#very telling innit
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Once you read as much Star Wars books as I do (nothing compared to the hardcore fans who read all of legends and disney canon tho), Legends or Disney canon, you get to weed out all the authors you don’t like and you realise hey, they’re anti-Jedi! Or just don’t like Jedi because of [checks list] things they obviously don’t want to agree with. They either villainise the characters or make them downright ‘bad’ for the readers because, get this, they think these characters are a bunch of jackasses when in reality, that’s not what it is. Or they’d outright say, hey these Jedi mfs are a bunch of fucking baby snatchers! And murderers! Yes, I’m pointing at you Karen Traviss, the bane of all Star Wars books.
#brotherhood was. insane because someone clearly doenst understand mace windu#karen traviss wrote republic commando without even wanting to#understand what sw is#justina ireland writes the non force sensitive all hating the jedi but is more than happy to use them#like okay this could be just the character but if it crops up with almost every non force sensitive and that it inself is a reaccuring theme#and then the jedi themselves are always doubtful of their faith in the force?#oprahyousee.gif#very telling innit#star wars#star wars legends#star wars wank#star wars discourse#fandom discourse#rant#vent
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having a normal one👍
#kinda cant believe we got a jamie crying scene and it was like That#i know it was kinda played for laughs (on the silly football comedy show?? noooooooo. shocker! shhh shhhhhh) but his reaction.....maaaaaaan#very unexpected. ig the only other time we've seen him cry was when he was in shock and also surrounded by a fuck ton of people#he was probably stifling that shit. versus it being with roy. he just kinda melts man. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan#i know its like boiling point shit. having functioning relationships on the team at stake. the man city match. everything swirling#but just that versus him watchin the movie with the team like😐😐😐its just so telling innit#MR FACADE IN THE HOUSE. i don't know....hmmmmmmmmmm.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#hes not got the words for it. is what im tryin to get at. (looks like i dont have the words for it either lmaooo)#his i dont knows and the comments about his dad stamping out his softness......😮💨when it bubbles up its like where do i put this#i havent slept maybe i will try and graft this into an actual tangible paragraph or maybe i will say fuck it and cave and write a fic#or maybe i will continue communicating thru impact font memes yeeeeaaaaaaa#jamie tartt#ted lasso#rot riffing
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what do you guys think my mom would go more insane about if she found out, me being a lesbian or occasionally smoking?
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@ your tags about akiyama: no but he must’ve been so fucked up over that though??? 8 years. He was ghosted for 8 years and he knew it was bullshit the entire time but Date kept pushing him away and Kiryu never said anything to him. 8 fucking years. I’ve been turning that “guess I didn’t matter since I wasn’t part of your little gang” line in my head for WEEKS that shit HURTS (in both a good and bad way fuck you rgg but also mmmm good angst). justice for aki man he don’t deserve that shit though
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING LIIIIIKE
it's the most cathartic feeling in the world whenever someone yells at or tells kiryu in one way or another how selfish his actions are or how his actions have hurt them or others... like thank you so much akiyama kiryu really deserves to get clocked out sometimes...
#iw spoilers#snap chats#i know people dont like akiyama but at the very least we have to agree he had the right to be upset#anyone who's supposed to believe their friend is dead for nearly a decade while they reunite with everyone else is so foul#omg eight years its like kill all your friends ....... i love that song ...#but no like i just think of that bit in y6 when kiryu came to visit him in the sewer and he was so jazzed to help him out#akiyama really was ride or die for dude i remember bro was ready to bloody his hands for him innnnnnn 4?? p sure it was 4 or 5#esp since akiyama got to act as an uncle figure for haruka i just know he saw himself as someone close to kiryu SO FOR KIRYU TO#QUITE LITERALLY GHOST HIM and had no intentions to even tell him ever.... dawg bye#date deserved that slug too EJLRKE SORRY BUT you tell EVERYONE ELSE kiryus fine but not homeboy#well. fine's a bit relative innit. cancer and all but point is#a postcard wouldve been nice... im gonna throw up thinking about it i gotta watch that scene again
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not excusing bell hooks for being a landlord but hm how are you a marxist or even a stalinist saying we should never touch bell hooks' work ever again because of this. like why do you have so much to say? unless you're an actual extremist and radical and you're actually about it I'm calling misogynoir and walking away because how are most of the ppl doing this, non-black ppl talking to black ppl about this as if we have not been having these conversations without your sticky annoying selves inserted in the convo forever acting like you're doing ppl a favour
#like ok. but lets not pretend the antiblackness isn't coming out because ppl have rediscovered bell hooks was a landlord#love that ppl will have patience and nuance when its a non-black person.#its just very interesting that ppl want to say we should NEVER EVER READ BELL HOOKS! because of this but if i#said i dont want to read any of the stuff marx wrote ppl would come for me telling me to get over it and that him hating black ppl#doesnt mean anything. might even get a 'when a snowflake blackie from 2023 finds out a old white man was racist 😱' statement#but u kno ppl will always find a way to go around smth if its antiblack innit#ask to tag
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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the resident anti vax crazy lady tried to make me say something against masks and i said i love wearing masks :) i love not being seen :) and i think she almost combusted
#'dOnT yOu LiKe bReAthInG' yeah! that's why i like wearing masks to dramatically reduce my risk of contracting debilitating lung diseases#idiot#i almost said something very snarky about vaccines too but i do live in her garage so i didn't want to push it too much#yet.#her thing is like 'don't tell me what to do' etc except as a person who is aware that my actions sometimes affect other people#i don't actually mind being told what to do if there is a good purpose. because i am not insane like that#and it's an extremely selfish and immature and irritatingly attitude#like girl we get it you don't believe in modern medicine and you're brainwashed can you shut the fuck up about it#like almost daily i hear about this and i only see her for dinner. mental illness innit#*irritatingly american#me
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the fact that the snp are the ones leading the ceasefire stuff in parliament…… and all the fucking tories voted against. not to indyref agitate on main but i am fucking sick and tired of scotland getting dragged into the bad decisions of westminster. NONE OF US VOTED FOR YOU, YOU GREEDY XENOPHOBIC PRICKS.
#plant rant#every snp mp is backing the ceasefire#and it counts for nothing.#fuck this stupid fascist country. anyway.#i do not want to detract from the importance of advocating for the ceasefire btw. that’s the most important thing here#it’s just a very telling litmus test of how the government really works innit#and don’t even get me started on them bringing fucking cameron back. and all the rwanda shit.#and kier starmer continuing to show his true colours as a tory in disguise. fucking hell
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hey sorry i can't come to work today im thinking about the various implications of zombie horror and the way it affects people
#saw the post the other day about horror movies reflecting the greatest fears of society at the current time#..... it was so ouuugh#anyway zombie movies. fear of infection and pandemic type situations obviously#but also. a running thread in all Zombie Media ™ since forever has been like. someone you love got bitten and now u have to kill them etc#i think that's really interesting because it also ties into another thing about zombies: fear of being changed‚ involuntary#does the zombie know what it used to be? is the hunger filling an otherwise blank mind?#or is it just strong enough to override everything else?#what would that feel like though. both possibilities are unsettling because in case 1 you Die by most definitions#and something else looks like you and pilots your body around#actually that is very similar to imposter horror innit. ''guy in the team who got bitten but doesn't tell anyone until its too late''#and in case 2.... ooooihhhhhhh that's so much worse <3 you're alive you just can't do anything about it. just hungry#and now onto the third fear associated with zombie horror (and my favourite): the fear of being hunted‚ on a wide scale#think abt it. it's unclear whether humans actually count as apex predators. but population-wise we don't actually have A Specific Animal#- that hunts us#and that's not because we are fast or have sharp teeth or are adapted hunters. that's just because we're great at living in a society#and zombies are A Predator on a significant scale and we are NOT prepared for it#beecaaauusee--- [dramatic crescendo] they will exploit the *very* thing that made us so invincible in the first place!! 💞#one of the first signs of civilization is healed bones. cured sickness.#a human seeing another human looking sick/injured and immediately rushing to help. is a big part of why we've made it this far#zombies have our faces!!! they know how to walk and unlock doors and climb the stairs to our buildings#AND. AND. they're people you think you know. back again to the killing a loved one thing#that's so BRILLIANT as a tactic because the societal tactics that make people group together will now make them reluctant to kill zombies#WHICH IS WHY most media tries to dehumanize zombies in some way to make it easier. ohhhh they grunt and can't talk. they're slow.#they don't feel anything. they are not the person they look like. they're not even people. the alternative is much much worse#and i need it explored. what if they can run. what if they beg and plead that they're still the same person. what if they scream.#what if they say ''sorry i love you so much im sorry'' at the end. etc
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#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk#and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time#and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly#but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it#and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf#idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead#and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources#it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do#vi.txt
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gnawing at the bars of my cage I NEED TO WRITE THE 5+ IDEAS BOUNCING AROUND IN MY HEAD
#i have at least 2 ryukita fics in my brain. but im so fucking burnt out#not to mention the mental illness innit. me when my anxiety is SEVERE and i always get badly depressed in the winter#which. fun fact. i was offered ATIVAN for it!! benzos besties!!#im goin thru it :pensive emoji: its getting... better. very severe ups and downs though#also i have to write another shuake secret santa fic and i am STRUGGLING#i want to write jojo or ryukita but im stuck with the other sillies. i dont write them unless i have to#i enjoy shuake but only in my very specific way and writing them is HARD!!!!! weh#jake talks#if you read this far can you tell i'm starting to miss twitter just a bit. yeah i deleted it back in nov bc it makes me a LOT WORSE#depression wise at least. and i just. waste a LOT OF TIME ON IT HAHA#tumblr is enrichment though. i will allow it to stay
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grabbing rainbow sherbet vodka for the stream because I know it's what ichi would want 🤞
bro grabbing that fucking super mario vodka what the shit 😭
#snap chats#i dont know what im gonna get...... i SHOULD get soju since i can get more for cheaper#and soju's more potent now innit... but i am a sake fan... sake my best friend..#but i like my sake hot. unless its nigori then OF COURSE you have to have it chilled....#gddammit i left my shot glass at my moms. i didnt think id need it </3#maybe sake's the game then.....#just to make sure i dont ACTUALY black out NO DID I TELL THE TIME I BLAKCED OUT FOR THE FIRST AND ONLY TIME#ILL TELL IT AGAIN SINCE ITS TOPICAL IT WAS THE NIGHT OF MY SISTER'S WEDDING#and i went out post-wedding drinking with my dad and my sis and her hubby yeah#and /im/ a master of acting like im fine when im not when i care to and since i never want to look A Fool in front of my father again#i acted fine after i reached the point where I Very Much Was Not Fine#LIKE THERE WERE DRINKS AT THE WEDDING OOFC BUT I ALSO GOT SOME WHISKEY AT A BAR WE WENT TO#AND SO EVENTUALLY MY DAD AND HIS WIFE AND I ALL GO BACK TO THE HOTEL WE'RE ALL STAYING AT#god theyre so embarrassing i was walking (read: wobbling) back to the room i shared with my bro#and theyre just :) 👋 Good Niiiight We're Gonna Watch You Go Until You're Safe :) 👋 <- im literally down the hall from them#and the fucking. SECOND i get into my room im just hhoUUGGHGHHH BROTHER OF MINE. WHAT IS HAPPENING#i dont remember what happened i know i started watching Why Dont You Play In Hell again and then i suddenly woke up in my bed#I WAS ON THE COUCH LIKE I CANNOT STRESS THE ABRUPTNESS OF ME WAKING UP IN BED#I SAT ON THE COUCH TO WATCH THE MOVIE I THINK I GOT 27 MINUTES IN AND I BLINKED AND I INSTATRANSMISSIONED#hilarious. anyway i refuse to let that happen ever again AFLKEFJKAJ#so sake's the call. i think. idk we'll see what my wallet thinks cause the sake is a lil pricier than the soju..#it a special occasion live a little. is what ill tell myself ☠️
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every other week or so im struck with the powerful urge to become an editor on the limbus wiki. its been an uphill battle every time i see smth that i know and isnt on there or that could be fixed. but holy shit would i never do anything else
#i cant imagine how much context i could glean if i knew korean btw#in japanese they tend to have a lot more distinct dialogue quirks so its easier to tell who writes the flavor texts#(i am in camp 'every single description comes from a character')#and also the amount of Theory you can get from comparing what lines stay the same in each language. or comparing nuances in word choice#so many of my thoughts are wondering which parts of each translation were truest to the original text#like. in english theyre 'sinners' but in japanese they're 'prisoners'#in korean is it a word that means both? or maybe there's a specific connotation they're going for?#japanese has a regular ol' word for 'sinner' too it's very much deliberate methinks. were i a stronger man id be picking up the duolingo#anyways can you tell its my first day back on the adderall#tumblrs lucky i usually dump this on the discord friends the blog would be flooded#nightmare nightmare nightmare#post edit just something interesting but did you know in the bull observation logs one of the lines is pretty clearly rodya in japanese#but the english version of the line is almost certainly heath#weird innit#edit 2: theres a couple more instances of this (albeit less apparent) which is leading me to think that in the original texts#rodya and heath have similar dialects and the translators went with one or the other. interesting to consider the distinction between#a deliberate translation choice and simply separate people making their own interpretations. much to consider
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it's sooo crazy whenever someone tells me im their favorite artist or that they love my comics or they say they go through my art tag T_T!!! I never could have imagined someone would be interested in the things I draw or the comics I write but I'm so grateful for anyone who may be reading this!!! I love you I hope you have an amazing day
#is this abt cj inniter in particular? well yes bc i remember telling all my friends someone said im their favorite artist#idk reading tags and seeing likes and stuff has gotten me very emotional i feel so happy today
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MMmMmMmMmmMmmMMmMmMmnMMmMMMm the Yasuda Hitoshi storyline is very very icky bc EVERYONE is disregarding his desires to be alone when it comes to a romantic partner, including the player character. While he doesn't really give me aromantic, asexual nor aroace in any meaningful way (mostly bc I've barely even played his storyline but ajá, whatever), that doesn't mean it isn't very morally wrong to force him into marriage for... As of now undisclosed reasons (does "iT's TrAdItIoN!" count?), it'd instead just make it extra icky
Like I get it, he's a romance-able character in a dating simulator, he's gonna have romance in his life regardless of whatever he wants, but you didn't have to give him this storyline to begin with??????? A very weird decision, all in all
#i mean y'all could've just had the typical contractual marriage for a completely DIFFERENT angle#like. both Yasuda AND the player character are against it but understand is a necessary evil. so they go ahead with the marriage but still-#-don't like it. They start getting to know each other and start falling in love thus making their marriage less of a prison.#INSTEAD we got a ruler who seems to despise humans and isn't respected enough by his underlings to BE LEFT ALONE???? OVER TRADITION????????#honestly?#if you don't like a tradition stop fucking doing it???#if you can't for whatever reason (like being pressured by family/friends you depend on thus can't cut out) then it's fair you don't stop#kinda outta your control innit?#but otherwise?? yeah why tf are you STILL DOING IT YASUDA??????#where tf did he get underlings that LITERALLY don't respect him enough to LEAVE HIS ROMANTIC LIFE OR LACK THEREOF ALONE???????#also the player character is an asshole btw#they're always going on about “oh meet me! we're supposed to marry! it's tradition” babygirl he doesn't want to#AND THEY CRY WHEN YASUDA TELLS THEM THAT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WANNA MARRY THEM????#very cringe of him to dislike humans but besides that he's a decent man#like sure. the player character got fed a tradition and promised a husband — they're allowed to feel bad about it#it's not that big of a deal though??????#like. you already knew he didn't wanna marry you. he told you through messages#the fact that you IGNORED THEM and proceeded to ENTER HIS TEMPLE/CASTLE/HOME IM NOT SURE is YOUR. FAULT#don't wanna get burned? WELL DON'T FUCKING PLAY WITH FIRE BABYGIRL#don't wanna get coldly rejected?? WELL LISTEN TO THE MAN AND GO BACK HOME YOU DUMBASS#anyway#demon rambles™#mechat#mechat yasuda hitoshi#dating simulator#dating game#dating sim#otome game#english otome#otome
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