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drwilfredwaterson · 9 months

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Sorting Through Love and Hate, Truth and Lies, Being Cherished and Blessed or A 5 Generation Curse: Freewill Choices Have Nanosecond Returns on Investment. What Will You Sow? What Will You and Your Children Harvest for 5 Generations or A Thousand? Part 13/20.

"There are so many different ways that someone can be beautiful. For me, I think that when I meet someone and there's that magical thing about them that makes them unforgettable, it's that they're sincere and honest and whoever they are, be that funny, happy, sad, you know, going through a rough time, sarcastic, I think that these personality traits that come through when somebody is really sincere is what makes them beautiful." - Taylor Swift

Fearless Love, Temple Appreciation, Reconciliation, Life Callings, and Happy Endings…

Earthquake: 15:12:41 GMT+3 Jerusalem, Israel, 05:12:41 PDT Local Time (Approximately 16 minutes, 41 seconds (1001 seconds) after posting the 10/10 Lion posts)…

Strong's Concordance #1001 bira: a castle, palace, fortress, Temple Original Word: בִּירָא

TANAKH (Jewish Publication Society, Hebrew-English) Pages 1947 and 1948: 1 Chronicles 29:1 King David said to the entire assemblage, "God has chosen my son Solomon alone, an untried lad, although the work to be done is vast--for the temple is not for a man but for the Lord God. 1 Chronicles 29:2 I have spared no effort to lay up for the House of my God gold for golden objects, silver for silver, copper for copper, iron for iron, wood for wooden, onyx stone and inlay-stone, stone of antimony and variegated colors--every kind of precious stone and much marble. 1 Chronicles 29:3 Besides, out of my solicitude for the House of my God, I gave over my private hoard of gold and silver to the House of my God--in addition to all that I laid aside for the holy House: 1 Chronicles 29:4 3,000 gold talents of Ophir gold, and 7,000 talents of refined silver for covering the walls of the houses 1 Chronicles 29:5 (gold for golden objects, silver for silver for all the work)--into the hands of craftsmen. Now who is going to make a freewill offering and devote himself today to the Lord?" 1 Chronicles 29:6 The officers of the clans and the officers of the tribes of Israel and the captains of thousands and hundreds and the supervisors of the king's work made freewill offerings, 1 Chronicles 29:7 giving for the work of the House of God: 5,000 talents of gold, 10,000 darics, 10,000 talents of silver, 18,000 talents of copper, 100,000 talents of iron. 1 Chronicles 29:8 Whoever had stones in his possession gave them to the treasury of the House of the Lord in the charge of Jehiel the Gershonite. 1 Chronicles 29:9 The people rejoiced over the freewill offerings they made, for with a whole heart they made freewill offerings to the Lord; King David also rejoiced very much. 1 Chronicles 29:10 David blessed the Lord in front of all the assemblage; David said, "Blessed are You, Lord, God of Israel our father, from eternity to eternity. 1 Chronicles 29:11 Yours, Lord, are greatness, might, splendor, triumph, and majesty--yes, all that is in heaven and on earth; to You, Lord, belong kingship and preeminence above all. 1 Chronicles 29:12 Riches and honor are Yours to dispense; You have dominion over all; with You are strength and might, and it is in Your power to make anyone great and strong. 1 Chronicles 29:13 Now, God, we praise You and extol Your glorious name.

Earthquake: M 1.3 - 6 km (3.7 mi) SE of Ojai, CA

2023-08-23 12:12:41 (UTC) 34.416°N 119.191°W 4.6 km depth

Near the ridge of Sulphur Mountain at approximately 2520 ft elevation overlooking Lion Canyon, Lion Canyon Fire Road, and Lion Creek.

Strong's Concordance #2520 Chelqath: A form of chelqah; smoothness, flattery, slippery ground; "portion, possession," a city in Asher Original Word: חֶלְקַת

“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.” ― Jim Morrison

“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up, it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” ― Osho

Ukulena - I Hurt

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Published: November 26, 2020 (331st day) Duration: 4:32 (272 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_QF2M5lTXM 8_QF2M5lTXM QFMlTXM flmmqtx 6+20+30+30+70+100+300=556. 556+8+2+5=571. 571+272=843. 843+331=1174.

Strong's Concordance #1174 Baal Hamon: "possessor of abundance/wealth," from ba'al and hamown; possessor of a multitude; a place in Palestine Original Word: בַּעַל הָמוֹן

That’s When (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) (Lyric Video)

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Published: April 8, 2021 (98th day) Duration: 3:12 (192 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOa6D6ku3dM aOa6D6ku3dM aOaDkudM aaddkmou 1+1+4+4+10+30+50+200=300. 300+6+6+3=315. 315+192=507. 507+98=605.

Strong's Concordance #605 anash: to be weak, sick, to be frail, feeble, or melancholy -- desperate(-ly wicked), incurable, woeful, a person. Original Word: אָנַשׁ

The rebirth of the moon each month – the light emerging from a totally darkened and blackened firmament – symbolizes the continuous emergence of Israel from darkness to light, from exile to redemption. (Jerusalem Post)

The name Ojai is derived from the Mexican-era Rancho Ojai, which in turn took its name from the Ventureño Chumash word 'Awha'y, meaning "Moon". The city's self-styled nickname is "Shangri-La" referencing the natural environment of this health and spirituality-focused region as well as the mystical sanctuary of the 1937 film adaptation of James Hilton's novel Lost Horizon. (Wikipedia)

The title characters of the TV series The Bionic Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man (Jaime Sommers and Col. Steve Austin) are described in the series as having been childhood sweethearts in Ojai. In these series, a sign on the highway entering Ojai reads "Welcome to Ojai, home of American astronaut Steven Austin." Ojai was also mentioned in the Taylor Sheridan film Wind River, while The Ojai Valley Inn & Spa was featured in the movie The Two Jakes (Jack Nicholson and Harvey Keitel).

Ojai served as the main location setting for the 2010 film Easy A, starring Emma Stone as Olive Penderghast. Pendergast (Irish: de Piondárgas, Piondárgas) is a Norman-Irish surname derived from Prendergast. This toponymic surname may derive from prender from a Germanic word for fire or conflagration (cf. brand) where the b became p due to fortition and gast (cf. geest) from a Germanic word for wasteland or dry and infertile land meaning the location could have been a burn-beat area. (Wikipedia)

Toby Hemingway, actor in The Covenant, Feast of Love, and Taylor Swift's "Mine" music video moved to Ojai with his mother when he was 13. (Wikipedia)

"We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success." - Henry David Thoreau

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience." - Henry Miller

Luke 23:37 They called out to him, “If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!” Luke 23:38 A sign was fastened above him with these words: “This is the King of the Jews.” Luke 23:39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” Luke 23:40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? Luke 23:41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Luke 23:42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Luke 23:43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:44 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, Luke 23:45 for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Luke 23:46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last. Luke 23:47 The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death, And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

“You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the Lion.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

“I have come," said a deep voice behind them. They turned and saw the Lion himself, so bright and real and strong that everything else began at once to look pale and shadowy compared with him.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Regina Spektor - The Call (from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian)

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Published: November 8, 2014 (312th day) Duration: 3:08 (188 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCEUpVukAe8 pCEUpVukAe8 pCEUpVukAe aceekppuuv 1+3+5+5+10+60+60+200+200+700=1244. 1244+8=1252. 1252+188=1440. 1440+312=1752.

It started out as a feeling Which then grew into a hope Which then turned into a quiet thought Which then turned into a quiet word And then that word grew louder and louder 'Til it was a battle cry I'll come back when you call me No need to say goodbye Just because everything's changing Doesn't mean it's never been this way before All you can do is try to know who your friends are As you head off to the war Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light You'll come back when it's over No need to say goodbye

Strong's Concordance #1752 dur: to gyrate (or move in a circle), to heap up, pile, to remain, dwell, generation, mailman/postman Original Word: דּוּר

Taylor Swift - Mine (Speak Now World Tour Live: 2/9/2011 - 3/18/2012)

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Published: May 22, 2020 (143rd day) Duration: 4:19 (259 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3hGnOZnt_I S3hGnOZnt_I ShGnOZnt_I ghinnostz 7+8+9+40+40+50+90+100+500=844. 844+3=847. 847+259=1106. 1106+143=1249.

Strong's Concordance #1249 bar: pure, clean, innocent, beloved. Original Word: בַּר

TANAKH (Jewish Publication Society, Hebrew-English) Page 1605: Proverbs 4:5 Acquire wisdom, acquire discernment; Do not forget and do not swerve from my words. Proverbs 4:6 Do not forsake her and she will guard you; Love her and she will protect you. Proverbs 4:7 The beginning of wisdom is--acquire wisdom; With all your acquisitions, acquire discernment. Proverbs 4:8 Hug her to you and she will exalt you; She will bring you honor if you embrace her. Proverbs 4:9 She will adorn your head with a graceful wreath; Crown you with a glorious diadem."

1 John 4:6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood. 1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

"This album is called "Fearless", and I guess I'd like to clarify why we chose that as the title. To me, "Fearless" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them.

To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you've tried before, you've lost.

It's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's fearless to stop believing them.

It's fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That's fearless, too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.

You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily every after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless." - Taylor Swift (Fearless 2008 liner notes)

The Fearless Tour was the first headlining concert tour by American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift, launched in support of her second studio album, Fearless (2008). The tour began on April 23, 2009, in Evansville, Indiana (once named La Belle Rivière: "The Beautiful River" in the "Land of the Indians") and concluded on July 10, 2010, in Cavendish, Canada. Evansville, Indiana is the hometown of the protagonist, Jack Crabb, in Thomas Berger's 1964 book Little Big Man. (Wikipedia)

7, 7…Speak Now…"Go, Chiefs!" and the premiere of "I Can See You"

Taylor Swift - Run - From: George Strait - ACM Artist of the Decade All Star Concert.

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Published: July 11, 2010 (192nd day) Duration: 3:43 (223 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHh7x7FEJrY bHh7x7FEJrY bHhxFEJrY befhhjrxy 2+5+6+8+8+600+80+300+400=1409. 1409+7+7=1423. 1423+223=1646. 1646+192=1838.

Strong's Concordance #1838 Dinhabah: a city in Edom Original Word: דִּנְהָבָה Discuss it: דִּנְהָ בָה

July 7, 2023 - Taylor Swift - The Eras Tour: Kansas City: Surprise Songs: "Never Grow Up" and "When Emma Falls in Love" with Jennifer Garner from Valentine's Day in attendance.

Magdala (Aramaic: מגדלא, romanized: Magdalā, meaning "tower"; Hebrew: מגדל, romanized: Migdál; Arabic: المجدل, romanized: al-Majdal) was an ancient Jewish city on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, 5 km (3 miles) north of Tiberias. In the Babylonian Talmud it is known as Magdala Nunayya (Aramaic: מגדלא נוניה, meaning "Tower of the Fishes"), and which some historical geographers think may refer to Tarichaea, literally the place of processing fish. It is believed to be the birthplace of Mary Magdalene. (Wikipedia)

Disney's Tangled - Rapunzel's Story Begins with the Sun and a Special Golden Flower with Miraculous Healing Abilities… Published: September 5, 2016 (249th day) Duration: 4:26 (266 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpepyyhclsQ rpepyyhclsQ cehlppqrsyy 3+5+8+20+60+60+70+80+90+400+400=1196. 1196+266=1462. 1462+249=1711.

Strong's Concordance #1711 dagah: to spawn, i.e. Become numerous -- grow, to multiply, increase, to move rapidly, fish Original Word: דָּגָה

September 5, 2020 = 16 Elul 5780 17 Elul (2105 BCE) – Noah dispatches dove TANAKH (Jewish Publication Society, Hebrew-English) Page 14: Genesis 8:8 Then he sent out the dove to see whether the waters had decreased from the surface of the ground. Genesis 8:9 But the dove could not find a resting place for its food, and returned to him to the ark, for there was water over all the earth. So putting out his hand, he took it into the ark with him.

Disney Tangled Rapunzel and Flynn…Dreams…

Published: September 5, 2016 (249th day) Duration: 2:10 (130 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbpL5-DOBgk WbpL5-DOBgk WbpL-DOBgk bbdgklopw 2+2+4+7+10+20+50+60+900=1055. 1055+5=1060. 1060+130=1190. 1190+249=1439.

DOB: Date of Birth G=7 K=11

Taylor Swift // Mine Sunday, July 11, 2010 Taylor Swift was spotted filming the MV for the first lead single off her third studio album in Maine. https://www.ukmix.org/forum/music/the-vault/2010s/71614-taylor-swift-mine

Strong's Concordance #1439 Gidon: From gada'; feller (i.e. Warrior), to fell a tree; generally, to destroy anything -- cut (asunder, in sunder, down, off), hew down; a judge of Israel Original Word: גִּדְעוֹן

Disney's Tangled (2010) | I See The Light ♪ | Floating Lanterns Scene

Published: December 23, 2020 (358th day) Duration: 4:12 (252 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHtRzuE2swQ KHtRzuE2swQ KHtRzuEswQ ehkqrstuwz 5+8+10+70+80+90+100+200+900+500=1963. 1963+2=1965. 1965+252=2217. 2217+358=2575.

Strong's Concordance #2575 Chammath: hot springs, heat; by implication, the sun; Hammath Original Word: חַמַּת

Disney's Tangled - Death and Healing

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Published: September 5, 2020 (249th day) Duration: 5:56 (356 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UPhT5QCVfs 6UPhT5QCVfs UPhTQCVfs cfhpqstuv 3+6+8+60+70+90+100+200+700=1237. 1237+6+5=1248. 1248+356=1604. 1604+249=1853.

Strong's Concordance #1853 Diqlah: a son of Joktan, also the S. Arabian tribe descended from him, palm tree. Original Word: דִּקְלָה

TANAKH (Jewish Publication Society, Hebrew-English) Page 1529: Psalm 92:12 I shall see the defeat of my watchful foes, hear of the downfall of the wicked who beset me. Psalm 92:13 The righteous bloom like a date-palm; they thrive like a cedar in Lebanon; Psalm 92:14 planted in the house of the Lord, they flourish in the courts of our God. Psalm 92:15 In old age they still produce fruit; they are full of sap and freshness, Psalm 92:16 attesting that the Lord is upright, my rock, in whom there is no wrong.

John 12:12 The next day the great crowd that had come for the festival heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. John 12:13 They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting, “Hosanna!” “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!” “Blessed is the King of Israel!”

Sunday, 11 September 2016 = 8th of Elul, 5776 ח׳ בֶּאֱלוּל תשע״ו Parashat Ki Teitzei is the 49th weekly Torah portion in the annual Jewish cycle of Torah reading. Torah Portion: Deuteronomy 21:10-25:19 Ki Teitzei (“When You Go Out”) contains numerous laws, more than appear in any other Torah portion. These include laws about the treatment of a captive woman, returning lost objects, forbidden mixtures, the erection of a rooftop fence, rape, collateral, and workers’ wages. (HebCal.com)

Disney's Tangled - The Lost Princess Comes Home

Published: September 11, 2016 (255th day) Duration: 3:05 (185 seconds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zbbMi5zDHA 1zbbMi5zDHA zbbMizDHA abbdhimzz 1+2+2+4+8+9+30+500+500=1056. 1056+1+5=1062. 1062+185=1247. 1247+255=1502.

Strong's Concordance #1502 Gazzam: "devourer," an Israelite Original Word: גַּזָּם

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the-perfect-author · 1 year

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This Year Think Possible

‘With God all things are possible.’ Matthew 19:26 KJV

Read these two Scriptures: ‘With God all things are possible.’ (Matthew1 9:26 KJV) ‘Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief.’ (Matthew 13:58 NKJV) Those two verses mean this: many things that are possible remain undone because of doubt and unbelief. So, this year, think possible. If God’s Word says you can succeed, but you’re failing, it may mean that you don’t really believe what He says, or you’re not willing to do your part. When you think ‘possible’, it increases your energy level. You only invest yourself in what you believe can succeed.

So, when you think possible and trust God for success, your faith becomes the energising force. The first step to thinking possible is to stop yourself from searching for and dwelling on what’s wrong with each situation and eliminate the negative self-talk you hear in your head before you have even opened your mouth. ‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ (Proverbs 18:21 NLT) In order to think ‘possible’, you must believe and speak ‘possible’.

The Bible says, ‘But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.’ (Hebrews 11:6 NKJV)

Twelve spies entered the Promised Land, but only two came back and said, ‘We are well able to overcome it.’ (Numbers 13:30 NKJV) God had promised it to them, but the majority thought it couldn’t be done. People who think possible not only create forward-looking, optimistic pictures of the future in their own minds but also in the minds of others. And the opposite is also true.

So, how’s your approach to life? When you face the unknown, the undone, or the untried, do you focus on all the things that can go wrong or all the things that can go right? Aerospace engineer, Wernher von Braun, said, ‘I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.’ He was the scientist who made it possible for the first man to walk on the moon!

John Andrew Holmes said: ‘Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for somebody ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.’ If you want to achieve something, give yourself permission to believe it is possible, as you trust God for success. In fact start to dream beyond the possible to the impossible.

‘Then he had another dream.’ Genesis 37:9 NIV. Joseph had two dreams. The second was bigger than the first. His first dream was a field of sheaves; the second dream was a sky full of stars. So learn to dream bigger! Henry Curtis said: ‘Make your plans as fantastic as you like because twenty-five years from now, they will seem mediocre. Make your plans ten times as great as you first planned, and twenty-five years from now, you will wonder why you did not make them fifty times as great.’

There is only one way to keep growing: make your goal a step beyond what makes you comfortable. That will force you to keep growing! And it will also set you up to believe God for greater things. Most people want their lives to keep improving, yet they value peace and stability at the same time. They forget that you can’t improve and stay the same. Growth means change, and that means challenging the status quo. Thinking possible means you can’t settle for what you have now. There will always be people around you who want you to give up your dream and embrace the status quo. Love them, but don’t be led by them.

As you begin to believe God for greater things and others try to throw cold water on you, remember that right now, as you read this page, other people around the world are thinking about curing cancer, developing new energy sources, feeding the hungry, improving the quality of life, seeking God to bring healing into communities and winning whole nations for Christ. They are beating the odds and challenging the status quo simply because they believe that in Christ ‘all things are possible’ —and you must too.

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#work emails

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beautifulwastelandunknown · 2 years

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kirbyporter0 · 2 years

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Online Poker Tournaments - Strategies To Win One

Deuces & Wild - This is a popular variation of video poker. It has four wild cards at the deck. There are many strategies and options available to players. They can also experiment to create their own game play to win. If you know how to play the real poker game, you will surely have a big advantage because you will be able to make winning hands to easily dominate the game. Between 1981 and 1997, Stuey was plagued by drug abuse, gambling, and personal torment. Married to a childhood sweetheart. Stuey witnessed the birth of Stephanie and the adoption by Madeline of Richie's son from a previous union. Shortly after his high school prom, Richie committed suicide - an event that would drive Ungar to cocaine and an irreparable void in his family life. Stu and Madeline split in 1986 and Ungar turned to drugs and gambling for vengeance. The next ten-years saw 'The Kid? fall from grace. Even when freespin123 situs slot game online terpercaya indonesia stepped up to help Stuey get back on the tournament circuit, his addiction to drugs cruelly thwarted any resurgence. Heads Up Action is a post-flop scenario that is preferred by professional poker players. Heads up action is much easier to play. Bluffs and semi-bluffs are more successful than multi-way pots. It is easier to see the strength of your opponent's hands. Pots can often be won in heads-up action with low to mid-paired hands or even high-card hand. Playing fewer hands is the best thing a player can do to improve their game. Try to be the tightest player in Texas holdem games. It doesn't matter if you are the tightest player, but it is important to be at least one of the three or four tightest players at the table. The simple truth of the matter is that the hand with which the best hand starts wins more hands than one who does not have the best hand. Playing only your best hand will give you the best chance of winning, both now as well as in the long term. As you get more experience and become a better player, you'll start to recognize areas where you can play more hands profitably. But until then, play tight. Many people were not happy when Harrahs announced that the Main Event would have a three-month break before the final table of the Main Event resumed.Some thought it would be akin to stopping the Super Bowl final at Half Time for a week. winning poker game As with any untried format, scepticism sprung forth. While Dan Harrington was busy winning the Main Event in 1995, many dothed their cap to Barbara Enright who had become the first woman to reach the final table of The Big One. Helping to reinforce a well-known fact (women never, ever get their money in without the best of it), Enright's run at the bracelet was halted when her pocket eights were outdrawn by 6-3s, eliminating the Hall of Famer in fifth. Men are such fish. To win this move you must have more chips than your opponent. If your challenger is left with fewer chips, then it's the ideal time to choose this move because there is a chance that he will loose all his chips but you will loose only few of the chips. Now keep writing "I always fold" for the rest of this list. This is not a perfect way to play poker, but it's sufficient for what we are doing right now. 's' means Suited, 'x' means "any numeric card". KQs, which means "King-Queen Suited", and Ax, which means "Ace + any numeric cards", are the two meanings of KQs.

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linzhiimage · 2 years

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Conclusion

In general, sometimes my attitude towards photography is " lazy" in the final product of this campaign, I can say without exaggeration that I think I have done a very good job for myself. Although the effect is a bit different from what I initially predicted, I'm still happy with the results. I think my photos have the effect of resonating with the target mood of my audience, and that' s what I've gotten from many of my friends.

My theme is "emotional nature". What is a pain for people? A lot of people might say death, bleeding, or pain. But the most painful thing for me is the negative emotions brought to the mind due to various reasons, such as not smooth work, being targeted by the boss, unfinished homework, lovelorn, quarrel, death of a loved one... Negative emotions are Everyone, especially adults (my target audience is all adults). As a photographer, I hope that I can incorporate various emotions into photos and display them on media software to resonate with my target audience so that their negative emotions can be alleviated. I'm also an adult with a lot of negative emotions, so I think this topic means important to me, it's relevant to all of us, and it's well worth trying. Why did I choose to photograph nature? Because nature brings people the feeling of tranquility, comfort, and freedom, all of which have the effect of stabilizing the mind. Combining emotions with " flowers", a product of nature, feels like a flower represents a person' s heart, but it is mixed with a lot of negative emotions. In general, it' s about "promoting nature"

In my theme, I chose to do the campaign in the way of photo-compositing, so I had to make sure that my photos met the set conditions: realistic, not human-made, only natural, blending emotions, composition, reasonable color matching, and no sense of incongruity. I had to make sure all of these things fit into my photos at the same time, and it took me a ton of time to accomplish these goals, not in the shooting but editing/ compositing (many tries and failures).

My photos can be seen on many social/media software. My subject and photo target audience are all adults over the age of eighteen, so it doesn't make sense for them to appear in a certain country or certain media software. It will appear with pictures and music/ text in software that is commonly used in many countries such as Instagram, Twitter, Wechat, and Tiktok. To achieve maximum efficiency, more people can see, share, collect and use.

My original plan was to make 6 separate photos with 6 different emotions and each photo composited with 5-10 nature photos to describe my "emotional nature" theme. I think a photo like this would be quite shocking, and at the same time show the power of my post-production technique. And I'd be very proud if I succeeded because I'm about to complete a very big and untried challenge. Later, I encountered a lot of problems. I did a very good job in the color grading of photos. I used PS+Lightroom to properly adjust the exposure, brightness, color, and color removal of photos. I was very skilled. But I am like a blank piece of paper when it comes to the use of some PS techniques. I don't know where to start compositing. Even if I study on youtube, I can't achieve the expected results. The photos produced are very messy and irregular. Considering that my plan may not be able to be completed with my current experience and technology, I choose a simpler post / very supportive way to complete my goal. Luckily I achieved my goal of making 5 nature photos with strong emotions.

Before accomplishing my goal I took a lot of original shots and tried different angles, focus, composition, exposure, and shooting speed........ I took a lot of photos and picked out the best photos, which were without mistakes.

The idea of my photo production is to have the effect of having a mood with the color of the higher photo. We all know that different colors represent different emotions. So my photo background color is black or gray, which represents darkness, negativity, and fear. Using the original color of the petals and a different color of the sky is a very good way. Make your photos feel beautiful while having emotions. Rain always makes people quiet, so I incorporated the effect of rain and water droplets attached to the subject' s surface to add realism to the photo.

If I could make any changes to my outcome, I'll keep trying to finish my work with my original plan as the goal, which is for each photo to have only one emotion and composite 5-10 photos. Maybe in the future, I will keep trying.

In general, I am very happy and proud of the work I have completed in this event, and even shared the work with many of my friends and got good feedback. The feeling of being successful and being praised is wonderful. Although it deviates from my original plan, it can be considered to have completed my plan, and I also describe my own negative emotions in the photos.

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

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Delight in Misery

- Chapter 10 (ao3) -

tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 (interlude), part 9

In Lan Wangji’s view, the best part about the upcoming visit by Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen wasn’t the excuse to drag a tetchy and reluctant Jiang Cheng night-hunting, nor the chance to meet such interesting and swiftly famous cultivators, or even the vanishingly rare opportunity to learn more about Wei Wuxian by exploring his heritage on his mother’s side.

No – it was definitely the way the mere concept transformed Jiang Cheng into a stuttering teenaged admirer about to see their revered idol for the first time.

“You remember that they are both nearly ten years your junior?” he asked as Jiang Cheng fussed around, alternating between worrying himself sick for not being prepared to receive guests (for all that the Jiang sect had been receiving honored guests for years at this point) and bragging about the exploits of their soon-arriving guests to the fascinated flock of children dogging his heels.

“No more than seven or eight at most,” Jiang Cheng objected, and Lan Wangji rolled his eyes. “Anyway, that’s not the point. Look at how accomplished they both are! When I was that age, I hadn’t done anything!”

Lan Wangji didn’t think that was entirely right. When Jiang Cheng had been the age Xiao Xingcheng and Song Zichen were now, he’d endured the loss of his sect and rebuilt it from nothing, acting more or less singlehandedly while still finding time to fight the Wen sect shoulder-to-shoulder with the other Great Sects and also search for the missing Wei Wuxian with Lan Wangji.

He opted not to mention it.

Let Jiang Cheng keep his illusions and ignore the steady encroachment of time.

“You’re calling me old in your head,” Jiang Cheng said accusingly, and Lan Wangji pasted an innocent expression on his face as confirmation. “You are, you bastard! You know you’re older than me, right?”

Lan Wangji could get a great deal of out of an admission like that.

“That’s not what I meant! We’re peers, you…!” Jiang Cheng huffed. “Listen, you’d better be on your best behavior around our guests, all right? I don’t want them to be scared off just because it looks like you’re glowering whenever you think –”

“I’ll follow your example, then, and simply not think at all.”

“Go jump off a pier!”

The children all giggled.

“You’re all going to be on best behavior too,” Jiang Cheng told them, fierce as a hissing domestic cat and just as adorably toothless. “You hear me? All of you! A-Yuan, A-Ling, that means you’re going to be cute but not spoiled, while A-Yu can – actually, just do the same as them in an age-appropriate way, you’re cute enough –”

Mo Xuanyu beamed.

“Still, we don’t know what they’re like. Start by being a little reserved – not too loud –”

Lan Sizhui waved for attention as if they were in a classroom.

“…yes?” Jiang Cheng asked, looking vaguely resigned and grumpy in a way that was clearly meant to conceal how unbearably charming he found the gesture.

“Can I be called Sizhui this time?” Lan Sizhui asked eagerly. “I’m old enough!”

Jiang Cheng frowned a bit, and Lan Wangji understood. The Jiang sect generally didn’t use courtesy names until the child in question had mastered a full sword routine, usually age eight or nine, and close family almost never made the switch in full; from what Lan Wangji knew, Jiang Yanli had called Jiang Cheng ‘A-Cheng’ right up until the end of her life, not to mention referring routinely to Wei Wuxian, who she’d only met when he was already old enough to use his courtesy name, as ‘A-Xian’. The Lan sect, in contrast, started using courtesy names almost exclusively once a child was old enough to leave his parents, typically age three or four – Lan Wangji had been calling Lan Sizhui by name for years already, and had been needling Jiang Cheng to pick it up as well without success.

“I’ll introduce you,” Lan Wangji offered, saving Jiang Cheng the awkwardness of having to explain or decline or, worst of all for someone like Jiang Cheng, accidentally slip up and say something sappy like you’ll always be A-Yuan to me.

Lan Sizhui nodded, satisfied, and next to him, Jin Ling frowned. “What about me?” he asked. “Am I going to be Rulan?”

“The Jin sect is the last of the Great Sects in using courtesy names,” Jiang Cheng said, finally on more solid ground. “Not until you get your sword, and that’s not until you’re eleven. Or twelve!”

“But I already have a sword…”

“The age you would be if you were getting your own,” Lan Wangji interjected. “To make it fair to all the rest.”

That seemed to reassure Jin Ling, who nodded. “Good,” he grumbled. “I don’t wanna be Rulan, anyway…jiujiu, when did you say these guests would be arriving?”

That, of course, sent Jiang Cheng back into a flurry of activity, and Lan Wangji shook his head, long-suffering. “You’ve hosted entire discussion conferences,” he pointed out to Jiang Cheng. “There are only two cultivators this time. It is far easier.”

“Is it?” Jiang Cheng shot back. “Is it really?”

In contrast to the expectation and build up leading up to it, the actual arrival of Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen was rather unremarkable. They arrived just as the sun was setting, two young men, one beautiful and the other handsome, both valiant heroes with faces that shone with kindness and righteousness. Xiao Xingchen’s face was curved in a gentle smile, Song Zichen set in a neutral expression. Both seemed sincere and respectful when they bowed deeply in greeting.

“It’s a pleasure and honor to host such heroes,” Jiang Cheng said, nodding his head regally in return. He really had at some point learned how to fake being a competent and confident sect leader, and it might have even had the effect he was going for if it wasn’t for the small gaggle of children very eagerly stealing peeks from next to him – but Lan Wangji wasn’t going to be the one to tell on them. “I’ve heard many stories of your adventures, and I have long looked forward to meeting you in person. My Lotus Pier is open to you for as long as you require.”

“Sect Leader Jiang is upright and straightforward, well known for his righteousness,” Xiao Xingchen said, and perhaps only Lan Wangji knew precisely why Jiang Cheng flushed with such pleasure at a compliment more commonly applied to Nie Mingjue. “We are happy to be here as your guests.”

Jiang Cheng nodded a second time, still a little stiff and wooden. “You have traveled quite a distance. Are you tired or hungry..?”

They shook their heads in refusal.

Jiang Cheng darted a glance at Lan Wangji, then turned back to them, finally relaxing out of the excess formality that suited Jin Guangshan far more than it did Jian Cheng. “In that case,” he said, his voice a little dry. “Upon the suggestion of certain of my advisors, would you prefer to cut the boring small talk and go out on a night-hunt instead?”

Xiao Xingchen’s face split into a genuine smile, and even Song Zichen’s severity seemed a little eased.

“What an excellent idea, Sect Leader Jiang,” Xiao Xingchen said warmly. “We’d be happy to. I was just telling Song Zichen not long ago that it seemed as though we hadn’t been on a proper hunt in far too long.”

“You think you have problems, try being a sect leader,” Jiang Cheng replied impulsively, then turned red when he realized how rude he’d just been. “That is, I mean – well, there’s not nearly as much free time, that’s all.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed. It gave Lan Wangji a good impression of him: light-hearted and lively, his demeanor kind and good-humored. Despite the lack of blood relation, Lan Wangji was reminded of Wei Wuxian – although perhaps that was just his wistful thinking.

“Well, there’s a reason Zichen and I haven’t started our own just yet,” he said mischievously. “There’s time for that later, after all. Youth is when you make a name for yourself! And speaking of which, I’ve heard plenty about your own prowess, Sandu Shengshou. I admit I’m looking forward to seeing Zidian in action.”

Jiang Cheng looked unbearably pleased at the compliment, clearly sincerely meant, and something in Lan Wangji’s heart that he hadn’t even known was tense finally eased.

He hadn’t realized that he himself was nervous about this meeting – less for his own sake, although he burned with curiosity to learn everything he could about Wei Wuxian, than for Jiang Cheng, who had longed for this meeting so much, cared so much. Lan Wangji found to his bemusement that he had even been a little afraid: afraid that the two strangers would be cold or arrogant, afraid that they’d reject Jiang Cheng tentative overtures of friendship – that Jiang Cheng would be disappointed.

Lan Wangji might enjoy teasing Jiang Cheng into a frenzy, but that was his prerogative. In fact, one could argue that it was only what he was due for having lived with and put up with the man for so long. He’d been the one who’d been there all this time, the one who’d put in so much effort to help rebuild him back into the man he could be rather than the wreck he had been; he’d earned the right to mock him.

No one else was entitled to so much as touch the hem of his robes.

“I have heard much of your matchless skill as well, Hanguang-jun,” Song Zichen said, his voice unexpectedly deep, and Lan Wangji’s attention came back to him as he returned the man’s salute. They both had reputations for being closed-mouthed ice-blocks, and it seemed to Lan Wangji that Song Zichen was probably just reserved, like him, rather than truly standoffish.

“You’re in for a treat, then,” Jiang Cheng said with a faint smirk. “Whether in sword or music, few can match Hanguang-jun’s talents, and he never stints on displaying them.”

To the untried ear, perhaps Jiang Cheng sounded bitter or jealous, and given his competitive mania he probably was, a little, but to Lan Wangji he sounded more smug than anything else, as proud as if he were the one being praised.

With everything settled, they headed off at once.

The subject of the night-hunt was nothing terribly exciting – a troop of fierce corpses ravaging the countryside that someone had finally managed to divine the location of, with the only interesting aspect about them being that they were unusually fast-moving – so there was plenty of time for them to talk as they followed the trail.

Lan Wangji expected Jiang Cheng to start asking questions about the immortal mountain and Wei Wuxian’s mother at once – Jiang Cheng might be prideful and thin-faced, prone to shame and overthinking, but he’d been raised along Wei Wuxian, who was second to none in shamelessness, and Lan Wangji was well aware of how much he hungered for that knowledge.

Of course, probably as a direct result of Lan Wangji’s expectations, Jiang Cheng went for a completely different target.

“It’s said that we live in an age of young heroes,” he remarked, seemingly casual. “Of course, for most of us, that was simply the inevitable result of war – crisis demands the best from people, regardless of age. Without such necessity to spur us onwards, most of us probably would’ve been still kicking our heels even now, whereas you two became heroes as soon as you arrived…how old are you now, again?”

“We are both twenty-one,” Song Zichen said, and Lan Wangji used the moment to glare over at Jiang Cheng when he mouthed six years at him – was this really the time to quibble over something as pointless as the exact age gap between them, which he’d clearly inquired about for no other purpose than to prove Lan Wangji’s earlier assumption wrong? This was Wei Wuxian’s martial uncle here! They should be getting all the information out of him that they could!

(Lan Wangji had long ago decided that when it came to feuding over minor matters with Jiang Cheng, he would be as gracious in defeat as his opponent…which was to say, not at all.)

Jiang Cheng smirked at him, knowing what he was thinking, but then – finally – turned the subject onto the immortal mountain, or more specifically its former disciples.

This time it was Song Zichen’s turn to relax minutely, Lan Wangji noticed. A moment’s thought revealed the reason: they’d probably feared cultivators asking questions that were far more pointed than what they were getting from them – cultivators greedy for the secrets of immortality. No wonder they so assiduously avoided being hosted by the Great Sects, and had done so even before Lanling Jin had gotten in the way of their heroism.

Well, luckily for them, the interest Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji had was a little more…down to earth.

“Cangse Sanren was a talent to shake the ages,” Xiao Xingchen said, his eyes bright and expression enthusiastic. “It was as if anything she turned her mind to, she excelled at, and she turned her mind to all sorts of things without discrimination – painting, poetry, swordsmanship…” He paused, then firmed his shoulders. “I heard that her son was much the same..?”

Lan Wangji felt a smile want to come up to his lips.

It seemed that Xiao Xingchen was just as interested in finding out more about his martial nephew as they were in finding out more about Wei Wuxian’s martial uncle.

Jiang Cheng glanced over at Lan Wangji, who nodded very shallowly, indicating his approval. In his judgment, both of them seemed safe enough: trustworthy, and not like people who would spread gossip.

They could talk about Wei Wuxian.

Talk truly about him, praising his good points and speaking fondly of his faults…these two, Lan Wangji thought, wouldn’t judge them harshly for failing to condemn him, and they wouldn’t tell anyone else, either.

Later, after they’d finished dispatching the ghouls – and the Wei Wuxian portion of the conversation, for which Jiang Cheng had taken the lead and which a listening Lan Wangji had enjoyed tremendously, largely on account of Xiao Xingchen’s genuine enthusiasm for learning everything he could about the martial nephew he had only just barely missed meeting, fearsome Yiling Patriarch or not – Jiang Cheng finally and regretfully brought them back to the original subject.

“I heard that you two are collecting allies to go after Xue Yang,” he said, and pretended (just as Lan Wangji did) to ignore the way Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen suddenly glanced at each other. “I’ll support that, of course. From everything I’ve heard, he’s become a mad dog, trying to bite anyone he sees. Hasn’t he been launching all sorts of raids on sects left and right these past few years?”

They nodded.

“Rather pointless ones,” Song Zichen said, a deep frown on his face. “He runs in and causes chaos, then flees into the night – he barely even stops to kill people, and almost never steals treasures. At most he goes to make trouble by defacing the walls of some of the ancestral tombs…we can see no sense in it. The only explanation is that his demonic cultivation has in fact driven him mad.”

Demonic cultivation didn’t necessarily drive a person mad. That was something Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng had painfully learned over the years, much to Jiang Cheng’s distress. However, it certainly didn’t help maintain calmness or peace of mind; there was every chance that a delinquent like Xue Yang had had his temperament worsened by demonic cultivation, leading to his present circumstances.

“Indeed,” Jiang Cheng said noncommittally. “I really have only question for you, then.”

Knowing where this was going, Lan Wangji turned his gaze on their guests’ expression.

“Haven’t you been chasing him on your own for all these years now, trying to get him to go to trial for his crimes, refusing any offers of help?” Jiang Cheng asked, his voice suddenly pointed. “Why the sudden change in favor of asking for help now?”

Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen shared another long look between them.

Finally, Xiao Xingchen cleared his throat. “In truth,” he said, “we spread that rumor as a smokescreen. We’re not looking for allies, generally speaking…we really only wanted a reason to ask for your help.”

Jiang Cheng stopped and stared, visibly surprised. Lan Wangji kept his expression more neutral, but privately he was just as taken aback; when they’d discussed this earlier, planning out this conversation in advance, that wasn’t even remotely one of the possibilities they’d considered.

“My help?” Jiang Cheng asked cautiously. “Or…?”

“Yours and Hanguang-jun,” Song Zichen said. “We weren’t sure who else to turn to.”

“What’s the issue?” Jiang Cheng asked, waving a hand to halt their forward progress. A good idea, in Lan Wangji’s view: it was the middle of the night, and they were in the middle of the forest in the back hills near the Lotus Pier, with no one around for a good distance except for trusted Jiang sect disciples – if there needed to be privacy for this discussion, this was the best place for it.

Another shared glance.

Lan Wangji slanted a glance of his own to Jiang Cheng, who returned it: they’d been right, there really was something unusual with this visit.

They stood in silence for a while.

Finally, Xiao Xingchen yielded. “Very well,” he said, and met Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “Sect Leader Jiang…can you tell us what you know about the Ghost General?”

Jiang Cheng stiffened, his fists clenching.

Lan Wangji’s heart felt just as stiff. He stepped forward.

“There are many people who can tell you about Wen Ning,” he said neutrally, watching them carefully. “Assuming that what you wish to know is how he fought or his transformation into a conscious fierce corpse. Is your concern that Xue Yang has replicated the technique and created his own ghost general?”

He didn’t think it would be that. As he’d said, everyone knew what Wen Ning had done once he’d become the Ghost General – the Jin sect would know far better than either of them how fearsome he was, since it was at Jinlin Tower that he had erupted in his final massacre. If they wanted to know about fierce corpses in general, they could go there.

To come here, to Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji – the only two people who were known to have gone up to the Yiling Burial Mounds while Wei Wuxian lived there with Wen Ning at his side, the only living people who knew what the Ghost General was like when he wasn’t being a weapon, to know what Wen Ning was like as a person – suggested something different.

Something impossible.

Xiao Xingchen met his eyes. “It is not.”

“Wen Ning was destroyed,” Jiang Cheng said, his voice tight and unsteady. “He murdered my brother-in-law, my nephew’s father, and when Lanling Jin demanded his head as retribution, he and his sister went to them under pretense of surrender and murdered even more of them before they were taken down. He was destroyed.”

They said nothing.

“The former Sect Leader Jin was very interested in demonic cultivation,” Lan Wangji said slowly. “While Wei Wuxian lived, he sought to claim the Stygian Tiger Seal. When he died…”

He glanced at Jiang Cheng a second time. They had not discussed the subject of the Siege of the Burial Mounds in any detail, as it inevitably put Jiang Cheng into a terrible frame of mind, and Lan Wangji remembered with a shudder the state they had both been in at that fateful meeting – he didn’t want to remember it himself, much less bring back bad memories for Jiang Cheng.

They certainly hadn’t discussed the subject of spoils. The only thing that had ever brought it to mind was the silent presence of Chenqing lying in place of pride in the Jiang sect’s memorial hall as the substitute for the memorial tablet they could not afford to raise for Wei Wuxian.

It hadn’t seemed relevant.

It was now.

“Sect Leader Jin took it,” Jiang Cheng confirmed, his voice shaking a little. “The Stygian Tiger Seal was broken in two, and Wei Wuxian destroyed one of the halves – the Jin sect claimed the other, saying that they were going to destroy it. I think they took more than that, too…I know they took Suibian, but they also took all the papers that’d been left in the cave. I always suspected that that was why they were so protective of Xue Yang, who was a demonic cultivator himself – that Jin Guangshan wanted to squeeze him for information, or maybe even use him to figure out some of Wei Wuxian’s notes…”

His voice trailed off, and he shook his head furiously.

“Wen Ning was destroyed,” he insisted. “The Jin sect scattered his ashes! They – they…”

“They lied,” Song Zichen said.

Lan Wangji pressed his lips together. He had no particularly warm feelings towards Wen Ning, who had been Wei Wuxian’s shadow in that last year or so of life when Wei Wuxian had turned his back on the world – a position Lan Wangji would have given his left arm to have, and over which he had had all sorts of inappropriate feelings of envy and stifled, unjustified possessiveness – but Jiang Cheng took the man’s existence far more personally.

In Jiang Cheng’s view, it had been for Wen Ning that Wei Wuxian had stolen the Wen sect remnants, for Wen Ning that Wei Wuxian had abjured his relationship with the Jiang sect and Jiang Cheng himself, for Wen Ning that Wei Wuxian had given up everything, and yet simultaneously it had also been Wen Ning that had pushed him to the very brink and over. Wen Ning who had murdered Jin Zixuan – Wen Ning who Wei Wuxian had so brutally avenged in the massacre at the Nightless City, at which Jiang Yanli had died.

Wen Ning, who they thought had been destroyed.

“We believe that the former Sect Leader Jin hid Wen Ning away instead of destroying him, then gave Xue Yang access to him, just as he did with the Tiger Seal and Wei Wuxian’s notes,” Xiao Xingchen said, his face solemn. “We also believe that Xue Yang took Wen Ning away with him when he escaped Jinlin Tower once the former sect leader died and the current sect leader took over. We believe that he has been controlling him through demonic cultivation, using him as something of an – accomplice, or something of the sort.”

“Controlling him how?” Jiang Cheng asked. They paused, and he continued, “I’m not stupid. You’re very sure that Wen Ning’s not gone, which means you located him and saw something that made you think so. What was it?”

Lan Wangji nodded shallowly, approving of Jiang Cheng’s deduction – and of the self-mastery he was demonstrating in not exploding in rage on the spot.

“He had nails in his head,” Xiao Xingchen said. “He…the Ghost General was mindless and unthinking, but strong. Very strong. He…”

He trailed off, and shook his head, seeming a bit sad.

“What help do you require from us?” Lan Wangji said, suddenly sick of the tension, and he saw Jiang Cheng throw him a look full of relief for having raised the question.

“Hanguang-jun is right,” Jiang Cheng said, backing him up at once. He crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you need us for? You two are heroes, and half the cultivation world would sell their firstborn child for a chance to bring down the Ghost General to increase their fame – there’s no way you came here just to get our help in bringing him down. If that’s what you wanted, it wouldn’t have needed to be us, and there wouldn’t have needed to be a smokescreen. What do you want?”

“We want to heal him,” Xiao Xingchen said solemnly. “To bring back his consciousness and return his sanity. But we don’t know what he was like, before Xue Yang. The only ones that do are the two of you.”

“You do remember that he killed my brother-in-law?” Jiang Cheng asked, his voice sharp.

“At Wei Wuxian’s order,” Song Zichen responded, equally sharp. “You do not blame the sword for the men it kills.”

Lan Wangji closed his eyes briefly, in pain at the reminder. He took a breath, steadying himself, and then another.

He opened his eyes.

“We will help,” he said, and ignored the betrayed look Jiang Cheng shot his way. They would talk about it later, and he would help Jiang Cheng see that this was what they had to do, no matter how painful. “And we will not betray the secret of his existence.”

“Thank you,” Xiao Xingchen said, and saluted deeply; Song Zichen did as well. “And yet, we have more we would ask of you.”

“Spit it out, then,” Jiang Cheng growled.

“Finding Wen Ning had shown us that Xue Yang’s actions have gone truly beyond the pale, beyond redemption,” Song Zichen said, and his voice was fierce. That wasn’t surprising: it had been his childhood home, his master and fellow disciples, that Xue Yang had attacked. “He is, as you said, a mad dog, biting all that he can – I believe that Wen Ning was his only companion as he fled, chased by the whole cultivation world these past few years. I fear what Xue Yang will do now that his last connection to humanity is gone. He is capable of anything.”

“We must find him,” Xiao Xingchen agreed. “We must find Xue Yang, and we must stop him from doing – whatever it is that he will do next. I cannot even begin to imagine the atrocities he might perpetrate. And so we must ask…”

“Fine,” Jiang Cheng said, and they both looked at him, surprised. “We’ll help you heal Wen Ning, and we’ll even help you hunt down Xue Yang. But this time, no excuses, no dragging your feet, no waiting for a proper trial, nothing like that. He dies, you hear me? Xue Yang is to be killed on sight!”

“I agree,” Lan Wangji said, folding his hands together behind his back. He had helped Jiang Cheng in pursuing and judging demonic cultivators before – there were those that could be granted mercy, and those for whom the only just answer was death; time and too many second chances had made inescapably clear that Xue Yang was the latter. “Each time you have sought to bring him to trial, he has taken advantage of your devotion to justice to escape.”

Xiao Xingchen looked at Song Zichen, who nodded firmly; a moment later, Xiao Xingchen sighed and nodded himself. “Agreed,” he said. “You will help us?”

“We will,” Jiang Cheng said grimly, and Lan Wangji nodded in full support. “It would be a pleasure to wipe that trash off the face of this earth.”

The town was full of mist and fog, choking the throat and making it hard to breathe or see; the feng shui of the entire valley was as bad as could be, and there was more miasma than there was air.

“You there, drunkard, what are you doing!” someone shouted at a figure lying halfway in the door of a house that was filled to the brim with coffins. “Don’t mock our livelihood! Just because it’s a coffin house doesn’t make it a good place to play dead!”

The figure stirred.

But I’m not playing dead, he thought, rubbing his aching head with one hand, noticing that he seemed to be missing his little finger. I actually was dead, wasn’t I?

Wei Wuxian opened his eyes.

#mdzs #lan wangji #jiang cheng #xiao xingchen #song lan #my fic #my fics #delight in misery

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cassianus · 2 years

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St. Peter Verona, Martyr

Born at Verona, 1206; died near Milan, 6 April, 1252. His parents were adherents of the Manichæan heresy, which still survived in northern Italy in the thirteenth century. Sent to a Catholic school, and later to the University of Bologna, he there met St. Dominic, and entered the Order of the Friars Preachers. Such were his virtues, severity of life and doctrine, talent for preaching, and zeal for the Faith, that Gregory IX made him general inquisitor, and his superiors destined him to combat the Manichæan errors. In that capacity he evangelized nearly the whole of Italy, preaching in Rome, Florence, Bologna, Genoa, and Como. Crowds came to meet him and followed him wherever he went; and conversions were numerous. He never failed to denounce the vices and errors of Catholics who confessed the Faith by words, but in deeds denied it. The Manichæans did all they could to compel the inquisitor to cease from preaching against their errors and propaganda. Persecutions, calumnies, threats, nothing was left untried.

When returning from Como to Milan, he met a certain Carino who with some other Manichæans had plotted to murder him. The assassin struck him with an axe on the head with such violence, that the holy man fell half dead. Rising to his knees he recited the first article of the Symbol of the Apostles, and offering his blood as a sacrifice to God he dipped his fingers in it and wrote on the ground the words: “Credo in Deum”. The murderer then pierced his heart. The body was carried to Milan and laid in the church of St. Eustorgio, where a magnificent mausoleum, the work of Balduccio Pisano, was erected to his memory. He wrought many miracles when living, but they were even more numerous after his martyrdom, so that Innocent IV canonized him on 25 March, 1253.

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mayakern · 4 years

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hi maya! i've been following you for years and you've been a big inspiration to me! i'm moving back to my home state in 9 months and when that happens i want to be a full time artist. i've started emailing art directors and opened up commissions, but generally i can't get people to engage with my work. i'm coming to you because i've seen you try so many things throughout the years. if you have any insight, or if i need a reality check, it would be greatly appreciated! thanks for reading!

i don’t know you and i don’t know your situation so i can’t give you any specific advice, so i’ll try and just type out some general “i wanna do art online” tips:

1. make your art easy to find. whether that’s a separate art blog or a prominently displayed art tag, just make sure people can find it within 1-2 clicks!

2. keep practicing, keep doing things you enjoy, keep posting. online following is a snowball. it goes painfully slowly for ages and ages and ages. once it starts to pick up, the rate tends to increase exponentially. there’s also a lot of luck involved. it’s hard to predict what will or won’t resonate with people, so just try to make sure that you genuinely enjoy whatever you make.

3. if you approach working professionals/people you admire for help, demonstrate off the bat that you are familiar with them/their work and keep your email/message brief and be polite. well known/popular artists get a lot of cold emails/messages from all sorts of people, and most frequently from people who just see a follower count or a popular post or something and cold email them without any care or specificity to them as a creator. these sorts of emails usually get dismissed out of hand.

if you are looking to someone for help, be sure there is something specific about them that resonates with you that’s more than just “i see you are popular or successful and i also want that.” no one really likes getting those emails/messages because it feels like they could go to anyone as long as they had a high enough follower count or worked at X company. instead, look at their work or accomplishments and go “this aspect of this person’s work speaks to me, they work this job that interests me, i want to learn, etc.”

AND AGAIN: KEEP IT BRIEF. it’s really tempting to want to perfectly explain yourself/your situation, but you are a stranger and most people working in art are pretty busy, and you are not the only person sending them this kind of inquiry.

for art director stuff specifically, i recommend reading through @dearartdirector. i’m not an art director so i can’t help with that.

4. remember that online following/popularity and success are NOT the same things. i know plenty of popular artists who struggle financially, who can’t break into the industry. i know tons of working professionals who have very small online followings. i know in this hyper connected world, it is very easy to conflate those two things. DON’T DO THAT.

5. similarly, it is very easy to compare yourself to other people and to feel inadequate because others seem to have an easier time of it. this is a horrible illogical thing your brain does to spite you, don’t listen to it. you don’t know other people or their stories. you don’t know their struggles. lots of people work very hard and experience hardships that you will never be aware of, but it will seem externally like they have an easy time of it. it’s the old duck in the pond thing -- above the water they look serene and easy, underwater their flippers are going crazy to churn water.

6. it is okay to fail. everyone fails. it is not shameful or a waste of your time. it is just part of being alive and trying to do something you love.

7. similar to 6 -- be careful with your notions of what failure even means. it’s ok to not work in art, it’s ok to work part time, it’s ok to do whatever you need to do (that doesn’t hurt others) in order to find your way to a happy and sustainable life. similarly, being able to make money off your art is not necessarily a question of skill. there are... a lot of factors. you should not tie your worth to money in general, but you especially should not tie your value to your ability to monetize your art.

8. this is going to be an unpopular one... do not let your passion or desperation control you. sometimes the healthier thing is to not pursue something you love. i had to give up comics after years of making them because even though i loved them, they were terrible for my mental and physical health. it’s ok to love something and let it go and it’s ok to let your goals change. it is not worth ruining your health just for the privilege of making things.

there are a lot of exploitative companies that will try to leverage this to make you take work for terrible pay and no rights. those jobs are never worth it. it is almost always better to do a non-art job and pour that time and love and passion into a project you care about, rather than being someone else’s cheap labor.

9. make friends who are around your age and skill level. i know it’s tempting to want to reach out to artists you admire and try to befriend them -- but it is not comfortable on the other end. usually those artists will be significantly older than you and in a different place in their lives and from their perspective, you are a stranger who is only interested in them because they make a thing you like. it’s a very awkward situation to navigate because you are not treating that creator as an individual, but rather as the conduit for Content You Like.

it is important to find peers to learn and grow with. real, genuine friendship will do so much for you as a person and an artist.

also -- older creators who are very receptive to young, untried artists and who easily let them into their space on the pretense of friendship or mentorship... i won’t say this is always a bad thing, but it can be indicative of bad intentions. there is an inherent power imbalance in that sort of relationship and there are people who will exploit that. this is a painfully common practice

this is a sour note to end this on, but it is a very important one. recently we have seen many industry pros in comics, games, and animation get ousted for exactly that sort of behavior. it sucks that it is a thing we need to look out for -- but it is.

#ask #long post #art tips #faq #xollos

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abstrology777 · 3 years

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Your birthday this year occurs shortly after a New Moon, suggesting a time of new beginnings and fresh energy. You are instinctively starting a new phase in your life. It’s time to give your life a makeover and to branch out into the untried.

This can be a year in which you experience important turning points, or you could begin new projects or goals that have a long-term impact on your life.

You are exploring and discovering your creativity and desire to express yourself this year, and you might often act on impulse. Your love life may be especially animated. You succeed best in fields or areas that allow you to make something beautiful, attractive, and/or entertaining. Sometimes impatient, you might often experience bursts of energy.

Still, this can be an important year for attracting supportive, pleasant, or loving relationships. Your popularity increases and efforts to smooth over challenges in partnerships are more likely to succeed. You’re in better shape for negotiations and unions or partnerships in a general sense.

A key relationship can be integral to healing and may feel quite therapeutic at times. Guiding, sharing, and helping are themes.

This can be a good time to get work done with or for loved ones as well as with home and hearth. It’s also a strong period for the motivation to grow and improve a business or long-term project.

You can be especially motivated to pursue your goals and commitments, and you can be productive and resourceful. This can be a time when you renew a project or passion, enjoying a feeling of being pleasantly ambitious.

Your optimism can help you to attract positive circumstances into your life. You are especially enthusiastic about your ideas, and expressing yourself verbally and in written form comes easily. This is a time for thinking about what is really important to you in the long run. Plans, strategies, and great ideas figure strongly this year.

Fortunately, there can be helpful interactions with superiors or with older or more experienced people during this period, and benefits can come as a result. There can be a choice to structure, limit, or simplify your life in a significant way that leads to major improvements in your life.

At times, you can wrestle with your expectations or struggle between relying on logic and putting your faith in something. Some confusion or even deception can figure strongly in your communications this year, and it’s important to avoid turning a blind eye to important details. Jumping too quickly into things is something to watch for. Watch also for scattering your energies over too many activities and projects.

With a Venus-North Node aspect, this can be an important year for attracting supportive, pleasant, or loving relationships. Your popularity increases and efforts to smooth over challenges in partnerships are more likely to succeed. You’re in better shape for negotiations and unions or partnerships.

As well, some of your relationships (or a significant one) are likely to go through healing. Warmth and commitment can be satisfying this year! You’re also bound to find new and unique ways of making money.

This can be a year when bursts of restlessness, rebellion, and impatience figure prominently. There can be times when life’s circumstances challenge you in such a way that you need to take an entirely new direction or change your goals or actions. If you aren’t too rash or impulsive, you might be able to free yourself from restrictive circumstances. You could also have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward.

Summary:

This is a year of fresh energy–you can feel as if you’re starting a new chapter in your life. Energy can be stop-and-go, but you can experience useful bursts of energy and inspiration that push you forward. Relationships and alliances strengthen, and creativity gets a real boost this year. It’s important not to jump to make decisions without looking at all the angles.

5 year in numerology2021 is a Number Five year for you. Ruled by Mercury. This is a year of discovery and freedom. It's a time when exploration and reaching out to others brings opportunities. It's a good time to advertise, promote, and sell. Surprises are in store, and the routine is broken for the better. This is a year when exciting relationships can be formed; or, if you are already in a partnership, new life is breathed into the relationship. Advice - explore, look for adventure, keep your eyes open for opportunities, diversify, mingle.

6 in Numerology2022 will be a Number Six year for you. Ruled by Venus. This is a year of relative contentment. It's a time when love is the easiest to attract, and partnerships formed under this vibration have a better chance for longevity. You are especially able to attract others--and material things as well--this year. This is a good year for establishing harmony in the family and in the home. Advice - develop existing relationships, be positive and receptive because these kinds of energies help you to attract what you desire.

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letsperaltiago · 4 years

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We’ll sweep out the ashes in the morning |CHAPTER 6|

Even in the middle of New York's freezing month of February, a scandalous familiar fire is ignited within Jake and Amy when they run into each other after years apart. Luckily there's nothing wrong with being caught up in a fire that has to die out soon, right?

Read here or on AO3 - CHAPTER MASTERLIST HERE

In the form of dawn, reenacting the moon’s casting of light from a few hours earlier, the sun rose to its designated time to penetrate the thin material of her bedroom’s curtains drowning said room in a soft, drowsy light. A soft, drowsy light which happened to be strong enough to wake him up or at the very least cause his eyes to stir while rest of his body had a hard time following the cues coming from his barely conscious brain. Though it wasn’t a lot, he was nonetheless aware of a few facts: his surroundings were not the ones of his apartment, the morning’s arrival was upon him, there was softly curved body lying next to him and lastly he was aware of the warmth the body radiated curled up into his chest like it belonged there.

His eyes managed to fight against the heavy tiredness restning in every limb of his body and open to help him finally fully understand the scene he was currently taking part in.

Time: the clock on the nightstand in his immediate field of vision told him the horrid fact that it was just barely 6AM.

Location: delicate colors, decorations of all kinds and last but not least a perfect neatness reminded him of a certain someone’s apartment.

With who: warmth pressed against his chest immediately drew his sight to the right spot, where he got to take in the purest sight he’d been met by in a long time; also better known as Amy Santiago fast asleep on her right side fully doubled up in his arms like it was somehow the most natural thing in the world. Behind her, spread out on her floral pillow, unruly waves of hair dispersed wildly and with no regards to defined patterns as if it were a field of dark wild flowers.

Of course all he wanted to do was touch and explore the tangles, pick these flowers growing from her. But, just like picking and taking home flowers meant to thrive in the wild, that would be selfish of him. Plus it’d also mean he’d have to draw her from her peaceful rest - something he for nothing in this world wanted. Therefor, instead, he settled on admiring, staring at and taking in every little detail of her; everything from the intense fullness of her lashes to the way her skin tasted, sweet like he’d always imagined, when he tranquilly allowed himself to lean down and peck the side of her face that wasn’t hidden against the mattress.

The peck was light yet the longer kind even though he tried to be careful. She’d wake up when she was ready to; not because he had this strange feeling of missing her even though she was right there in his arms, as close as they’d ever been. He drew back to allow himself another good look at her, mainly to admire but also to make sure she was still peacefully asleep.There he was also met by the feeling of tiny bursts of happiness revolting like a chain reaction in his chest and stomach: this was what he’d been looking to feel for so long however not knowing until she came along.

Movement in his arms instantly drew him out of his thoughts only to be met by something so much better than the previous daydream. Indeed, it was the beautiful reality that was Amy Santiago unconsciously shuffling, burying herself further into his chest, and his arms automatically tightened around her even though there was almost to no more space between them to give to her. Then, after sliding his hands to the lower part of her back, his fingers would start forming small drawings of affection. This went on for God even knows how long. Him showering her with silent admiration and even softer kisses to any exposed skin that might be exposed whilst she slumbered peacefully in the love cot formed by his arms and chest. At some point her fingers gradually, more and more purposefully, started stroking him back making the skin covering his collarbones tingle beneath the touch, but even then she still seemed asleep and so he let her be, enjoying feeling of being alive and present in this silent moment with her.

It was only hours later that, or so the clock told him, he could sense her stirring washing away the nagging feeling of missing her. She’d move a bit then lie still like nothing had happened, this repeated a few times, before her head finally tilted just enough for him to see her look at him and, damn, who would’ve thought a pair of drowsy, golden brown eyes could make Jake’s heart do a billion summersaults? Certainly not him but it very much did.

For a moment, when his eyes were met hers where they were perfectly placed right where late morning sun highlighted them perfectly, she said nothing. Instead she simply craned her head further to angle a peck to the underside of his chin, light as a butterfly, before repeating the action, placing one more and one more, progressively moving down his chin, neck, jaw and lastly neck. The world around them was silent and all he could hear was the delicate sound resulting from her lips detaching from his warm, dewy skin. Finally, paired with a heavy exhalation, the last peck stamped his sternum.

Jake had never felt so alive. He was sure of it.

“Morning,” he yawned into her hair before adoringly placing a kiss to the same spot.

As a reaction to the affectionate touch, one so untried yet a feeling she already felt appealed to grow addicted to even though she knew addictions were often a dangerous matter, Amy instantly felt blood rush to her cheeks adding to her skin a warm pink tint. This shade of ting being similar to, Jake briefly remembered, a color he’d noticed in the sky on multiple early mornings where he’d been making his way home from working the night. Perhaps he didn’t exactly love morning but he remembered loving the glow and soothing color palette of a Brooklyn dawn.

“Hey,” she smiled utterly overwhelmed by the instant urge to bury her face back into the safety of his chest but instead, having to somewhat strain herself, settled on keeping her head tilted back as to keep her gaze fixed on his - no backing out this time, she’s made up her mind. Circling around whatever their predicament was, still very much undefined, would be further waste of precious time they’d already missed out on. And she could’ve sworn to herself that, solely based on the way Jake’s eyes shone just a bit brighter when his eyes traced her entity, they were meant to be something greater than just what ifs and could’ve beens. What exactly she, or anyone else for that matter, couldn’t tell but she was sure of one thing: Jake Peralta was a chance she was willing to take.

“How are you feeling?” He languidly brushed a strand of hair away from her face and back into a safe hold behind her ear which had Amy swearing to herself she could feel tingling where he’d just brushed her skin. The night’s remains made themselves present through a slight hoarseness to his voice but, looking past this fact, Amy had never heard him speak with such softness before. Sure, they’d had moments; ones where they felt things they couldn’t speak up about though there was definitely something there; ones of admiration and maybe just a bit more; ones of growing henpecked emotions. Although this? This was something else. This was every single atom in his body channeling the vulnerability that was his infatuation for her right into the open space between them as well as her.

“I’m… good,” because ‘Better than ever before because you’re here with me’ maybe was a bit soon in their given situation.

“Good?” he popped his eyebrows humorously creating a very ‘Jake’ contrast to his still drowsy eyes and that was one of the many things that drew her to him: he was not just anyone but rather someone who had a certain something about him, a way of doing things, that no one else could quite imitate.

“Just good? That’s a shame.”

It took seconds, barely, for Amy to pick up on the teasing ring to his voice which laced up with the tiredness would’ve been very well camouflaged, if it wasn’t for the simple fact that she apparently had cracked the code to his way of being a long time ago - even with all these years in between.

“You don’t deserve me stroking your ego too hard when you come running here in the middle of the night, waking me up and whatnot.”

Two could play that game. The thick sarcasm in her voice was definitely weighing heavily as she spoke - all of this paired with a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders? Jake had without a doubt been challenged to a duel.

“Oh, is that so?” his tiredness held nothing against a smile when he could be nothing but very entertained by this frisky side of Amy Santiago.

“Yeah,” even encircled by his arms Amy managed to fully arch her back in a stretch only to top it off with a performatory yawn “I actually still feel kind of tired so I’m just going to go back to sleep…” she trailed off as she turned over to lie on her opposite shoulder facing away from Jake. Her shuffling out of his arms definitely crossed a certain line within him, a line he until that very moment was was yet to know he truthfully possessed but quickly came to realise he shamelessly did when it resulted in what could be classified as a growl escaping him.

“Oh, don’t-“ he shuffled after her only to latch onto and pull her back first into safe return to his arms. “Don’t play me like that, Santiago,” surprisingly there was no hesitance to the way he then pressede his lips to her ear where spoke directly into it, earning him a full-blown laugh, and it at no point came across, to either of them, as odd or staggering.

“You're stuck here with me now,” he joked while nibbling possessively at the ear along with the area surrounding, loving but somehow also not able to believe it.

“Ugh, really?” her laugh had quieted down and she now spoke with a breathy groan.

That breathy voice was soon cut of though when suddenly, somehow, earning Amy’s confusion, Jake managed to spin her around in his arms as to place them face to face; nose to nose; staring directly into each other’s eyes with such intensity that goosebumps spread all across her body.

“Really,” his voice switched back to soft, very soft, yet also stern and so sincere Amy would’ve believed anything he said in that moment. “If you wanna be?”

Although it was metaphorically when she felt like she was swallowing her previous pride and cockiness, Amy did swallow, what felt like, quite loudly in reaction to the exceedingly intense position they were all at once in as dust particles tumbled around the sunlit space around them.

There was not exactly a way of pointing out what had shifted within her but something had, and she had such strong urge to to act on it. Maybe it was the way he’d grabbed her waist, forcing her back into his arms and then somehow also into a certain headspace, where it really finally hit her that this moment was not a fever dream but instead very much real and would have real life consequences - consequences of which the fallout she was ultimately in charge of.

Noses were still pressed up against one another, the tip of his to the bridge of hers, when the animalistic part of her brain won an internal battle, one she wasn’t completely aware of until then, and drove her to grab his face and pull him into a searing, heavy kiss.

The air around them exploded with an energy made of temporarily forgotten, although always returning, yearning for the other’s uttermost closeness and it was only a matter of seconds, milliseconds, before Jake could neither more or less but give in to their bodies’ demands conducting him to crowd himself on top of his newfound muse who gladly accepted her new designated spot beneath him. Meanwhile their lips almost never lost contact, busy with relishing and only briefly parting in need of respiration, exchanging gnaws and tugs. The limiting themselves to pecks from earlier was very much forgotten and out the window.

Slender hands gripped his biceps intuitively provoking a flex under her touch. Continuing up his arms and shoulders before taking on his sides she made sure to take it all in: his every muscle, the way the skin shaped around his ribs, small beauty spots who’d up until now had been a mystery to her and more importantly the way his flesh and skin seemed to be her perfect handful no matter where she grabbede him; as if he was meant to be touched and adored by her. Only her.

Her touch continued its travel all the way down his ribcage, both sides covered by a hand each, until she reached his lower flanks prompting her hands to centre and meet on the lowest part of his spine.

From there on and all the way up to his neck, delicately with the full surface area of her palm and inevitably inflaming the desire taking over him, Amy traced every joint of his spinal column, internally counting each and every one of them.

Upon reaching its final destination, which from the very beginning had been the thick curls on top of his head: somewhere she’d always dreamed of grabbing, fist full, and tug onto like it was a matter of life and death.

They’ve reached the point of no return. This time there would be no interruptions, no panicking and no running away. The heat between them gradually increased. Sloppy, but good, kisses accompanied by just as sloppy, but oh so satisfying, breaths, moans and whimpers filled the air. The situation was taking them where they’d wanted to be for so long, the closest they could ever physically be. It quickly but carefully took them where their yearning souls and craving vessels soon were clad in nothing sweaty sheets and each other’s skin, moans and declarations in the form of lustful whimpers.

Their bodies, although many parts still complete strangers to each other, fit and moved in perfect harmony. They were insatiable and this could only be stilled by each other by reaching the final climax.

Following this, in the late hours of their morning, Amy’s entire body was now freshly tattooed by red love marks created by his teeth and grasping fingers, meanwhile Jake, especially his back, displayed clear trails of where her nails had held onto him, matching the purple imprints of possession on his neck. Jake would’ve kept adding to the collection forming on her skin, continuously placing licks and bites to her skin even after slowly coming down from their climax, if she hadn’t pushed him onto his back and hovered over him creating the most beautiful scene before him.

There was something about a dewy-skinne, naked and unruly-haired Amy Santiago looking down at you with an ‘i got you’-look in her eyes that simply couldn’t be anything but the best thing he’d ever witnessed with his own two eyes.

“We can’t lie here all day,” she smirked knowing very well that she, and he neither, would really mind staying in bed all day to repeat the act till they ran out of hours.

“We could,” he reached up to grab her face and pull her down into a lingering kiss; a kiss which she just barely managede to get back under control and interrupt before she could get lost in the rush of it all once more.

“Yes, maybe, but let's get up, okay? I’ll make us some coffee,” she smiled sweetly, returning to the sweet innocent persona she was known for and, of course, Jake Peralta couldn’t deny her anything at all even if he wished to.

In the lukewarm air of the forenoon which had grown while they were caught up in bed, Jake, who now stood in her kitchen, alongside the brewing coffeepot, had a surreal almost overwhelming feeling of more to come mulling inside of him. No way he would’ve believed them if someone had told him just months ago that he’d be caught up in the perfect epiphany that was witnessing Amy Santiago clad in (only) his trademark flannel, and apparently she could do pretty much anything, like stand on her tippy toes in order to reach two mugs from upper shelf in her overhead cupboard, like she was currently doing, and it was enough to have Jake pinching himself. Simply standing by, watching, instead of trapping her against the kitchen counter to do anything he wanted to her was beyond average self-control and Jake knew it.

“Here you go,” she poured them both a cup before handing him his.

“Thanks,” the steam coming from the warm liquid hit his face making it impossible for him to know if it was the coffee or her effect on him (maybe a bit of both) working its magic on him.

She leaned back against the kitchen counter throwing him a shy look over the top of her mug, eyes clearly smiling enough for him to know she was shyly biting her lips behind it. They stood in a comfortable silence for a bit although it was no secret to either of them that there were things to be talked about. Someone had to and so after about two silent sips Jake did it: he took the leap.

“So…”

Immediately letting him know that he (of course and always) had her undivided attention by cocking her eyebrows gently, she miserably failed to conceal the fact that she’d hoped he would. She must’ve realised this since her blush blew up significantly, and God, he just wanted to kiss her again and preferably never stop.

“How are you feeling, like, about… this?”

Another silence followed behind the sound of his voice and Amy taking a quick sip but then also breaking into a shy smile. Although she definitely felt a strong sensation of giddiness, happiness and incoming calm in the midst of the deep sea of confusion, how could she tell him what she believed in, them, without overwhelming him and taking the nature of reality for granted? She felt so many things that it was still incredibly hard to tell it all apart. Already scaring him off, so early on, would be such a shame. Yes, she knew he had been the one to show up on her doorstep in the middle of the night; he had been the one to leave Sophia for her… Then why was she still doubting her instincts?

“I feel… good.”

She couldn’t deny the very clear fact that, from the way butterflies went crazy in her stomach, she loved the way his smile grew wider as a reaction to her answer.

“That’s good…” his nod was eager but Amy could also tell he was nervous, restlessly biting his lip when not knowing how to shape and share whatever was on his mind. On the other hand, he had nothing to worry about because neither did she - it wasn’t like any of them had ever been, or even imagined being, in a similar situation. A situation that all at once was very easy but then also very complicated. Furthermore, even though this specific square in the big puzzle they were currently trying to place was complicated enough on its own, Amy couldn’t help but feel specially curious about one other thing.

Athough, she guessed, it didn’t really concern her…

Or it did but then again not really.

The confusion and uncertainty about how much she should question the matter roared in her mind suddenly escaping her off the cuff.

“How did Sophia take it?”

A bucket of ice cold water being poured over the ambience was an appropriate, if not understated, way of describing the following seconds. Jake was no longer smiling like he’d been before but instead looked like a person whose dream scenario, by the flick of a shift, had suddenly turned into a nightmare would look. Just as fast as he Amy came to understand that what she’d previously been enjoying was the calm bliss to be found in the eye of the hurricane, and was now, after stepping onto unsafe grounds, caught and about to be lurched into the hurricane itself.

“Take what exactly?”

The look on his face wasn’t quite oblivious, after all, they were both very much aware of their tricky situation, but Jake still looked somewhat… puzzled. As if he’d honestly and absolutely not, under no circumstances or in any other parallel universe, expected this specific topic: Sophia Perez.

What did he mean by what exactly? Yes, she had messede up too, but it was him who’d bailed on his future wife on their wedding day, and not her, after all. But apparently there now seemed to be more to the story than what he’d told her yesterday, she just hadn’t thought to ask having been all caught up in Jake confessing his feelings to her and all the chaos.

The heavy feeling in her gut, a gut that was almost always right, she’d come to learn a long time ago, along with her heart picking up speed now racing with anxiety, underlined the fact that things were definitely not going where she’d hoped just moments ago. Why on earth did she have to explain to Jake that him leaving his almost-wife for Amy herself was bound to raise questions and an aftermath to resolve?

“What do you mean ‘what exactly?’? You sure haven’t forgotten that you basically left Sophia at the altar to come see me just yesterday, right?” A nervous chuckle was thrown in in a desperate attempt to save the prevailing turn the situation had so suddenly taken.

A pregnant silence immediately killed off said attempt.

“I- uh,” it didn’t go by unnoticed how Jake put down his mug as if to brace himself for impact as he half-stammered. “I never actually told her the uhm- reason behind my decision. I just told her I couldn’t marry her, then ran back to the hotel I was staying at for the wedding, packed my things before dumping them at Charles’. Then Charles of course had to pry so I told him everything, and then, after taking some time to wrap my head around the whole thing, I came here to see you.”

Amy had managed to bury it, given that she trusted Jake, but had deep down feared the storm after the quiet, the war after the peace and this was it: he hadn’t told Sophia about them. For all she knew Sophia could be God knows where in Manhattan’s concrete jungle thinking that Jake just wasn’t ready get married to her rather than not wanting to get married to her - there was a world of difference between the two and it all came pouring down on Amy in that very moment.

Eyes briefly closed in despair she tried to figure out her next move: had she completely misread the situation and even worse misread Jake? Jake that she, looking past their years of falling out, thought she knew so well? Had she gotten so caught up in the rush of feelings upon seeing him that she’d failed to take into consideration the true colors of the situation? The questions all flooded her brain with the force of a tsunami.

“You didn’t-“ her breath hitched and eyes closed once more, somewhat giving herself room to put herself back together, before jumping in head first. “You didn’t tell her about us?”

And although Jake did look awfully regretful upon hearing her question him like this, truthfully representing the good heart Amy deep down knew he had, there could be no other way. She needed the truth even if it wasn’t what she’d hoped for.

“Ames, listen,” he took a deep breath.

“Back then I though I could brush past it. You and I weren’t talking after that nigh at Shaw’s and I, idiotically, thought I could fix myself by still marrying her. I-“

“No, Jake,” she interrupted looking sternly into his eyes, allowing him to see a shade of dark brown he’d never seen in her eyes before.

Feeling trapped in the kitchen she brushede past him in search for safer distancing in the wider space of her paired living/dining room. “I don’t mean back then.”

It dawned upon her just how much worse the problem actually was. She had now actually been the other woman not once but twice - the second time being just this morning and going all the way. “I mean: you didn’t tell her why you were not able to marry her?”

In the rush of the moment where Jake had looked his dressed in white and, he had to admit, beautiful fiancé that no, he was so sorry but he couldn’t marry her, it hadn’t occurred to him to actually explain Sophia why. To him the explanation had been clear: Amy.

Though he’d completely brushed past the fact that Sophia had no good explanation to this, completely unaware of Amy’s newfound presence in his life, and could now, possibly, be thinking that he just needed time or space.

Sophia didn’t even know her future husband had met up with Amy all those months ago, let alone that he had feelings for her that caused him to call off the wedding.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly, Amy,” he wasn’t trying to excuse it per se but he was feeling hopeless and this felt like grasping onto whatever small explanatory bits he happened to have left. He never had any intentions of hurting Amy, of course not, he wanted to be with her!

But now he saw things from her perspective: a perspective where she was caught in the role of the secret ‘other woman’, who he couldn’t commit fully to for a list of reasons, one of them being the fact that his relationship with Sophia technically, explicitly wasn’t over.

“Oh, so you weren’t thinking clearly when you interrupted your own wedding and then decided to come here?” Amy’s words were pure venom at this point as she paced back and forth between the dining table and the couch.

“That’s not what I meant,” he defended himself following her path from earlier out of the kitchen.

“I meant that I didn’t exactly have a script or a clear explanation ready, when I told Sophia. I just… even with Sophia standing right in front of me, all ready and dressed in white, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and so… I just snapped: I told her and got the hell out of there.”

As soon as it was out Jake realised it didn’t exactly sound as good as he had intended it to. It actually made him sound rather inconsiderate of both women’s feelings. It was an understatement to say that this fact was slowly sinking in and eating him up alive.

“… Which I am now realising was dick-move on my part-“

“God, is this really happening?” he could hear Amy mumble to herself rubbing her temples as to appease the horrifying headache the situation had brought upon her.

“Ames, I-“ he started marching over to where she’d somewhat delimited herself behind the couch.

“Stop.”

Jake Peralta wasn’t about to oppose Amy Santiago, especially given the circumstances, and froze on the spot across from her with the couch between them as a border. They looked right at each other clearly communication the large range of emotions they both felt: anger, fear, confusion and disappointment which resulted in the feeling reigning within the both of them: frustration.

It was as if every word, movement, sound and thought that had been thrown around for the past 10 minuets solidified in the air only to drop to the ground creating a non-existent sound of shattering glass. Deafening silence could be used to describe the moment as well but didn’t quite contain the amount of distress they both felt standing there staring hopelessly at each other.

Perhaps they weren’t meant to figure this out after all.

“I can’t,” her voice trembled which immediately reminded Jake of the feeling he got that one time a perp stabbed him in the arm. Except now it was times a thousand, the dagger’s target was his heart and he wasn’t hurting for himself but rather for them. Her.

“What do you mean-“ he tried.

“I know it’s far beyond too late to advert the consequences of what we’ve done, but… I can’t stay in this tangled web you, we’ve, spun ourselves. I’m not about to stand by and act like nothing, when deep down I know Sophia is completely unaware of the truth and you’re not actually… mine.”

The words burned and blessed her tongue all at once. Oh, how she wished to be his.

“I don’t want to be a secret, Jake.”

Jake had never intended for her to be; he simply hadn’t thought the procedure through. Although, he now did see how bad it had to look and therefor couldn’t blame her for reacting like she did. She was just trying to protect herself.

On the other hand he also really wished he’d let him explain: let him explain that he never intended for her to be or feel like a dark secret. Amy Santiago deserved better.

“Ames, you’re not-“

She didn’t let him finish. All hints at emotion had been drained from her leaving him to stare right into dead eyes and a blank expression.

Her defence mechanism loaded a metaphorical gun and shot his heart.

“I need you to leave.”

What was left of their doomed hope, now shot down and left to die, was left scattered on the floor surrounding them both like deep waters around an island of despair. Before him he saw the woman he actually truly wanted to be with, but he couldn’t force her to look past his mistakes, when he was the one who’d rushed the job and left it to blow up in his face - hers too, actually. There was nothing for him to do but, unwillingly, comply and respect her choice at least until he had a solid solution to offer her.

What worried him the most though was the uncertainty: was this his chance to clean up his mess or was it actually the end?

He never got an answer: before he could even begin to ask she shot him down for good.

“Please leave. Now.”

And so he walked out in silence leaving his hearts sad remains behind for her to take care of until his return.

That is if she actually wished to.

#peraltiago #jake x amy #fanfiction #multichapter #peraltiago fic #jake and amy #Brooklyn Nine-Nine #b99 #jake peralta #amy santiago

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