#we're back on our meds and i have to do this or i'll die

[symerr]

i need to figure out how to make our sims have height differences in blender/mmd. immediately. now.

[fullstcp]

"Stick Season" by Noah Kahan Sentence Starters

NORTHERN ATTITUDE

"How you been? You settled down?"

"How are your kids? Where are they now?"

"You build a boat, you build a life."

"You lose your friends, you lose your wife/husband."

"Where are you? What does it mean?"

"You're getting lost, you're getting high."

"Scared to live, scared to die."

STICK SEASON

"You promised me that I was more than all the miles combined."

"You must've had yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive."

"Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't place."

"Memories are something even smoking weed does not replace."

"I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed."

"It's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim."

"I'll dream each night of some version of you that I might not have, but did not lose."

"I'm split in half, but that'll have to do."

"I miss the way you laugh."

"You once called me 'forever', now you still can't call me back."

"My other half was you."

"I hope this pain's just passing through, but I doubt it."

ALL MY LOVE

"My folks still talk, but they speak in two word sentences."

"I'm sayin' too much, but you know how it gets out here."

"Now I know your name, but not who you are."

"It's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood."

"You got all my love."

"If you need me, dear, I'm the same as I was."

"You burrowed in under my skin, what I'd give to have you out from me."

"I still recall how the leather in your car feels."

"At the end of it all, I just hope that your scars heal."

"I smiled stupid the whole way home."

"I'll never let you go."

SHE CALLS ME BACK

"There was heaven in your eyes, I was not baptized."

"Everything's alright when you call me back."

"Look at me and don't you lie."

"I could be your sacrifice."

"For bullshit, I do not have time."

"I do not exist to die, but live to die while saving you."

"Do you lie awake restless?"

"Why am I so obsessive?"

"This town's the same as you left it."

"I don't get much sleep most nights."

"I'm seeing you in every dream."

"If only I could fall asleep."

"I'll love you when the oceans dry."

"I'll love you when the rivers freeze."

"I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps."

COME OVER

"I'm in the business of losing your interest."

"I turn a profit each time that we speak."

"I was taking the wrong meds."

"It feels good to be sad."

"My mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it."

"Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want."

NEW PERSPECTIVE

"Silence is making me nostalgic."

"We were kids, but that doesn't make this less hard."

"If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it."

"You made Ohio feel just like Central Park."

"This town's for the record now."

"Gave me your word and now I can't pronounce it."

EVERYWHERE, EVERYTHING

"It's been a long year."

"Would we survive in a horror movie?"

"Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you."

"'Til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours."

"I know every route in this county."

"Maybe that ain't such a bad thing."

"All of our book's pages dog-eared."

ORANGE JUICE

"It's yours if you want it."

"We're just glad you could visit."

"Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long."

"I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone."

"Why'd you go?"

"My heart has changed and my soul has changed."

"You just asked me to hold you."

"It made you a stranger."

"Now I'm third in the line up to your Lord and your Savior."

STRAWBERRY WINE

"Remember telling me that you thought we were cursed?"

"I'm in love with every song you've ever heard."

"If I could lose you, I would."

"Love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder."

"Those things I miss but know are never coming back."

"If I was empty space and you were a formless shape, we'd fit."

"Love leaves little runway and every time we run straight over it."

GROWING SIDEWAYS

"We argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground."

"I'm cured."

"I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts."

"Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart."

"I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them."

"I ignore things and I move sideways."

"At the end of the day, I know there are worse ways to stay alive."

"I'm terrified that I might never have met me."

"If my engine works perfect on empty, I guess I'll drive."

"Why is pain so damn impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be."

"If all my life was wasted, I don't mind, I'll watch it go."

"It's better to die numb than feel it all."

HALLOWEEN

"The last that I heard, you were down in New Orleans."

"I worry for you, you worry for me."

"It's fine if we know we won't change."

"The wreckage of you, I no longer reside in."

"The bridges have long since been burnt."

"I'm leaving this town and changing my address."

"I know that you'll come if you want."

"It's not Halloween, but the ghost you dressed up as sure knows how to haunt."

"I know that you're fearing the end."

HOMESICK

"How have you been and are you bored yet?"

"Time moves so damn slow."

"I swear I feel my organs failing."

"I stopped caring 'bout a month ago."

"I would leave if only I could find a reason."

"I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them."

"I'll spend the rest of my life with what could've been."

"I will die in the house that I grew up in."

STILL

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it."

"It's like I'm still here with you."

"Can I fix what is broken?"

THE VIEW BETWEEN VILLAGES

"I am not scared of death."

"I've got dreams again."

"A minute from home, but I feel so far from it."

YOUR NEEDS, MY NEEDS

"Who was I to watch you wilt?"

"You ain't gotta tell me what it means."

"You'll always be a flower on my skin."

"I promise to be there this time."

"You were a work of art."

"I'm naming the stars in the sky after you."

DIAL DRUNK

"I'm remembering I promised to forget you now."

"I ain't taking any fault."

"Am I honest still?"

"I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown."

"I'm untetherin' from the parts of me you'd recognize."

"The dial tone is all I have."

"I'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell."

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

PAUL REVERE

"This place had a heartbeat in its day."

"It just ain't that simple, it never was."

"One day, I'm gonna cut it clear."

"I'm not from around here."

"The world makes sense behind a chain-link fence."

"If I could leave, I would've already left."

NO COMPLAINTS

"I thought I had something."

"I get mad at nothing."

"I pull no punches, then feel bad for months."

"Thought I was raised better."

"Now, the weight of the world ain't so bad."

"I saw the end, it looks just like the middle."

"Who am I to complain?"

"Now the pain's different."

"I'm young and living dreams."

"In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen."

CALL YOUR MOM

"You're spiraling again."

"Stayed on the line with you the entire night."

"Don't let this darkness fool you."

"Don't be discouraged."

"I've been exactly where you are."

"I'll drive all night."

"I'll call your mom."

"Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason."

"I don't wanna drive another mile wondering if you're breathing."

"Won't you stay with me?"

YOU'RE GONNA GO FAR

"This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine."

"This is good land, or at least it was."

"It makes me smile to know when things get hard you'll be far from here."

"Say whatever you feel, be whoever you are."

"We ain't angry at you, love."

"You're the greatest thing we've lost."

"We'll be waiting for you, love."

"We'll all be here forever."

"We're overdue for a revival."

"We spent so long just getting by."

"Who the hell likes living just to die?"

"You told me you would make a difference."

"You're gonna go far."

FOREVER

"Let's drive for no reason."

"You look fine in the evening."

"I'm glad I get forever to see where you end."

"I won't be alone for the rest of my life."

"I might loosen my grip, but I'll never let you go."

[breannasfluff]

Imagine there was a law once a year you had to kill someone else to survive and not be able to be killed that year. As a problem to overpopulation.

I hate the "Is the cup half full or half empty" thing. It doesn't help to see if I'm pessimistic or optimistic. Seeing as my view depends on how the glass was set up. If the water was poured first, it is half full. If the glass was filled completely with water, then half of it got dumped out, it is half empty. How can you say "Oh it's half empty" or "oh it's half full". Also both of those are technically correct, so why is this even a thing? You literally can't tell anything from this and I hate it.

I don't think anyone is dumb. Everyone learns differently. Just because the person is not understanding the concept, doesn't mean they are stupid or slow. That means it is not being taught in their learning style. There are like 7 different learning styles, and I know for a fact there are almost no schools that try to teach people using all of them. It's not your fault for not understanding something, sometimes it's not even the person teaching you fault. Sometimes the wording is just confusing in your brain or you need longer to process and make connections. I just hate whenever someone uses dumb as an insult. It doesn't make sense and yes there are some topics I would be "Dumb" to, but that's just because I haven't tried to learn them.

Silent letters in English are so dumb. Or words that are just not spelled like they are pronounced. Like what's the point? It just makes everything more confusing for everyone. And also the different spelling for every day thing from like British English to American English to Australian English. Like Gray? I honestly don't know how to spell it correctly where I'm from. I change the spelling every time I spell Grey. It's so dumb.

Did you know ADHD meds don't work if you have certain foods after or before you take them. Mostly foods or things with vitamin C. Just a thought.

I have no clue why I wrote this. I had ten thousand other things I could be doing. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my random thoughts and I'm sure glad for the ask anonymously feature in tumbler!

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees.

Gray with an A is how you spell it in the USA. It has the A for America. Grey is the British spelling.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e12 faith (w. sera gamble, raelle tucker)

(this is a rewatch so spoilers abound)

same old story, i'm struggling. mostly convinced my depression (and/or the meds) just shuffle my executive function around but never increase it. imagine a yahtzee cup shaking the dice around, let's see what i get this time

very pretty and reminiscent of xfiles, but better car. cue me searching for the oldsmobile that wasn't terrible in the xf movie, which then i run into the firefox/yt bug so i have to wait 5 minutes for an incredibly shitty recording of a tv playing an xf/oldsmobile intrigue promo to load. this is going great. maybe i don't wanna see our dean get electrocuted

cracking up that they kinda ran into each other. literally attached at the hip. this whole rawhead thing, feels like the actual monstery monsters thing just largely went by the wayside after s1

DEAN Yeah. All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me. SAM What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here. DEAN Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass. SAM I don't think that's funny. DEAN Oh, come on, it's a little funny.

always hard to watch dean being so ready to die. this being the more acceptance of the consequences of hunting type, but watching it with the weight of every other time it's going to happen pushing down on me, buh.

DEAN Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story. SAM Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options. DEAN What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it. SAM Watch me.

heaven help whoever gets in the way of sam saving dean

SAM Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh... you probably won't even get this, but, uh... it's Dean. He's sick, and uh... the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um... but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So, don't worry, cause I'm uh... gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright... just wanted you to know.

dean's dying but can't count on john for anything, of course. and a little sam/jared nail biting moment

DEAN Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

come home to hot nurse sammy *rimshot*

SAM You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. DEAN Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me.

i spy with my little eye their wee printer back there. sammy in socks, dean in not-logger boots. also i think because of how he dresses a lot of times but jackles really does have long legs. and occasionally will get a shot of them like whoa, right.

SAM I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal. DEAN For what? SAM For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist. DEAN You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? SAM I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

i know that's right!

always here for grumpy weak puppy dean getting annoyed with sam mother henning him. i ended up making all the gifs because it's cute and makes me laugh

DEAN Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor. SAM I believe I said a specialist.

cracking me up. it's not my fault you assumed medical specialist 😌

s1e11 julie benz as layla rourke / dexter s1e1 as rita bennett

funny, in an effort to watch something instead of zoning out and being miserable in the evening the other day i put on dexter, i have watched half of the first episode 🥴 but i did meet her character!

YOUNG WOMAN Maybe God works in mysterious ways. DEAN Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject. YOUNG WOMAN Yeah, I'm sure. DEAN I'm Dean. This is Sam. YOUNG WOMAN Layla. So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here? DEAN Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us.

sam's little smile to that ❤️

DEAN This is ridiculous. (He slaps SAM's hands away) I'm good, dude, get off me.

😂

truly, worth the price of admission alone

SAM Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on? DEAN Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why. SAM What feeling? DEAN When I was healed, I just... I felt wrong. I felt cold. And for a second... I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit. SAM But if there was something there, Dean, I think I would've seen it, too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately. DEAN Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. But you're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.

psychic wonder :p sam's little pinched face when dean says he needs to have faith lol harrumph. yeah yeah some guy died, but you're fine so let's go!

s1e12 kevin mcnulty as reverend legrange

i did a hiky for kevin mcnulty for is appearance in spn 10x06, he was in the killing and the magicians too

ROY Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN What did you see in my heart? ROY A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

i don't remember if they go into this any more but i wonder how much of this was hinting at the long game (nevermind roy doesn't actually have any powers that we know of). could work for all manner of points along the story within the s1-5 arc for him though

s1e12 gillian barber as mrs rourke / s12e17 as dr hess / the x-files s2e10 as beth kane / under the banner of heaven s1e4 as sister dorren

she's been in a couple of my things too, including four (4!) episodes of the xfiles and uh, she was dr hess in s12 of spn for 3 episodes?? lol no wonder she was familiar. i guess i didn't look her up

oof, that small "i'm sorry" from sam got me. so this scene originally has don't fear the reaper by blue oyster cult, clip here if interested. i don't know that i think it fits that much better, feels like it's just too cheekily appropriate they had to use it somewhere.

i appreciate the dividers not being some godawful cheesy thing but i'm also laughing at how big this motel room is. and full ass kitchen basically, only vaguely kitchenette in the fact that the fridge and stove are like. 3/4 size. it's a cool set but i often think their motel sets are bonkers in one way or another regardless

SAM Wait, what the hell are you talking about Dean, we can't kill Roy. DEAN Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is. DEAN Ok, we cant kill Roy, we can't kill Death. Any bright ideas, college boy? SAM Ok. uh...If Roy's using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we gotta...figure out what it is. And how to break it.

honestly don't think dean at this point in time would actually jump to killing the human instead of breaking the spell but whatevs :p i can take the somewhat out of character things like dean saying he's proud of sam in s1 and hold tight to them and discard the ones i don't like, like this :P maybe it's because he feels wracked with guilt! who knows!

COP 1 We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand? DEAN Yes sir, fear of God. Got it.

can't resist being a smartass to cops

LAYLA I wish you luck. I really do. DEAN Same to you. Layla turns to walk away again. DEAN (under his breath) You deserve it a lot more than me.

sneak in some of that patented dean self loathing

DEAN Desperate. Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.

sounds familiar 🤔

DEAN May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work.

amen to that

just happen to whip up a color picture of dean. wonder if she has a printer or she takes it to the 1 hour photo

and dean doesn't even try to get away from the reaper, like yeah. should be dead anyway, and let layla live. just what he wanted

DEAN We did the right thing here didn't we? SAM Of course we did. DEAN (hanging his head) It doesn't feel like it.

(especially when the right thing means dean gets to live)

DEAN Must be rough. To believe in something so much, and have it disappoint you.

like *cough* your dad?? lol

LAYLA God works in mysterious ways. Goodbye, Dean.

mmmk. the draft script says she kissed him, glad they didn't go there

DEAN Well... I'm not much of the praying type... but... I'm gonna pray for you. LAYLA Well...There's a miracle right there.

🤔 ok lol

physically incapable of shutting up about these early episodes

[fae-fucker]

Nexus: Chapter 1-3

It's time for the thrilling conclusion to Sasha Alsberg's and Lindsay Cummings literary diarrhea. Described by the illustrious Sarah J Maas (whose taste we can surely trust) as a "whirlwind, out-of-this-galaxy adventure," the queen of fae jizz has once again put egg on our collective faces and told blatant lies to uphold false narratives.

It's apparently been two years since I last left Andi to die as the new General of Arcardius. Nor was the evil queen, and Valen was the perpetual victim turned evil guy at the last moment. Dex was there, and so was Andi's crew. Dex rescued Andi and the general, but the general died after giving Andi his title for reasons as uninteresting as they are pointless.

I won't be recapping the whole thing, just read the last parts of the previous snark to get caught up. Or the whole thing, if you want xoxo

Chapter 1: Dex

Dextro Arez had never truly believed that the Godstars were tangible beings. They were soul-felt, a comforting presence inside your heart, an idea that filled your mind as if soldered on with iron and fire. Always nearby, yet as far away as the stars in the night sky.

Hoo boy. Shinsay are so very good at one-sentence K.O.s They bypass my armor and do direct psychic damage.

Dex is sitting by Andi's busted-ass body. She's been out for a week, and he's all angsty about how she has to wake up because she's the general now and is the only one who can save them all. He's then overtaken by a telegraphed wave of memories, flashing conveniently back to the climax of the first book, so we're all caught up on what's happened.

BUT THEN! Andi wakes up! And she's all angry about how Dex saved her but left HER GIRLS behind, and she gets up and tries to go and save them immediately despite having an open and gaping chest wound that starts bleeding the moment she gets up. She's so so angry you guys. And also really badass for how she wants to save her crew, whom she loves so much that she'd die for them. It's very cool and tragic and sad and uuh. Anyway.

She stabs him with a syringe full of a pain medication called "soduum" which, I mean, yeah. Soduum indeed.

The first chapter of Nexus ends like this,

“I’m sorry, Dex,” Andi said, her voice like a funeral dirge as his head hit the floor. “There is no me without them.” When she left the med bay, she was no longer Androma Racella. The Bloody Baroness stepped into the halls of the Marauder, a captain who would tear apart the skies to rescue her crew.

I do love the childlike sincerity of Shinsay being so enamored with the bad-mouth-feel name of their main character, and her shitty little title, that they keep repeating both. I also hate the way the title is deeply unoriginal while also being completely meaningless, indicating that Shinsay just chose words that sounded cool to them without thought or effort. There's a certain unearned smugness in repeating the full name and title every time Andi does anything they think is cool, because guys? You didn't do anything, but you're expecting goosebumps every time? Cmon now.

I read my own snark recently in preparation for reading Nexus (cuz there's no way I'm gonna read Zenith again lol) and I'm surprised that I never deconstructed the title of "Bloody Baroness," because it's so bad. So I'll do that now, because there's nothing else cool happening.

First of all, what does baroness mean in this world? The title existing implies the existence of peerage. Adhira has a queen, so that sort of fits, but Andi is from Arcardius, which is noted to be the most militaristic planet, ruled by a general instead of a king. So who gave her the title? Why is it baroness specifically? Does Andi hold land? Where did the title of baroness come from? Who started it and why? What did she do to earn it? We never really find out what Andi did during her criminal years, so her having a wacky title would have given us a clue as to what kind of pirate she is. Instead, we get baroness because it sounds fancy to Shinsay and is alliterative with "bloody," I guess?

As for "bloody", well, it speaks for itself, doesn't it? It's a fine enough descriptor for a space pirate, but the fact that it's followed up by "baroness" makes it sound too small for the title it's describing. The alliteration was also a mistake, IMO. It just sounds childish. Combine all this with the fact that "bloody" is something a mildly annoyed British person might say before a real curse word, it's just a bit silly.

Compare to two examples that kind of work, on the opposite ends of the spectrum that Andi occupies. We have Star Lord, from Guardians of the Galaxy. I haven't read the comics, but the title works for the guy because it's both ambiguous (in the first movie, nobody knows who he is or what he's done, because it's not a lot) and grandiose (because he's full of himself). It is a cool name, but it's clearly something an unimaginative egotist might come up with, name himself the lord of stars because they're in space, so ruling stars means he's a big deal. Nobody's calling him lord unless he convinces them first. It works because it builds his character.

Then we have The Blood Countess, one of the epithets given to Elizabeth Bathory, a real-life historical figure who was said to have killed women and girls in order to bathe in their blood and remain young forever. Notice the similarities to the Bloody Baroness. Except Bathory was given this moniker because she 1) was an actual countess and 2) killed people and had a fascination with their blood. Obviously this is a real-life person, but the title works because hey, she did do that shit, at least according to the people who gave her that name. She's a countess that likes blood? Blood Countess!

What did Andi do? Everyone calls her the Bloody Baroness, but we don't know why, and she clearly didn't give herself the name, though she embraces it because ...? She likes it, I guess. She likes to be called bloody because she loves violence, and to be associated with nobility, despite supposedly hating the upper class after they stabbed her in the back.

Y'all see what I mean?

We don't know where the title came from, so we don't get an insight into her past, and we don't know how she feels about it, aside from stuff we can assume that turns out to be contradictory anyway.

But hey, it sounds cool, right? Right? RIGHT?!

Chapter 2: Andi

Anyway, because she's got a huge hole in her chest that's gushing blood, Andi can barely get herself into the captain's seat, but she's so so so so determined to save HER GIRLS, you guys. Can you feel the female solidarity simply seeping off the page? Totally not undermined by the fact that the three girls are basically lamps who only exist to be Andi's motivation and have no character of their own in this book, essentially objectifying them in this supposedly feminist narrative.

The navigation holoscreen began to flicker before her eyes, highlighted by the swirling, shimmering clouds outside the varillium walls of the ship. The dense fog of color obscured Andi’s view of the stars, and the sight of it sent a shiver of dread down her spine. “Memory?” she asked breathlessly. The soothing female voice of the Marauder ’s control system came to life around her. “How may I assist you, Captain?” “Where exactly are we?” There was a long pause before Memory responded. “The navigation system is currently off-line. I am unable to determine our precise location at this time.” Andi stared at the dancing whorls of pink and gold mist, a sudden suspicion dawning. “Memory, what was the destination of the last hyperspace jump?” “The last coordinates entered were for a location just outside the Xintra Nebula.” Andi’s hands began to shake with rage. Her ship was inside a damned nebula. A massive pocket of space filled with gases and debris that rendered the Marauder’s tracking and navigation systems utterly useless. A place only the most skilled pilots could hope to fly through without losing their way.

A-heem heem. So, as a child, my obsession wasn't with dinosaurs, or Egypt, or animals. Mine was space. And though I couldn't tell you anything that you probably don't already know, I will say that uuh, nebulas? Do not work like that. Nebulas aren't, like, clouds or mist here on earth, they're MASSIVE. And yes, while they are filled with gases, it's not like water turning to mist, so the amount of gas molecules stretched across hundreds of light-years would make existing inside a nebula perfectly fine. The gases wouldn't even be visible to the naked eye. Like, you wouldn't be obscured by clouds or mist, and certainly not enough to scramble any science-fiction navigational tools in a world that's mastered space travel.

Also, while we're on the topic of Shinsay not knowing shit from fuck, can I say something else? Here's the map of the galaxy:

First of all, what are rogue systems? I don't know if they've ever been mentioned and I don't remember if they ever will be, so why even put them on the map? Second of all: you mean to tell me that none of these people name the stars in their star system? That they're all just "the sun" like we do here on Earth? Huh? What? Why? Third: so several of the aliens come from the same star systems? Most of these planets have been mentioned as habitable. Andi and Breck come from the same star system. How is that plausible in any sense of the word?

Third of all, what the fuck is this?

HOW IS THAT A FUCKING ASTEROID BELT? Like I don't expect authors to understand how gravity works in space, (even though it's pretty basic that these rocks would definitely be in orbit around the sun, much like the planets are) but didn't the word belt clue you in on how they look? Do you have no curiosity at all, or are you so overconfident that you can't even bother to look things up?

Also, I get that this is stylized, but this map feels really small. Combined with how Shinsay don't seem to understand how big space actually is, or how unlikely it is that so many planets and satellites in a system are not only habitable but inhabited, it leads to the whole thing feeling underwhelming, not like the great swashbuckling space opera they were clearly going for. Everything's just squished together, and the whole plot revolves around a handful of planets.

Anywhomst, Lon comes in (Lira's brother who's somehow a "universal donor") and reasons with Andi. They head back to wake up Dex, which is surprisingly easy, given that almost no time has passed and they don't even give him anything to cancel out the drug.

Dex and Lon catch Andi up on what went down once she got her ass beat by a skinny guy with a knife. Valen is Nor's half brother and their mom had fucked up space magic that mind-controlled General Cyprian back in the day. Now they're mind-controlling people into worshiping Nor, including Andi's crew. It's very dramatic but also stuff we already knew, so.

Andi squeezed Dex’s hand and nodded decisively. “So we find a way to free their minds and come up with a plan to get them out.” “And then?” Lon asked. Andi allowed an icy smile to spread across her face. “And then the Bloody Baroness will go hunting.”

Cool. This is the second time in a row that we're ending a chapter with the promise of Andi aka the Bloody Baroness doing something cool, and yet she never does. And guess what! She never will.

Spoilers.

Chapter 3: Valen

The chapter title loudly proclaims that this is three weeks later, so I'm assuming that's on top of the week Andi's been out. So like it's a month after the attack. Keep this in mind.

Valen sits in a garden in his old home and angsts about how this planet used to be his prison because his family hated him, except his half-sister Kalee, who was an angel who could do no wrong. But now thankfully he has another sister who is totally cool and awesome and gave him a new identity, as a Solis with compulsion powers.

With every moment that passed, with every new soldier that set out across Mirabel to spread the Zenith virus, more minds were added to Valen’s nexus of connections. At first, he’d felt the exact moment when each silver bullet hit its target. The bullets contained a serum that Nor’s two-headed scientist, Aclisia, had perfected back on Xen Ptera. She’d somehow replicated strands of Valen’s DNA and used them to create a virus that forever linked the minds of its victims to his own, leaving them vulnerable to his compulsions.

His DNA? They're blasting people with Valen's DNA in order to make them part of his semi-hivemind? This is like if I spit in someone's mouth and they started being able to see my OCs in their mind's eye. It doesn't make any sense, and would've worked better if it was just random space-magic, but sure, whatever, it's DNA now. I just don't understand how it works in-person, then? Because it clearly does, since that's how Klaren used it, and she didn't put her DNA into the people she controlled. It was rather the opposite, really. Bazinga etc.

Like, ok, making a virus out of his DNA is fine, but then why would that infection allow him to take control over them? Look at how it "works" in his mind:

Over time, he discovered a way to quiet the minds, to lock them away in their very own realm, so that when a new mind was added, it was simply background noise. He’d strengthened the mental boundaries around that realm, building walls around those other minds, until they were contained in an impenetrable fortress that rivaled the obsidinite prison he’d once been trapped in on Lunamere. And then, finally, there was silence. Now he need only hear the minds when he pleased. And with the help of the Zenith virus, Valen could reach them from anywhere in the galaxy. He compelled them to serve Nor, their true queen—no matter the cost.

So it's a fucking BBC Sherlock mind palace. Very clearly not science-based, so why the bullshit with making a virus? Guess it sounds more scienc-y.

On Xen Ptera, they’d shared a life together—two years spent honing Valen’s powers. And all the while, his heartless father never came looking for him. Valen had once cared about pleasing the general, but now he knew that hope had been futile. Foolish, and utterly pointless. His father had never been capable of loving him, of feeling pride in his son.

Well, you were his rape-baby. Like I hate to remind you but you were very much unwanted and unplanned and made from a forced union. I get that that's not Valen's fault, and the general shouldn't have taken it out on him, but with how much this book and the first demonizes the general and idolizes (or at least affords complexity to) Klaren, this comes off as kind of uncomfortable. You'll see how Shinsay just conviniently always forget that Klaren was an actual rapist. I guess it doesn't count if it's a woman raping men. Yes, multiple.

Valen talks to Nor through their mind link or whatever, which makes him feel better. He's avoiding Darai (Nor's evil advisor/uncle figure), because the old geezer gives him bad vibes.

As he's sitting there, his gaze drifts to a massive floating thing in the distance:

Nexus. The monstrous satellite had become Nor’s new obsession in the wake of their takeover during the Ucatoria Ball. Engineers, scientists and workers had been laboring around the clock these past few weeks, perfecting every angle and plane of the device that would amplify Valen’s compulsion ability, sending his message to every corner of the galaxy.

Ayoo, title drop! But also, what? How does that work? How are you gonna blast Valen's DNA virus through space and expect it to not only survive the process, but also reach across the galaxy? *Tim Allen AUEGH grunt*

Anyway, Nor is apparently preparing for a public announcement or some shit, and Valen thinks about the Unaffected attacks.

Yes. Time for another Nondescript Proper Noun. Get a load of this:

It was something Valen had feared from the beginning, after he’d learned that some wouldn’t be affected by his compulsion. Their numbers were slim, if Aclisia’s extensive testing of the Zenith virus was anything to judge by. For every hundred that fell to Valen’s compulsion, bowing to Nor despite their original feelings toward her, only one resisted. So despite his unease, he’d never truly thought they’d be able to fight back. But barely a week into Nor’s reign, a group of Unaffecteds had banded together and destroyed the military barracks on Tenebris that housed many of the newest recruits to the cause. Valen had felt the moment those minds beneath his compulsion had died. As if they were matches snuffed out. There one moment, gone the next. It happened again, mere days later, on Adhira. A small but organized group of Unaffecteds had emerged from the jungle sector of the terraformed planet and struck down the communication towers. Nor’s video feed, which was on a constant loop across the galaxy, had been cut off for half a day’s time.

First of all, is this some English speaker thing that I'm not getting? Some nuance I'm missing? Why the hell are they called "Unaffecteds" instead of just "Unaffected"? "A group of Unaffected" works just as fine and doesn't sound as awkward, no? Especially since Valen called them Unaffected previously. Am I wrong? Feel free to correct me but I think that this is just unecessary and weird. And yeah, it's not very original. It's giving Divergent but many years too late.

Second of all, one in a hundred in a galaxy is still a lot of people. However, probably not enough to form a resistance movement that fast and that organized in a manner of weeks. Especially considering that there's a visual difference between those that are affected and those that aren't (as we'll see later), and that most people aren't combatants, most Unaffected/s would be found out pretty quickly. I'm calling bullshit on this one.

Third, why is Nor wasting time on making videos for a galaxy that's already entirely brainwashed by her? This implies that the attack was a calculated effort to weaken her power, but aside from sending her a message, it doesn't really affect anything, does it? Are we meant to believe she's just very self-absorbed? That hasn't really been her characterization up until this point.

The Unaffecteds would fall eventually, when they ran out of steam. When they realized that the galaxy was beyond saving.

Nitpick, but for a guy who's spent an entire chapter wanking about how great and amazing his sister is, it's a very weird word choice to say that his enemies would be "saving" the galaxy from her. Is he devoted to her and her cause, or is he a mustache-twirling villain aware of his own actions? Cuz it really seems like you're going for the former.

But hey, what's one sentence in a book, right? It's not like stories are made up of words and that you should be aware of the choices you're making while writing them or anything.

Sometimes, Valen could scarcely believe what they had already accomplished; how quickly the galaxy had fallen beneath their joined hands. Having a scientist of Aclisia’s caliber on their side had been vital to their success in that regard. It had been her idea to send out the orbs full of tainted rain as soon as they’d seized control of Arcardius. A war does not always require soldiers, she’d said, showing Nor and Valen how the weapon would work. Thousands of silver droplets falling from the skies across the galaxy, unleashing the Zenith virus upon all nearby.

Hi, sorry, hi. WHAT. So you're telling me Aclisia has already figured out a way to poison the rain of the entire planet? So ... why the fuck are we bothering with the Nexus satellite? Why don't you just poison the rain on every planet? Given that Adhirans have "universal donors" and all of these different aliens are able to live in each other's atmospheres and eat each other's food, you could just poison each planet's water supply and wait until the virus infected everyone. Yes, that would leave starships and space stations, but given that we barely have mentions of those, and assuming that they still need to stop at planets to refuel and gather supplies, you'll still reach them eventually.

It's funny how Shinsay feel the need to lampshade and excuse how quickly their spaghetti plot happened by using a bunch of other extremely suspect science fiction that would've been a huge deal in any other writer's hand, but through doing that, they undermine their main plot instead. I love it. It's like the reading equivalent of one of an Escher painting. You have to untangle the layers and once you do, you still don't fucking understand anything.

Anyway, Valen falls asleep thinking about how they're totally gonna win, and doesn't notice how his nose bleeds ominously. Because the toll it takes on him to control an entire galaxy of sentient minds is, uuh, literally killing him btw. Spoilers, I guess. For the obvious.

I honestly think that Shinsay have no concept of how huge space is. I know it's hard to comprehend for most people, but y'all are writers, supposedly. Just no imagination in there at all, huh?

It would've been cool to explore how being connected to a literal galaxy full of sentient minds would probably kill you immediately due to the sheer volume of them, like a semi-eldritch hivemind tearing your brain to shreds, but instead Valen just kinda fizzles out physically like a fart in the wind, while his compulsion remains boring and organized and his mind entirely clear and his own the entire time.

Anyway, sorry for the small amount of chapters covered in this first part, I just had to go off on a billion tangents <3

[newhologram]

Taking my emergency meds even though it will likely make me sick/emotional/unable to sleep/put my colon on strike.

I don't like this kind of decision. But people accuse spoonies of "drug-seeking" just for funzies when I actually hate taking these drugs. I'm terrified of complications. It takes so much discipline to keep myself at small, spread-out doses, to cycle the drugs safely, and even that makes me sick too. I don't want this. I don't want to always choose between life through the filter of pain and the filter of "a little less pain, but you're hella stoned all the time lolz." Being medicated all the time, on something or other, then itself becomes a disability. I can't drive myself to and from work anymore, because that means I won't be able to medicate as much. I'm severely limited now in my ability to run errands or even see friends. People see it as character judgement, laziness or moral degeneracy, as "you did it to yourself"--but the turning down of the volume on the nervous system is not a selfish, gross thing to want, and the people who struggle with addiction don't bc of being "bad people"--I'm not a "good person" just bc I've managed to avoid addiction all these years. It seems very obvious but I guess it's not. Pain is actually super treatable. My situation is super treatable. But I've been blocked access to the medicines, treatments, and surgeries that would change my entire life. How to game the game, Ariel? What has to be cut away to get a leg up out of the sea? Spoonies are tasked with the decision of what we would sacrifice to live life on land even if our feet bleed. And we are endlessly stigmatized for these decisions by people who would crumble into despair at a 1/4 of our daily pain. The ice pick in the heart of this life is fighting so hard against the desire for self-destruction, for nothingness, and the realization that even if we resist that urge, the decision is likely to be made for us. Even in illnesses not considered "terminal", complications kill all the time. I'm walking on the surface of a glass tightrope. I don't want that decision made for me, so I fight, I have fought for what I need. For over 10 years it's "I'll get this, and then be better" but nothing ever gives me my life back. It's only been more disability, which was the grief that made me suicidal when I first "became" this disabled (I was always). My dreams and wishes carrots on a stick, for whom? If a flare up kills me before I get to do what I want in the world, then was hope only a sort of iron lung to incentivize continuation of the program? Who is collecting this data and why? Bitch. We're beefing hard. It's almost impossible to trust life. But if I suddenly go feral, this is why. I won't ask that you forgive or even accept this New Hologram. It's likely going to be a bit jarring and I know a lot of people will have opinions/beliefs/judgements of my image beyond the ability to influence or manage. Interest in being perceived as a good person is slipping from my grasp. I don't know if being "good" can get the change the people need. The change I need, for relief. If the only thing to believe in is belief, then rejection of the current structures must be the foundation of any change. There is literally no actual reason, a tangible reason, that something made-up like money should keep someone, anyone, from getting medical care. I don't want to die over money. But I don't want to live for it, either. Anyway: the American healthcare system has us like batteries in the Matrix. It's actual evil and I don't know what I can do, what can be done, to change it. Despair is acidic and eroding. Powerless at the bottom of the sea, waiting for my miracle body to burst into being. If it's a story, why can't it play out in a way that makes life better for everyone? Is it possible to do it without leaving only a trace of humanity behind, etched geoglyphs in a mountain for the new gods to decipher? I know not all humans are terrible, I know most of us want things to be better. But I want so badly to stop being human the first chance I get. I'm done playing by these rules.

[horce-divorce]

3 entire days of calling every shelter from Traverse City to Indiana and being told there's nowhere to leave my boyfriend's cats, and it's once again other queers who come to our rescue... We have to take the cats about 4 hours away, but they will be safe and with someone we know and trust.

I have to take care of a few things at home this weekend (very important kids bday party, getting my phone replaced, making sure the car is working) before we take the cats. We're gonna try to go grab what we can of Bel's things from the basement and pawn or donate the rest. On Monday I'll start calling housing commissions again about places we can apply for, and start looking for other ways to make money. There's a festival up here soon, maybe I can get some under the table work, but also I'm thinking it's probably officially time to make an Onlyfans...

Then we need to stealthify the car and make it more habitable for the 2 of us. Like right now it's fine to camp in but long-term it needs a lot. We're sleeping on horrible flat bed rolls that hurt my back and joints, so I need a foam pad for the car. And we desperately need a fan for ventilation, as well as shades for the windows and more screens for ventilation as well.

Considering the very real possibility that we may not be housed again by winter, we need to be ready to stealth camp wherever we can find a place to park. We've talked about traveling or going south for the winter, or even jumping btwn friends homes and staying a few weeks at a time. But in any case the #1 thing we will need in addition to our meds is gas. We will be absolutely and utterly fucked without gas bc we are in Bumfuck Nowhere with no other way out.

I feel selfish for saying I'm less scared about being homeless than the last time... I know what this means. I've already been chronically unhoused for 10 years, I'm used to the packing up and going. Bel just lost everything. His home, his pets, his family, his childhood belongings, years worth of art and gifts and sentimental things, his support system. He feels like HE is going to die, and rapidly swinging from feeling like he should bc he's worthless, to being like "I am more powerful than God and I will live out of spite!!!" I don't know how much he's actually processed yet since it's all so fresh.

But I am so much more functional on his behalf than I was for just me. Losing myself seems like par for the course, who cares. The stakes are much higher if Bel is the one getting lost. I can't let that happen. I may not be able to house us or protect him in a way that matters, but whatever it takes, I will NOT leave him all alone. I wish so much that someone had been there with me the first time.

Anyway that's just the latest rundown for anyone invested. If I made a little Amazon wishlist w some of the stuff we need for the car, do yall suppose anyone would help us w those items? I think it's worth a shot, I may poke at that today.

Ugh

[renniethedwstan]

COME ON HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!

(Doctor who Christmas Oneshot)

Thirteenth Doctor & OC , OC character & Dan Lewis and Thirteenth Doctor x Yasmin Khan.

Ava loved her friend so much she'd do anything for her, absolutely anything. She meant the whole world to her.

But there are some days where she could fucking kill her too!

"Hand cuffs, why did you fucking tell them you had hand cuffs in your pockets Doctor! Now we're both stuck on a frozen planet, in a blizzard in the middle of bloody nowhere on the verge of hypofuckingthermia!" The Doctor just ignored her angry companion and just kinda sat there seemly unphased. "Relax Av. If the calculations are right, Yaz and Dan should have received our distress call in the Tardis. All I had to do was press the emergency button on the screwdriver. Right now they should be on their way" Ava kept tugging and even resorted to biting the cuffs at one point. "Tried that before didn't work! Might as well just sit and wait." Ava glared at the Doctor and tugged harder. "Sit n wait my ass any longer. I'll be singing bloody, let it go as I'm colder than Elsa's personality in the first frozen film!"

The Doctor rolled her eyes, but before she could speak the ground, the wind began to pick up, and a thumming sound could be heard, alarting her that the Tardis had arrived. "What did I tell you, Ava? Told you they'd come get us! Have some faith in me. " Ava snorts but kept quiet. Dan came running out and stood right in front of them, a hand on his hip with a facial expression that could be compared to a disproving teacher. "This is the third time we've had to rescue you two from similar situations it's getting ridiculous. Ava just scowled. "You gonna keep yapping away, or are ya gonna get us outta here before I die of frostbite scouser?" Dan held his hands up. Okay, okay. Calm down, brummie, don't get yourself in a twist." Ava just flipped the bird at him, which he smirked at. He kneeled down and began to unlock their cuffs. After a minute of fiddling the cuffs fall off their wrists and the trio all run towards the Tardis.

They were almost there when an explosion took place in front of the Tardis the trio all jumped out the way in different directions. The Doctor groaned and looked over to  Ava and Dan, who were under the debris of a house. "You guys okay?" Ava groaned as pain shoots through her shoulder but ignored it nodding at the question, not 100% hearing who asked."Let's just get outta here, Doc, before one of these blows us up." Dan said, the Doctor nodded, and the trio once again began running this time, making it too the Tardis. Yaz quickly opened the doors as the group ran in. The Doctor shut the doors as Yaz pressed the dematriliastion button. A loud boom shook the Tardis as another explosion set off just underneath. Everyone stumbled left and right trying to grab hold of something till the shaking had stopped.

After it did, Yaz immediately ran over to the Doctor and hugged her, taking her off guard. "Doctor! I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried that you've gotten hurt." The Doctor just nodded awkwardly, patting Yaz's back, unsure to what to do with her arms. "Don't worry, Yaz, I'm fine, fit as a fiddle me, eh? See." The Doctor did a quick spin to show her point, causing Yaz to giggle. The Doctor laughs, too, joining in. Ava and Dan just looked at each other with knowing smirks. I swear those dumbasses are oblivious as fuck, wheres a mistletoe when you need one?" Dan snorted at Ava's muttering. "Don't worry, we will figure something out at some point, but first, I think you need to go to the med room Av?" Ava frowns in confusion, then looks to her shoulder and takes her hand off it. "Oh, look blood.......oh well tis but a scratch." Dan just rolled his eyes and starts guiding her to the med room. "Be back soon you two so try not to make too much love eyes at each other causing Yaz to blush and the Doctor to cock her head in confusion. "Yaz, what does he mean-" Dan and Ava left the room before they could hear the rest of the conversation.

After 20 minutes of searching and getting lost three times, they finally find the med room where Av ended up having to get shrapnel removed from her shoulder and stitches. She also received a jab in case of rust related infections. "One can never be too careful." claimed Dan as she stuck the needle in, causing Ava to swear at him in many creative profounities. After a while, the sound of the Tardis landing brought the bickering friends back to the console room where the Doctor looked up. "All good? Good now I thought after a busy and sometimes chaotic adventures this last week." Ava pulled a face and muttered a sarcy comment."Sometimes?" She ignored Ava's and kept talking. "So I thought, since the tardis needs recharging, let's spend a few days on Earth. How's that sound?" Everyone nodded to her in agreement, and all stepped out the Tardis. It was snowing, the three humans gasped in awe, and the Doctor smiled at them. "Oh...by the way, it's December the 24th. Merry Christmas, fam!" They all look at the Doctor in delight at happiness.

Ava was already regretting taking the Doctor to the shops with her to buy food for Christmas dinner. The Doctor just kept putting random foods in the trolley, insisting she needed it. When she wasn't looking, Ava would quickly put the items back on the shelf. Then the Doctor begged Ava to let her push the trolley, which was a big mistake cause whilst she looked at the Turkey,the Doctor decided to look look at other stuff already bored. Ava just shook her head, glad the Doctor had decided to stop pestering her with questions like. "What's that?....ew humans eat that? How do you humans live such a mundane and domestic life" in which Ava responded with. "We have no fucking choice Doctor! Not everyone is a space alien who looks great for an elderly pensioner." After that, the Doctor just pouts and walked away, but sadly, the quiet wasn't to last. Ava heard a loud crash in the next aisle, and a voice called out. "AVAAAA, THE TROLLEY'S MALFUNCTIONING" Ava sighed and decided to pretend she didn't know the Doctor existed and let the poor worker deal with her whilst she carried on shopping with the trolley. The Doctor was outside sat on a bench when Ava finally left the building. "Ava!! You're here! Canyou believe it! They kicked me out! kept saying I was causing a ruckus and damage to property. Said I was banned from the store... BANNED can you believe it." Ava sighs, rubbing her eyes, walking to her car muttering as the Doctor ranted behind her. "Yes...yes, I can believe it...fucking gonna kill her."

Back at the house Dan and Yaz were arguing over where they should put the Christmas tree. "I think the tree should go by the door, that way we can see it as we walk in and we can see it when we watch the TV. Yaz shook her head in disagreement to Dan. "Nah mate, I think it'll look better by the window then you can see it when you walk pass the house and it would be better to see it when you're eating Christmas dinner. Dan rolled his eyes, and They kept bickering. At one point, Dan brought up mistletoe to Yaz so she could kiss the doctor, which resulted in a bauble being chucked at his head. The door opened and Ava walked in with the Doctor trailing behind. "Oi, stop throwing me baubles. Those weren't cheap, and Yaz, please take your space girlfriend before I try strangling her with Tinsle. Yaz nodded blushing and somehow convinced the Doctor to help decide where the tree went. "I think the tree should go by the window but Dan wants it by the door?" The Doctor nods and look a look before smiling. "Window sounds good to me! That's where everyone can see how pretty it is with the lights and decorations." Yaz brightened up at this and stuck her tongue out at Dan who just scoffs. "Wow, real mature, Sheffield Av. Where do you think the tree should go!" Ava sighs, already tired of the Doctor's  ranting the whole drive home. "Just stick it by the window. At least it's out of my way." She grumbles. Yaz and the Doctor cheered happily. Everyone then spent the evening decorating the tree.

Ava was ready to pull her hair out by the time it was almost time to go to sleep.  Not because of Yaz and Dan cause those guys are absolute angels but because somehow the Doctor like her eleventh face had eaten all the Christmas biscuits, including the coffee flavoured ones (which turns out is alcohol to timelords and turns out the dumbass never learns) the Doctor was layed on the floor singing some galifrayan lullaby giddily. Ava decided to go to bed after three long hours of dealing with the said drunk timelord, mainly her just singing loudly, and at one point, she dragged Ava out to play in the snow at 12.30 am. Ava was glad when the Doctor somehow crashed and fell asleep on the floor at 1am. She dragged herself to bed and fell asleep in now time.

"Ava.......Avaaaaaa wake upppp." Ava yelped when she felt a pinch in her side. "Doctorrrrrrrr, it's too early!!!!" Ava groaned at she. She looked at the clock. It showed the time of 5.27am. The doctor looking wide awake was sat crossed, legged on her bed blonde hair, looking wild, indicating the doctor had just woken up. "I'm bored... but I don't wanna wake Yaz up!....last time I did, she banned me from her house for 3 months." Ava rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. "Doctor, I'm sure Yaz would be okay if you did your doctory stuff as long as you don't wake her up!....plus she likes you too much to be mad at you for long." The Doctor thought deeply for a moment "erm there's the other thing....now we've been friends for a very long time sooo youre the only person I can really act advice from......how to I tell Yaz I.....have...feelings for her?" Ava sighed and patted the bed next to her. The Doctor scooted over and layed beside Av, causing her to smile at the old times when the Doctor was more cuddlier.  "Look Doc, I'm no expert on the ol...lovey wuvey...stuff but there's one thing I know is....its best to tell someone before it's too late and it's best to tell someone from the heart.......hearts?" The Doctor nodded and smiled. "Thanks Av, knew I could rely on you.....YAZ! WAKE UP!" Ava just shook her head and went back to sleep. The Doctor snd Yaz we're both confessing their feelings in another room, and Dan was snoring away on the floor in the spare room having fallen off.

The next morning, the doctor had woken everyone up to the smell of coffee and Christmas biscuits (the coffee tasted great surpringly) they all went into the living room and curled up on the sofa just drinking their drinks happily before the Doctor announced. "Present time....me first. Yaz, this one's for you." Yaz's eyes lit up and opened her present gasping. It was a beautiful necklace. She immediately put it around her neck and looked to the Doctor. "Doctor. This is beautiful. Thank you!" Ava and Dan looked at each other. Ava gave Dan a smirk that said. "Yes, these idiots finally told each other." Dan just shakes his head laughing as Yaz and the Doctor look at each other lovingly. "That necklace is very important Yaz...because it contains a very special stone. A stone that you give to someone ypu care about, and if you're too far away, the stone will start to glow. It's made with opal and emerald from a planet called spizeral the planet of...well gorgeous glowy rocks but this is a rare rock and I've been meaning to give it you for a while bit the time was never right." The Doctor said as she pulled out hers. Yaz gasps and hugged the Doctor who hugged back after a moment of awakrdly flailing her arms for a second making Dan snorted and Ava roll her eyes. "I got one for Dan!" Ava announced and after everyone had opened their presents they were all very happy with the gifts especially the Doctor who received a fez and a large packet of different flavored custard creams and a purple pair of suspenders with another rainbow top. "Hey, now you won't have to make us buy you more custard creams for about......forever because these are limitless." Ava said happily. The Doctor just stared at her in shock. "How -" Ava just poked her nose like the Doctors fourth face did and smiled. "Spoilers Doctor only a genius can know her own creations"

Everyone went and got changed into more festive clothing instead of pj's. Ava began the process of making Christmas dinner with the help of Dan. Yaz was in charge of making sure the Doctor didn't blow anything up!. The Doctor walzed in to the kitchen with Yaz behind both smiling. "Hey guys, do ya like our jumpers? We brought you guys some, too. " Ava looked up from the pot and chuckles. "Oh wow!!! Those are cool!....how did you get the Doctor to change?" Yaz shook her head. "It was the Doctors idea....I know I'm shocked too. Anyway, hurry up and put your jumpers on. we're a family, so it's about time we had a family picture." The Doctor nodded, smiling that beautiful bright smile. Dan laughs, and Ava nodded. They both put their jumpers on, too, which was bright baby blue with a snowman on , tye scarf, nose and pompom stuck out making the jumper look more ridiculous than it already did. Dan looked at Ava with a crooked grin "Hey Av, how do I look?" Ava snorts "like a knobhead? How about me?" Dan laughs and ruffled her hair" like an absolute twat" Ava chuckles. "But hey, we look stupid, so those two can look amazing." Dan nodded in agreement.

The day flew by, and all the humans were all sprawled out on the sofa, feeling full from the huge Christmas feast. "My god! I think I know how stuffed turkeys feel like." Dan groaned. Yaz just mumbles something. "Guys, I think the Doctor is drunk again." Ava just groaned louder and rolled off the sofa. "I ain't dealing with her again... she made me sing Feliz Navidad with her 20 times last time. The Doctor walked slide past them singing loudly. "Feliz Navidad...come on Yaz sing baby. Feliz Navidad." Yaz turned around to beg Ava and Dan to stay, but they were gone. Yaz got yanked up to her feet, and the Doctor began to dance with her. The Doctor and Yaz spend almost two ours of dancing to Yaz's dismay, but she couldn't say she didn't enjoy the fact that they were now slow dancing with the Doctors head on Yaz's shoulder. Once the song finished, the Doctor pulled away, smiling before she spotted something. "Oh, look, Yaz a mistletoe." The Doctor pointed to the ceiling before placing her hands gently on Yaz's cheeks and looking deeply into her eyes. Yaz was blushing deeply at the sudden change of mood from the Doctor. "D-Doctor? A-are you sur-" The Doctor leaned in and gently pressed her lips onto Yaz's. Yaz immediately wrapped her arms around the Doctors neck and kissed back in this sweet intimate moment. But as it started, it was quickly over, and the Doctor pulled away, smiling coyly. Yaz just stared back, blushing even more, and let out a giggle. "Woah.....that was better than I imagined. The Doctor laughs softly. Yaz leaned in and kissed the Doctor again a bit more passionately. After this the couple decided to snuggle up and watch a Christmas film giving each other the occasional pecks.

Ava and Dan were in the kitchen watching the moment with a mischievous glint in their eyes. They faced each other and clinked their drinks together. "Merry Christmas, Dan!" Dan grins. "Merry Christmas, shall we finish the job off on née years eve?" Ava nodded, laughing. "Oh, absolutely... absolutely bit for now. Let's enjoy our drinks and watch the moment. Dan nodded in agreement, and they both continued watching the adorable lovebirds and that is how this Christmas story has ended. With a love story and two best friends who made that love story happen. The end.

Hope yall enjoyed this stupid story, lol. It's certainly my favourite, and I love OC and Dan's friendship.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Frayed Ties - Chapter 24 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

It felt like only around twenty minutes had passed when Danya felt the brush of Simon's energy but from how much progress he'd made he guessed it had actually been a few hours.

He temporarily abandoned his task and launched himself into Simon's arms the second he stepped through the doorway.

"I'm wet," Simon warned but he didn't push Danya away and Danya didn't let go.

"Shit," Hamish whispered as he stepped around Simon and headed for the bed Yore was laying in.

"I heard what happened but shit. He looks worse than I thought."

Soon the small room was crowded with wet men as Liam, Roope and Tris joined them as well.

Liam drew a breath in through his teeth at the sight of Yore.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"No, he is not going to be okay," Duffy said from the other side of the room. "This isn't survivable."

"The bleeding has stopped by now," Slone said. "He ain't gonna die of blood loss."

"No, he'll die of dehydration. Slone, help me sit him up."

Slone obliged and Duffy angled Yore's head to the correct position and then pressed a small cup of water to his lips.

He tilted it gently back and Yore's throat moved as he swallowed.

Duffy stood back and waited.

It was only a few seconds before Yore regurgitated bloody water onto his own thigh.

"His digestive system won't accept anything, even water. He'll die of dehydration before he heals enough to drink and if by some miracle he doesn't then he still won't be able to eat and the blood loss and malnutrition will leave him extra vulnerable to the infection that will soon take advantage of his weakened condition."

"Well, do you have a drip? Antibiotics?" Liam asked.

"I don't even know what those things are," Duffy said. "We don't have things for sickness because we don't get sick, aside from the rare idiot who does this to themselves. Physical injury is my area of expertise."

"He has a point, though."

Hamish had found a cloth and was cleaning up the bloody puke.

"A drip is a tube you insert into someone's arm that allows you to get fluids directly into their bloodstream, bypassing digestion. If we get one in him he shouldn't die of dehydration. I don't know if standard antibiotics would work on a werewolf but it's worth a try and even if they don't just improving his condition might be enough to give him a chance."

"Okay," Duffy said, tapping his chin as he considered the idea. "Do any of you know how to get your hands on those things? Or how to use them?"

"We have them at the military camp," Liam said. "If I put money in the right hands, I'm sure I could acquire what we need. But... ah, no. I don't really know how to use them."

"Nah but I bet Wyke does," Slone cut in. "He helps out in the med tent whenever they're busy. Obviously a qualified doctor would be best but I reckon he knows enough to fumble through what we need."

Hamish clicked his fingers and pointed at Slone.

"Yes. I think he's our best bet and we should probably get him out of there anyway with most of us leaving. It's not safe for him."

"But how do we acquire him?" Simon asked.

"Well..." Liam said. "I could just buy him as well. They're not that attached to him."

"And then what?" Simon asked. "If they get suspicious of what we're up to they can trace his chip and I suspect they might have some questions about why he's outside of the border."

Lynna, who was laying in the bed next to Yore's and who Danya had assumed was sleeping up until now, rolled over to face them.

"You need to fake his death. I can come along and erase his chip."

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Danya asked.

"Yes," she said, no hint of uncertainty in her voice. "Yore saved my life. If there's anything I can do to give him a chance at surviving, I will."

"I'll make sure she stays balanced," Liam promised. "I'll bring Cailan along as well to be absolutely sure she's taken care of properly."

Simon pressed his lips together and sighed.

"My only concern is that we're quickly stacking up the number of supposed deaths that we have no other witnesses to and can present no bodies for. How exactly are we going to fake his death?"

"Maybe we could help with that?" Slone offered. "Maybe you don't even buy him. You're leaving the military so you gotta pack all your stuff up in a cart sat outside the gates. Wyke helps you carry your shit out. You're close enough to the gate for all the guards to see when a pack of wolves grab him but oh no, too far away for anyone to do anything. The wolves drag Wyke off into the bushes and ain't nobody wanna volunteer to go after him. Few minutes later his chip goes dark and everyone thinks he's dead."

"Perfect," Simon said.

"How long will all this take?" Duffy asked.

Liam contemplated the question for a moment.

"I think we can do it in a day if we get fresh horses at camp and I use money to speed up a few hurdles."

"You'll need to take the horses for the trip there or there'll be questions about how you got there but we could have Atticus ready to bring Wyke and the medical stuff back," Slone suggested.

"Shave a couple hours off the time."

"I can keep him alive for that long," Duffy promised. "I don't know if any of this will save him. I don't really know what any of it is. But right now, not knowing is a big step up from certainty that he'll die, so I'll take it."

"I'll go fill our mum in and send someone to talk to Atticus," Slone said as he got up from where he'd been sitting on the edge of Yore's bed.

"Good," Liam said. "We'll go and get the horses."

"Feel free to take mine and Simon's," Hamish said.

"Technically I think they belong to Roope now, if we're dead. Simon and I put one another first for inheritance but I've got Roope second in line. So if Simon died first his shit went to me and then it gets passed on to Roope."

"I feel I may be selling many of your worldly possessions to Liam and who's to say whose hands they may end up in or back in, after that..." Roope said.

"But we'll take your horses for now. They're faster than ours."

"We appreciate that," Simon said.

"Oh, Slone," Lynna said as Slone reached for the door. "I'll need the device I use to wipe the tracking chips. Would you mind getting it for me from our camp? I imagine you can make the trip there and back quite quickly in wolf form."

"Yeah, 'course," Slone said. "Will they give it to me, though? Your folks who fought today are all still here, far as I know and none of the others'll know who I am."

"Take this."

Lynna slipped a silver chain with a flower shaped pendant hanging from it off over her head.

"Show it to a young man named Delton and tell him what happened and what we have planned."

Slone nodded as he took the necklace from her.

"Delton. Got it."

She gave him a tired smile.

"Keep it safe. I want that back."

He returned the smile.

"Will do."

As Slone left the room, Lynna went and lay back down.

"I'm going to try to get some rest before we leave. Wake me when it's time to go or if you need anything from me."

"You sleep well," Tris said. "We'll head off to get the horses now. We should be back in around an hour if we make good time."

Once they had left as well, Duffy stared down at Yore and let out a long sigh.

"I hope this works. I've always believed he'd make an amazing leader, and today I saw more of that fire in him than ever before."

Hamish pushed a strand of hair away from Yore's eyes with a gentle brush of his fingertips.

"I just wish there was something I could do to help. Just sitting here and waiting while the others do everything is going to be torture."

"The two of you were close?"

"Well, not close enough that he told me he was a werewolf but..." Hamish shrugged.

"Yeah, I'd say so."

"He's always been fond of Hamish," Simon contributed.

"I'll go and get you some dry clothes and you can lay with him, then," Duffy said.

"Even in human form, scent is important to us. It might bring him some comfort to have someone he cares about with him."

"Okay, I can do that," Hamish said, already starting to strip out of his wet clothes.

Danya crawled back onto the bed next to Yore.

"I'll keep trying to do what I can to heal him. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere but if I can improve his vision even a little..."

Duffy nodded as he pushed open the door.

"He'll thank you for it."

"Simon, could you sit with me while I do this?" Danya asked. "I'll need the energy.

"Of course. Just let me get these wet clothes off first."

The bed was intended for only one person so it was crowded once they were all on it together but Danya didn't mind.

Their energy mixed together, forming a unique and soothing cocktail as Danya settled back into the slow task of trying to heal Yore.

Over the next few hours both of Yore's mothers came to visit him several times, though they seemed to find it distressing to sit with him for very long as his breathing grew increasingly laboured.

Danya didn't see either of them again that night after Yore started coughing up thick phlegm streaked through with blood.

The rest of the time Hamish, dressed in dry pants Duffy had brought him but still sans shirt, stayed tucked in close against Yore's side.

He fell asleep early in the night, stirring awake only to help roll Yore onto his side so that he could cough out phlegm.

Danya did his best to stay awake and keep working but slowly he began to lose the battle against yawning so intense it made his eyes water.

"Come on, you need to rest," Simon said, a gentle hand on his arm coaxing him away.

"Okay but just a second."

Danya used his fingers to gently pull back the lids of Yore's eyes.

The eye Danya had been working on looked slightly reddened, like someone had just poked a finger in it or perhaps Yore was suffering from allergies.

The one Danya hadn't yet attempted to heal was a vibrant, bloody red covered by a rough and uneven cornea.

Danya had thought Hamish was asleep, but he seemed to know exactly what was going on as he sat up and looked down at Yore's face.

"Huh, you really did fix his eye up. That's incredible."

"I just hope it works properly. It feels more or less right now but..." Danya shrugged, "I haven't been trained for this. I have no real experience with it."

Simon brushed a hand over Danya's hair.

"We can all see what you've done. I have faith that when he finally opens his eyes again, he'll be able to see it too."

Danya smiled and leaned his head against Simon's shoulder.

"I remember once, before Yore went missing, the flu was sweeping through the camp," Hamish said. "Everyone got sick, except Yore, of course and I got it particularly bad. For about a week I was throwing up nearly everything I ate, had a fever, had a nasty cough. I was a mess."

"You sure were," Simon agreed.

"Thanks, Simon. Anyway, Yore hardly left my side. He took care of me the whole time. At the time I was worried that maybe he'd caught feelings but things went back to normal with us after I got better. Now I understand why he was worried. They don't get passing illnesses. To him, what was happening to me meant death."

"He'll get better, just like you did."

"Yeah..." Hamish said as he stared down at Yore's face.

"You should get some rest."

Hamish shook his head.

"I've rested. You guys sleep. Someone should stay awake and keep an eye on him."

"Okay. Wake us if you need anything or if things get worse."

"Well, things are going to get nothing but worse, at least until the others get back. But I'll wake you if things get acutely bad."

It was difficult to sleep with nothing but the sounds of Yore's laboured breathing in the background and the day's bloody events swirling around in his head.

Danya tucked closer into the cocoon of Simon's arms and let his energy put some space between him and the rest of the world.

[countenanceblog]

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

The warning sirens blared inside The Dome, their shrill sounds echoing off the metallic walls. Panic surged through the room as Resistance members hurriedly gathered, their faces tense with apprehension. David's eyes darted around, taking in the worried expressions of his comrades. He spotted Rufus and rushed over to him.

"Rufus, what's going on?" David asked urgently.

Rufus smirked, trying to keep his cool demeanor even in the face of danger. "Oh, you know, just another casual day in paradise. The Elite Tactical forces decided to drop by for a visit. We're completely surrounded."

Karen frowned and clutched her hands together, visibly concentrating. "We need to come up with a plan, and fast. They won't hold back."

Jack grinned. "I say we meet them head-on!"

Emma chimed in, "As much as I admire your bravery, Jack, we can't afford to be reckless. We need to retreat."

Ariadne, exuding charisma, stepped forward. "Emma's right. We should regroup and use the tunnels below. Splitting up will confuse them."

Nook spoke softly, her eyes scanning the room. "I can check what's happening outside." Her dogs were with her.

"Great idea, Nook," Corey said, finally awake and composed. "Get a sense of their numbers and position."

Nook closed her eyes, focusing her gift. "I see a platoon of them approaching from the main entrance."

David nodded. "We'll take the west exit, then. Move as silently as possible. We don't want any unnecessary attention." The clamor in the room heightened as everyone sprang into action, preparing for their escape. Unnamed Resistance members scurried about, grabbing supplies and helping each other don their protective gear. The sense of urgency hung thick in the air.

Suddenly, Karen's expression changed. "Wait, where's Jonah and Lazarus?"

Corey's levelheaded demeanor faltered for a moment, worry crossing his face. "They were here a minute ago."

"They went outside for some fresh air," Ariadne explained quickly. " . . . With Killing Cadence. With Ian!"

Emma frowned, "Outside? Are they crazy? We don't have time for this. We have to get out of here."

David raised his voice, addressing the group. "No time to wait! Everyone, head for the tunnels now! Move!"

Just then, the grand metal doors of The Dome opened. A lone figure stood next to the keypad, wheezing and drenched in blood. It was Lazarus.

"Lazarus, man, what happened out there?" Rufus asked, worry lacing his voice as he rushed to support his wounded friend. "How many times were you shot?"

Lazarus tried to shrug it off, employing his trademark slang, "Six, I think. Ain't nothin' but a scratch, bro. Just a lil' party with those Elite Tactical fools. You know me, always stirrin' up trouble . . . Jonah n' Ian are toast."

Karen, using her telekinesis, closed the grand metal doors behind Lazarus. "You're hurt badly, Lazarus. We need to get you to the med room, now!"

Lazarus grinned "Nah, I'm aight. Just need a little shut-eye is all. Don't take me with you. Get out."

Jack approached, his boldness replaced with concern. "You're bleeding all over the place, man. We can't leave you like this. We won't let you die down here."

Emma joined in, assessing the situation. "Karen, Nook, we need to stabilize him. We can't move forward without our team intact. Apply pressure to his wounds."

Nook stepped forward, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'll do my best to help. I really hope I can."

Karen nodded, her focus on her friend. "We've got your back, Lazarus. Just hang in there."

Corey spoke calmly, but urgency tinged his words, "We don't have time for this. We need to move. David, order the others into the tunnels below. We can't risk getting cornered in a place like this. They'll block the exits."

David hesitated for a moment, torn between his duty as a leader and his concern for the dying man. But he knew Corey was right. "Alright, everyone, listen up! Head for the tunnels now! Move! Let's get moving! Move!"

Nook looked her two black dogs in the eyes. The two of them took off running down a small culvert.

The clamor in the room intensified as the Resistance members hurriedly made their way to the tunnels. Lazarus, surrounded by Karen, Nook and Emma on the floor, had a few parting words:

"They didn't catch me slackin', I, I . . . " he trailed off. His body went limp in Nook and Karen's arms.

"No," said Nook. "No!"

Karen stood up. "Nook, we can't help him."

"We have to get out of here!," Emma barked at Nook.

Empty-eyed, Nook rose slowly. She took Emma's hand. Rufus doubled back once last time, with Jack behind him.

"Fucking shit, guys, we've gotta go! They're gonna blow the doors open any minute now!," exclaimed Gage. Corey came running up to the group in the empty Dome.

"Emma!," he yelled, "we've gotta go!"

The doors of The Dome exploded, sending jagged debris flying in every direction. Karen stopped it all in midair with her telekinesis. Her face was one of pure rage. She sent it all flying back in the direction it came from. Men on the outside screamed and died.

Rufus grabbed Karen's hand. "It's okay, Karen! We don't have to fight, we can get out of here!" Karen shook her head. Suddenly her eyes had their normal quality.

"Right, let's – "

Just then, a shot rang out. Emma fell to the floor with a hole bored through her eye. Corey made an unbelievable, animalistic noise. He ran, unarmed, into the fray.

"No!," shouted Rufus. As Corey ran faster and faster, suddenly he attained impossible inertia. He crashed into the offending soldier with such ferocity as to render him a bloody mist. The others lit him up with their rifles, completely filling his body with bullet holes. White light came pouring out of him, and he ran into the platoon; and out of sight for his friends. Rufus scratched his head.

"By Hel," said Jack. "He's Aireyon, I think."

"We have to wait for him. We can't split up any more," said Rufus. "We can't keep splitting up."

"Dude," said Jack, "I think he's fighting his way to the top. He's fighting his way out of here. Gonna kill 'em all." The gunshots and sounds of violence faded.

Karen piped up. "We should just go. He's going to get himself caught, somehow. He's enraged. I know what that feels like." She was looking at Rufus intently.

"What is it?," Rufus asked her.

Karen sighed. "Nothing."

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — The Line

Rated: SFW

Author note: I gotta nothing to say. This took me really long and I struggled a lot to write it. Thanks for being patient with me. Also, big shoutout to @neonghxst, who helped me a lot with this one. I love you bby 💕

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of anxiety and this chapter contains gore towards the end.

IV — The line

Previous || Next

"I don't wanna go" Your voice showed distaste at the invitation.

Since the fight with Sakusa, you avoided all human contact like the plague. The only ones that talked to you were the maids and, occasionally, Komori, who had warmed up to you since you saved his ass — to be honest, you weren't very fond of his change of character.

"Listen, you're the new lady of this household." Komori explained in a tired manner."This gala is held every year in some sort of diplomatics, to grant no family crosses the line. All the important members must make a presence."

"Yeah, but I'm sure no one cares if I don't show up." You deadpanned looking at his face.

"It's just a fancy ass party. I'll take you to get a dress myself, but I gotta run some errands and find a suit too. If I'm late, then Izuna will take you." Komori saw you stiffening when you heard the name. Ever since you arrived in Itachiyama, Izuna was the most hostile towards you. "Hey, don't worry about him... He'll be nice."

"I gotta remind you that no one has been nice to me since I came here, Komori-san." You stated the obvious and the male before you grimaced.

"Look, we're not as bad as you think. Neither we are some sort of low life criminals, you know." His voice sent shivers down your spine. The hazel-haired man has been treating you better, yes, but you could tell the words you said to Sakusa that day affected him too.

"Yeah. But you all did nothing to prove me wrong." You stared at his eyes, the sincere tone meaning each world "If anything, all you did was make me miserable even though I'm not a threat. And you know it." You saw when the hazel haired male shook his head, face softening a little.

"I'll be back in a few." And then, Komori left. 

To your relief, it was Komori himself who showed up at your bedroom door. Now, you were at some boutique somewhere in the fancy side of Shibuya, trying a beautiful strappy off-white dress.

You loved how the silky cloth hugged your body and how the pearly color complimented your skin tone. Definitely, it was the propper gown for an event as important as a mafia gala.

Taking in the figure reflected in the mirror, you recalled the last time you wore something so fancy was at your wedding. Suddenly, you felt ugly — after all, you were a woman of surgical scrubs and white coats. Wearing something like this dress was a reminder of what kind of life you were living now.

"[Name]-san, have you decided?" Komori asked with an undecipherable look on his face. 

"Ah, yes, I'm taking this one" You said to the salesperson, already getting back to the changing room.

From the inside, you heard a knock on the door. It was Komori.

"[Name], are you good?" He asked in a soft spoken manner, as if he was concerned.

You know it's not the case, don't let your guard down, you reminded yourself.

"Yes, Komori-san. Are we ready to go?" He hummed in agreement, saying he was going to do the payment.

The two of you had yet to arrive in Itachiyama. The silence was heavy inside the car and you could see the man opening his mouth as if he was trying to say something.

"I never asked, did you see a doctor?" You started, breaking the unnerving atmosphere.

"Ah, yes. I'm all good, no sequels or whatever." He cleared his throat, side-glancing at you "Those guys took us by surprise that night, huh? We were lucky you were there to help us out." You hummed, staring at his elbow, as if you could see through the material of his jacket.

"I shouldn't have opened your arm that way. It was really irresponsible of me to do it and it was a miracle things ended up well."You said in a reflecting manner.

Does she regret saving me?, Komori couldn't help but wonder.

"The doctor I saw said the surgery was perfectly executed, so don't beat yourself over it. Besides, I can see the passion you have. You'd make it right anyways." The male said truthfully and you frowned. You didn't want his trust because he would never have yours.

You also didn't like the appreciative tone he used. A doctor isn't a hero, You reminded yourself everyday, to never let it go to your head.

"I'm passionate, but it's about my personal ethics, you don't need passion to be good at what you do. I think you know it very well." You still frowned, not liking what he implied. You never wanted to be some sort of hero, much less to someone like him. 

"Yeah, I don't need to love the yakuza to be good at it. But I don't think a passionless person would make a good doctor." He argued, trying to prove his point.

"In my line of work, a mistake costs your whole career. Passionless and unethical people exist everywhere, a hospital isn't a sanctuary." You said matter of factly — it wasn't about the romantic lenses people saw the health workers. After all, medicine was a field made majorly of people with the means and the money. You learned it the hard way when you made into med school.

"Why would you say that?" The traffic light signalled to stop. The Kobun used this opportunity to take in your figure, eyes roaming over your crossed arms and unfazed features.

Duty takes a toll in everyone, huh?, He internally stated.

"Because I know someone. And as passionless someone could be, he's still the best at what he does." And Komori didn't miss the feeling displayed in your eyes.

It wasn't merely passion. Something deeper resided in those irises of yours.

An awkward silence overtook the atmosphere as the car resumed its movement. He felt uncomfortable, trying to figure out what you meant.

"Well, what matters is that everything ended up well. Who would have guessed they would attack us that night?" Komori conceded, trying to break the unsettling quietness.

"Yeah, this whole yakuza thing is really scary." You said looking through the tinted window, a pensive look in your face.

"You'll get used to it. And it doesn't happen on a daily basis either" He brushed you off, turning in a curb.

"Yeah, but ignoring the threat isn't an easy task." You retorted, tiredly.

"How do you know it? Besides, since you're our lady, it's not like we'll let  something happen to you." The brunette said, in hopes of comforting you. It had the opposite effect, as a silent rage ran down your body.

"Komori-san, how do I know?" You bitterly laughed "My whole life, I was at the line. My mother didn't want me to be born, Inarizaki wanted my head since I was in the womb and you guys will get rid of me at any given opportunity." You saw him opening his mouth to argue "Your household won't protect me if the order comes from Sakusa." 

As if in a cue, the car approached the gates of Itachiyama. Komori was rendered speechless, knowing you were right.

Personally, you weren't one to offend people and make them feel bad. You couldn't help the pang in your chest every time you exploded at any of them. But by god, were you tired.

I just want my life back, you thought. After all, it was infinite times easier to be a target when you were somehow detached from the life inside the families. The Kobun said something you paid no mind to.

Banging the car door shut, you ignored his calling.

The nagging feeling was a constant in his life.

Roaming through his memories, he could never pinpoint a time he felt comfortable under his skin. He was too anxious and life never treated him kindly to do so.

Maybe he overreacted a lot, too. But it wasn't his fault he had to be hyper aware of his surroundings.

The alert state was essential in an ambience full of people who could stab him in the back.

Fuck the diplomatics, he cursed.

It was one of those nights he hated the most. The suntuous ballroom was full of people going back and forth, bragging about futilities and throwing insincere flattery at each other. All because the ever so generous Karasuno was hosting a dinner at The Crow to assure no one disturbs the deal between the families.

Bullshit, he thought. It's only Karasuno trying to show off their influence over this frail peace.

And, as much as he appreciated said peace, he hated how everyone faked they got along with each other.

Not that he cared about politeness either. And his signature scowl did nothing to keep people away. After all, everyone wanted a piece of Itachiyama.

"Kiyoomi." The ravenette heard the deep voice from his back. A wave of relief washed over him.

At least, Wakatoshi-kun is here. I won't die from boredom, He mused.

"Wakatoshi." He responded, nodding at the other. From outside Itachiyama, Ushijima was the only one Sakusa considered a friend.

"I thought you wouldn't come tonight, I know you don't really like the crowd."

"People would find weird if I didn't, considering Inarizaki and everything."

"Speaking of which, did you bring your wife?" Ushijima asked, looking around. Sakusa nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, she went to the restrooms. Komori is with her." And speaking of the devil, you came into view.

He knew you had a fine taste for things, and he would be a fool to say you didn't look good tonight. But he would never admit it.

A Miya isn't worth you time, he repeated it like a mantra, observing as you made your way onto him.

Komori enthusiastically greeted Ushijima and you merely nodded out of politeness, looking at the bulky male with caution. Given Ushijima's intimidating vibes, Sakusa couldn't really blame you.

"I see you're Sakusa's wife. I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi." He offered his hand at you "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise, Ushijima-san" You introduced yourself as the Oyabun of Itachiyama watched the scene unfold before him, recalling how his friend was the blunt and introverted type. He couldn't help but admire the way the two of you conversed smoothly; earning Ushijima's sympathy required effort. You did it with ease.

"She's a good woman." Sakusa didn't see when your conversation died down and Ushijima turned to him. He found himself dumbfounded at the other's statement.

"She's a Miya"

"She worked with Shirabu. He spoke highly of her" A waiter passed by offering them whiskey. The rich scent of Yamazaki reached his nostrils as he drank it, throat used to the burning sensation "And you know he's not one to lie."

"Still…" His retort was halted when he felt the weight of a gaze on him. In the far corner of the room, none other than Oikawa Tooru had all his attention turned to the general direction of you all "What is he looking at?" He squinted at the brunette's direction, trying to make out his intentions.

"He seems to be looking at your wife" Ushijima bluntly spoke "But don't worry about him, Oikawa may have his reasons. He is a reliable man, after all."

"You're indeed soft today. What happened?" The other opened his mouth to respond before being interrupted by a startled voice.

Your husband was doing a good job ignoring you while speaking to Ushijima — you wouldn't complain, since you didn't want any of his attention.

Listening to Komori speaking wonders of the whiskey he was drinking, you felt a little at ease. You imagined the gala to be much scarier than this, but all you could see was snotty people too full of themselves. It was almost comical hearring them bragging about things you couldn't even dream of.

"This is a 25 years old Yamazaki. It's a favorite of mine and Kiyoomi—"

"Is this real life?" A surprised voice cutted Komori's middle sentence.

Before you, a handsome man looked appalled, staring at you with an emotion you couldn't identify. You were feeling uncomfortable as everyone around you was paying attention to your interaction.

"I'm sorry, sir. But am I supposed to know you?" You asked, in hopes to remember if you knew him by any chance. He beamed brightly at you.

"Of course you wouldn't remember me!" And he laughed again, earning a frown from your husband.

"Do you have any business to do with my wife?" Sakusa's cold-steel voice asked. The pretty man ignored it. And, at this point, everyone in the area stopped their actions, watching the scene with interest.

"I'm Oikawa Tooru, the Oyabun of Seijoh. Two years ago, you saved my nephew's life in an accident at the Dinosaur Bridge, only using a needle. After it, you held his hand until the ambulance came." The man bowed deeply, and only now you noticed he was accompanied by another spiky-haired male, who was also bowing at you. Observing them, you faintly remembered saving a little boy in a traffic accident a couple of years ago "For that, I'll be forever thankful. In return, I wanted to say you have Seijoh's gratitude whenever you need it." He stood tall again, staring at you dead in the eye to confirm he meant every single word he said.

You were speechless.

"I… sir, I'm thankful, but I did what had to be done. You don't owe me anything." You said uncertainly, glancing at the startled faces of both Komori and Sakusa. Ushijima looked fondly at you, as if he knew something.

"You had a choice that day, and you choosed to help us when we couldn't do anything. And it's enough for us to pay you back." The spiky-haired man said. It was rare for someone to address you with so much respect and sincerity. You appreciated it wholeheartedly.

"I— thank you." And you bowed at them, trying to show your gratitude to both males.

"Well, we won't disturb you anymore. Please have a good night" The Oikawa guy said, handing you a business card which you secluded inside your clutch.

"See?" You heard Ushijima saying, but you were too stunned to register it.

You didn't have time to process the event, as someone announced the dinner was about to be served.

"Seijoh's favour, huh? You sure are skyrocketing this mafia thing." Suna said, sitting on the chair on the opposite side of the table.

You all were addressed to a table with ten seats. It looked like Itachiyama was paired up with Inarizaki and another household you were yet to discover. The atmosphere was already stiff, as Sakusa kept throwing dirty glares at the twins.

"Impressive how you're doing well inside the yakuza. I thought you weren't going to last a month." Atsumu snickered as Osamu and the others ignored everything around them, getting ready for the dinner.

You mimicked their actions before Izuna joined you; you tensed seeing him taking the seat by your left.

Sakusa sat by your right, side-glancing at you. It looked like he had a newfound interest since the interaction with Oikawa earlier.

To your surprise, Seijoh was addressed to your table. Though, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi — Suna let you know his name and the fact he was also a Kobun — said nothing, sensing the tension hanging in the air.

None of the men said anything as the food started to be served. Instead, they busied themselves with the entree, keeping the smalltalk inside their household circle.

You heard Osamu saying something about the wine but you didn't register it. Soon enough, the waiters brought the main course in silver trays.

It smelled fabulous and your mouth watered at the scent.

"A lovely meal for the lady. Please enjoy it, I'm sure you won't forget this occasion." The blond waiter said, as he uncovered your plate. You took in the deep red sauce made of berries and the way the meat was perfectly cooked.

With fork and knife in hand, you went for it.

And indeed, you wouldn't forget the occasion.

Sliding the meat over the plate, you noticed it  hiding something. The scream was caught in your throat as you recognized the obnoxious structure, because years of unveiling the human anatomy would never fail you.

The cutlery clattered in the porcelain surface, spilling the sauce all over you. The white of your dress was now tainted with crimson, as if blood seeped out of your chest.

But you didn't even feel it. All you felt were hands shaking your body, trying to draw some reaction from you. The screams also came in a white noise through your ears, because all you could register was the sight before your eyes.

In the middle of the plate, a finger rested limp and dirty. Dead.

In a similar manner, you did too. 

Among the chaos, you sat there, also limp and dirty. At the end of a promise of death.

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[thewidowsghost]

The Sky's Tsunami - Chapter 19

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

"You're saying they wanted to rope me in because I pose a genuine threat?" Skye asks Quinn.

"Yes, and fit their profile," Quinn tells Skye, moving to the window." See, you're a criminal. You have a warrant somewhere."

"Probably," Skye agrees.

"A specialized skill set."

"I try to stay humble but fail," Skye says.

"No family. Take Natasha Romanoff for example," Quinn begins, and Skye focuses on the man, "And her sister. Both were criminals on SHEILD's radar."

Skye looks horrified.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hit a nerve, but that is what these people do," Quinn goes on. "SHIELD - they prey on fear and loneliness and desperation, and then they offer a home to those who have no one else to turn to. I can offer you something better."

. . .

Three guards walk up the laser grid, looking around.

(Y/n) and Ward emerge from the bushes, quickly knocking the three guards to the ground.

"Guys, clock's ticking," (Y/n) says into her COMMs. "Where's Skye?"

. . .

"You stay with us, there's no secretes," Quinn tells Skye, "no lies, and no agenda. You're free to do what you do without big sister watching over you." Skye sits silently. "But first, you have to tell me exactly what agenda SHIELD sent you in here with."

"Well, they wanted me to do whatever it takes to get in here," Skye chuckles lifting the makeup compact, pretending to check her reflection in it.

The lights flash green and she closes the compact.

"And bat my eyes," Skye says, setting the compact beside her glass of champagne. "Get you talking.

. . .

There is a click.

"We're in!" May says in disbelief.

"She's done it!" Simmons exclaims.

. . .

Gunshots ring out, bullets shattering against the laser grid.

There is a shimmer, and the laser grid disappears.

Ward darts through the grid and (Y/n) fires two shots over her shoulder, hitting two of the guards before diving through just in the nick of time.

(Y/n) pulls Ward to his feet, and the two jog towards Quinn's facility.

. . .

"I'll look for Dr. Hall down in the lab," (Y/n) says.

"I'll get Skye," Ward replies, and the two separate.

. . .

"Dr. Hall," (Y/n) opens the door, walking inside. "Agent Rushman. We have an exit strategy."

"SHIELD?" Dr. Hall asks, continuing to type furiously on his computer.

"Yes, sir," (Y/n) replies. "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm sorry, Miss Rushman," Dr. Hall says. "I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

"Well, our plan didn't count on you saying that," (Y/n) remarks.

. . .

(Y/n) blinks, shaking her head as she sits up.

"Guys, we need to talk," (Y/n) groans, pushing herself to her knees, leaning against one of the walls for support, one of her hands pressed to the side of her head, which is bleeding.

"Lost you for a minute," May says.

"We're aware of the problems, (Y/n)," Coulson says. "Hall wanted Quinn to kidnap him?" he asks.

"Quinn built a gravity generator, Hall knew Quinn would need him to control its raw power, but Hall just wanted to unleash it," (Y/n) pulls herself to her feet.

"The one we found was two and a half centimetres in diameter," Simmons says. "It stopped a semi. How big are we talking?"

"This one's twelve feet," (Y/n) replies. "It'll definitely take down the entire compound."

"It'll sink the place," Simmons says.

"No, it'll do more than that," Fitz pipes up.

"Work a solution," (Y/n) tells the two scientists. "I'll disconnect the power before things get . . ." (Y/n) stands up, " . . . crazy."

Looking around, (Y/n) realizes that she is standing on the roof of the laboratory.

"They can't help you," Hall says, striding across the roof, a gun clasped in his hand. He moves over to a cabinet, pulling out a bottle wine and a glass. "Soon, it'll reach an exponential acceleration state." Dr. Hall picks up a chair off the floor - well, the roof - and sitting down, pouring himself a drink. "I'm sorry," Dr. Hall says, as (Y/n) looks over at the generator.

"So you leaked your location," (Y/n) guesses. "Why not try reasoning with him?" (Y/n) asks.

"You can't reason with an addict, and he's addicted to exploiting opportunities. He never gives a though to the friends, ecosystems, future generations left ruined in his wake."

"Like Agents Fitz and Simmons? Your former students?" (Y/n) asks and Hall tilts his head. "They're in my ear right now telling me that you're not a bad guy. SHIELD could've worked with you on this."

The generator whirs again, and (Y/n)'s back slams against a filing cabinet.

"And that's a broken back," (Y/n) grumbles, staggering to her feet again.

"SHIELD?" Hall asks. "SHIELD is just a guilty of the same thing - experimentation without though of consequence! Your search for an unlimited power source brought an alien invasion."

"Believe me, I know," (Y/n) looks away, looking regretful. "Those bastards were hard to kill," she mutters.

The room shakes again, and both figures stumble.

"T-this element is far too powerful for you, for him, for anyone!" Hall finds his handgun again, pointing it at (Y/n) again. "I don't have to tell you that."

The room shifts again, and the two fall against the roof as the papers fall out of their filing cabinets.

Hall and (Y/n) fall again, and (Y/n) rips the gun out of Hall's hand.

"I see the future, Miss Rushman, and it's a catastrophe," Hall tells her.

"All I see is a lot of people in trouble," (Y/n) replies.

(Y/n) reaches out, a rips the power cord out of the wall.

"It's still going," (Y/n) tells FitzSimmons. "I tried to cut the power."

"Find a catalyst / you need to find a catalyst," FitzSimmons say in unison.

"Something to create a chemical reaction in the core," Simmons tells (Y/n).

"It's not too late to do the right thing," (Y/n) says, furrowing her eyebrows at Hall. "Help me find a catalyst -"

"I am doing the right thing -" Hall argues. "A completely selfless act. I know that history never celebrates what didn't happen." (Y/n) levels her gun in case Hall started on her again. "They'll call this a-a tragedy. They won't understand the good I did here."

(Y/n) glances over and sees Ward and Skye standing against the door, peering through the glass.

"Killing innocent people?" (Y/n) asks, looking back at Hall.

"Saving millions," Hall corrects. "We have to live with the choices we make, but sometimes we have to die with them, too."

(Y/n) furrows her eyebrows. "I understand," (Y/n) lowers the handgun. "You made a hard call." (Y/n) glances back over at Skye and Ward. "And now I have to make mine."

(Y/n) shoots the glass below them, and she grabs one of the cords hanging from the roof.

Hall falls through the window and into the generator of Gravatonium.

The room rights itself and (Y/n) falls back down to the ground, slamming her head on the metal table, landing on her shoulder on the actual floor.

Skye and Ward run through the door.

Ward offers (Y/n) a hand up, and (Y/n) takes it, clutching her right shoulder. She stumbles towards the shattered window, looking at the Gravitonium generator.

. . .

"I really should set your shoulder," Simmons presses.

"But -" (Y/n) goes to argue.

"Sit," Coulson orders and (Y/n) flinches, sitting down on the Med table.

Simmons puts (Y/n)'s arm in a sling.

"Leave it in the sling for a few days," Simmons tells (Y/n), tightening the sling. (Y/n) squirms uncomfortably as her shoulder shifts.

"We should just cut this arm off," (Y/n) grumbles. "It's caused me too many issues."

"Let's not," Skye says, and and (Y/n) chuckles, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

Word Count: 1603 words

The Sky's Tsunami Taglist:

@imapotato

@confusinggemini612

[jaysevhls]

Here, With You | Kelly Severide

Summary: You're a firefighter at Firehouse 51. You are a member of Truck 81. At the call you got injured with Kelly, your fiance.

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader.

Warnings: Injures, accident.

Author's note: It's pretty long one?? Requests are open.

Firehouse 51. The most loving, caring and knowing firehouse in Chicago you can say. Working here was the best part of your life, including your relationship with lieutenant Kelly. Those years you have been working there were just amazing as you can tell.

Day started as usual, no calls, most of the squad and truck, hanging out in the break room. The atmosphere was clear, fortunately there were no dramas that day.

You made your walk through the kitches, it was your day at cooking, which you loved. Everyone in 51 knew your hobby and passion, that's why Herrmann decided to give you a part time job at Molly's. There was something about this place, the whole idea, people CPD, CFD and Med were there almost every night, trying their favorite drinks, your food and just spending time with colleagues, closest friends and loves.

That's where you and Kelly made a step in your friendship. You met 7 years ago, when you started working at 51 as paramedic. It was only a temporary, since you knew that your dream job is being a firefighter. Your childhood was mostly based on making a fake fire, smoke, because you loved when you could help your mom or any member from your family when it was a fire in the house, not real of course. And the day came. After 1 year being in Ambo 61 with your best friend, Gabby, it was your time to shine. You joined the academy with her, which only made things better for you and your friendship. You graduated and since then, you're an official member of Truck 81. You loved your job.

Kelly was always around you. Since he and Gabby lost Leslie, he felt like he need to make a promise. He promised himself that no matter what, he will always protect you. Since he first saw you, the look in your eyes wes telling him that you need someone by your side. And that's when it all started. At the beginning it was simple. He cared about you a lot, he always asked you after a call if everything is alright, if you need anything, which made you feel loved. You missed that feeling.

One night at Molly's things went too far you can say. It was a day before your birthday, so you wanted to have fun. A lot of fun. You invited all your colleagues and of course Kelly. For couple of days at this time he was so nervous, acting weird around you, so you thought he need some relax and fun. It was a good time occasion.

"Hey, you want another?" Herrmann asked you. To be honest, it was a very difficult job to make you drunk, so you ordered next one. And next. And couple more.

"I think you had enough Y/N" Kelly took the beer from your hand, laughing at your actions.

"No, no, no Kelly. Definitely no. You need to have more, you need to have fun, pleaseeee! It's like the first time in year when we actually can drink more, because there's no work tomorrow" you took it back and drink almost half of it.

"Ok. But you're not getting drunk here alone. Let's go to my place, I have your favorite wine and beer." as he finished, you were already in his arms. His hand on your waist, making your way through the exit. You really wanted to go there by your own, but it was too much.

"See, I could go alone Kelly. You don't need to check on me when we're not in work." you smirked.

"That's the point my love. I'll care about you till the end of world and one day after." you look at him confused. Did he just called you his love? Or was it just your imagination witch damage after too many beers.

"And who had too much alcohol tonight Kelly?" he didn't respond.

The ride was wild you can say. He decided to take a longer way, because he wanted you to feel a little bit better, to wipe that alcohol out of your system. You sang your favorite songs, which made him laugh. He loved your voice, even drunk.

That night was memorable. He kissed you out of the blow, but you enjoyed it. You wanted that for so long. The priority was to remember about that night, even half of it and you did it. Couple of more nights like this, dates, drinks at Molly's.

And there you are. Engaged to your best friend. Your soulmate, a better half.

"Y/N? Can we speak in private?" he asked. You just finished cooking when you saw Kelly, walking to you with something in his hand.

"What have I done this time?" you laughed, joining him in his office.

"Why didn't you tell me about the meeting with my father? Are you out of your mind?" so that was the problem. You looked at him and sighed.

"I didn't mean to- I wanted to tell you, but it was already too late. He asked me to meet him few days ago and I thought that will be the best opportunity to invite him to our wedding. It's your dad Kelly"

"And why now he is trying to reach me by the mails, calls and even letters? I told you that I'll speak to him in right time!" that conversation went definitely too far you felt.

"Enough Kelly! I just wanted to do something good, to invite your damn father to see his son at the end of the aisle, because it's a one time thing and you're making me feel guilty about this? You know I didn't mean to hurt you, but you-"

"Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3, Ambo 61, Battalion 25 the old-" you didn't need to listen the rest. You went out of his office and made your way to the Truck.

After few minutes, all of the members of 51 were on the scene. It was a big fire at the old factory.

"Y/L/N, Borrelli, with me" Casey yelled. You masked up before you went in. You know that it was to difficult to handle that fire with only one firehouse, so when you heard Boden voice, calling for backup, you sighed in relief. Now, the only thing you needed to focus at, was to get as many people as you can and walk them out of this place.

You took 2 womens with you, it wasn't that bad you thought. When you came back, the smoke was dark and you couldn't see anything. You made few steps in the right.

"Fire department, call out!" you yelled. Casey was right behind you, saying that he's going to the left. Before, you heard few screams, that's why you decided to go back in there and find those people. They still could be alive.

"H-help!" you heard. You made your way to a women, who was trapped. She had a really bad head injury. You knew it was her final call.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere!" you told her and kneeled in front of her. You took her hand and she looked at you. Then she closed her eyes.

Checking her pulse, you felt a sharp pain at your shoulder. You hit yourself when you were standing up.

Your vision get blurred more than it already was. You took your mask off to see if there's anyone else, or Casey, to reach his help. It was your biggest mistake. Unfortunately, your mask fell out of your hands and broke.

"Mayday, Mayday! I need some help in block C! My mask is destroyed, I'm out of my oxygen." you coughed.

Kelly was already outside, looking out for you. When he heard your voice, his heart just broke.

"Chief, I'll go!" he yelled. He didn't even wait for a response, he just stormed out to that building.

He was looking out for you for almost 3 minutes, which was a long way, when you are dealing with fire, smoke and no oxygen. When he found you, he thought it was too late. You were laying, coughing, in pretty bad shape.

"Hey! Y/N! Come on, we need to get out of here!"

"I- I can't Kelly, I- My leg, is trapped." he looked down at your body, searching for an injuries. You were right, your leg was trapped and he knew that he'll need more help.

"Breath baby, just keep breathing, everything is going to be alright" he kneeled at your side and gave you his mask.

"What a funny story" you coughed. "I just said those words to a woman and she died" you cried. The pain was awful, you felt this sharp pain at your shoulder, your chest was getting heavier and the leg wasn't helping. The only thing what was keeping you alive was the water, streaming on your side.

"You're not dying, you hear me? Don't you dare die on me" he was trying to pull you out, but when he realised that he can't do it, he immediately called for backup.

"What is that?" you asked. Something was making noises and you couldn't focus on what is causing it.

"Oh god no. No, no, no! My oxygen is out, shit!" he yelled. "Chief, where is the backup, my oxygen is out, we don't have much time!"

"Kelly, hey, look at me." you whispered. He was so scared, like never.

"We're gonna be fine, just please breath" he cried. You took his hand and kissed it. He lied down, to get closer to water. Now, you were face to face.

"I love you Kelly. They were right about "Till the death do us apart", they were so right"

"Shut up Y/N, we didn't even get a chance to say those words yet." he nervously laughed. "You're gonna be fine and you'll say it to me in the church, in this beautiful white dress, you hear me? They're coming and they'll find us."

You were out of you breath, laying there unconscious, Kelly was holding your hand with eyes closed.

"Y/N? Hey, Y/N?" he immediately stood up and check out your pulse. There was no pulse. "No, no, no, c'mon Y/N, you can't leave me!" he was yelling.

"Y/L/N! Severide! Call out!" it was Casey. They found you.

"In here, we need get her out of here, she's not breathing" Casey took you by your legs and Severide by hands. They were almost running with you in their arms. Brett and Dawson were ready to take you from them.

"Start compressions." Gabby said. He felt like his whole world was falling apart. Casey was holding him by his arm, to make sure he won't fall. "Okay, we got the pulse, we're going to Med. Severide?" Brett asked.

"Yeah, I'm going with you." he wiped off his face from tears. You needed to be alright.

•

It's been almost 5 hours since they brought you to Med. Whole 51 was sitting in waiting room with Kelly to help him get through this time and to get news about you.

"Any family member of Y/N Y/L/N?" the nurse asked.

"I'm her fiance" he answered.

"Doctor Will Halstead is waiting for you" he followed her into break room. He was so scared to hear news about you.

"Hey, Kelly. I'm so sorry about what happened, are you okay?" he hugged him.

"Hey, yeah. I'm good. They give ne oxygen, took my blood for some tests, everything is good, my lungs are clear. How's Y/N, please tell me she's okay?"

"She's stable. She had a surgery for her open break in the leg, but everything is okay now. We're giving her oxygen and for now, we're keeping her in coma."

"But- but she wasn't breathing for couple of minutes, is there any chance that it caused something?"

"It's hard to say Kelly. We need to wait till she wakes up" he gave him a weak smile. "You can go and see her, I'll tell your team about her condition."

There you were. Laying in bed, unconscious, but alive. You were so strong, Kelly knew that. You showed him this so many times, but today it was something different. He almost lost you and it almost killed him.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. This shouldn't have happened to you. I love you baby and I'll always be by your side." he cried in his hands.

"I know you will" this whispered make his heart stop.

"You're awake, baby. I love you so much, this argument shouldn't have happened, it's all my fault"

"Shhh, can you? Can you just lay here with me? he stood up and layed by her side. Just the two of them, reunited. Full of love.

[shelby-love]

KELLY SEVERIDE

Poor Defense

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: none

Authors note: Happy ending obviously! xx

"Babe are you sure that you're alright?" You ask him for the fifth time. You're standing outside his car, watching him join you outside like a hwak.

Your boyfriend Kelly just doesn't seem to be okay. You watch him grab your duffle bag along with his. Usually that's not a problem for him but you see him strain his shoulder. His face says it all.

"No, I got it. You don't have to." You reach for your duffle bag.

"What do you mean? It's not a problem babe seriously. Let me." You sigh in defeat and grab his free hand. You part ways in the locker room and you join Shay in the ambo.

"Did you notice anything weird about Kelly?" You ask her. You're sitting at the floor of the ambulance and spying on him with the jump bag next to you. Making it easy for you to switch your eyes to it and act like you're not spying on him but rather doing your job.

He's at the squad table, bickering with Capp like nothing in the world is wrong or at least slightly twisted.

"What do you mean?" She tries to play it smooth. Of course she knows. The guilt has been eating her alive.

"Hm. That's weird." You suddenly say. The subject that is your boyfriend drops and you focus on the jump bag next to you.

"What's weird?"

"We're missing some painkillers. But I'm sure I ordered them." You sigh. Explaining that to main tower is going to be a pain in the ass. "Never mind. We'll figure it out."

"Okay I can't do it anymore." She sighs in defeat before throwing the last of the towels inside and sitting down next to you.

"Can't do what Shay?" You ask your partner. Shay is stressed and scared. But for what?

"He's not okay Y/N."

"Who's not okay?"

"Kelly!" She exclaims. "He went to check his injury and the doctor told him that they will need to operate and he won't be able to work for a year. Ever since then I've been helping him."

"You took the meds?!" You're shocked beyond words at this point. Not only was your boyfriend hiding a serious injury from you, he was also using his best friend and putting her in danger of losing her job. Hell even you were at risk now! "Les this can cost us our jobs!"

"I know! It's just... He's so stubborn and I was afraid that he was going to take the matter into his own hands."

Damn his stubbornness! "I will take his stubbornness and shove it so far up his-"

"Hey girlies." Brian Zvonecek interrupts you innocently. "Do you have any towels to spear?"

***

"When were you going to tell me?" You just barged into your boyfriend's private room and now you demand answers.

"Tell you what babe?"

"That your shoulder is getting worse and that you made Shay steal meds from the ambo just so you can work and risk your life." You tell him that in one single breath, with ears red as a tomato. You're angry and disappointed in him.

His face said it all. Busted.

"Look baby..." He stood up with caution. "This was just a one time thing. I'm fine now. I really am."

"No Kelly I don't think you are."

***

You have free time and you decide to use it to make up with Kelly. After what happened at the firehouse you didn't exactly find it in you to talk to him without bringing up the injury and starting a fight.

You wrecked your brain for possible explanations and after putting yourself in Kelly's shoes you decided to forgive him. He explained himself enough for you to build up the trust once more.

"Babe?" You walk around your shared apartment in hopes of finding him somewhere convenient enough to talk things out.

"In the shower!"

His reply is loud and clear. His off limits to talk now.

When you walk into the spacious bedroom it's almost like the air is completely different. Something seems off. You notice his jacket that lies on the bed, probably because he's headed somewhere.

While the shower runs in the background you take his jacket into his eyes and instinctively search through its pockets. You were never the type to rummage through his belongings but you felt like it needed to be done.

What you found shocked you. Pills.

Much stronger and illegal medication. 5 times the strength from the ones Shay took from the ambulance. You had one question in mind: Where did he get this?

Feeling your blood boil at the newfound sight you reach for his phone without a second thought. Someone must've gotten this for him and you were going to find out who.

Calls were a dead end and you quickly turned to look through his messages. The newest contact being someone named Anna.

It's obvious the moment you scroll through their conversation. A conversation way to long for your liking that started just a day after you confronted him about it.

You feel betrayed. He promised he would do the surgery.

You throw his phone back on his nightstand and fish through your pockets for your own. The moment you have it you swipe through your contacts and press call. "Yes?"

"Les who is Anna?" You ask her. The human encyclopedia for Kelly's past flings and girlfriends.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because..." You make sure to quickly hide in the kitchen so he doesn't hear you. "I just found out that he's still using pills. Illegal and stronger meds. And I know it's not you because you and I both don't have access to this kind of stuff."

"Uh..."

"I went through his phone and before you tell me how I shouldn't have done that... I had every right to protect him from risking his life because he's so freaking stubborn!" You huff into the phone. You clutch the meds in your hand until they're almost grinded into powder. "The name's Anna."

"Oh Jesus..." You hear her sigh. "An old flame and pharmaceutical rep. They never slept together but he did kiss her."

You start to see red. "I figured as much."

After taking a deep breath you bid Shay your goodbyes and start to pack your bags.

"Y/N-"

"Save it." You place the last of your shirts into the duffle bag. Ready to fly out of the apartment.

"Why?"

"Why?! Are you serious right now?" You ask him angrily. "You know what Kelly? I should've reported you for taking unprescribed medicine the moment I found out! No actually I should've reported you for making Shay steal them for you.

I can't believe I thought you were going to do the surgery. I stayed quiet knowing that your little stunt could cost me my job-"

"But you didn't do anything."

"Exactly! I didn't do anything to stop it. In the eyes of the whole CFD I am a careless paramedic in charge that doesn't take inventory seriously and instead allows firefighters to take whichever meds they prefer to themselves. Add my romantic relationship with the firefighter in question to the mix and my career is gone! Poof."

After a few deep breaths you zip your duffle bag. "I am not mad that you went to your ex fling for help. I am mad that you lied to me. You made me think everything was alright and when I found out you promised me that you would do the surgery. Not for me but for yourself and us. Yet again. You lied."

Knowing that staying in the same room with him for a second longer would make you stay, you decide to stalk out of the room and the whole apartment, leaving your own keys in the kitchen so you don't get tempted to come back.

***

"Shay let me in c'mon." Kelly banged on the door of Shay's apartment knowing that you were inside. "I need to talk to her."

The man you call the love of your life wasn't going to give up and both of you knew it. Frantically, with both hands in the air and if possible both legs too, Shay mouthed "What do I do?"

You nod towards the door, "Open the door."

She mouths back. "Are you sure?"

"Hey! Stop mouthing to each other and open the damn door!"

"Damn you Kelly!" Leslie shouts at him before opening the door and dissappearing into her room with a loud slam of the door.

It's been two weeks since you "moved out". You didn't give him the time of your day at work but the time you spent apart was eating you alive. Killing you actually.

His handsome self barges into the living room and spots you on the couch. Curled in a ball with tea in your hands and a blanket over you. The silent battle of eyes stops when he takes three long strides towards you and pulls you in for a kiss. A kiss that feels like homecoming.

You pull away flushed to the bone and encourage him to take a seat next to you. You place the blanket over his lap like you always do. Some things die hard.

"I'll do it."

"Do what?"

"The surgery Y/N. I'll do it."

Your mouth falls open in an 'O'. "So you're not here to ask me to move back in?Cause I'm still paying rent for that place."

He chuckles in a way that makes you weak in the knees. "You didn't let me get to that part."

"What made you get a change of heart?" You place your steaming hot tea on the glass coffee table and make yourself comfortable on the couch, your eyes never leaving his.

"You." He said simply. It made you blush against your will. "And the pain. It's horrible."

A bubble of laughter escapes your lips. "I love it when I make you laugh."

His statement caught you off guard making you blush even more. "I'm supposed to have a better defense."

"No you don't." With that he placed his index finger under your chin and lulled you into him. He spoke a soft apology in the kiss and you accepted it by kissing him back.

"Let's go home." Kelly whispered. Sorry shining in his eyes.

"Okay."

This time it was you leaned in for a kiss.

MASTERLIST

[toonformers]

Design number two, Optimus and Sentinel Prime, complete with height reference chart!

I redesigned Optimus but lets say for lore purposes, the technology for compressing Cybetronians to look humanoid has been developed even more and basically perfected.

But I wanna talk about Senti here, cuz there's some stuff to unravel here lol! So you may or may not remember (for those who don't know) when Naturae's life was destroyed, Sentinel scavenged the planet for survivors. No luck, he only came back with a seed and a note for Optimus from his lover, Shira, saying to take care of it and love it as Oppy loved her.

Sentinel wasn't very...keen to the idea of Optimus having an organic lover. However, he would help him go out with Shira and not be seen. He was willing to keep a secret, with the mentality of "This won't last long." And that mentality stuck with him, even after the news of Shira's death. Ultra Magnus' new law for all Autobots...

[Inside Fortress Maximus]

*Optimus is staring at the seed from Shira, and the note. He'd just compressed his body for the organic appearance and put on a vest with pants*

Sentinel: *slams door open* Optimus!

Optimus, surprised: Sentinel. I see you got the news.

Sentinel, angered: Yeah, I got the news. What have you done to your body? Why is everyone else supposed to do it?

Optimus: Ultra Magnus thought it would be a good way to appease the grief of others over the loss of Naturae and its people.

Sentinel, angered: Don't lie to me. I know you did this to mourn your little romance. What I don't understand is why you're making the entire planet do it!

Optimus: It's not my decision what Ultra Magnus passes as a law and you know it.

Sentinel, angered: But you very clearly influenced him. Don't deny it!

Optimus, annoyed: Fine, I won't. Happy?

Sentinel, angered: You still haven't answered why you want everyone to do this.

Optimus: ...The Naturians...they saw the world differently compared to us. Down to creation. They don't see machines or technology. They don't see sparks of energy or metal. They see life. What life is. What it can be. How it all connected. I want our culture to have that.

Sentinel, annoyed: Optimus, we are machines. We don't have reproduction or flesh or a fragile nature. We're beings who are forged. Built to last eons without a scratch. What differences us from any other machines is our sparks. That's what connects us. That's what makes us Cybertronians. The ability to have an AI so complex it's basically a soul. I for one and happy with that.

Optimus: Well, I'm not. I don't like this idea of "we're machines so we're better than everyone". Because we're not better. We have so much to learn. You especially.

Sentinel: *takes the seed away from Optimus*

Optimus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Sentinel: This is the problem. You spent way too much time around those organics. I should've separated you two as soon as I suspected your little fling.

Optimus, furious: It's not a fling, Sentinel! She was the one! Shira was the one I wanted to spend my life with! I loved her!

Sentinel, angered: You're judgment has been blinded! You didn't love her!

Optimus, furious: Oh, what do you know about love?! How could you know how it feels to have finally found the being you're going to spend the rest of you're life with, only for them to DIE and you living with the guilt FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?!

Sentinel: *stares in shock and slowly gives the seed back*

Optimus: Thank you. Now please leav...Sentinel?

Sentinel, whispering: *approaches Optimus* How that feels? You mean how it feels to fall in love in the Autobot Academy? How you planned to confess your feelings after completing a mission that you were sure you were gonna succeed. Primus, with your baby brother and friend by your side, it's a guaranteed success. Then...she dies. Because the organics who lived in the planet you visited were hostile and numerous. You blame your brother for not letting you go back for her but deep down, you know. And you have to live with the fact it's all my.... *voice cracks* fault.

Optimus: Sentinel?

*Sentinel walks away silently*

[Hours later, with Ultra Magnus]

Optimus: ...and I haven't seen him after that. I thought maybe he'd gone to see you.

UM: No, I haven't seen him. It's strange. Sentinel is not usually the emotional type. I wonder where he could have gone.

Guard: *bursts through the door* Commander! An emergency! In the medbay! It's Sentinel Prime!

[At the medbay]

UM: Perceptor. What happened?

Perceptor: Sentinel Prime had locked himself in the room and repeatedly used the appearance compressor. I estimate he went in 6 times before collapsing and loosing consciousness.

UM: Primus.

Optimus, worried: Why would he do that?? Where is he?

Perceptor: He's undergoing some repairs. Unfortunately there have been some complications. Normally the compressor can be used once, twice for aesthetic purposes. More than that can damage the exoskeleton. Sentinel having gone in 6 times has caused himself severe internal injuries. Among them...his T-cog.

UM, worried: What's wrong with it?

Perceptor: It's been crushed to a scrap. And as you know, T-cogs are irreplaceable, due to its technology being mostly unknown to science. We've not yet mastered how to build replacement cogs. Unfortunately...Sentinel Prime's transformation ability...has been terminated permanently.

Optimus, shocked: No. Magnus!

UM, sad: Sentinel...

Perceptor: It seems he wanted to fully commit to the organic lifestyle. He didn't explain why. He only said "He needs this."

Optimus: I need to see him.

UM: Take us to him.

Perceptor: Very well.

[Sentinel's med room]

*Ultra Magnus and Optimus enter to see a thin Sentinel, trying on clothing. He turns and stares at his brothers*

Optimus: Sentinel! *hugs Sentinel, Ultra Magnus joins*

Sentinel: Heh. Didn't think you'd want to see me.

UM: Are you joking, you malfunction? What have you done?? Do you realize what this has done to you??

Sentinel: I know.

Optimus: Sentinel, why did you do this? You could've gone offline! Now your T-cog is gone! You'll never transform again! Why?? Why do this?

Sentinel: ...remember what I said earlier? About...the thing with...

Optimus: Yeah?

Sentinel: After that happened, I continued my studies like normally. And it's one of my biggest regrets, because I didn't take the time to mourn Elita One. I never fully recovered from the pain. Now you're going through the same thing I did. And instead of helping you during this time, I was mocking you. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. And...to help you get through this, I decided to follow Ultra Magnus' rule. While taking it to a much...further extent.

Optimus, surprise: Sentinel....

Sentinel: Let's make this clear. I....dislike organics. A lot. But if you think this is what Cybertron needs to progress and what you need to feel better, I'll do it.

Optimus: Senti...come here, you idiot! *hugs* Thank you. You look great.

Sentinel: I know. *smirks*

[n7inky-fanfics]

Lost

CW: Injury, blood, alcohol

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.

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The crew of the Normandy loves Shepard. She is different than any other Commander in the Alliance. She took the time to deeply know every member of her crew. While her name may inspire equal admiration and fear in others, it inspires warmth and loyalty in her crew. Everyone trusts her with their lives, and even on her worst days they never fear her.

That being said, the ship is now uncomfortably quiet and tense. For the first time ever, the crew is walking on eggshells around Shepard. Her own shell has cracked, and to avoid vulnerability she is lashing out at pretty much anyone in her path.

When the shore party returned from Thessia, Shepard maintained silence and a cold demeanour until she had finished her call with the Asari Ambassador. She managed to use the last bit of her usual grace to comfort Liara. Then, she broke. She snapped at Joker and the two of them had it out on the bridge. The argument ended with both parties shaken, but it was clear that they would forgive each other once they had calmed down. The crew had never seen Shepard like this, and it worried them.

It's the end of the main dinner shift, and no one has seen Shepard for hours. James, Garrus, and Kaidan have done their best to reassure the crew. Now, Kaidan is making his way to Shepard's cabin with a dinner plate. He doesn't think she'll eat it, but he has to try. EDI informs him that Shepard's door is currently set to lock out everyone, including him. When he arrives outside the door, he knocks gently. "Hazel, it's me. Please let me in. I just want to help." The red glow of the locked door turns yellow and then green as it is unlocked. It slides open to reveal Shepard's room.

Broken glass and puddles of alcohol cover the floor. The desk chair is upside down in the middle of the floor. A large, bloody dent mars the wall. Shepard sits in the floor, on the right side of her bed, with her head hung low. She's wearing her Alliance t-shirt and a small pair of shorts. Her short, pink hair is a ruffled mess. Her right hand is bloodied and bruised. Pieces of glass from the alcohol bottles stick out of her knees and shins. Despite the strong presence of alcohol, she seems sober. She must have destroyed every bottle she had without drinking a drop.

Kaidan stands in the entrance. "Hazel, you're injured. We should really get you to the med-bay."

"No." Her voice is steady and cold.

"Can I at least get a kit and start getting that hand cleaned up?"

"No. Leave it."

Kaidan sighs deeply. "Fine, but I'm coming further in." She says nothing as he makes his way to the couch, careful to avoid the broken glass. He sits on the couch, hoping she might get off the floor and sit with him. Instead, she remains still. "Shepard, we're worried about you."

"Fuck..." she whispers.

"Hey, it's not your fault. It's Cerberus. You know that."

"Like hell it's not my fault!" She looks up at him, her eyes puffy, red, and furious. Dark energy begins to glow around her. "I should have anticipated this. Fucking Cerberus has their nose in everything. Of course they'd be there, and of course they'd try to use me to lead them to what they wanted. I was a fool and Thessia was lost for nothing! Now, everyone is screwed and we're all going to die because I couldn't get the damn job done!" Her biotics glow brighter, and the field around her swells.

"It's not over yet, Shepard. We'll find them, we'll get the VI back, and we'll end this for good." Kaidan says gently.

"Don't you get it, Kaidan? I failed! The whole galaxy is relying on me to save their asses again, and I failed! I can't do this! I can't save them!" Her voice is raw and strained. She clenches her fists and screams "Fuck!" A wave of dark energy shoots out from her in all directions. Kaidan throws up a barrier, protecting himself from the force of the blast and the bits of glass that flow with it. He can't help but be a little grateful that Cerberus equipped her room with reinforced glass. If they hadn't, the fish tank and model ship display would have exploded. The coffee table, which had flown towards him and bounced off his barrier, settles upside down in front of the bed. Shepard's eyes widen with shock and fear.

"I... I haven't lost control like that since... since I left the Reds... Kaidan, I'm so sorry." Her nose starts to bleed slightly, and tears begin to slide down her cheeks.

Kaidan makes his way to her and pulls her into a tight embrace, leaving just enough room to avoid brushing the glass still embedded in her legs. "It's okay, Hazel. I understand." He holds her close and gently strokes her hair. When she seems to have calmed down some, he pulls back just enough to look at her face while he wipes the tears from her cheeks. She's pale and shaking. Her nose bleed hasn't stopped. She must be exhausted. After all this and the battle on Thessia before, even the best biotic would be. When was the last time she ate?

"Hey, let's get you sitting down." He guides her to sit on the bed and retrieves the food he had brought for her from the couch. "Eat this while I get Dr. Chakwas up here to have a look at you."

"Kaidan, I don't want anyone else to see this." She looks around at the mess she made.

"It's either that or I carry you down to the med-bay. I think you'll collapse if I let you walk it yourself."

She sighs deeply. "Okay, bring her up here."

Kaidan activates the direct link to EDI from Shepard's terminal. "EDI, can you please ask Dr. Chakwas to come up here with the necessary equipment to support an exhausted biotic and remove shards of debris from a person? And please, keep this on a need-to-know basis."

EDI confirms the request and Dr. Chakwas arrives minutes later with a large medical kit in tow. If she's surprised by the state of Shepard's room, she doesn't show it. She follows the mostly cleared path that Kaidan has made with a broom from the supply closet in the bathroom. Shepard is slowly eating the dinner Kaidan brought. "I'm going to get you an IV with fluids and nutrients, then I'll take care of your legs." Dr. Chakwas says.

As Shepard recovers, Kaidan cleans the mess. By the time Dr. Chakwas has gotten all of the glass out of Hazel's leg, the glass has been safely disposed of, the alcohol has been mopped off the floor, and the furniture has been set back where it belongs. "Thank you, Karin. I'm sorry about all this."

"It's my pleasure, Commander. " Dr. Chakwas replies. She places a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Take care of yourself, now. Remember that I'm here to help. Come see me if you need anything." She packs up her kit and leaves. The room falls silent. Shepard stares into her lap and Kaidan wonders what to say to help her.

Finally, he says "Hey, you should get some sleep." She nods, still looking at her lap. "Goodnight, Shepard." He kisses her forehead gently, then turns to leave.

"Wait..." Her voice comes out barely above a whisper.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"At least until I fall asleep. Please." She's still staring into her lap.

"Okay, Hazel." He says. He climbs into bed and gently guides her to lay next to him. She curls into him and he wraps his arms around her. She drifts off to sleep faster than he had expected. She must be so exhausted. He, too, falls asleep shortly after her.

In the morning, Kaidan awakes to an early alarm and an empty bed. He finds her in the war room, mulling over data for answers. He brings her a coffee before he starts his day. He's sitting in the observation deck, coffee in one hand and data pad in the other, when Dr. Chakwas comes in, locking the door behind herself.

"Kaidan, I'm glad you got me last night. How is she doing this morning?"

"She's back at work, trying to find a solution. She was up well before her alarm, I think. She's stressed, and I doubt she's okay, but she's functional. I'll keep an eye on her, try to make sure she takes care of herself."

"Yes, please do that..." Dr. Chakwas trails off and looks away from Kaidan.

"What is it, Karin?"

"Shepard has always had it rough. You and I both know this to be true. She's always hid her emotions and buried them deep. But dying... it broke her in ways I can't fix. In ways she hasn't recovered from. Then, she lost people. Good people. Hell, she lost Earth. Now she's lost Thessia as well. It's all piling up. She struggles, and I fear that she's reaching a point where all those bottled up pains will all spill out. When she does, we need to be there for her. Please, make sure you're there for her."

She doesn't say it, but Kaidan knows what she's thinking. Be there for her this time. Don't abandon her like you did on Horizon. Be there for her this time. He nods. "I've got her back, Karin."

"Good." Karin nods and takes her leave. Kaidan stares out the window and sighs deeply. This war won't be won without a great cost. He just hopes Shepard doesn't have to pay the bulk of it.