#we still have conservative asian societies

[waitmyturtles]

Your post about your upcoming Bad Buddy meta got me thinking about Bad Buddy (again), and I remembered one particular thing that had an impact. Apologies if this is long and rather incoherent, I wrote this past midnight.

In the final episode, the part where we see Ming and Dissaya turn a blind eye to Pat Pran's shenanigans really struck a chord with me.

[I'm an Indian, born and raised, and queer, but it's well worth mentioning that my experiences are not universal- in fact, they may be the exception rather than the rule; I'm not quite sure.]

What it reminded me of was, that asian parents tend to come around eventually- in particular mothers. We've seen time and time again in series' that deal with difficult/not accepting family members; Bad Buddy, GAP, Wedding Plan, maybe even Double Savage (haven't watched this one but I believe the dad feels bad in the end?), that even if the parental figure(s) doesn't agree with their children's choices, they learn to compromise. Because the difference in opinions isn't worth losing their children over. Obviously, for every parental figure that comes around there's one that the children cut ties with (Wedding Plan remains a good example), but I think it's something worth seeing.

It made me think of how I was never scared of coming out to my mother, because I knew that, despite the difference in views, and her prejudice, she'd accept me, no matter whether she thought it was a phase or not.

Do I know what the point of this ask is? Not really, I was rather nervous sending this ask, especially not on anon, but I'd love to know what you think of this, since I've come to really enjoy reading the thoughts you have on these shows.

Ohhhh, wow. @starryalpacasstuff, come 'ere for a big mom hug! HUGE HUGS!

I'm gonna unwind a little randomly; I hope this is coherent. A ton of what I write about on my blog vis à vis Asian dramas are the unique characteristics of Asian families and an Asian upbringing. Parental conditional love, competitiveness, our unique experiences with intergenerational trauma. I write a lot about how Asians, in our cultural expectations of life, accept pain and suffering as an assumed part of our existences. The reason why I watch Asian dramas exclusively is that, as I'm Asian-American, I just connect far more easily to the Asian cultural experience of growing from a child into an Asian adult, than I do the experience of white Western folks growing into their adulthood. I grew up intimately with Asian cultural practices and expectations; but I also grew up with racism in my external American world, and came to my adulthood in a society that still values white Americans above all other demographics.

But one thing I'm cognizant of, that I don't think I write about enough, is that many of these characteristics of the Asian cultural scopes of life are indeed similar to those that a fully American person (for example) might experience. It's not like intergenerational trauma doesn't exist in the West. It's not like homophobia in families against a child doesn't exist in the West.

However. As an Asian-American, one thing I note about many (not all, of course) Western families and family systems is that very often: Western adults will give up their agency to be loyal to what I might call a "higher power" -- a philosophy, a political preference, a religion. If a queer person wants to come out in a conservative American family, that queer person may very well be risking cutting permanent ties with their family.

That, of course, also happens in our Asian family systems. But I think you're onto something, @starryalpacasstuff. While divorce rates are sky-high in the West -- there is also a paradigm of family systems being and looking different in the West than they do in Asia. Asian family systems still don't accommodate for divorce and blended or chosen families as they do in the West.

The Asian family systems and paradigms that you and I grew up with as Indians absolutely still value a heterosexual two-parent household -- and I'd posit that our past generations, our grandparents and great-grandparents, put HUGE, HUGE pressure on our parents to keep the two-parent family systems together and whole. And to keep the children close. It's a huge value in our Asian cultures to have whole and complete families. The West has become far more accommodating, culturally, on this issue.

And, so. I totally agree with you, @starryalpacasstuff. I think we do see the beginning of a coming-around on the parts of Ming and Dissaya. And that coming-around is certainly something we can relate to. Our parents will likely accept us for our differences. I fucked a lot of shit up with my folks when I decided to live independently of their desires -- and I don't think things really healed (and I still carry tremendous traumatic baggage) until after I had my own kids, and expanded all of our families. Because in the end, the value in our Asian cultures is that keeping the family complete and close still matters more than any one's individual biases or desires.

Ming and Dissaya are remarkably traumatized people. Ming was traumatized by the expectations of his father. He screwed Dissaya over, and literally handed his trauma to Pat on a silver platter, for Pat to embody for most of his life. And Pat flipped that platter over in his father's face and ran away. Ming, at the end of the series, is passive-aggressive with Pat, despite Pat's efforts to try to work with him. And yet -- Ming still sips Pran's scotch.

To your point -- does time heal everything? I'm not so sure in the West, with the Western predilection for Christian/Puritanical/conservative values to supersede reasonable family resolutions. But I think, because of the value that Asian systems put on having complete families, that you are right -- that there may be more room in Asian family systems for eventual acceptance of a child's "differences," despite us living in collectivist societies. This is definitely not an absolute. There are environments in which it's still dangerous to come out. But the value that Asians put on family does indeed give us a tiny bit of comfort that our cultures can move the needle on acceptance in different ways over time.

[happypotato48]

This Is A Gay Asian Rant About BL Comments Made By Some Queer Westerners I See Sometimes.

So you know of those gays (usually white) that made dumb tiktok dancing to list of countries that legalized same sex marriage and list of countries that discriminate against LGBTQIA+ poeple as a way to say something racist. yeah i kinda got the same vibes from some comments regard how asian BL is homophobic just cause they don't live up to queer western standard. look, i'm not saying that some BLs and their creators don't deserve criticism regard how they capitalized/exploited queerness for an easy cash grab.

But people need to understand that Asian countries despite recent progress are still very much culturally conservatives. so when people says that thai bl is homophobic and all the characters looks like bunch of straight guys, which is true for some olders thai BLs i'm not gonna denied that. but after all this time and newer BLs generally being very queer and most of creators being out queer themself and poeple still making these comments, i'm annoyed.

And don't get me start on the actors. you don't know them! why are you making assumption and calling them queerbaiter just cause they acts in bl. like maybe they're straight, maybe they're not but what they're definitely doing is making queer content for you know, queer people here. so when you made halfass comments about their sexuality what do you think that made other queer people who still in the closet feels. and when you add the nationality to that, "these thai bl pair are this and that, this korean actor is so ungrateful for his bl past", etc. when our societies are still very much still in progress regard LGBTQIA+ acceptance. it make us living here feels fucking awful like somehow we're lesser queer than people in the west just cause we don't have citibank at pride or some shit.

And the shittiest in my humbled opinion are comments regard censored chinese bls. people do know like, that the creators making these bls are risking their livelihoods for this. that these shows getting make at all are miracles. yes it sucked that they're censored but they're still very much queer shows making by queer people who want to express thier queerness despite the chinese government being the chinese government. when people dimissing these shows as not belonging in queer media, you're also dimissing their creators and audiences as not belonging in the community.

Look what i want to say is that we're trying our best over here, and maybe our best are not up to your liking. the ways we talk and express our queerness maybe still can be perceived as problematic by western queer standard. but these media are our house and you're the guests. for people aren't shitty we appreciated that you're here engaging and loving our media, this is your home too and you're welcome in it. i can speak for myself that i very much love being here on tumblr and interacting with people from all over the world who love BL. but for people who are being shitty sometimes about asian bl.

YOU'RE THE GUESTS, BEHAVE!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

My IRL ex who lives abroad now is dating my online friend who also lives there and I am deceiving them, AITA?

All of us are Asian, 29. Fake names are used.

My ex (Fred) was my childhood best friend, we grew up together in the same conservative society, people expected to see us marry since we were kids, all that jazz. At 18, we both moved away and kept up LDR. Moving meant big changes of course, I was in a huge city and I had internet access for the first time. I became a BTS fan in 2013, I started creating and reading a lot. I joined tumblr, made friends from all over the world. I was being radicalized rapidly, and I figured out I was bi too. My world was suddenly a million times bigger.

He however, didn't change much. He was scientific minded unlike most people here and his friends were all STEM kids but they were still functionally right leaning. He was racist when it came to BTS or East Asians in general. He was ignorant and happy to ignore queer existence, he used to say things like queer people needed to be shown the right path. We were turning out to be quite the opposites. Eventually we broke up. He was heartbroken, he tried to drag me back in many times and I avoided him like plague. I managed to ditch him completely when we were about 23. He left for USA to study.

Around the same time I befriended one of my closest online friends, Daphne. We lived in the same state but she was always traveling so we never got to meet. We're both hellsite veterans and keep our identities under lock & key so we don't know our real names or exact place of work, but we know each other's deepest kinks and childhood traumas, and stories about our exes. We both had the same kind of interests, politics, and fandoms, we're both bisexual. I've also come out as a trans man a few years ago and I go by a masculine name online, can't transition IRL. Daphne's known me since my girl era. Daphne left for USA last year for her Masters.

Now the wild part, by some twist of fate, Daphne met Fred who's also working on his Masters in an adjacent field. It is by no means a niche subject and USA is the fourth largest country, they still found each other. He sang in our first language at some party, he's very hot, and... he's into BTS like her. Wild. So they're now dating.

They started following each other on twitter and he followed a bunch of her friends including Me! We have exchanged pleasantries and while on his account he has his real name and location, mine is a mixed bag account with my fake name and my (sfw) queer creations all over it.

I know who He is but he doesn't know who I am, he thinks I'm just one of Daphne's dudes, and Daphne doesn't know that she's dating my ex who she had promised to drop into the Challenger's Deep (joke). My reasoning for hiding the truth is-- It's still not safe for me to be out IRL and he can mess it up. I remember his bigotry, I hate him, I have every right to avoid him and here that means not revealing my identity. But it's been years so maybe he has changed, and Daphne is my friend. So, I feel like a massive ahole for not telling her at least. At the same time she really did hate my racist homophobic right leaning ex a lot, so knowing the truth will make things awkward and I don't want to lose my friend.

So, there you have it. AITA?

BTW, no I'm not into BTS ships or reader insert fantasies, that's not what I create. I know someone would ask about it so there. I'm also Not attracted to Daphne, if I was I'd have asked her out straight away, I don't play around about my crushes.

What are these acronyms?

[volo-thereforeiam]

"Choice feminism" is bad for women in East Asia? What are you on about? Are you seriously rather subscribe to radical feminism that is so white and fail to account WOC and women from the global south in general? Are you seriously going to subscribe to a transphobic movement? You can't say this kind of feminism isn't transphobic because look at 4B or 6B4T in South Korea and China. The movement explicitly exclude transwomen and has been glorified to death by mostly white women. If anything I say the feminism that includes transwomen is good for East Asia to fix the transphobia problem. I feel sorry for transpeople in East Asia if all the feminists are like you.

I'm just going to elaborate point by point.

"'Choice feminism' is bad for women in East Asia? What are you on about?" On paper, choice feminism sounds great because it empowers women to do whatever they want, as long as it's their choice. In reality, women have been groomed to "choose" things that primarily benefit men. People don't make choices in a vacuum; we're influenced by our environment. When strict gender roles and expectations for women still exist aggressively in East Asia, the path of least resistance is to conform to those values. East Asian women "choose" to be housewives and follow exhaustive beauty regimes because society is kinder to them when they do. Or they think these choices are good for them due to moral grooming. Let me ask you: if a conservative, religious, sheltered, and uneducated woman chooses to marry a man 20 years older and have 5+ babies, how much of that is truly her choice? What women need is not empowerment, but agency.

"Are you seriously rather subscribe to radical feminism that is so white and fail to account WOC and women from the global south in general?" That's an interesting perspective, anon! I'd love to hear more about why you consider radical feminism to be "white" someday. Personally, I think liberal feminism (or 3rd wave feminism/choice feminism, I use these terms interchangeably) is the movement that fails to account for women from the global south. While it's true that liberal feminism is quite inclusive, it is still mostly US/Europe-centric (and for simplicity, I include Canada and Australia in the same category). This means that when it accounts for WOC, it's primarily considering WOC who live in those regions. It is known as "Western feminism" for a reason. Radical feminism, on the other hand, doesn't need to work as hard to include WOC from the global south because those women already tend to gravitate towards it instead of liberal feminism. The reason is that liberal feminism has shifted its focus from women’s issues to a broader concern with gender. When women outside the US and Europe haven’t even secured basic rights directly tied to their sex, why should they align with a movement that has moved on to different concerns?

"Are you seriously going to subscribe to a transphobic movement? You can't say this kind of feminism isn't transphobic because look at 4B or 6B4T in South Korea and China. The movement explicitly exclude transwomen and has been glorified to death by mostly white women." 4B and 6B4T at the core are meant to serve as direct opposition of South Korea and China's patriarchal state and combat its aggressive pro-natalist policies, which view women’s bodies and reproductive abilities as tools for the state’s future. Other aspects of the movement, such as rejecting rigid beauty standards and degrading depictions of women in otaku culture, are part of women's effort to not make themselves (excuse the wording) look "breedable". I hope it’s clear why transwomen can't be included in this specific movement.

Regarding the movement being glorified mainly by white women, I'm not aware it is the case because my focus isn't on the West like yours is. But even if we accept your claim as true, how does the support from white women automatically make the movement fundamentally "white" (and, by implication, bad in your view)? Roe v. Wade was just overturned, so it's understandable that Western women, especially Americans, would take an interest in the 4B movement. Or maybe they simply empathize with their fellow women. Let me ask you this: for someone so determined to include transwomen in every feminist movement, why do you consider white women less of women?

"If anything I say the feminism that includes transwomen is good for East Asia to fix the transphobia problem. I feel sorry for transpeople in East Asia if all the feminists are like you." Or we could have separate movements that collaborate when necessary but don't have to be synonymous. Why does feminism need to stretch itself thin to cover every issue? Isn't that one of the factors Roe v. Wade was overturned despite majority in the US disapproved supreme court decision? Feminism in the West has been defanged so much by consumerism, sex empowerment and gender issues. I also believe having a movement specifically for trans people allows for a focus on their unique issues, making it more effective.

You don't need to be sorry for transpeople here because what I'm fighting for can ultimately benefit them too. You policing women's advocacy movement, however, does not benefit anyone.

[morlock-holmes]

Richard Hanania is still bugging me.

He is a right-wing intellectual who recently wrote a book called "The Origins of Woke: Civil Rights Law, Corporate America, and the Triumph of Identity Politics".

The Amazon blurb says,

"For those angry about wokeness and what it has done to American institutions, this book offers concrete suggestions regarding policies that can move us back to being a country that emphasizes merit, individual liberty, and color-blind governance."

Anyway, in August of 2023, the Huffington Post broke the story that in the teens, he wrote online under the pen name "Richard Host"

Richard Hanania, a visiting scholar at the University of Texas, used the pen name “Richard Hoste” in the early 2010s to write articles where he identified himself as a “race realist.” He expressed support for eugenics and the forced sterilization of “low IQ” people, who he argued were most often Black. He opposed “miscegenation” and “race-mixing.” And once, while arguing that Black people cannot govern themselves, he cited the neo-Nazi author of “The Turner Diaries,” the infamous novel that celebrates a future race war.

Hanania has admitted that the Huffpost story is correct.

Even five years ago, the media could set the narrative, tell people what was important, and how they should react to any particular story. We appear to be moving past the worst of the cancellation trend. Most outside of a certain echo chamber realize this kind of reporting is contemptible. The goal is not to engage with ideas, but to simply silence a person and remove them from polite company. To not have to discuss their ideas on account of other ideas they put forward at a different time of their life and which they may no longer even believe in.

Man, good thing cancel culture has been rejected, so that saying,

“We’ve known for a while through neuroscience and cross-adoption studies... that individuals differ in their inherent capabilities. The races do, too, with whites and Asians on the top and blacks at the bottom,” Hoste wrote in the 2010 essay, titled “Why An Alternative Right Is Necessary.” “If the races are equal,” Hoste wrote, “why do whites always end up near the top and blacks at the bottom, everywhere and always?”

Is absolutely no obstacle to becoming a respected scholar of civil rights.

Wait a second... I'm not sure we've landed at the correct equilibrium.

Hanania is not a guy who makes TikTok videos about fancy cakes but said some unrelated objectionable things 15 years ago.

He is an author and the founder of a right-wing think tank who hopes to, and probably does, have significant influence on the direction of conservative ideas about civil rights law. His views on civil rights are directly related to his job.

Especially if, like, he was just actively lying to people about how he came to his conclusions as recently as may of this year

Here's an excerpt from a speech Hanania gave to the Yale Federalist Society on April 3 of 2023:

I’m glad to be here talking about woke institutions and civil rights law. I have to say, I was ahead of the curve on this issue. It’s something I’ve been thinking about since I was in law school. I graduated from the University of Chicago in 2013, and my 1L summer I worked for an organization called the Center for Individual Rights, which argued the Gratz and Grutter cases. And I learned a lot while working there about how government forces institutions to be conscious of race and sex. So, for the last decade, from 2011 on, as I was doing other things in life, I would talk to people about all these things government did to discriminate against whites and men, remove standards, get rid of standardized tests, etc. And one reason I was so passionate about this is that a lot of the fixes did not require legislation. Executive orders and judicial decisions are enough. But the Trump administration came and went, the Supreme Court got more conservative, and still nobody was listening to me. So finally I started writing on this topic myself, and now that I’m writing for the public instead of just trying to convince people one-on-one, I’m getting a better return on my efforts. Another reason what I’ve been arguing has caught on is that we saw the transformation in how institutions talk about race- and sex-related issues over the last decade. A lot of people are looking for answers. Who are these diversity bureaucrats saying all these crazy things? How did we end up with so many of them and where did they come from? And all this stuff that was more latent, of interest to legal nerds only in 2011, became much more part of the culture.

In 2010 Hanania wrote:

“The biggest enemies of the Black Man are not Klansmen or multinational corporations, but the liberals who have prevented an honest appraisal of his abilities and filled his head with myths about equality and national autarky,”

I'm not just trying to gratuitously point out how awful the things Hanania said were: I am pointing out that he just lied, blatantly, about the very field he is supposed to be an expert in.

And that's not something that happened years ago when he was just a law student, that's something he did this year.

Hanania knows that this stuff was not "latent, of interest only to legal nerds" back in 2011, because by then he had already spent years embedded in a subculture that was deeply concerned about this kind of thing. Nor, for that matter, was he simply, "trying to convince people one-on-one". He was writing under a pseudonym for numerous far-right websites.

And honestly, at this point the question is just "How much of this speech is a lie" but if less of it is a lie, than it looks way worse for Hanania.

When he joined the Center for Individual Rights he wasn't 15 years out from writing all that racist stuff, he was 3 years out. How much of it did he still believe? When he was an active racist back in law school, was he still planning on joining the Center for Individual Rights?

If the answer is yes, and the actions of a blatant racist and the "classical liberal" he has now become are essentially identical, then, uh, I'm sorry, but that seems like the kind of thing that might be a pretty important part of the story of wokeness.

If the answer is "No" then, well, we're still left with the fact that he just blatantly lied about how and why he reached his current conclusions. This story of someone who had a vague, wonkish interest in something obscure but just had to speak up when he realized it was getting out of control in the teens is an utter lie.

This is a man who has told very self-serving lies about how and why he has reached the conclusions that he has, lies that are designed to leave out crucial parts of any honest appraisal of wokeness, and who kept telling those lies until he was unable to get away with it, up to this year.

I think his willingness to lie about his own supposed field of expertise in order to sell books is pretty damning in itself, and that didn't happen 15 years ago, that happened this year.

[teaah-art]

Desi LGBT Fest 2023 (hosted by @desi-lgbt-fest)

Day 2 : Legacy

Ghoonghat : A Portrait of The South Asian Third Gender

CW : Colonialism, Transphobia, Homophobia, Casteism

TW : Transphobia, Homophobia, Slur usage

South Asian history has ALWAYS been queer. We have ALWAYS had gender nonconformity as an integral part of our society. Yet, the modern Indian "conservative" view somehow points fingers to alleged western influence or modernization when it comes to queer visibility, fabricating a fundamental disconnect between South Asian culture and queer identities that was never supposed to be there. Why? What may have caused this mental divide? The answer might lie in systemic barriers built during the British Raj and the lasting consequences of that.

Third Gender identities such as the Kothi, Hijra, Khwaja Sira, Aravanis, and more are queer identities native to South Asia. No existing lgbtq label in usage in the Anglosphere describes them accurately and while 'Transgender' does serve as a viable umbrella term, it doesn't quite catch all the nuances. The term 'Third Gender' as a phrase does come close to distinguishing the identity as its own unique label, despite the term 'Third Gender' once again, being a western terminology tracing back to the 1860s which was once again proposed in a non-South Asian context and would still only serve as a broad umbrella term. Having said that, I will still continue to use 'Third Gender' to refer to these communities here because most of the names have been and do get frequently used as a slur. While much gets discussed in the anglosphere about slur reclamation in lgbtq+ spaces, South Asian queer dialogues aren't that well organized and not being a Third Gender person myself, I am hesitant and unsure of the appropriate use for community specific terms, which again vary from region to region.

History of South Asian Third Gender communities traces back to AT LEAST medieval era, if not farther back. While roots are hard to trace back and South Asian queer history may not be as linear and resolved as one may want to think, stigmatization of Third Gender communities along with other queer labels can certainly be traced back to colonial times. Section 377 of the British Colonial Penal Code, enforced in 1862 criminalized any sexual acts that were deemed 'against the order of nature' and was meant to systemically target homosexuality, sodomy, and any sexual nonconformity in the British colonies of the time. The Criminal Tribes Act of 19th and 20th century British regime in South Asia, that set out to profile hundreds of castes, tribes, and communities as 'hereditary criminals' (237 communities as of 1931), also included Third Gender communities and likely reinforced the queerphobia in society that Section 377 may have already established.

At the time of independence, when the Criminal Tribes Act was scrapped from the Indian constitution, but Section 377 remained. This means, as of 1950, you could legally present as a Third Gender individual, you could be in Third Gender communes in public and would no longer be arrested for it! But if you came out of the closet for say, being gay, or bi, you could still end up in jail. Not to mention that about 200 years of queerphobia, systemic queerphobia, does not change in a day despite legal reforms. So in 1950, when we were in a position where being gnc had legal immunity but being non-heteronormative didn't, Third Gender folks were put in a unique position where they could push for change. And push, they certainly did! I should note here that my discussion here of any legal reforms past 1950 would be limited to India since I am an Indian citizen and know Indian systems the best.

In 1994, India recognized Third Gender communities as a legal sex separate from the gender binary. This came with voting rights, right to contest in elections as a Third Gender person, right to legally LIVE as a third gender person, and more. On the state level, Third Gender activism ensured affirmative action for trans people not only for government jobs but also corporate jobs. Pension plans, welfare coverage, medical insurance, and even systemic changes towards establishing legal measures against gender discrimination. Despite the social stigma, despite their community names being used as literal slurs, Third Gender people have been at the forefront of every single South Asian queer activism and they have been WINNING!

I wish they got the recognition they rightfully deserve outside of South Asia as well. Current global queer activism is at a crossroads where trans exclusion has taken roots even in parts of the community. A lot of the exclusionary activism stems from the regimes and mentality that have a history in South Asia of erasing and colonising queer history. Is it so surprising then, that these regimes elevated bigots to power who further the same narrative they've been peddling since as far back as the 19th century? Shouldn't, then, Third Gender voices and activism inspire persevering and continuing to persevere against those very same barriers?

Third Gender erasure, reclamation, and activism is South Asian legacy, a story of resisting colonial structures, status quo, and systemic oppression. It is high time it gained visibility in international queer spaces.

Some articles to read under the cut (likely far more credible than my rant). Heavy TW for Transphobia and Homophobia for nearly all of the articles.

Shabnam Mausi - India's first trans Member of the Legislative Assembly (MLA)

The whole debacle with the 2019 Trans Rights Bill

The Hijra community and their plight during the pandemic

A Tamil Third Gender perspective on community labels

The Khwaja Siras of Pakistan and their legislative battles

A Bangladeshi ally's conundrum on what term to use for Third Gender communities

[stormblessed95]

I saw the ask you reblogged and I agree a 100%. Maybe it's because I'm Asian but it really confuses me when I see the attitude of some of the anons. I know people joke about a glass closet, but please guys, if they are gay, then they really are in the closet. Because like maybe sometime in the future, they'll come out - if attitudes change like compare the US in the 80s to the US today that's some really significant change - but at this current point they are in the closet so they'll never reveal info without some kind of plausible deniability. Plus JK and JM are in an industry where they still call it a 'scandal' sometimes to just regularly date someone.

Guys you can't imagine how much people's perception of you changes if you had to come out as gay in a conservative society (if you're lucky enough to live somewhere where it's not illegal). Like I'm lucky my family got cool with it (eventually) but there's no way I'd actually tell my extended family or people at work or casual friends. Even among people I know, the amount of 'jokes' or stereotypes I hear, I guess I'd rather just not deal with any of that.

I actually think they're both so very brave already, like releasing gcf Tokyo, the rosebowl thing, the hickey thing - I'm surprised those even exist. I guess even if we hate the fanservice narrative, they can still use that as some kind of cover to stay true to their relationship as much as possible in the public.

And last thing I specially wanted to shout out to Jimin. That photofolio where he all but came out as bi actually chokes me up even now. He didn't have to but he still did it to stay true to himself. He's so much braver than someone like me and he inspires me so much

I live in the US, and STILL it's a similar experience alot of the time how people's perception of you changes once you come out. And depending on where in these more accepting countries you live, it's not always that accepting. But anyways, thanks for sharing your opinions. I agree fully. My ask box is crazy full, I won't be sharing all the asks like this I get, but I promise I'm reading them all. Even the ones that disagree with me (and anon here).

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Extra thoughts about Nevertheless

Disclaimer: I did not read the original webtoon, this post is only about the K-drama.

I really liked it, in spite of featuring the two most frustrating characters in history as the mains.

Adult me was constantly rolling her eyes every 20 minutes or so, being all like "oh dear, here we go again, she assumes things and builds up frustration until she either explodes or ignores him completely, and he just shuts up and doesn't share his thoughts or his feelings, and they just PINE in silence and oh lord, this is exhausting".

But my inner twenty something year old? SHE WAS ELATED.

While watching the first episodes, I noticed that for the most part, it's not Jae-eon's actions per se that turn Na-bi away - it's her misinterpretation of those actions, and the opinions of others that turn her away, because other than that, they get along quite well. I'm not saying he's completely innocent in all that transpires - far from it, even, because he does have a tendency to shut down when she assumes the worst, and also to not communicate properly (telling the person he likes that he likes her? too mainstream), so of course they're bound to argue more often than not. However, she's not stellar at communication either - she assumes things, doesn't speak up on what she actually wants (her internal monologue "why can't you my boyfriend?" remains internal, she doesn't actually ask him out until the last episode), and ignores him when she's upset. And yet, as frustrating as this is, I can see where she comes from. I absolutely hate it, don't get me wrong, but I get it.

Having grown up in a quite conservative society myself (although Eastern European rather than Asian), I found Na-bi's thought process so incredibly familiar. As women, we are taught to be ashamed of having sexual desires. Sexual desires are restricted (ideally) to marriage, with the second best thing being an official relationship - everything outside of that turns you into a slut (derogatory). Na-bi obviously is not familiar or comfortable with the concept of hanging out and dating casually (and having casual sex), and is also immensely uncomfortable with the thought that people might think she doesn't respect herself enough because she has a casual relationship (she has yet to reach that extremely liberating stage when you understand that no matter what you do as a woman, you will still be judged, so it's better to do whatever the hell you want). Also she (obviously) wants more than what she gets, she wants an actual relationship with Jae-eon, not only friends with benefits or whatever it is that they are (they never really define their initial encounters), but since she doesn't have enough guts to ask for it, she just asks him to keep everything a secret. And this ends up creating a disconnect not only between her and Jae-eon, but even between her and reality; for example, she accuses him of only wanting to see her when he wants, although she was the one who asked him to keep their encounters a secret, therefore limiting by default their interactions.

That's not to say Jae-eon isn't frustrating. I actually find him even more frustrating than she is, because I can't relate at all to him, and also, I don't feel like his backstory is expanded enough for me to understand where he comes from (his relationship with his mother is somewhat strained, and it's not entirely clear why he broke up with Seol-ah). I must say, however, that I encountered people like this in real life - people who seem friendly and have an incredible energy, but who are in fact very closed off and guarded, and who make you feel like you bang your head against a wall whenever you try to get closer to them. Jae-eon likes Na-bi, but doesn't really know what to do with those feelings, and is perfectly content with their initial encounters, which are very uncomplicated from his perspective (he gets all the domestic, blissful happiness, with none of the work required for an actual romantic relationship). Then, to his surprise, she ends everything, and distances herself from him, and he basically completely freaks out by the end of the show with jealousy and longing, and well... this is basically catnip to me personally (in a strictly fictional sense, I would have zero patience for such a guy in real life), because isn't "drive the normally aloof, cold guy completely out of his mind" a well-known trope for a reason? I loved to see him suffer, I loved to see him lash out, only to be reduced to tears when she says she regrets their relationship and having met him, and I loved beyond measure that at the end they both seem changed by their common experience, and put their desires and wishes clearly into words.

I also loved that the show acknowledges it's not going to be easy for them. They might be compatible in many ways, but their communication styles are bound to clash, and a happy ending is not necessarily in the cards. "I am going to suffer, most likely", their voiceovers tell us, "but whatever, I am going to do it anyway, I am going to take that leap of faith anyway", and I think it's this final conclusion that cemented me liking this entire thing. I don't find the relationship between the mains as toxic as most people seem to think; I rather saw it as a story of two people who are completely inexperienced in matters of romance and communication, who learn things as they go along, and whose reactions are shaped by their lives up until that point as well as the socio-cultural expectations around them. Frustrating? Greatly. But they still have room to grow, and whether they will grow together, or apart, it will still be worth it. That's the final message, I believe.

[sneezemonster15]

Okay but like WHY would SNS think Kishimoto is homophobic? Some fans do and I wanna ask them Why???

What's wrong with you?

Writing the trials and tribulations of gay people in a conservative homophobic society, portraying a closeted homosexual person in a conservative heteronormative society (Naruto is, whose own homophobia so obviously stems from his closetedness, which is a very logical and realistic portrayal of homosexuality, like please watch other gay media for fuck's sake), and writing a careful, respectful, and freaking Shakespearan gay love story in a shounen fucking manga while consciously deviating from the highly problematic tropes that so many of his contemporaries use where they treat homosexuality as offensive or a joke, DOES NOT make Kishimoto homophobic.

It actually makes him empathetic to homosexuality. He actually understands homosexuality and the struggles of a gay person living in a traditional heteronormative society. He treats the subject with sensitivity and a deep sense of pathos. It couldn't be clearer that this man knows what he is writing about.

A hell lot of creators who create homosexual media, especially in mainstream media, end up cheaply fetishizing or exploiting homosexuality the same way heterosexual media has been treated, by writing insincere, common tropey cookie cutter bullshit because it sells. Because a majority of the audience doesn't care about or even begin to understand complex narrative or visual nuances. But if you have seen enough gay media, you can easily tell who is being sincere about storytelling and characters and who is just after making some easy dough.

Stories about homosexuality in mainstream cinema were very rare and scattered earlier. During the eighties and especially nineties, most creators who wrote homosexual characters and narratives used to make it offensive or to facilitate cheap comedy. We have all seen Friends, haven't we? The sitcom.

Enter Wong Kar Wai. When his film 'Happy Together' was released in 1997, so many fans in the gay community were immensely grateful to him. It was like a milestone in Asian gay media. Because finally gay community had a realistic, respectful and honest to God portrayal of a gay couple in cinema. There was no unnecessary exploitation of the subject, just a straightforward story about love. Between two people. Only in this case, they happened to be men. This was the kind of representation the Asian gay community at the time was looking for but didn't get it because the heteronormative film industries didn't cater to their interests.

My gay film maker friend was in his early twenties when he saw this film in a special screening in the city. And he was transported. And so overwhelmed. It was like a spiritual experience for him. Because he had never seen such a sincere portrayal of homosexuality and gay love in media ever. He still remembers everything in such detail, he couldn't help but cry and he wasn't the only one crying in that hall. He felt seen for the very first time in media. He could relate. And his resolve of making sincere and honest films got even stronger. He has won a lot of accolades and awards since.

That's the power of storytelling and meaningful representation.

And I can say the same thing about Kishi. He broke the mould. He wrote a realistic gay love story with a gay protagonist in love with a gay anti hero and made them kiss, never been done in the history of shounen before.

His hands were tied so he couldn't write it all that explicitly but seriously, he didn't need to. It actually ended up making this story even more nuanced and heartbreakingly beautiful.

So how does that make him homophobic? Do you even understand what homophobia means?

By your logic, Spielberg making a movie about Nazi atrocities makes him a Nazi? Or Spike Lee making films about the struggles of black people in America makes him racist? Wtf?? What's even your logic?

You admit Sasuke and Naruto, the two mainest characters, the hero and the anti hero, are gay and in love with each other and you ship them because their story is so heart touching and splendidly beautiful. But the person who wrote them that way with such immense effort in his Magnum opus is a homophobe?? Do you not see how contradictory that is?

Seriously, please think for ONE second before you say things. You are accusing an amazing writer of something grave, that he is the opposite of.

Yes, I have heard and read worse things in this fandom. But seriously, I don't want to expect something like this out of the SNS fandom. Use your head, it's not just for show.

[my-misericordia]

So I feel like I’ve figured out how to describe what Souta is as a character to me.

Souta is a critique of the “ideal” Japanese man....and incoming long ass essay I had nooo idea I was holding in lol 

He's a civil servant. Why? Because it’s stable and “contributes to Japans future”. This isn’t scientific, but a lot of English teachers/Influencers I’ve followed have said that when they’ve asked kids what they want to do the answer they get a lot is salaryman/civil servant. I’m sure they say that because it’s the “correct” answer they’ve been taught to say....So Souta has followed the “right” path and He also works like he’s supposed to by doing a lot of overtime. In Japan although overtime is usually not required people do it mostly to appear like good workers, in fact a lot of people actually don’t even do much while they’re at the office they just want to look hard working AND they don’t get overtime pay....This lack of people being fulfilled in their careers and long hours is why I feel Japan has had a drop off in marriage and birth rates..

And this goes to his sexuality. I can see how it can read as Ace/Demi, but I guess the reason I don’t is because I read a lot of manga and characters like Souta are everywhere in Japanese manga...So after some reading and kind of just thinking...these almost Sexless characters are portrayed a lot because they’re kind of what Japanese society sees as an ideal man. A good, respectable man will be focused on his work and not let sex cloud their thoughts/goals. He will pursue a partner After he’s met his goal. I know that a lot of the media has reached the west has made Japan appear more “sexually outgoing” than maybe the west, but it’s still a very conservative country. The stuff we get is pretty “weird” for other Japanese people too. People are expected to be married by 27ish, divorce is still very tabboo etc....oh no gay marriage too

So he’s living how he’s supposed to and has convinced himself it’s fine. Once he’s worked himself up the ladder he’ll start thinking about love etc... Which is why he’s so miserable and restrained that it’s manifested in him feeling “liberated” while eating naked....I’ve seen a lot of people relate it to sexuality but to me it’s a small part of everything else lol

That’s why he needed to go to the countryside and have this cooking experience too! To open his eyes to the world around him...See how he’s very much been soo miserable living the life that society expected him too.

As for his queerness....Well being just so repressed in general has really stunted his ability to even explore it and how to describe his feelings. Many asians who were not allowed to date or have relationships until they succeeded in what their parents wanted have voiced their experiences online. Some can jump in very easily into exploring what they like but others like Souta have no idea and in a heteronormative world...to even consider being NOT straight?! 

He’s out here being hit with revelation after revelation poor baby. Being the ideal Japanese man set him up for failure... 

[leestars24]

I made a speech about how trans kids should have gender-affirming healthcare. I am not good with public speaking but I still wanted people to read it because I think that it is important.

“Our experience of gender is no more or less pathological than that of ‘mainstream’ society… We have a right to live in a body that matches our self-image and deep desires without someone else being the gatekeeper to our experience.” –Florence Ashley, transfeminine jurist and bioethicist

Help. That is what the trans community needs. They are being attacked. There have been 350 anti trans bills proposed in 36 different states as of 2023. I thought we were done with this. 244 years ago America was free. 244 years ago people had slaves. 157 years ago slavery was abolished. 102 years ago women were allowed to vote. Only 2,647 days ago gay marriage was made legal. America has had a terrible history of not treating people fairly just because of some conservative values. Now the people that are under attack are the trans community. It is disgusting to think that even now in 2023 we are still struggling with the problem of people not being treated fairly just because they are women, black, asian, like the same sex, or are changing their body to fit their gender. We have to stop this now. Something has to change because kids are going to die if we ban gender-affirming healthcare. Just last year we banned abortion. A basic form of healthcare for women. Now it is gender-affirming care for trans kids. As a 15 year old I shouldn’t have to write this. I shouldn’t have to worry whether or not kids my age will kill themselves because some politicians and their christian conservative values don’t think they should have life saving care. America is a country that allows you to believe and practice whatever religions you want but it is not run by the bible. I do not care about your beliefs. I couldn't care less you can go and believe whatever you want but that does not mean that you get to dictate people's lives based on your beliefs. Stop before kids die. In a study it proved that trans youth aged from 13-20 years old that had access to PB (Puberty Blockers) and GAH (Gender-Affirming Hormones) were 73% less likely to kill themselves. 73%! If you take away PB and GAH kids will kill themselves. This is not a matter of if you believe that it is wrong. This is a matter of healthcare to save kids' lives. You have already failed them by not protecting them from guns. Don’t fail them on this.

[femmesandhoney]

is killing affirmative action that bad? black people deserve the same chance at good education, but should that not be taking place earlier on? middle school and specifically high school?

letting unqualified people into colleges and universities and passing them on far lower standards is harmful to both the students being let in solely on race but to the people who worked hard and now lost their chance just because they happen to be white or asian.

wouldn’t it be more helpful to help get black students into good high schools so that they can get qualified enough instead of deciding whether their worthy or not on the color of their skin?

why is your argument "affirmative action is helping college students and not k-12 students so its bad and we should be okay w it being dismantled despite seeing negative results for minority students in the states that have tried ending it" like what? you can demand better resources for majority-minority schools and support affirmative action programs. AA exists because it acknowledges how systemic the racism is in american society. fun fact, affirmative action has also benefitted a good majority of white women as well since affirmative action programs are both sex and race related. let's jot that down, no white women are really being discriminated against based on race for college apps 🙄

secondly its insulting to call these minority students "unqualified" like are you the college administrators? how would you know that fully? like truly. you sound like the girl who accused me of stealing a spot from someone else by applying to a top college to see if i could get in just because. it doesn't work like that, admins still consider many factors when judging students. if you didn't get in, well frankily you probably wouldn't have gotten in with or without AA programs in place and i do think its embarrassing when people get rejected and point fingers at AA programs. AA exists to help minority students get a higher education and make sure a campus isn't a homogeneous blob of elite white people. either way schools will need to find ways to support minority students who often lack resources and recruitment opportunities, so race will be considered no matter what, now just in roundabout ways.

anyways you can read some of these articles on the topic, most important to note is that AA bans will mostly impact the minority of highly selective colleges, aka the more elite colleges. it was never that huge of a problem for average american college students in the first place, but now we'll likely see less minority students in those selective campuses and eventually will be reflected in the workforce/academic spaces of those areas.

[saintpoems]

the thing about me is that when i was 12 i watched every documentary i could about women’s issues and that led to me watching/reading about the civil rights movement/feminism/racism/marginalization/ableism/colonialism etc etc and what i learned from those documentaries has never left my mind for a single second so i do have a pretty set moral code and it’s weird for me sometimes bc i see people i’m friends with bend their own belief systems for one reason or another (usually small things like watching the kardashians or watching movies by certain directors/actors, not masking after a certain point in 2022, etc) and my immediate reaction to it is to feel like. betrayed bc in a sense it’s like they’re going against what i believe in and it leaves me questioning if we’re even on the same page. often, i think i’m the weird one. i think i’m to rigid about things like that sometimes. but then again? like, for example— no listening to taylor swift doesn’t automatically make you a bad person but we all heard about the private jet, the lawsuit against a journalist that asked her to disavow white supremacy, her dating a man that spewed the most horrendous things about black and asian women, her repeated use of white tears/fragility, and you choose to still believe that beneath it all she’s a good person that works to benefit society? at that point, you’re being willfully ignorant which is more dangerous imo than just saying you don’t care and listening to her anyway. And okay, maybe you joke about it and say you’re aware but at the end of the day you’re still giving her money and legitimizing and excusing that behavior by proxy? it’s the same thing with fast food places that donate to conservatives and issues that affect people like you, like your friends, like your neighbors, poor people, people of color, people with disabilities... you’re supporting a business— a non human thing that just cares about money and fucking them over— for a chicken sandwich? fr?

you can call me pretentious, can tell me i’m virtue signaling and posturing and whatever else you need to make yourself feel better, but at the end of the day you’re the one willingly upholding the systems you say you’re against.

[euphoricfilter]

“cis asian man”

so by arguing that jungkook can’t be genderfluid or enby, last anon has basically stepped into muddy waters of implying that nonbinary is only a gender that people born female can identify as —or really only exist as

they’ve assigned a binary to where none should apply

like we do know that people can be nonbinary and present masc? right?

now im a black enby and i’ve faced the masculinization of black women which is essentially on the opposite spectrum of the emasculation of asian men.

there is something to be said about the emasculation of asian men but when it actually applies.

we can talk about asian men who are feminized and we can talk about how there are some asian amab enbies who are secure in their masculinity and feel disrespected when people emasculate them.

but that’s not what anon is proposing cuz they want jungkook to be cis in this story.

seeing the nonbinary identity as asian emasculation tells me that anon sees it as feminization instead of neutrality. you’ve essentially let yt supremacy get a hold of you, boo boo🤦🏽‍♀️

i won’t lie and say there isn’t a problem within the nonbinary community where many afab enbies fall into the trap of reaffirming the binary by subconsciously —or even maliciously— making say/doing things that only “women/afab” people can relate to only to label it as nonbinary discourse.

i’ve heard people born male/socialized male feel out of place in enby spaces because the tendency of thinking “afab = nonbinary”. this isnt true and should be shut down immediately.

anon is sounding like a radfem/terf who only accepts female/feminine enby in women’s spaces because amab enbies are still “men”

not all of us look like manic pixie dream girls who like frogs. cuz i promise you when you ask the average conservative or even liberal what a nonbinary person looks like its this very specific stereotype of “short haired white ‘woman’ who likes quirky things and dresses in cuffed mom jeans and a graphic tee with pride pins”

its not to say that these people are any less valid in the nonbinary identity than me but it doesn’t reflect the diversity of our identity gender or race wise.

plus its the fact that anon is okay with reader being nonbinary which i assume means that they think they’ll be reading as someone with a vagina.

and even if they recognize that the “holes” may bot be specified. they will probably delve into their own subconscious bias of imagining nonbinary reader with vagina cuz they already think “afab = nonbinary”

but their lil fantasy falls apart when they “have” to reader about nonbinary jungkook cuz they’ve condition themselves to see him as feminine and there for having a vagina.

(which i dont want this to be too long so i wont get into trans people who decide to transition to present towards a binary and still identify as enby. there are men/transmasc people with vaginas who still identify as enby. but also there are intersex people who have presented as women all their lives and have testicles and identify as nonbinary)

so all imma say is anon is puttin’ on their activism like a lil cosplay. its performative asf.

cuz going off jungkook’s recent photoshoots, he’s presents rather androgynous but still leans into his masculinity.

so fictional jungkook can look like calvin klein jungkook and have any pronouns

jungkook can have he/him, he/they, she/her, she/they and they/them or even neopronouns and still be a masc/androgynous enby

- pronouns doesnt specify gender

- gender doesnt specify presentation

- genitals doesnt specify either pronouns or presentation

example: im a nonbinary person who goes by she/they pronouns but i present very masc most of the time and i have a vagina. i’m secure in both my femininity/masculinity, but i don’t wanna be hypersexualized like society views black women and i also hate being hypermasculinized like how society views black men as brutish and predatory. but at the same time you’re not gonna strip me of the healthy relationship ive cultivated with both binaries. i’ve found my own way to express the binary that reaffirms my blackness and isnt determined by yt supremacist standards.

also very weird to assume our lovely author is black. wtf do we have to do with this? keep black people out your mouth cuz its obvi you’re tryna stir division amongst the black and asian community. go on somewhere.

this anon didnt have the range for this convo and i cant say i covered everything because race/gender is nuanced. its quite literally a infinite which is why intersectionality is important.

ooh im tired😭 this was long

there’s like minimal logic behind their argument, and are maybe talking about a topic they’re not exactly well versed in??

of course i can only say so much, from my own experiences and perspectives but i’m not ignorant, and that feels kinda like what they were trying to get at, that i’m a bad person and i’m dehumanising people and im racist 😭 like ??? idk where that narrative even came from?? it’s just sad to me that someone can invalidate a community of people based of a work of fiction and their weird bigoted views of enby people??

see that’s what i was trying to explain last night, being non binary is such a wide spectrum of things for different people when looking at their gender, or lack thereof. because every nonbinary person isn’t a set gender or way of expressing your gender, or how you feel about gender or you as a person and the way you present yourself. hence why i’d never exclusively label a reader non binary. gender neutral sure, because that then gives the reader freedom within themselves to actually see them within the character without me putting a stereotypical label on a nonbinary individual whose existence is gonna be so very different than the next enby individual.

i’m always very conscious about how i write my readers. because although i don’t necessarily see myself as the reader while i’m writing, there’s always going to be a little bit of myself projected onto the reader and i wouldn’t want to force how i view myself as a person onto everyone else who reads my stuff. hence why i’d never mention skin color or race or (in some cases) gender identity. for me, while writing smut especially, that’s where i find it hard to write a character who might be nonbinary, simply for the fact i don’t want to write an experience that i guess i wouldn’t fully understand the emotions of, hence why i would label the reader afab just so i’m not invalidating anyone’s experiences, i’d hate to do that

i’m really grateful that you took the time out of your day to write this, so that there’s another perspective put on the table, and i think it’s an important conversation to have especially if i’ve got weird people lurking on my blog when i’ve tried to make it very clear this is a safe space for all lgbtq+ friends, because really i love you all a lot and want this to be a nice community for us all. and thank you for articulating a little better what i was trying to get at!! idk why i find it hard to just put into words exactly what i’m thinking LMAO

we could talk forever about the masculinisation of black women and feminisation of asian men, it’s such a big topic to cover. and if the anon has actually idk had taken the time to explain exactly how i was disrespectful or racist without just flinging big words about thinking it was gonna make me second guess myself, then yeah i wouldn’t be so offended. but it’s like if you’re gonna come in my inbox with all these big claims then at least come knowing what you’re talking about?? i was gonna be generous and say they had a surface level understanding of the topic but i honestly think they don’t 🧍‍♀️ and again, i think this is a really important topic to bring up and talk about

there’s a reason i chose he/they pronouns for jungkook. i could have chosen they/them. and i had considered it, but if we’re talking about real life jungkook then especially with recent photos, although he’s very very androgynous, there’s still a comfortability within his masculinity, hence why i chose those pronouns for him for his gender fluid identity

fictional jungkook was very much inspired by the recent photos!! very much cutie fun calvin klein jungkook whose gender is so delicious i get mild envy but in a sorta good way!!

thank you for sharing your own experience too!!

OH YEAH idk why they assumed i was black?? it felt like a leeway for them to be racist and i’m not tolerating that on my page on top of them being stupid and accusing me of stuff i haven’t done 😭 i really don’t talk about myself all that much so i have no idea where that notion came from, i hope you guys just see me as like a lil floating star or something cute, just a little entity that writes for you guys as gifts because i like spoiling you 🏃‍♀️

that’s what i’m saying!! like at least come with some understanding of what you’re accusing me of before you start saying words you clearly don’t understand because you just sound stupid LMAO

again, thank you so so so much for even taking the time out of your day to explain all of this!! you’re literally the sweetest and i love you a lot, and thank you for being comfortable enough to share your own story too and helping me articulate what my lil pea brain has trouble saying without wanting to absolutely cuss that person out 🫂 you deserve a lil smooch after all that, and a fun little snack too so go get one!! MWAH 💞

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi! Was wondering what you thought of this person’s take on what happened in Malaysia?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT881JDmE/

I do think what the band did was brave, and as a POC queer person myself who grew up in a conservative Asian family, seeing queer love brings me so much joy. (ik they’re both straight but the sentiment was there)

On the other hand, I see the TikToker’s point of queer Malaysians not having the the opportunity to do what the 1975 did and possibly fueling anti-Western homophobic thought by accident. Maybe that’s why the 1975 should have done what they did?

idk…i support the band’s sentiment fully but still feel conflicted for some reason…fluffy fic time

Hiiii. Firstly, I am sending you hugs. I hope you feel good and supported right now. And just know that feeling conflicted is totally valid and you’re entitled to how you feel regardless.

In my opinion, and I’m not an expert, nor am I a member of the LGBTQ+ community, is that there is a difference between reformation and protest. I have seen tons of people argue that if the boys really wanted to do something helpful to queer people in Malaysia they could have just donated money to an organization, they could have pulled out of the show, etc. I can’t emphasize this enough: THOSE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT AND VALID AND NECESSARY. But those would be reform. Not protest. To make the difference clearer, let’s put it this way: it’s the difference between the carrot and the stick.

The carrot: this would be reform. Investing money into organizations. Laws. Activism. Having summits and seminars and public education so that the culture and the people can learn more and begin to move towards acceptance. Establishing sanctuaries and providing legal representation if the government chooses to dig its heels in and prosecute people unjustly just for being queer. Etc. essentially: all the hard work of changing the system.

The Stick: protest. This is where people just say NOPE. fuck these laws. Fuck this system. We won’t stand for this. Do what you want. We are here to say that we don’t agree and we think it should stop. No matter what. The queer people of Malaysia aren’t able to do this. Due to government censorship, they’d be in way more trouble before their point is even made. And they’d end up losing everything. But, the 1975 being white, western, and in a murky position where yeah they could be punished legally but it won’t really affect them all that much, decide to speak up. The goal of protest is not perfection. That’s the carrot, right? The carrot is about getting into the nooks and crannies and bridging gaps and providing support etc. the stick goes WHACK! Protest is for shining a big bright light that says “look here!!!!”

What is the role of art in society? Carrot or stick? The 1975 think stick. Especially because of the kind of art they make and the kind of art that they grow up on. You hear matty use the word “subversive” a lot. That’s what punk is. (People will come at me trying to reach me about punk music and punk genres blah blah. That’s not what I mean.) the word punk actually used to mean prostitute. So everybody calm down. Being punk is about subverting authority. About questioning the status quo. About being loud and messy and saying “fuck the people in power.” Those are the principles on which the 1975 are founded. It’s their essence. So that’s why their chosen method is the stick.

Both methods are valid, but let’s remember that they have different goals. Matty wasn’t trying to reach a position where he would meet with the government, shake hands, and have a conversation about human rights. If that were his goal, he would have chosen the carrot. His goal was to make a mess. To get people talking.

It’s my opinion that we need BOTH. We need the carrot and the stick. Because all the loud protests in the world aren’t going to help if real change doesn’t happen. You can keep saying this government is shit but as long as there’s no active effort to change it, then your words are just words.

Similarly, you can be civil and calm and chill about it, and donate to organizations and post little Instagram charts and graphics like influencer activists do, and then go about your business and nothings gonna happen. Both methods work together or they don’t work at all.

Matty has always said to have respect for serious issues enough to leave it to the experts. And that his goal as an artist is to “signpost towards utopia.” What he means by this is that activists, human rights groups, and international relations experts should be doing the work cuz they know what the fuck they’re doing, and his job is to protest. To say no. To say this is not right. To amplify the voices of those who need help. To say “our goal should be equality.”

Of course this is going to make his opponents dismiss him as a western white dude trying to brainwash and corrupt the youth. I grew up around this mentality I know it well. But that’s okay. Cuz his goal wasn’t the best and tidy. It doesn’t affect his message. It’s better to talk even if the talk is negative, than to be chill and passive.

That’s how I see it anyway. But I could be wrong and I wanna say it again; you have EVERY RIGHT to be conflicted. Conflicted is okay. Good even. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel.

💗💗

[navtravels]

Sighting At Gharana Wetland With Friend

On last saturday, my friend suggested a trip to Gharana Wetland.

He and me rode on Royal Enfield Meteor 350 joyfully with a Go Pro camera with us. On way he told me that this place was about 35 km far from Jammu city and it is located near Indo - Pak border in R S Pura Tehsil of Jammu Distt .

It is barely 4 km away from Suchetgarh border. He told me that Gharana Wetland has an international recognition. It is one of the important bird areas in the world declared by the Bird Life International (UK) and also by the Bombay Natural History Society.

This wetland is located along Central Asian Flyway. Looking into its importance it has been notified as Wetland Conservation Reserve under J&K Wildlife Protection Act 1978.

But on asking where do the birds come from, he told me that these migratory birds are from Central Asia , Mongolia , Russia , China etc. Most of these birds reach there between the last week of October and the first week of November. The maximum number of birds which may go upto 5000 can be seen in December and January, but between ending February and first week of March they start returning back to their native places.

The different type of species which may go around 90 are bar-headed geese , common teals , gadwallas , purple swamp-hens , green shanks flocks , indian morhens etc.

While we were about to reach Gharana Wetland , my friend told me that it had the unique characteristic of being the only one Wetland in the world where bird watchers can watch from a close distance such bird species which have the capacity to fly high and reach high altitudes .

All this narration made me excited and much curious to see all this myself . By then we arrived at the periphery of the Wetland and could see the signage of Department of Wildlife Protection with names of species on it.

Signage of Department Of Wildlife Protection

We parked our Royal Enfield Meteor 350 and entered the Gharana Wetland. I was awestruck with magnificent view that opened in front of me , a reservoir of biodiversity with hundreds and hundreds of birds were in front of me which I had never seen before . I was thrilled to see all this. I could hear chirping and chattering of birds all around me.

I wondered that how these birds travelled thousands of miles to reach Gharana Wetland. At the same time I saw a flock of birds flying high in front of me chirping sweetly in their own way.

Flock of birds flying.

Using Binoculars I also saw Pak post from the Wetland where I was told some birds fly at night and return in the morning. Meanwhile it was about to get dark and we had to return.

On way , the images of the place were still flashing in front of me. It left me thinking that how good it would be that we humans also learn to live together and give a message that world is one family .It was indeed a journey of a lifetime and undoubtedly a wonderful trip.