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dafukdidiwatch · 3 years

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FoodFight (2012)

The origin story of Sausage Party and The Emoji Movie

I honestly don’t really know where to start with this film. Like I’ve heard of it, I’ve seen reviews of it, I was so sure I wouldn’t ever see this trainwreck because it looked and sounded so bad.

But honestly? This was an amazing film to watch. I don’t even know where to begin because I genuinely enjoyed this movie. This was a fun shitty trainwreck of a movie.

Let’s start with the obvious: The animation sucks. Like the designs are bad, the world building is bad, the animation is bad. Body movement? What body movement? The only body movement we need is arm waving and twirling and nothing else. And those are for characters they were trying for. The Humans, if there are any, are the literal worse with either being amusement park mascots at best or mountain troll monsters at worse. Yeesh they were bad to look at. In fact, a lot of characters in this movie are just, very ugly all the way around.

Celebrities: I feel so sorry for these people. Apparently it took 12 years to make this (like, wtf first off), so a lot of the “big names” they got in the day sort of faded away out of the public light. Not that I actually give a shit about it they got paid either way. I just think out of all of them, Wayne Brady was done dirty. He didn’t deserve to be in this movie, he deserves better than having his name listed in FoodFight. Tim Curry is a riot no matter where he goes, still bringing in his Dr. Frank-n-furter Vibes all the way around. And Christopher Lloyd wasn’t in for long, but by god does he leave an impression. A terrifying impression.

Why are actual food brands in this movie? Ms. Butterworth, what are you doing in here? Charlie Tuna, The Pickle Stork, Mr. Clean? I can’t tell if they did them dirty or not because they are barely in the movie anyway. The most screen-time of them went to Mr. Clean just for the bald clean jokes. It’s like playing Where’s Waldo in finding out where the notable brand icons are.

It’s also fun to play “Who the Fuck is that guy?” because there are a lot of brands being parodied here. Captain Crunch turned into Shitty Admiral Chip Peg. Chocola is a disco gay vampire bat. Some weird disturbing french cheese men....no idea who he is for but hey! That’s what the game is for! Trying to see what their ugly abominations were supposed to be in the light of day.

The only “decent” animated characters are the main one: Dex Dog-tective who speaks nothing but puns, every sentence. All the time. You want to start a counter on all the food puns he makes, but you also don’t because I’m sure it’s in the Hundreds. It also doesn’t help that he is like...furry bait? That’s the best way to describe him since he is like the Better animated characters they tried to make him handsome so...furry bait. Then we have Sunshine Goodness who is a terrifying uncanny valley creature which is just an anime catgirl that the animators decide to give up half way and hope her dead eyes give out the allure she has. But uh oh, watch out Sunshine, Lady X of Brand Ex is coming in with her twig-ass Dominatrix Barbie outfit trying to seduce your man...a talking golden retriever. Her dead glass eyes have its sights on seduction and world domination one fetish at a time.

I’m not kidding about the fetishes either, this movie is just throbbing with sexual tension. In the worst way. Like you think the food puns are a lot? Well the sex innuendos are giving them a run for their money. There is so many sex jokes. So many tension of the “oh the bad guy good guy flirt? Hwot” This is supposed to be a kids film and yet you are having jokes of raisins = nipples, chocolate = dicks, "I'll have you roll over and begging for mercy" is too sexually charged for this movie like.....AHHHHH. I fear for the children who learn their kinks through this movie. And that’s just the verbal! The visual is sexy dominatrix. Sexy plaid school girl. Sexy villain nazi-stand-in dominatrix. Sexy Tango. Sexy...sniffing?? God they were trying So so so hard and it pissed me off to no end: 50% in-credulousness because who the hell thought this was a good idea to have kids watching this, 50% anger because I’m somewhat pissed that some unfortunate lines had the gall to be actually good for romantic tension....if it WASN’T TIED TO A BAD FETISH FILM! Like, you can have sexual chemistry, but when sky planes fly out of someone’s vagina you know it’s a fetish film.

But hey, enough stalling, let’s actually talk about the plot of this movie.

It’s Casablanca.

Like dead ass Casablanca.

After losing the love of his life a grizzled detective man ends up running a club where he has to face off against nazis. This is deadass Casablanca where Rick had a dark romantic fling with a nazi at a grocery market. The decisions they went with like the bad rendition of the French National Anthem to be food themed that I could barely hear. Brand X having a nazi-like salute if someone misspelled YMCA with one letter. The...actual weird torture murder scenes? This movie was wild enough, you didn’t need to add in death to the mix. They even had the side characters from Casablanca being in here like the Moose guy being the piano player, and the weasel looking dude being the....weird ass dick weasel in this movie.

And now, some random lines that I liked:

"I just want to be loved"

"Whats the point if having luxurious hair if you can't look yourself in the mirror"

"Oh Yeah, sure, no prob, except I don't have a death wish"

"But you were recalled?! And butt ugly!?"

Overall: I honestly swear to god believe this could and should be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. This is that level of just...badshit craziness where everything is wrong and beautiful that we can laugh at it all. This needs to have like, it’s own riff track, audience participation, SOMETHING because there is too many golden moments to let it fly by.

If you can get your friends and tell them NOTHING about this movie and see their reactions. Because that is what I’M going to do with mine.

#dafukblog #Dafuking Films #foodfight #food fight #foodfight 2012 #week 42 movie

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