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#we're all led to belief that when things are a bit off something immediately is wrong with us
hel7l7 · 8 months
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Are you anti self-dx entirely?
To be honest... I don't know. There's so much nuance to make on the entire subject...
And everything I say about this feels wrong. I just hope everyone is careful with it all.
( Edit: half of the tags on this got deleted bcs apparently there's a max tags you can add... anyway enjoy the ramble if there are any more questions please ask them bcs I do not want misunderstandings or anything ;))
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littlemsstark3000 · 5 years
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Whatever It Takes
Avengers: Endgame - IronWidow fix
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Something happened.
Tony knew it. He figured it out through the empty space beside him, the discarded pillows, his bare body under the sheets, and her scent mixed with the vodka which they shared.
Natasha was there. And she was gone before he woke up.
He shut his eyes again. Scenes from the previous night started replaying in his mind. They had more than enough liquor but they were not drunk, he was sure of that. He was aware of what was happening from the time he leaned dangerously closer towards her and planted a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips. If she tried to stop him, he would have backed off. She did not.
He groaned, mind blurred of what to do next.
Was he supposed to call or message her? Check where she was? Ask why she just left? Say he was sorry?
But he wasn't a bit sorry for what happened. He wanted it... since when, only heaven knew. The question was if she wanted it the same way, or she has regretted it the moment she woke up and realized what they have done.
Eight months ago, they lost to Thanos. He snapped and gone was 50% of the living, including the closest people to him and to her. Peter was dusted in his arms in Titan. Clint lost his whole family, which eventually led to Natasha losing her bestfriend in him also.
When Tony was rescued in space by Nebula and Captain Marvel, he returned to a very quiet compound. Natasha, Steve, Bruce and Thor were the only ones left there. Rhodey and Pepper came the soonest they got the word about his return. They arrived as he lay in the med bay with the only female Avenger left watching over him.
The reunion was a lull before the storm that was his confrontation with Steve. The pain, the betrayal, the anger he harbored in his chest for their Cap since Siberia made him snap, too. What remained of his belief that they could avenge for the earth when they could not protect it - dusted. That night, Natasha went to his room and apologized for the hurt that she also caused him. He has long forgiven and understood her, and he let her stay until he slept.
The next day, he learned that the team has traced Thanos and attacked him to retrieve the infinity stones, in high hopes that they could still revert what happened. They did not get them... not even one.
Days later, Tony got well and chose to move on, opting to live alone this time in a lakehouse far from the city. He worked for Stark Industries, his own company still managed by Pepper, remotely. He enjoyed a more private life.
Among the then-Avengers, it was only with Natasha that he communicated. Bruce and Thor disappeared to somewhere he did not mind knowing about. They needed to rest, too. Steve stayed behind but opted to lie-low from being a supersoldier. While she, keeping herself together, continued to do work and organized a new team which could look after what was left of the world. With much respect for her choice, he made it clear that even if they were already far from being teammates, he was just a stone throw away especially for her, always.
And it was because of that mutual understanding that Natasha knocked on his door last night and broke down after a few glasses. Both of them were still grieving for their losses, no matter how hard they hid it. Both of them were still looking for answers even if it looked like they have moved on. Both of them, at the back of their minds, were still hoping that they could bring everyone else back.
Vulnerable, they succumbed to the temporary aid which they could get from each other on his bed. It wasn't hurried, but every touch, every move, every moan was desperate to satisfy their need for comfort. Once was not enough. They gave in again. And again...
Tony cleared his head with a cold shower then decided to go to her at the compound. He did not know what to say; he just had to see her first.
Natasha sat on her work desk, going through whatever she was doing on her laptop, when he entered her office.
"Tash," he stood before her table.
"What's up, Stark?" She did not even look up to him.
It felt like a kick on his gut. "So we're back to surnames only. That's cool," he replied with pure sarcasm.
"If you're here to talk about what happened, you shouldn't have bothered."
"Why not?"
She chuckled. "We're two consenting adults. It's done and over."
He followed her with confused stare and rising irritation as she walked to the side table and made a sandwich.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
Natasha raised her eyebrows to him. "Why? Oh don't act too modest on me. That's the least I will expect, especially from you."
His fists balled inside his pockets, he filled his lungs with much-needed air. "I'm not here to say I am sorry for what happened because really, I am not."
"Then? Don't tell me you worry about me getting..." She paused but he got it. "You know that's impossible."
"Natasha -"
"I'm not gonna run after you because of what happened, Stark. It was just good sex."
His face heated up and his teeth clenched so tight that it already hurt - whichever hurt more, his jaw or his heart, he didn't care. Before he could do something he would regret more, he turned to leave immediately, shutting the door loudly behind him... missing to catch Natasha's rattled expression, trembling lips and teary eyes.
That was the last time they saw each other.
*****
Four years later, Natasha appeared at his doorstep again - this time, with Steve and Scott Lang, presenting a possible way to get back what they lost to Thanos.
Quantum realm. Time heist.
"The stones are in the past. We can go back. We can get them," Steve said.
"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everybody back," she added.
"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" he quickly countered, eyes bore into green ones.
His two other guests tried to justify some more, but each argument, he had an answer to.
Finally, Natasha spoke again. "Tony, we have to take a stand."
Great, she just called him by his first name again, reminding him of the good relationship they shattered with one steamy night followed by a more heated encounter.
"We did stand. And yet, here we are," he couldn't help being straightforward.
She turned her head, looking away.
He sighed. "I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else."
Natasha never looked at him again until the three of them left. His chest tightened even if it was him who declined their proposal. He knew he hurt her by crushing her hope. But he was actually scared to try again and fail. There was a bit of probability that they might do it right but he could not risk, could he? It would be too painful, if they would be lucky to even live after, that is.
When he lied down that night, in the same room where they spent that one night together, Tony still could not rest his case. He remembered Peter. He remembered Clint's lovely family. He thought about Natasha... and how she would have looked happier if he said yes to their idea that afternoon.
Those thoughts and the tiny bit of probability pulled him up from his bed to his little workshop.
*****
He made it work and they did it. They, the Avengers, won this time around.
After they collected the infinity stones from the past, with Clint's inevitable sacrifice in Vormir, and despite the accident that brought Thanos and his troop to the present, they managed to pull through in the battle. Bruce as the Hulk snapped with the gauntlet that Tony made and the bad guys turned to dust.
They lost two heroes in one day... but the ones who have returned, together with the four Avengers left, swore to their gravestone that the earth, with their loved ones in it, would be protected again at all cost.
Steve went back to the past to return the stones in their respective places. But he did not come back. They should have figured it out when he said goodbye to Bucky and left his shield to Sam before he stepped into the time heist.
Thor, sober and with renewed determination after he has spoken with Almother, led the New Asgard with Valkyrie.
Tony and Natasha promised to keep the rest of their team together whatever it takes. But it had to start by fixing what was between the two of them...
Like the night of Tony's return from space five years ago, she went up to him. He was awakened by movement on the bed in his room in the compound. The next thing he realized, the redhead was snuggled up on him, her arms around his neck, hands clasped on his nape.
"Tash..." He called her name softly and kissed her hair.
"Thank you, Tony."
Natasha looked up to him, and as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he caught her eyes shiny with tears.
"I don't and won't ever take full credit of our win, if that's what you are thankful for," he smiled as he wiped her eyes with his thumb.
She shook her head. "I thank you for trying one more time. It wasn't a simple decision, I know. You've left this life behind for a more peaceful one and moved on," she caressed his cheek. "Now you're back here with us."
Tony shifted their positions so he was half hovering comfortably over her.
"When I was trying to figure out how we could pull off that quote-unquote time heist, you know what was on my mind?"
"What?"
"Oh, it wasn't a what but a who," he tapped his point finger on the tip of her nose. "You."
"Tony..."
"I haven't said it yet but I really like it better when you call me by my first name."
She sighed. "I'm serious."
"Same here. So serious about you that I risked screwing up reality."
She fell silent as she just stared into his eyes.
"Guess that's another way of saying I love you, Natasha. I've always cared so much about you... Damn it, I can't even stay mad at you for 24 hours straight."
"I'm not good with words, Tony."
"Not a problem."
His hand trailed from her side to her hips to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, the same time that Natasha lifted her face to meet his lips that instantly opened up to hers.
That one night long time ago was never enough. They gave in again. And again. And again.
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