#wedding of river song has a trick sure but like its about love

[sandymybeloved]

moffat stories always save the day with big important spee- WRONG the day is most often saved by people who love each other so much, no enemy however big, no obstacle however insurrmountable, sometimes not even death, can stop them from saving each other

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Home | Part Two

Pairing: 13!Doctor x Daughter!Reader, Graham x Reader (platonic)

Summary: while the fam are away, you and the Doctor have a mother/daughter bonding day

Word Count: 

Warning: none?

A/N: as always spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

Part One | Masterlist

- - - - -

The control room was unusually quiet. 

Living on the TARDIS for the past month with The Doctor and her three human companions, you’d gotten used to the sound of constant conversation. That’s why you liked going for your morning swim in the TARDIS pool room, it gave you a chance to get away on your own for a while. It’s not that you didn’t like being around them, its just after travelling alone for so long it was a shock to the system to now be travelling and living with four other people. 

Walking closer to the central control panel, towel in hand catching the water droplets falling from your post-swim wet hair, you spot The Doctor down in the hatch under the floor messing with various glowing wires. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, making her jump and she hits her head. “Sorry” you apologise, stifling a giggle as she rubs her hand against the point of impact on her scalp. 

“Just some basic maintenance on the old girl, making sure she’s ready for our Doctor Daughter bonding day” she says with a massive grin as she climbs back up on the main deck and closes the hatch. You look at her slightly confused.

“But, what about the others? Where are they?”

“Dropped them back on Earth while you were swimming. I do that every so often, give them a day to check in with friends and family and do whatever it is humans do. Usually get bored and travel 24hours ahead to pick them back up again but not this time. Me and you are going to have fun. So what do you want to do?” 

She stares at you expectantly like an excited puppy and you just look back at her, bewildered. 

“um…” you look around the TARDIS as you try to think of something to say and something catches your eye. A small tank full of liquid bubbling away and floating in the liquid… a severed hand. “What the…? Why do you have a hand in a jar?” You ask, making your way over to study it closer. 

“Oh that? I got into a sword fight with the leader of the Sycorax on Christmas Day and he cut off my hand. It grew back though. Anyway-”

“No hang on. That is not enough information. I want details. Who are the Sycorax? Why were you fighting them on Christmas Day? Do you even celebrate Christmas? How did your hand grow back? Why did you keep the old one?”

“It’s a long story”

“That’s fine, we’ve got a whole day. This is what I want to do today, I want to stay in the TARDIS and listen to your stories”

“Really? All the planets and galaxies we could be exploring and you want to sit here listening to me?”

“Absolutely! You’ve had such fascinating lives, I want to hear about them. All the planets you’ve saved, bad guys you’ve fought, people you’ve befriended. Everything… Please?”

She studies you for a moment then smiles, taking a seat on the steps.

“Fine. Make yourself comfortable, we’re going to be here for a while”

— — — — 

Almost three hours passed in the blink of an eye. You weren’t just listening to the Doctor talk, you were imagining it all. In your mind you were right there with her, fighting Daleks and Centurians and all sorts. But it wasn’t all fighting. She also told you about the fun times she’d had with past companions. She was just finishing telling you about a woman named River Song. 

“Wait… so, you're married?!” You exclaim

“Technically yes, but it’s complicated”

“You married the daughter of one of your companions…?”

“Like I said, complicated. Anyway-” she changes the subject “did I tell you about the time a woman in a wedding dress appeared in my TARDIS? One minute she’s walking down the aisle, the next minute she’s here. She actually ended up travelling with me for a bit, great woman Donna”

“Donna? The same Donna who was with you when I was created? That Donna?” 

“Yeah thats her. I forgot you two met”

“I loved Donna! She was so kind to me, I thought about her a lot actually while I was travelling. Can we visit her?”

The Doctor’s eyes suddenly fill with sadness and for a moment you think…

“Oh, did she-? Is she…?” You ask awkward, not quite able to bring yourself to finish the question. The Doctor looks at you confused before realising what you're asking.

“Oh! No! No no, she’s alive, she’s fine. She’s back on Earth with her family, married now too. She’s happy”

“That’s great” you breathe a sigh of relief “then why did you look so sad? You scared me!”

“She doesn’t remember me. She can’t ever remember me, or she will die.” 

“I, I’m so sorry” you whisper sadly

“She saved the universe and she has no idea.”

“What happened?” You ask but when The Doctor looks at you you realise she might not want to talk about it “I’m sorry you don't have tell me-”

“No it’s okay. She touched that” she gestures to the hand in the jar “and absorbed Time Lord DNA. She was human, but had the mind of a Time Lord. All that knowledge, it’s too much for any human. It was overwhelming her, killing her. So I went into her mind and erased it all. The knowledge, the adventures, me.”

“I don't understand. You went into her mind? How?” 

“Time Lord trick”

“Can I do it?” You ask and she studies you for a moment, thinking. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe. Try it” 

“What?”

“Try it now. With me.” She turns her body to face you and takes your hand, bringing your fingers up towards her face. “Focus. Empty your mind, and focus on trying to see mine.”

She gently pushes your hand till your index and middle finger are pressed against her temple and instantly your eyes close as you feel a strange sensation wash over you.

“I see a long corridor, lined with open doors” you describe

“That’s it. Choose one and look inside” she instructs quietly

You do as she says, and go to a door. You peek inside and see The Doctor with the fam, dressed in old fashioned clothes dancing with people you’ve never seen before.

“That’s the time we met Mary Shelley and Lord Byron. Strange night” 

You laugh and she tells you to try another door. You do and this time you see a man wearing a bow tie and a fez waving a mop around. 

“Ah that was when I exploded the TARDIS, creating a big bang to reset the universe.”

“Wait, that’s you? What are you wearing?!” You laugh and she gets defensive.

“Hey, bow ties are cool!” she protests

“I was talking about the fez”

“Also cool- just shut up and go to a different door”

You walk further down the corridor and stop at a door when you spot a man you recognise. Your father. He’s sitting on the floor cradling another wounded man. You hear him shouting at the man to regenerate, but he dies. You step away from the door as the Doctor sobs, clutching the dead mans corpse. It’s hard to see him like that.

“I’m sorry you saw that, I should have shut that door” the present Doctor says and you remove your hand from her face, opening your eyes to look into hers.

“Who was that?” 

“The Master, another Time Lord.”

“Another Time Lord? There are more? Can we visit them? Ooh, can we go to your planet-”

“No”

“Why not?! I want to see where you grew up, meet your family-”

“I said no” She says more firmly, startling you as she abruptly stands up and walks away “end of conversation”

“This isn’t fair! I’m one of them I have a right to meet my relatives!” You protest.

She spins around to look at you with such anger in her eyes you barely recognise her.

“No you don’t! You are nothing like them and I will never take you there so just leave it!”

She goes to the TARDIS control and starts fiddling with buttons before reopening the hatch she was working in this morning and climbing back down. She restarts working on wires and you silently watch her for a few moments before getting up and walking off down the TARDIS corridor to your room. You curl up in your bed and try to block out the Doctor’s harsh words. Instead you imagine what the other Time Lords and their planet would be like. It’s not long before you drift off into a light sleep. 

— — — — 

You're awoken not long later by the sound of the TARDIS engines, signalling that you were travelling. You rush out of your room back to the control room in time to see the fam coming back on board. The Doctor greets them in her usually cheery way but you cant help but feel hurt that she jumped forward to pick them up early. So much for Doctor Daughter bonding day. You quickly turn on your heels and go back to your room before anyone spots you. But someone does. 

A few moments later there’s a knock at your door and Graham pokes his head in.

“Alright cockle?” After the mix up during your first meeting Graham had actually become like a father figure to you and you found yourself confiding in him a lot. “What are you doing?” He asks when he spots you packing your few belongings into a backpack.

“Leaving. She clearly doesn’t want me around so-”

“Wait! What are you talking about?! Y/N stop!” He grabs your hands, stopping you from packing anymore and forcing you to look at him “What happened?”

“I asked her to take me to her planet, introduce me to the Time Lords. She got angry and shouted at me and then she skipped forward to pick you guys up early because she doesn’t want to spend time with me.” Your voice cracks slightly and you look away. 

“She does want to spend time with you Y/N, she’s just… awkward. Listen, we’ve all asked her multiple times about her home and every time she either shuts us down or changes the subject. She’s very private about all that stuff”

“But I’m her daughter! I’m the one person she should want to share that stuff with. Instead she told me that she’ll never take me there because I’m not a Time Lord.” You take a deep breath “What if she’s right? What if I’m not a real Time Lord? What am I?”

Graham sighs and shakes his head. 

“I don't know love, only you can answer that. And you know what, who cares if you're not some fancy shmancy Time Lord? I don’t. Ryan and Yaz don’t. We love you just the same, because you're amazing.” He places his hands on your shoulders and looks right into your eyes “You're Y/N! And that’s more than enough” he smiles at you.

“Thanks Graham” you give him a small smile “sometimes I wish you were my real dad” 

“A boring old man like me? Nah you don’t” he laughs “you unpack that bag and join us when you're ready okay?” 

You nod and he leaves the room. You replay his words in your head and sigh, unpacking your stuff again. When you're finished you head out into the control room and spend the rest of the evening chatting to Yaz about what she got up to with her family. 

— — — — 

The next morning you get out of bed early and get ready for your daily swim. You walk down the quiet corridors towards the pool room. The fam are still asleep at this time of morning so the TARDIS is nice and quiet. When you reach the pool you're surprised to see The Doctor stood waiting for you. She looks at you with an awkward apologetic smile as you walk over to her. 

“Never seen you in here before” you state emotionless.

“I want to show you something” 

“In the pool?” 

“No. I knew you always come here every morning and I needed to see you before the fam wake up”

“Okay?” You shrug

“Come with me” 

You follow her back out of the pool room and to the control room. She walks to the TARDIS door and steps out. You stop when you reach the door, cautiously looking out at where you were. 

Before you was a planet unlike any you’d seen. But it was on fire. The sky burnt orange as dark smoke rose from what was left of the buildings. You looked at The Doctor with confusion. 

“Welcome to Gallifrey. Home of the Time Lords” she holds her hand out to you and you take it, stepping out onto the dusty burnt ground. 

“This is your home?” 

“What’s left of it. It was destroyed.”

“By who?” You shake your head, unable to believe what your eyes are seeing.

“The Master.”

“Why? Why would anyone do this?” You feel your heart sinking the more you take it all in. Even though you’ve never been here before, it hurts to see it like this. 

“I don't know” she replies honestly, as she notices the tears filling your eyes “This is why I didn’t want to bring you here. I didn’t want you to see this. Not because I don't think you're a ‘real time lord’ or because I don't want to spend time with you”

You turn to her shocked, how did she know-

“Graham” you whisper to yourself

“He told me how upset you were. And then he told me off for causing it. I’m sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I shouldn’t have taken this out on you. It’s not your fault. And you're right, you do have a right to know who you are, and where you come from. I will try to be more open with you.”

You look into her eyes and smile at her as you pull her into a hug. After a moment she pulls away and smiles back at you.

“Take as long as you need here then come back inside, okay?”

You nod and she walks back into the TARDIS, closing the door behind her. You turn back to look at the planet before you, taking a few steps closer. You take a seat on a small mound of burnt grass, bringing your knees up to your chest. You fold your arms over your knees and rest your chin on them, staring out at the planet imagining what it would have once looked like. 

“Beautiful isn’t it” an unknown male voice beside you. 

You look startled at the man who is now sat next to you. 

“Who are you?”

“Me? Im the one who created this masterpiece. You can call me… Master”

Then suddenly everything is dark. 

Part Three

[buginateacup]

So I finally figured out the best way for me to plot Rings is to write it out like I did before ie like you;re telling a rapid story/juicy gossip which stops me from writing the same scene in different angst/fluff/horny versions

so spoilers for the next few chapters under the cut if you’re interested

So the first night of the honeymoon is...fine. They spend most of it laughing over whatever the fuck was today and agree that staying married is really not an option. Megamind has conveniently forgotten that he agreed to be a superhero and Roxanne winds up laughing in Megamind's arms as he proves that he can in fact dance like Fred Astaire on the balcony of their suite. Its a remarkably fun night all things considered until Roxanne goes to push open the door to what she assumes is the other bedroom of the suite and finds the kind of closet that she's been dreaming of all her life and that means...

There is only one bed. Fuck

Cue panic

And Roxanne getting stuck in her dress 

help

But Megamind has also been having just a hint of a breakdown because dancing with Roxanne made him realise that oh no he's in love with his wife and he hasn't wished he was human for a long time (not true) but it does mean that she's probably not going to be okay with tentacles which is the kind of thing you should probably tell a prospective partner BEFORE you marry them so he's going to sleep on the couch far far away from temptation. And Roxanne is an absolute horny mess because she is absolutely hiding her feelings behind her libido but Megamind is being very considerate of not being THAT KIND of villain which means she feels like he doesn't want her and nothing kills desire faster than not being wanted so that’s its own problem.

Except the couch is kind of squeaky because its leather and he can't sleep and eventually Roxanne comes storming out and demands he come to bed so they can both sleep because he's keeping her awake too.

And they do.

Sleep

Just sleep

And wake up tangled together on Friday morning.

That's not awkward at all

That's also the morning they find out they have the suite for the rest of the weekend, which, delightful. Divorce can definitely wait a couple of days while they ruin Wayne's credit rating. There may be a bit of a moment where Megamind catches Roxanne trying on his mantle over her pjs that will either be incredibly angsty or incredibly hot but that that is not part of the plan we're just pretending that didnt happen, or it did and that is how they decide to be married for the weekend (IDK, working on it). In the mean time there are casino heists to plan and chess and scrabble to be played and evening brings Megamind back to bed with Roxanne because its just easier at this point. And when he wakes up because UNFAMILIAR in the middle of the night he plays with Roxanne's hair at her askance for an hour until they both fall asleep.

Roxanne is more than okay with having someone permanently willing to play with her hair on tap as all people should be.  

On Saturday Roxanne is awake first and spends some time thinking about how tired Megamind looks and how he should really take some time off and they can go to the beach or something after they get back. This should probably have been a clue about her feelings but hey, leave a girl her river in egypt.

This may or may not be the day she also glues him to the headboard of the bed with the decoupage setting on the de-gun while she has a shower.

Megamind genuinely considers gnawing off his own arm because she didnt quite manage to close the door properly and that is its own kind of torture.

They have a bet about paper airplanes and landing them in the fountain. Megamind wins so Roxanne has to show him a trick (Roxanne is not thinking about that thing she can do with her throat nope not at all) which is how he finds out his wife is a master at throwing cocktails and they get more than a little tipsy and he shows her how to fire the degun which is adorable and a little hot and they wind up slowdancing on the balcony to the Something for Kate cover of When the War is Over because I love that freaking song and I'm very attached to that mental image right now.

The second night, they know its all over by tomorrow and they spend a while talking in bed in the dark which is where I will probably make all of you cry with how lonely being the last one is for Megamind and it breaks Roxanne's heart a little to and they have the kind of thing that you just do not talk about in the light of day because if what happens in vegas stays in vegas then what happens that night is like the what happens in vegas stays in vegas of what happens in vegas stays in vegas.

Look it makes sense in context okay

They also both stay clothed so chill.

Sunday morning brings them to the foyer and its bittersweet and lovely and they just want to hold one another but they CANT because there is a PLAN and of course they shouldn’t stay married but oh shit the divorce desk doesn’t open until 11 and its only ten and their chauffer is waiting for them to take them home so shit, that is an issue but its fine because there's a form you can fill out and they will post you the divorce papers.

So great. They head to the airport and get on the plane and oh look there's yesterdays paper and why is there a photo of their wedding certificate on the front page?

And when was megamind going to tell Roxanne he was becoming a hero?

And Megamind had genuinely forgotten about that. Oops

So it turns out all of Metro City has been waiting for this day for YEARS. The paper is full of happy articles and letters to the editor saying we knew those crazy kids had it in them and Carlos has won a considerable amount of money in the pool and has taken his family to disney world.

And well they cant stay married obviously (can they?) but everyone is clearly expecting them to come home as a couple so sure they can fake it for a while before quietly separating except Megamind is not okay with the idea of Roxanne getting kidnapped by anyone else because no one else will be careful enough. And Roxanne is very unimpressed that the defenders council are trying to replace her with an official damsel. She is staying damsel thank you very much Gerry.

This may also become the fic where Roxanne finally sets up a damsel's union.

So they have a bit of a talk and yep practice kissing is definitely a thing they need to work on

a lot

that moment where the copilot walks in on them is a little embarrasing

but they land and oh look there's a car waiting for them to take them to

oh

The Scott's are throwing them a party after all

So Roxanne gets dressed by Minion for the second time in a week which is where she finds out that "Oh sir was always so worried that if he ever found someone the tentacles would be a dealbreaker"

Tentacles

Huh

Where?

Prehensile or?

Oh for fucks sake Roxanne you dont even know what they're for stop it

No but seriously where are they?

Megamind on the other hand has just found out that Roxanne has a tattoo from Metro Man of all people and there is a very awkward/sexy/funny moment in a butler's pantry where Megamind finds out exactly where Roxanne's tattoo is and Roxanne has it confirmed exactly what those tentacles are for after all.

Great so add that to the list of things we're thinking about like his shoulders and his hands and his eyes instead of our feelings.

Roxanne takes great solace in her libido as it is far easier than arguing with her head or her heart.

Or she would be if she was getting laid.

And SURPRISE this party is not the intimate dinner they were promised but a full on party with Megamind's prison uncles set up on a webcam in a theatre which is a lovely cute scene and Roxanne is definitely getting baby stories out of these men.

Megamind uses her as a human shield. Its force of habit and has nothing to do with how much he's blushing at all.

And they get asked to make a speech and Megamind tells everyone exactly how much he loves his wife and Roxanne is almost in tears because what the hell where was this when it was just the two of them? He cant mean any of this clearly and wow that fucking hurts.

And then Roxanne's great aunt helen shows up because of course family was invited and she is an unpleasant woman at the best of times and Roxanne goes full "Fuck off Helen he's my husband and I love him"

and 

shit

she does doesnt she?

Nope straight back to denial on that one. Cannot think about that right now

Because he clearly doesn't feel the same way or he'd have told her personally, not to a crowd of people. And Megamind thinks she was exaggerating because he’s also thinking where was this in vegas? And Roxanne is forcibly reminded she can't be the damsel if she's married to the hero so she is never going to see him again unless its for an interview which means she has to spend the rest of her life chasing him down in the van with fucking hal and ow ow ow

So they leave the party and Megamind drops her home only for Roxanne to find her apartment full of boxes as she is also being kicked out of her apartment as she is no longer acting damsel.

So she grabs a bag and tracks down the lair and oh hi husband can I live with you or not?

Hi wife yes please say (stay forever please stay forever) which is where we get the SECOND there was only one bed because half the lair was demolished in the last big battle and there is no space for another room right now and of course they have to keep sharing a room or Minion will get suspicious

this bed is much smaller than the giant orgy sized one in vegas

good thing they’re already getting used to waking up in one another’s arms

Roxanne does manage to ask for a small room to use as an office because she needs somewhere to cry and she's used to living alone but wow does this feel like moving in...

And that brings us to chapter 6ish?

[finnschuesters]

𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐘

WHO: finn and dan schuester, ft. the twins. WHEN: saturday morning, 4/10. WHERE: nia and dan’s home. WHAT: finn spends some time with her brother and his two new babies.

it’s not every day that a person becomes an aunt or an uncle, and for finn schuester, who valued her family above all else, she made it a mission to get out of chicago and back to lima ASAP to meet her nephews. 

the entire train ride, she felt kinda foolish, knowing in just two short weeks she’d be on her way back home again for the lima equivalent of a royal wedding. the moment she got into the car with her dad who talked her ear off the entire drive to dan’s, it felt worth it. finn loved being away for school. loved. in chiacgo, she was free from all the responsibilities and image she liked to uphold in lima. finn felt like a normal, twenty year old who went out with friends, had fun, and generally enjoyed the college experience. but she was bursting at the brim to meet the newest schuesters. 

finn had chosen to stay with dan and nia rather than with her parents, which had just as many cons as it did pros. pro: no mom and dad to fuss over potential significant others, grades, and activities. finn could only entertain the questions for so long. con: waking up at 5 am saturday morning to her nephews shrieking as if they were trying to break the sound barrier. 

thrusting herself out of bed, finn, incredibly characteristically, rushed to help out. pausing only to loop her hair into a bun, she made quick timing into the nursery only to find dan standing there outnumbered two to one. “need some help?” she asked, yawning from the doorway to which dan eagerly gestured to gus, still screaming in his crib, then explained, “please, it’d be great if nia actually got to sleep in this morning.” 

“yeah, no problem.” 

finn shuffled over to the crib, scooping her nephew out and into her arms. her eyes were fixed on dan, watching him carefully and mimicking how he was holding justice. though their stares were hazy from sleep, once the twins quieted down, it was a tender moment in the gray of morning shared between siblings.

like any younger sibling, she obviously looked up to her older brother. . . her much older brother in this case had always managed to set an excellent example. at times he could be blunt, and cold, but finn never failed to understand it was from a place of love and care. still near gawking at her brother, he shook his head curiously and asked, “what?” finn shrugged as much as she could with an infant in her grasp, then answered, “i just can’t believe you’re a dad, that’s...so much.” she said vaguely, now gazing down at her nephew. a wry laugh softly sounded from beside her as dan agreed with her, “yeah, it is.” 

again, silence fell. dan and finn didn’t have a bad relationship in any way, shape, or form, but with finn’s brain tricking her into smelling fresh coffee downstairs, and dan having spent countless nights for the past two weeks in this way, it was understandable why small talk didn’t come easy. 

dan crossed the room and situated himself in a recliner with justice before taking his turn to initiate the conversation, “how’s school?” 

“still good.” 

“good.” 

“yep.” 

yawning, finn figured that the stale conversation with her brother could only last so long, and the  few minutes of quiet from gus were more than enough so that she could set him back into his crib. then, she’d head to the guest bedroom to try and get a little more shut eye. 

oh how wrong she was. 

the moment finn leaned over to place the dozing infant down, another piercing shriek sounded throughout the nursery, which in turn, caused justice to begin wail. panicked, finn tenderly brought one of the twins back close to her chest to try and soothe him, but as dan also found little success in quelling justice, the twins were feeding off of each other’s cries, leaving the two adults gridlocked.

in a delirious exhaustion and out of desire for his wife to get some rest, dan pulled a will schuester trick out of his pocket and softly began to sing adele’s remedy to justice. finn, surprisingly, was a little slow to catch on, and critically looked at her brother. not to be a downer or anything, but she was about ninety-nine percent sure singing to babies was something reserved for scenes on screens but as dan crackled and croaked out the opening lyrics to the song, justice still cried, but just not quite as loud. 

I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe Right before my eyes I saw, my heart it came to life This ain't easy, it's not meant to be Every story has its scars

finn was pulled from the trance of watching her brother by the loudest scream she’d heard from a child ever. looking at gus, all red faced and fussy, she was for once, rendered clueless. mouth slightly open, and pleading stare in dan’s direction to help her as he sang through the chorus. soon enough though, dan did what he always did: tell her what to do, the new father gestured for finn to try her hand at singing to gus. 

if she wasn’t tired and desperate, maybe she would’ve given the approach a second thought, but instead she quietly and flatly began her own verse of a lullaby to gus. 

No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you Come whatever, I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through Your love, it is my truth And I will always love you Love you

the full blown crying had subsided, but each of the boys continued to fuss at a quieter volume. dan wordlessly encouraged finn to continue the soft singing as he joined her for the chorus.

When the pain cuts you deep When the night keeps you from sleeping Just look and you will see That I will be your remedy When the world seems so cruel And your heart makes you feel like a fool I promise you will see That I will be, I will be your remedy

a repeated chorus later, dan’s fatherly instinct proved to be correct, as both of the twins slumbered soundly, and didn’t make a single sound as they were placed into their respective cribs. 

they’d done it! they’d successfully navigated a morning meltdown! 

enthused, finn held her hand up excitedly for a high-five as she silently danced in place. maybe her aunt-skills weren’t half bad. almost immediately, dan clapped his hand into finn’s for the hig-five she would offer. at the smacking, instantly, justice woke back up with another ferocious screech. 

defeat. 

THE END.

[pellicano-sanguino]

Now that Kurenai Yuzuru's taidan is drawing closer, I wanted to write something short about some of the roles she's done that I have fond memories of.

These are mostly from Reon's era, since most of my Hoshigumi shows are from that time. I need to see more shows from Kurenai's own top star run.

Mercutio from Romeo&Juliette 2010

This was the first zuka show I saw, and still my favourite show to this day. I could go into all the details about how I love this musical, but now I'm just going to mention the casting. It was perfect. Everyone got a role that fit their acting style perfectly. Kurenai was a natural Mercutio, the best one I've ever seen. She nailed Merkku's immaturity, playfulness and – most importantly in my opinion – his recklessness.

Memorable scenes are Mercutio's song number when he tempts his Montague buddies to go with him to crash the Capulet's party, him and the boys bullying Nurse, confronting Romeo after hearing the news about his wedding (I was quite shocked to see Mercutio threaten Romeo with honor violence, claiming he's going to slit his throat if he won't give up Juliette) and the fight scene followed by Mercutio's death including a final song of ”goodbye friends and PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!”

I admit, I don't usually care for it when zuka gives a dying character one final song that they sing in weak, slow voice, milking the tragedy for all the drama its worth. It often fails to be sad and just feels cheesy and soap operaish. But I found the song of dying Mercutio very touching, when I saw the scene for the first time I cried real tears. Despite the language barrier, Kurenai managed to reach to me with her voice and her acting and make me shed tears for Mercutio's death.

Sid from Officer and Gentleman

Officer and Gentleman isn't the kind of movie I'd thought would get a zuka adaptation and yet it exists. Zuka is very clearly targeted for women and this movie is more for the male audience. I know it has a romance and is therefore regarded as a love story but in my opinion this flick is more like a coming-of-age story about the character growth the male lead goes through (also, it oozes toxic masculinity, a thing more common in films for men). Anyway, the zuka version is actually a pretty good show. Ouki Kaname totally steals every scene she's in. But today I'm here to talk about Kurenai.

Kurenai is probably best known for her talent in comedy. Sometimes I've heard people say that's the only kind of shows she should do and that always made me sad, because Kurenai isn't a one trick pony trapped to do only one character type. I have been very impressed at her talent in playing sensitive men. Many otokoyaku roles rely on strong and cool male image, but Kurenai sometimes gets roles that let her show emotions, the men she plays are allowed to be vulnerable. Sid is one of these. Sid is young and a bit naive and makes stupid decisions, but when he thinks he's done a mistake, he is ready to take responsibility of it. The scene where he goes to propose Lynette breaks my heart every time. That look on his face when he finds out he's been lied to, it just hits me right in the feels. There is something so naturally charming and lovable in Kurenai that seeing her characters get hurt makes me feel awful. Like, no, don't do this to her!

Karenin from Anna Karenina

I have not read this book, but its one of my mother's favourites, so we watched this show together and she pointed me all the things that she thought zuka had adapted well and the parts that they had changed. She was especially impressed with Kurenai's Karenin. According to my mother, the character of Karenin is often done quite poorly in other adaptations of the book, he is often portrayed as just a onesided, simple man who's a little dumb and doesn't have much depth of character. Much like Sid, Kurenai's Karenin is allowed to show his emotions and not be just a boring, stoic figure who reacts to his wife's affair with mild disinterest. There is kindness in Karenin, it's not always easy to see, but it's there. He lost his own parents and a brother that was dear to him, and because he remembers how horrible it is to be alone and lose your family, he adopts Anna's and Vronsky's child, not wanting her to be left alone.

Antonio from Tale of Coimbra

I have opinions concerning this show. Namely, I think it misses a golden opportunity to put the zuka trope of reunion of lovers in the afterlife to proper use. Big part of the Coimbra legend are the coffins of Pedro and Inez being placed so that when they rise in Doomsday, the first thing they see is each others' faces. And zuka just had to go and twist the story so that Inez doesn't die (and they don't even get a happy ending despite that! Poor Pedro, he just can't win.). Also, very, very disappointed at the lack of Corpse Queen and tearing out assassin-Makaze's heart with a line ”You broke my heart, therefore you have none!”

Ahem. Sorry about the rant. Anyway, Kurenai is in this musical. He plays a guy named Antonio, who is...   umm... I think a pirate or a robber or something along those lines. The group of robbers/pirates gets made into scapegoats for Inez's murder, and Pedro, Pimenta, assassin-Makaze and some soldiers mercilessly slaughter them all. Kurenai's role gets very little stage time, but I wanted to mention this role, because I was very impressed with her stage swordplay skills. I don't know if I should credit the director for this, or if Kurenai did some research of her own, but her legwork is strong and sometimes I can even identify the poses she makes as part of real swordplay moves.

Warrior seeking to fight with Reon, from Takarazuka Floral Dance Scrolls

This is my favourite nihonmono revue. The music, the dancing and the costumes are all great. In one of the numbers Kurenai plays a warrior who doesn't get along with another warrior, played by Reon. I don't know what their beef is about, Kurenai just hates Reon's guts and sends ninjas to ambush him when he's spending time flirting with local ladies. Reon being Reon, he defeats all the ninjas and makes a daring escape with courtesan-Nene. They are heading towards a river, intending to ride a boat to safety, but by the riverside Kurenai confronts them. Holding his sword he opens his arms like inviting Reon for a hug. Come at me bro! And so they fight, doing the samurai slash thing where time freezes after they've struck at each other and then the one who lost slowly falls. The one who falls is Kurenai, and Reon and Nene proceed to their romantic boatride.

This number has left an impression on me, because I think the nihonmono look suits Kurenai really well. She made a very handsome and cool-looking warrior.

Shibata Rihito from Mei-chan's Butler

Takarazuka and shoujo manga have walked hand in hand since the days of BeruBara Boom and even before, inspiring each other. Every now and then zuka does a show based on a manga. This one, unfortunately, is based on a manga I have never read and therefore I had no idea what was going on during most of this musical. But I still found it rather entertaining (the prop work sure was something different, with weird video projections, shadow theater and parachuting puppets). I admit, the many colourful side characters steal the show from Kurenai quite often, being wilder and weirder than her character is. I will have to give special mention to Makaze's evil butler, I love it when Makaze plays villains. But at the end, this is Kurenai's show. She was a very dashing butler.  

Memorable scenes include a weird, artsy, dream-like interpretive dance scene where the shadow theater is put to good use for * symbolism *.

 Because I haven't read the manga, I have no idea what is going on here. My bet is on drugs.

Also among the memorable scenes is the fencing. I still think Kurenai is pretty good with a sword.

I need to come up with name for this trope, where the opponents lock their swords for a while to glare at each other and chat.

Bourguignon from Second Fortuitous Meeting

Many zuka comedies are wasted on me because so many of the jokes are language based and I still don't understand much Japanese. But this one I liked very much. Admittedly, I got to read a translation once, so this time I got the jokes, but even ignoring the spoken jokes, it's just a really fun show. Every character was fantastic, Kurenai's role as a manservant forced to fake being his own master included. Her talent in comedy is very strong, she masters small things like the tone of her voice, the expressions of her face and simple bodylanguage and makes her character absolutely hilarious. I have noticed  that one character pair zuka shows tend to have is pairing a cool and serious master with a sassy, loud, no-filter-between-brains-and-mouth servant, who works as a comedic relief softening the seriousness of their master. In a show like Second Fortuitous Meeting, where everyone is sassy, loud and has no filter between brains and mouth, Kurenai needs to tone her comedy up quite a bit so that Bourguignon will appear even funnier than his master.

Most memorable scene is Bourguignon sitting down in protest like a misbehaving infant when Dorante demands they leave.

This show got a sequel. It was just as fun as the first one, even though this time I had no translation and so had very little clue what was going on. Something involving a pumpkin thief.

Beniko and Reon's father from REON!!

Otokoyaku in drag for comedy reasons is quite a common thing in zuka, and usually I find it as amusing as real men in drag (in other words, not very). But I adore Beniko. The reason why her comedy works is that the joke isn't just putting otokoyaku in drag, Beniko is a carefully designed sketch character. Her costume, her curls that she constantly keeps shoving back over her shoulders, the way she speaks (this has to be some sort of dialect, I swear), she is just incredibly funny. I don't think I can properly explain why I find her so amusing, after all I don't even understand what she says. There's just something about Beniko that always makes me smile.

There was also a number where Reon sang about her family. Makaze and Kurenai played her parents. Makaze made a very charming Japanese beauty in her apron (I usually don't like it when they make her wear dresses, but here she looked so natural it suited her well). She had to bend her knees a little to appear shorter than Kurenai. Kurenai as Reon's father was weird looking, with thick eyebrows that made him look like a comic character. But he was a very sweet father, eagerly making faces and shaking a rattle at baby Reon, and smiling even when the fighting kids accidentally poured a tea kettle on him. I've always felt that Makaze and Kurenai had great chemistry together and seeing them play a married couple was adorable.

Gemini from Etoile de Takarazuka

Again, putting otokoyaku in drag isn't fun if you don't give her character. Well, in this revue Kurenai had to put her skills to the test by switching between two characters several times during the same number. The split-personality Gemini suffered from manic-depressive behavious. 

The female side was happy and giddy and optimistic (”Everybody loves me, I'm so pretty, and so witty, I'm so gay!”)

...and the male half was gloomy and depressed and had no self-esteem (”Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms...”). 

I have to respect her for managing these quick switches between otokoyaku and onnayaku, cheerful and gloomy, the changing between characters was done smoothly.

Also, I want that dress...   suit...   costume...   thing...   I want that dresssuitcostumething. I would wear it to every dance ball ever.

Frederic de Marmont from Napoleon

This show had a ton of characters, many of them quite colourful ones, and unfortunately Marmont was often left as only the observer of things happening around him (well, the story is being told by him, so it kinda fits). Nevertheless I think Kurenai was very handsome in the uniform, and I think Marmont got some important scenes. He knew Napoleon from the military school and there's a song number where he voices concern for his friend's endless thirst for more victories. In the end, he is the one who decides to surrender Paris, understanding that it's madness to keep fighting and lose more lives when losing the battle can no longer be avoided.

The part I remember Kurenai most in this show is actually from the minirevue. She dances a rather romantic dance with Makaze. I will say it again, these two had great chemistry together.

Philippe from Sun King

I know there are probably only like a handful of fans who like this show besides me, but I loved it. I've always been a sucker for French imported musicals in zuka. This show is another example of good casting, everyone gets a character that no one else would have done as well as they have. Kurenai, being the best there is at comedy, gets the comedic relief character Philippe the gay-tailed pheasant, who also shows to the audience how the royals and nobles lived in a fantasy bubble completely separated from real life. She gets three songs and she sings them well. I haven't mentioned it before now, but I really like Kurenai's voice. It's a very recognisable, charming, unique voice. I also have to show respect at how easily and naturally she wears the gaudiest costumes. This show has some really ridiculous costume designs for the nobles to show how separate they are from common folks, but Kurenai wears hers with pride. I can almost picture her looking at a costume desing and being like ”Wow that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen, when can I try it on?”

Percy Blakeney from Scarlet Pimpernel

When Reon and Nene graduated, my star also left Hoshigumi and I followed her to a new home troupe, so I haven't seen that many Hoshigumi shows after Reon's era. But when I saw that they were going to make Scarlett Pimpernel, I had to get it. I had seen Kurenai perform Percy as a shinko role and I thought she was brilliant even then.

Of course I was going to use screenshots of the fencing scene. What else did you expect?

Once when I was sick and couldn't even read books, just rest, I borrowed some audio books from the library. This is how I was introduced to Scarlet Pimpernel. I liked the audio book a lot, especially the menacing, raspy voice they gave to Chauvelin. I was delighted to discover one of the first stories to use the idea of a masked hero. Men who like Batman are not allowed to make fun of me for liking Scarlet Pimpernel.

Scarlet Pimpernel is such an entertaining story and Percy is such a charming hero, saving innocents and having fun while doing it. I like Kiriya Hiromu's Percy a lot too, but Kurenai's is my favourite. She really gets into the character and makes a very lovely Percy. Having to wear disguises in this show, she once again shows her ability to fit into all deliciously awful outfits (like the suits they wear to the party held by the prince of Wales). But even out of disguises, I've got to admit Percy's got style. I also obviously adored the sword dance in the mini revue. Kurenai's Percy brings a smile to my face whenever he's on screen. This is probably the role I will remember her most from.

I will miss Kurenai terribly. Whatever she decides to do after leaving Takarazuka, I wish her good luck and happiness as thanks for all the times she brought me lauhter, tears and joy.

[ohgoddard]

Fist of Fire: Omega.1.7

“Taaaaaake my haaaaand, take my wholeeeeee liiiiiife tooooo..”

The song snakes its way into my cell. And into my ears. I clasp my hands over my ears.

“For I. Can’t. Help. Falling in love, with, youuuuuuuuu.”

He found the venue I wanted, the dance I dreamt of. And the song I wanted to play at the reception when she and I took to the dance floor. I don’t know he found out, but he wormed his way into my mind and discovered things I only kept for myself. Like the dress, I was going to wear to my wedding. I saw it in a window at a boutique, and it stuck in my mind for months. He bought it and sent me photos of some other woman getting married in it.

” Like a river flows, gently to the sea..”

I shove myself into the corner of my small room, tears welling in my eyes. All the power in the world couldn’t have escaped the hell I was putting myself through. This slime of a man won’t hold me forever. I am the master of my own fate. I control when I leave. I control what I say. I am In control. I am in control. I am in -

“Ahem.”  His voice startles me. He stands in the doorway to my cell, no orderlies with him at all. He never needed them. Not that they could do anything anyways. Out of all the villains I've fought, all the so-called heroes I’ve had to put down, he has been the vilest of beings I have encountered. He has never given me any name, and no one will tell me about him. Some say he isn’t real, thinking they can gaslight me. They can’t pull the wool over my eyes. I know what's real. I’ve decided to give him a name of my own. Most of them couldn’t be uttered in polite conversation, and some of them not even in casual conversation. I call him “Snitch”. It is the closest compromise I could make for myself between polite names and the word bitch.

“I am so sorry to stop our session right now, Ms.Kiara. I thought we were so close to breaking through whatever barrier you had constructed for yourself that prevented me from... Solving your issues. I need you to work with me for us to get past this guilt you have surrounded yourself with.”

“Burn in hell.” A sharp migraine was my reward for such a remark. “Regardless, “he said with a cruel smile, "we have to end today. There is a parade in town and I’d rather go see it than talk to you, frankly.” The insult meant nothing compared to the news he dropped. [i]The parade was finally here?[i] I tried to hide my face from him, but I think he saw my look of shock. Thankfully, though he is an insightful man, his pride is rather large. “Oh, don’t look like that. It should be no surprise that I have a life outside of interrogating some power-tripping failure. My favorite hero is in town. I wouldn’t miss him for the world.”

This seems… too good to be true. Freedom from the Snitch, the parade in town with Whirlwind, and a chance to finally be done with this horror I have been putting myself through? For it all to happen at once, with the people involved...no. No, it can’t be true. I don’t let myself fall for it. He’s tricking me. I feel the heat behind my eyes begins to swell, how could I have let myself almost fall for this?

I spit at his shoes. “Some therapist you are.”

A sound of disapproval comes from Snitch. “Disappointing reaction, I have to say. I would have expected so much more...emotion. I must be going soft in my approach. No matter. I’ll be back tomorrow. See you then, ‘o patient of mine.” He turns to leave the room, I watch as he leaves, I feel as he gets into his car, and watch as he drives away to the town with enhanced vision. He truly leaves.

Was the parade today? Has time truly passed that quickly? No, no I can’t let my excitement get ahead of me. I need to focus. I need to make sure what's happening is, well, happening. I take a few long breaths and try to broaden my hearing. Slowly, my ears become full of every conversation and noise in the hospital. Then, the noises of the grounds around it. The squirrels and birds chirping, the worms burrowing. Then beyond even that to the small town that rests some miles away from this hospital. I hear cars driving, trash being thrown away, the voices of policemen clearing the streets in a straight line….no it can’t be.

Instantly, the stress and pain I've been feeling for weeks, months in this damn hospital begins to fade away. In its place, the long-suppressed rage begins to open up. He is within my grasp, finally. The months of terrible hospital food, pretending to be insane, flirting with an exasperated psychiatrist, admitting to my so-called “crimes”, all of it will be worth it if I can just get my hands around Whirlwind’s neck. He is so close within my grasp.

I stand up in my cell, the door still open. They never close the door on me. I have never left before, made no attempt to even try. Not like any door could stop me anyway. I walk out of my room and down the hall, the walking nurses and staff glancing at me with surprised and worried eyes. One of them runs to a phone and talks into it, telling the orderlies that I am leaving. The reply she gets is,[i] "we couldn’t stop her if we tried. Just let her go.”[i] I walked down the halls to the counter where I checked in my items when I turned myself into the hospital. All around me I felt staring eyes, and a crowd of the nurses and doctors trailed behind me at a distance. I stepped towards the counter, behind it a very scared-looking old woman. I would be scared too. My reputation precedes me, I have murdered a lot of beloved public figures. They may not be beloved anymore, but the fact that I killed them still brought terror. Not to mention that I feel the heat my stare was giving, just a notch below going full heat vision, due to my rage. The poor old lady cleared her throat. “C-c-can I help you, Miss.Kei--Omega Man?” I smiled. She called me by my name. My real one. Kiara died in a fire with her father. “Hello, ma’am. I want the clothes I turned in a few months ago. Can I have them back?” I tried to make my voice sound as least threatening as possible. It may not have worked, as she hastily nodded and ran off to the shelves behind her. It was a couple of minutes of straight silence as the lobby of the hospital was quiet. The only noise was that of the air conditioner and the ringing of a phone not being picked up. I could feel the nervousness of the staff there.

The old woman returned with a cardboard box labeled, “OMEGA MAN (K,K) [EVIDENCE PENDING RELEASE]”. I chuckled and reached for the box, noticing a paper taped to the top. It was a release form, waiting for my signature. Noticing me looking, the old woman looked horrified. “O-oh, I'm sorry I’ll just take that paper back please don’t be mad it was a- “ “No no,” I say. I reach for a pen in the cup on her counter and sign my name at the bottom of the paper. “Rules are rules, after all.” A large black inked “OMEGA MAN” was branded at the bottom. I lay the paper on the counter, lifting the box with my hands. As I do so, I turn and face the crowd of scared onlookers. “Thank you so much for taking care of me all these months. I am forever in your debt. Tell no one I have left your hospital.” And just before I walk out the door, I turn to face the crowd once more. “I’ll know if you do.” I wink and leave.

It's all behind me now. Only one goal is ahead of me now. And only one step I can complete at this moment. As I'm walking, I open the top of the box and look inside. Neatly folded, and nicely cleaned is the uniform of Omega Man. And next to the black shirt and jeans sits a bronze helmet. The helmet. And when I put it on, It takes me back to the first moment I did this. When I first got my powers.

When I became Omega Man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks since her father died. Shot like a lame horse in front of her by someone the public still adores as a hero. Kiara couldn’t leave her bed for three days, walk away from it for 9. Her fiancé, Katie, took care of her the best she could, but it was like caring for a coma patient. She had just lost all the will to live. Near the end of the two weeks, Katie just left her. She said she couldn’t understand what happened, never could. But that didn’t mean Kiara had to shut herself away from her. She knows people take trauma in different ways, and that it was a traumatic situation, but this was no longer who she loved. She said in her sleep that she just wanted it to end. So, she ended it.

Two things died on Kiara within two weeks of each other. She was waiting for her to join them. But, something stopped it.

In my days laying bedridden, underneath her paralyzed self was a pit of despair. Every pained step she took afterward was a step towards strangling that bastard that shot my father like a sick dog, then falling onto my face in tears because my knees could no longer support my body. Ambition outpaced their ability, and she cracked. When Katie left, the only thing holding her back was gone. Kiara died in a fire along with her father. The last vestige of who she was walked out the door, unable to find her love in the blank heated stare of the shell before her. Her job fired her because her efficiency dropped to the floor, her insurance dropped her because she stopped paying them, her friends haven’t heard from her since the attack. She didn’t even go to her own father’s funeral.

Instead, she sat in a wheelchair, looking out of the window of her apartment she was soon to be evicted from. Kiara had a lot of problems going on for her, it would seem like her life was falling apart. It would be if she were alive. Kiara died in a terrorist attack with her father. Leftover was an empty shell, needing to be filled with purpose and identity. And it was found on the last day. In incredible pain, the shell hauled itself to the top of the apartment building. Defeated by blow after blow, its former life all but ended in the name; it was time to make it a reality. With a pathetic shamble to the edge of the roof, tears falling from its eyes, it looked up into the sky for one last sign that this was not the end for it.

And as usual, the only thing that came was dark clouds and cold rain. A single, bare foot stepped forward from the edge, leaping. Finally, the rest of the body came with it. Spiraling down to the alley where the husk of a woman once stood over, plummeting to its demise. It closed its eyes, thinking it would see salvation in the gray pavement below.

But it didn’t fall.

A step was taken off the roof, gravity was trying its best to bring it down but there it floated in the air, beholden to no cradle of humanity. A few minutes passed by before the shell understood, and when I began to understand. It had the ability. His abilities. It became filled with purpose once more. To hunt down the evil bastards that did this to her. To me. I swore that day to continue the charade just a bit longer. To keep the public under my control for just a minute more. Kiara was dead, but her shell was filled once more.

I am Omega Man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven’t felt the cool rush of wind against my hair for so long. The blue sky, no longer tinted from through the windows of an asylum underfunded and understaffed. Tormented no longer by a sadistic therapist or a waste of time doctor trying to collect a paycheck. Far above the cloud level, I float while looking down at the town. I had to change my clothes, the old ones no longer important anymore. I didn’t need the pads that made me look bigger, and the shirt I wore over it was far too large for me. I opted for a simple pair of jeans and a black shirt. The only thing I kept was the helmet. My face. Without it, I am only Omega Man in my mind. When I wear it, the whole world can see who I really am. And with it, I can see the world for what it truly is.

Sick.

I am the cure that will cleanse this land of it’s parasites and murderers. Those who would divert a dam for a few thousand dollars, causing a few dozen deaths. False protectors who’d just as soon harm those they are sworn to protect. Icons of public view that use it for twisted reasons. There is no accountability, nothing to police the police. It is left to me. I will go beyond the confines of order. I will become the order. Nothing has stopped me yet.

Nothing will.

The world is safe under the watch of Omega Man. All will be happy. They will get to live the life Kiara never got to.

And it all begins here. Just a few dozen miles away from my self-imposed prison. He will be the spark that ignites the flame of prosperity and peace. The new world, free of crime, starts with death in the city of Boston.

And it will be brutal.

[forcedapotheosis-blog]

Gloomy Days VIII

Chapter X / VIII (or so) – The Graceless Knight / Radiance

Sorry for the cliffhanger in the last chapter.

“Angel, angel, what have I done?

I’ve faced the quakes, the wind, the fire

I’ve conquered country, crown, and throne

Why can’t I cross this river?

Pay no mind to the battles you’ve won

It’ll take a lot more than rage and muscle

Open your heart and hands, my son

Or you’ll never make it over the river

It’ll take a lot more than words and guns

A whole lot more than riches and muscle

The hands of the many must join as one

And together we’ll cross the river”

Puscifer – The Humbling River

Things were not always what they seemed to be. And even an affliction as powerful as hopelessness, nourished by shadows whispering of conspiracy, might not always be what one thought of them. Voices grew ever louder, so loud indeed that he wanted to press his hands on his ringing ears and close his eyes shut. Be done with it. Leave this place. The words were spoken, the new bond established. Was a life of hopelessness even worth living? He had to make this decision as soon as he left.

“What’s this supposed to be?!”

“It’s against all of our island’s traditions!”

“I don’t think that this is even a wedding song.”

“Impudence, I tell you!”

“Father, do something about that!”

What’s that? Even a mind as far gone as the cook’s was able to recognise that these voices were not happy. Quite the contrary, the tone they carried was irate, affronted, enraged, confused. Something didn’t go according to a plan. Whatever it was, there seemed to be enough of a reason to call out to the person of the highest authority present. To their surprise, he didn’t seem to care. Raising his sonorous voice, it seemed as if he was taking his place as a staunch defender of whatever it was that was going on.

“Honoured guests, I beg you: In this very moment, every voice has a right to be heard. Even those who left our lives may speak if their cause is just, the only requirement is for them to be given a voice. This might just be the case.”

What was all of this supposed to mean? The ceremony was at an end, both must have said ‘yes’ to each other. They were man and wife now. She was gone, forever. Why was it, though, that he couldn’t shake off the feeling of warmth caressing his skin? He was sure that a storm was raging on the outside, the mortal enemy of the sun, forbidding her to bring light to those in need. Yet, his skin felt as if he was embraced by loving arms, a shiver went through him as his mind tried to make sense of all the contradicting signals his ears gathered and his subconscious mind interpreted. He shouldn’t feel good. There was no warmth left in this world, at least not for him, not on this occasion. Yet, he couldn’t shake it off and ban it from his thoughts. Something was in the air, so thick that one might even be able to cut it with a knife. Something that should be forgotten, a remnant of a past he desperately wanted to forget. A very special something that was not allowed to emerge from memories clouded. Still, it did. After all these terrible memories that haunted him, he had forgotten that the world was not always dark. Even within these gloomy days.

Slowly, step by step, his mind was creeping back out of its shell. He didn’t want it to, but the siren’s song was too strong. The voices that cried out against this ‘impudence’ were still prevalent, but resistance was raised. It all began with one single voice that took a stand against the evergrowing darkness of his mind, one that he heard somewhere before, singing words that he was all too familiar with. It shouldn’t be, yet it was.

“Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho .. Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho ..”

Were one voice was raised, others were soon to follow. The source of the warmth that was touching his skin wasn’t sunlight, but sound. The lonely voice was, at first, accompanied by only a piano and a few violins.

Music was proven to have an unbelievable impact on the human mind. Depending on the song chosen, a plethora of emotions could occur within the listener. These days, sadness, depression and longing for reclusion were most prevalent in the cook’s life. This particular one, though, had other things in mind. Its purpose was to lift spirits, to create purpose within a life that seemingly didn’t have one.

More voices were joining. They knew the lyrics by heart. Every single of them knew. His ears caught the most unlikely of voices first, deep and booming. It belonged to the marimo. Even he knew.

“Going to deliver Bink’s Sake! Following the sea breeze! Riding on the waves! For across the salty depths! The merry evening sun!”

The swordsman was not alone. More voices chimed in and it felt as if Sanji’s very heart itself was beginning to move to these forgotten, ancient tunes. Numbed senses returned, were driven out of a hell hole that seemed so devoid of hope. He just let it happen.

“The birds sing as they draw circles in the sky!”

Usopp, Franky .. am I dreaming?

“Farewell to the harbor, to my old hometown!”

Even Chopper. None of them has forgotten.

Soon enough, he heard all of them.

“Let’s all sing out with the Don! As the ship sets sail! Waves of gold and silver dissolve to salty spray! As we all set sail to the ends of the sea! Going to deliver Bink’s Sake!”

Robin .. Luffy .. they’re all here. For the sake of all of us. Within these halls, we are reunited and reborn into the light. An ethereal moment, but it is so real that I might be able to grasp it with my own two hands ..

“We are pirates, sailing through the Sea! The waves are our pillows, the ship our roost! Flying the proud skull on our flags and our sails!”

The cook’s own voice was the last to join, unrestrained and invigorated. His world might have succumbed to darkness, but in this very moment, they were with him and he was with them.  

“Now comes a storm through the far-off sky! Now the waves are dancing, beat upon the drums! If you lose your nerve, this breath could be your last! But if you just hold on, the morning sun will rise!

Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho

Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho

Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho

Yo-hohoho, Yo-hohoho ..”

Finally, the inevitable end of the song was here. The moment of warmth and unity would be gone, too, in just a second.

But it was a hallmark of the Straw Hat’s to defy fate whenever they could. Facing impossible odds was what made them what they were, what some of them still are, even to this day.

Sanji could still feel the backdrop of despair, the desperation that held dominion over his heart and mind. But he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Forgive my discourtesy, navigator-san. I felt that it was necessary to give our bard a voice, for he does not have one of his own anymore. And .. Nami ..”, her use of her real name was something out of the orderly. What was happening? Had it been Robin’s voice, the female voice that answered with a ‘yes’, shortly before the song was played?

“I beg your forgiveness again, but I feel inclined to share his opinion.”

The bride’s face went pale as she heard these words, she turned around to her former captain, her surrogate father, to look for help. She found him smiling. Not his signature, broad smile, though, but a thoughtful and reflective one. His voice resonated with it. Even though he was reunited with crew and crown again, it seemed as if his subconscious mind didn’t find cheerfulness fitting for the occasion.

“She is right, Nami. You do not belong here. You weren’t made for this life. Just take a look at yourself. The shivers that went through your body when Bink’s Sake was played. Your body still remembers where you’re supposed to be. You were born to sail this world, with us! We’ll always be with you, Nami, our dreams were made to complement each other’s.”

Sanji couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Robin AND Luffy both decided to speak up against her marriage instead of being staunch supporters of her choice?

An old saying told that even the darkest hours of the day were only preceding the break of dawn.

Three voices joined together to push the thick clouds apart, as to make way for the sun’s rays to grace the earth once again. They were not alone.

The cook’s head twirled around as he heard another chair being pushed back, another person standing up for what he thought was the right thing. He had put on his black sunglasses, possibly to cover the fact that he was crying an endless river of tears. No one was tricked by that, yet he went with it.

“Sis, sis, I’m sorry! So sorry! I arrived to support you, I’m still here to do that! It is just my heart that’s telling me that the backing you need should lead you into another direction! Freedom, sis, is what you need! Sailing the Blues again, visiting strange islands, drawing your maps right where their source is, that’s the freedom I’m talking about! I just can’t help the feeling that you’re chaining yourself by going through with this marriage, you’re giving up your freedom and condemn yourself to a prison cell with a nice view.”

Luffy .. Robin .. Franky .. even Brook from beyond the grave. Is that really what all of you think? Didn’t .. didn’t we come to help her? Or is this what you consider helping? Now, all of a sudden, we’re acting like .. like family again. Did something happen? Is none of you able to remember the past? These terrible days that tore us apart? Why, now, do you want to bring them back? I don’t understand ..

Franky didn’t waver, an impressive sight to behold and reason enough for Luffy to finally show his smile again. Was the past coming back to life again? Even if it was, not all about this was good. When his eyes found the goddess again, it was clear as day that she was close to tears. Maybe because she felt betrayed by her friends. The very same friends she invited to have their support while moving on to a new life. That was most likely, wasn’t it? Her skin was pale, her eyes watery, yet she didn’t speak. Maybe because she knew that right now, she wouldn’t have control over her voice. A welcome opportunity for .. the next one to stand up.

Even in his small form, the impact his voice made was clearly visible as most of the groom’s side of guests sharply inhaled. Contrary to that, children found it incredibly cute, but that didn’t take the gravity from his words.

“Nami, when we were young, we all set out to see the world, to chase our dreams as if there was no tomorrow. I .. I just know that you haven’t forgotten what you were once dreaming of. I’m sure that you haven’t forgotten all the things we lived through, that brought us together, forged bonds that would never truly break. It is not only your purpose that’s still out there, it’s not only your dreams that have been buried alive! It’s not too late, Nami, not at all! A .. a friend told me that we’re still young enough to change our ways again. Our dreams are still waiting out there, on the sea. If we don’t even try to seize them now, they’ll be gone forever. I’ve known you for many years now, Nami, and it’s the same for you as for the rest of us. If we don’t take the opportunity that is given to us right at this moment, we will spend the rest of our lives asking the same question every day: What could have been? I, for one, would never be able to forgive myself, letting the chance pass to just know what life has still in store for us.”, the small reindeer was taking a deep breath, the smallest and youngest of them all was a shining example of what idealism really meant. Having travelled with them, he knew how to reach their hearts.  Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more! Another put his strength to the test against the rising tide. His voice echoed in these halls and in the cook’s mind aswell.

“He’s right, Nami. You know that as well as I do, as all of us do. Whatever action you’re taking, it’s just a band-aid to keep the things you earnestly desire at bay.”, some voices from the groom’s side were trying to interrupt him, only to be .. looked at. And within this instant, all the stories he told about himself became nothing but the truth. A terrifying warrior that sailed all over the Grand Line, facing down monsters and tyrants, pushing onward into the gaping mouth of the abyss itself. It wasn’t quite the famed Colour of the Conquering King, no, but the easily forgotten yet still burning spirit of a mighty warrior of the sea, easily overshadowed when compared to the inhuman strength of his former crew mates, but a shining beacon of might when standing on its own. In fact, reaching this state of mind, reflecting it within his deeds, could have even been considered more than the monstrous strength that his captain, the swordsman and the cook were famous for. Because he was just a man, yet he still gave no quarter.

The brave knew fear, but despite it, they fought on.

“Nami, we’re not going to live forever, but don’t we owe it to our dreams to go on, to carry the flame for those about to follow? Forgive me, Nami, but a recent revelation .. just puts me into a position that is close to yours. I have more reason to stay than I could explain right now, yet I still hear the call. It’s been growing louder ever since we were separated and I’m sure that it’s going to consume my heart if I don’t act according to it. It’s been too long, but our time has come again. Allow yourself to act. And .. as a last, humble request from someone who has been your friend over all these years, please, I beg for you to find .. find forgiveness in your heart. Not for our sake, not even for his, but for yours. Your heart might be mended through forgiveness. Give it a chance to breathe again. It will remember.”

Forgiveness .. what’s he talking about ..

Seeing all of his old friends again, making a stand to do what’s right, he felt as if he was going back in time. Back then, this was what they did. They were game changers and breakers, no matter the situation. All of them together had the power to force the winds of destiny to change its course. A tyrant of terrifying power was no match for the combined strength of the Straw Hats, even when the sun was out of sight, they still carried the torch. Not only for themselves, but for everyone around. Freedom was for everyone, injustice had to be fought. Every life had a right to follow its dreams. Back then, when their hearts were will pounding as one.

It’s not enough. It can never be enough. All the things I did can never be forgiven. This attempt is futile.

His heart wasn’t into his thoughts, though. Yet he was unable to speak up. A fact that did not go unnoticed.

“Do I have to fight all of your battles, idiotic, weak erocook?”

Even .. even that one? But should .. should I really be surprised? He always stood when it was necessary.

That was indeed what he was doing, not only pushing his chair back, but rising with such an outburst of force that it was thrown to the ground. His face a reflection of both annoyance, irritation and genuine care for those around him. A rare mixture, but perfectly fitting for this man.

“Guess that after this is over, you’re going to charge me big time, woman. But witnessing that some of us are still unable to find their backbone, I’m without option. Our nakama are right. This is not what you were born to do, yet they somehow forget one more important fact. One that I remember all too well. Coming here, I didn’t know what to expect of your groom, to be honest, but having met him I can say that .. well, he’s a nice guy, promising you a safe future. Nami, that’s neither what you want nor what you need. Am I the only one who’s able to recall your face and all the tears you cried when this thrice-damned erocook left the crew? Am I the only one who couldn’t have a nap because he heard you crying? Goddamn, Nami! I know it and you know it, too! The man you’re about to marry isn’t half as big as he needs to be to fill the blank spaces that this idiot left!

I’m not going to beg your forgiveness for telling you the damn truth, woman. And neither am I going to waste the rest of my life regretting that I remained silent when I was supposed to speak up. You damn well hear the storm outside, don’t you? I know that your heart’s longing to fight it, to navigate a ship through it, to show that we’re superior to everything this world can throw at us! It pains me to see that you’re too stubborn to admit it! It pains me that the both of you are still too god damn stubborn to go where the wind takes you! I’m not your fucking parent, I can’t and won’t tell you which way to go, but I can’t be the only one who knows that we were born to go wherever life will lead us. Believe me, I’m regretting this step even in this very moment, but you just have to open your damn eyes to see the truth.”

His face had become red from all the suppressed and now finally freed fury that was raging through his body and mind. Now, he raised a hand to point at Sanji before he continued.

“This man, Nami, is the one you’re looking for. Gods know what must be wrong with you, but he’s the one you’re looking for. And you’re the one he’s wasting his life dreaming of. How could I ever come to respect this idiot again without the strength he used to have? YOU, god damn woman, were the fire that raged in his soul! And he was all the shelther you ever needed! You can’t be so blind as to make this unseen.

Picture home, Nami, just do it for a damn moment! Picture home! What is it that you see? A big old house in the countryside? I bet it’s not! We are where you’re at home! The Sunny, the smell of tangerines in the air, the water’s salt on your tongue and within your nostrils! This is what you consider home. Riding on top of a storm, besting the tempests like a deranged, mad goddess with some damn knight at your side! Just admit it, woman, and keep in mind that whatever you say, there’s no going-back from that. But .. but also keep in mind that however deep you’re going to fall if you take this step, we’re here to catch you, we will soften your fall. Until the last of our days.  

You are the spark, Nami, but what good is a spark without kindling? Come back home.”

Sanji couldn’t believe the things he just witnessed. It was too much, took him by surprise and the unexpected heat that the swordsman put into his words was more than he could ever hope for. It was not as much that hope had been given to his heart, no, but the sheer force of their combined speeches had burned out the dominating hopelessness that had settled for his heart and mind. Control over his body was gone when he himself rose. It didn’t end there. His steps were staggering, aiming for the space that was left open between the sides of bride and groom. Somewhere in his subconscious mind, he knew that his was the place he was supposed to be. One last time in the spotlight before an inevitable demise.

If it really is inevitable. Could it be that my mind has become so accustomed to the thought that I am unable to see another way out of this situation? A thousand and more words have been spoken, they have been thought. Was it speaking to the marimo that set things in motion? Was it her invitation? Our paths might not be predetermined by destiny or any other higher force, but the things set in motion could have hardly occured at random. These pieces were made to fit together perfectly. Robin was her maid of honour, I don’t think that it had been her plan all along to talk her out of the wedding. Luffy’s spirit was broken, up until the very moment he was reunited with the crown that has always been his. Franky, Chopper, Usopp .. I don’t know. I didn’t know that they cared so much, even though I should have.

All eyes were on him when he met the center of his ‘stage’. But except for the loveliest pair of two brown eyes, they did not mean anything to him. These past thirty minutes or so where enough of a time for him to make a decision. He came back from the verge of breaking, walked away from the abyss, molded with the always prevalent yet new found knowledge of companionship that strengthened his back, that poured fuel into the smouldering embers of his soul.

If I go, I’ll go with a clear conscience. I will go with the knowledge that I’ve given my all. Might it be that I’m not standing all alone?

The one appropriate thing to do was to fall to his knees. After all, he was a knight trying to have semi-religious dialogue with the goddess he swore to serve.

“Nami-san .. if it is your will, these words of mine shall be the last for you to ever hear from my mouth. I will gladly abide your wish, as I always have. My only request is for my voice to be heard. One last time.”

Another murmur went through the groom’s side, this time though, it was more prevalent than before. All the others had spoken up against the marriage, yet they were ‘just’ friends. Something about this man, his kneeling, his language and the look of utter, selfless admiration on his face, made him stand out of the crowd. He was not just another friend, but a contestant! Someone who might have had it in his hands to change the course of this day. In retrospective, everybody must have known. Even the marimo, as he was the one who finally managed to make him raise his voice.

“We’ve all heard it now, you’re against my son’s marriage. Now sit down and let them commence, your concerns have been heard and none will pay any more attention to them!”, the enraged voice of an elderly man was raised, obviously being Cassian’s father. His face was red with enragedness and his voice was venom.  The woman to his left, who might have been quite beautiful in her younger days, was red with anger aswell, but only nodded to her supposed husband’s remarks. Others followed.

“What an impudent whelp!”

“Who does he think he is?!”

“Let’s just get this over with and throw him out, shall we?”

All these words made the next voice even more remarkable. It might have been the long-haired clergyman’s duty to speak up against them, to tell them that their traditions dictated for everyone to be heard, yet he shrouded himself in silence. Instead, the most unlikely person of them all rushed to his aid. A voice that demanded obedience, even from those who most likely stood above the speaker, used by the one man his mind had fashioned as the enemy’s accursed champion.

“Father, dear friends, I admire your defence of this marriage, but I want you - I need you - to remain silent.

I want this man to be heard. Here, before the eyes and ears of gods and men. I might not like the prospect of his speech, but in front of you kneels a man who knows that adversity and existence are one and the same. Of his past, I know nothing. Yet I am able to see a mountain that defies the consuming sea.”

It is absolutely needless to say that his words sent a shock through everyone present. Immediate stillness fell upon the room. His parents went pale, words that were about to be spoken faced eternal damnation. Robin’s eyes widened, as did Luffy’s smile. The only face he wasn’t able to read was the one of the bride herself. Too many emotions rushed through her eyes.

“May your words be heard, my friend. Make them count.”

An unexpected turn of events, an uneasy alliance even .. so confusing indeed, that Sanji lost his ability to speak for a few seconds. Were the gods mocking him?

You’ve been given a chance. Make the most of it. The only way to earn salvation is to endure. The terrors that haunt us at night are nothing but rain in the forest, but fog before sunrise. I .. I feel it. Every inch of my body resonates with their words. I was standing at the very precipice of oblivion for so long that I had all but forgotten about the light. I am not alone. I never was.

“Nami-san, it feels as if I’m reliving countless dreams. For hours and days uncounted, I thought of nothing but this day. Not only your marriage, but being reunited with you. A million words and sentences raced through my mind, some of them I thought true, others just an illusion. But being face to face with you again, I realise that none of them mattered. Retelling all the things I thought up would slander this event, they would be an insult to you.

Originally, I arrived to support you. I was willing to suffer until the end of my days to see you smile once again, Nami-san. And if that is your wish, I’m still willing to do just that. I .. I just needed to let you know that no matter how many years pass, no matter how many miles we were and might be apart, my beating heart will never stop seeing you as what you are. In the past, I have given you the title of a princess, a queen, a goddess among unworthy men. These still remain true, but I had yet to awake to the most genuine of truths:

Man can live without all of these. Man will live on without a sovereign, even without a divine hand that guides him. But there is one thing, not even a material one, that cannot be lived without.

Home.

You are what my heart considers home, Nami-san. The one place I can’t live without. I’ve travelled far and wide, lived in many places and got to know as many and more people, yet you are the one that my heart is yearning for. Every time I close my eyes, it is shouting out your name into the darkness. Even when I thought that all was lost, my stubborn heart could not be hushed.

It is nothing but the truth, Nami-san, when I say that your name alone will be the last word that leaves my mouth. The last thought that will run through my dying mind. Step by step, little by little, your name alone has been carved onto my heart. Falling before you, I feel no shame to admit this. You alone are all I want, all I need. You are home. The sum of all of my dreams. Your eyes are the real All Blue, the vastness of your heart gives shelter from the storm and nourishes any hunger, past or future. Next to the depths of your mind, I need to tread carefully as to not get lost. Nothing and no one will ever compare to you, Nami-san.

And .. I fear that this might not be enough, but it is all I have to offer. For a brief moment, the blink of an eye on a cosmic scale, our hearts had decided to beat as one. I was reborn into a light I never knew existed, all because of you. Whatever happens now, Nami-san, however you decide, I need you to know that I’m grateful for the moments we shared. You granted me a glimpse of Heaven that I will never forget and cherish until my last breath.

Forgive my impudence if you find it in your heart, Nami-san.

I love you. I will always love you.”

[bikelock28]

Optical Cobalt

I rarely write something all in one go but this was begging to be written. It was an absolute blast writing in the TARDIS' PoV. This is set some time after 6.13 The Wedding Of River Song. T for sex, although nothing too explicit. I loved writing this, so I hope you enjoy- 

Your Child has always been troublesome. It started right from the moment she came into existence, when she wasn't supposed to be your Child but she absorbed your energy anyway. You didn't see her for a long time after that, although you had seen her before. The first time she stepped into you and knew she was...well, you don't understand all those family words so you weren't sure what she was, but you knew that she fitted with you. When she touched you it felt right, like her feet belonged on your floor and her quick hands belonged on your console. It was odd in a way you didn't understand. And then she flew you. She knew how to fly you, and you were so amazed that you let her. It was smoother than Thief's driving (although of course you prefer his). And when she flew you into danger and you liked her even more. At another time (you think it was after, although Child is so confusing, her time is different to Thief's and even to yours) she was trapped inside you in a loop. You tried to help but there was nothing you could do. But Thief got you out of it, of course. You love your thief. Child (although of course you didn't call her Child then. You called her Hair) made Thief happy, and you liked her because of that, too. But oh, she was trouble. She talked to Thief like nobody else dares, she never did as he told her. Just like you. But you're always there when he needs you and one time Child wasn't, and then she was ever so naughty and made all of time happen at once. That hurt you on the outside. You are a time machine and all of time was happening and once and your systems were going too much and your systems were not going at all. But you knew that Child was supposed to kill Thief, and that hurt your insides so much more. But Thief is clever, Thief tricked everybody and Thief did not die. By then you knew that Child was Child and you understood why, and Thief and Child kissed on top of a pyramid and time started working again and you were alive and right and Thief, sneaky Thief, did not die.

And now Child is being ever so bad again and she has trapped Thief between your outside wall and her body and she is kissing him. He is kissing her, too. Thief's mouth is on Child's and his back is on you. How odd. Sometimes people kiss Thief when he does not want to be kissed. Orange did it once. The girl with your name in the wrong order did once (Thief kissed her back eventually, but only after she was dead). Child did once too. That was sad because Child wanted to kiss Thief, and Thief did not want to kiss Child because he did not know who she was. Child was sad. You understand that now, because when you had a body you wanted to kiss Thief and he did not know who you were. That was sad. It was sad that he did not want to touch you. He has never done that before. But you had a mouth and you could talk. You had never done that before. You told him you were his TARDIS and his Old Girl and his Sexy. Then he knew why you wanted to kiss him. But your body died before you could do it again and now you are back in your box where you belong and where you cannot talk to him properly but he is there and he can hear you. You are back in your box where Child can push Thief against you while she kisses him and he kisses her because he wants to do that now. They have been kissing a lot lately, the last few times she has been here. Thief pretends he does not kiss a lot of people but he does actually, but he has kissed Child a lot and for a long time and a lot of different times, which is not usual. Thief looks happy when he kisses Child. Thief looks happy when he is with Child, and Child looks so happy when she is with Thief. You know the feeling.

Thief's back on your outside is odd. Or maybe it is his back against your front. How peculiar. And Child's front against his front. You don't often feel Thief from this angle. A lot of him is touching you, from his hair down to his black. Legs, he has legs. That's what they're called. You had legs too once, it was ever so exciting. You weren't sure how to steer and you suddenly understood why this Thief is always stumbling and tripping over. Child is making noises with her mouth. Strange, because her mouth is on Thief's mouth. Perhaps mouths can do more than one thing at once. You never had time find out when you had a mouth. Thief is also moving a bit, his body swaying side-to-side against Child, against you. It feels happy and nice. Thief has both his hands around Child's back. Child has one hand on Thief's blue and one on his face. His hilarious chin. He's ever so handsome. Child thinks so too. Although perhaps not in the same way you do.

Child moves her face away from Thief's and looks at him very happy. Thief tips his lead back against you some more. Child says something, grabs Thief's hand and pulls him through your door. Thief looks funny when she does that, probably because its usually him who grabs hands and runs. Child makes Thief think in such different ways. Their feet are on you now. Thief's are big and flappy. Child's are not as pointy this time. Sometimes are feet are so pointy. But they do not hurt you, because you feel things differently to people. Besides, your floor is hard. Child and Thief are kissing again. Child mumbles his name. His Doctor name, you mean. Doctor. The Doctor. This what he calls himself, but to you he will always be Thief. It is your special you name for him, the name only you call him. You are his Thief too, of course. More than he is yours. Child has a special name for him too. She often says it with that big, complicated word you were so desperate to tell him. Hello. Hello. Hellohellohellohello. You wish you had remembered it faster when you had a body. You would have screamed it at him again and again. HELLO DOCTOR. HELLO THIEF. HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL IDIOT.

Child is pulling Thief again. The sight is one you are familiar with, as Orange does it to Pretty sometimes. Child scurries through your corridors with Thief in tow. She finds her room- one you weren't aware of the first time she flew you, but which was there anyway. Usually the Strays never think they know where their rooms are but they find them anyway. You didn't know where Child's room was but she found it anyway. Such a mischievous Child. She drags Thief into the room and kisses him some more and they say things to each other, and then she starts pealing his clothes off. She has a very very naughty face when she does it. Thief's face is lots of things. One of these things is scared but a happy sort of scared. They are saying words to each other but they keep stopping to kiss. Child has taken off Thief's brownish and his bow tie and his strappy things and his blue. He has nothing on top now. Child is looking at his nothing-on-top with her happy naughty face on (you, of course, see him in nothing every morning when he gets dressed). Thief is touching Child's on-top but he does not know what to do. Child does it for him until she is nothing-on-top either. Her nothing-on-top is smaller but bigger than his at the same time. Child sits on Thief's legs (he's got legs. That's what they're called) and kisses him and says words to him. You know what they are doing, of course. You have seen people do this before. Orange and Pretty do. They do not like doing it on the bunkbeds. You like Orange and Pretty but that is ungrateful. You are surprised to see Thief do this. Oh, he has done it before, you know, plenty of times. You should not be surprised then, but you are but you do not know why. Thief and Child are lying down now. Child is making herself and Thief nothing-on-bottom. She is touching him a lot. He is touching her a bit and then not and then again. What they are doing (you do not know what it is called) is supposed to be very nice. When people do it they make noise and do faces like it hurts. This has scared you in the past, but now you know that it is because they are happy. This is something about having a body which you do not understand. Thief is smiling now, and kissing Child. You hope that he is not going to make noises and faces like it hurts, because even if he is not hurting you do not like him to look or sound like he is.

Child is on top of Thief and his pointy neck is moving and Child is moving on Thief. Child looks less naughty and more happy now, and Thief has a very peculiar look on his face. You think that the nice part of this thing that they are doing is that they can touch each other all over and very very close. You like Thief touching you, even with his feet. Thief touching you feels even more right than Child touching you, even though she is your Child. They are both making noises now, like words but not words. You wonder if you would have liked to do this with Thief when you had a body. You are not sure. You know that this thing is to do with love, and you do love your Thief, but perhaps it is not the right type of love for this. There are different kinds. Thief is on top of child now and he is breathing very fast but not because he is running or crying or scared. He has his eyes shut but Child does not. Child is looking at his face. You do not blame her because you like looking at his face, all his faces, they are all so special and so nice. Sometimes you hear the Strays say that his faces and handsome or pretty. They are right but they mean it in the wrong way. His faces are different and they are all very very handsome and very very pretty. Of course they are, they are Thief's face. Now, Thief's face is all scrunched and tight and squeaking. Child has one of her hands in her hair. One hand is going down his back, leaving a red mark of her nails. Don't hurt him! Don't you dare hurt him! And Thief makes an angry noise but then he looks at her happy and he is still moving and you do not think Child was really hurting him, just pretend. Child always has good nails which is strange because she does digging. There are lots of things about Child you do not understand.

Thief's face goes even more scrunched and small, and then he breathes loud and his face unscrunches and his face goes next to Child's neck. Child looks up at your ceiling with a big happy face. Her hand goes down his back again but no red mark this time. Her hair is even bigger than normal. Thief takes his face out from her neck and Child looks at him with her happy happy face. Thief looks happy too but also tired. They have a long kiss. Then Thief stops being on top of Child and is next to her. Child moves so her shoulder is touching his and her big hair is on…oh, what's it called? They're like legs but at the top of his hand. You had them once, too. Thief and Child are both still breathing very fast and Child is laughing a bit. Thief's face and his nothing-on-top look more red than they do most mornings when he gets dressed. They breathe together. You watch them. When Orange and Pretty do this, they cling on to each other for a long time. It is a different type of touching to the other thing, although it is still very close and very happy and nice. Often Orange and Pretty fall asleep like that. Or sometimes Pretty goes to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for them both. Once or twice Thief has got bored, or got himself into trouble and has yelled for them. He doesn't like it when they go away from him. Pretty says he is bored, Child says he is vain, Orange says he is lonely. They are all right. Orange and Pretty ignore him at first but then they put their clothes back on and come to help Thief. Orange and Pretty are asleep now. It is often when Orange and Pretty are asleep that Thief visits Child. Especially after they got married and Child was locked away and now she Thief kiss a lot. Do Orange and Pretty not like Child kissing Thief? Do Orange and Pretty not like Thief kissing Child? Orange kissed Thief once but now she ony kisses Pretty. It is better that way. You do not understand why Thief keeps kissing Child secret. Sometimes he is a sneaky Thief. Child is Orange and Pretty's Child as well as yours. Pretty talks to you about it sometimes. He is sad. You hum to him and show him nice orange lights to make him not sad. Sometimes it even works.

Thief and Child are talking now, in soft voices. This is unusual because neither of them use soft voices very much at all. Maybe their voices are tired after the other noises. They were both quite loud, after all. Child rolls towards Thief and curls herself against him. Se kisses the corner of his nothing-on-top and then her fingers draw on his nothing-on-top. His skin is becoming white again. He looks happy. He also has the face when he does something good. You don't know what it is called but sometimes Child likes it and sometimes it makes her a bit angry. But it is the sort of angry Thief likes. Thief and Child are very strange together. And very funny. Thief wraps his hand-leg around Child tighter and puts his face into her hair, and then on top of it. He is happy. Child is happy. You dim the lights.

__________

Thank you for your time. Please leave a review, and have a great week.

[dfroza]

Today’s reading in the ancient book of Psalms and Proverbs

for Saturday, may 2 of 2020 with Psalm 2 and Proverbs 2, accompanied by Psalm 45 for the 45th day of Spring and Psalm 123 for day 123 of the year

[Psalm 2]

You are wondering: What has provoked the nations to embrace anger and chaos?

Why are the people making plans to pursue their own vacant and empty greatness?

Leaders of nations stand united;

rulers put their heads together,

plotting against the Eternal One and His Anointed King, trying to figure out

How they can throw off the gentle reign of God’s love,

step out from under the restrictions of His claims to advance their own schemes.

At first, the Power of heaven laughs at their silliness.

The Eternal mocks their ignorant selfishness.

But His laughter turns to rage, and He rebukes them.

As God displays His righteous anger, they begin to know the meaning of fear. He says,

“I am the One who appointed My king who reigns from Zion, My mount of holiness.

He is the one in charge.”

I am telling all of you the truth. I have heard the Eternal’s decree.

He said clearly to me, “You are My son.

Today I have become your Father.

The nations shall be yours for the asking,

and the entire earth will belong to you.

They are yours to crush with an iron scepter,

yours to shatter like fragile, clay pots.”

So leaders, kings, and judges,

be wise, and be warned.

There is only one God, the Eternal;

worship Him with respect and awe;

take delight in Him and tremble.

Bow down before God’s son.

If you don’t, you will face His anger and retribution,

And you won’t stand a chance.

For it doesn’t take long to kindle royal wrath,

But blessings await all who trust in Him.

They will find God a gentle refuge.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 2 (The Voice)

[Psalm 45]

The Wedding Song

For the Pure and Shining One, by the prophetic singers of Korah’s clan

A contemplative song of instruction for the Loved One

To the melody of “Lilies”

My heart is on fire, boiling over with passion.

Bubbling up within me are these beautiful lyrics

as a lovely poem to be sung for the King.

Like a river bursting its banks, I’m overflowing with words,

spilling out into this sacred story.

[His Royal Majesty]

Beautiful! Beautiful! Beyond the sons of men!

Elegant grace pours out through every word you speak.

Truly God has anointed you, his favored one, for eternity!

Now strap your lightning-sword of judgment upon your side,

O mighty warrior, so majestic!

You are full of beauty and splendor as you go out to war!

In your glory and grandeur go forth in victory!

Through your faithfulness and meekness

the cause of truth and justice will stand.

Awe-inspiring miracles are accomplished by your power,

leaving everyone dazed and astonished!

Your wounding leaves men’s hearts defeated

as they fall before you broken.

Your glory-kingdom, O God, endures forever,

for you are enthroned to rule with a justice-scepter in your hand!

You are passionate for righteousness and you hate lawlessness.

This is why God, your God,

crowns you with bliss above your fellow kings.

He has anointed you, more than any other,

with his oil of fervent joy,

the very fragrance of heaven’s gladness.

Your royal robes release the scent of suffering love for your bride;

the odor of aromatic incense is upon you.

From the pure and shining place, lovely music

that makes you glad is played for your pleasure.

[Her Royal Majesty]

The daughters of kings, women of honor,

are maidens in your courts.

And standing beside you,

glistening in your pure and golden glory,

is the beautiful bride-to-be!

Now listen, daughter, pay attention, and forget about your past.

Put behind you every attachment to the familiar,

even those who once were close to you!

For your royal Bridegroom is ravished by your beautiful brightness.

Bow in reverence before him, for he is your Lord!

Wedding presents pour in from those of great wealth.

The royal friends of the Bridegroom shower you with gifts.

As the princess bride enters the palace,

how glorious she appears within the holy chamber,

robed with a wedding dress embroidered with pure gold!

Lovely and stunning she leads the procession with all her bridesmaids

as they come before you, her Bridegroom King.

What a grand, majestic entrance!

A joyful, glad procession as they enter the palace gates!

Your many sons will one day be kings, just like their Father.

They will sit on royal thrones all around the world.

I will make sure the fame of your name

is honored in every generation as all the people praise you,

giving you thanks forever and ever!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 45 (The Passion Translation)

accompanied by this poetic first line of the same Psalm in The Message:

My heart bursts its banks,

spilling beauty and goodness.

I pour it out in a poem to the king,

shaping the river into words:

The Book of Psalms, Poem 45:1 (The Message)

[Psalm 123]

A song for those journeying to worship.

I raise my eyes to fix my gaze on You,

for Your throne resides in the heavens.

Just as the eyes of servants

closely watch the hand of their masters,

Just as a maid carefully observes

the slightest gesture of her mistress,

In the same way we look to You, Eternal One,

waiting for our God to pour out His mercy upon us.

O Eternal One, show us Your mercy. We beg You.

We are not strangers to contempt and pain.

We have suffered more than our share

of ridicule and contempt from self-appointed critics who live easy lives

and pompously display their own importance.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 123 (The Voice)

[Proverbs 2]

My son, if you accept what I am telling you

and store my counsel and directives deep within you,

If you listen for Lady Wisdom, attune your ears to her,

and engage your mind to understand what she is telling you,

If you cry out to her for insight

and beg for understanding,

If you sift through the clamor of everything around you

to seek her like some precious prize,

to search for her like buried treasure;

Then you will grasp what it means to truly respect the Eternal,

and you will have discovered the knowledge of the one True God.

The Eternal is ready to share His wisdom with us,

for His words bring true knowledge and insight;

He has stored up the essentials of sound wisdom for those who do right;

He acts as a shield for those who value integrity.

God protects the paths of those who pursue justice,

watching over the lives of those who keep faith with Him.

With this wisdom you will be able to choose the right road,

seek justice, and decide what is good and fair

Because wisdom will penetrate deep within

and knowledge will become a good friend to your soul.

Sound judgment will stand guard over you,

and understanding will watch over you as the Lord promised.

Wisdom will keep you from following the way of evildoers,

of those who twist words to pervert the truth,

Of those who reject the right road

for a darker, more sinister way of life,

Of those who enjoy evil

and pursue perverse pleasures,

Of those who journey down a crooked path,

constantly figuring out new ways to trick and deceive others.

Wisdom will pluck you from the trap of a seductive woman,

from the enticing propositions of the adulteress

Who chose to leave the husband of her youth,

to forget her sacred promises to her God;

For her house is on the road that leads to death,

and her path goes down to the shadowy pit.

Those who go to her will never return;

they will never again find their way back to true life.

As for you, you should walk like those who are good

and keep to the paths of those who love justice,

For those who live right will remain in the land

and those with integrity will endure here.

But not the wicked; they will be forced out and banned from this promised land,

and those who deal in deceit will be plucked up like weeds.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 2 (The Voice)

[magicwingslisten]

The Reluctant Pixie Poole (A Recovery of Helen Adam's San Francisco Years) by Kristin Prevallet In October of 1923, the Dundee Advertiser published an article called "Scot's Prodigy" which announced: "Scotland has given birth to many infant prodigies, but surely none has given more promise of future greatness than little Helen Douglas Adam gives."1 And indeed, the child's future would be great, not as Scotland's heir to Tennyson, but as America's godmother of the San Francisco Renaissance. She perplexed the beats with her persistence of writing nothing but ballads, and embodied for the San Francisco scene the spirit of Romanticism. It is not difficult to find the sources for the ballad tradition that became ingrained in her and that fueled her energy and creative passion during her entire 83 years of writing. She grew up in Dundee with her younger sister Pat, daughters of a country minister, in a thatched house surrounded by the fairy pools and haunted woodlands of old Scotland, and a library filled with the great Victorian eccentrics like Andrew Lang, George MacDonald, and Arthur Rackham. Her Grandfather on her mother's side, William Douglas Dunn, was a famous Evangelist for the United Free Church of Scotland, who developed a unique conversion technique involving not just preaching, but picking up a hoe and digging, or taking a rod and casting, thereby winning the confidence of even the most stubborn fishermen and gardeners. Then, he would discuss his teachings using their own imagery. "Before ingrafting. . .cut the vine and then cut the little scion or branch; bring the two bleeding or wounded parts together. . .and tonight, the life of Christ is flowing through this little scion or branch to you."2 In 1924 her uncle, Theodore Douglas Dunn, a scholar of the "Orient's Influence on Shakespeare," was appointed to the prestegious position of Minister of Education in Bengal, India. That same year in February, he was crossing the Hoogley river and had a seizure which threw him over the edge of his boat. He drowned and his body was never found. A monument was erected at that spot to mark his passing, and there can be no doubt that the event had a profound effect on the 13 year old Helen. Images of drowned sailors and creatures lost at sea continued to haunt her writing and art for the rest of her life. By the time that she was 20, Helen had published three books of poetry with a major English press, Hodder and Stoughton: The Elfin Pedlar and Tales Told by Pixie Pool (1923), Charms and Dreams from the Elfin Pedlar's Pack (1924), and Shadow of the Moon (1929). Her first book, The Elfin Peldar, was published when she was 14 years old, and includes 120 ballads composed from the time that she was two, at which time, according to the book's forward, the child "talked to her dolls in rhyme. She would tell them stories of fairies and flowers all clothed in beautiful language and in faultless rhythm."3 The 35 odd columns from different newspapers throughout Scotland and England that reviewed the book loved recounting certain anecdotes about the child's precocious mannerisms: "Sometimes, her mother, overhearing this casual flow of dainty rhymes would say 'Helen, can you repeat that? To which the child would answer, Oh No Mummy; but I shall say some more."4 The book was met with enthusiasm, and Helen was hailed as having "an extraordinary sense and handling of rhythm and rhyme."5 with a "perfect ear and a delicate imagination"6 and "a mind elect"7 which was "entirely free from self-consciousness or any thought of posing."8 Indeed, for whatever reasons that a country needs its prodigies, whether for the pride of Nationalism or for the moral support that comes from a strong youthful spirit that re-embodies the rhythms of its history, Helen Adam became the pride of Scotland. The Elfin Pedlar was graced even by a note of praise from the Queen of Scotland herself. Her younger sister, Isabella Theodosia Patrick, later known as Pat, was a remarkable illustrator, and also known as a prodigy. In 1932, at the age of 20, Pat wrote and illustrated a book called Letters to Teg,9 which tells the story of a young woman's search for sophistication and ladylike manners, in spite of her fascination with playing tricks and games on the people she meets, who are all dumbfounded by her audacity. This book also was met with favorable reviews, one remarking: "the book is a splendid tonic for anyone who has become a victim of our modern depression."10 In 1934, the year after their father, the Reverend William Adam, was tragically hit in the head by a golf ball and died (karmic retribution, according to Helen, who despised her father for being more interested in golf than in writing his sermons and preaching),11 the sisters along with their mother, Isabella Douglas Dunn, packed their bags and moved to London where Helen and Pat became successful journalists. They collaborated on a correspondence column for the Weekly Scotsman called "Jottings from London" which informed everyone back home of all the news from the big city: the latest film scandals (like the censorship of Snow White based on its potential to frighten children); the whereabouts of flower shops, gown sales and boat races; and reports of the Royalty's various outings. In one article they remarked, without any irony of course, that "both the King and Queen love a country life, if only in contrast to their crowded and hardworking days in town. . . ."12 In 1939, for reasons that still remain unclear, the Helen, Pat and their mother, left Europe for Hartford, CT to be bridesmaids in a cousin's wedding. Because of the war, they never returned to live in Scotland. They settled in New York, and had some luck finding work: Helen as a governess, Pat as a publicist for Variety Shows, and Isabella for Cheeney's Silk Mills, which had converted its operations into making wool for the wings of fighter planes. Seven years later, after they tired of life in New York, they all packed their bags and headed West, finally settling down in San Francisco. * * * Another story of Helen Adam begins here, one that is entirely severed from her past, if only because she was embarrassed about all the fuss that was made over her as a child.11 But her strong ties to the magical folklore of Scotland were never lost. And for Helen Adam, San Francisco in the 1950s could not have been a more perfect place to settle down. There, poetic majesty and the mastery of form were combined with the breaking free of social expectations and rebellion against the mundane. She was among the oldest of the poets living there and may have been the "team godmother,"13 but the magic and knowledge she brought to San Francisco startled the young wild sages of its Renaissance with a special kind of madness. "Dear Helen: This letter is more to exclaim. That we found you all-the Adam family such a special revelation. It is the kinship one feels with those however and wherever that live in an enchantment of the imagination-antiques, we are, of the 19th century?" Robert Duncan.14 The kinship that Duncan, Jess and Helen formed was one of creative inspiration and mutual support, and the Adam sisters were frequent guests at the Jess/Duncan household. Duncan claimed that it was her 1954 reciting of Blake's "Song's of Innocence and Experience" at a poetry reading that changed the direction of his entire sense of poetics. Helen claimed his play Atlantis as the major inspiration for her play San Francisco's Burning. And when Duncan would write to her of critics that were harsh on his writing, she would threaten to put curses on them, saying of one "if I ever meet this character I am going to put a spell on it to rot its bones. Daring to condescend to Duncan, the cheap, trashy, brainless rat."15 And judging by her reputation as an expert tarot card reader, her seriousness can hardly be doubted. Her circle of friends and confidants extended throughout many different groups of artists and writers in San Francisco during the 1950s and 1960s. She was very fond of Jack Spicer and was a participant in his Magic Workshop, and yet judging from the notes she took in it, was sometimes skeptical at his claims to understand magic, just as he perhaps was of her theatricality. She wrote a short play called "Initiation to the Magic Workshop" in which most of the participants, including Spicer himself, had a part. In it, Spicer is usurped by his students from his status as mage because he is a demon from hell, and is then cooked to a crisp: "Before the circle can spit complete / My burning babe you must cook and eat. / Will it taste nicer / than roasted Spicer?" Upon thus exorcising him, Duncan is hailed as the true magician. And when Spicer comes back to haunt his mutinied ship with the intention to command it, once again he is met with resistance. "Some things magic does not dare to mock. / It's time for Duncan to stop the clock. And call up Kore with his earth-quake shock." 16 She also collaborated on experimental films, one in particular called Daydream of Darkness with William McNeill. The film was thought lost until Ernie Edwards, friend of McNeill, resurrected it from his closet. The Poetry Collection is now working on its restoration. It is a grand menagerie of dream images, such as statues of mythological animals from Golden Gate Park, a candle-lit deer's head, and the trademark "moon-maiden" head. Helen plays the seer/witch who is beckoning the viewer to follow. It is a silent film, and the script was spoken by Helen live, while the movie was being projected. The debut for this performance was Nov. 22, 1962, at the Peacock Gallery, the very day that Kennedy was assassinated. It was performed in spite of the audience's complaining that it should have been canceled to observe the tragedy.17 The "moon-maiden head," mentioned above, was the symbol of the Maidens, a group that formed spontaneously on January 6, 1957 and included Jess, Madeline Gleason, Duncan, Eve Triem, Helen, James Broughton. Robin Blaser would occasionally attend as an honorary guest. This was a group that met sporadically for elaborate dinners and evenings filled with discussions and readings, with the intention of creating a vibrant, childlike and imaginative communal space in which the ideals of poetry could be made manifest. Blaser wrote a poem about the group called "Harp Trees": "the cast-iron moon on the wall / vibrates a kind of speech / at the edge of thought / in the dark."18 All the various friends she made in San Francisco, from poets to actors, sustained her passion for folklore, ritual, and the ways of the "old religion" (witchcraft), which constitutes the theme of so much of her work. Indeed, the pixies and warlocks of Old Scotland, the fairy stories from Andrew Lang's Blue Fairy Book, and the complete set of George MacDonald novels that she had partially memorized and often read out loud-all of these she brought with her to San Francisco where she found a community that incorporated the significance of ancient folklore, primitivism, and magic into an approach to poetry that was radical in its attempt to, as Michael Davidson wrote, "use language to go beyond language" by creating poetry that "'performs' what it describes."19 In spite of this seeming ideal poetic flurry of energy, the San Francisco Renaissance was plagued by the quest for authenticity. It was as if there were a need to distinguish the real magician and the true dictator of the voices of the muses, in order to separate pure inspiration from charlatan fakery. Helen Adam, who was adored by everybody, was unfortunately caught in the middle of all this. Although there were many conflicts in San Francisco at this time, the one that most involved Helen was the tension between Duncan and Broughton. Primarily, their rivalary was based on aesthetic differences involving Duncan's intolerance for Broughton's theater space, The Playhouse, featuring Kermit Sheets as the main director. Helen was extremely close with James Broughton, was the godmother of his child, and was very active with his theater, especially since it was where her play, San Francisco's Burning, premiered. Broughton helped Helen and Pat revise the play, gradually turning it into a musical, which Duncan detested. He made very clear his outrage of Broughton's revisions to the play, claiming that they altered the purity of the original. In a letter to Helen, Duncan wrote: "Gail [Chubb, one of the main actors], Broughton, Sheets and that 'composer' [Warner Jepson] are gnenues of the porne imagination that stood against song, in ignorance-but also, struck out, altered, 'improved' the authentic."20 This cross-fire in which Helen was forced to prove her loyalty to both Broughton and Duncan simultaneously could not have been easy. This period of her life was further complicated by her getting fired from the filing job she had held for ten years, as well as the torment she endured from the failure of the "composer" of San Francisco's Burning to create the music that perfectly corresponded to her vision. Partly as a consequence of this stress, in January of 1962, at the age of 53, she was hospitalized for several months where she received four shock treatments to heal her of thoughts of suicide. Three months later, in March, San Francisco's Burning premiered at the Playhouse, and this was an event which must be regarded as a one of the most significant productions to come out of San Francisco during this time. This is a play in which the dialogue is written entirely in ballads. Later, taking Broughton's suggestions, it became a musical in which Helen played the Worm Queen, a mysterious presence who lured men into its cove, gave them the best love they ever had, and then let them die. "I am the Fair Forgetfulness/Whom men seek only in pain./Who sleeps in the bed of the Worm Queen/He never will weep again."21 It is a story centered around the San Francisco earthquake of 1906, and loosely portrays a mythical rendition of the contemporary scene. As Michael Davidson wrote, the play "is a play not only "about" the mythical city of San Francisco but about the historical community in which that myth was played out."22 It would not be easy to match the various characters with their contemporary counterparts, for the play has a unique cast of characters, among them, Spangler Jack, the gambling man who breaks the ladies' hearts; Neil Narcissus, the dilettante, who will never love anything but his reflection; and Susan Pettigrew, who falls in love with the ghost of the drowned Scotch sailor whom she met while sleepwalking. The play was a glorious success, ran for 12 weeks, and sold out every night. The euphoria of this, along with Broughton's urgings and a much needed grant which Duncan helped secure from the Merrill foundation, would push Helen and her sister to leave San Francisco for New York in 1964. The desire to see the play break Broadway would obsess them for the next 20 years. The fate of the two sisters, who never parted or married for their entire lives, is one of both tragedy and admiration, of Scottish determination and mad complexity. When they left for New York in 1964, they had only $4,000 from the Merrill grant, and being in their late 50's, had hard times finding work. Helen at one time had a job at a jewelry carving store, sorting on her hands and knees the gold and diamond flecks out of dust and cockroach shells, while Pat was signed up with a secretary's temporary agency. In a letter to Duncan Pat wrote, "I sometimes brood very darkly on the thought that if it hadn't been for San Francisco's Burning, we wouldn't be here."23 San Francisco's Burning was finally staged in an off-Broadway production, where it was received enthusiastically in spite of the Village Voice critic, Michael Smith, who bashed the play. However, contrary to the sister's wishes, the play was never picked up by a major composer who had contacts to Broadway. Even with this disappointment, Helen did go on to achieve some success in New York. She met the filmmaker Rosa Von Pronehim who featured her in several of his films, became close friends with many artists and writers, including Samuel Delany, who based the main character of his now famous story "Time Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones"24 on her. Helen also acted in many other small theater venues, and published many books, notably Stone Cold Gothic, published by Lita Hornick. And of course, she put a curse on the Voice critic, writing to Duncan "I hear from several sources that he is badly frightened, and it serves him right. Let him watch out, for I have never before been in such a splendid position to curse."25 She was known among her friends for her delight in "giving you the grue"26 (a spine-tingling shudder) and it was this that she attempted to conjure up in her ballads, short stories, plays, and collages. If there was one theme that runs through much of her work, it is that the body is only a vehicle for all sorts of magical transformations and rites of possession that serve the purpose of liberating their victim from worldly and social limitations. Her ballads, which remained for her entire life her primary passion, may be rigid in their form, and yet their subject is always the breaking free from worldly constraints, casting aside mortality, and accepting the unknown: "She dreamt she walked in the forest shade, / Alone, and naked, and unafraid. / The bonds of being dissolved an broke. / Her body she dropped like a cast off cloak."7 From its roots in pagan festivals, the form of the ballad is a gradual building of rhythm, that pushes the narrative into frenzy, ecstasy and chaos.28 We should not assume that this form is any less radical than the more experimental ones being written in her day. For in her determination to perpetuate the ballad tradition, she became the master of her form, passing its magic to others not only in her dynamic performances, but through her entire persona. This assertion influenced many others in the community to write ballads, which became an inevitable affirmation of some of the political ideals that poetry was to take in the 1950s and 60s. Helen Adam was the passer-on of the knowledge and tradition of forms, that, like the tales of transformation in so many of her ballads, adjusts its significance from antiquity into a contemporary usefulness. Helen Adam was not an "aside" of the San Francisco Renaissance-she was a vital and central figure who had a unique influence on poetry and the way it was performed during that time. As Norman Finkelstein so eloquently stated, "it is not only the poet's intense devotion to the visionary experience that makes her work so vital; it answers a historical necessity, completes and extends a poetic need that has arisen within the tradition. . . .One is almost tempted to claim that had Helen Adam not existed, Romanticism itself would have had to invent her."29 Hers may be an existence marked by desire and residing within the imagination, but luckily her mark has been left, not only with her ballads, but with her scrapbooks and collages as well. The collages mostly depict images of women undergoing various processes of transformation, always to the complete surprise or utter ignorance of their male counterparts. "In the world of the imagination," Finkelstein wrote, speaking of Helen's ballads, "desire, when it cannot achieve its object, will transform itself into a terrifying supernatural power."30 In the case of the collages, the imagination, no matter what its motives, is made manifest in images that tell tales, either actual or imagined, of inhabitation by weird or disgusting creatures such as preying mantises, spiders, snakes, and bats. All are captioned, some with fragments from the multiple poems that she had entirely memorized, others with strange proclamations, as seen in the examples. The collages are erotic while at the same time hilarious-terrifying as well as compositionally stunning. To read them psychologically, which is exceedingly tempting, it becomes apparent that the women who are in the contact with these creatures are not afraid of them in the least,31 and have reconciled them as an intimate part of themselves. Many of the images come from fashion magazines but unlike the original pictures, the women in Helen's collages are not looking for male approval or fulfillment. Rather, their desire is fulfilled through the power that comes from their ability to control and accept their own fears. The collages may be humorous in the way in which they deal with larger social issues for women in the 1950s, and yet they do reveal a personal side of Helen that was serious. Namely, that she had the sense that tangible love with a mortal man was impossible for her, because she, being both mortal and a creature of the other side, could only love a being who was also a visitor of both realms. The impossibility of this may have been her madness, and yet, she created, genuinely and without presumption, a realm of living and writing, of eroticism and passion, that was all her own. "The sharp stars swing around I get a slip beyond The wind & there I am I'm odd and full of love."32 NOTES: 1 The Dundee Advertiser. October, 1923. 2 "Gods Husbandry" Church Leaflet. c. 1920? 3 Adam, Helen.The Elfin Pedlar and Tales Told by Pixie Pool. Hodder and Stoughton Ltd., London. 1921. pg. 2. 4 Glasgow Evening News. October 11, 1923. 5 Manchester Guardian. December 5, 1923. 6 Glasgow Evening News. October 11, 1923. 7 London Chronicle. October 5, 1923. 8 Glasgow Record. October 5, 1923. 9 Adam, Patrick. Letters to Teg. Hodder and Stoughton, 1932. 10 "The Weekly Scotsman," December 14, 1922. 11 Interview, June 1995, Ida Hodes. 12 The Weekly Scotsman. December, 1934. 13 Robert Duncan as quoted in The San Francisco Renaissance: Poetics and Community at Mid-Century by Michael Davidson. Cambridge UP, 1989. pp. 176. 14 Letter from Robert Duncan to Helen Adam, April 8, 1955. 15 Letter to Robert Duncan from Helen Adam. Saturday, 1956. 16 "Initiation to the Magic Workshop." Unpublished. c. 1956. 17 From the research of Kevin Killian. 18 Blaser, Robin: The Holy Forest. Coach House Press, 1993. pp. 155. 19 Davidson, pp. 21. 20 Letter from Robert Duncan to Helen Adam, May 22, 1962. 22 Adam, Helen and Pat. San Francisco's Burning. Oannes Press: San Francisco, 1963. 23 Davidson, 184. 24 Letter from Pat Adam to Robert Duncan. 25 From the research of Kevin Killian. 26 Letter from Helen Adam to Duncan and Jess, January 19, 1968. 27"The Fair Young Wife" in Turn Again To Me. The Kulchur Foundation: New York, 1977. pp. 13 28 Interview with Jess, June 1995. 29 Graves, Robert, English and Scottish Ballads. Heinemann: London, 1957. 30 "Helen Adam and Romantic Desire" by Norman Finkelstein. "Credences," Fall 1985. pp. 130, 137. 31 ibid, 127. 32 Conversation with Maureen Owen. 33 Unpublished fragment, c. 1960. Acknoweldgement: All photographs and quoted letters used by permission of The Poetry/Rare Books Collection, SUNY Buffalo, where the Helen Adam Archive is located. My thanks to Robert Bertholf for graciously supporting my research. © 1995 Kristin Prevallet

[kurtty-drabbles]

Genderswapped: The Merchant of Venice

N/A: For Literary Week, Kurt's and Kitty's Literature Classes put up a joint reenactment of Shakespeare's 'The Merchant of Venice'. Guess who gets cast as Bassanio and Portia?

****************************************************************************

Two weeks before the joint play...

Kurt and Kitty are in the Institute's yard, practicing their lines.

And hence, we cut to Act Three, Scene Two of The Merchant of Venice.

“Please wait a day or two before making your choice.” Kitty starts, reciting her lines. “If you choose wrong, I’ll lose your company. So wait a while. Something tells me, not love, but something, that I don’t want to lose you, and you know that if I hated you I wouldn’t think that. But let me put it more clearly in case you don’t understand: though I know girls aren’t supposed to express their thoughts, I’m just saying I’d like you to stay here for a month or two before you undergo the test for me. I could tell you how to choose correctly, but then I’d be disregarding the oath I took. So I’ll never tell. But you might lose me by making the wrong choice. If you do choose wrong, you’ll make me wish for something very bad. I’d wish I had ignored my oath and told you everything. God, your eyes have bewitched me. They’ve divided me in two. One half of me is yours, and the other half, my own half, I’d call it, belongs to you too. If it’s mine, then it’s yours, and so I’m all yours. But in this awful day and age people don’t even have the right to their own property! So though I’m yours, I’m not yours. If there’s no chance for me to be yours, then it’s just bad luck. I know I’m talking too much, but I do that just to make the time last longer, and to postpone your test.”

“Let me choose now.” Kurt takes over, with a lovelorn look in his eyes. “I feel tortured by all this talking.”

“Tortured, Bassanio?” Kitty expression. “Then confess to your crime. Tell us about the treason you’ve mixed in with your love.”

“The only treason I’m guilty of is worrying that I’m never going to get to enjoy you.” Kurt is now grasping Kitty's hands in his own. “Treason has nothing at all to do with my love. They’re as opposite as hot and cold.”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure I believe what you’re saying.” Kitty cast a contemplative look. “Men under torture will confess anything.”

“Promise me you’ll let me live, and I’ll confess the truth.” Kurt answers.

Kitty nods, “All right then, confess and live.”

“'Confess and love' is more like it.” Kurt sighs. “Oh, torture’s fun when my torturer tells me what I have to say to go free! But let me try my luck on the boxes.”

“Go ahead, then.” Kitty urges. “I’m locked in one of them. If you really love me, you’ll find me. Nerissa and the rest of you, get away from him. Play some music while he chooses. Then if he loses, it’ll be his swan song, music before the end. And since swans need water to swim in, I’ll cry him a river when he loses. But on the other hand, he may win. What music should we play then? If he wins, the music should be like the majestic trumpets that blare when subjects bow to a newly crowned monarch. It’s the sweet sounds at daybreak that the dreaming bridegroom hears on his wedding morning, calling him to the church.”

“You can’t always judge a book by its cover.” Kurt pauses some distance away from Kitty, pretending the three boxes are in front of him. “People are often tricked by false appearances. In court, someone can deliver a false plea but hide its wickedness with a pretty voice. In religion, don’t serious men defend sins with Scripture, covering up evil with a show of good. Every sin in the world manages to make itself look good somehow. How many people are cowards at heart but wear beards like Hercules or Mars, the god of war? Take another example: beauty. It can be bought by the ounce in makeup, which works miracles. Women who wear it the most are respected the least. It’s the same thing with hair. Curly golden hair moves so nicely in the wind and makes a woman beautiful. But you can buy that kind of hair as a wig, and wigs are made from dead people’s hair. Decoration’s nothing but a danger, meant to trick and trap the viewer. A lovely, cunning shore can distract a man from the perils of a stormy sea, just as a pretty scarf can hide a dangerous dark-skinned beauty. Nowadays, everyone’s fooled by appearances. So I’ll have nothing to do with that gaudy gold box: it’s like the gold that Midas couldn’t eat. And I’ll have nothing to do with the pale silver either, the metal that common coins are made of. But this humble lead one, though it looks too threatening to promise me anything good, moves me more than I can say. So this is the one I choose. I hope I’m happy with my choice! What do we have here? A picture of beautiful Portia! What artist captured her likeness so well? Are these eyes moving? Or do they just seem to move as my eyes move? Her sweet breath forces her lips open, a lovely divider of lovely lips. And look at her hair, looking like a golden mesh to trap the hearts of men, like little flies in a cobweb. The painter was like a spider in creating it so delicately. But her eyes; how could he keep looking at them long enough to paint them? I would’ve expected that when he finished one of them, it would have enraptured him and kept him from painting the other. But I’m giving only faint praise of the picture, just as the picture, as good as it is, is only a faint imitation of the real woman herself. Here’s the scroll that sums up my fate: You who don’t judge by looks alone, have better luck, and make the right choice. Since this prize is yours, be happy with it, and don’t look for a new one. If you’re happy with what you’ve won and accept this prize as your blissful destiny, then turn to where your lady is, and claim her with a loving kiss. A nice message.” he turns to the blushing Kitty. “My lady, with your permission, this note authorizes me to give myself to you with a kiss. But I’m in a daze, like someone who’s just won a contest and thinks that all the applause and cheering is for him, but isn’t sure yet. And so, beautiful lady, I’m standing here just like that, wondering whether all this can be true until you tell me it is.”

“You see me standing here, Lord Bassanio.” Kitty's blush fades slightly. “What you see is what you get. Though I wouldn’t wish to be better for my own sake, for your sake I wish I were twenty times more than myself: a thousand times more beautiful and ten thousand times richer, just so you might value me more, so my good qualities, beauty, possessions, and friends would be more than you could calculate. What you’re getting is an innocent and inexperienced girl. I’m happy that at least I’m not too old to learn new things. I’m even happier that I’m not stupid, and I can learn. I’m happiest of all that I’m yours now, my lord, my king, and you can guide me as you wish. Everything I am and everything I have now belongs to you. Just a minute ago I was the owner of this beautiful mansion, master of these servants, and queen over myself. But as of right this second all these things are yours. With this ring I give them all to you. If you ever give away this ring or lose it, it means our love’s doomed, and I’ll have a right to be angry with you.”

Kurt draws Kitty into a hug, reciting his lines, “Madam, you’ve left me speechless, but my feelings are responding to your words. I’m as confused as a crowd of people going wild after hearing their prince give a speech. But the day I take this ring off will be the day I die. If you see me without it, you can be confident I’m dead.”

The 'couple' share a kiss.

****************************************************************************

On the day of the play...

We cut to Act 4 Scene 1 where Kitty enters the courtroom.

“And this is the legal professor, I take it.” the student playing the Duke addresses Kitty. “Let me shake your hand. Did old Bellatrix send you here?”

“Yes, my lord.” Kitty returns the handshake.

“Welcome. Please have a seat.” the student playing the Duke leads Kitty over. “Are you familiar with the case currently before the court?”

“Yes, thoroughly.” Kitty responds. “Which one is the merchant? And which one is the Jew?”

“Antonio and Shylock, both of you come forward.” the Duke turns to the student playing Antonio and Lance, who is playing Shylock.

“Your case is most unusual, though the Venetian law can’t stop you from proceeding.” Kitty admits to Lance. Turning to the student playing Antonio, she questions, “He has a claim on you, correct?”

“Yes, so he says.” the student playing Antonio confirms.

“Do you acknowledge the contract?” Kitty presses.

“Yes, I do.” the student playing Antonio confirms again.

“Then the Jew must show you mercy.” Kitty declares. “No one shows mercy because he has to.” she tries to reason “It just happens, the way gentle rain drops on the ground. Mercy is a double blessing. It blesses the one who gives it and the one who receives it. It’s strongest in the strongest people. It looks better in a king than his own crown looks on him. The king’s scepter represents his earthly power, the symbol of majesty, the focus of royal authority. But mercy is higher than the scepter. It’s enthroned in the hearts of kings, a quality of God himself. Kingly power seems most like God’s power when the king mixes mercy with justice. So although justice is your plea, Jew, consider this. Justice won’t save our souls. We pray for mercy, and this same prayer teaches us to show mercy to others as well. I’ve told you this to make you give up this case. If you pursue it, this strict court of Venice will need to carry out the sentence against the merchant there.”

“I take all responsibility for my decisions.” Lance retorts. “I want the law, the penalty, and the fulfillment of my contract.”

“Please, let me review the contract.” Kitty requests.

“Here it is, judge, here it is.” Lance hands the contract over.

“I beg the court to deliver the verdict.” the student playing Antonio is resigned.

“Well, then, here it is: you must prepare yourself for his knife.” Kitty passes judgment. “The law fully authorizes the penalty, which you have to pay according to the contract. So bare your chest.”

“Yes, his chest!” Lance nods vigorously. “That’s what the contract says, doesn’t it, judge? 'Nearest his heart.' Those are the very words.”

“Is there a scale here to weigh the flesh?” Kitty asks.

“I have it ready.” Lance produces the scale.

“Pay a surgeon to stand by and bind his wounds, Shylock, so he doesn’t bleed to death.” Kitty instructs.

“Is that called for in the contract?” Lance asks.

“Not explicitly, but so what?” Kitty inquires. “It wouldn’t hurt you to be charitable.”

“I can’t find it. It’s not in the contract.” Lance insists.

“A pound of this merchant’s flesh is yours.” Kitty declares. “The court awards it and the law authorizes it. And you have to cut this flesh from his chest. The law allows it, and the court awards it.”

“What a wise judge!” Lance crows “Come on, get ready.”

“But wait a moment.” Kitty halts Lance. “There’s something else. This contract doesn’t give you any blood at all. The words expressly specify 'a pound of flesh'. So take your penalty of a pound of flesh, but if you shed one drop of Christian blood when you cut it, the state of Venice will confiscate your land and property under Venetian law.”

“Is that the law?” stunned, Lance stammers.

“You can see for yourself.” Kitty nods “You asked for justice, so rest assured you’ll get more justice than you bargained for.”

“In that case I’ll take their offer.” Lance backpedals. “Pay me three times the amount of the loan and let the Christian go.”

“Here is the money.” Kurt hands over the bag of coins.

“Wait!” Kitty halts the proceedings. “The Jew will have justice. Wait, don’t rush! He’s not getting anything except the penalty. So get ready to cut off the flesh. Don’t shed any blood, or cut less or more than exactly a pound of flesh. If you take more or less than exactly a pound, even if it’s just the tiniest fraction of an ounce; if the scale changes by even so much as a hair, you die, and all your property will be confiscated. Why is the Jew waiting?” she questions, seeing Lance hesitate. “Take your penalty.”

“Give me my money and let me go.” Lance pleas.

“I have it ready for you.” Kurt holds out the bag of coins. “Here it is.”

“No, he refused it publicly, in open court.” Kitty reminds. “He will have only justice and his penalty.”

“I won’t even get the original three thousand ducats back?” Lance is aghast.

“You can’t have anything but the penalty, to be taken at your peril, Jew.” Kitty states.

“Well, then, I hope he chokes on it!” Lance snaps. “I’m not staying here to argue anymore.”

“Wait a minute, Jew.” Kitty continues. “The law has another hold on you. The laws of Venice state that if a foreign resident directly or indirectly attempts to kill any citizen, the person he tried to kill will receive one half of the foreigner’s goods. The other half goes to the state. Whether the offending person lives or dies is up to the duke: there’s no one else to appeal to. In your predicament you’ve earned that punishment, because you’ve clearly contrived indirectly, and directly too, to take the life of the defendant. So get down on your knees and beg mercy from the Duke.”

“I want you to see the difference between us, so I pardon you even before you ask for a pardon.” the student playing the Duke tells Lance. “Half of your wealth goes to Antonio. The other half goes to the state. However, if you show a proper humility, I may reduce this penalty to a fine.”

“Yes, the state’s half can be reduced, but not Antonio’s.” Kitty confirms.

“No, go ahead and take my life.” Lance is in complete despair. “Don’t pardon that. You take my house away when you take the money I need for upkeep. You take my life when you take away my means of making a living.”

“What mercy can you show him, Antonio?” Kitty turns to the student playing Antonio.

“If the Duke and his court agree to set aside the fine for one half of his property, I’m happy, as long as he lets me have the other half in trust, to give it to the gentleman who recently stole his daughter.” the student playing Antonio answers. “I only ask two more things. First, Shylock must immediately become a Christian. Second, he must make a will here in this court that leaves all his property to his son-in-law Lorenzo and his daughter when he dies.”

“Are you satisfied, Jew?” Kitty turns to Lance. “What do you say?”

“I’m satisfied.” Lance sighs. “Please let me go. I’m not well. Send the deed after me and I’ll sign it.”

[doctorwhofieldguide]

Eleventh Doctor

Appearance:

Youthful face often coupled with mischievous smirk. Hollowed out cheeks with cheek bones that could cut through steel. Elongated head topped with mop of brown hair swept to side curtaining face. Voluminous hair often unkept from rubbing hands through it. Narrow eyes and barely visible eyebrows. Hazel-greenish eyes. Wrinkled forehead. Large nose, protruded chin. Angular face with thin lips. Clearly visible Adam’s apple. Boxed shaped head. Thin, limber, long-limbed figure. Dressed in tweed cross knit light brown dress jacket. Dark brown leather elbow patches on jacket. Rich cherry buttons on jacket sleeve and on front of jacket. Worn golden watch. Cheap rumbled button up dress shirt. Black dress slacks and laced up dress shoes. Matching socks. Suspenders. ALWAYS WEARING BOW TIE. Suspenders and bow tie always match. Resembles little boy thrown into 70 year old Oxford professor outfit. As if hastily got dressed and spilled overly sugary tea on himself in process. Occasionally sporting bright red fez when no one there to draw line in his fashion choices. Wears stetson with bronze and chrome accents on certain occasions. Looks like child playing dress up. As if he’s raided outfit from cheap costume store. Expression always with glint in eye. One can view true emotion from subtle glint.

Personality:

Towards companions:

From first observation appears childish, giddy, excitable, bursting with barley contained energy. Awkward, gestures animatedly with hands as if brain running at million miles per hour and can’t spare second to focus on one thought. Rambles constantly, brain rapidly fires out information as if can’t contain it all or doesn’t have time to spare on explaining phenomenons. Is like child viewing universe as own personal playground, eager to explore its hidden secrets. Doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. Impulsive. Fiercely loyal. Compassionate, understanding (to extent). Imaginative. Brilliant, resourceful. Observant. Fearless. Ingenious. Hastily speeds about. Paces back and forth in order to stimulate thoughts. Fumbles with hands, constantly moving in order to grasp conclusion. Will always put companion’s life before his own (at least ones to whom deeply attached to). Quick-witted. Humorous. Naturally  flirtatious without realizing it. Oblivious to anything related to love life.

In battle:

Immediately takes on role of absolute authority.  Commanding. Is willing to do whatever it takes to enemies in order to serve interests (sometimes for good of humanity and sometimes out of spite). Will sacrifice entire race for  one he favors more (during episode “The Vampires of Venice” he foiled plans of refugee Saturnyians, who were running from enemy he created, to maintain survival of species by populating one city. Doctor determined humans of Venice should live instead because Saturyian Rosanna didn’t remember name of girl she executed for betraying her species. Before Rosanna committed suicide by feeding herself to brethren, said to doctor: “Tell me Doctor, can your conscious carry the weight of another dead race? Remember us…dream of us.”). Takes on role of god; judge, jury, and executioner. Vengeful. Unyielding. Maintains eye contact with enemy as to intimidate them and convey resolve. Tends to be strict and snippy with companions in order to keep them from harm. Will plan innumerable steps ahead of enemy… at least what he wants you to think. Sassy, snide remarks. Ultimately self-sacrificing. Always runs towards danger, excited by prospect of danger and challenge unless person he cares about in danger. Ultimately values one life over other, revealed which one during battle. Will never hold weapon yet will enact mass destruction from behind monitor to ease guilt. Brutally honest.

Tools:  Sonic screwdriver: about ¾ of foot in length, octagonal cream colored handle tapers into black stunted hourglass curvature to rest fingers on. Assumed button on black part of handle. Layered chrome end. Circular chrome piece connected to extendable four piece claw mechanism. Claws extend when button pressed. Green light and high frequency sound emitted when in use. Resembles bulky sci-fi mechanism from sixties. Device used for wide range of purposes from unlocking doors and short-circuiting other technology to being used as medical scanner and interpreting languages. ‘Sonic’, as often called for short, unable to work on wood.

Glasses: black tinted cheap looking sunglasses able to view world in inferred light.

Psychic Paper: Flimsy leather wallet with rectangular piece of blank, white paper in clear sleeve. Projects fake title or reference of user as user so desires. Often used to access restricted locations. If observer is genius or aware of psychic paper’s existence, effect not always ensured.

Catchphrases: 

“Geronimo!”

“bowties are cool”

“glasses are cool”

 “rule one, the doctor always lies”

Defining Companion: 

Amy Pond:

 Pureblooded Scottish. Fiery red head doesn’t begin to capture forceful personality.  Stubborn, commanding, not afraid to challenge Doctor. Will never follow Doctor’s orders unless no other option…will most likely find another option. Resilient. Been through multiple traumatic events (captured and impersonated by Silence). Pushes experiences away. Learned to be tough and not complain. Resourceful, quick witted. Able to escape from sticky situations with only pure wit. Takes complete control of situation if Doctor not present. Aggressively sarcastic. Amount of eye rolls per episode averaged to six. Dreamer, professional procrastinator (will travel across space and time with man barely knows to procrastinate own wedding). Maintains constant faith in Doctor despite him letting her down multiple times. Fantasy mindset gets in way of advancing in regular life. Refuses to acknowledge reality. Childlike attitude maintained through adulthood and onward. Short tempered. Will make sure gets her way. Excitable. Too much like Doctor for own good. Caring. Will go out of her way to protect others. Curiosity leads to recklessness.

Amy able to control Doctor when in fury (stop at 1:45):

Likes: fish fingers and custard, bunk beds, jammy dodgers, dancing like madman at weddings.

Dislikes: apples, yogurt, bacon, beans (“beans are evil. Bad, BAD beans!”), bread and butter, revisiting old memories (even good ones if eventually have conclusion), sharing. 

Fears: Change. Afraid of losing ones he cares about again. Uses childlike mask to keep himself from getting too attached to another. Knows that will most likely outlive all he holds dear. Knows will not be able to experience contentment of security so attempts to distance himself from companions when companions show signs of settling down (i.e. when Amy and Rory grow older/ desire to travel less, Doctor visits less frequently, believing his presence unnecessary or unwanted, realizes no way he can fit into their lifestyle now). Understands its in his nature to run. Afraid of changing familiar dynamic.  Fear of abandonment. Has lost entire species and almost all other companions. Though companions not all dead, many unreachable, have memories wiped, older--unwilling to reconnect due to inherent nature of consistent change. Afraid to show vulnerabilities. Fear of commitment. Endings. Rips last page of book out to never know ending. All endings viewed in sadness. Predicts worst possible ending. Does not accept ending as inevitable or natural. Even own death. Will prolong event for as long as possible in order to avoid ending. Will trick and outwit others to avoid endings, even if for good.

Arch Enemy:  Weeping Angels:

 Quantum locked life form. Appear as serene graveyard stone angel when looking at it. Serene face morphs into demonic monster when not observed. Feeds on time energy. Able to move faster than nearly any being alive. “Don’t blink! Blink and your dead!” If not visible for only fraction of second will catch you and either send you back in time or kill instantly. Sends you far enough back in time that your dead now. Creates time paradox. Doctor unable to reach people who angels feed on. Able to manipulate electricity to submerge victim in complete darkness. Hunts in groups. Never gives up. Will catch you eventually. Maintain eye contact with them. Don’t look directly in eyes of angel. Anything that retains image of angel becomes angel. Unknown what angels actually look like. Most fearsome hunters in universe. For gods sake don’t blink.

Allies: Rory Williams,Commander Strax, Craig Owens, Queen Elizabeth the Tenth, Canton Everett III, Jenny Flint, Madame Vastra, Winston Churchill, Richard Nixon, Abigail Pettigrew, Kazran Sardick, Vincent Van Gogh

Love Interests:  River Song: 

Mass of untamable curly blonde hair, curvaceous figure, flirtatious queen. Flirty meter always maximum one hundred even in fights... especially during fights. Cunning, resourceful. Will go to beginning of time and graffiti oldest cliff-face in history of universe to get message to you. Confident in ability to escape from situations. Brilliant. Clever. Will show up Doctor at flying his own TARDIS. Fiercely independent. Always carrying weapon with her. Takes calculated risks. Untamable. Unstoppable. Wild streak as unruly as hair. Always composed, confident in face of danger. Deceiving yet genuine. Confused in place in world, uses travel as escape from internal and external threats. 

Best Quotes:

“Nothing is ever forgotten, not really.” 

“We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one eh?”

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”

“Amy Pond, there’s something you better understand about me ’cause it’s important and one day your life may depend on it: I am definitely a mad man with a box.”

“ D’you know in 900 years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”

Music:  Grandiose. Complete encapsulation of wonder and whimsy seamlessly woven into pleasant uncertainty. Joy of getting lost in enchanted forest. Hushed word. Ghost of whisper utters word of enlightenment. Emergence of light in thick curtain of darkness. If curiosity could be threaded into sound. Expectation. Bravery. Thrill of madness. Acceptance of chaos. Quirky and eccentric. Time and beyond. Eye traces over each detail before becoming overwhelmed with sheer enormity of it all. Smirk and chuckle at joke only you can understand. Resonating with ancients of universe.

Music Excerpt:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6j8ZOJPoho

Note: author found it difficult to seperate from 11th doctor and continue onto others because of her immense love for 11. Therefore, more detail put into 11′s field guide as result of immense passion. Author thinks she will never be truly happy with result until she conducts years of research. Author plans to continue adding information to field guide even after it’s submitted. It is advised to remember that author is doctor who lunatic who decided to purchase sonic screwdriver replica as result of project.