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#we all have the ability to dream
aroaceleovaldez · 1 month
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the dynamic of demigods thinking which other demigod is the most powerful is always amusing to me because. like, we know the big 3 kids are all the most powerful. That's just a fact of their universe. And then we know nearly every character views Percy as the strongest demigod, and most people are very rightfully intimidated by him.
and you look at the powers of the Big 3 kids and there's Percy, but then you realize Nico is just kind of objectively more powerful than him but simply chooses to hang out in Percy's shadow like he's Percy's scary dog privileges. Like, the two of them are pretty equally capable of causing multiple different apocalypses. Nico just also has like four different instakill powers and it's not like he doesn't use them. He very much uses them! Not infrequently, even! And they don't seem to take a significant amount of energy from him! And other demigods are pretty intimidated by both of them! But Nico makes a conscious point to keep his cards close to his chest and not let on exactly how dangerous and scary he can be if he wants to. People are already scared enough of him without knowing anything about him and he doesn't like that. Percy doesn't think about that nearly as much, and so usually just goes in guns blazing and that's part of why he's considered a wildcard. And then Nico himself puts Percy on a pedestal, so those who do know more about Nico's abilities then presume Nico knows something they don't about Percy that implies Percy is even stronger than him.
And even on a meta level Nico's narrative role requires him to be functionally more powerful than Percy, because he very often serves the purpose of getting Percy out of situations he can't handle on his own. That's just part of his function as a character! But also narratively he can't overshadow Percy so he just takes a backseat of his own accord and that's very amusing to me.
#pjo#percy jackson#riordanverse#nico di angelo#i will also note it is implied though we never see that Hazel has the exact same powers as Nico#and Hazel has trained with her powers way longer than Nico has plus is older so theoretically is more powerful already#she killed a giant all by herself. sank a small island. and successfully subdued Gaea for like another 60 years#so given that + her also having Nico's powers then *Hazel* is theoretically the strongest demigod no contest#Jason and Thalia end up kind of nerfed by the plot in that neither is allowed to overshadow Percy either#but they dont play the same roles that characters like Nico do - Nico keeps getting stupid abilities just for convenience factor#and Bianca never got the opportunity to use many powers besides astral projection/dream manipulation and similarly hades kid illusion stuff#and general ghost stuff. and she does all that as a ghost really. her killing the skeleton wasnt even her powers that was just a normal sta#and it was just by virtue of her being a hades kid and fulfilling the ''can kill these skeletons'' requirement that it blew up#technically she also showcases underworld immunity with the lethe stuff wearing off but that's very subtle#Hazel also doesnt play the same role as Nico and so doesnt get to showcase all that#plus is similarly nerfed with the ''cant be cooler than Percy'' constraint and so never gets to really do anything#even though logistically she is the most powerful and should showcase the full extent of her abilities to the same degree as Percy and Nico#Jason at least gets a little bit more wiggle room than Thalia being a main protagonist#Nico just gets the most wiggle room out of both not being a protagonist and being functionally a dues ex machina most of the time#versus Thalia or Bianca who are only ever secondary or supporting characters
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cator99 · 2 months
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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cushfuddled · 8 months
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I've been rewatching Voltron
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smallblueandloud · 3 months
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i have to go to bed very soon so instead i'm lying here being overcome by clintasha emotions
#i've spent today rereading bucky barnes gets his groove back and the clintasha chapter never fucking fails to send me into a tailspin#the shared history. their shared history. god#i love CNL and CNL is one of my top ships of all time#but man if clintasha by itself without anyone else and especially without any kids doesn't mean something so much to me#i will never be a normal person and neither will you and by fucking god we will warp each other beyond recognition to be abnormal together#we'll spend so long speaking in code that it becomes the only way we speak#i don't know what other people mean by trust but for me it's what you do#sb and l rambles#sb and l reads fic#mcu#mcu ideas#clintasha#there's a fic out there about nat time-travelling back after endgame and fixing everything#she saves all the other girls in the red room. she gets bucky out. she stops loki and thanos and saves the world#and it is good. and everyone is happy. and she gets a romance with maria hill#what does she give up for all of this good? there is so much good. and all she loses in this new timeline is her relationship w clint#i don't even think the author ships clintasha. but man if that doesn't sum them up#natasha can fix everything and can save herself and have sisters and be the hero she's never let herself dream about being#and all it costs is the absolute bone-deep fucked up secret language that is her relationship with clint barton#all it costs is her ability to be that close to another person. to only have one couch she allows herself to pass out on#''telling clint doesn't count. that's like talking to my right elbow'' indeed
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I find this highly interesting:
She hunkered down in the dark against a damp stone wall and listened for the pursuit, but the only sound was the beating of her own heart and a distant drip of water. Quiet as a shadow, she told herself. She wondered where she was. When they had first come to King's Landing, she used to have bad dreams about getting lost in the castle. Father said the Red Keep was smaller than Winterfell, but in her dreams it had been immense, an endless stone maze with walls that seemed to shift and change behind her. She would find herself wandering down gloomy halls past faded tapestries, descending endless circular stairs, darting through courtyards or over bridges, her shouts echoing unanswered. In some of the rooms the red stone walls would seem to drip blood, and nowhere could she find a window. Sometimes she would hear her father's voice, but always from a long way off, and no matter how hard she ran after it, it would grow fainter and fainter, until it faded to nothing and Arya was alone in the dark. - Arya III AGOT
Evenfall found them still trudging toward the Green Fork and Lord Frey's twin castles. I am almost there, Arya thought. She knew she ought to be excited, but her belly was all knotted up tight. Maybe that was just the fever she'd been fighting, but maybe not. Last night she'd had a bad dream, a terrible dream. She couldn't remember what she'd dreamed of now, but the feeling had lingered all day. If anything, it had only gotten stronger. Fear cuts deeper than swords. She had to be strong now, the way her father told her. There was nothing between her and her mother but a castle gate, a river, and an army . . . but it was Robb's army, so there was no real danger there. Was there? - Arya X ASOS
This could definitely be just a tactic of foreshadowing, but I do find it interesting how it’s Arya we see who seems to be having stressful dreams full of foreboding and symbolism right before the deaths of Ned and Catelyn and Robb.  Makes me wonder if Arya’s blood is even more magical (via the Warg King’s daughters) than we think.
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 12 days
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#unfortunately i dont have anything to show you foday#or anything particular to tell you either#so how about you look at this flower i bought at the local store and i think about what to say along the way#actually the employee at the store gave me a discount#every time i buy flowers im forced to participate in human interactions with strangers and remember that we live in a society#i think now that summer is over and the grass is no longer that green and touchable we should buy flowers from time to time to remain sane#i had to take a break from meds for a few days last week and it went rather ok. except i was bawling my eyes out at every given opportunity#you know. there is actually a game that keeps making me cry even when i cant really physically do it#its not really that sad. i would say that the main genre of this game is actually comedy. but the topics raised in dialogues wreck my brain#i dont really feel anything at all while reading the text or anything like that. i dont ecen think about it that much#but every now and then i feel the wetness on my hands and realize i've been crying for a while because of what read there#thats how i cry 99% of the time since the day i was born and i didnt really think anything about it untill now#my psychiatrist told me i have severe problems with dissociation and recognising my own emotions#but a few days ago i was watching some silly local soap opera in the background (im binging this stuff its iconic) & it broke my brain#the raised topics in the series triggered me this much i felt The Pain™. idk how to describe it rather then The Pain™ lol#now im back on meds and i dont feel anything at all again. this or my ability to recognise my own emotions just went down to 5% again#sometime i dream of someone who would posses my brain for a few minutes so that they would help me understand what i really feel#or if my reactions to life events are correct. sometimes when i think that i know exactly what i feel i stop myself and recognise#that i dont know nor understand shit#the more i think about it the more materialistic i become#you can always measure something physical. you can touch it or even search every inch of it with a magnifying glass all you want#but you cant measure the feeling#you know its really bizzare that i feel so much attraction towards poetry while having so much trouble with the concept of emotions itself#you can call me pragmatic but im too lenient for that. you can call me lenient but im too pragmatic for that. idk man. im gonna sleep now
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snekdood · 4 months
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ppl who larp about the Revolution™ almost seem to expect someone *else* to take the leading role in it all so they can sit inside on their asses and do jack shit, they know they have no meaningful skills to offer and would only slow people down, but expect to *somehow* magically radicalize most americans into doing all the work for them because awww dey're just such a weak wittle babu that needs to be pwotected and defwended awlways uwu
like. come on. get a grip. if everything went your way and someone actually stronger than you came along to take the lead, you're likely not being invited, and you'll likely be left behind... which means left to the alt right, who will no doubt come to your house to see if you're perpetuating anything "woke", and you gotta know they wont just ask, they'll barge in and look through everything even your computer.
though, you should really focus on your plan. your first step: get along with people enough to even actually convince them its a good idea, and we all know you'll never dare to try that shit. you cant even be on here w/o blocking someone like me for even suggesting you are approaching this like a child playing war and you have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
you think you want a second holocaust (which is essentially letting trump win, i mean hitler got the majority vote in germany. thats how he rose to power. didn't just materialize out of thin air), but you dont seem to grasp the gravity of what that entails, or even that you'd be thrown in the camps with everyone else, all to stick it to jewish ppl and "the libs", even if it means you and all the ones you love die along with them. you are a net negative to humanity and quite frankly should be on a fucking watch list.
#tankies#accelerationists#i dont think the power of love and friendship is gonna carry you through this one guys#you're waiting for someone to come along and save you- this revolution is nothing more than a complex fantasy of you being saved#and protected. nothing more.#i understand you're scared. i understand you've made this idea your whole life and the only thing you dream about to feel better#about living in a world where you're oppressed and constantly in pain and have no power. it makes sense. i create such fantasies for myself#sometimes. but when we come back to reality- we cant expect to take the whole fantasy with us per se#the world isnt one day going to magically go exactly your way. its just not going to happen. it'd be nice if it did- we think- but it wont#you have to be more practical in this. you can use your fantasy as a motivator. a goal. be the change you want to see etc. etc.#but YOU have to take steps making it a reality. no one is going to be the all knowing person who saves you from all the problems#and can do all the things you cant do and save the day or whatever. it's never going to happen. you have to be that person#for yourself. if you're gonna larp about a revolution you have to at the bare minimum have this understood.#after that- you need conflict resolutions skills and to know how to communicate#you'll need to learn how to get along with people you dont like at all. you'll need to learn how to communicate your ideas effectively#you'll need to learn how to argue and defend your ideas and how to have the humility to be wrong and accept it and the ability#to change your mind. you'll have to educate yourself and keep educating yourself. you'll have to learn how to actually listen to other#ppl instead of trying to find a way to manipulate them to believe what you do#and after all that social stuff is out of the way- you need to learn some mother fucking SURVIVAL SKILLS BITCH#how to FIGHT and SURVIVE in any kind of environment. how to use weapons and build fires out of nothing n shit#if you cant manage all of that? you're fucked.
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axolotlclown · 2 months
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Today Caiti announced she's not coming back to streaming. I want to highlight why the #MeToo movement in 2018 was such a big deal.
This girl was sexually assaulted by a powerful man in her career. No matter what would have happened or how much proof she had, speaking out would ruin her career.
She would be known for the most traumatic event in her life. Strangers would constantly gossip about it, and other men would make their opinions known.
She's young; she can quit streaming and pursue other ventures. This decision will not ruin her life. But if she were older, she would either have to be forced to come back and endure relentless harassment, or step away and accept a financial crisis. This would have ruined her life.
This is public because these are public figures, but for millions of women, this is their lives. Powerful men can abuse countless women and stay in power because speaking out about it ruins lives.
This was Caiti's first Vidcon as a streamer. She was 18 and so excited to see all of her friends. She was ecstatic to meet bigger streamers and make connections. This was such a pivotal moment in her career. And now it's gone.
If you still support George, Dream, or anyone that was in that fucking room, I don't have a single shred of fucking respect for you. You are promoting a culture that ruins lives. That man doesn't deserve anything but the damn streets. He certainly doesn't deserve money or influence. He doesn't deserve a single damn woman in his life willing to call him a friend. I only hope his current supporters are too young to understand what happened.
I hope Caiti finds fulfillment in her new ventures, and I hope she leaves all of this behind. And to anyone reading who has been assaulted and is too afraid to speak out, I hope you find peace and people who see you for more than your trauma.
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caterpillarinacave · 6 months
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So you choose not to step through the door, after all why mess with nonsense when you're already in nonsense? You check the items in your pockets, your phone you shut off to conserve power, the dog tag, key and top clink together but offer no help, and when you fiddle with the walkie-talkie you manage to get it to turn on, excitedly you call out to the void but only static responds, which is disappointing but predictable, so you put the items away and hunker down for the night, looking at the sky you can see that the stars seem strange, though you're no expert, and the moon seems to have a second smaller moon near it which looks pretty cool but is a stark reminder of how not on your own world your predicament has landed you.
In the morning you begin looking through the nearby bushes and plant life taking note of anything strange, you notice the berries you had been picking before you stepped through the door are also growing around here, they look and taste the same, and some other plants seem pretty similar to the forest from before as well, although the further away from the door you go the more unfamiliar plants you come across (of course that may just be your lack of familiarity with plants) and the few animals you have noticed are bizarre in a way that you can't explain, like the people from town, they seem almost perfectly familiar, just a little off and the noises they make have you thinking they wouldn't be able to communicate with their counterparts either, brushing aside another branch you come across a strange funnel made of metal which you pocket and what looks to be a regular whistle, you wipe it down and blow but hear nothing aside from the air going through, you consider it is either broken or maybe a dog whistle, as you go to put it away you hear something big running in your direction, before you can decide how to react a large creature storms out of the bushes and stops in the clearing before you, it's huge as a horse with paws and sharp teeth it licks as it looks around and spots you, it shakes its head again reminding you of a horse, then steps closer before turning and staring expectantly, you get the feeling it's waiting on you, impatiently, and you realize it seems to expect you to get on its back. Do you get on?
Yes.
#I am a terrible terrible Irish child#Clearly all those folk tales whose only moral was “don’t climb on the strange horse” were lost on me. Technically not a horse though. So. H#Uh please don’t run into the bog with my on your back strange horse thing.#…This may be one of my worse ideas#On one hand moving away from what appears to be the only connection my world doesn’t sound like a great idea#Back through the door is logically the the best bet. However I’ve already explored the area#The only thing to do would be to just sit there for hours and that will get me nowhere. The things that do have leads like the walkie-#Sputtering are things to pay attention to but not things that are likely to change if I don’t move. The whistle is the newest thing-#And let’s be real I’ve been in the bramble for like 14 hours without the neurospicy meds I am teetering on dangerously antsy#Probably better to get on the horse before I come up with something more stupid#It’s interesting my world flora seems to surround the door. I wish I’d payed more attention before I stepped through#If the nearby flora on the other side seemed like it would come from this world it would suggest that the door just leaks between universes#In two ways. If it’s earths flora then it’s either only leaking one way which we could no from one step through#Or - which we will not know but should pay attention for if we step into some other world - if the earths flora shows up around EVERY porta#Which would suggest earth is the base in some way#It might be beneficial to climb a tree to try and see farther out#Though I don’t exactly get many opurtunited to haul myself up a tree so I would put to much stock in a)my upper body strength#And b) my ability to chose a tree that won’t kill me#It’s defintley worth taking in as much info as possible. I’ll try and notice things like different winds gravity tempature ect#What should i tag this all. Help I got lost in a blackberry bush? Anon who takes me to alternate planes of reality?#I know#Guys I got lost in a bush#That’s a good one. Nothing weird there at all.#FINE I’ll rage it “guys I got lost in a blackberry bush”#I wonder what makes things so familiar. Perhaps this world exists very closely to the other. Perhaps they’ve crossed paths before.#Perhaps they’ve shown up in our dreams. Perhaps I have bad memory and my brain gaslights itself into thinking everything’s familiar#I wonder maybe the horse is a horse/dog thing- that would explain the likeness to the dog whistle (?)#This can’t get any worse I say doing something that could very much make it worse#Eh what’s the worst that can happen. At least I don’t have to pay taxes in this world#Guys I got lost in a black berry bush
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thornshadowwolf · 6 months
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I don't remember why but I dreamed about looking up the common religions in different regions of Thailand last night
#in addition to like. more regular dreams where someone kidnapped part of our camping/hiking group and I needed to use my knowledge of#dog/wolf behavior to appease a wolf that we needed to pass by to get between two forest clearings and also since my character was a#clean-freak / germaphobe he had the power to have bugs not bother him in the woods and then that all happened twice because ofc we needed to#keep to the story script when it restarted and I had to keep everything on the rails but this time two other wolves also came up and they#all decided I was chill and we left each other alone even while I was de-escalating the kidnapping situation but then the kidnappers started#running away and I was like 'you know what would make them think again? three wolves chasing them' so I got the wolves' attention and#started running and they thought it was some kind of chase game and eventually after a couple times of them catching up with me and thinking#that was it they realized someone ahead of us was also running so THEY were the target and we finally started chasing down the kidnappers#and by this point I was considered part of the pack and also we were in a school gymnasium but right after some sort of fair or assembly so#we had to dodge chairs and tables and stacks of equipment and occasionally children but they mostly kept out of the way#oh and I think after the reset but before the kidnapping there was also a part where one of the other characters (I feel like one of my#siblings was playing this one) insisted that our top priority should be finding clothes and I was like 'wait are you NAKED?' and they were#like 'yeah we all are???' and I was like 'WHAT no I'm fully dressed. my character is wearing a suit and tie! and a hat even!' yeah yeah and#then the kidnappers/bullies came up and one of them was a blond lady with a bolo tie.#btw the reason I'm saying stuff like 'my character'/'was playing a character' is because in this dream it was explicitly characters we were#playing in some sort of game where the focus wasn't roleplay but it had a roleplay-y aspect where the different characters had different#strengths and abilities; such as Betrayal at House on the Hill or Western Legends or Dead of Winter#anyway. IDK why dream-me thought thailand was one of the most religiously diverse places on earth. in real life it's over 90% buddhist.#ThornShadow.said
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pftones3482 · 2 years
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Mikey from rottmnt
I see we're just going down the list of ROTTMNT characters and tbh I'm not mad okay here we go
How I Feel About This Character:
I have always loved Mikey in general (he's usually my second favorite in most iterations if Leo isn't), but this version of him....so fun. So good. I love that they gave him a personality beyond being childish and liking food, but they also kept those core parts of him and just. Accentuated him. Just having finished rewatching the 2012 series, I could go on so many tangents about Michelangelo
Romantic Ships:
Nah. But that boy is absolutely pan.
Brotp:
Said it before, but him and Donnie. I love their relationship
Unpopular Opinion:
Once again, I don't actually think I have one? I really like most of the headcanons I see of Mikey.
One Thing I Wish Would Have Happened:
I kind of wish we could have seen Mikey finding out HOW his future self died in the movie. I think knowing that it's possible to overexert himself to that point is a crucial piece of information to know. He wouldn't change a thing, ofc, but I feel like it's a benefit to him and to his developing powers to know that he has a limit. (On that note, on the off chance of a season 3, I want to see those powers develop and the hardships that would come with them)
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absofrutey · 2 years
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I'm starting to get sick, but I checked my temp and it was normal so I went to work. The guy I have feelings for (whom I've been working on getting over) asked me into his office and I was like uh I don't want to come in, I think I'm getting sick.
He asked why I was there and I was like, well I don't have a fever so idk
Then he felt my head and my cheek to check my temperature 🥺🥺🥺🥺
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kataraslove · 7 months
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there’s a reason why the entire story of avatar the last airbender begins and ends with katara. there’s a reason why we are introduced to katara first before we are introduced to any other character. there’s a reason why katara is the narrator. there’s a reason why the creators have emphasized over and over again that katara is just as titular to the story as aang - she’s the other main character.
when you water down katara - remove her compassion, her ability to connect with others, her nurturing role, her ANGER and RAGE and DRIVE - you water down the very fundamentals of the story. you drastically and severely alter the core dynamics of the gaang, because katara was so important to the development of every single one of them. she was the rock and glue that held team avatar together.
katara was unlike any other character to ever appear on television; she was a young brown girl who took no shit from anyone, yet at the same time remained kind and compassionate and nurturing. katara was a force of nature; proud of her heritage and culture, burdened by the responsibility of being the last southern water bender of the water tribe, angered over the death of her mother and everything that the fire nation took from her, determined to help every single person in need, determined to change the world, angry and resentful because old men and rules and laws kept telling her what she could or could not do, thus, she was determined to restructure thousands of years of patriarchy that stood against her from accomplishing her goals and dreams.
watering down katara into at most 2-3 tangible characteristics, stripping her away of all her motivation and agency and nuance, telling the audience that she wants to help and change the world only to have her stand in the background with an air of grief, demonstrates that the writers of the live action fundamentally misunderstand the spirit of avatar. and that’s something so unforgivable. no matter how many changes they decide to make, or how much they decide to stay true to the original story in other areas, no matter how many flashy VFX fight scenes we get - if you fail to properly understand katara, you fail to understand the heart and soul of avatar the last airbender, everything that makes avatar such a timeless classic.
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destinyandcoins · 8 months
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when it comes to parking on campus in the most popular lot during prime class time, there's three things you need: patience, persistence, and to be a predator
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vadlings · 9 months
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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi
Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.
Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.
The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):
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The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.
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In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)
Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.
I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.
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The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.
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The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)
Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.
Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.
To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.
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