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flos-gelida · 2 years

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nothing to fear.

What if you didn't know Thancred? Would you play with us again? But you love Thancred! Yes, yes! How embarrassing!

This is an uriancred fic I wrote over two years ago, it is a bit messy, but I like it still. I would like to revisit this in the future and rewrite it since I have a much better handling on how to write the ffxiv characters. The characterization of my own wol in this piece is really... different from how she is now.

Years and years of an eternal day, devoid of any semblance of seasons or weather, left those who were victim to it for the duration of their lives to be unaware of what was happening in the moments those natural occurrences came about. The first fall of night left many in fear, but many more in wonder. And the cycle continued as the citizens of the First came to experience many things Eris was used to. The darkening of the sky early in the day as a thunder-storm rolled in — the howling of the wind and the lightning that accompanied it — all things she had seen time and time again on the source. Having been on the first for nearly a century, G'raha had grown unaccustomed to changes in the weather. Luckily, Eris was there to remind him, and many other Crystarium residents, that everything was fine. The wind may be harsh and the rain be unforgiving, but it was long overdue, and she wanted them to realize that.

She wondered, however, how Ryne was faring. Having grown up locked away, minimal knowledge of who she was or why she was there, left her even more vulnerable to things of this nature. The young girl was typically on the forefront of everyone's minds, leaving them all — especially Thancred — feeling much like a parental figure to her. Sure, the twins had been with them for years now. But even though they were all around the same age, the Leveilleur's seemed much older. Even Eris needed to pause sometimes and remind herself that they are indeed still children, and no matter how much they insisted she didn't need to, she would still assert herself like the elder sibling they lacked.

"Having stayed in a place like Amh Areng for as long as I did, it's nice to see this again." Ah. Speak of the devil. "Before you begin worrying as I know you are prone to do, Urianger and the others are fine. Those two have traversed many a storm before."

Eris customarily greeted Alisaie with a gentle tail around the wrist. Despite the sharp ends, she seemed to have perfected her silent greeting without injuring her companions.

"Yes, yes. I am well aware." She watched the rain as it poured down, thrashing every which way, only protected from it thanks to the intricate ceiling above. "But even you must admit that this is a much worse storm than one we have seen in quite some time."

"I won't lie and say the initial thunder didn't startle me." Alisaie shrugged. She held a hand out over the railing, letting the sharp rain sting her skin as it fell. "However, even if they are unsettled by it, Thancred and Urianger would do anything to see Ryne quickly and safely back here."

"I suppose you're correct."

"Of course. Now, are you going to join the rest of us as we prepare for them, or are you going to sit here and worry yourself until I know you leave to find them and bring them all here on your back if need be?" Alisaie turned on her heel, extending her elbow for Eris.

"Alright, alright. Your point is made." Eris gave one more glance to the unforgiving skies before she pulled away, taking hold of Alisaie's arm.

Across Norvrandt, along the border of Il Mheg and Lakeland, three souls were sprinting through the harsh weather. Thancred held Ryne on his back, his jacket pulled around her to shield her from the rain, and the oncoming hail if his gut was right.

"Twenty malms away, there shall be a fort that we might think to rest at." Urianger suggested, doing the best he could to keep somewhat of a barrier above him and his companions as a makeshift umbrella.

"To hell with that. We might as well just keep going and hope we run out of it. If we make a detour and take longer than we must, Eris will come drag us back her-" Thancred turned quickly, removing one arm from holding Ryne to shove Urianger out of the way as he forced the trio to dive onto the ground. Had his instincts not been half as sharp as they were, they would have all just fallen victim to the lightning that struck the ground beside them. Ryne sat up startled, clearly shaken from coming so close to the shock of a lifetime while simultaneously being knocked from Thancred's back and into the mud, despite his best attempt to keep a one armed hold on her.

"Perhaps thou would like to reconsider my earlier proposal."

"I have a feeling this is about to get worse." Thancred got to his feet first, helping Ryne back up — Urianger following suit on his own. "The fort is nearby, we should hurry."

═══════════════════════

Thancred departed from the dining area, leaving Ryne behind to eat and chat with some of the young guards. He searched high and low for Urianger, spotting him leaning against the railing of a balcony high above him. He climbed the stairs slowly, thinking carefully on how to approach him. But, being poetic was never his strong suit.

"Out with it." Thancred demanded once reached the top. He took up the spot next to Urianger, standing atop the highest balcony of the far back building. "You would not have made your way all the way up here had you not wanted to speak privately. You've been acting strange these past few days."

"Tis nothing more than a mild headache that has yet to dull." Urianger assured him, or, attempted to. But Thancred knew him, and he knew him well . And for all his weaknesses, reading Urianger was something he excelled in.

"Oh, come on. There is no need to lie when we are away from prying ears. If you have bad news about getting back to the Source, you can just say it."

"Tis also not be the case." Urianger sighed. He brought his gaze up to the sky above, the dark clouds beginning to become shrouded in the blackness of night. His eyes seemed to search the barely visible stars for the answers. "Would that I might be able to speak more on the subject, but some experiences have rendered my ability to useless."

"For once in your life can you not speak in riddles? No dancing around the subject?"

"I fear that this is all I can say."

"Why?"

"...Tis not a decision I hath made on mine own." Urianger explained. "A difficult decision hath been laid upon me — one that risks losing something of import, whether I act or not."

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"I fear I have been sworn to secrecy, for sharing anything save for what I must is against the rules. " Urianger explained. Thancred felt his gut twist. The gods damned fairies.

"So I would be correct in assuming you can not tell me without something being taken from you?" Thancred knew asking was, most likely, futile. A game with the fairies was a very difficult thing to play.

"The risk of loss comes from inaction."

"So, just tell me?"

"I am afraid the subject tis not something that can be discussed easily." Urianger shifted a bit. Strange.

"If not saying will make you lose something, then how can it be better to keep it to yourself?" Thancred asked. "Ah. Unless it is something you don't care to lose."

"Very much not the case." Urianger answered, almost instantly. "Tis something… quite precious."

"Okay, okay. So, if you don't want to outright tell me, do you need me to guess?" Thancred suggested.

"Nay. We shalt not reenact scenes from one of many intoxicated games with you." Urianger smiled briefly.

"I am quite the expert at charades, I'll have you know." He grinned smugly. This was beginning to wear him down. Thancred could only handle so much of Urianger dancing around certain topics before getting tired of listening. "Ryne is still downstairs, so hurry it up."

"I-"

" Hey ." Thancred turned Urianger, slamming his palm down on the railing next to them. He glared up into Urianger's eyes, barely taking in the expression staring back at him before they made contact.

Thancred felt his heart stop for a moment. The feel of Urianger's lips against his own, long fingers tangled in his soaking wet hair, stubble scratching his face as they made contact. He wanted the world to freeze in this moment, allow him to sink even deeper into the touch that he craved so desperately.

But nothing good would come of it, that he knew for sure.

He pulled away, leaving Urianger to slowly lift his touch. They lingered like that for a moment — Thancred unsure of what to do, Urianger with his hand at the nape of his neck.

"Mine apologi-"

"The rain is beginning to let up. We should go." Thancred turned on his heel and departed without so much as another word.

Urianger watched him go, a subtle panic setting in. What a fool he was.

The voices of those damned creatures swam around in his head as he caught sight of Thancred on the ground once more.

You're no fun anymore, Urianger! All you do is talk about Thancred! All you do is talk to Thancred!

What if you didn't know Thancred? Would you play with us again?

But you love Thancred! Yes, yes! How embarrassing!

Both of you can play with us! Yes! Both of you if you tell Thancred you love him!

If you don't, then you'll forget him!

Either way, you will play with us again, won't you Urianger? You'll entertain us again, right Urianger? Invite us over again, huh Urianger? Urianger? Urianger…? Urianger…

"Urianger!" Ryne shouted. She jumped up and down, waving to him from stories below. She brought her hands up to her mouth, cupping them before shouting again, "Come on! We're leaving while the rain is light!"

Urianger nodded, waving down to her as he pulled away from the guardrail. Another twinge of pain struck him, causing him to stumble. He knew the clock was ticking; He knew time was running out.

═══════════════════════

"Is everything alright with them?" Eris whispered to Ryne. The pair, accompanied by Alisaie, watched the rest of their Scion friends from across the room. Urianger seemed to be enthusiastically recounting everything he had read recently to G'raha and Y'shtola, Alphinaud nodding along and taking mental notes. Thancred stood off to the side, sneaking glances at Urianger every so often, before he averted his gaze once more.

"I don't know." Ryne answered sadly, a small pout to her lips as she spoke. "Everything was fun until the storm hit and when we stopped to rest, I was eating and they walked off to talk. Thancred came back first but he looked… not sad, but something like it. That look he gets when he's messed up."

"So they fought? Whatever for….?" Alisaie asked, mostly rhetorically.

"Hmm…" Eris thought hard.

"Are you going to go over there?" Alisaie asked.

"Aye."

"Are you going to make things worse?"

"Probably."

"Carry on."

Ryne seemed, understandably, worried as Eris made her way across the room, pulling Thancred aside. The au ra could see Urianger's gaze follow Thancred out of the corner of her eye as her and her white haired companion made their way onto the balcony. She rested her elbows on the guardrail, Thancred following suit. After a moment, she dug through her coat and pulled the ring Ryne had given her out of her pocket, handing it to Thancred.

"My, my. Is this a proposal?" Thancred grinned. Eris, despite how it used to annoy her so, was glad that despite everything, Thancred had not changed completely.

"Far from it. You are absolutely not my type." She waved him off. "This was a gift to me from Ryne. Which I am, of course, grateful for. But the work she put into this, I know she would only put so much effort into something on the road if she had been stressed out. Crafting is an easy distraction."

"You don't need to drum up some excuse. I saw the two of you conversing and I can guess what about." Thancred drew in a sharp breath, exhaling slowly. He fixed his eyes on the moon above, hoping to lose himself in its glow.

"Alright then. What did you two argue about?" Thancred glanced over at Eris, her look of concern something all the Scions found it hard to ignore. "I won't push, but I have ideas."

"It was nothing that could impact any of you, rest assured."

"Hardly an answer to my question."

"I thought you wouldn't push it?"

"I won't, I won't. Well, maybe a little. I want to help, is all." Eris' smile dropped for a moment. "All of you bend over backwards for me, doing what you can to leave me out of things until I am needed because you all seem to think it will add undue stress in between the big things."

"Which-"

"Which is not true. I want to help all of you, as friends. I want to listen to what troubles you. I don't want to be treated like someone of more importance, not after this long." Eris closed her eyes and sighed. "Which was a very long way of saying, you are my friend, Thancred. And friend's help each other when they have something on their mind. Believe me, Urianger will be getting this earful later. I had to give the same speech to G'raha and Y'shtola too."

"I suppose you are correct." Thancred handed the ring back to Eris, turning to rest his back against the railing. "Let's say G'raha fell victim to a curse. If he didn't let loose the most heartfelt secret he had in a certain amount of time, his memory, his vision, etc. would be at stake. The nature of this secret, however, pertained to you, and as he could not speak up about his curse, he did what he could to explain it through actions since he was too embarrassed to utter the secret aloud."

"Did you guys fuck?"

"N- Eris!" Thancred choked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Eris giggled. "It's amusing, however, that you want me to speak plainly, yet you explain your situation in metaphors."

"Right again. It is just…"

"Difficult to say aloud?" Thancred nodded. "Using G'raha as an example is an evil move." Eris chuckled, a small blush creeping across her face. "I know how it feels to love, but be confused in that feeling. To… to be unsure that even if it's what you both want, is it what you need? Is it what's right or will it doom you both? And it's something I have fought with myself on time and time again. But I came to the conclusion that, despite what may happen, I am short on happy moments. And with him around, even if in the end it doesn't work, at least for now, for the both of us, we would be happy. And, as luck would have it, I planned to act on tonight."

"I don't know the two of you the way you know each other, so I am sure there are many circumstances unique to you and Urianger that I can not relate to. But I know the general feeling. I understand the struggle." Eris continued. "My point is, whatever it is the both of you are scared of, you have faced much worse. Allowing yourself to fall in love is not something to fear."

"... I will have to think on it."

"I know maybe you're scared that allowing this attachment will make you lose him, but…" Eris watched Urianger, the way he'd look at Thancred with every chance he got. "I think he is too. It's something to work on. Together."

"Plus, what kind of parents are you to Ryne if you're not even together!" Eris nudged him with her elbow.

"Okay, okay. You have made your point." Thancred smiled softly. "You should get back over there. The exarch looks like he is about to pass out from all the info Urianger is throwing at him."

"Then, evening." Eris bowed dramatically as she departed, strutting back inside to repeat her earlier stunt and rescue her beloved G'raha from the clutches of an Urianger speech. "Thancred was asking about you, by the way." She told the elezen.

Gods damn her, not even allowing him a moment to organize his thoughts.

"We'll be back. I had something I wanted to show him." Eris grabbed G'raha's hand, flesh entwining with crystal.

"We can continue sharing these ideas in the morning." He nodded to Urianger and Y'shtola, before turning excitedly on his heel with Eris tugging him along.

"You had best listen to her." Y'shtola grinned.

"Our dear Warrior of Light is well versed in placing herself where she need not be."

"Oh, please. Can you just go talk to him already?" Alisaie rolled her eyes, following in Eris' footsteps and 'placing herself' in the conversation.

═══════════════════════

"Once more, I ask." Thancred gripped his hands together tightly. "Out with it."

"... Was this not thine reason for departing earlier?"

"Urianger, please." Thancred asked once more, almost begging. He could act like the kiss meant a million things, but unless he heard from Urianger exactly what this secret was, his mind would wander.

Urianger turned away, unable to bring himself to look at Thancred as he spoke. "Much and more time have we spent together. Since coming to the First, thine own course hath brought thee to mine side on many an occasion, and vice versa. We have done much in aiding the cause to save our home and bring Eris to us once more." He paused, flinching ever so slightly as another headache hit him. "I have… enjoyed your companionship, Thancred. And, although for myself, this hath indeed been a long time coming, I do only wish that I had not been doomed into telling thee in the midst of such unforgiving circumstances. The fairies love their games, after all."

"I have found thee to be…"

There were not many times that Urianger found himself at a loss for words. Thancred was used to his ramblings and almost preferred it when Urianger would go off on a tangent, speaking about things for hours on end, even if Thancred had no idea what the hells he was going on about. So to see him, flustered and quiet, it stirred something within him. Something that, for him too, had been bubbling for years. Something he never felt there was a right time to say. Something that he knew, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, would last.

"Allowing yourself to fall in love is not something to fear."

"Uri-"

"Please, allow me a moment. For I must say it to thee on mine own."

A strange quiet filled the air, suffocating Thancred as he was left to let his thoughts brew.

"First and foremost, I owe thee a proper apology for thine sudden outburst earlier. I was… overwhelmed and mine judgement was clouded. Should ye be angry, tis understandable."

"Thancred…" Urianger breathed in deep before continuing. "Mine heart yearns for thee. Much of mine time, whether you are present or not, is spent thinking about thee. If you are not present, mine thoughts wander to the next visit. However, should thou think ill of me for my display earlier, I would think no less of thee."

There was another moment of silence as Thancred took in the words and Urianger regretted saying them. Risking the ruin of a friendship, a partnership , was difficult, to say the least. But he thought it better to lose that relationship, than lose his memory of Thancred completely. His memories of Thancred, of everything they've been through together, were precious to him. To imagine a life, not knowing who the man next him was, hurt worse than the thought of Thancred hating him.

Thancred stretched onto the tips of his toes, placing a hand on either side of Urianger's face. He pulled the taller man down with no hesitation, planting another kiss to the lips he grew to miss in just a few hours. "You are a fool to think so."

#ffxiv #uriancred #fic #my writing

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