#was literally listening to reba the other day

[septembersghost]

https://x.com/NBCTheVoice/status/1705356299821543434?s=20

DON'T LET THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN WHEELS DRIVE YOU CRAZYYYYYYY

[jtbb]

tagged by @rat-daemon and @valentinsylve tysm <3<3<3

three ships: oh man. hannigram obviously, and janto (jack harkness/ianto jones) for my other all-time fave (they are simultaneously much more wholesome and much more angsty than hannigram). for third umm i think molly/reba is underrated <3 as in ive literally never seen anyone mention them but i think they would understand each other yknow

first ship: ah hell. i was probably obsessed w at least one warrior cats pairing when i was a kid but the first one that was actually as part of fandom culture was this one band ship that i will Not name (some of my older mutuals . you can probably guess)

last song: currently criminal by fiona apple, previously mr. rattlebone by matt maeson (both amazing hannigram songs)

last movie: lol watched ferris bueller's day off w my family last friday (we are out of movies to watch)

now reading: im trying really hard to get back into the habit of reading books -- in the past year or so i've started northwind by gary paulsen (the last book by my absolute favorite childhood author), the keith haring journals during my keith haring hyperfix last april, and the three-body problem by liu cixin but i keep just getting stalled halfway through and not finishing any of them. my sister bought me red dragon recently though and i think i can slowly make my way through that!!

currently watching: literally just rewatching hannibal for the nth time. most recent show i started otherwise though was killing eve i rlly wanna finish that when i can <3

currently consuming: i listen to music by eating it. btw. been obsessed w the album an awesome wave by alt-j lately

currently craving: someone on discord posted a picture of some cookies they baked so now im craving cookies. otherwise as always i just crave free time to draw or write out a fic idea i have

too tired to tag anyone rn sorryyyy but mutuals or other followers if u wanna do this <3 hi

[alloftheimaginess]

Soulmates

Soulmate imagine where your soulmate can hear the music you’re listening to and if you sing along they can hear you.

Also Mj’s birthday is changed but my birthday is tomorrow so I wanted to have hers close.

Warnings: a few swear words but that’s it

"You're always humming that song" I say to Mj as we're sat at the skate park after school.

"It's my soulmate. They are literally always singing and listening to it" she says stopping her humming.

"Or the song is simply stuck in your head, soulmates are a bunch of bull" I say kicking my skateboard back and forth.

"They aren't, you just don't have your soulmate yet, you're only 16" she says and I laugh standing up and I get on my skateboard.

"This soulmate shit is complete bullshit" I say skating off and she jumps on hers following me.

"Your soulmate definitely listens to you listen and sing Broadway all day" she says and I take my headphones out and she laughs.

"Let me guess it's either Hamilton or Waitress" she says and I shake my head.

"Waitress. But shut up" I say skating away faster and when we get to the split I wave at her.

"See you tomorrow bitch" I say.

"Bye fucker" she says and I skate left headed home.

I drop my skateboard by the front door and I run upstairs getting started on my homework and I slide into my desk chair spinning around as I hook up my music and I put my headphones on my head and I unlock my computer getting started on my essay.

"New York City" I sing tapping my pencil against my desk as I do my math.

"The city's yours, it's worth fighting for, it's all yours" I sing scribbling my answers down because I can't be bothered to write it down neatly and I flip my page over.

"A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kids and never stops" I sing putting on just the theme song and I sing along the whole time it's stuck in my head.

"Are you okay?" Ned asks Peter as he sits there silently.

"Yeah, I'm good. She's just keeps singing the theme song to Reba over and over" he says laughing and Ned laughs.

"Is she watching it?" He asks.

"No, she’s definitely just listening to the theme song, she's singing it like back to back" he says.

"Who do you think it is?" Ned asks.

"Honestly just when I think I'm getting closer and closer she throws me for a loop and I can't narrow it down" he says sighing.

The next morning I skate to meet up with Mj and she smiles at me and I smile back and we skate to school in silence, it being way too early for us to talk and greet each other "I'll see you in fourth" she says when we get in the school and I nod heading to calculus.

"My roots are planted in the past though my life is changing fast" I sing as I switch my books out at my locker.

"What are you singing?" Mj asks and I jump shutting my locker and taking my headphone out.

"Nothing" I say quickly.

"That was Reba" she says and I laugh.

"I was watching it a while back and it's been stuck in my head for like two weeks. I sang it like 40 times yesterday while doing homework" I say and she laughs.

"Your poor soulmate" she says and I laugh.

"I don't have one" I say.

"So much Reba" I hear Peter tell Ned as they stroll past.

"Oh my god did you hear that?" Mj asks grabbing my arm and shaking me and I nod laughing.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean anything" I say and she nods.

"It does though. To lunch" she says dragging me off to the cafeteria.

"Hey Peter, hey Ned" Mj says sitting down.

"Hey Mj, Yn" Ned says and I smile at him as I sit down

"How are you?" I ask.

"I'm good. Thanks for asking" he says.

"How are you?" He adds.

"Besides being sick, I'm absolutely good" I say.

"Hey Peter what's going on in that head of yours?" Mj asks.

"Uh nothing" he says looking up.

"Mhm, what is it?" She asks.

"Sorry, I was listening to somebody to love" he says and my heart drops into my stomach and Mj looks down at my phone that’s on my lap and I take my headphone out.

"That's not playing though" I say.

"I know, it's my soulmate" he says shrugging.

"She has the wildest taste in music I've ever heard. She listens to literally everything, one second it'll be Dear Evan Hansen and then The Bee Gees and then Stevie Wonder and she loves just one song by The Beach Boys called Forever, she literally listens to that like 17 times a day on repeat so she gets it out the way and then she'll put on Etta James. Also most of the songs she listens to are glee covers. It’s a rollercoaster because she’s always listening to music" he says chuckling and I exchange a quick glance with Mj because that's literally me and she smirks.

"Tell them about the Reba thing" Ned says and Peter laughs.

"I'm sure they don't ca-"

"Go head tell us" Mj says cutting him off and he nods.

"It's just for the past like 11 days she's been randomly singing and listening to the theme song to Reba and last night she sang it the most. Around like 6:15 she sang it for like an hour and a half back to back" he says and Mj laughs.

"How cute" she says.

"I guess, she has a super nice voice and she gives me new music to listen to. I got into Hamilton because of her" he says.

"Really? What song is she always singing?" Mj asks

"Take a break" he says.

"She loves to perfect the notes at the end" he says and Mj looks at me.

"You never talk about your soulmate Yn" Peter says sensing how quiet I am.

"I'm only 16, I turn 17 tomorrow so I'll know then" I say smiling at him and he nods.

"What are you doing?" He asks and I shrug.

"Probably nothing, my mom and dad are still gone and probably don't realize that it's my birthday" I say.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mj asks.

"Because your birthday is on Saturday so you don't need to worry about me" I say drinking my juice.

"Yes I do, you're my best friend" she says.

"You can come with my parents and I on my birthday trip because it's too late for us to do anything for you so you can come and we'll handle the rest" she says pulling out her phone and getting up and I try to stop her but she's already on the phone and I sigh.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Peter asks.

"She has such a perfect family and my parents are always gone and I'm sure they don't even remember me. Whenever I go to her house I see this perfect family and I don't want to go to her with my shitty problems when she'd never understand anyway" I say.

"Can you be packed by four today?" She asks coming back before Peter can respond and I nod.

"Yeah of course" I say.

"Good, we'll skate to your house and then my parents are going to get us from there" she says.

"Thanks Mj but you didn’t have to" I say.

"I know but I want to, we've been friends since kindergarten and we've traveled before it's no problem, plus with you going my parents are trusting me with my own room so thanks for being responsible" she says wrapping her arms around me and I hug her back, kissing her head.

"No Hamilton though" she says.

"You invited me and all of my obsessions" I say.

"You like Hamilton?" Ned asks and Mj's eyes go wide and she mouth I’m sorry.

"Yeah, I'm obsessed" I say.

"What's your favorite song?" He asks.

"As a true fan you can't have just one. You have about 46" I say and I look at Mj and out the corner of my eye I see Ned and Peter exchange a look.

Midnight

"And I'm sure you would agree it couldn't fit more perfectly than to have a world party on the day you came to be. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you" I hear and I look over at Mj but she's knocked out on the other bed and I smile, flailing around silently as I freak out and I pull out my phone and I go to Peter's messages.

You

Thank you 💕

Peter

Of course. Happy birthday 🎉

I click my phone off, the biggest smile in the world on my face as I curl up and go to sleep happy.

"What's going on with you?" Mj asks.

"You're all smiles" she adds and I smile at her.

"I'm so excited and I just can't hide it" I sing doing a little dance and she laughs.

"What happened?" She asks still giggling.

"It's Peter" I say.

"What's pet- oh-oh-oh oh my god you heard him?" She asks and I nod squealing.

"How do you know it's Peter?" She asks.

"Last night at midnight I just randomly started hearing happy birthday and I thought it was you, but you were out and snoring and so I texted him a thank you and he responded with of course" I say dancing on the bed and she laughs.

"Come down idiot, we need to get ready" she says and I jump off the bed running into the bathroom.

[yuzhousky]

Hi bummie🤗

The post about vsm225 has really rubbed me the wrong way and I have a few things to say.

First, I have a message for the person who submitted the ask to you: if you are going to bash somebody like that behind the safety and comfort of your keyboard, the least you can do is NOT post it anonymously. Show us your name and your face. How do you expect to be taken seriously for tarnishing someone's name anonymously?

I myself have been her long time follower on instagram. Does that make me and another 1300 people stupid? Shallow? Retarded?

However, the fact that i have been her follower will not make me biased to what i have to say.

Now, on a serious note, I like what she posts on her instagram, also i like what meimei (the girl who is looking after her account at the moment and posting stuff for vsm while she is struggling with covid) has been posting for the past month as well. Well, im lying. I dont like it, i LOVE IT. I love the vibe of posts, i love how spicy and sassy they are, and that is one of the instagram profiles i have the most interaction with. Because we are all there to have a good time, NOT to state facts. Vine is a very respectful person, she never throws hate or shade towards anyone, she never forces anyone to believe in anything she posts, and she never pushes her content in the as-a-matter-of-fact manner. Yes, there are sometimes hardcore bad translations from weibo, but i never take that stuff too deep, im able to get the point of what was behind it. Also, if she posts anything misleading for whatever reason, the moment she realises that she will own up to it and apologise.

Everything else is not meant to be taken seriously, but as fun and good time. Only things regarding zz and jy work and what THEY allow US to see regarding their private life can be called FACTS, the rest is all product of our delulu, speculations, wishful thinking etc, and we choose what to do with it. Im a 39 year-old man, with a master degree and more than 2 brain cells in my head and a full on life going on, yet in my comments on instagram i will refer to zz as "queen", "wifey", "madam huang" all in the name of funny banters and light hearted content and not because i find it to be the FACT. The fact is that i have enormous respect for that boy, not that i find his sole existence to be the wifey queen of jy. The FACT is that we can all learn from him how to behave mature, be strong, stick to your guns and believe in what you do, do stuff you find to be good for you, not bowing down to anyone and losing your integrity will result in success, not whether he wore the same tshirt as jy. The fact is that zz has always remaind humble, well behaved and he never allowed the success to take the best of him, not whether or not him and jy spent 2 hot nights in sanya in february. I could go on forever with this.

Vine, and everyone else on the internet are NOT here to please the crowd but because they post the things that make THEM happy and make THEM feel good. Those are THEIR accounts. The rest is up to us - who do we find at the same wave length, whose vibe matches ours, whose posts we like, and so on. Therefore we choose who to follow, and we all should be respectful to any other work anyone else posts online. Because, behind each and every profile is someone who takes time of their busy lives and puts a lot of work to provide the content for us. I personally cant stand the profiles dedicated to johnny and reba ship, but i dont go around barking online that they suck. I simpy DONT GO THERE. I stay in my own lane, i follow the content i like and let others live. Im not going around saying, or as the person in the post casually said "POINTING OUT"- hey everyone, dont follow that person because it doesnt align with MY OWN taste level. What qualifies anyone to say that? What right does anyone have to say that? Does any of us live or spend time with the boys? Using the FACTS logic, i could come to bummies profile every so often and be like - listen girl, you have to stop leading people on with your "hints" and "coincidences" and stick to the facts only tyvm. Right? Instead, i choose to visit your blog every day, LIVING for the content you put here.

Of course, there is always the responsibilty towards what you post publicly for everyone to see, but as long as there is nothing harmful or malicious im not being nit picky about it.

There are so few profiles dedicated to yuzhou left. There is bummies blog and like another 10ish instagram profiles still actively posting about them as one. Why having any bad vibes about any of them? Why showing any negative energy to anyone? Throwing shade or hate? What is the point like? Aren't we all here because we are supporting the boys for ALL the work they have done in the last 5 years, watching their growth in life and careers and having some light, fun time while doing it? Why creating any bad blood? I mean, we are basically being gossips girls, sorry everyone, we are not saving the world here or curing pandemics to take things so seriously.

As usual bummie, im ending this by thanking you yet again so much for everything you do, keep up with the good work! 🤗🤗🤗

Thanks for sharing your opinion. However, I just wanna make some points clearer here:

Tbh I'm not biased towards anyone in this case so I'm just gonna say what I'm thinking now. The previous anonymous ask about vsm was somehow pretty harsh towards vsm and I really don't want anyone to throw shade on her at all because I know she's a lovely fan of YZ and she's just trying her best to share the latest info about the boys. I know not all of her posts are about the facts; many of them are just delulus and jokes among fans, which are normal, and of course it's her own account so she could literally share anything she wants. However, I myself prefer the clarity in news/info delivery more, I mean if the post is just a delulu or joke, it should be stated clearly in order not to cause misleading or misunderstood things, because many interfans do not have Weibo accounts to double check the info, not to mention those new fans who might get confused even more. I have to say that this isn't the first time someone asking me about the reliability of some vsm's posts on IG because of her "vague" words and translation, and then I had to find the original posts on Weibo again or double check the info with Chinese cpfs then told vsm to correct her words.

So my opinion is that we are all sharing info with a big love for our idols but we also need to care about the clarity and reliability of our content as well. Of course we do not need to please anyone on the internet but at least we're responsible for what we post and those who might read it.

[gibelwho]

Top 5: Nostalgia Movies

This Top 5 is taking a trip down childhood memory lane to choose the best Nostalgia Movies - films that I loved as a kid and continue to love to this day. The film must have been watched multiple times during my youth and continue to be associated with a memory or tradition that was an important marker of growing up. Therefore, any film produced past 2004, when I graduated high school, has not been considered - and, to even make the cut, the film must be associated with more than just constant re-watches in our downstairs rec room (arranged with a HUGE - well, big for the ‘90s - screen with actual surround sound that my dad installed); rather, these films must be an essential part of my childhood progression into adult-hood and laid the groundwork for a future of loving cinema.

Gibelwho Productions Presents Nostalgia Movies:

5. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

4. X-Men

3. The Little Mermaid

2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

1. Newsies

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986): As my high school career began to wrap up and I was looking ahead to college (where I had already committed to attending film school), my mother informed me of a proclamation - I was not allowed to leave her household without watching Ferris Bueller. Perhaps she knew that she needed to instill a little bit of rule-breaking encouragement into her straight A / type A child before I was to head out into the unruly world of college, but nonetheless, this film left a mark with it’s delightful adventures of Ferris, Cameron, and Sloane. Years later, I attended an LA rooftop screening where the audience all danced during the Twist and Shout parade, bringing me straight back to the joy of discovering this film with my mom. In the same tradition, I will be sure to make my kids watch this film before they leave our household for the wide world so they can learn to cause a little innocent rule-breaking. Save Ferris!

X-Men (2000): I had a secret obsession when I was a kid - I LOVED Marvel Comics. I had read all of my dad’s comic book collection from when he was a kid, I started my own collection, and had even started tracking the value of each issue. But I was a girl, and did not share this particular passion with my fellow elementary school friends (ahhh, the fear of being judged by your peers). So when I entered a movie theater as a freshman in high school (with my secret still intact) to see an X-Men film and the place was PACKED, I couldn’t contain my excitement that maybe, just maybe, more people would be into these characters and storylines. Then, when I went into my summer theatre program and my friends used X-Men characters as improv inspiration, I thought...this is going mainstream! I still didn’t confide my true colors until the MCU began and my college friends discovered that I knew a...lot more about Iron Man’s backstory than should be possible and I was officially outed. So, fully embracing my nerdom, I traveled to San Diego to the sacred ground that was Comic Con, truly cementing my love of Marvel. And now the rest of the world has caught up to why these characters are so special. That first inkling of a wider world loving what I loved started when I watched X-Men in theaters - seeing my heroes on the big screen, fighting their super villains, and the packed crowd around me was digging it!

The Little Mermaid (1989): One of my earliest memories of opening presents was from my 6th birthday, sitting in the living room and ripping open the wrapping paper to discover the VHS for The Little Mermaid - a film I had seen at school and LOVED - and now it was mine to watch at any time! Truly a special Disney moment, which is also matched with many other memories of Disney animated films (the momentous opening to Lion King and the cut to black that took my breath away in the theater, playing the Mulan soundtrack on cassette over and over singing Reflection, and identifying with Belle’s obsession with reading). I was very much the target audience for the Disney Renaissance, and I ate up all the music, the (slightly) stronger portrayal of women, and our VHS collection only grew to include all of these modern classics. The Little Mermaid kicked off a golden age for Disney Animation and little Katie grew up on the Alan Menken soundtrack.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989): Our family had three fancy VHS boxed sets for three different franchises and we watched these flicks on repeat - Star Trek movies (TOS with Kirk and Spock), the Star Wars trilogy, and the Indiana Jones films. Literally any one of the movies from these collections could make this slot, but since both of the Star franchises have already gotten love in these Top 5 lists, I’m going to pick representation from our resident archaeological professor / international adventurer. My favorite of the bunch is the third - from the thrilling opening of young Indy, to the dynamic between father and son, and the epic ending of selecting the correct Grail (“you have chosen...wisely”). Watching any one of these films is just comfort food for my soul, taking me back to the family settling in to watch in our downstairs rec room, setting the foundation for the nerdom that my parents instilled into me at a young age and that has continued to guide my interests and movie-watching to this day.

Newsies (1992): Growing up, my family had Friday movie nights, where we ordered from the Pizza Hut that was right next to a Blockbuster; my brother and I were allowed to each choose a movie to rent for the weekend. I went through a phase where I just rented Newsies on repeat. It was as though this film was made just for me - a musical, set in a historical time period, with cute boys singing and dancing, music by the magical Alan Menken - what is not to love?!? I was so obsessed with this movie that in the pre-Internet age, I wrote down the lyrics by meticulously listening, pausing, writing down, rewinding, and repeating - which was an onerous process when one was working with manual VHS tapes. I eventually got a copy of my own, the DVD when it came out, the CD of the soundtrack, and also the piano sheet music. I knew all the lines to the songs, and could probably to this day quote the majority of the movie. Years later, imagine my delight when Disney produced a Broadway musical of the movie - we took a special trip to New York on my birthday to see the show (which of course, doesn’t match up to my love for the film, the true effect of a nostalgic love for a piece of your childhood). Living in LA affords us the opportunity for magical movie-going experiences, and my husband and I scored tickets to a special showing of Newsies at the Disney El Capitan theater - and then the traveling Broadway company of Newsies the musical that was in town and performing just up the street at the Pantages theater made an appearance and performed for the audience after the movie wrapped. This film has held a special place in my heart and is the epitome of nostalgia love for a movie from childhood.

Honorable Mentions:

The Music Man (1962): The two music genres we listened to growing up were 90s country (Garth, Reba, Trisha, Wynonna!) and also musicals. Our family was very much into theater and starting at the age of twelve, I started acting in musicals at our local performing arts program for youths. Our family also watched many of the classic musicals that were filmed in the 1950s and 60s, such as Hello, Dolly, Oklahoma, and Music Man. This last film stands in as a proxy for all those classics, but was also selected in particular because I performed in a production during a summer in junior high, where I was in the background chorus (and featured in the Wells Fargo song!). The music and lyrics of this story, written by Meredith Wilson, are of such cleverness and variety - from the 4-part harmony barbershop quartet to the love song ballads, the pre-hip hop rhythmic talking song to the genius opening number of the salesmen on the train. The translation to film is serviceable and very much in the style of the musicals brought from stage to screen in the 1960s - nothing too clever and some blocking that sought to recreate a theater stage on the film set, but these series of musical films cemented my love for the genre in an accessible way just as I was starting myself to perform on stage.

Jurassic Park (1993): Oh, the raptor in the kitchen stalking the two kids stills brings me chills thinking about it. Watching that scene as a kid, I (more than once) fled the room because it was so scary! This film had it all - creepy dinosaurs, a smart teenage girl and an even smarter heroine that was a scientist, great music (whose theme I diligently learned how to play on the piano), and plenty of action! My family definitely had this on repeat in the VHS player, but I loved the movie so much that I ended up reading Michael Crichton’s novel to experience the source material - and became more aware of how a film is an adaption of a novel’s storytelling, translating from the page to the screen. I do fall in favor of reading the novel before seeing the movie, but if a film helps you discover an incredible book, it can be like diving into an extension of the world beyond what the screen can fit.

[homosociallyyours]

Thanks @idratherbereading and @ennisgarlaend for the tags!!

Rules: answer these questions then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better!

Nickname: Bean/Beenie/Beanie Baby/Beener (all variations of my last name), Meggles, Dottie, & Milton

Zodiac: Taurus sun, moon, and mercury, Gemini rising, Venus in Cancer, Mars in Virgo. I might have most of my natal chart memorized, wow. I’m that kinda person.

Height: 5'5" (ish)

Time: right now it’s 6am and I should be sleeping

Favourite band/artist: Indigo Girls, One Direction and its members’ solo projects, Bikini Kill

Song stuck in my head: The fuckin theme song to OITNB because netflix isn’t letting me skip it and it’s that kind of song.

Last movie I saw: In the theater it might’ve been Oceans 8. At home I watched Baywatch a couple days ago and was surprised by how entertained I was (my expectations were very low)

Last thing I googled: Robert Pattinson, because I was thinking about bearding/PR relationships and wondering who he was dating. 

Other blogs: former co-runner of darlingdomesticbatch (quality “hey girl” style benedict cumberbatch memes), attached to a couple of group blogs that i don’t do much for, my mostly dead cheese blog heycheeselady, and my 1d sideblog where i put stuff i really want to save and also stunt things that don’t belong here ohharrymylove. i have a livejournal (g*psyecks, listen i came up with it when i was 23 and uninformed because of a college nickname related to singing a cher song), a dreamwidth that shares its name with my tumblr, and a diaryland diary (OLD SCHOOL!!) that i don’t give out the name of but that i might want published posthumously (or possibly given to the LHA, i haven’t decided). I’ve had that last one for 16 years. 

Do I get asks?: On games, yes! Anon, sometimes? But it’s pretty sporadic.

Why did I choose this username?: I find that homosocial and homosexual relationships feed my soul personally and in fiction, and i decided i liked the idea of my name being a sign off on a letter. 

Following: 826 :P

Average amount of sleep: 6-10 hours depending on a lot of variables

Lucky number: 5

What I’m wearing: black and white bat leggings (ye olde lularoe) and a buffalo check print sleep shirt

Dream job: Cheese consultant (since doing the job i have and would love to do isn’t currently physically sustainable)

Dream trip: Hawaii with Bander

Favourite food: I’m legally and ethically bound to say cheese

Play any instruments: Ukulele--i’m ok but not great. And I sing, which should count! 

Eye colour: dark brown like a big pile of chocolate shavings

Hair colour: dark brown with some faded spots that used to be colorful, hopefully soon to be blue/green 

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: a wooden handled pocket knife, a worn-in red bandana, purple lipstick, a bouquet of pink ranunculus, toes in wet sand, mason jars full of milky hot tea, ripe peach in the sun

Languages you speak: English, rudimentary Spanish

Most iconic song: Reba McEntire singing “Fancy”

Random fact: I’ve been best friends with my best friend since we were 2 years old--it’s literally in her baby book

OK, that was fun! I’ll tag as many folks as I can think of, but please play if you wanna!

@bkehaunani @deosluxmea @yellinradios @queerclefairy @agentmoppet @phd-mama @livingrepetition @bibliomancer7 @guitarlouis @a-brighter-yellow @disgruntledkittenface @lululawrence @ann-fortunately @desertpups @velvetnoodle @doctornerdington @im-a-saint-fight-me @captiveharts @couch-mermaid @lexxxwasniahc

[nightcoremoon]

Metalheads are boring

Let me preface this.

I like System of a Down, Tool, Motorhead, Marilyn Manson, White Zombie, Rage Against the Machine, Black Label Society, Killswitch Engage, Mudvayne, Slipknot, Sepultura, In This Moment, All That Remains, Avenged Sevenfold, Lacuna Coil, Ill Niño, Godsmack, Disturbed, Stone Sour, Five Finger Death Punch, Bullet for my Valentine, Drowning Pool, Ozzy Osbourne, Babymetal, Motionless in White, Bring Me the Horizon, Beartooth, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, I Prevail, Memphis May Fire, Chunk! No Captain Chunk, Pop Evil, Linkin Park, Celldweller, Stabbing Westward, Static X, Rammstein, From Ashes to New, KoRn, Thousand Foot Krutch, Drist, The Deftones, Disturbed, Soulfly, Nonpoint, Taproot, Blind Guardian, Within Temptation, Apocalyptica, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Megadeth, Metallica, Pantera, Machine Head, Trivium, Atreyu, Amon Amarth, Opeth, Arch Enemy, Carnifex, and a handful of other bands.

When I was a child, I listened to the music of my parents and guardians. My dad liked The Beastie Boys, Rage Against the Machine, NWA, Megadeth, Black Label Society, Alice In Chains, Faith No More. My mom liked The Beastie Boys, Godsmack, Joan Osborne, Disturbed, Santana, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Avenged Sevenfold, Steve Miller Band. My stepdad liked Days of the New, Black Sabbath, Pantera, KoRn, Metallica. My stepmom liked Static X and what my dad liked. My uncle liked Eminem, Machine Head, Five Finger Death Punch. My grandma liked The Beatles, Boston, Ted Nugent, Bob Dylan. My grandpa liked Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd, Peter Gabriel, jazz bassists. Another set of grandparents liked Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, Garth Brooks, Reba McEntire, The Dixie Chicks.

Going into middle school I exclusively listened to mainstream rock radio. Metal, grunge, metal, 90s pop punk, and metal. Nirvana, Green Day, Bullet for my Valentine, The Offspring, Avenged Sevenfold, 3 Days Grace, Metallica, Slipknot, Breaking Benjamin... second tier emo bullshit and basic metal. I was just shy of BVB, MCR, FOB, and P!atD days, because I only bordered on alternative.

Going into high school I was only into metal. Melodic death metal and metalcore were my genre. I had no need for anything else because "pop is shit, country is dumb, rap is just about sex and money and weed, and there is literally nothing else in the world except for classical". I had an appreciation for classical, I was in band. I just loved music, and metal was simply the most musical genre I had access to.

And then I started to expand my horizons.

Long story short, I now listen to pop (Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Carly Rae Jensen, Avril Lavigne, Shakira, Gwen Stefani, Tegan & Sarah, P!nk, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, and of course fucking BEYONCÉ), hip hop, blues, jazz, funk, soul, r&b, bluegrass, rap, reggae, indie, folk, electro swing, a dozen different kinds of electronic music, various piano ballads and orchestral pieces. Basically the entire spectrum of listenable music aside from... vaporwave, idk what else there is. But a bunch of stuff that metalheads typically reject.

"Wow, you listen to pop? What are you, fucking gay? I only listen to REAL music like Slayer and Morbid Angel and Cannibal Corpse and Death and Lamb of God and *unreadable sludge that says something like 'toxic abortion' or 'sludge genocide' or 'poison heretic' or 'cthulu fucker' or 'factory of conformity' or 'paranoia phobia' or 'suicidal harvester' or 'darkness captor' or 'bitch farm' or 'murderbaby' or 'fetal annihilator' or 'anal cunt'* and Analcunt! Not shitty terrible pop music! I'm not a sheep! AND IM NOT GAY!"

I'm just like. You can like both. You dumb fucks.

If you can't appreciate Beyoncé in between hearing death metal songs, you're just wrong. No style of music is superior to any other kind. You're not better than everybody else because you think you're the only person in the world who knows who Goatwhore and Behemoth are.

I love metal.

But goddamn do I hate metal fans.

[insarations]

random questions just cause...hereeell we go

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? *chuckles* yup

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? yes

3. Have you taken someones virginity? ya

4. Is trust a big issue for you? no in fact I trust people way too much

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? don't really like anyone atm

6. What are you excited for? hmm idk really. I guess my week off of work in a few weeks

7. What happened tonight? not much, just chilling, rainy day

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? ehh..idk it's just not my thing. but I wouldn't call it "disgusting"..if that's fun for them then cool

9. Is confidence cute? for sure, just not tooo much..fine line there

10. What is the last beverage you had? water and an iced vanilla latte

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? hmm. not any really besides my dad

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yes a couple

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? I'm not sure yet. Probably go somewhere with a friend or see a movie

14. What are you going to spend money on next? probably either food or coffee

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? not significantly but I feel like I'm always changing in some way, even if it's gradual

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? not gonna put a name but one of my best friends

18. The last time you felt broken? that's hard to answer cause like i still do, i have for a while now but I mean it's not as bad as it was. about a year ago

19. Have you had sex today? sadly no lol

20. Are you starting to realize anything? a lot of things every second of every day. adulthood has a lot of fucking wake up calls

21. Are you in a good mood? not necessarily in a good mood but i'm not really in a bad mood either..it's just kinda like meh lol

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? hmm.... maybeee... depends

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? no. his is brown, mine are blue

24. What do you want right this second? not to have to go to work tomorrow XD and idk maybe a good ol makeout session and/or cuddles

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? uhhh well like if i were in a relationship with them then wtf, no no lol not good. but like if it was someone i'm not together with then...cool, do whatever the hell you want

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? pretty much

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? noo.. like i mean they don't gotta be some sorta jokester/comedian or nothing but just..don't be so serious. laughing is the best

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? probably one of my cats lol

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? always do

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? for the most part. but idk...I don't think I could give someone who cheated another chance. that's just crossing a line of trust that like..I could forive but I wouldn't be able to be with them again. I just don't understand anyone who cheats

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? that would be my dad so no XD

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? hmm hard to answer. but I suppose she does

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? nooo I love soda. with that said though, since the beginning of the year i've cut back on it alottttt for my health. but i still drink it maybe once a week. i used to drink it literally every day multiple times a day.

34. Listening to? currently juice WRLD

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? sometimes at work but not often

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? yup

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes and no. i hate that question, it's old lets move on lol

38. Who did you last call? i cant remember, probably one of my parents. i dont talk on the phone much

39. Who was the last person you danced with? I dont dance really except in the car with my friends..our own version of dancing XD

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? cause she was my girlfriend. girlfriends do that lol

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a few weeks ago i think

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? no..we don't hug often really lol we're just not that way but i do hug my mom every now and then

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? probably a million times

44. Do you tan in the nude? noooooooo. i burn so easy i'd probably turn into one giant tomato

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? never

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? nah :/ I miss that

47. Who was the last person to call you? a million car sales people cause i'm stupid and entered info on a website and now it's like the neverending fucking story of sales people calling me like heyyyy buy a jeep and its like yes mam id love to but i'm poor so how about not right now stop calling me thank you bye

48. Do you sing in the shower? heck ya. except not really lately cause i shower at the gym...they don't wanna hear that XD

49. Do you dance in the car? yasss

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? yes, I did archery at camp as a kid. fun times

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 10th grade highschool photo. or if it counts, my aunt took my graduation photos..she perty professional

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? there definitely can be cheesy ones but those are usually the ones i love XD

53. Is Christmas stressful? these days yes -_- never as a kid. I miss those days

54. Ever eat a pierogi? I don't think I have actually

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? not a huge fruit pie person but I guess...apple or lemon. I really don't eat fruit pie though. If  it's gonna be pie then I prefer something like chocolate or peanut butter

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? so many different things, that's why i never settled on anything XD

57. Do you believe in ghosts? I think so..in a certain way.. like not in the way they show on tv and movies. just idk, i do believe in spirits. There's some stories in my family they are kinda hard not to believe or explain

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? allllll the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? nah, probably should ?

60. Wear slippers? not anymore, I used to alot

61. Wear a bath robe? same as above. I get way too hot for that now lol

62. What do you wear to bed? usually just shorts or boxers and a tank top or tshirt. sometimes sweatpants dependning  

63. First concert? reba mcentire lol

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target. walmart for certain things. but target is just fun

65. Nike or Adidas? neither really but adidas if i have to pick

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? I like both, but peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? back in the day, crazier. then it was blank space or shake it off...but recently, delicate. many different taylor eras XD

69. Ever take dance lessons? when I was in elementary school and 6th grade yes

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? umm hmm honestly no. whatever makes them happy :)

71. Can you curl your tongue? nah, i dont got nothing special like that XD

72. Ever won a spelling bee? nahh

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yesss

74. What is your favorite book? several...looking for alaska by john greene, the pawn series by robin roseau, and look again by lisa scottoline

75. Do you study better with or without music? havent studied in so long O_o but probably with

76. Regularly burn incense? not regularly. I do from time to time but not as much anymore, my mom hates it lol

77. Ever been in love? yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert? so many... fleetwood mac or just stevie nicks, ben howard, maroon 5, pvris, ariana grande, lana del rey, the weeknd, pink, coldplay, imagine dragons lady gaga, andrew belle, adele, lorde, gwen stefani even though I already did lol...i could go on all day. bottom line, i need to see more concerts

79. What was the last concert you saw? Gwen Stefani a couple years ago

80. Hot tea or cold tea? cold

81. Tea or coffee? coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie? alllllll the cookies. lately m&m. but chocolate chip is always a winner

83. Can you swim well? yes

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? nahh

85. Are you patient? yes and no. depends on the setting and circumstance lol. I think I'm fairly patient compared to other people but sometimes at work..if the right people push my buttons then oohhh boyyy no

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? hmm.. neither honestly just put on the damn ipod playlist XD

87. Ever won a contest? a couple when I was little lol

88. Ever have plastic surgery? noo. no thank you

89. Which are better black or green olives? greeeeeen

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? go for it. I used to think alot differently when I was younger cause I'm a christian, grew up with traditional values. but *sighs*... things change lol sex is great, go for it but be safe people XD

91. Best room for a fireplace? ANY ROOM. omggg. they should have fireplaces in the bathroom. what a great idea you can just warm yourself while you sitting there haha genius

92. Do you want to get married? If I meet the right person but if I don't ever get married that's fine too lol it's not a priority for me really but if I do meet the right person then for sure

[memekingjrsupreme]

Nobody tagged me but I wanted to this with @otterlycrete so here’s mine :)

Song that always makes you happy: “Dreaming of You” by Selena

Song you listen to when you’re sad: “Happy” by Marina and the Diamonds

Top 5 songs of an artist of your choosing: “Towers”, “These Four Walls”, “Weird People”, “Your Love” and “F.U.” are some of my favorite Little Mix songs.

3 most played songs on iTunes or Last.fm etc.: “Born to Die” by Lana Del Rey, “Praying” by Kesha and “Love” by Lana Del Rey (other than praying my top played up until like 50th most played is Lana). I’ve listened to Born to Die in my music app 143 times recently I guess.

Favourite song right now: I really like “Real Friends” by Camila Cabello atm, I get really into an entire album at once but this is probably my favorite of hers.

Favourite album of all time: Born to Die - The Paradise Edition (kind of two albums but w/e) by Lana Del Rey, Glory Days by Little Mix, Prism by Katy Perry, Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds and Melodrama by Lorde (these are my top 5 rn but it changes so much).

Favourite song of all time: I love “Ride” by Lana Del Gay a ton, I also really like “Seventeen” by Marina and the Diamonds. (I’m trying to offer up some variety in songs, cause like they’re all great)

Favourite artist of all time: Lana Del Rey

A memory associated to an artist of your choosing: The first concert I ever went to was Katy Perry a few months ago. It was honestly so fucking good, one of the best nights of my life. It was so well produced, fun, and she sang really well.

Song that you feel you must always dance to: “Yes I Am” by MAMAMOO has been on replay a lot for the last week or so, anything by Little Mix honestly.

First record you bought: I don’t remember the first one, the Honeymoon vinyls (both editions by Lana Del Rey) are my favorite though, I was so happy to get them.

A song that reminds you of someone you love: Maybe “Cry” by Carly Rae Jepsen

A song from your childhood: I used to really love “Because of You” with Reba and Kelly Clarkson (that song lowkey still bops)

A song that reflects your personality: “In My Feelings” by Lana cause like let’s be real...

Most hated song of all time: Anything by Bruno Mars or Snakelor Swift.

Most overrated song: Anything by the two above or like Despacito or something like that.

Most underrated song: I’m gonna pick an album; Joanne by Lady Gaga gets a lot of shit for all of its songs but they all bop so idk.

Most overrated artist: I hate Taylor Swift so figure that one out

Most underrated artist: Carly Rae Jepsen is really underrated if I’m honest.

Favourite vocal performance: Anything Little Mix has ever done live. They really are some of the best performers/vocalists.

Favourite guitar solo: Eh, idk. I usually just focus on lyrics.

A song no one would expect you to love: I like rap? 90s music is also something I really like so maybe some 90s stuff.

A song you get stick for liking: Is this like songs people make fun of me for liking? I unironically like Friday by Rebecca Black, she did THAT.

A song you’d like at your funeral: “Fucked My Way Up to the Top” by Lana Del Rey and “Sex Yeah” by Marina and the Diamonds :) (On a real note, “Spaceship” by Kesha)

A song you’d like for your first dance: “Is This Happiness” by Lana Del Rey

Karaoke song: I learn lyrics really fast so probably anything in my music collection, maybe “Hair” by Little Mix cause its fun.

Favourite summertime song: “Supercut” by Lorde

Favourite Christmas song: “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande

An artist you used to love but don’t really listen to now: Probably Halsey just cause she’s a LOT to deal with/follow.

A cover that is better than the original: I really like Ariana Grande’s cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.

A song you have to crank the volume up for: “Cherry” by Lana cause it gets me in this give no fucks mood.

What song was top of the charts when you were born: “Smooth” by Santana (literally no idea what that is)

C.D. that’s always in the car: Who listens to CDs tbh

The album you bought: I have all of Katy Perry’s albums, Honeymoon (3 different versions) by Lana Del Rey. I don’t really buy physical copies.

Dream band line up: Lana and Marina doing a duo tour

Favourite musician/band from your country: Lana...

Which genre of music features most heavily in your collection: I have a lot of Pop, R&B, and then a lot of alternative music.

Which genre(s) do you try to avoid: Country just cause its all around me where I live and I hate most country music because its by redneck men. (Women in country are lit tho, I just don’t listen much)

A song that reminds you of someone you love: Wasn’t that a question above

A song that is always stuck in your head: MAMAMOO has some really catchy songs even if I don’t know what they’re saying all the time :)

[italkstuff]

BEDS Day 22: 1 AM

This is probably about as close to a “bare minimum” blog as I’m going to get. It’s one in the morning, and my work shift starts in an hour. That’s right, my work shift starts at 2 AM today. The good news about that is that I get to go home at 10 AM, which is really about the time our store really gets hopping. The bad news is . . . well, this. The funny thing is that there was a time when I would always write my blogs at 1 AM . . . but that was a different 1 AM. That was a “I’m nineteen and in college and can stay up late and still wake up for an 8:30 class in a few hours and be fine” 1 AM, as opposed to, “This is about as stupid early as stupid early gets” 1 AM. Anytime I have to get up this early, I always think about how my life is weirdly coinciding with the lives of other people who are also up at this hour, but to them, this is late yesterday rather than early today. Like, I’m heading to work at the same time the bars are closing, the workers there telling the patrons to go home and get some sleep. It’s kind of surreal.

So, I’m calling this my bare minimum blog because I really don’t have anything to talk about. This is basically going to be a text dump of whatever incoherent thoughts are going through my still-coffee-deprived brain.

This schedule is confusing the fuck out of my dog.

That’s the first thought. Fun, huh?

So I started reading this book yesterday that I happened to find browsing the religion section of the library . . . ‘cause, y’know, I do that. It’s called “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome,” by Reba Riley, who decided when she turned twenty-nine that she was going to visit thirty “religions”--religions here meaning various places of worship, including a number of Christian denominations--before she turned thirty, in an effort to fill the spiritual void left behind after she left the church . . . not unlike the spiritual journey I’m taking currently, though mine isn’t quite as extreme. It’s a truly engaging read. This isn’t the first of these “Try out a whole bunch of different styles of worship” types of books that I’ve read, but alongside A.J. Jacobs’ “Year of Living Biblically,” this is one of the best. It’s extremely relatable--to me anyway, and I think to anyone who’s drifted away from their religion, or felt as though their religion has drifted away from them. “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome” is probably the most apt description I’ve heard for what I’ve been feeling. It’s also written in a highly irreverent style, which I always appreciate. I actually powered through the first half in just one day, so there’s a decent chance I’ll finish the book before the end of BEDS and will be able to review it on here.

I’ve also been listening to “The Power of Myth,” which is a series of six programs from the late eighties featuring interviews of Joseph Campbell--the guy who came up with the monomyth and the Hero’s Journey and all that--by Bill Moyers, who is one of those great interviewers who knows exactly the question to ask to get the very best answer out of someone. It’s been fascinating to listen to all this stuff about mythology and spirituality and our relationship with stories directly from the mouth of someone who spent a lifetime studying it, and it echoes a lot of my own feelings on the matter. I’m fascinated by stories as well, as you all surely know, and I think stories are at the very heart of our civilization. One of the things I do still appreciate about religion are the stories. I still like Bible stories, I love the story of Jesus, the story of Moses, hell, even the story of Adam and Eve, even if I don’t believe any of these stories to be literally true. Actually, the funny thing about the story of Jesus is that it’s not even one story, even though we always treat it like one. It’s four stories, with four separate writers and four separate agendas, but we always schmusze it all together as though there’s only one way of looking at the story of Jesus. There’s not, and there never has been, and there was never intended to be, or the people who put the Bible together would have only included one story of Jesus, not four. But stories have power, and seeing things from different perspectives has its own power, as long as we don’t try to believe that everything that happens in the stories literally happened. If that was the case, Rashamon would make no sense at all!

Okay, I just wrote about Jesus and Rashamon in the same paragraph, I think that’s my cue to stop writing and go to work. I don’t know if this made any sense, but . . . well, there it is. I’m not even going to schedule this, it’s just going to go up now as I finish writing it. Hope you all are getting some sleep. See you tomorrow.

[beyondstr8]

1-150🤧

@tellmeonasunday​ I should have kept my mouth shut.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My most recent ex.2. Are you outgoing or shy? Half and half, depending on my mood and how comfortable i am with you.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My best friend when she comes home again4. Are you easy to get along with? 99% of the time yes5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I mean I’d hope so6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Those who are goal oriented, want to achieve things in life, can joke around a lot and i’m working on surrounding myself with positive people.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I have no idea.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? I don’t like guys but Jason Momoa can get it no matter how gay i might be9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? If it’s someone I just met or came out to and they say “so how does lesbian sex work? is it even sex? nothing gets inserted right?” I’m a lil uncomfortable.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Amy or Savannah11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I haven’t kissed anyone in a year and i’m dying” lmfaooooo12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Oh man... I’m on an Amine, Kane Brown, Khalid, and Metallica kick currently so basically anything by them.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Jesus fuck yes 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I think so15. What good thing happened this summer? Finally got in touch with myself16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Fuck no she owes me money lmao17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes, there’s no way that all of the life in the universe happens to be where we stand.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No, I don’t talk to my kindergarten teacher’s daughter.19. Do you like bubble baths? I don’t want to marinate in my own filth20. Do you like your neighbors? Considering my neighbor is my grandma, i think shes okay.21. What are you bad habits? Biting my fingernails when i have anxiety22. Where would you like to travel? Literally anywhere I haven’t been23. Do you have trust issues? Only if I get a bad vibe from someone24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Hyping myself up for work in the morning with music25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My tummy.26. What do you do when you wake up? Snooze my alarm and go tf back to sleep27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I’m content with it28. Who are you most comfortable around? Savannah, my best friend29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No30. Do you ever want to get married? Absolutely31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It has been every day so far32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Ruby Rose and Carrie Underwood33. Spell your name with your chin. No thank you34. Do you play sports? What sports? I played softball for 14 years.35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I don’t watch tv anyways36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes37. What do you say during awkward silences? Whatever is on my mind38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Shorter than me, a little feminine but not high maintenance like always having their hair/nails done, smart, funny af, gotta be a good friend, and they gotta like me back39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Target, Tjmaxx, bealls, and Bass pro40. What do you want to do after high school? I went to college for a year on a softball scholarship, then became an emt and now i’m working at target41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I either don’t like you at all or i’m secretly in love with you43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? The ocean is my shit45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The paycheck46. What are you paranoid about? Nothing that i can think of47. Have you ever been high? No48. Have you ever been drunk? i wouldn’t say drunk, but i was feeling it49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? my mom would kill me if she found out i drink50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red51. Ever wished you were someone else? not really52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? How quickly i let my guard down53. Favourite makeup brand? i don’t wear makeup54. Favourite store? Target55. Favourite blog? mine lmao56. Favourite colour? blue, always will be57. Favourite food? anything that’s bad for me, particularly chocolate and pasta and breads58. Last thing you ate? chocolate lmfao59. First thing you ate this morning? Strawberry frosted pop tarts60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes for a lot of things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I’ve never even had a detention lol62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? thought i was64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Lmfaooooo it was my best friend65. Are you hungry right now? I’m always hungry66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I don’t have any tumblr friends67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? No70. Names of your bestfriends? Savannah, Katie, and Amy71. Craving something? What? Love and affection and chocolate72. What colour are your towels? blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? maybe like.. 475. Favourite animal? Doggos76. What colour is your underwear? Grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate fudge brownie79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white80. What colour pants? I’m not wearing pants lol81. Favourite tv show? That 70′s show, reba, friends82. Favourite movie? Forrest Gump, Moana83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? the gay guy, i forgot his name86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the little shrimp guy87. First person you talked to today? Jas88. Last person you talked to today? Jas lmao89. Name a person you hate? Trump and his whole cabinet90. Name a person you love? my momma91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Trump and his whole cabinet92. In a fight with someone? Trump and his whole cabinet93. How many sweatpants do you have? 4 pairs94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? i have like 5 but i only wear 195. Last movie you watched? Moana or the water boy96. Favourite actress? Sandra Bullock currently97. Favourite actor? tom hanks or adam sandler98. Do you tan a lot? No i go straight from white to red99. Have any pets? No100. How are you feeling? content but tired101. Do you type fast? on my phone yes102. Do you regret anything from your past? I just wish i said something sooner103. Can you spell well? yes104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes106. Ever broken someone’s heart? im not sure107. Have you ever been on a horse? when i was like 4 at a fair108. What should you be doing? probably sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now? how many fucking questions there are110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? oh yes111. Do you have trust issues? kind of112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? i rarely cry in front of people but probably my mom113. What was your childhood nickname? Steph, always has been114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? no116. Are you listening to music right now? always117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? when im sick118. Do you like Chinese food? noooooo119. Favourite book? the Crank series by ellen hopkins120. Are you afraid of the dark? only if i hear something121. Are you mean? no, i try to be as nice as possible but if you fuck w my friends its going down122. Is cheating ever okay? fuck no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? also fuck no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? i believe in the click125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure126. Are you currently bored? no i have plenty of questions to answer127. What makes you happy? getting good amounts of sleep, meeting deadlines at work, and my best friend128. Would you change your name? no129. What your zodiac sign? cancer130. Do you like subway? yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? sorry pal132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? savannah or amy133. Favourite lyrics right now? so many, idk134. Can you count to one million? if i had the time and patience135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i hid my dad’s wallet from him when i was like 4 and i said i didnt know where it was136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed af137. How tall are you? 5′8138. Curly or Straight hair? mine is the straightest part about me139. Brunette or Blonde? blonde as hell140. Summer or Winter? summer141. Night or Day? daytime but im also a night owl ???142. Favourite month? june bc of my birthday and its halfway through the year143. Are you a vegetarian? no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? all, but dark145. Tea or Coffee? medium mocha iced coffee with cream and sugar from dunkin146. Was today a good day? it’s payday, its friday, and i don’t work for 4 days. 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? i can’t think of anything rn but probably something cheesy149. Do you believe in ghosts? idk about “ghosts” but i believe in spirits150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Of course, i know he has to work until 5:30″ (via catscuddlingandyou)

[momentofclearity-blog1]

Preface

Let Me Be CLEAR....... The first time I talked to her she told me she thought I set her up. Wouldn't stop shaking my hand & asked if she could touch my hair. She offered to give me her black card when she asked & said that Solange would be disappointed in her. I smiled to keep from blushing cause & then she told me she liked my smile which made it worse. I started falling in love with her. Unintentionally. Which felt like it was the way things were supposed to go. But there was one problem: It was way too soon. So even though I loved her, I never said it. I blame that on my past. I never told her about the paranoia of having her walk out on me the way exes, the way my god mom, the way Reba did. So I never said it. I wanted to, but could literally see her drift away from me the very moment I said it. It didn't help that she would tell me about dreams she had about me. Being in bed with me. Being pregnant with our kids. That shit made it worse. But every time that dangerous word fixed itself upon my lips, I just covered my mouth & laughed to try to not make her think I was hiding anything; the very thing I was doing. And then one day, she said it. And I felt liberated for only a second. The very next second, she hit me 🤣. Not in a way to cause pain, but in an effort to show that she was in awe and had been doing the EXACT same thing that I had been doing. I laughed, talked about it in dramatic fashion which I'm great at, & immediately realized that this was something unlike anything else. My sister, my Best Friend, both strong women. Both huge influences on me. Both gay. So in essence, they are my outlets. Usually for the bad however. Neither one had ever seen me IN LOVE. Both mentioned it before I even had the audacity to say it myself. Both marveled at the opportunity to meet the person that had changed the woman they had known and loved for years. Both told me to hold on to this one because my words, my actions, my thoughts about her showed them that she was going to be the one that would be here for the long run. And I listened to that. Thought about what kids would be like WITH her. She has hers. I have mine. But collectively, what would OURS be like. And she immediately agreed to carry them. Immediately agreed to give in completely to me and over me the opportunity to have a som and daughter of my own. I loved Devaughn. She loved Christian but she hated Aubrey. So the thought of Devaughn & Samara became more and more prevalent. I didn't want another daughter, but thats what she saw so I went with it. I never told her that women frighten me. That the idea of somebody hurting a woman in my life was so terrifying to me that I would risk my life and my sanity in a heartbeat to save hers. I have daughters, she has daughters, & I would have her. 6 women including Samara that would make me show up to every gun show in the city to update my artillery, making sure that there was never an opportunity that someone could hurt them. Whether it be mentally or physically or emotionally, I immediately jumped into this role of protection and would stay in that role for the rest of my life and would risk whatever had to come as a result of me neutralizing any situation that came to them rather than them have to deal with any heartache or turmoil similar to anything I have had to in the past. Honorable Right? WRONG! She didn't want that. She hid things from me and told me that she would continue to because she didn't want to tell me anything that would cause me to be taken away from her. Amazing, yet disturbing. I'd play the criminal justice trained "what if" game for hours at a time thinking of what would happen if I found out something did happen and what my initial response would have to be to make sure that she didn't think I was about to go into the city & kill whoever did it. And something happened. And I was gone. 1,622 miles away to be exact. And I lost it. But I couldn't tell her. So I told the people close to me. The ones who I had done things for in the past that looked at me as family, owed me something, or promised that they would take care of any situation, just name it. So I had a city of goons looking for a person I only knew by name. Nothing else. No location. No clue what they looked like. What they drove. NOTHING! Just "I need yall to find _________." They knew what that meant. No RIP but there wouldn't be a repeat either. I've always been a protector but something was different with her. Something made me be more open with her than I may have been with others or may have understood to be because she seemed to have been ready to give herself to me. Not only in a sexual manner but in a she was ready to meet my family, asked me to tell my daddy about her, told me what type of wedding she would want and what my responsibilities would be to make sure that her second and my first wedding would be our last. Once again, Im in love with this girl. My best friend was my reassurance. And she was happy. She's never happy with my situations because they NEVER end well. But she was happy. And couldn't wait to meet her. And she was thrilled when I told her that she would eventually be my Maid of Honor. "I'd be your Maid of Honor?!?! Wow! Sandy, you're in love with her for real!!" Im 20 years, we never had a conversation like that. But this beautiful woman that I had gained in my life changed something for me. But then I lost her. I let my issues in my past and some issues I never had an opportunity to address get in the way one too many times. Each time, I somehow had an opportunity to get her to let me back in. I have this habit of asking questions. Sometimes its because of things I see. Sometimes I get nervous and paranoid & assume the worst in situations because thats what I know. And now I'm the sickest i've been since I came back from Denver. And as bad as I want to be back at day 1 with her, I dont think I have a chance to get her to let me back in. She doesn't trust me. Honestly, I don't think she ever did. Prior to January 2nd, I never gave her a reason not to trust me. But maybe in the back of her head, she thought she couldn't or shouldn't. Thought that everything I had told her may have actually been game rather than true feelings. But I had hoped the silly shit she saw in her past two relationships she wouldn't assume would show up in me, just like I tried to not think of the silly shit from my past two & assume that she would so those things as well. So when she put me on a "90 day hold" I truthfully never cared. I would have waited longer, cause I fell in love with her well before I even left Harrisburg to go to BWI to fly to DIA. She told me to runaway a long time ago. And I told her I wouldn't. All the while, I think I might have made her do exactly that.... But I somehow got her to let me back in. Got her to tell me she loved me again. Showed her that the mistakes I made were due to me needing help versus me needing to lose her. And rather than talk about it, I made the attempts. But what Black people often fail to realize, is that mental illness is real. It cant be prayed away or rebuked. Anxiety & Depression is real. I felt it as a child. From 9 to probably about 13, and then ever so often between then and almost 30. But those two together are a dangerous combination. The paranoia felt from those two causes me to get confused and ask questions. Often repeats. Often unnecessary. But I ask questions nonetheless. Rather than shut down & not talk about it or ad-lib and put myself in an even worse situation; i ask questions. The questions to me were harmless. She told me to speak up when I had issues and I did... in the form of a repetitive question. I thought I was doing the right thing. She thought I was starting some shit. We were both wrong. But in my fear and paranoia and confusion, I lost her again 😔 For what its worth, I never meant to hurt her. Did I mention I met her in 2014? I said then that eventually I would get her. That once I had a chance to really talk to her, i'd get her attention. Once I got her attention, I just wanted to keep it by any means necessary. And in repetitious fashion, I fell in love with her & started working to figure out how to spend the rest of my life with her. But I lost her, so now I'm trying to figure out how to live without her. She agreed to watch my favorite show, How To Get Away With Murder. She saw my favorite couple, Wes & Laurel. He more I watched, the more I realized how much we had in common with them. The good & the bad. But the good outweighed the bad so it didn't matter. All I knew was I wanted to be Wes & wanted her to be Laurel... but we see how that turned out 😔😔😔😔

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

Guy Clark - Desperados Waiting For A Train Today would have been my dad’s birthday if he hadn’t died when I was 20. There’s a song by Reba called The Greatest Man I Never Knew, which sums up our lives much better, but I can’t listen to that one without ugly crying. So t his is the runner up in the category “Songs About Me and My Dad”

Happy Birthday, Dad.  You are still with me in everything I do. You gave mea lot of baggage but you didn’t know any other way to be.   You came from an era where men were like Glenn Ford, Humphrey Bogart, Lee Marvin. when the idea of fatherly emotional love and emotional support was making sure you had a roof over your head, a coat in the winter and three meals a day.

You would flip if you knew your work ethic led me to be a s Socialist.  Your work ethic also landed me in the hospital twice near death because I cannot slow down, take a break or stop working.  You drilled into my head early three things: If you don’t work, you don’t eat If you have something, share it (If one eats, we all eat or we don’t eat at all eat) Don’t do drugs 

You literally provided me with everything I needed to survive in the world without you and that is all any father can do. Love you, Dad!

[phishbase]

1991 Recommended

A Note on 1991: I think it’s fair to say 1996 is collectively thought of as the the ur-transition year for Phish, where they pivoted from the quirky New England cult band that stumbled into an arena size following, into the streamlined cosmic rock unit that sold out said hockey rinks and sheds from coast to coast until that epoch came to an end when it all unraveled a few years later. Until I listened to 1991 I understood this to be true.

Now though, I’d argue that 1991 was the O.G. transition year. One that unfolds in three distinct tours that, when it’s all said and done, nudged the band’s course away from the controlled and composed style that dominates ‘89 through the summer of ‘91, towards the more wide open set lists and chaotic improvisations that won’t fully bloom until the late summer of ‘93. 

With that in mind, the Fall 1991 tour deserves mention because this is when they re-opened the door that they closed in ‘88 after some fairly amateurish attempts at open improv in their early history. Re-visit performances like the wide open transition from TMWSIY>David Bowie on 10/24/91, the form breaking Weekapaug from 11/8/91, the On Broadway jam in Weekapaug at the Sommerville Theatre on 11/21/91 and the expansive YEM from 11/24/91 at Dartmouth, where they crack open the composed intro, a crevice that will eventually be filled by what we’ve come to know as the nirvana section. 

Fall ‘91 isn’t a classic tour by any stretch. There are few top-to-bottom gigs for your consideration, and similar to the aforementioned other great transition year, the highs they do reach are soon to be topped by what is just around the corner. By the time April of 1992 rolls around the band will be hitting peaks that put the previous fall in the rear view. 

Recommended Shows:

3/17/91 Wheeler Opera House, Aspen, CO

One of the chattiest gigs in Phish history, with warm callbacks to the Colorado ‘88 tour and good natured ribbing re: Fish getting lost either tripping or hiking in Telluride. Musically the show climbs the heights as well, with ripping long sustain from Trey in Foam, wondrous nirvana jamming in the rare at this point Slave To The Traffic Light and a raunchy, mid-2nd set Tweezer. 

4/19/91 Nietzsche’s, Buffalo, NY

The band’s only visit to the venue named for the German philosopher. The second set is the pick here, and may be the best one of the whole spring. Check the fierce bliss release of the Harry Hood opener, follow it straight through the platonic ideal of that classic ‘91 combo of Landlady>Destiny and stay for the quiet/loud A-Train, Antelope set closer. Bonus comes in the form of the 1st onstage mention of the classic band “Guyser” inside joke. 

4/21/91 SUNY Potsdam, Potsdam, NY

Phish celebrates earth day on the New York/Canada border. A front loaded show, with the fireworks coming in the 1st set in the form of an elliptical outro in Divided Sky, active and abnormal Trey moves in Foam, and a scenic Ac/Dc Bag. 2nd frame has it moments too: upwelling arepeggios in the normally arpeggio-less Possum to open the set, an earth day centered Forbins narration and saucy bass bombs in the Harry Hood intro.

5/17/91 Campus Club, Providence, RI

A hot, hot show, literally and figuratively. The a.c. goes out for the night during the Chalk Dust opener, after the venue blows a fuse and can only recover enough power to feed the band. On the figurative front: this is the best beginning to end show of the spring. Whole 1st set builds towards a late Mike’s Groove. Trey develops a patient and repetitive motif and then hammers it home for a thundering and intense crowd-fed peak. Other half of the show is just as locked in, with a Mississippi Queen easter egg in Bike, a happy birthday tribute to Page, and a peak in Harry Hood that would be the crest of any other show of the Spring if it weren’t for that Weekapaug.

7/23/91 The Bayou, Washington D.C.

It’s tough to single out a given show from “The Horn Tour.” They are all remarkably consistent from night to night, if a tad repetitive when listened to in one whole block. For me, this night at The Bayou, an underrated Phish venue if there ever was one, hits the sweet spot of the seven piece unit tightening up after the initial run of show combined with harnessing the energy of the indoor venue where the crowd always seemed to bring it at every show the band played there.

8/3/91 Amy’s Farm, Auburn, ME

You know a show is a stone cold classic in band lore when it only has to be mentioned from fan to fan as simply “Amy’s Farm” and you know exactly what it is. The precursor to the modern Phish Festival that will arrive 5 years later, the band threw this free three set party as a thank you to their fans for their 8th anniversary. “Go wild because no one is going to stop you here”~Trey. Do i need to say more?

10/24/91 Hotel St. Michael, Prescott, AZ

In terms of Phish geography at this point in their career, this is the middle of nowhere-a supposedly haunted venue in the southwest college town. Easily one of the shows of the fall, musical highlights abound: an effortless Divided Sky cracks open the 1st set. Open improv from TMWSIY of all places, as it makes an interstitial transition into David Bowie. There is no slowdown after set break either. First, a tense Mike’s Groove to open and later, two large bust outs for the era: the first Tube since 11/90 and the final Slave To The Traffic Light until the infamous Cincinnati Zoo show in August ‘93. 

Hon. Mention: 10/13/91, 10/31/91, 11/30/91, 12/31/91

Recommended Tracks: 

2/3/91 David Bowie, Bouncing Around The Room 

2/8/91 Run Like An Antelope

2/14/91 Reba

2/22/91 Run Like An Antelope

3/8/91 Tweezer>Dave’s Energy Guide>Tweezer 

3/22/91 Run Like An Antelope

3/23/91 Chalk Dust Torture

4/4/91 David Bowie

4/12/91 Good Times Bad Times

4/15/91 Mike’s Groove

4/16/91 Paul and Silas

4/19/91 Harry Hood, Landlady>Destiny

4/21/91 Divided Sky, Foam, Ac/Dc Bag

4/26/91 Harry Hood

4/27/91 Reba

5/3/91 You Enjoy Myself

5/12/91 Destiny Unbound

5/17/91 Weekapaug Groove, Harry Hood

7/13/91 You Enjoy Myself

7/15/91 Dinner And A Movie

9/26/91 Divided Sky

9/27/91 Buried Alive

9/29/91 You Enjoy Myself, Reba

10/4/91 Chalk Dust Torture, Reba, David Bowie

10/10/91 Runaway Jim, Brother

10/12/91 Esther

10/13/91 Weekapaug Groove, David Bowie

10/17/91 You Enjoy Myself

10/18/91 Wilson>Llama, Run Like An Antelope, Split Open and Melt

10/19/91 My Sweet One

10/24/91 Divided Sky, TMWSIY>David Bowie

10/31/91 Brother, Foam, You Enjoy Myself, Runaway Jim

11/8/91 Weekapaug Groove

11/9/91 Terrapin

11/13/91 Possum

11/14/91 Llama, Tube, Roll Like A Cantaloupe

11/21/91 Weekapaug Groove

11/22/91 Stash

11/24/91 Fluffhead, You Enjoy Myself

11/30/91 You Enjoy Myself

12/5/91 Tube

12/31/91 Stash, Llama

[bornconfused444]

Do you have any bad relationship experiences from your past?

Yes.

 Will you ever be with the person you truly want to be with?

I am but I don’t know how much longer because we got into a really had fight today and haven’t bothered to talk since.

 Do you have any relationship with the state of California?

Nope.

 What’s something about other people that drives you crazy?

When they walk slow, when they’re feminazis, when people get butthurt over literally every small thing, slow walkers, slow texters, stupid people, if I’m honest all the Syrians that are now in my city taking over everything.

 What are you doing?

This and watching hockey.

 What are you wearing?

Clothes.

 Baseball is the best sport hands down…right?

Nope that would be soccer, friend.

 Do you like chocolate?

Yes.

 Like the movie Elf?

Nah.

 Ok let’s talk travel, do you like to travel?

I have but I don’t have the money to do so now.

 Where have you been?

England and Ireland.

 Next place you want to go?

Germany.

 If you’re quiet what does it mean?

I’m tired or upset or just having a really bad day.

 Something that makes you smile?

Music, cute animals.

 Do you have trust issues?

Yes.

 Do you mind watching chick flicks?

I’m not a big fan of them. If it isn’t a horror movie I usually don’t have the patience to sit there and watch it.

 When’s your birthday?

TOMORROW!!

 If you need a hug at 3 in the morning, who do you ask?

No one because no one’s around me at 3am.

 Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced?

Sometimes. It really depennds on the person.

 Do you enjoy rain?

Sometimes like if it matches my mood.

 Are you one of those people who are always tripping over things?

Not always but sometimes.

 Would you ever consider taking evening classes in anything?

Nope. I hated evening classes because I felt like it was way too late and I could be sleeping lmao.

 Do you have any traits that you obviously inherited from your parents?

Yes.

 Do you like Sushi?

Nope.

 Have any of your friends gotten engaged recently?

Nope.

 Would you ever drop everything and go traveling for several months?

Yes. I wish I could do that I would if I had the money.

 What’s your favorite thing from Olive Garden?

Never been there.

 Is there a specific reason you’re not dating the last person you messaged?

I am but I don’t know how much longer that’s gonna happen.

 Do you tend to get paranoid a lot?

Not a lot but sometimes.

 How many bedrooms are there in your house?

2.

 Have you ever built a sandcastle?

Yea when I was little.

 Do you use an instant messenger? If so, what is it?

Facebook.

 Do you watch reba?

Nope my parents used to watch ti though.

 How many more days til your school is out?

I’m not in school.

 Do you listen to the hush sound?

i don’t know who that is, so no.

 Do you drink a lot of soda?

Nope.

 How do you look right now?

Kind of gross because I’m not wearing any makeup.

 Were you taken last year on Valentine’s Day?

Nope.

 Do you remember who you were interested in around this time last year?

Yes.

 Would you rather date someone you think is cute, or someone who you think is hot?

I mean if I find someone cute I’m sure I can find them hot or visaversa.

 Do you go to school currently?

I do not.

 When was the last time you cried? Why?

Today because boyfriend and I got into a really big fight and now he’s ignoring me and it’s just so much drama that I don’t wanna deal with because I’ve got so much other shit going on.

 Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

Yes.

 Who was the last person to call you?

I don’t know no one really calls me.

 Did you make a best friend in high school?

Yes.

 You’re currently listening to?

Some commercial until Hockey comes back on.

 Who are you expecting a call from?

No one.

 When will your next kiss take place?

I don’t know.

 What are you feeling right now?

Tired which is weird because I slept like 3 times today.

 Do you have any homework to do?

Nope.

 When was the last time you smiled?

Like 10 minutes ago because Maple Leafs got a goal.

 Do you like anyone?

Yes.

 Are you afraid of roller coasters?

No I love roller coasters.

 Do you know any songs that remind you of summer?

Yes. Not last summer but a summer.

 What were you doing at 7:00 AM?

I had to get up and do some errands..

 Can you keep a secret?

I can.

 Do Italian/French/Spanish accents turn you on?

Nope I don’t like any of those accents. I don’t know why anyone likes them tbh.

 Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?

Nope.

 Did you speak to your mother today?

Nope.

 Do you have plans tomorrow?

Nope.

 Were you happy when you woke up today?

Kind of but that didn’t last long.

 Are you missing someone?

Yea.

 Where were you at 3:00 AM this morning?

Sleeping.

 What’s your favorite coffee shop?:

Tim Hortons because bitches this is Canada.

 What’s your opinion on cinnamon rolls?:

I love them now I wanna make some.

 Have you ever taken a bath with someone?:

Nope.

 What’s your grandma’s name?:

Kathy.

 Where is your biological father right now?:

Cemetery.

 Do you have any freckles?:

Some.

 Do you like orange juice?:

Not really.

 Did you watch the Cosby Show when you were younger?:

Yes.

 Have you ever dated someone as a rebound from your old relationship?

Yes.

 Which of your exes is the best looking?

I don’t know.

 What would you do if your ex broke down and told you he loved you?

Tell him I literally don’t care lmao.

 You & your last ex, who should hate who?

I should hate him.

 Does rebounding really help at all?

Yes.

 Where did your last ex ask you out?

I don’t even remember it’s been so fucking long lmao..

 Have you ever seen somebody get arrested?

Yes.

 Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race?

It wouldn’t matter because neither of them are alive to bitch about it if they did have a problem.

 Do you like it when friends are comfortable with dropping by unexpectedly?

Yes.