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#well if you think im not crying
poofbark · 5 days
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how can you look at me like that
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lotus-pear · 4 months
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I AM SHITTJING MYSELF WHY DOES HE HAVE THE SPECIAL EDITION $1.5K VICTORIA’S SECRET RED SATIN PAJAMAS
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shorthaltsjester · 10 months
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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rox-of-iu · 11 months
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my old blorbos are back in my brain
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heart pirates my absolute beloved. shame theyre chillin somewhere in the ocean lol (do not mention the pre-time skip hats of penguin and shachi I'm still attached even tho its already been a million years since then)
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anyway every time i remember that Law and Kid are assigned german and Scottish by Oda i gain one hundred years
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YEAHHH OC DESIGNS BABEY!!!!! OK SO LIKE THESE PPL ARE LIKE THE MAGIC COUNCIL AND ITS THEIR JOB TO GUIDE AND PROTECT THEIR PEOPLE YAYAY!!!!
(NOTE: I DID NOT MAKE KAZEMIS PATTERN I FOUND IT HERE)
Character lore and ramblings below!!
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ARKENAS MY BELOVED!!! Hes Filipino because i said so JKSDHDS
Hes wearing a zoot suit which is a suit originated from african americans and would become popular with italians, filipinos, mexicans etc AND LIKE ITS PERFFECT FOR ARKENAS Because this type of suits were typically worn by performers due to how its easy to move around in AND HE himself is a performer as hes a very well known magician and illusionist!
Hes more of a sillay guy always looking to entertain people, but his magical performances got so good that people were struggling discerning what was real or not, enough that he was was given the title of master!
He always tries to befriend Magnus but always kinda fails at it JKHDHSD
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Magnus!!! He wasnt always so serious and brooding, in fact, he was a slick playboy back in the days. But because of uhhh many plotlines and backstory that will take too long to explain hes always feels sad and empty despite not knowing why...😲
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IMOGEN MY BELOVED!!! She comes from Ireland!!
Shes known for her experimental ways of doing Alchemy, for not sticking to rules and regulations and doing whatever she wants, and in that way she had become the embodiment of alchemy in a way it is all about risky experimentation and she goes through with it because she likes the thrill!!
Because of this she had done many contributions to the field of Alchemy, despite being deemed "unproffesional" by others
She also likes to do flirty teasing with Valentina because she thinks its cute how she reacts and crumbles HEHE
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VALENTINA!!!!! ONE OF MY FAV DESIGNS IVE EVER MADE🥺 Im so happy with the way she looks!! She was initially gonna be the master of ALL the elements, but because her design turned out too look more Earthy and Firey, i only made her master of that!
She has like rich posh aristocracy vibes and owns various fashion businesses while also doing her duties as a magicia master! 🙏 SLAY
As for her design i really wanted to give of posh businesswoman whos also fashionable!
Lowkey has a crush on Imogen but is in denial <3 Valentina is also besties with Kazemi and they like to gossip all the drama over tea <3
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KAZEMI MY WIFE MY EVERYTHING I LOVE YOUUUUU AUGH Shes also one of my fav designs along with Valentina!! Shes also from Japan >:]
Ive actually done quite abit of research on her name AND KAZEMI IS LITERALLLY THE MOST PERFECT NAME BECAUSE IT MEANS WATER OR WIND WHICH IS WHERE SHES MASTER AT...,, AND TOMIKAWA MEANS RICHES AND ALSO RIVER OR STREAM AND LIKE IT RELATES TO HER BECAUSE SHES WORKED SO HARD TO GET TO HER POSITION AS SHE ALWAYS KNEW SHE WAS DESTINED FOR PROSPERITY AND WEALTH RAAAA but if anyone like actually knows more abt japanese names and thinks that the name could be improved PLEASE DONT HESITATE TO DM 🙏
But yes due to how she more on the polite and demure side and her magic being water and wind, shes more underestimated and seen as more 'weak' than the others. But just how the seas can be gentle and also be a terrifying, great force, she can be too 🥺
Shes trying to court Samara btw 🥺 she relates to Samara in a way where their magic is underestimated due to how it looks "harmless", but both actually having the ability to do great harm if you know how to do it. Shes seen that Samara can do harm and damage if she wanted to, and she was like 'i want her" JKSDHJSHD
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SAMARA!!! 🥺 Shes more of the precise, rational, proffesional type! Always wanting everything to be clean and pristine, thats why she mainly wears white. Shes also Arabic :D
Shes known as one of the greatest healers in the world, known for her quickness and precision, basically knows every body part and muscle and veins and how to heal it as well as how to damage it!! ^-^
As for her veil type i used a niqab! Well a half niqab specifically, as it doesnt cover the entire half of the body. Their design is influenced by Arabic fashion as well as like nurse doctor outfits in the 1900s :D
Figuring out her name was a bit tricky because im not familiar with Arabic names and i also didnt want to go to babynames.com for it because i know its a bit more complicated but i managed to get help from friends who are more qualified n knowledgable about arabic names😭 THANK YOU @lastcookieontheplate MY DEAR FRIEND
AND AND she doesnt want to admit it but she gets flustered and blushy whenever Kazemi does her courting attempts <3 HEEHEE
ANYWAYS THATS ALL OF EM!!!!! Say "BERRI IS SO PRETTY AND COOL" If youve reached this far!
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skitskatdacat63 · 8 months
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"The body and face of this sculpture are in idealized youth, with plump cheeks and round face, and his hair is usually unkempt..his youthful appearance, large eyes, pouting lips, and layered locks of hair over his forehead are some of the iconography that can be used to identify him"
^ this quote is genuinely still fucking plaguing me. THIS IS LITERALLY SEB???? LIKE LITERALLY 2010 SEB SPECIFICALLY????? It is actually fucking me up how it is literally quintessentially Seb. Like big eyes...plump cheeks and round face...unkempt hair...pouty lips...okay okay okay!!!! And that Antinous is basically the peak perfection of pretty boy from that time, I'm like, yeah that's Seb to me 🥹🥹🤧🤧
But god the "youthful appearance, big eyes, pouting lips, and layered locks of hair over his forehead" Does that quote not evoke pictures like these in your head???????
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I feel so unwell about it 😭😭 I am going through it 😭😭
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miekasa · 2 years
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gojo’s son calling him baby because he heard gojo calling you that. precious
HHHH I KNOW :(( Satoru always encourages infant babbling (speaks animatedly and listens with the same enthusiasm even when it’s just incoherent noises), and the kid has taken to incorporating some key phrases into his vocabulary—learning to ask for more when he’s hungry, asking for his dad to keep playing with him, saying “thank you” and “i love you” (Satoru’s personal favorite, because his L’s do sound a little like W’s and he coos every time)—but he’s also picking up on things you and Satoru say to eachother. So, it’s only natural that hearing his parents refer to each other as “baby,” makes the toddler believe that that’s a normal part of speech he can start saying.
The first time it happens, Satoru is coming back from work. He can hear giggling in the kitchen, and when he makes his way there he’s greeted with the sight of his son in his high-chair clapping happily as you scoop some of his dinner onto his plate. Satoru reaches to you first, and arm curling around your waist and his lips pressing to your cheek. You’re about to return the greeting when the words are spoken for you, a high-pitched and excited squeal from your toddler in place of your own voice, “Home, baby!” Satoru pauses and blinks, pointing a finger at his chest and observing as his son only grins wider, making grabby hands for his father. He repeats the phrase again, this time attempting a broken syllable version of the word “welcome,” that makes Satoru’s heart swell three sizes. He’s quick to scoop his son right out of the chair, twirl him around and press kisses to his cheek, “Missed you so much, too, baby!”
First it’s you and Satoru that get called baby as greetings, but soon it extends to other people. When Megumi comes over to babysit the following week, he’s met with excited squeals and raised arms (demands to be picked up), before his cheeks are squished between baby-sized palms and he’s formally greeted with, “Hi, baby!” The look on Megumi’s face is priceless—slightly red and embarrassed, but beyond fond—and he gives the kid a gentle pat on the head before telling him he missed him, too. When it’s time for Megumi to return home for the evening, he gets soft hugs and tired yawns, the words “Bye, Memi. Night, baby,” barely getting out.
Your son is a fast learner, it seems. He quickly realizes he can use the word outside of greetings and goodbyes, and tries it out with his uncle Nanamin the next time he’s over at his house. Nanami is leaning over the counter, watching carefully as the toddler eats his lunch. He reaches over to wipe some smeared tomato away from his mouth as he’s finishing up his food, and that’s when the baby grins at him, looking his uncle (godfather, really, but he doesn’t know that yet), right in the eye before saying, “Thank you, baby.” Kento only smiles softly, continuing to gently wipe down his cheeks, before cradling his head and musing, “You’re more than welcome.”
You and Satoru debate which one of you he’s been picking this up from. You think the obvious choice is your husband—Satoru’s always been the more affectionate one, and pet names comes easy to him. He argues that your son gets it from you, and that he listens more carefully to his mom. Your theory is proven correct when your son is curled up in your lap shortly after dinner time, hands reaching to be held against your chest and rocked to sleep. You think he’s finally dozing off when you hear a small, and tired, “‘Night, my baby,” from your toddler’s lips. You look up to Satoru, who grins, leaning down to kiss the top of his son’s head and then your forehead. He takes after this father, without a doubt; because while every body else was baby, only your boys had the honor of refer to your as their baby.
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bloos-bloo · 5 months
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Slay Queen
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sluckythewizard · 19 days
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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dennis is an angry character btw im sorry but he is full of rage but that rage is not exclusive his anger does not negate sadness and fragility and insecurities in fact they work together and dtamhd was one of the first times where his anger was not used as a joke via a surface level rage explosion from him but instead explored the fragility of his anger. the way he keeps reassuring the workers he encounters (and himself) that he's not mad. when he tells daisy he's not mad but he is a little bit upset. dennis is angry and that anger is what makes him so fragile. he was upset and it manifested as rage bc he doesnt know what to do with his own sadness
#disclaimer tags yes i would like to see his emotions explored more but i disagree that we ONLY saw anger in dtamhd#and EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY ANGER... anger is just as VALID and fragile and vulnerable as sadness. they are family#we saw how his anger makes him fragile how it exhausts him#how it works with his stress and fears and insecurities and sadness#he was UPSET!!!!#angry dennis in dtamhd WAS big feelings dennis in tends bar. that was the same#he expressed anger in tends bar bc he was upset he expressed anger in dtamhd bc he was upset etc etc#and i think the sadness people were expecting was present. the sadness and fragility we would have seen if he cried on the beach like most#of us anticipated (btw he did cry at the beach <3 technically <3) was THERE. it was just in his anger#sewerkingcharlie talked about this already and worded it very well but im honestly kinda bothered by how some people have treated#the portrayal of anger and emotions in this ep#you dont have to like the ep or how they portrayed dennis but some posts have really given the vibe of#his anger and his emotional outburst not being as valid because it wasnt portrayed in the way you expected#or that it wasnt palatable enough#and honestly if you dont like it thats okay! but can we please be careful with how we talk about mental illness and anger outbursts!#yes it is frustrating when people ONLY see dennis' anger or see dennis' anger in a very shallow way#which a lot of the audience unfortunately does because its been treated like a joke#but it wasnt a just a joke here#and maybe this will all go past dudebros heads frankly i dont give a shit lol but thats for another post
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boygirlctommy · 4 months
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3 YEARS SINCE CTOMMY DIED... GOOD LORD
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bacchuschucklefuck · 28 days
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you get riz gukgak so well 👍👍
thank u!! he really kinda is all of my favourite character things rolled into one package (negotiation of principles/investigator-truth seeker-negotiator with reality and the narrative/obnoxious character whose narrative reward for participating in the story is getting to be even more authentically obnoxious/deeply and hauntingly aroace
#not art#everything else abt him is also compelling so Im just eating well while crying over here#the aroace part I believe from the bottom of my heart the moment he bribed a girl in freshman year First Day Of School to eavesdrop for him#In The Girl's Bathroom. like the decision itself isnt far off from a lot of noir stuff trapp's character in mentopolis did the same#but the supreme lack of awareness of what that decision says abt you in a social setting. now That's aroace#the only reason I dont read him as agender too is bc he didnt straight up waltz in there lmao#honestly bouncing off of that I also thinks folks sometimes downplay or buff off how cringe riz is... but its my favourite thing on earth#esp. in tandem with the Everything else abt him. theres an insistence in the genres he pulls from on the greater good and losing#ur real self in the work and being maybe strange but above all The Guy Who Gets The Job Done. and riz pushing the limit of that is awesome#like as a character I feel like some of it is like yeah I do get the job done. if it kills me even. how Strange do I get to be#or is it just being strange in a domineering and mysterious magnetic way. I will be cringe actually deal with that for my service#this and the part of his character that's yknow. Living While Goblin. that's a deeply compelling dynamic to me#anyways uhhh once again typing huge paragraphs abt this guy lmao. this happens forever I let it#anyways for the reason of spy theming and information dealer if u do class swap AU I propose bard!riz#u know. what is disguise if not a sister to stealth (<- extremely transgender sentence to say)
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quarks-pussy · 8 months
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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sotogalmo · 3 months
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5:05 am
“Sorry for all of the trouble squirt. I was just trying to find ya a real family.”
“i got a real family. I got the best!”
“Yeah? Where?”
“Family is just people who care about each other more than anyone else, right?”
“Right?”
“You're it! You're my mom. You're my dad. And you're my picket fence.”
“Woah!”
“You're not gonna use the L word, are ya'?”
“Well...”
“Then I will, cause it's a great word!”
“i love you little bro!”
“Now I got something even more important to say.”
“Noogie time!”
“(laughing) Boy! It's really great to be home.”
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roomy-ghosted · 10 months
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JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.
#bg3#bg3 tav#baldurs gate 3#(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young#like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah-#human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least#not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties.#still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around.#so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess.#he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...'#'why is the group kid the leader?'#everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do#Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get'#she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her#like a good lil guy#'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard#will look *much* more impressive that way.'#-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions#'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him#I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in#so they just like chain him to a tree for the night.#its funny i think#'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!'#'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...'#he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.
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skunkes · 16 days
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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