’s relationship with Frank; Frank’s relationship with his father; The John Knightleys’ home life – and it illustrates things that can be surmised from just reading the story, but really draws your attention to them in ways that other adaptations just don’t.

It does this from the very beginning with the prologue which explains in detail (not just in quick exposition between characters) how Jane and Frank were separated from their families at young ages. We know now, from psychological study, that being taken away from their primary caretakers during their formative years is one of the most psychologically traumatizing things for a child. This is deeply important context which is explained in detail by the narrator in 2-3 large pages (in my Barnes & Noble anthology) in the book.

In the featurette on the houses, they talk particularly about Hartfield and the Woodhouses being the heart of Highbury and how they particularly wanted it to feel homey because Hartfield is Emma’s house and they wanted the audience to feel why everyone is so drawn to it, and to Emma; to me that is what they did with the whole adaptation in microcosm.

I usually talk a bit about the dancing and I'm going to here as well because this is maybe the most special dance scene in any Austen for me. Of course I'm going to link to Tea with Cassiane as usual because she knows what she's talking about and I don't. But I wanna add some comments. She gives this a pretty low rating in spite of a generally favorable commentary because of two big oopsies, the circle dance formation is one, and the other is I believe, an issue with the style of dance not matching the tune in Emma's dance with Knightley. Throwing out any objective technical analysis though, this is my favorite Ball in any Austen and it all comes down to the cornerstone of this adaptation--emotion.

All of the songs and dances were original compositions and choreography made for this adaptation. So they're not period per se, but the tunes at least are representative of how Regency dance music should sound. These dances are upbeat, and lively and, damn they look like fun. Everyone is excited here and it makes me understand why dancing was such a big thing. Best of all that excitement adds to the emotional charge of the scene. "The Ship's Cook" is the most fast paced dance and I'm glad they made this the dance where Elton snubs Harriet because it really hits for me just what Harriet would be missing out on if Knightley wasn't so fucking aptly named. In all other versions you get the insult, but the dance that's taking place is usually a Baroque walker so it doesn't seem terribly like she's missing out on much. Here, this is like not getting picked for kickball-- not only is it a slight that no one wants you on their team, but you miss out on even playing the game. Harriet looks so lonely, and her feeling of being out of place rolls off of Louise Dylan so forcefully it chokes me up just thinking about it because I've been there, man. I feel this shit. *dabs eyes*. Ahem. So, yes, when Knightley engages her for the dance the excitement the viewer feels is that much more forceful and Harriet's exuberantly starting to jump in when the timing is off and Knightley gently pulling her back, it just hits me in the feels center, guys. (I wanna take a moment to give a shout out to every camp counselor who ever partnered with me for any game at summer camp.) Emma's reaction too, is gold. Her genuine relief at Knightley swooping in is one of those great reminders that Emma is Harriet's friend, and she does care about her.

Finally on the dancing front, I wanna talk about Emma's dance with Knightley and why I prefer it to the one in the 2020 version. I already talked about this a bit in the 2020 review, so I'm gonna try and keep it brief. That shouldn't be too hard, because I'm probably mostly going to repeat a lot of what I've already said about Emma and Knightley in this version as a whole.

The big thing everyone loves about the Crown Inn dance in the 2020 is the yearning, the sexual tension, the quivering touches etc. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all of those things but... not all the time. Not in everything, and definitely not in Emma. Because Emma, to me, isn't about repressed sexuality or heated tension or seething passion. Emma and Knightley are the opposite of that, to me, really. One of my mutuals put it best, I think: "Emma and Knightley are more suited to stolen glances than hot touches."

In Part 1 I talked about how Knightley is Emma's comfort object. When Emma is out of sorts, Knightley re-centers her. It helps set up, and puts emphasis on, the crisis of the story in the last act--Emma not knowing what she has until [she thinks] she's lost it. Emma and Knightley are Friends to Lovers done as it should be. She is already so comfortable with him she doesn't even realize her own feelings. She just feels right with Knightley and that's what this dance is here to show you--a foreshadowing of matrimonial harmony.

The dance itself, of course, is always up to interpretation, because Austen never describes how it goes, just that Knightley asks Emma to dance and Knightley doesn't dance (barring charitable causes). If you prefer the sexual tension take, if that, to you is an improvement on Austen's story and gives you what you've always felt was missing, I'm glad that there is a version now that gives you what you've been looking for, but for me, I think the 09 approach hits closer their dynamic in the book.

Now do I do think the Emphasis on emotion maybe went a little too earnest in some places in this adaptation? Maybe. Just a little.

In my last review (1972) I went on a rather lengthy tirade about the scene where they turn Emma’s appeals to Harriet to exert herself and move on following Mr. Elton’s marriage into Emma guilting Harriet into thinking she’s a bad friend for being heartbroken and then throwing her into the situation most likely to rub salt in that particular wound.

In this version, while I love the emphasis they put on the stress Emma puts on her own guilt for being the reason for Harriet’s situation in the first place, I think it’s maybe a little too… much.

That’s the only way I can put it. I know I’ve just said that I think there should be a bit more expressiveness in period drama, but this doesn’t quite match the way I read it (Emma’s a bit less desperate in Austen’s prose. Very dedicated to helping Harriet feel better, but just a skosh more composed). I think she’s even crying in this scene.

While we’re here let’s go over to Box Hill ONE. MORE. TIME.

First of all, this is where this screenplay shines, in my opinion. This is the big turning point in the story and as such, should be a touchstone for the judgment of any adaptation. This sequence in the 2009 version is a perfect crystallization of everything I love about this version—namely that this is the version that, to me, most feels like someone read the book thoroughly, paid attention to what Austen was describing and then actually tried to convey it on screen. A lot of other versions sort of feel (to me), like the director glanced at the page and said “here’s what I want to convey in my version”. Insofar as making a piece of art goes, that’s good. Directors are artists as much as painters are and movies are their canvass, but it’s seldom that you find a director who honestly wants to hit as close to the author intent as possible and this Box Hill sequence makes me feel like that’s what Jim O’Hanlon was going for. I have the book open next to me as I write this and it’s shocking to me how minutely the atmosphere described in the book is conveyed here. Most of all, the fact that Emma’s insulting Miss Bates is not the only thing faux pas she makes here. Box Hill as a whole is a disaster, and it’s largely because of Frank.

“When they all sat down it was better; to [Emma’s] taste, a great deal better, for Frank Churchill grew talkative and gay, making her his first object. To amuse her, and to be agreeable in her eyes, seemed to be all that he cared for—and Emma, glad to be enlivened, and not sorry to be flattered, was gay and easy too, and gave him all the friendly encouragement, the admission to be gallant, which she had ever given in the first and most animating period of their acquaintance; but which now, in her own estimation, meant nothing, though in the judgment of most people looking on it must have had such an appearance as no English word but flirtation could very well describe. “Mr. Frank Churchill and Miss Woodhouse flirted excessively.” They were laying themselves open to that very phrase—and to having it sent off in a letter to Maple Grove by one lady, to Ireland by another. Not that Emma was gay and thoughtless from any real felicity; it was rather because she felt less happy than she expected. She laughed because she was disappointed…” --Emma, Chapter 43

Most other versions rush through Frank’s “excessive” flirting with Emma (Right in front of Jane) to get to “Three Things Very Dull Indeed” as fast as possible, and yes that’s the crowning horror of Box Hill, but there’s a very intricate setting here, too, and this version has the time to lay back and let it all unfold in the oppressive discomfort of an English summer day.

Even better than all of that though is Knightley confronting Emma after it all goes down. This treatment is neither plaintive, nor aggressive as it was in ‘96 and ‘97 respectively. I’ve already extolled the virtues of Johnny Flynn’s Box Hill rebuke, but for a change I’m not going to zero in on Miller’s performance which is, at least as good as Flynn’s, but on Romola Garai’s, which I find superior to Anya Taylor Joy’s. Specifically, her reaction once she’s alone.

ATJ in the 2020 version immediately breaks down sobbing and it’s hard for me to feel that she’s sobbing for “anger against herself, mortification, and deep concern” or that there’s much self-reflection going on there. To me it rather just feels like she’s crying because she got shouted at. The theatrics of it, to me, feel childish and self-centered.

I don’t feel that with Garai’s performance.

“She was vexed beyond what could have been expressed—almost beyond what she could conceal. Never had she felt so agitated, mortified, grieved, at any circumstance in her life. She was most forcibly struck . . . How could she have exposed herself to such ill opinion in anyone she valued! And how to suffer him to leave her without saying one word of gratitude, of concurrence, of common kindness!

Time did not compose her…” --Emma, Chapter 43

Of course one can make the case that Emma's reaction should be a bit childish because Emma is an immature character, but that's the thing--I can agree with you anywhere else in this story but this is Emma's maturing moment. This is her turning point as a character. It's where we should see her reactions shift from the same childish denial we're used to seeing when Knightley scolds her, because this is different. It's not the usual brushing off of big brother Knightley, this is a young woman reacting to an esteemed friend pointing out how abhorrently inappropriate she's been and her having to admit that to herself.

I didn't really want to drag comparisons to the 2020 film into this, not on this scale at least, but this just jumped out at me the last time I watched the new film and I have to express it somewhere.

What I see in Garai’s performance is desolation and mortification. That shocked tearfulness of knowing you’ve been justly reproached for wrongdoing, but being too frozen in a pretense of composure to actually cry about it until you’re quite sure that no one will see you. And especially when it’s someone you esteem rebuking you, the horror of them leaving before you can admit that they’re right. There’s so much more depth here, I think, and I can’t even quite express what it makes me feel.

The aspect of time not composing her is another thing that they decided to put stress on in this version. Emma looks fucked up in the following scenes. When she goes to see Miss Bates, she clearly either hasn’t slept or has slept very badly. I feel like this is maybe an anticlimactic conclusion to this section but I’m afraid I’m very close to reaching incoherence, so I’m just gonna leave it here.

My absolute favoritest thing about this version though—something that sets it apart from ALL other versions and even adaptations of other Austen stories—is the inclusion of the post-confession conversation.

This is something of a trope in Austen books but it very rarely finds its way into adaptations: confessions of love are out of the way, the hero and heroine settle into an easy an comfortable conversation, glowing with happiness as they explain and laugh over their actions and misinterpretations of each other’s choices. It happens in Pride and Prejudice, in Persuasion, and yes, in Emma. This is the only Austen adaptation, that I've seen, to include this kind of conversation in any kind of detail. The 1995 Pride and Prejudice alludes to the corresponding scene in it its source material, but the lines pulled from it get tossed into the confession scene itself and then it flies through to get to the obligatory wedding—a side effect of rushing through endings, a convention I’m rather tired of.

Emma (2009) takes its time with this, as with all other aspects of this adaptation. For a version that’s so full of energy, its pacing is extremely laid back and comfortable, without dragging. When you hear the gentle musical swell and Emma and Knightley have their kiss (this whole confession sequence is so sweet and wonderful in its own right), you expect that to be it. But no, we cut to them, the picture of contented happiness, sitting together on a bench overlooking Hartfield’s garden, just talking and enjoying being together, with no teasing, no pretense. If Jane Austen stories emphasize anything, it’s the importance of communication in relationships, and I think that’s maybe why she made it a point in almost every story to show her characters communicating their feelings in words, even after all the conflict has been resolved. This is my favorite scene in the whole series (In case it being my header image didn’t make that obvious.)

This is followed rather promptly by a cut to the next day, with Emma bursting in to Donwell in hysterics about how they can’t be married because she won’t leave her father alone.

This is one of those maybe over-the-top choices that a lot of people don’t like, but guys, it was so funny to me when I was fourteen and it still makes me laugh. It might seem outlandish, but to me it’s just the emphasis on personal relationships and emotion coming through again and it always makes me smile.

Final Thoughts

It’s hard for me to give a proper round up of my feelings for this section because I think I’ve poured just about all of my feelings on each aspect into its dedicated sections.

At the end of the day, the only thing that really disappoints me about this version is the number of missed opportunities there are here. One of my favorite parts of reading Austen is when I run across a line in dialogue or narrative that just… slaps. But they never make it into the adaptations. Emma is full of them and I just wish that Sandy Welch could have taken an opportunity to slip a few of them in.

In summary, I think this is a wonderful, heartfelt adaptation aimed at getting to the emotional heart of a story that often gets caught up in the Mean Girl-ness of its main character than the coming of age story that it is. It's one of my favorite period dramas because it's one of the few that really captures the spirit of the source material as it's always felt to me. There's really only two other period dramas that I esteem on the same level as this, and they're North & South (2004) and Jane Eyre (2011) and it's for the same reasons; because they impact me deeply on an emotional level--which is what art is supposed to do--because of how well it captures the essence of the story that I know and love.

So did I succeed in a more objective review of Emma 2009? I' feel like probably not. But I tried my best. It’s so hard to be objective about something that makes you as happy as this adaptation makes me.

Ribbon Rating: Most Agreeable (83 Ribbons)

Tone: 10

Casting: 9

Acting: 9

Scripting: 7

Pacing: 10

Cinematography: 7

Setting: 9

Costumes: 6

Music: 8

Book Accuracy: 8

[shoutaaizawas]

For the au prompt event can I requst a fantasy!au Shinsou with the prompt "Is there a reason you're blushing like that?" please!

thank you for the request!! 💖

↳ shinsou hitoshi x reader → remember

event: au prompt event summary: shinsou hitoshi was an assassin sent to kill you but he didn’t and your trying to figure out why. word count: 2,479 tags/warnings: fantasy!au, light angst, happy ending a/n: this was a fun idea and it was kind of hard to fit it in to a one-shot

Was Shinsou an assassin sent to kill you? Yes. Were you sort of friends at the moment? Maybe. Friends was probably too strong of word to use for him but he wasn’t trying to kill you at the moment so that was good.

You were a princess, next in line to rule. You had been traveling to another kingdom to meet your betrothed when you were attacked. It had happened so quickly. The strange purple-haired man had a blade to your neck but he hesitated. You weren’t quite sure why he stopped but you weren’t complaining.

Somehow this all lead to you traveling home with this assassin. With his change of heart, he decided to escort you back to your kingdom. Unfortunately, you were a very long way from home so this would be a long journey.

Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. You weren’t looking forward to seeing your home. The pressures of being royalty were simply not for you. You would prefer to live a peaceful and simple life. But you were stuck in a world where you would be a leader and not only that but you’d be wed to a man you didn’t even know. All of it was terrible.

At first, your travels were stale with this assassin. He barely talked to you and would hardly look at you. This left you with the sound of your footsteps and whatever sounds the forest made.

Sometimes you would take in his features, his pale skin and the scars that marred it.

“So, been an assassin for a long time?” You asked trying to break the silence. You were tired of being stuck in your thoughts of what awaited you at home.

“None of your business.” He said simply.

“Just trying to make small talk.” You huffed.

“I don’t do small talk.” He replied.

“No small talk, just murder.” You retorted.

“I didn’t murder you.” He said shooting you a glare.

Okay, so small talk wasn’t going to work. You ended up counting the trees to keep yourself busy but there were too many trees so you gave up on that.

“I spy, something green.” You said after another hour of silence.

“I’m not playing a child’s game.” He said.

“Oh come on all this walking is so boring.” You said.

“I’m sorry that I don’t have a pretty carriage for you or a white pony, princess.” He said.

“It’s not the walking it’s just the silence.” You said. "I used to have a white pony, her name was Snowflake. She was such a good girl." You reminisced about your childhood horse.

Shinsou just looked at you with an odd stare.

“It was that tree, by the way.” You said answering the game you had tried to start earlier.

There was a lot of walking through forests, it all started to blend in together. Some days you sang until he told you to shut up. Others you attempted asking him questions to be shot down. Sometimes you would just start telling a story since that required no response. He would eventually get annoyed with that.

One night you sat around the campfire he created, keeping yourself warm in the harsh cold. Watching the flames dance you imagined a life where you could live in a small cabin far from others, tend to your own crops and animals, and simply enjoy life. Maybe even share it with someone else.

“Why didn’t you kill me?” You asked breaking the silence.

“It’s none of your business.” He replied not sparing a glance.

“It feels like it’s a little bit of my business. You know if you hadn’t spared me I’d be a dead body floating down a river right now.” You said.

“That’s not how you dispose of a body.” He scoffed.

“I’m not sure that’s what I wanted to hear but I’ll take it since it’s the first thing you’ve said that’s not ‘it’s none of your business’ or ‘shut up’.” You said.

Slowly but surely he slowly opened up. Maybe opening up wasn't the most accurate phrase for it but he would let you sing a song as you walked. Sometimes he would answer one of your dumb questions.

One day you were walking along the dirt path leading you to the next town when you started talking about your kingdom. You hadn’t been thinking much about what you were saying but you got on the topic of your role as princess.

“You know, I don’t even want to be queen.” You rambled on. “I don’t want to marry some random guy I’ve never met, I don’t want the responsibility of leading people. Sometimes I just want to run off and never look back.” You sighed.

“What?” You were shocked at the sudden interest that Shinsou showed.

“Hmm?” You hadn’t expected that he was listening. “I was just saying I don’t want to be queen.”

“But you have to.” He said seriously. You hadn’t expected that either.

“I mean who’s gonna stop me if I don’t go back?” You shrugged. “What’s the difference between that and me being dead?”

Shinsou was silent but despite the fact, he was hard to read, you could tell he was deep in thought.

It was yet another day traveling home, you were close maybe a few days out now. You felt nauseous. You didn’t want to go home to a life you hated. You wanted choices, you wanted freedom.

You weren’t expecting the sudden attack. You were tackled to the ground and fear seized you as you looked at your attacker. He wasn’t on you for long, Shinsou ripping him off you. You watched helplessly as he fought off the attacker along with three others that had been apart of the group.

You hated that you couldn’t help, you hated being so helpless. You let out a gasp of horror as a blade sliced against Shinsou’s side. Even with the wound, he fought them off with a lot less trouble than you expected someone to fight four people by themself.

“You’re hurt.” You said going to his side.

“I’m fine, let’s get out of here.” He said, waving away your concern before grabbing you by the shoulder as he gripped at his side.

After insisting he finally gave in and stopped at a local tavern that doubled as an inn. You wanted to help bandage him up and let him get rest. Once you were in the room you sat him down, you reached for the pack you had with first aid. Worry filled you at the sight of the blood that had soaked through his clothes.

“You don’t have to, I can do it myself.” He said.

“You got hurt defending me, I’m not going to sit here.” You huffed. “I already didn’t help in the first place.”

The last thing you were expecting was for him you grab your chin tilting your gaze from his wound to his eyes.

“I’ll always protect you.” He said in a soft tone that had your heart skipping a beat.

Not a moment after Shinsou’s eyes fluttered shut and he fell back onto the bed unconscious. Okay, maybe that was the last thing you expected in retrospect.  

You panicked for a moment before you reached for his side pulling aside cloth to look at his wound. It didn’t look right, it was foaming. It hit you, you had read it in a book once, the blade had poison on it.

You recalled a night a few weeks ago where you had been poking through his bag, he had vials of poison himself as well as antidotes. Thanking yourself for your curiosity you dug into his bag looking for the vile.

Shinsou was now shaking and convulsing on the bed and fear gripped you even stronger now. You couldn't lose him.

Pressing it to his lips you tilted his head so he could drink the antidote. Once it was all gone you pulled him onto the bed fully before starting to tend to his wound.

The antidote was working, his body stilled and his breathing evened out. His body was burning up but you assumed that that was part of the poison leaving his body. You hoped that you had done everything right.

After you cleaned and dressed the wound you pulled off the outer layers of his clothing so he would be more comfortable. He was sweating, touching his forehead you could feel he had a fever. You went down to the tavern to retrieve water.

You sat at his bedside, dabbing his forehead with water and doing whatever you could to help him be more comfortable. Watching his unconscious form you appreciated how handsome he was even looking sickly as he did right now. You had stared at him before but he would usually catch you and it almost felt like he didn’t sleep considering you only ever saw him awake and on guard when you set up camp. But now you could take in his peaceful features.

His long purple hair that rested against his shoulders, his sharp cheekbones, and the darkness under his eyes that was oddly attractive.

It was a hard thing to admit to yourself but you had slowly grown close to this man along your travels. It may have taken a while to get him to talk but once you did you weren’t expecting his dry sense of humor or the soft tone he took with you when you did something that could get you hurt.

Shinsou stirred in his sleep, tossing and turning. You cleaned the cloth off in the cool water and dabbed it on his forehead.

“Princess.” He mumbled out and you quirked an eyebrow.

“Shinsou, how are you feeling?” You asked leaning foreword to hear his quiet words.

“Princess, I can’t go I have to clean out the stables.” He said. Your eyebrows furrowed. What was he talking about?

“What are you talking about?” You questioned.

“I’m sorry princess, next time.” He said softly.

Suddenly you were pulled into a memory. You were young, maybe around ten years old. The boy in the stables with the purple hair and the soft eyes that matched. Oh, how you loved how gentle he was with horses, how he talked to you in that soft voice of his. He was so kind-hearted.

You spent so much time with him, talking to him, telling him stories, singing. You always wanted him to go with you to the forest and explore and run around. But he always had to work, even when you asked your father to let him have the day he refused and said you shouldn’t be hanging out with such a lowly servant. It didn’t stop you, you spent every day there with him for years.

Oh, how you fell in love with the sweet boy, Hitoshi. As you got older you both planned to run away far away from it all and get married. You could live a life free from your family and the things that kept you apart.

But one day he was gone, you went to your father only to find out that he had him sent away. You cried and cried for weeks, heartbroken at the loss. You looked for him but there was no trace of him anywhere. You missed him so dearly.

How had you not realized sooner? How did it take this to make you realize your lost love was in front of your eyes the whole time.

“Hitoshi?” You said, tears welling in your eyes.

This pulled him from his feverish dream. His eyes snapped opened and focused on you.

“You remember?” He asked cautiously.

“I don’t know how I could forget you, ‘Toshi.” Your tears broke and rolled down your cheeks. You moved forward, perching on the side of the bed so you could pull him into your arms as carefully as possible.

You tucked your face into his shoulder and his arms pulled you in.

“It’s okay princess, I’m here now.” He said, stroking your back.

After a few moments of resting in his arms, you pulled back looking into his purple gaze.

“Let’s run away together, I don’t want to return. Let’s run away from it all like we talked about when we were kids.” You said.

“We’re not kids anymore, we’re adults and we have responsibilities now.” He replied in a stern tone.

“Oh yeah, like murdering people?” You bit back, pulling away from him.

How could he say that after finding each other after all this time? You could finally be together.

“You don’t know what I’ve been through!”

“How am I supposed to know you just disappeared!” You shouted back. “You were gone and I was so alone, I couldn’t find you no matter where I looked!”

“Your father sent me away, he sent me to an assassin’s guild. They trained me to be some kind of monster. I realized what real life was like, not like the little fantasies we dreamed of. How am I supposed to be worthy of someone like you with all the blood on my hands? How could you ever love me?”

You stared at him in disbelief. How could he think that?

“You’ll always be that boy in the stables that I loved nothing could change that.” You said softly. It didn’t matter what he had done you could work past it. “You don’t have to kill people anymore, we can both leave our lives behind and start fresh.”

Shinsou started deep into your eyes, his own eyes filling up with tears.

“That sounds nice.” He said.

Shinsou leaned up, minding his wounds, pulling you in before pressing a kiss against your lips. You were shocked for a moment before melting into it and wrapping your arms around him.

"Is there a reason you're blushing like that?" He said as he pulled back taking in your red cheeks.

“No, no reason at all.” You teased. He gave you that smirk that you loved so much and it was easy to imagine the boy you fell in love with even with the scars he had now.

“Let’s get some rest.” He said pulling you down to the bed with him, holding you firmly in your arms.

“Tomorrow is the start of the rest of our lives.” You whispered into his ear unable to hold back the smile on your face.

As you laid there wrapped up in his arms listening to the soft music that drifted from the tavern below it was easy to imagine the rest of your life with Hitoshi.

A small house secluded away from the harsh realities of your past. A warm fireplace to sit next to in his arms with a warm drink. A life free from what you were both born into. A life made on your own terms.

[theglitchywriterboi]

The Adventures of Neo Hyde

Chapter One

Then one day, the original owner of the Orphanage died when the boys were 4. Her daughter and husband took charge of the orphanage and they were both awful, the daughter, arguably worse. The husband was often out of town and when he was in he did show some care to the children by playing soccer with the children and singing, and teaching, but he would berate the children over the littlest things. Things such as untied shoes, hair not done the way he thought it should be done, kids that goofed around too much, kids that never goofed around. Kids that ate too fast or too slow, and several other things. Her daughter was worse though. She hated to play with the kids or even talk to them, and she would hit anyone she thought stepped out of line, or she would get a group of kids to vote if the other kid did something wrong. The group of kids knowing that they would end up in trouble if they said no, would end up saying yes, even though said kid was perfectly innocent.

After the women left, Neo and the child didn’t have the best life, but despite that, they became the best of friends. The child was born a girl but identified as a boy which, unfortunately, got him treated worse. The child decided to call himself “Winter-Shade” but most people that said his name, called him Winter and not both (though there were one or two that called him Shade, or switched between the two). While they were there, before things got bad, they acted like they were pirates undercover in the Orphanage and the other kids were the enemies. They would try to sneak attack them to protect their hidden treasure (and their friends), much to the dismay of the other kids who didn’t want to participate and didn’t like getting smacked in the back of the head with a wooden sword by a 3 year old during breakfast.

She hated Neo and Winter-Shade (and their friend, Pj when they were 5 and he was 4) no one really knew why she hated Neo. He was mostly a good kid. Yes, he messed around sometimes but not nearly as much as others, and he was pretty organized and quiet compared to other kids there (though not perfect and he did have moments where he was loud but overall he was a quiet kid). Everyone knew why she hated Winter-Shade. He was an odd looking boy, who was born with two different eye colors you couldn’t have, and he was born a girl but insisted he was a boy. Plus he was loud, messy, and would fight her on every little thing. She hated all of that. She hated Pj because he was their friend, and she hated them. Well, that’s not entirely true. He wasn’t very well behaved so she already didn’t like him for that, as well as the fact that he followed Winter-Shades’ lead and not Neos’ because even though she hated him, Neo wasn’t as bad as Winter-Shade.

One cold morning in autumn, a small man and woman walked in. While this was happening the boys were up to their usual mischievousness; hitting people with swords, stealing from Ms. Nancy, hiding and misplacing things, etc. but then they got a call down stairs. Well, more like Neo did, but when one of them got called, all of them did.

“They wanted to come too,” Neo stated matter of factly, “who are those people?”

“Ah yes, Mr. Hyde. And you brought your little gang with you?” Ms. Nancy groaned trying to seem like a normal human being that could get through a sentence without yelling or hitting someone.

“Oh this, lovely couple? They wanted to come and adopt you! Isn’t that wonderful!” She said with a slight smile but it was hard for any of the children to tell because she has a permanent scowl.

Winter-Shade and Pj were my first family, Neo thought. I wanted to go but… What about them? Would I ever see them again?

“WHAT?!” All three of the boys yelled. Of course, if he left, he’d be kind of happy. He wouldn’t have to deal with horrible bullies, the smell, or Ms. Nancy and her father. But he wouldn’t get to see his friends again would he? No one ever came back to visit, that is, unless their adoptive parents were bringing them back or adopting another kid (though, it was usually the first option) and he doubted they’d come get another. Maybe he could annoy them into bringing him back.

“Can my friends come too?” Neo asked hopefully. The man and woman laughed a little. Not in a mocking way, more in a ‘uh-oh what do we do’ kind of way.

The man bent down to look at Neo “I’m… I’m sorry sweetheart but… No… We can’t really afford to have three more kids in the house right now, trust me, if we could we would take them home in a heartbeat but we can’t.” Neos’ eyes started to water. The man and woman looked at each other, then the woman bent down and spoke to Neo.

“We can bring you here a couple times a month so you can play with your friends? I know it won’t be the same but you’ll get to see them still. If you come home with us you’ll get to go to a school with different kids and make new friends! How does that sound?”

“I don’t need any more friends, I only need them,” Neo said quietly. His eyes started to water. Winter-Shade pulled his friend to the side a little to where the adults could see them but not really hear them.

“Neo, go with them! We’ve been dreaming of leaving this place for as long as I can remember, just go. We’ll be fine.” Winter-Shade whispered. Pj nodded in agreement. Neo still didn’t feel 100% convinced that they were okay with this nor that they’d be okay but he didn’t want to miss his opportunity either.

“Promise Neo. I got Winter to protect me. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble” Pj stated before adding “well, I’ll try to make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble but, you know how he is.” The boys all laughed a little and Winter-Shade looked a little offended before also laughing as well.

“You promise me you guys will be fine?” Neo asked. He glanced at the adults. Ms. Nancy looked annoyed but the man and woman just looked calm and patient.

“I Promise we’ll be safe and all that stuff. I can’t promise I’ll stay out of trouble, you know how I am.” He said the last bit while jokingly glaring at Pj.

“Yeah I know... I guess I better go talk with them,” Neo said. Winter-Shade and Pj nodded and they all walked back over to the adults.

“Took you long enough” Ms. Nancy grumbled under her breath.

“Oh be nice, this must be hard for a kid of his age to think about” the woman said. Ms. Nancy glared at her but shut up about it.

“So ‘Mister Hyde’ would you like you like to come with us?” The man asked, attempting, but kind of failing at mocking Ms. Nancy for never calling the kids by their first names, but only their last names. “How about I introduce myself. I’m Gerard and this is my wife Louise.”

“Neeeeeoooo????” Winter-Shade said in a questioning tone.

“Hi Gerard. Hi Louise. It’s… Um… Nice to meet you. And I… Uh, yes I’d like to go with you two” Gerard laughed a little.

“It’s nice to meet you too Neo, and that’s lovely! Why don’t you go get your things and say bye to everyone and then we can go, does that sound good?” Gerard said standing up.

“Okay…” Neo began his way upstairs to pack his things as Gerard and Louise waited for him.

“Yes, Winter?” Neo said when he got to their room.

“Do you want my purple eye as a goodbye present?” Winter-Shade questioned in a completely serious tone.

“I- W-what? Winter I can’t take your eye” Neo said in a panicked voice. He rushed over to him and checked that both his eyes were indeed where they should be as he was slightly worried Winter-Shade had already taken his eye out. Pj was just sitting there, watching this unfold.

“Winter, promise me you won’t take out either of your eyes for any reason?” Neo asked, more like told Winter-Shade after checking both his eyes were in.

“I,” Winter-Shade started while pointing to both of his eyes “promise not to take out either of my eyes for any reason”

“Good… Or your limbs. Or your teeth. Just… Just stay safe and don’t hurt yourself Winter, okay?” Neo said. Winter-Shade just sort of nodded along.

“Don’t forget to make them bring you here to see us!” Pj said finally butting in.

“I’ll come as much as I can! Now can you guys help me pack my things?” Neo asked as he began putting his things in his suitcase. The other two just nodded and started grabbing his things. He didn’t have much, only a few items of clothing, toys, and some other stuff. While they were packing and kind of slacking off and joking around, Winter-Shade whispered to Pj that he’d be right back and walked away, but Neo didn’t seem to notice.

Winter-Shade walked down to Ms. Nancy's office. Locked, obviously. Winter-Shade started looking for a key to the office. He felt around and finally he found one under a rather hot lamp on a desk to the left of her door. He unlocked the door and walked in, less carefully than he should’ve, he practically burst in, and he closed the door behind him. He started searching around, he found cool things that he carefully put in his pocket without really thinking about it until he found what he was looking for: The files. Well, his, Pjs, and Neos files. They were tucked away somewhere, along with a few other files he didn’t want to look at, not in the file cabinet with the other kids files. He took theirs and ran out of the room and back to his room.

“Oh! I was looking for rats” Winter-Shade said. While Gerard and Louise seemed shocked and weirded out at this statement, the others seemed more annoyed.

“Winter! I thought I was going to have to leave without saying goodbye to you! Where did you run off to?” Neo said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere with Ms. Nancy, his new parents, and Pj.

“Winter-Shade, for the last time, you may NOT keep any rodents as pets” Ms. Nancy said in a frustrated, but tired voice.

“I didn’t find any unfortunately…” Winter-Shade whispered more so to himself.

“But we’re leaving now Winter so… This is goodbye” Neo’s voice cracked. Even though he knew he’d get to come and visit them, deep down he knew it wouldn’t be the same. It couldn’t be the same. Seeing them once a month and only part of the day? Him and Winter-Shade had known each other since… Since forever. They were like family, and Pj was too even though they hadn’t known him as long.

So, at age 8, Neo Hyde got adopted and, as he feels like he lost his first family, he gained a new one and became Neo Hyde-Skyle.

[dpjustified]

Bingo #2

(disclaimer: fanfic only, not a headcanon)

(#2 themes: Mer AU with a twist [I made sure twists were okay first], Swagger Bishie platonic version don’t hate me, It’s not gay if it’s dead mention)

Danny sighed.

He and Tuck were just as surprised that their first year of high school would end with Dash, their number one bully, becoming Danny’s good friend. Somehow Jazz let his secret slip, and it was all downhill from there. Dash started actually being nice, and not shoving them into lockers. Then Dash actually asked to hang out with him after school sometimes, him, the school loser! Once Danny and Tucker got to know another side of Dash, it wasn’t so bad hanging as a group sometimes. Dash even said hi to them at school. He still insulted them with nicknames though, but they insulted him back, and it was all good.

Of course, sometimes Tucker and Dash just couldn’t get along, so Danny was forced to mediate.

Today, his dad decided to drag all three of them on a fishing trip to lecture them about puberty and dating. At least he wasn’t alone with his dad, but then again, now his friends would hear the embarrassing things his dad liked to say. Either way, he was at a loss.

Nah, I have to stay positive. It could be fun this time!

Nope, he knew he was fooling himself.

“Now, boys,” his dad started, in the tone he used when trying to sound like he was imparting some great wisdom. “When you start dating, and I don’t care who it is, you have to treat them well.”

“No duh,” Dash said, only to get a glare from his dad. “I mean, yes, I agree.”

“In this day and age, if the other person wants to pay for some of the dates, or all of them, just let them. This does not make you any less of a man! In fact, when I was dating your mother, Danny, she had a side job at the lab while I, sadly, could only afford peanuts.”

“You mean you mooched off mom, Dad?” Danny said, not surprised. His mom must have really been in love to date and marry the man-child that was his dad. He still loved him though.

“Wow, goals man.” Dash said. He would be impressed by that. Danny would not have been surprised if Dash mooched off of all his friends, including Paulina. He was already mooching off Danny and Tucker for soda at the Nasty Burger, not that it was that pricey. And he was rich so he really had no excuse.

“I’d totally be down if a girl wanted to treat me,” said Tucker, who had pulled out his PDA to take notes.

“Don’t take my dad seriously guys,” Danny whispered.

“No, no, this is good stuff,” said Dash.

“And if you do get a date,” his dad continued, probably pleased at the undivided attention he was getting, “please encourage them to join the Ghost-keteers. You can get date night and fight night in one night!”

All three groaned.

Danny put his hand on his dad’s shoulder. “Dad, are you still trying to sell that? No one’s going to join.”

“Really?” His dad looked like a sad five year old.

“I’m sorry I have to break it to you.”

He looked like he was going to cry.

“Dude, you can’t be so mean to your dad, man,” Dash lectured. “I’m sure you can do some advertising, and maybe make it into a Phantom fan club. I’m sure lots of people will join then!”

You mean, you’ll join, Dash.

“But it’s an exclusive club, only for the most dedicated ghost fighting heroes!” his dad said passionately, raising his fist. “Not just anyone can join.”

Tucker chimed in. “So, that’s very simple. On the first day, we’ll have them take a survey. They have to agree to one week of intensive Fenton training. And put uniform sizes of course and preferred ghost fighting gadget. Once they pass, they become official members! With official uniforms. Of course, anyone that fails can try again next year.”

“That’s...” His dad took a moment to think. “That’s brilliant! Great idea, Tucker.”

“Anytime.”

He did not want a bunch of fangirls - and fanboys - at his house, even if they didn’t know he was Phantom. Oh, he got an idea. “Dad, Jazz would make a great club president.” If Jazz was in charge, he could rely on her to reign in the fans and keep him and his secret relatively safe. As it was, people kept flirting with his ghost half with the mantra, “It’s not gay if it’s dead,” when he kept telling them he wasn’t dead!

Heck, even the Box Ghost says he’s not dead, and Plasmius has fans but doesn’t get any of the harassment I get! I told them I’m into girls but they don’t care...

He had to quickly abandon the idea of a ghost phone when all his voice messages were of the inappropriate sort. Good thing Jazz screened his phone for him; she was scarred for days even after burning the phone and canceling the subscription.

“Great idea! Jazz is the responsible type. The ghost-keteers will be in safe hands!”

Danny sighed. “What about fishing?”

“Oh, sorry son. I’ve kept you all waiting.” He opened the case that contained the fishing rods and passed them out, then instructed them on how to put on the bait, let out the reel, and reel in once something bit.

An hour later:

“How’s it going, kids?” Jack asked next to a bucket full of junk. “I’ve got all sorts of treasures so far. An old boot, a rare gold watch, and some kind of message in a bottle.”

“So you’re a treasure hunter now, Dad?” Danny replied sarcastically.

“You are, Mr. Fenton?” Dash replied, excited. “Cool!”

“I am, aren’t I?” His dad rubbed his nose with pride.

Danny felt a few drops fall on his nose. He looked up. The weather was starting to get bad. But if it was just sprinkling, there was no real reason to stop early, was it.

“So far,” Tucker said, peering into their buckets. “It’s Dash 1 guppy, Danny 0, me 3 catfish. So far, I’m on top!”

Dash attached another bait onto his hook then threw it back in. “Just you wait, nerds, I’m not about to throw the towel on this race.”

Danny sighed again. “Now why’d you have to rile him up, Tuck?”

“Because competitions are fun? And besides, you’re dead last. Ch-ch-chicken?”

“I am not a chicken.” He shoved a worm onto his hook and accidentally pricked himself. At least it didn’t go in. His dad sucked at first aid, and Tucker wasn’t any better. He quickly put a waterproof band-aid on his bleeding finger then threw the hook in the water. As long as the wound wasn’t infected it would heal quickly enough.

After a few minutes, the line grew taut.

“I think I caught something,” he said, growing excited. At this point, he would even be happy if he caught a boot.

“Well, reel it in,” Dash said. “I’ll even help you pull if you need it.”

“I’m fine,” Danny said. Even though Dash knew his secret, he still insisted on treating him like he was weak. Well, he was actually pretty weak if he wasn’t using his ghost energy as a boost.

He was unprepared when the line pulled suddenly, and because he held on so tightly to the rod, he was yanked off the boat. He let go of the rod. The rain grew fiercer and the waves started to move, pushing him to and fro.

“Danny!” his Dad yelled. “It’s okay, I’ll come save you.”

“No, need, I’ll do it!” yelled Dash.

Tucker held them both back. “You guys will just make it worse. Danny can handle it, right...Danny?!”

Something grabbed his head tightly, covering his eyes, and pulled him under the water rapidly. The cries of his friends and dad faded, and it was too dark to see. Something gripped his neck and he let out a gasp, unfortunately inhaling water. He kicked out madly and panicked, struggling to calm himself.

I can handle this. A water ghost? If it’s too dark to see...

He activated his ghost powers and elbowed out, hitting a soft form. The grip loosened and he turned around with glowing eyes.

In front of him was a girl with black hair coiling around her like seaweed, and glowing purple eyes. Seaweed was wrapped around her form, and the hook from his rod was clearly stuck in the side of her neck.

At least he knew why she was trying to kill him now.

He didn’t have time to think. He had to get away and get some air.

He shot out an ecto blast at her, but a black scaled tail shot out from behind her and knocked it away.

...Tail?

Just great, and just when he had enough with ghosts. The question was, was she a mermaid or a ghost mermaid?

While he was in thought, she gripped his neck again, and he felt like his powers were getting sucked away. In moments, he lost his ghost form. He could barely maintain his glowing eyes, and he could feel his consciousness fading.

If I fall asleep here, I’m a goner!

He couldn’t panic. What was the best way of startling a girl? He grabbed her face and kissed her, then received a punch in his gut.

I should have seen that coming...

Well, at least he died trying.

...

He woke up in a cavern who knows where with a purple eyed girl staring down at him.

He quickly backed up and looked back from a safe distance. He ascertained that he had his energy back, so if needed he could fight against the mer-lady...

For some reason, she had legs. That, and the only thing censoring her was her hair.

“Um,” he started. “Thanks for not killing me?”

She blinked, then crawled over to him.

“What do you want?” Then again, if she had the ability to absorb his powers, he didn’t know if he had a chance. “Are you a ghost or a mermaid? Or both? What are you?”

“First...” Her voice was so striking that he couldn’t help but stare. “Can you get this thing out of my neck? It hurts.”

“R-right.” He reached over and made the hook intangible, pulling it out easily. The line had long snapped, but he had no time to worry about the fate of his dad’s rod right now. He then reached in his pocket for a band-aid. He was glad this vest had waterproof pockets.

She reeled back at the band-aid.

“Relax, it just seals the wound. It might not last too long underwater, but for now, right? I won’t hurt you.”

She narrowed her eyes,  but tilted her neck to allow him access.

He stuck it on then sat in front of her, staring. “Why were you trying to kill me earlier?”

“You were clearly trying to kill me earlier, were you not?”

“I was just...fishing? Not for you, of course. Whatever you are.”

“Mermaid.” She looked down at her knees. “Not sure what a ghost is.”

“Eh. Someone with my powers”- He harnessed energy in his hands, then let it disperse-” and bleeds green, can float, disappear, and fly, all the time. Me, I’m just half ghost. Kinda like you, half fish.”

“Half fish? Never heard that before, but I see what you mean.”

“Well, personal question really...Do mermaids, can they transform like that? I mean, your tail to legs on land. That’s really nifty.”

She looked away. “Only after they’re married. It’s a survival thing.”

“Married?” He didn’t know why but he kept thinking she was pretty. It wasn’t a surprise; even though she looked his age, mermaid culture was probably different, and it would only be natural that she was taken-

Why am I thinking about hitting on a mermaid I just met! Weirdo, stop being weird!

“It’s your fault I can’t go back now,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“Wait...what?” He was confused. “Was it the hook thing? I’m-I’m really sorry...” Yep, he would ruin someone’s life without trying. Even though the Cujo thing wasn’t entirely his fault, he still cost Valerie’s dad his job and ruined her life. Was he just a loser?

“Not that, the kiss! You mean you don’t know?” She hobbled over to him and slapped him. “You have to take care of me. I can’t even use these things.” She pointed to her legs. “The blend-in-with-humans class isn’t even taught till 17! I’m not ready for this.”

He wasn’t ready for this.

“Uh...” He took off his jacket and handed it to her. “For now, tie this around your waist. And we can see about getting out of here. You know. Like so.”

He indicated where and she tied it. Then he picked her up and flew her back to the boat. It was empty.

He later found his dad, Dash and Tucker enjoying snacks at the hotel they were staying the night at. It took him forever to explain the girl as someone he saved from drowning, and even then no one believed him except good old Dad. After giving her some clothes to wear that he had purchased from the souvenir shop, he had to spill the beans to his friends once his dad was asleep.

“You’re a mermaid?” Dash said, then shook the girl’s hand. “It’s like a storybook! What’s your name.”

“Hey, I wanted to hit on her first,” Tucker whined.

“Sam,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And you all?” She was clearly not excited to be there. Apologizing clearly wouldn’t help at this point.

As usual, Tucker spoke for them all. “I’m Tucker, the cool kid.” He wiggled his glasses. “Dash here is our star athlete, and Danny is the superhero with ghost powers. I...assume he’s already told you that.”

“Right. Danny.” She glanced quickly at Danny then focused on Tucker again. “And what are you eating?”

“A meat pizza.”

“Meat...how cruel.” She looked at him with pity.

“Hey, I’m a carnivore. Guess you’re not one of those man-eating mermaids?”

“That’s what you humans think of us? Disgusting.”

Dash waved a hand. “Hey, don’t worry, you only see those mermaids in horror movies. You know movies right?”

She gave a blank stare.

Dash and Tucker gave each other a knowing glance. “We have a lot to teach you.”

Danny pulled her back to him. “Hey you two, don’t corrupt the innocent!”

Tucker silently opened a laptop and loaded the “Undersea Monster” movie.

It’s only on these things that these two agree.

What was he going to do with this mermaid girl?

[tydy-the-megnet]

Actual Human, 19

Based on @queenbrickisinariver's high quality meme. This is an AU, clearly

...

Callum sighed as he scrolled aimlessly through profile after profile of horny women on his Look Forum app. "You can find that special someone if you just 'look forum.'" he said, reveling in his own mocking voice. Why he had let Ezran make him a dating profile, he'd never know.

His little brother could be scarily persuasive at times.

"Because you need to find a girlfriend. You need to get over Claudia already."

It helped, of course, that Ezran was right. He usually was, in fact.

But still, to be put on the Look Forum seemed almost pathetic.

"Why would I even want to be with anyone from--?" Callum froze, his thumb hovering over yet another profile.

Rayla, Actual Human, 19.

70 miles away.

Hello I am real human. I enjoy activities such as discussing money and eating unhealthy amounts of bad food.

Accompanying the odd bio was a picture of a cute young woman with hair white as snow and skin so pale it appeared almost purple in whatever lightning she was under. Upon further inspection, two pieces of wood seemed to jut out of her hair like horns, and two deep purple marks were painted on her cheeks.

In other words, Callum realized, she looked like an elf. And well, he thought, what more did he need than an actual human with a sense of humor?

...

It had been a stupid bet. If it hadn't been for that pesky squirrel, she wouldn't be in this mess. But she lost, fair and square, and now Rayla was stuck with a profile on an online dating app.

A human dating app. She just hoped Runaan didn't find out. He would definitely take it the wrong way.

Oh well. She'd leave it up for a few days and then delete it once the others forgot about it. Or at least, that had been the plan.

But then she got a message from someone named Callum.

"Hello, fellow human. I also enjoy eating bad food. Shall we discuss which bad foods are the worst?"

Despite herself, Rayla quirked a smile. She couldn't believe her half-baked profile had gotten a hit, but it was pretty clear that this guy was also an elf. A skywing elf, if his looks were anything to go by. He could probably pass as human -- or perhaps he just worked on a disguise for his dating profile.

She responded after pondering the man, "Nice, did you lose a bet, too?"

...

She had lost a bet. Callum wasn't surprised. From what he could tell from the picture on Rayla's profile, she was stunningly beautiful. Why would she be on such a lame site other than a bet?

"No," he answered, "My brother talked me into trying to find a girlfriend."

"Well you haven't got a very good selection on here, have ya?"

Callum laughed out loud, a snort escaping him as he leaned back in his chair. It was true, too many of the people on Look Forum we're weirdos. But then, trying to flirt, Callum replied, "Well I found you. That's a plus."

...

Rayla couldn't stop heat from getting in her cheeks. He was right. While the rest of his options were rotten humans, he had managed to stumble upon her temporary joke profile.

Maybe- maybe this was destiny? The idea that some random event could lead to her meeting her true love was a bit far-fetched, and she was loathe to believe it, but--

Well, he was cute. She might as well give him a shot. But she wouldn't be hasty either, she decided. Stowing away her fleeting thoughts, she settled into her seat and sent her next reply.

"Oh you’re a charmer.” she typed.

"Heh, I try. So, I like to draw. What do you like to do?"

"Well," she sent, wondering what to put. She liked training to be an assassin, but she didn't want to say that, obviously, "I'm pretty athletic, and I like to do parkour."

"Oh, that's cool. It'd be fun to draw you flipping through the air." He replied, and moments later, "Wait, that sounded weird. I JUST MEANT IF YOU WERE OK WITH IT."

It was weird, Rayla thought, but as more heat pooled in her face, she figured she didn't mind. No one had ever wanted to draw her before, after all.

She typed an answer after a moment, hesitating before sending the message. Her thumb hovered over that blue arrow, and she clenched her eyes shut as she forced the finger down, heartbeat going wild.

...

"I mean if you really want to we can meet up sometime and you can draw me?"

Callum stared at the message.

No matter how long he started, it didn't vanish, so he stared some more. After a couple of minutes, dancing dots showed up under them, showing Rayla was typing again, but the words still didn't disappear.

Then the dots did vanish, and reappear, and vanish again. Callum realized with a start that he hadn't replied.

"Oh! Um okay. That sounds like fun. When and where?"

The boy gulped, disbelieving that he was setting up a date with a random girl from Look Forum. He was similarly awestruck through the rest of the conversation, barely processing the plans the girl was making.

Next Sunday? That small village near the Xadian border? There was a clearing near there with some rock faces that were good for her sort of thing, and a nice little shop in town to dine that day as well.

Huh, "I have a date. I have a date!" Callum jumped up, "I HAVE A DATE!"

"I glad it worked out for you, but can you be quiet, Callum?" Ezran said, glaring at him from where he poked his head through the doorway, "Nobody likes a loud dork."

"Sorry, Ez."

...

Sunday came too quickly, Rayla decided. She never came up with a good excuse for Runaan and the others, so she just told them she'd be back later and bolted from the campsite.

The outcropping -- the site of her date -- was a nice little spot she had found a couple days ago as her group was travelling through. It was fun to jump around rocks and pretend like she was fighting humans atop them.

What wasn't fun, however, was seeing a human looking at his phone on those rocks when she needed to get ready.

Silently, she sneaked up behind the oblivious human, a young male by the looks. Bringing her swords up, she quickly swiping forwards, bringing the twin blades up to his neck and readying herself to intimidate him into leaving.

"Ah sorry please don't kill me I have a date today!" The boy's arms jolted upward, the phone coming clearly into view at her eye level, where she could easily spot...

... herself?

"Where did ya get tha' photo?"

His head tilted upward, and Rayla almost caught a glimpse of his face, "Oh, that's Rayla. She's my date today. She told me to meet her here, so I'm sorry if this is private property or-"

"Callum?"

The world froze around them, and Callum slowly -- cautiously, minding the swords -- turned to look at her.

"Rayla?"

"Yer a human?"

"You-you're an elf?"

They stared blankly at each other as moments passed by. The world slowly started moving again, and Rayla was reminded of those scenes in romance novels where two soulmates meet and the world falls into place.

This felt nothing like that.

"Why were you on a human dating app?" Callum asked, his accusing tone biting through their close proximity.

"Ah, I, uh, lost a bet." Rayla stammered, "Why did you talk to me?"

"I thought you were a human."

"Do I look like a human?" She snapped.

"I thought you were being funny, like with your bio."

"What do-"

"Look," He said, and Rayla was tempted to keep talking through his interruption as an unholy fury began to roar in her heart, "Can-can you put the swords down? They're really unnerving."

"What-why-why didja think it was supposed ta be funny!?" She glared at the boy in lieu of lowering her weapons, "And why wasn't it obvious that I was an elf?"

"I figured an elf wouldn't use a human dating service!"

That--that was a fair point, Rayla decided, as her anger befan to fade. She nodded slowly, her hard stare still piercing Callum's presence.

"Can-can you lower the swords now?"

Almost unwillingly, she did so.

"And, uh, you're not gonna drink my blood or anything, are you?"

"Wha? No! What do you think elves are? Bloodthirsty monsters!?"

"I don't know! I've never met an elf before! I don't really know anything about them!" He raised his hands in surrender when the swords came up to his neck again.

"Well, lesson one: we don't drink blood."

"I, uh, got it. No blood. Taste bad."

She nodded sternly, lowering her blades again and finally stowing them away. She stared at Callum for another tense moment, before turning to leave.

Runaan would definitely never hear of this.

...

Rayla wasn't entirely sure how she got here.

It seemed obvious, she had walked here with Callum, into the small village to get something to eat. She just didn't really know how that happened.

As she scarfed down her own meal, silently sneaking glances to observe Callum's impeccable manners, she thought back to his words.

"Are you still interested in eating and talking about bad food?"

She just didn't know how she got here, sitting with him in a booth and eating a meal that honestly wasn't terrible.

She had been leaving, walking away from the unfortunate encounter with the rotten human. But a nervous smile and simple question later, and here she was.

"Wow," Callum said finally, his voice cutting through the tension like a sunforged blade through butter, "I guess you don't think it's that bad, huh?" He set down his utensils and dabbed his lips with a cloth, "You got a little something... everywhere."

Rayla blushed, taking her own cloth and wiping her entire face from the top down while he chuckled.

"It's not the worst," she mumbled.

"Well, humans have plenty of much better food, if you ever want to try it."

His smile seemed to thread lightning through her veins -- not an unpleasant sort of lightning, though -- and she nearly choked on her bread.

"Maybe."

"And if you're still interested," He added hesitantly, his words trailing off into oblivion as he raised his book to the table.

He opened to a middle page and showed her a sketch -- a remarkable likeness of her from the photo she used on Look Forum, though she noticed she looked human on the paper.

"I'd love to draw you," he said, and suddenly the lightning was very pleasant.

[undertaleowl]

Expanding the Canon, chap. 2

Hey all! Here’s the second chapter, and the fic is now officially on AO3, so go to the link to read, if that’s easier for you!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027401/chapters/34837757

Expanding the Canon, chapter 2

FOUR MONTHS LATER…

Averia stood in line for the hot dogs and hot cats as she listened attentively to the twins, both talking her non-existent ears off about different topics on either side of her. It was a crisp fall day, the perfect day for her siblings to be playing at recess in their matching green and blue striped t-shirts and jeans. Today was a teacher work day, meaning the kids had the day off. Normally, she would be at work right now, but since her number one babysitter was a high school student who DID have school today, and her other younger sibling also had school today, that left her to take the day off.

It was always a pleasure to have more time with her siblings since she was usually at work from 5:00 AM to 5:00 PM. Her work hours made it so that she only had three or so hours with them until they had to go get ready for bed. Except on the weekends, then they had four hours to spend together, because the twins’ bed times were 9:00 instead of 8:00. She at least got more time with Merri, the oldest of the younger siblings. She was the equivalent of a human twelve-year-old, and so she got to stay up until 9:00 normally and 10:00 on weekends, and she would talk to her book-lover sister about her day and what movies and books were out there, and they would geek out together.

“Next up!” Averia gently pushed on her siblings’ backs to push them towards the counter.

“Think about what you want, you two,” she prodded gently. Sans the Skeleton gave her a lazy salute.

“Hey there, Ms. Averia. What brings you by so early?” he asked as he went to make her usual, her hot cat with the ends so burnt that they were charred. Averia chuckled and gestured to the two kids.

“These munchkins didn’t have school today, and normally they have lunch at 11:00 instead of 1:00, so I’m here early,” she answered, grinning at him. “Glad you were open. Wasn’t sure if you were gonna be or not.” Sans nodded in acknowledgement.

“Oh, you know me. I can be here early since I can do the job with my eyes closed,” he replied. Averia breathed out a laugh.

“Are you sure you actually do the job with your eyes closed, or is that your excuse to sleep when you’re supposed to be working?” Sans was about to respond when he heard two amazed “whoa’s” come from either side of Averia.  

“Can you really work while sleeping, mister?” the little girl skeleton asked while wringing her hands, obviously in awe. Sans’ smile became a little softer when he saw the little girl flush purple when he nodded yes to her question.

“That’s SO cool! How do you do it?” the little boy skeleton interjected before Sans could answer, practically jumping up and down. Lato's skull kind of reminded him of Papyrus while his eye sockets were wider, like Sans' own. Averia chuckled and ran her fingers down the back of the boy’s skull.

“Lato, Mr. Sans is just-” Loud, theatrical snoring from the stand interrupted her, and blue magic levitated hot dogs and hot cats onto the grill while condiments were also floating at the ready. The twins giggled while Averia smirked with her arms crossed, her phalanges tapping on her humerus. Her hot cat floated over to her, along with Lato’s and Lora’s plain hot dogs. Sans opened his eye sockets and winked at them.

“Like that, kiddos.”

Averia finally decided, “To hell with it,” and played along. “Mr. Sans is a skeleton of many talents. Now what do you two say to Mr. Sans?”

“Thank you, Mr. Sans,” the kids intoned in unison before taking their hot dogs and rushing to the nearby oak tree, where there was a purple and white checkered blanket spread out for them. She chuckled softly, shaking her head slightly before she looked back to Sans, who regarded her little brother and sister with a warm, content look on his face. She would try to guess why later. They were still only acquaintances, after all, so it would be rude if she asked.  

“You know, you’re the first one I’m coming after if Lora or Lato begin sleeping in class while trying to listen to the teachers,” Averia stated, trying and failing to keep her tone serious. Sans shrugged.

“Welp, wouldn’t exactly be a bad thing,” he replied before winking again at her. Averia raised both bone brows and was about to ask what he meant by that when he added, “I’d just give you a free hot cat, and you’d let me off the hook.” Averia felt her cheek bones heat up, nearly glowing green, as he snickered at her. “You’re not as much of the strict librarian that you pretend to be, Ms. Averia.”

The petite skeleton librarian went to retort, but she was interrupted by an unfortunately VERY familiar voice shouting, “Hey thief! How about you do a decent thing for once in your life and stop running?!” Averia closed her eye sockets in exasperation and sighed. Out of instinct, she put her leg behind her and tripped the perp trying to get away. On cue, Armata rushed by in her navy blue uniform and tackled the other skeleton, putting handcuffs on him. The broad and big-boned woman took her role as the first monster police officer very seriously, and the dark circles under her eye sockets revealed that she hadn’t slept in a while. Averia made a note to force her to sleep later in the day or in the week.

“Aw, come on, doll face, it ain’t like the dead broad was gonna miss whatever was taken!” This time, it was Sans who closed his eye sockets and sighed. The handcuffed skeleton must have been one of Sans’ alternates, based on the other’s reaction, the handcuffed man’s short stature, and the identical eye socket shape. Only in contrast to Sans’ blue hoodie, this Sans wore a sweater with a black leather jacket with a fur hood, despite the 60 degree Fahrenheit weather. The other Sans met Sans’ eyelights and brightened. “Classic! Buddy, chum, amigo! Can you please tell the psycho police lady that there’s been some sort of mix-up and that I’d never do anything that bad?” The two female skeletons looked at Sans expectantly, and Sans felt a little bit of sweat drip down the back of his skull.

“I’ve never seen this guy before in my life,” Sans lied, you know, like a liar. Averia had to avert her face to the ground to keep herself from laughing at the obvious falsehood as the alternate growled in the back of his throat.

“Classic, you are fucking dead to me. When I get outta these cuffs, I’m making you pay,” the alternate Sans growled. Sans shrugged while Armata tightened the magic-repressing cuffs, yanked him up to stand on his feet, and scowled at the back of the perp’s skull.

“The only one who’s paying is you, bucko.” Armata turned to Averia and grinned, her cheeks flushed a light pink from the running. “Morning, Avie! Beautiful Autumn day, right?” Averia chuckled.

“I guess so, though I don’t want to keep you from doing your job by talking about what a good day it is,” she tried to coerce, continuously glancing at the arrested skeleton, who seemed to be growing more and more irritated. However, the bulky skeleton woman just waved her free hand as the other hand held the middle chain of the guy’s handcuffs to prevent him from escaping.

“Ah, this bozo isn’t going anywhere. I never see you unless I go to the library, and when I do, you don’t wanna talk to me,” Armata whined. Averia raised both of her bone brows, amused and exasperated at the same time.

“It’s because I work at a library, Ari. Literally, it is the only place where being quiet is an expectation and a rule, so I can’t make an exception for you just because we’re friends. It would be like if I committed a crime, and I told you not to arrest me,” Averia scoffed. Armata responded with a scoff of her own.

“You’re too much of a good-two-bones to do anything like that, so that’s a stupid comparison. Seriously, how have you been? How are the kiddos?” Averia finally caved to her friend’s enthusiasm and giggled.

“Kiddos are fine. Lora and Lato are over on the blanket by the tree.” She motioned over to the two children as they talked with their mouths full, causing Armata to laugh while Averia winced at their lack of manners. “They didn’t have school today, so I took the day off to hang out with them. It’s been nice. Poor Merri had a presentation in her Human World History class today, so the kid will have cookies waiting for her when she gets home,” Averia answered, her voice pitching a little lower sympathetically. Armata hummed in understanding.

“Poor kid. So tell me, sweetie bones, does the fear of public speaking run in the family, or is it a learned trait?” Averia glared at her friend for the comment. “Come on, Avie, it’s an honest question! You’re a grown-ass woman, you don’t even have to speak in public anymore, so why’s it still have you and now your younger sister all fucked over?” Lora and Lato rushed over to them, grinning. Armata grinned down at them. “Hey, who are these big munchkins? I don’t think I’ve seen them around before!” Lora giggled.

“It’s us, silly Ari!” Armata fake gasped.

“No,” she said in fake disbelief. Lato smirked.

“Better believe it, Ari. Also!” He pulled out his wallet, opened it, and pushed it into her side. “Swear jar, two times. One dollar, please!” Armata scowled and fished in her pocket for some loose change. By some miracle, she found four quarters and dropped them into the kid’s wallet.

“Jesus fuck, this is so corny that this could be in family sitcom that airs in the early morning ‘cuz nobody fucking wants to watch that shit. Just get me outta here already,” Sans’ alternate self griped. Armata grit her teeth and dug an elbow into his spine. “Ow, fuck!”

“Are we allowed to ask him for money for the swear, Avie?” Lora asked.

“No,” all of the skeleton adults answered in unison, even the alternate Sans. Armata glared at her captive’s head.

“You don’t even get to think of corrupting these beautiful skellie angels by talking to them. Come on, bastard.”

“Swear jar!”  

“Take an IOU, kiddos. I gotta go work.” Armata replied, grinning wryly at them. She looked in Averia’s direction. “Milonga’s got a gig Saturday. I’m sending you the info, and you are coming. It’s after your shift at the library, so you’re coming, and I won’t take no for an answer!” Before Averia could respond, Armata was strutting down the street to the Ebott City police car.

“Avie? We finished our lunches. Can we go play on the playground, pleeeeeeeeeeease?” Lora begged, making her eyelights turn into stars. Averia looked at the close playground and back to her little brother and sister, who were looking at her with pleading eye sockets. Averia nodded, smiling when the two brightened and ran off, giggling.

“Stay where I can see you,” she called after them. Neither responded, so she sighed and shook her head before turning to smirk at the skeleton vendor.

“So...you have an alternate, huh? What’s that like?” she asked, barely restraining a laugh. Sans chuckled despite himself.

“The ones I’ve met are ok, even the dumbass who just got himself arrested. It’s harder to feel bonely now since I know there are other skeletons, even if most of them are my weird twins I never knew existed. I’m pretty sure my brother and I were the only skeletons in our sector,” he explained lazily. Averia cocked her head to the side.

“What sector are you from? I don’t think I’ve ever asked, sorry,” she inquired apologetically. Sans waved a bony hand.  

“Meh, it’s not like you’re the type to pry out the bare bones of my life story,” he joked, smirking a little bit when Averia failed to bite down a smile at the pun. “I’m from Sector 1. So is my bro.” Averia gave him a confused look. “What?”

“You sure you’re from Sector 1? I think I would remember a short, punny skeleton with a hot dog and hot cat cart wandering around,” she noted. Sans felt his eye lights flicker for a moment as he eyed the skeleton regular, intrigued.

“What, you’re from Sector 1? Which area? The capital? I didn’t spend too much time there, so that could be why we never ran into each other.” Averia shook her head. “No, we were in between the locked entrance to the Ruins and Snowdin Town. My aunt was a great climber, and there was this crevice that looked like a jagged crack in the ground, but it led to a canyon. That’s where we lived. We used to come out a lot more often, but then someone decided to build this weird bridge thing with bars. So that decreased mobility a little bit, but we came out to do major shopping in the Capital, for food and blankets and stuff.” Sans looked like he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “Mr. Sans? You ok there?” Sans decided to go with laughter apparently. Averia regarded him with the same confused expression until his laughter faded.

“Thank my bro for that. We were sentries in Snowdin Forest. That was supposed to be a gate to stop humans in case they came from the Ruins,” he finally explained. Averia’s expression must have darkened because Sans gave her a guarded look. “Look, my bro wouldn’t have intentionally hurt a fly. If we’d known there were monsters--”

“Oh, I’m gonna have some serious words with her,” she growled, interrupting Sans’ assurance. Sans cautiously reached out and poked her arm, and seemed a little bit apologetic when she jumped nearly a foot in the air, like a cat that got spooked.

“You aren’t mad at my brother for building that bridge and gate thing, right?” he asked. Averia felt her face flush the same color as her magic, a lime green.

“Oh, gosh no! Sorry, I just got lost in thought, I guess, heh heh,” she tried to chuckle, but it was obvious that she was still tense and uneasy, especially since he was still eyeing her like a bomb that might blow any moment. “My aunt just told us that the bridge was to keep bad monsters out. I’m miffed because it wasn’t anything like that after all.” Sans was still kind of gaping at her, so she just accepted her failure at socializing. “Ugh, sorry. I should really go and check on the twins. Nice seeing you again, Mr. Sans,” she rushed before practically sprinting off, almost barreling over a human child with a purple and blue striped sweater, and was that the former queen with them!? She rushed past even more quickly as the human child and Toriel went to Sans’ stand.  

She REALLY needed to learn how to not daydream or get lost in thought while she was talking to someone.

[ncityislove]

Mini Skirt

➳Genre: smut smut smut smut

➳Warning: obviously sexual content, cursing

➳Word Count:3k+

a/n: I don't really like this one but I'm working on a better one rn so look out for that and send requests if you want

It was another cold December morning and a cool breeze sent a wave of goosebumps over your exposed flesh. Unfortunately, you made a bet with your closest friend, Jimin, to steal the scented markers your little sister was a tiny bit too fond of. So last night, you stealthily snuck into her room while she was in the bath and swooped them up. You waltzed into the living room to show the markers off to Jimin, sticking your tongue out at him, but when he snatched the markers to inspect them, an evil smile spread across his face. You frowned at his expression, "What's with the look? I won." Before any more could be said, your baby sister came stomping in the living room with her pink sticky robe littered with cartoon frogs wrapped around her. 

"Where's my markers! I know it was you two!!"

Jimin tried to stifle his laugh but it was no use. He took one glance at the pouty-mouthed little girl and he was flailing his body all over the room. You sighed. 

Your sister's eyes landed on the handful of marked in Jimin's closed fist and snatched them with all her might. "Don't you ever try to take my second most favoritest markers ever again," she said. 

"That's not a word, first of all, and second, since when did your scented markers become your second favorite?" You asked. 

"These aren't my scented markers, you idiot! These are my Crayola super markers!" and with that, she stomped off to her room. Jimin burst into another round of laughing fits and you shuddered at what was to come. 

Now, though, you stood in the school parking lot shivering your ass off in a bright red mini skirt and a crop top. This was the punishment you served for losing the bet. Never in a million years would you have been caught wearing a skirt, especially a mini skirt. They were uncomfortable and you didn't like catching the sleazy high school boys eying your legs thinking disgracefully sinful thoughts about you. You stuck to jeans and a tee most of the time, so this was far beyond your comfort zone. 

People parked their cars and chattered with their friends, some pausing to stare at you before entering school. 

'Five more fucking minutes. Just five more then I can get the hell out of here.'  You thought to yourself. 

Then that's when something happened that you never expected. A shiny black Benz pulled into the parking space right next to you and lo and behold the most beautiful man in existence stepped out. His large and toned frame took three long steps (which would normally take you about five steps) to the passenger's side. His raven locks slid over his eyes as he opened the door and a girl wearing all black took his hand and got out of the car. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders before coming in your direction. 

The girl threw her head back in laughter at something the boy said and a smirk played on his lips at her reaction. When his eyes landed on you, you froze on the spot, quite literally. His dark eyes never left yours as he got closer and closer. The girl was talking about something and laughing but the boy didn't appear to be listening, as his eyes were on you. And that's when he passed you but mumbled "Hey, y/n." before disappearing through the school doors. 

You managed to blink at this point. "Hi...Jungkook," you said even though he was long gone by now. Your heart pounded against your chest. Jungkook wasn't the most popular guy in school but he was definitely the hottest. He refused to go to parties or attend the basketball games or anything the popular kids did at all for that matter. He was friends with them of course but only hung out with them at each other's houses. At least that's what Jimin told you, but it wasn't like he could know for sure anyhow.

The bell echoed outside the building, knocking you out of your thoughts and you ran inside in relief. You squeezed through the sea of people and headed to your first class of the day, anatomy. You took your usual seat and rubbed your bare arms in an attempt to stop your violent shivering. Jimin paused by the doorway to peek in and giggle at you then walked away. You cursed him in your head as you continued to rub your arms frantically. 

"He doesn't seem like a very good friend," said a deep voice behind you. You jumped. A familiar sculpted face came into view with a heart-stopping smile attached to it. 

"Oh n-no, he's really cool he ju--" 

"It was a joke," he said laughing. 

"Oh," you said, blushing. 

"Here," he chirped, wrapping his black leather jacket around your shoulders.    

You opened your mouth to protest but he put his finger to his lips, stepping backwards to his seat on the other side of the room. 

The second bell sounded, which meant you had no choice but to wait to return his jacket. Not that wanted to keep it or anything...

The teacher began his lesson on identifying body cavities, but you couldn't pay attention. You kept thinking about how odd it was that Jungkook of all people had talked to you today. He never did before and you almost choked when you thought of the sound of your name rolling off of his lips. Was he flirting with you just now?

'It must be the skirt.' You thought. 

The normal reaction would be irritated at a guy only talking to you because of a skirt you were wearing but for some reason, your heart fluttered at the thought of him. He wasn't such a big deal to you before but now... but now his charming toothy smile was permanently glued in your brain. And when you looked over and caught his gaze on you, you felt an odd sensation in your stomach. 

Before you knew it, class was over and a smiling Jungkook was hovering over your shoulder. 

"You know the bell rang a while ago," he said. 

You looked around to see the class empty except for the teacher and of course you two. You were so deep in thought, you didn't even notice. 

You started to clear your desk but Jungkook grabbed your belongings from you and carefully placed them in your book bag for you. 

"C'mon, I'll walk you to your next class."

You hesitantly stood and followed him out the door. You both walked in silence before your curiosity made you speak. 

"Why are you being so friendly?"

Jungkook looked shocked by the question at first but he recovered quickly and his almond eyes glittered as he smiled at you. 

"Because I need a favor." 

"A favor?" You repeated. 

"Yeah, you're pretty smart, right? I need you to tutor me for the test tomorrow." There was a test tomorrow? You really should've been paying attention in class today. 

"Can't you get someone else though? You hardly know me at all," you said, halting your steps, as you’d reached your next class. 

Jungkook's smile widened. "But I want you to tutor me." 

"But-" 

"Shh," he said putting his fingers on his lips once more. "So it's settled. You're my new tutor."

"Come to my place after school. Your buddy Jimin knows where I stay; he'll drive you there. And don't forget to bring my jacket," he said turning in the opposite direction. 

You looked down at the large jacket hanging on your shoulders and back up at Jungkook who was now chatting with his best friend, Taehyung. What the hell just happened? Did he really just invite you to his house? And how does Jimin know where Jungkook lives? You trotted to your second period but your mind was still stuck on Jungkook.

You waved at Jimin as he drove off down the street. Your head spun as you made your way down the brick path that led to a large cabin. Apparently, Jimin and Jungkook were childhood friends but drifted apart in high school. Why he never mentioned that before, you didn't know, but at least you had an explanation. 

Your hands shook as you neared the burgundy door and you hesitated to push the doorbell. You suddenly wondered why you forced Jimin to bring you here. He kept insisting you didn't go but wouldn't tell you why. He must've had some logic behind that right? You decided not to go after all. You were on the last stoop to the large porch went the door flung open.  

"Where are you going?" asked Jungkook. 

"Umm.." 

"Never mind just get in here. My brain is going to explode if you don't help me soon," he mumbled as he grabbed your arm, dragging you into the large house. It was different from you expected. Well, you weren't expecting anything actually, but you didn't think it would look the way it did. 

The living room mirrored a pop art painting. The couch was bright purple and the coffee table was a cherry red color, which surprising looked good together. Each wall was a different color contrasted by the plain, dark hardwood floor. The room was so colorful that Jungkook, dressed in all black, stood out. Pictures of a young boy sharing the same smile that Jungkook bared, were hung all on one wall. Some had him posed professionally and others had him showing off a trophy or a medal of some sort. 

Jungkook continued to tug your hand until you reached the kitchen where the island was flooded with papers and half-finished worksheets. He pulled out a stool and motioned for you to sit. When you did, he sat next to you and rummaged through his unorganized book bag, looking for something.  

"Is it okay if we work down here? We can go to the dining room if you want," he said. 

"Here is fine," you replied. 

Jungkook sighed and tossed his book bag to the ground. "You don't happen to have an eraser do you?"

"Yeah, let me check."

    You pulled out your pencil pouch and handed him an oversized eraser. He chuckled at it before he took it, and you would've asked why he laughed at your eraser if you weren't so distracted but your fingers brushing. He hunched over his worksheet and erased a few of his answers before turning to you. 

"You changed."

You scrunched eyebrows in confusion. 

"Your clothes. You're wearing jeans now."

"Oh! Yeah, it wasn't my choice to wear it, to begin with."

He smirked. "Then why'd you wear it?"

"I lost a bet."

Jungkook scoffed. "Jimin has always been a pervert."

Your hand flew to your mouth as you tried to contain your laughter and Jungkook looked at you with amusement in his eyes. 

"Too bad you changed though. I really liked it on you." 

You felt your face heat up and Jungkook was clearly satisfied by your reaction because he winked at you before sliding his worksheet closer to you. 

"So, I don't get this part," he said pointing at the paper. "What's the synonym for anterior and posterior."

"It's in the textbook, dummy. It's called the dorsal and ventral, see?" you said pointing at a diagram on the paper. 

The raven-haired boy tilted his head like a puppy and your stomach churned at his cuteness. 

"This is dumb," he said filling in the answer. 

"It's not, you just have to read the textbook," you said smiling. 

"Nah, let's just take a break," he said returning the smile. 

"So, about that bet..."

"Oh god," you said rolling your eyes. 

"What?" he said chuckling. 

"You're obsessed with that skirt."

"I am not!" he said poking your side. 

"Don't poke me," you said pushing him lightly. 

"Hey!" Jungkook yelled standing up to push you back. 

You pushed him back harder except maybe it was a little too hard because you lost your balance and the chair tilted over causing you to slide off of it. You yelped expecting to feel the cold tile floor on your face but instead, a pair of strong arms caught you mid-fall. You looked up to see Jungkook gazing at you with a concerned look in his eyes, an expression you've never seen on him before. 

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure are clumsy," he said in a teasing tone. 

You scoffed. "I know."

There was a silent pause and you realized how close you two were. His face was mere centimeters from yours and your heart started to race so loud you were sure he could hear it. Jungkook slowly stood up, making sure you were perfectly balanced on your feet but didn't release his grip on your sides. You stared at each other wordlessly and a blush crept into your cheeks. 

"You can uh... let go now," you said nervously biting your lip. You were afraid if held you any longer, he would surely feel the hard drumming of your heart if he couldn't already. 

"How can I let you go when you're looking at me like that?" He said as his eyes darkened. Your lips parted in surprise. 

"God, you don't even know what you're doing to me." 

Jungkook's lips inched closer and closer until they landed on yours. His pillowy lips moved gently against yours as he turned your body so that your chest was on his. 

He kissed you so long and passionately that you're legs turned to mush. He grabbed your hips and pushed against the counter just as you were about fall. His grip became tighter as the kiss slowly morphed from gentle to rough. You wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you, if possible, as he slid his tongue into your mouth. You moaned involuntarily gaining a groan from him in return. Jungkook lifted you onto the counter with ease, leaving trails of kissing down your neck as he did so. 

"God, I wanna fuck you right here on this counter so fucking bad," he said, panting. 

"Do it." You said surprising the both of you. 

A devilish smile played on his lips before his mouth crashed back onto yours. His hands roamed under your shirt as he began to grind his hard member against your crotch. The friction was heavenly and you whimpered in pleasure.  

"I really wish you still had on that tiny skirt," he mumbled against your lips.

"I think it's still in my book from ear--"

Jungkook immediately pulled away making you stop mid-sentence and frown. He dropped your book bag next to you on the counter.

"Put it on."

You looked at your bag then back at him.

"Now." he demanded. 

You quickly obeyed and took out the neatly folded skirt. You shimmied out of your jeans revealing your lace panties and slowly slid the skirt up your legs, teasing him. 

Jungkook licked his lips, staring at the cloth covering your wet core. Once you had the skirt on, he wasted no time and lifted you back on the counter, attaching his lips on your neck down to the hem of your shirt, which he tore off of you and roughly threw on the floor. He trailed his tongue up the crevices of your breasts before he unfastened your bra throwing it across the room as well. Your bodies heated up as he moved to kiss you, twisting and pinching your nipples in the process. You swirled your hips over his now very prominent boner and he hissed in your mouth. 

Jungkook lifted your skirt so that is was bunched up at your hips and kissed in between your thighs. He sucked and nibbled on your skin, leaving behind little red marks. The feeling of his soft pink lips so close to your core was already driving you crazy and he hadn't even touched you there yet.

Jungkook suddenly licked you through the fabric of your underwear and you sighed in euphoria. His hair nuzzled your stomach as he hooked his teeth on the hem of your panties and pulled them down your leg. He bit his lip at the sight of your dripping heat. 

"Did I get you this wet?" Jungkook began to rub your clit slowly. "Huh? Did I?" he asked again. 

You hummed an answer causing a cocky smile to grow on his face.”Is that so...What if I do this?

Jungkook delved two fingers inside of you without warning. You groaned in ecstasy.

"You want more? Tell me you want more," he whispered in your ear before catching the flesh in between his teeth. 

"I...I want more," you said in between moans. 

Jungkook cocked his head to the side, pretending he couldn't hear you.  

"Please, I want...more," you begged. 

Jungkook snickered. "That's my girl."

Jungkook's face disappeared between your legs before swirled his tongue around your clit, sucking on it softly. You screamed a stream of swears which only made him want to make you scream louder. He was determined to make you cum and by the way you moaned his name it seemed like you were getting pretty close. 

You entangled your fingers through Jungkook's hair, tugging at it roughly, causing him to moan and send heavenly vibrations through your body. Jungkook pushed his fingers back into you, curling and scissoring your walls like there was no tomorrow. 

"Mmmm" you moaned. 

"That's it, baby. Moan for me," Jungkook grunted. 

Jungkook sped up his fingers, making you cry out his name over and over. It was then that Jungkook couldn't wait any longer. He had to get inside of you and he had to do it quick. He could've came to the sounds of you screaming his name alone. Jungkook hastily unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, along with his boxers, to his ankles in one swift motion. His dick hit his stomach and you licked your lips hungrily, mesmerized by his size. 

You folded your legs under you so that you were sitting on your knees and grabbed Jungkook's shirt and pulled him to you so that you were face to face. The sudden act of dominance turned him on even more and he planted his lips onto yours, kissing you briefly. You bent down to level yourself to Jungkook's rock hard cock and licked the pre-cum off of his pink tip. He took in a sharp breath as you moved your tongue on his writhing member. You took him into your mouth bobbing your head up and down his shaft and he grunted in appreciation. His tip hit the back of your throat, making your eyes water. 

Jungkook took your hair long hair and gripped it tightly into a temporary ponytail as you took more and more of him into your mouth. 

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath. 

Jungkook pushed your head down forcing you to take in his entire length. Your nose touched his stomach and he cursed loudly. You tried to come up for air but he yanked your hair, taking full control and began thrusting himself into your mouth roughly. 

"I bet you like this don't you? You like me fucking your mouth like this?"

You looked up at him, tears in your eyes, humming in agreement. 

"Shit, I'm gonna cum if you keep looking at me with those pretty y/e/c eyes," Jungkook said, pulling you off his dick. 

"Lay down and spread your legs," he husked. 

You laid your back against the cold counter and Jungkook lifted your legs over his shoulders, impatiently. He paused at your entrance looking at you one last time before slamming into you. 

"Oh my--fuck!" you yelped. 

Jungkook grunted as he slid in and out of you over and over. Your tits bounced every time he thrusted into you and the only sound that could be heard was your skin colliding. He filled you up so completely and so well that you saw stars. Small noises escaped your throat as Jungkook pushed deeper into you. 

Jungkook didn't hold back as he buried his cock in your walls. His messy hair jumped with life with every thrust and sweat trickled down his back, making his shirt stick to his body. You pulled him in for a kiss and he moaned in your mouth when he tasted himself on you. He bit your bottom lip and sucked on the sensitive skin on your neck sending you over the edge. 

"I'm g-gonna cum, Jungkook," you whined. 

Jungkook pumped his dick into you faster than before, making your toes curl. Your breathing became heavier as you neared your orgasm and you could tell Jungkook wasn't far behind either. His eyes never left yours as he watched your face flooded with pleasure and lust. He wrapped his large hand around your throat holding you down. 

"Oh, Jungkook!" you screamed. 

"Scream it louder, baby. I want the whole fucking neighborhood to know how good I'm fucking you," he said. 

"Jungkook! Shit, oh yes, right there," you moaned. 

Jungkook lifted you up a little to get a better angle and pumped himself into you, hitting your g-spot. 

"Fuck y/n, I'm almost there."

With a few more sloppy thrusts, you came long and hard on his dick and Jungkook came a few moments after. 

Jungkook pulled out of you and propped his elbows up on the counter, breathing hard. 

"Damn," he sighed after catching his breath. 

Your body was too exhausted to move and you were one-hundred percent sure you would be sore the next day. 

"We should study together more often," Jungkook said smirking

. You attempted to respond but you were too exhausted to even move your lips. 

Jungkook stood up after composing himself. “I can definitely learn a lot from you," he said slapping your ass before retrieving your scattered clothing.

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Unadulterated Crack Part 1

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x Reader

warning: None yet...I think? 

word count: 3,337 

Author’s note: This is unedited for the most part...I have no idea what I’m doing btw.  It’s based of several imagines, but I don’t know how to like, site those yet. Also this is this is only part of the whole fic, I didn’t think anyone would like to read a 45,000+ word fic in one go. Also the is just a working title ....uhh so here *slides fic cross table and runs away*

--- Part 1 (here)--- Part 2 --- Part 3 --- Part 4 --- Part 5 --- Part 6 --- Part 7 --- Part 8 --- Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 — Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 --- Part 18 --- Part 19 --- Part 20 --- Part 21 ---

   The company chatted away, waiting for Bilbo to regain consciousness,when they heard a horse scream and the thundering of hooves. Everyone fell silent, Bag End practically vibrated with each hoof beat. Gandalf grumbled, "About time they got here," getting up and going to the door.

     Thorin demanded, "Who got here? What is coming?" Closely following the old wizard to the door.

     Gandalf rolled his eyes, and groaned, "The other company member, they probably ran into trouble on their way here." As he opened the door.    Moments later a monstrous black draft horse with a rider in a black hooded cloak came thundering up to the front of Bilbo's house. Thorin felt rather intimidated for his head was level with the center of it chest. The beast reeled up on its hind legs and let out an ear piercing scream. The rider yelled, "Whoa there Wilhelm!" as they pulled on the reins in attempts to get the horse under control. It took a minute to achieve, but 'Wilhelm' eventually settled down. Gandalf hollered, "That beast of your's is going to get you killed."

    The rider looked down at Gandalf, shrugged, and started to stroke the beast's neck. Gandalf sighed, "Tie him up and come inside." 

     Thorin caught sight of the rider's hand in the moonlight, the skin was fair and smooth. A woman of the race of men, or an elf? Since he couldn't see their face due to the hood, he decided, based off the rider's height, that they were a male elf. Thorin barked, "I will not travel with an elf!"     The rider cocked their head, and a smooth voice purred, "Oh really?" giving Thorin the shivers. It was a female, she was tall for a she-elf. By her voice alone Thorin wanted nothing more then to hold her, and never let go. It made him uneasy.   

    Thorin said, "You'd get hurt, and drag us down."

   The rider sighed, "I'm not an elf, Thorin."     "I find that very hard to believe." Thorin snorted.

    The 'she-elf' pulled down her hood revealing a head of wild and vivid bright blue and purple hair. She smirked, and chuckled, "Believe me now?" 

   Thorin and the rest of the dwarves stood there in awe of her hair. Thorin was the most effected, her hair was his favorite shade of blue. Gandalf growled, "Hurry up woman." Thorin wanted nothing more then to braid her hair over and over and over again. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, she turned her attention to the old wizard and nodded her head. She gracefully dismounted the horse, and took his reins, and led her horse into the gate.  

    She pulled Wilhelm's head down to her level and said, "don't go on that hill," pointing at Bilbo's house, "and help yourself to his garden." Before walking over to the group gawking at her by the door. Gandalf noticed their staring and snapped, "Get back inside you fools!"

     You chuckled as the dwarves scurried in to the hobbit hole and followed them in. Once inside Gandalf grumbled, "Why were you late?"

     "A woman is never late, nor is she early, she arrives exactly when she means to." You replied cockily, shooting him a smile.

     He rolled his eyes, and led her to the sitting room. You sighed, "But to answer your question, I ran into a bandit about three hours ago, he attempted to pull me off Wilhelm."

     This news made anger broil in Thorin's belly, he said, "What happened?" trying to hide his rage under a cool facade.

     You snorted, "It was fine, I kicked the dude in the face, and rode off. He hopped on his own horse and chased me, but I lost him after about an hour and a half, that he gave up. I unfortunately had to go off road, which ended up with me getting a wee bit turned around, luckily I found the road again after about thirty minutes."  

   "Lass if ye don't mind me asking, why was yer horse in such a panic when ya' arrived?" Balin inquired. 

    You shrugged, "He's scared of snakes, and one fell out of a tree and landed on his snout. He lost his shit, and started running like a lunatic."

     Gandalf muttered, "Ladies shouldn't use such foul language."

     "Oh blow me, old man." you retorted much to Gandalf's displeasure.

    Thorin had no idea what 'foul' word you used, but he guessed it was the one he was unfamiliar with, 'shit' he believed it was. Kili said, "She didn't say any curses words, what are you talking about?"

     Gandalf sighed, "The thing you should know about Lady (Y/N) is that she is more or less from a different world then our own. I have been taught most things about her culture, but the inappropriate word he just used is a rude term for fecal matter."

     '(Y/N) that is her name.' Thorin thought, as Ori said, "What do you mean that she is from another world?" in his rather nasal voice.

     "I was born in another reality, another dimension, and another time." You explained, "one where there are no elves, orcs, hobbits, wizards, trolls, or dwarves. Just humans like myself."

     "No dwarves? If ye don't have any of those things, then how do ye know that we are dwarves, lass." Dwalin challenged her.

     She smirked and said, "Because we have the concept of those things, and because Gandalf told me. We know things like that, just like I know that Bilbo there fainted because he saw the injury clause of your contract and because Bofur told him to think of Smaug as a 'furnace with wings'. Also that Thorin was also late because he got lost twice, and that you, Dwalin, got your hand stuck in a cookie jar, and that Bombur caught a hard boiled egg in his mouth from across the table. Which was rather impressive by the way."

     Everyone went silent, Thorin felt his face grow slightly hot, she knew that he got lost on his way here. But how? Thorin was the first to speak he mumbled, "And how do you know this?" his embarrassment evident in his tone.

   You chuckled, "We know all about you, and your little 'suicide mission', Thorin, and everything it will engender. I know much about your world despite having only been here for a little under six months."

     "And why are you here?" Nori asked.

     "What did the lass say?" Oin yelled, holding up his ear trumpet.

    This triggered your memory, you pulled the hearing aids out of our bag, a walked over to Oin and put them on him. You softly said, "Can you hear me?" 

    Dwalin muttered, "Uh, lass he won't be able to hear ye when ya' speak that softly, he's a wee bit deaf." quietly,as he leaned towards you.

     Oin snapped, "Don't talk about me like I'm no' here! I heard her just fine thank you very much." smacking Dwalin upside his head.

     Thorin frowned, Oin wasn't known for his hearing, he shouldn't have been able to hear you when you spoke to him so softly. Oin laughed, "What did you do? I haven't been able to hear this well in decades!" 

  You smiled and said, "I gave you hearing aids, they amplify sound in a tone and pitch you'll be able to hear. Just don't get them wet, and you should be fine. Here is the case to put them in when you sleep." handing him the case and returning to your seat. You looked Nori and in the eye and said, "To answer your question Nori, I am here somewhat against my will, but it's fine. I am here due to your gods, I forget what you guys call their collective group, and nor do I care at the moment. They brought me here to protect three of you from dying on this quest. We would have met sooner, but I was having a test of wills against your deities."

     "I take it you lost?" Dori mused.

     You grinned at him and said, "Nope, I won, I got what I wanted, at some cost though. Let's just say, I'm coming with you guys whether you like it or not, since I can't be more than a mile away from you for the duration of the quest, that and if certain parties die I die as well. Your lives, as of this moment, are no longer your own. I am here to be a shield of sorts for them."

     "Which of us are you here for?" Bombur asked.

    To be difficult, you replied, "I can't tell you exactly who, but I'll give you a hint, they've got an 'I' in their names." not exactly wanting to say just who it was.     "That's almost all of us." Fili growled irately.

    You grinned and said, "I know."

     When Bilbo woke up he took one look at you, and his jaw dropped. You smirked and playfully flirted, "What? See something you like?" Making anger flare up in Thorin's gut. Bilbo blushed and mumbled something under his breath that sounded like, "so what if I did?" Engendering a knot to form in Thorin's throat. Thorin leaned forward, and glared daggers at the hobbit. You went and made Bilbo a cup of tea, and returned to watch the dwarves sing their song, and during it you watched Thorin intently, which he felt and enjoyed. One thing you didn't like about it was all the smoke from their pipes. After the song it was bed time, the dwarves insisted on giving you the sofa, but you assured them it was too small to be comfortable for you and that Oin or Balin should have it. You pulled a blanket out of your bag and found a cozy corner to sleep in. You didn't notice Thorin settle down near you, he subtly watched you as you fell asleep. When he himself fell asleep, he dreamt sweet, yet naughty dreams about you the entire night.

     He woke up to a soft voice beckoning him back to reality accompanied by a small hand gently shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes to be graced by your smiling visage, he felt if he died in this moment, he'd die a happy man. You softly said, "Wake up sleepy head, time for breakfast." moving your other hand towards him in which you held a plate loaded with lots of food. There was sausages, toast with jam, scrambled eggs, hash browns, pancakes with syrup, and sliced apples. His mouth watered as he eagerly sat up and took the plate from you. You flashed another brillant smile, and returned to Bilbo's kitchen. Thorin didn't want you to leave, he wanted to eat with you. He hesitated to start eating, he looked around to see that everyone else was eating their own breakfast, even Bombur. He noticed Oin, Gloin, Bombur, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili were watching him rather intently. Oin, Gloin, and Bombur had a knowing look on their faces, and Dwalin looked proud and happy for him. His nephews looked at him with curiosity and excitement, like they had an idea what was happening to him, and were more than happy for him. Thorin himself didn't understand what was happening to him, and what these feelings for you were. He whispered, "What is happening to me?" in Khuzdul.

     "You've found your One, Lad." Gloin said fondly back in the same tongue.

      Ori, who had no idea of his peers' exchange, hummed, "(Y/N) is such a good cook!"

     Thorin mumbled, "She made all this?”

     Dwalin chuckled, "That she did, ya' better start to court her quickly, or I may snatch 'er up myself." Thorin glared at his friend, and took one bite of the eggs, his sour mood vanished and he groaned softly.

         You had walked into the room with your own plate just in time to hear Thorin's groan. You grinned at him, when he opened his eyes and saw your shit-eating-grin his face turned red as a tomato causing you to giggle a bit. You returned to your spot that was next to Thorin, and dug into your breakfast. Dwalin made eye contact with Thorin, who saw the mischievous look on his friend's face, and in his eyes. Thorin shot him a warning look, which of course Dwalin ignored, and said, "So lass, do ye have a lad in yer life?"

     "If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, no, people my own age from my world are typically afraid of me in some way." you replied absent mindedly.

     Everyone frowned, Oin stated, "You aren't scary in the slightest." 

     You smirked, "Not physically scary, they think I am intellectually scary. I have an unintentional habit of making people feel like idiots. That and I'm weird. So I more or less have to find like minded people to be around, or people who don't mind feeling like an idiot."

     "Well you probably won't have that problem with us." Thorin said smugly.

     You sighed, "I highly doubt that, so don't go making me promises I know you can't keep."

    Thorin grumbled, "I have at least a standard education, I should be able to keep up with you some what."

     Gandalf interjected, "Thorin, no you won't our standard education is what people in  her culture are expected to know by the time they are ten, and then the receive anywhere from another eight to fifteen years of additional education for nearly six to eight hours a day, five days a week after that. Compared to her everyone in our world is an idiot."

     You chidded, "Gandalf, be nice!"

    Thorin noticed you had changed clothes, he looked her up and down, and said, "you changed clothes." 

    "Yes, that's what people traditionally do when they've worn one set of clothing for more than eight hours." you retorted sarcastically.

     Thorin stated, "Your bag is too small to contain that blanket and a change of clothes, where did you get them?"     You grinned and replied, "Don't worry about it."     Balin said, " Lass, ye said ya had a test of wills with the Valar, what did yo' mean by that.”

     "Uh, they brought me here, and explained what they wanted me to do, I more or less agreed to it, but I wanted several things in return. They rejected my conditions, so I kind of told them to go fuck themselves. And they said that I had no right to demand what I did, to which I pointed out that they probably picked me for this task for a reason, and that I wouldn't do it unless they gave me what I wanted from them. Eventually they broke down and we negotiated terms and conditions, and here I am." you explained vaguely as possible.

     Bofur cried, "Come on lass, you've got to give us details!"

   "I don't have to give you shit, your punk ass is lucky I'm here at all, your world is incredibly inconvenient, and provides me with very little mental stimulation." you shot back.

     "Please (y/n)" Kili asked, giving you puppy dog stare with his big brown eyes. 

    "Oh god, those big brown puppy dog eyes of your's are so much more effective in person." You groaned, "Fine I'll tell you, but only the conditions I demanded, and what we agreed on. One of the things I wanted was the ability to pull or replicate things from my world in this one at will, to materialize them with my mind. Because being in another world is already enough culture shock for me, plus I get home sick very easily. So this was for my own convenience, comfort, and amusement. They granted me this ability in return for basically being almost physically bound to one of you, not saying who though, for as long as I live. Meaning I can't be physically more than mile from them, at least for the next year.  Another ability I wanted was to be able to painlessly and physically morph my appearance and body at will. I was granted this in return for my life being connected to the person I'm bound to. They die, I die, however if they die of unnatural causes not only do I die, but my soul gets completely destroyed. In return for those high stakes I got the ability to heal myself almost instantly, and heal others rapidly. Also they threw in giving someone the ability to understand my references in return for having to listen to the thoughts of the person I'm bound to. Those are the main ones." 

     "You sacrificed your own freedom for comfort." Thorin said in disbelief.

     You glared at him and said, "well I was gonna be stuck in this world whether I like it or not, and plus if you had to babysit a fifty-plus-year-old with self-destructive habits, and suicidal and reckless tendencies for a long time to prevent him from dieing, you might as well make yourself comfortable as possible. Plus the mile rule will only be in effect for a year, after that I just have to be in the same kingdom as them. Plus it's my fucking choice, not your's, not to mention you're the cause of why I'm here in the first place, Thorin. So don't you fucking judge me, asshole."     He grumbled, "Well how was I to know that I'd ruin your life with this quest?"

   You shook your head and sighed, "You didn't, and I don't really blame you, if I were to blame anyone it's Gandalf. He was the one who enabled you to do this. Plus I mainly did it because I was scared, imagine being the only person of your culture in a strange world. Plus most of the reason I agreed to those terms, is because I knew I would be of some help to someone, and that is all I've ever wanted to do with my life, help people. I may not get to return to the world I know, but that doesn't mean my life is ruined. The only way you could ruin my life was if you killed me, and I can't die now, unless a certain person dies." He was the one you were bound to, so he'd have to kill himself first, you'd have to watch him die before you were free.

     Thorin looked down at his empty plate while he was deep in thought. You were his one, but you were bound to someone in this house, he had to know who. He looked up at you and asked, "Tell us who it is."

     You quirked an eye brow at him and said, "Where is the fun in that? But I'll tell you what, I'll give you another hint if you completely drop the subject until the end of the month. Sound like a deal?" Thorin nodded his head in agreement, you snickered, "He's not a member of my species."

   "That's not fair!" He all but cried.

     "You need to be specific with what you want before agreeing to something. Otherwise people will take advantage of you." You laughed     

"Kili give her that look again." Thorin demanded.  

 Kili obied his uncle, and looked hopefully at you again, making you start laughing. Gandalf said, "alright, enough messing around, time to go get the horses, Thorin lets go." 

  "What? No, not until she tells us who it is she's bound to." Thorin protested.

 You slyly looked him in the eye, and said, "A deal's a deal Thorin, I gave you another hint, plus none of you are at risk of dieing until mid-summer, so waiting a week won't kill you. Let's go get the horses, we'll be  arriving at the Lonely Mountain barely on time as it is. There is no use in dilly dallying, plus I'm going with you." getting up.

A/N: thank you for sitting through my idiocy...

--- Part 1 (here)--- Part 2 --- Part 3 --- Part 4 --- Part 5 --- Part 6 --- Part 7 --- Part 8 --- Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 — Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 --- Part 18 --- Part 19 --- Part 20 --- Part 21 ---

[jaeminlore]

Thief Pt 3 // Park Jimin

Pt. 1 Pt. 2

- Part Three: Secrets

summary: in which prince jimin doesn’t know that his future wife is not only trying to steal from him, but is also trying to kill him.

words: 4,170

category: prince au, fantasy au

author note: i made jimin’s cousin chanyeol so that’s cool. also, tell me what you guys think, if you want! also for the sake of this story you really like math okay bye

- destinee

-

-

“I’m sorry,” Jimin said for the umpteenth time since they stopped for your little episode. He felt it was his fault, since you became faint as soon as he mentioned that you two wouldn’t be together much.

Maybe you were worried about being in a new place. A new environment and a new economy could be overwhelming for anyone.

Maybe he could calm you down by making you think of your home. “Tell me about where you’re from.”

You looked into the prince’s eyes. You seemed to search for some kind of emotion, although Jimin didn’t know which one you wanted to see.

“I live at the inn with Hobi. We take care of each other. I think I’m worried about what will happen now that we’re separated.” you told him.

Jimin’s eyes grew wide. “I d-didn’t know you were already in a relationship. I thought they only put single women in the raffle.”

“They do,” you assured the confused prince. “Hoseok and I aren’t together like that. We’re friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yep.”

“…”

“…”

-

Jimin had never been more relieved to see the palace gates in his life. His happiness showed on his face when a fond smile grew.

In excitement, he pointed out the windows at things to you.

“That’s the bakery where Mr. Kim bakes the best pastries ever. I’ll take you sometime, don’t worry. Over there is the school. All the kids can’t wait to meet you. Behind the school is a little chapel where I was thinking we could get married. My father says we should get married in the palace in front of everyone, but I kind of want an intimate service. It’s ultimately our choice, you and me.” Jimin was rambling now, but he couldn’t help it.

He had a new friend to show his world to. He couldn’t wait to get started.

You, on the other hand, barely heard anything the prince was saying. You were too busy gazing up at the humongous castle casting a shadow over the coach. With your eyes shining, you let your mind take everything in.

High turrets and towers surrounded the grey stone walls. Men paced back and forth atop the wall, with swords at their sides. Other men stood in the high watchtowers with binoculars, diligently watching for any threat. A horn sounded a ways away, announcing the prince’s return. Flags made of rich purple silk and decorated with a silhouette of the North Star waved accordingly.

The smell of the sea was strong. You had never smelt fresh seawater before. Rotten fish: yes, but fresh ocean air: no. Men and women worked on the docks, loading up ships with cargo of things you could only dream of.

“…The ships are really loud sometimes but you get used to–” Jimin trailed off when he finally noticed that you weren’t paying him any attention.

A small giggle escaped his lips as he witnessed the childlike fascination in your eyes. He suddenly felt very proud of his country, of his town.

“Do you like it?” Jimin asked, biting his bottom lip in anticipation.

“It’s beautiful,” you said. You turned to face him, “Does it always smell like this?”

“Always.”

The coach came to a halt right outside the palace. “We’re here, Your Majesty.” Jeongguk shouted from his front perch.

You made to open the door, but Jimin stopped you, his hand over yours.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Wait for Jeongguk to open it for you.”

“Why?”

“It’s his job.” Jimin said.

You didn’t like the authoritative tone in his voice, or the way he rose his eyebrows as if it was obvious how one man would serve another.

How would you know? You didn’t serve men. You never did anything without something in return. You weren’t a slave to those in higher power.

Jeongguk was, though.

Perhaps after the king and prince were assassinated, the young guard could serve the king’s nephew. Then he could get the treatment he deserves.

When the door was opened, Jeongguk offered a hand towards you, the future princess. You gave him a genuine smile and accepted it.

As soon as your boots hit the level ground, you knew you were in a different world. Already, people were passing in clothes more expensive than the very coach you were brought here in.

This heist might be more than trouble than the money it’s worth.

Two months, Y/n, you reminded yourself. You eyed Jimin out of the corner of your eye. He’ll be gone, and you’ll be back with Hoseok before they can say–

“Y/n? You coming?” Jimin said. He held out his elbow, and you gripped it as daintily as you could, pushing the venomous thoughts from your head.

The gates of the palace were swung open by two guards, and Jimin led you into the palace courtyard.

Yet again, you stood amazed as you saw the fine architectural designs. A large fountain was placed in the middle of the stone courtyard, filled with clear water and little koi fish.

Along the walls were balconies from the main castle, where guards were situated, along with men and women of the court. In the far left corner was a well, where people were gathering their daily provision of water. To the far right were a few knights, preparing their horses for some sort of scouting mission.

You let go of Jimin’s arm and ran to the fountain. You dipped your fingers in the cool water and wriggled them around, giggling as the fish swam away from you.

Suddenly, a hand gripped your arm in a vice manner and you felt Jeongguk’s breath down your neck as he let out in a hurried manner, “Just remain calm.”

“And who are you to touch my wife’s fountain?”

You turned to see a man taller than you and frightening in his posture. His eyes were narrowed.

He must’ve been the king, and yet you found it hard to imagine that Jimin and this man were related.

At the thought of Jimin, you turned back to look at him. You noticed he had come closer. “Father, she’s never been to the capitol. She doesn’t know.”

The king glared at his son for a moment before turning to Jeongguk, “Take her away from here. I don’t want to see her. And you–” he looked at Jimin. “–we’ll talk later.”

Jimin flinched and bowed his head. “Yes, Father.”

You watched him follow his father out of the courtyard like a dog with his tail between his legs.

“Let’s go,” Jeongguk whispered, grabbing your elbow and steering you away from the crowd.

The crowd had barely batted an eye towards the royal family or the confrontation that had just appeared. You wondered if this was a daily occurrence or if the people were just being courteous.

Jeongguk pulled you up a spiral staircase which led up to a corridor. It took a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the dim lights. Only a small amount of lanterns lined the walls of the hall. You followed the guard to the last room on the left, where he knocked swiftly on the wooden door before barging into the room.

A tall girl was inside, bustling around the room. “Kookie! I told you to knock!”

“Okay.”

The girl huffed and pointed at his chest with a feather duster. “I’m not done dusting.”

“Y/n doesn’t mind a bit of dust,” Jeongguk smirked at the furious girl.

You glanced between the two, unsure if that was a jab toward you or a jab towards the girl. Either way, you decided to speak up on it, “Of course I don’t mind dust.”

The girl turned towards you and shoved the duster under her armpit. Then she bowed, “I’m Minah, at your service.”

Jeongguk chuckled and whispered to you, “She’s your maid.”

“Yah!” Minah swatted Jeongguk with her duster. “Don’t forget that I’m older than you, and I can beat you up.”

“I’ve had knights training,” Jeongguk boasted.

“My father is your teacher.” Minah retorted proudly.

You broke away from the bickering couple to look around what you assumed to be your new bedroom.

The walls were stone, yet covered in hanging tapestries of intricate designs in the most beautiful colors. Ivory furniture was distributed evenly around the large room. An entire section of the room was dedicated to beauty, complete with a vanity, a wardrobe, a bath, and a screen to dress behind. A large canopy bed rested against the center wall, covered in deep purple silks and golden tassels. Two wardrobes filled with fine clothes took up the opposite wall, save in between them, where a door led to a balcony.

“This is all mine?” You asked, amazed.

Minah scoffed, “Of course. You can’t be the fiancée of a prince and live in a nobleman’s home, can you?”

You didn’t answer for lack of words.

“I am your servant, so ask me for anything and I am obligated to make sure you get it.” Minah told you.

Jeongguk smiled, “And I am the royal guard for you and the prince. Any time you wish to leave the castle, I will escort you.”

You looked up at Jeongguk, “Speaking of him, where did Jimin go?”

“Er…” Jeongguk glanced at Minah for help. “Just a bit of royal discipline.”

“The king isn’t a bad person,” Minah interjected, seeing the confusion on your face, “he is just teaching the prince certain rules that he must follow before he becomes king.”

“Oh.” You still found yourself feeling queasy. You figured it must’ve been from the long ride to the castle. “May I sleep for a while?”

“Of course,” Minah said, ushering Jeongguk out the door. “I’ll wake you for dinner.”

-

“One more time,” the king instructed his son.

Jimin stopped out of pure exhaustion and let his sword fall limp at his side. “Father, I can’t…”

“You aren’t going to dinner until you get the move down. Look at Chanyeol, he’s already finished with his training, and he’s not even going to be king!”

Jimin bowed his head in shame. Being compared to his cousin daily was something he felt he would never get used to. He wasn’t like Chanyeol. He wasn’t a strong and mighty warrior. He couldn’t fight an army of men by himself, that’s not how he was made.

Unfortunately, Jimin’s father could never see that.

“Again!”

Jimin sighed in defeat as he brought his sword up once again and repeated the move he had been taught.

By his tenth try, he finally accomplished what he had set out to do. Now exhausted and drenched in sweat, he shuffled over towards his father and picked up a towel set out for him.

As he wiped his face, his mind travelled to you, and he caught himself wondering if you had had dinner yet.

“Father?”

“Yes?”

Jimin cleared his throat. Now’s as good a time as any.

“Why do I have to marry Y/n?”

His father’s head shot up and he watched his son suspiciously. “It’s the law.”

“But why is it the law?” Jimin pushed, “I don’t understand.”

The king stood up, towering over his son. Then I’m a low and terrifying voice, he threatened, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to answer to.”

Jimin bit his lip, thinking he should’ve kept quiet. “Yes, Father.”

-

You sat upon a soft pink cushion as Minah served you a large dish. “Fresh squid from the market, cooked the way the prince likes it.”

You paused, your utensils in hand, “Will he be joining me?”

Minah wrung her hands together. “I’m sorry. The prince has special appointments and can’t eat with company.”

“Why not?”

“The king says it slows him down. He says we mustn’t let Jimin eat with others–”

“Minah!” Jeongguk’s voice barked from behind the door. “Cut it out.“

Minah bowed her head. “I fear I’ve said too much. Don’t worry about him. When you two get married, I’m sure the king will let you two eat together.”

You munched bitterly on the delicious squid. Only I need to eat with him soon for my plan to work.

Your plan was simple: get the prince drunk enough to tell you a few secrets about him and his father. Then, you could use them against the pair and retrieve your money in no time.

“What do I do here?” Out genuine curiosity and boredom, you glanced up at Minah. “I can’t stay in this room all day, can I?”

Minah seemed relieved that you had changed the subject. “We’ll begin preparing for your wedding in a week, just so you can get used to everything first. Until then, you can accompany me on my duties, or you can make Jeongguk take you on a tour of the castle.”

“I would like that,” you mumbled.

“It’s settled then!” Minah cheered.

You finished the rest of your food, mentality thanking the prince for having such good taste in cuisine. After Minah cleared the table, she helped you prepare for your first royal bath.

Used to bathing in an old bucket behind the inn, you were alarmed when you felt the water and found it warm. A soothing aroma wafted through the air as you sat in the large bath.

“It’s lavender,” Minah told you. You watched lazily as your maid picked a nightgown from one of the wardrobes and draped it over the dressing screen.

“And the bed pans have just been removed so your sheets will be toasty as you fall asleep.” Minah said, bowing.

You blushed in embarrassment (you wasn’t sure if you liked being served by others) and said, “Thank you, Minah. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I will be back in the morning to dress you and prepare you for breakfast.”

She bowed before leaving, and you watched her go. This life definitely wasn’t for you, you had decided quickly. Luckily, it wouldn’t last. You would figure out where any jewels and documents were on your tour with Jeongguk, then you would befriend the prince and get him drunk. In his drunken state, he would confess the weaknesses within the kingdom. You would be in and out in no time.

Of course there was the little problem that the prince seemed to always be busy.

You pursed your lips in thought. One night to make him drop his guard and give you the information. That was all you really needed. Then you would be back with Hoseok in your little debt-free inn.

With that positive thought inside of your mind, you washed up and put on your nightgown. Then you slipped under the warm covers and fell into a comforting slumber.

.

Jimin stared at his clock in despair.

It read two in the morning, eliciting a yawn from the exhausted prince. Right after he had washed up and prepared for bed, his servant had barged into his room with an apologetic smile and a stack of papers.

“What’s this?” Jimin had placed his glasses upon his nose and scanned the papers. “Repossession forms?”

“Yes, Sir,” his servant had said. “Many businesses in Krull have failed to pay their due, and we need your signature to go and repossess them.”

“Why can’t my father do it?” Jimin asked, a slight whine in his voice. Honestly, he longed to crawl into his warm blankets and sleep for the few hours he could.

Again, a sympathetic smile grazed the servant’s face, “He has ordered me to pass it onto you.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

That was four hours ago. Finally, Jimin was on the last form. All he had to do was copy the form word for word and write a declaration of repossession. He sluggishly lifted the paper under the little candlelight he had to work with.

He began to read it, “Under the authority of King Park and Eden, The Jung’s Inn is to be repossessed into the property of the king…”

Jimin squinted at the form. Wasn’t that the place Y/n’s friend lived?

One thing kept replaying in the prince’s mind, and that was the sadness in your eyes when you had to leave the inn. No matter how shabby it seemed, it must have been important to you. It must’ve been home.

Folding the paper into a neat little square, Jimin placed the form into the bottom of his desk drawer.

They would never know it was missing, and your inn wouldn’t be taken away.

With a satisfied smile on his face, Jimin blew out his candle and prepared for the sleep he desperately needed.

.

King Park stood on his balcony the next morning, observing his kingdom.

With a permanent sneer on his face, he witnessed the guard Jeongguk showing you around.

He hated that guard. The guard his wife personally choose for their son when he was an infant and the prince was a toddler.

If Jimin wasn’t already so suspicious, the king would’ve banished Jeongguk to Krull already. Far away from the castle and the king. To the land of Krull where the rest of his family lived–not that the guard knew that.

The king’s servant entered the balcony at this time and bowed to his king. “Your Majesty, the board has requested a meeting regarding…the law.”

“Ah,” the king grinned devilishly, “Excellent. The sooner the good law is fulfilled the better for me and my son.”

-

After Jeongguk showed you around the castle, he left you alone to attend to a few things. Once alone, you made your way back to the library.

Back in Krull, there was an old library with about one hundred books in it. You had already read those, of course. Now, inside of Eden’s castle was a library filled with books upon books of multiple genres and even multiple languages.

You were dying to get your hands on them.

Once you found the familiar hallway, you came to a fork in the road. Or rather, a fork in the corridor. One door on your left, and another to your right. For the life of you, you couldn’t remember which one was the library.

With a nonchalant shrug, you opened the door on the right. With a sigh of relief, you glanced at all the books around you.

“Now which book to read…” You tapped your chin in thought.

There were signs painted in the walls with little arrows pointing to each section of the library.

You saw the one labeled finances and followed the arrow.

As a well-known thief, you wouldn’t have gotten where you were now had you not been smart with numbers and currency. It was something you had a knack for, and it was something no one expected.

You knew exactly when you were being cheated in a deal, and you made sure every transaction was a fair one.

As strange as some people (mostly Hobi) found it, you enjoyed studying numbers.

“Oh!” you said in surprise as you noticed the other person in the room.

You weren’t heard by the prince, who sat with his back hunched over a desk. A quill pen rested between his fingers while he stared at the papers in front of him.

You crept over quietly and looked over his shoulder at the paper he seemed so distraught about.

The equations were all familiar to you, as familiar as your own name. It was some kind of balance for the kingdom’s finances. You had already finished three problems in your head when the prince noticed your presence and jumped.

You looked at him. An apology was at the tip of your tongue, but he was too close for you to say anything. Your noses were almost touching, and your hair was definitely brushing his collarbones through his partially unbuttoned shirt.

“W-what are you doing here?” Jimin asked. His eyes flickered all over your face before they drifted back to your eyes.

You stood up and cleared your throat awkwardly. “I was coming to get a book to read and I saw you working. I wanted to see what had you so stressed.”

Jimin opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he simply gestured to his work. “I’m just doing our weekly finances. How much we gave away, how much we got in return, that kind of stuff.”

“Can I help?” You asked.

-

Jimin couldn’t help but stare. Someone wanted to help him…with numbers?

“You want to help me sort out finances instead of relaxing and reading a novel?”

You shrugged, a small smile on your face. Jimin watched as a small light gradually grew inside of your warm eyes. “I was going to read about finances and accounting anyway, so why not help you. It’ll be a mind exercise.”

Jimin smirked. Your face flushed.

Jimin found it rather attractive that you were into something so practical like arithmetic.

His father always told him that women weren’t very interesting. That they had no interest in anything other than gossip and nylon. Jimin had never known if it was true, as the only women he had ever met were the maids, and they weren’t allowed to talk to him about anything other than his schedule.

Now Jimin once again felt himself doubting his father. How many lies had he been told?

Here in front of him was a girl who seemed willing to help him with finances of all things. You couldn’t be any different than other girls. There must be more girls and women who liked math and science, or music and literature. Why hadn’t his father mentioned them?

“Are there schools in Krull?” He asked.

You, who hadn’t noticed his inward strife, furrowed your eyebrows. “I don’t know if you would call it a school. Some of the mothers will gather all of the children and teach them all they know. Of course, the information is limited, but they learn how to read and write.”

“They learn math and science?”

“A bit. Most of them have to quit studying and start working to support their family.” You seemed personally offended at this fact, which made Jimin smile fondly.

“Do they have schools here?” You questioned.

“Yes,” Jimin smiled. “We have three different trade schools. One for arts, one for maths and sciences, and one for literature.”

“That sounds amazing,” you sighed.

“I guess so.” Jimin felt bemused. He had never really thought of school as being something some people didn’t have access too. “You can help, if you want to.”

“Great.” You pulled a lone chair up beside his, causing the prince to scoot over. “Because if you had kept going, Kim’s Bakery was going to suffer some major economic loss.”

“Ah, really?” Jimin looked at the page. He saw he had multiplied more than a few numbers incorrectly and his face flushed. “I hate this.”

“Let me do it, then,” You said. You took the paper and re-wrote the problem, explaining aloud what you was doing and how you came to the conclusion.

“Why is it so easy when you do it?” Jimin whined, absentmindedly leaning into your side.

You stilled, feeling his arm press against yours in such a friendly manner.

What are you doing, Y/n? Becoming close with the the person you’re going to help murder? Bad idea.

You leaned away from him inconspicuously. Jimin didn’t notice, and if he did, he didn’t show it. He simply settled himself beside you comfortably and watched as you fixed his mistakes.

Perhaps he didn’t know the meaning of personal space, but he kept his cheek dangerously close to yours as he watched you work from over your shoulder

“I can’t believe you’re doing this for me,” Jimin said, offering you a soft grin.

Sell it, Y/n. Make him believe. Build him up and get on his good side.

“Well, we’re going to get married soon so we have to start working together. Carrying each other’s strengths and weakness alike, right?”

Jimin stayed quiet for a long period of time, just staring at you. You stared back, wondering if you had laid it on too thick. Of course that was your job, to make the prince trust you with his life.

Until finally, Jimin breathed out a very small, “Right.”

-

As stated earlier, Jimin hadn’t been around much women.

So was it normal to feel a straining feeling in the pit of his stomach? Was it normal for his cheeks to heat up from your close proximity?

“So, that should be the last one. You seem to be good at division, but multiplication may be your downfall.” You laughed, and yet another strange feeling appeared in Jimin’s stomach.

“I-I need to go,” he choked out, grabbing his papers quickly and leaving the library.

He wouldn’t look back. He wouldn’t let you effect him in any way.

But the efforts were futile, for his heart was already beating out of it’s chest at the thought of his future wife being at his side.

- to be continued -

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Morose Mononokean 3 – 13 (FINAL) | Nanbaka 19 | ACCA 5...and anime from 2016, ranked.

(Morose Mononokean ep 3)

LOL, the kaomoji scroll.

Hopefully your handwriting won’t be illegible, Fusshi.

The Japanese place a lot of emphasis on independence, hence th errand running comment.

It’s so threatening to get pointed at with a stick.

I didn’t quite get the “five years again?” joke, but the jokes were going pretty rapid fire there. I might’ve just missed one and that’s OK. *shrugs*

Technically Ashiya lied when he said “you don’t have to believe me” because she believed him in the end…kinda sorta…?

Oh, to grandstand means to be showy. I don’t think I solidified that into my brain until just then.

Are those weeds or onions?

…Oops, not onions at all. Close enough (since they’re blub plants), though.

Where’s your dad, Ashiya?

Zenko’s not crying, you’re crying, I’m crying. Everyone’s crying!

…Oh, that’s the punchline of the joke…but Abeno’s scary when he’s really angry.

(ep 4)

I think even lil’ Fuzzy nods in the OP near the end.

The d and b thumbs are very inventive in regards to kaomoji. I like inventiveness.

Exhibit A of how Comic Sans ruins a mood, CR subbers.

So that’s Abeno’s writing (and not Comic Sans)?

Ashiya and Abeno have really creepy eyes on the eyecatch.

Shizuku means “water droplet” IIRC.

Ashiya, Super Sentai!...or something like that.

The Fuzzy Ashiya knows has 3 tails. This one only has one.

Ashiya, getting coerced into deals he can’t handle. *sigh*

(ep 5)

Fuzzy’s basically a Pokémon now.

What happened to Abeno’s jar?

Where I am, there’s three arms to the government: the legislative arm, the judicial arm and the executive arm. This show must run off a lot of the same principles.

Fuzzy seems vaguely unimpressed when Ashiya learns he doesn’t have to die.

How is that communicating with a fuzzball? Sad life for Abeno-san.

The sad thing about Abeno is that he’s very grumpy. While that does make him basically a male tsundere, his grumpiness isn’t something everyone can live with. Rippou (Legislator) included.

(ep 6)

The Ring? Like a horror movie? (This is the last of the Mononokean episodes I’ve seen before, so it’s not a horror movie, but I had to make the joke while I was at it.)

Fuzzy looks like an offering to the ancestors there on that cushion.

The Mononokean went “If you’d followed my instructions [yada yada yada] but…” Note the “but” – that wasn’t in the translation.

Where does Abeno sleep?

Fuzzy wrapped up is like a fuzzy sushi roll. I wouldn’t like to eat a fuzzy sushi roll, though.

Edo = old Tokyo…so are all Edoites (or whatever you call them) meant to be non-honorific users?

Manjiro must’ve been easy to draw if this were in the source material. However, since this is obviously a CGI Manjiro, it must’ve been easier to animate than, say, Fuzzy. (Apparently fur is hard to get right in CGI.)

“15 whole minutes”…hardly anything impressive…LOL.

Ashiya will never give you up, he’ll never let you down, he’ll never run around and desert you…

Even Fuzzy’s sweating up a storm just thinking about how to return the ring.

Ow. Getting headbutted by an eel is not the way to go.

The salve on Fuzzy looked like a box for a frame or two.

The irony of an eel shop with an eel youkai…

(ep 7)

It’s fresh impressions from here on out.

Butterflies don’t fly like that…

Since middle school is years 7 – 9…okay…Ashiya is that childish? *laughs awkwardly*

I just realised this show doesn’t do flashbacks very well.

I saw a grave in the back that said “Abe Family Grave”. It’s not the kanji for Abeno, though.

Don’t be so proud of your status as a hide and seek veteran, Ashiya.

“Yoko” is the word for a fox spirit. it’s why, in Tactics, the fox spirit is called Youko. Even I knew that much and Ashiya didn’t, LOL.

Oh right! Abeno calls Fuzzy “hairball”.

Abeno is 15?! I’m absolutely positively flipping out!...Abeno and Ashiya look like they’re 17!

(ep 8)

I thought something was up with the subs. Turns out “Haruitsuki” was spelt wrong.

Remember “–sama” is of more respect than “–san”.

I think Mr Chips from Eldlive was like this critter. Gets drunk on green tea.

Tsundere flying green youkai. That’s probably better than an annoying, possibly tsundere fairy (<- reference to One Wish They Never Wanted).

Benkei? I’ve never heard anyone yell “Benkei!” when they stubbed their toe. I get that it’s Standing Benkei though.

Aww. Even if it’s a youkai proposal, it’s so sweet…

(ep 9)

How do you spell “dispirited”? Two Ss? One?

Dangit, Ashiya would do well in job interviews…

The eyecatches always look unnecessarily dramatic, don’t they?

Does Abeno’s question about amateurs include Ashiya?

Abeno must’ve gotten a “Don’t come near my daughter again!” sort of thing a lot.

Fuzzy’s body went “boomph!” when he jumped on to Ashiya’s shoulder.

Fuzzy absolutely fails at rolling on balls, LOL.

(ep 10)

Why did I think of “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” when it came to large!Yahiko?

The title of this episode is “deku”, like Boku no Hero Academia Deku.

Rakugan.

How did the eyecatch manage to put shojo sparkles on Nobou and turn him into something that’s vaguely appealing (in a handsome sense)? It must be the magic of the shojo sparkles…Also, henohenomoheji scarecrow.

“Phantasmagoria” aka “fantasy” or “illusion”.

Wow, basically this show is an ethics lesson…

Who knew a mutant scarecrow could cause such a heartfelt story? Also, please stop hitting yourself with a potato.

(ep 11)

I don’t think I’ve seen the character for “purple” being read as shi before.

Stop using Fuzzy as a shield for your words, Ashiya.

Fuzzy jumped on to Zenko’s head. It’s kinda funny to see Fuzzy acting like a Swablu.

Fuzzy with a leaf hat is aesthetically pleasing. It soothes the soul. (Uh, hey. Come to think of it, Mononokean’s a lot like the works I’ve done on Honeyfeed, eh? Light comedy and a lotta drama.)

I keep stumbling upon spoilers for shows I’m not caught up on, this show included. So I technically knew about Yahiko and never mentioned it, and I’m going “oh no” here because I know what will happen to Ashiya…

Tomori. That was the name from the spoilers…oh no!!!

Fuzzy looks particularly round in the eyecatch.

Apparently Ashiya began as a doodle in the margin of Kiri Wazawa’s sketchbook, but he became the protag of Morose Mononokean. That’s the ultimate upgrade in life for a character, eh?

Abeno’s logic…I get it, but I guess it was played for hilarity. Well, it worked. Really well.

A 9-11. I thought it was funny at first, but now it’s scary and solemn.

Simultaneous equations? I want nothing to do with them anymore.

Come to think of it, Aoi may have been a woman due to the woman’s cloak.

(ep 12)

Oh? A sister? I’ve haven’t seen her in the show yet. I wanna see her.

One of the lil’ pine cones is sleeping. It’s strangely adorable.

(ep 13)

Yahiko’s so spoilt by Zenko.

*squints at Ashiya’s book* Oh hey. I haven’t done this in years! Yeah, that sort of stuff is “first year of high school” stuff, but speaking from experience as an advanced maths student, I have a skewed perspective of what “normal maths” is for a year level. Add that to the fact Japan has the idea that they have to push their geniuses to the limit by being ahead of their years (sometimes going up to one year ahead of the “usual” standard) and…yeah.

From the lip reading, the word could’ve been tera (Buddhist temple) or jinja (Shinto shrine). Knowing how Zenko is built off the ideas of Buddhism anyway, it’s tera.

Well, out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

Abeno looks like such a bad boy in that eyecatch, it’s hilarious.

Seriously, how does Nobou talk with no mouth?!

I thought the hand was Yahiko. Turns out it was Abeno.

Fuzzy looks downright ill when Ashiya’s scared.

A boss normally doesn’t bow his head to his subordinates, let alone call them “lord” (dono), which is the highest type of honorific one can give to a person.

See, the kaomoji scroll really is fun. If someone could make one for me, I’d love to play with it for a little bit. Maybe you could make a (computer?) program that could function mostly the same way…huh. That’s a good idea, actually.

Notice the Mononokean uses “watashi”. I guess it doesn’t have much of a gender anyway.

Nice hat, Ashiya. (LOL.)

Welp, that’s the final episode of all my 2016 anime. I moved the top 10 anime of 2016 to the bottom of this post for the surprise factor, but knowing my reactions to the anime means you can’t be too surprised by the results.

(Nanbaka 19)

Honey’s still on arrow mode.

The scream. It’s like a horror movie, but so funny because it overlays the OP.

The sparkles actually helped viewers see something for once.

Rokuriki. So that’s the guard’s name. It has “six” in it.

Deer hook swords. I’m not quite familiar with them but they look cool.

I only just realised, but they left Nico behind in the supervisor’s office.

The rubble is so beautifully rendered.

What was Jyugo doing behind the pots? Something for humour, I suppose, because I laughed.

“Hachiman” can mean 80000.

Kawaisouni… translates to “unfortunate” or “how unfortunate” but I probably wouldn’t peg it as “poor baby!” like the subbers did. It’s probably the tone Uno used that caused them to sub it the way they did.

Here we go again with this Jyugo comeback from episode 1…

It’s around the part where Upa’s trash talking Hachiman that you can identify Upa’s VA is Yuu Kobayashi (SGRS’s Konatsu’s VA). Even Nico is voiced by a dude and yet Upa is not.

(ACCA 5)

Seriously, this blue haired guy (Magie) reminds me of Japan from Hetalia. Must be the haircut.

How does a guy not remember toast? Probably because this is of Japanese origin, where rice and fish are more common than bread.

I still think his name should be Gene Otus.

CGI fits flawlessly into this style, and if you’ve been around these parts long enough, you know I don’t like obvious CGI.

Dowa Travel.

Hotel Akevitt. They have some weird names in this show.

Reindeer…? I’m not very good at identifying deer vs reindeer.

I heard you like wheat bread, so I put some wheat bread in ACCA to keep you happy, Jean. (insert more memes about wheat bread here)

Lotta really likes walnuts, eh?

Crow/Nino’s a free agent hired by Grossular, right?

Ah. I get it. Lotta’ll keep an eye on Nino for Jean.

Isn’t a sandpiper a bird?

Oh. So that’s why Grossular has such long hair.

Lilium’s bro? Gotta remember him for later.

Grossular’s an older Kyosuke Kuga, LOL.

 Anime of 2016, Ranked

Since I have 17 entries this year and it took a lot of shuffling to get right, I’ve decided to show my entire 2016 rankings. Only shows I saw in their entirety at least once over in 2016 (with the exceptions of D Gray Man Hallow and Morose Mononokean, which are applicable through the simulcast commentary process but were only watched to episode 6 before 2016′s end, and fall anime, which due to being AFK at 2016′s end were unfinshable until 2017), and had at least one new seasonal entry in 2016, apply:

17. Prince of Stride Alternative

16. Mr Osomatsu s2

15. D Gray Man Hallow

14. Kiznaiver

13. Morose Mononokean

12. Nanbaka s1: can’t talk about this yet because its s2’s not finished!

11. Classicaloid s1: can’t talk about this yet because it′s not finished!

10. Flip Flappers: The art style and fight scenes really make this a show worth watching. However, it did get somewhat confusing at the end so that’s where most of the drop in the rankings comes from.

9. ReLIFE: While the themes were pertinent and the art style on point, it was a bit plain and there wasn’t much of an explanation as to why the pills work (even if that isn’t Yoake or An’s role). I guess I’m still used to it living in the shadow of Detective Conan, after all.

8. Boueibu s2: This was a step up from s1, but unfortunately there were prime contenders this year that knocked it out of higher places. Also the fact that it does seem more rushed than s1 due to the time constraints does give it a bit of a toll.

7. Bungou Stray Dogs (overall): 2 seasons makes this show stand out as a strong one, especially near the end when it really hits its stride. The fact light novel stories took up up to 4 episodes did make me worried, but the fans definitely have more than enough material to work with as a result, right?

6. Yuri on Ice: I don’t mind the off model in this one if it means the good stuff can come with it, but the fandom is quite intimidating and it was a “show of the year” in ways some people now consider to be a negative thing, so it did suffer a bit from that. I give it merit for the things it does well, but it’s not the saviour of anime the talk of the town can make it out to be.

5. Boku Dake ga Inai Machi: Stunning visuals, a Sayuri ED and good thrills with well executed cliffhangers. My only gripe with this one was the very end, but you’ll have to see the relevant posts for why that is.

4. Boku no Hero Academia s1: Even if it is repetitive, it rises above (Plus Ultra!) to become something more than just a fusion of East and West like I always try to strive for. It’s an emblem and it’s definitely something Horikoshi should be proud of after what happened to Barrage and Oumagadoki Zoo.

3. Sakamoto Desu Ga: This show also managed to go above its repetitive trappings with inventiveness and humour. The fact it’s also touching at exactly the right points shows you why Takamatsu is one of my favourite directors.

2. ConRevo s2: Colourful and politically striking as always, ConRevo was one of the shows I always looked forward to watching, even if it meant staying up past midnight to document things on the wiki. Even if I’m not that fond of the Urobuchi episode, this show managed to reach awesome highs without losing the fans it got from s1.

1. SGRS: With a soundtrack that brings you to the past, humour that can make you laugh no matter how many times you watch it and visuals to wow even the most serious of artists, you can tell SGRS is a labour of love in every aspect. Its second season has already surpassed its predecessor in only 4 or 5 episodes, so...only time will tell whether anything can challenge SGRS for the throne.

 Total:

winter 4

spring 5 (incl. Bungou Stray Dogs s1)

summer 4

fall 5 (incl. Bungou Stray Dogs s2)

[morningrainmusic]

Untangling the Enigma that is Portugal. The Man’s Live Show

Photo courtesy of Joe Bertoni

6/16/17

It’s been a while since I’ve written a concert review, but I felt compelled to cover Portugal. The Man’s show Wednesday night at The Riviera. I went with my sister and brother-in-law. It was a warm, wet, overcast night in Chicago. We arrived in time for the last few songs of Electric Guest’s set, which I enjoyed. The show was 18+ so it was a relatively young crowd. Nothing unusual or outside the norm happened in the first hour upon arriving.

Before I go any further, I think I should break down where Portugal. The Man are at in their career and give some general background. The band is from Portland by way of Alaska and formed in 2004. They’ve put out seven albums since 2006. Their fourth, 2009’s The Satanic Satanist was their big breakthrough album and their last, 2013’s Evil Friends is their poppiest and arguably their best, though it has a couple duds on it. They had a big following before then, but the Danger Mouse-produced record really raised their profile. Their next album, Woodstock came out the other day. I haven’t listened to all of it yet, but if the four tracks they released before the full LP are any indication, P.TM is continuing down the road of shameless hip-hop-tinged pop-rock. Which isn’t surprising because the band has an excellent track record in that wheelhouse, and the album was produced by the Beastie Boys’ Mike D.

T-shirts at the merch table read in large capital letters “I liked Portugal. The Man before they sold out.” Another said something like, “Nothing can be counted on except love and the first twelve Portugal. The Man albums.” While P.TM’s new merch has some clear tongue-in-cheek connotations, I’ve always interpreted their lyrics as nothing but fully sincere and at times almost painfully obvious. Let’s put it this way: the band has a knack for making catchy, sometimes quite musically interesting tunes, but there’s not much digging to be done in terms of what they’re trying to communicate in the words. I doubt even diehard P.TM fans would refute that with much vigor.

But back to the Riviera. After Electric Guest finished up the three of us made our way to the back of the floor level, taking advantage of the post-opener shift that typically occurs, cautiously nudging past folks who’d already planted roots. Is it a bit of an a-hole move? Yes, I will acknowledge that. But it is also not at all uncommon at GA shows, plus there were only three of us and we were being mindful of the people around us so as to not blatantly block anyone’s view.

Whilst performing this delicate dance, the three of us settled (very temporarily as it would turn out) upon a spot near a group of girls that would best be described as “highly abrasive” and “having none of it.” One in particular, a young lady in her mid-twenties who was presumably paying rent on the spot she and her crew of urban pirates had claimed, got in my face spewing disapproval. She and her early bird cronies had been in that spot FOR HOURS and some 6-foot dickwad in a soccer jersey was not about to stand in front, next to, OR behind her. (For the record she didn’t call me a dickwad, she actually at one point said “you seem like a nice guy but…” in the way hostile/touchy people sometimes try to express that they don’t think you’re a total piece of shit despite their disgusted tone suggesting nothing but malice and contempt). On we moved down the line to a more accepting region of less territorial folk. A good spot was obtained, but it was also in the unfortunate position of within earshot of what must haven been the most annoying guy in the building. Way too vocally expressive of his effusive enthusiasm, chatty, yelling drum fills seconds before the actual drum fills, etc etc. “Let me know if I’m bothering you man” he kindly told me at one point. Looking back, I sort of wish I was the kind of person who wouldn’t think twice about telling him my honest thoughts.

Did these two instances taint my experience? Yes. Is it fair to judge a band based on your impression of some of its fans? That’s a tough question to answer, but in this particular instance, I’m going to say no. Nonetheless, it will very likely impact my impression of all P.TM fans going forward. These few folks probably aren’t representative of them all, but also, who’s to say for sure? I had zero negative interactions when I saw the band at the Eagles Ballroom in Milwaukee in 2014, so I’m going to attribute this to Shitty Chicagoans, P.TM’s continued ascension in popularity, and all around bad luck on my part.

These unfortunate crowd encounters excluded, the show was equal parts entertaining and confounding. Portugal. The Man can be called many things, but slackers is certainly not one of them. They are performers. One might even call their set list “adventurous,” though I’d have to disagree. Opening with a Metallica song and playing a 15-plus minute opus of “All Your Light” with an Abbey Road track peppered in are certainly interesting choices, but I don’t really understand them. So many great tracks left out because they’ve made a habit of tossing in covers and closing with the Oasis anthem, “Don’t Look Back in Anger.” I get it, it’s a great song and a lot of fun to shout the chorus with 500 other people at a concert, but hit me with some prime Majestic Majesty tracks or one of your dozens of other good tunes. As for the drawn out “All Your Light” take, it was impressive, but also just exhausting, wasteful, and indulgent. Missed opportunity city.

Sometimes a band will have a track that’s so nice they can’t help but play it twice. For young bands one or two albums in with a huge standout crowd favorite, this makes sense. P.TM are definitely not one of those bands. And while “Feel It Still” is a really good song (their website describes it as a “global hit” which kinda makes me wonder who they’re trying to impress), there is absolutely no need to play it twice. Again, play more Portugal. I’m not being a hater…that is downright unacceptable.

I also don’t know that P.TM are quite qualified to have any business covering The Beatles. Here’s who should be allowed to cover The Beatles live: -Kids in high school bands who don’t know any better -tribute/cover bands -Superstar acts that have achieved or have been in consideration for “biggest band in the world” status -Rock’s living legends -Noel and Liam Gallagher in solo shows/side projects

P.TM fit none of these criteria.

Minimal talking from any band members between songs except for Zachary Carother’s comments about Chicago being a city they love to play because they’ve had so many wild and crazy nights in this town. He added “let’s party” before busting into the encore. “Let’s party” feels like a very appropriate phrase coming from the lips of any member of P.TM. It encapsulates the band’s ethos pretty nicely. These guys make such a concerted effort in their songs to put forth their anti-establishment attitudes, “fight the power” mentality, and rebellious “just for kicks” nature, it becomes a bit redundant at times. At least in a live setting, the band is at their best when they’re playing the catchy sing-alongs with lyrics seemingly built to be shouted by audience members doing that emphatic extended arm waving thing more common at hip hop shows. I’m thinking specifically of songs like “Hip Hop Kids” and the slightly better “Head Is A Flame.” These are not “thinkers” in any way, shape, or form. Party on, indeed.

Lastly, I want to address one of the more distracting elements of P.TM’s live experience: their video backdrop. In what appears to be part of their overall effort to incite strong reactions, the band has elected to use a series of befuddling, bizarre, and vaguely off-putting images of androgynous humanoid figures, usually in some sort of sexual position. The least androgynous one came towards the end: it was a largely jet-black mannequin-type figure thrusting against a beach ball held between its thighs in slow motion. This wasn’t all their backdrops, but it was a lot of them. I don’t really have anything to offer in the way of decoding or explaining this. I didn’t like it. And to say it was overdone would be THE understatement of this entire post. Be better, Portugal.

I came out of the show feeling like my relationship with the band had changed. Perhaps they’re more of a headphones band and not the kind I’m into enough to pony up $40 to be harassed/annoyed by concertgoers and visually assaulted with “artistically bold” rotating, flesh-colored crash test dummies. I wish they’d played a set closer to the one I saw in Milwaukee years ago. That being said, I had a great time and so did my sister and brother-in-law. And hey, they got a reaction out of me. It’s been two days and I’m not done thinking (and writing) about the show. May be over now, but I feel it still.

Setlist

1. For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica cover)  2. Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd cover) / Purple Yellow Red and Blue  3. Feel It Still 4. Head Is A Flame (Cool With It) 5. Got It All (This Can’t Be Living Now)  6. Once Was One 7. Waves 8. Modern Jesus 9. All Your Light (Times Like These) / A Kilo / The Home / I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (Beatles cover) 10. So American 11. Hip Hop Kids 12. Holy Roller (Hallelujah) 13. Feel It Still 14. Don’t Look Back In Anger (Oasis cover)

Encore 15. Atomic Man 

 *People Say was also mixed in there somewhere