#v { distortion }; how you distorted my reflection | michael

[acemenagerie-a]

👄 Michael/Distortion, talk about your other half

Run Your Mouth || ACCEPTING

It is an odd and practically impossible request.  Michael is not Michael and yet is and hates it and yet cannot hate what he it they is are not.  There is no seam where the twisting impossible corridors end and the essence of Michael begins.  There is a person and a door and they are different and they are the same and they are apart and they are inseparable. 

“Poor, poor Michael was dreadfully naive and gullible.”  And yet, for the directionality of the words, they are said with such a human level of malice and disdain; not the impersonal, incomprehensible malevolence of the time before he it was was not Michael.

“I never wanted to be Michael.”

[ritualwritten]

DISTORTION TAGS

[ba1aphoebeowen]

Child Psychology Research & References

Due to the nature of my essay question, I’m going to have to look at a variety of more scholarly sources that look into child psychology - a subject I don’t have much experience in. As I look at sources, I’m going to keep track of the proper Harvard referencing for them as well as the page numbers I will need to cite if I used certain quotes and theories in my essay.  Because of the complexity of this subject, I’m also going to have to be wary of the legitimacy of these sources, as I will also be gathering them online. I hope to determine that the ones I am using are reliable by cross-referencing pieces of information between them, and making sure that the information I am given is consistent. 

Child Trauma (Ebooks)

The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What it is and How to Help

“form a brain that is almost always wired on hyper alert because the world seems to scary” (chapter 2) “If a traumatic experience happens repeatedly it would be normal for the child to live in a continual state of threat... makes it really difficult for the child to think, reason, negotiate or reflect” (chapter 2) “The threat response impacts a child’s behavior, their feelings and their relationships because they don’t feel safe but instead feel threatened, scared, confused and unstable” (chapter 2) “When a person has been hurt in a relationship, they can only be healed in a relationship” (chapter 2)

When a child is hurt by someone, either on purpose or accident, a child finds it hard to trust that person. They question if they can. Events and that make them feel scared will affect their trust and how well they can relate to other people (adults and children). This can further lead to “loneliness, isolation, bullying or - worse still - being exploited.”

Trauma is known to make children act negatively, and this is because they don’t have enough “internal space to hold all of the negative feelings they feel”. 

When a child ‘acts out’ in these ways, it’s a clear sign that they are in need of help. From this point they can go a few ways, such as becoming a perfectionist to prove that they are good, or progressively get naughtier and naughtier to suit the label given to them. 

“Children can often hide their vulnerability by acting angry or tough or like they don’t care. But they do care. It’s just a way of protecting themselves because they are so used to being rejected and mistreated.” (chapter 2)

Subconsciously traumatic experiences can be linked with senses or situations, leading to the child being able to become ‘triggered’ at certain things, causing emotional outbursts. They are often sensory related. 

“Anger is usually an expression of fear... usually a learnt behavior that has kept them alive in times of extreme fear”

Things that can help a child in recovering from trauma are empathy, kindness, patience and communicating with the child one on one when possible. 

Children in War (Ebooks)

Children and Disasters: A Practical Guide to Healing and Recovery

Children that have lost a loved one or caretaker are found to be more likely to develop “emotional or personality disturbances than children who have not”. (page 10)

The age of the child will change how they experience traumatic events - “younger children are more vulnerable to injury than other children”, “experiences that could be tolerated by a 12 year old child can literally destroy an infant (Perry, 1997)” (page 75) 

Perry,B.D.(1997).Incubatedinterror:Neurodevelopmentalfactorsinthe“cycleofviolence.”InJ.Osofsky(Ed.),Childreninaviolentsociety(pp.124–149).NewYork:GuilfordPress.

“Children have been identified as being among the most susceptible among the population to negative effects of trauma” (page 85)

How a child is affected by a traumatic event will depend on certain variables, such as the child’s developmental level, their coping strategies, amount of exposure to trauma and the reactions of the people around them. The results seem to be greater when they “experience loss or devastation, are directly exposed to the event, are separated from their parents or see their parents react in a panicked manner” (pages 85-85)

Reference to Harry Stack Sullivan - Interpersonal Theory https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f6ce/64e590d18de7c4d1c4a832cc06c03d0ea7ab.pdf (pages 226 - 233)

Stages of development: 

Infancy: Tenderness, good / bad mother, good / bad me

Childhood: Protection, Security, Syntaxic Language, Ego skills

Juvenile Era: Living in a world of peers, competition, compromise, cooperation

Preadolescence: Intimacy, affection, respect

Early Adolescence: Intimacy, lust, balance of lust, security operations

Late Adolescence: Fusion of intimacy and lust, discovery of self and the world outside the self

Adulthood

Signs of dysfunction by ‘developmental stage’

Infancy: Avoidant or ambivalent, dysfunctional attachment (mother figure significant) Childhood: Avoiding social interactions, inability to show sadness or empathy, aggression, impulsive, self-doubt Juvenile: Fails socially, motor awkwardness, lacks persistence, poor sense of self-competency (cooperative play important) Preadolescence: Dependant, lacks academic achievement, relationship difficulty Early Adolescence - Late Adolescence: Antisocial behaviors, lacks healthy coping skills, poor peer relationships

“Young school aged children (6-9) often feel responsible for events, loss or death. They still possess magical thinking and may associate loss and death with witches, monsters, violence, mutilation or punishment. Older school-age children (10-12) realize that death is permanent and that everyone dies.”  (page 93) 

Lack of attachment (Website Resources)

Psychology Today:

The long-term impact neglectful parents

“If there was a lack of emotional attachment in childhood, this affects relationships later in life and can make it difficult to trust others. Fear is often expressed and felt without always understanding why.”

“ – Idealization of [his] parents was essential for [his] survival.”

4 ways traumatic childhood affects adult relationships

“When caregivers reject [us] or are unresponsive to [our] needs, we may develop an insecure – avoidant or dismissive – avoidant attachment style. Likely to avoid close relationships or keep partners at an emotional distance. You may hide your feelings, push people away, keep secrets, and shut down when others show emotion.” “insecure-avoidant people often strongly desire relationships and feel alone”

“If caretakers fluctuate between being responsive to our needs and dismissive or neglectful…” “insecure – ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied attachment. Ever watchful of changes in your relationships, sometimes to the point of paranoia. May feel like you’re more devoted to your partner than they are to you, have low self – esteem, and show a high level of emotional dysregulation (mood swingss).

Affects our partners. Hard time recognising your partner’s emotions or responding appropriately to his or her feelings.”

NCBI:

“Children who do not form secure attachments to caregivers risk developing anxiety or other internalizing problems.”

“- insecurely attached children also are more likely to have difficulties regulating emotions and interacting competently with peers.”

“-children form attachments to caregivers who provide protection and care (Bowlby J. Attachment and loss: Vol. 1: Attachment. 2nd ed 1982)

Harvard Referencing

De Thierry and Betsy (2016) The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What it is and How to Help. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Zubenko,W and Capozzoli,J (2002) Children and Disasters: A practical guide to Healing and Recovery. Oxford: Oxford University Press

Mcbride, K.B. 2017. Psychology Today. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201708/the-long-term-impact-neglectful-parents

Brandt, A.B. 2017. Psychology Today. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201708/4-ways-traumatic-childhood-affects-adult-relationships

Kerns, K.A. 2014. Ncbi. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3960076/

Ramires, V. 2016. Fronteirsin. [Online]. [05 November 2019]. Available From: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01783/full

Feist, J and Feist, G. (2008) Theories of personality. 7th. New York:  McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages [chapter 8]

Vogler, C. (2007) The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers. 3rd. California: Michael Wiese Productions

[emmagillandersgradedunit]

Other Visual inspiration Pinterest

To go along with my photographer research, I will continue adding interesting visuals which relate to my project into my graded unit pinterest board. This will serve as a reference to other influential photographers, as well as a pool of techniques and tutorials to try out during this process. 

I have discovered while researching that there are many unconventional structure images out there, and lots talented artists with concepts and ideas at the heart of their work. I have selected a few examples of photographs from various artists who I also plan to take inspiration from for my graded unit. 

Image 1 is by German photographer Christian Ruhm, from his Momento series. His multiple exposure images are created in camera and not through editing, which I find very impressive. I would like to investigate further how he accomplishes his images, but I believe the result of his technique could easily be replicated in Photoshop.

Image 2 comes from artist Serge Mendjisky. His images are made up of photographic prints which cut into several pieces and re-arranged into a collage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5ny9wAil9Q I love how with this abstract technique, you only just make out what is in the image. There is a building visible, but it’s very disjointed and surreal looking. I simply do not have the time to print many images, cut them up and stick them back together for my project. However, with image 1, I imagine this effect could also be attempted through editing, though it too could take some time.

image 3 is a photograph by another German photographer, Florian Mueller, who has special interest in architectural and abstract imagery. His transitus series of images are highly influenced by the painting ‘The Monk by the Sea’, where his subject matter is reduced to certain facts, forms and colours. The image above was created panning the camera vertically during the long exposure, which perfectly blurs the view, creating a sense of motion, and you can still pick out the essence of the structures through the abstraction.

image 4 is something very unusual. It is an example of work from Photographer Machel Wesely, who set his custom-made pinhole cameras across parts of construction sites and documented the change through extremely long exposures. This means he had left the camera shutter open for months, even years. The image I have selected above took 2 years to create. In a sense, his work shows the passing of time in a single image, with a ghostly appearance of things moving around. His work is inspiring because as a viewer, you could spend a long time admiring the depth of his unique images. 

image 5 is a photograph by Peter Stubbs. His technique is simple yet effective and is something I may consider trying for one of my photo shoots. He has photographed buildings on reflective surfaces, creating a distorted view of reality. The grid of the windows helps structure the image composition, as well as adding slight elements of geometry and pattern. I know there are a few reflective buildings in Glasgow which I may be able to use to capture some creative architecture shots.

image 6 is a composite image, where several different buildings have stuck together by artist Beomsik Won. His work ‘archiscultpure’ focuses on the work of various architects from across several cities. He photographs buildings of varying styles, geographical locations and time periods and melds them into one flowing ‘sculptural’ piece. Having been quite successful with my composite image for the whisky brief, I may explore ways of joining parts from separate buildings together in Photoshop.

[acemenagerie-a]

♬ Distortion? whichever embodiment of lost and helpless is easiest to find a song for

both bc im not a coward jdfhjdsfjhgfsd || ACCEPTING

Micheal  ( this one is abt the Vibes, lyric threads may be tenuous but there are Sannikov Land Vibes™ )

The Miserable Story of My Destruction - Ferry ft. Gumi

And they say, "Go down there and you're dead!" But believe me, it's all nonsense crazy talk Take my hand, I will show you how fun it is To take part in the coolest party on the block, oh yeah

Oh no, this doesn't look good I'd run from this, if only I could Such haunting light is now glowing in her eyes My demise Seems a guarantee

Helen ( ngl this is also mostly the upbeat distorted Vibes & also helen being beautiful bc... listen )

There’s Something Happening - Jack Stauber

What have I been saying? Time and time again Why would you listen now? You didn't listen then! Get along, please understand me Your fancies are commanding Hangman, for any...

[acemenagerie-a]

Dear Gertrude, for Michaeortion

✉ Letters ✉ || ACCEPTING

The letter immediately causes a migraine upon looking at it.  There is a bold fractal pattern that covers the whole of the paper that constantly shifts and twists and changes color.  And the text is no more legible than one would expect.  It too constantly shifts in hue, often blending into the very fractal behind it.  

Further lowering the legibility is the fact that this is a crossed letter - one set of writing was written normally while the other exists at a 45 degree angle to the first.  At least, that’s what the first headache inducing glance indicates.  Upon trying to read it, it becomes clear that this is not so neat as a crossed letter.  Instead the words appear to twist around one another, spiraling inward but no line is any shorter than the one before it.

Looking at this too long is liable to permanently skew your perceptions of reality but, thankfully, someone else has bitten that bullet to provide a - slightly - more legible transcript.

Dear Gertrude Robinson,

Hello~!  It’s me Michael not Michael.  Do you remember me?  You have to!  I mean, you pushed me into the mouth of horror ruined my entire existence!  You can’t exactly forget someone you did that to.  Or maybe you could I know now how easily you deceive you don’t seem much the caring type do you, Gertrude?  You’re breaking a lot of eggs to make this omelette!  Oh poor foolish, naive, innocent Michael.  How could you do that to me? I He trusted you!

But that was my his mistake, wasn’t it?  You aren’t trustworthy!  Which I don’t say to hurt you, because, knowing you, you’d take that as a compliment!  But really, we I are am delusion incarnate and the way you twist the truth is just spectacular sickening.  An inspiration really!

I suppose you’re lucky that vengeance isn’t a consideration of mine that you know how to keep yourself safe.

Your loyal assistant, Fuck you, Michael I Am Not Michael

[acemenagerie-a]

Distortion?: examine map

RPG Item Descriptions || ACCEPTING

A map?  What do you care for maps?  You are blossoming into existence, the throat of delusion opening into the world, ready to twist it around and around and around until nothing can be believed!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: FAIL ]

You are focused on the utter ecstasy that is your becoming.  The world will be you, only impossible hallways that run on top of one another!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: MARGINAL SUCCESS ]

You feel something... someone inside you.  Well that’s just fine; just one last simple victim before you feed on the fears of the entirety of creation!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: SUCCESS ]

Something is wrong.

You feel your inner mirrors be shattered, doors passed through, hallways navigated.

This human knows the way.

You are supposed to be unknowable, pure delusion, impossible to understand!

>_ examine: MAP

For a moment, while you are still you - which means being nothing and everything - you look at the person inside you, scared and lanky, before a door that opens to your core of ever-changing, nebulous being.  You know he holds a map.

He knows he’s where he’s supposed to be and reaches for the handle.

You see yourself in the map.  You wonder how anyone could obtain this.  How anyone could craft an accurate map.  You yourself would be unable to craft an accurate map because you cannot know yourself, you have no self to know.

A map like this should not exist.

>_ STOP HIM

It is too late.

The human turns your handle, opens that terminal door, and your lack of concrete being is ripped apart and mushed together like clay and identity is thrust upon you.

This is wrong! WRONG! WRONG!

And you feel fear and hurt and anger and betrayal and that is not you! But it is you. But it cannot be.

But it must be.

You have a Self and you HATE IT.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( y’know sometimes u think abt the good hugs of one of ur muses before bed and, as u’re trying to sleep, remember the mortal kombat’s best cuddler unraveled video and have this image beamed straight into ur brain at 2:30am and then have to produce it 12+ hrs later bc u slept past noon

y’all know that feel right? #sorelatable

anyway! commentary under the cut!! ))

Pure Distortion : Bad cuddler for many reasons.  First off, just infinite hallways of doors and mirrors.  How’re you supposed to hold that?  Secondly, it is a being of pure lies and deception and is completely incomprehensible to the human mind so, like, not gonna be there for you when you need it.  Third, will eat you.

Michael Distortion : Adds knife hands to the cuddle experience more than Pure Distortion, however, has chosen to not use knife hands that one time with Sasha, so, is slightly less dangerous overall.  Has also let people out of infinite corridors so.... Unfortunately still not very emotionally available.  Refuses to outright answer questions.  Even if he does finally open up about his deep brimming self-loathing and unimaginable rage, he’ll only do it right before attempting to murder you.

Helen Distortion : Much more emotionally available.  She is here for you if you’re undergoing an existential crisis.  She’s accepted having a self and we love self-acceptance here.  Unfortunately, still got knife hands.  Also still eldritch being of pure lies and deception and infinite hallways so, like, you may get eaten.  And maybe get a real estate pitch while you’re getting eaten.

Elias : Unfathomably touch-starved.  He will cry the second you put a hand on him and it will be A Lot.  If this is after Jonah’s eyes are taken out, his tear ducts are messed up to the point that moisture levels of the cuddle will be unaffected, but like... it’s still A Lot.  Even after, he can be a bit overly attentive, afraid of ending up utterly alone.  He does want you to have a good cuddle and 1000% deserves to be held, but you need to be ready for some emotional baggage before you walk in.

Jonah : Bastard.  Admittedly, the immediate physical risk is pretty low compared to the Knife Hands Squad, but he will not be there for you and is definitely trying to get something out of you in some capacity.  Does he want money?  Is this a powerplay?  Is he and/or his eldritch patron drinking in your paranoia regarding what he could possibly be after in this cuddle sesh?  Yes.  May beam some trauma directly into your brain for the hell of it.  Absolutely terrible man.

Gertrude : Like Jonah, the immediate physical risk is minimal, though if you are spending a lot of time around Gertrude, then you will probably die horrifically sooner rather than later.  Absolutely emotionally unavailable.  Between you and Gertrude is a wall of trust issues a mile thick and she is constantly making it thicker, good luck.

Georgie : Very good cuddle.  She is the right amount of attentive and willing to take initiative in the cuddle.  Bonus points awarded because she also has The Admiral and a big, fluffy, purring kitty instantly elevates a cuddle session.  

Joshua : Very solid and warm and stabilizing.  Very good cuddler and will 100% make it so easy to ignore all your problems even of the spooky eldritch variety.  Is prone to zoning out, though, and that can make him seem a bit distant if you’re trying to vent a little during the cuddle.  But also, again, his cuddles are about ignoring the outside world for a bit so.

Robin : Pretty emotionally available, ready to hear you talk for a long time about something you love if you’re ready to do the same in return.  Can find it hard to sit still, though, so there’s going to be a lot of shifting and moving.  Your arm will never go numb, but also Robin has sharp elbows so you may get grazed while you shift positions.  

[acemenagerie-a]

Five of those #JustEnormousHandsThings HC's for various Distortions?

5 HC’s || ACCEPTING

(( Distortion, prior to Gertrude forever fucking up its whole deal, very seldom chose to appear in a humanoid shape.  It didn’t like it, preferring the stalking and mind games of being a random weird door that stole kids’ jump ropes sometimes.  It refused to spend time to comprehend human anatomy and general human fears were such that like big hands were scary so all the “bones” ended up there.  Big boney knife hands.

As seen in canon, Michael can be like ‘no what knife hands? i dont have knife hands. see? hold my hand, look they aren’t knife hands’ but that takes some concerted effort to make the hands not knife hands and can really only be done in short bursts.  If he has to make an effort to feign at humanity, he’d definitely prefer pointedly not shaking someone’s hand over temporarily making even one hand not a Knife Hand.

If offered a handshake, Helen’s previous existence as a real estate agent would likely compel her to want to complete the handshake to be polite and, honestly, she is still slightly offended Michael didn’t shake her hand when they met.  Whether she puts her mind to not having Knife Hands is... it would depend on how she’s feeling that day.  Sometimes you have to stab someone for fun.

For the hands being giant knife hands, they are weirdly curved?  When it points, the finger would curve up as if double jointed, but also seems to curl inward into a spiral but also you can tell where it is pointing.  It’s an off-putting, maddening effect.  The fingers can also curl and be placed in ways physically impossible.  Like making a fist should absolutely not work and yet somehow it could make a fist happen and visually it would simultaneously look fine but also like someone turned no clip on.

Distortion Gertrude is slightly different.  She is, overall, a much sharper, angular Distortion.  Her fingers still do weird impossible spirals, but they’re much sharper spirals, the turns are like 90°. ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Does Distortion feel sorry for Michael?

(( Not really.  

It resents Michael more than anything else and most talk of “poor naive Michael” is condescending or an attempt to get a rise out of someone.  Even so, Michael Shelley’s feelings of betrayal and his sense of innocence are still floating in there and it can feel them and, likewise, finds it impossible to entirely divorce those feelings from its own experiences.  Even the sense of resentment is due to Michael’s influence.  It was, on its own, unmistakably malevolent, but also impersonal.

So it feels sorry for Michael in that it feels sorry for itself but also it hates that very notion because it is not Michael and so self pity can’t be directed at Michael and also it shouldn’t be able to feel self pity at all because it shouldn’t have a self.

Distortion Michael is, in short, a mess of a lot of feelings and would very much like to go back to just being a weird door and series of hallways without any of this self business thank you very much. ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Distichael, what do you want?

Anonymous Comments || ACCEPTING

“Want?”  It laughs, the sound high-pitched and echoing.  “Oh, it’s not in my nature to give clear answers!”  Michael grins, far too wide with the corners curling up far too much like a cartoon.  

But there is something else.  Something in the tangling, overlapping impossible hallways grinds slightly out of alignment.  Michael is not Michael.  In the infinite pathways, there is a figment of a woman.  She is not there and not in its way of not being there.  It cannot be haunted.  Michael is the one who remembers paper in his palm and isolating terror in a mind-shattering labyrinth.  Michael feels betrayal and anger.

Michael is not Michael.

Michael laughs again as the doors snap back to their properly absurd positions.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( used this picrew to help put down some idea of what some of the new muses look like until i get the chance to really draw-draw them ( elias is here as a bonus bc i love making these ngl )

of course stuff will certainly change as i more formally hammer out designs

captions have who’s who ))

[acemenagerie-a]

(( slowly trickling out tag dumps for more t/ma muses  ))