#we only have one greek god of emotional intelligence and that is hestia

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA BUT HERMES IS A DUMMY

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1 part 2 part 3

next: part 5

m'kay, so, we've talked about Athena & Telemachus' issues. now let's touch on Hermes, because a Diva™ like him deserves his own post. and also because this had been sitting in my notes for so long i've genuinely forgotten about it (i'd say that it's what translating a musical does to you, but honestly my attention span is just shit)

now, as much as I love Soft Boi!Hermes, I even more so love prankster Hermes who doesn't really recognize personal boundaries or the meaning of 'too far'. he's the guy who'll commit to the bit so far, he'll commit mass murder with a Tee-Hee and genuinely wonder what has got everyone so upset.

kid!Telemachus, holding a cup of poison: grandpa, are you sure it's a good idea? I'm scared… Hermes, laughing his ass off in the corner: of course I'm sure, champ! it'll be hilarious! good ol' game of Ithacean Roulette! now dump it into the wine, let's see who we'll get this time!

at the same time, he's not selfish. he's very keen on doing things for the people he likes, and he cares enough to know when someone is distressed. he, as a god, is just so removed from traditional human morality that casual acts of cruelty are perfectly acceptable to him, while, for example, breaking an oath is a horrible sin.

think blue and orange morality stuff.

telemachus, outraged: …murdered his own family, can you imagine? hermes, equally outraged: I know, right? he gave a blood oath and broke it! disgusting! telemachus: why is that your only concern?!

but don't worry, helping to raise Telemachus and hanging around the same people consistently makes a real boy outta him gives him enough time and insight into humanity to start understand mortals better, and, as consequence, adopt some of their values.

especially the concept of spousal loyalty. Hermes is a patron god of thieves, and at the time taking someone's wife was viewed as an act of theft (because women were property, yeeesh). which is why to him Penelope's situation was less of a tragedy and more of a "well, my dumbass great-grandson Odysseus should've seen it coming. snooze you lose! ¯_(ツ)_/¯"

that is, until he gets to know her better. and suddenly she's not a prize to be won or a challenge to conquer. she's a smart, capable person that commands respect from anyone who's got a shred of self-awareness. she's got gentle hands, and a radiant smile, and a spine of steel. Penelope looked Hermes dead in the eyes and told him serenely to keep being a good influence on her son, she does not deserve to be reduced to a token and given away to the highest bidder.

hermes, initially: well, penelope's a rich, gorgeous, basically single queen. I'd steal her too, if she was my type. hermes, 10 years later: she's the smartest, ballsiest human woman I've ever met and if she only wants her Ugly Ass Groom then she'll fucking stay single until he comes back.

unfortunately for everyone else, Hermes cannot step in to protect her, because Zeus and Poseidon are both pissed off at Odysseus already, and if either of them notices Hermes (and/or Athena) interfering with mortals on Ithaca, they might take it as an invitation to follow suit, and then it'll be Troy Story 2: Electric Boogaloo.

so he stays his hand, and hangs around Telemachus discreetly, mostly posing as a human. for a god of liars, he's surprisingly bad at blending in for long periods of time. Hermes thinks he's an awesome conspirator. meanwhile little Telemachus didn't even realise it was a secret.

the only people who don't know that [insert alias] is a god in disguise are the suitors, who are notoriously either too stupid, too overconfident or too busy drinking to connect the dots. the exception is Antinous who pretends to be oblivious and makes sure the gods don't see him as a threat to their beloved little pup (otherwise he'd have killed the prince long ago).

the suitors, however, unanimously agree that they hate this weird annoying stranger, and try to get rid of him in increasingly elaborate ways, from poison to stabbing to wild animals to dropping pots on his head.

spoiler alert: it doesn't work.

hermes, next day: *comes back every morning like nothing had happened, whistling cheerily* suitors: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

eventually Antinous convinces them to give up so they don't piss off Hermes.

years pass, Telemachus grows. Athena teaches him strategy and arts of war. Aeolus gradually comes out of the hiding and becomes the resident lovable comic relief side character. and Hermes? he teaches the kid all the good stuff.

and it's not just lying, okay? (though it's a significant part of it) music, diplomacy, geography, street smarts, some history. he's a worldly god, had observed and been a part of countless cultures. above all else, he knows people. he may not really understand them, but he knows how to get what he wants from them, how to find common ground and how to spin things to get along with practically anyone.

and girls. Hermes helps Telemachus with girls.

because he's the cool uncle figure that Telemachus admires, the kid trusts him enough to ask the god for advice when he starts growing older and gets his first crush in his early teens.

and, on one hand, Hermes is ecstatic. on the other one…

telemachus, blushing and stuttering: there's a girl I met, she's so pretty, and cool, and, and, and how do I talk to her, do I just come up and say hi, but what if sh- hermes: … hermes: *blue screen of death* hermes: MY BABY-

it's the first time he truly starts to grasp how short the kid's life will be. because in the blink of an eye he turned from a newborn to an adolescent, and soon enough he'll have his own family, and Odysseus was already a king himself at this age, and Hermes is not ready this can't be it he can't just grow old and die

so anyway, he pushes the thought aside and pretends it never came up at all (because that always works, and bottling shit up never blows up in anyone's face, right, Athena?)

he gives lots of advice, from useless macho stuff to golden nuggets like "be yourself" and "show her respect". and, of course, he cheers from the sidelines, hiding 'inconspicuously'.

and it goes surprisingly well. the girl appears to find Telemachus' awkward attempts at flirting sweet and charming, and the boy is on the cloud nine.

but Hermes isn't. because, unlike the prince, his judgment isn't clouded by a puppy crush and he can see that the girl is actually a lying bitch, who's playing Telemachus like a fiddle, hoping to become the next queen of Ithaca. and he won't stand for it.

except Telemachus, for some reason, doesn't seen thrilled when Hermes tells him to dump the girl?? he flat out refuses to believe that, because love is blind and so are sheltered insecure teenage boys.

so Hermes, in his infinite wisdom, decides to prove to his naive little charge once and for all that the girl is just using him and doesn't actually love him. now, what's the first example of true selfless love from a woman that comes to mind to the god who had spent the last few years hanging out with the royal family of Ithaca? right, Penelope. and the one thing that characterises Penelope is her unconditional loyalty, even into the face of countless threats and temptations.

hermes, to himself: so, if I show the kid that the bitch will leave him as soon as she finds a better prospect, he will definitely admit I was right all along! and dump her! it's a perfect, easy, foolproof plan! I am so smart! what could possibly go wrong!

another spoiler alert: everything goes wrong.

the girl does happily jump into his arms as soon as he hints that he's a god/demi-god/just a cooler prince or something. she does it right in front of Telemachus, in fact, so there's no way he'd be able to deny the obvious.

on the bright side, Hermes immediately outs her as a lying bitch and publicly shames her, embarrassing her family and ruining her prospects of marriage and causing her to suffer for the rest of her life ('disproportionate revenge'? what's that?).

on the down side, for some unfathomable reason, Telemachus doesn't seem very grateful??? what???????

hermes: and so, AS ALWAYS, I was right. telemachus: hermes: but please, hold your applause! telemachus: hermes: I did it all for you, out of the goodness of my heart! telemachus: hermes: and please, don't apologize! you were wrong, I get it! no need to- telemachus: *bitch slaps his smug face and runs away, hurt and betrayed* hermes: *shocked pikachu face*

thing is, Hermes doesn't understand what he did wrong. in his mind he did a rather good deed: showed the liar's true colors, and spared the kid a lot of heartache down the line. he doesn't understand the feelings of betrayal from having someone he trusts explicitly outing him as a naive fool in front of everyone he ever dreamed of earning respect from. doesn't get the pain of having been cast aside by someone he liked in favor of a god, with whom he could never compete. can't imagine living in the shadow of someone he had never even known and being constantly reminded of all the ways he's lacking.

telemachus: I'm not a stupid child, hermes. I could've handled it. hermes: but you didn't listen to me, maybe you'd have never seen it on your own- telemachus: and maybe I would've. maybe I would've had the opportunity to find out myself, and maybe I would've learned from it, but you never gave me that choice, did you?! did you think i'm that dumb?! hermes: oh, come on, kid, you're not dumb- telemachus: THEN WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE I AM?! WHY DON'T YOU EVER TRUST ME?!

aaaaand there's the core issue. Telemachus had spent his whole life being babied at best and looked down upon at worst. constantly compared to Odysseus and his more vicious peers, always shielded from making tough decisions and proving himself. he feels like he will never amount to anything, because no one ever lets him really try. as soon as it looks like he's going to make a mistake, someone (usually Athena, Aeolus or Hermes) swoops in and 'fixes' everything for him, just like they used to do when he was an accident-prone toddler. which he isn't anymore.

and Hermes doesn't understand that. to him, ten years is basically nothing. the kid can't have changed that much in ten years. because if he did, then he'll change a lot in the next ten years, and the next, and very soon he won't change anymore, because ten years are nothing and so are human livespans.

ten years are nothing, because to admit otherwise would force Hermes to face the fact that Telemachus, no matter how precious, is just as mortal as any other human. which amounts to basically losing him already. and Hermes can't.

he held that boy as an infant. he fed him, helped to teach him walk and talk and make silly faces. he can't lose this child to time, the one thing even gods can't really protect humans from.

Penelope finds Hermes sitting on her balcony with the most human expression on his face she'd ever seem him wear. he's lost, and confused, and full of regrets, and kind of terrified. in that aspect, he reminds her painfully of her husband.

hermes, mumble: he's growing older penelope, sighing: I know hermes: he's not a baby anymore penelope: believe me, I know hermes: but... what do I do now??? penelope: you let it happen. not much else you can do.

she talks him through it.

hermes, rambling: but I will lose him. I'll lose him if he grows old and dies. this is why I don't get attached to mortals, you die too soon. he can't die now. penelope: he's not going to die now. he'll become the king first, he will find a good wife and have children and grandchildren. he will become great, greater that I and his father could ever dream of. and he'll be happy. don't you want to see that? hermes: I do, but- I don't want him to grow up! penelope: then you finally know the biggest joy and the deepest pain of parenthood.

it doesn't fix his fear. doesn't fix his pain, either. but it does help fix his attitude.

because she's right. Telemachus is growing old, and he can't shelter and protect the boy forever. soon he'll become a man, then an elder. and there's nothing Hermes can do about it, short of dragging the prince to Olympus and begging Zeus to grant him immortality, which will never work.

Hermes and Telemachus make up, of course. the latter knows, deep down, that the former is just trying to take care of him. they make up and forget the fight - at least, the boy does.

Hermes will always remember.

and he will count every day, every wrinkle, every grey hair.

the joy and pain of parenthood indeed.

[testingcheats0n]

Chapter 4

Wow. Peasants are... human beings?! With dreams, desires, and emotions?! With backgrounds and families?!

I stg...

~at the new town~

Not judging author-nim's worldbuilding, but Sophos and Ambiades are too old to be training with wooden swords still 👀

So much yoghurt... is that a thing in medieval times? The mongols could do it, ig it's not that weird, but it's so bizzare

Uuh bushes sticks and mountains... some tolkien shit. Then comes the interesting part.

Edis has one queen (no mentions of a king, so a young unwed maiden or an elderly dowager, intresting, intresting), and eleven ministers, one of which is a Prime minister aka fantasy modern england. Ig I would appreciate it more if I weren't so utterly bored by modern monarchy.

Ohh wait hold on. Is this the Queen from "The Queen's thief"? Pog.

Hope she's not the romantic interest 👁👁

Anyway absulte big brain giga chad magus hasn't told anyone but supposedly Pol about the journey and it's objective. I can't wait to see how that turns out terribly, horribly wrong.

Moving on. The country can't feed itself like at all. It's mountainous so there aren't any fields, and I assume that raising cattle is a nightmare. They also import wine (smart) and olives (what for? Idfk) I think this world is kinda, sorta, lowkey mediterranean with what the youghurt and the oranges.

Ambiades is actually an intelligent dude and I think he'll be a competent politician (according to the standards of this world). He's also a decent survivalist, and I imagine has some skill with weaponry. That's literally better than every other character I've seen except maybe Pol, but he just looks like a grunt. Also yes, the apprenticeship is bellow him, he should be learning how to be a leader, take care of his lands, the political landscape of the kingdoms, and how to lead a household not about the fucking olive trees tf 😂😂 he's a future baron (ngl I thought he was the future duke, so I had to look at the wiki. Sophos is the duke, which makes his incompetence shine through), he'll be able to find himself one hundred other Magisi (Magises?) to tell him which tree is what for him. This is probably an attempt to cozy himself up to the king, and other important figures at the court. Smart.

Solnas (Point A) and Attolia (Point B) two kingdoms that trade. noted. Edis (Edas?) Is the midpoint between these two, and depends heavily on trade.

Ah. Solnas suffers from deforestation. I wonder if it has anything to do with the rapid expansion of the kingdom in the last 10-20 years. Naaah, probably just a coincidence. /s

Anyway Edis serves as a natural barrier between these two big shots which is the only reason Solnas hasn't invaded.

Hu ha! Ambiades MVP, seduce me with your knowledge of the ecopolitical landscape of this imaginary world.

And just as I say so, he reminds me that he's stupid. Like yeah Edis will obviously use all the advantages they have.. duh. They're not cowards because they have found a logical way to not let people die omg 😫

So. This whole one-hundred years of revenge...

Idk what to make of it. Grudges and political struggles can certainly last for more than 100 years, but it's not like Solnas is suffering. Idk. Weird king shit.

All three nations are cognatic... primogenitures? That's certainly not uncommon irl I wonder how they handle unclear successions, or if they've had any civil wars. Also how do they handle marriages.

"The Gods of the Mountain country" how quaint. Ok fire round. Bastardized myth of Hephesta (Hestia), and the titans (sons and daughters of the sky and earth/ Uranus and Gea). We also got minor gods of nature, like nymphs (they remind me of the Old Gods in asoiaf) and the philosopher's stone (alchemy mcguffin that grants immortality)

Aaaah. We finally get plot as a reward. They will steal the philosopher's stone to usurp the kingdom of Edis (since it's seen as a symbol of legitimacy) which is actually a better way to keep track of lineages and keep at bay succession wars. There's no dna tests so I do believe that magic is a more reliable way of knowing these things. If they have Edis, they have Attolia. And all of that rests on the shoulders of a random street rat they found. Just as well. They can always wash their hands of Gen and say he's just a rando if everything fails.

The fact that the magis is there is totally a coincidence, believe him, he's there for the olive trees.

To confirm. Hameathes' Gift = Philosopher's stone. Also like. There's two queens and one king, the story is called the queen's thief and not the king's so Gen's obviolsy going to betray these people or do a switcheroo.

An "exptionally talented thief"? Gen?! BAHAHAHA Lmfaoo these dudes. Olives for brains. And ofc the gem = edis = attolia = revenge, but Gen hasn't caught up.

Oh wait wait??? So. Magus dude wants to become the King's thief??? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHALMAO no I can't. They're getting betrayed and they deserve it, both for being such dickheads and for doing the dickheadery without any thought behind.

Now, now, credit where credit is due. This might have worked if they hadn't chosen the only prideful little brat off the streets that has more ego than brain. Gen obviously wants fame above everything, he won't sit quietly while old olives for brains takes all the credit. Pick someone who wants gold or food next time, or just kill them.

On one hand yeah Magus is right and Gen is an idiot, on the the other... he is a classist douche

Oh? Conquest by marriage? How clever. Unexpectedly clever.

Yes yes! Gen finally figured it out. Revenge. That's important. No one cares about Edis and their sexist backwards lumberjacks.

So old gods = greek myths

New gods = ???

Also Polyphemus built the prison back in the first chapter? For a one-eyed shepherd and man-eater he's an alright builder then lmao.

Ambiades is being lowkey weird ngl... he's bothered by something and I can't figure out what.