#was just unfairly withdrawn from him)

[kaseyskat]

lovesong 38 for the kiss prompt pwease nyxie <3

(#38 - a kiss because they're running out of time)

~~~

"You're going to break up with me."

The way Nick says it has Sparrow flinching, even as they sit together in Nick's bedroom, hiding from the rest of the world. You're wrong, he wants to say more than anything, but the words die on his tongue, and all he can do is turn his head, stare at his partner.

Nick is staring straight ahead, not looking at anything. His hair hides his expression, and with the way his hands are folded in his lap, his shoulders slumped, Sparrow knows he's already accepted it; that this night will be their last, one way or another.

"Yeah," he finally admits, and he breathes deep through his nose and exhales through his mouth, just like his father taught him. "I... you know I don't want to, but..."

"Your family," Nick says flatly. This, too, almost has Sparrow wince: over the two years they've been seeing each other in secret, he had finally gotten the soft side of Nick, the side of him he hadn't let anyone else see. It hurts now, being treated just like the rest of their friend group.

"My family." Sparrow slumps now too, and he stares at the floor- it hurts too much to look at Nick any longer, to see someone he loves so withdrawn. "I don't want to hurt you, starling."

"You could never hurt me," Nick says, quietly, but he doesn't sound entirely convinced.

It's not true, anyways. All my brother and I know how to do is hurt people. Still, Sparrow swallows, and he hesitantly reaches out one hand, placing it over Nick's in his lap without looking at him in the process.

"It doesn't have to be tonight," he murmurs, tentative and soft, hesitant. "Will you... will you spend one more night with me?" Please. I don't want this either.

Sparrow has never prioritized his own wants over the needs of others, especially when it comes to his father and Lark and the mess of the world they've made together. This one, though, hurts worse than all the other times he's allowed his familial duty to win over his personal desires. Can't he have one good thing in his life? Can't he have this?

"One more night," Nick agrees, and when his hands close over Sparrow's own, Sparrow finally regains the courage to look at him. Surprisingly, Nick is looking back at him, and even with how upset he clearly is about the entire situation, his gaze reflects nothing but fondness.

"So kiss me," Sparrow challenges, and he tilts his head up, baring his neck. Make me forget why I'm breaking up with you. Make me feel like this night will last forever. "Please."

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Nick huffs.

Usually, when they kiss, it's in a blaze of passion. Sparrow still doesn't really care for kissing, but he enjoys the way Nick feels pressed against him, the heady rush of power that goes to his head, the way Nick makes him feel claimed, taken, loved.

This time, though, it's slow. Nick trails a hand over Sparrow's cheek, thumbing gently over the curve of his lips, his fingers tingling as he brushes hair behind Sparrow's ear. Sparrow's squirming in place by the time those fingers trail lower, to his neck, and then curl around to his hair.

"Nicky, what are you doing?" he finally asks when Nick still makes no move to lean in, instead focusing so hard on combing through Sparrow's hair, his gaze dark and intense.

"Studying you," Nick answers. "So I never forget."

Well, damn. Sparrow shuts up, and he takes the time to study Nick in return: the curve of his jawline, the way his jacket gives way to his collarbone, the faintest trace of bite marks that Sparrow's left for him in the past. He is, Sparrow thinks, unfairly attractive.

It'll hurt leaving him behind. Fuck.

Finally, finally, Nick uses the hand still tangled in Sparrow's hair to coax him forwards, drawing him into a kiss. It is softer than any other time they've kissed: before, Nick would kiss like he's staking a claim, but now each gentle press of his lips is an apology, a goodbye.

Sparrow can only close his eyes, allow himself to fall prone into Nick's arms, remain stock-still when Nick trails his lips against the corner of Sparrow's mouth and then lower, mouthing at the skin of his neck.

If Nick notices when he starts crying, he doesn't say anything.

[obliviscii]

Yveltal has such a deep appreciation for life. Not just in terms of people and pokemon, but natural life. Plants, trees, flowers, little bits of life most people overlook and don't notice. Even those little, seemingly insignificant things are deeply important to him, and are things he cherishes.

He may be biased considering Xerneas is the embodiment of life, and oversees it, but he really does believe that people should have a deeper respect for nature and natural life especially. Yveltal sees how people disrespect the world around them, and it makes him feel awful to see Xerneas' hard work go unnoticed and be tarnished.

It's probably his biggest gripe with humanity, is witnessing first hand how unappreciative some can be towards life itself. Of course, he's been mistreated horribly himself, but he cares less about that, given how... used to it he is. It's the norm for him to be treated poorly, and he's grown used to it by now. Xerneas, however, has sacrificed so much of his time, his life, and his sanity, only for people to disrespect it. It's his biggest point of bitterness, and if it weren't for his children, he would have withdrawn from humanity altogether.

His children (Serena, Dani, Xavier), and those they associate themselves with, are the shining beacons to him as far as humanity goes. He's endlessly proud of them and all they've accomplished. They've all been through so much, treated unfairly by the world they live in, but have continued on anyways. They're tenacious, but have survived in spite of a looming doomsday. They're the only reason why he hasn't retreated away entirely from everything. Yveltal doesn't say it as much as he should, fearing he may be overstepping too much, but he is extremely proud of them all and loves them very deeply.

[sampangram83]

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[perpetual-trashcan]

Nicolo Di Genova and looking after your new little brother.

Okay this is just a dumb little headcanon I have, spawned partly by this thread  (i rambled in the tags, forgive me) with @sunsetcurveauto.

I have this idea, where Booker has just joined the guard. It’s not long after the last of his family has passed. And it hurts all kinds of different because it was his little boy. His son who he loved more than anything, and its tinged with his son’s fear and anger that Booker can do nothing about.

(I think Booker wouldn’t have kept in contact with the guard, even after he found out about the immortality. At least, until he had no other choice. I think there’s a lot of resentment in those early days because it’s not a gift he wants, and if he can’t fight the choice, then he’ll fight the people who share it with him, especially if they try to tell him it’s okay which some of them are probably likely to do in those early days, trying to starve off panic)

And while Booker travels with them for the most part, he’s a bit of a ghost in the house. He’s withdrawn and quiet, not leaving his room for days, or he’s passed out on the couch, waking with hangovers that don’t last nearly long enough.

The guard have tried to reach him. Nicky is the caregiver of the family and it hurts his soul to see someone so in pain. Both he and Joe have tried to talk to him, soft words that beg understanding but Booker either ignores them or leaves the room with a polite apology. Only twice has he snapped at them and he looked ashamed as soon as the words had left his mouth. But he didn’t stay. Didn’t reach back.

Booker does seem to find some common ground with Andy, having just lost Quynh and knowing his grief all too well. But they don’t talk. They drink and enjoy the silence that comes with each others company. Occasionally Andy teaches him to fight, or shoot because she intends to keep the idiot alive as long as possible until he gets to the other side of this. And it’s during these times that she learns he’s capable of an unfairly funny quip or joke that under no circumstances makes her snort.

But Andy still gets tired. Nicky hasn’t and will not give up on his new brother but Booker is not the only one who needs him. Andy buries her grief just as deep, if not deeper and while there is a mission - and there is always a mission, Booker not included - nothing is allowed to distract her. So Nicky does what he does best, and tries to look after his family.

Sometimes, that’s just making Andy baklava. They’ve travelled with each other long enough that Nicky knows his sister, and while he can’t fix everything, he can do this.

So one afternoon, he comes out to the backyard of their latest safe house while the two of them are training, baklava stacked high on the plate. Booker and Andy are taking a water break and even though Nicky’s been making it more often than not these days, Andy still perks up every time. Nicky has to suppress his smile as he hands it over, talking about how he’s been trying new recipes - it’s not perfect yet, and Andy deserves it to be perfect - and asking suggestions. Booker is quiet at Andy’s side as he always is, just watching the side of her face as she eyerolls and hums her way through Nicky’s rambling.

And then it happens. Andy is shoving baklava in her mouth, somewhere between heaven and bliss when Booker turns his eyes from the side of Andy’s face to Nicky. It’s only several centuries of training and experience that stop Nicky from visibly straightening but his entire being is aware of the fact that for the first time, Booker is looking at Nicky’s face and not down at his own shoes.

And while Booker looks shy and uncertain, there’s an amused twitch to his mouth that Joe swore Andy was making up when she told them about it. And he makes a joke. Or least an attempt at one, teasing that he has a good test subject, that surely Andy has eaten enough Baklava to guess every flavour by now.

And Nicky knows that he’s probably right, even taking away how long Andy has been around. But this is the first time Nicky’s new little brother has spoken to him. Has looked at him. 

 And maybe this, this dumb little joke is how he starts to reach Booker. This is where they start communication. Not with heaviness or grief, but with small moments of humour and joy. Like Nicky had been trying so hard to give Booker in the first place.

The grief will always be there but maybe here is where he can build a foundation to eventually help Booker. And while it’s weak and tenuous, Nicky wants to grab it with both hands. So he does.

Nicky looks back at Booker, mouth twitching back in a soft smirk as he says, “you think so? You want to make a bet?”

[tsarisfanfiction]

Ooo 99 for the 1-150 drabbles 😁 thunderbirds of course with Gordon and Penelope please!

Façade

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance Characters: Penelope, Gordon

99) Be brave, sweetheart.

Oh hey, this looks... is this gonna be Tsari writing something vaguely Pen&Ink?  That’s not normal; I usually don’t get involved in that, but this prompt seems pretty clear.  And tbh, I’m sensing some SOS coming through there...  I have somehow never written anything for SOS yet.  I suppose it was about time.

(As an aside - thank you for specifying which list!  Saves me having to go hunting because I took too long to answer!)

Challenge Drabbles 1-150

Creighton-Wards didn’t do terrified.  To be a Creighton-Ward was to remain in tight control of all your emotions at all times, your face a permanent mask lest the paparazzi get even the slightest scent of what you were truly feeling and blasphemed the family, forever tarnishing the reputation of one of the most respected families in the British aristocracy.

One of her distant cousins had once made that mistake.  The disinheritance had been swift and brutal.  High society was a cut throat mire of fake smiles and sharks circling, waiting for the barest scent of blood as an excuse to pounce.  Her father had had no choice but to act before they could strike, in order to preserve their immaculate status.

Therefore, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward entered the hospital with her head held high, hair perfectly coiffed and nails proudly sporting a fresh manicure.  Not a speck on her clothes, not even a stray dog hair from Sherbet was acceptable right now, when the world was watching her.  Her association with the Tracy family - positive association, one that could almost be considered a true alliance, and such things were rare in her cut throat world - was public knowledge, as was the fourth brother’s current hospitalisation.  It was not an exaggeration to say that all eyes were on her; certainly all eyes that would ever matter were on her.  Not the barest hint of the emotional turmoil racing through her could possibly be permitted to escape.

Turmoil was the correct word for it.  The Hood might have gained minions with the classless label Chaos Crew but the true agent of chaos, or at least, her personal agent of chaos, went by the name of Gordon Cooper Tracy.

Creighton-Wards never showed emotion, had been trained to always, always, be in control of themselves at all times, and she could rub elbows with anyone from monarchs to street urchins without her mask slipping in the slightest, but every moment she spent around him she felt it sliding away a little more.  There was just something about him that was so terribly disarming that it made her vulgarly open. 

The most terrifying thing at all was that she didn’t think she minded.  It was almost exciting, in a way, to have someone who persuaded her to break the rules, if only for a moment.  A rush of fresh air, crisp with just that little tang of salt because of course it was sea air, interrupting her otherwise stale life.  Not that she’d known it was stale, until he’d swanned in without a care in the world and shown her otherwise, but once the knowledge was there, it couldn’t be ignored.

However, right now she had to quell it all.  The terror, the uncertainty, the realisation that she couldn’t keep playing hard to get, because despite his tenacity, he wasn’t immortal.  Neither of them were.  And their lives were dangerous.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been so severely hospitalised, but she’d never visited him during the hydrofoil aftermath, hadn’t needed to.  Hadn’t known him, beyond lines of data and records on John’s younger brother and Mr Tracy’s fourth son.  With him ensconced in WASP, they had never had the chance to meet.

How his brothers had been through this once before, she couldn’t imagine.  She remembered their distress - John even more withdrawn than normal, on the occasions she could get his attention at all, and Scott-  Well, Scott had been something else entirely.  Looking at the young man, asleep on the bed and more bandages and casts than skin visible around the unflattering hospital gown he still managed to look unfairly handsome in, made something in her chest ache.

Parker, ever-faithful Parker, performed his chaperone duties admirably.  There was no-one else in the room, the entire Tracy family unfortunately detained by a rescue, and it was incredibly unseemly for her to enter a young man’s room alone.  However, Parker stayed by the door, giving the illusion of supervision while still giving her actual privacy.

It could only be a quick visit; Gordon had another surgery scheduled, a broken leg that needed additional help to heal true, but perhaps that was for the best.  Even asleep, he could break down her mask with ease and she felt it crumbling every moment she looked at his sleeping face.  If she stayed too long, no-one to hold her accountable, then the wrong eyes might catch a glimpse of what was really going through her mind.

Still, in a moment of daring, because sometimes one had to take a risk, and she had almost lost him twice within the last month alone and could not bare the possibility of any more without being quite frankly unacceptably honest with him first, she let her perfectly manicured hands cradle one of his rough, calloused ones and give it the lightest of squeezes.

“Be brave, sweetheart,” she murmured, the unfamiliar term of affection slipping out because it felt right.  Who she was truly talking to, she wasn’t sure - Gordon was asleep, couldn’t hear her - but she knew well enough that Gordon hated hospitals, hated surgeries, hated everything about being stuck in whitewashed walls.  It was why she was here; why John had contacted her the moment they were all called away and forced to leave him alone.

Why she would stay there, out of the way but present, when they took him in for surgery.  Why she would wait until he was back out again.  Why she would remain until he woke up and his family were able to return, no matter the potential damage he could do to her image in that time.

There were very few things that terrified Gordon Tracy, and Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward would not let him face his demons alone.

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] Who is coming towards me in love?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for Who is coming in towards me in love? This reading is for singles who are interested to find out who could be your potential partner. To note, I don’t read genders in tarot, simply the energies of the cards.

Do take what resonates because this is after all a general reading so it can’t possibly resonate with everyone.

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 4 piles:

Pile 1 - 4 (From Left to Right)

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1:

Your unicorn card is “Nature” – Ground yourself; Find a sanctuary in nature; Connect with the elementals. Okay, to start off, I have a very strong sense that this person could be an earth sign (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) with the “Nature” card as well as the suit of pentacles in your spread. However, if it doesn't then do find peace with it. But moving on, what I do get with the “Round and Round” card as well as “Two of Swords” is that you might find yourself being stuck in a particular situation (probably somewhat like a cycle, something that you have went through before over and over again) when you come into contact with this person. Now, this cycle can be somewhat vicious or just a habit that is hard for you to break away from. With the “Two of Swords” I see that you are in anxiety, you might be fearful of breaking away from this cycle so actually, when this person comes into your life, you might be sort of “separated” from him/her. Or this “separation” card can simply mean that you aren’t interested to start in a relationship with anyone at the point in time when this person comes into your life because you are dealing with other things.

But I see this person trying to make that small offer to you with the “Page of Pentacles”. In addition, I see that this person could actually be the one to help you see through the cycle that you have been going through (whether or not you are conscious about this cycle) and that with his/her energy, you tend to find yourself in a more grounded place upon more interaction with him/her. Now, with “the Empress”, I see that this is how you will see this person. He/she will be very loving, very nurturing and very caring towards you, which is probably why you will eventually fall for him/her. I do see you establishing a solid relationship with this person eventually with the “Ten of Pentacles” because I see that he/she is eventually the one that you would want to spend the rest of your life with, especially with the “True Love” card.

Now, “Happy, Happy” as well as “Playfulness” serve as advice for you to take things lightly. Maybe you had or you are currently going through a tough period in your life and that you are currently just telling yourself that you have to be hard on yourself in order to succeed. However, there are things in life that you should look at from a different perspective and that will help you to clear doubts in your head. You might be in a dark place right now but let me just tell you, I do see progress with “Round and Round (25)” as well as “Happy, Happy (26)”. (I did shuffle these cards, and they popped out randomly so it’s no coincidence that these two cards are here).

Lastly, your advice from the angels is “Forgiveness” – Nothing is gained by holding on to past disappointments. So, really, forgive yourself for the past mistakes that you’ve made as well as forgive the people that have hurt you badly. Releasing all of these negativities is going to help you to attract the right people in your life. Trust that you are going to find that one that is going to treasure and love you deeply as much as you do.

Pile 2:

Your unicorn card is “Gentleness”- Be kind to yourself and others; Honour your gentleness; Speak words of love. Okay, to start off this group’s messages, I see that you are in the state of healing right now or simply just in the state of trying to love yourself first. I see that you have been hurt badly in the past by the people that you truly feel and it could just be any connection that I see you being withdrawn, disconnecting from this world as of now. I am just here to tell you, it is great that you are putting yourself first, understanding how to love yourself first and doing things for yourself but at the same time, I hope that you would be gentle with yourself. It’s not your fault that people don’t know how to cherish you, it’s not you that gave up on connections that people didn’t want to work on.

With the “Eight of Swords”, I see you feeling trapped and powerless, you don’t know how to connect with others due to these hurts that you have gone through in the past. And honestly, I see that the one that is for you is probably already in your life right now. You feel a spark with him/her, you feel like this could be the connection, this could be the one, but you are afraid to take the step forward in fear that history would repeat itself and you would be the one that is going to be defeated and hurt again. “Between Worlds” talks about how you see yourself being in limbo, on one hand, you are refusing to take the step forward but on the other, you want to trust and love again.

Now, let me tell you, with the “Justice” card I see that there is potential in this relationship. “Justice” talks about how whatever wrong you felt or you have gone through is going to be corrected and you will eventually find back your balance (with the Libra scales). Justice corresponds to the planet of Love, Venus, so I do see that this person that is probably in your life or is going to be in your life is going to be loving towards you and will show you a different perspective in love. Whether or not you are going to accept him/her is entirely up to you, to be honest, because with “The Tower” card, I see that change is going to happen and it’s going to be unexpected. It’s a fast and strong moving energy but I don’t see it as a bad thing, I feel like this change is going to be in your favour but just that it might be unexpected that you might feel at loss at first but subsequently, you will learn to accept it and move on with life.

I feel like eventually, with “By the Book” card, you will see that in the past, maybe your way of expressing love is not beneficial to you and that you are constantly being taken advantage of by the people around you. For this group, I really feel that you are a giver, you have been very giving to others that you tend to forget about your own needs and even if it created a lot of unhappiness within you, you feel that it is alright as long as others are happy. But group 2, I feel like you will eventually learn the “rules” of connections/relationships. There should be a balance in every connection and it’s not just about one party only giving and the other party of only taking. So, as you take this time to heal, please be gentle with yourself and love yourself the way that you want people to love you, because that is when you start to attract the right people in your life.

Lastly, your advice card is “Turn on your Heart Light” – Reflect on a time when you experienced love. So, really, think back to a time when you feel loved by someone and at the same time, think back to a time when you feel loved by yourself. Find back that feeling, regain back that energy and I really do have faith that you will eventually find back your balance. This person that is coming towards you in love could be the one for you and that you might be able to establish a long-term relationship with but at the same time, if you aren’t ready to accept this relationship at this point in time, this person is still here to teach you this valuable lesson and that he/she will be there to guide you through this tough period. So please, don’t give up and hang in there!

Pile 3:

Okay, before I start on this reading, I just like to say that I strongly feel that there are two people coming in towards you in love. Now, one of the energies is rather new (so it could be someone who you recently meet or is going to meet) and the other energy is someone coming back from the past. Now, if you don’t have an ex, then I would say is probably someone who you know in the past and had sort of feelings for or some sort of situation going on but there was no outcome. BUT if you really don’t have such a person in your life, then I would say that it could be someone you know from your past life, someone with a strong past-life connection. So, let’s get started:

Now, overall, your unicorn card is “Growth” – Seek out a mentor or guide; Take baby steps as you grow; Be willing to learn from others. Now, regardless if it’s a new energy or the old energy, I feel like in general, what is coming towards you in love is going to help you grow. These energies are here for a reason and I feel like they are here to teach you certain valuable lessons in regards to relationships. Now with the “To Be Fair” card, it was one of the cards that made me feel like yes there are two options for you, and you are in this position to make a decision. Now, maybe previously you were unfairly treated, maybe you were wronged and it resulted in your past relationship not working out, so with this card here, I feel like you are able to correct any wrong that was done on you and that you are able to get back that justice. This card, to me, corresponds to the “Justice” card in tarot so I see that you are currently in this balanced position to make a decision in terms of love options for you.

Okay, let’s start with this old energy first, so with the “Reconciliation” and “Pay Attention to the Red Flags”, I see it as a past person coming back into your life. And I see that they want to reconcile, they want to get back together. Now, this is especially so, with the “Four of Swords” energy. “Four of Swords” talks about inactivity, talks about meditation and simply just retreating from the world to contemplate about things in life. So I see that you guys have been separated, have been taking time out from each other, have been simply just not being in each other’s lives (physically, spiritually or energetically), I just see this form of inactivity. And with “the World” card, I see that they came to this enlightenment, they came to this knowing that you are the one for them, you are the world to them. “The World” talks about ending of a tough cycle, so it could also mean that this period of healing for you (a period of separation for both of you) is coming to an end. But more so, I see them wanting to start anew with you with this “World” card, like they see you as their world and that they want to have a new beginning with you. Whether or not, you accept them, you make the call. Your advice card here is “Embrace your Emotions” – Allow your feelings to surface and be accepted. Now, I want you to know that you are not obliged to accept this past person in any way, you can accept him/her back or you can simply just reject them, it’s really up to you. Because I see that there were red flags in your past relationship that you have been ignoring and you might be blaming yourself for not seeing things well which resulted in this break so the more you would say you don’t want to go back to the past. Now, more often than not, “the World” talks about growth. It’s the last major arcana card and it talks about the tough journey that the Fool went through and how, after achieving so many valuable lessons, the Fool has now matured and grow into someone more independent and just being more stable. So I see that this person is a changed person, they are no longer who they were in the past and they are simply really wanting to make it up to you, to start afresh with you, and to just be with you. So accept your own feelings, listen to your own heart and ask yourself if you are willing to reconcile with this person, I feel like it’s really more about you accepting your own feelings towards this person and don’t have to feel like you are obliged to listen to other people’s advice when it comes to this person because you only have to account for your own feelings. Because you are eventually, you are responsible for your own feelings and you just have to take up the consequences of that.

Okay, now let’s move on to the newer energy. I see this person as someone that is already in your life that you have recently met or recently connect with and I see this person as someone who has probably come into your life at a point where you are starting anew. With the “New Life” card, I see that you could have met this person when you or the other person has just gone through a break-up and were healing and that that’s when the connection occurred. Or simply, when you or the other person decide to let go of past energies that were hurting either of you and then the connection just happened. So I really do see that either you or this person is currently focusing on yourselves but I feel like yall are slowly seeing the feelings that they yall have for the other person with the “Page of Cups”. Now, the energies here can be vice versa (so it’s either you or them) but what I do see is that there is love, it might be a small offer of love to give but someone wants to make that offer. And this offer can come in terms of physical gifts. With the “Exchanging Gifts” card, I see that you might soon be receiving gifts from this person (or you might be the one gifting them). Either way, it’s interesting how the advice card of “Express Love Through Gifts” – A small token of love can convey great appreciation jumped out while I was shuffling (so I decided to keep it). But also, the other advice card is “Spend Quality Time Together” – Listen and talk to each other. So I really do see that in time to come, you would be able to spend some quality time with this person and that’s when you might come to a decision on whether or not to accept this person.

So eventually, I see two energies coming in for you, and you really do have the option to make that decision but either way, I do see strong growth in the near future and I see that you will eventually choose the one that you feel strongly for and that you are going to learn a lot from the connection that you choose to have AS WELL AS the connection that you choose to forgo. So either way, I do see potential for a relationship in the near future to come but do remember, as you make that decision, do be fair to both parties but also be fair and acknowledge your own feelings.

Pile 4:

So, your unicorn card is “Intuition” – Listen to the whispers of your heart; Use divination tools to help you decide; Trust your intuition, no matter what. So what I'm getting is that you might not want to be in a relationship at this point in time, or maybe you are just hesitant about a particular connection that you are currently facing. Now, with “By the Book”, I feel like this person (which I strongly feel that you already know and is probably in contact/in connection with at this point in time) is someone that is not your usual type. Or maybe someone that makes you feel unsure if your family and friends will accept him/her, just simply someone that is not the person that you feel like you will be congratulated with, like (I won’t say ashamed of) but you might not be able to explain why you chose to be with him/her to your family and friends.

But with “the Moon” card here, which strongly speaks of intuition, I see that you will eventually, trust in yourself, accept your own feelings and simply find the light that leads you to the end of this dark tunnel. With two swords card, I can tell that this has been on your mind, and even though you are in this period of inactivity (with the “Four of Swords”), you can’t help but think of this situation which is probably pretty unhealthy with the “Codependency” card. I feel like this really calls out to me that you are currently pretty stuck on this whole situation and that even though you might seem peaceful on the outside, the inside of your head is just a mess. And I see the strong want to “Free Yourself” from this whole situation.

So, with the “Knight of Swords” I do see communication coming in, so probably a lot of communication with this person on your mind, and I see that this will eventually, bring you to this crossroad of making a decision. With “Fork in the Road”, what I do see is that you will be reflecting on whether you want to take on this relationship, or whether you want to let it go. And I see that you will be able to make a decision quickly because with the “Very Soon” card I see that you simply just have to make that decision in order for things to progress and move on in your life, so that you no longer feel stuck or you feel like you are just all over the place. I see that whichever decision you make, it will sort of bringing back a certain balance in your life.

Now, honestly, I can’t tell if you will eventually take on this relationship so here are just some advice for you. “Demonstrate Love” – Find out what is important to those you love and act on it. “Honesty is Essential” – Speak with love and truth. “I love you” – These are powerful words. So, your advice is to simply communicate with not just love but also truth to the other person and I see that if you eventually decide to accept this relationship, you will have to communicate your honest thoughts and feelings to the people around you. They might not understand you, but just know that it is important for honesty as the foundation in any relationship (romantic, family, friendship etc.). So, I do believe that you will eventually gain the strength to make that decision and I truly hope that you will be happy in whichever path you choose to take.

[pengychan]

A while ago you mentioned you had an idea for a HP fic where Riddle Sr. escaped from Merope with baby Tom. I was really intrigued with the story because I’ve always thought that Riddle Sr was unfairly considered a bad guy due leaving her and his child, but he was basically a victim of the most powerful date rape drug in existence so he had every right to escape. What kind of father did you think he’d be if he had raised his wizard son?

Oh yeah, Tom Riddle Sr. got a lot of shit for being… basically a rape victim? I get the pity for Merope, I pity her as well (she was so deeply damaged by her upbringing and never got a chance to learn what love is really about), but that in no way changes the fact what she did to Tom Sr. was terrible. And I really don’t like how it’s framed, with even Dumbledore going on about how he abandoned Merope as opposed to running away from a forced relationship after the effects of a magical drug wore off. Even the narration goes out of its way to remark on the fact he was an Unpleasant Stuck-up Guy, as though being an unpleasant stuck-up rich kid (he was like 20, he was young) somehow means you deserve to be basically robbed of your free will, taken from home and be magically coerced into a relationship. 

… Okay rant over sorry on to the story idea.

Basically my idea was that Merope would only wean Tom Sr. off the love potion after their child was born, hoping as per canon that he would be in love with her regardless. Of course he wasn’t, and of course he was absolutely horrified when she admitted what she’d done and how. Horrified enough to kill her out of anger and fear she might bewitch him again (with her too stunned and pained to react with any magic). As I said, I pity her, but let’s be honest - to Tom, she was a terrifying being who had enslaved him and could do it again if he allowed it.

Anyway, he’s now left with a dead body and a baby. He gets rid of the dead body somehow, and almost smothers the baby because what if it’s like its mother, but Tom Jr. starts wailing when he looks down in his crib (unusual, that, he was usually a very quiet baby) aaaaand no, he can’t do it. So he takes the baby, and gets to the nearest station. The plan is to hand the baby over to a bobby claiming he found him in a rubbish bin or something before hopping on the first train home. Only that he… doesn’t. He can’t. And so he gets home, trying to explain he was somehow bewitched (he is fully aware no one would believe the full story about a love potion, I mean, come on) and with a baby in tow, claiming Merope left him and the baby and he has no idea where she is now (the bottom of the Thames, probably) and anyway, he’d really like his old life back. 

And the return home… sucks. A lot. His parents don’t believe him being bewitched for a second, of course, and are furious at him. His fiancee, well, she wants to hear no more of him since he just up and left her to elope with the crazy gal. The village as a whole is having a laugh at his expenses. His parents full-on pressing for him to give the baby up for adoption or something aren’t helping, but at this point Tom Sr. is so angry with his lot in life, he decides to keep the child mostly out of spite. He lost nearly everything, his reputation and the woman he wanted to marry, but this child? He’s his. He’s keeping him. His parents can swallow their dentures. Not that he’s going to look after him much, they can hire a nanny to do it and that’s exactly what happens.  

But time passes and the baby grows, and to everyone’s relief he looks nothing like his mother, or anyone from that weird family. He looks like his father and he seems so normal, and little by little, his grandparents are won over. He becomes the apple of their eye, and of course they set upon spoiling him. The boy wants a pony to learn how to ride? Then by God, the boy is getting the damn pony, and new clothes, and just about anything he asks for. What Tom Jr wants, Tom Jr gets. He leads a sheltered life in the manor, his every whim satisfied.

And soon enough he wants to spend more time with his father, who has become increasingly withdrawn and spends a lot of time having long horse rides across the countryside, though never anywhere near the shack where she used to live. And little by little he lets him. He’s still guarded, anxiously waits to see if his son does anything strange, but he does not. There is a certain distance between them, and Tom’s mother is a subject to never bring up, but they… get along well. Tom Sr becomes more interested in what his son is up to, and he does give him whatever he wants because why not, that’s how he was raised, too. And the kid loves his life as it is, the spoiled only child in a big mansion with rich grandparents, long horse rides with his father, and not a care in the world. His mother? Why would he care to know who she was?

Until of course something happens. During one of their rides, they are ambushed by a raving Morfin Gaunt, who spooks the horses, makes Tom Sr fall off it, and tries to hex him - only to be thrown back by a sudden explosion of uncontrolled magic by Tom who is, understandably, kinda angry at this guy who went and threatened them. Morfin becomes unable to breathe and Tom almost, almost kills him before his father grabs him and snaps out of it and takes him away, back home, leaving Morfin to gasp. 

Suddenly Tom Sr finds himself with weirdly dressed men in his living room, his parents’ memories being erased, and his child chasing around a moving chocolate frog while this Dumbledore fellow talks nonsense about a school of magic what the hell is going on.

What is going on is that this is basically his nightmare, his son is like his mother and will apparently go be educated among other people like his mother whether Tom Sr wants it or not. And ten years earlier, the day he broke free, he would have smothered the boy in the crib if he’s known that - but then was then and now is now, this is his son, and he wants him safe. It takes a long time to convince him Tom Jr will be fine learning magic, that everyone else will think he’s going to a really fancy boarding school, and he’ll be back every Christmas and summer, but he finally relents. 

Of course Tom Jr is enthusiastic, a ten year old kid who was just told he’s gonna learn MAGIC, who wouldn’t be? It takes some effort for him not to blurt out too much in the presence of his grandparents. This is gonna be great, he thinks, and oh boy is he wrong. He is sorted in Slytherin, and he finds out at his expenses that being Muggleborn (of course he thinks his mother was a muggle, too, his father surely would have told him if his mother was a witch?) is looked down to. He goes from being a spoiled rich kid to being an easy target, the kind other classmates turn their nose up to. He tries the Draco Malfoy “when my father hears of this” talk, only to be laughed at because literally nobody fears or respects a muggle. You could say it’s one hell of a culture shock. 

And he hates it. A lot. He loves learning magic, but he hates the way he’s treated and how his family is looked down to. Even once his achievements earn him some respect, he still hates it. So he looks forward to vacations at home, when he can be the spoiled rich boy again and spend time with his father - who knows all that well what it is like to be a pariah over something you had no control over. He almost tells him about his mother, but he can’t bring himself to. Instead he uses that time to teach him about Muggle things, about science and mathematics and literature and muggle history, a whole wealth of knowledge wizards discard but oh are they wrong to do it. The older Tom grows, the closer they get. People seeing them side by side could almost think they’re brothers. 

Little by little, Tom becomes certain that Purebloods are deluded - it’s Muggleborns like him that really the best, because they have access to the knowledge of both worlds. And he eventually guesses, as he grows - as he hears whispers about his parents’ eloping - that his mother perhaps was a witch; he can guess what she did. But at this point he doesn’t care, and never bothers to look into her lineage. He’s Tom Riddle, he’s son of a muggle, and he’s going to show everyone what he can do. Instead of throwing away his father’s name to embrace his mother’s legacy, he throws away hers to remain his father’s son. 

And… that’s the long and the short of it. I would need to check my notes to see what was meant to happen at this point, but I think Grindelwald’s war was involved, with Tom taking the opposite side because oh no, he’s not going to trample Muggles underfoot, no sir, not on his watch. All while his father knows vaguely what is going on, and is worried for his son, the way parents are, as Tom tells him and his grandparents to move for their safety. At some point, Tom Sr would have probably told him the whole truth about what his mother did to him and how she ended up. 

I don’t remember if they all made it through to see the end of 1945 - I think I had Tom Sr and Morfin Gaunt dying in the same incident, and Tom visiting the Gaunt shack afterwards to set it on fire, letting it burn with Salazar’s locket inside while he rode back to Riddle Manor, but I’m not 100% sure.

… I was pretty close to making this my NaNo project a few years ago, really. I kinda wish I had gone for it, but oh well. XD

[iseulvld]

hey, it’s chey! i’m here to introduce you to pristine’s main vocal & main dancer, hyun “eden” iseul. you can find his public profile here, his private profile here, his plots here & his pinterest board here. below the cut, you’ll find a beginner’s guide to eden.

PERSONALITY.

infp-t   /   the turbulent mediator.   self-critical, imaginative, idealistic, intense, disconnected, awkward. much like a turtle, iseul is timid in social situations and while he can be open at times, he can retreat into his shell at any given moment. once he retreats, it’s as if he’s disconnected from reality; he becomes oblivious to the world around him, unaware of even the loudest attempts to bring him back. he has a rich world inside of his mind where he feels comfortable and sometimes, it can seep into reality. you could say that he views the world around him as a fantasy movie scene, often creating things that aren’t there. he romanticizes things that should be perceived as face value and can easily develop exaggerated views of objects, places, people and even feelings. it’s not uncommon for him to put others on a pedestal and tear himself down. will accept the blame for anything that goes wrong, even when he’s being treated unfairly. despite being withdrawn, he relies heavily on other peoples’ opinions to feel validated and worthy.

pisces   /   the fishes.   dreamy, playful, emotional, artistic, fickle, empathetic. fully aware of the pain that the world holds, he still has a habit of looking at things through rose-colored glasses. he has big dreams and can get a little carried away thinking about them. likes to have fun and laugh as well as make others laugh, even though it takes him a while to get to such a comfortable point with people. his mind changes like the weather, so he has trouble committing to long-term associations, whether it’s relating to his career or interpersonal relationships. his moods are dependent on those of whoever he’s around; highly malleable, tries to camouflage himself in social situations and mimic other people as to not draw excessive attention to himself.

HISTORY.

highkey an unwanted child and neither of his parents tried to hide it.

( TW PHYSICAL + VERBAL ABUSE / MANIPULATION )  i tried not to describe it much in his bio but his parents were...... very toxic. didn’t always treat him poorly --- they were actually pretty nice sometimes --- but when they were bad..... they were bad. endured a lot of abuse until he left for college and they also tried to tell him it was his fault and they only hurt him because they cared about him. ( TW END )

his coping method for everything was basically just pretending that things weren’t as bad as they were. any time someone said something hurtful, he was like :) that’s okay! i know you don’t mean it. tbh he still does this. he’ll put up with SO much bs just bc he’ll tell himself that it’s not personal

was kind of always drawn to more creative ventures such as writing and art; one of his first ever dreams (and still his dream) was/is to be an author. also picked up a hobby of origami when he was really young.

started showing interest in music after he got a MEGA crush on one of his classmates when he was like... 13. the classmate wanted to become an idol (side note... this is an open connection if anyone wants it fbjhvd) and he wanted to have something in common w them, so he was like omg no way??? me too???

started practicing w that friend and it was kind of obvious he didn’t know what he was doing, but he did end up getting better and started to really enjoy it!!!

so he started auditioning for companies when he was 14 behind his parents’ backs, never got accepted tho and eventually his parents found out and they were like.... bruh you are NOT the kim dongchul you think you are.... (oh, sweet irony).

started working part-time when he turned 15, mainly just passed out fliers but would help out at diners sometimes too if they’d let him. needed money to pay for actual lessons bc just practicing w his friend, as much as he did love it, was NOT cutting it and there was no way in hell he was going to pass an audition w his skills at the time.

kept auditioning for YEARS, lit rally didn’t stop until he graduated high school even though his parents mocked every single failure. ended up getting accepted into seoul institute of the arts, where he studied creative writing & dance for a lil while

ended up getting scouted by a summit media rep on campus, thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!! that they were from kim dongchul’s company. got so much enjoyment out of telling his parents. laughed about it for hours

he dropped out in his second year of school bc it was too hard to do everything his professors expected of him and train. nowadays, he really regrets dropping out (and kind of joining tbh), but :// what can ya do?

TRIVIA.

he has a lot of interest in languages, for someone who’s... so bad... at talking. he’s not fluent in anything other than korean (and barely that lmao), but he knows a LITTLE bit of japanese, english, french & italian. but when i say a little... i DO mean a little. for example, all he knows how to say in italian is “in bocca al lupo” which is jus like... an idiom that means good luck. that’s ALL he can retain of the italian language and he says it all the time. boy will never master a language

a big fan of origami. started doing it bc someone he had a crush on in grade school did it and he was like wow, can you teach me??? and for the past however many years, he has been leaving a trail of paper cranes in his wake.

he likes to decorate w the origami he makes --- the pristine dorm definitely has a vase with origami cherry blossoms in it. he likes to make all kinds of things (swans, boats, lotus flowers, hearts, frogs, birds, etc) though & he’s always trying to learn smth new!

also loves writing. the kind of guy who will describe you. will and probably has written poems about everyone he’s ever met. probably uses summit media idols/trainees/staff when he needs muse LMAOOOO. he sees them walking through the halls n he’s like “let me break out my notebook rq”

ALWAYS changing his hair...... wants to do whatever he wants with it while he has the freedom to. loves to dye and cut it. right now, his hair looks the same as in 8yuthe gif icon BUT his fc just cut his hair mad short so there will be a change very soon.

stage name is eden --- basically means that by listening to his voice & watching his performance, you’ll find a serene paradise..... make fun of him for it.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Re:Creators, Episodes 8-10

In which we find out where Sota’s past went wrong, I wish the story was better at living up to its meta, and crazy girls are all the rage.

When Fanfic Goes Wrong

So at last, we have a (mostly) full picture of how Altair and Sota fit into this picture. As it turns out, Altair started out as the most heinous creation imaginable: a fanfic re-skin. She was a re-imagined version of a character from a game that already existed, one that was changed so much from its origins and grew so popular on its own terms that she became a wholly separate entity. That’s a really fun idea, playing into the concept that fanfiction isn’t just mindless copy-pasting someone else’s work; it’s an act of creation all its own, and if it’s done well enough, it can break free into its own unique identity (or even if it’s done poorly: see, Fifty Shades of Grey). And this character was a creation of Sota and his former friend Shimazaki, the girl we saw in the opening scene. They worked to create her together, writing and drawing her legacy as a team. But as time went on, Sota became more and more jealous of how good Shimazaki was at drawing. He was so insecure about his own art that he projected that insecurity outwards, making Shimazaki a scapegoat for his own self-loathing. We still don’t know exactly how things went down, but it’s clear Sota ended up seriously hurting Shimazaki with this anger. Their friendship fell apart, Sota left her feeling nothing but resentment and antagonism, and then... she killed herself. At least, that’s what seems to have happened based on the show’s opening scene. I’m not ruling out the possibility she’s still alive and kicking somewhere. But whatever really happened, the fact is that Shimazaki’s gone, and Sota blames herself for driving her to it.

None of this is too surprising considering how the mystery’s been built up, but being predictable doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. I completely understand why Altair would be driven to such violent extremes based on that backstory. Her creator was betrayed, unfairly treated, and left to suffer alone by these supposed “gods.” If they don’t even treat each other with respect, how could they ever treat their creations with respect? Better burn the whole system down and start fresh. And while I’m still frustrated by how little action Sota’s taking, it makes sense why he’d be so withdrawn and passive. He blames himself for Shimazaki’s death; it was his own desire to be valued that drove him to such jealousy when he felt he wasn’t measuring up. Forget writer’s block, it’s a miracle he’s able to take a stand on anything he cares about anymore. Thank god that Meteora’s read enough books to know you should never drag the tragic backstory out, and she refuses to let him shrink away from talking about it. And I’m not gonna lie, when he finally breaks down crying and admits the full extent of how heavy this has been weighing on him, I genuinely felt sorry for the kid. It’s the first moment where it feels like he’s making progress beyond being a wandering shell, and the bravery he shows in the battle right afterwards is a promising step forward for him re-taking control over his life. If he’s gonna start repairing the damage he’s done, he can’t keep hiding from it. He needs to nut up, accept his grief and culpability, and work to be better so he doesn’t make the same mistake again. And if he can pull that off and become an actual character, I think this show’s prospects are looking up.

Talk the Walk

But speaking of which, I think I need to take a closer look at why Re:Creators isn’t grabbing me as much as it could. I mean, I’m having a fun enough time with it, but for all the crazy plot turns and emotional drama, I’m not really swept away. And thinking about it over the course of these episodes, I think what it comes down to is this: Re:Creators isn’t as clever as it wants to be. Or at least, not as clever as I want it to be. The thing with stories as explicitly meta elements at this one is that they can’t help but draw attention to their own status as stories. By commenting on storytelling, tropes, fiction in general, you set the expectation that you’re gonna be smarter than the usual fare. After all, if you want to dig so deeply into the mechanics of your own medium, it only makes sense that you’d be very good at using that medium in the first place, doesn’t it? You don’t write a play about playwriting unless you’re a damn good playwright, you don’t make a movie about making movies unless you know how to make movies, and you don’t create an anime about the creative spirit of anime unless you’re capable of making creative anime yourself. Otherwise, it’s like trying to present a masterclass on cooking when your regular dinner subsists of frozen pizza rolls. And while Re:Creators isn’t outright pizza roll territory, it’s nowhere near good enough to work the kitchens in Le Bernidan, if this metaphor makes any sense. Point is, if you’re gonna be meta about storytelling, you better make sure you know how to tell a damn good story.

And Re:Creators definitely wants you to think it’s got it in the bag. It’s got plenty of clever asides that comment on the layers of stories within stories going on here. Alice remarks the human world is kind of a mess even in comparison to her world, because with no structure to give it purpose, it takes more than a single hero to set things right. Things tend to be easier in stories when there’s a set goal and a set hero capable of accomplishing it. And when Selesia tells everyone to save themselves and leave her to die, her creator has a great moment where he tells her she’s too good a character- and he’s too good a creator- to spout such trite lines. Plus, using the power of Twitter to shift audience perception of her was a kickass payoff to the idea that the fans are the ones that ultimately own the story. But underneath that surface-level polish, the story keeps running into cliched beats that undercut its own creativity. Like how Mamika and Alice get their romantic confession (SHUT UP IT’S CANON) only because it makes it more tragic when Mamika dies right afterward. Or how when Alice is tricked into thinking Meteora killed her, Sota doesn’t just tell her right away that he knows Magane was lying. Like, I know we had to have a big fight scene, and Alice wasn’t likely to believe him anyway due to how hollow she’s become from still losing everyone she cares about, but did he really have to wait a whole ten minutes to even try? It can’t but feel contrived, like these situations are being squeezed into place by the hand of the author rather than evolving organically. It’s not like I’m expecting Gintama levels of trope subversion from every anime with meta aspects, but when you’re trying to make a point about artists’ responsibility to their creations, it feels like you should be making a bigger effort to be responsible about your own creation in turn. And as much as Re:Creators likes talking the talk, it doesn’t always do the best job walking the walk.

With All Due Respect to Gigguk

Still, these complaints are only explanations for why I don’t like Re:Creators more than I do. On its own terms, there’s still plenty I’m enjoying here, from the hype action to the fun character dynamics. And let me tell you, few members of the central cast are as fun as Magane, who takes the spotlight in a big way over the course of these episodes. Good lord, this girl is a hoot. I’ve always had a soft spot for absolute bastards who toss all the rules aside, do whatever the hell they want, and love every second of it. Yes, Magane is dangerous and despicable, but she’s having so much damn fun dancing to no one’s tune but her own that I can’t help but love her regardless. She’s a fountain of great lines (”You’re just a laughing piece of skin hanging over a bunch of lies.” “Oh, what a cool compliment.”), she snatches the spotlight of whatever scene she’s in, she’s constantly making ridiculous choices just for the hell of it (Dressing up as an Akahabira maid was inspired), and she even makes a fucking Jojo’s reference at the end of episode 10. A Jojo’s reference, god dammit, how am I supposed to hate her now? But her winding labyrinth of words also makes her the show’s most cutting character; she’s such a talented liar that she’s able to rip apart everyone else’s lies with ease, and she revels in taking them to task for hiding their true selves. It’s unnerving how easily she sees through Sota’s half-hearted attempts to talk about Shimazaki, and the way she guides their conversation so it rebounds back upon his internalized guilt of inadvertently causing other people to die is so deliciously evil. She is one fucked-up lady, but the one bright side of being a wild card is that not even Altair is safe from potentially feeling her sting. So there’s still a chance we can weaponize her inner chaos for good. And I hope that ends up happening, because she’s just too damn entertaining not to team up with our protagonists at some point.

Odds and Ends

-”Why is a cosplayer from my manga here? Though he’s doing a good job.” Lol, respect.

-”Don’t do anything to his right hand and his head!” askdahsd sure the rest of him is disposable I guess

-One unusual side effect of Magane having so much presence in these episodes; she’s such a talkative character she ends up highlighting just how silent Sota really is. Whenever they’re talking, Magane will go on massive, incredibly verbose tangents with a million words a minute, and Sota will maybe have two lines of dialogue in the space of an entire minute. It’s wild.

-”I choose this path.” And you just so happen to choose the path you were already following. Are you sure you’re not following anyone’s script, Altair?

-What. the fuck. ALTAIR HOW DO YOU TRANSFORM A SWORD INTO ROSES

And on the battle rages. See you next time!

[skold]

aight so here’s tim’s partial chart which you don’t have to know how to read i’m just putting it here for the people who do

putting a read more for length

sun in sagittarius - yr sun sign is the one most people know cuz it’s by birth date and you can just google it. the dates don’t change year to year the way others do. it’s yr sense of self, yr individuality, yr outward personality. sag suns tend to be rly social, active, honest to the point of hurting peoples’ feelings lmao. known to talk Too Much. impulsive. bad at foreseeing the consequences of their actions. bridge burners. HAAAAAATE being restricted in any way.

moon in capricorn - moon sign is more your internal self and people can often feel more closely aligned w/ their moon sign than their sun sign. moon sign can tell abt someone’s sensitivities and their instincts and where they find security. moon in cap generally indicates somebody who finds fulfillment in being useful to others and has an insane work ethic. has trouble cutting loose. cap moon folks tend to have a lot of insecurities wrt feeling ignored or useless. they want outside approval but can’t depend on it.

mercury in sagittarius - mercury rules over communication and intellect. indicates how someone interacts with other people. ppl with merc in sag fucking love traveling which y’know, considering tim travels for his job AND as a tourist. checks out. mercury in a fire sign can make them seem like they constantly have a fire under their ass pushing them forward. merc in sag have a talent for languages (tim speaks two fluently and at least two more enough to function).

venus in capricorn - venus is yr love language planet. it indicates how ppl feel and experience love/sex and also their feelings on what they find generally pleasurable in life. people with venus in cap can be rly withdrawn and often aren’t up front with their feelings in general but especially wrt relationships. this is PROBABLY why tim doesn’t talk abt his marriage much at all. they want loyalty and stability over all else. often attracted to partners with venus in a fire sign bc they tend to be more forward and initiate things and venus in cap doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. really slow to earn their trust.

mars in libra - mars is abt action and energy and assertiveness. it’s about drive - sex drive, ambition, what gets ppl fired up. ppl with mars in libra cannot make a fucking decision to save their lives but y’know, this is libra we’re talking about. libra placements suck at making decisions. i can say this as a libra moon who cannot commit to anything but i digress. mars in libra folks aren’t usually very social. they want permission from other people to make big moves. tend to be submissive in relationships both in general and in The Sex Way. ppl with mars in libra tend to attract more aggressive/forward/energetic partners.

jupiter in leo - jupiter symbolizes growth and expansion and how someone’s faith and ethics are. also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. ppl with jupiter in leo tend to have healthy self-confidence. they can be kinda arrogant but depending on other placements that arrogance is often not backed up. this can look like delusions of grandeur and often leads to people disliking their attitudes. as a fire alignment, there’s a lot of energy there, but it ends up being misplaced sometimes.

saturn in pisces - saturn is a bitch ass motherfucker. rules over restriction/order and maturity over time. saturn is basically that planet who will hurt you to teach u a gd lesson. the leather daddy of the planets if u will. people with saturn in pisces wanna make other peoples problems their own problems because they want to offer their emotional support, but it happens at the expense of wearing themselves thin. often really secluded private people. they have to find that balance between prioritizing themselves and prioritizing others, and if they can’t find it saturn will hurt their gd feelings.

uranus in virgo - so uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and can remain in the same sign for years and influence an entire generation. uranus rules over originality and freedom and revolution. ppl with uranus in virgo can be perfectionists. can be interested in things like ecology, the wellbeing of animals, and alternative medicine. gestures at tim’s 800 rescue animals and the fact that he goes to an acupuncturist. often left leaning to the point of seeming radical (this depends strongly on other placements though). big on social justice.

neptune in scorpio - neptune is also one of those slow planets. neptune rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. ppl with this alignment can be into the occult. a huge amount of creative potential is there. this is why we saw a lot of rly influential art and music coming out of gen x folks!!

pluto in virgo - the slowest of planets. pluto is abt power and transformation. ppl with pluto in virgo can be critical and analytical. super methodical abt how they do things.

so those are the planets. there’s also a lot of other celestial bodies and points in the chart we look at also!! here they are

north node in taurus south node in scorpio - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. this alignment indicates somebody who struggles between holding onto things and letting shit go. TRUST ISSUES. also rly strong sexual energy that fucking asshole.

lilith in pisces - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. which, lilith did nothing wrong but whatever. so yr lilith alignment can show what you have fascination with and what you reject about yourself. lilith in pisces people often have a fascination with self-sacrifice and often feel connected with EVERYTHING, which then leads to a lot of suffering. vulnerable to alcoholism/drug issues. people tend to find ppl with this alignment captivating but also can be intimidated/unsettled by them.

chiron in pisces - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. people with chiron in pisces tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and feel they’re all too aware of the suffering of other people and things like violence and injustice. these people often respond to this by helping others in some way.

SO NOW I’M GONNA GO INTO ASPECTS. which is basically how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. i don’t have time to describe what these terms mean cuz i’ve already been writing for an hour so just use google lmao

sun conjunct venus - highlights feminine characteristics of all genders and sexes. artistic, creative, optimistic. often fashionable. 

sun square saturn - folks with this alignment either give up at the first sign of a challenge or power thru that shit and learn from it. if this person has lower self esteem it’s generally improved by the fact they’re gratified by their own hard work.

sun square uranus - individualistic, eccentric. independent. can be inconsiderate of others. NEED to be different and NEED people to see they’re different. issues with authority.

sun square pluto - stubborn assholes. tend to be bossy and subconsciously manipulative.

moon sextile saturn - emotionally stable, reliable, helpful.

moon trine uranus - needs considerable emotional independence and freedom in a relationship and within ones family. often lead unconventional lifestyles (read: don’t work a 9-5, have polyam/open relationships, etc). MOOOOOD SWIIIIIINGS

moon sextile neptune - these folks want explanations for the world and will turn to things like religion or the occult to get answers. self-sacrificing and people tend to take advantage of them. messy home. perceptive and sensitive, especially wrt the arts

moon trine pluto - experiences emotions very fucking deeply. will express their opinions even if it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings. often closer with their mother than their father.

mercury sextile mars - quick thinkers. analytical, fast, practical.

mercury trine jupiter - open, sensitive, optimistic, kind. often into philosophy. big on traveling.

venus square mars - impulsive and enthusiastic. can be prone to losing their temper. often want impossible things.

venus square uranus - this aspect tends to complicate relationships because they literally see relationships as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. unconventional, eccentric, very original in their artistic/creative pursuits.

mars sextile jupiter - GOTTA GO FAST. always wants to be learning new things.

saturn opposition uranus - oof. these folks are often big chaotic and unpredictable. their logic sometimes only makes sense to them and it can seem they look down on other people unfairly, but it’s only because others don’t understand their thought process behind why they dislike someone.

saturn trine neptune - these people try to turn their dreams into their careers. spiritual but not necessarily religious.

saturn opposition pluto - DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN WANT. they have big ideas but don’t know how to get them going. can be a difficult personality type to deal with.

uranus sextile neptune - reinforces one’s sense of fantasy. can influence inspiration and originality and innovation in one’s creations.

uranus conjuction pluto - a generational alignment due to both planets being slow moving. strong, original personalities. big ideas.

neptune sextile pluto - also a generational alignment. depending on other alignments, it influences big transformations on a global scale. see: gen x

there are parallels and contra-parallels i could go into but like i have already been at this for forever and i think We Get It. and this is only half his chart without going into the houses cuz i don’t have his birth time!! that’d give us 12 more alignments to look at and tons more aspects!! so like!!! astrology is more than just yr sun sign folks. this has been me reading the fuck outta tim skold for 1600 words see ya

[cuthian]

Dancing with a Limp Chapter Two

This is it!

This chapter is rather heavy on exposition, but I promise, it's all needed to further the plot! Following this, there is only one (maybe two) more oneshot(s) before the next bigger work will be posted! That'll be a doozy, taking place during... canon-TWS... With minor alterations, of course.

I hope to see you all there, and that you enjoy this little peek into Thor's side of the story!

Much love, Annaelle

TWO

Red Hook, Brooklyn, U.S.A. July 1939

Steve

Steve had always liked looking at Bucky Barnes.

Even when they had been children, Bucky had been unfairly handsome. Winifred Barnes’ exceptional good looks had passed to her son and her daughters, leaving them with unfairly stunning blue-grey eyes and dark, wavy hair that looked so soft Steve’s fingers itched to touch every time he and Bucky were in the same room.

He’d had a breathtaking smile that made everyone within a five-foot radius weak in the knees, even when he had been no more than a toddler. Bucky had oozed charm, and people had always been drawn to him like flies to honey, and Steve had been no exception.

It’d always been a mystery to Steve why Bucky—that handsome, clever, charming boy, who certainly had much better options—had chosen Steve, of all people, to be his best friend.

Steve, who had most decidedly not been charming and witty, nor a very handsome child. Steve, who spent most of his afternoons on the playground being pushed around by the bigger kids, who had permanently scuffed knees and elbows and a knobby spine that made him walk a little crooked.

He’d never been very popular at all, unlike Bucky.

Steve had found, eventually, that he did not care. He hadn’t cared that he didn’t have very many friends, because he had Bucky. He hadn’t cared that the teachers spoke of him in hushed voices, exchanging disapproving comments about his parentage and health, because he’d had Bucky. He hadn’t cared that dates usually ignored him and left early, because he’d had Bucky.

He’d had Bucky.

He’d had Bucky.

Even when the world had been falling apart, and Nazism had taken Europe little by little, and countries had begun slinging thinly veiled threats at one another, and even people in Steve’s own little corner of the world had begun stirring restlessly… Steve had never stopped looking at Bucky Barnes, because Steve had had him, and it’d made everything feel just [LP1] a little bit easier.

——————

Gramercy Terrace, Gramercy Park Hotel, Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA October 15th, 2011

Thor

Thor had found that being granted permission to act as Asgard’s official envoy—with the caveat that he continued to bear the title of crown prince, rather than abdicate, as he had initially intended—on Earth had far more drawbacks than he had initially anticipated.

Truthfully, he had not taken the time to assiduously consider the proposal his father had laid out before him in response to Thor’s confession of his apathy towards taking the throne after Loki’s death. Following Malekith’s fall and a short reunion with his Avenger friends, who had come to his aid as soon as they heard of the upset caused in Greenwich, Thor had returned to see Asgard to rights and to see Loki to proper burial. He was interested in that much, at least, if nothing more.

He’d intended to return to Svartalfheim himself, to find Loki’s body and remove the temporary shroud Thor had fashioned so he could bring his body back to Asgard. He would see him to a funeral worthy of the king he would have been, by Thor’s side, if fate had been kinder.

He’d been informed by his father, quite dispassionately, that since Thor had seen to Loki’s body—however much Thor had intended for the shroud to be temporary—all remaining portals and entrances to Svartalfheim had been sealed permanently. The realm had become increasingly unstable in the aftermath of the Convergence, and in light of the danger it posed to Asgard, Odin had decided to cut it off entirely, as soon as possible.

His father—his king—had told him, in no uncertain terms, that he would never be allowed to return.

Not even to retrieve Loki’s body.

Thor was, honestly, not entirely certain how he had responded to that, but given that he had awoken nearly four days later in what remained of Loki’s cell in the dungeons, he assumed it had not been particularly wise, nor very becoming of the Prince of Asgard.

His father had, in an inexplicable and relatively unexpected moment of mercy, granted him absolution for attempting to do harm to his king, and had invited Thor to share his grievances.

Thor had not been in a sharing mood and had left his father in the empty throne room, instead seeking out his friends. Because he had been certain that they would understand, that they would support him and aid him in his quest to retrieve Loki.

He had spoken eloquently, he thought, and passionately, as he was wont to do when attempting to persuade the Warriors and Lady Sif into joining him on whatever foolhardy quest he had come up with. Usually, he did not have to finish his speeches—the Warriors would state their loyalty to him, and Lady Sif would proclaim them all fools before she too would agree to join them.

It had not turned out as such; not this time.

This time, he had found his friends more silent, withdrawn, and unsure than he had ever seen them before.

Sif had tried to be kind, Thor was sure, when she had leaned forward and put her hand on his arm, when she had looked to Fandral and Hogun for support before she spoke, when Volstag had nodded at her. She had tried to find the correct words when she’d told him, softly, that they did not disagree with their king’s decision on this.

Hogun, too, had tried to reason that Loki’s body had been put to rest, that there was no reason for Thor to risk disavowing his father’s orders again, or to risk the stability of the realms by re-opening a portal.

Fandral, foolishly, and far more inebriated than the conversation warranted, had added, “Not like Loki did you any favors while he was alive. Why risk your hide for him now that he’s not?”

Thor had managed to refrain from taking Mjölnir to his skull.

Barely.

He’d left them to their drinks and their poorly concealed distaste for Thor’s late brother-betrothed and returned to the palace. He had already intended on demanding to be absolved of his title as crown prince, had already intended to make his father understand that remaining on Asgard would only cause him more agony, for memories of his mother and of Loki were everywhere.

He had not thought his father would grant his wish quite so… easily.

He should have realized then that there would be… consequences. That there would be conditions and assignments that Thor could not and would not have considered in his haste to leave the painful memory of his mother and his brother-betrothed behind.

As it had stood, he had grasped at the opportunity to be Asgard’s official ambassador with both hands, and managed to keep himself together with sheer will and bravado until he made it back to Earth, to Steven and the Avengers, who seemed to be the only ones to understand that he ached—that he needed to grieve, to shatter into a million pieces so he could put himself together again[MS2] [LP3] [MS4] .

He had landed on Steven’s balcony and had barely even laid eyes upon his friend before he had done exactly that. The cry that had wrenched itself from his lips then had felt like it was being torn from him, just like his mother and Loki had been.

Their loss had not felt like loss.

No, their losses felt as though they had been ripped from him violently, leaving gaping wounds where they used to fit into his very soul. Thor was no stranger to pain and loss, but he had never, in all his fifteen hundred years, felt anything like this before.  This… this ache had been raw and fundamental, reaching so deep into him that it was almost like his very bones ached with it.

He’d wished so readily to return to Asgard, to find his mother in her gardens, humming songs with no words to her flowers and plants, Loki sprawled by her feet with an invaluable tome of whichever form of Seiðr caught his attention.

He’d wanted the woman who had played games with him when he had been a child, who had held him after his first defeat and had ensured he remained somewhat humble after his first victory. He’d wanted the brother he had learned to love as though he were a part of Thor’s soul, who he had planned to marry and begin a family of their own with, who had played pranks on him from the moment he learned how to walk and who had chosen Thor so often in so many ways, Thor feared he’d never know all the sacrifices Loki had made for him.

He wanted them back.

He wanted to crawl into his mother’s arms and cry until he had no tears left, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t ever hold either of them again.

If he’d had anything of value left to offer, he would have taken to the Norns, imploring them to return his mother and his brother-betrothed to him, for surely he could not live without them.

Surely he would not recall how to draw breath, how to function, how to be—

He had, in fact, cried until he had no tears left, that first night.

Steven had found him not too long after he arrived and had simply sat with him. Lady Rebecca had found them around dawn, scoffed at them and went back inside, only to return with a soft blanket. Thor hardly remembered any specifics of that night and morning, but he recalled that she had bullied them both off the cold concrete floor and onto the soft cushions of the patio furniture, shoving them around as she pleased until she could cover them all with the blanket she had procured.

He did not remember much of that night or morning, but he did remember that he had, eventually, found sleep, soothed by the sound of Steven’s steady heartbeat and Rebecca’s quiet breaths.

The loss still ached, still felt as though their absence had created a void in his very soul, leaving an open wound with throbbing edges that did not feel as though it would ever heal, but he’d since remembered that he could breathe. Each breath taken without his mother and Loki burned in his lungs still and the casual indifference for anything but Thor’s own suffering shown by Lady Sif and the Warriors Three stung deeply… but at least he could breathe.

He had attempted to adjust to life with the Avengers, but he had found it much harder to do so than he had anticipated. He had spent much of his life living in places other than Asgard, had been forced to adjust to a myriad of cultures before—but he had never found it as impossible as it seemed now.

He admired them—the Avengers, particularly, but mortals in general—but he found he had very little understanding for their fast-paced, semi-peaceful way of life.

Even the Lady Jane, who Thor had come to admire for her strong will and intellect, was… infuriatingly and undeniably mortal in many ways, and it had astonished him to find she had taken his kindness and admiration of her character to mean he was romantically interested in her, despite knowing of his betrothal and loyalty to Loki.

He had not wished to sever contact initially, but it had turned out to be the best thing for them both, at the time. It had, sadly, left Thor with more questions than answers, when it came to mortals and their lives. They seemed to always be incredibly busy, displaying an incapability to sit still that Thor might have found impressive if it did not involve Anthony and Rebecca—and, on occasion, Lady Pepper—dragging him around the city to see various sights and meet various people they deemed essential for him to meet.

It was, admittedly, not the worst way to spend his first couple of weeks on Earth.

Rebecca’s grandmother, who had insisted Thor join Steve and Rebecca on their weekly Sunday dinner as soon as she learned he did not have prior engagements, had pinched his cheeks with a humorous glint in her eye and called him “young man”, as though he were a mere boy, less than five centuries old.

Thor had enjoyed the familial atmosphere in the cozy house, though, and found a small measure of comfort in the way Becca’s grandmother treated him. He had enjoyed the opportunity to see another side of his friends—Steven was much less burdened in the elder Rebecca’s presence, especially following Lady Carter’s visit, much less prone to hunching over to make himself appear smaller, more eager to smile, to laugh wildly and unrestrainedly.

Thor thought he might very well catch a glimpse of what Steven must have been like before the loss of his soul. None of the Barneses could replace the man Steven had lost, of course, but Thor could tell that the other man found comfort in the traces of his Bucky that remained in his relatives.

Rebecca—the younger, that is—was similarly affected by her family’s presence. Her gaze had struck him as too knowledgeable, too wise for her age, and though she often behaved as though she was as young and unburdened as she appeared at first glance, he suspected some of it was a front to hide a desperate vulnerability.

He did not know her story as he knew Steven’s, but he had learned she had fought in her country’s armed forces—he had seen men and women with eyes like Becca’s many a time before. He didn’t need more information about her story to suspect what things she struggled with.

He had, on occasion, struggled with such things himself. He had not, not truly, in many centuries, because the truest blessing of Asgardian lifespans was that, eventually, the memories did fade. The horror and the gore of war, the pain and the suffering that he saw and caused… it haunted him still, sometimes, but it did not consume him—not the way it had when he had been younger.

It had been… gratifying, to spend time with Rebecca’s family, and with Steven… with those who cherished the lives of those they’d loved and lost in a way Thor had never quite experienced before.

Of course, such gratifying moments were easily offset by those… less gratifying.

His official position as ambassador of Asgard required he meet a plethora of important men and women, all of whom wanted somethingout of him.  Be it that they wanted to be the first nation to establish trade routes with Asgard—though none seemed entirely certain what said trade routes would be trading—or that they wanted to have the crown prince’s ear…

Thor found it all incredibly tedious.

Loki had always been the one tasked with diplomacy in the past. While Odin had not shown blatant approval for any of Loki’s talents, he would have been a fool to deny that Loki’s silver tongue was capable of defusing even the tensest of conflicts and sway the most stubborn of kings. Thor was, perhaps, the chosen prince to ascend to the throne, but he had always known he would not succeed as king without Loki by his side.

His own temper left far too little room for intricate political games and hidden agendas.

Which was probably why Lady Pepper thought it prudent to pull him from a meeting with the Undersecretary of the World Security Council, Alexander Pierce, before Thor lost said temper—he had no idea what the man’s job actually entailed—other than firing weapons at a city filled with millions of innocent souls—but he had the look of the nobles that hung around the court on Asgard every day, hoping to gain his father’s favor—to gain the power that came along with such favor.

Thor did not dislike him, per se, but he did not find the man pleasant company either.

He also found himself wondering what Loki would have made of him, and that was enough to make Thor want to be somewhere else.

The car Lady Pepper had called to ferry them back to the Avengers Tower was comfortable beyond any other means of transportation he had ever had the pleasure of utilizing, and he very nearly melted into the soft black leather seats. It was large enough in the back that he and Lady Pepper could sit opposite each other without bothering one another, and so that his legs did not feel cramped.

Thor, admittedly, allowed his attention to drift, studying the buildings that they passed. Midgardian architecture was so very different from Asgardian architecture that it still baffled Thor, although he and Steven had spent many a day with the Google[MS5] [LP6]  to look at pictures of distant lands, that boasted very different kinds of buildings than New York.

Thor did hope he would get the opportunity to see all of Midgard’s beauty one day.

He chanced a glance towards Lady Pepper, but she was occupied on her phone, busily tapping at a larger screen that was perched on her lap, and Thor was loathe to disturb the lady when she was so very clearly working. The Lady Pepper had been incredibly attentive to him all day, guiding him to his meetings and steering him away from creating any international incidents. She had only stepped away to speak on her device twice throughout the entire day.

Thor was certain that she had many more important things to do, so he much appreciated that she had chosen to donate so much of her time to him, and he resolved to let her be now.

He did not, honestly, feel much like speaking anyway.

Fortunately, their journey did not last much longer, and Lady Pepper bade him goodbye in the lobby of the Tower, citing a need to visit her office before she too returned to the personal floors.

He ignored the puzzled looks he was thrown as he strode through the lobby towards the elevator Anthony had assured him was for Avengers and family use only. He was quite used to it after a few weeks on Midgard—people here seemed incredibly eager to see him and the other Avengers doing mundane things—although he did find the constant attention somewhat irksome.

It was true, he had once thrived on such attentions, but after everything that had happened…

He supposed he longed for a sense of anonymity.

“Hello J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Thor said jovially when he entered the elevator. He quite liked the disembodied voice that controlled the Tower and took care of its inhabitants. It was a kind voice, one that reminded him of his mother at times; especially when it would caution Anthony or Bruce from taking certain actions that could be deemed as especially… unwise.

“Good afternoon, Master Thor,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied dryly. “Captain Rogers and Captain Barnes are on the common floor with Agent Romanoff, Dr. Banner, Colonel Rhodes, and Sir. Would you like to be directed there as well?”

“That would be marvelous,” Thor smiled, but did not continue a conversation with the A.I. as he normally would. He was, honestly, rather tired, and though he fully intended to join Steven and the others, he did not doubt he would soon excuse himself to the floor he shared with Steven and Rebecca.

Thor had been told that, in the wake of the Battle of New York and Steven’s… breakdown, as Stark had referred to it, Anthony had insisted on upgrading security systems on all of the Avengers’ private residences—Steven and Rebecca had been forced to relocate to the Tower temporarily, while their apartment was being updated. Thor, when he arrived on Earth, had elected to stay with them rather than use an entirely separate floor only for himself.

The elevator doors opened onto the common floor, and Thor immediately saw Colonel Rhodes seated on the sofa and deep in conversation with Dr. Banner and Steven, although he leaned back into Anthony’s gentle touch when the other man walked past behind him.

The Lady Natasha was there also, curled up on a small sofa with a book, although her eyes frequently left the page to gaze towards the kitchen. Thor followed her gaze curiously, only somewhat taken aback to find Rebecca the recipient of the Widow’s intense gaze. Steven had spoken of Rebecca and Natasha’s complicated relationship a little, and Thor recalled the heated argument between the two women on the Helicarrier, even though he had been preoccupied with Loki at the time.

Rebecca had been remarkably tightlipped on the matter, and Thor had not been of a mind to push for more information from his new friend.

He observed the two now, because theirs was the only relationship in this Tower that he did not think he understood. Steven and Rebecca were as siblings, prone to teasing one another, but fierce in their affection as well. Stark and his Pepper and his Rhodey were deeply in love, and it was plain for anyone to see. Thor thought it admirable, really, that they had found happiness in a way that was deemed entirely unconventional by their own society.

Even Lady Natasha and Clint’s relationship was easier to categorize and understand.

Rebecca did not appear to be paying much attention to those in the living area, although she did turn to wave at Thor excitedly before she returned her attention to the pan in front of her, forehead creasing into a tiny frown as she poked at its contents with a wooden spoon.

It was a beautiful thing to see, Thor mused, such deep sense of comfort and friendship, but it lit an aching longing deep within his soul as well. He had had such a relationship with Lady Sif, with Fandral and Volstag and Hogun, but he feared it forever tainted as a result of their reaction to Loki’s death.

Rather abruptly, he realized that he had never been quite this alone in his entire life.

The homely atmosphere in the room abruptly turned entirely too stifling and Thor turned, barely keeping himself from fleeing as he moved towards the balcony. He had always felt more comfortable beneath an open sky, where he could see the stars, and feel the rain and the wind upon his skin.

The sounds of the city were fainter up here, and the winds were cold, although it did nothing to invigorate him. It almost itched, beneath his skin, the need to go, to run, to hide from the confusing maelstrom of feelings that seeing his Avenger friends acting like the family they were unleashed. It didn’t quite feel like the lightning, but its call was similarly tempting and frightening.

Seeing the Barneses had been a comfort, but seeing this… his friends…. It was different.

“Hey. You doing okay there?”

Thor looked up, somewhat surprised to find Rebecca leaning in the doorway, a blue and white sweater much too large to be her own—he supposed it must be Steve’s—wrapped tightly around her torso, arms crossed over her chest. She looked at him with concern, and though it felt stifling still, Thor felt an unexpected feeling of relief. Someone cared that he was not well, without reminding him of his duties.

Even so.

“I assure you,” he said, carefully keeping his voice level. “I’m quite fine.”

Becca smiled sadly. “No, you’re not.”

Thor blinked, unsure of how to respond to being called out on his lie quite so brazenly, but before he could formulate a response, Rebecca had pushed off the doorjamb and ambled towards him, tripping a little over her own socked feet before she reached him.

“You look like you need a hug,” she said frankly, patting his arm. “Do you want one?”

Thor was still a little baffled by her audacity, but he had to admit that having someone hold him sounded wonderful, and he nodded before he had truly thought about it. Becca smiled at him, sweet and kind, and tiptoed to wrap her arms around him, and Thor leaned down to meet her, because he wanted to feel safe again, wanted to feel treasured and not alone, even if it was a human offering said feeling.

She was much smaller than he, of course, and though she certainly did her best, she couldn’t truly wrap him up in her arms. It felt familiar—all the people he had embraced in his life tended to be smaller and slighter than him—but also entirely new, and it was a startlingly comforting feeling.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, leaning forward so his head rested on her shoulder, tears stinging in his eyes. The last person to embrace him had been his mother and, while he would have liked to have that memory of her untainted for the rest of his existence, he had missed being held.

Knowing that, admittedly, made him feel worse.[MS7] [LP8]

“I got you,” she whispered, rubbing a hand up and down his back when he, against all his wishes, let out a choked-off sob. “I got you. You’re not alone, Thor. I got you. Steve’s got you. We’ve all got you.”

Thor clutched at the back of her overly large sweater and prayed to the Norns that that was true.

——————

Italy, Europe January 1944

“You know, if you wanted,” Bucky whispered one night, when they’d been tangled together in Steve’s spacious officer tent. “If you wanted, I’d step aside.”

They’d spent the entire day fighting tooth and nail to gain back territory, to push the Germans back step by step until they’d be purged from Italy altogether, and Steve had been exhausted, covered in dirt and blood and sweat. He’d also been happy, because none of his boys had been hurt and Peggy had shown up, looking gorgeous and dangerously competent as always, and he’d gotten a tent all to himself, which meant he had some time alone with Bucky.

Well. He’d not been happy, per se, because there was a war on, but he’d been content.

Until Bucky had tried to ruin it, of course.

“What are you talking about?” Steve demanded, digging his fingers into the meat of Bucky’s ass, dragging him as close as physically possible, as if that would take away the implication of Bucky’s words.

“Stevie,” Bucky sighed. “I ain’t blind. I see the way you look at Carter. I see how she looks back.” He looked at Steve with the most heartbreakingly earnest look in his eyes and whispered, “You could get married. You could have kids with her, Stevie. I ain’t gonna stand in the way of you getting that baseball team you’ve always wanted.”

The thing… the thing was that Steve knew Bucky meant every word.

If Steve gave him any sort of indication that he wanted to be with Peggy, Bucky would smile sadly and step aside, letting Steve live the life Bucky had convinced himself Steve wanted.

“Bucky, I don’t want that,” Steve insisted after a moment of shock, pressing his hand to Bucky’s cheek when the other man began to protest. “I don’t want that unless it’s with you.” He leaned in and kissed the other man before he could protest again, before Bucky could be logical about it.

“I like Peg,” Steve admitted quietly when Bucky broke the kiss. “I like Peg a lot. But she ain’t you, Bucky. I ain’t ever gonna love anyone the way I love you.”

It hadn’t been the end of it—because Bucky was nothing if not determined, and Steve was nothing if not weak for that stupid, stupid man—but it had at least been the last time Bucky had explicitly offered to step aside. He’d tried to offer again in other ways—withdrawing or stepping away when Peggy arrived, setting her and Steve up for accidental dates, explicitly telling Peggy herself that he could talk to Steve—but he never again tried to tell Steve directly what to do.

Not on that topic, at least.

It wasn’t perfect, but… Steve thought it worked.

And it had.

Until Bucky fell from a train.

——————

Avengers Tower, Manhattan, New York City, U.S.A. December 20th, 2011

Thor

Thor supposed, in a sense, that he was doing… better.

His head felt a lot less… clouded, was as good a word as any, and rational thought felt much less obscured than it had in those atrocious first few days following his mother’s and Loki’s deaths. He had found, eventually, that life was much easier to bear when he focused his attentions on his friends and their respective struggles and lives. For mortals with such remarkably short lifespans, humans were exceptionally talented at creating dramatics unlike any Thor had ever witnessed—and in a shorter timespan than he had ever thought reasonably possible too.

It was, in all honesty, somewhat entertaining.

Or, at least, it would be, were it not that said dramatics caused Thor’s friends quite some distress.

He had come upon Lady Natasha and Rebecca in their shared living area, having been roused from a restful sleep by their raised voices—he was not certain what he had expected, but he had been quite sure it wasn’t to find an irate Rebecca shouting at a rather flustered Natasha.

It was obvious, he found, given Rebecca’s red-rimmed eyes, that shone with more unshed tears, and Lady Natasha’s uncharacteristically diminutive posture, that something had finally occurred between the two—although Thor sincerely doubted it was something good. He watched, startled, as Rebecca violently flinched away from Natasha’s touch when the other woman gathered the courage to reach for her, eyes dark with tears and barely restrained fury.

“You could have said no!” Rebecca shouted, glaring at Natasha so hard Thor was almost surprised—and grudgingly impressed—that the other woman didn’t wither beneath Becca’s hateful gaze.

He shuffled uncomfortably, unsure if he should announce his presence, because neither woman had turned to acknowledge him, and he did not think they even realized he was there at all. Before he could decide on the best course of action, Lady Natasha spoke again, and Thor froze, curious despite himself.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” the Widow said, in what she likely thought was a soothing tone. “I thought it’d be… better this way.” The words came off far more condescending than Thor imagined she meant them, and he flinched a little at Rebecca’s sharp, derisive laughter, as though it was meant for him instead. He did not, however, retreat back to his own room—he was, at this point, far too concerned about his friends to leave the two.

“Better?” Becca demanded sharply. “You thought this,” she waved at the room, likely indicating their entire situation, “would be better?” Her voice rose to a fever pitch, and Thor could tell she was on the verge of collapse. “I told you I loved you,” Becca croaked, voice breaking on the last word. “And you thought the best way to deal with that was to sleep with me, and then sneak out to Clint’s bed?!”

“You did what?”

Thor’s eyes snapped from the two quarreling women to Steven, who had appeared in the doorway to their kitchen, dressed as though he had only just rolled out of bed—which was not an unreasonable assumption, Thor mused, given that the sun had not even risen yet. Steven struck an odd sight, with his hair sticking up in various directions and pillow marks creasing his face, bur righteous fury burning in his eyes.

“Steve, I’m fine,” Becca said impatiently. “I can handle this.”

Thor stepped forward when it became obvious that Steve had no intention of leaving the two to their own business. “Steven, perhaps we should—”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Steve demanded hotly, pushing forward towards where Natasha stood, eyes wide and surprised and—if Thor was not simply seeing things—a little intimidated. Thor barely managed to intercept Steven before he reached the two women, catching Steven around the waist and dragging him back before he did something foolish.

Steven had been in therapy three times a week since before Thor had returned to Earth, following a visit from his former almost-love and his friends, accepting help from an entire team of therapists—because Anthony cared deeply for those he called his team, and he spared no expense. Thor had heard Pepper mutter about not leaving the man unsupervised with an internet connection and his own credit card anymore.

Though Steven appeared to be doing better, his temper got the better of him often, and Thor had seen Steve in the aftermath enough times to know he hated that he was a slave to his own emotions to such an extent. He’d learned to intercept Steven before he did something he regretted—and Thor was certain he’d regret yelling at Natasha. He’d regret grabbing her and shaking her, as he likely would have.

He’d regret stepping in, not letting Rebecca handle this herself.

“Apologies, ladies,” Thor said smoothly, dragging Steven back towards the bedrooms as though he weighed nothing, smoothing his features into something approximating neutral. “Might I suggest you continue your… discussion in a more private place?”

“No need,” Becca spat icily, turning her gaze from Steven, who had finally ceased struggling in Thor’s arms, to Natasha. “I think everything we needed to say has been said.” Natasha opened her mouth to say something—though Thor couldn’t possibly fathom what—but Rebecca didn’t let her speak. “No, Nat,” she said, her expression crumpling a little as she looked at the woman she—apparently—loved. “You’ve said it all. I’m done, I’m done. Go back to Clint. Tell him what you did.”

A tear ran down her cheek, and she spat, “See if he’s okay with it. I’m not.”

With that, she pushed forward, past Natasha and Thor and Steve, who still stood in the doorway towards the bedrooms, slipping past them without another word. Natasha stood still in the middle of the living area, expression frustratingly blank, even for one as adept to reading them as Thor.

“Steve,” she said finally, her voice surprisingly soft. “Steve, I didn’t mean—”

“Get out,” Steve spat, voice hoarse, muscles tensed where Thor was still holding him back. “Get out, Nat. I don’t have anything to say to you.”

When he struggled this time, Thor let him go, watching him follow Becca down the hallway for a moment before he turned to Lady Natasha again. He was unsure how to proceed—Lady Natasha was his friend, of course, but Lady Rebecca and Steven were… they were his friends before all of the others. Natasha had just broken Rebecca’s heart, and Thor…

Thor’s loyalty, first and foremost, lay with Steven and Rebecca.

“I think it is time you leave,” he said calmly. He kept his eyes firmly on Natasha’s when he raised his voice somewhat and said, “I will make sure whatever belongings of yours remain are returned later today. J.A.R.V.I.S. Kindly revoke Lady Natasha’s privileged access to our floor and sleeping quarters.”

“Certainly, Master Thor,” J.A.R.V.IS. replied. “Agent Romanoff, if you would proceed to the elevators?”

He spared the redhead one more glance before he followed Steven and Rebecca. He found them in Steven’s room, sat on his bed together, shoulders and thighs pressed together, Becca’s head leaning against Steven’s shoulder as she sobbed, “Why would she—I wouldn’t have been angry. I wouldn’t hav—I would’ve… I would’ve understood; I’d have been hurt but I would’ve understood. Why didn’t she just tell me?”

Thor winced at the bitter hurt and disappointment in Rebecca’s voice, but struggled to find anything to say. He was certain he had left more than a few maidens sobbing in his wake as Natasha had Rebecca, but he had never deliberately concealed his intentions as it appeared the Lady Natasha had.

As it stood, there was very little Steven or him could say.

Thor sighed, shaking his head sadly as Steve attempted to whisper comforting words to Rebecca as she sobbed against his shoulder. He settled on the bed on Rebecca’s other side, curling his arm around her so that she was effectively cradled between his body and Steven’s.

He felt her shudder lightly before she tipped her head back to rest against his arm, smiling weakly. “Is she gone?” she asked quietly, looking at him with an expression that was equal parts hopeful and heartbroken, and Thor found, startlingly, he was willing to do whatever he could to erase the heartbreak from her eyes.

Rebecca had spent weeks—months—ensuring his and Steven’s continued wellbeing, and Thor found it high time they return the favor.

He nodded, offering her the kindest smile that he could. “Yes. I took the liberty to rescind her access to our abode as well.” He glanced to Becca and swallowed thickly before he offered, “If there are… things she has left that you would like to return, I’d be more than willing to do so in your stead.”

“You don’t have to see her, Becks,” Steve added cautiously, rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of her shoulder. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if Tony tries to boot her from the Tower altogether.”

Thor considered that, and found he could not fault Steven’s logic. Anthony had shown himself to be incredibly protective of those he considered family in the past—it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility to think he would react poorly to Natasha hurting Rebecca, given Anthony and Rebecca’s close bond, as Lady Carter’s only godchildren. Thor was, in all honesty, not even quite sure he would protest, should Stark decide Natasha was no longer welcome in his home.

Becca, however, seemed to think differently. “I’m not gonna let him do that,” she said firmly, glaring at Steve as though he would be the one to kick Natasha out. “She’s an Avenger, she deserves a spot here as much as the rest of you do.” She heaved a sigh and shook her head, settling down against Thor’s side again. “Besides, I’m gonna have to see her anyway. We work together.”

She sounded devastated at the mere prospect, and Thor was still a little taken aback by the strong urge he felt to shield his friend from certain heartache.  

“Becca,” he breathed, curling his fingers around her shoulder lightly, applying light pressure to assure her he was there.

“It’s…” Becca sighed. She shook her head and smiled sadly. “It’s not okay, but… I’ll deal with it.” She looked to Steve, who still seemed to be seething, held in place only by Becca’s shoulder pressed against his. “We can’t just… we can’t never see each other again. I’ll forgive her. Eventually.”

“How?” Steve demanded, a little harsher than the situation called for. “How can you—”

Becca shrugged. “I mean… she sucks. This was…” Her voice broke, and she shuddered before she whispered, “I love her. I just… In the end, I just want her to be happy, even if that’s not with me.”

She smiled sadly. “I’ll get over it.”

Thor nodded sagely, but offered no further reply. He did not think he would be so forgiving, should he be in Rebecca’s shoes—he was not quite certain he had it in him to be so kind. Almost immediately, his thoughts drifted to his friends on Asgard, and the ache of missing them         hit him harder than it had since the day he’d left Asgard.

Their lack of response to Loki’s death had hurt him deeply, because much as he understood that they had not always gotten along with Loki, he had believed that they understood how much he meant to Thor, and that he was a good person—if a slightly mischievous one.

But perhaps… perhaps if Rebecca could find it within her heart to forgive Natasha, Thor could find it within his to forgive his friends for their callous reaction to his betrothed’s death.

“I won't let this hurt the team,” Rebecca whispered, drawing Thor from his thoughts as she moved, abruptly tipping forward into Steve’s chest, clutching at him in a desperate embrace, quietly sobbing onto his shirt as he held her. “But it hurts, Steve. It hurts so much.”

Steve didn’t reply right away, merely tightened his arms around her, shooting Thor a concerned glance before he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It's going to be okay,” he whispered. “We’ll make it okay again. Somehow.”

He sounded so certain… Thor almost believed him.

Almost.

——————

Start from the beginning: 

In Hell We Stand By You: 

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Never Feel Alone: 

(1) (2) 

Decisions: (1)

Dancing with a Limp: 

(1)

Or read it HERE on AO3 :D Find the sequel HERE on Tumblr :)

[firstritter]

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Lille Barro    / / /    Age:   1000+    / / /    Gender:   Cis male Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives:   Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell Exact Location:   His life was in the world of the living before the Wandenreich was founded, and then he barely left Silbern, as most of his brothers and sisters in arms who survived the first war. I still have to write a post-war verse, so I’m leaving it at that. Group(s): Quincy / Sternritter / Schutzstaffel

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?  From whom?:  Apart from Jugram, he’s the one Sternritter who is closest to Yhwach, the leader of the emperor’s personal guard, one of the strongest quincies in general. I figure that if the Shinigami put bounties over their heads after the first war, Lille would be one of the richest prizes. - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? ( Lille’s abilities may appear somewhat plain and he still got defeated by the (assembled) Royal Guards, but he’s still stronger than most captains combined so I guess he qualifies as OP. ) - Did your muse commit any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?  ( Soul Society probably wouldn’t lol, but to the Quincy community scattered over the world, what they’re doing offers a promise of revenge and liberation. Also they’re bringing forth a kingdom of heaven, so, Lille adamantly believes there should be no doubt as to the righteousness of their war. )

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ?  ( Individually, no.  But his kind has always been stomped upon, so it’s a bit of a yes, too. ) - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ?  ( The youngest quincies might not understand him at all. ) - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?  ( Only by Yhwach’s side. After his death, Lille would be broken and restless. )

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: Lille did not believe in the wholeness and the consistence of the hope for a Quincy nation before he came to meet Yhwach. Not only because he was young, but also because his world was extremely small, narrowed down to his and a few more families that, together with some regularly human ones, made up his community. Meeting Yhwach, coming in contact with his people and bonding with them over their belonging to the same group, certainly broadened Lille’s horizons. The oppression and deaths they endured over the centuries only contributed to further solidify his belief that the Quincy will never be free as long as Shinigami exist and retain the power to shape the asset of the world(s). He believes in their common dream, and he loves his people fiercely.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO / INDIFFERENT. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here:   He perceives Soul Society as a paragon of evil, and although he’s not so well-navigated in the specifics of its politics, Lille knows it is rotten to the core. ‘Things’ in Soul Society cannot possibly go well as long as Shinigami have the power. 

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ?   ( He takes initiative, but it all ultimately boils down to Yhwach’s will. He obeys him. ) 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ?  ( He cares about Yhwach and the Quincy more than anything else. ) 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lovers / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): Yhwach is makes up the gist of his entire world. He left everything he knew and did everything in his power to find him, Lille worships him to the point of fanatism; being allowed to serve Yhwach is the greatest honor, and consequently, what’s most on his mind revolves around Yhwach and serving him well.  He also takes the matters of the Quincy to heart, and despite not being very sociable, he’s also fond of his comrades - he shared a lot with them.

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain:  Lille is a character with more religious and spiritual implications than political, but every Quincy character is, in a way or another, affected by politics. He’s no exception, but because he has a kind of black-and-white worldview, he can be somewhat naive in that regard.

05.0. How do they feel in their current location: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  Quincy originally belong to the broad spaces of the world of the living, and Lille undoubtedly misses them. That said, the hidden state of the Wandenreich prevented the total extermination of a good chunk of their people and protected them for centuries, it’s his home and he’s adapted to it pretty well. As a sniper, hiding in the shadows of the enemy and waiting to strike is pretty much his natural condition.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ?  ( His only goal is to see Yhwach’s design fulfilled. ) 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ?  06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  Apart from the realization of Yhwach’s goal, his only ambition is to continue serving his king and the Quincy. I’m sure Lille would deny himself the possibility to fall in love and build a family, as it would be a distraction from a lifetime long vocation.

07.0. Does your muse know about the Original Sin of Soul Society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? -  07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?  ( The Original Sin is at the base of Lille’s extremely negative opinion of Soul Society, actually, so his views would not shift much. )

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Genryusai Yamamoto 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation:  He remembers Yamamoto’s flames vividly. He remembers the smell of burnt flesh of his comrades, the screams, and how the man (who was truly nothing more than a murderer who donned an aura of respectability) took their God and king away from them. The right to kill the man belongs to Yhwach, but Lille would have very much liked to put a gaping hole in his head. 

09.0. Thoughts on: Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation:  The Quincy are his people, lbr no Quincy would be alright with what was done to them. Lille is a very proud individual, and he could never cope with the shock, the shame, the humiliation and the pain of seeing his people, people like him that weren’t lucky enough to be protected by the Schatten Bereich, be systematically exterminated and experimented on. Just thinking about it makes him furious.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ? 10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which:  Lille is a loner, truly like a sniper. He would never betray Yhwach, but post-war, I cannot see him actively searching for other surviving quincies to start a new community; he cherishes his solitude, and especially after the war, I think he’d be much more withdrawn in the attempt to cope with the defeat. 

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?:  He’d do anything Yhwach asked of him, but as a general rule, he leaves children and civilians out of things.  11.2. What does it NOT involve?:  He doesn’t ‘fight fair’, he fights and kills mercilessly. 

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: they’re just old men desperately clinging to power. 

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: he knows what their ancestors did to the Soul King, the Quincy’s ancestor. It feels like the first of a long series of slights done to their people.

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: they are the violent core of Soul Society; an array of deceitful, paternalistic and oppressive individual who hide behind the excuse of ‘balance’ to reinforce their supremacy.

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he never came in contact with any of them, though through rp his opinion might shift.

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  they’re Shinigami, and they’re Hollows. Also, the fact that despite what was done to them, they accepted to go back to Soul Society and now fight within the ranks of the Gotei? Huh. 

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  they’re Hollows, it doesn’t matter how human or civilized they might look. There’s always that ugly shudder crawling up his spine that makes Lille immediately pull the trigger. 

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  again, they’re his people. He believe their war to be a righteous one and he’s protective of them. I’m not sure how important the concept of ‘Quincy pride’ is to Lille, because he’s already a proud individual and his pride stems largely from his bond with Yhwach, rather than from the simple belonging to the Quincy as a community. Lille doesnt’ even contribute much to their communal life anyway, so haha. Still, pride aside, he loves the Quincy, and that love made the slights against them brew a deep, burdening ire within him that carried on through the centuries.

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he’s a traitor of his kind, and even had the presumption to call himself ‘a god’. There’s no greater heresy.

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  not to get redundant but Yhwach is the God he worships, fights for, waited for. He crossed land and water just because, one night, he heard Yhwach’s voice calling him. He found his people and was given a purpose thanks to Yhwach, he fought in a war without hope for Yhwach. He waited almost 1000 years, patiently, for Yhwach to awaken and regain his senses. It’s difficult to express with words the link that ties the divinity and the devotee; i think it’s trust, wonder, faith and love. 

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the idea that such a cruel, disgusting criminal still walks freely in the Soul Society as a high-ranked officer viscerally upsets Lille. He would kill him without even wanting to see that face of his.

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  a Gemischt Quincy, brainwashed and exploited by Soul Society sounds like a terribly sad story. I think that, while not knowing him and acknowledging the threat Ichigo poses, Lille pities him.

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he respects the Soul King for what he has been and for constituting the primordial archetype of the Quincy people, but he sides with Yhwach in wanting to end the agony and the unacceptable disrespect paid to that poor creature.

EXTRA(optional): add more characters which hold some meaning to your muse.

Gerard: they are the oldest members of the Schutzstaffel (and Pernida doesn’t really count), the way they interact makes me think that there’s a familiarity between them you don’t see elsewhere. I think they’ve been together through a lot, having fought together and shared the same expectant devotion. They’re definitely brothers in arms and good friends.

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: always crediting @skyvar​ for her amazing meme uwu TAGGING: nope.

[glasspainting]

@memorianemone

If there was one thing Arthur Zietz was known for, it was his tendency to go over the top with the vast majority of everything he did for other people. Okay, so it was actually his art, the talent which brought him all this money and fame, but that was another thing entirely. By another thing entirely, he meant something that gave him a way to live but did not bring him the inherent joy to his life that other people did. 

Which hadn’t always been the case entirely, but such a thing was in the past. He was close to a new man now, close to transcending beyond absolutely everything which had kept him withdrawn and miserable. His art had new life, new breath, new hope! Brought forth from struggle, wrought from the depths of his suffering and the deep sorrow for those treated so unfairly in the past -- 

Off topic. He reminded himself, before placing up the final touch on the bouquet of flowers at the center of the table. A constellation of them; blue and pink offsetting black flowers, a touch of small white starlight. A ribbon (one which could double up as a tied-on headband, should the recipient of this gift so choose) wrapped delicately around the tall standing vase. An entire dinner (salad, soup and entree)  spread out across the table, two chairs nicely set up. 

When will she be back? He wondered, looking at the door and checking his text messages again. Nothing beyond the ‘be there in 5’ he’d received about 7 minutes ago. He busied himself in fixing up the cover over top of the painting he had just finished, but ended up so absorbed in it that when the door opened his back was turned. In surprise he flinched and turned, half wrapping himself (and partially revealing the secret) in the thick star-patterned cloth. 

“Isae! Isae, I finished the painting I wanted to give you and I- the dinner, too! For the special day today!”

Wait. It suddenly occurred to him, all in a flash, What if she doesn’t remember exactly what day today? This is a weird anniversary right? The day I finally got her to open up to me? I guess I am replacing it with something more notable…

He realized he was still holding the cloth, and quickly threw it back over the painting. “So let’s eat! You’re probably starving after being out all day.” He walked towards the table again, not at all realizing that all his rummaging had knocked the adoption papers he was trying to hide from her to the ground. 

[dcbbw]

Timing--Part 6 (Coming Forward)

This is Part 6 of my fanfic and it’s my version of events once the gang travels to LA to find Tariq. In my version, he refuses to come forward and Riley made a painful decision. In this part, the events leading up to the photo scandal are discussed. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please excuse any typos and/or grammatical errors. PS—my Liam is Asian Liam, and my Riley is tall, like me.

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Song Inspiration:  Morning Dove, Julie Byrne: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSRdGF12dDk

Tagging: @gennesaret @simsvetements @cora-nova @carabeth @hopefulmoonobject @katedrakeohd @aworldoffandoms @sirbeepsalot @speedyoperarascalparty @drakesensworld @lauradowning29 @liamxs-world

Word Count: 3699

Liam X MC, Liam X Riley

Liam and Riley sat on one end of the sofa in Liam’s study. Hana sat at the other end, and Bertrand sat behind the oversized and imposing desk.  Bastien stood in a corner near the window. Drake and Olivia were sitting in plush chairs on one side of the massive desk. They were all waiting for Maxwell to bring Lady Penelope and Lord Tariq. Riley looked around the room, impressed with the staff who had to come and clean up the destruction Liam had left behind before joining her at House Beaumont. God, was that only yesterday?  

It had been decided to talk with Penelope and Tariq together, although Bertrand wanted to do it separately so as to minimize Constantine’s involvement in the scandal. He was overruled by everyone else agreeing that the best way to corroborate stories was to have both present. Both sides of the story gave them the full story, and with the full story, a cohesive statement could be crafted.

Liam looked calm and stoic, but kept running an index finger under his ascot in an attempt to adjust it. He wasn’t nervous, but rather he felt a growing anger. Towards Penelope because she knew what she was doing, setting events in motion. She knew.  Anger towards Tariq because no matter what he had been led to believe, no meant no. Always. Anger towards Bastien because….damnit, it was Bastien. He had trusted the man with his life, his entire life and knowing that he would blindly follow orders, no matter what they were, who they hurt….Liam could not begin to grasp the concept of loyalty so blind or service so unquestioning, although that was the requirement of Bastien’s job. And lastly, anger at his Father. Did Constantine even have an inkling of what he did?  He gave up on the ascot seeing as it had to stay in place after last night, and settled for clasping his hands together in an effort to calm his nerves. What a tangled web.

Riley sat next to him on the sofa, and placed her hand on top of his. Liam looked up at her, and she smiled reassuringly.  Liam had not wanted Riley present; he did not want her to have to relive that night again, ever again but Riley was insistent. We all deserve to know not only the truth, but the why of the truth.

“How can you be so calm, love?”

“What else can I be? It won’t do any of us any good to be emotional, at least not in the beginning. We have to take control of this meeting from the start if we hope to get the results we need.” Hoping to lighten his mood, she gave him a coy look.  “So, how do I look?” Beautiful. “You look like the next Queen-to –be, bohemian scarf and all.”

“Well, no need to cover my neck if my overzealous boyfriend hadn’t staked his claim last night”, she said in a teasing tone.

“Strange, my very passionate girlfriend necessitated this damned ascot.” His smile was mischievous as he took her hand.

A knock at the door put an end to their bantering. The door opened, and Maxwell came in, ushering in Penelope and Tariq. Tariq prepared to bow, but Liam held up his hand. “No need for formalities. We’re just having a pleasant chat. Please, both of you have a seat.” He gestured to the chairs on the other side of the desk. As Maxwell and Drake prepared drinks for everyone, pleasantries and small talk were exchanged to help break the tension.

The train ride from Portvaria was comfortable. Tariq was jetlagged from the flight. Dinner and the Palace accommodations were more than adequate. Finally, Bertrand cleared his throat. “Lord Tariq, Lady Penelope, we have asked you here to assist in fully clearing Lady Riley’s name. You both played significant roles in the scandal which resulted in her being unfairly eliminated from the social season, and being smeared and slandered by the media. Lord Tariq has agreed to speak with us and hopefully give a statement in defense of Lady Riley to the press, but before we can do that, we need to know the events that led up to the photos being taken.”

Penelope’s eyes darted around the room before settling on Riley. “You said you forgave me. You said you understood!” Riley’s brown eyes met Penelope’s blue ones steadily. “I do forgive you Penelope; please do not ever question that. However, while I have some understanding of the circumstances you found yourself in, we all deserve to know them, even Tariq.”

Maxwell noticed that Penelope’s gaze was guarded, her body language defensive. No way is she talking to us. He rose from the sofa and crouched in front of Penelope. He touched his forehead to hers, effectively fixing her eyes on his. “Hey, Pen”, he said softly. “Hey Max.” Her voice was shaky. “Kinda scary, huh? “Penelope nodded. “Don’t be”, he reassured as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “No one here wants to hurt you, or call you out, or set you up for anything. We just need to know the events that led up to this huge ass mess. We all just need to know what happened. “Penelope continued to look at Maxwell, her distrust falling away. “I…..I guess I can do that. Where do you want me to start?” Maxwell ran his finger along Penelope’s cheek. “Thanks, Pen….you’re the best”, he whispered with a small smile as he stood to return to his seat.

Liam watched the exchange with interest. He had never viewed Maxwell as a ladies man; if anything, he attributed his friend’s conquests to a combination of humor and alcohol. This….this was a new side to Maxwell, and it was sparking Liam’s jealousy. Was this a ploy on his part to get Penelope to open up, or was this Maxwell genuinely comforting her? And if it were genuine, had he comforted Riley like this before? Liam flashed back to Lythikos, to the kiss with Olivia and how Riley had sought solace with Maxwell. Where was this coming from? Just 10 minutes ago he and Riley were happy and in love.

Olivia interrupted his thoughts. “Penelope, I have a question before you start. Did you have anything to do with me being ousted from the social season?”

Penelope looked at Olivia in genuine surprise. “No! I knew you had withdrawn the night of the Coronation, but didn’t know why, and no one would say anything. Were you set up too?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Olivia’s brow knit as she stared into her drink.

Looking around the room, Penelope asked, “Where should I begin?”

“How about the beginning?” Hana suggested.

“As good a place as any, I suppose.” Penelope leaned forward in the chair, hands clasped loosely together, looking down at the carpet. “It was when we first arrived at Applewood. Bastien approached me with an offer. I would be Lady-in-Waiting, guaranteed, regardless of whom Liam chose, as long as it wasn’t Riley. All I had to do was make sure that Tariq found himself enamored of Riley and in her room before we departed for the next stop on the tour.”

“Why would you consider an offer like that?” Drake was trying not to show his anger, but Penelope looked at him, startled by his tone.

Penelope looked even deeper at the carpet. “I have severe anxiety. To the point of panic attacks, and having…actually needing emotional support animals.

“Your poodles”, Drake said softly.

Penelope nodded.  “My poodles. In any case, court events tend to trigger the anxiety more than usual, and the social season was really hard on me. I am not the prettiest, or the smartest, or even the most charming. It was pretty clear from the day of the croquet match that I would not be a serious contender to win Liam’s hand, which meant disappointing my parents. Add in the constant bitchiness and hidden agendas of the other ladies; not being able to try to secure a suitable match because you had to keep your eyes on the prize, which is being Queen…..” Penelope’s voice trailed off. After a few moments, she spoke again. “Even when it came to considering other matches, women of the Court are nothing but statistics: height, weight, hair and eye color, financial stability. And the further we got into the social season, the ladies became something to wager upon, based on our odds.” She clasped her hands more tightly. “Anyway, taking the offer seemed the best of both worlds: being Lady-in-Waiting to Queen was the best alternative to actually being Queen, and I would be free to find a suitable match without so much of the courtly politics involved.

Bertrand spoke up. “Bastien, why was Lady Penelope chosen?”

Bastien spoke from the shadows. “She was determined to have the least amount of ties to court, and would be the least likely to ask questions about the assignment. “

Penelope gave a sigh. “You mean I was the most gullible.” No one responded.

“So tell us what you did”, Maxwell prompted.

“It was simple enough. I told Tariq that Riley had been confiding in me. Said that she thought he was cute, and different from the others. Hinted that she may not really like Liam. Bastien gave me correspondence, supposedly from Riley, to pass along. “

“What about the photographer? “Liam asked.

“I was simply asked to hire a photographer, put her on retainer, and advise her that someone else would follow up.”

“Bastien, can you elaborate further on this information?” Bertrand gestured for Bastien to come out of the corner and into the room proper as he asked the question.

“The King Father instructed me to find a way to ensure that Lady Riley and Duchess Olivia were eliminated from the Coronation so that King Liam would make the best choice for Queen. The best choice being Lady Madeleine, who was the remaining of the top three contenders.

For Duchess Olivia, it was assumed that protecting her family name would be her first priority. For Lady Riley, the assumption was that flirtations between Lady Riley and Lord Tariq would cast doubt upon Lady Riley’s loyalty to Liam, and Liam would no longer consider her. When no rumors were forthcoming, the photographs were leaked to humiliate Lady Riley, to make her an unacceptable suitor. The hope was that Liam would just move on after Lady Riley left Court.”

“Except I never left. The Queen Mother says I have her to thank for that. A compromise was struck between you, your Father, and Stepmother?” Riley looked at Liam. Her eyes were calm and open, but Liam thought he detected a flash of anger in them.  He nodded sadly. “Yes. It was the only way to keep you here and buy us time to investigate. “Everyone here knows that. Why are you defending your actions?

“How did you manage to get Tariq to her room?” Hana asked as she took a sip of her drink.  Penelope lifted her head. “I went to the maid, and asked her to tell Tariq his room had been switched due to repairs.”

Bastien’s head was hung low. “I had removed the lock from Lady Riley’s room earlier that day.”

Bastien lifted his head to look at Riley. “I neither expect nor deserve your forgiveness, but I am offering you my most sincere apologies. I acted in service of my King at the time, but Liam is my King now. I realize my actions betrayed your trust to the very core, but I know other persons, in this very room, who have betrayed you as deeply. I ask only that you consider granting me the same benevolence you have shown them.”

Riley’s eyes landed on Liam first. He chose Madeleine. She turned to Bertrand. He sold bachelor party photos to make a quick buck. Finally, they landed on Olivia. If they both had not been targeted, they would still be holding a cold war over Liam falling for her instead of Olivia.

Liam watched as Riley’s eyes went around the room.  Why is she looking at Bertrand? What the hell went on during this tour?

Riley looked back at Bastien with thoughtful eyes. She gave a small nod. “Thank you, Bastien. You have certainly given me a new perspective to consider.”

“Yes, thank you, Bastien.” Liam’s voice was neutral, but his jaw was clenched. Why did he feel as if he had just been called out?

Tariq rose from his chair to head to the bar cart. “Why was I chosen?”

“We needed someone who knew Liam, but was not too close to him. Drake and Maxwell would not have been believable. It was also favorable that you had no close ties to the Court as well.”

Tariq drained his drink in one swallow, and poured another. “Am I just a joke to you people?” His tone was harsh. “Oh, I know how the Court views me. Lord Tariq, some simpleton with no thoughts in his head other than fashion, alcohol, and searching for the next big party. I knew I should have shied away from this social season.” He paused as he took a swallow of the liquid courage in his glass. “Do you know why I accepted Maxwell’s invitation to New York and the social season? Because I thought it was a chance to reconnect with my only two friends. I guess we all see where friendship got me. “He gave a derisive snort.

Drake spoke. “I consider you a friend, Tariq.”

“Oh Lord Walker…spare me your pity, or commiseration…not sure which you are offering. I am the walking stereotype of all you despise in a noble. At best, we have mutual friends that necessitate us spending time together on occasion.” Tariq’s eyes were wet, but no tears had fallen. “However, I am most fortunate you prevented what could have been an even more tragic situation. “Tariq looked at Drake. “I am indebted to you.” Drake nodded, his eyes hooded.

Liam gave a swift look between Drake and Tariq. Drake was there that night. Drake saved Riley. The thought was not as comforting as he would like it to be. Perhaps it would be if someone had bothered to tell me that tidbit.

“Yes, Drake….thank you again for being there that night. A thousand thank yous would not be enough.” Riley smiled gently and warmly at Drake.

“I care about you, Brooks.” He’s said that before. The night she was taken from the Coronation Ball. And that same look was in his eyes. Liam forced himself to focus on the conversation.

Tariq continued. “I left court about 3 years ago. Not so much as left as I just stopped coming to the events. My House is a minor one, so my absence was not really noticed. I am an only child and more prone to the frivolity of Court than the politics. I did some traveling, did some shopping. Then one day, Maxwell calls me up asking me to join them in New York and for the social season. It would be a chance to reconnect and maybe meet someone. I….I was really looking forward to spending time with my friends.” Tariq looked at Maxwell, his eyes sad.

“However, Liam was busy with the suitors and Maxwell was busy teaching Lady Riley the ways of Court, so I ended up more alone than if I had just stayed home. I found the ladies to be self-absorbed, boring, and not interested in me save for my title and any connections I may have with the Prince.

When Lady Penelope told me that Lady Riley had interest in me….it…it was a breath of fresh air. I found her enchanting from the moment I first saw her. I did doubt it at first; one need only look at how she and Liam look at each other to know that both parties harbor strong feelings for the other. But, I was hopeful…especially when Lady Riley engaged me in conversation.”

Riley interrupted him. “Tariq, it was just general conversation! Nothing untoward, nothing suggestive….just plain old conversation! How could you reconcile my actions with whatever was in that letter?” Tariq looked at her, then at the carpet. “The letter stated that you were shy and unsure, and that discretion was paramount when interacting in public. That does not excuse my actions in your room though.”

“Tell us about that night, Tariq.” Olivia urged. Strangely enough, she did not feel the contempt for him she expected to; she empathized with him. Court could be cold and lonely, and it was obvious he had grabbed at the first semblance of affection and acceptance.

Tariq poured himself another drink before taking a deep breath. “I went to my room and found a note pinned to the door. The note said that my room was under repair, something about the plumbing. I had been reassigned to another room which was unlocked, and my luggage would follow shortly. I got to the room, and entered it to find you”, he looked at Riley, “preparing for bed. It did not strike me as odd at the moment, given the letter and Lady Penelope’s conversations.

I thought your protests were you playing coy, or being shy, or I…I don’t know. All I know is I wanted the letter to be true. And then Lord Walker came in and stopped what could have been a disaster. After I apologized, I left the room and was accosted by Bastien who told me that as long as I went away, my role in this would never be made public. But if I were to speak out in defense of Lady Riley, I would be stripped of title, lands, and placed in jail for attempted rape. He said that Lady Riley would be taken care of.

When I saw the press, I wanted to come forward but I was too afraid.  Lady Riley had protection, I had nothing. So I just kept traveling, and that is when you found me in Los Angeles. I thought you had come to either threaten me more or arrest me. That is why I would not speak with any of you”

“Why are you coming forward now?” Bertrand asked curiously.

“I am tired of running. I want my life back. Lady Riley needs her reputation back.  And for both of us to lose so much over what amounts to nothing more than manipulation and a cruel prank….it makes no sense. I am prepared to give a statement that will allow as much truth as possible, but I won’t live in fear because of it.” He turned to Liam. I” understand you are willing to help with that?”

Liam looked at Tariq before slowly looking around the room. His head was spinning with the information gathered. He needed to compose his thoughts. After a few moments, he spoke. “This evening has been both painful and enlightening. I would first like to offer my most sincere apologies to Lady Riley.  My love, I cannot begin to imagine what this conspiracy has put you through. Your strength is an inspiration. Next, apologies to both Lady Penelope and Lord Tariq for being manipulated into such positions. The Crown…the new Crown….will do all we can to make things right for all involved. Lord Tariq, you will have nothing to fear and will lose nothing by giving a statement to the press. You will work with Duke Ramsford to prepare such a statement tonight. Lady Riley and I will give statements after I visit Fydelia tomorrow. Now, if everyone will excuse me, the past 36 hours have been quite exhausting, for all of us I imagine.”

Liam stood, ready to bolt out of the room. He had thought Riley would be the one torn open by the betrayal, but it was him. He wanted to lash out, he wanted to ask questions. What type of person plotted to deliberately destroy someone? Your Father, that’s who.  And who agreed to be an instrument of such destruction? Well, one person is who you trust with your life. Even more disturbing than all he had heard tonight was the fact that Drake seeing Riley naked, and that Maxwell was more than likely the one who had been comforting Riley at night during the engagement tour was first and foremost. That’s a whole new level of fucked up and insecurity.

Riley grabbed his hand. “I will see you later tonight?” Her eyes searched his.  

“Not tonight, love. I need to be well rested and clear headed to deal with Madeleine in the morning.”  

“Are you okay, Liam?” He wasn’t fooling her for a minute. “I know this evening is a lot to take in, especially if you are hearing most of it for the first time.” The concern in her voice was evident. “I will at least stop past later to say goodnight. I don’t want you worrying. Tonight was a good thing. Now we know, and there are no more secrets.”

Aren’t there?  Liam smiled weakly at her. “I’d like that”, he said as he kissed her on the cheek. And then he was gone.

Later that night, Riley stood in front of Liam’s door, knocking softly. No answer. She tried the door. It was locked. She checked her phone, the text she had sent 2 hours ago was still unanswered. She stood there in the hall uncertainly before removing her scarf and hanging it on the doorknob.

[jemej3m]

to the moon and back (p2)

:))

tw: murder and corpses, aftg typical stuff (no violence or graphic depictions, just some teen boys finding out more than they bargained for

part one | part two | part three

When Kevin saw Andrew leaning against the lockers, he floundered. Wymack was right behind him, spotted Andrew and huffed loudly.

“I’d ask how you got in here, but I’m not sure I want to know.”

“Why are you here?” Kevin spluttered. “Are you watching the game? Do you want to play?”  

“Fuck off, Kevin.” Andrew said calmly.

He forgot Kevin’s blubbering when Neil rounded his much taller position partner, only mildly surprised that Andrew was there already. The call had been twenty minutes ago: He’d been out the door in ten, and swerved into someone else’s parking spot seven minutes later. Now he was here, watching the Palmetto High Foxes come off after warm-ups to gear up.

“Where will you be?” He was flushed and sweaty, eyes bright and aware.

He gestured around him with a weak wave of his hand. Neil nodded and moved to change. He, strangely enough, wore a full-sleeved shirt under his padding.

Aaron made a startled noise, seeing his brother in the locking room. “What are you doing here?”

“Rude.” He answered. His avoidance of the question made Aaron nod simply, understanding the underlying message of later. He ignored Matthew Boyd, Seth Gordon and the other freshman sport junkies as they changed.  

Neil lingered until they’d all vanished and he had thirty seconds to get on court.

“Thanks,” He tried. Andrew shoved his shoulder lightly, wishing that he would stop looking so haunted. He much preferred his snarky Neil; this withdrawn, uptight boy wasn’t who’d caught his eye, but who now kept him curious.

“Hurry up, junkie.” He crossed his arms again and leant on the lockers. “Won’t wait around for you forever.”

He nodded, complacent, and ran off to join his team.

*

Neil Josten looked unfairly good in Andrew’s passenger seat. He was anxious, fingers rubbing over his hidden wrists, shoulders drawn up and chin tucked down, but the further they drove, the more the tension eased. He sent Andrew hesitant glances, waiting for Andrew to ask him the question.

The thing was, Andrew wasn’t sure what to ask. Why was he here? Where did he come from?  What gave him those scars? Why has he become so skittish over the past few days? What did he think about Andrew? What did he know about Andrew?

The right question would unlock all these answers. Andrew spent agonisingly long minutrd torn between trying to figure Neil Josten out, whilst denying that he remotely cared.

They were circling Palmetto city, until Josten made an advance for the cigarettes in Andrew’s drink holder. He hesitated, rising up an eyebrow with question. Andrew motioned for him to wait. He nodded.

The decrepit park they arrived at had a rusted seesaw, a pair of swings and a slide with all the paint peeled off its worn metal. There was no one around except for a man and his dog, a few hundred feet away. They sat on a bench and lit up two cigarettes in silence.

“Betsy will whoop my ass if she figures out I still smoke.” It was an explanation, but also an offering.

Neil sat in silence, watching his cigarette wither away. “She’s your mom.”

“Adoptive.” He corrected, watching the reaction on Neil face. He merely nodded.

Andrew decided to give up figuring out the key that would unlock all of Neil’s secrets. They had time. “I’m asking my question now.”

“Shoot.” He mumbled.

“Why do you let your cigarettes burn to the filter?”

Unbeknownst to Andrew, he had figured out the key question.

“My mom was killed today, six years ago. When I was ten.” He looked at Andrew.  “She was murdered. By my dad. Does that scare you?”

Andrew wanted to say that nothing scared him, but that wasn’t true. He was scared of heights. “No.”

“Thought so.” Neil huffed. “He murdered her, never went to prison. He’s too successful to let that happen. Bought out the investigation.” He took a slow drag from his cigarette. “Mom smoked. It reminds me of her.” Then, he looked up. “I thought you’d ask about why I called you, today. Or why I’ve been acting strange. Or my scars, or —“

Andrew waved him off. “You called me today because your mom was murdered six years ago by your father. Makes sense that you wouldn’t want to be at home. Makes sense that you’d choose to call me, because you know that I wouldn’t be scared about the idea of murder.”

“Aaron said you bought the car with your mother’s blood money.” Neil shrugged. “All I asked was why the fancy car, and he said that your mother gave both of you up to the foster system, then died in car accident when you were 13. You thought it was ironic to buy a car with her life insurance, considering how she’d died. No one thinks so lightly about death like that.”

“She meant nothing to me.” Andrew waved him off. “Don’t be so afraid to die, Josten.”

He was quiet at that.

“I never believed that these were surgery, or acne.” Andrew’s fingertips brushed over the cheek with knife marks. “It was your father, wasn’t it.”

“I thought we were doing one question.” Neil said drily.  

“You got free answers from Aaron.” Andrew pointed out. “It’s only fair.”

“You wont go to child services, will you?” Neil hesitated. “If you go to authorities, you’ll get nowhere, and put yourself at risk. I don’t—“ He coughed lightly. “I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

Andrew, momentarily, thought he was talking about himself. It only took a moment for him to realise he was talking about his mother. Of course Neil would be the self-sacrificing type. Idiot. 

“I was a foster child for the first ten years of my life, Neil.” It was the first time Andrew’d called Neil by his name. “I’m not going to go to child services. Was this your father?”

Neil nodded slowly. “It was last time he came into town. He stays up in Baltimore, where his business is. I didn’t—I didn’t do anything to make him so angry, but he did it anyway.”

Then he pulled up his sleeves and stared blankly at the grotesque scarring on his wrists, forearms and hands. He yanked the sleeves back down and looked at Andrew with worry. “Why am I trusting you with this? He killed mom because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. He’s going to kill you and me, too.”

He was clenching shaking fists. Andrew thought it was ridiculously unfair that a 16 year old was trying to balance school and homework, sports teams, friendships and not being murdered by a seemingly psychotic father. But Andrew wouldn’t be helpful to anyone if he just wallowed in how unfair life was, or let Neil wallow either.

Andrew made a decision. “Not if we get him locked up.”

Neil looked at him with wide eyes. Wide, terrified blue eyes. Andrew stared back, challenging him.

“I—“ He looked away. “I don’t know.”

“Surely you have some evidence.”

He winced. “I watched it. But if I put myself forward as a witness, he’ll kill me.”

“So we need irrefutable, physical evidence and we’ll leak it to the police.” Andrew decided. “Then you can’t be blamed for a reinvestigation and if he kills you then it’ll go against him.”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I don’t know, I don’t—“

“Hey, Neil?” Andrew leaned closer. The boy looked at him, terrified. “Shut up.”

He swallowed thickly and nodded, closing his eyes. Against better judgement, he fisted tufts of Neil’s soft hair between his fingers and pulled gently.

They said nothing else. Andrew finished another cigarette before putting the pack aside. They sat for a little while in silence, Andrew drinking water and letting the breeze steal the remnants of ash from his skin.

“Will you let me drop you home?”

He hesitated. “The street corner.”

Andrew was fine with that compromise. He was also fine with the way that Neil let his eyes close, head fall back against the headrest and hand hang out of the open window. Andrew didn’t tell him to get his foot off the dashboard, like he usually would. He also found himself looking, too often, at Neil’s relaxed figure. It caused him to swerve and speed unintentionally, the honking almost disturbing the junkie.

His heart rate sped up.

Weak. Stupid. Remember what happened last time you let your guard down?

It cooled him right off. He stared straight ahead and refused to think, knowing it’d lead right down a spiral he was all-too familiar with now.

They arrived at the corner of Neil’s street. He remembered the house, even if he couldn’t see it: It didn’t look large, but once Neil mentioned he hated how empty it was, making Andrew suspect it was larger than it appeared. The high fences and locked gates made the grey paneling and box-shaped architecture look like a prison. It wasn’t out of place in this expensive area of Palmetto, but it looked more untouched than the brand-new houses on the market. Neil existed within it alone, that Andrew knew, and it seemed as though he was practically squatting in the place.

Neil’s shuffling drew Andrew out of his thoughts. He dug out a black scarf, but Andrew would recognise the Evermore crest and red-and-black theme of the Ravens anywhere. Before he got out, he offered Andrew a plastic bag. It was filled with orange.

“What.” He said, unable to form a question.

“My father thinks I go to Evermore. I moved to Palmetto without permission and reroute the funds into a separate account that he doesn’t know about. I said I was going to watch their game this morning. Oh, and I’m not allowed to play Exy, so I need to give my things to you.” Neil admitted.

“Why?” Andrew demanded. For someone terrified of tempting his father’s ire, he sure was stupid. “What made you think that was a good idea?”

“I hated Evermore.” He said quietly. “I really, truly hated it.”

“I hate you,” He said, taking the bag of Fox gear and chucking into the back seat. As Neil clambered out, he said, “Think about my offer.”

He paused, toying with the end of the Raven’s scarf. Then he nodded. The door slammed closed. Neil Josten disappeared from Andrew’s view.

Part of him was irritated at being dragged into — or dragging himself into — such a mess. The other half was desperate to kiss Neil’s pretty face.

He ignored that little voice in his head and went home.

“Are you sure?” Andrew questioned.

Silently, Neil nodded. He had pressed in the gate’s code and pushed it open for Andrew to enter.

His father had left three days ago, and Neil had spent those three days overriding the security system of his home: All the cameras and microphones were blanked out for half an hour, being posed as a minor blackout if his father looked into it.

It wasn’t much of a window, but Neil said it was all he needed to show Andrew something — what exactly Andrew was being shown, he had no clue.

The gardens were manicured, every surface of the house polished: As if hearing Andrew’s observations, Neil gazed around him with distaste. “The house keeper and gardener keep an eye on me.” Neil then paused with a small frown, before deciding to hook his fingers into the sleeve of Andrew’s shirt. It was short sleeved, no where near the scars, so Andrew didn’t react with anything but a delighted shiver.

Stupid teenage boy hormones stupid gay ass stupid stupid.

Neil pulled him through angular corridors and lifeless decor. The only signs of life was a cereal bowl by the sink and a solitary picture on the living room mantelpiece. It was of the three of them: Neil had to be ten or younger, because his mother was standing behind him, hands on his shoulders. None of them were smiling.

Neil pulled back the rug in front of the fireplace: Almost unnoticeable was a little latch: He pulled on it and the wooden planks lifted to reveal a ladder downwards.

“Sick, isn’t it?” He commented lightly.  “He keeps the only photo of her in front of where he killed her.”

Andrew was infuriated. People suffered in a lot of different ways: Not many like this. No one deserved this. No one.

“What’s down there?”

“Wine.” Neil shrugged. “Old business stuff. Mom’s stuff. Probably the murder weapon.”

Andrew swallowed. “Let’s go check.”

Neil chewed nervously at his lip. He didn’t give Andrew an outright no, so he clambered down the ladder into the darkness. The mustiness of the cellar was enough to momentarily hide the unlaying stench from the din below. When Andrew was on his feet again, he felt along the walls to find a switch: When he flicked it on, Neil coughed, unsuccessfully masking how he choked on his own inhale.

He’d been right; there was a lot of boxed storage. But the overwhelmingly pungent smell of rotting flesh made Andrew gag. He pinched his lips shut, squeezing his eyes closed as he swore to himself not to throw up.

“Is that your mom?” He managed. They were looking at a body on a blue tarp, naked and decaying. With walls of concrete, nothing had been able to infiltrate the cellar in order to clean up a decaying body. It was naturally decomposing, skin peeling and yellow, blood blackened with oxidisation.

Neil shook his head violently. They turned to switch off the light and scramble up the ladder. Neil slammed the cellar cover shut, tugged the rug over it and ran: Andrew followed, only to witness him throwing up into the kitchen sink. Andrew, instinctively, held his hair out of the way as he grabbed a mug from the nearest cabinet and filled it with water.

Neil slid onto the floor when he deigned himself finished, taking the mug of water and washing out his mouth. Andrew sat in front of him, looking at his sickly pale skin and gaunt cheeks.

“At least we have our evidence?” Andrew said, weakly.

Neil glared at him. Beyond that, Andrew saw the sense of relief. He tugged on Neil’s curls until his head dropped forward, onto Andrew’s shoulder.

They stayed there for so long that Andrew couldn’t feet his legs where Neil had relaxed his whole body against him.

He couldn’t, however, say that he minded.

we love some aftg typical murder worked into an innocent high school au

[aftgficlibrary]

May I please have some fics about neil living with his uncle! omg ur blog is the best. love you guys!!!!!!

hello! here are a few! note: some of these are like neil grew up with his uncle and no longer lives with him, but i also included them-Scout

die young by moonix (T | 41,640 | 7/7)

Ever since the violent death of his mother Neil has withdrawn completely from the outside world. He lives with his Uncle Stuart and barely ever leaves the house. In order to help him overcome his anxiety, Stuart hires his favourite waiter, Nicky, to befriend him. With Nicky come the rest of the Foxes, and Neil finds himself being reluctantly adopted into a much bigger family, reconnecting with an old friend, and developing a crush…

clouds by nekojita  (T | 6,007 | 1/1)

Needing to put some space between him and his twin brother, Andrew Minyard decides to study aboard for his junior year of university. Except things aren’t that different in Manchester, UK - he still doesn’t want to be bothered with people or to do much of anything, so he finds a quiet coffee shop out of the way to spend his time when not in class.A quiet coffee shop where a quiet (attractive) young man whom Andrew tells himself is not interesting at all works.

Valentine’s Day fic exchange for AFTGExchange

chemistry experiments by fuzzballsheltiepants for tntwme ( T | 6,702 | 1/1)

Andrew’s unfairly hot chemistry lab partner needs a date for the prom to appease his uncle. Andrew agrees…for a fee.

I’ll Follow You (into the light) by DeyaAmaya (T | 5,576 | 1/1)

Neil is a paramedic in a rainy city. Andrew will be gone in a few months. And Stuart Hatford just wants Neil to find a date.

Neil Hatford by CasTheButler (G | 2,164 | 2/?)

Stuart adopts Neil - or well he kidnaps Neil for the greater good but whatever

Roses Grow Between Bone by redFreckles (T | 5,320 | 1/1)

“People aren’t broken Neil, just bent.”

Neil Josten has just lost his father, his mother, and his previous identity. It takes him awhile to come to terms with it.

whetstone by safeandwarm (Not Rated | 2,900 | 1/1)

Abram has been living in London since his mother’s death. He is a part of the family, but apart from them. And then, one morning, he is abducted during his run.…

Abram could have broken his thumb by now and slipped out of at least one of these handcuffs, but, damn him, he was curious. So far this guy had only mentioned Ichirou. Not Riko. Or his father.

ain’t it fun by jemejem (T | 30,672 | 10/10)

Neil can’t sleep. Andrew can’t feel. High school is going well for the both of them.

He is my Best Friend..? by kanzashah (G | 89,759 | 35/35)

Andrew and Neil have been best friends for three years now,until things start to change between them.

hanging at the catch by injo (T | 17,208 | 3/3)

Andrew’s hair shone in the moonlight, his arms laden with candy he dumped unceremoniously on the stone wall surrounding St John’s Pavilion. He picked up a lollipop from his haul and unwrapped it, revealing a fluorescent shade of blue that soon coated his tongue and lips.

‘Staring,’ Andrew said in a flat tone.

Neil hastily looked away from his mouth.

****

An AU where the Foxes all go to the University of Oxford (and row!).

fugue in red by hiraethia (M | Incomplete | 14/?)

the first time andrew saw neil, he was playing in the middle of a concert hall, bleeding red.

(all neil has is his mother’s old violin, all andrew has is the cello that he doesn’t care about. but maybe now they’ll have each other).

Coffee & Cadets by queenofseventeen (M | Incomplete | 5/?)

Andrew was in the army and just back from his latest tour, without his left foot.Neil is the barista at the local coffee shop Nicky keeps dragging him to.

or

the one where Andrew is a shitty flirter and neil remembers how he likes his coffee.