#archives in chaos

[acemenagerie-a]

(( i realized that, while i am hot garbage at imagining measurements, i did have a vague idea of t.ma muse heights relative to one another and - since salesa is canonically 6′7 - i could extrapolate heights out from there.  so there’s a fuckin #lifehack for y’all hdgfjdhsfhjgsdjhfgdsf

joshua is the only one shorter than me sjhdfghjdsgjfhgsdjfg

Distortion is not here because it can be whatever height it wants, whenever it wants.  It tends to shift to be taller than whoever it is talking to because that is usually more intimidating.  However, sometimes it likes to change heights when someone looks away - growing either taller or shorter -  so that the person looks in the wrong spot when they turn back around.  I think Helen did that more than Michael.  In life, Michael was taller than Helen. ))

[ritualwritten]

GERTRUDE TAGS

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

AU where Elias never realises that the Fear rituals don’t work, please?

Ask Game: send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

hmmmmmmm

1. See, the thing is, I think the apocalypse is still in the works. Because in the end, the Web wanted it to happen, and it was going to make it happen. With or without Elias at its helm.

2. The Web literally waves all of the clues in front of Elias's face and he's a dumb victorian twink who couldn't find his own ass if you handed him a map with directions and a big red x and the Web has a horrible "you can lead the horse to water and shove its head under the surface but sometimes they still won't drink" moment.

3. In her will, Gertrude bequeaths Annabelle Cane a bottle of vodka and a recording of her laughing for twenty unbroken minutes as well as a photograph of her flipping the viewer off. On the back is written the words "good luck." this is now a crack fic.

4. Elias thinks the Web is trying to beat him to its own ritual and spends half of his time trying to thwart the Web so he can be king of his ruined world instead of annabelle girlbossing her way to being queen of her ruined world. Annabelle tells him, out loud, to his face, that she is trying to stick him with that job and if he'll stop being such a dumb little slut they'd already be there by now and he thinks its a clever ruse. she's about to tear out her own hair. He inadvertently fucks both of their rituals in the process and because you only get a chance once every few hundred years they're both stuck sitting on their hands for a good long time.

5. in the chaos, martin files paperwork allowing him and jon and the rest of the archives to work from home indefinitely and it somehow fucking tricks the contract into not killing them. and then they all just sort of. leave. move away. jon and martin go to scotland and jon becomes a primary school teacher as his second job--"what is the first" "im a remote archivist for the magnus institute in london" "dont you have to like. be physically in the archives to do that" "yes. anyway."--and martin lives off his institute paycheck that still comes every fucking two weeks in the mail. with all his spare time, he has been able to write more. he has a book collection of poetry being released soon and is very excited. there are good cows and fabric rustles and smooching.

[voiceless-terror]

I know this is late to the whole ask thing, but I'd love to see your Archivist Sasha headcanons, whether its from your planned fic or in general!!

I’m going to stick to my general Archivist Sasha headcanons, because I’m still in the process of drafting the other fic and I don’t want to give too much away. I hope that’s fine!

God, do I wish we’d had more of Sasha. She’s such a delightfully contradictory character. Says she’s not brave, and yet confronts the distortion and is reckless and too damn curious for her own good. I don’t think she’d have been much better of a ‘real’ Archivist than Jon, she didn’t have the training for it. But boy do I think she would’ve accumulated marks a hell of a lot faster. I think she might have caught on to the bigger picture a bit quicker, but I don’t think she would have been able to stop herself from pushing on even with that knowledge. In her last episode, she’s narrating what’s going on to Jon...very ‘I don’t want to be a mystery’ vibes. Instead of running and hiding from the not!Sasha she says ‘I see you. Show yourself!’ Look at this girl!! She didn’t think Prentiss was ‘that dangerous’ originally, she has no sense of self-preservation.

I also don’t think she’d be a super compassionate to statement givers either. Perhaps not as outwardly dismissive as Jon was (even though we know that’s a front), but I think she’d be very clinical about it. This is based more on my own headcanon, but from what little we get of her, she’s not incredibly personable or warm. That’s not to say she doesn’t care, I just don’t think she’s got great people skills. That territory is reserved for Martin and Tim, let’s be real.

Where does that leave Jon? As an assistant, I think he’d be a great researcher. I don’t think he expected the Archivist promotion, but I’d like to think he’s still just as eager for answers and hungry to prove himself. Without the need for such a skeptical veneer, and with less imposter syndrome to boot, I think he’d be in his element, and I think Sasha would treat the archives much as Jon treated it- as a second research dept. She didn’t bat an eye at in canon, and again- she doesn’t have a library science degree.

I also think she would encourage the worst behaviors in all of them xD. After all, she had no problem violating their privacy over and over again, and I think she’d expect the same from them. Jon had more of a quiet acceptance/approval of illicit activities, but I think Sasha would very much outwardly encourage it. And (here’s more headcanon territory) I’d love to see that bring out the inner explorer in Jon. He was kind of a wild kid! And he’s certainly still capable of it now, the guy broke into Gertrude’s apartment. It just tickles me to think of Jon topping the others on the crime board- B&Es, trespassing, all the crimes that don’t have to deal with charm or personality, he’s willing to do them in pursuit of answers. Would probably rack up a few marks himself, and would certainly be a good backup in case Sasha doesn’t make it….

I’m keeping his canon love for Gerry. He idolizes him in all things, esp his Leitner hatred. Jon trying to achieve Gerry levels of chaos is a wonderful thought. Everyone teases him for his obvious crush but Jon’s like...why don’t you have a crush on Gerry?? I also think he might get along slightly better with the crew- definitely with Tim, but I still think it would take a longer time for him to adjust to Martin. But maybe, without the whole ‘boss and employee’ thing, they’d date a little faster...season one get together?? A girl can dream.

Sorry for the rambling, and sorry it took so long to get to this! I’ve had TMA episode brain rot so it took a while to get my thoughts together.

[tossacointoyourarchivist]

Alright alright I've got a Halloween costume headcanon

Martin - Samwise Gamgee

Jon - Frodo Baggins

Tim and Sasha are Merry and Pippin tho I'm not sure which exactly, and to be fair I think they all are Pippin every now and then with the sheer amount of shenanigans they get caught up in

In an AU where they all work together and everything’s fine, and Gertrude is just chillin’ and popping in whenever its convenient or she needs to fill her chaos meter, Tim and Sasha convince her to dress as Gandalf

Elias is Saruman 

archive crew place bets on who will instigate the fight and who will win

Everyone’s money is on Gertrude, even Jon who swore that he Would Not 

ADDENDUM:

Original post is here (also theyre not asking me to promote their blog but normal-horoscopes is rad as shit, would recommend checking out their blog)

[acemenagerie-a]

tithe, spoiled, and winter for Gertrude

Headcanons || ACCEPTING

Tithe

Gertrude doesn’t have any religious inclinations.  She has her own moral dogma, certainly, but religious faith is not part of it.  She’s probably been seen giving to charities or giving someone a few bucks who needs it, but less out of a moral drive and more from that’s what sweet kind old ladies do.  Her concerns were definitely skewed toward the supernatural and Rituals rather than more mundane issues.

Spoiled

She certainly spoiled, i.e. ruined, quite a many things and people.  No one really walked away from Gertrude the same person or entirely intact.  It was a pattern she noticed and accepted.  She left ashes in her wake and that was just how things were.  Very utilitarian, so long as the world was still turning, she chalked it all up to a net positive.  

Honestly, with how familiar Jonah must’ve been with Bentham, he should not have been so surprised or disconcerted about how Gertrude handled things.  

Winter

Gertrude is not much a fan of winter, getting cold rather easily and, once she’s more up in years, she has joints and plenty of old wounds that dislike the chill.  Her tendency toward physical coldness is the reason she could always be seen in a sweater and scarf almost no matter the time of year.  While she couldn’t really enjoy having actual frailties, she could appreciate how it was a grain of truth in her lie of being a hapless, fragile old woman.  

[acemenagerie-a]

(( in case u wanted to know my t.ma muses’ feelings on stabbing

don’t let harriet fool u btw. she will not stab u, but she will throw u out of an airplane into an endless blue sky so.... u’d probably prefer to be stabbed ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Ace is on their Verse Making Bullshit || ACCEPTING

This??? is Wild i love it

I’m keeping Michael’s presence there, but instead of panicking and trusting Gertrude, he panics and fucking bolts.  So Gertrude has an impossible map, an in-progress ritual, and no sacrificial lamb.  

Well if you want something done right...

So she goes in and follows her map and does not hesitate to open that last door because it is what is necessary.  And that’s when things get Wild.

In the universe where Michael walks in, he does so with trust that rapidly twists into betrayal and anger.  Gertrude walks in with overwhelming certainty that clashes with the doubt inherent in the thing she is merging with.

But, then again, even it said that it rarely saw anyone quite so adept at distorting the truth as she and that makes the melding seem almost... natural.  A hand slipping into a glove.  Who is Gertrude Robinson anyway?  Where did falsehood end and truth begin?

The connection to the Eye splinters.  The connection to Agnes Montague shudders.  Gertrude Robinson dies and yet lives.  Gertrude is not the same but she remembers.  Gertrude exists with a pillar of impossible certainty in her core.  She has a purpose.  It is angry, wants to force her out, but she holds fast and they can no longer exist apart, it cannot exist without a person.

Sannikov Land is back to nonexistence by the time Gertrude opens a door on the Tundra and steps onto the deck.  She is not angry with Michael, just disappointed.  When they get back to the Institute, Michael tries to quit and finds he cannot.

Gertrude finds the spider that infected her Archives and her anger at her old friend and anger at existence melds together perfectly, but webs are so close to fractals and she still has a penchant for fire.  Her first and last conversation with Agnes is different this time and yet the same.  The results are the same anyhow and results have been all she’s ever cared for.

She can no longer be the Archivist, though even as warped and strained as the connection is, she still cannot outright quit.  Jonah knows very well the threat that has been created and the fact that firing her will do little to keep her out.  If anything, keeping her technically employed provides a sort of leash.  The Distortion is shielded against most of the negative effects of going too far away from the Institute for too long, but the pull remains.  Likewise it continues to ensure that she cannot kill him without risking herself.

Gertrude has a purpose.  But how long can it be remembered in those twisting, impossible corridors?

[acemenagerie-a]

fearmonger for Gertrude!

Fears Tell Me Fears || ACCEPTING

A soft, warm hand slides delicately across her rough, calloused palm, slotting its fingers into the spaces left by hers.  Another hand brushes her cheek, thumb running over the scar on her cheek like the action will erase the harm entirely.

It is warm and safe.

Walls formed from decade after decade of studious building melt in a moment at that wholehearted kindness.  She lets herself be pulled in by stable arms, lets herself truly feel her age, lets herself finally acknowledge the fog of loneliness that clung to her like a burr.

Pain explodes in her back.

The warmth of the embrace is completely shattered by the chill of steel sliding between the disks of her spinal cord.  Something is severed and she distantly becomes aware that she’s gone limp and is only being held up by this traitor.

A breathy laugh ghosts across her ear.

“You forgot, Gertrude, there is no such thing as trust.”

[acemenagerie-a]

WHICH TAROT ARE YOU?

tagged by stolen from: @baseyra tagging: continue the tradition of thievery my friends 

(( i always do So Many so they’re under a cut

all t.ma muses this time tho, brain has chosen its focus dshjgdsjhgfhdsgfjhsgdfjhsdgf ))

Helen

THE HERMIT

It’s a skill, to look inside yourself, one you have mastered. The endless corridors and shifting thoughts are mapped to very carefully. This all takes time, of course. And those twisting hallways are so very difficult to map. It would be so easy to get lost. You know this space so well. Wouldn’t it be a lovely place to stay? So well-known and comforting. Why go back? How nice, how easy, to dissolve, to hide from the rest of the world and all the people in it. Why bother, when you are so good at looking inside yourself. Like enlightenment, the self. Retreating this far inwards is like retreating just as far out, into the vast ether. So comforting. The thing that was you looks at the thing that was the old woman. There is no you anymore. Goodbye.

Elias

JUSTICE

What would you do to ensure justice? You know full well I don’t speak of lofty ideals and courts and magistrates, dearest. What would you do to those that hurt you? If I dropped them in your lap, what would you do? What kind of pain could you possibly inflict upon them? You are right to do so. You are right to want to do so. Ignore the screaming, dearest, you are the hand of justice now, and they hurt you. Do not look too closely at their faces, dearest. You are within your rights. You spell out your own rights, now. Are you happy about it? Are you certain that this is the right person you hold by the hair? Does your anger hurt less now?

Jonah

THE WORLD

Power is a heady thing. Do you have what it takes to control it? You thought you did, for a long time as you gained more and more. Power only begets more power, after all. Mind your breaking point, mind your load, mind how high you’ve climbed up the ladder; it’s against regulation to stand on the top rung. You could get hurt up there. You could fall. I’m not sure that I could catch you, so high above the rest of us. Don’t look down. Mind the ceiling fan.

Gertrude

DEATH

A cheery woman’s voice chimes from above. "Game over! Please restart and try again." The old woman holds a baby in her arms and makes to pass it to you. Will you take it?

Georgie

THE EMPRESS

You are only independent insofar as you have others to care for. This makes you dependent in your independence. They want your knowledge, your skills, your talents, your affection. What can they give in return? “Teeth” is not an acceptable answer, nor is “keeping the shadows to the corners”, nor is “glory”, nor is “love”. There is no acceptable answer, no gift of a magnitude which can match the thing you know, which is that they are taking from you. They are stealing from you. You should stop them from doing that, darling. You only have so much to give. You are not infinite, and when they have taken their last they will remind you of that. My advice is this: give enough to keep them at bay, but be careful. Their teeth can turn on you too. There is no easier way to make an animal dangerous than by feeding it.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( final t/ma muse tag dump let’s go ))

[acemenagerie-a]

👄 + Gerard, for Gertrude!

Run Your Mouth || ACCEPTING

Gertrude mulls over the request for a bit, though whether she is searching for the words or deciding how much she wants to say is anyone’s guess.  Perhaps it’s both; she knows as well as anyone how easily a word can illuminate and obfuscate simultaneously.

“He is... useful, though he can be dangerously curious and reckless.  Either way, I’d rather him keep himself broadly in one piece; I did make a promise to Eric.”  

She does not say that she is genuinely somewhat fond of him.  It is a feeling she has noted and even verbally acknowledged but admitting such things to an active audience is much difference than recording them for a successor who will only hear it upon her death.  Though, even then, she is not so far gone as to let herself forget the heavy price of trust; those mistakes must never be repeated.

So, when the chips are down ( and they will come down because such things are inevitable in this work ), she will not let this bit of care slow her down.

[acemenagerie-a]

(( y’know sometimes u think abt the good hugs of one of ur muses before bed and, as u’re trying to sleep, remember the mortal kombat’s best cuddler unraveled video and have this image beamed straight into ur brain at 2:30am and then have to produce it 12+ hrs later bc u slept past noon

y’all know that feel right? #sorelatable

anyway! commentary under the cut!! ))

Pure Distortion : Bad cuddler for many reasons.  First off, just infinite hallways of doors and mirrors.  How’re you supposed to hold that?  Secondly, it is a being of pure lies and deception and is completely incomprehensible to the human mind so, like, not gonna be there for you when you need it.  Third, will eat you.

Michael Distortion : Adds knife hands to the cuddle experience more than Pure Distortion, however, has chosen to not use knife hands that one time with Sasha, so, is slightly less dangerous overall.  Has also let people out of infinite corridors so.... Unfortunately still not very emotionally available.  Refuses to outright answer questions.  Even if he does finally open up about his deep brimming self-loathing and unimaginable rage, he’ll only do it right before attempting to murder you.

Helen Distortion : Much more emotionally available.  She is here for you if you’re undergoing an existential crisis.  She’s accepted having a self and we love self-acceptance here.  Unfortunately, still got knife hands.  Also still eldritch being of pure lies and deception and infinite hallways so, like, you may get eaten.  And maybe get a real estate pitch while you’re getting eaten.

Elias : Unfathomably touch-starved.  He will cry the second you put a hand on him and it will be A Lot.  If this is after Jonah’s eyes are taken out, his tear ducts are messed up to the point that moisture levels of the cuddle will be unaffected, but like... it’s still A Lot.  Even after, he can be a bit overly attentive, afraid of ending up utterly alone.  He does want you to have a good cuddle and 1000% deserves to be held, but you need to be ready for some emotional baggage before you walk in.

Jonah : Bastard.  Admittedly, the immediate physical risk is pretty low compared to the Knife Hands Squad, but he will not be there for you and is definitely trying to get something out of you in some capacity.  Does he want money?  Is this a powerplay?  Is he and/or his eldritch patron drinking in your paranoia regarding what he could possibly be after in this cuddle sesh?  Yes.  May beam some trauma directly into your brain for the hell of it.  Absolutely terrible man.

Gertrude : Like Jonah, the immediate physical risk is minimal, though if you are spending a lot of time around Gertrude, then you will probably die horrifically sooner rather than later.  Absolutely emotionally unavailable.  Between you and Gertrude is a wall of trust issues a mile thick and she is constantly making it thicker, good luck.

Georgie : Very good cuddle.  She is the right amount of attentive and willing to take initiative in the cuddle.  Bonus points awarded because she also has The Admiral and a big, fluffy, purring kitty instantly elevates a cuddle session.  

Joshua : Very solid and warm and stabilizing.  Very good cuddler and will 100% make it so easy to ignore all your problems even of the spooky eldritch variety.  Is prone to zoning out, though, and that can make him seem a bit distant if you’re trying to vent a little during the cuddle.  But also, again, his cuddles are about ignoring the outside world for a bit so.

Robin : Pretty emotionally available, ready to hear you talk for a long time about something you love if you’re ready to do the same in return.  Can find it hard to sit still, though, so there’s going to be a lot of shifting and moving.  Your arm will never go numb, but also Robin has sharp elbows so you may get grazed while you shift positions.  

[acemenagerie-a]

Fig for Gertrude?

Fruit Headcanons || ACCEPTING

Fig: Something my muse sees as forbidden but still desires

(( A relationship ( platonic, romantic, whatever ) genuinely built on trust.  To have anyone that she could actually safely confide in and care for without reservation.

It’s a very quiet desire, one that has long stopped rearing its head with any amount of frequency, but it’s still there.  She acknowledges it only insofar to keep an eye on the connections she does make, to keep herself in check and be certain she will not make the same mistakes she made with Emma. ))

[acemenagerie-a]

Gertrude, what are you afraid of?

Fear™ || ACCEPTING

“Failure.  That, despite my best efforts, it will not be enough and the world as we know it will end.”

[acemenagerie-a]

What body part are you?

tagged by: stolen from @baseyra​ bc i physically cannot resist taking online quizzes for my muses tagging: we are all thieves now

Elias : 💖 Heart 💖

A heart in a cynical sense feels nothing, it simply carries through all the blood, all the oxygen, all the components the other parts that do feel need. An ugly organ, misshapen and strange when held in the palm of your hand. Yet, it is the centre of your being. It is the core. Even when you try to act unaffected, it is your heart that gives you away, skipping a beat, fluttering in excitement, halting dead in terror. You have so much of it to give, you just haven’t learned to discern who is and isn’t worthy of it yet. Hold onto it. Do not whittle it down, carve names into the flesh that you cannot erase. Remain patient, remain astute, and remain loving.

Jonah : 👁 Eyes 👁

You see everything, and understand what must be done in order to forgo suffering, noticing the silence of others and people thought to be insignificant in the grander schemes. Nothing can escape your watchful eye. A powerful thing to be indeed, but omniscient does not mean omnipotent. Cassandra too saw a bloody future that her people refused to acknowledge, saw the red string of fate that tied her painful future with her inevitable death, but lacked the power to stop the burning fires of Troy. You are burdened with a great gift. Do not avert your gaze, do not look back, do not close your eyes. See it all, be the witness. Even if that’s all you can do.

Gertrude : 🦷 Teeth 🦷

To tear, to rip, to eat, to devour. You’ve only barked and attacked your whole life, bitten and torn at the hands that approached you, unable to tell if they were going to feed you or hurt you. Not uncommon for someone who has endured what you have. Sometimes they can turn in on yourself, biting and tearing flesh at every crevice of your being until you can find what’s underneath, to truly know who you are. But you won’t. Teeth always rot and fall out, and when that day comes, you will be weak and defenceless, muzzled and useless. So while you can, look to the cameras and give us a big smile.

Georgie : 😶 Skin 😶

Here is the largest organ, seemingly unimportant and forgotten in favour of larger meatier cuts of flesh, but it is living and breathing but wholly on the outside. You feel everything so much all the time. You wear everything on the outside, nothing about you is restrained or held back, authentic and truthful, even to a fault, even revealing all the ugly parts you can’t cover. The blows and injuries you take cannot be hidden, so be cautious. Always remember scars do not heal, they can only fade.