#well see how awful i feel in the morning. i also have v lil food here bc ive been gone so long ugh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[fit-as-fxck]

hi. I have a lengthy update and a story.

Good Evening, Friends. Here’s an update that no one asked for. I continue to feel much, much better. I can credit that to a constant, normalized sleep schedule, a reduction of the constant stress of the last three months and making sure I eat. As far as movement goes that’s exactly what I've been focusing on. m o v e m e n t. This doesn't mean always going to the gym and slamming weights around, this means moving more intuitively and listening to what I want to do and what I need (without putting too much pressure on myself to be rigid with set demands). Some days I take my dog with me to the park while I do outdoor yoga (in preparation for my outdoor classes I always do in the summer). Sometimes I meet up with a friend and hit the trails for an easy run. Sometimes, doing “nothing” is more important and takes precedence. (If you don't want to read this all skip down to the bottom for a lil story I guarantee you’ll want to read.)

Habits/personal: Every morning make it a point to tell myself I'm going to stay present today. That’s my goal. To stay present and take advantage of every moment, and yes, it comes down to actively monitoring my habits. Even things like social media and electronic use impacts us and none of us were given a manual on how to navigate this shifting terrain. So yeah, reading an actual book before bed and shutting down devices actually does make a difference on our mind and body. Sometimes, we have to set rules for ourselves depending on our lives and how we know we respond to things like this. I’m starting a gratitude journal too so that’ll be new journey for me (it’s scientifically proven to lower inflammation in the body). My life is starting to go back to “normal”, finally. I was under intense life stressors for a few months. 

Training: 

I’ve done some easy trail runs with my friend (the one who was my old gym partner). His training is ramping up significantly and mine is just now recovering so I've only been joining him on his easy recovery runs. The first one I did, my legs felt like two ton bricks. It felt like I was running through jello. I’m not embarrassed to say it was just awful. Consider that I spent since October not putting an emphasis on cardio (only some conditioning), so yeah not surprising. The good news is, it only sucks for a little bit and then it gets better. I mean, each run I do I'll never have to redo again lmao. I hate treadmill running unless I'm doing sprints. I always choose outdoor if I can. I haven't done any major strength training and I’ve probably lost a lot of strength but I'm not worried about it. Muscle has a memory. I’m ready to pick up some strength training again but my goals right now are more geared towards movement and cardio (so the strength training will be to support that). And of course, yoga. I love doing more and more of it. It just makes you feel so damn good. Plan: adding cardio in 4 times weekly. Alternating between cycling, running, trail running, moderate intensity and intervals. Finishing with a handful of lifting exercises a couple times a week to stay strong. 

Nutrition:

Like I mentioned, I am making sure to eat. And haven't been too strict about it, like, at all. I’ve been fueling on pb&j’s. (Side note: I am always making sure I keep my caffeine intake low, I feel better without it. I do half-caff coffee mostly.) I’m increasing my workouts since I'm feeling good so my nutrition is going to be shifted to support those goals. I don't want be too extreme so I'll be following an 80/20 diet. 80% clean Whole Foods and 20% Oreos and Snickers (jk). A major pitfall of mine is failing to prepare to have food when I need it. This week, and for the following weeks, I'm meal prepping everything (which I should be doing anyways *glares* @ me). I’m sticking to whole, “clean” foods and following basic nutrition principles. I’m 100% sure you can make progress on nearly any “diet” as long as you follow nutritional fundamentals. I feel better when I eat better anyways. Sometimes we have to go back to basics. Foundations are what we build everything on and any tweaks we do to that foundation are just the “fluff” on top. Don’t want that foundation to have cracks in it, do we? (SO this week I made a homemade Mac and cheese. Most times I burn everything but sometimes my attempts are a slam dunk. I made my own cheese sauce and used half noodles and half shredded cauliflower to increase the volume and MAN IT WAS BOMB. YOU GOTTA TRY IT. YOU COULDNT EVEN TELL THERE WAS CAULIFLOWER IN IT. Sneaky vegetables.) Unfortunately, I'll have to cut out the Mac & cheese and pb&j’s BUT if it’s the weekend and I want a bagel, I'm gonna have a bagel (80/20 ok). I’m prepping things like grass fed beef, vegetables and sweet potates or rice etc (yes, its potates). 

Other (friends/lifestyle/inspo):

So I got a call from my gym buddy this week which I did not expect. When he started working out with me in January(?) he was what you would call “skinny-fat”, which is defined as not looking overweight but also not having any distinguishable muscle tone. Since then he’s put some serious size and strength and totally upped his cardio game. I started him out on some basic training and knowledge and then he continued on his own. When he called me he told me a man approached him in the gym and asked what he was training for. He told him he was training for an iron man (his overall bucket list goal). This is a hefty goal considering he started at ground zero. BUT everyone starts at zero and he is young and you won’t see me telling him he can’t do it. You can do anything you put your mind to. My friend told the guy about how he went down to 135 pounds at his thinnest (dude is like over 6 feet tall) and then went up 65 pounds at his heaviest. Well, they got to talking and this man started telling him about his friends going through BUDS training (SEAL training). And, my friend spilled the beans. He told him that he hadn't told anyone yet but his overall goal was to go out for the Seals. Yeah, aggressive goal. Thats when the guy told him he was special forces (ranger). He told him David Goggins was headed through town and they were all going to dinner with him. Yeah, I know, sounds odd. Anyways, this guy told him that the only difference between him and the ones that made it, was that now it was his turn to do it. That’s it. (Pretty crazy considering like 6% of people that go out for this pass). So my friend told him he “didn’t know anyone”. The guy told him that there were a ton of special forces in this area but they don’t tell you they are unless they want you to know. But, my dude meant he quite literally didn’t. know. anyone. He had lost all his friends when he found out they had different priorities and pretty much has no one around him supporting him on this, which is why he called me when he was astounded this happened. Serendipity, I guess. Put your goals out there into the world with iron conviction and the universe will find a way to meet you halfway. So this guy was 38 I think and didn’t look his age (not that 38 is old..) and told dude that he could probably smoke everyone in this gym and well, he could, based on the workouts he was doing. My friend’s jaw was on the floor with this whole interaction. He told me he was nervous and stumbling over his words and felt like he probably made an ass of himself. He apologized for it, saying he barely got any sleep and was super stressed and the guy said “Who gets sleep? And we’re all stressed.” The guy offered his advice and networking anytime dude sees him in the gym etc. 

We all come from somewhere, we all have dark, broken histories, large goals, even larger struggles etc and feel like our lives consist of constantly trying to pull it together until the day we die but, I swear, you gotta find a way to believe in yourself and even accept your failures. Whats the worst that could happen? You die trying? At least you followed your heart. Just like this dude, out of shape, stumbling, mad at himself because of slow progress but just look back three or four months... He’s strong now and the progress happened because he was patient with himself and didn’t give up even when he felt like it and he’s still not done. More power to him and anyone willing to try. Perhaps the overall goal doesn't matter as much as who we become in the act of trying (thank you Kaylo Littlejohn for that quote). Most times, people just need a positive push in the right direction. Maybe we can focus a little bit more on uplifting and being positive because that shit is contagious. 

[inurnctdreams]

ice hockey player - mark!au

:: i feel like this is such a cliche but i haven't actually seen any ice hockey mark yet so?? enjoy some canadian mark idk ｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

right ok so this kid is just naturally crazy talented

combine that with the fact that he's been skating since he was like six

and the fact that he loves sports

boom! youngest captain the junior league has ever had

but it's been a couple years now, and he's the oldest in the team now and will have to graduate soon

he's even started playing a lil with the older, nearly pro team to get a feel for it

but he loves his team rn so he's just gonna try and make the good times last while he can

anywayyy

this boy can also be a lil forgetful

so trust him not to remember to change his alarm clock on the night the clocks go back

so instead of getting to practise for 9am, by the time he rushes down to the rink it's actually only 8:20am

he'd been too busy rushing and thinking he was gonna be late to check his phone

so he figures 40 mins early is better than 20 mins late, and decides to hang around, maybe get some food and extra practise

so he grabs the breakfast he should've gotten before he left the house and wanders up to the main rink, backpack on his shoulder, bacon sandwich in one hand and skates in the other

only to stop dead at the sight of someone else on the rink

he didn't even think it was open before 8:45, he only has a key bc he's the captain and is v trustworthy and hardworking

but here you are, at 8:27, skating around the rink like you own it

shooketh mark aside, he's also in awe at how talented you are

gliding around the ice, twisting and turning effortlessly

"wow" and he shocks you into screwing up your landing and falling on your ass

"oh shit im so so so sorry are u ok?!!!"

forgetful boy drops his sandwich and skates and runs onto the ice in his vans

which makes him slip just as you were getting up

and boom he accidentally tackles you three feet down the ice and then you slide until you hit the other end of the rink and now he's on top of you

(uh and that's a long ass ride)

"y/n! we're opening up n- y/n?!" and that's your dad

"down here!"

you and this v clumsy but vv cute boy roll off each other with burning cheeks to see your dad looking at you with a raised eyebrow

"oh! mr y/l/n! sorry sir i accidentally startled her so she fell and i tried to help but slipped and we fell an-"

"just get off my ice in your sneakers, lee. you good sweetie?"

and now he's confused. sweetie? this graceful skater knew the owner? well he guesses it made sense if you were there before opening hours an-

"fine dad, we just fell"

oh. dad.

"alright well the boys are in the locker rooms now, you better join your team, cap"

and now it's your turn to be confused. cap?? team?? you knew the juniors practised at 9 but this clumsy fluff ball?? team captain?? no way is this the infamous mark lee your dad's always going on about

you've never really been into hockey, more into your figure skating which is more of a hobby than anything... even though you started when you were 3

but by the time you've processed and gotten off of the ice he's gone so you make your way to the girls' changing rooms

when you get out you can hear them so you decide to stick around a lil and watch out of curiousity

and wOW

where's the shy clumsy fluffy boy who was so concerned you'd hurt yourself he ran onto the ice in vans??

team captain mark lee is a badass

he's so focused and in charge, cutting up the ice with his swift tackles and sharp turns

he knows what he's doing and he has no problem reprimanding his teammates and showing them the right way to do things

it's a lil hot ngl

before you know it the practise is over and mark's in front of you... well one of his teammates you'd heard him calling hyuck pushed him but still

"oh hi... um y/n was it?"

and here's the shy fluffy boy back

wow what a contrast (shawty give me whip-whiplash)

"yeah, you're mark right?"

he just nods until hyuck nudges him

"yeah, i'm mark... sorry about accidentally tackling you earlier..."

"it's cool, like you said it was an accident. i was surprised at how clumsy you were until you put on your skates though, you were seriously awesome out there!!"

cue blushy shy mark again

this boy just can't take praise

"t-thanks... you were good too. amazing actually, that's why i was so shocked and scared you" but boy can he compliment you

"thanks, i can't believe we've never seen each other before, my dad's owned this rink since before i was born"

"mark's always late to practise" donghyuck helpfully supplies

"dude not cool" he hisses

by this point you're just giggling at them

"well it was nice to meet you guys in person, but i'm gonna be late to meet my friend for lunch so..."

"WAIT!" and you turn so swiftly in shock and mark's there with red cheeks agAIN

"yes mark?"

"c-could i maybe um... it's cool if you don't want to but... maybe if you don't mind-"

"yes mark?" you giggle

"can i have your number?"

"smooth!"

"SHUT UP HYUCK!!!"

he turns back and you're already holding your phone out with the new contact 'mark 🏒💙' ready for him to put his own in

so y'all exchange numbers

he just grins and mumbles out an "i'll text you later" before shuffling back over to his team

and you bite your lip to hide the cheesiest smile as you scurry out to meet your impatient friend

right so dating this cutie would be a rollercoaster

bc he'd be slowly coming out of his shell and he'd surprise you with confidence in random bursts

like the time on your 2nd date when he walked you home and grabbed your hand

or when he took you to the fair and you said his cotton candy looked really good even though you'd gotten a churro so he just straight up ripped a bit off and put it in your mouth

or the best time when all he'd done was shyly peck your check and after a few weeks you were getting a lil impatient but he shocked you in the best way by tugging you towards him on the ice where you'd been messing about before his practice one morning (both with skates on this time) and went for it, straight up kissing you on the lips

of course this had to be when his teammates walked in and hollered at you guys, leaving you both with fierce blushes

speaking of skating!!

you started going to all his games and cheering him on

and it was sorta tradition to just have fun on the ice before his practise on saturdays, holding hands as you took turns skating backwards or twirling each other around and just having fun

you also shocked him after one game when he'd won and you'd gone for ice cream after to celebrate and you'd started reeling off all this hockey language, complimenting him on how well he'd played technically

and he's like "did you... learn all this hockey stuff for me??"

"well duh, i kinda need to know what everyone else was going on about. plus i wanted to know what i was saying when i cheered you on other than 'go mark!' and yelling when you scored"

and he's so touched that he just straight up leans over the table and kisses you

he's not overly fond of pda but sometimes he just needs to give you a peck here and there when you're extra cute or sweet

like you guys hold hands and shit but anything more than a quick peck is saved for behind closed doors

like everyone knows you're dating you don't need to brag about it

genuinely the sweetest though

i feel like he'd be such a good cuddler like as you guys watched a movie with hot chocolate

and he'd kiss your choco stache off with giggles

and if it turned into yet another make out session taking advantage of the empty house then nobody needed to know

[critical--veins]

Answer all the get to know me questions :)

oh jeez tht’s so many I’m sorry u all have to scroll past this but I’ll do it for u anon 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I genuinely don’t even remember my hands r lonely

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SO SHY3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my familyyyy & best friend when I go home for spring break :)4. Are you easy to get along with?

yah man I’m chill with everyone5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes ! (I hope)6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I like ppl who are genuine & kind!7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nooooo (I wish but no)8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this boy I’ve been talking to on & off cause he wants to see me when I come home :)) 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not usually I guess it depends who it’s with tho10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend paulina last night at 2am after getting back from a party lol11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“yah girl what’s up”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

quixoticelixer- red hot chili peppers

hello euphoria- turnover

all my friends- knocked loose

hurt- trophy eyes

control- citizen 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

UH HUHHH 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I mean this is an interesting question bc in the universe things happen that seem lucky or miraculous but are just due to chance so in a way yes, but NO15. What good thing happened this summer?

I met my family in honduras for the first time & they were so amazing16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ooooh this questions fun idk maybe!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

ABSOLUTELY18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope19. Do you like bubble baths?

hell yah soak me up 20. Do you like your neighbors?

my across the hall neighbors in my dorm building are mean21. What are you bad habits?

NEVER LEAVING MY BED22. Where would you like to travel?

alaskaaaaa I wanna hike around denali 23. Do you have trust issues?

a little24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all26. What do you do when you wake up?

sigh rlly dramatically27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I wish I had pretty pale skin, but I like being tan too! so both28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my little sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope30. Do you ever want to get married?

OH YES SO BAD31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Harry Styles for sure, Awsten Knight from waterparks is also v dreamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

L.JCYH (mood) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to be a cheerleader !! (I competed so miss me with that not a sport shit) 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

OH YES37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t break awkward silences bc IM AWKWARD38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone smart! also just someone who can be chill all the time I hate fights & pettiness so like idk just be chill39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I luv going into furniture & decor shops like home goods or kirklands lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

 I’m in college rn studying to be a conservation biologist!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no some people are genuinely bad42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

usually nothing bc I’m always quiet lol43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah sometimes!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space 100%, I wanna see the earth from outer space I think that would be the most life changing experience!!45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fuckin class I need to earn my degree46. What are you paranoid about?

never finding the love of my life 47. Have you ever been high?

yah like once lol48. Have you ever been drunk?

oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

every FUCKING day52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

one thing?53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont rlly have one! but I guess I use a lot of it cosmetics 54. Favourite store?

there’s this record store called the sound garden & I used to go to it in baltimore all the time cause I live like an hour from there, THEN I FOUND OUR THEIR OTHER LOCATION IS IN SYRACUSE WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL so like idk I love that store cause it’s my lil home connection

55. Favourite blog?

too many! ily all56. Favourite colour?

green :)57. Favourite food? 

MAC & CHEESE TILL I DIE58. Last thing you ate?

toaster waffles I didn’t even toast I just microwaved bc I’m lazy59. First thing you ate this morning?

the toaster waffles60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yeah I’ve won a photography contest & a poetry contest, and I got second in an art show for my dorm lol61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in the 6th grade for telling a boy I wanted to punch him in the face lmaoooo 62. Been arrested? For what?

nooo63. Ever been in love? 

I don’t think so 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

fucking awful cause it was new years eve so I knew it was coming but I didn’t rlly want to, so the nerves just built & built the whole night so yeah not good not good at all65. Are you hungry right now?

nahh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

ya’ll don’t talk to me (the ones that do I luv u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

both!69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

maddie & brandon71. Craving something? What?

affection always72. What colour are your towels?

blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I don’t think I have any anymore75. Favourite animal?

BEARS I WANT A BEAR TATTOOED ON ME RN76. What colour is your underwear?

dark grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough every time79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black 80. What colour pants?

no pants! all day long!81. Favourite tv show?

friends is one of my faves, but I also rlly love rick & morty which is a lil embarrassing but it’s the best

82. Favourite movie?

ya know I don’t rlly have a fav movie83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the goth bitch janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush the sea turtle is the best character87. First person you talked to today?

a BOYyyyy who I’m rlly into 88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend paulina!89. Name a person you hate?

lol this girl me & my friend just started going out with, she’s so awful & we’re trying to figure out how to cut her off without being mean :/ 90. Name a person you love?

my parents91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself?92. In a fight with someone?

nope93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I have like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANy95. Last movie you watched?

I watched nerve but I didn’t rlly like it lol96. Favourite actress?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯97. Favourite actor?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯98. Do you tan a lot?

not rlly but I tan easily so I don’t have to99. Have any pets?

I HAVE 3 CATS & THEY’RE ANGELS100. How are you feeling?

sleepyyyy101. Do you type fast?

yah 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes103. Can you spell well?

I tell myself I can but actually probably not104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah my friend from last year who I kinda drifted apart from I miss her a lot105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes whoops 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

YEAH I LOVE TRAIL RIDES 108. What should you be doing?

writing my speech for my public presentations class & studying lol109. Is something irritating you right now?

no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah 111. Do you have trust issues?

a little112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I mean my friend emily but I was laugh crying113. What was your childhood nickname?

 my friends in middle school called me Lulu lmaooo 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah I go to school out of state!115. Do you play the Wii?

no I used to tho116. Are you listening to music right now?

yah dude listening to being as an ocean rn 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yup118. Do you like Chinese food?

I fuckin LOVEEE chinese

119. Favourite book?

idk I haven’t read for pleasure in a rlly long time 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes lol121. Are you mean?

no I try to be kind as fuck122. Is cheating ever okay?

noooOoOooo123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nOOOOOOO124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

NOOOOOOOOOO125. Do you believe in true love?

yah I want to126. Are you currently bored?

yesssss127. What makes you happy?

sunday phone calls with my parents128. Would you change your name?

nah my names pretty unique I’ve never rlly met another Lucy 129. What your zodiac sign?

leo!130. Do you like subway?

yah subways dank131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhhhhh idk that’d be weird132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend Paulina 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”when I sit alone come get a little known but I need more than myself this time”

snow by rhcp is like one of my fav songs of all time & I just love that line idk 134. Can you count to one million?

who would ever135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I DON’T LIE TO PPL BITCH136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed ew wtf who sleeps with their door open137. How tall are you?

4′10138. Curly or Straight hair?

curlyyyy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer absolutely141. Night or Day?

BOTH 142. Favourite month?

I like may cause the weather is nice & also I get to go homeee143. Are you a vegetarian?

no I’ve given up meat for a while tho & it wasn’t bad! also I eat vegan some days just bc I like doing it but I love mac & cheese too much for that shit (I know vegan mac & cheese exists but easy mac) 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

I didn’t leave my bed so yah147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

anything carl sagan has said ever I fucking love him but one of my faves is from pale blue dot that says

”The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

idk I’ve never had a ghost experience but I like the idea of it so sure150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The plant cell typically consists of a more or less rigid cellwall and a protoplast.”

It’s the textbook for my plant evolution class lmaooo 

tht deadass just took me so long lol thanks for occupying me for like an hour

[astrofireworks]

ok so on Sunday my sister and I went to Universal Studios Singapore for her birthday and literally the first thing I thought of was theme park performer!Bin and visitor!Eunwoo so this spilled out 

happy 500 days with astro ~~~

Minion lover Cha Eunwoo

I'm cackling

So the new minion movie just came out and they're saying that the theme park near Eunwoo's place has minion-themed stuff to promote it

Including a giant inflatable minion !!!!!!

And so Eunwoo, our neighbourhood minion trash,

You know

Has to go

And so he wakes up on a Saturday morning, heads over to the theme park and enjoys the minion festivities

Unironically because he's lee dongminion

And because he's bought the ticket already he figures he might as well enjoy the entire theme park so he grabs lunch and goes around to the different attractions

Until he comes across a stage

Street performer Bin

Has a showtime every hour or so, depending on the crowd & depending on his boss

Performs on the main stage right near the entrance

Mostly does dance and damn he's good at it

He & his crew (Rocky, Hoshi, Dino, Chani) do a five minute routine every showtime and they get thunderous applause every single time & usually almost half the crowd is filming them

The other half being kids who scream and clap in delight

And a small handful of teenage girls who also scream and clap in delight

Gets hungry after every single show

Dino gets alarmed sometimes because "bin are you sure you can eat all this before the next show?"

Finished everything every single time & gets hungry right afterwards too

Basically a food black hole bless his soul

Rocky doesn't even get surprised anymore when he looks at bin's table and he's polishing off two full meals for lunch

Does extra shows after their own five minute segments just for fun

Steps off the main stage & just dances freestyle slightly to the right

Sing sometimes too or beatboxes so the rest of his friends can dance

You know how there are queues to take pictures with characters and stuff like shrek or the minions or stuff

Yeah people queue up to take photos with the dance crew

Most of them being young kids beaming in excitement and Chani also beaming in excitement because he is also a young child

I love him so much stop me

But also some of them being Smitten™ fangirls who giggle their way through the photos & press numbers into their palms

But Bin always palms them off to Hoshi and Rocky because there's really only one person he wants a phone number from

Every Saturday there's always this one guy who comes

It's always during his two o'clock show and again during his six o'clock show

And the first time he saw him Bin fumbled and missed a step

Essentially the first mistake he's ever made on stage so he sat down afterwards sweating over it

Even though literally nobody else noticed because Hoshi was in the centre being spectacular and he was exiting stage right

Like "why did I make that mistake omg" and "it was beCAUSE OF THAT G U Y" 

hold up Bin what

literally the first image replaying in his head after the stage is that guy's face

Bin didn't get a clear look because he's been spinning around stage and because said guy was half hidden behind a bunch of giggly girls but he got a short glimpse of clear bright eyes, a half smile and carefully ruffled hair in a white shirt

And it's that image of an angel that stays with Bin through his three, four, five o'clock shows because wow he has never seen someone who could make him mess up his steps like that

How annoying, Bin tells himself, what a terrible guy

Until he sees him again at his six o'clock show, this time in the front row, grinning, one hand on the strap of his backpack and the other in a pocket and a thin silver chain around his neck that disappears into the v of his collar

And wow his face is easily one of the best??? looking ????? ones ????????? Bin has ever seen ????????

And judging from the girls nudging and whispering beside him it's easily one of the best looking ones everyone and anyone has ever seen

And he nearly misses a beat staring but Dino brushes by him and he moves right back in place

But the whole dance he's staring at the angel and gets startled every time the angel meets his eyes and smiles

And dammit Bin is blushing

I mean everyone else thinks it's because of the heat and because Bin is dancing but Bin knows

And his face is flushing and dammit Bin shouldn't be affected !!!!!! because he's on stage and dancing and shouldn't be distracted !!!!!

But two can play at this game bitxh

So he throws a wink and a grin in the angel's general direction when he's in the centre

You know

This one 

And watches the man flush and bite his lip and look down

And also hears the very audible swooning of the girls next to him because they think it's meant for them

But yes the man leaves right after even though Bin was keeping an eye out for him so he could catch him after the show

And so Bin resigns himself to seeing that beautiful smile in his dreams and only in his dreams

Because ??? Literally there's probably no chance he'll ever see this beautiful man again

Until the next Saturday at two o'clock when he shows up again

Bin truly wants to scream

He's in a soft blue button up this time, thin and light enough for the weather in a theme park but somehow structured enough to make his broad shoulders seem endless and for him to look soft and boyfriend and he's smiling gently waiting for Bin to start his stage

Wait

Boyfriend

What

Bin, stOP IT

But as usual he disappears before Bin can get off the stage to talk to him so Bin just cries internally in despair

I mean there's always the six o'clock show right

But the moment Bin finishes his stage he sees a soft blue shirt detach itself from the crowd and drift off towards the theme park exit and he feels his heart sink in disappointment

And so Bin goes through the motions of pictures and smiling and thanking people for their support then flops over to the closest refreshment stand because boy he needs a drink

Because wow chances are that if that man's already come two weeks in a row to enjoy the theme park it's unlikely he'll ever come again

He'll never see that man again

Oh well

And our son just looks so mopey that MJ hands him a turkey leg and a Coke and pats him on the head

And because this is MJ he obviously asks about it

what a sweet caring bean

But when Bin refuses to speak about it MJ just sagely nods and whacks his friend on the head

MJ: "is it boy trouble or"

Bin, muffled through a mouthful of meat: "shussup"

MJ, loudly cackling because if anything that's a sure confirmation

Sanha sticking his head out from where he's manning the minion booth beside MJ's food cart

"HYUNG HAS A CRUSH???"

Cue teasing-fodder-hyenas Hoshi, Rocky, Dino and Chani leaping into Bin and Sanha and yelling at Bin to spill

Bin sensibly yelling back that he'll probably never see that guy ever again because this is a theme park, dammit, nobody comes more than twice a month because the tickets are too bloody expensive

MJ whining sadly about lost love and the boys all awwing at Bin

And so they all go back to their daily lives, Bin quickly forgetting the man in favour of focussing on dance routine and new pranks to pull on his crewmates

Until

You guessed it

Eunwoo makes an appearance for the third Saturday in a row

And when Bin steps on stage his eyes are caught by a small silver flicker and large bright eyes curved in a smile

And so he grins brightly at the angel because goddammit he isn't letting this angel fly away again because third time lucky right?

Wrong

Right after the performance comes to a close Bin slips off the stage and towards the angel

Who has his arm around the shoulders of another guy

Bin

Is

Crushed

He has never once entertained the idea that angel boy might be taken, that someone else might have been wowed the same way he is, that someone else might have courted this man first

And now that he does, he feels disappointment and a vague sense of despair welling up in his heart and elbows and eyebrows and everywhere

He truly thought he was going to talk to that man today

But I guess not

And so he skips his post-performance snack and sits, huddled in a corner of a room looking in the mirror because that man the angel had his arm around?

He was beautiful

Large brown eyes with beautiful eyesmiles, bright grin, sharp jawline, sun that could power a village for five years (MJ claims this one though, Bin thinks his smile could power one for at least seven years), cute mole beneath his lip and matching silver chain

Bin might have the body honed by dancing endlessly daily for more than half his life but

Wow this boy is truly beautiful too

The both of them are

and MJ and Rocky are waiting at MJ's refreshment stand, waiting for Bin to come out and claim a bag of potato chips

But he doesn't

And it’s when Rocky walks into their shared prep room with a bag of chips to dangle in Bin's face he sees Bin staring despondently at a mirror

"It was a dumb crush anyway it wasn't going anywhere"

"Wait hyung what"

Bin, startling: "wAIT"

Rocky: "YOU MEAN ANGEL BOY CAME AGAIN????"

Bin, sulking: "yeah? Him and his boyfriend?"

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky: "Oh my god you're jealous"

"Ur jealous aren't u"

"Oh my gOD HAHAHHA" (loud smiley park minhyuk laughter)

Ok but rocky isn't an entire lil shit he hugs Bin, pats him on the head and tells him it's alright

But he's still a lil shit so he opens Bin's bag of chips and eats that

And Bin gets up and chases Rocky around the room and suddenly just like that, with Bin running after Rocky and Rocky cackling and trying to stuff as many chips in his mouth as humanely possible, the atmosphere is alright again

Bin performing at all his shows with a lighter heart because screw that beautiful human he doesn't need to see his beautiful face and beautiful smile every day to be happy

And right at six o'clock he sees angel in the crowd waiting and bin makes sure he does extra good !!!!

And because he's not a little bitter or anything he totally doesn't wink in the angel's general direction

And keep his eyes trained on the angel's just to see how much he can make him blush

Nope

Not at all

Eunwoo blushes a lot

Eunwoo, for once, not disappearing after the performance

Because goddamn he got a season ticket to come to the theme park for a reason and that reason was to enjoy the dance performances (and also the minion parades)

And to talk to Dance Boy !!!!

And Jinjin wouldn't let him disappear anyway

Jinjin didn't buy a ticket to not see the boy eunwoo's been moping over for the past two weeks

"his smile is so bright jinjin"

"he wore a sleeveless black tank today his arms were amazing jinjin"

"his eyes are the shiniest jinji-"

Jinjin @ eunwoo: O MY GOD SHUT UP EUNWOO IF YOU WANT TO DATE HIM JUST ASK

"but he's beautiful, jinjin, you have to see him when he dances, I'm like nothing compared to him I'll never stand a chance" 

yeah right Eunwoo jinjin doesn’t believe you he's going to see for himself

and so jinjin: ok fine I'll buy a ticket and suffer through the minioning to see this angel myself

But in the mean time shUT UP ABOUT DANCE BOY OR I'LL STUFF UR FACE W SO MANY MARSHMALLOWS SO YOU'LL NEVER SPEAK AGAIN

Eunwoo shaking nervously and Jinjin squeezing his hand supportively before letting go quickly

He's pretty sure the reason why Dance Boy disappeared so fast from the stage was the fact that he saw Eunwoo's arm around his neck

I mean, Eunwoo was trying to keep him from yelling out Eunwoo's number at Dance Boy but Dance Boy probably doesn't know that

And so he doesn't want to give Dance Boy the wrong idea !! Because no matter how much Eunwoo whines Jinjin is a Good Friend !!

And so Jinjin gently pushes Eunwoo towards Dance Boy when the stage nears its end because there's no way he's wasting his ticket without a result

And so after the last beat ends Bin finds himself thanking the audience and coming off the stage

To run right into Eunwoo

"Um"

Wow Jinjin was right Dance Boy really looks like a cat up close

Beautiful, Eunwoo thinks

He watches Bin's cautious smile morph into one with slight worry and remembers that ???? He gotta respond

What a dude

"Um, hi."

Wow what ????? Angel Boy has ???? An angel voice ?????

A voice ???? He wouldn't mind hearing every day?????

first thing when he wakes up in the morning, last thing at night before he sleeps ?????

Dammit Bin sTOP

"I think you dance really w-"

"Thanks for coming every we-"

Both of them stopping flustered because wow what

Eunwoo being horrified because wow #EunwooExposed Dance Boy knows he's been coming every week so much for being "unremarkable" Eunwoo

Bin blushing because wow the angel thinks he dances well??????

Rocky hysterically laughing in the background

"Yeah I come every week to watch y-"

"I think your face is really nice to-"

Someone save Rocky he's wheezing on the ground

Chani hugging his stomach because ‘your face is really nice’ incredible, Bin, 

Jinjin torn between eavesdropping and wanting to hide himself in the ground because holy heck eunwoo's so embARRASSING

Hoshi finally stepping in because while he loves Bin Hoshi truly has no sense of self preservation whatsoever

"Hi I suggest you two fuck"

Brb gotta save Dino he's on the floor wheezing too

Bin spluttering "hyUNG"

Jinjin adding "well I don't disaGREE EUNWOO WHAT DO YOU SAY"

Eunwoo coughing and blushing and being slightly scandalised and planning ten thousand ways to kill Jinjin in his head 

and finally responding "well, perhaps a date first? or perhaps i should know your name first????"

Bin, shaking,

Chani helpfully supplying, "his name is Bin and his shaking means yes”

thanks Chani son 

Jinjin slightly panicking and going “WAIT BIN”

everyone turning to Jinjin 

“THERE’S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE THIS CONTINUES”

baby Bin’s eyes widening in alarm because what if this ‘thing’ is that Eunwoo is actually a serial murderer and is secretly our to kidnap dance crew members and 

ok bin firstly he wouldn’t tell you if he was a murderer

“the real reason why eunwoo got a ticket to the park was because he has a min-”

eunwoo, eyes widening lunging to cover jinjin’s cackle: “OH MY GOD SHUT UP” 

jinjin, screaming at the top of his lungs: “A MINION OBSESSION”

bin, mildly terrified,

but yes fast forward two months into the future,

Bin and Eunwoo going on dates that don’t involve the theme park 

Bin still performing his heart out every Saturday for Eunwoo

Eunwoo making good use of his one-year season pass and visiting his boyfriend 

Eunwoo sitting near his boyfriend’s stage with a cup of coffee and a book and whiling his day away people watching and Bin-watching 

and well, minion-watching 

Eunwoo defending his boyfriend from overly enthusiastic stans by appearing almost silently with a hand on Bin’s elbow, smiling slightly coldly 

Bin appearing in between shows to surprise Eunwoo (read: steal his coffee & steal kisses) and generally reminding other staring theme park visitors that Eunwoo is his and not a theme park attraction thank you very much

(hisses) i never want to see another minion in my life 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true

[saviormysticmeme]

Hello! If you feel inspired can you write about the RFA+V & Saeran trying new food like in a new restaurant or while on vacation abroad, and they catch a bad stomach flu. So how would the RFA deal with MC and the other way around what kind of sick person are the RFA? I know it's kind of a weird request but experiences like that really strengthen relationships so... ⊂(´• ω •`⊂) Thanks beforehand! I love you writing

I have been taking forever I am so sorryThank you for the request and compliment! And yeah I totally agree, taking care of someone when they’re sick is such a strong relationship builder…or breaker lololThere are few parts to this ask so it might be formated a lil weird but bare with me

I hope you enjoy (ง♥ᨓ♥)ง

Yoosung

Taking care of you:

No MC don’t get out of bed just rest!

He has the laptop out in front of you so you can entertain yourself. 

Brought you tons of blankets

He’s terrified of getting sick though, so he’s in and out of the room

He keeps bringing you orange juice 

It’s too much acid. It makes you throw up, causing Yoosung to almost throw up.

“Yoosung?? Are you alright?”

Him, refusing to look at you or the trash can of vomit: “Yeah MC I-I’m fine. I’m just gonna..go over far away for a few mins..” He ran out of the room

After about an hour he comes back in, looking better than when he ran out earlier. 

When he’s sick:

He looks like he’s dying

He doesn’t move from bed

He tries to muster up the energy to play LOLOL but you reprimand him and make him rest more

He’s shamelessly needy when he’s sick

“MC can I have this?” “MC…I feel so gross.” “MCCCCCCCC, hellllllp”

But you get breaks when he passes out for a few hours at a time, or he’ll get distracted from how gross he feels by watching Let’s Plays. 

Jaehee

Taking care of you:

She follows all the online instructions

The room temp is changed to be the perfect temp for counteracting your illness

You’re positioned just right among a hundred pillows so you’re in the most ergonomic position to prevent you from puking on everything

She calls room service to request only nutritious meals to help get you back on track

She also calls the restaurant you two ate at and reports to them that you seem to have gotten sick from the food there, managing to get a gift card for the place as an apology.

If she thinks you’re about to up heave your guts she just looks away and crinkles her nose a bit

She’s basically the bedside angel nurse you never thought you’d deserve

When She’s sick:

She insists she can take care of herself

But you argue that she’ll get better faster if she just lets you take care of her, and the faster she gets better the faster you two can go back to enjoying your vacation

She tries to sleep as much as possible because she knows her immune system works faster then

But you remind her she shouldn’t force herself to sleep through her vacation

You get her vitamins and tea, and you two just sit on the bed or couch and watch the Cooking network because Jaehee loves watching pastries getting decorated 

Who doesn’t tbh

Zen

Taking care of you:

He waits on you hand and foot

Even when you don’t need, or even want, something, he brings it

Blankets, vitamins, water, orange juice, this weird herbal drink he found at the market that says it’s good for you, snacks, you name it

He cuddles with you despite being sick too sense he has the immune system of a beast

You two just sit around and watch movies all day while you nap on and off

He still thinks you’re cute, with your flushed face and red eyes and that adorable drippy nose

Haha just kidding he is not a fan of you being sick but he does think your sneezes are adorable and the way your eyes flutter when you first wake up from one of your naps is pretty damn adorable

When you barf…he is a little disenchanted but he knows it isn’t your fault so he just holds your hair and rubs your back

When he is sick:

He refuses to sit still and stay in the room

“Come on MC we have sights to see”

“But Zen you’re sick!”

“I don’t feel so hot but I can keep myself from throwing up at least so come on”

If he does vomit he grabs the nearest trash can and you’d hold his ponytail back

And cut it off

No just hold it

He insists he’d feel too awful if you guys sat around during a vacation just cause he has the stomach bug

And you insist you feel awful that he feels awful for being sick

You guys just go back and forth until you give up and resolve to just keep an eye on him and not stray too far from the hotel in case it gets worse

By the next morning he claims he feels better just from being with you all day

Jumin

When you’re sick:

He calls the best local doctor in the area

All the high class foreign vitamins 

The best Korean vitamins are in express mail on their way to you guys

The restaurant is under new management within the hour because how dare they let this happen

Jumin please it isn’t their fault

You’re resting in bed and he’s by your side, pumped with antibiotics to keep him from getting sick because he refuses to leave you alone

He extends the vacation by a week to make up for any lost time spent in bed and sick

When he’s sick:

Very similar to the steps from when you were sick

You try to make the phone calls for him but he says he’s fine to do it and that you should at least have fun on your vacation

He tries to plan for a trusted tour guide to take you around so you can at least enjoy yourself

But you refuse, saying you’d much rather be with him

He tries to get you to leave so you won’t be at risk for catching whatever he has but you’re persistent

And despite him having all the best medicine and care already you do your best

You bring him warm or cold towelettes for his forehead when his temperature drops or spikes

You brush his hair back and do your best to hold his bangs back while he pukes

He apologizes for being so ‘disheveled’

You run to a local bookstore and find some interesting reads for him to entertain himself with while relaxing

Eventually you just snuggle up to him and nap while he does.

Seven

When you’re sick

First thing he does is dress as a sexy nurse

But then he gets serious…ironically serious considering his outfit

He buys some medicine and vitamins, uses the power of internet to get a good read on what may be ailing you

He knows you don’t feel like eating but insists you eat a small meal here and there to get some nutrients in you

He gets lots of bendy straws for you to drink water, because bendy straws make everything better.

You say the word and he is doing whatever you need or getting whatever you want in an instant

He’s your one and only bedside nurse

When he’s sick

“MC I’m fine”

“You threw up twice in an hour”

“I’m fi-”

You take the PhD Pepper out of his hand “No more of this for now” 

Cue you hiding all the really acidic and fatty foods he brought along despite his whining

He feels guilty doing work on vacation but you assure him that it’s ok since he can’t do much but sit at his computer anyways.

Besides, if he finishes some work now you two can have fun when you’re back home

He takes a lot of breaks though where you two just snuggle

After a while he hints that he has the sexy nurse outfit for whatever reason

You tell him you’ll put it on when he feels better.

Getting him all riled up while he’s sick is not on your to do list

He’s sad, but he understands

And while he hides most of it behinds jokes, he really appreciates you 

Even the part of you refusing to wear the sexy nurse outfit

Saeran

When you’re sick

He’s a little annoyed. Not at you because he knows you didn’t choose this, but with the situation as a whole.

But you can tell he’s irritated and that either irritates you, or makes you feel a little guilty.

Cue slight strain on relationship here

But after an hour or two he realizes instead of being salty he could be helping you feel better and he does

He’s not good at it, but he tries.

He gets you water and some vitamins he’s familiar with, and tries to find things for you to entertain yourself.

After a while he realizes you’re happy with the two of you just lounging around and talking….and that makes him happy too.

Maybe this isn’t such a bad vacation. He wasn’t super excited to go outside into tourist land anyways.

Then you started puking and he had to hold your hair back

Ok no still kind of bad vacation

But even a bad vacation with you is an okay one in his eyes

When he’s sick

He’s just overtired and feeling icky and therefore a little more snappy than usual

You try getting him to eat but he refuses because his stomach hurts

After almost a whole day you bring in a tray of easy to digest foods and try getting him to eat once again

“No.” He glares at you and turns his back as he lays down.

You glare daggers into the back of his head.

“Saeran, you’re going to eat something or so help me god.” He turns to look at you, a challenging look in his eye. He isn’t used to you being assertive but he’s not going to give i-

You’re still glaring at him. Dead. In. The. Eyes.

“Alright” He grumbles as he takes the tray

At first he’s just moving things around with a spoon

But eventually he starts picking at things and actually eating

And he even feels a little better

Weird. It’s like being overtired, sick, and hungry only made things worse who would have guessed certainly not MC

You notice he’s sweating and grab a cold towel and start washing his forehead

“What are you doing”

“Does this not feel good?”

“No no.. it does. Thanks.” He looks away as you tilt his face to get all the drops and brush back his sweat matted hair. 

Once he’s freshened up a little more you just cuddle him.

“MC…”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

V

When you’re sick

Protective Daddy Mode Activated

Much like the others he just takes care of you

And even when you whine he doesn’t mind, he understands you don’t feel well

He does anything he can to help

He does think it’s for the best that you two don’t cuddle or kiss though, cause if he catches it too then you’re both screwed

He even wears a germ mask

But he’s cute as fuck so you don’t mind

He brings you tea and water constantly, along with small nutritious meals

He gets tourist books and rearranges your schedule so you two can optimize the time you have once you feel better

The vomiting doesn’t phase him, he just holds your hair, rubs your back, and mutters encouraging, albeit strange, things along the way

“That’s it MC, get it all out” “You’ll feel better soon” “I’ll be here with you, just relax and do what you need”

Thanks V, the vomit was needing that encouragment

When he’s sick

He is bedridden

Boy will not move

He suddenly seems so fragile

You kind of think he’s dying.

But he assures you he is fine and tries to get you to go out and have fun without him

What is with these boys not understanding you’re not leaving them

Whenever you bring him something he sings praise about how kind you are to him, and how he doesn’t deserve you.

As much as he wants to be near you, he can’t risk getting you sick because ‘he’d be unable to deal with the guilt’ so he banishes you to the living room while he sleeps.

You feel bad but he absolutely refuses anything that involves you doing something for him more strenuous than making a cup of tea.

Once he feels better a couple days later he promises to make it up to you, despite you saying he has nothing to make up for. 

[my-mystic-mess]

Can I request the RFA+V and Saeran reacting to MC having super bad period pains~ idk sorry it's weird lmao. I love your writing! 💞

Dood, I also have god awful cramps. I hate periods so so much, this is what I feel like when I’m on mine…

And thank you!! It’s so nice of you to say that~ You have no idea how happy I am when I hear that someone likes my writing!!

Disclaimer: spoilers, blood, and slight mentions of sex???(like sex ed, nothing graphic)

o   Yoosung

·        WHAT IS GOING ON?

·        When he finds you curled up in a ballon your bed groaning from the pain he freaks out

·        He quickly realizes what is going onthough since he grew up with his mom, sister, and later on Rika.

·        “Honey, what can I do to help?” he wouldtimidly ask.

·        The sweet lil’ bean would be preparedto do anything he could to help you with your pain

·        Yoosung would grab you some painmedicine and after he saw that you took it, he would probably fly out the door.

·        You would wonder where Yoosung wasgoing for a minute as you would drift off, sleep over taking you as there was alull in your pain

·        You were awoken a couple hours laterto the smell of something wonderful

·        You crept into the kitchen wrapped ina comforter to see your wonderful boyfriend standing at the stove making yourfavorite dinner

·        sliding behind Yoosung you wrappedyour arms around him

·        He jumped in surprise but giggledwhen he glanced behind him to see you encased in the blanket

·        After dinner and a making sure youtook  more pain medicine he tucked youinto bed beside him making sure you were comfortable

·        Yoosung would stroke your hair as youfell asleep nuzzled beside him whispering in your ear about how much you meantto him

o   Zen

·        I honestly feel like Zen would be themost clueless

·        He’d see that you bled onto thesheets and he was freaked out

·        After you told him you were on yourperiod he’d be like…

·        “Period?? Like at the end ofsentence??” he’d try to joke around to lighten the mood

·        (he mentions he was in relationshipsbefore but I don’t think those would have progressed as far as them livingtogether; whereas I believe soon after the party you and Zen would be livingtogether)

·        and then the cramps would come…

·        “Baby, are you okay? What’s goingon?”

·        “Its cramps Zen could you please getme some Advil or something?”

·        “Advil?” he’d ask…

·        Zen was hardly ever sick or ever hurtso he didn’t really keep a lot of medicine around…

·        “ZEN GO TO THE STORE AND GET ME SOME MEDICINE! AND CHOCOLATE!”

·        He didn’t even say bye as he rushedout, the door slamming behind him

·        Zen called Jaehee on his way to thestore and asked her almost a million questions

·        After getting almost all of his questions answered he picked up what he thoughtyou might need and brought it back home

·        You were surprised to see Zen walkthrough the door with six bags from the store

·        He had gotten four boxes of tampons,three boxes of pads, four different types of medicine, and who knows how manytypes of snacks

·        Zen hesitantly approached you whereyou had laid yourself across the couch

·        And saw your face stained with tears fromthe pain(and hormones)

·        To which he immediately scooped youinto his arms and sat you on his lap

·        Where he pecked your cheeks with hissoft lips until you were left giggling

o   Jaehee

·        BOY DID SHE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

·        Home-girl had your back when it camewith period pain

·        Her cabinets were stocked witheverything you might ever need

·        When you woke up one morning withparticularly bad cramps and a sore back she called into work immediately to askfor the day off

·        “Mc, stay in bed I’ll make yousomething to snack on and get you a heating pad.

·        After she pulled out a heating padand gave you a few extra pillows she hurried to the kitchen

·        Jaehee grinned as she brought a plateof your favorite breakfast food to you

·        You smiled softly, ushering her backunder the blankets and back next to you

·        The two of you laid nestled in bedtogether for the rest of the day

·        Jaehee would occasionally bring upsomething she found in her research that she found interesting

·        And you would chat about some ofZen’s musicals and both of your hopes for his career

·        By evening you were warm and feelinga bit better, you always felt good after being nestled into Jaehee’s side

o   Jumin

·        asdfghjkl he’d be so sweet oh my god

·        OKAY

·        You’d wake up in the middle of thenight with that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach

·        And you knew.

·        Feeling that your pajamas were nowruined you rolled out of bed and staggered into the bathroom

·        You began to clean yourself off, andthat’s when you heard Jumin getting up and gasp when he saw you weren’t in bed

·        He thundered towards the bathroom asyou opened the door

·        “Mc, darling are you alright? Do youneed anything?”

·        Jumin seemed a bit flustered butrelaxed as soon as you moved into his arms

·        “Mc… are you feeling okay?”

·        You gave a small chuckle as you toldhim that it was just your period and that you get awful cramps when you are onit

·        That’s when you both noticed that youwere in fact just in your underwear on account that the huge night shirt youhad been sleeping in getting bloody

·        Embarrassed you pulled away from himbut, he just closed his eyes and smirked while pulling you into his arms

·        “Shall we draw you a warm bath orwould you rather put some new pajamas on and get back to sleep?”

·        You laid your head on his shoulderand mumbled something about having a snack

·        He walked you to the bedroom and slipped one of his shirts over your headthen picked you back up to carry you to the kitchen for a quick midnight snack

·        You awoke the next morning on thecouch with your head in Jumin’s lap

·        Looking up you saw Jumin snoozingabove you with remnants of last night’s snack present on his cheek

·        Sitting up, you covered him with a blanketbefore making your way to the bathroom

·        All the while thinking about howabsolutely in love you are with your husband

o   Saeyoung

·        You had been out shopping when thecramps had began

·        And to make matters worse you hadbled through your pants causing you to become quite embarrassed(even if no onehad seen them)

·        By the time you got to the bunker andgotten through all of the passwords

·        (GODWHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY PASSWORDS I JUST WANT TO BE IN BED)

·        As soon as the door was open you ranthrough stripping your pants and bloody underwear off in the process, nevernoticing that Saeyoung was dead asleep on the couch

·        (and at that point you just didn’tcare)

·        You made it into the bathroom andtook some pain medicine as you turned on the shower and…

·        (Whatthe heck? How did I get blood on my shirt?) you thought to yourself as youstepped into the shower

·        Your muscles began to relax as thewater ran down your body

·        Saeyoung awoke to the sound of theshower turning off but what he saw when he opened his eyes terrified him

·        “MC! WHERE ARE YOU? OH MY GOD, MC!”

·        Needless to say seeing your bloodiedclothes scattered across his home shook him to the core

·        He heard your muffled voice from behindthe bathroom door yet, he paid no mind as he barged in.

·        “Saeyoung?!” you squealed yanking thetowel tighter around your body

·        “M-Mc? Are you alright, I saw all theblood and I-“

·        Sighing, you gestured to the newlyopen box of pads on the bathroom counter

·        Saeyoung’s face flushed almost as redas his hair, and he began stuttering as he backed out of the bathroom slammingthe door quickly behind him

·        When you emerged a few minutes lateryou were met with the comfiest looking pillow fort you had ever seen andSaeyoung sitting inside with a heating pad and Honey Buddah Chips

·        He gestured you over and sat you onhis lap wrapping his armsaround your shoulders lovingly

·        “I’m sorry I freaked out on you babe,but maybe this will make up for it?”

·        “Saeyoung,” you sighed “it didn’tbother me. I’m just in a lot of pain.”

·        He turned on the TV as you leanedagainst him, settling in for a comfortable evening

o   Saeran

·        OKAY SO MINT EYE DOES NOT HAVE GREAT SEX EDUCATION CLASSES

·        (Much like many schools smh)

·        so the first time it happens whileyou are together he’s like

·        “Why are you so moody?”

·        “Why aRE YOU UPSET?”

·        “WHAT IS A PERIOD??? BLOOD??? WHYDOES IT HAPPEN???”

·        After you tried your best toexplain(Saeyoung explained a little more in depth at a later point)

·        (likeimagine giving your boyfriend the bird and the bees talk)

·        He gets it.

·        And the next time you got your periodhe was prepared.

·        And I mean prepared.

·        The minute he found out that you wereon it this sweet boy was over to your apartment in minutes

·        He walked in loaded down with tubs ofice cream and pain medicine

·        He didn’t say a word while he put theice cream in the freezer as he sat you down on the couch

·        You smiled softly watching Saeran bustlearound your kitchen, he hadn’t said a word except hello since he got there

·        Soon he was back by your side andhanding you a bowl of soup

·        “Eat it, and I’ll let you have someice cream later.”

·        You smiled and thanked him whiletaking the soup from his hands.

·        He sat down directly across from you,watching intently as you ate it.

·        A blush settled over your cheeks frombeing watched and you glanced up and met his stare

·        “What? Do you need anything? Are youhurting?” he asked hurriedly

·        “No, well yes, I am hurting but I don’tneed anything. I’m just really happy that you’re here with me.”

·        It was him who began to blush then,and he quickly stood and took your empty bowl

·        Suddenly, your cramps got worse andyou groaned in pain

·        Saeran was by your side quickly andtook your hands in his looking at you worriedly

·        You smiled at him reassuringly andkissed his cheek.

·        Saeran reached for your hand as youleaned your head against his shoulder and fell asleep…

o   V

·        V IS GOING TO LOVE AND CHERISH YOU NO MATTER WHAT

·        SO BE READY TO BE TREATED LIKE A FREAKING ANGEL

·        V was awoken by you twisting andturning in bed sweat coating your body

·        He groggily reached for the lamp onthe bedside table to flick it on

·        V lightly shook you awake and tookyou by the hand leading you to the bathroom

·        He turned the shower on and helpedyou undress out of your pajamas

·        You mumble out a quick thank you asyou stepped in the shower

·        He told you about some ideas forfuture photos as you washed off and soon stepped from the shower

·        V was waiting for you with a freshlydried towel and enveloped you in its warmth

·        On your bedside table was a glass ofwater and some pain medicine

·        You reached for V as you tumbled backinto bed

·        He pulled you into his chest andbegan to rub your back softly

·        You fell asleep tangled together, andneither of you could imagine a place you would rather be  

Lots Of Love,

L💖

[teddyaltman]

all the even numbers yo

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yeeees omg it is snowing here rn and we just went outside and i love it i love it i looooove feeling cold but only on a lil bit of my body i hate it when im all over cold4: how do you take your coffee/tea? black and strong, no tea thanks6: do you keep plants? yes, i have one money plant and it’s now named sophie courtesy of delani8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? screaming into the void (cross stitch)10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? stomach unless i’m with someone else and then probs side12: what's your favorite planet? uranus duh jk mars is bright tonight14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? so my best friend has a flat in london and it’s gorgeous and i would like to live there tbh, its just full of things that make us happy like harry potter wands and two tvs so you can play xbox together on two screens and things from travels around the world and a piano and i just love it16: what's your favorite pasta dish? a no pasta dish 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. the time i fainted at may’s nephews graduation and got an ambulance called they’re never gonna let me live that shit down20: what's your favorite eye color? idon’t rly have a favourite but i like when you’re looking at someones eyes and they’re smiling back at u22: are you a morning person? yes! i like to get up early and curl up with a coffee and a book on a day off or when i have work i get up early to walk buddy or meg and then watch neighbours while i eat my breakfast 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? i literally talk to my dad about eveyrthing, also dan, my mum and my sisters i never keep secrets from26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my flowery docs!28: sunrise or sunset? oOOoOOh both?? okay gun to my head sunrise over a lake is the most beautiful thing 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. when we were at uni dan and i used to call each other in the middle of the night if we were walking home drunk and we just used to talk and talk about anything and everything until the drunk one was sober enough to sleep34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? a bunny called bunny that i got when i was born (okay well actually its a replacement cos i lost the original in a service station in france on the way to disney when i was 2) but i still have it and it’s gross because i used to fall asleep by chewing on her ears and holding her tight around the neck so she looks awful but she’s still my bunny 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? sugarland38: tell us about your pet peeves! idk i don’t like it when people ignore me40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a wolf necklace that mg bought me for secret santa one year its gorgeous and i love necklaces and most of mine are anchors or giraffes but the wolf one is so amazing and so me and i love it42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbs dude im easy44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? laying on the sofa in my snug on dec 27th 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i cannot think of a single pun i suck48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? being abandoned and yep probs50: what's an odd thing you collect? HAHAH i collect SO MANY THINGS i have a collection pROBLEM okay i collect hurricane hard rock glasses, and i collect US quarters and i collect those special cups you can buy at the cinema sometimes and mugs from places i love and i have a p good pop funko collection and a hELLUVA lot of DVDS just idk if you can buy a ~collectors thing i probably will im a sucker for advertisement52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? its been like a week but omg the hollywood sign one

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my sister when she just watched derek die on grey’s56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they ramble on about something thye love, when people are so passionate you can feel it radiating off them, when someone tries their best to make you smile when you’re upset, when people pat dogs 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? marygrace is the vodka aunt im probs the wine mom 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yeah but i don’t read a whole lot of it, idk i like simple stuff 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? eh not rly sometimes apple or cranberry but not often i just drink coffee64: what color is the sky where you are right now? WHITE cos SNOW66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? any flower crown is an ideal flower crown68: what's winter like where you live? coldish, and grey v grey but i like the feeling of the cold mist snaking around you and seeing your breath when you’re walking and wearing a hat to keep ur lil ears warm!! sometimes it snows and ilove that70: have you ever used a ouija board? lmao no but i would LOVE to72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? at work i keep so many notes about eveyrthing but i have a p photographic memory so i don’t rly need to its just so i can make sure stuff is organised and so i can show that i’ve listened to what people want74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. loud and passionate and so caring, finds an unrelenting joy in the most unexpected of things and is so strong and honest and proud. hates zombie culture. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? nope! 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? love a good minion80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? they’re cream bc my sisters and i used to switch around a lot so we all got them painted the same so it didn’t matter and we could stick up whatever we wanted to make it our own space. i did have a jungle room at one point and the walls were orange that was cool and in my hp room i had one RED wall for gryffindor that was awesome82: are/were you good in school? english, particularly lit, history, food tech, film, maths but i Hated that uuuh i was a good student - not a great one bc i was lazy and dumb in school and didn’t study like i  should have done but i did p well 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? yessss i want an anchor on my ankle and expecto patronum on my wrist and delta lyrics on my ribs and also ‘faith, trust & pixie dust’86: do you like concept albums? which ones? what88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? impressionists90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. chicago is one of the best cities i have ever been too and i’m so lucky to have lived so close for a year it’s just so vibrant and full of life but not ~super busy so you feel crushed and rushed all the time and i rly loved it bUT also shoutout to brisbane which was a huge surprise how much i loved it and i explored it on a segway which was incredible and obvs sydney owns my lil heart and i wanna stare at the opera house forever92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i hate pasta94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? jesus96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? ha remind me tomorrow pls98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? in the blue mountains in aus! yeah i love to hike except im not a fan of hills, whenever i hike with dan he gets me to explain the plots of tv shows to him to distract me he’s the best100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? def the future bc i have some great memories of the past 5 years and i wouldn’t be who i am today without them but i do not want to go back and relive them thanks

[sxmmersover]

Insecurities, Jealousy, internal conflict and… Hypocrisy?

I’ve known Emma for a little over a year. we’ve been dating a week. that leaves pretty much a whole year where i wanted to be with her exclusively, but she wasn’t ready for relationship. 

i’d only really been properly single 2 months when i met Emma. 2 months to process and get over a 3 year relationship amid final year coursework, clearly not nearly enough time. i was nearly there though, i’d asked out a couple girls on dates with little success… but i was moving on. i knew once she’d given me the smallest ounce of attention and interest that i was hooked. she was stunningly pretty, wickedly wild and a total nerd loser at heart like me.

Classic Joe move, obviously caught feelings super fast even though it was clear this girl was on the anti relationship warpath. maybe i could’ve just seen her as a fuck, but Emma also treated me as something much more a lot of the time, so i dared to hope one day she’d come around to being with me. true she made it ever so clear the last thing she wanted was a relationship, but in many ways we treated each other like we were at least ‘seeing each other’. it caused me a lot of pain to know she’d kiss other guys on nights out etc but it brought a lot of comfort that i was the only person she was sexual with, shed always end back in my bed at the end of the night. i lived with that, it wasn’t what i wanted but it was the compromise i made to keep this girl i really liked in my life. i appreciated Emma’s honesty, it says a lot about her that she’d be completely upfront about what she did at the risk of me cutting things off.

The real focus of this post is sex, and my very confused feelings on it so that’s where i am gonna try to steer it now. my problem is holding things Emma did with other people whilst i was in her life against her. i don’t mean that i beef her, or v rarely do. its more when i’m low i think of those moments and think of the girl i love spitefully, its an awful feeling but i do and i want it to stop so bad.

a little ways in whilst continuing this casual friendship i hooked up with another girl multiple times. i don’t really know why i did, i guess it was purely because i could. Emma found out and was mad at me for keeping it from her. rightly so i should have mentioned it, but i was in denial thinking that i had no reason to tell her, i was just covering my ass.

Anyways, a little while later we were past that and it seemed we were getting very close, we even mentioned potentially proper dating. the problem was i was moving away so in the end what was the point. mid April while Emma was in Scotland she fooled around with a guy up there. it hurt me a lot true, i thought we were going to be dating when she got back, i felt a lil betrayed but she also never said we were exclusive so wcyd. when Emma came back from Scotland we fought and i told her she either committed to me or we stopped speaking. in a brutal fashion she said no way so i ended it. fair enough on her part but so far from what i wanted obviously.

during the time we weren’t speaking Emma slept with a guy a couple times. i can’t really understand why this still makes me want to vomit nearly 8 months later. its not the literally fact another dick was inside her, we both have sexual history obviously. its not like she cheated on me so its no that either. i guess its simply because hes the only other guy shes been with in the time i’ve been in her life. maybe that in that moment she was with him, she knew i existed, knew i loved her, wanted her more than anything, but instead chose to be with him. i know it isn’t as simple as that though, we weren’t on speaking terms so it wasn’t a simple choice between the two of us. i don’t really worry that much about him being a better shag. i know im good, but i still can’t her description of that night as ‘oH mY gOd the sEx’ like its burned into my brain. i still remember sobbing endlessly onto my friends floor as i saw her tweets showing he’d stayed over in her bed and they’d gone out for food and later that she had feelings for him. all while saying she needed to get over me. the whole thing still makes me want to fucking pull my hair out. literally some of the worst few days of my life.

that paragraph was heavy. i guess the point is that it doesn’t matter anymore. Emma never wronged me, but it still hurts and i subconsciously hold it against her. which isn’t fair on either of us. but see, this whole thing isn’t about trying to beef her being the whole sex thing is NOT one sided at all. by Sean, we’d both slept with one other person, not that numbers count, but my point is how can i be angry at her when i did the exact same thing, and i did it first? i even did it sober and many many more times than her. i also did it while we were on good terms, she did it while we weren’t even speaking. objectively emma sleeping with sean was no different to me sleeping with laura. i dont even think about laura, it was so unremarkable. emma probably feels the same with sean so why do i fixate on it so much?

fast forward many months theres little to talk about sex wise until Emma slept with a girl on a night out in late October. this one was a lot shittier in my eyes, she’d told me she didn’t wanna be with anyone else and i believed her, BUT and its a big BUT, we still weren’t exclusive so technically she didn’t wrong me. it hurt a lot, i felt so betrayed and so worthless but they are my own feelings to deal with, we weren’t exclusive so she was free to do whatever.

i don’t really have the energy to debate straight and gay sex but to me gay sex doesnt really bother me. so the fact emma fooled around with 2 girls recenly doesnt bother me to a massive extreme. hurts a little bit 1-2. what hurts a lot more was that she fooled around with connor who i was assured a million times over was just a pal but we literally werent even speaking then so can’t beef, but for whatever reason it still hurts.

see now while me and Emma weren’t speaking i started speaking to another girl in what i’d consider a fairly serious way. like we saw each other a lot, she met my fam but that was lit because they wouldn’t let me have a girl over without knowing her. probs because she was Mexican smh. SO THIS IS MY POINT. i slept with this girl, took her to college in the morning etc went on a couple dates yet im hung up over emma’s drunk pulls? WHY? that makes me such a hypocrite. well, at least i can recognise that. maybe i see myself as a victim? maybe its a lack of empathy? but from my understanding emma isnt bothered about me sleeping with other people (obvs before we got into a relationship). i evens slept with another girl in the UK. again counting numbers is silly but since we met emmas slept with 1 other guy to my 3 other girls? so why do i hold it against her and feel so shite about it? maybe i’m a bad person i wish i had a clear cut answer.  

perhaps how i see alice, laura and sindy as literal specs of dust compared to the wonder that is what i have with emma is how she views sean and those girls and thats why its not a big deal to her. maybe its not something to feel sick about all the time. like i said before the whole polygamy thing for the first year we knew each other was certainly both ways.

this has helped a lot, its emptied my head an awful amount. i just want us both to enjoy a long and loving relationship and for the past not to hold us back. its late and i should sleep. this post has literally 0 plan, a literal thought train but its also months worth of thoughts all rolled up into a big mush.

i wanna make it clear Emma isn’t responsible for my feelings, nor do i think she is. i just wanted to explore my own gripes to try and understand them a little better, maybe even resolve them in this little egg head of mine.

i know none of this matters now. i love this girl more than I've ever loved anyone. if we aren’t together at LEAST 5 years i’ll feel cheated by the universe. goodNIGHT