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the-therapist-needs-therapy · 1 year

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As Seasons Pass

Pairing : Hansol x Reader

Genre : Fluff, Angst

Warnings : Mentions of character death

Where you realize that moving on from someone is like the changing of seasons.

At the start of winter, you and Mingyu finally graduate from college. Something you both had been waiting for ever since you started dating. It was time to figure out everything else in life, most importantly your futures together.

The said last day before spring, Mingyu had you pressed against his room door, both of you sharing feverish kisses, without a worry about anything else. Mingyu's eyes pierce into yours as he whispers a 'I love you' and it's enough to make your heart burst into butterflies. You chastely press your lips against his, mumbling the phrase back.

A month after spring had started and flowers of different colours started to bloom, the news of your boyfriend's death has you breaking into a hysteria of tears, sobbing uncontrollably in the arms of your best friend, Hansol. He says nothing but gives you reassuring pats and draws patterns on your backs because they seem to make you feel better. After that day, Hansol becomes your source of comfort and you find yourself at his place everyday, slowly trying your best to move on from the boyfriend you had loved so much.

At the end of spring, you're at Hansol's threshold, once again in his arms as you cry your heart and eyes out. 'It's okay, Y/n,' he says, 'It's really okay'. You look up at him, your eyes tinted red, 'It's not okay. I'm pregnant, Hansol. And with his child. When I thought I was finally over him'. 'Will I be a good mother? How am I supposed to raise another life when I can't even control my own emotions?'. He mumbles comforting words into your head, seeming to be drowned in his own thoughts. Finally deciding something, he looks into your eyes and confidentially says, 'I'll help you raise the kid, Y/n'.

In autumn, you and Hansol go dress-shopping for yourself and the baby which was due at the beginning of winter. You didn't know what to say when he placed the offer to take care of your child but he proved you that he was serious in multiple occasions where he took care of you, from clinical visits to buying you food according to your cravings. You had sold your apartment and permanently moved to his place as Hansol thought that it would be easier to take care of you that way. He was in a good job and it paid him well enough to support himself and you comfortably. Both of you still hadn't labelled the relationship you shared but you decided to not think about it, fully focusing on welcoming the life you were carrying. You link your hands with Hansol's as you giggle about cute jumpsuits, going on with the flow of the present.

As the first snowflake falls onto the ground, Kim Gyeol-Wool was born. You were hesitant about making her surname 'Kim' but Hansol insisted that you should as Gyeol-Wool was Mingyu's kid. Moreover, she looked exactly like Mingyu which almost made you tear up when you held her for the first time. Hansol reminds you that it was good that she looked like him so that there would always be a part of him in the living world. The familiar smile on the sleeping baby was now proof for that.

The next summer, Gyeol-Wool's first word was 'papa' and Hansol had almost chokes with happiness because he was the one who had her in his arms at the time. He looks at you with worried eyes, silently asking if you were okay with it. You laugh, saying, 'You're the father now, Sol', which tugs a smile on his face. That's when he kisses you for the first time. The feeling of his lips on yours made your heart melt to your feet.

Three summers later, Gyeol-Wool asks you why you had named her that. You sit next to her, grabbing her small hands in yours, looking into her curiosity-filled eyes. As she grew up, she started taking Mingyu's features more than yours, something you and Hansol had realized on the day she was born. The little girl was the owner of both yours and Hansol's stored love and care. 'It's because you were born in winter and it's the season when your father and I met for the first time,' you say and Gyeol-Wool smiles. You realize that you meant the 'your father' as Hansol. You still remember the day because you two were just innocent kids playing in the snow and look where life had brought you.

That autumn, you and Hansol officially get married. It was kind of expected. He knew that you were meant to end up together the first time Gyeol-Wool called him 'papa'. That moment he realized that he was going to spend the rest of his years with you and her. You almost cried out of joy when he pulled a ring out of his pocket during one of the evenings you spent in the park with Gyeol-Wool. Somewhere along the way, you had realized that you were in love with Hansol too. It was hard not to be so when he kissed you every night and took care of your daughter like his own. The wedding was everything you could have imagined because you had the people you loved the most by your side.

The next spring, you announce your pregnancy to Hansol and Gyeol-Wool with a grin on your face. Gyeol-Wool was super excited for the arrival of her sibling. Hansol was already thinking about buying a bigger house to home all of you. Your heart swells in happiness when you see Gyeol-Wool giggling with Hansol. He wasn't her real father but she was closer to him more than she was with you. That made you fall in love with Hansol all over again.

That winter, you welcome Chwe Hajoon into the family. The young boy had his father's eyes and your smile. Gyeol-Wool was the happiest, constantly squealing when her brother did something cute. Hansol holds your hand as you smile at the innocent adorableness of the siblings. You had also adopted a cat because Gyeol-Wool had always wanted one. With it's sparkly eyes, it soon won the hearts of everyone in the family, specifically Hansol who wouldn't stop carrying it.

The next spring, on Mingyu's fourth year death anniversary, you visit his grave with Hansol, Gyeol-Wool and Hajoon. Hansol had Hajoon in his arms and Gweol-Wool was stand by him when he silently mouths, 'You should go alone'. You kneel in front of his grave and speak, 'It's been a while, Mingyu. I have a son now. His name is Hajoon. He looks a lot like Hansol. Gyeol-Wool is doing great as well. She's going to be a heart-breaker when she grows up. Like father like daughter,' you laugh at your own joke before continuing, 'Hansol takes care of me like a queen. He loves me and the kids to death. Overall, I'm doing great'. 'Once upon a time, I wished it was you and me in the end but I guess things don't go the way we want them to. It was hard to move on from you but as seasons pass I realized one thing. Spring's flowers fall, summer loses its warmth, autumn says goodbye to its colours and winter's snow melts. I can't be holding on to something in the past just because I cherish it so much. As the seasons passed, I fell in love with Hansol. I'm happy now and I know that you'll be happy for me too,' you place the bouquet of roses on his grave and take a deep breath before you get up, 'Thank you for the happy memories, Mingyu. I'll always cherish them'. You take a final look at the grave and walk back to Hansol, giving him a appreciative smile. If it wasn't for him, who knows where you might have been. As you take Hajoon from Hansol, you walk back to the car, Hansol having an arm around your shoulder while Gyeol-Wool grabs your hand. After so many changes in the seasons, you were finally enjoying everything.

↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ- ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ-

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waldau-archived · 5 months

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menace — boo seungkwan | 2,058 words | fluff

inspired by this video. and ofc boo seungkwan :)

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

no one ever talks about the downsides of having a crush.

having a heart that beats erratically only when you see them. the way your hands turn unattractively clammy even if they’re within normal distance. you know, normal friend distance, because only one of you feels another way. voice cracks that spring up at the worst possible moments. the way you forget what you want to say when it’s your turn to speak.

maybe it’s fun sometimes, daydreaming about a world where you’re something else. something more. but that’s just what it is — a fantasy. the cons outweigh the pros.

case in point: boo seungkwan.

you don’t know how long you’ve been cuddling with your pillow, your back facing the man in question while you try to will yourself to sleep. it doesn’t work, just the way it hasn’t been working ever since you flopped onto your bed.

“you should be out with the others,” you murmur without looking at seungkwan, another variation of the same sentiment you’ve been trying to get him to understand for a while now.

seungkwan lets out a huff. “and you should stop telling me to go.”

you don’t need to turn to know he’s run his hand through his hair in frustration. you’re sure his hair is an adorable mess, but you don’t need any more fuel to add to the fire of feelings that’s been raging inside you all evening long.

when your friends suggested renting a beach house for the weekend, you didn’t realize they’d put you and seungkwan in the same room. you’re best friends, they’d said. of course you’re going to room together.

seungkwan isn’t half bad at being a roommate, but it’s a bit of an issue when you have a massive crush on him that you’re really trying to stop thinking about.

annoying seungkwan with his annoying smile and his annoying hand that rested on your thigh half the time you were playing monopoly. his annoying leg that touched yours when you were watching a movie because there wasn’t much space left on the sofa, but he had to have you next to him because he’s never been good with horror.

even when you’d offered to hold his hand from where you were sitting on the sofa, he refused till jeonghan moved to make space for him to sit next to you.

in a way, you’re glad you sat next to him. at least you didn’t have to pretend like you weren’t scared, not when you had vernon and wonwoo sitting in front of you, watching the screen unblinkingly.

it’s all been a bit…much. which is why you decided to skip going on a walk along the beach with the boys and head for a night in, citing a headache.

the only problem? boo seungkwan wanted to be the one to take care of you.

“do you want me to get you anything? water? medicine?” he asks, soft, and you feel bad for making him stay behind for something that isn’t even an issue for you.

“no.”

“should i sing something?”

“no.” the last thing you need right now is boo seungkwan serenading you while you’re wallowing in your feelings about him.

it’s neither of your faults that the moment you realized you were in sharp, blinding, no-taking-back love with him was when he clinched the match point in a badminton match against junhui four months ago.

four months ago. a badminton match.

your life hasn’t been easy since.

you’ve never minded seungkwan being touchy before — that’s just how he is. he brushes stray lint off your clothes if he spots it, fixes your hair if he thinks it’s out of place, and traces the back of your ear for a few seconds when you’re nervous about something.

you love it. you love being his best friend. but what you don’t love is the way you’ve been carefully rethinking every interaction you’ve been having with him since that fateful night four months ago.

boo seungkwan is sunshine incarnate. he loves and loves and loves. he loves everyone so much that you don’t know if the love he has for you is any different from the love he has for everyone else.

sometimes you wonder if he has even the slightest hint. he’s not clueless, but he’s not very good at acting on his impulses the way you are. for him, everything needs to be measured. set in stone. approved of beforehand. something you wonder if you could just kiss him and see what happened, before realizing that a moment of happiness is not, in fact, worth a lifetime without boo seungkwan.

which is why you let out a deep sigh and curl in on yourself.

“okay, that’s it,” seungkwan says, and you hear the sound of your laptop shutting and the springs of your bed creaking before he comes into your line of sight, kneeling down on the floor in front of you on his knees, head propped up on his arms that are folded near your face.

if he was a bit closer, you could’ve even kissed him.

you wonder who let boo seungkwan be this perfect. there’s nothing about him that you dislike.

“you’re not telling me what’s wrong, and i’m not leaving till you do. you should know that by now.”

you do know that. you’re very familiar with boo seungkwan and his incredibly stubborn self that just wants to help because he loves to. he loves people. and he just doesn’t love you. not the way you want him to.

“it’s your fault,” you mumble childishly, trying to turn to the other side so he’ll have to repeat the whole ordeal, but he just grabs your hand with an iron-strong grip. damn him and his long fingers.

his fingers, weirdly enough, were the first thing you actually noticed about him when you first met him. the way he drank jeonghan under the table with his long, elegant fingers wrapped around the beer glass, draining it like it was water.

this evening, too — his fingers drumming on your thigh, his fingers brushing against your hand, his fingers brushing your hair behind your ear so that he could whisper his plan to you.

“i knew it,” he says, head lifting from the bed. “it’s not just a headache. it’s probably not even a headache, is it?”

“shut up,” you mumble, more out of the fear that he’ll find out somehow than the mortification stemming from the fact that he’s caught on so easily.

“is it really my fault, though? you’re not even letting me make up for it.”

he should be out, you think. out with the rest of your friends and out of your treacherous heart. instead he’s sitting here with your heart in his hands and he’s not even aware of it.

“you can’t do anything about it,” you huff.

“try me.”

when it becomes clear that he’s seriously not letting go of your hand even after a few minutes of silence, you turn to look at the ceiling, eyes fixed on the little cracks above you.

“have you ever…wanted something you can’t have?”

“of course i have,” he says instantly.

“oh. did you get it?”

“no,” he says easily, letting go of your hand. “but it doesn’t mean i’ve stopped trying.”

now you’re curious. you let go of the pillow so you can see him better. “what is it?”

“i’m not telling you.”

“oh, come on!”

seungkwan leans forward to ruffle your hair. “not till you tell me what’s bothering you.”

you sigh. “i can’t.”

“why not?”

“because…”

“hmm?”

“because.”

“wow,” seungkwan says, with a small laugh. “i didn’t know you were this articulate.”

“i hate you,” you say with no heat, turning around and lying down again. maybe he’ll get bored in a while and leave you to your own devices.

no such luck. one moment you’re staring at the blank wall of your room, and the next thing you is that there’s a weight on the bed right behind you. seungkwan’s weight behind you, to be specific. he’s so warm all the time. one of his hands snakes around your waist gingerly, and you tense up immediately.

sure, you’re best friends, but you’ve never done this before. sleepovers are a common thing for the two of you, but cuddling? you’re not uncomfortable, exactly, but you just don’t know what to feel.

“can i ask you a question?” seungkwan asks, and his proximity makes goosebumps rise on your arms. embarrassing.

“sure?” you manage to squeak out, definitely not focusing on how much better his voice sounds so close. and how casual he’s being about all this.

“are you really going to let random strangers on the internet control your life?”

you’re so confused by the tangent he’s gone on that you have no choice but to turn around and face him, and— bad idea. bad idea. his lips look so damn kissable that you have to physically lift your eyes from them to meet his. and he’s smiling for some reason.

you don’t know how you’re going to sleep tonight, much less make it to the next day alive.

“do you want to kiss your guy best friend?”

you feel like he’s stolen all your words. you’re aware you’re just staring at him, blinking like a goldfish, unable to speak. seungkwan lifts a hand and hovers it above your cheek, seeking your permission. he catches the minute nod you give him and rests his palm against your cheek, hand warm against your cool skin.

“i don’t care what she said,” seungkwan continues. “do you want to?”

“how did you—” you manage to choke out.

“because i can see what posts you’ve liked, silly,” seungkwan giggles, thumb swiping against your cheek before he lets go. you instantly miss the heat of his hand. “you still haven’t answered my question, by the way.”

he doesn’t seem upset, the way you thought he might be at the discovery. “if i say…yes?”

“then,” seungkwan says, leaning down, and what comes next is something you’ve only ever dreamed of. his lips are soft against yours, letting you set the pace as his hands gently card through your hair. he’s always been gentle with you underneath the teasing exterior he has, and now is no different.

when he doesn’t pull away despite your fears, you decide to take the leap and thread your hands through his hair, pulling him closer to yourself. he comes to you willingly.

you don’t know what to do with your hands when seungkwan finally pulls away. he’s out of breath. you feel oddly proud, but there’s also an unsettling feeling in your stomach. what if—

“please tell me this isn’t a one-time thing,” seungkwan says, finally looking nervous for the first time all evening long. “because then i should’ve listened to her.”

“no,” you say, feeling yourself smile like an idiot. “no. neither of us should listen to her. i don’t want it to be a one-time thing, either.”

“good,” seungkwan sighs, moving closer so his head rests on your shoulder.

“but…how long have you known?”

“how long? hmm. only a month.”

horrible. he’s been watching you suffer all this while?

“hey, stop being shy on me now,” seungkwan says, turning to look up at you. “i’ve seen the way you look at me.”

you’re sure there’s steam pouring out of your ears. “i hate you.”

“no, you don’t,” seungkwan singsongs. “because i love you far too much for that.”

you look down at him. “you…” love me?

but that wasn’t ever a question, was it? he does. you’ve seen the way he looked at you before you realized your feelings for him, and the way he’s been looking at you after, and there’s been no difference.

he’s always loved you. maybe longer than you’ve loved him.

there’s a warm feeling spreading through your chest that makes you push seungkwan away and hide your head in his neck so he doesn’t see you. he lets out a little laugh and rests a hand on your back.

“do you want to go out and introduce everyone to your…boyfriend?” he asks, shy, and it’s a sight to behold because boo seungkwan’s always anything but shy.

“boyfriend?”

“does it sound okay?” he asks sheepishly.

he gets his answer in the form of a kiss.

taglist: @bookyeom @wootify @strnsvt @cloudycaramel @thepoopdokyeomtouched @minnieminshi @nonononranghaee @hrts4hanniehae @viewvuu

#lmk if there's any spelling errors pls <3 #seungkwan #boo seungkwan #seungkwan fluff #fluff #seventeen #seventeen fluff #svt #svt fluff #waldau writes

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