#well ok actually when an actor is terrible we also take twice as long for an ep bc we go in depth into why the acting is NOT working

[airenyah]

so i showed my mom the 10 years ticket trailer and long story short we're gonna watch it together when it airs

[cheshiresense]

Ok so Im going to take this chance and go wild: GiottoxMukuro + Bad Vongola AU

UM. So, I sort of just sat on this last one cuz what even lmao. I checked AO3 and omg this ship exists??? but there’s like just two fics under it. But alright, here’s my stab at this very random pairing, it doesn’t even quite get all the way to a pairing, but I gave them both page time and at least you gave me something new to try XD Sorry it’s so late.

ALSO YAY I FINISHED ALL TEN

1. Ok so! First thing’s first - how do I stick these two into the same time period? Either full AU or time travel/reincarnation fuckery. Let’s go with reincarnation. Sort of. Where Neo Primo is literally Neo Primo ;)

Tsuna is dead. They’re in the future arc, he’s being forced to take the boss trial, and Hibari suffocates him just a little too long. So Tsuna dies at the feet of his ancestors, and Giotto is forced to witness the death of a fourteen-year-old boy who had never asked for any of this bloodshed but had also never backed down from it, never folded, even under the pressure of so many Vongola bosses. And Giotto is angry. He has spent centuries watching his beloved Vongola become mired in blood and sin, built on an empire of corpses and suffering. He is so sick of it, of not being able to do anything about it, but his latest descendant is dead, and his body is empty of a soul, and in that moment, more than anything else, all Giotto wants is a chance to act, to be something other than helpless, to fix even just a little of what his bloodline has broken.

Will and Flames and desperation are powerful things when combined.

Next thing Giotto knows, he’s opening his eyes to a cold-looking training room, the remains of a cage that killed a fourteen-year-old boy splintering around him, and it barely takes a thought for his Flames to surge up and out and slam the Cloud - Hibari Kyouya - into the far wall with a viciousness Giotto had spent the majority of his first life keeping under wraps. For a split second, he almost kills the Cloud for his gall. A Guardian who could murder his own Sky - however well-intentioned or unknowingly - is no Guardian at all, but then, out of all of the Tenth Generation, as far as Giotto can tell, not a single one of them had had a real bond with Tsuna. The one who’d come closest had been the Mist, but after ten years and the weight of Vongola’s sins on his shoulders, even that connection had dissolved.

If Giotto is honest, the person Tsuna had become ten years later under the crushing pressure of that Sun Arcobaleno and the Vongola had been near unrecognizable compared to the boy Giotto had so admired. But that man is dead, at least for now, dragged under by too many enemies and too many bad decisions, and all that’s left is this younger version, dragged to the future against his will and forced to fight a war of someone else’s making.

Not even that anymore obviously, and all that’s left is Giotto, a bloody legacy to his name and too many regrets to pay for. All he can do is live out Tsuna’s life now and hopefully undo some of the damage Vongola has wrought. Tsuna wouldn’t want him killing this Cloud though, and so Giotto lets him go in the end. Hibari gets to his feet, something bloodthirsty and thrilled gleaming in his eyes, completely ignorant of the fact that he’d killed his Sky, and all Giotto can think as he recalls the way Tsuna had always had to bribe this man for him to even consider helping is how Alaude must be rolling in his grave.

“I’m done,” He says instead, slicing a cool look around the room, and then he walks out, back to his room. Nobody stops him, but Giotto wouldn’t have stopped him either, with the shadow of his Flames licking across the concrete floor.

2. Giotto does his duty. Ten years in the future is far too late to really change anything significant, so the faster he takes care of business here, the sooner they can all go home. In the meantime, it amuses him - in a funny world-burning sort of way - how none of Tsuna’s friends seems to realize anything is wrong, that the boy they profess their loyalty to is gone, and his body has been usurped by an interloper. Giotto considers himself a decent enough actor, but for a bunch of Flame-actives with Vongola rings on their fingers and Guardian titles to their names, they’re a rather oblivious lot.

(All of Tsuna’s past and present and future sits in his memories now though, and Giotto can’t say he’s terribly surprised. The person these children wanted to follow was never actually the boy Tsuna had been, not entirely. They pay attention to the parts of him that they like, and ignore the rest like they don’t exist. It infuriates Giotto, because Tsuna deserved better, but Tsuna is dead, and even if Giotto has every intention of at the very least demoting them from their Guardian positions once they’re finished here, he cannot truly harm these children Tsuna had called friends.)

So he does his duty, fights the battles people want him to fight, and smiles blandly back in the face of Reborn’s suspicious glances. That hitman at least can sense something is off, if only because his student no longer cringes or screams, but no one save the Vongola bosses knows the details of what happens in the Vongola Trial, and it’s easy enough to balance Reborn’s misgivings with that.

It’s fun though, messing with the pseudo-baby. The last time Reborn tried to shoot him awake in the morning, Giotto had set the entire room on fire and ended up singeing off Reborn’s sideburns. The resulting training session had been grueling, but it had been worth finally getting back at the man first responsible for more or less browbeating Tsuna into obedience.

Pettiness aside, Giotto does put effort into training. Tsuna’s body is in decent shape, but it could be even better, so Giotto does his best to make it so. The weapons of the future are something of a marvel too, and he smiles indulgently at the full-grown wing-adorned flame-pelted Leone di Cieli that gracefully leaps out to greet him, but in the privacy of his rooms, he lets his Flames swirl free and summons the phoenix that had been his constant companion in his first life, the soul of his Flames, his will made sentient.

“Natsu,” He names the lion, after Tsuna, and welcomes Persephone home as she does a sweep of his bedroom before landing light and delicate on his shoulder, the way she’d always done in battle.

The looks on everyone’s faces when they see her with him is enough to make Giotto smile for the next week.

3. It becomes clear soon enough that they’re going to need all hands on deck for the final confrontation against Millefiore, but even before that, Giotto begins asking some pointed questions that Tsuna had thought but hadn’t quite been brave enough to ask.

“When are we getting my Mist out of Vendicare?” He enquires one night over dinner, and smiles pleasantly as everyone freezes. “We require all the aid we can get, yes? And Mukuro has always been strong.”

“Jyuudaime!” Hayato is the first to burst out, chair skidding back with how emphatically he stands up. “We don’t need that bastard!” Giotto looks at him, not a twitch in his expression, impenetrable as ice even as he keeps his features soft, and Hayato falters. “Or- Or even if we do, he can just possess Dokuro! He can’t be trusted if we let him out!”

Giotto stirs more sugar into his coffee - rich and sweet, gave G a minor aneurysm every time he saw it - just the way he likes it. “So we make him serve, and offer nothing in return?”

Giotto waits out the confused spluttering around him. Reborn is drilling holes into the side of his head but he pays the baby no mind.

“He has been imprisoned for ten years,” Giotto continues in mild tones. “And has remained loyal all this time, si?” He glances briefly at Chrome, the younger one, who stares back, meek and mute. She is loyal to Mukuro above all others, and it would’ve been so very easy for him to influence her into betraying Vongola - betraying Tsuna - anytime.

That he hadn’t, in all this time, is… something. It’s something. The lingering threads of a frayed potential bond. The stubborn refusal to give up something he’d once perhaps considered his. A promise once given - keep my people safe and you will have my allegiance - and never broken, not by Mukuro.

People have often remarked on how similar the First and Tenth Generations are. Personally, Giotto has never seen two sets of people so different.

“I wish to free him,” He says at last, over the voices of those trying to convince him otherwise. “Loyalty deserves loyalty returned. Whatever else he used to be, he has bled in my service for ten years. Surely that is enough to justify his release?”

It is not a question, and everyone knows it. Reborn is all but glaring now. He doesn’t like this new Tsuna who does not cower even in the face of his bullets.

Giotto is spiteful enough to enjoy every moment of it.

It is Takeshi who relents first. “Okay,” He says, all easy agreement and assessing eyes, and maybe this one at least is not so far removed from Ugetsu’s blood after all. “But how are we gonna do that? Vendicare’s hard to break into, right?”

Hayato - the only mafia-raised of the lot - looks positively horrified. “It’s not hard, Baseball Freak, it’s impossible!”

“But Mukuro already broke out twice, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” Giotto interjects, smiling at Takeshi, who preens a little under the attention and is in some ways possibly the most insane of them all. Giotto does have a fondness for those who consider laws as guidelines at best. “So, I suppose we need a Mist.” He takes a gulp of his coffee. “The Varia has a new one these days, don’t they?”

Three conferences, five one-sided shouting matches, and a hefty sum of money transferred over to the Varia accounts later, Giotto has secured Xanxus’ partly baffled, mostly irritated agreement for Fran’s services. Fran turns out to be a rather… precocious young man, but he has Mist Flames and skills that almost rival Mukuro’s, and Giotto is relatively content to leave the breakout to him.

His confidence is not misplaced. Days and half a dozen more battles later, with Byakuran grandstanding across from him, Giotto’s entire ill-fitted, misfit Family is gathered, and the First Generation appears at Giotto’s silent command to unseal the Vongola rings.

(All of them know what he is, the soul peering out from behind Tsuna’s eyes. But in this one moment, not even Daemon gives him away, and Giotto is free to finally unleash his carefully controlled wrath on the Family that had decimated his.)

Millefiore doesn’t stand a chance.

4. “You are not Sawada Tsunayoshi,” Mukuro - the older one - says in deceptively light tones as he joins Giotto on the balcony. It’s late, the night before they would all finally return to the past, and the two of them are probably the only ones still awake.

“No,” Giotto confirms, because there’s no hiding it from this man. “I’m afraid Sawada Tsunayoshi perished in Kyouya’s Box Weapon when he and Reborn attempted to force a Vongola Trial.”

Mukuro, staring out at the sprawling woods before them, does not visibly react, does not even move. For a moment, it doesn’t even seem like he’s breathing, and that’s what gives him away.

Giotto does not say he is sorry. He is, for this, and for too many other things to list, but whatever connection had formed between Tsuna and his Mist had been lost a long time ago, and sorry only sounds trite in the face of such a travesty. The only reason Mukuro had never drifted away, Giotto suspects, was because the Mist had refused to let go. Mukuro himself would never admit it, perhaps never even acknowledge it to himself, but if there was one thing Giotto had always envied Tsuna for, it was his ability to earn a Mist’s devotion so completely.

(And so it had hurt all the more to watch the years go by as Tsuna allowed Vongola to convince him to leave Mukuro in Vendicare. Hurt most of all to realize, one day, that Tsuna no longer cared so long as Mukuro continued reporting in and doing as he was told.)

“What will you do with my younger self?” Mukuro eventually asks, carefully void of every emotion save for the thinnest veneer of detached interest.

“Free him,” Giotto replies promptly, seeing no need for word games here. Reborn had tried to interrogate him about his Vongola Trial, and Giotto had given him every answer but a straight one. It had been highly entertaining. “If he wishes, he will have a place in my Famiglia. If he does not, then I will ensure he is able to start a new life elsewhere with his people, without Vongola dogging their every step.” He pauses, absently considering his hands, more solid than they’ve been in four hundred years. “Even Tsunayoshi’s fear of Reborn was not enough to stop him from asking repeatedly after you. This is the least I can do for your younger self when Tsunayoshi worried about him so often.”

Mukuro scoffs, a hollow puff of air that fades to nothing. “Had he a few more years in him, you would’ve had nothing to concern yourself with.”

Giotto inclines his head in acknowledgement but says nothing more. There is probably no one who knew Tsuna - who fought him and lost to him and understood him - more than Mukuro. The Mist doesn’t need Giotto expounding on the rise and fall of one of the brightest and most short-lived Skies the world would ever see.

“You will not tell the others about me?” Giotto asks instead, more curious than any kind of anxious about it.

Mukuro tips a mocking facsimile of a smile in his direction, looking him straight-on for the first time since his arrival. “What business is it of mine, if Vongola wishes to destroy itself?”

Giotto half-smiles, half-grimaces. He supposes this is hardly a surprise either; it was never Vongola that Mukuro swore unspoken fealty to.

So instead, he reaches out, gently catching one of Mukuro’s hands in his own and knowing he can only because Mukuro allows it. Mismatched eyes watch him like a hawk, a derisive curl on his lips that freezes when Giotto presses the flickering heat of a piece of Sky Flame into his palm.

Then he steps back, once, twice, enough room to sketch an esoteric bow, too formal for this age but recognizable enough here and now if Mukuro’s sharp intake of breath is anything to go by.

Gratitude. Apology. And a dissolution of debt and duty between Guardian and Sky.

If Mukuro so wishes, even after Giotto is gone, the shard of Sky will ensure a clean break from Vongola, and not even Sawada Tsunayoshi will be able to track his former Guardian down. It is all Giotto can offer him.

He straightens, glancing at the piece of Sky now settled into the shimmering form of a phoenix feather. A new life, if Mukuro wants it.

He meets the Mist’s gaze. Mukuro is the first to look away, fingers curling around the feather, eyes on the horizon, and he doesn’t speak again.

Giotto nods, takes his leave, and he does not see the Mist again, not this version at least. Once time straightens itself out, the adult Tsuna of this universe will return, and while Millefiore is no longer a threat, Vongola - and its Decimo - will still be the same stagnant bloodstained mess.

There is nothing Giotto can do about that, but at the back of his mind, he wonders if it wouldn’t have been better after all to have let Millefiore wipe Vongola out.

5. Later, much later, after a jailbreak and Daemon and a broken curse, Giotto and his Guardians - still no bonds, but he can’t seem to find a good time to get rid of them, so maybe instead of that, he can educate them to be better - sit down for a Family dinner at the most upscale banquet hall Namimori has to offer, with the Ninth and his men, the CEDEF and even Varia. They’re in public so everyone has their law-abiding citizen face on, but (a redo of) the Inheritance Ceremony is imminent, and Timoteo smiles, sly and pleased that all the pieces have finally fallen into place. He waves Giotto into the seat on his immediate right and doesn’t even question how very little Giotto resembles Tsuna these days, ascribing the changes to Reborn’s training and recent battles and growing up, and looking no further than that.

The food is good, Italian but cooked by the best chefs on Vongola payroll. Giotto stares Kyouya into grudging silence over the fare, and then he focuses on chatting amicably with Timoteo, weaving smooth flattery into casual but attentive conversation the way he’d learned to do a lifetime ago.

Giotto watched Timoteo grow up. There is no skeleton in his closet that Giotto did not witness him stashing away. But he is old and past his prime and he will soon learn that his successor is not as easy to control as he’d hoped, as he thinks, so Giotto can smile back now and give him his momentary triumph, smile and sip his wine and not let his eyes linger on every bite of food Timoteo takes.

During a lull in the conversation, he turns and catches Mukuro’s eye. His Mist is seated beside his female counterpart, all the way at the end of the line, farthest from his Sky to any outsider’s eye. But Mukuro smirks back from behind his cloth napkin, and as the Nono’s dessert is carried in, the faint twist of Mist Flames - unnoticed by all except two - darts into the panna cotta.

Timoteo eats his fill, compliments the chef, beams at Giotto’s gently filial fussing again like the kindly grandfather he excels at pretending to be, and nobody thinks to question how masterfully Giotto draws all attention to himself and his rowdier Guardians, never letting the generally jovial mood falter, his Sky Flames a subtle pulsing encouragement beneath it all to distract them from the knife at their backs.

The whole affair is a success. At the very least, nobody threw any food, no fights broke out, and no one lost their tempers. It almost feels like a miracle.

They part ways in groups, and to their credit, Hayato and Kyouya only try to kill each other after the elder Vongola party is gone. It doesn’t take long for Ryouhei to join in, and at a glance from Mukuro, Chrome scoops Lambo up and picks up her pace to catch up to a laughing Takeshi.

Mukuro falls into step beside Giotto. Giotto had asked, after the Arcobaleno business was finally over, if Mukuro would stay. Mukuro had asked what Giotto would offer if he did.

“A place in my Family, for you and yours,” Giotto had sworn. “And a hand in toppling the Vongola Empire once and for all.”

Mukuro had smiled, ten years’ worth of another world’s memories behind it, and six lives’ worth of suffering driving his answer.

“Tsunayoshi would never have chosen this method,” Mukuro says now, voice pitched low but as idly as if he were commenting on the weather.

Giotto smiles, grim and long past the point of any return.

Tsuna was his favourite. He reminded Giotto of the man he used to be, when Vongola was still a goal wrapped in optimism and determination, before they’d become embroiled in the mafia and Giotto had spent the next four hundred years after his death watching his life’s work build itself a throne of corpses.

Tsuna was his favourite, but he was also an ideal Giotto won’t ever be again, and cannot be if he truly wants to see this iteration of Vongola dead in his second lifetime. Tsuna would’ve been eaten alive by Vongola - Giotto had seen an entire future’s worth of proof of that.

“I am not Tsunayoshi,” Giotto says, and it is another regret he will have to carry, but their world is neither kind nor fair, and Tsuna as he was would never have survived it.

Mukuro studies him, a thoughtful tilt to his head, and something like fascination glitters in his eyes. “No, you are not,” He agrees. “But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

Giotto glances at him, then ahead, at children who had almost killed and been almost killed mere days ago, now roughhousing amongst themselves. “The world could do with more Tsunayoshis.”

“The world needs more of you,” Mukuro retorts just as swiftly, a sardonic sort of amusement in his smirk. “In that other future, Tsunayoshi proved beyond a doubt that everything he promised, he couldn’t keep, didn’t he? And yet here you are, Vongola Primo, poisoning your enemies over dinner, and just yesterday you had me hide you while you met with Gesso and Simon and Giglio Nero in private. You certainly don’t waste any time.” His smirk widens. “If Vongola isn’t careful, you’ll turn half of Europe against the older generation before they realize it.”

Giotto hums and doesn’t deny any of it. “You would be willing to aid me though?”

Mukuro arches an eyebrow, and his right eye flickers briefly with Mist Flames. “Have I not been doing so already?”

Giotto nods. “Yes, and I am grateful. But lending a hand now is not the same as devoting at least the next ten years of your life to a goal most would consider impossible. And I am not Tsunayoshi.”

Mukuro’s steps slow, then stop entirely. Giotto blinks and halts as well, half-turning.

“Does that matter so much to you?” Mukuro asks, peering at him with surprisingly genuine puzzlement. “Do you think it matters so much to me? That you are not Tsunayoshi?”

Giotto half-shrugs, and Mukuro shakes his head. “Tsunayoshi had a heart that I will never fully understand,” He says, blunt in a way he almost never is. “He was naive and foolish, hopeful and soft, and it made him as weak as it made him strong. I could trust him to never turn on Chrome or Ken or Chikusa, even if they or I tested his tolerance, but by that same logic, I could never have trusted him to stand firm against Vongola’s ideals, no matter what he proclaimed. And I was right, wasn’t I? In the end, Vongola destroyed him, and he became one of them.”

He pauses, his gaze sliding away, hands coming together to twist one of the rings on his fingers. Then he looks back at Giotto, and his next smirk is equal parts challenge and approval. “You though. You have witnessed the results of letting your previous Mist Guardian walk free, and spent years watching your descendants commit atrocities in the name of strengthening your organization. If I were to promise you my loyalty, and then betray you sometime down the road, you would slit my throat yourself. But at the same time, at least I know - you are both ruthless enough and determined enough to see your objectives through to the end, with a conviction that’s centuries in the making. The current Vongola would have to kill you to stop you.” His right eye flares indigo again. “So I suppose that is where I come in.”

Up ahead, the others turn a corner, still bickering. Giotto thinks Takeshi has probably noticed that he and Mukuro have fallen behind, and of course Chrome knows, but neither of them stops to wait either.

Mukuro steps back, once, twice, and Giotto’s eyes widen as the Mist lifts a hand to brush over the earring he hasn’t stopped wearing since he got it. And then… well.

The Mukuro from the future must’ve known how because this Mukuro doesn’t even look awkward as he drops to one knee and bows his head, just a dip, slow enough to look deliberate, proud enough to meet Giotto’s gaze again afterwards.

“You asked for ten years, Neo Primo,” Mukuro announces. “So, very well, I will pledge you ten years of my life, for you to use as you see fit, so long as you keep your word. We can revisit this in a decade, but for the next ten years, I will make you untouchable to your enemies and sow discord amongst them in your name.” He smiles and it’s a mad and bloodthirsty thing, the same furious hateful beast he’d aimed at Daemon Spade when he’d sought to rip Chrome from Mukuro’s side. “And should the worst come to pass and I go the way of my predecessor, may my life be forfeit at your hands.”

He reaches up, catches Giotto’s hand in his own, and his red eye glows as orange and indigo burst into existence between their fingers, a blaze of light under the night sky as they twine together, fierce and unyielding and true.

They both gasp from the surge of power that rushes through them as the Guardian bond snaps into place, the first one Giotto will ever have in this body, the first one in over four hundred years, a core of Flame that promises a home, something Daemon had never been able to give him, and Giotto doesn’t even think before he’s yanking Mukuro to his feet and reeling him close.

Tsuna had been short for his age so Giotto isn’t quite eye-level with his new Mist, but it hardly matters when he curls a near-bruising grip along Mukuro’s jaw and sees the same hunger and possessiveness he feels reflected in the illusionist’s eyes.

“A Guardian bond is not something I take lightly,” Giotto murmurs, and he knows even without a mirror that his own Flames are burning in his eyes. “You are mine now, and I do not share. In ten years, you will pledge another ten, and another ten after that, and any who dare to try and take you from me, I would run rivers red with their lifeblood.”

(These oaths are old, old and binding and near-forgotten, bastardized ten ways to Sunday but still echoing of power, and even in Giotto’s time, only G and Ugetsu had sworn them. That his new reign would begin with one, when as far as Giotto knows, none have spoken them in centuries - perhaps it speaks of the dawn of a new age.)

Mukuro inhales shakily, not at all prepared for the sheer depth and intensity of a true Flame bond. But the grip he has on Giotto’s wrist is just as tight as Giotto’s, and it only takes him another breath to regain his bearings.

“As you Will it, Giotto,” Mukuro murmurs, and it crackles over Giotto’s skin. No one has spoken his name since his resurrection.

The bond settles between them, calm now but no less potent. Giotto lets go, tickling a tongue of Sun-tinted Sky Flame along Mukuro’s skin to soothe the sting left behind. Mukuro only huffs a breath of laughter, gaze still unwavering on Giotto’s face.

“Well then,” The Mist - Giotto’s Mist - smiles, quieter, more serene, like a glass-spun secret cloaked in shadow, but exultantly bright all the same. “Long live the new King. May your reign be long and prosperous.”

[sanchoyo]

Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it. 

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too. 

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?) 

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don’t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.) 

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

[faroreswinds]

Bord again. So today is my thoughts on the Duo Heroes from feh.

Hector and Lilina (Halloween)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Decent

Unit: Ok

For a first duo unit it made a pretty great splash. A great look with cute dialogue and passable voice acting. The unit itself is not super great in the meta due to being armored unit, and it's duo skill can only be used once and is not as impressive as the other skills since it only has a single effect, but overall not a bad unit to have in your stash. They come with a rare, inhertiable skill that when put on the right unit can be very dangerous, but is pretty easy to get around.

Ephraim and Lyon

Design: N/A

Art: Pretty good

Voice Acting: Pretty good

Unit: Stellar

The only current duo unit that isn't themed based off a holiday, but nonetheless an excellent unit. They are among the best lance units in the game, with effectiveness against armored and cavalry, not to mention great skills and a killer movement duo skill for armored and infantry units to boot. The voice acting is pleasant to listen to, although has some weak moments, and while the art isn't terrible, the faces are a bit odd to look at. As for design, its just Ephraim and Lyon slapped together, so there isn't really anything to say on the matter.

Marth and Elice (Christmas)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: ???

Unit: ???

I don't have this unit so I cannot comment on them too much, and I rarely come across them in the wild. But in terms of looks, they look awesome.

Alfonse and Sharena (New Years)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Decent

Unit: Stellar

Easily one of the most dangerous blue tomes in the game, and one of the best duo units you can get. Everything about the unit is perfectly designed for it. Despite their low speed, they easily prevent follow up, especially when you activate their duo skill to lower specials down by 2, and with special spiral, which they come with, they stay in that range. They even come with close counter, but other skills can be used to be just as dangerous. This unit is a popular unit to see in the wild. The voice acting is passable, with Sharena being pretty weak while Alfonse is not too bad, but its not the worst in the game. If you can get them, do it.

Alm and Celica (Valentines)

Design: Ok

Art: Pretty Good

Voice Acting: Fantastic

Unit: Really good

This unit has some really great voice acting. Both actors really nailed it without sounding wooden or like they were reading from a script. It's a shame that the design is just ok. It's pretty boring- some casual clothes with flowers, that's pretty much it. That said, the unit itself it very useful. The unit is one of the fastest in the game and can hit like a truck- helps that it comes with some good skills too. The duo skill is also quite useful, having multiple effects that grants boosts, removes penalties, and heals. It can only be used once, but once is all you need- plus, like Alfonse, the duo skill helps the unit too with their personal weapon. You cannot go wrong with this unit.

Palla, Catria, and Est (Baby Edition)

Design: Good

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Decent

Unit: Stellar

Technically this is a trio unit rather than a duo but... we will let it side. This flier unit is top notch when placed with a flyer team, guarantee to double, and even quadruple when positioned just right! Their duo skill is similar to Ephraim's, except for fliers only and instead if being used once, can be used more than once per map, meaning lots of extra movement for your team and the unit. This unit will lose its effectiveness without at least two other fliers to back it up, but on a flier team makes for a dangerous unit. The art looks great, the design is cute but just their baby forms so nothing special. The voice acting is weak but passable, with some good moments and some bad ones.

Idunn and Fae (Easter)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Poor

Unit: Really good

Hopping in is the dragon armored duo, and they are a much better armor unit that Hector and Lilina. When foe initiates, they are a wall- they prevent follow up attacks, but come with skills that with have them double in return. While they are weak as an armored and dragon unit to effectiveness, they have a duo skill that will neutralize that effectiveness for one time on a map- great for tight spots and for armor and dragon teams! You see them from time to time in the wild and they can be hard to kill. They look great too- shame about the voice acting. Fae sounds too fake, and Idunn sounds like she is reading a script. But regardless, a good addition to your barracks.

Micaiah and Sothe (June Wedding)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: ???

Unit: ???

Another unit I do not possess. They look phenomenal- some of the best art in the game, and especially among these duo units. And I've seen them in the wild. They are a rare colorless tome, and the only flier colorless tome to boot, and they seem pretty effective at their job. But I cannot really say more. At least they seem more useful than Christmas Marth duo, anyways.

Byleth and Rhea (Summer)

Design: Good

Art: Good

Voice Acting: Pretty good

Unit: Pretty good

They made a splash in more than one way, but as a unit they are not terrible. Nothing to really right home about, but they are a pretty powerful red flier mage. As a mage, they have stiff competition against superior red tomes, but their duo skill can really make a difference, as it greats desperation that actives despite the amount of HP, not to mention it can be used more than once on a map. They can be dangerous, but they die really easy when initiated upon, which cannot be said for some of the other duo units. Rhea's VA is great, while Byleth is just ok. The art is... well, technically good, but the faces are weird and the boobs are unnatural looking. Big isn't even the problem, they just look really off. But overall, a fun unit to use.

Sigurd and Deirdre (Ballroom)

Design: Good

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Terrible

Unit: Ok

As the first calvary dancer in the game, they look promising at a first glance, but ultimately are just ok. Their only job is really to dance, and since they cannot go through trees or are slowed by certain tiles, beast dancers can basically do their movement but without those restrictions. But while they look pretty good, while a nice get up and pretty art, their voice acting is really bad. They both sound unbelievable, like reading a script. It's really, really hard to listen to. And their duo unit is basically reposition, which can be used more than once but I have found to be difficult to use since is can mess up other positioning I have done. Overall, just a cavalry dancer for cavalry teams, and that's pretty much it.

Mia and "Marth" (Summer)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Really good

Unit: Stellar

Technically they are not labeled as duo units but Harmonized units, since they come from different games... but they are functionally almost identical so I'm including them anyways! And they are overall amazing. They hit hard, almost will always hit twice, and take little damage in return (provided they initiate). They can be killed easily with their low defenses if foe initiates, but as long as they are in your hands they are awesome. Not to mention they look awesome, and their voice acting is fun to listen to. Their harmonized skill is passable, but it is helpful and can be used multiple times per map.

Veronica and Xander (Pirates)

Design: Great

Art: Great

Voice Acting: Terrible

Unit: God tier

Let's get the worst part out of the way- voice acting sucks. It's really bad. Nothing is read well and it feels so fake. That said... this unit is in a tier of its own. Don't let the poor speed fool you. This unit, when alone, its twice and hits like a truck, and has insane defense. The kit it comes with is already perfect. It's harmonized skill is amazing- it prevents follow up attacks for the unit and for units that come from the same games as Xander and Veronica. This would be limiting, except that Veronica is from Heroes, and some of the best units are from Heroes, and are free so nearly everyone has them. And, it is a skill that can be used more than once to boot. They look great and play amazing. Grab one if you can.

Tiki and Ninian (Halloween)

Design: Meh

Art: Decent

Voice Acting: Pretty good

Unit: ???

They just came out so I cannot fully say how they are as a unit. That said, they are... disappointing. It has been a year since the duo units were first introduced. Halloween is my favorite season. And Tiki and Ninian are just unimpressive. The demon and angel design is a fun idea, but the actual costumes are boring. Ninian's face looks really off too. At least Tiki sounds great, while Ninian sounds just ok. Their harmonized skill is very situational- while they have technically two functions, one of them requires to be close to a unit from the same game that has already acted, and basically is a dance function. It can also only be used once. So far, not a unit worth a pull.

[girlbookwrm]

Avengers: Age of Art Movie? ART?? MOVIE

DAY ONE

the title for this chapter of the Mighty Pre-Endgame Rewatch comes from the fact that Joss Whedon apparently said, of Age of Ultron: 

“I was trying to make a little art movie. Which is actually, a pretty shitty thing to do to a studio that gives you a lot of money.”

which??? ok?????

so we went into this looking for Joss Whedon’s Art Movie

It’s worth noting before we get into this that I’m a fan of a lot of things Joss Whedon has done over the years, as much as I give him crap sometimes, and actually, I don’t know that I hate this movie as much as is common. I enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying it in the past? I go back and forth. I saw it in theaters and was like “actually I like this it’s pretty ok” and then I saw it again like “OH NO THIS IS AWFUL” and then again like “OH NO IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN I REMEMBER” and now I’m watching it again like “actually......” and I think it’s that the quality is very. uneven? 

it is also worth noting that it took us TWO DAYS to watch this because we kept having to pause the movie  in order to GO OFF which meant that this 2 hour 22 minute movie took us like SIX HOURS to watch. at first it was just me and The Roommate @goteamwin but on Day Two the Gal Pal @pegasuschick joined us.

anyway on with the rewatch (day one)

I STILL MISS THE OLD MARVEL LOGO! SO MUCH!

So the opening shot of this movie is from the twins’ POV and this was the first point that we paused the movie to fully Go Off because goddamn

can you imagine how much better this battle scene would be from the twins’ pov?

like: there’s all these explosions and shaky cam and a monster roaring and you’re like “oh god is it aliens? it must be aliens? and these soldiers dying everywhere and the city is getting destroyed etc etc

and then you realize it’s not aliens, it’s not HYDRA, it’s not some terrible overpowered terrorists

it’s the Avengers.

now THAT would be an art film

anyway back to the rewatch

Steve Rogers: IT IS 2015, I AM NINETY SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM STILL FIGHTING NAZIS I AM T I R E D

this is all looking real fake it has not aged well and it wasn’t that great to start with

“they’re the avengers” he said, sounding so confused and so so tired

aaaaaand here we paused the movie AGAIN to talk for twenty minutes, mostly about how if this whole “”’”art movie”’’’’’’’ had been shot from the Twins perspective, that would have been a better set up for Civil War and also super interesting

“We are here to help” why is the Iron Legion speaking Very American English in an eastern? european? city

Old Man Dad Clint

there’s two weirdly different movies happening here and they do not sit well together: like, a dark spooky serious one and a quippy Joss Whedon action movie

and don’t get me wrong, one of my favorite things about Joss Whedon is how he uses humor to really give his sad moments Extra Punch he’s a master of that

but this is just jarring

“please be a secret door please be a secret door” followed by the world’s tiniest and most adorable “~yay~” is the most endearing thing Tony has ever done in his life I would die for him

The Problem Is Not Brucetasha. 

THE PROBLEM is that the BruceTasha dynamic doesn’t just come out of left field, it comes from a different sport entirely. it comes from another planet. 

I think there’s potential for an interesting dynamic here but we get ZERO buildup to it

like in the last movie, Natasha is scared of the Hulk, like, literally shaking in shock TERRIFIED of the Hulk, but we see nothing of her deciding to run directly at the thing that scares her most

and we get ZERO explanation of like -- Natasha likes Bruce AND the Hulk, and Bruce AND the Hulk both like Natasha and that’s an interesting dynamic too, but we get NONE OF THAT

it’s very frustrating

also, where does Wanda’s horror movie aesthetic go? is it the same place her accent goes?

Tony’s dream sequence is... p badly shot, given that it’s his driving motivation for THE REST OF THE SERIES

Me: this is weirdly shot, right?

The Roommate, A Professional: Yes. *in a very fancy voice:* ~From a cinematic perspective~ 

Me: *starts cracking up*

The Roommate: But seriously, they’ve gone for a weirdly wide angle in this very emotional moment and it would make more sense to do tight shots here, but--

Me: *still cracking up*

The Roommate: really?

Me: ~from a cinematic perspective~ trolololol

AND LITERALLY HERE IS WHERE WE GET THE TITLE CARD. THAT’S HOW LONG, SPIRITUALLY, THIS OPENING IS.

Why was Bruce NOT expecting a Code Green? like? It’s HYDRA, of COURSE they’re gonna pull out all the stops??

We get like two minutes of Thor&Steve&Tony being bros, for the purpose of exposition here, and then the party sequence, and literally the rest of the movie is them all arguing with each other

and we stopped the movie again to talk for ten minutes about how much more Impactful AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR would be if we had even one (1) movie of the Avengers actually being a team

this is exactly why it took us two days to watch this movie

“Uh, actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”

And again, we stopped the movie (seriously, it’s our own fault this took so long to watch) because LET’S UNPACK THIS

TONY PAYS FOR EVERYTHING?

TONY MAKES ALL THEIR SHIT?

TONY DOES THEIR DESIGN WORK?

AND LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHIELD RECENTLY FELL APART

WHICH MEANS THAT THIS IS STARK INDUSTRIES PRESENTS: the avengers

and that is A L A R M I N G

legally speaking

and also morally speaking

like goddamn. 

no wonder ppl freak out about it? let’s jump on THAT for CW

(also, when we recapped this for the Gal Pal’s benefit on Day Two, she pointed out that Tony puts his name on everything and he probably got that from his daddy -- like in TFA, they’re doing this experiment for the Army but LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT has the Stark Industries tag on it

Steve probably has the SI logo tattooed on his ass

he doesn’t know it

tony knows it 

and wishes he didn’t)

all that aside, this is an A+ On Point Steve and i Strongly Disagree with anyone who says that Joss Whedon doesn’t get Steve Rogers.

Like, we very clearly get three distinct Steves in this movie -- we get Captain America, Captain Rogers, and Steve, and they’re all a little different but they’re also all perfectly executed and they’re all STEVE. eg:

the look that he gives Maria, like english please and then after her explanation he says “well they’re going to show up again.” - Captain Rogers.

“Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country” - Steve

“They are.” - Captain America

let’s just. let’s just acknowledge that Thanos had a stone. in his possession. and he gave it away. to L O K I.

“I'm going to live forever” 

ah geeze he actually is tho

*CLINT FEELS*

They talk about AI like it’s this Great Forbidden Thing, and the Roommate looks at me with the Tiredest Eyes

Everyone is working on artificial intelligence, she says.

e v e r y o n e

seriously “the man was not meant to meddle medley” is a very impressive tongue twister that Tony definitely practiced in the mirror that morning

but it’s also nonsense

the military, corporations, academia, everyone -- everyone is working on AI.

Ultron: What is this. What is this, please.

The Roommate: Me. Every morning.

Also, it’s worth noting that when Ultron goes through all the files on the Avengers and shit, he looks at Steve AT LEAST twice. 

The Roommate: To be fair, so would I.

RIGHT RHODES IS THE REAL HERO OF THIS FILM

“Where are the ladies,” said Maria Hill, a Known Lesbian. 

Sam and Steve’s whole everything is A+ Great, as usual

Rhodey’s face after everyone laughs at the “Boom, you looking for this” line is just

*kissy chef fingers*

and then this happens

the “flirting”

this is the weirdest “flirting” i have ever seen

it’s like the uncanny valley of cute flirting

it’s like they’re both actors pretending to be characters who are acting out something they’ve only ever seen in film

why is it like this

“What Are Your Intentions Towards My Daughter?” - Steve Rogers

no I kid

Captain America said that

Steve said “as maybe the world’s leading authority on “waiting too long”, don’t.”

and then suddenly they’re all teens hanging out in their dad’s basement

honestly this scene is the best scene in the movie, possibly the franchise, and it’s well worth all the bullshit we’ve put up with so far.

let’s also take a moment to pour one out for both Steve and Thor’s #looks in this scene because

goddamn

Steve and that blue button down

Thor and his hoe v-neck + pop collar maroon jacket

much fashion very hnnnngh

like it takes WORK to make these two look better with their shirts ON but you did it, AoU costume department. You Did It.

Also, James Spader as Ultron is just

i love it

gurl u r LEAKING

u CHOSE this body

u could have taken any iron legion body, you probably could’ve taken a SUIT if you wanted but instead you’re here in this janky ass leaking melty faced body with wires hanging every which way and the arms and legs on backwards

you are such a drama queen

truly his father’s son

so when Tony pulls out JARVIS’ broken corpse, how were they all supposed to know this was JARVIS? do they all get to meet Jarvis at some point? like at what point was Captain America introduced to the holograph representation of JARVIS’ “body” that he just IMMEDIATELY knows that this abstract yellow humpty dumpty is JARVIS

Team Dr. Cho Was Underutilized 2k15

Tony laughing because he’s about to be in so much trouble is very much a #mood

We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game.

I’m just going to present this bad phone picture of my notes because I feel like it does a better job summing up how I feel about this line:

remember when Wanda had an accent?

I’d say “good times” but I’m not sure they really were

seriously the Maximoffs have a great origin story this should’ve been theirs and Clint’s movie that would’ve been better

God Bless The AoU Costume Department

I have no idea what happened in this scene because of Steve’s smedium shirt

and that said he has to compete, visually, with Cobie Smulders in a sheath dress, and he does so with effortless grace

*distinguished golf clapping*

I actually really like the set up of Wakanda and Vibranium here it’s just nice and it gives all the background we need without really feeling like exposition and it reveals character dynamic between steve and tony it’s just nice is all

SALVAGE YARD AFRICAN COAST

Andy Serkis giving 112% AS USUAL

So Ultron steps into this scene like

and tbh it is a sexy leg good work Ultron

“I’M NOT MY DAD” -Ultron, definitely in Denial

Pietro talking to Tony in this scene like Tony was personally there when the bomb blew up his family and almost killed him and his sister

he wasn’t

u r drax in this scenario, and Tony is Ronan

he doesn’t remember ur family, dude

“pretending you could live without a war”

are we just going to ignore that Ultron gets inside Steve’s head right here right now and then Wanda exacerbates that 200%

and Steve just decides “yup that sounds right”

“i guess I’ll just be at war for the rest of my unnaturally long long life”

is anyone? going to talk about that? bring it up to him maybe?

no? 

coooooool coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

i just ~love~ (and by love i mean HATE) that natasha romanoff (A SPY) decided to upgrade her suit (HER BLACK STEALTH SUIT) with glowing (GLOWING!) stripes

much stealth very in character wow 

(negative 200 points costume department what the hell)

pietro don’t hit senior citizens that’s rude

these dreams are actually totally fascinating and I really like them don’t @ me they’re great

“I Am Mighty.”

“only the breakable ones. You are made of marble”

“We can go home. Imagine it”

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Natasha, I could really use a lullaby”

natasha isn’t here right now please leave a message after the beepbeep

this is such a fucking nightmare, could be a callback to that opening fight scene IF IT SUCKED LESS

Tony. Your green son has a special need. maybe instead of trying to turn him back into Bruce, you should try to accommodate his needs. because he’s special.

Clint MacDonald Had A Farm

“These are... Smaller agents.”

“Sorry For Barging In.”

Captain America is here from the 40s and Ready To Apologize

Thor’s Extremely Dramatic Exit

Steve: looks at the house

(very softly in the background, Peggy’s “we can go home.”)

The Roommate: nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu steve don’t think thaaaaaaaat

I honestly love Old Dad Clint. *shrug* sorry not sorry

and now we’re here. at That Scene. 

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE.

it makes no FUCKING sense for EITHER OF THEM to be having THIS CONVERSATION at THIS TIME. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

Honestly, the only way this makes sense is if Bruce and Nat are both ace af and think the other one is allo af 

just two hopeless asexual babies, adorably in love with each other

both of them awkwardly being like “BUT. YOU WANT THE SEX. RIGHT?” 

and neither of them realizing that the other one also does not want the sex

that’s the only way the scene makes any kind of sense. If Natasha is putting on a performance and Bruce is too and neither of them realize that the other is putting on a performance

BUT EVEN THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY NATASHA FEELS THE NEED TO BRING UP HER UTERUS

LIKE

THERE’S NO NEED FOR IT IN THIS CONVERSATION

AND THE WAY SHE BRINGS IT UP IS B I Z A R R E 

and when i saw it in theaters, I was like “oh clearly this scene is missing some important dialogue that clarifies that Nat doesn’t mean she’s a monster for not being able to have kids.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

UGH ANYWAY MOVING ON.

god bless the AoU costume department for Steve in a Smedium shirt and Dad Jeans. A+ work i can almost forgive you for putting glowing neon on Nat’s stealth suit

but honestly the whole rest of this movie is worth it this one interaction:

Tony: Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?

Steve:

Captain America: *externally* something something end a war something something people die something something

Steve: *internally* I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WANT TO GO HOME, IMMA MCFREAKING LOSE IT.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME?? Y O U WANT TO GO HOME??? B I T C H

oh hey Tony ur dad is here

“watched my friends die” ok but 

a) are you and Steve friends?

b) if this has been eating at you, why wasn’t it shot better ~from a cinematic perspective~ and why don’t we get more of you being haunted by it and less of you talking about reinstating prima nocta

Actually this is a good time to talk for a hot second about Why We Don’t Hate AoU As Much As Some:

it’s very hard to judge AoU as a standalone film

because a lot of the things it does best are not standalone

it does a good job setting the stage for Civil War

it does a good job foreshadowing Infinity War and Endgame 

and on that note, it’s actually hard to judge it without having seen Endgame

it does a BAD job setting up the Avengers as a cohesive unit that works well together

it does a BAD job building the BruceNat dynamic

it does a BAD job making us believe that the Avengers are actually friends and not just coworkers who tolerate each other and sometimes hang out and drunkenly try to pick up thor’s hammer

that isn’t friendship, actually. you know what friendship is? look at Steve and Sam talking about Important Things That Matter, look at Tony and Rhodes’ dynamic. those are friendships.

anyway

The Roommate says it feels like AoU skipped some steps. Like, Avengers (2012) brought us in at the ground floor of this building and then we got shoved into one of those really fast elevators and dumped directly into some game changer meeting happening on floor 44 and then it kicked us directly out the window to our deaths

i’m maybe elaborating slightly upon what she said

the point is that AoU is not a good movie because it’s not a good standalone movie

the character dynamics aren’t Bad or Wrong they’re just not properly built up to. 

It feels like we missed a movie

maybe there’s an alternate universe where we got an Avengers 2 that made sense, and this is actually Avengers 3

maybe we just need to find Joss Whedon’s secret file of fanfiction and then everything that happened in this movie will make sense

ALL THAT SAID, THIS IS WHERE WE STOPPED THE MOVIE ON DAY ONE AND MY FINGERS ARE TIRED SO THIS IS WHERE I’M STOPPING TOO. AGE OF ART MOVIE DAY 2 WILL BE UP WHEN I FIND THE ENERGY TO DO THAT.

[televinita]

Little Women (2019): Thoughts

REQUIRED READING: the prequel post about my background going in to this film.

SNAPSHOT VERSION: Though I have some casting qualms, and may adjust my opinions after I reread the book, mostly I think this is everything my heart has needed since the magic of the ‘94 movie was broken for me. My heart is very full.

FULL VERSION: Twice as long as the prequel post (a.k.a. 1800 words), starts below.

I did not expect LW to be the first Unexpected Comeback Fandom of 2020 (or a comeback fandom ever, really), but here I am, having spent every day since I saw this film mooning about this story and looking up different editions and supplemental books in the library catalog, so I'd better process how I feel about it while the memories are relatively fresh.

Most of my thoughts are on casting rather than specific scenes because like I said, I can’t remember the book super well, so I’d like to get my movie memories to fade so that the book can surprise me. Also because I think I will have a more in-depth post about them when I watch the film a 2nd time, whether that’s in theaters or on DVD. But here’s what I’ve got for now.

ON CASTING

In no particular order --

* Emma Watson is very pretty but it is so hard to take her seriously as an actress. She's just Emma Watson, Famous For Being In Harry Potter and Getting Hired For Other Big Name Projects. I feel like she's so consciously acting all the time. She made a not-terrible Meg, I guess? No worse than she made a Belle. But it was roughly as hilarious watching her try to be a mother now as it was watching her try to be a mother in the last Harry Potter movie. To the point that I just kept hearing the "Damn! I'm SO maternal!" song playing as her theme in the background at all times. * I realized 6 days prior to seeing the movie that Florence Pugh is recognizable because she's in Midsommar and honestly, that just ruined everything for me. I didn't even see that film, I just know it's gross and I would hate it and while she is not tainted forever like the 50 Shades actors, she is definitely too tainted for Little Women. Also I could not stop thinking about how I associate Amy with being very dainty and prim and Florence, while perfectly lovely, is not. * Laura Dern was kind of strangely modern and kooky for Marmee, but I love her as an actress and I loved that she was just like "HELLO STRANGE NEIGHBOR BOY, COME BE MY FIFTH CHILD." So I was OK with that. * ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH BOB ODENKIRK. What kind of anachronistic garbage. What crack were you on, because it was obviously not the good stuff. "Did I stumble into an SNL parody??" I wondered more than once. * Meryl Streep as Aunt March was AMAZING. Ten Oscars. * Beth consistently looked younger than Amy, so that was weird. She was okay but kind of childlike, and failed to make Beth my favorite like she is in the book. * JO! Saoirse Ronan is by far my favorite actress in this set, but I didn't think she was right for Jo going in. "Jo's not a redhead!" I said, indignantly stamping my foot, because my childhood-era love for this novel reigns defensively supreme like for no other classic besides Black Beauty. (another 1994 classic they should remake soon, even though I love that version. Just saying.)

But damned if she did not COMPLETELY embody every essence of Jo there is and make Jo my favorite character this time. Truly, nobody except Meryl Streep so thoroughly matched my expectations for their character. Ten Oscars, part II. Or at least the one she is actually nominated for. If Jo loses to ScarJo I will riot. * John was nice. I feel like he was exactly what he was supposed to be, which is to say kind of plain and milquetoast but perfect for Meg. I don't actually remember him existing in the novel, so that was an interesting game of "how important is this guy?" until suddenly Meg was getting married and I realized I did, in fact, have a very dim memory of a wedding from the book. I think I will like their romance more the second time around, though. * Mr. Laurence was VERY EXCELLENT. IDK why I know the actor, even after looking him up, but I liked him in this role a lot. His grandfatherly quasi-adoption of Beth was so sweet. * As for Professor Bhaer...UGH. I hated him on sight and my brain wouldn't even let me recognize who he was for like 3 scenes, I was just like, "who is this random boarding lodger and why are we focusing on that weirdo." I mean, he's objectively handsome? But he did not do it for me. He lacked the gravitas I expect from this character and his thick accent scraped my ears and drove me insane (update from the future: his accent is also driving me insane in the book, where I have peeked in at a few chapters as incentive to reread. whyyyyyyy). * LAURIE: maybe it's been too long since I read the book, but never could I ever have imagined I'd want to use the term "fuckboy" to describe Laurie. It wasn't even Ski Chalet's face so much as it was that in all present-day scenes (post-rejection), he is such an insufferable, melodramatic, pouting trash heap that I didn't want him to marry any of them at that point. (Also YOU STILL DIDN'T MAKE ME UNDERSTAND WHY HE GOES FOR AMY, so good job.**) However, I took especial delight in paying attention to all the cuddly platonic friend cuddling he heaped on Jo growing up, in focus or in the background, and I loved it...kind of a lot? The ship radar made noise. That noise is getting louder by the day, smoothing away his faults. He may have permanently taken up residence in my mind's eye as the new Laurie. ...this is the worst. Make it cease. (**update from the future, I am peeking at the book and it looks like it's a lot easier to understand both in text and when you're inside Laurie's head. He is still clearly sulking his way through Europe, but in a way it's easier to recover from. Also, I don’t have time to unpack this but as I finish the edits on this post I started 5 days ago, I’m starting to think I could not only ship Laurie/Amy, but believe in it from the start.) ACTUAL PLOT AND FILM QUALITY

+ The shifting between past and present was very jarring right off the bat, but after that I think it worked.

+ I loved the attic play rehearsals so much

+ I am so glad Jo’s shorn hair is both fleeting and as hideous as it should look, and not Pixie Cut Chic (Childhood Me wailed at that part reading the book)

+ I remember hardly anything about the book's Part II / Good Wives, so basically everything in their adult lives was news to me. Amy and Aunt March go to Europe? Jo goes to live by herself in New York? Meg marries a relative pauper? Any of this could be true to the book or just made up as an alternate idea to explore, and I would be none the wiser. That made it more fun. (NOBODY SPOIL ME ON WHAT'S TRUE)

+ It did not occur to me until just now that the part where Jo publishes her version of Little Women is not in the book (right?), but that was beautifully done.

+ The house interiors were breathtaking. It's not like I don't regularly watch period pieces, but this time there was just something about seeing an old house, like the ones I am often in for estate sales, decorated the way I always imagine seeing when I enter those homes, that kind of made me tear up. + The outside shots were pretty too + Jo made me cry with her I'm so LONELY! speech, rude. (I went into this movie thinking I was 100% on board to finally read Alcott’s sequels for their Jo/Professor content, and now I'm like 'ah damn it is gonna be the season for the Jo/Laurie AU novel, isn't it.')

+ A strike against Beth and/or the actress playing her: I did not cry about her death (in my defense I was busy crying about Jo's pain).

+ I did NOT remember precisely how Laurie & Amy got married, so even though I knew it happened eventually, I felt that sucker punch to the gut reveal just about as hard as Jo did. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR WIFE.

+ My mom said she’d heard this movie was lauded as being super feminist, which rarely goes well for me, but I thought it felt like really authentic "married women literally were not allowed to control their own income and it sucked" 19th century feminism, and not someone using their 21st century voice to claim this is how people would have REALLY talked if The Patriarchy Of Historical Record hadn't silenced/suppressed it. Nothing rankled me. I’m very confused by the people who think it says Jo is queer and/or didn’t end up with the Professor, but if that’s what you see then I guess it’s a win/win situation for all of us. + LOVED the closing montage. + Basically, at all times that I wasn't annoyed by the casting, I was feeling the same magic I did while reading the book and/or while watching the 1994 movie as a child. I can’t think of any parts I really hated.

IN CONCLUSION

Part of me is honestly kind of sad I didn't reread the book before watching this movie, because even though I usually prefer to go movie first and then get the Expanded Edition that is the book, in this case I wish I'd taken my last chance to properly visualize everything in my head on my own -- since I’ve mostly forgotten the ‘94 film -- before the new movie washed it away forever. This is one of the rare times I would have liked to hope and guess what would be shown vs. cut, and be able to anticipate the thrill of seeing the page come to life.

However, seeing it was the impetus I needed to finally take my childhood copy off the shelf (and thank heavens I have it, because the library request is backed up 3 or 4 deep for every copy), and it took all of 5 minutes to get instantly sucked into chapter 1 and feel such rapturous joy and familiarity that I consciously cut myself off and decided I am going to journal out my feelings after each chapter on this reread. So that’s something!

[carndriverrecords]

First Blog Post 3/20/20

Started CnD Records today. Feels Good.

Working on some diss tracks. Not sure if they see it coming - doesn’t matter either way.

Planning to release Car and Driver first real record this Friday 3/20/20. Driving Test Driver Fest 1. 

Self release first record - another 20 tracks next week. Compile top 10 - 15 for first release with other label - thinking Terrible, Kranky, blu ish label or Thrill Jockey. Citrus City a no-go for now. Maybe just keep building CnD records.

Be the middle man - take advantage of opportunities without sacrificing my bands’ (and those I represent) integrity.

Reach sleep destroyer.

Last night at Ted’s - great DJ set. Kidz bop remixes, Fancy. Crowd hated it. Ted disappointed we had to leave but it’s ok with everyone. Tall guy took aux right out of computer, have video. Started dancing - cucked everyone. Everyone thinks they’re the crazy charismatic guy. Am I actually? I think so. Syd thinks so. 

CnD Fest 2 , 3 , 4 at Purchase and beyond. Would like to play apartments, Scully’s den in BK (reach out) and Philly, DC etc.

Next voice memo album - 20 - 25 tracks right now. Better than the first. Danny said best album ever.

Working on “My oh Maia Reason Why” video - my favorite video I’ve ever seen. Getting good feedback.

Important to collab with certain SUNY people before I go:

Members of Lip Critic, Dawson, Neal, Gabe.

Send stuff back and forth with Joseph Kress. 

Need to write song about not sharing a stage w unstable Car and Driver - cost me 2 gigs. Ok because I had the police interaction that night. 

Things have been working out quite well. Syd is keeping me in check. Main priorities are keep the energy going while I can and make sure everyone around me is comfortable with me doing my thing, specifically mom, sofia.

Going to Only Angels tomorrow to collab with Alex.

Tues/Wed in RI with Zach Gorton. Need to see Nick Holcomb, Sofia, Will Orchard if he’s around. Riley in Boston? Would love to. 

Visit Dad soon on the way to Richmond, in a few weeks perhaps. Grandma Roberta etc. They have a BBQ place now - I bet it’s great. 

Follow up in the morning (3 hours from now) with wedding band, Kevin Daniels, drummer etc.

Film sunrise sessions at Purchase: My Ride’s Here, Splendid Isolation, Keep me in your heart, Studebaker, Cat’s in the Cradle, Everybody that you know. Don’t think twice, Boots of Spanish Leather, Someday my Prince, Teenage Dirtbag, Arthur (Woof Woof), Forget You, Signed Sealed Delivered, Superstition, The Promise, Hold me now (TT), Love on Top, Townes Van Zandt, 1-800 superstar, Evan Wright, Tom Petty, Blinded By the Light, Searching for a Heart, Mag Field’s, Barenaked Ladies, TMBG, Dolly Parton one sided love, Byrds, Beatles, Kinks, Stones, Parquet Courts, T Swift (Red, Way I loved you), Mitski, Sasami, Anything Could Happen, Beach House, He Needs Me, These Days, YLT, Beach Boys, Big Star Take Care, G500/Luna, Felt, Psychic TV, Shelia, BJM, Yellow Sarong, Over and Over, Hazel St, Heatherwood, Helicopter, He Would’ve Laughted, I wanna be your lover, The pump, Good enough (sleep destroyer), Them airs, BH (14, indian summer), help me scrape mucus off my brain), Beach Comber, DO YOUR THING, Icehead, Bobby, 1000 times, WIll Orchard, Bon Iver, MGMT, Tame impala, Instant Crush, etc. Art Vandelay, Quick Canal, Stereolab, Grouper, Broadcast, Animal Collective, Panda Bear, Bachelor Kisses, Cranberries, Cure, Pastels, MBV, I found a reason, pale blue eyes, Deerhoof, Gretel Alex G, Dancing w tears in my eyes, Elvis Costello, No age(things i did), Are ya ok, Maus, Ariel, R Stevie, Aphex Twin, Zomes, Vampire Weekend etc.

Bring Laptop for Beats on some and lyrics for all. 

Love life more than ever before. Music feels so good. Want to help, make amends, everything that moondog did. Don’t be homeless much longer.

Not sure if I like throbbing gristle - definitely like Psychic TV.

How savage should diss tracks be? Very? Match the severity of the person’s treatment of me/others. Aka - pretty bad for all except for Auto.

Listened to new Kanye today - 10x better and more influential than death grips. 

Realized today that i’ve spent my whole life wishing I was Kanye and now I am Kanye. Feels very good.

Everyone is gifted but internet makes us angst. 

I am mostly Camus right now - maybe more Kierkegaard soon. Religion and Terrence Malik. Still need to read books.

Order of Books: The graduate Portrait of the artist Consider Lobster Infinite Jest Pynchon Ulysses (At recommendation of American gamer association)

Syd is incredibly gifted. Want to help her feel comfortable doing art/work here in the chaos but also sort out the chaos for both of ours’ sake. I thrive in it, she tolerates well. Want to move to Riverdale still, maybe East Williamsburg with Backpack Chris. We’ll see about money. Philly perhaps, little too far. Jersey is good location but bad commute. Bad to RI. 

Visit RI and Boston Tues - Thurs. Sell Cigarettes at Concerts. Feels right.

Keep smoking for now - quit end of summer perhaps. 

Don’t have Corona Virus - glad we are not quarantined. Still be smart. Don’t expose mom regardless. Protect at ALL costs. 

Really though, why does Journee hate me? Write new track (Journee into forever nevermore not now not ever (Lou)) or Journee into SJW self righteous moral posturing (way too savage - maybe voice memo outro)

AR Kane album is incredible. Syd loves too. Sample everything.

Crazy - sound better at jazz than ever in my life. Exploring harmony - never practice. Teach free lessons all the time. Love the diminished scale. Might be best jazz guitarist to ever live. Time will tell. Would be cool long term. Prefer singing. 

Getting good at piano too.

I’m my favorite lyricist/comedian/actor.

Is maia right, acting isn’t hard? Weird they can’t act.

^Remember to delete^

Don’t share this on Facebook yet.

Why does Journee hate me so much? Just the Louis CK joke?

People who stay home and do nothing hate to see irreverent people doing things.

People like when you’re losing - don’t like to see you win.

^That makes me sound crazy.

F00D outsider might make me famous first.

Need to keep up with legal situation.

Hope mom and dad both live long. Call Syd, get something nice for everyone in family. Get weird jewel cases. Order jewelry from etsy. Post merch on bandcamp.

Finish album art soon. Music videos. Get better at animation etc. Pay Ben for his poster. Actually really good. Maybe album art? Duo album! Record in Wisconsin, release under his name. WIll success be good for Ben? I think so. Still can’t believe Liv told him I wasn’t ok. Wow - good content for lyrics. You truly cannot write this.

How will people react to diss tracks? Extremely negatively. Or no reaction. We shall see. Maybe no real names in the titles...... only on Oh my. 4 names in titles is too many. Don’t release Auto track. Maybe on Voice Memos. 

Track List: Good God Bed Head Rosa Reprise Oh My House Pop 1 skydive Pop 2 APhex GVO Pay 4 Take some Cherish Stars in F Are ya ok too bright Honeys Get to work Everybody That You Know Frost Bit BPC NYC New Age Heimet Helmet Deadbeat dads watermill for slitting bars romantic song david byrne Cinema study in cinema Brain ego Cherry doc marten Can’t liv w/o Venmo groceries Oh you like? Dancin DJ blues We are the State Farm robots Danny dorito is a dirty devito My funny valentine Zoomer blues The thing abt genres Blss Like minds ft dawson Lil toucha jazz Introducing car and driver The holy moment empire Ethics 101 - gma in the street Otto is sad I don’t know what it means! Operatic mellismatic Car and driver fest will be a success! Car and driver fest was a bust again! Cipha’s comedy corner Ryder Be gone evil atonal spirits!

Unreleased mental breakdown compilation ep:

I like all music! I’m a stupid pos Electric micro bike Get off your phone! John frusc Nice song Lap steel for 2 My masseuse advice Bed head wash sq Punchie John Maus yoyo interview Diminished  kinda thing

Build the NYC scene, w Blu ish, Evan, 1 800, sweet joseph, Comics Club, Dawson, Sloppy Jane, Wheatus,

See Jack Fortin in NYC soon. Either my event or his. 

Things are still good. Syd will be a great filmmaker. WIll maybe will end up with a dancer or a filmmaker - Probably not a musician. WIll have many loves. 

Things are good right now - hope they stay that way. 

Feel like Ezra Keonig - hopefully someone reads this one day and agrees. Different time in history and the internet - hope this is less cringe than Ezra’s blog , probably not. Ezra, if you’re reading this, sorry. See ya at Bernie’s rally. 

[sakuspring]

Headcanons for the emperors

As I said, these are not exactly clever. Hope you like this!

They got their bodies back during the XVII-XVIII century

Caligula was the first to come back. He appeared in front of Notre Dame, under the reign of Louis XIV

He still has one of those stupid wigs

Because of this he speaks French fluently

Nero came back while Caligula was starting to move to England

He can still speak French (he's actually good at it)

Commodus came back right into the Thames and his first swords were...well...you can guess them

He can't understand French and doesn't want to, but he is super good with Italian

Talking about Italian, Caligula speaks that as well as Spanish, Japanese, Corean, Russian, German....he knows a lot of languages ok?

He learnt Japanese mainly because he loves animes -no really he is a nerd

He also loves calligraphy and chess. He has like 40 chessboards (one has the king resembling him)

Incitatus can play chess as well

Commodus actually lost against the horse (don't tell him I said that)

Speaking about Com, he gets teased a lot

He can't go near water without one of the other two emperors making comments such as "Do you hope to find your lover there?" "Pay attention! We don't want someone to choke you"

(He would never admit this, but he is scared of baths and only takes showers)

Nero and Caligula often flirt with him to get on his nerves, even though Nero's a disaster. Once Com flirted back and he stood there, not knowing what to say

Caligula is the best at flirting and likes both girls and boys (maybe even more. Who knows)

Com prefers boys but declares himself bisexual

He doesn't know how to act around women though

Nero doesn't mind males but he nearly always with girls. How he finds them is a mistery since he is the worst at flirting

He likes golf for some reason (both Com and Caligula find it super boring) and loves buying clothes (especially if they are purple)

No really

He goes shopping whenever he is able to

He has like 40 huge closets

Caligula has more shoes though

Commodus? He prefers going around with the smallest possible amount of clothing

Speaking of our little emperors, he is terrible at Maths but is a super fast reader

It doesn't have nothing to do with Apollo's blessing. Nope, not at all

He loves italian authors and has read twice Dante Alighieri's "Divina Commedia" (its actual name is "Comedìa" but nobody calls it like that)

He has a degree in literature

Nero's a lawyer

He loves going to the theatre and has a super deep powerful voice

He is a baritone btw

Caligula has a degree in Maths and one in Economy

He is also a wonderful pianist and has played with famous artists such as Mozart

He has tried to learn the violin but has failed. Miserably I'd say

Com can't sing nor play, he cannot even clap his hands to the beat

He is also the only one among the three emperors who is team dogs

Caligula is more team horses but he prefers cats over dogs

Nero owns like 5 lions (yeah it's illegal but he can)

And a black cat called Nero. Yes he is not original with names (Nero means black in italian

The three of them talk latin at meetings when they don't want people to understand

Once people asked them "Which god would you prefer to f*ck?" (And by people I mean Incitatus)

Com refused to answer

Nero went for Venus ("at least I'd have someone to talk about clothes and fashion since you can't dress properly")

Caligula said "myself" first. Then opted for Athena ("maybe I would find someone better than me at chess")

About their past, DO NOT joke about Caligula's child, Nero's death or say Marcus Aurelius was a good emperor

Unless you wish a long, (very) painful death

They have seen both the Gladiator and the film about Caligula from 1979

Com has stated that he would gladly go to bed with his actor but hates the film

Caligula knows the one about him by heart. He knows every single scene. He loves it

He also love Gulliver's travels, he says he can relate to him ("I prefer horses over humans as well"; "Commodus look! You appear in this book *pointing at the description of Yahoos*")

Oh yeah Caligula has both an Instagram and a Tumblr account about horses

Com has a Tumblr account about literature

Nero doesn't understand technology. He crashed Excel once

But he is the best with guns

Caligula and Commodus prefer swords

Well that's it. It came out quite long😂 Anyway, I hope there aren't any grammar mistakes. If you spot one please tell me

@flightfoot @moodyseal @youurelovely

@nilescraneslatte helped me with some of them

[sieben9]

“the devil’s due” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Dear Lord. This episode. Did I like it? Did I not? I’m not sure, but I sure have some strong feelings on the matter. They just don’t separate neatly into positive or negative ones.

One thing I do know without a doubt, and that is that I might just have witnessed the funniest ten seconds of dialogue in modern television.

“I’m sure we’ll laugh ourselves sick about it one day.”

yeah, that is the face of a man having WAY too much fun.

Anyway, watch me figure out what I think under the cut. Warning, this is even ramblier than usual, and therefore kind of long.

So… yeah, probably not my favourite episode. It’s not terrible as such, and I love some bits and pieces that came out of it, but overall, it just leaves a weird aftertaste.

One of my main problems is definitely that every character seems a bit… off. Not entirely OOC, just “the usual character, but a bit to the left”. And when that’s happening to the entire cast, you do wonder if some kind of alien bodysnatching has taken place. …wait, no, this is fantasy. Maybe a doppelgänger situation, then? Whatever it is, people are being weird this episode, and I don’t like it.

Before I get into anything else, before I get into anything else, though, I just want to mention the one bit I unequivocally liked. And that was Regina visiting Daniel’s headstone. It had next to nothing to do with the actual plot, but it was such a sweet moment, and seeing the look on Regina’s face when she realised that her first love had made it out was just… nice. I liked it. And I appreciate it when we get to see the little moments.

good on you, stable boy.

Just... look at her face! She almost didn’t want to know, and then she was so happy, but also sad, because of course she would be sad, and... ::happy sigh:: Yeah, again: a good moment, this moment.

Alright, on to the main plot. Specifically, the flashback, because it lays the foundation for a lot of… let’s be polite and call it “stuff” in the present.

It took me a while to realise how the plot connects to the present day (more on that later), and even now that I do, I’m still not sure if this flashback was, strictly speaking, necessary.

Yes, we had to introduce drama around Belle being pregnant (apparently), but I’m not convinced this was best way — or even a good way — to do it. At best, the story felt like retreading old ground, and not in the way that showed new facets, either and at worst, it undermines fundamental pieces of established character history. Specifically: one of spinner!Rumple’s defining characteristics was his willingness to do absolutely anything for his son. Now, I’m not blaming him for flinching away from a murder in any way, shape, or form, but I just don’t get with the story was supposed to show me in terms of character depth.

I’m also slightly perplexed by Milah’s reaction to the deal Rumple made with the healer. (And was the only one who thought “if you wanted that guy dead so badly, why didn’t you stab him yourself?”)  No, I didn’t expect her to be thrilled, but… how should I put this… Baelfire is something between five and six in this flashback. Something tells me you weren’t really trying to have any more children at this point.

Also, an honourable mention to this weird Hook-doppelgänger, who turns up in the last couple of seconds.

I mean, we’ve seen other flashbacks of Hook from around this time, and while he might have had his tender moments, I don’t believe he had this full-on Romantic Hero mode in him. Especially not in defence of the complete stranger.

Ah, well, water under the bridge and all that.

Back in the present day, let me start with one little tidbit for those among you who are just as immature as I am: apparently, “Underbrook” sounds exactly like “onderbroek”, which is the Dutch word for underpants. (With thanks to @idesignedthefjords) Do with that knowledge what you will. I mostly just giggled at it a lot.

Alright, back to the actual plot. Specifically:

Belle is pregnant. Yay?

…as with the entire episode, I really don’t know how to feel about that. Good things can have bad timing, but I feel like this timing is particularly bad. (Also, they’ve come this far without addressing Emilie de Ravin’s rather obvious baby bump, so it’s not like this is a “we had to write in the pregnancy to explain the pregnancy” situation.) I mean, if nothing else, my OTP is having a baby and there’s at least some part of me that’s happy about that. But please get your shit together, you two, so I can stop worrying about this whole mess.

In conclusion: I should probably be thrilled about the tiny Rumbelle baby (Rumbaby?), but I’m mostly worried. This has all the hallmarks of something that will go extremely, terribly, horribly wrong, and that’s before we count in the fact that technically, the god of the dead has guardianship over the little sproglet and is currently blackmailing its father.

that makes for two blackmailings this season alone. three more and he gets a free footlong!

Also, remember how Pan is not allowed to use the word “fertile” again, ever, in this world or any other?

Yeah, I’m officially taking the words “baby-making” away from Hades, and he’s not getting them back. Sorry, pal, but you’ve proven that you can’t use them responsibly.

OK, inappropriate humour over (for now), back to one of my more burning questions. Which is “What the hell were you thinking, Emma?”

The fact that you told Milah about Neal shows that you know that his wellbeing is of concern to people who aren’t you or Henry. In fact, you’ve never met the woman before, never heard a single word about her until that hilarious introduction, but you immediately intuited that she’d want to know that her son is safe and happy.

…so why did it never occur to you to tell his father? The man literally spent centuries trying to reunite with his son, and you know all of that.

just my uninformed opinion, but this looks like the face of a man who would have liked having that information earlier. and possibly to his face.

So what was the thought process there? Because what comes across is that she was cruel for cruelties sake alone. Not the best angle for one of the main characters, who’s already looking like a selfish ass for dragging her family down to purgatory to save her boyfriend.

Speaking from a writerly perspective, it’s obviously for Plot Reasons, because otherwise Rumple wouldn’t have scryed for his child, so he wouldn’t have found out about Belle’s pregnancy, Hades wouldn’t have been alerted, and Rumple would have no compelling reason to work for him. I’d still like to think that there is a better way to get all of these points across than… this.

By the way, here’s where the flashback connects to the present-day plot, in my opinion: both past and present Rumple were presented with a choice of taking a life in order to save others. (The parallel isn’t perfect, because Hades didn’t bring up Rumple’s unborn child until later, but I think when the literal god of the dead threatens to kill everyone you brought with you, that still counts as imminent danger.) First time around, he refused and found another way, and was punished for it. Both by Milah’s reaction and, oddly enough, by the narrative. In the present, he doesn’t hesitate to deliver the fatal blow, and that’s presented as a bad thing, too. I doubt this was the original intention, but what I’m getting is “sometimes, there are no good choices”. Which is… well, kind of a bummer. (As an aside, I do have to wonder if Hades let Milah see him on purpose, just to back Rumple into this particular corner. It would fit with his personality…)

The one thing I’m objectively angry at, is the writing. Because I want the people responsible to look me in the eye and say that it was really necessary to fridge the same character twice. I don’t even like Milah, but this just made me really uncomfortable. Are you really telling me that there was no other way to make Hades look “scary” and remind us that Rumple does bad shit when he’s backed into a corner?

good scene, though

In a darkly humorous turn of events, this time it wasn’t even his fault for not telling anyone else about the threat. Because Hades’s ultimatum was basically “destroy this ship right now, or everyone here dies”. That doesn’t leave much time to find a loophole, does it?

If nothing else, I did like the quiet conversation between Rumple and Milah. The two actors really got that underlying emotion of “way too much time has passed for us to still hate each other” across. I think that was reflected in Rumple’s comment afterwards. No, he didn’t enjoy killing Milah (Frankly, I highly doubt he enjoyed the first time, but that’s literally another story), because that part of his life is so far behind him, and so far behind her, too, that all strong emotions have long since burned away. I don’t think he would have begrudged her if she had gotten to move on. Shame that never happened, right? ::glares at writers::

Blergh. Sorry this was such a rambling mess, but I was really happy when I realised this was a Rumple-centric, only to have that joy systematically crushed into a pulp of bewildered incomprehension and a faint sense of betrayal. This episode probably wasn’t bad, from a technical standpoint, but it was decidedly unpleasant to watch.

So, to not close this out on me being mopey and annoyed... here’s the Amazon episode summary.

...dear Amazon: are you sure you sold me the right episode?

[k-l-neidecker]

One Person’s Take on what the Infinity War Pitch Room Conversation was Like — K. L. Neidecker

One Person’s Take on what the Infinity War Pitch Room Conversation was Like

A week or so back, I finally broke down and watched Avengers: Infinity War.

It took me a long time to get around to it. I’m not sure, but I think, perhaps, I’ve seen the requisite number of superhero movies one must watch to be considered a happy and productive human in modern society. Check that box, one piece of being an American consumer fully in place, now on to the next strange trend…

Not that I hate comic book movies. In fact, I enjoy them. Just, hey, a few dozen a year is more than enough, thanks! And let’s not even mention that we are stuck with Marvel movies as DC seems to be having…trouble…making movies that don’t suck since the third movie of the Nolan Batman series.

So, considering the spoilers about Infinity War which assaulted my eyes for months, and the fact I knew what was going to happen…the supposed “big moment”…I simply felt no great rush to see it. Sure, I’d see it sooner or later, but it was way down on the the list of things to do—somewhere below a visit to the proctologist and spraying out the inside of the garbage cans.

But, hey, I figured it would be fine for a movie night.

And from minute one, I knew I made a terrible mistake, one which proves karma is a bitch and in a past life I must have been a terrible person. Maybe Attila the Hun’s third cousin twice removed, Bob the Hunnish.

I’d like to present to you my imaginings if what the pitching and brainstorming room must have been like as they planned Infinity War out.

Neon lights flicker and highlight nicotine stained drop ceiling panels. The energy is high, the air buzzing with electricity, though that could always just be the faulty wiring buried in walls which have been privy to so many great ideas in better days…

“Ok, so me and the boys have been talking,” Jim said, gesturing to a pile of sock puppets discarded in a dingy corner, button-eyes staring blankly into the distance, “and we got some ideas for the next Avengers movie.”

The writer’s room hushed in anticipation. A head writer for Iron Man 2, an artichoke heart pickled in brine, wetly rolled from its perch.

“Ok, so we open with a battle! Action is good, right? People love that stuff.”

A cricket farted in the distance, the mating call falling on dead ears.

“I mean, just some fighting, on a space ship. In space! Bunch of stuff happens. Sure, it will be confusing, and maybe some viewers will wonder, hey, did I miss an entire movie or something, because this scene feels like it’s part of some larger whole…

“And then we kill off some important characters! Yeah, baby, yeah! That will get people invested.”

A murmur of assent rippled through the room, taking the form of various belches and the whisper quiet rustle of a nostril mined for ore by a probing digit.

“Ok, and then the Hulk enters the picture, a being so powerful he’s been sent into space because of how dangerous he is to have around…but Thanos mops the floor with him. And guess what? That’s the last time we see the Hulk for the rest of the movie!” Jim leaned back and placed dirty boots on the table, grinning.

He continued, “So, no Hulk, because hell, who needs him anyway, and it fixes the plot hole where he would simply own Thanos early on, end of movie.

“Then, we add in every Marvel hero we have into the mix. So many, in fact, that they all only get five minute snippets on screen, and we just keep cutting between everyone fast enough to send a third of our viewers into epileptic fits. Thank goodness for CGI because we need a half-thousand sets to marionette these characters over.

“Thor, even though he’s been around multiple earthlings over a bunch of movies, will act dumb as hell and confused about words like ‘moron’”

Moron twitched in his sleep, the sound of his name nearly pulling him out of his comfortable dreamland.

“Also, some of the best characters in our universe, the space cadets from Gargantuans of the Galaxy or whatever it was we made a few years back, will run into Thor at random in the almost infinite reaches of the unfathomable soul sucking emptiness that is the ever expanding universe. Good timing!

“Let’s see…ah, right, Thanos just keeps winning non stop, and our heroes simply throw the same tactics at him over and over to no avail. You know, like punches and missiles and some Kung fu or some shit. Hey, the dude owned Hulk, so why wouldn’t Captain America try punching him in the gob?”

Tim, the newest writer, one not yet broken in by Marvel and not yet fitted out for his Marvel Brand Gimp Suit™, broke his silence when he could take no more. “Hey, uh, this all sounds great and all, but don’t you think—“

“No, I try not to, Tim. Thinking is the direct cause of migraines and bed wetting. Ok, so, we have wizards doing the circle things with their palms, some space folk bopping around almost disconnected from the rest of the story, Avengers not calling other Avengers even though fifty percent of the life of the entire universe hangs in the balance…damn, what else was I going to say,” Jim grasped a bong like an infant would a bottle and ripped on it before smashing it on his own head in victory.

“Right. The love story. Every great tale needs a love story: Romeo and Juliet, Ren and Stimpy, all the greats. So, we have a budding relationship between Vision and whatsherface. Let’s make the viewer care, get them invested.”

Tim nodded, “Right, that’s a solid idea man, sounds—“

Jim cut him off, “Of course, with fifty main characters and a two hour runtime, we won’t actually see any of this love or whatever. We’ll just hint at it a bit, you know. Gotta save screen time for purple ballsack, er, I mean Thanos, to wax laconically about how nice a bro he really is on the inside.”

“Hey, no, I don’t think—“ Tim stuttered.

“Good, my man, good. I think you’ll fit in here with that attitude. So, then let’s kill of all the fun characters. Let’s start with the people of color. First scene to last scene, let’s off some green folk, dissolve some Wakanda heroes, let’s go for broke.

“Again, no Hulk. Just Bruce in a CGI suit, so it’s kinda like the Hulk but suckier. You know, we wouldn’t want that actor to actually be in the movie or anything. Just CGI his ass at all times. Note to self, can we just completely CGI his likeness and not have to have an actor at all?

“Let’s have Dr. Strangelove or whatever his name is willingly hand over the one item his entire order was formed to protect… You know, stay true to the characters.”

The sounds of shattering glass echoed from wall to wall as two writers leapt naked through the windows, fist-bumping one another and shouting, “Brooooooooo!”

“See, Tim,” Jim said, “that’s the kind of energy we need here. Get your shit together. Ok, and lastly, let’s dissolve all the interesting characters we have left. Black Panther for one! Oh, and did I bring up the White Wolf? No? Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have an arc in the movie anyway. Hell, no one needs a character arc here. It’s only half a story, after all, and doesn’t need to stand alone or anything.”

Joseph the Randy Donkey brayed a lonely song at the water cooler before defecating a sad pile on the floor.

“Damn, I love that donkey,” Jim said while cleaning his left ear with his right big toe. “So, you see where I’m going here, right? For year people have complained we are formulaic, but look at us being all badass and breaking the mold! We will take a decade worth of characters and squash them together, making half a movie that means nothing on it’s own, simply designed to set up our next million dollar movie in a year, needlessly kill off dozens of the best characters in a way that means nothing and will be reversed within the first quarter of the next movie, dabble in romance sorta, and wipe out half the life in the universe to save everyone from running out of food and stuff!”

The room erupted in cheers and whoops. Three men dueled to the death in celebration, Moron awoke from his long slumber in time to vote in the midterms and drive without using his blinkers, seven Hollywood executives took time away from sexually harassing the donkey the stamp and squeal in delight, a motley mob of slatterns boxed with a dusty group of heroin addicts in a mock Walmart, and the seventh seal was opened in the distance.

But a hush fell on the room like a smothering pillow as Tim cleared his throat.

“Hey, um, if Thanos can control time and matter with a mere thought, wielding enough power to kill fifty percent of all living things at the blink of an eye…why doesn’t he simply will infinite resources into being instead of killing untold trillions due to limited resources?”

The silence in the room laid so thick in the air that a large housefly, fat and well fed on over-ripe Hollywood movie drech, collapsed like a crumpled piece of tinfoil from the mere pressure in the room.

Lucky for the brave writers of Infinity War, there was a handy and already broken window to defenestrate Tim from before calling the seventy-five actors and warming up the computers for modern CGI magic.

https://klneidecker.com/2018/10/22/one-persons-take-on-what-the-infinity-war-pitch-room-conversation-was-like/

[fionnmeetsharry]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAAAAAAAAAASE DO A FIONN ONE WHERE Y/N IS A MAKEUP ARTIST ON SET AND SHE HAS TO FOLLOW HIM TO HIS SCENES TO TOICH UP HIS MAKEUP EVERY TAKE AND HE LIKES HER BUT DOENAT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS HIM TO GO FOR IT OML I LOVE SHY FIONN CAN THIS PLEASE TAKE PLACE ON DUNKIRK

Artist & Actor••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Word count: 1690••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••“Tom sit still for goodness sakes, I swear you are worse than a dog”.

This was the 5th time you had scolded Tom in the last 30 minutes, he was severely sea sick so you were doing your best to add some color to his face.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I forget that you’re doing my makeup and well sometimes you just have to move”.

You stop what you’re doing to look at the only other person in the trailer with you and Tom. He’s a boy about your age with dark hair and soft looking pale skin. He had been staring at the two of you since you finally got Tom to sit in your chair. Tom didn’t understand why you had to “cake on” so much “stuff” as he put it.

“Tom, I’m almost done with your foundation then all I have to do is contour you”.

Toms eyes got big at the word he didn’t know, plus the fact that he had to sit in your chair for a bit longer. He was beginning to pout like a little boy.

“But Y/N, you’ve been doing this for hours”.

He said dramatically as your rolled your eyes and grabbed the bronzer.

“It’s been 35 minutes”. You said dryly now applying highlighter.

“Ok you’re done you can go”.

Tom quickly jumped out of the chair quickly running past you and slapping the brown haired boy on the butt as he passed.

Laughing the boy turned and faced you standing up a bit straighter, turning shy.

“Umm… you are Y/N, right?”

He must be one of yours, you were assigned to 3 people’s hair, makeup, and costumes. There were a total of 6 makeup, hair, and costume assistants on set, two of them being assigned to the main cast along with you and the other three all had to handle the extras.

“Uh yea, and what might your name be?”

Shyly smiling at you a small dimple popped in his cheek, making him impossibly cuter than before. You knew this was your job and you had to keep things professional, but it was getting difficult with how attractive the cast was.

“It’s Fionn, I think Um…I think I’m one of yours”.

Ok the whole cast was attractive, but this one, you already knew it would be hard to stay away from this one.

“Yes you are, along with Harry and Tom, but don’t let Tom scare you away from me, I’m not as bad as he made me out to be a few moments ago, he just really can’t sit still. It’s nice to meet you by the way Fionn”.

You held your hand out to shake his, the boy stretched his arm out to meet your hand, but his eyes were looking everywhere but at you.

“Well let’s get started shall we. Today I’m just going to apply some basic foundation and that’s all … looks like you have pretty good skin so you don’t need much”.

Fionn took a seat in your chair while you pulled out a new clean beauty blender and the foundation. You placed about a nickel size drop into your metal bowl and wet your beauty blender before dipping it in, then lightly bouncing the sponge off of his soft skin, making sure to get full coverage. “Actually looks like you have Freckles, they fit well with your features, I like them, especially with your dark hair and hazel eyes”.

You didn’t know why you were telling him this, but it was like you couldn’t stop yourself. It was true though, and he was beautiful.

“You know you don’t talk nearly as much as Tom does, kinda refreshing actually, although you do have a nice voice, calm and deep”.

You suddenly stop applying the makeup. Had you really said that? It was true but he didn’t need to know how you felt about the voice you’ve only heard twice or his skin.

You can see his cheeks have turned bright red, bright enough to show through your work. Great, now you were both flustered. As the heat in your cheeks remained you quickly cleared your throat and started on his hair.

“So…um, I’ll just be adding a bit of Oil to your hair, to give it the effect that it hasn’t been washed in a while and then you’re done”. Please, please, please don’t let him have soft hair too or you may melt into a puddle right there. Sliding your fingers through his dark hair you had to bite your tongue, because just as suspected, it was indeed soft, perfect actually.

His eyes met yours in the mirror,

“Already? But, it took you at least 45 minutes on Tom”.

Fionn looked back at the ground like he previously was. He didn’t mean to make it seem like he wanted to be in there with you longer than necessary, but he did.

“Well that’s because you’re good and sit in you’re seat while I work. You don’t wiggle the whole time and ask if I’m done yet like you’re 5”.

He chuckled, it was true though, Ton did do all of those things, Fionn should know he was standing there.

Fionn ended up in the makeup trailer 45 minutes early because he was mesmerized by the gorgeous girl he had seen on set previously that day. She had the most beautiful and unique look about her from her hair to her skin.

Fionn hadn’t even realized that you had finished his hair because he was so caught up in daydreaming. He was staring the whole time, but you were too busy to notice.

“Alright, you’re done for now but I will be with you, Harry, and Tom throughout the day for touch ups”.

Fionn smirked at you, fiddling with the shirt tail of his uniform.

“You mean I have to share you…can’t just have you all to myself?”

“No unfortunately not. Trust me, you’re the best out of the bunch, would much rather just have you”.

“Ay love, that’s not very nice”.

Harry entered the trailer with only half his uniform on and a goofy but charming smirk.

“Harry what happened to your two shirts and your jacket?”

“Ummm well, the first shirt you see I accidentally got it caught on something when I fell and it tore, and the second, I’m not sure really. Honestly I was just tired of wearing a shirt, took it off somewhere, but I don’t remember where”.

Rolling you’re eyes, you feel like you’re babysitting with the way Harry loses things, and Tim can’t sit still.

“Ok…ok, I’ll go find you some new shirts, but when I get back your butt had better be in that chair and ready for me to cover your tattoos and do your hair”.

“Yes ma’am”.

Harry saluted you as he sat down swiftly. Walking off to the back to retrieve him more clothes, you began to massage your temples, mumbling to yourself,

“God this is going to be a long month”.

But you couldn’t help to think that maybe Fionn would make it just a little more bearable.

“Ay mate I see you came back here to make a move after this morning. Let me guess, love at first sight”.

Fionn was just about done tying his shoes as Harry asked the question. Harry and Fionn were close, they’re always together on set, so of course Harry knows of the gorgeous girl from this morning.

“Shut up Harry she could hear you”.

Harry sat up a bit more in his chair, surprised that Fionn hadn’t made a move yet.

“C’mon mate, you have to do something, can’t just sit around all bloody month just staring. At least make conversation with her, compliment her or something”.

You arrived back in the room with two new shirts for Harry.

“Here, and try to be less clumsy and forgetful please, were running out of your size”.

Harry playfully rolled his eyes at you and kicked Fionn, signaling him to make a move.

“Uh so Y/N, how long have you been doing this?”

You were a bit stunned at the random question, but he asked it so sweetly and with his lovely voice that you didn’t question it.

Harry on the other hand, looked up at Fionn with disgust at his terrible attempt at flirting, laying his head in his hand.

“ This is actually my first movie, but I’ve been doing makeup since I was 13”.

“Me too! I…I mean this is my first movie too, not that I have been doing make up since I was 13… cause I haven't… done makeup, ever actually”.

You could see how flustered he was getting. God he was cute when he was flustered.

This whole conversation pained Harry even more than before, but he could tell you liked Fionn too. You were smiling and being too polite. You were flirting.

“Yea I knew what you meant”.

The two of you laughed while you began pulling out what you needed for Harry.

“Well I guess I better head to set, it was nice meeting you Y/N”.

“Likewise”.

After Fionn was gone Harry just kept staring at you like he knew something you didn’t.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, just that you two are going to end up married with children and I get to say that I witnessed your relationship from the beginning”.

Was it that obvious that you liked him? It doesn’t matter because this is a job, and you already promised yourself you would keep this professional.

“Y/N, it’s ok, I know about your stupid professional rule, but I think love is worth breaking rules over”.

You were now working on covering his many tattoos, and also trying to avoid eye contact. Harry was right, but it didn’t help that he was your best friend and knew everything yuh were thinking.

“So what, it’s just a crush, I’ll get over it”.

“S’not just a crush love, he’s got feelings too, and im going to get the two of you together so I can add some more godchildren to my list”.

THERE WILL BE MULTIPLE PARTS TO THIS!!💙

[bibliophileiz]

Things about Supernatural’s last episode

Isn’t it weird how every other b*cklemming episode, we’re like, “It’s not as bad as their last one.” Ringing endorsements all around.

In all honesty, it’s really not a bad episode. I did have to watch it twice to know wtf was going on with the Shidim because I found Asmodeus so hammy and uninteresting that I stopped listening during his dialogue though.

Spoilers under the cut:

Let’s start with Asmodeus: What a letdown after seven seasons of Crowley, who was interesting, sympathetic, clever (when not written by you-know-who), well-developed and played by an exceptional actor. I already said this once, but it would be just like these particular writers to screw up Crowley so much that Mark Sheppard quits and then replace him with Tropey McTroperson.

I rolled my eyes just at Asmodeus’ introduction – nice to know he has access to a smoke machine to make his entrance more dramatic. Remember when Cas made the roof rattle and the lights pop as he strode into the barn the first time we saw him? What about Rafael, who took down power in the eastern seaboard? What about Crowley, who kissed a dude then told the heroes he didn’t care for Lucifer and gave them the Colt. What about Billie, who sang a spiritual about death as she reaped souls?

Then Asmodeus turns out to be scarred, have an outrageous good ole boy Southern accent (that is fake as fuck – my job is to talk to Southerners, and none of them sound like that), wear a stupid white suit, and immediately choke to death a bunch of demons because the “hobbies” Ramiel referenced must have included watching Darth Vader’s scenes in Star Wars over and over. His dialogue is nothing I didn’t hear from Jafar the first time I saw Aladdin, and his evil plan is to become the manipulative adviser to the ruler of Hell. We just won villain stereotype bingo, and we’re only in the first scene of the episode.

It was also a letdown after Azazel, Ramiel, and Dagon … who by the way never shapeshifted. Weren’t they always in vessels? It wouldn’t be the first time this show has retrofitted its own mythology (*coughing all over the angels in Season 9*)

Do I just shrug it off and say these writers are terrible at writing villains and always have been? Not sure I can blame them entirely … if Asmodeus is going to become as big a deal this season as I think, there has to be more than just b*cklemming contributing to the character. It’s a bummer because if this was just a one-episode villain like Ramiel had been, I’d have found it hysterical. Yes, Jack, smite Big Daddy demon on your third day of existence, it’ll be hilarious! But I’m not sure I can take an entire season of this guy, especially if the only other big-time villain we get is Michael.

Speaking of Michael: Ok, if I’m going to get a showdown between the two most powerful archangels ever, I want it to be more than just … a fistfight. It needs to be at least as impressive as Castiel’s introduction in Season 4. I know the show’s special effects budget is limited, but how threatening are your villains really when Dean gets into more impressive brawls like every single episode? Let me see their wings! Let me see them try to smite each other! Let me hear them break glass and make stars go out!!

Jack is a muffin and I love him a lot: Jack was just as good in this episode as he was in the last one. I don’t know where they found Alexander Calvert but I think he was put on earth to play this role. In his first episode, he walks this fine balance between manacing and charmingly innocent. In this episode, the charming innocence is still there, but it’s slowly being clouded by this fear of his power and what it could do if he misuses it – even by accident, as we saw when he tried to free the Shidim. He’s kind of like Cas in that he wants to do the right thing and be heroic like Sam and Dean but isn’t really equipped with the decision-making skills he needs to know when he’s about to make things worse.

The scene between him and Sam in the alley is exceptional. Jared Padalecki nailed it. I loved Sam telling Jack he loved him – that’s not exactly what he said, obviously, but by equating himself with Jack’s parents with the “Your mom thought you were worth it and so did Cas and so do I” line, he basically says that. That’s why I’m much more on board with Sam becoming a parent figure for Jack than Dean. (Also because Dean always gets to be a father figure and Sam never does, but I digress.) It just goes to show b*cklemming can pull off good emotional scenes when they actually put in effort. I’m thinking specifically the two scenes in “All in the Family” when Dean is asking Chuck why he left and the scene right after when Lucifer tells Amara she may defeat God but she will never be him.  

The great Song of Solomon debate: So there’s a thing when you grow up in Sunday School where teachers tell you to open the Bible to the book of Psalms. It’s a big deal when you’re five, because it’s usually the first book in the Bible you can find on purpose – it’s right smack in the middle. But it’s close to Proverbs and Song of Solomon, so while you’re trying to find Pslams, you might first hit one of those other two. (You might also hit Ecclisiastes, but it’s like … two pages long, so probably not.)

All this is to just say I don’t think we should be reading too much into the fact Jack opened to Song of Solomon. Yes, it’s the sexy bit, but it’s also the bit little kids find when they just open the Bible to the middle, which is honestly how I took that scene. If you’re not flipping to a particular spot you’re just opening the Bible to look around like Jack was doing, you have a decent chance of landing on that book.

Also, when the camera pans back, it looks like he’s gone to the beginning to read Genesis.

I don’t know how to take the ending scene: There’s a scene in the first episode of Firefly that’s a lot like this one. If you’re not familiar with that show, it chronicles the adventures of a crew of space smugglers who are hiding fugitives on board their ship. In the scene, the captain, Mal Reynolds, tells one of the fugitives he can stay on board the ship and be their doctor. The fugitive, whose name is Simon, is skeptical because up until this point, Mal thought the fugitives were a danger to the rest of the crew (sound familiar?) and was either going to turn them over to the authorities or maroon them on a hostile planet. Simon asks Mal, “How do I know you won’t just kill me in my sleep?”

Mal says one of my favorite things ever said in a scene on TV: “You don’t know me, son, so I’m only going to say this once. If I ever kill you, you’ll know it, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.”

What Dean said to Jack kind of reminds me of that, even though the contexts of the two scenes are different. If you need killing, I’m going to make sure these are the circumstances in which it happens. It’s almost noble. There’s this understanding and respect both for killing and the person you’re killing. It’s kind of like Ned Stark says: “A leader who hides behind executioners soon forgets what death is.”

That said … Dean’s anger is misdirected in such a profound way I’m not sure we can put him in the same class as Mal Reynolds or Ned Stark, at least in this scene. He spends the entire episode going out of his way to find things wrong with Jack so that his promise comes across much more as a threat than a comfort to a kid who is terrified of his own abilities.

It also doesn’t help that it’s his response to a suicide attempt – if that’s how we’re supposed to take what Jack did. On the one hand, Jack’s already pulled an angel blade out of his chest, so he knows he’s reasonably immune to most if not all weapons, so he probably knows normal blades aren’t going to kill him. On the other hand, stabbing himself multiple times like that speaks to a desperation and hopelessness that I don’t think you’re going to find in curious experimentation.

I really do like Donatello: I find it amusing that at the end of Season 12, Andrew Dabb opens up this portal to another world, setting the stage to where beloved characters long dead might return, and everyone was like, “Eileen! Charlie! Bobby! Kevin!” and other assorted characters b*cklemming has killed. (I guess they didn’t kill Bobby, but you know what I mean.) And in their first episode, they’re like, “lol, we’re not bringing back Charlie or Eileen, we killed those mutherfuckers, but here, have Donatello.”

That said, Donatello might be like … my second favorite thing b*cklemming’s ever done. I think he’s kind of goofy and Keith Szarabajka does a great job playing him. I did get frustrated with the number of times he referenced being an atheist in his first episode (I’m watching it now and he says it at least four times.) He didn’t do that in this episode, which I was strangely disappointed by, if for no other reason than it made my “Take a shot every time Donatello references being an atheist” post kind of dumb.

Also, Keith Szarabajka did a better job playing Asmodeus than Jeffrey Vincent Parise, as did the actress playing the bartender, though that could just be because neither of them put on the atrocious accent.

Other things: Thing 1: The “make hell great again” joke was only marginally funny the first time and not funny at all the second time. I swear I saw the actor pause and mentally gear himself up to say it. Poor guy.

Thing 2: Donatello: “That’s not Donatello!” Asmodeus-disguised-as-Donatello: (pointing at Donatello) “No, that’s not Donatello!” Me: “That’s not good TV!” B*cklemming: (pointing at Robert Berens’ episodes) “No, that’s not good TV!”

Thing 3: Dean was so fucking hot it was distracting.

Thing 4: Dean got two good fight scenes in a row, between the fight with Miriam last week and the fight with the demon this week. Also, did anyone notice, he had his legs wrapped about the demon’s head and then the demon threw him on the bed? I’m just saying.

Thing 5: All that aside, Dean was a giant super bitch this episode, even to Sam.

Thing 6: “What would Mr. Rogers do?” Guys, I love Donatello even if he is the Jar Jar Binks of this series.

Thing 7: “What are you doing here?” “That’s the question we all must ask, isn’t it?” “What are you doing in Wyoming?”

Thing 8: Jack is so proud of himself for walking through the door. It’s like last week when he was pleased he understood prepositions well enough to explain to Clark that he was on a chair on the floor on the planet Earth.

[ionlycareabouthhn]

Halloween Horror Nights Review (Sept. 23rd)

It’s that time of year again, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Truly. I finally made it down to Horror Nights for the first of several trips I’ll be taking this year. The anticipation has been building all year and the fact that I wasn’t there opening weekend made it build even more. I haven’t missed opening weekend in six years. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that it was absolutely worth the wait.

Here are my initial thoughts after my first night, September 23rd. I’m curious to see how these changes and how my rankings shape up when it’s all said and done. For now, I’ll be discussing each house in the order that I saw them in. Spoilers ahead.

 Hive: You’d think there would be a certain amount of pressure placed upon the first house that I see each year but over the years I’ve let that die out. More times than not, the first house I see tends to fall a little flat for some reason and I have to do it again before I make any real judgments. So, while I was excited to be stepping back into a haunted house at Universal once again my expectations were low. I knew that this was originally supposed to be The Conjuring and didn’t know how well the replacement would do. I felt complacent about this one going in. Holy mother of god, was this a scary house, though. I briefly had the thought that I had been to HHN enough times to not have to scream with each scare but that lasted about ten seconds into this one. It was very dark in here to me, and it didn’t help that it was daylight out and my eyes hadn’t adjusted. That made it all the more scary. The standout scene to me was the one with the hanging vampires. I also loved the glowing eyes. We only did this one once so I’m interested to go through again.

 Blumhouse of Horrors: I had read so many “meh,” to downright terrible opinions about this one with the lowest expectations I could possible have. Wrong. First off, shout out to the team member waiting just past the façade who yelled “boo,” when we walked by and actually startled us. I was thrilled to see “Mr. Boogie,” in the Sinister section. I’m a big fan of the first Sinister movie and wished they had given it a little more space in this house. The Purge was ok, its few rooms alone got to me more than the house a few years ago ever did. This house is largely Insidious though. The Insidious house from 2015 was one of the scariest ones to me, and to see parts of that come back to life was nice. That damn demon got me good a few times. One of the most memorable things here was that the group in front of us didn’t know which way to go and we were stuck in one spot so long that the scareactors in Insidious would pop out and point them in the right direction. I genuinely want to do this one a few more times and don’t think it deserved the hate that I saw it get. Yes, I would have liked to see something that wasn’t a repeat of properties we already had, but for what it was, I liked it.

 Scarecrow: The Reaping: To quote the very scared man behind me in this house, “son of a biscuit!” This was one of my worst nightmares. I find scarecrows to be terrifying enough as it is, and this played right into that. My god, were the actors intense in here. I absolutely loved the confined feeling of certain scenes as well as the costumes. The biggest scare here was when you could hear and feel the thudding footsteps and then the giant scarecrow popped out. Then again, the whole thing was scary as hell. I was completely out of breath when we finally reached the end. They really knocked it out of the park here.

Ash vs the Evil Dead: I’ll keep this short and sweet. This one didn’t do too much for me. By no means was it a bad house, but having never seen the show, I didn’t connect with it. There were some fun moments here and there as opposed to big scares or scares at all. So far it’s the weakest one for me. Maybe I should find a way to watch the show to better appreciate it.

 Dead Waters: I would like to issue a formal apology to the teenage boy and his dad in front of me in this house for the string of expletives that came out of my mouth when I turned the corner and saw this façade. Gorgeous. My jaw was on the floor. The sets in this house were so incredibly detailed that I’m going to want to come back to this one a few more times. In fact we did this one twice that night. My biggest scare of the night came from this house. In that circular room towards the end I was too focused on the scareactor by the hanging body on the left. I turned and saw the boo hole on the right and the second I registered there might be someone in there, they came rushing out and I hit the floor. This was everything an original house needs to be. I walked out practically screaming about how amazing it was. I dare say that this might be the best original house they’ve ever done. I hope this one holds up on repeat visits.

 The Fallen: Hmmm…I didn’t hate it. I’ll make that very clear, this wasn’t a BAD house. The sets were nice, the bungee scare was amazing as were all of the scares that came from above but there was clearly something missing. I didn’t necessarily feel like there was much of a plot since they removed the angels that were original supposed to be in it. In a way that was both an advantage and disadvantage. On the one hand it made it harder to really pick out where the scares were going to come from, but on the other hand, seeing places where they clearly had a gap for an angel to be (I assume) made it obvious something was missing. I’m going to need to see this a few more times I think.

 The Shining: This is what I’ve been waiting for literally the entire span of time during which I have come to this event. The Shining is my favorite scary movie. I have a poster on my wall, a mini Jack figurine, I love listening to “Midnight With the Stars and You.” I was a little concerned when I read that people weren’t too thrilled with this one and I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. Luckily I wasn’t. Was I scared? No. In fact I don’t think I’ll ever be really scared in this house because I was grinning like an idiot all three times, and even crying tears of joy during my first run. This was everything I wanted it to be. Every part and character that should have been featured was. I especially loved The Gold Room scene (Hair of the dog that bit me Lloyd!) and the fact that the elevator scene wasn’t a screen made my heart soar. Thinking about this house now while writing this makes me want to weep tears of joy all over again. This house was everything I needed and I’ll never ask for anything else in my life again. (Maybe)

 American Horror Story vol. 2: So much asylum! That was the only season in this one I had seen from start to finish and it was my favorite. I can’t complain about that part. I was even pleasantly surprised by the Santa scare. Coven and Roanoke were also well done. The thing that stood out to me the most was how much some of the actors looked like the characters they were playing. As of right now I feel like I slightly preferred the house from last year but I have a feeling that might change the more I see this one.

Saw: The Games of Jigsaw: Back in 2009 when I was younger and knew nothing about Horror Nights, the Saw house that year was the one I was most excited for. I had read good things and made sure we made a beeline to the back of the park to do it first. A crucial mistake in hindsight because it was still way too light outside. It was my first ever HHN house and its my least favorite of all time, a fact I consider to be tragic. With that in my mind I wasn’t too thrilled when this one was announced. I didn’t set out to hate it, but I went in thinking I wouldn’t get scared at all. Ironically some of my biggest scares came from the pig men in this house. I also looked for and found some of the buttons I had read people talking about. A couple of them didn’t do anything that I was able to notice but the last one did…and it made me jump. This was a pleasant surprise and one of my favorites of the evening.

 There you have it. I’ll devote more time to the scarezones and revisit my thoughts on the houses once I return from my next trip at the beginning of next month. My heart is so full of love from this event. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (8-31-2018)

Friday Night Pyro August 31st, 2018: Pyro Concord, California

Match card: M1: Golden Bryce vs Milk Man M2: Steve Blackman vs Vinny Testaverde [No lImit Tournament] M3: Slayer vs Champagne Clausen M4: Croyle & Edwards w/ Olaffub vs Taka-Naka M5: Kalalikial'i w/ Romeo vs GG M6: XPWEW Tag Titles - Jake & Jaques vs 1776

Opening segment: Clausen speaks on how he can’t change The Truth Infantry 5 count rule

Troy on Truth Infantry -nothing I can do -i would like to fire all of you but i think that would be too easy -injuring robbie williams was the most disgusting this i have ever seen

Truth Infantry appears

Blackman explains his hatred an thirst for revenge against Awesome I got vent up frustration against you for telling me when you signed me in 2011. Saying don’t worry Steve, we’ll make you a comedy act Troy, I can still go I am Steve black-man the greatest xpwew world champion ever and i will out Jake, Slayer, Jaques anybody

*1776 interrupts “can’t believe we still gotta stay in this liberal shit-hole of California for another month…” “All the fans booing me right now should do what Jason Sensation wanted to do Monday night” ISDA CHEEP HEEET “We are bringing back traditional values to this country, to that wrestling ring! We want the tag team championships and we wanna know where are they

*Slayer and Marc Snow interupts “I made Jake Awesome tap out twice if anything he should be the 32nd contender for the world title!” “I should be world champion, not Jaques Dudley, not your doofus son. ME!”

*Slayer gets up in Troy Clausen’s face

Troy: Well last week I did announce that Jaques was the number one contender and I’m announcing right now that Jake Awesome is the number 2 contender (crowd reacts)

This parlays Troy to reveal Jaques is the number one contender for...The Tag Team titles and so is Jake taking on the #2 contenders 1776

Slayer is relived wow so then I’m the number 1 contender right

Blackman speaks: no I am

Clausen explains that the actual world title belt…isn’t ready yet. Its still in customs

Olaffub calls out clausen for being stupid, careless and a weak contract negotiator. Blackman calls out Clausen for forcing him to do Headcheese and be a comedy act

Clausen says fine Blackman you wanna spill dirty laundry out in public. First off we’ve always been good friends and i didn’t MAKE you do comedy, I made things easy. I respect what you’ve done for this industry and so I gave you a lucrative contract to take things easy and now you go and align yourself with this jackass Olaffub

Croyle calls 1776 clowns - speaks up to Troy why aren’t we in the tag team title picture

Fine - tonight you’ll face Taka Naka - happy

Slayer looking bored patiently sits back “are you done yet?” All i hear is Blackman bitching Croyle bitching Edwards looking like a bitch Olaffubs ponytail is somehow bitching somehow but where oh where is the title Do I have to beat Steve Blackman? is that what is being set-up here

Blackman: smiles at Slayer…this ain’t what you want boy

Slayer: ooooh what are you gonna do Steven, you gonna nunchuck me, you gonna ask me what my favorite type of cheese is. Listen dude my brother was always a better performer than you were and I’m not gonna argue with a failed dog the bounty hunter

Steve Blackman: Slayer, your lucky you aren’t on my list right now…

Slayer (school hall spooky fingers)

*Infantry leaves the ring

Golden Bryce hits the ring cuts a promo on the importance of physical fitness Milk Man interupts and says “don’t forget to drink your milk” Golden Bryce: *cough* excuse me Mr. Man? Actually milk is a terrible choice, it’s actually been proven to be a horrible choice to the human reproductive system. Honestly, you should switch to Almond Milk it’s a great substitute for that mid-evil substance (chuckles) Milk Man attacks Bryce from behind as the bell rings

M1: Golden Bryce def. Milk Man

Backstage: Mick Foley finds Jake Awesome and says listen Jake I wanna have a public human resources session with you in that ring tonight. Jake rolls his eyes not really taking this seriously.

M2: No Limits Tournament First Round Steve Blackman w/ Olaffub def. Vinny Testaverde *Blackman makes quick work of Vinny.

Steve Blackman calls Jake Awesome out. Awesome I will end your career and that is a promise. I will get my revenge on what you did to me and you know what you did. 10 years ago when I was the flagship champion of this company for over a year. It was you who not only took that title away from me. You nearly ended my career throwing me off the stage at Guilty As Charged 2008. I did not forget. I’ve already plotted my revenge, you’ll figure it out soon enough.

*Jake Awesome music!*

*Jake Awesome enters the stage staring down Blackman who is standing in the ring until Mick Foley steps in front of Jake as if to separate them

*Blackman/Awesome star at each other as they both walk up and down the ramp. Olaffub in front of Blackman and Mick Foley in front of Jake. and they slowly walk around

PUBLIC HUMAN RESOURCES SESSION *Ring segment: Mick Foley with Jake Awesome *Mick: Now Jake I understand you might be feeling a lack of confidence Jake: I’m honestly not. I lost to a good competitor, I’m not perfect. Mick to be honest every week you keep approaching me with this lack of confidence, are you ok, Yes i’m ok, Yes - Mick I’m fine Mick: The old Jake Awesome wouldn’t have tapped out Jake: I’m not perfect. Mick, you of all people. Mick half of your career was a loss. Alright - I lost 2 matches. Tonight I’m gonna win the tag team titles. It’s all good I’ll win the tag titles with Jaques I’ll squash that has-been Steve Blackman Mick: Jake do you think you have ring rust Jake: what the hell did you just say to me? (Jake proper offended) Mick: (rushes on) Jake, I have someone back there you need to talk to. Jake: (insulted still about the ring rust comment looks confused) Mick: from your hometown of Terrace Florida Jake this is your mother Delisa Alfonso!!!

Entrance: Delisa Alfonso appears and Jake Awesome’s actual mother is here on Friday Night PYRO

Mick Foley: I looked her up all over the internet and Jake I found your Mom and I think nothing is better than a mother-son bond and she has something she wants to tell you

Jake: Jake greets and hugs his Mom. (kind of unsure, feels like an intervention)

Delisa: You all know him as Jake Awesome but I know him as my son Anthony Alfonso. goes on long diatribe about jake as a child. Delisa: Jake, you’ve had a successful career and you’ve made lots of money and son I think it might be best, if you consider making not doing this wrestling thing anymore

Jake: Mom, I’m fine Delisa: Anthony I think you are going to get hurt and I’ve spoke with Mick Foley and he tells me that he doesn’t think you are competing at the same level that you used to. and son I don’t want you to throw your life and able body away for these fans. I’m sorry (crowd boos) Jake: Mom, I’ve lost 2 matches this is ridiculous. I’m not perfect. I lost. I haven’t lost a step? I’,m still the mammoth and I will be YOUR XPWEW tag team champion tonight Mick: ENOUGH!!!! You know what I see Jake, I see me in you. I see someone who doesn’t know how to quit! I was that person and now I can’t walk without a limp, I can’t run, I can’t jog, I can’t get on the floor and wrestle with my kids. This fdamn industry changed my life….I’ll never forget the horrors I suffered in Japan, I’ll never forget the ear being stripped from my head in Germany, I’ve lost years off of my life because of these ropes. and you with the good looks, a model wife, a 5 year old daughter at home. I don’t want you to throw your life away for this. I wanna see Jake Awesome do movies, I wanna see Jake Awesome become an actor, make millions not hurting yourself Delisa: Anthony, don’t listen to these people, they don’t love you, they don’t want whats best for you Jake: (silence) kisses his mother on the cheek, shakes Mick Foley’s hand and walks out and then up to the ramp puts the mic to his face “and your new XPWEW tag team champion of the world..Jake Awesome” (walks behind curtain)

M3: Slayer w/ Marc Snow def. Champagne Curt Clausen via helm sharpshooter

Interview: Kandi Khaos with Jaques Dudley about how he thought last week when Clausen called him the #1 contender he thought it was for the world title but he’ll become tag team champs with Jake nonetheless. Slayer sweaty after his win over Champagne talks smack to Jaques about who should be world champ, good luck with those 2nd tier belts. Also good luck because if you are teaming with Jake…be prepared to lose on his behalf

M4: Croyle & Edwards w/ Olaffub def. TakaNaka *after many close calls of 4 counts Taka Naka could not get a 5 count over the truth infantry ultimately Croyle would pick up the win over Masato Tanaka

In ring: Tanahashi appears wearing a pink suit looking really dapper is with a woman standing next to him in the ring. She’s dressed in a business dress holding a clipboard and is the official English translator for Tanahashi Feebe Kinoshiba translates the Tanahashi promo and declares Tanahshi wants to give you what you have been wanting. At Anarchy Rulz Hiroshi Tanahashi wants a dream match. Tanahashi wants JOHN CENA!!!! (huge pop) Tanahashi smiles in approval

*Backstage: Troy Clausen knocks on the door of Romeo Roselli’s locker room. A huge Hawaiian man answers the door Troy: Who are you Huge hawaiian man: ……. Troy: How many translators do we need around here Romeo: Oh hi Troy, you look great. Got a tan. Joel you look…fit Troy: Romeo listen last week you brutally attacked GG our lead cameraman and I’m suppose to be here to suspend you for 30 days without pay Romeo: WHATTT Troy: No no listen. I can’t have my talent attacking production staff okay. But no fear GG actually spoke to me and said he wants to drop the charges and he’ll drop them if he received a talent contract. And we got him trained, he’s pretty green but he wants to live his dream of being a professional wrestler Romeo: Oh well if he wants a piece of first he’s gotta get through my poona right cheer. Troy this is my “Protecter” This is Kalaliki’al’i and tell GG to meet him right now Clausen: Well he’s actually standing in the ring (they look over at monitor with GG jumping up and down getting himself hype in the ring) Kalaliki’ali’i *swift kicks monitor off the table*

M5: Kalaliki’ali’i def. GG in about two minutes

(crowd gives GG standing ovation despite big loss. GG exits through the loving crowd and starts an X P Dub chant)

Troy Clausen and Joel Gertner hit the ring and unveil the NEW XPWEW Tag Team Championships White straps, they look nice. Updated belts

*Mick Foley, Steve Blackman and Will Olaffub join Joey Styles and Shane McCoy on commentary

(during commentary Blackman tells Foley, you should convince Jake to end his career now before I end it

M6: XPWEW World Tag Team titles 1776 vs Jaques & Jake Awesome

*1776 cuts off Jake to their corner of the ring

*Jaques is the only bright spot for the team honestly

*However after a double spine buster finisher Leonard and Dennis pin Jake Awesome and after multiple saves Jaques can not save the match and

1776 is the new tag team champions

Clausen and Gertner wrap the new titles around the waist of 1776 as they start emotionally reacting to the win to a sea of boos

Mick Foley walks up to the apron and looks at Jake somberly

Jaques walks up the ramp shaking his head