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#ugh. i feel so awful. i dont wanna work tomorrow.
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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hekkoto · 1 year
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Aaaaaand here comes...... YVELYSE~! Demones who saved rest of her people by facing cruel Princess of Flames as last hope to save shadow demons from being erased! Aaaand she is Xantos and Raxer's mom :3 She is wife of Horseman of Apocalypse Death who was impressed by her bravery and made her queen
Aaaand another sleepless night ugh... first I was struggling with feeling -something- is here and I was terrified, I felt some stuff, some weird noises too and then it was like I heard my dog making some quiet sounds so I got up cause I was worried something trying to hurt him. Then I lied in bed waiting for my husband with light turned on, all covered and watching around. When he got back we lied in bed together but I was unable to sleep, I felt better and safe with him next to me but sadly that night was awful, I was waking up all the time and Im so exhausted today. I hate my insomnia so much... I feel like shit, I see my fucked up hormones worsened my health a lot but lack of sleep makes it real hell haha I hate looking on my face lately so much, seeing how bad and sick I look... on good days I just put a lot of makeup and thats okay but when I dont have energy for anything I just avoid mirrors haha
well I need to chill now. Later I gonna work on my Powerpoint slideshow for thesis defence, thankfully after yesterday preparations call I know its rather small thing and should be quite easy to do :> so Im positive
dont worry about me, tomorrow I will have call with doctor so I hope to get some meds to sort out my problems
wanna support my evil dark empire? Im accepting souls on Patreon and Ko-fi! -> Hekkoto Huge thanks to all of my Patrons and people who donate 🖤
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myinnerocean · 8 months
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07.February 2024
Hello. Here i am again.
First i wanna say thank you for the words in your last post. I saved your words extra on my phone. They touched me and made me feel better. It didnt sound like dumb motivational shit, it sounded smart. And i will try to remember.
Those times are weird and lately i feel overwhelmed handling myself. Mostly i dont feel anything at all. I used to say im a cry baby but ive realized some months ago that i just dont cry anymore. I didnt cry in months, instead i feel nothing all the time and that just sucks as much.
Last weekend something happened that made me really sad again, which has to do with my sex struggles lol , i think ive told at some point about it. However, i am stuggling since a long time then and long story short i wanted to try again and ended up feeling fear, tension and cried after it. So it made me sad again and i hate myself for that, because it has nothing to do with Lars. Ugh. I just said sorry to him and didnt want to talk about it.
On monday i went to my doctos and got me a krankmeldung for the whole week because of depression shit. Ive been thinking about that for the last months, but then actually went to work. But my last shifts were kinda awful. I cant concentrate, i am always somewhere else in my head and i feel like everything is too much. That why i decided to just call in sick this week.
Now is wednesday which means tomorrow is thursday. On Thursday ive got my therapy appointment and i look forward to it. Dont worry, i would not stop going there. Even though it can be scary, i started to like her and shes the only person bringing a little bit of sense into my mind stuff. She wants me to go to a stationary treatment and waits for my green light lol. The waiting list is months long anyway, but because i would have to open up at work about it, i didnt decide for it yet.
Last week she also said it would be probably better if i come twice a week, because i need some time to get warm in sessions and i think it would be good to. We will see if i will have the strength to communicate that tomorrow lol, i just hope she gets back to that so i can just say oki hahah.
So ye, thats the update. I wanna do all the things you do too Joi, i really do. I just dont have the energy atm. I cant even organize the littelst shit atm. My flat is a mess, every grocery shopping feels like a bootcamp and i just feel like laying and rotting away. It kinda sucks right now and idk how to get out of it. The only times i feel better is at the weekend, when i do party and drugs. IK thats not okay and contra produktive, but if it werent for it, i would really rot away. Im trying.
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wonwooridul · 2 years
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sorry for taking a few days to reply!! anxiety has been getting to me but i'm okay <3
i had such a good few days off, they offered us more days off next week bc it's quiet so i'm only working monday & friday and i'm off tues to thurs WOOOOO <3
aw lovely :( i was homesick when i first moved out of my mum's, i don't remember how i dealt with it, i just remember crying a lot :( i'm sending u a hug :( <3
the mini vacay was good. i did lots of writing, taught myself different giffing techniques (i can finally gif black & white bc i really struggled to do it before), i caught up with a few kdramas and finished two of them :)
no worries love!! you are more important!! im glad youre doing okay <3 sending many bear hugs to you <3
your workplace seems nice omg,, giving extra days off ,, deserved <3 ONLY TWO DAYS WORKING OMG YAYYY
i am just binge watching alot of stuff cause i dont wanna feel down. tomorrow is the first day ugh. i miss home. [accepting hugs <3]
im so happy that u got a proper rest and me time!
omg writing smth for tumblr? or like personal ? black and white gifs my behated tbh... theyre always so pixelated for me on the phone <///3 which ones did u finish?? i started and finished 'Train' in like two days,, pls stop me
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shoutogepi · 4 years
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Orange Lamborghini
Bakugou Katsuki
word count : 6.3k 
[ ✘ (nsfw!) ]  
themes : lil toucha ass play, car sex, baku being a damn tease
bio : You keep telling yourself you’re done with Bakugou, but the last time is never really the last time, is it?
author’s note : i know i said i was gonna post a tamaki fic but it’s a certain violent blonde’s birthday tomorrow!! (happy 4/20 ayy) so here you go ;) … also this is a part two to my other baku fic, “fuck you i just might”, but you don’t have to read that one before this if you don’t wanna!
side note : Y/H/N is your hero name, and reader is a pro hero working at the same agency as Bakugou. ALSO he smells like caramel bc of his quirk, dont fight me on this >:(
also available on AO3 here
   ─── ・°* ゚✧:* • 。゚:*・☽・*: 。゚•*:✧ ゚*°・ ───
“🅂taying late again?” Reo, the owner of the coffee cart stationed in the lobby of the hero agency, quizzes as he throws you an accusatory look.
You stand before him, hand awkwardly looped around your elbow and a small, bashful smile on your lips. He totally knows. But you appreciate that he never outright says anything, and you know for a fact that he would never peep even a whisper to anyone. You are probably his most loyal customer, and you’d like to think he considers you a friend after all this time— not to mention, all the coffee you’ve purchased from him.
Reo gauges your meek expression, and he only smiles as he pours the creamer into the dark brown liquid. “They must be working you hard… I’ve never seen a top hero work such long hours, staying even after everyone else has left. Well, almost everyone, that is.”
Yeah, he most certainly knows.
“What can I say?” You blabber, perhaps answering him a bit too quickly. “Work is my whole life. I don’t have time for anything else, I guess.” The sentiment is a little awkward but full of candor, and when the words leave your lips you’re surprised to hear them carry such a solemn tone.
The man nods in understanding, handing you your cup of coffee before he grabs a cookie from the glass display case and offers it to you as well. “On the house,” he states and you share a long showdown of a gaze with him before you reluctantly pluck the treat from his outreached tongs.
“Thanks Reo, you have a good night now.” Bowing slightly to the elder, you turn and take your leave, quiet steps echoing in the otherwise empty foyer.
Just as the elevator doors open to take you back up into the higher levels of the building, Reo calls out to you. “You know, you should find someone that’s just as hardworking as you. Maybe they’re closer than you think.”
Flustered by the old man’s advice, you only nod and bow again, jamming your thumb into the button. A sigh of relief escapes you as the doors conceal you from his prying eyes. That man has a sixth sense, you swear.
The elevator doors open and you briskly walk through them, along the corridor and around the corner before you finally reach the conference room. Taking a deep breath, you slip through the doorway, eyes trained on the table half-covered in paperwork. Bakugou is sitting behind the spread out files, his red eyes jumping up to regard your approaching form. Placing the cookie wrapped in napkin on the table, you nod at him as you turn and open a cabinet, fingers pinching a fresh manilla folder and shutting the door with a bump from your hip.
“Working late, huh?” His rough voice splits the silence hanging in the air, and when you turn to look at the blonde, he’s lounged back, corded bicep hung carelessly over the back of the chair and a cocky look on his face. But his eyes hold another emotion as they give you a once-over, one that makes your insides stir in both memory and apprehension.
You nod again, a coy smile gracing your lips as you take a sip of your coffee, your own gaze lingering on the muscles that poke out from the hem of his tight tank top. “You too?” You ask, even though the answer is obvious.
Bakugou’s hand twirls the pen he was previously using in rapid, effortless circles, and his knee bounces slowly underneath the table. “You gonna eat that?” He answers your question with his own, slanted eyes flicking towards the cookie resting on the tabletop just an arm’s length away from him.
“You want it?” You can’t help but be surprised— you always expected Bakugou to be an uppity-ass, no-junk-food kind of guy.
“It’s Reo’s, right?” The blonde replies gruffly, thick fingers reaching out to grab the confection. “Shit tastes like heaven.”
Your eyes widen as you connect the dots. Why, that sly little…
“Don’t work yourself too hard,” you chirp out as you turn on your heel, ready to retreat back to the safety of your office.
Bakugou’s scarlet eyes return back to your departing figure, a thin brow raised and a snarl of a smirk splitting his lips. “Aw, ‘ya worrying ‘bout me now, Princess?”
“Fuck you,” it flows from your mouth, years of foul-mouthing built up into a knee-jerk reaction. Your eyes widen as his turn to slits, that stupid smirk morphing into a gleaming grin.
“Don’t tempt me.”
A wave of heat washes over you from head to toe before settling between your legs. You don’t bother to stick around, your feet carrying you out of the conference room as Bakugou’s harsh laughter trails behind you, echoing down the hallway.
Closing the door to your office behind you, you lean your back against it as you slide toward the floor, shutting your eyes tight as the memory washes over you. He’d taken you— right there on the desk you’re supposed to be working at— and ugh, it was fucking good. Shit, he was good. Dropping the folder on the floor your fingers fly to your temple, rubbing your skull in a useless attempt to push the memory away.
Alright, if you’re being honest… that was just the first time. There were, well, a handful of times following the initial incident, much to your now chagrin. There was that time in his office on the other side of the building that had a perfect view of the ocean, which you had become very familiar with while your face was pressed up against the glass and he ravaged you from behind. There was also that time when it was around this time of night and he had thrown all your paperwork off of the conference table and taken you right there, pounding into you like no tomorrow. Yeah, there were a few times you’d found yourself naked before him, pussy gripping his thick cock as your lips clashed with his.
But last time was the last time. You can’t just keep fucking him like this, all over the agency in such scandalous secrecy… the two of you hiding this gruesomely passionate beast you co-own, feeding it only once the the coast is clear and, oh, he feeds it so well… every meal a juicy, fat steak dripping with desire and euphoria, encasing your senses in a silky smooth film as his calloused hands glide all over your—  No!
You shake your head abruptly, derailing your sinful train of thought. You agreed that last time was it, fin. And… the time before that, too… and maybe the one before then as well— well, it doesn’t matter because last time was actually the last time. Pulling yourself together, you make your way toward your desk and begrudgingly begin your work.
By the time the folder is full, the clock indicates that tomorrow has begun and thus, it’s time for you to go home. Without a glance towards the conference room, you make your way toward the elevator, letting out a long sigh as the weight of the day slips from your shoulders. Jabbing your thumb into the button, you lean against the railing and check your phone out of habit. Two new messages from Jirou pique your interest, and you eagerly open the chat log to see what she’d sent.
Jiji 🎸: Girls meeting at the usual tmrw night!! Hope you can make it :)
Jiji 🎸: We all miss ya girly, you’ve been working too much lately ❤️
A part of you feels bad for misleading your friends. It’s not that you aren’t working late these days… it’s that your workload is not the only thing you’re doing when you stay after hours at the agency. Your friends had started to notice all the late nights you’d been spending at your job, and they’d begun to pout when you would bail on their bar-nights. They understood that you were working, and you hoped that they didn’t harbor any further suspicions. You had not told a single soul about your rendezvous with Bakugou Katsuki— the only person who seemed to have an inkling of your relationship, if you could call it that, was Reo.
Sliding your phone into your bag, you decide to try to make it tomorrow night. The last time had been the last time with Bakugou, so you would definitely be free tomorrow night, especially after finishing up the paperwork you had just completed minutes prior. With a wave of determination washing over you, a small smile appears on your lips as you fiddle with your staff key-card absentmindedly, wondering what you should wear when tomorrow night comes around.
When the elevator dings and opens its doors, your feet take you out of the steel chamber and into the cement confines of the parking garage. At this time of night, the only way in and out of the building is through the parking garage gate, seeing as the custodians lock up the front doors long before midnight. But you don’t mind, because the night air is fresh and cool on your face, and the subway is only a three minute walk from the garage exit. Just before you can reach out to tap your key against the automatic gate, an ear-splitting screech roars behind you and you jump, shooting straight up into the air.
Whipping around, headlights nearly blind you as they point right into your eyes. Squinting at the obnoxious light, your vision widens again when you recognize the outline of a sleek and shiny Lamborghini. An orange Lamborghini, to be precise. And a license plate with “G-ZER0” unmistakably tacked onto the front bumper, which sits almost flush against the smooth cement floor.
“Oi, Y/H/N,” a blonde head pokes out from the driver’s window, narrowed red eyes glaring at you. But his lips are curled into a smirk, clearly enjoying your frightened-animal-like reaction to the startling revv of his engine. “You’re blockin’ the way.”
Your hands indignantly turn into fists at your hips, a frown and a furrowed brow marring your expression as you turn around. Smacking the key card against the scanner you strut directly in the middle of the pavement for as long as you can before the road widens. Once the car can easily fit on either side of you, you move over to the sidewalk, arms crossed over your chest as the low car matches your pace, engine purring loudly.
The window next to you rolls down soundlessly, and the blonde leans slightly over his console to crane his face up in order to see yours. “Where are you goin’?” Bakugou inquires, and you can feel his intense gaze on the side of your face but you do not turn to acknowledge him.
“Subway.” You reply shortly, eyes trained straight ahead of you. Three minutes until you reach the subway station, exactly two corners and two blocks away.
The car roars as the angry blonde hits the pedals again, exhaust crackling with a ferocity similar to a big cat’s. The sound is deafening but you don’t waver, feet placing calmly in front of one another. “At this hour?” He pauses for a moment, long enough for you to let your guard down and chance a look at him. Which is a mistake, because goddamn he looks sexy as hell sitting in that exorbitant car, one hand thrown atop the wheel with his bicep on display, the other arm perched atop the console between the seats and those vermillion eyes blazing into you. It’s only a mere second that you give him, but he knows your resolve flutters as you look away quickly, your pace increasing to make him press on the gas just a hair harder to keep up with you.
Your breath catches in your throat when he speaks again, your heart pummeling your ribcage with vigor and a claminess lining your palms.
“Get in.”
It’s neither a question nor a statement— it’s a demand. One that has heat rising between your legs, the embers that had been so surely extinguished suddenly igniting furiously with but a scrap of sustenance. You grit your teeth and keep walking, determined not to get in the car. If you get in that car… you don’t know where you’ll end up. Or, you do know where you might end up, and that would be very bad. It takes a lot of your willpower to spit out a simple, “No thanks.”
Bakugou grumbles at your stubbornness, the vehicle screeching again as he demonstrates his displeasure and the unnecessary horsepower underneath his hood. “Come on, Y/N. Just get in,” he presses, his voice not as harsh as it was just a moment ago.
But you hold your own, flipping a stray lock of hair over your shoulder. “Aw,” you smirk, humoring him for a millisecond as your eyes flick over to him, “‘ya worrying ‘bout me now, Boom-Boy?” Your lips curl into a satisfied smirk as he visibly bristles in the corner of your eye.
“Damn it, I’m trying ‘ta— tch,” Bakugou grumbles and cuts himself off before he apparently decides he’s not going to play the familiar game of cat and mouse with you, “Fuck this.” Tires squealing on the rubble, the sleek car leaves you in the dust, sharply turning the corner ahead of you before disappearing into the night, the noise of the thundering engine echoing through the tall cityscape.
You glare at the corner ahead of you, unimpressed. He was trying to— to what, put you in a pissy mood? Hell of a job he did, if that was the case. Frown sinking into your cheeks deeper than before, you continue your way to the subway station while you pull your phone out to distract you from your miffed thoughts. Turning around the very same corner the orange sports car had rounded just a minute ago, you nearly drop your belongings when a pair of rough hands grip your biceps.
Relief washes over you for a moment when you meet Bakugou's irritated expression, before horror spreads through your limbs as he shoves you into his open passenger door. Without much of a fight you’re inside the vehicle, fruitlessly yanking the door handle only to find it’s locked shut. Sliding back into the luxurious leather seat, you scowl at the hero as he slams his door closed and snags the black seatbelt over his torso. “The fuck, Bakugou?” You hiss, attempting the door again to no avail.
“Hey, easy with that!” He growls, a thick finger flicking the pedal shifter into drive and slapping his boot against the gas. His eyes meet yours as a wicked grin lifts his lips. “Buckle up, Princess.”
Your head smacks against the back of the seat as the car lurches into a velocity that no doubt exceeds the speed-limit. Your hands scramble over your shoulder and you frantically grab the metal clip, unceremoniously shoving the belt across your lap to find its destination. Once the joint clicks into place, your eyes fly to the man beside you, pure rage boiling underneath your skin. “You asshole! I’m gonna rip your dick off!” You yell, the slightly ajar windows letting air zip into the cabin and howl in your ears, your hair flying around your face.
“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” he quips dryly, voice deep but holding an infuriatingly potent tone of amusement.
You shut up at that, heat rising to your cheeks as you look out the window defiantly, away from him. Your eyes trail over the interior of the car, curiosity winning you over as you your fingers trace the smooth features lining the inside of the door. There’s a soft underlighting beneath the seats, glowing an acidic green to compliment the orange of the exterior in a display that screams man with an enormous ego. You roll your eyes, adjusting your legs to point away from him as much as possible.
“I didn’t know you had a Lamborghini. This how you get into your slutty fangirls’ pants? Take ‘em for a ride in the Baku-bile?” You ask, shooting daggers into his sharp jawline. The premise of him fucking faceless girls in the very seat you’re in makes you want to throw up in disgust.
Bakugou snorts at the name, scarlet eyes snapping toward you before settling back on the road. “Don’t need to show ‘em my car to take ‘em for a ride,” he answers snidely, a sharp canine gleaming at you from his smirk.
You don’t acknowledge his reply, one arm crossed over your chest and the other gripping the side of the door harshly as the city flies by outside the windows. You wonder where he’s taking you, because he never asked for your address, but you sure as hell aren’t going to start up a conversation again with that dickwad, so you just simmer in your displeasure instead.
The ride is surprisingly smooth and you would never admit it, but the feeling of him stepping on the acceleration makes your heart thud, adrenaline coursing through your veins and washing over you. You try your best to hide your excitement with every boost of speed, but you don’t catch Bakugou’s eyes lingering on your tiny smile every time he accelerates. You almost whine when the car slows and you pull into an empty parking lot, apprehension settling in your chest as the engine cuts and you’re left in silence, with him. A public park stretches before the lot, empty swings and monkey-bars twirling leisurely in the wind.
He doesn’t say a word, so after an incredibly long and awkward minute you break the ice. “Bakugou… what are we doing here?” You turn to him expectantly, lips melting back into a frown as you give him a once-over. He’s still in that tank top, which you curse for being a part of his hero costume. Why the hell did he have to choose something so flattering?
The blonde casts a side glance at you, leaning back slightly in his seat. “Wanted to have a chat with ‘ya,” he says, turning to look at you fully. The car seems like it is not big enough, for he’s only a short distance away from you and looking handsome as ever. The park before the windshield is illuminated by only the moon and starlight, casting a soft glow onto his smooth skin. The stubble on his jaw scatters tiny shadows across his chin, and those scarlet eyes peer into yours deeply. The moment is full of unrestrained tension, until he speaks again. “Coulda done this in the garage but your stubborn ass wouldn’t gimme the time of day,” he grumbles, effectively releasing you from his trance.
You blink and look away before returning your attention to him, a sour expression on your face. “Okay, dipshit, what did you wanna talk about?” You huff, arms crossing over your chest defensively. So you might have gotten yourself into this, but only a tiny bit.
You’re left hanging, expectantly eyeing him with a measured gaze. His eyes are locked with yours, but his mouth doesn’t move, not a semblance of a word on his lips. You give him that ‘eyes widening and head jutting forward, I’m waiting for you to talk’ look, but still he’s quiet. Tossing your hair over your shoulder impatiently, you let out a frustrated sigh as you close your eyes. “Look,” you start, turning back to him ready to flame his ass, “I don’t—”
Bakugou’s lips are on yours, his hands clutching your jaw and pushing your mouth into his while he leans forward over the console between the seats. A moan tears from your lungs, the familiar scent of caramel crashing over you as he fills up your senses, fingertips weaving into the hair behind your ears. His tongue thrusts into your mouth, greeting yours like a lover desperate to hold his beloved, caressing and rolling and dancing.
Suddenly your hands are on him, one around his back and pressing him toward you while the other threads through his silky soft tresses. A groan rumbles out of him as you pull against his scalp, one of his hands slipping down the back of your head to hold where your neck meets your shoulders, squeezing the sides of your throat gently. An embarrassing mewl floats out of you at that, a string of saliva connecting your mouths as you both gasp for breath.
His red eyes twinkle at you mockingly, a sultry snarl on his lips. But Bakugou doesn’t dare say a word, instead claiming your lips again with his own, sucking in your bottom lip and biting gently with his pointy canines. The hand on your neck remains strong, while his other hand slithers down your chest, groping your breast with enthusiasm and his thumb roving over your already-hard nipple, which he can feel through the fabric of your skin-tight hero costume and bra. He moans at the discovery, fingers eagerly flying to your side and unraveling the zipper there, watching as the skin of your exposed chest becomes illuminated in a mixture of moonlight and the green glow emanating from beneath the seats. Tugging the wire to rest atop your tits, he nearly growls at the sight of them, diving face-first toward you and wrapping his mouth around a nipple. You buck into him, falling back uncomfortably onto the door, but he just crawls onto his seat and leans further into you, red eyes darting up to catch your wanton expression.
Desperately gripping at the shreds of your sanity, a tiny part of you screams out at the wrongness of the situation. “We shouldn't… fuck, Bakug— ohhh,” you whimper as he nibbles at you, your heart rate skyrocketing in desire as you close your eyes, trapping your trembling lip between your teeth. The rationale is pushed away, the only thing you can pay attention to being the way Bakugou’s mouth feels latched onto you, and the hand traveling down your torso to tease between your legs. His rough fingers prod at your cunt through your leotard, expertly locating your clit through the cloth and focusing extra attention there. Simmering tendrils of heat burst through you and you cry out, legs weakly drawing his wide frame closer to you.
After a moment Bakugou sits back in his seat, pulling you with him. It’s a little rocky, not a perfect transition, but you make your way to sit on his lap nonetheless. His large hands palm your tits roughly, pinching your nipples as his tongue wrestles with yours, your moans leaking into his mouth. His body jerks in surprise as your hips begin to roll against his, and you can feel just how bad he wants this too, rubbing into you against your thigh. It only makes him touch you harder, leaning down slightly and becoming lost in the heated kiss. A hand trails down your waist to grab a handful of your ass, cupping the flesh before he slaps it harshly, then holding it in his palm again as his fingers dig into your skin. He drinks up every noise you release, like a starved man receiving his first meal in forever. He pulls away to kiss down your neck, tongue licking a stripe down your throat before his warm mouth lands on your skin, nipping and lathering and sucking.
“This is,” you gasp, coming up for air and that scrap of sanity surfacing in your mind again, “We shouldn’t be doing this, we— we said that last time was the, ahuh-ahh, last… last time.”
Bakugou sucks harder against your neck, his hands on either ass cheek and pulling your bottom against him. The friction of his cock against your core, even with your clothes separating you, makes your head spin and your voice die out. “You want me to stop, hah?” He grumbles against your throat, slick with his saliva. He rolls your hips against his particularly hard, and your hand reaches out to latch onto his shoulder as your pussy twinges in your panties.
You cannot reply, only a high-pitched whimper tumbles out of you because suddenly he’s pushing aside your leotard and panties, digits dipping into your humiliatingly wet entrance. His fingers easily glide up and down your slit, thumb flicking cruelly against your clit as you double over, nails breaching the skin on his shoulders.
“Doesn’t seem like you know what you want,” he comments, voice gravelly and timbre. His other hand rests on your hip, keeping you from grinding against him. He’s looking up at you, eyes darkened with lust and that haughty grin splitting his lips.
You glare at him, eyebrow twitching at his torment, mouth wavering as his fingers continue to tease along your sopping folds. After being with him so many times, you know what he’s waiting for, but you’re absolutely torn; a moth drawn to the flame yet wary of being burnt. “Please, Bakugou,” you murmur, eyes begging him to give you more.
Bakugou’s brow quirks upright, a single knuckle pushing into you and rubbing against your velvet walls. “Please, what, Princess?” He drawls out, almost purring at having you in his favorite position. That being, you, desperate for his touch.
You groan, throwing your head back as another knuckle slides inside, two wide fingertips stretching your cunt so infuriatingly shallowly. You try to move your hips but his grip is iron on your waist, and a long whine falls out of your mouth. “Just— Pleaseee Katsuki,” you beg, not wanting to say the words he truly wants, but not giving him nothing as his name leaves your lips so seductively.
His nostrils flare as he exhales, shifting underneath you as you feel his cock twitch against your leg. “I thought you wanted me to stop?” He growls, tone low enough you can feel his words shake his lungs. They shake something within you, too.
“No,” you breathe out, placing your lips softly against his before pulling away, your eyes boring into his, “I want this, I want you so bad.”
Bakugou groans as he drives his fingers into you knuckle-deep, curling his fingertips and rubbing against your insides. You moan like a whore at the sensation, his thumb still working on your clit clumsily as he pumps his fingers into you. His lips capture yours again, the hand on your hip jumping up to grab onto your neck again and push your lips harder onto his.
A searing heat ebbs through your body as his digits dutifully work within you, and you can’t help but begin to drop your hips against his hand, grinding onto his fingers without restraint. Bakugou clearly appreciates that, a loud moan ripping out of his lungs at the novelty and his fingers press harder into you, colliding into that spongy spot deep inside. You sob at the intensity, pleasure wracking through you as the angle only makes it easier for him to hit that spot— again, and again, and again— until white shapes flash before your eyes and you’re clutching onto him, screaming out as ecstasy thrums through your entire being.
After a minute of your pussy fluttering around him, Bakugou’s fingers pull out of you, and you finally open your eyes to see him looking at you like you’re the hottest person on the planet. “Fuck,” he snarls, lip twitching as he lifts his hips, tugging down his black pants and briefs half-way down his thighs. His heavy cock smacks against his abdomen, looking pale and pretty in the low lighting, glistening with a bead of pre rolling down the side of his length.
You lick your lips at the sight, the desire to shove him into your mouth overcoming you. Bakugou catches your reaction, a low chuckle reverberating his chest and making you glance at him. “I wanna suck you off,” you say quietly, looking over to the passenger seat and wondering if you could do it from that position, because you certainly can’t do it from where you are now.
“Thas’kay Princess,” he mumbles, grabbing your chin and forcing your lips to meet his once again. His tongue glides over your lip slowly, his other hand smacking your ass roughly before he grabs the inside of your thigh, spreading you above him. “That can wait. Need you right now.”
His words send a different kind of shiver down your spine— the kind that was the whole reason why you’d told yourself you needed to stop fucking him in the first place. But right now, in this moment, there is no way you’re not going to fuck him. You’d already come this far, you might as well just indulge yourself in him.
So you do, and you both let out a breath of satisfaction as you rub your dripping cunt against the underside of his length. You lather him up, slickening his member in your arousal from back to front before you press your lips onto his, soft but passionate, and you welcome him inside with ease.
Bakugou’s head falls back onto the headrest as his hands lay slack on your hips. He’s reclined, but his red eyes jump between your face, your tits, and your cunt that sucks him up so greedily as you begin to bounce above him. His mouth hangs open slightly as you find your rhythm, your hands ripping up the bottom of his tank top to lay your palms on his chest and his abs, a thumb scratching through his kept and dark happy trail. “Hah— fuck, Y/NNN,” he moans, closing his eyes to succumb to the pleasure for a moment before he forces them back open, refusing to miss out on such a dreamy sight. Memorizing your body, willing himself to remember each moan and blissful expression you give, storing it away so he can burn them into his spank bank.
Once he’s had his fill of the wondrous sight, he sits up, mouth sucking in your nipple as his hands still your hips, grabbing the flesh there and wiggling to adjust himself underneath you. Ecstasy shoots through you as he takes the lead, thrusting up harshly to prod deep inside your womb, stretching you out and rubbing so deliciously against your g-spot. “Oh, god, Katsuki,” you wheeze as he just goes faster, thick and muscular thighs providing enough means to continue like this for who knows how long. Just as you begin to feel your orgasm build once again, his pace slows, and you’re about to complain before a long finger is thrust into your mouth.
Bakugou groans as your tongue coats the digit in spit, not needing instruction. “You gonna be a good girl for me, Princess?” He questions before he takes the finger out.
Your arms fold around his neck as you nod and kiss him again, drunk on his lips and his touch. He welcomes the tender moment, a hand planting on your ass and spreading you again before his wet finger meets your asshole, making you jump into him with wide eyes. “Ka—”
His lips pull you back in, silencing your hesitance as he begins to thrust his cock up into you again, pace measured and slow. The roll of his hips provides a new type of pleasure as his cock drags against your inner walls, your clit rolling on his pelvis. You quiver on top of him, hole puckering as his finger rubs around your rim. You whimper when he pushes inside, the small stretch foreign and stinging. But he doesn’t push it any further, just continues to lazily grind up inside of you, his tongue playing with yours. He only breaks away to whisper praise to you that makes your pussy shiver around him, “Good girl, you’re sucha good girl Y/N.”
Before long the digit is up to the second knuckle, and you’re a moaning mess above him. The feeling of his finger in your ass, with his cock stretching and pushing in and out of you— it has your eyes crossing in pleasure. The thin wall separating his cock and his finger continues to rub exquisitely on both sides, sending waves of fuzzy bliss coursing through your limbs.
The extra penetration seems to also be affecting Bakugou, for his thrusts begin to pick up as he starts slapping up into you with renewed ferocity. The stimulation from your pussy and your clit already have you clenching, but then he starts to push his finger in and out of your ass slowly, and you’re holding onto him for dear life, your head on his shoulder as you mewl into his neck. You can feel your orgasm approaching, and so can Bakugou, who nuzzles your face a bit before he kisses you again. Your lips dance sloppily, your body jostling as he pounds into you from below, and you begin to whimper as your cunt tightens around his cock.
“Still want me to stop?” He hisses, rough palm clapping across your ass cheek.
“Fuck no,” you pant, planting your knees on the seat beside his thighs and bucking up and down in tune with his pace.
Bakugou groans at your initiative, knuckle sliding deeper inside of you and gauging your reaction as your shudder against him in pleasure. “You like a finger in the ass, hah? Fucking slut,” he snarls as he rubs the digit inside of you, eliciting a low moan from the depths of your lungs.
You’re bouncing on his lap as best as you can, your head skimming the top of the car’s interior while you claw at his shoulders. “God, Katsuki, mphhh—” The added pressure of you sinking down as he ruts up is almost enough for you to cum, and Bakugou knows exactly how close to the finish line you are, grabbing your jaw and tugging your face to hang directly in front of his.
You brow furrows and your heartbeat hastens at the intimacy, passion crackling between the pair of you as his vermillion orbs burn into you. You don’t want to let him see such a vulnerable part of you, but he starts to slam into that spot deep inside of you mercilessly, determined to show you how good he can make you feel. Your orgasm tears through you and an overwhelming heat blasts into your body like wildfire through dry grass. A broken shriek releases from you as your eyes slam shut, limbs shaking, nails diving into his traps, and toes curling in your shoes.
Bakugou gasps as you constrict around him, moving his hands to clasp onto your hips tightly, throwing your body down to meet his as he pistons into you. Skull falling backwards limply, your tongue lolls out like a bitch in heat, his actions dragging out your mind-numbing climax delightfully long. He launches at the exposed skin of your neck, teeth sinking into your throat hard enough to leave dark bruises there, moaning shamelessly into your flesh as his thrusts become quicker, needier. “S-Shit, where should I— ‘m gonna—”
Your fingers rush to his hair, snapping his head backwards and his eyes widen in surprise, but you smother his open mouth with yours immediately, your tongue plunging into his wet cavern and claiming him as your own. Your hips hurl onto his with finality and the blonde stiffens beneath you, trembling fingers pressing into your skin. A loud groan rattles both of your bodies as his load spills into you, coating your womb in his sticky release as you continue to drop onto his searing cock slowly. When he comes down from his high he squeezes your waist gently to signal you to stop, sitting back with his jaw hung open slightly, laboured and choppy breaths making his sculpted chest rise and fall sharply.
You let him pull you into his embrace, his large biceps caging you against his chest as he tries to catch his breath. It’s peaceful laying in his arms, the post-orgasm bliss thriving and filling the entire cabin of the vehicle in a hot and sweet scent. Or maybe that was just Bakugou— you subtly sniff his skin and smile, the caramel-like aroma from his exertion wafting off of him. He’s warm, and somehow even though his muscles are rock-hard beneath you, his embrace is soft. You nuzzle into his neck as his fingers glide over your moist back, arms locked around your waist.
Neither of you say a word, two heartbeats thumping rapidly against each other as you enjoy each other’s presence. The both of you desperately cling to this moment of serenity, knowing that soon enough you’ll have to go back to normal, and this will have just been another “last time.”  
   ─── ・°* ゚✧:* • 。゚:*・☽・*: 。゚•*:✧ ゚*°・ ───
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no one asked for this but i did it anyway 🤪🤪 happy birthday blasty 💥💚🧡
➥ masterlist
𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.
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beebosbitchh · 7 years
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idk man drawings help me visualize. im sad n going to be now but im posting?? this for some?? reason?? hhhh,, also i still have my shoes on
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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years
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✨ Unfiltered Joker thoughts ✨
I watched Joker with a bunch of lovely clowns on my Discord and while they werewolf’d in the chat, I typed out my thoughts here as they came to me. These are unedited, unfiltered, and exactly as they were in my head. I don’t know who’d be interested in this but 🤷‍♀️ who doesn’t love unfiltered thoughts about our man? NSFW ahead in places, lmao and some self-ship elements because it’s always on my mind.
There are Controversial Things within, I’m sure - be nice about it if you wanna comment, or unfollow/block etc. if it bothers you I won’t take it personally. I will take it personally if I’m sent a rude message, though. Fair warning. You curate your own online experience so scroll past silently if you gotta!🥰🥰🥰🥰
Tagging @arthurflecc @jokerownsmysoul @daincrediblegg @sweet-nothings04 bc they were in the chat and missed me there!! 
 Word count: 4, 597.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJO -
*Presses play*
OMG THERE HE IS BABYYYYYYYY ~ 
Ugh that white shirt... 🥵
“paint me like one of your french girls” 👀
oh, honey, no. 
Don’t force yourself to smile, my love, it’s okay. you can be hurting.
sweet angel who can do no wrong asdfghjkl
wanna kiss that tear away...
CARNIVALCARNIVAL CARNIVAL *STARTS SWAYING IN MY SEAT*
jaunty piano to juxtapose his shitty mood
you spin me right round, baby, right round...
ohhh, baby 🥺🥺🥺
someone’s honky lmaoooooo ~ 
that cello
Ohhhh, darling man.... i’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
WOOPS CRYINGGGG ~
sweet angel love still tryna be funy with the flower squirting...
what else will squirt tonight???👀
ohhh, darling. deep breaths baby. it’s okay. you’re okay.
CRYINGGGGG
ohhhh baby boyyyy....
legit just cooed aloud
oh angel <3 
“is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?”
it is my love... it is. 
let me sit on your lap and still the shaking of your legs
ohhhh my love. you’re okay. just breathe.
Dr. Kane was doing her best but you’re beyond what she can handle
you deserve better, sweetheart.
my love, my life.
I JUMPED WHEN HE HIT HIS HEAD IN ARKHAM
“who knows?”
yeah me too, my love. me too. 
“i just dont wanna feel so bad anymore”
oh baby.
i know, my love. i wish i could hold your hand and stroke your hair and kiss your cheeks 🥺🥺🥺
had a shitty day but wants to comfort a child on the bus. thats my manssss ~ <3 <3 <3 
okay but his peekaboo makes me giggle please do that to me when im sad
“‘cuse you bitch?”
the greasepaint still on his face is endearing omg 
GIVE HIM BACK HIS CARD OR IMMA RIOTTTT
CRYINGGGGG 
ohhhh baby. no. deep breaths. i’m here, my love. not going anywhere
those fucking steps
me too, darling. i feel your exhaustion like it’s my own and i long to take it from you without changing a single thing about you.
my love, my life
the weariness of an unchanged routine is a paralysing one
wanna rub cream on your bruises
“yeah, mum” so soft im cry
“eat. you need to eat” i hear you in my head when i wanna skip meals and it helps me.
“oh yeah? who do you talk to?” YES SASS HER
“yay murray” ohhhhh angel you’re so cute I’m cry 🥺
murray you wankstain - old and crusty 🤮🤢🤮🤢
arthur’s laugh in his daydream 🥺🥺
“i love you murray” // “you’re awful murray” baby noooooo
“theres something special about you arthur” the only real thing murrat ever fuckin said AND IT WASNT EVEN A REAL THING IT WAS IN HIS HEAD
“I TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY MOTHER” YEEEES BABY YOU DO! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
just wantin recognition in your daydreams bc you dont get it in your real life
YOU SWEET THING
HIS SWEET SMILE AND THE CELLO OH BABY 🥺😭
YOUR BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
shoes are too tight so you gotta stretch em 
can you stretch me too???👀🥵💦🔥
“chuckletown” RANDALLS LEGACY AND WE TURNED IT INTO SMTHN LOVING AND NOT SARKY LIKE HE INTENDED LMAO FUCK YOU RANDALL YOU PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIT
arthur’s hair in the sun omg like a halo
randall fuck off fucking fuck off go aWAY LEAVE MY ARTHUR ALONE
you asswipe
arthurs shy and nervous lil giggle omg baby say no give the gun back its not well intended 
“my boy”  AHA LMAO HE DOES PAY YOU BACK BUT NOT HOW YOU EXPECT LMAOOOO YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE
THOSE CURLS
arthur’s sweet little lilting voice in front of his boss omggggg ~ 
HOYYYYYYT 
his logic makes no sense wtffffff ~ 
RETAIL SMILE LMAO THATS A MOOD 
brewing insanity..... 
POUND ME LIKE THOSE TRASH BAGS
RUIN ME AND THEN REBUILD ME IN YOUR IMAGE 
those mf stairs again
it’s the same old team since 1916... in your head, in your head...
never in my LIFE have i been aroused by a FOOT
lmao only Arthur istg that man is the exception to my every rule
Gigi is so CUTE 🥺
THAT SMIRK SIR CAN YOU NOT
“hey” omggg look at you tryna connect ugh so proud of youuu ~ 
the moon is a silver dollar... 
THOSE CURLS
THOSE BARE FEET
THAT SOFT VOICE
ARTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 
frances conroy is a goddess omg i love herrrr ~ 
espesh on ahs she’s a queen
but i digress lmao wrong fandom
“dont you have to be funny to be a comedian”
FUCK OFF PENNY 
FUCK RIGHT OFF THEN FUCK OFF SOME MORE PLEASE
slap that bass.... 
FINGERSSS ON THE GUN ASDFGHJ PUT THEM ON ME INSTEADDDD
zoom zoom the world is in a mess
LMAO YEP
“psh” omg you sweet angel asdfghjk
THAT EYEBROW RAISE ASDFGHJK SASSY KINGGGGG
GET ITTTTTT
UGH THAT BODY WANNA COVER IT IN MARKS OF LOVE TO REPLACE THE VIOLENT MARKS
ARTHUR @ HIMSELF “YOURE A GOOD DANCER // I KNOW”
omggggg sweet clumsy babyyyy
lmaooo “old war movie” do you tell penny that when we get caught having sex on the sofa????
arthur honey following sophie isn’t.... the best way to get her attention asdfghjk 
someone needs to teach you social interactions... 
I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTTTTTE
that student/teacher roleplay comedian at pogos makes no sense to me???? i dont get his jokes at all
lmao bad comediannnnnn
arthur’s cute lil mistimed giggles ksksksksk 
wanna kiss your cheeks every timmmme 
you’re working so hard to achieve your goals im so so proud of you
ambidextroussss ~ (just like me omg we’re perfect for each otherrrrr)
“people expect you to behave as if you dont” YOU INTELLIGENT LIL SHIT OMG I LOVE YOU AND YOUR MIND
you know its a daydream if arthurs wearing a shirt at home 
his shy “yeah” omggggg ~ angelllll 
“i have a gun i can come by tomorrow” LMAOOOOOOOO 
“youre so funny arthur” YES HE IS DREAM!SOPHIE
CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL
I ACTUALLY STOMP MY FEET HERE BC IM HAPPY FOR THE TIME HES ON SCREEN SWEET CLOWN 
THE ONLY ONE IM NOT AFRAID OF
HES SO SO HAPPY OMGGG
BABY BOYYYY IN HIS ELEMENT
SAD THO BC KIDS ARE TERMINALLY ILL 
bestest party clownnnn 
“I love this job” oh baby 🥺🥺
aaaaaaaaand now the betrayal from randall lmao fuck that dude
NO BB YOUR FOREHEAD NO SMASHY GLASSY
LMAO THE FUCK ERIKA???
dudes 35 not a kid 
throwing greasy chips into a girl’s hair isn’t how to flirt my dude lmao you’re gross??? 
ew
EW EW EW WIGGLE YOUR CHIPS ELSEWHERE
ohhhh arthur, honey no omg breathe it’s okay
you wanna help but you dont know how
you sweet thing 
send in the clowwwwwwwwwwwwwwns ~ 
IM CRYINGGGGG
“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives”
JOEKR ITS NOT YOUR TIME YET GO AWAYYYY
lmao jokes stay you know im lost without you 
HOW CAN YOUR HAIR LOOK SO GOOD AFTER BEING UNDER A WIG ALL DAY ?????
carnival with arthur’s hair is just 👌👌👌👌
WHERES HIS CARDDDDD 
nooooooo omg baby no omg i wish i could take all those punches for you
i’d take it all in a heartbeat to save you
gritting his teeth not taking in anymore
YES BABY GET EEEEEEM
YES YES YES YES STAND UP FOR YOURSELF SO PROUD OF YOU
first 2 self defence, 3rd one unsure lmao but fuck it 
no PUT THE GUN AWAY FROM YOUR FACE BABY ITS OKAY DONT FORGET YOUR BAG OR YOUR WIG ITS EVIDENCE
KILL THE 3RD COVER YOUR TRACKS
GOOD BOYYYYYY
carnival with blood on face = killing your insecurities
8 bullets from a 6 chamber????? mm-hm lmao i know @daincrediblegg wrote a thing on this once lmao bestest Egg is smart and i love her muchly 🥰🥰🥰🥰
run baby run, dont ever look backkk... (check yes juliet)
BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE
fuck me against that dirty counter
joker’s waking uuuuuuuup....
that cello though unffff 👌
got me clenchinnnnn you fluidddd ~ 
and in his eyes, all the sadness of the world. those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore (phantom of the opera)
my brain is 90% song lyrics 
hes so graceful and ethereal so full of pain and of love and of adventure and worth and need and yearning
my sweet boy
my wonderful angel
my fallen angel
T POSEEEEE
DAYDREAM KISSSSS
ugh push me against the wall and shove your hand down my panties and take whats yours 
please and thanks
so confident
so smooth
so sure
unf
take me angel im all yours 
and my name is carnival
SASSY BOYYYYY
I SAY BOY BUT YOURE A MAN LMAO 
YESSSSSS TELL THEMMMMMMMM 
LMAOOOOOO RANDALL SEEMS LEGIT CONFUSED PFFFT
TOUGH SHIIIIIIIT
LMAOOO PUNCH OUT
BUSTING A LUNNGGGGG
HE DOESNT KNOW HIS OWN STRENGTH
OR HIS OWN LIMITS
“DONT SMILE”
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
nothin worse than being told to smile when you really wanna bare your teeth and let rip
aka me every fuckin minute of my life 
SHUSH ME SHUSH ME SHUSH ME
ILL CRY BUT DO IT
LMAOOOOO CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BICEPS 
ILL GO OUT DOIN WHAT I LOVE
YOUUUUUUU 
“gotham’s lost its way” ok trump
“thats not funny” SHUT UP PENNY YES IT IS
STOP SMOTHERING ARTHUR LET HIM BE FREE
“nobody ever saw me. even i didnt know if i really existed”
and
“you dont listen do you”
BOTH ARE MOODS
i feel them so hard
hes so sure of himself in this session
so angry and done and weary
“people are starting to notice” ALMOST A YEAR OF YOU BEING NOTICED
that green jumper omggg 
good luck getting me out of it pfffft 
“erika have you seen my - oh, there it is. never mind.”
want it back???? payment is kissessss
EW SEXIST COMEDIAN
arthur honey stop primping youre perfect <3 <3 <3 
im so so proud of youuuuu
COLLARBONEEEEEES
OMG HE STUMBLES UP THE STEPS DARLINGGG
I wish i could hold your hand while youre on stage and comfort you while you deliver your jokes
just breathe, darling. it’s okay. i’m here, i promise. <3 
every time you gag on your laughter my heart clenches
CRYINGGGGG
oh, my love, it’s okay. just breathe. dont fight it. dont fight yourself 
you’re so good at imitating your ma pfffft 
lmaoooo you’re so funny arthur 
WOO BOI DONT FLASH YOUR PORN PAGES AT THE AUDIENCE 
givin me ideas.... 
SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS ACHING
SMILE EVEN THOUGH IT’S BREAKING 
WHEN THERE ARE CLOUDS IN THE SKY
YOU’LL GET BY
SMILE THROUGH YOUR FEAR AND SORROW
SMILE
AND MAYBE TOMORROW
YOULL SEE THE SUN COME SHINING THROUGH
arthur is my sunshine
EXCUSE ME HEART EYES OMGGGG
ME AND ARTHUR HEART EYESING AT EACH OTHER PFFFFFT 
gonna put people off their food doin that 
thats life
arthur’s imitations and those soft curls and the dancing and the - 
erika.exe has stopped working 
“come on dance with me”
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
i prefer the horizontal dance myself...
“big date”
“deliver the letter”
NARCISSISM 
ARTHUR YOU DESERVE BETTERRRRRRRRRR
IS IT BAD HIS EYEBROWS TURN ME ON?? SO THICK AND DARK AND STRONG I - 
and those eyes
ugh fuck meeee ~ 
yes thats an invitation
penny “needs care” but her handwriting is that neat???? yeah fuck off 
sorry i dont buy it
she was grooming him i think into some kinda husband role and its fucking gross as fuck she was abusing him and he just wanted her gone 
CUTE LIL NOSTRIL FLARES BC SAD AND ANGRY
OMG
his quiet anger scares me but i admire how he calmed down so fast
angry penguinnnnn
HE CARRIES HIS CLOWN NOSE AROUND IN HIS POCKET
CUUUUUUUTE
the similar clothing colours of arthur and bruce is v def intentional 
in another life, arthur....
i’m so sorry darling you deserved and deserve so much better
legit one small change in anything coulda prevented 80% of this film
your magic tricks are gorgeous ~ 
you’re so funny and soothing and comforting and so good with kids
you are the best party clown
I GASPED AT THE FLOWERS
like my server nameee ~ 
“hi” that soft noise 🥺
arthur’s hands on those bars omg 🥵🥵🥵
okay i’ll admit i still dont get the whole arthur/thomas thing lmao is he his dad???? ive seen this film 10000000 x and i still can’t decide.
i wanna say he is but like ??? idk ??
it’s tragic either way omg arthur’s wasted in gotham
ruuuun arthur run run runnnnnnnn 
the bg music isss 👌👌👌👌
arthur accidentally caused penny’s stroke bc med w/drawal but all that abuse, like ????? i get why he kept her sedated lmao i’d want her knocked out or smthn too
7 meds between the two of them, probably.... that might be why he wanted an increase???
you gotta lie, angel.
you’re in way over your head but lie
yeeees good boy!!
“a clown thing?“ lmaoooo tell them!!!
NO ITS EXIT ONLY
KINDA LIKE MY ASS LMAO NO ANAL FOR YOU 
he just wants love and comfort and for someone to stay omg you sweet thing 
you deserve the world and all the forehead kisses 
TURN THE TV OFF
TURN IT OFF
TURN IT - 
OH TOO LATE
arthurrrrr ~ 
its like a car crash lmao you know its coming but you cant stop looking
fuck off murrat
FUCK OFF SOME MORE
oooooooh thats a danger face....
lowkey want it between my thighs lmao use me to work out your frustrations i can take it 
“kill the rich” lmao relatable 
this film revealed to me that i have a flexible morality ksksksk im all for it though 
sleepy bb ~ 
“we are all clowns” ALSO RELATABLE
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
arthurs thriving in the crowd omg yes baby looks so happy
flashes of joker comin throughhh... 
sneaky baby...
quick on his feet, light on his sense... 
tread lightly on my ground, (abba; andante)
THE RED THEATRE SUIT OMG FORESHADOWWWW
he looks good in red
he looks good out of red too 👀👀
that is the smile of the world’s most precious angel omg babyyyy ~ 
he makes me smile omg hes my sunshine
my love my life 
you saved my soul do you know that??? do you feel me and how much i love you? do you see me and these tears? 
do you feel me like i feel you?
ohhhhh boy here we go asdfdgfhgjhk arthur going to meet his dad, only asking for love and instead he gets punched in the face
i mean i get it bc of what arthur did to bruce with the whole hands in the mouth thing but bruce is barely mentioned, like an afterthought?
thomas has a nasty temper i wouldnt want him for a dad
thomas legit only mentions bruce after he’s punched arthur its like his only thought is really protecting himself and his rep with the whole penny thing
his son comes after; legit as he’s walking away he mentions bruce so hes obvs not that concerned????
shitty dad award lmao
not that what arthur did is okay im not excusing his admittedly misguided and lowkey creepy actions but like ????
lmao prob gonna get hate for this ^^ like i did last time i mentioned it but i dont care im allowed an opinion
too tired to care rn anyways pfffft its storming so bad outside and my wifi has dipped idk if this’ll save
c’mon wifi, for me... 
yes
arthur didnt have an attack til he got called crazy, its a trigger word for him 😭
oh baby its okay, deep breaths.
dont fight your laughter, that’ll make it worse 
the way he bounces back from that punch though - you know how to take it, dont you, my love?
you sweet thing.
i wish i could get you out of that fridge omg baby those old ones lock - how did you get out ????
meds are wearing off now.....
darling say no to the show lmao you dont wanna go
*facepalm*
every time i watch this i hope it turns out different
it never does
arthur honey dont ask questions you dont want the answers to
that clerk was protecting you not letting you see the file
that clerk and gary were the only ones nice to you
but it wasnt enough
you needed love and support and help and guidance 
and instead you got literal and metaphorical punches and no break
the hand puppet omgggg ~ 
i want him to play peekaboo with me when im sad/upset/make a hand puppet over my shoulder aszdxfcghvjbkn
ohhhhhh darling stop reading stop reading stop reading
put it down. 
this entire scene is confusing and heartbreaking
ive seen this film 10000000 x and im still not sure i fully understand
his laughing is so much like sobbing here
omg moonshine its okay you can cry. let it all out. 
newspaper clips in a real file???? mmmm - unprofessional or arthur’s manifestation of news??
🤔
we love pathetic fallacy in this house
i wanna get you in the shower and wash you down and feed you and wrap you in my warm embrace “i had a bad day”
my dark angel, it’s okay. i’m here. i love you and im staying with you no matter what
sophie was his last hope, his last chance to reconnect
again im not excusing it lmao but im saying i understand him
hes touching everything to experience it for the first time
he knows shes a daydream
hes self-aware but he needs his coping mechanisms
we all do it
not the breaking in, i mean the daydreaming 
“i had a bad day” shatters my black, shrivelled heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔
ohhh, darling.
istg you’re the only person i ever fucking coo at 
finger-guns = reconnecting = remember me see me
but i guess to sophie it came across as ominous/creepy??
poor arthur trying so hard to reconnect to people and he just cant do it he doesnt have the social know-how bc no one bothered to ever teach him
again im not saying its okay im just saying
lmao i hate how i always feel like i have to justify myself even before thats called into question pffft the internet is cruel and prev times ive voiced myself ive been sent rude messages and once bitten twice shy
the sword forgets but the tree remembers
hes sobbign and laughing and its gut-wrenching
that neighbour yelling “shut up” better catch these hands imma square up
have some compassion dickwad
you never know what someones going through so be kind
always always be kind
^^^ film takeaway right there
if looks could kill penny would be 6 feet under
OH WAIT LMAOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂😂
in killing her he sets himself free. but the trauma and the damage done to him leaves him open to more of the same bc hes so vulnerable
that heart-rate monitor went quiet so quickly did he tune it out????
OMG THE WAY HE REHEARSES FOR THE SHOW YOU SWEET MAN OMG YOU DESERVE THE WORLD
sir thats my seat lmao my throne of red
“yeah? all of you? okay” 🤡🤡🤡
us lining up to fuck him into next week 😂
THATS LIFEEEEE ~ 
the fuck kinda hair dye you usin’???
CHOKE ME W THOSE BICEPS
DANCIN TOGETHER IN THE BATHROOM
THOSE HIPS DONT LIEEEEE 👀👀
scissors = pre-med murder but triggered by “my boy” - term used by abusers. 
poor angel’s triggered by lots of things, i think. theres no telling what triggers his violence and thats what makes him dangerous
could be anything and theres also no telling what his “you wronged me” scale is so ??? 
he’s like a kicked dog... lashes out when hes had so much and wont/cant take anymore
“COMING” yeaaaaah i bet....👀
“i stopped taking my medication and i feel a lot better now” GET OUT GET OUT THATS A RED FLAG OUUUUUUUUUUT YOU GO
OOOOOH JOKER’S LAUGH IS OUT - HES MOCKING YOUUUU AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT BOY’S SMARTICLES
this is why arthurs so dangerous. he looks lithe and weak and fragile but he takes down a man twice his size with scissors in one hit
do not underestimate him it’ll be the last thing you ever do
I WANNA LICK THE BLOOD OFF HIS FACE
BRITISH ACCENT ON POINT 
LMAO he’d so mock me for mine 😂
“you were the only one who was ever really nice to me” a moral codeeee; flexible morality like meeee ~ 
okay but he so made gary jump bc he knew gary was too scared to move otherwise
loooooving the gallows humour with the door lock PFFFT
gotham slept on arthur dude’s hilarious
OH OMH OMG OMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMGOKMG JOKER JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY LOVE MY LIFE MY CLOWN MY HUSBAND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
IM CRYINGGGGGGGG
JOKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER
I CANT BREATHE FUCK OMFFFFF LOOK AT HIIIIIIM
LOOOOOOOOOK LOOK LOOK ASZDXFCGVHJBKLKJHGFDSZDXFGHJHKJLKJHGFD
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
MY LOVE MY LIFE MY JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKER
JOKERJOKERJOKER
LMAO HE’D BE GIGGLING AT ME RIGHT NOW OMGGGG
lmao let randall rot there fuck hiiiiiiim (and not in the fun way)
i want Joker to touch my clit like he did the lift button 👀
ohhhhh look at you having fun on the stairrrs
happy babyyyy ~ 
dancing  towards what you believe to be your death
so glad you changed your punchline at the last minute you didnt deserve to die
SWEET FLAWLESS ANGEL I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
his “oh” when the cops come lmaooooo ~ 
he does that when you grind down hard on him...👀
so used to pain he gets up from being hit by a car and carries on 😔
run baby run...
hes so agile and so quick on his feet
thinks fast too
arthur for fuck’s sake dont you dare stop
you’re almost there, my love.
im so so proud of you
SASSY DANCING ANGELLLL
i love that smug smirk he has and that chuckle omg lmaooooo ~ 
i’d do anything to see you look at me with such pride
ooof you look so angry in the subway but i’d happily cup your face in my hands and smother you in kisses
your eyes red rimmed with tears. youve been sweating and crying ohhhh ~ 
my love omg you didnt want this, you didnt want the riots and you dont know how it spun so outta control and you didnt choose this
i so desperately want to be with you right now
“i dont believe in anything” THATS OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY
I MEAN ITS ALREADY YOURS BUT YOURE STANDING ON IT OUCH
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
“mm-hm” i love that little noise
“i love dr sally” BITCH YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOMEEEE
“THATS WHAT YOU CALLED ME ON THE SHOW. A JOKER. DO YOU REMEMBER?” THATS SUCH A DANGEROUS LOOK ON HIS PERFECT FACE LMAO MURRAY HAD ONE CHANCE TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND APOLOGISE AND HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT LMAO
fuck ‘em, Joker.
You deserve better
GET
THAT
FUCKING
GUN
AWAY
FROM
YOUR 
FACE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all that pain in his eyes....
oh, darling. how did no one see you????
his backstage dancing got me 💦💦💦
hes so ethereal and mysterious, so free yet so constrained, so beautiful and so himself
i love him i love him i love him i love him
smile playing as he comes out on stage lmao even now hes being told what to do and how to act
hes never free
spinny baby
you spin me right round...
he suits the stage so well
lmao woop sexual assault (kissing dr sally without consent) isnt a good move Joker but damn what a first kiss...
never thought i’d be jealous of an elderly woman but here we are 🤡
he looks so good under the lights omg so crisp....
wanna mess and smear it uuuuup
~
you’re all being mocked and none of you fucking know it lmao get wrecked
memory problems bcof the notebook + “get it right” - he really cares
ohhhhhh baby come on change your punchline, come on....
okay but that drunk driver joke does make me giggle lmao it’s so out there and honestly my sense of humour is just as dark as his is
i just sHIVERED 🥵
“arthur” HE SAID CALL HIM JOKER DONT BE RUDE
ohhhhh i’m cryingggg 😭😭😭😭😭😭
i cant watch this without crying ohhhh all that pain, all that suffering and all that anger, confusion and betrayal. a mental breakdown on nat tv and no one sees him. how the fuck are you all so blind?????
“mur-rray” LMAO YOU FUCK MY NAME I FUCK YOURS
SAY IT JOKER IM SO SO PROUD OF YOUUU
hes speaking facts
“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives” and that eye roll and groan yes we stan a dramatic CLOWN
this is fucking heartbreaking omg “i dont care about anything” but then he rants in the next minute - so unpredictable and dangerous and untamed but so so pretty in his pain so beautiful and so free
but hes not free... not really
“werewolf” as a verb omg only you could make that work
im so fucking proud of you
“youre awful murray” ooooooooh....
LMAO JOKER’S JOKE BLEW MURRAT’S MIND
hes crying and shaking and no one ??? sees him ???? how????
i legit dont understand how people just dont see him? people see what they wanna see but it’s right there???
he seems almost surprised by the fact he killed him
YES GRAB MY FACE LIKE YOU DID THE CAMERA PLEASE
IN THE WHITE ROOOOOOOOOM
UGH I LOVE THIS SONG SO FUCKING MUCH ITS SUCH A FEEL GOOD SONG
GOTHAM IS SO PRETTY WHEN ITS ON FIRE OMG ITS SO ALIVE
I LOVE THE ENERGY THIS SCENE GIVES OFF
ITS LIKE HOW JOKER HIMSELF MAKES ME FEEL
ALIVE
his little “hi” like they can hear him 🥺🥺🥺🥺
his laughter omggg sweet angelllllll ~ 
“i know. isn’t it beautiful?” YES IT IIIIIS
AND SO ARE YOU
OH NO OMG NO NO NOPEEEE
this scene always scares me even though i know hes okay pffffft 
the birth of joker lmao
be careful with him please hes precious cargo
omggg i wanna sit on that car and wipe his blood away and help him to get home so i can patch him up
lmao im a scaredy cat til my loved ones are threatened then i scare up this fawn bites
i wanna help Joker to get help and support
i wanna love him through it all, the good and the bad
his slow dancing always gets me omg it’s arthur, still there, still suffering, still unseen and unloved
hes crying and hes in pain
blood smile - my inside is on the outside now and it still hurts
he didnt want any of this. he chose his name ubt not what came with it
my poor clown...... 
CRYINGGGGGG AGAIN
HIS GENUINE LAUGHTER SENDS ME OMG ITS SO PRETTY
i wanna make him laugh like that
it always makes me smile omg those cute lil hiccups 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
THATS LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE
i love the audio muted during the scene he sings it omgg it’s so prettyyyy ~ i like to pretend hes singing to me sometimes asdfghjk
metaphorical or literal blood???
hes accepted who he is now.
hes free
dancing in the white light like an angel
i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love hiiiiiiiiiim ~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
~ THE END ~
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Text
The Intern (CliffxReader)
Requested by @perawuat​
Let me know if you want me to add you on the OUATIH taglist! :)
"Y/n? You comin' or what?" Your roommates stopped and looked to you for an answer.
You shook your head with a sigh, "Not tonight, sorry guys."
One of your friends, Ziggy, raised her eyebrow, "Oh come on, Y/n. Live a little!"
There was a party on campus. One of the many....many parties you'd bailed out on that month alone.
They just weren't your scene.
You were a bit old fashioned. More of an intellectual.  You liked cafes, ballets, and developing photos. Your friends loved clubs, protests, and being in those photos. Most of your friends were hippies, and whether you liked to admit it or not, they kept you balanced up with the times.
Your other roommate, Rowan, nodded, and nudged you a little with his elbow, "Come on! It's gonna be far out, man!"
Your other friend, Odie, adjusted their collar, "I heard there's gonna be some cats from Berkeley, baby!"
You sighed.... Berkeley kids were known to be on another level of hippy-ness.
Ziggy wrapped her hands around your forearm and bounded up and down with pleading, wide eyes, "USC kids are coming through, come on!"
You studied at UCLA, USC also happened to be a bit of a party school, and was also a rival school. It was  certain there'd be a fight or two added to the expected chaos.
"There's gonna be booze, dudes, and no narcs! C'mon, it'll be groovy, baby!" Odie held their hands in the air, vibing and dancing with the wind, "Live a little, Y/n!"
You shook your head, your arms crossed over your books across your chest "Maybe next time, guys." Rowan groaned, "Aw don't be such a drag, Y/n!"
You smiled a little, "You guys go ahead. Catch you tomorrow?"
You walked to the end of the block together. They'd cross the street to get to the party, you'd keep walking down the block to get to your dorm.
There was a parking lot on the corner. It was empty save for a single trailer.
As you waited for the lights to change you all looked into the lot.
Rowan leaned in, and whispered "I heard it belongs to professor McHarris. Say his wife ditched him and how he lives in a trailer."
Odie shook their head, and rolled their eyes with a sigh, "Ugh boys. Who told you that? I heard..." They leaned into the circle, and muttered in annoyance, "It's. Just. Abandoned. Here."
Rowan frowned in disbelief, "Who'd abandon a perfectly good trailer?!"
Odie shrugged, pulling on a pair of shades as they squinted against the setting sun, "Who wouldn't?"
Ziggy, a theater major, and naturally a lover of storytelling, smirked as she leaned in. "Well...I heard some weird stuff goes on in there. Some cult leader or something crashes there late at night after he goes PSYCHO."  She waved her fist around like Norman Bates and laughed as the rest of you stepped back and shuddered in horror.
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The light turned green and your friends waved goodbye.
You turned and walked down the block as they crossed the street.
You sighed as you climbed up the stairs to your apartment and opened the door. You sat down, and stacked your books and projects up, and started working. You didn’t like parties, but you liked fun and adventures. You liked doing your own thing, sometimes. But, right now you had some work to do...  You could have sworn you'd studied the whole night through.
You slammed the books shut. Your eyes were dry and tired from all the reading. You sighed and looked up at the wall. You had strung up photographs you'd developed over the weekend. Some of them were a bit questionable, a little on the avant-garde side of art. But all in all, your work was a masterpiece. The rows of strung up pictures were just a snippet of your impressive portfolio.
Consequently, you'd just gotten an internship in Hollywood on a set.
You were starting the next morning, and looking forward to it, though you were understandably nervous about it.
It was also part of the reason you didn't really want to go to the party..
True, you could have gone just for an hour or two...but acid and protest tunes weren't really up your alley. Maybe a cigarette, gin and tonic, and some Rat Pack records.
Your roommates and friends were probably talking about a protest that would happen on campus next week. But, that also wasn't your thing. You just weren't comfortable with crowds and loud noise. Mysteries.. Now that was where it was at.
At least to you.
You looked at your watch, expecting it to be 3 or 4 am... It was only midnight.
The night was still young.
And you were restless.
You stood up... For once in your life you were going to be impulsive and assertive. You were going to do something crazy.
You were going to find out who the hell really lived in the trailer.
You pulled on your denim jacket, and put on your red go-go boots, rushed out the door, and down the stairs, rushing to the parking lot before you lost your new found sense of curiosity.
You wrapped your fingers against the chain link fence, your eyes zeroing in on the lone trailer in the center of the dark lot.
You sighed, trying to force yourself to do one exciting thing with your life. "Don't be a drag. Don't be a drag, don't be a drag..."
You trudged through the darkness and hovered around the trailer. It was dark and silent. Maybe Odie was right. Maybe it really was just abandoned...
Or maybe...
Maybe Rowan was right. It was rare, but he had his moments.... Maybe that professor really was just trying to get by...
Or...horrifically but also possibly,  what if Ziggy was right?! She always had hear-say and gossip down to a t... Besides...
Serial killers weren't not a thing in big cities.... What if this cult leader rumor was real?!
You were close to the door..  You didn't even knock on the door when you heard a guttural growl and a loud bark.
You fell back in fear, and pushed back on your heels and palms.
You unexpectedly ran into something...
You turned around, feeling cold with fear, "Holy shit it's the serial killer..."
You looked up and he looked down.
He was wearing sunglasses for some reason...
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You held your breath, "Definitely a serial killer."
He wore a denim jacket over a black shirt.
He reached down and pulled you up, with a seemingly, and oddly friendly smile. "She doesn't bite." He threw his cigarette onto the ground and put it out with his foot.
"Wh...who are..." He was kinda cute... A bit on the older side. And...also still probably a serial killer.
"My dog. Her name's Brandy." He shrugged matter-of-factly, as he looked through a key ring.
You sighed calming yourself down a bit, reasoning that a serial killer wouldn't be human enough to have a dog. You hoped...
He started to unlock the door as he clicked to calm his dog down. "So any particular reason why a kid like you's fuckin' around here and isn't home and asleep?" "Why wouldn't a kid like me be out?" You thought you had him. He shrugged, "Out in the street alone where there's some real creeps?"
"You're not a creep, are ya?"
He chuckled a little " No. I dont think so at least."
You smiled a little as he sat on his makeshift porch, his dog sitting by his side.
"I'm not a kid anyway. I'm twenty-two."
He chuckled a little. He remembered what it was like to be so young, "So why aren't you at a club or a party or a protest or somethin'?"
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You shrugged a little "Not really my scene."
"So you're not a hippy?" He sighed a little, a bit more at ease. Even if they were for peace and all, they made Cliff Booth a little uneasy, which wasn't an easy thing to do itself.
"Not really. And you.... Youre not a m..." You bit your lip. Why would a murderer admit to being a murderer?
"A what?"
"Well... Your trailer popped up out of nowhere and there's been... rumors about you..."
Cliff chuckled a little. He wasn't quite a star in Hollywood but rumors always managed to keep him in the spotlight.
"Yeah? What kinda rumors?" He petted Brandy as she laid her head on his leg.
"The best one was you were either a professor that got divorced and lost everything. Or a culty serial killer."
He laughed, "That's crazy talk."
"Yeah...so...who are you?"
He took his glasses off and you saw his beautiful blue eyes under the moonlight. "My name's Cliff. What about you, intruder?"
"Intruder?!"
He nodded, a little amused by your response, "Pokin' around somebody's home at midnight? Makes you an intruder."
"Student parking lot. You are ...probably not a student right, Cliff?" You smirked a little.
"Touche, kid. So...intruders are strangers. You don't wanna be a stranger, right?"
You laughed, "Guess not." You shrugged, "My name's Y/n. I study photography there." You pointed to a building down two blocks, looming like a castle over the new city lights.
Cliff whistled a little, "UCLA. Nice school. You know what you're gonna do when you're through?"
You nodded, "I graduate in a few months. And I just got an internship on some set in Hollywood. I start tomorrow. I wanna work cameras for movies some day. Guess this is how I'll start."
Cliff smiled, "Sounds like a dream, kiddo. Good luck out there." Cliff knew more than anyone that Hollywood was a cut throat place.
He meant it when he wished you luck.
And something about the way he said it let you know that. "Thanks Cliff," You smiled, until you looked around the parking lot and the dark streets. A few hours from then it would be awake with cops raiding the parties and kids scrambling to get to their dorms.
"You gonna be ok, old timer?"
Cliff laughed a little, "Does get loud around here sometimes. College was never really my thing."
"No?"
He shook his head "Nah. I got drafted."
"Heavy."
"Yeah... So I move around every now and then to keep things fresh. There's an empty lot behind this theater. I've been thinkin' of movin' out there next."
You felt a little sad for him. It felt so lonesome out there at night.
You asked again "You gonna be ok, Cliff?"
He smiled a little, "I get by, kid. Don't worry. You go out there, show em whatchu got tomorrow, ok?"
You nodded, "Thanks again, mister," you smiled as you started walking away. "See you around, Cliff!"
You waved back at him and he waved back with a soft smile and a sigh, "See ya,  kid."
And...he did...
You were an intern on a set that you knew nothing about.
"Alright L/n. When the director says action you're gonna move down here with this camera. When you get to the third line you have to zoom in on Rick."
"Rick?" Your mentor of sorts nodded "Yeah. Rick fucking Dalton."
Your jaw dropped, "Rick Dalton? Like Bounty Law- Rick Dalton?!"
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The cameraman nodded understanding you were star struck. You were fairly young so you'd probably grown up watching his shows. "Yeah. And. After lunch were gonna work with his stunt double over on the horses. That guy's crazy. His name's Cliff."
What were the odds...
"Cliff?"
You heard a third, familiar voice. "Yeah?"
The camernan smiled, "Speak of the devil!"
You turned around and sure enough there he was.
Cliff....
He took off his sunglasses, trying to figure out if it was really you. "Y/n?"
You smiled "Hi!"
He laughed "Well I'll be damned! This is where you're working!?"
You smiled and nodded "Yeah!"
Cliff smiled. He wanted to make sure you didn't end up like him. He knew a few names that might come in handy for you. He wanted to make sure you were alright.
Cliff didn't do that for many people...
Frankly...Well, he liked you.
And Cliff Booth didn't like many people.
He wasn't too social. A bit like you...
Somehow Rick convinced you to go to a Hollywood party with them.
Cliff had to go because Rick needed a ride, as always. And you went because you just wanted to spend some time with them.
They were quickly becoming some of your closest friends.
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Cliff was becoming a little more than a friend, a little less than a fling.
But you wanted it to be so much more.
Cliff left you and Rick to get some drinks for the three of you.
Rick laughed as you told him the story of how you and Cliff met.  "A serial killer?!" He laughed and wiped away a tear, "Wait till you hear the rumors about him around Hollywood!"
You laughed a little but then Rick noticed something was wrong. You were worrying about something as you looked around at the producers, directors, and actors.
"What's goin' on sweetheart?"
"You think I'll make it?"
He lowered his cigarette and asked, "You shot the Mexican stand-off scene in this week's episode?"
You nodded, "Yeah...? Shit...did someone say something? Fuck did I blow it?!"
Rick shook his head, "Oh, no, no, no! You did great! You're all they talk about in the editing room!  You're gonna make it out here, kid."
Rick realized that couldn't be the only thing in your mind. He followed your eyes over to Cliff at the other side of the party.
Rick smiled a little as he murmured so only you could hear, "You know he really likes you?"
You smiled a little, "Ah, you’re just saying that."
Rick laughed and gestured to Cliff, "You really think he gets that cleaned up for just anybody, Y/n? You've seen him on set."
You giggled "I guess you're right."
Cliff made his way through a crowd and made his way back to you and Rick.
He smiled at you, and you smiled at him.
Something told you Rick might have been right...
You were going to make it.
And you were going to have Cliff by your side.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
Text
...
#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just#feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives#function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty#god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student#so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self#destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure#rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done#but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry#and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen#ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i#didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there#i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a#wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell#unrelated
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thelapismoon · 7 years
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MCSM S2 E4 Commentary
Wow I have forgotten what this episode even was about. *whispers* I actually never finished watching a playthrough so I guess I'll see some knew stuff. Heh. I'm scared. I managed to get changed, get my food, update my tumblr, and this thing is only 55% complete. HOW LONG IS THIS EPISODE? 
Quite funny that I've already said this much stuff and the episode hasn't even completed downloading. I wonder who actually ever reads this? Sorry about not writing my commentary for the last episode. I just didn't want to stop the episode every three seconds to write. Speaking of that, I might just paused every ten minutes to write. Huh. Thank god it's at 83%. I'm worried. This soundtrack, oml. It's finally done downloading. See you on the other side. Is Radar the narrator now? Admin, Admin, let me like you. I want more Warden interactions. Oh look at this awful frame rate- that's my fault Wait I forgot that I gave in and became a guard. Nurm, I love you. Warden didn't deserve to die. This lighting tho. 10/10. Radar, if you're trying to make me feel bad, it's not working. Nurmie-hurmie, I could never leave you behind, dear. Please don't hurt Xara, telltale. That facial expression. NGHHH FEELS. *singing* Holy shiet. Radar you better be careful because I won't hesitate. Nurm can I hug you? I feel like if that was actual minecraft logic, that jump would've killed us. ITS H I M I love this music, reminds me of some old western but.. dorky. Baby zombie. Tag urself, I'm Xara. NURM. Don't cry.. Let me wipe the tears away, you poor soul. Nghh Jack and Nurm are a perfect couple. If something happens to EITHER of them, I'm gonna throw some hands. You sure that isn't just a carpet..? I haven't played minecraft in like three years so.. Poor Xara. Wtf is wrong with you guys?! Um... NO I DO CARE!! Can I lay down next to you? Well.. Bye? OH NO I SUCK AT FIGHTING. Oh my gosh, this is the first time I survived in one try. Yees. R A D A R. I swear to Persson... Hm. NGHHHH I'm only going to do this because if I don't, Nurm is gonna cry. And I refuse to let. Nurm. Cry. Argh. You're all ungrateful swines. Who is that? Hm. I want to draw her. OH shoot my iPad is at 5% power. "1 night in Fred's house"? That sounds extremely CONVENIENT. Hello, Binta. You look... Nice. *cough* Everyone here seems.. Off. Oh hi Kent. Bye Kent. Gonna just... Slowly walk away. Lapis blue..? *cackles because you must know by now* Wow, good job, Jesse. You just ruined the moment. Can't wait for that to be a running gag no one will stop talking about for two weeks. *sigh* I can't stop thinking about Star Wars right now... Ngh.. F o c u s. Wow I'm actually really proud of this. Oh look, I won. Well now I feel bad. Me and my darn feelings.. WAIT THEY WERE PRETTY CAN I- Argh. I don't like these people. <<nothing much until the Ivor fight because there wasn't much to say>> Doodle doodle doo everything is nice and calm POTION. NGHHHH!!! Oh shiet I don't have a sword. I have a feeling I know who it is <<well of course I do>> Welp, honey, If you gotta kill me, at least I'll know my favorite character of all time did it to me. Hope this stains your conscious, Ivor. Ivor, my love, you're back! <<me the first time I saw him, YES. OH MY GOD. YES. YES!!! HES BACK! HES BACK! ARGHHHH! HES BACK! AHAAAA!>> My sweet alchemist, let me hug you on behalf of my friend and just because I love you so very much. I totally wasn't writing fanfiction about you two hours ago :,)) AGHHH. Ivor, can I just hug you for the rest of eternity? Oh my god I think I'm going to start crying. He looks... Slightly off... CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THOSE CHORDS!!! Those are IVOR'S theme. ACK I love him. Oh wait yeh, ninja, I have questions... Shiet, Ivor. You punched a forest worth of trees? Add that to my scar-headcanon-list. I can't believe they made Ivor the karate kid When his voice gets really deep and husky oh my lord... You know who I'm thinking of.. *looks at you Zoe* Can I hug you? Sweet old man I love you. Harper? Where IS Harper? *hack* where is Soren also? Mmmmm I'm getting all these good vibes now I gotta drop some stuff in the Ivor askbox once I'm done. Darn I wanted the old order to come back :( If Ivor.. shows some type of question of authority towards the admin... Oh my.. "Disappear", hm? Wait.. Okay Ivor's voice ;v; What if Ivor actually killed Jesse? I'd like to read a fic about THAT. Ivor is whispering, I can hug him, he's being witty! everything I could ever want is happening. Ivor's voice lines are my Christmas present. I love you, Ivor. Oh my gosh he looks so short next to Petra. NO DONT GO. Actually. Wait. DO go, If the admin suspects anything of you or even dares to TOUCH you, I will lose my god dang  m i n d Ivor Ivor Ivor. Farewell, my beloved... Okay I'm sorry you all had to see that. I thought I had hallucinated ninja Ivor at first tbh. Well now what? I don't even really wanna play after that.. Argh, I gotta finish this or else I won't be able to play the new episode tomorrow. Stay strong, Lapis. Weren't these two people based off of the great British baking show hosts? I love that show. And now I'm craving cake. Ugh I don't wanna fight in there, don't you know that I suck at fighting? Argh. I wanna read some fic now. Horrifying, hm? I know exactly what I'm gonna do... Okay well that was definitely PG-13 We're gonna forget that ever happened. Heh. *coughs* Hmm.. I'm gonna choose "please don't hit me". RADAR! PUT A SHIRT ON! You're a CHild! Well I just deleted all of the commentary after this so.. *insert distant screeching* Ooo Radar's feet I feel mildly bad about that.. LEVEL SIX HUNDRED?! Boy I don't have TIME for that! Wait WHAT?! Sweet J E S U S. AAA WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!! *panicked screaming* Aaaaaand now I'm dead. Darn. Okay... Oh my gosh that golemn death scene! I smell some foreshadowing.. Romeo.. Death by water? I should keep my mouth shut. That was sick, man. There's MORE?! That's it, I want this to END. Wow that attention to detail.. Me and my darn Romeo-loving-heart. There has to be SOME type of redemption. They could do so much with him... Tbh my friends think I'm crazy because of how I like Romeo but ARGH I like villains, okay?! "Just kids" just started playing INSIDE THE CABIN and now I wanna flip onto Romeo's bed and cry. NGHHH MY FEELS!!!!!!!!!! The music just synced up perfectly. *sigh* I relate to Petra too much.. I want to burst out crying now, this hit too close to home! Petra has never been my favorite character but I can relate to her on a spiritual level. Man I came to have a good time and now I'm feeling personally attacked. AND THIS SAD MUSIC ISN'T HELPING Potato451? Hmm Potato backwards is Otatop. Top? Ota.. Obsidian? Top? The top? Top of the world? The sky? I'm probably taking this way too outta context. OUCH. ma feels. ... Just kids. IS SHE CRYING?! OH MY GOD CAN I ALSO CRY???? Wait this is changing my story? Oh god what have I done? <<later>> Hello, Xara, darling. What exactly did she "repair"? Have a bed, forget my hypocrisy. Wait.. where did she go? FIGHTING argh. Wow I'm alive. Hey Jack. Oh yeh I was gonna go back and save his eye. ..can I do that? I hope that wouldn't corrupt my save file. Okay.. Oh no radar or Fred's people? Radar... I'll see you on the other side. I have a bad feeling about leaving him. But it's his time to shine, and I won't take it from him. The order's temple.. WHO DARES GIVE ME THESE F E E L S?! Nurm just jumped into Jack's arms, everything is going swell- *sees Beacontown* Oh fuuuuu WAIT NO DONT YOU DARE CUT OFF RIGHT NOW!!! Oh my gosh it's Jack's lament. 50% 50% on the scavenger deal, hm. 51% won? That contest was easy. 32% promised to stay with Petra 50% on giving Xara her bed 51% took Fred's friends MMM JACK YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE. I listen to that song everyday. LUKAS NOOOOOOO N O NOPE NOOOOOOOOOO LUKASSSSSSSSSSS ARGHHHHHGHHHHHHG I'm lucky that the next episode comes out in 22 hours, wow I'm late. Toodle loo until tomorrow, dears!
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swearronchanel · 8 years
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Who let me watch 5.06?
I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂  here goes nothing.. 
*skips intro bc I’m impatient*
Cute community moment ☺️
TRIXIE😍 slaying my life
Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!
Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?
Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh
She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices
what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok
And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die
Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw
But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!
ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys
I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN ***        1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?                                                 
 2) just please, because I’m asking nicely                                                     3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?               
4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something!                                             5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?
Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant
Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it
Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie
And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??
And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?
PHYLLIS ! My champion
“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER
she deserves the best
I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.
They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it
Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne
#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962
And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh
Helen looks so good like goals
“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME
I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me
But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?
Hey Pats, it’s been a while
Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂
Never seen Whistle Down the Wind
But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂
also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000
Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted
Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS
she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf
But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol
I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet
But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running
Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it  
I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops
LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*
Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️
Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??
Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass
REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA
How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?
And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?
Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long
Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.
Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt  
Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM
“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂
Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before? 
They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕
Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂
Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead 😂😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂
Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??
lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes
at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14
Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂
Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂
HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF
I wanna fight him
Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming
SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭
I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait
Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!
Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels
Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.
Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)
Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇
“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM
PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD
“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age”  IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK
LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION
“Buenos vacaciones”  I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.
lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved
PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS
LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)
I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂
Poor Judith💔
It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u
Here comes summer..😂
SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL
Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!
Tim and Patrick proud that  they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points
Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭
”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh
Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect
Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏
Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂
Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭
LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC
LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂
“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it
I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍
Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha
“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh
But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??
Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.
Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha
rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry
Diane’s water broke oh shit
the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha
I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂
ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂
lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get
So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?
She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming
“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television
Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂
PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME
HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH
There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while
Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?
SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING
THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH
Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot
Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that
DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE
NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS
“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping
Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.
“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK
aw the baby is so precious
Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..
Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH
Oh no
SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER
Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself
it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!
“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰
I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me
“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts
You can’t even blame her for being angry😪
Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either
Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n
I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS
Everyone so quiet at the table..
ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔
Russian prison tats??
“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing
I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭
But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids
“I’m a mum, mum” Aw
lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will  be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them?  Lmaoo
SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍
Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol
The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual
Trixie 😍off to her AA💕
“I think it’s about time I came clean..”
Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭
And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼
“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”
Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 years
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5hfanfiction · 8 years
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Only Words Bleed (Chapter Six)
Camila’s POV
“Wait…what?”
I now sat straight, disbelieving that I had finally admitted what I felt. I smiled vaguely and gave Dinah a minute to let it all sink in.
“What do you mean ‘he’s not Lauren’?”
“I literally mean that Connor is not Lauren.”
“Oh my god, Mila! You like Lauren?”
“Sssshhh…don’t let the world hear you. Quiet.”
“How can I remain silent when my best friend finally likes a person?! I better call the Vatican cause this shit is important,” she shouted while standing up.
“I need to tell Mani and Ally…they’ll be stoked.”
“What?! Hey - no. I’m not ready to tell anyone.”
“You told me.”
“Well, yeah cause you forced it out of me.”
“Mila, this is huge!”
I shrugged. “Maybe…but don’t get too happy about it.”
Dinah frowned. “How do you not exp- ”
“Lauren’s dating Connor, Dinah. She’s very happy.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Uh, yes I do. She told me herself.”
“What did she say exactly?”
My mind began to remember. “Um, she said that she didn’t wanna label herself as his "girlfriend” just yet but when she’s around him she feels happy.“
Dinah seemed to be considering the information. "So they’re not really dating?”
“No. But that doesn’t mean I can just swoop in and steal his girl.”
“Lauren’s not anybody’s girl. Yet. If you don’t do anything, and fast, Connor will.”
“I know you’re right. But I just can’t bring myself to say anything. I literally lose my cool when she talks or when we’re together.”
“Aaaaw, lovesick Camila is back. I’ve missed her.”
Dinah sat down on the bed. “So. Tell me how it started.” Dinah requested.
Sighing, I said, “Well, I don’t really know. I’ve been having these feelings for a really long time but I think last night, when we were together, my heart kinda confirmed it.”
Dinah nudged my shoulder. “What happened last night?”
“Nothing. We were just talking about my favourite book and just hearing her talk made me happy. And then I realised why.”
Dinah smiled. “What are you gonna do?”
“I really don’t know. If I tell her it could potentially ruin our friendship. If I don’t I’ll die.” Camila shrugged.
“Well then, let’s go get your girl.”
“How do you mean?”
“We’re gonna hang out. The five of us. I wanna see if there’s any chemistry or 'sparks’.”
“What - now?”
“No, in 2020. Yes, now!” Dinah pulled her from the bed and walked her over to the door.
“Ugh, fine. But we’re getting pizza.”
Dinah trudged while I stopped in the doorway. Dinah asked her what I was doing. “I’m texting her.” The blush was evident on my cheeks.
C: HEY! dinah has called an emergency hangout…come to the pizza place(:
L: hallo! why am i not surprised lemma say goodbye to connor and ill be there
Annoyingly, I frowned at the text and showed it to Dinah. Dinah also gave an apologetic smile.
C: kay dont be late like you often are
L: excuse me? ill have you know im very puntual
C: hmm see why dont i believe you
L: im on my way to shut you up
C: ooh so scared mom help
And we were off, arms linking and laughter echoing.
-
We sat at our usual booth, Dinah making sure no one sat next to me. I rolled eyes at her, scared that the way she was acting was a bit too obvious. Normani and Ally were busy conversing while Dinah kept looking at the door.
As Lauren came in, Dinah nodded to me and made space for her. “Took you long enough,” Dinah stated.
“Yeah, sorry I was with Connor,” Lauren said while sighing. Dinah and I exchanged a look.
“You know I’ve been wondering…”
“Wait, so Dinah Jane thinks now, too?” Normani joked. “Lord the apocalypse is upon us.” This caused everyone at the table to giggle, Ally especially.
“Shut up, Mani. Anyways, Lauren. What’s going on with Connor?”
“What do you mean?”
Before Dinah could respond Ally started humming: “What do you mean? Oh oh…when you nod your head yes but you wanna say no…”
“Excuse my friend Ally, she’s very theatrical,” Normani laughed.
“Oh, I can tell,” Lauren smiled before continuing, “Connor and I are not dating. Pretty sure Camz told you. We’re just, uh, seeing things as they are.”
“Camz?” Dinah questioned.
I  rolled my eyes again. “Yeah, Camila…Camz. Pretty similar, no?” Lauren admitted.
Dinah nodded. “Interesting.”
“Okaaay! Why don’t we order, huh?” I intervened.
“Yes please, I’m starving!” Ally chimed, signalling a waiter.
-
After eating, all of us headed back to Normani’s house. We had reached and were standing on the patio. Lauren turned to me with an exasperated sigh. “Your friends are hard to keep up.”
“Yeah, they are aren’t they?”
She smiled. “Well, I have to go now. Parents have their anniversary and Taylor and Chris are bugging me to come early.”
“Why?”
“We’re planning a romantic night for them. It’s a bit too extra if you ask me because they’re already out on a romantic dinner.”
“Aw that’s cute. I’ll see you later, then?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
As Lauren went off, I walked inside to the room where all three girls were in.
-
Narrative
The next day, after her parents’ dinner, Lauren went over to Connor’s house. He had invited her to 'hang out’ but Lauren felt nervous nevertheless. She always felt nervous around people. She wasn’t proud of it.
“Hey!” Connor greeted her with a kiss.
“Heyy,” she said and sat down. “Playing Call Of Duty as usual?”
“Ah, you know the drill. I have to complete at least one mission daily.”
“Right. So what am I going to do?”
“Oh, silly. I’m not going to play now. I’ll play it later.”
“That’s…very considerate of you.”
“Well, I am a very considerate guy.” Connor brought her into a kiss. In a short while Connor had Lauren lying on the bed, biting her neck vigorously.
“Connor, stop.”
“Oh, come on Lauren.”
“Please- I, I can’t.”
“We’ve been going out for a while now. It’s time.”
Lauren pushed him off of her. “You can’t decide when it’s time. I told you I’m not ready.”
“Still?”
“This isn’t something that you can do on a deadline, you know. I need time.”
“I gave you time. It makes me nervous that it’s taking you long.”
“What? Why?”
“Cause I fear you don’t like me enough.”
“That’s not true and you know it. I just need more time.”
“Stop saying that. It’s not helping.”
“Well then, what will?”
“Look, Lauren. I want to be with you. If you don’t then just say so.”
“I do.”
“Really? I can’t see any effort.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to show my effort.”
“Either you are my girlfriend or not.”
“That’s it, then? No in-between?”
“No.”
And with that Lauren took her cue to leave. She tried hard not to let tears fall but she had just experienced her first 'heartbreak’.  How could she not cry? She took to her safe haven, wanting to find some solace - that is, the library.
Camila’s POV
As usual I was sitting in the library. The girls had gone home after a while but I headed back here to read a bit. I was in my spot, reading 'The Book Thief’. There was a quote that struck to me like the waves of an ocean: “My heart is so tired.” Its so simple but equally powerful. All of a sudden I heard a voice; it startled me but when I looked to see who it was I smiled.
“At least someone’s in a happy mood.”
“What can I say? This place makes me happy.” I said while Lauren sat down next to me.
“Cool. It makes me happy, too.”
“But you’re not happy now, are you?”
“Not really..,” she sighed.
“What happened?” I gazed at her face trying to read her expression. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Connor and I 'broke up’. I mean we weren’t dating but like, it’s totally off now.”
I tried not to show my pleasure. I’m not sure if it worked. “Oh, Lauren I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s literally nothing.”
“You’re hurting. It’s something.”
“I guess because it’s the first time this has happened to me. I’ve never been with anyone before.”
“I understand.”
We sat there in silence for a while. As I continued reading I felt a head on my shoulder. I looked up to see Lauren resting; she was crying. I could feel her tears. “Hey, hey. Lauren.”
I stroked her hair, hoping to calm her. “It’s okay. Don’t worry,” I held her face in my hands. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I just- I don’t know what to feel.”
“You’re not supposed to feel anything. Just forget it. You’re going to be okay. I’m here.”
“So tell me what happened.” I said gently, after she stopped sobbing.
She cleared her throat as I lifted the book from the floor. “Basically I went to his house cause he said he wanted to hang out. We talked and he kissed me,” Lauren explained.
“But then it got serious so I told him that I wasn’t ready yet. In short, he gave me an ultimatum: either I be his girlfriend or I leave.”
My heart shook at the admission. “So you left.”
“Yeah, I left. What else could I do?”
“You did the right thing. You shouldn’t rush into this. It doesn’t require a deadline; it needs a lot of time, you know.”
“Exactly what I said.”
“How do you feel?”
“Well, not great. But better, I guess.”
I smiled. “Because of you,” Lauren said truthfully.
“You know I’ve realized that ever since we became friends my life has gotten bigger. In, like, terms of everything. I mean I made new friends, I had enough courage to talk to a boy and I finally found a mutual. You know what I mean?”
“Oh, stop it Lauren. That was all you.”
“Maybe. But I just want to say thank you.”
“Well, you’re welcome.”
“Oh my god you’re reading my favorite book. What part are you on?”
I looked down at the neatly placed book between my legs and remembered that I was, in fact reading. I cleared my throat. “Yeah! I’m at that part where the Mayor’s wife lets her into her library.”
“Ooh that’s where things get interesting.”
“Shut up, don’t ruin it for me.”
“I won’t, I won’t. I get how you feel.”
“Do you?”
“Totally. I remember once I was reading Allegiant and I was almost finished, right?”
I nodded. “And then my stupid friend so very selfishly told me that Tris dies in the end.”
“Hey! Spoiler alert.”
“Oops, sorry. I didn’t know okay?”
“Yeah-yeah.”
“So are you gonna go home soon?” I asked.
“Um, in a while. I just want to get some reading done.”
“Oh. Well I should go now. My mom’s probably freaking out.”
Lauren nodded in understanding. “See you tomorrow, Camz,” she said as I stood.
“Bye, Lauren,” I returned.
As I was walking away Lauren spoke, “Hey, Camila?” I faced her.
“Thank you.”
I was shocked. I started walking towards her while saying, “For what?”
Having sat back down, Lauren muttered,“For being there. For me.”
“Yeah, of course,” I smiled. “You’re welcome.”
“And thank you too.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Me? What for?”
“For becoming my friend. For coming into my life because it’s become better with you in it.”
I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and gently stroked her cheek. I could feel her shivering at the touch but I kept my hold strong.
“I think I should say the same.”
I stared into her beautiful, spellbinding green eyes and she looked politely at mine. Seeing her in the dark made me lose all my conscious as I had no idea what propelled me to lean in. I closed my eyes when I watched her shut hers. There seemed be such a little distance between us but it still felt like a thousand miles apart. In a gentle touch my lips met hers and I pulled her in. I didn’t want to come out too fierce or forceful so I kissed her as slowly and as gracefully as I could. She hesitated at first but gave in nevertheless.
Her lips felt so perfect against mine. I felt her hand moving to grasp my neck for support and my hands moved down to her waist. Our bodies were attached to the bookshelf behind us; our hips and abdomens were in soft contact. I tried to pick up the pace and realized that Lauren was giving me full access to do so. I humbly put my tongue in her mouth and bit her bottom lip. I couldn’t help but hear a small moan from her. I was shocked to feel her biting my own lips after I granted her access.
I was enchanted. I didn’t know that there was heaven on earth. Was there? I didn’t want to think much and all I wanted was to continue kissing this beautiful girl in front of me. My conscious told me to stop immediately but my heart and my lips ached for more…
I started pulling away. “Uhm, I-I’m sorry.” I said completely out of breath.
Lauren hadn’t fully recovered from this too as I sensed her breathlessness. “No, I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I shrieked as I forced my body to stand up.
“No, no it’s okay. I’m sorry too,” Lauren had stood up now too.
I shrugged in panic. As I was about to respond I heard my phone ring. It was my mom. “Yeah, yeah I’m almost there.” I looked at Lauren. She looked so elegant and as much I as didn’t want to, I had to return home. “I’m sorry - that was my mom. I have to be home.”
I saw her nodding right away and I offered a sweet, I’m-sorry-I-kissed-you-out-of-nowhere-but-I-wanted-to smile and walked in the opposite direction. I heard her say, “It’s okay. I’m sorry.”
“Bye, Lauren,” I chipped and exited the door.
During the way my head was running a million miles. Had I really done that? If so, when the hell did I become so confident in doing that? Maybe because it’s Lauren, I thought. It felt…enchanting, I repeated this feeling in my head as I carried on. 
A/n: finally tho! The story is progressing…I have a lot of stuff on my mind so stay tuned, loves! I hope you’re liking it so far because I honestly have nooo idea…would definitely appreciate feedback(:
The recent events have everyone depressed and shook. We’re all hurting right now and it’s taken a toll on us. I’ve been a fan for quite some time now and I just want to say that it will take time. I started this story as an interest which is why I will keep writing for as long as I want to because if you enjoy it, what’s the harm, right? Take care and Happy New Year!
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cold-iron-burns · 5 years
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We've come to a consensus.
Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.
The ayes have it.
YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE
what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented
THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED
-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe
Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,
*or at least, becoming more clear*
I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?
started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.
And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.
Wait, no, the Philanthropist
Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)
[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now
she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit
hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK
OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--
I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts
FOCUS
she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)
[I didn't know it was that specific]
I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--
>nope nope nope, shut it down<
John Cleese?
not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where
woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger
Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of
oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.
Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!
I don't need pictures
Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~
okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.
I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH
keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record
I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?
wait, I'm the host
no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!
Someone has to be the mom around here.
Who wrote it?
you are high af.
keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.
My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.
Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)
oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna
yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences
It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)
you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch
whale!
MISS PIGGY
LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS
remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?
~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"
some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.
That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.
SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED
Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts
We salute the departed Host.
I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.
Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.
She's Not Dead.
sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}
there's a lot of you when you get mad.
@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!
I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!
whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.
SO SAY WE ALL
wait, what the fuck are you trying to say
hey, it's cool, it's cool.
nah it aint cool
STOP IT STOP FIGHTING
let's think about date sugar
Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.
is this productive?
Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.
Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.
night y'all!
:)
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Episode #8: “I'll Fall on the Sword” ~ Charlotte
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Let me be like my favourite simpson and Merge. GOD
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UGH I THOUGHT WE WERE MCFUCKING MERGING JFLADKJFALSD ANYWAYS I GUESS NOT!!!!!! I'm happy with how tribal panned out but GOD this is an ugly turn of events! At least I don't have school tomorrow and the vote went how it should have. I was in auditions for over four hours tonight and I wasn't able to game talk like AT ALL but I love my allies and they covered it for me. I'm so happy! I think that maybe after THIS vote we'll merge or something... I don't know. Why didn't we merge at 13 if Duncan's power is like??? You know??? You can run and hide from final 13 to final 10 idk it's just weird. And ugh I just,,,,, I WANT TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE SO I DONT HAVE TO VOTE OUT RUTHIE OR KEVIN FDKAKFSD this sucks. I like them both. I'd rather Kevin than Ruthie but that might be difficult because of like,,, how this vote went down lmao. But it was cute how Autumn, Ruthie, and Kevin didn't even stick together after that 3-3-1 vote like WOW JFKDSJFLKAS iconic and I love it. Now I'm hungry and I'm gonna go eat something bye
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I literally hate this task challenge with a passion I don't have the reaction time for it rip me and my life and my tribe
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I'm forever an Emily & Owen stan but can they go to sleep. PLEATHE
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Not to be full of myself but I did #that and more. I mean I'd like to think it was my move bc I suggested her name first so. Her vote said that I was like playing both sides but tbh I wasn't even playing her side at all??? (I accidentally forgot to message her skdkdkd) I just hope that doesn't like...marr my reputation, as small as it already is. Anyways I'm upset about no merge and just hoping we can win this challenge because we were already uncertain last time who knows what'll happen tomorrow night. 
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Plz ask for a mutiny so I can go to the other tribe even though they are losing please and THANK YOU
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CameronI think I speak for the entirety of Loronha when I say I HATE YOU OWEN AND EMILY ________________________________________________________________ *narrator voice* he does not have faith in his tribe
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If I was a Pokémon I’d be Ekans. Hiss hiss
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Losing this badly is so hard to deal with after winning so well the last few rounds. I so desperately want to make merge, you know? And if this is the thing that does me in... well that would suck.
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this is the most DISHEARTENING challenge, we are always just a second behind the other team and i am so frustrated and sad and everyone on our tribe is trying their hardest but it's just not working for us 
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I love losing. It's okay, I'll fall on the sword if we do lose bc I literally couldn't do any of these tasks because I am an adult and I have to work.
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I’m really sad and disheartened and this is so so so devastating. This is the first time in any game where I’ve felt this close to a group of people and I’m so upset that one of us has to leave. We tried so damn hard and we were so close and I’m so upset and sad and I. Want to cry 
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i cant believe i won!!! im shaking!!! ali is the devil but we won anyway because god always prevails over evil amen!!! britain tell me how my ass tastes!!!! can we please merge!!!
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I hate being mad like this. I hate feeling like I want to scream at people and tell them how angry I am. But that's how I feel, so I'm gonna put it in a confessional. Emily and Owen, I'm so sorry in the future and know that likely 10 hours from now I'm not gonna feel this way but. FUCK YOU EMILY AND OWEN. DO YOU FOOLS NEVER SLEEP? DO YOU NOT HAVE LIVES? EMILY DONT YOU GO TO SCHOOL? DID YOU SKIP SCHOOL TO DO THIS CHALLENGE? WHAT THE HELL!
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I'm glad my tribe won even though I wish there was a mutiny where they could have lost a TON of points and lost one of their own in the 'Alliance Against Ruthie TM' 
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i cant fucking believe i got 5 points for steamed hams, and then emily said eggs was a fun fact and ruined my only contrifuckinbution! i still love her but kdjshgkjdshgkdjshhkj
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You all know me as the heartless meanie who lost his shit multiple times during Azores, but right now I'm gonna fucking cry I don't wanna have to vote anyone off this tribe. Like I thought I felt bad before making the move against Madison or having to give up on trying to save Jack, but this is the absolute HARDEST thing that's happened yet. Even if it's Charlotte because apparently she wants us to vote her out, I'm still gonna be crying during this one. This sucks.
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Someone from Loronha is winning this game. No ifs, no buts. We all fought SO HARD to win. So hard. And we all got so many points, despite the odds and just stuff being against us. With my strategy, any plans I had of voting against Dana/Will/Cameron? they are gone. I love them all SO MUCH, and have no intention of voting them out. At merge, the war on Atalaia begins. ________________________________________________________________ Like ugh I love me some Emily but come merge? Emily and Lily are outta here.
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Thank GOD we won that challenge. I did SO MUCH and if we had lost I would’ve probably wanted Kevin to go home since he contributed the least to the competition at least from what I saw. And also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I did SO MUCH for our tribe. Like whenever I was at auditions or sleep they were like,,,, we need Emily!! Like? That’s a good feeling. Don’t vote me out because I’m pulling my weight hehe! But also why the fuck did they need me so bad these things aren’t hard you just gotta be speedy!! Whatever. Also I cracked an egg on my head for no reason. I’m the queen of eggs though so it’s fine.
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There's something especially depressing about the fact that Charlotte is so willing to go, whether it's because she really is truly over the game or she has stuff going on... It's just sad watching a pseudo-quit like this happen, especially coming off of last night's outright devastation. If y'all thought the Emily boot in Azores was sad (when literally everyone cried on live cam), then this is gonna be even worse - idk how but it's worse. But looking at the bright side, at least it's gonna get me through to the next round.
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Charlotte has asked/offered to go tonight which I really respect and appreciate. I am so devastated to see her go though. Charlotte is an icon, a legend, an inspiration. She is truly the most justified all star in this cast. Come merge, the Loronha tribe is literally going to be F6. I'm speaking it into existence. ________________________________________________________________ God Charlotte going tonight is gonna be such a tragedy. But unfortunately a queen must fall for an empire to arise. Its time for the Loronha dynasty to begin.
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Hi I feel awful about everything and this game is making me have a heart which should honestly be a crime. As long as I am not being tricked by everybody on my tribe (always a possibility, I am impossible to blindside), I think Charlotte is going home on her own accord tonight. I feel SO bad about it, but at the same time I think she would have gone home either way (idol plays aside), which I'm not sure she expected. Also i'm feeling kind of good about the game right now because I think the dynamics on both tribes are good for me going into a merge situation. 1) Will and Duncan aren't close, and I'm close with both of them. 2) Duncan is close with Zach, who I am close with, and will use for information and then vote out expediently so I can win (probably tbd). 3) I still have my alliances from both my tribes with most members in tact (rip Autumn a quen) 4) I didn't even have to lie to anybody yet.. Wig! I just withheld a lot of information, but weirdly, people have been spilling their game tea to me which honestly ya girl loves! 5) Everyone i'm working with wants Emily out and amazing because i sure do too. 6) Ashvika is close to Duncan and also mad that Autumn was voted out, me too girl. Ok wig I have more thoughts but umm this is all for now ladies. See u on the flip side hopefully xoxo
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I have no idea whether I’ve done a confessional or not this round and ideally it’s not my last one. So Loronha finally lost again after WE DIDNT MERGE AT 13! *side eyes emoji*  and honestly the tribe’s moral was shot, right in the gut. Like they all felt so bad about losing it must’ve beeen a rush to be a part of that challenge. Lots of emotions are out and people are in their feels. Apparently Charlotte is very okay with going home and says she has no ulterior motives. I wanted Cameron out first but if Charlotte is willing to go and wants us to vote her out, who am I to stand in her way? I ain’t shit. And I know if I was in that position I’d prefer to go home too. I just don’t think she was as invested as she should’ve been and she realizes that. It’s just sad and I hope she’s not fronting and that we Merge soon.
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I THINK I'M MAKING MERGE GIRLIES!!!!!!!! So, with that, I'm going to talk about all the people left in the game and my opinions on them for merge because I've been slacking on confessionals this round!
Okay starting with Ali: Ali has an idol and I'm hoping I'm the only one that knows that still. I'm a little worried not being on his tribe right now because 1. he could build closer relationships with people that are not me 2. he could tell other people about his idol 3. he could tell other people I know about his idol. 3 is bad because then people will know Ali and I are very close. Though I haven't been discreet about any of my relationships in the game thus far, I guess another very out there tie to a player will just? Happen? I guess? I don't know. I'm definitely going to spill all the tea from our 3-3-1 6-0 vote because he's going to get the tea eventually and I'd rather it be from me. I also wonder how close Ali and Duncan are right now because I remember them being a bit rocky before the joint tribal, so who can be sure? I can't.
Ashvika: Really sweet girl and I'm glad we got Autumn out. Ashvika was wanting to save Autumn during the joint tribal and that means they were close, especially because they just played together. I figure Ashvika and Duncan are close because of what I know from Duncan. I wonder if that relationship is still in tact or if Ashvika is now closer to Will and Dana. I remember them being close for some reason. This could be inaccurate but? Idk.
Charlotte: I honestly don't know where I stand with Charlotte! I have no idea where her allegiances are and like? I just really don't know. I remember her and Zach being close but now that they're on different tribes, I don't know where she stands. And I also know that Duncan low key wanted Charlotte out in the earlier days of this game so like... she could be going out next because of her lack of allies and Duncan kind of wanting her out. I don't know how much power Duncan has over there. But also, Charlotte got Jack's vote last time Elaenia went to tribal council so... it's likely? I guess? I don't know. We'll see.
Dana: I don't really know much about Dana other than her and Will are tight. And Zach. And probably Ashvika. That's going to have to be a group I either 1. work with or 2. look out for when we merge. I can just like... sense it. But I also think that Will and Ali are close and then Dana and Zach are close and they're my closest allies so like??? Ali and Zach can probably keep me safe or at least differ targets off my back if my name happens to come up. And I like that!
Duncan: I love Duncan. He has an idol. Idk who else knows other than Ali and I. I hope that's it. Oh wait this is me remembering mid-type that I told Lily about Duncan's idol lol. FUNNY EMILY anyways. Lily probably won't tell. I hope she doesn't. Whew. I think Duncan should be okay 1. because he has an idol 2. because he like??? has a good social game?? I'm hoping to see him in merge.
Kevin: Honestly don't know how I feel about him because we saved him last round but he voted for Lily the round before and like... wtf I don't like that? fjkldsfalsd I thought he and Lily were TIGHT and then he just goes around and votes Lily out like WOW idk man. I know he's my secret santa but he's SKETCHY!!! If we were to have gone to tribal this round, I would've wanted to vote him out. I know that's flip-floppy because we saved him last round and kept Ruthie out of the loop but that's the truth lol
Lily: My absolute fav person ever!!! In a game sense, I would say I'm like ... 4th closest to her. Zach, Ali, and Owen are above her. But everything else I love her! She has that vote negator and I'm happy she FINALLY got something good from the arch*p*l*go!! 
Cameron: Love him love him love him! I feel like we won't work together in this game though. Not sure why I just... don't see it happening? It might. We shall see. He reminds me to take my medicine every night. I <3 him. And for the short period of time we've been together in this game I've been decently honest with him. He was one of the few people I told before the Madison vote that I was gonna vote for Autumn rather than Madison just because she's my friend and it hurts :( so I'm hoping he's willing to vote with me even though he thinks I'm a major snake. God.
Owen: I was doubtful about him at first but I think I've made a genuine connection with him! I was like high key scared he was gonna flip on Lily/Zach/Myself for Autumn/Kevin/Ruthie but he DIDN'T and I'm so happy about that. I really like him and he's been very helpful in challenges so I'm thankful for that!! He's so sweet and we have a snapchat streak and anyone that puts up with my streaks is a blessing
Ruthie: I really love Ruthie and keeping her out of the loop last vote was really something dksjfkasld I'm sad that it happened but like we needed to just in case an idol was played or something. I hope she's willing to work with me later down the line but I think our relationship definitely needs some healing.
Will: Love Will and I really hope we can ACTUALLY work together this game! I know things were messy with the Madison vote but I'm hoping that that doesn't get in the way of our game relationship. Though me fucking things up with Ruthie might also hinder it... I'm not sure. I think Ali and him are close and I'm close to Ali so like? Yeah keep me safe Will xoxo. Will is also definitely close to Dana since she exposed some of his tea during the scavenger hunt. I would never expose tea from any of the people I'm not close with you know? yeah they're close. Her draft name in Azores was "Dana I want Will to win" and I remember that because I had to read it like ten times to finally understand what it said
Zach: I love Zach so much and he's my number one ally despite me not like telling him about either one of Ali or Duncan's idols lmao. Ugh I just love Zach so much and I trust him with ??? MY LIFE????? I'd go to rocks for him I love him. He's so honest with me (I think) and I just love him omgjdklfjaskldflasd god I love Zach he's great he's so sweet I can tell we're going to stay friends after this which is my favorite thing about him!! AHHHHH!! 
Well this confession was super long and I started it around 3:00 and I'm just now submitting it (7:27 PM lol)
Charlotte becomes the 8th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 7-0 vote. You can see Charlotte’s preseason interview here.
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“Catherine” - EPISODE 3
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Honestly I'm me believing Seamus when he tells me everyones voting for Shea and I end up putting some cocky ass confessional that looks absolutely dumb now because he didn't go. I'm. Just. Sad. I should've known better whew. Anyway I need a swap or something, like I need new people and ones that actually wanna form solid alliances because literally nothing is happening here and I'm too eager to just sit around...Anyway...Send help...And wish me luck.
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my game consists of nothing but doing what amanda & kait tell me to do.. D: im sorry i'm a flop i've just been real busy....if i make it to merge i'll start playing then
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My tribe is doing that. I survived our first tribal council, and got myself into a majority. I literally told everyone they're the only person I talk to lol I love people quitting like honestly my aesthetic is people leaving without me having to do anything. Who's next?!
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So I went from winning two immunities to getting second to last! Ahaha at least I might not look like a threat! Right after rhea was announced as immune I went to working making sure I was safe I talked to rob, Amanda, rhea, kait and Emma to get Steven out! If all goes well I'll be safe and we can move on to the next challenge 
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Honestly this Matilda thing isn't so bad. 1, I'm in Chicago so it's hard to participate depending on the challenge. 2, as long as the vote goes as planned this time having everyone vulnerable for the next ones allows my alliance to vote out who we want. Seamus should be going tonight which makes me sad because he is really cool and awesome to talk to. But because of the reactions from last vote it's the best move. Hopefully the game changers continue to dominate. But ya never know with this game. 
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WHEW me getting out in the first round? I believe it. Relatable content. I'm so hungover and I don't have the patience to figure out the vote. I think it's Seamus, but I need to check in with people, but I'm also trying to not fucking vomit. 
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Alright so I'm kinda sad I flopped in the challenge, both winning/losing it....And now no matter what we're all vulnerable next round thanks to the lovely Matilda so everything is just lovely. On the bright side Kait told me she found the idol so Queen! As of right now I think I'm in a good spot and as far as I know the vote is between Shea and Seamus. I really want Shea to go because I trust Seamus! Like he really got screwed over last vote and I'm shocked people handled that so poorly!? Like don't make people believe something's the vote when it's not!?!? I literally thought he knew about the split but then Lily told me she didn't tell him about it and just let him vote Shea like......Why would you do that...So now I'm a bit nervous about Lily but I think I can trust her for now. That's about it for now but I'm gonna try everything I can to make sure Seamus isn't caught in the crosshairs here.
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so last round these mcfucking liars of tribemates told me they were all voting shea but then voted veronica and didnt tell me :/ so i kinda had to play catch up and guilt a few of them so they wouldnt target me this week. i believe again that sheais going home this week but im p sure im getting some votes
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So it sounds like shea is going tonight? Which is cool with me because he hasn't been talking to me much recently. I wasn't sure about Seamus because of how the last vote went but it seems like Seamus and I are good. I just don't want any flippers going into a merge tbh. Haha. But honestly people will flip shit will go down and we just wanna go in with the best tribe possible. Also this Matilda thing? Might actually be okay if we have the same tribes tomorrow. I'm worried we will have a tribe swap and all of the tasi people won't be able to get immunity so we will all get voted out. I'm glad I don't have to do a challenge while I'm in Chicago tho so that's good. Hopefully everything works out and I don't get too much anxiety. 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9MGnRX900w&feature=youtu.be
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I think I orchestrated my first vote ever and it was amazing. I got out Sam, screw him, he's the worst and I bet he didn't care about the game. Now I want Steven gone, cause... who's Steven? He seems snealy too. I think I might go too, so I'm not cocky.
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I hate everyone still. This tribe is boring AF. Rob goes and tells everyone last night about his plan to vote Steven this vote, which is fine by me bc I didn't even know there was a Steven on our tribe!!!!! However like Darian and Amandie (they will be referred to as that from here on out) came to me about it also after. So okay Rob I see you leaving me out until TODAY!!!' Freak. Anyways, I'm fine with him thinking he's some kind of kingpin for now til I decide I'm tired of doing what I'm told hehehe
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So I won immunity!! https://media2.giphy.com/media/1ofR3QioNy264/200.webp#4 I can't believe I actually won an immunity! And so, here I am just like,  https://media4.giphy.com/media/qGmYKpdCVoXu0/200.webp#8 I don't like that Darian is calling all the shots! https://media.giphy.com/media/vouHgfse1v7cA/giphy.gif I want him to go soon, but I forsee him easily making the merge which scares me. 
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I CAN FINALLY VOTE!!!!! London Tipton voice "YAY ME" *clap clap*
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So I go to do the deep challenger thing and....they say get past level 4 on what's inside the box. I was like okay, but then I realize, I played this game literally yesterday for fun and I was like oh okay, and then I realize I chose some pussy shit lol
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From what I can tell...The plan is to leave Kelsey out of the loop which is so stupid. I don't know why these people want to ostracize so many people from votes like they did it with Seamus last vote with no valid reason!?!? I know Kelsey felt sympathy for Shea last vote which is making people nervous so that makes a little bit more sense but like...I just don't feel comfortable leaving people out of the loop? Ugh. This is just too much. 
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Okay so my confessionals have sucked and I'm sorry. Lily, Liana, Dan, and I are all in an alliance and we've decided who's getting voted out every round and this time we'e going for Shea. Last time he got wind that his name was being thrown out there even though it was the decoy name and he went OFF!! LIKE HE WAS CRAZY FREAKING OUT AT EVERYONE! And during the first vote he was throwing out EVERYONE'S name! He threw out mine, Christine's, and Carson's and those are just the ones that I heard about. Who knows who else he was saying. So his messy ass has got to go. I think we might be swapping soon and I don't want to get stuck with someone who's going to throw me under the bus the first second they get to save themselves. So I also got to go to that Challenger Deep thing. IT FUCKING SUCKED! I HATED IT! I picked level 25 because I think hey that's pretty deep and the deeper you go the harder the challenge but the bigger prize! TOO BAD THE PRIZES WAS A FUCKING PUNISHMENT! Now no one from my tribe can compete in the immunity challenge next time and I feel awful. If we stay in these tribes then it'll make it easier to just vote out Kelsey but if it's a swap we're all fucked because of it.
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I....Might've caved and told Kelsey the plan. If this backfires.....I'm dead. I just felt so bad like Kelsey didn't deserve to be left out, you know? Don't let me down Kelsey, don't let me down.
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Im just doing this so I dont get a strike
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Girl. Hold my hair...this week was too much. Coming off of Veronica's elimination, I was feeling so good for Shea and I. It seemed like we have finally found some leverage in the competition and I was ready to run with it. However, when I checked in today and saw a severe lack of people wanting to talk strategy, I knew something was up. Winning immunity was amazing and I don't regret that for a second but I think it softened my reaction time a little bit. I think the biggest challenge for me in this game is actually pushing myself out there. I'm usually very confident in my facade of being a harmless player letting me be subtle in my moves but I don't think that's the case at all anymore. If you don't speak up, you're outspoken and...that showed this week. It's a deadly balance that you have to find and on the tribe this week, it just didn't work for me. Originally, Shea wanted to do Seamus but lil' ol me thought we could get out another person who's a threat such as Liana since Seamus still makes an effort to talk to me. When it came to the votes and convincing others...not many people wanted to strategize with me and that was a definite problem. The only people who kept it real with me- or shall I say person- was Catherine. (Host Note: Whom??) THAT is something I appreciate more than anything. I thought that Lily would but unfortunately she was "out" the whole day. Girl...get a grip. Catherine (???) would definitely be the only person I cling to in the competition IF we were still together but...we. Merged. DEAR JESUS AND LORD ABOVE, THANK THE HEAVENS!!! I know I'm not going to be able to win immunity, but at this point, I could care less. This is definitely something that came at just the right time. I was at the bottom of my tribe and I know a few people are still going to be coming after me, especially coming off of my immunity win. However, I'm giving this week everything that I've got. While I doubt more and more I was the real mastermind of eliminating Veronica, the reason why I was prominent in that elimination was because I was bold. Not aggressive, just bold. I think if I can harness that quality again, I can breakthrough another one. Tasi is OVER, darling. Liana is already fuming despite her attempts to cover it up. There are people from Tasi that I bet will never talk to me again now that we're merged. Everything I want, I've definitely got to work myself for. Basically, it's what I expected it to be being a new player; it's me working for myself now. Now's the part where veterans who know each other and people with connections outside of this game start linking back up. It's up to me to start really wedging myself in. I want to give people a reason to vote out anyone BUT me. And at this point, now that Shea's gone, I'm going Open Season on all of these hookers. Miracles are hard to do, but if I did it once, I can do it again. I REALLY want to show these people what I can do. I came to slash throats, save my family and wear ugg boots. And if I have to do it from scratch? Christina, bring me the axe; NAAAAAOOO!!!! Wish me luck! Sincerely, Canada's Self Proclaimed Favourite; Kelsey Mikaelson~! 
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