#v { distortion }; how you distorted my reflection

[acemenagerie-a]

👄 Michael/Distortion, talk about your other half

Run Your Mouth || ACCEPTING

It is an odd and practically impossible request.  Michael is not Michael and yet is and hates it and yet cannot hate what he it they is are not.  There is no seam where the twisting impossible corridors end and the essence of Michael begins.  There is a person and a door and they are different and they are the same and they are apart and they are inseparable. 

“Poor, poor Michael was dreadfully naive and gullible.”  And yet, for the directionality of the words, they are said with such a human level of malice and disdain; not the impersonal, incomprehensible malevolence of the time before he it was was not Michael.

“I never wanted to be Michael.”

[ritualwritten]

DISTORTION TAGS

[ba1aphoebeowen]

Child Psychology Research & References

Due to the nature of my essay question, I’m going to have to look at a variety of more scholarly sources that look into child psychology - a subject I don’t have much experience in. As I look at sources, I’m going to keep track of the proper Harvard referencing for them as well as the page numbers I will need to cite if I used certain quotes and theories in my essay.  Because of the complexity of this subject, I’m also going to have to be wary of the legitimacy of these sources, as I will also be gathering them online. I hope to determine that the ones I am using are reliable by cross-referencing pieces of information between them, and making sure that the information I am given is consistent. 

Child Trauma (Ebooks)

The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What it is and How to Help

“form a brain that is almost always wired on hyper alert because the world seems to scary” (chapter 2) “If a traumatic experience happens repeatedly it would be normal for the child to live in a continual state of threat... makes it really difficult for the child to think, reason, negotiate or reflect” (chapter 2) “The threat response impacts a child’s behavior, their feelings and their relationships because they don’t feel safe but instead feel threatened, scared, confused and unstable” (chapter 2) “When a person has been hurt in a relationship, they can only be healed in a relationship” (chapter 2)

When a child is hurt by someone, either on purpose or accident, a child finds it hard to trust that person. They question if they can. Events and that make them feel scared will affect their trust and how well they can relate to other people (adults and children). This can further lead to “loneliness, isolation, bullying or - worse still - being exploited.”

Trauma is known to make children act negatively, and this is because they don’t have enough “internal space to hold all of the negative feelings they feel”. 

When a child ‘acts out’ in these ways, it’s a clear sign that they are in need of help. From this point they can go a few ways, such as becoming a perfectionist to prove that they are good, or progressively get naughtier and naughtier to suit the label given to them. 

“Children can often hide their vulnerability by acting angry or tough or like they don’t care. But they do care. It’s just a way of protecting themselves because they are so used to being rejected and mistreated.” (chapter 2)

Subconsciously traumatic experiences can be linked with senses or situations, leading to the child being able to become ‘triggered’ at certain things, causing emotional outbursts. They are often sensory related. 

“Anger is usually an expression of fear... usually a learnt behavior that has kept them alive in times of extreme fear”

Things that can help a child in recovering from trauma are empathy, kindness, patience and communicating with the child one on one when possible. 

Children in War (Ebooks)

Children and Disasters: A Practical Guide to Healing and Recovery

Children that have lost a loved one or caretaker are found to be more likely to develop “emotional or personality disturbances than children who have not”. (page 10)

The age of the child will change how they experience traumatic events - “younger children are more vulnerable to injury than other children”, “experiences that could be tolerated by a 12 year old child can literally destroy an infant (Perry, 1997)” (page 75) 

Perry,B.D.(1997).Incubatedinterror:Neurodevelopmentalfactorsinthe“cycleofviolence.”InJ.Osofsky(Ed.),Childreninaviolentsociety(pp.124–149).NewYork:GuilfordPress.

“Children have been identified as being among the most susceptible among the population to negative effects of trauma” (page 85)

How a child is affected by a traumatic event will depend on certain variables, such as the child’s developmental level, their coping strategies, amount of exposure to trauma and the reactions of the people around them. The results seem to be greater when they “experience loss or devastation, are directly exposed to the event, are separated from their parents or see their parents react in a panicked manner” (pages 85-85)

Reference to Harry Stack Sullivan - Interpersonal Theory https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f6ce/64e590d18de7c4d1c4a832cc06c03d0ea7ab.pdf (pages 226 - 233)

Stages of development: 

Infancy: Tenderness, good / bad mother, good / bad me

Childhood: Protection, Security, Syntaxic Language, Ego skills

Juvenile Era: Living in a world of peers, competition, compromise, cooperation

Preadolescence: Intimacy, affection, respect

Early Adolescence: Intimacy, lust, balance of lust, security operations

Late Adolescence: Fusion of intimacy and lust, discovery of self and the world outside the self

Adulthood

Signs of dysfunction by ‘developmental stage’

Infancy: Avoidant or ambivalent, dysfunctional attachment (mother figure significant) Childhood: Avoiding social interactions, inability to show sadness or empathy, aggression, impulsive, self-doubt Juvenile: Fails socially, motor awkwardness, lacks persistence, poor sense of self-competency (cooperative play important) Preadolescence: Dependant, lacks academic achievement, relationship difficulty Early Adolescence - Late Adolescence: Antisocial behaviors, lacks healthy coping skills, poor peer relationships

“Young school aged children (6-9) often feel responsible for events, loss or death. They still possess magical thinking and may associate loss and death with witches, monsters, violence, mutilation or punishment. Older school-age children (10-12) realize that death is permanent and that everyone dies.”  (page 93) 

Lack of attachment (Website Resources)

Psychology Today:

The long-term impact neglectful parents

“If there was a lack of emotional attachment in childhood, this affects relationships later in life and can make it difficult to trust others. Fear is often expressed and felt without always understanding why.”

“ – Idealization of [his] parents was essential for [his] survival.”

4 ways traumatic childhood affects adult relationships

“When caregivers reject [us] or are unresponsive to [our] needs, we may develop an insecure – avoidant or dismissive – avoidant attachment style. Likely to avoid close relationships or keep partners at an emotional distance. You may hide your feelings, push people away, keep secrets, and shut down when others show emotion.” “insecure-avoidant people often strongly desire relationships and feel alone”

“If caretakers fluctuate between being responsive to our needs and dismissive or neglectful…” “insecure – ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied attachment. Ever watchful of changes in your relationships, sometimes to the point of paranoia. May feel like you’re more devoted to your partner than they are to you, have low self – esteem, and show a high level of emotional dysregulation (mood swingss).

Affects our partners. Hard time recognising your partner’s emotions or responding appropriately to his or her feelings.”

NCBI:

“Children who do not form secure attachments to caregivers risk developing anxiety or other internalizing problems.”

“- insecurely attached children also are more likely to have difficulties regulating emotions and interacting competently with peers.”

“-children form attachments to caregivers who provide protection and care (Bowlby J. Attachment and loss: Vol. 1: Attachment. 2nd ed 1982)

Harvard Referencing

De Thierry and Betsy (2016) The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What it is and How to Help. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Zubenko,W and Capozzoli,J (2002) Children and Disasters: A practical guide to Healing and Recovery. Oxford: Oxford University Press

Mcbride, K.B. 2017. Psychology Today. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201708/the-long-term-impact-neglectful-parents

Brandt, A.B. 2017. Psychology Today. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201708/4-ways-traumatic-childhood-affects-adult-relationships

Kerns, K.A. 2014. Ncbi. [Online]. [27 October 2019]. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3960076/

Ramires, V. 2016. Fronteirsin. [Online]. [05 November 2019]. Available From: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01783/full

Feist, J and Feist, G. (2008) Theories of personality. 7th. New York:  McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages [chapter 8]

Vogler, C. (2007) The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers. 3rd. California: Michael Wiese Productions

[lnwseniorstudio1]

Blog Six

Huzzah! I have finally been able to re-organize and take a look at my research!

There are still a few things I would like to check out, including an OnBeing episode that Professor Sigamoney mentioned called “The Good, Bad and Ugly of the Digital Age”. I’d also like to read a book by Michael Bugeja entitled “Interpersonal Divide in the Age of the Machine”. These two may have to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas break since they are not entirely necessary and would most likely just serve as more inspiration for my project as I go. I know there’s a lot of information below so feel free to skim but please bear with me...I will include my notes/summaries, bold important words and put my own comments in italics. If you are interested in this topic at all or in improving your life by understanding your current environment better, I would definitely read it all and watch all the videos. To understand it is literally life changing. 

The first thing I did was take a look at the textbook for my Media Ethics [Media Ethics: 10th Edition: Routledge] class. We’re through chapter 10 now and as we’ve been going along I’ve been tabbing pages that have had crossover or applicable information for my thesis concept. I won’t include everything I indexed here because it’s quite a lot but some of the important stuff:

p.10 “Values constitute a frame of reference” -- we may value some things too highly and act in accordance with those values which are never pure and need to be checked by our loyalties and principles on how to apply those values. This pertains to my project because my argument after doing research is that our society has valued information/education too much and social interaction not enough, therefore causing the downward spiral in mental illness that we’ve seen amongst progressive generations. 

p. 45 We often live in an “information cocoon” or “echo chamber” in which we click on and view only things that interest us and affirm our ideas/prejudices rather than challenge them. This insulates us and allows us to avoid discordant tones. 

p. 134 Studies have shown that there has been a 47% drop in the “empathy index” over the last decade amongst today’s college students. There is a strong correlation between increased bonding over social media and a sharp decline in emotional concern for others. This could be due to lack of face-to-face contact. Other studies have shown that casual touch, looking into a friend’s eyes and hearing their voice/seeing their body language is what cements a relationship. This can’t even be done through FaceTime or Skype. 

p. 134 Today’s teens and young adults are the most concerned with internet privacy more than ever before, even though they appear to be most transparent. 

p. 165 Ads today create an intensified sense of distrust of and alienation from others, mainly because they are viewed as deceptive. 

p. 175  “Living for likes in the marketplace” -- people have become commodities through Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, etc. 

p. 181 Advertising and “media culture” are pervasive and act as a mirror/shaper of society; reflective but rich with distortion and selective content. 

p. 202 Millennials are defined as born from 1980-2000. They are called “digital natives” and have had instant access to all information since birth. 

p. 212 “Fragmented audiences” and “clutter”; our commercialized culture has seeped into our personal lives. We view other people as things we can buy and get something out of, rather than put something in to and cultivate as a human being. This is intrusive in nature. 

p. 227 We often reflect on the ethics of our new technologies and “progress” AFTER the damage has been done. We MUST correct these problems. 

I also checked out a few web links which I will include as I go in case you are interested in any of these topics and would like to know more. The first one comes from Thoughtful Life Ministries. I don’t normally like to include religious outputs in my research because they tend to be less objective but I really found this explanation of what is happening today helpful; it was very well-informed. I’ll include my notes from it in bullet point format which might be easier to read through more quickly.

http://www.thoughtfullifeministries.org/blog/2015/5/18/wisdom-in-the-digital-age-information 

“We live in an age of much knowledge and little thought.”

We tend to compartmentalize data and have little capacity to implement that data.

Our format for accessing information is fragmented, therefore our thinking is fragmented, therefore our actions are disconnected. 

Experiencing things in fragments has been shown to hamper cognition. One solution might be to read more books that help to develop better concentration skills, rather than reading short articles or blips or tweets from the internet. 

We have a false sense of wisdom due to so much information. However, real wisdom means knowing what to do with that data; how to use it to make decisions and build relationships up rather than knowing quick facts for trivia. This is also true spiritually. It’s one thing to know the Bible and another to have a relationship with God/Jesus.

Background noise is constant. 

We need stillness, silence, meditation and contemplation to maintain mental health--not quick answers from Google that don’t allow us to think and wonder for ourselves. 

We have built up an aversion to quiet and become uneasy when alone for too long. 

Quality of information is no longer a priority. 

Abundance of information calls for developing discernment so that we can learn to trust again. 

The next one comes from GoodTherapy.org and discusses some of the negative ways technology can impact our relationships. 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/3-ways-technology-can-negatively-impact-your-relationships-0919167

A PEW study on Intimacy (2014) 

Shows that stress/distraction often comes from cell phone usage.

Tech devices can paradoxically provide a “sense” of closeness but also tension.

Distraction

Devices can turn in to an online addiction.

People who leave their devices for more than 10 minutes often show higher levels of anxiety--a sign of an addiction, similar to smoking. 

Depression

A study done in Pittsburgh shows higher rates of depression amongst those who use social media more (tend to compare themselves to others more, obsess over “likes”, etc.)

Shows a decline in mood, sense of well-being and of life satisfaction. This leads to “Fear of Missing Out”, but ends up causing those with this fear to miss out on what they already have in front of them. This calls for some meditation on gratitude. 

Sync Up by Powering Down.

Connections are forged through voice, body language, facial expression and are essential. Touch is also missing, even friendly touch, and cannot be replicated through FaceTime. There may even be a higher rate of young adults who are now uncomfortable with normal affectionate touch with friends, mentors etc. This may cause erratic behavior, like keeping away from most people and then taking touch too far at other times/sexually/romantically/public indecency or harassment/assault, etc--I have personally been the victim of sexual harassment (multiple times) and attempted assault and I know for a fact the person that did it has anxiety, depression and an anti-social/erratic nature. 

Solutions

Scheduling allotted times for technology usage.

Spending time in nature

A Dutch study has shown that those who live within 0.6 miles of a park or woodland have lower levels of anxiety. 

My last weblink is actually just to a YouTube Channel called “Charisma on Command”. I personally have used Charisma on Command’s videos to help me with my social skills. What I think is important about this is the fact that we even have a YouTube Channel dedicated to teaching young adults how to behave like normal people. This shows us that we are the first generation to not learn these social cues as children, we must develop them later to compensate and we are actually aware that we need this help. Charisma on Command currently has 1.2 Million subscribers...including me. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_W0oE_ock8bWKjALiGs8Q

My last section of research comes from some articles shared on Facebook that I saved and are often accompanied by videos. I would HIGHLY recommend reading and watching all of this because it could seriously help you to understand yourself and those around you better, and that simple act of understanding the cause of something and perhaps what you can do about it can alleviate so much of the anxiety that we’ve already caused ourselves. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BauKQDg4j0

This was a video shared by GoalCast called “Us and We” by Wentworth Miller. It’s only a short segment of the full video but I still got a lot out of it:

Being in survival mode leaves no space for community, only worrying about ourselves and getting through the day.

Many kids today struggle with suicide and yet on the outside pretend that everything is fine, even return to school shortly after attempting suicide (I myself am amongst this category). 

Miller suggests this is not a cry for help because most don’t believe there is help to call for, and I’d have to agree--not that there isn’t help out there, just that when in this state you don’t believe there is.

We need to start watching out for, listening to, caring for and loving one another, even those who aren’t in our normal circle but especially those who are. People need to know they are not alone because as we will see in the following articles, it is actually loneliness, play deprivation and intense “schooling” that causes people to lash out through either suicide or homicide. 

The next video I have isn’t quite as pertinent to my topic but is still very important, perhaps as one of the solutions to the problems I am bringing up. I couldn’t get the link for it but on Facebook if you search for the ATTN page and the video “Our schools should teach basic life skills again” you’ll probably find it.

The quality of the information we place the highest value on (school) is lacking. Our education is nearly meaningless and we often hear high school students complain of boredom or being given useless information that will never help them in the real world.

Conversely, we are given 38% less home economics, financial literacy and cooking classes in school leaving students feeling ill-prepared for the real world.

This has led to the hashtag #Adulting: when someone has finally figured out how to do something every adult should know how to do and posts about their success in getting it right or when they can’t figure something out (like how to boil an egg) and resort to an easier means of getting the job done (Ie. going to McDonald’s for dinner too often). 

This is SAD, PATHETIC and a DISSERVICE to our youth: They should have LESS school but BETTER quality education, as we will see below in the final two articles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

This video actually came from Delta Protective Services’ Facebook Page and includes Simon Sinek discussing Millennials in the Workplace.

Sinek defines Millennials as born in 1994 and after. 

Corporations describe millennials as tough to work with, self interested, unfocussed, lazy and entitled. 

This is all true, but let’s ask WHY. 

Millennials want a purpose and to make an impact but don’t know how, leaving them extremely unhappy and wrought with mental health disorders.

Missing Pieces according to Sinek:

Failed parenting

Children are told they are special and can have anything they want for no apparent reason since birth. No merit: given participation awards which are shown to actually lower self esteem from embarrassment because children know they didn’t deserve it. 

Find out in adulthood that they can’t have everything they want when they want it and are confused/stressed and constantly worried about their future in a society that values monetary success and titles. 

Technology

Apps like Instagram and Facebook allow young individuals to “filter” their lives. “Life is amazing, even though behind closed doors I’m depressed”. We end up comparing ourselves and our lifestyles to other people’s lives which aren’t even the whole truth of their life and have unrealistic expectations of how life will be.

Social media is also associated with the release of Dopamine in the brain and that is the same chemical released through other addictions. It can be used as an escape from reality like alcohol or drugs and has a numbing effect. 

Like alcoholics who turn to alcohol under stress, social media addicts turn to more social media rather than other people close to them when under stress. 

This does not develop deep meaningful relationships and often most young people admit that they have fun with their friends but cannot count on them or confide in them. They have no practice at normal coping mechanisms. 

Social media provides temporary relief but long term increases rates of depression. The imbalance ignores the root of the problem which is related to instant gratification. 

What doesn’t come instantly is job satisfaction and meaningful relationships: those take years, even a whole lifetime, to develop that sense of joy in hard work and that is simply not present in our age group. 

We need to learn patience:

Worst case scenario: increase in suicide [homicide] rates from drug overdoses, dropping out of school or leaves of absence due to depression/mental health which is unheard of before this and we are already seeing this in America everywhere. 

Best case scenario: an entire generation of individuals never really finding joy; wafting through life with no fulfillment and constantly using the phrase “it’s fine”. 

Environment:

Corporate environments care about short game numbers and gains, not about the lifetime of the youth working for them. 

Corporations and businesses need to pick up the slack and help kids to encourage their confidence and cooperation skills. Kids think it’s their own fault but really they’ve had a lack of good leadership. 

Need to offer help with social skills, small talk and building relationships in general, slow and steady. 

Also need to remove technology and information overload temptations, such as cell phones in and even just before meetings so employees are forced to converse with one another. 

Need to learn to let our minds wander and enjoy the world without constant engagement: that’s how true innovation happens.  

https://byrslf.co/thoughts-on-the-vegas-shooting-14af397cee2c

The last link comes from Charlie Hoehn from BeYourself and he gives his thoughts on the recent Vegas shooting and why men keep doing this. It has a chilling amount to do with my topic and is another highly recommended read (including the attached videos, especially the one on Play Deprivation as a cause of mental and social disorders). 

Increased shootings are related to men’s emotional health, not so much the guns and weapons used in the shootings. 

Men have little social/emotional support.

Much of this is to do with chronic loneliness.

Need touch, caring, warmth, empathy, close relationships.

Can’t admit to these needs because they are not “for men” and cause them to appear weak, or at least society in general tell them so.

This can even be true for females with the new wave of feminism which encourages women to not appear weak as well and may unintentionally encourage the non-desirable traits of masculinity, such as isolation and the “lone wolf” mentality. 

Men need deep friendships and confidants as much as women do but end up posturing in front of other boys instead. 

Unrealistic expectations of masculinity lead to isolation and later violence (in forms of suicide, homicide or rape, etc.)

“The Mask You Live In” Video

Caring, relationships and empathy have been feminized and undervalued as traits for men.

Become homicidal/suicidal out of shame.

Respect is linked to violence: more to do with loneliness than anything else

Soul-deadening and maddening loneliness, feelings of rejection or being an outcast can be seen as emotionally traumatizing and develop a vision of seeing others as threats “people are cruel and not worth the effort”--I’ll admit, I used to think this way. I never would have hurt anyone, but I would isolate myself to cope.

Men [people in general] are also deprived of play.

People function best and are healthier with less stress which can be relieved through play.

Play encourages the formation of deep friendships, life/social skills and the mastery of survival/being able to respond well and not overreact to frightening situations.

This is like socialization for puppies and helps them to grow up to be non-aggressive and non-violent. Puppies grow into dogs that lash out because of abuse, isolation and fear/not knowing how to react to fear. 

Strong correlation between play deprivation and mental illness.

Leads to chronic depression when kids are stripped of their right to experience life on their own terms. Often depression and anxiety stems from feeling as if one has no control over their own life. 

To improve test scores and our children’s “futures” we have taught them not to live in the moment but to always plan for tomorrow and their resumes without giving them ample time to play. “Pills are prescribed for bodies and minds that cry out for play”. 

The result is a generation of the most anxious, depressed and suicidal American children on record. 

I can attest to this, and even when I do finally find time to play, I find it empty and not rewarding somehow. Apathy takes over and I lose the motivation/enthusiasm to have fun, a clear sign of mild chronic depression. 

“The Decline of Play” video by Peter Gray

Over the past half century, the U.S has seen a decline in play and a rise in feeling of helplessness and also narcissism amongst children/psychopathology. 

Without play, children have no emotional support amongst their own age group and it can become easy to feel deadened inside/to have no capacity for feelings (another way of saying, developed sociopathic tendencies). 

These children keep secrets and often feel shame/humiliation/disrespect and ridicule.

In need of friendship and play which develops fit bodies, cooperation and risk-taking. 

Why had play been eroded?

School and the emphasis on valuing information and “progress” over humanity and our condition. 

What good is all that schooling if it leaves us unhappy, unfulfilled and not even able to apply the information we receive? 

The type of play we have is also lesser in quality: it is not free and self-directed, but rather supervised, structured and uber competitive/less creative (dare I say organized little league statues versus story time or scenario based play-time). 

Irrational fears about dangers to children have been spread in the last 50 years as well (due to films like “It” etc.) when we actually live in the safest time for children to be outside in the neighborhood. 

The correlation between play deprivation, increases in amounts of schooling and mental disorders amongst youth are nearly linear over time. The 15-24 age group of suicide has doubled and the 15 and under group has quadrupled. 

Conversely, suicide amongst the elderly and older generations has gone down. 

In essence, we are a worse world for children; “safe” but destructive. 

The decline in our sense of control over our own lives has led to distrust, rise in narcissism, decline of empathy, but also decline in creativity since the 1980′s. 

What we can do:

Recognize the problem.

Examine our priorities.

Develop bonds with neighbors, open gymnasiums, park supervisors (that do not intervene with play, simply safety) and close off streets for certain hours for children to play in.

Stand up against the clamor for MORE school/information, just BETTER school.

So overall, this is what I learned and how I see this project as a progression of figurative sculptures that will likely illustrate each of these points (accompanied by my artist statement which will also include resources to all of this research and steps/ways for people to get help. I take this project seriously/personally and I want to help other young people to not have to suffer what I and my friends have):

The emphasis on more education leads to an obsession with obtaining information, whether useful or not, with little time to “play” and learn to apply that information through developing meaningful relationships. This can cause anti-social behaviors that are not even related to technology, such as a personal one: burying oneself in books and art rather than facing other people and developing friendships in real life--another example of absorbing information over actively pursuing goals/people. 

As children grow they are then suddenly subjected to the internet and constant access to an abundance of information and are unsure of what is necessary to know and what is not or how to sift through it all. 

When presented with social media, these children who are now teens absorb everything they see and develop unrealistic expectations for life that can never be met and often neglect in-person social interactions, hampering their social skills. Over time, this causes anxiety/depression and is further compounded when the addiction to social media takes over and the endless cycle of “bad coping” takes over. Obsessed with knowing more and more and presenting themselves a certain way combined with living in “survival mode” leaves no room for empathizing with others and thus begins the narcissism that can eventually turn in to true sociopathy. 

In the young adult stage, a near existential crisis CAN take place when a person finally becomes aware of what is happening to them. Hopefully, they will change their habits and get help/therapy (for those of you wondering, yes, I have gone and will continue to get therapy/counseling)...at other times, they may not ever figure out what the actual problem is and continue through life anxious, depressed and apathetic, unable to feel the vitality of life. They will have a hard time focussing a train of thought due to fragmented inputs of information and develop discordant relationships/behaviors in response. They will have trouble understanding complex concepts and require narratives and deep thoughts to be broken down and spoon-fed to them, rather than contemplated and dots-connected on their own. 

In the most drastic cases, a person may kill themselves or those around them who they blame for their loneliness and isolation, which would be easy to imagine considering they have already died internally and cannot feel pain for those they are harming.

[emmagillandersgradedunit]

Other Visual inspiration Pinterest

To go along with my photographer research, I will continue adding interesting visuals which relate to my project into my graded unit pinterest board. This will serve as a reference to other influential photographers, as well as a pool of techniques and tutorials to try out during this process. 

I have discovered while researching that there are many unconventional structure images out there, and lots talented artists with concepts and ideas at the heart of their work. I have selected a few examples of photographs from various artists who I also plan to take inspiration from for my graded unit. 

Image 1 is by German photographer Christian Ruhm, from his Momento series. His multiple exposure images are created in camera and not through editing, which I find very impressive. I would like to investigate further how he accomplishes his images, but I believe the result of his technique could easily be replicated in Photoshop.

Image 2 comes from artist Serge Mendjisky. His images are made up of photographic prints which cut into several pieces and re-arranged into a collage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5ny9wAil9Q I love how with this abstract technique, you only just make out what is in the image. There is a building visible, but it’s very disjointed and surreal looking. I simply do not have the time to print many images, cut them up and stick them back together for my project. However, with image 1, I imagine this effect could also be attempted through editing, though it too could take some time.

image 3 is a photograph by another German photographer, Florian Mueller, who has special interest in architectural and abstract imagery. His transitus series of images are highly influenced by the painting ‘The Monk by the Sea’, where his subject matter is reduced to certain facts, forms and colours. The image above was created panning the camera vertically during the long exposure, which perfectly blurs the view, creating a sense of motion, and you can still pick out the essence of the structures through the abstraction.

image 4 is something very unusual. It is an example of work from Photographer Machel Wesely, who set his custom-made pinhole cameras across parts of construction sites and documented the change through extremely long exposures. This means he had left the camera shutter open for months, even years. The image I have selected above took 2 years to create. In a sense, his work shows the passing of time in a single image, with a ghostly appearance of things moving around. His work is inspiring because as a viewer, you could spend a long time admiring the depth of his unique images. 

image 5 is a photograph by Peter Stubbs. His technique is simple yet effective and is something I may consider trying for one of my photo shoots. He has photographed buildings on reflective surfaces, creating a distorted view of reality. The grid of the windows helps structure the image composition, as well as adding slight elements of geometry and pattern. I know there are a few reflective buildings in Glasgow which I may be able to use to capture some creative architecture shots.

image 6 is a composite image, where several different buildings have stuck together by artist Beomsik Won. His work ‘archiscultpure’ focuses on the work of various architects from across several cities. He photographs buildings of varying styles, geographical locations and time periods and melds them into one flowing ‘sculptural’ piece. Having been quite successful with my composite image for the whisky brief, I may explore ways of joining parts from separate buildings together in Photoshop.

[acemenagerie-a]

♬ Distortion? whichever embodiment of lost and helpless is easiest to find a song for

both bc im not a coward jdfhjdsfjhgfsd || ACCEPTING

Micheal  ( this one is abt the Vibes, lyric threads may be tenuous but there are Sannikov Land Vibes™ )

The Miserable Story of My Destruction - Ferry ft. Gumi

And they say, "Go down there and you're dead!" But believe me, it's all nonsense crazy talk Take my hand, I will show you how fun it is To take part in the coolest party on the block, oh yeah

Oh no, this doesn't look good I'd run from this, if only I could Such haunting light is now glowing in her eyes My demise Seems a guarantee

Helen ( ngl this is also mostly the upbeat distorted Vibes & also helen being beautiful bc... listen )

There’s Something Happening - Jack Stauber

What have I been saying? Time and time again Why would you listen now? You didn't listen then! Get along, please understand me Your fancies are commanding Hangman, for any...

[acemenagerie-a]

Dear Gertrude, for Michaeortion

✉ Letters ✉ || ACCEPTING

The letter immediately causes a migraine upon looking at it.  There is a bold fractal pattern that covers the whole of the paper that constantly shifts and twists and changes color.  And the text is no more legible than one would expect.  It too constantly shifts in hue, often blending into the very fractal behind it.  

Further lowering the legibility is the fact that this is a crossed letter - one set of writing was written normally while the other exists at a 45 degree angle to the first.  At least, that’s what the first headache inducing glance indicates.  Upon trying to read it, it becomes clear that this is not so neat as a crossed letter.  Instead the words appear to twist around one another, spiraling inward but no line is any shorter than the one before it.

Looking at this too long is liable to permanently skew your perceptions of reality but, thankfully, someone else has bitten that bullet to provide a - slightly - more legible transcript.

Dear Gertrude Robinson,

Hello~!  It’s me Michael not Michael.  Do you remember me?  You have to!  I mean, you pushed me into the mouth of horror ruined my entire existence!  You can’t exactly forget someone you did that to.  Or maybe you could I know now how easily you deceive you don’t seem much the caring type do you, Gertrude?  You’re breaking a lot of eggs to make this omelette!  Oh poor foolish, naive, innocent Michael.  How could you do that to me? I He trusted you!

But that was my his mistake, wasn’t it?  You aren’t trustworthy!  Which I don’t say to hurt you, because, knowing you, you’d take that as a compliment!  But really, we I are am delusion incarnate and the way you twist the truth is just spectacular sickening.  An inspiration really!

I suppose you’re lucky that vengeance isn’t a consideration of mine that you know how to keep yourself safe.

Your loyal assistant, Fuck you, Michael I Am Not Michael

[acemenagerie-a]

Distortion?: examine map

RPG Item Descriptions || ACCEPTING

A map?  What do you care for maps?  You are blossoming into existence, the throat of delusion opening into the world, ready to twist it around and around and around until nothing can be believed!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: FAIL ]

You are focused on the utter ecstasy that is your becoming.  The world will be you, only impossible hallways that run on top of one another!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: MARGINAL SUCCESS ]

You feel something... someone inside you.  Well that’s just fine; just one last simple victim before you feed on the fears of the entirety of creation!

>_ [ PERCEPTION CHECK: SUCCESS ]

Something is wrong.

You feel your inner mirrors be shattered, doors passed through, hallways navigated.

This human knows the way.

You are supposed to be unknowable, pure delusion, impossible to understand!

>_ examine: MAP

For a moment, while you are still you - which means being nothing and everything - you look at the person inside you, scared and lanky, before a door that opens to your core of ever-changing, nebulous being.  You know he holds a map.

He knows he’s where he’s supposed to be and reaches for the handle.

You see yourself in the map.  You wonder how anyone could obtain this.  How anyone could craft an accurate map.  You yourself would be unable to craft an accurate map because you cannot know yourself, you have no self to know.

A map like this should not exist.

>_ STOP HIM

It is too late.

The human turns your handle, opens that terminal door, and your lack of concrete being is ripped apart and mushed together like clay and identity is thrust upon you.

This is wrong! WRONG! WRONG!

And you feel fear and hurt and anger and betrayal and that is not you! But it is you. But it cannot be.

But it must be.

You have a Self and you HATE IT.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( y’know sometimes u think abt the good hugs of one of ur muses before bed and, as u’re trying to sleep, remember the mortal kombat’s best cuddler unraveled video and have this image beamed straight into ur brain at 2:30am and then have to produce it 12+ hrs later bc u slept past noon

y’all know that feel right? #sorelatable

anyway! commentary under the cut!! ))

Pure Distortion : Bad cuddler for many reasons.  First off, just infinite hallways of doors and mirrors.  How’re you supposed to hold that?  Secondly, it is a being of pure lies and deception and is completely incomprehensible to the human mind so, like, not gonna be there for you when you need it.  Third, will eat you.

Michael Distortion : Adds knife hands to the cuddle experience more than Pure Distortion, however, has chosen to not use knife hands that one time with Sasha, so, is slightly less dangerous overall.  Has also let people out of infinite corridors so.... Unfortunately still not very emotionally available.  Refuses to outright answer questions.  Even if he does finally open up about his deep brimming self-loathing and unimaginable rage, he’ll only do it right before attempting to murder you.

Helen Distortion : Much more emotionally available.  She is here for you if you’re undergoing an existential crisis.  She’s accepted having a self and we love self-acceptance here.  Unfortunately, still got knife hands.  Also still eldritch being of pure lies and deception and infinite hallways so, like, you may get eaten.  And maybe get a real estate pitch while you’re getting eaten.

Elias : Unfathomably touch-starved.  He will cry the second you put a hand on him and it will be A Lot.  If this is after Jonah’s eyes are taken out, his tear ducts are messed up to the point that moisture levels of the cuddle will be unaffected, but like... it’s still A Lot.  Even after, he can be a bit overly attentive, afraid of ending up utterly alone.  He does want you to have a good cuddle and 1000% deserves to be held, but you need to be ready for some emotional baggage before you walk in.

Jonah : Bastard.  Admittedly, the immediate physical risk is pretty low compared to the Knife Hands Squad, but he will not be there for you and is definitely trying to get something out of you in some capacity.  Does he want money?  Is this a powerplay?  Is he and/or his eldritch patron drinking in your paranoia regarding what he could possibly be after in this cuddle sesh?  Yes.  May beam some trauma directly into your brain for the hell of it.  Absolutely terrible man.

Gertrude : Like Jonah, the immediate physical risk is minimal, though if you are spending a lot of time around Gertrude, then you will probably die horrifically sooner rather than later.  Absolutely emotionally unavailable.  Between you and Gertrude is a wall of trust issues a mile thick and she is constantly making it thicker, good luck.

Georgie : Very good cuddle.  She is the right amount of attentive and willing to take initiative in the cuddle.  Bonus points awarded because she also has The Admiral and a big, fluffy, purring kitty instantly elevates a cuddle session.  

Joshua : Very solid and warm and stabilizing.  Very good cuddler and will 100% make it so easy to ignore all your problems even of the spooky eldritch variety.  Is prone to zoning out, though, and that can make him seem a bit distant if you’re trying to vent a little during the cuddle.  But also, again, his cuddles are about ignoring the outside world for a bit so.

Robin : Pretty emotionally available, ready to hear you talk for a long time about something you love if you’re ready to do the same in return.  Can find it hard to sit still, though, so there’s going to be a lot of shifting and moving.  Your arm will never go numb, but also Robin has sharp elbows so you may get grazed while you shift positions.  

[acemenagerie-a]

Five of those #JustEnormousHandsThings HC's for various Distortions?

5 HC’s || ACCEPTING

(( Distortion, prior to Gertrude forever fucking up its whole deal, very seldom chose to appear in a humanoid shape.  It didn’t like it, preferring the stalking and mind games of being a random weird door that stole kids’ jump ropes sometimes.  It refused to spend time to comprehend human anatomy and general human fears were such that like big hands were scary so all the “bones” ended up there.  Big boney knife hands.

As seen in canon, Michael can be like ‘no what knife hands? i dont have knife hands. see? hold my hand, look they aren’t knife hands’ but that takes some concerted effort to make the hands not knife hands and can really only be done in short bursts.  If he has to make an effort to feign at humanity, he’d definitely prefer pointedly not shaking someone’s hand over temporarily making even one hand not a Knife Hand.

If offered a handshake, Helen’s previous existence as a real estate agent would likely compel her to want to complete the handshake to be polite and, honestly, she is still slightly offended Michael didn’t shake her hand when they met.  Whether she puts her mind to not having Knife Hands is... it would depend on how she’s feeling that day.  Sometimes you have to stab someone for fun.

For the hands being giant knife hands, they are weirdly curved?  When it points, the finger would curve up as if double jointed, but also seems to curl inward into a spiral but also you can tell where it is pointing.  It’s an off-putting, maddening effect.  The fingers can also curl and be placed in ways physically impossible.  Like making a fist should absolutely not work and yet somehow it could make a fist happen and visually it would simultaneously look fine but also like someone turned no clip on.

Distortion Gertrude is slightly different.  She is, overall, a much sharper, angular Distortion.  Her fingers still do weird impossible spirals, but they’re much sharper spirals, the turns are like 90°. ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Does Distortion feel sorry for Michael?

(( Not really.  

It resents Michael more than anything else and most talk of “poor naive Michael” is condescending or an attempt to get a rise out of someone.  Even so, Michael Shelley’s feelings of betrayal and his sense of innocence are still floating in there and it can feel them and, likewise, finds it impossible to entirely divorce those feelings from its own experiences.  Even the sense of resentment is due to Michael’s influence.  It was, on its own, unmistakably malevolent, but also impersonal.

So it feels sorry for Michael in that it feels sorry for itself but also it hates that very notion because it is not Michael and so self pity can’t be directed at Michael and also it shouldn’t be able to feel self pity at all because it shouldn’t have a self.

Distortion Michael is, in short, a mess of a lot of feelings and would very much like to go back to just being a weird door and series of hallways without any of this self business thank you very much. ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Distichael, what do you want?

Anonymous Comments || ACCEPTING

“Want?”  It laughs, the sound high-pitched and echoing.  “Oh, it’s not in my nature to give clear answers!”  Michael grins, far too wide with the corners curling up far too much like a cartoon.  

But there is something else.  Something in the tangling, overlapping impossible hallways grinds slightly out of alignment.  Michael is not Michael.  In the infinite pathways, there is a figment of a woman.  She is not there and not in its way of not being there.  It cannot be haunted.  Michael is the one who remembers paper in his palm and isolating terror in a mind-shattering labyrinth.  Michael feels betrayal and anger.

Michael is not Michael.

Michael laughs again as the doors snap back to their properly absurd positions.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( used this picrew to help put down some idea of what some of the new muses look like until i get the chance to really draw-draw them ( elias is here as a bonus bc i love making these ngl )

of course stuff will certainly change as i more formally hammer out designs

captions have who’s who ))

[acemenagerie-a]

(( slowly trickling out tag dumps for more t/ma muses  ))