#we were devastated. So I tried to duplicate them at home one night. It was funny to note that soon after

[emy-can-craft]

Broccoli Bites - Cheese

[robstenicon]

Broccoli Bites Delicious bits of broccoli are drenched in a cheese mixture and fried. When our local restaurant stopped serving their Broccoli Bites, we were devastated. So I tried to duplicate them at home one night. It was funny to note that soon after, they started carrying them again here.

[klarolinedrabbles]

What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way. 

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter. 

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing. 

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it. 

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why. 

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane. 

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear. 

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab. 

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc  that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it. 

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat. 

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at  kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao. 

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid. 

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend. 

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes. 

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

[lizk77]

Ten Years

This was actually originally posted on facebook around the end of the year. It began with my need to share my experience with others. I saw a few of those ‘10 years ago’ posts where people post a pic from back then and a recent one side by side. I tried that and realized I don’t really look much different. But the last decade of my life has certainly been the most meaningful of my life. This is very personal and discusses physical, mental and emotional abuse so if that’s a sensitive subject for you please don’t read. This is why I’ve been absent from tumblr and writing for so long.

I would also say this is not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18 due to adult themes.

It’s been 10 years. A decade. The most difficult yet meaningful decade of my life. When I think back to the person I was 10 years ago, I am amazed by the woman I’ve become today. I stand here at the end of the most difficult decade of my life and I’m proud. Proud of what I’ve accomplished, my strength and everything I’ve learned.

I began this decade feeling nearly suffocated by grief. I was no stranger to grief, but the loss of my mother was like the spiritual and emotional equivalent of having the wind knocked out of you. Pure, utter devastation. I was overwhelmed by my feelings. The whole world felt like a strange, scary place without my mother in it. In the months preceding her death I had tunnel vision, I focused on taking care of her and Emily and didn’t allow myself time to feel anything. So even though I knew she was dying, it didn’t really hit home until after she was gone. I instantly regretted that I didn’t focus more on enjoying my mother’s last months on this earth. I carry that regret with me still today. I should’ve had her teach me how to make her spaghetti sauce. I should’ve written down the recipe for parsley potatoes that she showed me how to make once but I haven’t been able to duplicate since. I should’ve asked her questions. Questions about my grandparents, about my dad, about when I was a baby. I should’ve had her French braid my hair every night. I miss that the most. I should’ve asked her how to be a good mother. What to do when my child is up at 3am puking down the hallway, all over the bed and the carpet. If I should take my kid to the hospital when she has something stuck up her nose, or how high of a fever is cause for alarm. There have been countless instances over the past decade where I would have given anything to be able to call her for guidance and support.

Grief has been the overwhelming emotion guiding me the past 10 years. I’ve learned that grief never ends. It changes, at first the feeling of loss is so raw that you just don’t know how you’ll ever be the same again. Then, over time, it evolves into every emotion. Grief can be happiness, sadness, anger and frustration. It can encompass all emotions at once. There are times even now when I just feel the loss of her all over again and in that moment I’m devastated all over again. I struggled with a lot of things after my mother’s death. I am still struggling with my faith. I have been angry at God for the past decade, so angry that I have neglected the spiritual well-being of my children. I have yet to figure out how to let that go.

I’ve always considered myself to be a strong, independent person. Life made me that way. I’ve experienced enough death, enough pain, enough abuse. Not long after the death of my mother, I was lured into a relationship that provided security. Financial security, which I had never had before. But I lost my strength. For 7 years I allowed my strength and independence to be stripped away. I was broken, ashamed, nobody knew what I was going through. Hell, I didn’t even realize the full extent of it. I was blind to the damage being caused not just to me, but to my children. I told myself our security was more important than our happiness. I realized after a while that I was wrong, but by then I didn’t know how to get out. I was afraid of losing everything.

Then it happened. The one thing I always said I would never tolerate. And yet, I found myself wishing it would happen. Because then I would have a reason. I watched my mother suffer the effects of physical abuse many times while I was a teenager. I vowed that I’d never let that happen to me. But once I was tangled in the web of my own abusive relationship, I began to realize that there are types of abuse that far surpass the physical. Bruises, cuts, even broken bones eventually heal. And it’s so easy to say, “He hit her? What a monster!” The abuse is very evident. But when you’re subjected to the whims of a narcissist, it’s very different. Everybody thinks they’re such a nice guy. They project an image of being loving and caring and happy. But the truth is they are even more of a monster than the guy who beats his wife. For seven years, I merely existed in his world. I tried as hard as I could to give him what he wanted and make him happy. Nothing I did was ever good enough. My daughters and I walked around our house on eggshells, not wanting to poke the sleeping giant. I tried to be the peacekeeper. Tried my best to keep his anger focused on me and not my girls. I told myself I could take it as he backed me into the bathroom, up against the shower wall, screaming at me with his face inches from mine. Spit flying everywhere. He called me worthless, accused me of cheating, told me I didn’t care about my children or the home we built for them.

And I stayed. Because I didn’t know how to leave. I didn’t think I could take care of my home and children on my own. I wasn’t strong enough. I was weak. I wasn’t good enough. After all, that’s what he had told me for 7 years. The day after one of our fights was always surreal. He acted like it never happened. Told me he loved me and he just needed to get his anger out or he’d explode. Like berating me and breaking me down was no big deal. And I would stand there in front of him, bewildered. Amazed by how really fucked up he was. But I stayed. I kept the peace and I stayed.

Until that night. When he hit me, it was like he knocked some sense into me. I remember the look on my daughter’s face after it happened. Tears welled up in my eyes as my baby looked at me with concern and asked if I was ok. I was not ok. Not at all. I saw myself in the face of my baby, saw the concern I felt for my mother all those years. And I drew strength from it. My mom would have been devastated to know what my life was like. I was her strong child, yet here I was broken and weak. I couldn’t let the same cycle repeat itself. I couldn’t let my kids grow up watching their mother being treated badly. I knew that if she were still alive, I would’ve gotten out sooner. She would’ve seen right through him. She would’ve known he was evil and I was miserable. She always did. She always knew. I used to hate that she was always right about my life and my feelings. But now that she’s gone, I truly miss her ability to tell me what’s wrong with my life. She always had a way of calling me out on my bad decisions. And she was the only one I listened too. The only opinion that really mattered.

So I decided to make a change. I called the cops and had him arrested. Then I went the very next day and filed an injunction for protection from abuse. He was gone. My oldest was already with her dad and my youngest went up north to stay with my aunt for awhile. I had two uninterrupted months to find myself again. I picked up the broken pieces of my life and focused on me. I spent time with friends. I went on dates. I lost a bunch of weight. I went out and experienced life beyond my couch. Gradually I began to feel like myself again. I regained my strength. But I also found myself grieving, once again. Despite everything I had been through, I missed my family. I worked hard for 7 years to build a life and it was gone. Of course I didn’t miss the abusive part of my relationship. But there were some things I missed. The feel of someone next to me in bed at night. Having someone to talk to about my day. Despite my decision to stay single and raise my daughters on my own, I found myself lonely at times. Sure I had been out on dates, but I told everyone up front that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I just wanted to keep things casual. Once you tell a guy that there’s really no way to take it back. Plus I had so much baggage. And I’m not talking about my kids. I’m talking about emotional baggage. I was a mess. I faked confidence that I didn’t have. Sure I was getting stronger, but healing takes time. How do you tell someone you just met that you just suffered through 7 years of narcissistic abuse? Without them thinking you’re totally crazy? You don’t. So I held it back. I tried to push it to the back of my mind and forget it was there.

It didn’t work. I decided to try something different. I talked about it. To everyone. Literally. Friends, co-workers, family, dates. Reactions were mixed. Most people were really supportive. Some were not. A lot of people just faded into the woodwork of my life at this point. They stopped texting me and returning my calls. I was upset by this at first, but soon discovered that letting it out was like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. It was helping me heal. I was growing stronger each day. I have to thank each and every person who listened, even if they had a negative reaction. My healing was much quicker because I let all those feelings go rather than bottle them up. I know, crazy, right? Here I am, the cold-hearted one who buries their feelings deep down, sharing all my feelings with pretty much anyone who would listen. And something amazing happened. I started to smile more. I opened up to people. I started being honest and upfront with people about my feelings. Sure, I’m still hurting and healing, but I really feel transformed. I struggle, I have stress and anxiety, mostly about my children and finances. But I am happy. I am confident again. I know I’m a good person and learning how to let go of all the bad feelings and negativity created by my situation. Some days are good, some days aren’t. Some days I feel strong and on top of the world. Others I feel weak and broken. But the most important thing I’ve learned in the past decade is how to pick myself back up, dust myself off and rise above.

I don’t know what the next decade has in store for me. I know I will continue to focus on my inner growth and raising my children. I will figure out how to be happy and how to struggle less. I will also focus on developing honest and loving relationships with the people I care about. Respect and loyalty and communication are my top priority. My focus has to be me and my children. We come first. I refuse to allow any of us to be mistreated or abused. I will settle for nothing less and surround my family with people who are genuine and who care. This is my goal for the next ten years.

It will be the best years of my life.

Tagging: @allaboutchoices @innerpostmentality @bobasheebaby @sirbeepsalot @darley1101 @desiree---1986

I’m tagging just a few people I know. I won’t be offended if you don’t want to read or reblog.

[cobblepot-comfort]

Oswald Takes the Bullet and Jim Bites It - Chapter 44 - Laugh or Cry

There is another twist in the search for and rescue of Oswald

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14157339/chapters/45596419 

Laugh or Cry

Jim experienced such conflicting emotions as he stood staring down at the comatose figure in the hospital bed.

He felt some relief that this critically-injured soul attached to beeping machines with tubes going in and coming out of him wasn’t Oswald after all - and devastated that...well, this wasn’t Oswald after all….

If the man lying there had been Oswald, at least he would have found him...and at least he would have been out of that monster's clutches. He could have held his hand, stroked his face, kissed his cheek - talked to him, whether he could hear him or not, and tell him he loved him.

This unfortunate man did have a striking resemblance to his beautiful dark angel - but there were significant differences too.

He was a similar height and build. His face had the same exquisite bone structure, and the same aquiline nose. His closed eyes also revealed long, jet black lashes, matching the hair on his head.

But that noble nose lacked the cute freckled bump that Jim loved to peck so playfully, making his little devil squeal with ticklish pleasure when he did it.

And this guy’s dark locks were combed neatly and side-parted unlike his little kingpin’s spiked crown. He looked more like an administrator than a gangster.

However, there were a couple of hidden features that contradicted his clean cut appearance.

When the nursing staff had stripped their new patient to put him into his hospital gown, they had discovered a tattoo - on his left buttock, of all places. It was a red heart with the initial ‘J’ inscribed on it in italics. He also had a ring through his left nipple. It seemed that their sober looking John Doe might have hidden depths.

After leaving the scene, Jim offloaded to Harvey about the callous set up.

“The ID - the wallet…”

“All part of his sick joke. This man was supposed to die and we were meant to think it was Oswald, at least til you turned up to identify the body. Anway Jim, on the plus side, I’ve still got people following up those other leads we managed to find - as we speak - thanks to Ed.”

“That’s something, anyway,” Jim smiled gratefully, but then he frowned darkly. “The ring!” he snarled. He bit his lip fiercely and his blue irises turned to black.

That had been the finishing touch - they had put it on John Doe's wedding band finger.

Lecesse - or ‘Big Guy’, as Oswald had at first flippantly called him - had of course been Oswald’s enemy from day one. Leccese had coveted that engagement ring at first sight, and had quickly picked up on the reason for its presence on Oswald’s finger.

That first meeting had put paid to any business deals the two men might have struck - after Leccese had taken exception to what he saw as Oswald’s unacceptable life style, which Oswald had refused to lie about even at the risk of his own life.

He had tried to play down the whole encounter to Jim, because he hadn’t wanted to worry him unduly. He had summed up the whole experience as ‘the best of days and the worst of days’ - because the true loyalty of Gabe and his men had been proven by the way they had been prepared to back him up and lay down their own lives for him. That had made him so happy, and he had allowed this joy to overshadow any inner dread he felt every time Enzo Leccese’s name was mentioned.

“He wanted to slow us down, by planting these things on this John Doe,” Harvey said.

“As well as torment me,” added Jim bitterly. “Lecesse really is a sadist!”

“Yep, he is. But we are gonna get this sick sonofabitch Jim, and we’re gonna get Oswald back. That’s a promise! We just have to stay positive and keep pushing on those leads.”

“I know, I know. Thanks Harv. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Don’t mention it Jimbo. That’s what partners are for!”

“I wonder who this John Doe really is?” Jim pondered, as they made their way back to the precinct. “Someone will be missing him, too.”

“Jesus Jim, with the greatest respect, only you could care about a scumbag employee of Lecesse’s at a time like this!” “Well we have to have some compassion - I don’t want Lecesse taking that away from me, it’s just what he’d want - besides, this guy might not even be an employee of Lecesse, say if he’s just some innocent random stranger they did this to? Grabbed him off the street, noticing the resemblance?” “Bit far-fetched bud, although not impossible I guess. This is Gotham, after all…..anyway, we’ll put a guard on the door here and get the hospital to call if he comes round and can tell us anything. About Oswald I mean, as well as who he actually is.” “Which I hope happens, soon. If he’s one of Enzo’s guys he’s bound to know where Oswald is being kept.”

Meanwhile:

An elderly woman called in to the GCPD, clutching her capacious handbag tightly against her chest. She was on a mission.

Her greying brows were tightened with worry, her dark circled eyes betraying a lack of sleep as well as general poor health. Her reddened cheeks were salt-stained from crying.

“I-I want to report a missing person,” she sniffed, once she had managed to attract the attention of the officer on duty.

“Missing person? Who would you like to report as missing?”

“My son.”

“Oh, I see, I’m sorry to hear that - erm, Mrs..?”

“Gambini. Lucia Gambini. And my son, he is Marco, Marco Gambini.”

“I see. And how long has Marco been missing for? When did you last see him?”

“Yesterday. Yesterday morning, when he left for work. He said see you tonight mother, as he went out the door, but...but he didn’t come home! And he hasn’t called, and he still isn't back this morning…”

“Ah. Um, Mrs Gambini - are you sure your son is actually - well, missing? I mean - it’s been less than 48 hours, and might he just have spent the night....elsewhere?” the officer said slowly, trying to be as tactful as possible.

“Not my son! Not my Marco! He’s a good boy, officer, he would call me if he wasn’t going to come home. And he always comes home to his mother, without fail. And he doesn’t go tomcatting around - he doesn’t even date! I’m so worried something bad happened to him.” Her eyes filled with more fresh tears and she wiped fiercely at her eyes again. Then her brown irises flashed with determination. “Please, please, officer - you HAVE to help me find him!” she insisted, slamming her hand on to the desk and making the officer jump out of his skin.

So the officer decided to help Mrs Gambini and asked for a description - or a photograph - that the GCPD might work from.

Mrs Gambini nodded her head vigorously, and produced several photos of her beloved boy from her oversized handbag.

“Look at him - so handsome!” she declared, momentarily swapping angst for choked up pride. “I’m sure he only stays single because of me - I’m not in the best of health and he looks after me, you see….”

She stopped talking as she saw the officer’s expression change from forced patience to utter amazement.

So there it was - that little mystery was solved. Marco Gambini was the ‘body in the bed’ - the almost-duplicate Oswald planted by Enzo Leccese as a decoy and means of mental torment to Detective Jim Gordon.

So before long Mrs Lucia Gambini was sitting at her son’s hospital bedside, holding his hand and staring down at him with tears of anger, sorrow and disbelief.

“My poor boy! Look what they did to him! He did nothing to deserve this. You HAVE to find out who did this to my beautiful Marco!” she demanded, her dark eyes boring into Jim’s fiercely.

Jim nodded with understanding and empathy. His heart went out to Lucia Gambini. He promised her that they were going to get whoever was responsible and make sure that justice was done.

But meanwhile, he received another phone call from Lecesse, even more disturbing than the last - taunting him about the lookalike he had ‘killed’ and promising that next time, it really would be 'your fag boyfriend's body on that slab…. '

And shortly afterwards, a DVD had been dropped off by masked motorbike courier which showed a recording of Oswald in his cell on the first night of his captivity - clearly distressed and crying.

A typed note had been received with the recording which stated in no uncertain terms that Jim’s ‘sad snowflake of a fag fiance’ would be put to death if a list of demands wasn’t met - within the next 24 hours.

These were impossible in the timescale allowed. Enzo must have known that.

Jim was horrified to see Oswald in such terrible emotional pain. His heart was breaking and he’d never felt so angry and afraid.

He clenched his fists until the knuckles were white and fought off the scalding tears that burned at the back of his eyes.

Jim just had to find Oswald - fast - and then he was going to kill Enzo Leccese.

He didn’t know that this had been the only time that Oswald had given in to his emotions and shown his despair - before he had become aware of the camera’s presence in the room. Jim didn’t see his strong, defiant Oswald, the one who had since fought to hide his inner turmoil from the intrusive lens and the prying eyes of his captors.

Marco Gambini was strong and defiant too.

As Jim's fury rose to boiling point, Marco’s life signs went in to overdrive. He beat all the odds and dragged himself kicking and screaming back into the world.

The first thing he did on regaining consciousness was to ask to speak to Jim Gordon.

So, Marco had pulled through and had straightaway spilled the beans on Enzo. Now Jim knew where Oswald was being held. He thanked Marco from the bottom of his heart, and he was so grateful that Marco had decided to help Oswald, particularly as he had almost paid for it with his life.

Gabe and Zsasz gathered together Oswald’s loyal soldiers, then converged on the GCPD to join forces with them. This army prepared to overthrow Enzo Lecesse to rescue and reinstate Oswald to his rightful place. "Long live the King of Gotham!" they all proclaimed as they prepared for battle.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 104 Thoughts

Hey Galliard.

Hey. Hey. Galliard.

LET’S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH.

We’re reaching the end of this arc segment, and I think the relief is making it a little easier to appreciate all the things happening. ...I mean it would, if anything remotely positive were still going on in this world.

Wait, Falco’s alive.

Okay team, there’s still hope.

I’m still having trouble working out why all of this is the chosen strategy. Paradis has caused an incredible amount of destruction, and disposed of most of the top brass, so looked at from an Us vs. Them situation, as long as the Scouts and Eren make it out okay, this is a pretty successful operation. It’s going to take some time for Marley to chase after their island with all the devastation.

What’s the score? The harbor, a bunch of surrounding cityscape, plenty of the interment zone, most of their top brass, and... let’s call it four Titans.

The frustrating part is that I’m having a really difficult time working out the scale of it all. In every section of this battle that we’re shown, Paradis has won somewhat easily. But I don’t know how large Marley is. Magath and Willy are willing to offer up the internment zone and all of the talking heads inside of it in order to gain allies in their offensive. They were ready for Eren. They were not ready for their Titans being out of reach, and they were not ready for Armin.

Since Eren’s decision to play along as the villain of Willy’s story, I’ve been sulking and wondering what the endgame is. What’s the point of playing right into Marley’s publicity stunt? What’s the point of making yourselves look so bad when your only contact with the outside world has been self-defense?

Reading this chapter, it’s hard not to think, “what’s the point of standing back when you know you can win?”

(Even though they’re all so very screwed if their escape blimp plan gets derailed. Like. Their eggs have 1 (one) assigned basket. And Eren’s already nearly died several times during this mess. Dun dun dun.)

And I’m not sure how much of that is a sign that Paradis has landed a fatal blow against Marley, and how much is just... here’s where our focus has been. In a very tiny corner of the world, Paradis has the upper hand.

Marley, unlike the rest of the antagonistic world, fights wars with Titans. The lowercase ones too. In this battle, they have lost two of them, one with the unique ability of controlling ravenous hordes of cannon fodder, one with the unique ability of making very kickass weapons.

What they’re left with is Reiner, Galliard, and Pieck. None of them in a state where they are a dominant force.

Magath wants Marley to enter a world where their military strength isn’t determined by Titans, but you can’t change that overnight. Their greatest trump cards have all been beaten or stolen away. In terms of Titan strength, Paradis wins right out. Marley has the numbers to win a siege war, but that isn’t the war being fought at the moment.

A few things are happening with this battle. One (the most annoying, being something Willy and Magath plan to exploit), Paradis is doing a fantastic job of selling themselves as the demons everyone calls them. Two, they’re making it clear who wins in a battle of Titans (however dicey things are during the fight, Paradis is leaving (hopefully) with three of Marley’s Titans horrifically maimed, one MIA, but presumed dead, and one actually dead). Three, they’re leaving a country that the whole world has bad experiences with in a very vulnerable position.

Marley might be putting work into making Paradis the scapegoat, but the night they declare war Paradis stomps every weapon they have faith in. Ambassadors from other countries get along with Willy, less so with Marley. One night of sympathy for the Eldian plight their buddy Willy has gone through isn’t going to change that.

The hope in the aftermath of this might be that Paradis has proven itself too dangerous to be left alone, so other countries will gladly work with Marley to stamp them out of existence, but... I’m wondering a little if those other countries might be more interested in wiping out their known enemy before turning their attention to the island. Marley has zero good will built up.

Ugh, I don’t know. Thinking about all the different ways people could respond to this makes my head hurt. Especially since Paradis does have links with other countries now, and that makes it harder to get the Beauty and the Beast mob song going.

And again there’s the question of scale. Which is really just me questioning how many Erens Armin just pulled, and how many Erens it would take duplicating to raze all of Marley to the ground. Armin’s feat is obviously destructive, but.

Fuck it, I want five pages of next chapter devoted to graphing out population and military personnel of Marley. With real numbers. The sixth page can provide Paradis’.

Has this operation hamstrung Marley as badly as their morale makes it feel like, or not? That’s all I want to know. Acceptable sacrifice vs. monstrous horrifying mass murder of horror is easier to parse out when the mission objectives and accomplishments are written in plaintext.

...It’s obviously going to end up being both anyway. I still feel really lost.

In character land, where things are slightly simpler, Armin’s having his own version of Eren and Reiner’s conversation. If Eren and Reiner are the same, so are Armin and Bertolt. That’s... oy.

I complain a lot about action chapters because I always feel like I just want to watch the anime version and get on with it without turning over every rock, but some of the complaining comes from really, really wanting to get back to the sad monologuing about feelings everyone in this series is prone to indulge. Hell, pull a Naruto and let everyone get a significant backstory flashback when it looks like they’re in mortal danger.

Armin’s from Shiganshina. Ground zero of this war. He’s one of a small percentage of people who lived through watching Wall Maria’s destruction. He’s standing right there when everything their people have known is annihilated.

Bertolt also burns him to death. Basically.

Now Armin’s the one holding all that power in his hands. He kills people and takes away their homes just by taking a few steps.

The good news is that he knows he has an expiration date, so he can look forward to that instead of seeking therapy to help him later in life.

...

Yeah, there is no good news. Let’s pan back to Falco, who is breathing and somehow showing more signs of mental stability than Gabi.

Kid’s made of some stern stuff. If Eren’s betrayal doesn’t completely shatter him, he might be able to make a bright future for himself if he stays alive. He’s compassionate and doesn’t freeze in a crisis.

Unlike some people.

-cough- Jean -cough-

Nah, that’s mean.

From the looks of things, whether it’s Pieck’s interference or Jean’s own heart getting in the way, Jean’s mind was absolutely prepared to kill the little boy if that meant removing the Cart Titan from play. I don’t know if he tried to arrange a shot that would dodge Falco, but I do think that he accepted that there was a good chance the kid would die in the crossfire, and went for it anyway.

This series was so much happier when people were getting eaten alive.

-looks at rest of the chapter-

-rest of chapter looks back-

Well. You know what I mean.

I’m glad Pieck’s alive, even if it’s only for now. Truthfully, I don’t think I want any of the Warriors to die. Their lives have been hell. I want to think that someday, all of the Eldian kiddos get to breathe free air without being a tool of war. If they die, it’s just another footnote to a sad story.

Then we have Galliard, who.

..Yeah.

(btw

Does Titan inheritance run on some kind of lottery system, and does that matter?)

I thought Eren would be done horrifying me after the civilian slaughter. I mean, where else can we go from there? Dead children hit one of the highest tiers of tragedy. Maybe more of them will fall out of the cracks, and surely the psychological trauma of individuals like Reiner will continue to be bad, but we’re done with any of it being shocking.

...

.....

Eren’s a fucking tryhard.

Okay! Okay. Uh.

Points for... pragmatism?

“Aha, I have cracked the case, if not the crystal! Hark, I shall have Jaws crack the crystal, and I shall drink up this woman’s juices as they drip from his teeth while he silently screams at me to stop!”

Eren with the Jaw Titan in the Conservatory.

I mean. If you think about it.

I have been calling the Warriors tools for ages.

Eren using Galliard as his own personal nutcracker is really only the natural evolution of that.

Yike.

I’m surprised Reiner’s already up and about. It makes sense that it’s to protect Galliard (Porco is going to have so very many issues when he wakes up), because protecting people is the one thing the world hasn’t broken inside of him. Even after all he’s been through, he still wants to be the good guy, keeping his comrades safe.

But the dude’s dead inside. He has the strength to stand, but not much else, and I don’t know how the story can lead him into anything dynamic when he’s so screwed up.

Also of curiosity is... Eren’s perfectly willing to nom Galliard. Reiner shows up, gets punched maybe a building length away, is very obviously in no state to win any kind of fight, and Mikasa and Eren walk away.

All of the other Titans are removed during the festival by strategy. Pieck and Porco get dumped down a hole. Zeke is probably working with Eren, and he’s still escorted out.

Reiner gets a conversation.

Reiner’s participation in Eren versus War Hammer would have turned the tables. The only reason he isn’t part of it is because his conversation with Eren robs him of his final will to live.

So uh. ...Eren? Not to be rude or question your moral character or basic sanity... but... I don’t know... how, uh, on purpose is Reiner’s current emotional state?

...On a related note, is that your way of keeping him alive? ...Am I. Am I going to have to start shipping you two seriously?

This has the feel of something else I’m going to find easier to discuss in later chapters, but looking at the last few pages... Eren has the chance to kill Reiner and Galliard. He definitely has no problem nomming Galliard. What changes? Reiner caring about Galliard?

Eren easily could have taken out two of Marley’s Titans, and he chooses not to. It’s a decision Mikasa is either fine with or encourages. I don’t quite know what to make of her very excellent stoic face after Eren punches Reiner. She goes from that to zooming over all “Eren!” and... does that mean killing Reiner has been judged the wrong decision all around? What’s with the interruption, you two? Is that closeup of Eren’s eyes on the opposite page just there to look pretty, or is something going on?

Look, you’ve killed everyone else in the general vicinity, I’m allowed to wonder what makes this special. What, Eren can see his sparkling eyes when his face isn’t armored up and can’t handle the dokis?

Geez, this was a chapter.

Next month we get to see how great the great escape is--only guarantee is that there is no escape from the monsters in their heads.

...I’m with Mikasa. Can we go home now?

[crazygirlsworldofbooks]

Review: The Girl Before

“I have no time for people who don’t strive to better themselves.” 

Book: The Girl Before

Author: JP Delaney

My Rating: ✯✯✯✯✯ (5 Stars)

Read: July 19, 2021

Synopsis: 

An enthralling psychological thriller that spins one woman's seemingly good fortune and another woman's mysterious fate through a kaleidoscope of duplicity, death, and deception. Please make a list of every possession you consider essential to your life. The request seems odd, even intrusive - and for the two women who answer, the consequences are devastating. Emma Reeling from a traumatic break-in, Emma wants a new place to live. But none of the apartments she sees are affordable or feel safe. Until One Folgate Street. The house is an architectural masterpiece: a minimalist design of pale stone, plate glass, and soaring ceilings. But there are rules. The enigmatic architect who designed the house retains full control: no books, no throw pillows, no photos or clutter or personal effects of any kind. The space is intended to transform its occupant - and it does. Jane After a personal tragedy, Jane needs a fresh start. When she finds One Folgate Street, she is instantly drawn to the space - and to its aloof but seductive creator. Moving in, Jane soon learns about the untimely death of the home's previous tenant, a woman similar to Jane in age and appearance. As Jane tries to untangle truth from lies, she unwittingly follows the same patterns, makes the same choices, crosses paths with the same people, and experiences the same terror as the girl before. 

My Review: 

And just like that, I have found another favorite author! This book was so different from anything I’ve read before and it was definitely my first ever “smart-house thriller”. I have also understood that I will be reading more in this trope soon, because I absolutely loved it. There were so many twists and turns and even after I thought the twists and turns were all revealed and everything was finished, I was mistaken because then the biggest reveal of all came. I wasn’t sure what I was going to give this book but the ending especially blew me away and I couldn’t stop reading late into the night for the life of me. I will be reading this author’s backlist and pre-ordering all his future works as well. 

To begin with, The Girl Before is about this minimalist-style house that is only rented to tenants the architect approves before hand. The girl, Jane, moves into the unique building and starts discovering terrifying things about the place and what happened to the previous girl who lived here, Emma. I thought this was a very unique premise and I loved how it was delivered. The ending was extremely fast paced and exhilarating but there wasn’t a moment when I found myself bored either, because things were revealed constantly, even minor things. Most chapters ended on a cliffhanger and I loved that, especially considering the chapters were rather short and went between the previous tenant, Emma, and what was happening in the present day with Jane now living there instead. The plot had so many different layers and I really enjoyed pealing them one by one, absolutely extraordinary.

Secondly, the characterization was amazing as well. We really got to see into the psyches of these two characters, Emma in the past, and Jane in the present. We really delved deep into their minds and got to know exactly what happened inside that unique structure and what caused them to end up in that exact moment. They were flawed and complicated and even though I felt like I understood them, somewhat, ultimately what they did surprised me because oftentimes people are too complicated to be easily predictable. That made the story even more believable and absolutely memorable to me.

Finally, the writing was great. There were times when I would have wished more dialogue was used instead of us just being given a description of who said what and what the other person answered but ultimately I had no problem getting used to that style and it was almost a breath of fresh air and definitely something different and exciting. I am all for venturing out and trying new things and I am glad I gave this book a chance and have discovered a hidden gem of an author in the process. Can’t wait to read more of his work!

In conclusion, I would recommend this book to everyone who loves thrillers, especially the unconventional ones that don’t follow a specific formula but play to the beat of their own drum. This was by far one of the most unique thrillers I have read so far and I have no doubt it will stand out in my mind for a long time to come. I applaud an author trying something different, a new approach to a very standard concept, something that’s been around for a long time. 

[slowlyandrogynousmiracle]

Black Sails Series Finale

Ugh I just don’t know how I feel about this ending. I’m quite honestly scratching my head. I’m sure those happy with can service are ecstatic but honestly I feel ripped off. It felt so anticlimactic and not at ALL well conceived. I can’t even really review this right now but I’m going to get my thoughts out because I won’t go to sleep otherwise.

Ok like seriously this was NOT a LJS tale. This should have been the Captain Flint story and LJD adventures with him. I think the producers fooled me in the promotion so I had expectations that are aligned more with the character from the books. They clearly stated this was the rise of LJS, the myth, the legend and that NOT ONCE came into play.

I mean I guess we can count his scheme to protect Madi from the jump and remove Flint shows a skill nobody seem coming. I mean on one hand it’s nice the friendship was genuine and Silver was able to bring this tortured man peace and that Flint finally did right and chose a tether instead of his old ways. Yes the happy endings girl inside of me was all sappy he got to see Thomas and they all cute hugged and kissed it out. I’m sure the shippers are celebrating hallelujah!

I mean who isn’t celebrating???? EVERYBODY got what they wanted.

There was that beautiful scene with Madi and Silver reuniting. The emotional in LA eyes all episode had my panties in puddles and when he fell when he saw her alive was glorious. He seriously was the best in these scenes tonight because of validating so much of what we RATIONAL posters have been saying all along. More on that scene in a minute.

Then there was the Madi/Silver scene in which he explained his duplicity. When he told her what he did with Flint. I admit I expected more. Madi mostly listened. On one hand I knew she could not combat the emotional trauma losing her did to him because she too had been so devastated. But I wish they’d showed them closer. It had been more heated.

All the confrontations this episode were muted versions of what that should have been. The emotional tone for the stakes was tepid at best.

Back to Silver and Madi while we are on them. Despite me wishing the scene brought more passion they actors performances and delivery of lines were great. You could hear the hurt in Madi’s voice but you could see in her face the conflict in her face. Silver stating that he would stay in a place in which he was an outsider just at the chance that she’d one day forgive him was fucking beautiful and John is like the MOST hopeless romantic.

And him at the spot he actually became Flint’s friend and her being there were her hair flowing was wonderful but the lack of physical contact this whole episode makes me want to hurl things out windows and rage down the street. I mean damn, couldn’t we see her come to his room late at night and climb into bed with them. A smile? I mean yes, I understand not going for a run up kiss again but ugh. I mean I’m disappointed overall on the amount of touching caressing licking sucking Fucking or even grazing that did not happen.

I’m glad she forgave him. Y'all he legit becomes King of Maroons when he marries Madi. LJS adopted into the black community. 👊

Now this scene with Flint and Silver in the woods is one of my most liked scenes for the simple satisfaction of hearing Silver call out the bullshit. I seriously could not even comprehend what the fuck Flint was saying. It’s like he’s become this highly efficient mental patient. I don’t mean that in disrespect. I have loved, hated, empathized, pitied and side eyed Flint this whole series. In the end I more pity him because he is clearly broken and John straight up told him that its all a lie.

That he gets it now. That he accepts that bout him but he either gone stop him or he gotta die. I was harsh to think Flint was playing Silver the whole time. I actually appreciate now that he really was sincere in wanting to get Madi back and be the man Silver was hoping he’d be. I mean he’s still a control freak and to be fair his past actions was the reason everybody mistrusted him. Boy has a record!

I’m glad I was proven wrong but I’m glad I was proven right that this was never about Flint wanting to emancipate slaves or free the new world though the concepts were noble they were the the disguise that hid his true self destructive path to inflict as much pain upon the world as there was nothing left. And as long as Flint had an ace up his sleeve; the treasure, the army, Madi, they’d all keep fueling a fire that was wrapped in deception of intent.

THAT is what Silver would not let her sacrifice herself for. Not the war itself but the nonsensical way they were going about it in the suicidal structure in which everyone around paid more dearly. He could not allow a falsehood to spur it all and sit back and allow it to happen. They’d all die in failure.

I don’t know if Flint’s prophecy that Silver would regret it hit home for me at all. Am I supposed to feel that Silver would actually mourn this pirate life he never wanted and in which they escaped with the skin of teeth!

Ha that man wanted a warm bed and his wife. I’m his words, “I.Dont.Care.”

TS got me when he and Thomas reunited. I didn’t want to be affected but I was just cause you know…its Thomas.

That all being said this whole thing felt disingenuous as hell. C'mon I said it was fan service before and I will again. I love everything about this show. I’m going to mour it being gone but this episode felt flat. It left no impact.

The scenes where Billy is shooting his brethren, did we need more of it? I mean Billy completely go screwed. He was marooned on T.I. And not Ben Gunn? Its not The historical accuracy that bothers me so much as the fact they redeemed Flint and even contrived a happy ending but the victim of Flint’s cruelty is left with barely a thing? What the actual fuck?

And lets talk about Flint’s ending. It was cheap. It just was. It’s like letting a guy who committed murders a get out of jail free card because he felt bad and was deranged with pain. He came out the “good guy” when he’s completely caused all this damn mayhem. Well not all of it but certainly the bulk. One can argue he was sent to “jail ” but it didn’t feel right. He did not answer or even atone or acknowledge his mental health in all this. He tool absolute no responsibility.

Silver actually took it upon himself to be responsible by putting an end to this shit while still holding onto his humanity. He was able to forgive his friend for why he became the way he was and instead of being Flint he freed the man himself and his wife from the pain that’s motivating them though Madi’s is a selfless pain.

But while all this happenes Billy is seen as the worse. Yes he fucked up. Oh he certainly crossed all the lines but he hasn’t done anything less to his brethren than Flint. From his POV he was betrayed. He didn’t kill Madi because she’s 👑 and an OG and got em. But the man was done wrong. Gates was like a father to him and Flint killed him. Flint tried to kill him. He was tortured. Why does Flint’s pain excuse his action but not Billy’s? Yes he became consumed but doing doing ding, so did just about everyone else. He was just unlucky because he never found someone to love.

Flint should have had to account for something. I mean a bullet anything. He even stole Jack’s moment with Woodes! It just felt hollow and again while I didn’t quite wish him dead I did not expect him to rise the hero that took down th governor.

I’m surprised Featherstone and Jack even lived! And made it back to Anne and Max. And Max is really running Nassau which is nice. All wrapped right in a neat how. And what did they sell Eleanor s diaries? So confused on the Mrs Hudson and the madams thing. We didn’t hear the Maroon Queen speak about his they felt about the bill only that it was being ratified. I would have liked to hear that discussion!

Woodes ramming the boat. Flint once again saving the day untangling the boats. I mean there were no feats this man could not accomplish this episode while the myth meandered around threatening pussy cooks. Though ha. I laughed at the cook reference. I wonder if that guy taught him.

Woodes just deserts even felt blah. He just looked done with the whole thing anyway which I suppose is the point but the whole fight was soft. Billy and Flint had the only actual fight I even remember from the scene.

I’m sure I can go on and on about it all. I’m nostalgic it’s over but dissatisfied, like Id somehow missed the point and the stakes. That the creators took an easy, less contentious route but it leaves the more intellectual audience with; well then that’s it? What was the point?

[paradoxicalphoeonix-blog]

In case you need a refresher, concerning certain things in the rp thread

(All of the following is taken from “The Downhill Slope”, which is part 2 of a collection of various rps for the AU, and written by @tommarvoloriddle-thediary and @riddlemostpowerful )

The Spell: Part 1 Tom ran a hand though his hair and sighed, it had been a long day. He loosened his tie and flopped down hard on the small creaky bed, tossing aside his normal air of calm confidence. The heels of his palms pressed hard to his closed eyes.

The day hadn’t gone as he planned.

He had lost Riddle.

He blindly reached for a pillow and tossed it across the room, screaming in a rage that had finally bubbled up.

FUCKING LOST HIM! - They had gone to see the Dark Lord, bring to his attention the deviousness of the Diadem Horcrux that had taken to calling himself Chidarim. The bastard had been syphoning energy from Tom and Riddle for months now, and had kept them from taking on their permanent physical forms. Had kept them weak. No wonder he could levitate as if it were nothing, he must have been brimming with power.

Tom had been furious. As soon as he had explained to Riddle the full implications of the magic Chidarim was using against them, his anger matched Tom’s. Tom had initially wanted to take out the Diadem, but Riddle had convinced him that it was best to inform the Dark Lord.

“I found this.” Tom placed the notebook on the desk of Lord Voldemort, open to the page of the spell Chidarim had cast. “He’s been doing this to harm us, I know it.”

“We wanted to make sure you knew,” Riddle added, trying to sound neutral, though it was hard for him to contain himself.

Long fingers ghosted over a passaged and then He pushed the journal back. “Of course I knew, my loves. I was the one who told him to do this to you.”

Tom paled, then his cheeks flushed with indignation.

Riddle, who had always been more passionate with his feelings, exploded at this betrayal. Tom didn’t hear his words, he felt like he was in a vacuum. He only stood there dumbly as Riddle threw his hands in the air and paced with fury. All the while noticing the frown deepen on His mouth. Riddle was to caught up, he wasn’t noticing.

Tom tried to snap himself out of his stupor, but by the time he reached out to stop Riddle it was too late.

Voldemort had his wand out, pointing it under Riddle’s chin. He shot a quick glance at Tom and, with an iciness he had never heard, told him to take his leave.

It took everything in him not to sprint from the chambers. When outside he disapparated with a pop.

Dread filled him as he walked up to their flat. - With a flutter Tom finally opened his eyes, and glared at the ceiling. He needed a plan, because he was going to get Riddle back and they were going to destroy this fucked up dynamic their older self had created. Lord Voldemort’s time was coming to an end, there was going to be a new order.

Tom’s hatred towards Riddle: Part 13 Tom had been gone over a month, but it felt like a lifetime. He had traveled all over Europe, scouring the extensive private libraries of prominent Witches and Wizards. It had all come to nothing.

The spell used had either been very rare or had been created by Lord Voldemort. He needed to read the journal again, review more of the pages. See the spells instructions in front of him. That was how he found himself outside the magically expanded flat he and the others occupied with Ava.

He eases the front door open, it was an ungodly hour, and no one should be about. He had stored the small leather bound volume on his own personal book case, the one next to his bed. He wondered if it were still there.

Creeping past the other rooms, he tries not to even breath. He wanted to come and go, no one would be the wiser when they woke in the morning.

He paused at Riddle’s door. It was directly across from his own, and the door was ajar. The scene inside made him pinch his lips. Riddle had obviously become even more depraved since they had met last.

He turned away, and opened his door silently, closing it behind him. The journal was just where he left it. Everything was in its place, actually…it made him miss the comforts of having a permanent residents. He would come back for good one day, but it wouldn’t be tonight. He stowed the book in a pack, along with a few others, and gave the room a once over for anything else he could use.

Satisfied, he readied himself to leave. When Tom opened he door he was so surprised his bag fell to the floor, the books inside clattered out loudly.

Riddle’s eyes were more red than he had ever seen them before.

—

Tom had returned.

The idea of switching out his books in place of enchanted duplicates which would warn Riddle of his counterpart’s return had been both a stroke of brilliance and a last ditch effort. He had figured that his younger self would not be foolish enough to venture back to reclaim anything from their stronghold, but if, by any chance he did…Riddle couldn’t even bring himself to hope.

When the moment did finally come though, Riddle found himself preoccupied. He was attending to his pet in a way only he would deem necessary when he felt the shift in his magical field. Tom had returned and there was not a moment to be lost.

Riddle retreated, leaving his toy locked safely away for a time (she would wait for his return, patiently, for as long as he needed), before he strode down to Tom’s room to meet his target.

Tom stumbled back, startled, from the door he had just shoved open. Riddle smiled down at him, caught between relief and bitterness as he stepped through the threshold and closed it shut behind him. The wards that enclosed them and trapped them in Tom’s room were wordless, triggered by the duplicate books that Tom carried.

“Well, well, well…” Riddle purred, peering at his counterpart, taking in his ragged appearance and fighting back the urge to comb his hair and straighten his jacket. “Look who came all the way home. Tom, darling, it’s been far too long. I do hope you’re not looking for these…” he gestured to the books in Tom’s hand, causing them to disappear in an instant. “You’ll have no use for them now that we’re back together.” — Tom backed up, he had tried to disapperate but there were wards placed on the room. He hit the edge of the bed and fell clumsily. The glare Riddle received was full of embarrassment and anger at having been caught.

Desperation had caused him to be clumsy. It had been too easy, in hind sight. Obviously a trap. His time away has made him sloppy. He cheeks burned with indignation.

“Oh yes, back together, a happy family. You forget we never had to be apart Riddle. You could have come with me.” It wasn’t true, Riddle was dependent on the Dark Lord in a way that Tom was not, and he knew it. It was a low blow, but maybe if he felt some guilt Tom would be able to escape.

“Instead you’re here, and you can’t even control your urges. I thought you took better care of your pets than that.” He picked himself off the ground and jerked his chin in the direction of Riddles room. “ That would have never happened if you had come with me, I would have been able to help you.” — Seeing him stumble and glare had been almost endearing. There was something so strikingly human, so relatable about his counterpart and Riddle wouldn’t have changed him for the world. He couldn’t help but remember the many nights that they had spent reading and talking to one another, exchanging theories and opinions and jokes until the early hours of the morning, falling asleep while leaning on one another for support. They had a kinship, a brotherly bond which Riddle could not admit that he shared with any other he had met since. If Tom’s absence had wounded the Dark Lord’s pride, it had devastated Riddle in a way he could not properly voice.

He should have felt nothing. He was a horcrux, a piece of a broken soul. Yet Tom’s loss had brought about a keen emptiness within him, one which needed constant fulfillment.

Riddle gulped hard, the muscles on his neck tightening as his brow furrowed in a momentary lapse of certainty. Tom had immediately set in on on the exact memory that Riddle had been fearing he would, and hoping to avoid. The moment of Tom’s departure lingered in the forefront of Riddle’s mind like a foul smell. Riddle assumed that his decision to let Tom go, to hide the truth from his beloved master would have haunted his dreams. In truth, Riddle tended not to dream at all. These days, he hardly slept.

“Control my urges?” Riddle breathed, stepping forward. His beautiful smile had transformed into something challenging and sinister as his eyes seemed to glow in the darkness of Tom’s room. “Can’t you see that I’m taking very good care of our little bird? Her mind bends closer to my will with every passing moment.” He justified smoothly, nearing his young counterpart. “Help me, Tom? It looks like you can hardly help yourself, how could you possibly hope to save someone else?” — Riddle was like a jungle cat preparing to pounce on Tom, he had never been afraid of him before that moment. As Riddle stalked closer the more unnerved Tom became.

Then the verbal blows had come, Tom was not prepared for them to be so punishing. Riddle had never been so unforgiving. It shook him more than he would have thought.

Shame consumed him, and he wanted to look away, but Riddles eyes were impossible to disengage. Those predator eyes…

“You’re right.” The voice coming from him didn’t sound like his own, but he felt the truth of it. He wasn’t able to help himself, how could he have ever been so stupid as to think he could help Riddle too.

“I should have stayed…” he diverted his eyes finally, and his stomach turned as he saw Riddles perfectly manicured hand stark against the arm of his tattered coat. Rage boiled inside of him, and he shirked the hand away.

“How dare you use your power on me, I’m not a Ava and I’m not your toy! You disgust me. I’m sorry I ever had hope for you.” He spat. “You and Voldemort deserve each other Riddle.” — Riddle hadn’t realized that he had taken a step forward. He had only been able to take in Tom’s sudden pensive silence, as though the facts laid before him had been too much. Riddle had thrown the correct barb, it seemed, but the feeling of satisfaction that usually followed a successful attack didn’t surface. Bitterness bubbled within him like bile, tasting just as acidic.

Power surged through him. Riddle should have stopped to consider why that may have been happening, but the look of betrayal on Tom’s face told him all he needed to know. When his hand was knocked away, Riddle realized what he had instinctively done. He had reached out and touched Tom, seeking a source of energy without even knowing it. The warmth of Tom’s contact, the familiar feeling of being near to his counterpart had been welcoming, comforting and snatched away far too soon.

Riddle withdrew his hand, his eyes narrowed in frustration and anger, not only with at the audacity of his younger self, but somewhere within him, he felt his own grip on reality slipping away. Riddle and His Lordship did deserve one another, after all. Riddle was his mistress, his personal attendant, his second in command…or perhaps he had been at one point. The bitterness arose within him once again as Riddle lunged forward, gripping the front of Tom’s robes and yanking him near, his face twisted into a snarl.

“We do!” Riddle snapped, breathing hard. “We belong together for always! All of us! A-and the more power he bestows, the more complete we become. He only punishes us to make us stronger, to teach us further.” His grip tightened on Tom’s robes. “And once I return you to him, he’ll approve of me once again. He’ll stop choosing Thanatos instead of-”

Riddle stopped suddenly, the mad, crimson glint in his eyes seemed to fade in the soft, cool moonlight of the room. Riddle withdrew his hands, peering down at them as though seeing them for the first time, watching as his perfectly manicured fingertips quivered as he took a deep breath.

Had it really come to this? Begging for his lordship’s attention? Clawing his way to the top? Turning in the only one he trusted? Lying like a bitch in heat for the mere chance of being noticed? Riddle shuddered. He felt just as repulsive as he knew himself to be

“Leave.” Riddle’s voice was flat, hollow. His eyes stared, unfocused, at a point on the ground as he backed away. “Go now. Take your books. Don’t come back.”

Part 14 “Are you happy now?” —— Tom glares at Riddle and says nothing before whipping his head in the other direction.

Happy? The audacity! —– Riddle smiled sadly at Tom as his counterpart turned away. “I am.” He admitted softly, more to himself than anyone else. “Happy, I mean.” —- Tom rounded on Riddle in a fury. “Of course you are Riddle! Why wouldn’t you be! You get to go lay on your back with him at night and you have deluded yourself into thinking nothing has changed between us brother!”

The night Tom returned, a desperate act to retrieve journals from his old room, had gone from bad to worse. The altercation with Riddle had left Tom emotionally raw, but he had been prepared to run into him.

Eventually Riddle, in a moment of weakness or sympathy, had stepped aside to let Tom retreat. He has scrambled to pick up the books and hurried past his older self, whispering his heartfelt gratitude.

The words turned rotten on his mouth though, because as soon as he stepped into the hall a luminescent figure was waiting for him at the end of it.

Lord Voldemort.

“Tom,” he older man swept his arms open, waiting. “You’ve come back to me.”

He was to weak to run.

“You were never going to let me leave,” the words, no more than a whisper, were acidic. “You have damned me.”

Tom slunk to the open arms, a beaten dog returning to his owner.

Defeated. —– Tom looked absolutely stunning. From his perfectly tailored new robes, embroidered in silver and green to the neatness of his hair, to his focused, enchanting dark eyes. He looked the absolute picture of health and youthful loveliness. Yet…Riddle couldn’t help but sense something about him like an aura, a scent.

Hopelessness.

The fateful night that their Lordship and Savior had discovered Tom returning for his books, he had welcomed both Riddle and himself into the fortress, along with their little bird companion. Riddle had been shocked to learn that the ‘capture’ had been attributed to his own cunning, that His Majesty had thought he had planned to keep Tom there for as long as possible to give Voldemort a chance to confront him.

That was, of course, entirely incorrect. In that heartbeat of indecision, Riddle had been entirely willing to let his counterpart run. It had been wrong to think of such a thing, but it was too late to take back now.

Tom’s coldness, his anger hurt beyond anything Riddle thought Horcruxes capable of feeling. He wanted to shout at him, to correct him, to convince him, but he was no longer even the Dark Lord’s favorite companion anymore. That beloved position belonged to another favorite trinket, and the fact felt too bitter to admit aloud. Thus, Riddle let Tom think what he would about Riddle’s nightly activities, even if he was not the one in the Lord’s favor anymore.

He tried to ignore the hunger. It didn’t always work.

“Brother-dear.” Riddle attempted his usual, casual and smooth tone, reaching out to his younger self, taking his hand and giving it a fond squeeze. “Nothing has changed. We can be just like we used to again! Just you and I, up until all hours of the morning, discussing politics, battle tactics and ice cream.” He laughed. —– Tom reached out his hand to Riddle languidly. “Here brother, you have all manner of abilities when it comes to physical contact. Make me stay here and chat with you as long as you want. I don’t have the will to fight it off, if you tried.”

The Dark Lord had dressed Tom up too look the part of a young noble wizard. The finery and lavish almost made him gag with repulsion, they might as well have been chains.

In this instance he was glad for tailored robes, they made him beautiful, he could admit, and people like Riddle were attracted to such beauty.

Riddle himself was dressed, as always, in the most luxurious of materials, all cut to him perfectly. He always wore more color than the rest of them, but it only complimented his lean figure and took away nothing from his dark features.

They must have made quite the picture, one beautiful boy reaching out for the other. Anyone, unable to see the blank expression on Toms face would have thought it a tender moment.

“Make me love you again.” —— “I fear you may never do that.”

Riddle didn’t even realize he was reaching out longingly, greedily to his counterpart before their hands were interlocked. He stepped forward, pulling the proffered hand to his lips, kissing the hand softly in the sincerest show of fondness he could muster and savoring the sensation of closeness that it brought between them. Or perhaps it had been false closeness, a foolish illusion. Yet Riddle couldn’t bring himself to pull away from it.

“Tom, you can’t imagine how things have been since you left. I’ve been so-” Lonely? Worried? Afraid? Riddle shook his head, gripping Tom’s hand a touch tighter in his refusal to admit to his own growing weakness. He wished that the other man’s presence would erase away all of his uncertainty, but as it were, his coldness only seemed to add to it. Ever since he had returned, Riddle had felt more inadequate, more upset than ever. His entire world seemed to hinge on whether or not he could keep his unconventional family together, and they were tearing one another apart at the seams.

“Does our lordship know why you were gone?” Riddle whispered, stepping closer to speak in urgent undertones. “Does he suspect…?”

[bountyofbeads]

The U.S. Spoiled a Deal That Might Have Saved the Kurds, Former Top Official Says

Christopher Dickey, World News Editor and Spencer Ackerman, Senior Nat’l Security Correspondent |

Updated 10.14.19 3:16 AM ET  Published 10.13.19 8:06 PM ET | Daily Beast | Posted October 14, 2019 |

ABU DHABI—Abandoned by the Americans, their former allies, Syria’s Kurds reportedly are allowing troops from the Assad regime to enter territory they had under their control. The Kurds also are putting out feelers to Russia for support against an onslaught by Turkish troops and Turkish-supported militias.

A return of Bashar al-Assad’s forces to northeastern Syria for the first time in seven years would make visible the end to the bitter, controversial U.S. mission there against the so-called Islamic State. That’s not because of any concerted decision to withdraw by President Trump, whose antiwar rhetoric obscured his vacillation about leaving. It’s because Assad will deny his American adversary the room to operate that the Syrian Kurds had provided their deceitful American partners. 

“We know that we would have to make painful compromises with Moscow and Bashar al-Assad if we go down the road of working with them,” the Kurdish commander of the Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF) wrote in an op-ed published Sunday in Foreign Policy. “But if we have to choose between compromises and the genocide of our people, we will surely choose life for our people.”

More in sorrow than in anger, the commander, Mazloum Abdi, wrote, “When the whole world failed to support us, the United States extended its hands. We shook hands and appreciated its generous support.”

But under Turkish pressure, at Washington’s request, the Kurds “agreed to withdraw our heavy weapons from the border area with Turkey, destroy our defensive fortifications, and pull back our most seasoned fighters. Turkey would never attack us so long as the U.S. government was true to its word with us.”

Or so they believed.

“We are now standing with our chests bare to face the Turkish knives,” Mazloum wrote.

“But now what I hear is that nobody should get into a well with an American rope.”

— Brett McGurk, who resigned as the presidential special envoy to the coalition against ISIS last December

Brett McGurk, who resigned as the presidential special envoy to the coalition against ISIS last December, told The Daily Beast on Sunday that such a move by the Syrian Kurds was predictable under the circumstances. 

Even last year, when McGurk was still serving, Kurdish leaders in Syria were telling the Americans that if support for them and deterrence against a Turkish attack was not going to continue, they needed to make a deal with the Assad regime and Russia for protection. “We have given our road map to the Russians. We are just waiting on a decision,” one senior Kurdish official told The Washington Post.

McGurk said he supported that idea at a time when Trump already was talking about pulling out of Syria, but he met firm opposition within the administration. (Special Representative for Syria Engagement Jim Jeffrey, for one, “told the Kurds on multiple occasions, ‘we’ll manage Turkey, don’t make a deal with the [Assad] regime,’” according to a source familiar with the matter.) Then-National Security Adviser John Bolton and crew insisted the U.S. must stay in Syria until Iran was out, or at least on its way. (Representatives for Bolton, whom Trump fired last month, did not immediately reply to a request for comment. Neither did State Department spokespeople.)

Since McGurk’s resignation, he has stayed in touch with the members of the SDF and some contacts in the U.S. departments of state and defense. He says the Kurds asked repeatedly if the support and protection of the United States could be relied upon, and they were told repeatedly that the Americans had their backs.

But that was not the case.

McGurk told the Beirut Institute Summit in Abu Dhabi that when the Russians first got heavily involved in Syria in 2016, an oft-repeated truism about Kremlin duplicity was, “Everybody knows not to get into a well with a Russian rope.”

“But now what I hear,” McGurk told the audience, “is that nobody should get into a well with an American rope.”

In other words, once it became clear in 2018 that Trump was hostile to the open-ended U.S. presence in Syria he inherited, the Kurds had options to help ease the end of their relationship with the Americans. But Trump’s State Department and Pentagon, unwilling to face up to a final withdrawal—and the unequivocal loss of U.S. influence in a part of the Middle East where it is increasingly impotent, if not irrelevant—convinced the Kurds not to plan for an American departure. Had the Kurds done so, their new Russian and Syrian partners might have been able to spare them the devastation that Turkey is now wreaking as the U.S. pulls back and stands by.

And now that the slaughter has begun, Mazloum has made clear that his forces and his people have no choice but to look to Russia and Damascus for support. Unfortunately for the Kurds, as McGurk points out, after Trump’s betrayal dramatically weakened their position, when they call the Russians or the Syrian regime it’s not clear that anyone is picking up the phone.

Meanwhile, mass escapes of ISIS prisoners and alleged war crimes by Turkish-backed militia members in northeast Syria reflected the mounting chaos as Ankara drives ahead with an assault that already is deeper into Syria than originally announced.

“I think we are likely to see a significant comeback by ISIS,” McGurk told the audience in Abu Dhabi.

In Washington and in the field, confusion among the Americans is rampant. Ever since last Sunday’s phone call between Trump and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, the administration has aggressively insisted that its green light to Erdoğan, complete with a presidential invitation to the White House next month, was really a red light.

On Sunday, Defense Secretary Mark Esper told CBS, “Look, it's a very terrible situation over there. A situation caused by the Turks, by President Erdoğan. Despite our opposition they decided to make this incursion into Syria.” Trump has escalated his rhetoric about the generation-long disaster of the U.S. military in the Mideast, but he has still yet to withdraw from Syria–and has in fact deployed 14,000 new troops to the Gulf region in the past six months. Incoherence, deceit and betrayal are now the most conspicuous characteristics of U.S. policy. 

Esper said that because the Kurds are looking to cut a deal if you will with the Syrians and the Russians to counter-attack against the Turks in the north, American troops could find themselves “caught between two opposing advancing armies and it's a very untenable situation. So I spoke with the president last night after discussions with the rest of the national security team and he directed that we begin a deliberate withdrawal of forces from northern Syria.”

But as it dawns on Trump that his “end endless wars” mantra could ignite a new endless war, he is reluctant to carry out a full troop withdrawal. Esper spoke about withdrawing from “northern Syria” two days after he and Gen. Mark Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, insisted there were “no additional changes to our force posture.” Two knowledgeable U.S. officials told The Daily Beast that the U.S. planned to remain in Syria, just further away from the Turkish fighting positions. Some undisclosed hundreds of the 1,000 U.S. forces currently in Syria will indeed leave the country—for elsewhere in the Mideast, however, not home.

But all of that improvisation, the consequence of senior officials attempting to salvage something after the Trump-Erdogan accord, may now be overtaken by events. Assad’s forces are unlikely to permit continued U.S. operations. The end of a war never declared by Congress may come not by American decision, let alone negotiation, but by American adversaries seizing the initiative that Trump has been comfortable abandoning. 

Already reports are coming in from Syria of ISIS fighters breaking out of their Kurdish detention facilities as the Kurds fight for their lives. According to the New York Times, the rapid pullback, sometimes under fire from their Turkish NATO ally, has cost the Americans their plans to move a handful of senior ISIS detainees to U.S. military custody in neighboring Iraq. All of it raises the prospect of ISIS grabbing victory—meaning a new lease on life—out of the jaws of defeat after the Kurds, sponsored by the U.S., finished off the Caliphate in 2018.

Meanwhile leaders in the Middle East are trying to come to terms with the fact that the Americans have proved to be fatally unreliable allies.

Hoshyar Zebari, the former deputy prime minister and foreign minister of Iraq, told the Beirut Institute Summit in Abu Dhabi that in the Syrian war, “The Russians did not walk away from their partners. The Iranians did not walk away from their partners. But the Americans did.”

“Definitely the Turks will be emboldened,” Zebari told The Daily Beast. “We expect about 50,000 refugees to cross the border,” he said, mostly into the Kurdish region of Iraq.