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giveamadeuschohisownmovie · 5 years

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Hypothetical plot outline for season 1 of Hulu’s Ghost Rider series

Before we start, here is our main cast:

1) Gabriel Luna as Robbie Reyes / Ghost Rider

2) Lorenzo James Henrie as Gabe Reyes, Robbie’s younger brother

3) Jose Zuniga as Eli Morrow, Robbie’s uncle and the main antagonist of the season

4) Jessica Parker Kennedy as Lisa Gardner, a detective and Robbie’s main love interest (at least as of season 1)

5) Derek Mio as Kenshiro “Zero” Cochrane, a hacker who befriends Robbie and eventually becomes his go-to tech guy (the “Cisco Ramon” of the show)

6) Josh Segarra as Hamilton Slade, a college professor who is dating Lisa Gardner, thinks Ghost Rider is a menace

7) Becky G as Alejandra Jones / All-New Ghost Rider, a woman whose soul becomes bonded to Eli’s after making a deal with him

8) Malese Jow as Sister Sara Yang / The Caretaker, a warrior nun who reluctantly joins forces with Robbie in order to battle the supernatural

Now, the episodes. Since this is the first season and Marvel might consider costs in making the series, I thought that 10 episodes would be a reasonable amount.

Episode 1: Still Angry

* A plot: Introduction to all the main characters. Robbie is a loner who helps a local church during the day and goes out as Ghost Rider at night. The opening scene is of Robbie destroying a local gang. Gabe Reyes is going to a nearby college, which is the real reason why Robbie moved to Texas. Lisa and Hamilton also volunteer at Robbie’s church, which is how Robbie develops a crush on her, despite her being in a relationship. Hamilton is friendly to Robbie but you can also tells he’s the “jealous / possessive boyfriend” type.

* B plot: Sister Sara Yang, also known as “The Caretaker”, arrives in Texas with the mission to capture the Ghost Rider for the Catholic Church. She recruits Rising Tide hacktavist Kenshiro “Zero” Cochrane by blackmailing him (“if you don’t help me, I’ll report all your cybercrimes”).

* C plot: Alejandra Jones is trying to cross the border from Mexico to the USA in order to find her long-lost father. In the episode stinger, we learn that she’s being stalked by a ghost, who we’ll learn later on is Eli Morrow.

* The climax of the episode is Sister Sara confronting the Ghost Rider. The two fight and Robbie easily defeats her. Instead of killing her, Robbie spares her when he realizes she’s not evil. Sara asks why and Robbie just tells her to leave and never come back.

Episode 2: A Good Man

* A plot: Robbie tries to go back to his normal routine but is confronted by Sister Sara and Kenshiro. Gabe, who is fully aware of his brother’s nightly activities, tries to convince them that Robbie is a good man but Sara is unconvinced. Sara says Robbie needs to prove to her that he’s a good man or else he will have to come back with her to the Vatican City. Robbie proves he’s on her side by taking down a gang of human traffickers and saving all the people they captured. All the people who Robbie saved bless him, calling him an “angel of vengeance”. Sara and Kenshiro leave, with Sara’s faith shaken and unsure of continuing her mission.

* B plot: Lisa and Hamilton go on a date where they discuss the Ghost Rider. Hamilton hates the man but Lisa thinks he’s a hero. Lisa tries to pry into Hamilton’s past and he tells her bits and pieces but stops short of going into his “family legacy”. Curious, Lisa asks and Hamilton rudely tells her to “stop digging”.

* C plot: Alejandra tries crossing the border but the cartel suspect her of wrongdoing (she was framed by another person). The cartel kill her on the spot, leading to her making a deal with Eli Morrow. Episode ends with her becoming the second Ghost Rider.

Episode 3: The Other Rider

* A plot: While patrolling one night, Robbie hears about a horrifying incident on the other side of the border. A Ghost Rider-like monster led a massacre of a cartel, leaving barely any survivors. As he investigates, he comes across Lisa, who is also on patrol that night, and Sara, who was investigating on her own. Survivors of the cartel attack the three of them, with the cartel shooters wanting payback. Robbie, Sara, and Lisa fight them off and Robbie drives all of them away to safety. Robbie drops Lisa back at the police station and drives away with Sara. Robbie tells Sara he wasn’t responsible for the massacre and Sara believes him.

* B plot: Gabe is at college, where he meets Kenshiro. They mostly have a humorous subplot, with Kenshiro trying to befriend Gabe since he has no friends in the area and that Sister Sara told him to get close to the Ghost Rider’s family. We learn more about Kenshiro and Gabe’s backstories. We also learn that Hamilton Slade is one of Gabe’s professors but is unaware that Gabe’s brother is the Ghost Rider.

* C plot: Alejandra wakes up in the middle of the road, not sure of what she did. Her plot is mostly just learning that she’s now bonded to the soul of Eli Morrow and that he has some control over her. She gets into a fight with some truckers and accidentally kills them due to Eli’s influence.

Episode 4: The Big Man from Down Below

* A plot: This episode is mainly backstory. Robbie and Sara make it back to Robbie’s church, where they discuss last night’s events. As they come up with a plan to track down the second Ghost Rider, we go into some flashbacks which explains what Robbie has been doing since AOS season 4 without actually referencing AOS. Flashbacks include him taking the Darkhold to some unknown hell dimension, a fight scene with some gang that he wipes out, dealing with his dark legacy, and meeting Mephisto for the first time (who says Robbie’s soul is damned). At the end of the episode, Robbie and Sara decide to officially team up since they have the same goal of catching this other Ghost Rider. With Gabe and Kenshiro, the four of them form “Team Ghost Rider”.

* B plot: Similar to Robbie’s plot this episode, we go into Eli Morrow’s backstory. Alejandra learns, from Eli, that he was turned into a Spirit of Vengeance by Mephisto. When Alejandra asks why, Eli chooses not to tell her. We learn that all Spirits of Vengeance have similar stories to his, implying that Robbie’s Spirit of Vengeance became that way because of a deal with Mephisto. We see Alejandra become the All-New Ghost Rider at the end of the episode and she steals someone’s motorcycle.

* C plot: Lisa tries to explain to her superiors what happened last night. Her superiors tell her that Ghost Rider killed a bunch of people on the other side of the border but she’s convinced that Robbie wasn’t responsible. Hamilton also tries to tell her she’s wrong, leading to their first fight.

* End episode stinger: Alejandra/Eli opens up a portal to an unknown dimension and a group of demons come out. Alejandra/Eli says, “Welcome to Earth”, ending the episode.

Episode 5: Hell Hath No Fury

* Main plot: Robbie, Sara, Kenshiro, and Gabe start investigating the second Ghost Rider while also trying to dodge Lisa, who tells them that GR is wanted for the massacre. She’s part of the investigation but it’s clear she thinks GR is innocent. The investigation leads them to a survivor, who Robbie tracks down. The survivor, who turns out to be the person who framed Alejandra and got her killed, says that Alejandra was murdered by the cartel, then the Ghost Rider showed up and killed everyone. The team finds out that Alejandra’s body was not among the dead. Sensing the dark aura in the area, Robbie puts the pieces together and realizes Alejandra made a deal with the devil. When Sara asks how does he know, he gives her a look that says that his situation was similar. He also points out that the attack happened immediately after Alejandra made that deal, as if the devil was waiting for her.

* Main plot (continued): After interrogating the survivor, Team Ghost Rider is confronted by the All-New Ghost Rider. Alejandra Jones, fully under Eli Morrow’s control, says that she needs to speak with Robbie. Robbie and Alejandra/Eli battle it out for the first time but the fight between the two Ghost Riders leads to a stalemate, even with Sara, Gabe, and Kenshiro’s help. Lisa and the rest of the police arrive, leading to a shootout between them and Alejandra/Eli. Alejandra/Eli kills most of the police force but Robbie is able to save Lisa in time. He creates a portal and takes Lisa away from the scene, but Alejandra-Eli orders her demon henchmen to go after them. Episode ends on that cliffhanger.

* Subplot: Hamilton Slade finishes up a class and we see him in his private study. As he looks through his photo albums, he comes across a picture of a burial site. Immediately, he shuts the book away, disturbed by the memory. We get a flashback to the moment when the photograph was taken and it’s revealed that Hamilton found the burial site of his ancestor, Lincoln Slade, who was a predecessor of the Ghost Rider.

Episode 6: Like a Woman Scorned

* A plot: Picking up right after the previous episode, Robbie and Lisa emerge on the other side of the portal. It’s revealed that Robbie took them back to his scrapyard in Los Angeles. Although Robbie tries to hide his identity, he realizes he needs Lisa to trust him and turns back to his normal self. Lisa is surprised to find out Robbie is the Ghost Rider and says he should’ve just told her. As they talk, Alejandra/Eli opens up a portal outside the scrapyard. One of the main demons, nicknamed Hive Mind, has mind control powers and takes control of several L.A. citizens to form an army. Robbie and Lisa fight the mind-controlled army but are hesitant to actually kill anyone. Eventually, the fight comes down to Robbie and Alejandra/Eli and her minions. Lisa leaves, with Robbie telling her to find “Father Reyes”. Alone, Robbie puts up a good fight but is overwhelmed and defeated. Before Robbie passes out, Eli (through Alejandra) reveals himself and says that he’s gonna finish what he started.

* B plot: Sara, Gabe, and Kenshiro are battling Alejandra’s demon henchmen (the ones who didn’t cross over to Los Angeles). During this battle, we get backstory on Sara. It’s revealed Sara was once a normal nun who had an interest in the supernatural. One night, she fends off an attack by a vampire, partly due to her studying on how vampires worked. Impressed by this, the church offers her a place in their top-secret division dedicated to hunting supernatural monsters. Also during this fight, Hamilton Slade, who is driving at this time, accidentally gets involved when a demon attacks his car. Kenshiro rescues him, thus bringing Slade into their group.

* Side note: For the B plot, Gabe starts reflecting on Alejandra Jones. From what he knows about her, he says that he’s sad that she was killed by the cartel and was turned into a Ghost Rider. He questions why she would be wreaking havok. Gabe’s interest in Alejandra Jones will be important later on.

Episode 7: Tio

* Cold opening dream sequence: Robbie wakes up in the church and sees (to the audience’s surprise) Chloe Bennet. However, she introduces herself as the Ghost Rider, revealing that the Rider took the form of Daisy to talk to Robbie. Daisy and AOS is briefly referenced. Daisy-GR tells Robbie that he’s in way over his head and that it’s rethinking their deal. Robbie says that he can beat Eli but before we can go any further, Robbie wakes up from his dream.

* A plot: Robbie wakes up on some desert planet. Alejandra-Eli is there. They have a chat where we learn that Eli is planning on building a portal machine with the help of the Darkhold. Robbie asks why and Eli says that he wants to open a portal to hell large enough to allow Mephisto’s army to go through and conquer Earth and turn it into a new hell dimension. Robbie realizes the truth; not only was Eli Morrow turned into a Spirit of Vengeance by Mephisto, he was now Mephisto’s lackey. Mephisto is planning on conquering Earth. Robbie says he’ll never give up the Darkhold but Eli says that he already found it, revealing that Hive Mind used mind control on Robbie to make him give up the location of the Darkhold. Robbie and Alejandra-Eli fight but Alejandra-Eli escapes back to Earth, leaving Robbie stranded on the desert planet.

* A plot (continued): Robbie tries to make a portal back to Earth but realizes that Alejandra-Eli took his chains with her/him. He starts to wander around, trying to figure out how to get back home. As he does, he’s visited by the “ghosts” / hallucinations of Lisa, Gabe, Sara, and Kenshiro, who urge him on. He’s also visited by Daisy-Ghost-Rider and his parents, who we haven’t seen until this episode. Fueled by pure hatred and anger towards his uncle, Robbie uses the resources around him to find a way back home. He collects iron ores from the desert and uses the Ghost Rider fire to make a makeshift Sling Ring. He crosses through the portal, pissed as fuck.

* B plot: Sara, Kenshiro, and Gabe try to calm Hamilton Slade down, who is hysterical since being attacked by a demon. While dealing with this, police reinforcements arrive and arrest the four of them. They’re brought to the police station and questioned on what happened. While being interrogated, a werewolf attacks the police station, killing several people. Sara, Kenshiro, Gabe, and Hamilton work together with the police to kill the werewolf. After taking the werewolf down, the head police chief lets them go, realizing he has a whole city to clean up.

* C plot: Lisa finds Father Reyes, who is revealed to be Robbie and Gabe’s estranged father. The two talk, with Lisa saying that his son is a hero (without actually saying that Robbie is the Ghost Rider). Father Reyes agrees, although he’s worried about his son. Father Reyes and Lisa talk about Robbie and we learn more about Robbie’s childhood.

* End episode stinger: Alejandra-Eli is seen holding the Darkhold. Eli starts making plans to build a machine that could unlock a portal to Mephisto’s hell dimension. However, Alejandra briefly takes over, revealing that Eli doesn’t have as strong of a hold on her as he thought.

Episode 8: The Phantom

* A plot: Robbie reconnects with Team Ghost Rider, who are all tired from battling the demons. He also brings back Lisa from Los Angeles. Before he goes back to his team, Robbie chats with his father. Father Reyes reveals that he knows Robbie is the Ghost Rider (“You can’t fool me, son”) and that he figured it out several years ago. He also says that he doesn’t think Robbie’s soul is damned, despite Robbie claiming he made a deal with the devil. He says that Robbie is using his powers to fight the forces of evil and that makes him a warrior for God in his eyes. Father Reyes also says that he thinks Robbie hasn’t fully explored his powers, indirectly hinting at the Penance Stare (will become important later on).

* A plot (continued): With the whole team together, Robbie says that Alejandra/Eli is planning on building a machine that will open a portal to hell. He also tells them that Alejandra/Eli is working for Mephisto, who turned Eli into one of his minions in exchange for Spirit of Vengeance abilities. The team starts making a plan to destroy the portal machine, send Eli back to hell, and reclaim the Darkhold. However, Hamilton Slade doesn’t trust Robbie. He leaves the group with a plan to expose Robbie as the Ghost Rider

* A plot (continued): However, the team stops Hamilton in time and in an angry fit, he reveals that he despises the Ghost Rider since it’s his family legacy. His ancestor, Lincoln Slade, was a Ghost Rider but he abused his power. Robbie says that the Rider isn’t evil, it’s the user. He says that he’s using his powers to fight evil and that he’ll do whatever it takes to stop Eli Morrow and any other villain with plans to destroy the world. Robbie’s conviction to his mission is what finally convinces Hamilton that Robbie is a hero and abandons his plans.

* B plot: Alejandra’s battle for control over her own body gets heated as she tries destroying the portal machine whenever she’s in control. This leads to a surreal sequence where Alejandra and Eli play a game of mental hide-and-seek, with both of them fighting to be the dominant personality. Alejandra gets the upper hand near the end of the fight but, sadly, Eli overpowers her. Now in full control, Eli says to his henchmen, “The woman won’t be a problem anymore”. As he says this, he learns that his machine is close to finish.

Episode 9: Wrath

* Main plot: Picking up right at the end of the previous episode, Team Ghost Rider tries searching for Eli Morrow, realizing that he could be anywhere around the world. Robbie, knowing how he hid the Darkhold, begins retracing his steps to see if he could stumble across a clue on where Eli is. This leads to a sequence where Robbie and the team confront a demon named Hoss, who was keeping the Darkhold with him. When the team asks why Robbie trusted the book to Hoss, Robbie says it’s because Hoss is a collector whose personal vault is near-impenetrable. Hoss is also a demon bounty hunter, taking monsters back to hell just like Robbie, which is another reason why Robbie trusted him (although Hoss took demons back for pay).

* Main plot (continued): At first, Hoss claims that someone broke into his vault and stole the Darkhold. However, after some investigating, the team learns that Hoss backstabbed Robbie by giving Eli Morrow the Darkhold willingly. Hoss says that he wants Earth to becomes a hell dimension, leading to Robbie beating him up. Robbie forces Hoss to give up Eli’s location, which he does.

* Main plot (continued): The location turns out to be the old Momentum Labs. Eli Morrow, seeing that Robbie and his allies have found him, sends his demon army out to stop them. The rest of this episode consists of confrontations. Robbie battles and kills Hive Mind, avenging his previous defeat. Sara and Lisa team up and kill several demon minions. Kenshiro, despite being a non-fighter, manages to use his wits to take several demon minions down. While this is happening, Gabe tells Hamilton to wheel him to Alejandra. Hamilton questions him and Gabe says that he wants to talk to Alejandra.

* Main plot (continued): Hamilton takes Gabe into the heart of Momentum Labs without telling the rest of the group and they confront Alejandra/Eli together. Gabe appeals to Alejandra’s humanity and even to his uncle. He asks Eli if he wants to be Mephisto’s servant for the rest of his life and for the first time in the series, Eli doubts his plan. This moment of self-doubt leads to Alejandra resurfacing. She quickly tells Gabe and Hamilton to destroy the portal machine before Eli activates it since the portal will be self-sustaining once activated (meaning, destroying the machine won’t do anything). Alejandra also says they need to kill her before Eli comes back. Unfortunately, Eli does return and, angered, he turns into the All-New Ghost Rider and attacks Gabe and Hamilton.

* Main plot (continued): Robbie enters the scene just in time and the two Ghost Riders fight again. This time, with the help of Sara, Lisa, and Kenshiro, Robbie defeats Alejandra/Eli. However, before Robbie can burn Eli, “Alejandra” comes back and begs for mercy. Gabe stops Robbie and “Alejandra” begs them to save her before Eli comes back. But this turns out to be a ruse. It’s Eli pretending to be Alejandra. Eli activates the portal machine and the episode ends on the massive cliffhanger of Mephisto’s demon army ready to attack Earth!

Episode 10: Ghost Rider

(Season finale time! If you’re still reading this, I just wanna say, thank you, you’re a real trooper)

We start off right at the end of the previous episode. Robbie immediately destroys the portal machine but realizes that the portal is self-sustaining. Team Ghost Rider flees Momentum Labs as Mephisto’s demon army starts swarming Los Angeles. Things are going bonkers as police and National Guard come in to battle the army of darkness. As this is happening, Eli/Alejandra slips away.

The group barricades themselves in an abandoned office and Robbie says it’s his fault that Eli managed to activate the portal and he’s the only one with the ability to close the gate. Robbie tells the group to leave but they tell him that they’re with him to the end of the line. They make a new plan; Robbie and Sara will fight their way back to Momentum Labs to close the gate, Kenshiro will be their “guy in the chair” as well as search for Eli/Alejandra, and Lisa and Hamilton will take Gabe and flee the city.

As they prepare to exit the building, we get some interesting interactions. Lisa breaks up with Hamilton, saying that they’re better off as friends, and Hamilton wonders if it’s because she has feelings for Robbie. Hamilton tells Robbie that he’s surprised that he went from despising the Ghost Riders to working with one. Gabe tells Robbie that he needs to find a way to spare Alejandra since she’s an innocent in all this. Sara says to Kenshiro that she was wrong about Robbie and that he’s a warrior for God. Kenshiro admits that he has a huge crush on Sara but Sara says they can’t be together since she’s a nun.

The groups head out of the building. To summarize what happens, Robbie and Sister Sara battle their way through the demon hordes back to Momentum Labs. Robbie gets his “Thor: Ragnarok” moment and goes HAM on the demon army as heavy metal music blares in the background. He manages to close the portal with his chain, foiling Eli/Alejandra’s plans.

While this is happening, Lisa, Hamilton, and Gabe try to flee the city. Demons attack them and while fighting them off, Hamilton is fatally wounded. He tells Lisa that he loves her as he dies in her arms. After closing the portal, Robbie catches up with Lisa and Gabe and learns about what happened to Hamilton, enraging him. Kenshiro, who was guiding both groups this whole time, tells Robbie where Eli/Alejandra is, leading to our final confrontation.

Similar to Luke Cage season 1, Robbie confronts Eli/Alejandra while several bystanders watch. The two Ghost Riders go at it, with several big moments such as Robbie destroying Eli/Alejandra’s motorcyle, Eli/Alejandra destroying Robbie’s charger (temporarily, the car comes back of course), and so on. The fight eventually ends with Robbie defeating Eli/Alejandra and ready to destroy them.

Just then, Father Reyes’ words come back to Robbie and, for the first time in the whole series, Robbie uses the Penance Stare on Eli/Alejandra. Eli’s soul is burned by this but Alejandra is spared. Robbie is unsure how he knew he could do that and Sara suggests that “God gave him the power”. Battle ends with Alejandra thanking Robbie as she’s arrested.

Cut to several days later. The team attends Hamilton Slade’s funeral. Sara and Kenshiro decide to stay in Texas as Robbie’s main support team. Gabe also embraces his role as a member of Team Ghost Rider. Lisa is the last to join, saying that she always believed in the Ghost Rider. Robbie comforts her, telling her that he’s sorry for her loss, and Lisa thanks him for that. There are some signs of romantic feelings but nothing too blatant since Lisa is in mourning.

Robbie sees that the news are calling him a hero. Robbie doesn’t see himself that way and he rides off into the night, off to battle another demon.

As he rides off, we quickly cut back to Alejandra Jones, who is in a holding cell. In the cell’s mirror, she sees Eli Morrow looking back at her. He’s still there but it’s clear he has no power over her anymore.

The episode ends with Robbie riding off into the night...just as a motorcycle starts to follow him. We’re not shown who is following Robbie. Is it Johnny Blaze? Is it Danny Ketch? Is it Carter Slade? You’ll have to find out...in season two!

tagging (sorry, i know this is a long post): @angel-starbeam, @whistlingwindtree, @lostinthespeedforce, @agentmilayawithshield, @happilyshanghaied, @acerobbiereyes, @isisparker, @shutyourmoustache, @clarasghosts

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lilacmoon83 · 5 years

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Dreaming Out Loud

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 119: We've Always Shared One Heart, Pt. 1

Snow sighed, as she held her baby girl for a few quiet moments. They were just minutes away from the emergency meeting getting underway and she took a few minutes of solace in her babies.

"You're making the right decision, you know," Serafina offered her daughter-in-law. Snow nodded.

"I know...I think I will just feel better when we manage to arrest Ravenna and Frollo," she responded.

"Yeah...I don't much like not knowing what they're doing out there unchecked," David agreed, as he sat with Alexander on his knee.

"You both are wonderful rulers...truly. What you're doing will avoid a war and more suffering," Ruth agreed.

"I'm afraid it's time...everyone is here," Eli informed them, as he came into the nursery and gently placed a kiss on his granddaughter's head.

"Okay...go see grandpa sweetheart," she cooed, as she kissed Iris' little head. Eli took the baby, while Robert lifted his grandson up.

"Okay big guy...come here," he said, as David kissed his head and then the baby's, before offering his arm to his wife. Snow hooked her hand on his elbow, as they made their way toward the meeting arena. Eli kissed Iris' head again, before handing her over to Ruth. As their roles as Queen Mother to James' Kingdom and retired King of Snow's, they would be watching above in the gallery of the meeting room, as Snow and David prepared to crown Nikolai as the new King of the Southern Isles, while simultaneously issuing an official warrant for Ravenna and Frollo's arrest.

"Do you have a way to contain Frollo?" David asked, as Hades arrived beside them.

"I took one of those cuffs we confiscated years ago when we arrested Circe and her minions. I modified it and strengthened it with the most powerful binding potion that I know of. If it doesn't work...I'm not sure what will," Hades replied.

"We have to hope it will," Snow responded, as they arrived in the meeting chamber.

"There's more. Just before all of this...Neal and Emma arrested Percival and an old witch from Dunbroch," Hades told them.

"Percival? One of the Knights of the Roundtable?" David questioned. Hades nodded.

"What were they doing?" Snow asked.

"Nothing good and I'm afraid it's time to confront Arthur with what we know about his past. But we can deal with him after we deal with naming Nikolai as King. I just hope he does better than his predecessors," Hades replied.

"He will if he's smart. He knows how closely we'll be watching," David said, as they took their seats and the meeting was brought to order.

~*~

As they passed the Welcome to Storybrooke sign, Annie could hardly believe it. They were really here. She had penned some of the most extraordinary times in the magical history of the people that lived here. But seeing it all before her was almost overwhelming. She sucked in a breath, as they parked right on Main Street and were prodded out of the vehicle. She almost felt like crying in joy at being here, but then the reason why they were here was painfully clear.

"Now Author...you'll help me by releasing my daughter," Mushu stated.

"I'm not helping you do anything of the sort. I will not violate my role as the author," Annie argued. He sighed.

"Do we really need to go over what will happen if you refuse again?" he warned, as she saw them holding weapons to her brother. She pursed her lips and then opened the book to make an entry. But they were interrupted.

"So this is the author?" Greg asked, as he and Landon approached.

"How do you know about the author?" the Dragon asked suspiciously.

"Tamara used to talk about the author. I never put too much stalk in it, untiI I saw all this," he said.

"And what could you want with the author?" Mushu questioned.

"We just heard back from the FBI finally. After three years...they finally identified the remains we sent them as my father. They want to conduct an investigation and I need her to get them into this town," Greg stated. Annie exchanged a glance with Adrian and chose that moment to use the pen.

"And while these idiots argued about how to bring about destruction to Storybrooke and the United Realms, the author and her brother escaped to warn Snow White and Prince Charming," she wrote the words and punctuated her sentence with a period.

"No!" Mushu cried, as the two disappeared in a wink of light and he growled in frustration.

"You might have just ruined everything!" he cried, as he grabbed Greg by the collar.

"Don't you just need a magical object to get past the barrier?" Landon questioned and they looked at him, realizing he was right.

"He's right...there is another book and the boy has it," Greg answered.

"You have just taken away my chance to free my daughter! You two aren't going anywhere," the Dragon growled, as his followers pointed their weapons at the two men.

"Wait...we all want the same thing and that is to expose this place! We can still have all of that!" Greg argued.

"With the Feds coming in here...they'll be so distracted with trying to explain castles and magic away that you'll be able to almost move freely," he continued.

"It would allow us the distractions we need to plant all the magic absorbing devices around town," one of Mushu's subordinates interjected. The Dragon took a sobering breath.

"It's a start...but we still need the author. Only she can write us all new stories," he said, as they made an agreement to work together toward a common goal and that was the destruction of everything the heroes held dear.

~*~

"Thank you all for gathering on such short notice," Persephone said, as she called the meeting to order.

"As many of you know by now, we very nearly avoided a civil war in the Southern Isles," she continued.

"It wouldn't have come to that if your daughter and son-in-law hadn't interfered. My army could have easily quelled the uproar made by the people," Midas interjected.

"Slaughtering the people who have legitimate concerns is not the answer," Snow refuted.

"She's right...Ravenna's neglect and mishandling of her duties as Queen can no longer be ignored. That is why we are issuing a formal warrant for her arrest, as well as Claude Frollo's," Persephone announced, causing commotion in the chamber.

"Who will succeed Ravenna?" Elsa asked with great interest.

"Prince Nikolai is next in line for the Throne to the Southern Isles. He has been firmly informed that this will be family's final chance to prove they can justly rule their Kingdom and no more infractions from their family will be tolerated," Hades responded, as Nikolai stepped forward.

"And I will take this opportunity to try and repair my family's image with my people, as well as with the other Kingdoms," he pledged.

"See that you do, King Nickolai," Persephone declared.

"Well, if this meeting is concluded, then we'll be going," Midas said.

"I'm afraid that is not all we're here to discuss," Hades interjected, as he motioned to Emma and Neal.

"He's right. Today, we arrested Sir Percival and a witch from Dunbroch," she announced and Hades watched Arthur, as he suddenly looked extremely nervous.

"The witch was attempting to barter these items to the Knight and we can only assume this Knight was there on behalf of his King," Neal added, as he presented the items.

"That's my father's helm!" Merida exclaimed, as she came out of her seat.

"We gathered that, but we're still in the dark on what this stuff is," Emma said.

"Care to explain, Your Majesty?" Hades questioned, as all attention turned to Arthur.

"I...I assure you that is not for anything nefarious," the King offered.

"Oh, you better have a better explanation than that, dearie...because this is one secret I'm almost dying to unearth for you," Rumple interjected.

"Rumple...what do you know?" Belle questioned.

"The whole story, as usual...but we decided to let bygones be bygones as long as the esteemed King Arthur didn't make a power grab," he responded.

"With a helm and a vial of dust?" David asked, not quite making the connection.

"Oh, but this is no ordinary helm," the witch said, as she entered the chamber, escorted by the dwarves.

"Oh so now you've loosened your tongue?" Neal questioned.

"Neither of you said the right things...but when Lord Hades himself promised to expose King Arthur's treachery without consequence to me, it was an offer I could not refuse," she responded.

"This is an ambush!" Arthur cried in protest.

"The last time I saw my father with that helm...he was killed! Why do you want it?" Merida demanded to know.

"Because he killed your father for it and had it for a time...but when the wicked witch employed her time spell, certain things were undone and the helm returned to me when we were brought to this land. I created it at King Fergus' behest, after all," the witch informed them.

"What in blazes does this have to do with anything?" Midas bellowed, but no one paid him any mind.

"You commissioned it? My father would never come to you for anything," Merida refuted.

"Oh, but he did, my dear...for you," the witch informed.

"For me?" Merida asked.

"Yes...this helm is enchanted and the wearer can inspire the masses to follow," the witch revealed, causing more commotion.

"Lies!" Merida exclaimed.

"My father didn't need an enchanted helm to inspire the clans to follow him!" she added.

"Oh, you are correct. He commissioned the helm as a test for you and as a way to ensure the longevity of his Kingdom and when he realized it would be in capable hands...he returned the helm to me," the witch claimed.

"Then the one he was wearing that day…" she uttered.

"Wasn't the enchanted helm, which is why his killer was unsatisfied with his acquisition," she revealed, as all eyes were cast to Arthur.

"You...you're the Knight that killed my father?!" she exclaimed, as she grabbed her bow and aimed an arrow at him. But Persephone raised her hand, even as Arthur attempted to look for a way out. But all the exits were blocked and there was no escape.

"You don't understand...I needed that helm to ensure the survival of my Kingdom!" he claimed.

"So you're go to was murder?" David questioned.

"You of all people should understand what it's like!" Arthur shouted.

"Why me?" David asked.

"Because you came from nothing like me! You weren't born royal and neither was I! But we proved our worthiness to rule!" he answered.

"My husband has more than proved himself, but I'd say there is little to be compared between the two of you," Snow interjected.

"And before you tout your worthiness, why don't you show us that proof. Show us Excalibur in its full glory," Persephone said in a measured tone. Arthur's fury quickly dissipated and he shrank back.

"I'm afraid...I cannot do that," he refused. Snow and David exchanged a curious look. But Merida was furious and stormed out of her seat and toward his.

"You murdered my father and it's time you answer for it!" she demanded, but unfortunately, before anyone could do anything else, the chamber doors burst open in flames, thanks to the Chernabog and Ravenna, who strode into the chamber, while her monster ally perched himself upon a rafter in the vaulted ceiling of the chamber.

"Hmmm...sorry, I'm late," she mused.

"You weren't invited and you are no longer Queen," Snow said, as she stood up.

"She's right...you're under arrest. You and him," David warned, as he drew his sword and made his way down from his seat and toward her. Emma and Neal flanked him for back up, ready with cuffs for her and the special binder they had constructed for the Chernabog.

"Oh...I don't think so, Your Majesty," Ravenna growled, as she opened her palm and revealed a glowing flame; the first time she had ever dared to reveal her secret weapon.

"What the hell is that?" Emma demanded to know.

"It can't be…" Persephone uttered.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Hades demanded to know and she smirked.

"A little messenger gave it to me," Ravenna mused.

"You mean a worm…" Hades hissed, as he looked around.

"Hermes...show yourself, you gutless snake!" he demanded, as the shifty messenger God finally appeared.

"You gave her the Promethean flame?!" he raged, as he barreled toward him and grabbed him by his collar.

"I promised that I'd make you both pay for treating me like a nothing and a peon," Hermes said smugly.

"What is the Promethean flame?" Snow asked, as she stepped down from her Throne and Ravenna knew this was her moment.

"It is the sacred flame that Prometheus gifted to mortals and the very gift that Zeus punished him for. It's very powerful...it forged Excalibur and any weapon that it touches immediately is reforged into a powerful, legendary weapon...if the wielder is deemed worthy," Persephone explained.

"Yes...it forged Excalibur, because Merlin was deemed worthy of such power and when he put it in the stone for Arthur, he was also worthy...at the time," Hades added.

"Oh, but that's not all it does," Ravenna interjected, as she whispered to the flame.

"Chernabog...you will attack now," she said, as the flame glowed and it obeyed. Their eyes widened.

"She's controlling it?" Emma exclaimed, as his fire rained down in the chamber.

"Everyone out!" David called, as he shielded Snow from the falling embers. But all the exits were blocked and the dignitaries from various Kingdoms were forced to take cover where they could. They could only watch the incredible events unfold below. Elsa stepped forward and started using her powers to squelch the flames with her ice. This angered the Chernabog and he blasted her balcony, sending her, Anna, and Kristoff tumbling from above. Thankfully, Elsa used her ice to create a slide, allowing them to slide safely to the ground level, where they quickly found cover.

Snow, David, Emma, and Neal stepped forward with their bow and swords ready, while Rumple, Hades, and Persephone joined them, hands ready with magic. Unfortunately, this was exactly what Ravenna wanted, knowing that this was her chance.

"All this time...there's been a way to control the Chernabog," Hades growled.

"I suppose you have to give him credit. Hermes had to play a really long game to keep that ace up his sleeve," Persephone quipped, as the monster charged them. Persephone leaped up first and struck him with a lightning bolt. The creature cried out in pain and breathed fire down upon them. Hades conjured a shield over all of them to protect from his fire, while Snow fired arrows at the Chernabog as fast as she could. Ravenna lurked nearby and approached her and from the balcony, Eli felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Snow…" he uttered, as he fled the balcony and hurried down the stairs.

Snow turned to find the woman there before her and pointed an arrow at her.

"Oh Snow...I so wish we could end this ugliness between us," Ravenna pleaded. Snow looked at her skeptically.

"If you really want that...then you'll call off this monster!" she pleaded in return.

"A call for peace? Is that really what you want?" Ravenna asked.

"Yes...of course," Snow replied, as she heard a noise behind her. She turned to point her arrow, but found Hermes' behind her and he caught her arrow, before snapping it in half and tossing it away. She smacked him away with her bow and then found herself face to face with Ravenna again.

"I told you that I'd destroy you if it was the last thing I do...and now I finally can," she hissed.

"SNOW!" Eli cried, as he came running toward her, as the Queen revealed the vial of greenish/yellow poison in her palm.

"Ravenna...no!" Persephone cried.

"SNOW!" David called, as he rushed toward her, but the Queen thrust the potion into her former step-daughter's chest without warning. Snow stumbled back and held a hand to her heart, as she felt the poison invade her body. She looked at Ravenna in anguish, before she collapsed, though David made it in time to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Snow!" he cried, as she looked up at him with glassy green eyes.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" he screamed in anguish and the Queen cackled in victory, as Frollo landed next to her, taking his human form once again.

"I poisoned her heart...she has mere moments left and she will soon take her final breath," Ravenna celebrated.

"No...no...no…" Persephone cried, as tears escaped her eyes and she tried to heal her daughter. But found it to be impossible.

"Where did you get this poison?!" she raged at the woman. Ravenna smirked.

"Oh I think you know...and nothing, not even the all powerful magic of Persephone, can save her from this! She finally dies today…" Ravenna boasted.

"Tell me she's lying...please tell me she's lying!" David screamed in anguish, as he cradled his fading wife. Persephone broke down in uncontrollable tears, as she cried over her beloved daughter.

"She's not...this poison came from Gothel. It was created from Gaia herself...there's nothing I can do! There's nothing anyone can do!" she screamed in unimaginable grief.

"No...no!" Emma cried, as she crashed beside her father and he put his arm around her.

"Mom!" the blonde cried helplessly, as she cried with her father.

"Finally...justice has been served," Hermes said smugly and Hades, his face twisted by grief and rage jumped up and blasted the other God with magic, surprising him, as he was turned into exactly what he was; a worm. Eli savagely stepped on the slithering creature, effectively ending the messenger God for this grievous offense.

"There has to be something...there has to be…" David pleaded, as they all gathered around to grieve the loss.

"Charming…" Snow uttered softly, as she reached up with what little strength she had left and caressed his face.

"It's okay…" she promised, but he shook his head.

"I can't lose you, my darling...I can't…" he sobbed.

"I love you...so much. And our babies…" Snow said weakly, as she looked at Emma.

"Mom…" Emma sobbed. But Snow's eyes rolled back in her head and her body went limp, causing the most anguished cry of agony from David that anyone had ever heard.

"No...please Snow...please! I need you...I need you…" he pleaded, as he cradled her lifeless body in his arms and kissed her forehead.

"You're my heart…" he cried and then he sobered at that, realizing what he had just said. Hades, Eli, and Persephone were too distraught to think clearly though, so his eyes rested on Rumple.

"My heart…" he uttered, as he looked his friend dead in the eyes.

"We've always shared one heart…" he said. The Dark One looked a tad skeptical.

"I don't know if that will work," he warned.

"Yes it will...if it will for anyone, it would be us," he argued. Rumple was weary, but did what he wanted. His hand went into Snow's chest, as he pulled out her poisoned heart, which crumbled to dust.

"What...what are you doing?" Eli questioned in horror, as he cried over his little girl. But he didn't answer and Emma gasped, as his hand then went into her father's chest and pulled out his healthy, glowing heart. He looked back at David and his friend, the first friend he had ever really had, nodded. Belle watched in tearful amazement, as her husband split David's heart in half, before putting half of it back in his chest and half of it in Snow's chest.

"What are you doing?!" Ravenna screamed, as she advanced, but Hades blasted her back, as Frollo transformed back into the Chernabog and he and Persephone resumed fighting him to keep him at bay.

The others watched Snow with bated breath and the more seconds that passed where she didn't open her eyes, the more hope dwindled. David started to cry again, when Snow took a starved breath of air and her emerald eyes snapped open. His grief instantly turned to joy, as she looked up at him in surprise and wonder. The color returned to her face and he almost crushed her against his chest in a hug.

"Charming…" she uttered, as she looked at him in disbelief.

"It's okay...you're okay…" he said, relief in his voice, as his tears were now that of joy.

"Mom…" Emma cried, as she hugged her too.

"But how?" she asked, as she looked at them both.

"Gold...he split my heart. You have half and I have half," he explained simply, as he held her close. Her eyes glistened with tears and then their lips crashed together with unrelenting passion.

"No...no!" Ravenna snarled, as she started toward them, but Emma's hands became alive with magic.

"Give me a reason, bitch," she goaded, as she stood protectively in front of her parents.

"I killed her! I finally did it and even then, it wasn't enough!" Ravenna cried in rage, as she let out a terrible howl.

"She's losing her mind…" Rumple warned, as David slowly helped Snow to her feet and then held her protectively, as Ravenna had a complete meltdown.

"You were finally dead! I finally did it...why won't you just die?!" Ravenna screamed at the top of her lungs, her eyes crazed beyond anything they had ever seen.

"Chernabog...kill them all!" she demanded. David guarded Snow, as he positioned his sword for battle and the monster swooped down on them, as the raging battle resumed…

~*~

"This is it…" Annie said, as they finally arrived at the gates to the palace of Queen Snow White and King David. At that moment though, she felt her hand tingling and retrieved her pen from her pocket.

"Something's happening…" she said, as she opened the book and the pen glowed, as words and illustrations began to appear on the next blank page.

"Oh my God...she did it. Ravenna killed Snow White…" he uttered. Annie frowned.

"No...no that can't be!" she exclaimed, as the pen kept guiding her hand and they watched the events unfold in the pages as they were happening. Neither of them realized the breath they had been holding, as they witnessed Snow's miraculous resurrection.

"A heart split...that's a twist I didn't see coming," he mentioned. Annie smiled.

"Come on...we need to warn them of the danger the Dragon poses," she said, as they hurried to the gate.

"Halt!" one of the guards bellowed.

"Please...it's imperative that we see Queen Snow and King David," she pleaded.

"Impossible," the guard refuted.

"Please...we have information about danger to all the realms," Adrian begged.

"Sir Lancelot will decide if your threat is credible and if you can have an audience with them," the guard decided, as they were led inside. They only hoped that Lancelot found their tale plausible.

#Snowing #SnowxCharming #Charming family #Swanfire #Rumbelle #AU #HadesXPersephone #Greek Mythology meets fairy tales #The United Realms #romance #adventure #family #dreaming out loud

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keyofshadows · 2 years

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Shadowchaser ....I need a whole boatload of Minions. My world domination plan needs cannon fodder.

Shadowchaser Okay, no, I love the Minions.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ they were supposedly going to make a new movie about just the minions

Shadowchaser Awe, They need to. And then there needs to be a way for Eli to meet some. And make friends. And drive the Refs more batshit that he already does. (And yes Kai IS a bad influence, why do you ask?)

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ no grasshopper

Shadowchaser Eli will pout forever. And then ask why not. Because really aunt Ray, WHY NOT.

Shadowchaser It's not like he's bringing home Heartless! And there were plenty of Shadows that time, he could've gotten one of those and wait, never mind, he didn't say anything.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ can you imagine those things as heartless eli

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ can you

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ ...eli :|

Shadowchaser He's not having more adventures than he's telling you about, really. 'Cause he's not his mother's son or anything. Honest. Totally takes after Jalen.

Shadowchaser (In the 'Ooh look, let's be brave when the situation's hopeless' department. YOUR WIFE AND RAY WILL NEVER LET YOU LIVE THAT DOWN, JALEN. WHEN A WORLD IS FALLING YOU LEAVE.)

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ B|

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ WHEN A WORLD IS FALLING AND HIS SON IS THREE MONTHS OLD

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ HONESTLY, JALEN.

Shadowchaser Always the look of 'Damn it, this again'. And then the subject becomes he needs to ground his son for being brave and saving his friends, excuse him.

Shadowchaser While he's trying to herd his son out of the room, Eli's happily boasting about how he even held Barrier up while he was distracted, and isn't that awesome?

Shadowchaser It's like the time mom was holding off the dragon at the cave, isn't it?

Shadowchaser HE'S AS EPIC WITH HIS MAGIC AS HIS MOM AND HE'S YOUNGER THAN SHE WAS THEN.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ ok eli those are good things and all but

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ shut up, kid

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ don't get cocky

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ or ray will show you a real challenge and knock you down a few pegs

Shadowchaser Kai is just facepalming and muttering, "Eli, you dork." He's worried about Eli getting in trouble, but not so much himself.

Shadowchaser Unless he's facing down Ray, anyway.

Shadowchaser Yes, insta-deflate the nephew. She's scary, darn it.

Shadowchaser HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN THE DARKSIDE.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ i would love to see kai try to face her down

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ that has hilarious potential

Shadowchaser He'd decide self-preservation was a good thing and take 'Jem's advice to just apologize for any danger he ever put Eli in - and it was all accidental anyway, damn it - and see if that keeps him breathing.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ for now

Shadowchaser /snicker

Shadowchaser "...I really, really never meant any harm at all, Eli's my friend and you know, you did a great job training him with his magic, he pretty much saved our asses."

Shadowchaser KEEP SUCKING UP KAI

Shadowchaser IT MIGHT WORK

Shadowchaser MAYBE

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ hmph

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ ray knows when someone's trying to butter her up tyvm

Shadowchaser Well, Kai's not going to take Eli's route and POUT at her. He has a little dignity.

оʀ ϝɪʀᴇ good boy

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts au #snapshots #rl #friends

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ratherhavetheblues · 4 years

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INGMAR BERGMAN’S ‘THE TOUCH’ “Can I do something for you?”

We live in a time when there are many who bid to confound the orthodox. Great gobs of rebels roam the town, threatening to install jurisdictions putting an end to the easy days for what is left of a mainstream. Our entertainments, for instance, smack of concussion. All these game-changers never doubt that their look and ways are destined to happily rule.

There is the possibility, however, that all of that critique will slip back to the defaults of religion and science (and their minions of humanism). It’s one thing to feel that something very important is not in play. It’s quite another thing, it seems to me, to define and embrace what that elusive phenomenon is.

One remarkable effort in that area is the output of the films of Ingmar Bergman (1919-2007). The latter’s career was not without renown and homage. But looking for responses, in such a direction as we’ve mentioned, have not found cogent takers amidst film enthusiasts.

There was a quite unique showdown, as to this silence—within the trilogy of three extremely violent films, namely, Hour of the Wolf (1968), Shame (1968) and The Passion of Anna (1969)—which embedded itself on the heels of the production of Shame and the overtaking of The Passion of Anna, namely, The Rite (1969), with its remarkable emphasis upon deploying the motions of hands and fingers to open the elements which have been imprisoned for so many centuries. The Rite was a prototype, and yet a rich study of the vagaries of depending upon exotic and flawed rebels. A subsequent film, having more completely delivered the imperative of taking upon one’s self to find the riches of sensibility, namely, The Touch (1971), our film today, runs a gamut for all to see, while being doubly ignored within its drama and being known to the world as the worst film Bergman ever created.

The Rite would be validly recognized as an avant-garde film, drawing upon Theatre of the Absurd, particularly, Eugene Ionesco’s Rhinoceros (1960), and Jean Genet’s The Balcony (1958). (In The Passion of Anna, Samuel Beckett’s, Waiting for Godot [1954], rides pretty high.) And although, in The Touch, a protagonist does reprise Rhinoceros (1960), nearly, all the viewers believe Bergman has produced a soap opera. Soaps galore, there are; but what you don’t want to get suckered with, as to the tedious narrative of “unique David,” the American archaeologist and his “ardent” student, Karin, finding small-town Sweden far from enough, is that Bergman would waste time on a vehicle of domesticity.

Start with the title. Our helmsman, as good as it gets for theatrical dialogue, has put the viewer’s feet into an absurdist fire which might deliver not only a drastic migration but a wise one. Humankind on earth, being what it is, however, another resource becomes paramount. The forces of anxiety, in which Bergman excelled, becoming, as viewer ignorance piled up, demanded a more visceral presentation of cinematography, in hopes that a more powerful physicality would cotton on to the communications. Not that inventive cinematography had not already been deployed in films twenty years before, but now requiring a sort of shock treatment to catapult the attention to something very different. At the era where Bergman was now intent upon radical disclosure, he was blessed with a cameraman, namely, Sven Nykvist (1922-2006) who, along with Bergman’s drive to the uncanny, constituted a long parade of optical strangeness at the infrastructure of our film on tap. Not only would Nykvist fit the bill as to unearth incisive visual mood, but he and Bergman coincided in their range of history and priorities in significant ways. They were born in Sweden about the same time—right after World War I—and their parents were intensely involved with the clergy. Nykvist seldom saw his parents, who were based in Africa as missionaries; and Bergman was far from tolerant toward his pious parents. Coming of age during World War II, they both found film work under the Axis powers—Bergman’s first screenplay being produced in 1944, and Nykvist doing cinematography in Italy. Bergman’s ambiguity about Hollywood would be a long-term collision with the Jewish owners of the heyday of American filmic drama. On casting his male protagonist for this blow-out of a movie, he chose the hyper-Semitic, Elliot Gould. Why? Because wordy self-promotion and desperate virtuousness are the farthest contrasts needed to elicit real lucidity, a lucidity of touch. On casting his other two protagonists—long-term Bergman stalwarts, Bibi Andersson and Max von Sydow—there was their recent outings, in The Passion of Anna, bemusing and troubling. The Andersson role finds her married to an internationally renowned architect, tasteful, sensitive and cynical to the self-serving portal to nihilism. At a dinner party, Andersson, named Eva, is asked if she believes in God. Her reply is to ask of her husband, “Do I believe in God, Elis?” The von Sydow role is that of a passive artisan being pushed around by a pathological brute of a wife. Now it’s Bibi, once again asking for direction, in the person of Karin; and Max, a sensitive physician in the person of Andreas—also his name in The Passion of Anna—left shattered and angry.

The outset, as always by Bergman, is elegant and primordially engaging. Karin parks at a hospital, and the lush foliage reflects upon her windshield, a trademark more calming than thrilling. But now we do have a major figure, despite her having died a few minutes before, and Karin enters this stage as an extra, more distracted than touched. The blur of the coat room during the rush of the emergency upstages her emotionally pat mission. While the doctor assures, “It was very peaceful”—she strangely distancing by way of, “May I go in”—we know by the inflected sensibility that she and her mother were not very peaceful together. Karin slowly walks toward the bed, and then there is a cut to her mother, her eyes open and showing a calm, handsome visage. Then a close-up of the lady’s hands and fingers. The inertia stages a rally of sorts in the form of her handsome portable clock and its showing 5 to 3. (A playful, dialectical hope in the midst of possibly carrying on to a sort of dance, a roundelay consisting of two opposing forces reaching a synthesis, a special truth.) Then a glass of water, half-full, on a table, along with a wristwatch and jewelry. Her daughter comes to the bed, sits rather gingerly on an edge and then she holds her mother’s hand. She touches her cheek, her forehead and her hair. A nurse suggests, “But perhaps you’d like to take the wedding rings now…” She closes her mother’s eyes with her fingers. She suddenly, in a sort of panic, kisses her. The tone, the touch coming across, in this, amounts to more a formality than compassion. She quits the room as if having escaped from a chore. (At the end of the film, Karin will cancel an affair on the basis of duty to her husband and children, who by that time hate her. In a flashback the now deceased is visiting her daughter’s family. Her mood, her body language, emits of not being welcome, a somewhat annoying foreigner. Karin and Andreas cherish their garden, but the love becomes eclipsed by its technology and show of advantage. During a slideshow, Andreas, losing control of the jist, blurts out, “That’s my mother-in-law, she’s dead.”) Back at the hospital, the camera lingers on the mother. A field of light nuance presents. A pan down to her hands, and a delicate embroidery.

The nurse delivers the jewelry in the corridor, without eye-contact. Karin begins to make some formality pertaining to the attentions of the recent patient. “Mother was…” The busy nurse cuts her off with a dry, “You’re welcome.” On the way out she cries for many reasons. A cut to her hands and fingers, caressing the jewelry. By the time she had placed the two rings on her finger, in a dark exit, there were loud footsteps approaching. The newcomer turns on the light, disclosing his very overweight presence, having arrived as if an oncoming rhinoceros. In fact, Bergman, now intent upon the ins and outs of avant-garde endeavor, nails him as a version of Ionesco’s Rhinoceros, a figure of anger and destruction and soft self-pity, becoming a wake-up delivered toward myopic bourgeois carelessness. His hard eyes become soft. “Can I do something for you?” She tells him to leave her alone. He races along with, “Oh, I’m sorry,” now in the register of the nurse.

They meet again, but their faring means nothing. We have reached a home of the dead—soap opera style. All we can do is notice that there is so much more trailing them. Nykvist, come on in!

It turns out that our “reckless lovers,” supposed paragons of the new and the deeper, generate a sea of emotions, going nowhere for them, but going somewhere for us. Their first extensive meeting is on the ramparts of an ancient fortification, more than inert in seemingly overwhelming the river far back in the scene. As they perform their walkabout in a world of ancient stones a slight view of that sea appears, a portion of the kinetic. A ship in the distance. The known and the not wanting to know more. While this encounter mounts quiet motion wasted, the new man, bizarre as a troupe of pornographic superstars in the film twinning this film, has become a mysterious, unearthly monarch to Karin. She brings that David to her almost palatial home one sunny weekend, in hopes that her passion for gardening could meld somehow with her treachery. “We work in the garden every spare minute. Andreas adds, “Our garden is actually our pride.” Then she goes on, “Oh, you must come here in the spring or early summer… We’re both very fond of flowers and trees as you can see.” The many blossoms and trees in view surely reach a facsimile of magic. But, when delivering their understanding of the boon, all of their fund of majesty, disinterestedness, rapidly withers. This feast running to famine puts, for the one and only time, an entry to Karin’s sense of more than one magician. David delivers the routine praise, and she therewith lets her hobbyist priority take over. “And all winter we dream about what we’re going to do next summer.” Andreas is called away on the phone by his medical duties and, when David iterates, “Everything in the garden is lovely,” she touches upon a major challenge: “You know it’s very difficult to talk about that kind of thing.” Her malaise at that crucial point, instead of initiating a hard and solitary investigation, finds her leaning on a flashy but weak savior. On to a “confession,” from the guest, “I suppose it’s hardly the thing to tell you, but I fell in love with you…” (The little judge, in The Rite, comes to a confessional to supplement his generally solitary researches. He comes to grief in consulting a mob of useless nihilists. The two, pledging love here, do stand as looking for a change. But not a brave change. Bravery being a rare instance, where so much is obsolete, or at least hugely overrated.) A glowing Karin rises to, “Please have some raspberries.” Bergman’s raspberries being a broad hit. Moreover, a feeble dialectic leans upon what should be fluent. A grey, skinny candle near the window; yellow roses unfocused. The great lover, saying, “No, no, no, I couldn’t eat anything more. I’m stuffed…”

Andreas having settled the phone emergency, he takes up an undisclosed earlier conversation, pertaining to David, of a mysterious wooden sculpture of the Madonna, hidden in a long-forgotten chink in a small minor church in the vicinity where he was carrying out one of his archaeological duties and loves. The two technicians find easy-going pleasure therein, and David actually musters a sense of singularity about how the craft and care had come to such a resting place. But Andreas cuts short the “mystery,” with, “Would you like a whisky?” and then it’s off to the less than interesting slideshow and the carelessly addressed deceased—another locked away treasure. The medic trots out some blossom highlights—one being an orchid named “insectaria.” “It attracts the interest of the fly.” (David being an incubus curiosity to Karin’s fly.) The jiggling show, being something else, unnoticed. “Are you sure David is interested?” she cautions. Another hit to the easy-wise, is the portrait of their donkey. “It died two weeks after this photo was taken…” Long before the mother-in-law’s death, there she is, onscreen (as having noted), sharply different from that of the others, in being seriously poised and reflective. That touch being, arguably, all this film seriously amounts to. (“Uh, she’s also dead,” speaks volumes about this family, and also the newcomer-insect he’s found to be jagged to his liking.) Scotch helping along, the visiting pedant blurts out, “Have you a picture of your wife nude… I would like to see a picture of Karin nude.” Andreas/ Max (having a long history of Bergman films being shocked and embarrassed) laughs it off. But this little bomb marks the end of smooth sailing for that family, left to settle into forces of sensibility apparently without accommodating the beauties of blossoms. The coda of that night is optically and viscerally firming. A close-up reveals a rambling kiss curl for David, Bergman having broached a similar ripple in the film, Dreams (1955). His hands are shown, tightly locked. (“Don’t worry, there won’t be a scandal.”) David refusing Andreas’ offer to drive the Scotch bomb home, the man of the house settles for, “I’d love to see the church.”/ “Yeah,” is all he gets. Before bed, we see a limp dialectic having squelched any mystery: Karin along a wall; a gold lampshade; and, beyond that, the non-magical film screen. An errant prayer. Here’s the night, as they would have it. He declares, “I’m glad he didn’t stay too long.” She asks, “How did you like him?”/ “A damned nice fellow, I thought. But he drank a bit too much, didn’t he?”/ “Did he? I didn’t notice, actually.”/ “Foreigners, you know…”/ “How did you meet?”/ (His friend, Jacobi [a long-term name and desperate signal of trouble in Bergman] directed David to Andreas. The diagnosis given, to her, was a kidney stone. As we will hear later, the “Rhinoceros” had attempted suicide. Andreas’ hands are seen to be tightly held.) In bed, he holds her at her shoulder. His fingers are stock still. Then their hands are locked in profile. A flow of bedding looks as if he has a large flow of mucus.

The preamble of the budding lovers comprises her at home doing domestic chores, with the lightest and most tedious play-list on the radio. She tells her young son, “Let’s get a move on!” She hears staunch church bells at their rendezvous. He would show up with a corn-cob pipe, perhaps imagining being as tough as General MacArthur, but in fact just corny, a ludicrous excuse for getting a move on. Now he’s at left, she at right, and between, a painting at the altar. Making such a trio of magic needs more than corn, girlie sentiment and gloomy piety. The disinterestedness and love, of the presence of the statue on this site, being light years away from our shabby protagonists. David’s flashlight plays over the major figure and a smaller one, as to companionship. Far more than our protagonists will ever know, there is a touch capable in their own hands and fingers to convene a consummation truly astounding. He directs Karin to the subtle smile of the figure. Easy subtle. While there is a world of subtlety to engage. On reaching the façade of the antiquity they come upon a stone figure, a sort of map or warning. A trail, in the manner of a serpent, conspicuously showing a vise or wall. A serene church being only part of the mystery. She returns for a second look of the trail. She runs an ignorant hand over the point of contention. He lifts her hand from the pictograph, simulating the snag. From the depths to the soaps. His hand, lifting hers, describes a knot. He rushes a finger over her palm. A logo on the cuff of her shirt is a pussycat.

There are many moments of Andreas’ career and Karin’s matrimony. They mean little here, beyond the ironies of their distractions. He, once again, on the phone at home: “I think so, too. But the symptoms are kind of vague, don’t you think? If only she wasn’t so damned hysterical. It might be just nerves.” She tells him, on the subject of her adolescent daughter, Marie, “She’s going out with some friends tonight. Mind that she’s home by midnight.” Then Karin, about to invade for the first time, the supposed lair of the vague and the perfect, changes clothes many times, perhaps a habit of Marie. The hurricane of bourgeois seductions finds, beyond hysteria, a policy of simplicity, namely, an old woolen number. (The judge, in The Rite, also hoping to strike the perfect tone in face of questionable priorities, frequently changes his clothes due to a medical weakness. Woolens speak to the issue of desperate Anna, in her film, The Passion of Anna, where sheep become butchered.) Karin’s apologetic gambit when being late here, “It’s one-way streets all the way from where we are,” becomes an unintentional disclosure of deadly childishness. Her one-way involves ticking off his one and dying plant and his filthy apartment. But then, perhaps not so out of the blue, the rendezvous begins to sound like a Hollywood charmer. “You’re nervous, David.”/ “Yes, I’m nervous. My pulse must be 690. Aren’t you nervous?”

Whereas the “exotic” mob, in The Rite, were truly pathological mercenaries, David, as now revealed, is a humanitarian softy with an animus toward the likes of Andreas—modern, technically conversive and rather cold. That he doubles as a rhinoceros—a primeval poster boy—has fooled Karin into thinking that heights are just around the corner. (A lovely touch of dramatic irony occurs with David, having been working abroad, arriving on the same night Andreas was staging a gala at the end of a medical conference. Karin skips out of the techies, only to confront her “something else,” being dressed and coiffed exactly like the medics at play. Eventually he’ll tell her that his ideal is attaining an assistant professorship at a rural university. “We could live a settled life on your conditions.”)

With so much bilious churning to the fore, their supposed breakaway is a redundancy, a screwball farce. He asks, “What should we talk about now?” She suggests, “Shall we take our clothes off and go to bed and see what happens?… But we must close the curtains. I’m shy.”/ “Oh, so am I!” he assures. Karin’s one-way nude becomes a study of quirkiness so lost as to be a sort of sign of a plague. “I want you to look at me first. I’m 34. You can see that in my face, especially around the eyes. I have a scar here on my stomach. I’ve had two children, and Anders [their boy] was very big, you know. My breasts were nicer before… I’m not an experienced mistress, etc.” David, in this blizzard, feels, “I’m afraid I can’t today.” This somehow brings her to the point of duplicity. “I’ve no idea why I’ve come here to you… I don’t even know if I’m in love with you.”

The next time they meet, David kisses her till her lips bleed, and he rapes her, in a similar way to the rape of Thea by the judge, in the other experimental ball of fire, The Rite, chasing most of the viewers out of contention, while subsequent fireworks get down to smaller bits of delight. A short time before, she had, in the course of Andreas’ leaving town for a conference, found herself behind a light grey transparent curtain as she waved to him leaving from the carport. In her profile as she moved along the window, the curtain became animated, a ripple effect came to life, whereby she became active in an uncanny way, at a volume too weak to matter. In The Rite, Thea provides a credo of startling dynamics, only to provocatively turn her back on it. Now it’s Karin’s turn, having never been exposed to anything but domesticity. Heavy feeling, but merely destructivity, on tap. She attempts a rational experience. “What just happened? Don’t you think you were very childish?” (Childish [and more] when she comes to realize, on encountering his sister, that his story, about his Jewish family all killed by the Nazis [but him], is a fabrication. Advantage, and not a trace of disinterestedness.) His apologia runs as follows: “I don’t know what to do with my churned-up feelings. Isn’t it absurd? After all, I’m grown up.” (Even beyond the absurd.) The four candles behind them, obviously lacking the real deal of three. At the medical reception congress, six candles blaze. Overkill. Karin is a model of being in her element. Other elements are stillborn. On leaving there, for the supposed truth, an adolescent quarrel flares up. She tells him she’s a little tipsy from the zone of chemistry. Viewing herself in a mirror she lifts up her hands and her fingers are playful. He, on the other hand, proceeds to trash the apartment, rhino-style. As things get even worse, she’s heard to remark, “No one has ever struck me.” Impetuous Americans, right? Before the standard American movie redemption on the staircase, he ploughs into, “I hate that goddamn Andreas, that fucking, hypocritical idiot. He can go to hell!” (Here we could mention that his sister in London, while debunking the family war crisis, does float the idea that she and David are doomed by an incurable disease. What we do see from her is a lot of alcohol and cigarettes.) Karin places her hand and fingers over his obviously stupid mouth. Back at the love nest, a little bird is seen quickly passing by their window.

Back home with Andreas, their chess game shows her between two dim lights. Another arrangement features a small fireplace. Their son comes by and berates the film being played by him. “Just a lot of romance.” Andreas notices the split lip. She remarks, “Could it maybe be vitamin deficiency?” (That little ironic joke has a serious side, pertaining to comprehensive resilience. At this juncture of making waves amidst slugs, transcending cinema while cherishing its daring, our film—as with the coda of The Rite—must recognize and reveal the reflective imperatives integral to these meta-actions. We have to make the best of these two transcendent demands, in order to appreciate the range of the “vitamin deficiency” of the narratives, past and present, and why they still matter.) Bells are quietly heard. Before going to bed, Andreas does some reading of a favorite Swedish poet. Beyond all reason, could he actually collide with the uncanny? Next day Karin, an unlikely user of such vitamins, reads one of the poems to David, feeling the need of some couth. “I think he’s the best. ‘Wake me to sleep in you/ Wake my words to you/ Light my dead stars nearer you/ Dream me out of my world…/ Give birth to me, leave me/ Kill me near you/ Nearer the hearth of birth/ Take me warmer, take me nearer you.’” (A testament like Thea’s. What’s up?) During a long absence while David is currying advantages for his career, both of them know well that the excitement was bogus. (Nowhere near do there expressions recall the poetry.) A blur of his fingers touching his writing page to her. [Typed and sterile.]. Her report of interest: “We’ve all had colds. I was absolutely streaming…” Followed by, “David, dearest friend I have in the world, can you forgive me for not writing to you for several days. We’ve been spring cleaning…” He writes, “One day I stopped dead in my tracks and said to myself, ‘We’re painfully united!’”

On a brief visit after many months, the flat filthy, and she announcing she’s stopped smoking, her positions in space steal the show. There is a lineup—David to right, she in the middle and a mirror showing her. His preoccupation upon smarts well established; her presences lost. She invites him to lie on the bed with her. She becomes rigid, as if having been shot. He avoids her hungry mouth. She goes on to give him a hair wash, and then Andreas comes by, wanting to talk. With Karin ensconced in the bedroom, like a naughty adolescent, the doctor touches upon people beginning to talk about her cheating. David thinks to be helpful in recommending the cockold appreciate what he remains to have, his work, his children, his plants… Then, the host, garbed in dressing gown rhinoceros grey, rips up some turf with, “You’ve humiliated us both long enough with this ridiculous visit.” The husband replies, “I don’t understand why you’re so aggressive, David. I like you… I liked you at the beginning already, when I took care of you after your attempted suicide.” David’s entitlement-hunger rips up again, with the retort, “It was an accident with that ridiculous gas oven.” Andreas, not as liking the brute nearly as much as he claimed, crushes the wimp with data. “We were never to speak of it,” the born lawyer maintains. Well aware that Karin is on hand, he leaves, holding an advantage of feeble satisfaction. “She has to make up her mind for herself. She hates any form of decision.” Her, “Do you think he knew I was here?” puts her in her place, unequivocally. David’s use now of “touch” reflects how averse he is to the magic of touch. “Wasn’t that touching? That was too goddamn touching…”

Other touching moments prove to stage modest but memorable rallies. The two dwarfs observe that the Madonna is doomed. The specialist tells the seeming dare-devil, “Something peculiar has happened, something no one can explain. Before she was walled over, she was the home of some insect not known today. The larvae have been sleeping inside her in darkness for 500 years. And now they’ve awakened and they’re eating the image away from within.” (Her finale, small, quirky and magnificent.) His finger amidst the insects. Not a rite, but the unintentional makings of a finite true love. He opines that the insects are at least as beautiful as the image itself. He would, of course, discount the touches being integral to this death, and this creativity. Karin looks down. “I’ve lost my footing or whatever it is. I used to be fairly secure in my world.” David mocks, “That’s too bad!” Prefacing her bid to turn things around, she wonders if something is wrong with her. She envisages, “It’s possible to live two lives, becoming into one wise and good life that could benefit other people and make them happy.” (Irony, of course. But the inchoate effort to touch the elements. In that vein, she slams the rhinoceros, not particularly effectively. “I know you are going to leave me, because you hate yourself.”) She takes another look at the frieze on the exterior of the place of love. Next day, dressed in chic black leather, befitting an international power of coherence, she discovers that the indispensable man has left town. She smashes a glass, takes off her gloves and presses her hands into the shards.

When desperation takes over, complication races. She’s pregnant and Andreas, one night, now in separate bedrooms, refuses to help when contractions become extreme. Then, sometime after the birth, David resurfaces to announce that he can’t live without her. They meet in a plant conservatory, where birds of paradise are in great supply, and where neither of them notice. He woos her like a Junior High, a filibuster going nowhere. He bitches like a Junior High on realizing he’ll have to find another sucker. Karen explains, “I feel it’s my duty to stay where I am.” Staying where she is, she’s roundly hated.

And yet, the population being what it is, there’s good times ahead. Marie, the caution, is something else. Before the deep freeze, she joins her mother for a safari to find a new outfit. David, in an orange, woolen jump suit, had stalked them and was rapping on the store window. Marie backs out of that fun. She glares at David, knowing very well that the fix is in. Addressing the girl as if she were a duchess of long ago, the supposed new deal gushes, “Do you mind if I talk to your mother for a minute?” She has no time for that prowler. I like to think she’s about to become like her grandmother, which is to say, like the middle-aged lady arranging a divorce, in the film two years appearing after this (prototype) film, namely, Scenes from a Marriage, where a shallow, bourgeois lawyer, Marianne, cocooned in a mob of that sort, could piddle away a lifetime of schemes and never have a clue, never have love to give and receive.

As this second, and last, test drive of the frontiers of contemporary sensibility, comes to an end, there is, I think, a need to disclose how Bergman’s endeavor dovetails with other investigations. His title, The Touch, emphasizes that a locked away treasure of disinterested loving action calls for us to press open, by a touch, the full dynamic of not only human life, but the cosmos itself. That the forgotten crypt has reached its last phase does not undermine the process of greatness per se. A heart becoming lost forever in such a bid is a heart having delighted in playing a part of mustering the primordial heights. The host, therein, is far from simply delivering a mystical enjoyment. The host, in fact, teems with players, but to a test, a test, as we’ve just revealed, to be nearly completely lost in action. The Swedish Madonna had a career of serenity. Few of us are so lucky. But, on the other hand, where the going is very rough and swift, the pathology of advantage can prompt intensities to the liking of the true. Those truly on the go are equipped for shooting rhinos. Their range is their fortune. There are many masterful hands. A solitary play between immortal and mortal has its validity, as well as its blessings. On that note, however, there is full liberty to carve careers wherein the quick and the dead can be engaged for infinite permutations. Joiners being a doubtful policy, but, as we’ve indicated, rare moments do surface.

#ingmar bergman

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throwingideasatthewall · 3 years

Text

The Clone Wars Duchess of Mandalore

Season 2 Episode 14

......

You know I want to believe this is going to be an episode focusing on Duchess’s actual character . . . . But the track record of writing female characters (Never mind blam ing trauma for their personality )

Doesn’t leave much Good Faith Or trust . . (especially how often their Characterization gets to Ret-conned. to fit the episode,)

(Padme turned into a nag, Ahsoka In unchildlike abomination that goes with a plot needs her to)

Duchess;

From Relat iv-ely Reas On Able Leader . . . Turned exquisite and Ex- - cess -ive (Pe tty)

Con trast- With Semi- Constant Smart “laziness” avoidant Obi-wan And “Do It Sky wal -ker-

I don’t expect this to stick

(Al-ways the female characters,”

Any. Way

And war, truth is the first casualty,

[It’s actually accountability but good try]

Deluding them selves of the goodness usually comes after the bad action

Any way.

The terribly designed ship

(I’m sorry but that thing doesn’t even look even slightly aerodynamic)

(The shark ship at least had that)

[it was one apparent smoke bomb and she wasn’t allowed to do anything to try and fix it,]

But sure... let’s go with that . Allies

[Never got a feel for that and one dude was always snarking at her,] No shit

everyone can see that

And it was one dude

[They haven’t heard of this yet]

[This plot- isn’t very good]

Right - ok now they’re im-portant-

Sit and and wait

As Duchess makes her case that this is just one splinter group that she can handle

Some thing you wouldn’t think would need a trial

[Only becoming a problem when it affects other people]

[suffering from the Luminara problem, where if she doesn’t meet up to high unreasonable standards. In an unreasonable amount of time (Little) Instantly lambasted by her colleagues. With the nar-rative showing no signs of painting this is wrong Or the fact of the male characters can feck around screw everything up, And that isn’t considered serious

[Narrative’s a Cheater. .)

How long

These are actual good evil minions

(No this could actually be good with them becoming something like the clone troopers to the, Darkside

Making up for a lack of human faces in the ranks up to this point,

Establishing that while they may be the instigator of tox, Actions are about ~now~ Less abhorrent than the Empire’s / Coun- cil-

‘the Plot,’

Completely irrelevant

(And stupid)

Relying on everyone being a complete un- accountable- Idiot.

Great plan you got there Dooku,

How’s Duchess’s explaining that’s-not-at-all-what-happened-and-we-don’t need a foot hold and all security, going?

Like you think he’d be more mad Considering what seems like the only plot, Intercepting the vehicle in transit, Failed horribly,

Unless, the guys didn’t tell him - And he still thinks they have Duchess -which would make sense...because of course they sent troops for the lost foreign leader

(Would’ve been a good episode for both of them)

(Not sure that would cause a riot though-)

(-Which would make sense if Obi-Wan was the last one they saw around here- Thinking, that a Jedi captured their leader,

]

But I’m getting ahead of myself let’s focus on the actual plot. .

Whoa rows

To Coursant

I thought you just said to . . .sit still and leave.

What? ...

What

Oh so we’re focusing on another cliché plot instead of the actual characters

(*Note; Cliché As in a badly established already done plot . . . There’s nothing wrong with doing repeat plot so long as you do them well

What you bring into it is the fun part (Ideally)

Aight?

How?

They’re just there

Also yeah you already know that there there you already know what they’re doing you still haven’t done anything about it

So?

[I was about to say where is the courier guy but he’s dead]

R.I.P shortly lived villain Killed off for a shitty written romance-

-He deserved better

Whatever

Why

[i’ve seen that image multiple times but I never realized the city was in the ball

[also how is this the palace where several important officials meet And the nice forest is supposed to be this mining hell hole

The environments- They’re-

So yeah we know it’s there, but like last time we’re not going to do anything about it

[like I said Saltine did get back at some point and everyone’s logic was just ok let’s go complain to the council for no reason,]

[I dislike this logic)

Why?

Just...? Why

Also yeah who’s in charge while she’s away?

I mean we’ve already got like a lot of senators’ sus

What?

Things Happen Ing

Also yeah palace right back to the way it was,

I guess it was a smoke bomb. .

Right?

You left the Boomer in control?

Also, so yeah I’m surprised he didn’t run out to be a mastermind either

Like, yeah That can happen

But given the “legacy and proud of everything thing,”

You’d think he’d be the main target

[Makes a lot more sense than Random Sen ator #4

And he was the only one in that hallway with Obi-Wan-

During their argu- ment-

Prime Minister- It Makes Sense -

You found the deathwatch armies - isn’t hard - It was like five guys last time

Now just like them, you have allowed, the situation to get worse

Good job smart guys.

Battle

Really because they seem like the same group of nerds

What?

??...

Deathwatch will never be strong enough

Yeah, no shit

Guess you shouldn’t do anything stupid

[how long until something stupid happens?]

Beyond the normal . . .

Here

Seriously how does this plan make any sense?

Jedi- come here - everyone- Loses their shit

How? - like I know it be unpleasant to have some guys stomp into Your House

But there’s literally no need for that..

Considering the situation isn’t out of control

And Satine should be fully capable of handling the situation

- And telling the Senate to feck off

- And don’t tell me he’s doing this because she’s passive because he’s been everything but passive in defending her passive beliefs,

[Something not really elaborated on]

Stop

NOT BE AN IDIOT!

Also,

[I really don’t like this plot it makes no sense,”. ]

Whelp-

Fuck-

That Got Dark-

[but possibly make sense if this is how she sees members of the republic, As a dark brooding force that will hurt everyone if she’s not careful,

Significant deadly threat

How?

They- smoke bombed one building

[That’s juvenile]

[The situation is not out of control]

In the narrative’s attempt to over blow this isn’t done ,correctly

You need to have self aware ness.

Bumper cars

Good

[Also you had to come to the Senate to say that]

(This could’ve been an email)

Or a photo op/ State -ment-

Duchess why did you come here you knew they were going to pull this shit

Like this helped nothing

And the narrative,

What was a good situation that was supposed to come out of this?

You stand before a council of people who decided to fight, saying I don’t fight

[ and these are toxic people mind you]

There was no way this is going to end up good;

And I don’t.. know what the narrative?

Padme?

Also what is with the weird bumper car rules?

Because it seems like anyone can come up at any time and ask any question?

[Like, how is that not chaos?]

Wo rking under toxic assumed authority. .

“People-

‘ I call to the stand Obi-Wan (Kenobi) and Anakin Of the Jedi order, to provide testament,”

That’s all that had to be said..

On top of;

“My government will submit to peace keepers actual peace keepers - Un-armed- For Eval -uation,’

That would make sense

And work off Satine’s Ad- vers Ion- To Obi-Wan, and the Jedi Council,

True

Dick,

-Jedi

Yeah, she didn’t reject, she allowed the Jedi to do a full investigation,

Also as brutal as the scene is, it is a good show of you reap what you sow and enablers turning on a enablers

Even though Satine should’ve known better than to argue peace with a war council...

Obi-won says nothing . . .

Fuck You (Good)

Bad Ass

Lots of politicians speaking,

Wait-

Dick-

Appro priate-

Ser-iously touching someone without their consent?

Dick entitled move.

Spec. Ifically.

After he stood by and watched that happened - Senate - Yeah cause you were there and you did nothing

Better;

Saltine calls Obi-Wan as a witness (Both Obi-Wan and the others. (Anakin) standing watch over her home planet

They failed to respond due to being in the middle of some thing

Or just distracted

This makes looks Satine Look extremely bad, That Jedi are not Re-sponding On her home planet

The vote gets passed

Satine is more than distressed

When Obi-Wan Coms her In

They argue, Satine Sni,pping. A. Bro-ken Promise

“You said you’d be there for me (This Time)]

“You’re never there when I need you,”

“You’re never there when it matters most,”

With that, the conversation ends

Satine possibly getting ready to defend herself against the republic

Coming to invade her home

Im-bittered Sweet

Didn’t help at all but okay,

We’re friends

Good

[To be fair the romance was so forced, that friendship is honestly best,]

Ah, Lady, You just got a friendship last block,

No need to act surprised.

Nothing More

Good because there was no chemistry between you up to this point,

State of mind

....

What?

What state of mind?

...

She’s fine!

Yeah she over reacted to the dude

But - got everything together when it mattered-

THANK YOU!

That was an asinine statement

Hysterical

No they wouldn’t be

That isn’t a compliment.

That’s Invalidation.

Dick Obi-Wan

Point!

So much

point in this!

I am so

pleased..

(Though

regular,”

I only -

Gas-

lighting

“I’m-

Yes!

Mhm

This is some

Bomb ass tea

De-licious

(I just realized my phrasing of words I’m so-)

It’s good is the point

(Doesn’t it make up what happened in the previous episodes,

But, Makes it easier to forget . . .

Accoun- tability - Is the word you’re looking for (The character, not the writer,”) They’re doing good . ... You live with a child groomer (Are One)

Does make sense. Obi-won closest to the problem (Groomed specifically in benefit of it) Still sad that they just gave up

Even if he does have a point That Two generations have essentially grown up Anakin and their time as the present is over

Bit too late to have a regrets

(Only when it screws you over..

Not the future generations)

And...

My sympathy is officially gone (Not the storytelling’s fault, I think they work -ed this conversation pretty well - Just the facts to narcs arguing - Still made me think about what exactly what was wrong - That’s good (narc)Con versation,

Any way,

I love this song

Obi-Wan gets roasted for all his bad behavior 2.0...

It’s nice

Crusade

This Convo was good

(It made me feel better about all the times the writers used cheating tactics)

*Not for giv-ed

just- better

[That expression- was concerning]

There

Aight

That- Was-

Chilling

[You just spent the whole time getting yelled out for his deeds, just continued on, emotion less]

The “respectable” kind (Approp-riate for an adult)

Aight

[Oh- no are they going to have the Obi-won rescue her and that proves that all her opinions are wrong?

Not actually; she made some really good points

But in the narrative treating?

(I don’t want to see that)

Okay, whelp,

Coursant has the worst security ever,

How?

Damn Frick

Is a bad day for her,

Filed

Some random dude hijacked your car

Who are you going to sue?

Bitch

Queenie, dude’s obviously an asshole

Leave

Also if there was no proof then why aren’t you charging her for vandalism terrorism, etc?

(See his logic is bullshit,)

also this is a good example of obstructive bureaucrat . . .

Or avoidant

Because how do three people nearly dying not constitute as proof?

[Like if she died.]

Also, what’s the plan if she did?

Like; Oh yeah deathwatch is such a threat that they killed a senator

Those dudes don’t care

They only pissed at her because she’s a pacifist coming into a Offensive summit

Accident

[she accidentally drove her car. [Yelling at the villain]

Not what she said

This dude could give Obi-Wan a run for his gas lighting,

Whelp

Fuck Off

Oh yeah the council of war mongers will really respect the pa- cifist

No bias here

None whatsoever

Satine

Hey at least this time he had the common decency not to grab her-

dick

Oh yeah defender of the gaslight-ing committee she’ll definitely help

Worry You

Don’t give into the gaslight-

Also guilt tripping

“ i’m afraid on that account,”

No,

Dick

Valid re-ac- tions

Shit-

“Victim blaming” (Toxic blaming)

Pretty sure they’re all enablers at this point

Tox-

Ma’am

Leave the ball of tox known as Obi-Wan

Man has turned from a garbage fire to a gas fire,

Coursant

Yeah, you should leave,

Also, That Moment,

You are one of them.

You’re not backing down

👉 This Not,

Con

Don’t listen to Obi-Wan He sucks

Also none of the guards are going to zap him for touching their queen unannounced? - - - Friends

You’re not her friends

You’ve been nothing but a dick

Gas lighting

Nope

Tox.

[like listen to that ag-gressive tone, How he’s holding her

Tox

[Still good on the animators who did that scene, Very good work,]

Occ-upation

Shit

Happen

Oh Shit-

Obi-won distracted her?

Aight

Meeting

What

How-

Hm,

Wait- Huh

[this is some kangaroo Court logic

It’s Good.]

Before

“Relying on the Republic is a mistake,”

Yesssss

More Acc- Toxic initiative (Since there’s no to little way they end this) Based on circumstance only (No different sources)

Any-way Um

Okay

Right Just Vibin’g

Aight Whelp,

Am I?

Oh is that the Senator guy?

Death watch?

Also- okay

Al- right.

Wait What?

Hm?

Green

We know two greens And one changeling That should be in custody-

Wait- ?

What?

? ? ?

EXPLAIN

Who-

What

At-

This was a pretty a’ight episode

(Trust me I wish I could give it higher praise)

However the unfortunate clankiness of the introduction

Keeps it stubbornly between a decent and good

With that being said;

That does not take away from the fact that is a ____ whatever it is

-it has good characterization for Satine

- it handles heavy morals like enabling, tox, abuse and pro- blems With Assumed Autho rity- Includ Ing Police Bru- tality And Fram -ing Very Well

(With the appro- priate dignity it deserves,

[there’s a small bit of better done romance/ fond-ness, near the End]

*Villain was neat

[More of sidious and on the [Main] villains

There were few Moments that Made Me Go Wtf (Obi Wan’s Abuse Of The Word “Saw You,” The Insist Ence That Death Watch Was In Tim i- dating

As For Fix -ing;

Episode; Instead of to defend, Wise Saltine is called To ident ify a Death Watch Member- Or Re New Her Neu- Trality Pledge In Person (Due to Change ling (Over Lap) Attack

Episode Pro Gress Es

Arc Fixes;

Obi- won delivers news, that he’s supposed to escort her Pers On Ally, Saltine expects everything to go over swimmingly after all she hasn’t done anything wrong, Quickly find out otherwise, Loyalty over her vs the government

Leads to a small break (Episode continues as normally)

(Death watch- if want)

Fix Arc Continue; (Note no offense to the author meant I just started some thing and I should finish it as an accountable writer)

Satine Is Forced Into Either Defend Ing Or Leaving Anakin To Her Irate People, Soon After Obi-won’s In- Cid ent Pri med

Hope Spot Or Depres. Further. Push Ing Ana -kin’s Dec- Ision To Snap) End

[Generally I thought this was a pretty ____ episode, the animation and set design will really good/ On par and it seems to have made up. (Corrected) A majority of flaws I had with previous episodes . . . Moving On...

0 notes

one-of-us-blog · 6 years

Text

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 1997’s Tomorrow Never Dies, the eighteenth James Bond adventure. Breaking news! A media mogul has set his sights on expanding his news empire, but sources indicate there’s some seriously unethical journalism going down! You’ll never believe what happens next! Can Bond stop the presses in time to save China? Wait a second, what the hell does China have to do with any of this?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, you’ve done it again! Twice! Both of your latest recaps were fantastic, and I completely agreed with your thoughts on both of them. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot (Less) Like Christmas” is very forgettable, and you were very generous with your rating. You’re the personification of Christmas generosity! But on a more serious note, “Camp Town Races Aren’t Nearly as Much Fun as They Used to Be” (this show has got to cut it out with these long titles) was the episode I was least excited for you to watch, because I really just hate most of it. Like you said, they make Blanche be awful so she can learn a lesson, but it still sucks to see her act that way. I can’t help but think of “Mixed Blessings” from the original series, which had Dorothy act like a racist in sacrifice of the plot despite that completely going against her character. Episodes like this suck, and I’m glad it’s behind you. There are still a few bumps in the road ahead of you, but I can’t wait to read your next couple of recaps! God bless us, everyone but Oliver!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Bruce Feirstein, Nicholas Meyer & Daniel Petrie Jr., film directed by Roger Spottiswoode

We start off very specifically in A Terrorist Arms Bazaar on the Russian Border, which MI6 is spying on. M has her boys identify the terrorists in attendance and they do good work, but then she’s informed by Admiral Dickhead that this is now a military matter and they’re going to bomb the bazaar to hell and back. M protests, stating that she still has a man on the ground (I wonder which one?) but the admiral tells her says she’d better hurry up and get him out of there because these bombs ain’t stoppin’. The man on the ground tells them it’d be a bad idea to blow this popsicle stand, because one of the jets up for sale at the bazaar is equipped with nuclear torpedoes and hitting those sorts of things with a missile is usually a bad idea. M tells the admiral to call off the bombing, but his boys say the missile is already out of range and can’t be recalled. M is used to cleaning up the messes of men in power, so she takes charge and tells Bond (he’s the man on the ground, in case you hadn’t guessed it) to get out of there. Bond can’t just leave these nukes lying around, though, so he stirs up some trouble at the bazaar, steals the jet and flies it out of Dodge before the whole place gets blown up by that pesky missile. Aside from some trouble from the terrorist copilot sitting behind him trying to strangle him and another terrorist trying to shoot him down in a jet of his own, it’s a pretty smooth getaway! Bond takes care of his last few problems by ejecting his copilot into the other jet and we head into our opening credit sequence.

Woah, I must have just jacked into the Matrix, because these opening credits are futuristic as hell! Streams of numbers, x-rays and lasers abound! Sheryl Crow belts out “Tomorrow Never Dies” while computer chip ladies wiggle around and CGI bullets fly out of computer screens hanging all over the place. Did this movie come out in 1997 or 2097, amiright?

After that trip to the future we cut to the H.M.S. Devonshire which is tooting around the South China Sea. We cut back right as things hit up, because the Devonshire is targeted by Chinese jets. The jet pilots say the Devonshire is in Chinese water and they’re gonna get some trouble if they don’t leave, but the Devonshire’s captain insists they’re in international waters and don’t have to listen to nobody. But, uh-oh, a sudden cutaway to the Carver Media Group Network in Hamburg lets us know that somebody’s messing with the Devonshire’s GPS, making them think they’re in international waters when we’re they’re all up in China’s business. We then cut to a sub, where a handily expositional crew lets us know that they’re going to send a stealthy little drill to donk up the Devonshire the next time the Chinese jets get close. The crew goes so far as to let us know the intention here is to make the British think the Chinese sank the ship, which is very helpful to me, a dumbass. The plan goes off just like these supporting characters just told us it would, and the captain of the Devonshire radios HQ to let them know they were sank by the Chinese before abandoning ship. These Carver goons aren’t done, though, as they blow up one of the Chinese jets with British missiles. I got no expositional warning that this was going to happen, so you can imagine how flabbergasted I was by this development. The Carver goons retrieve some missiles from the sunken Devonshire, and they gun down all but 17 survivors.

In Hamburg, Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce) himself is typing up his headline for this international incident in real time. So, wait, all of these people have been killed so that Carver can get a scoop on a story? Holy smokes, this might be the dastardliest villain we’ve come across since that guy who was just really good at shooting people. Carver has Skype calls with various people, literally saying out loud that the Carver Media Group is causing chaos all over the world. I’ll say one thing for this movie, having every single detail spelled out to me like this sure is handy. Carver releases buggy software, blackmails the President and causes all sorts of trouble like the little devil he is. He has a little powwow with his buddy Henry Gupta (Ricky Jay) and his henchman Richard Stamper (Götz Otto) and they all agree that everything is going just swimmingly. Carver lets his minions know that the South China Sea incident will be the premier headline for their satellite news network. Carver is going to dominate the news cycle, and, hot damn, just like that, we’ve got our villain’s plot spelled out for us! Man, I’m not gonna have to think for a second while watching this movie!

Meanwhile, Bond is fucking a French professor when he’s called by Moneypenny, who tells him everybody’s in a tizzy over this South China Sea incident. We get a hilarious Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell bit from Moneypenny and M, and then M and Admirable Dickhead get into a shouting match over the missing Devonshire. The admirable is rock-hard to start retaliating, but M wants to know what the hell’s going on before fleets start getting deployed. I guess she missed the first 20 minutes of the movie, because everything’s crystal clear for me, baby! MI6 discovers that Carver’s rag is already blabbing about the incident, and now the admiral’s not the only one hot for retaliation. M is given 48 hours to find out what happened and then China’s going to get a calling card from the British Navy.

M isn’t a dumbass so she thinks it’s a little suspicious that Carver got a headline about the incident out literally right after it happened. We’re told Carver’s got Szechuan beef with the Chinese because they’re the only country who won’t broadcast his media network. Say no more, M, we already know he’s the bad guy! Bond is being sent to Hamburg to attend an event at the CMGN HQ, and M gives us another tasty little morsel of exposition by letting us know that Bond used to date Carver’s wife, Paris (Teri Hatcher). M and Moneypenny are still polishing their comedy routine, and we get a great bit about Bond pumping Paris for information. Bond arrives in Germany, where Q, who’s just a regular man about town these days, gives him a new car with all the usual Q Branch bells and whistles. He also gives him a fancy new cellphone that has a taser, a fingerprint scanner and a remote control for the car.

Bond arrives at the apparent rave going on at the CMGN and is introduced as a banker to Carver. Carver is distracted by the arrival of Wai Lin (the incomparable Michelle Yeoh) from the New China News Agency. Lin wasn’t invited, but she admits to sneaking in so she could meet Carver. Carver is delighted by this, and Bond goes off to meet up with Paris. She gives him a good slap, and we find out that Bond dipped out on Paris and she still holds a grudge. This exposition train just don’t quit! Paris informs Bond she won’t be helping him investigate Carver, but when Carver slinks over she doesn’t blow his cover. Bond can’t play it cool for a second and immediately starts letting Carver know he’s suspicious of him, and Carver lets Stamper know he wants the supposed banker taken care of.

Stamper takes Bond away while Carver makes a big speech about the South China See incident. Carver’s goons beat up Bond in a back room, but he gets the better of them. Bond decides to be an asshole and cuts the power to Carver’s broadcast just for the fun of it. He’s gone before Stamper can get to him, and Carver throws a real hissy on stage. Carver’s pissed when other news networks gloat about his big broadcast getting cut off, and he wants Paris to tell him why Bond acted a fool like that. She tries to keep up the act that she barely knows him, but he sends her to Bond’s hotel room to pump intel out of him. Watch out, M and Moneypenny, I’m snatchin’ up your routine!

At Bond’s hotel, Paris plays him like a fiddle and gets into his pants without having to break a sweat. Carver has Gupta look into Bond’s alias and they figure out he’s a spy. Gupta also caught a snippet of dialogue revealing Paris knew Bond wasn’t a banker, so Carver wants both of them killed. Oh, also, turns out I was an idiot to assume Paris was playing Bond. She’s actually just still in love with him and tells him all about Carver’s secret lab. Bond sneaks into the lab and finds the encoder Carver used to control the satellite that misled the Devonshire. Before he makes it out of the lab he runs into Wai Lin, who’s doing a bit of snooping of her own. Lin trips an alarm and Bond has to deal with a bunch of goons while she uses some Q-esque devices of her own to zip around. Bond makes it out, but then gets a call from Carver. Carver knows Bond has the encoder and that he banged his wife, so Bond heads to the hotel to get Paris out of there. Stamper is monitoring the hotel, and as soon as Bond is out of his car he calls for some more goons to get the encoder.

Bond finds Paris dead in the hotel room, and a CMGN anchor on TV is already broadcasting a story about her body being found alongside the body of an unidentified man. Uh-oh, now Bond knows how the dude from Early Edition felt! Carver’s assassin, Dr. Kaufman (Vincent Schiavelli with a bad German accent), decides to have a little chat with Bond instead of just shooting him, and reveals that the news story is a tape that’s going to be broadcast in an hour. Carver’s goons try to beat their way into Bond’s car while Kaufman keeps talking instead of just taking the damn shot. The goons radio Kaufman and tell him to get Bond to unlock the car, and Bond tricks him into tasering (thanks for letting me know tazing isn’t a word, Google) himself before executing him with his own gun to avenge Paris or whatever.

Stamper spots Bond sneaking out of the hotel, and Bond uses the remote control to steer the car away from the goons. He hops on board and remote controls himself away. He retrieves the encoder from the glove compartment and bails before driving the car off a ledge, causing enough of a distraction for him to sneak away. We cut to an air base in the South China Sea, where Bond meets up with, my god, Jack Wade himself. If I’m forced to see Joe Don Baker in one more movie, I don’t know what I’ll do. Bond finds out that the encoder was tampered with to mislead the Devonshire and figures out where the ship sank. He skydives down into the sea where the Devonshire went down, and I shudder as watching Bond scuba dive through the wreckage of the ship gives me vivid flashbacks to Thunderball. In the wreckage Bond once again runs into Wai Lin, and the two have to make a quick exit before the Devonshire slips off its perch and falls deeper into the sea. On the surface Lin signals for her buddies on a boat to pick them up, but her friend gets a harpoon through the chest and it turns out Stamper is here for some reason. Bond and Lin are captured and handcuffed together on a helicopter that takes them to yet another of Carver’s building. Lin recognizes a Chinese general leaving as they arrive, but then they’re brought before Carver as he’s typing up an obituary for the two of them. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a dose of exposition, but luckily Carver’s there to inform us that Lin is a Chinese spy. Thank goodness, if I’d had to figure that out on my own this recap might have taken me months to get through.

Carver asks Stamper to torture Bond and Lin a bit while he goes off to meet with one General Chang, but Bond and Lin make a dream team and they easily escape despite still being handcuffed together. If there’s one thing this series loves more than exposition it’s a chase scene, so we get a nice scene of Bond and Lin on a motorcycle being chased by Carver’s goons. They eventually escape and manage to get out of their handcuffs, but then Lin gives Bond the slip by handcuffing him to a post. She works alone, by gummit! Bond catches up to her just in time to see her ambushed by another squad of goons, but she hands each of them their asses with a bow on top. This is a James Bond movie, though, so of course Bond has to arrive at the last minute to save her from being shot by the one goon she hadn’t gotten to yet. Bond deduces that General Chang is working with Carver and wants Lin dead.

Bond and Lin deduce that Carver is going to use the missile he stole off the Devonshire against the Chinese, and they decide to radio their respective governments and let them know about Carver’s schemes. Lin is amazing at her job and figures out that Carver’s stealth ship from the first scene is hidden in Ha Long Bay. Lin and Bond head that way while joking about how Britain is a corrupt western power and communism sucks, because everybody in this movie’s got jokes. They find the stealth ship as it’s heading out at nightfall and plant some bombs on it. Inside the ship, Carver once again explains his plan to pit the British and Chinese forces against each other and starts firing off missiles. Carver spots Lin and sends Stamper to collect her, knowing Bond must be nearby. Bond tricks Stamper into thinking he’s dead by throwing the body of a henchman offboard, and Carver calls for Lin to be brought to the bridge so he can gloat to her about his wicked machinations and do a racist parody of martial arts moves.

Back in jolly old London Town M finally got Bond’s message and lets everybody to know about Carver’s schemes. Carver really drives home his plot by laying out step by step how General Chang is calling a meeting of Chinese government officials, only he’s not going to be there and the meeting will have an unexpected guest in the form of that pesky missile from the Devonshire. We been knew, y’all! Once the government officials are taken out Change will seize power while the British and Chinese fleets destroy each other. What is Carver actually getting out of this? Why, exclusive broadcast rights in China for the next hundred years, of course.

Now, I know at this moment you’re probably asking yourself, “你在跟我开玩笑吗？”, but I promise you, Carver really is doing all of this so he’ll be allowed to broadcast his dumb news network in China for the next one hundred (100!) years. Will Carver be alive in one hundred years? I’m famously not a scientist, but all available evidence points to a solid no. Will anybody give a shit about printed or televised news once the internet takes off in about five years? Some dweebs will still get The New York Times delivered to their houses so they have something to feel smug about, but, I mean, c’mon. Nobody’s going to care about CMGN once news is only a few keystrokes away, and if they’re anything like me they’ll be constantly up to date on all the important world happenings thanks to the reputable and reliable reporting found at Infowars.com (my only trusted news source). Carver’s plan is as shortsighted as it is dumb, which is to say, approximately, ‘as hell’. Now that I’m done roasting this Steve Jobs lookin’ nerd, let’s get back to the show.

Bond holds Gupta hostage and lets Carver know he’s still alive. He proposes to trade Gupta for Lin. Carver doesn’t actually care about Gupta, though, so Carver just shoots him to take away Bond’s bargaining chip. Bond had a backup plan, though, and he sets off a grenade with a Chinese spy watch he stole from Lin’s headquarters earlier. Rude, but effective. The explosion allows a British ship to detect Carver’s stealth ship, and Lin and Bond are able to get away. The British try to shoot Carver’s ship out of the water, but he’s still intent on firing that missile. Lin gums up the ship’s work, making it a sitting duck for the Brits to blow up while Bond tries to blow up Stamper with a rocket launcher that was inside the ship for no reason. It still takes the Brits a few tries despite Carver’s ship not moving anymore, but they finally land a hit and Carver’s goons prepare to abandon ship.

Stamper thinks Bond was killed in the British attack, so Carver sends him off to the engine room to deal with Lin. Bond sneaks over to disarm the Devonshire missile, but Carver gets the drop on him and we get one last bit of sweet, sweet exposition as Carver describes how the missile can’t be disarmed and the Brits are destroying all the evidence of his involvement in all this. He’s going to get what he wants and still get off Scott free! Only, of course he’s not, because Bond turns on the drill that killed the Devonshire and feeds Carver to it. Bond gets to work stopping the missile, but Stamper threatens to kill the now-captured Lin if he doesn’t back off. Lin tosses Bond a handy gadget that will stop the missile from launching (but not exploding) and Stamper drops her into the water to drown while he and Bond tussle. Bond traps Stamper next to the missile and dives down to save Lin as the missile explodes inside the ship, killing Stamper.

M is informed that Carver’s dead but that Bond’s not, and M tells Moneypenny to spin the story to make it seemed like Carver killed himself. M’s just chock full of humor today! A rescue ship looks for Bond and Lin, but they choose to make out instead of being rescued.

The End

~~~~~

Hoo buddy, my sources are telling me this was a bit of a stinker! Maybe it’s just that this is the follow up to the spectacular GoldenEye, but there was a lot going on here that just didn’t work for me. As much as I appreciate having the movie’s plot spoon-fed to me, I think it might have been a good idea to show rather than tell at least once over the course of two hours. There was just so much exposition in this one! And I’m absolutely flabbergasted by how lame Carver’s plot was. We’ve had some stretches in logic from villains in the past, but usually they at least want to get rich or take over the world in something. Carver just cared about being able to broadcast in China! I’m sorry, but a memorable villain this scheme does not make. Michelle Yeoh can’t help but be fantastic in everything she’s ever done so of course I loved her as Lin, and while there were still a few moments where Bond got to save her I still think she held her own much more than most Bond Girls are allowed to. It felt like we were getting a crash course on fridging with the whole Paris thing, but honestly she was so inconsequential to the plot that I’d pretty much forgotten her until I happened to catch her name a second ago while I was proofreading this very recap. As corny and out of place as it was, I actually loved M and Moneypenny constantly trading quips and jokes, and while I can’t say for sure I think this M is getting a lot more screen time than any of her predecessors (which you won’t catch me complaining about). This movie was cheesy and the plot was incredibly silly, but there were still some fun fights (i.e. the ones where Michelle Yeoh got to beat up a bunch of dudes) and as much as I was rolling my eyes I still came away from this film feeling like I’d had a good time.

Overall, I’m giving Tomorrow Never Dies QQQ on the Five Q Scale.

News flash, we’ve got some more wonderful recaps for you to enjoy coming soon! First Eli will be back to cover “Rose and Fern” and “Runaways”, the next two episodes of The Golden Palace (can’t WAIT to read Eli’s thoughts on both of those for [very different reasons]), and then before you can blink I’ll be back to cover the next James Bond movie, The World is Not Enough.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for contemplating ethics in game journalism and thank you for being One of Us!

#one of us #007 #james bond

0 notes

keyofshadows · 7 years

Text

Mostly out of context and in no particular order.

Someone tell Henry to stop turning into Sora. Also Wendy is making me think of Namine. So who does that make Pan? Wait, Marluxia!

I keep wanting to cry happy tears and hug chibi Sora into little bits and this has Maya and Kai all upset- well, Maya's squeaking at Sora's cuteness and kinda spazzing over 'Can you imagine if Kai HAD been Riku's son' and we're not getting into that mess and Kai's just mostly upset because he misses his family damn it, even if he has friends where he is and a kid brother.

And hi, rambling because FEELS.

AUUUGH.

I've gone weird again.

Ahahaha, and the bad ideas keep coming. I wrote out a thing for the mods seeking permission for Heartless-related stuff. Haven't sent it yet 'cause I might be sane come morning. That and Kai's borderline freaking out. Something about not wanting his mother's past to be his future. Maybe I really just want an excuse to have a weird AU KH/WR crossover where Ray kicks his ass for training Shadows as minions.

Meanwhile Eli and Fen just sit on the sidelines and snicker.

I wanna go home and laugh at the trouble Kai's gotten into. Or not. I giggled earlier and was exhausted for 20 mins. But still, Kai just found out he's fucking with a 3,000 yr old spirit born of darkness. Somehow this is not phasing him as much as it should. He's either very much his mother's son (with all the issues that entails) or Riku and Sora rubbed off on him. Or he really IS Riku's, but Maya can dream. It's better than the truth, anyway.

Random 1 am thought: Eli as a kid, boasting to all his friends that he was kidnapped by an evil faerie before he was a year old and turned into a kitten.

"And she replaced me with a fake baby that turned inta sticks when my mama blew out my birthday candle! Isn't that NEAT?"

Amy: /facepalm Lanie: /jealous

"How come Eli gets ta do all the fun things?"

Eli: /smiiiirk

So I got this started during a low-pain point in my migraine, and Eli can't stop snickering. Despite the migraine Kai's post got me thinking. 'The last time...' in reference to wishing his dad was there. 'The last time he'd built a snow fort like this, it'd been in Christmas Town. His uncle had taken him and his dad to see Santa, when Kai was on the edge of not believing anymore. He was, after all, seven. His mom had stayed home, insisting she'd not only get a stocking full of coal, but would probably find herself buried under it.'

And she would've, too.

When someone introduces themselves as serving under a king, it's appropriate to use 'Keyblade wielder' after your own name, yes? Yes. Inwardly Kai's just like '.....fuuuuuck.' This was not how he wanted to become known to Henry. 'Yeah, I kinda adopted your adopted son as my kid brother, I swear I'm not a bad influence on him and I'm so sorry I attacked your knight unprovoked. Please don't have me executed.'

Newsflash: Kai doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut.

'They're kind of cute when they're not trying to eat your face.' - Best description of Shadows ever.

OMG it's so cold in this house why do I not know Firaga. Or where my gloves are. Or my scarf. Or hat. Assuming there's any money left next month I'm buying socks. I have...five pairs of socks? That don't have holes. And I'm not sure where three of them are. I'm wearing one and the other is...in my dresser. I think. Lol I'm totally on top of where my stuff is. This is why cleaning my room is bad. I can find my floor but nothing else. Ever. This'll be Eli someday. Only able to find things when they're strewn across his room. And he'll like it that way! "But mom, all great warriors have messy rooms! Uncle Sora told me so!" And you KNOW Larkin'll be the only one that can make him clean it properly. Threats and bribes. Though both may be the same thing.

Right in the middle of one of Xehanort's speeches and I got a migraine. I'm kinda disappointed.

Re: OUAT and hearts - DUDE HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK and Hello WR flashbacks. Also re: next week's ep and swords being present at a baby's birth - Yes, I imagine Jalen was armed when Eli was born.

That random idea I had a few days ago involves what Awiergan's supposed to be doing, you know, hunting down Mal's nobody and knifing her. She's certainly had prime opportunities to do it, what with her current masquerade. Amy and Jalen's wedding anniversary is the 5th this month, and I wanted Amy to be back to herself by then, however temporary. THEN I thought, hey, what if Awiergan went out, found the nobody, brutally killed her, and let Amy watch? The shock of that would be enough to let Amy push the Brat back under, and she could come home covered in blood freaking out. To who, I dunno yet. But hey, happy anniversary!

Um, what was the original plan for the Cornerstone of Darkness? And I vote we destroy Disney Castle. As in the whole world. Dunno what exactly that'd mean for the Cornerstone of Light, but hey. The one place everyone trusts to always be a refuge against the Darkness going bye-bye? Always a good time! *whacks Awiergan*

Eli insists on a new tradition = New Year's Day Bug Hunts. Every New Year starting from age 8, he's gonna spend the day looking for the weirdest, most colorful bugs he can find. He demands that Larkin accompany him and carry his jars. >>; I do not see that ending well for him. "I only asked her to carry seven jars! An' then she dropped 'em! Down a hill! WITH MY BUGS IN 'EM. THEY ROLLED INTO THE POND AND 'MOST DROWNED!"

...The last time I had a *really* awesome and entertaining idea, it was a plague that wiped out two-thirds of Hogwarts.

This kid is gonna be in so much trouble. Eli: "....Aunt Song, Larkin won't stop followin' me! She says she's gotta protect me from Heartless!" Amy: *snickers forever* "Good luck with that. This is why we don't pretend that Igor is real sweetie~"

I decided Lanie gets to learn magic from Ray too, because she'll need to help keep her brother in line. God forbid her best spell turns out to be Thunder.

Yay babies. Oh god, a three year old and a newborn why did I do this to Amy oh wait. *cackle*

I had this cute little dream where Auryn wakes up crying (He's like a week old) and Eli gets to him first, and is trying to calm him down so he doesn't wake Larkin 'cause she needs her rest, and god forbid his mom, 'cause he'll never get to hold his son again. *snicker* He finally gets the kid to pass out by putting Igor in the crib by Auryn's feet, then makes the comment, "Yeah, he was my favorite too."

Hahaha so adorable and sappy and damn it, men should not be attractive when wounded. (And this is where Jalen's eyebrows go into his hair because what conversations has he been missing)

And then there was that time that healing magic was backfiring and Jalen was stupid and fell off the bailey wall and broke his wrist, and instead of his wife going 'Oh, my Jale!' and cuddling him silly, she whacked him upside the head, gave him a lecture, and teased him for a week. *snort* But then, they have an weird relationship that'll be sure to amuse their children for years to come. Hell, it's amusing FEN.

Ahahaha. I love how Kai is all '.....How do I explain this?' Because apparently he was taught the honor thing but not exactly the why of it? Or he's just a dork. Let's go with that. Eli says that girls can take care of themselves, but you should at least make the attempt unless you want to get beat up. Speaking from eventual experience, no doubt. Also I love how that last sentence makes no and yet all the sense.

I've always sympathized with the villains. Maleficent was the first. I was four. *shifty eyes* I was a weird kid.

The game I've got Kai in is getting an expansion. The school's going to be revealed to be on an island. I'm happy. Kai on the other hand, not so much. Reminders of not-home and places he'd been with 'Jem, which are probably gonna lead to him hitting things with his Keyblade. Especially once he finds his Corridors STILL can't get him away from the damn place.

Suppose Kai could always just try and use his Keyblade to chop 'em up...and this is for a bonfire, actually, though I did think him trying to make a raft in an attempt to leave the island would be all sorts of funny and history sorta/not really repeating itself, but I gotta get mod permission for that first and I'll just shut up now.

Yay, they have access to the beach now. And someone else decided to try a raft, which I'm actually glad about. >_> Kai will instead make an idiot of himself trying to catch fish. And the 'here fishy fishy' is a ridiculous inside joke from the old game that I couldn't resist using even though no one will get it. Riku had a net and was out tromping through the shallow water on Destiny Islands, trying to catch dinner for himself, Sora, and Kairi. He finally managed, but he burned dinner afterward. *snerk*

Oops. Kai wants to know what the fuck I just got him into. *cackles madly* Hell if I know. I've got Eli on the sidelines lecturing him on Darkness. And Fen pointing out he should consider himself lucky he's never met Ray. *facepalm*

Yeah, so if the wyvern doesn't kill Kai, he's gonna take Eli's advice and call him Yen Sid. ...My muses should not be allowed to interact sometimes. Also now I've got Jalen snickering because hmm, who did he know that had problems with a wyvern? *facepalms forever*

Re: 'Driel - And why doesn't this kid have fear? She's a nine year old on her own in a strange place, and they had a 3-4 day blackout already, but she's just...peachy. Lonely for her family, sure, but she's met a 700 year old faerie that shifts into a wolf, a boy that's possessed by a 3,000 yr old malevolent spirit, a king from the 15th century, and now friggin' Death, and she's just hunky dory. This IS a good thing, yes?

IT'S LARKIN AND ELI LMAO Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

#kingdom hearts au #old threads #roleplay #queue

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