#went through a rough patch on the last days of 2023 but starting to feel better!!

[tuensartpages]

KH gworls that have shaped me JDBCNDND 💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡💙

[cherrywrecked]

bite me — yu jimin.

summary: reader's favorite time of the year is halloween, her favorite mythical creatures are vampires and her fuck buddy, karina, has a developing biting kink.

cw: g!p idol!karina. vampires. aphrodisiac. rough sex with rina. pussy slapping. dirty talking. no condoms. dom!karina.

halloween was long far done, but to you, every day was halloween. i mean, it is your favorite time of the year; anybody could be anyone. you can be a sexy doctor or nurse, a slutty firefighter, a cheerleader, hell, you can even be a fucking vampire. everybody could wear whatever we want with zero judgement and that's what you liked about halloween best. but i honestly you won halloween 2023. you were so committed to it, you even got vampire fangs. crazy? maybe, but your sexual partner loved it best. she only saw it online, but still, who's crazier between the two of you?

karina had been away for a few months for their tour and unfortunately, you weren't together last halloween, but she's now home for the holidays, and it wouldn't be karina if she didn't have anything prepared for me when you got to her apartment. the moment you walked inside the pad, all you could smell was the enticing scent of a dark, elegant and sexy perfume—it was scented candles. it was all over the hallway, as if forming a path for you to walk through. just a few steps away from me was her table and there was a glass of wine atop of it with a note which read, “come straight to my room after you're done with this.” you took your time with the wine, but as soon as you were done with it, you went straight to her room which you didn't have a hard time looking for.

there, karina was sitting on a single couch, a leg crossed over the other. she looked stunning with her black jeans and tight crop top that hugged her beautiful frame. “took you a while since i heard you enter.” she said as she got up from the couch and slowly walked towards you. “it's been a while.” she whispered, face close to yours. she looked so pretty but you started feeling lightheaded and moreover, hot. “karina, why the fuck do you have your ac off?” you asked to which karina only laughed at. she took another step closer, and another, until she pushed you in her bed.

“oh, sweetheart. still as gullible as the first time, aren't you?” she smirked as her index finger traced your chest down to your cleavage through your black lace top. her touch brought shivers down your spine, moreso when she ripped your top open. she was scaring you as you've never seen her like this. “the wine... did you put something in it?” you muttered, biting on your lower lip to bite back the whimpers itching to escape as her fingers played with my nipples. karina smirked, humming. “smart girl, why, is it taking effect already?” you blushed and sure enough, it was. your body was aching for her. instead of replying, you pulled her into a hungry kiss, one arm snaking around her neck as if locking her body close to yours, whilst the other roamed around her body, eventually taking her top off, leaving the both of you now topless.

you felt karina run her tongue along your lips which you then parted and let her in—your tongues danced, fighting for dominance, but you both know she'd win. you can feel yourself get so turned on and wet through your panties just by the kiss. “rina, i need you.” you whispered when she brought her lips to your jaw, tracing the kisses down your neck. she didn't reply, she instead used her hand to cup your womanhood through your panties under your skirt, eliciting a long moan from you. her hands feel so soft against you, you needed more.

moving your hips, you started to hump her palm, palming myself as she kissed your neck, nibbling on patches of your skin to mark her territory. “you enjoy this, don't you? look at your slutty waist, moving on its own.” she chuckled lowly against your ear before pulling away only to take the remaining pieces of clothing off your body. your nipples are so hard and you could already feel your wetness dripping down your cheeks. it's the first time you felt so horny, so needy and all you could think of is her— you wanted her.

“karina, please. i need you. fuck me, mhm? i'll be good. please.” you said as you reached out to hold her. karina only slapped your hands away and roughly spread your legs. she got in between them, her knee pressed against your cunt. you mumbled another profanity and karina's face got closer to you. she only stared at you; “move.” she commanded and you instantly knew what she meant— your hips automatically moved on its own. as if rubbing your clit against her thigh wasn't enough, karina started to slap your mounds alternately. it was too much, your moans started to get higher with every slap. as your skin gets redder with every slap, karina's smirk grew wider—even more when she took notice of the fangs you've had done.

knowing your mounds are already sensitive, karina pulled you in and put one of your nipples into her mouth, licking, sucking and lightly nibbling on it as she played with the other with her hand. karina felt your body shiver, and with one hard suck, your body collapsed on top of her. “you love being a slut for me, mhm?” karina whispered against your skin, earning a loud, whining from you as a response. karina, she thinks—no, she knows she owns your body. she knows it even more than you do, so it wasn't hard for her to know when you're already close to cumming. not saying another word, she used her free hand to palm your clit, making you bury your face against her neck, but the moment she slipped two fingers inside of your hole swiftly which pushed you over the edge, cumming, biting karina's shoulder. she winced it pain, yet groaned from the painful yet pleasurable feeling of your sharp teeth against her soft skin. “rina, rina—!” not even letting you compose yourself, karina started to thrust her fingers in and out roughly of your entrance. collapsing on top of her, pushing her over the bed, your body wiggles, pushing your bottom more against her fingers, grinding against her palm.

“t-that feels s-so good—fuck. more, please! mommy, please, more.” it was the nickname that sparked something in karina. she pulled her fingers out, rolling your bodies over. now with her on top of you, she kisses you on the lips, letting her tongue graze over the sharpness of your fangs. “wait here.” she says as she pulled away, leaving you breathing heavily and still, needy. you started to play with your nipples, tears forming your eyes as you grind your hips against the empty space karina was once were. rubbing your clit, you moaned out her name, and as if on queue, karina was back, naked and a lubricant on her hand. “naughty girl, who told your to touch yourself?” she clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth, as she opened the bottle of lubricant, smearing some over your sensitive clit, the coldness of the gel making you shiver. hovering over your torso, her dick sticking out, poking against your mouth. “suck.” with sparkly eyes, you looked up at her as you opened your mouth and took her in. you sucked, licking along the tip of her cock, earning a low grown from karina. “mhm, you take me in so good.” she said before thrusting her hips, forcing her full length inside your mouth, deep throating, suffocating you. she pulls herself back, a string of your saliva and her precum trailing from your lips and her tip.

“karina, i need you to fuck me, please.” your voice was weak and shaky, almost sounding like you're about to cry, but it was just from karina teasing her tip against your clit and your entrance. “yeah? beg for it.” karina laughed menacingly while you could only while as you reached your hand out for her, the other pressing her length against your cunt. “rina, baby... mommy, please. please, please! i'm your good girl, please, fuck me.” karina loved it. she loved hearing your voice so needy, she loved looking at your desperate eyes, she loved that you were so desperate for her and only her.

karina didn't waste any more time and slid her length inside of you, making you arch your back while letting out a long, loud moan in pleasure. karina didn't move, letting you adjust to her length, but she let out a chuckle of amusement as you desperately reached your hand for her, eager to hold her—touch her, as if her body's not against yours just yet. karina started to roll her hips, making you wince yet moan out in both pain and pleasure. god, you were so wet for her and karina loved that atop of it all. with or without the fucking drugs, the both of you knew that only she can make you this fucking turned on. karina started to thrust in you, moaning your name every time her length completely disappears inside your cunt. her dick is so big that with every thrust, she hits every fucking spot possible and it's making you insane. you feel so lightheaded and nothing but senseless begging and chants of her name spilled out of your mouth.

“fuck, baby, you're so wet.” she groaned, slapping your cunt in between every word, each slap making you squeal louder and louder, eyes rolling back. “c-close... i'm soso close, rina!” you announced so fucking loud, karina had to cover your mouth with her palm. “cum with me.” she only replied, putting more force into her thrust, each thrust feeling slower yet so much deeper as your walls clenched around her length. karina used her free hand to rub your clit, heightening your pleasure. forcing yourself to open your eyes, you looked up at her through your lust filled eyes as you brought her hand to your neck, choking yourself with it as you get closer to your high. karina took the initiative to do so, making you smile, biting your lower lip and holy fuck. in karina's eyes, you looked the hottest lile that. god, that stupid vampire fang of yours.

feeling a familiar knot forming, karina drops and pushes her mounds against yours, letting your nipples rub against each other. “cum inside—inside! please, i want to feel you, rina! breed me. fucking breed me, please, please—!” through your moans, you managed to beg for her. at this point, karina could only think so little, she wanted you. she wanted you to have her and nobody else. “i'm cumming, baby—fuck. cum with me...! fuck, i'm cumming!” with your face buried onthe crook of her neck, you wrapped your legs around her waist, not wanting her to pull away, chanting her name along with strings of profanities in between your moans. soon enough, the both of you are cumming—karina shooting her load inside of you at the same time you clenched your walls around her length, making her groan out loud. with your teeth dug on her neck, leaving a mark, karina threw her head back, moaning your name in pleasure, whilst your body squirms and trembles under her.

heavy breathing and whispered profanities were shared as you both laid next to each other. "you're mine, understand? you're all mine." karina muttered as she kissed your lips, hands once again roaming your body. "one more."

hehe, this took a while. i got so sick during the holidays, so i couldn't really post it. anyways, happy holidays, my kitties!

[xb-squaredx]

The Avengers Game: The Surefire Hit That Misfired

With the stronghold that the Marvel Cinematic Universe had on pop culture for the past decade, it was all the more puzzling that they didn’t capitalize on that in the realm of video games. Superhero video games have been a thing since the medium began, but for the longest time Marvel’s gaming efforts were few and far between, outside of the rare Spider-Man title. But in 2017 a collaboration between Square Enix and Marvel was announced, with a variety of game products teased, among them being a project centered on Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. On paper, this seemed like a complete slam dunk. A prolific AAA game developer, a hot IP that hadn’t had a lot of game action in a while, and it would be landing right when the MCU hype was at its peak with the back-to-back hits of Infinity War and Endgame. But that wasn’t what happened. Something went wrong, and the surefire hit….misfired. Just before the game’s delisting at the end of September 2023, I ended up purchasing the game on a deep discount, curious at what all the fuss was about. So let’s talk about how this game ended up the way it did.

A FALSE START

Marvel’s Avengers launched in September of 2020, and to say the launch was rough would be an understatement. Broken matchmaking, a litany of bugs and performance issues, and a deeply unsatisfied fanbase. While it’s clear the pandemic had played a huge part in the game’s lackluster release state, the fact it was allowed to release like this at all was worrying. Only a month later player numbers on PC had dropped significantly and the game seemingly was in its death throes. In March of 2021 the next-gen console versions of the game released, and with it a multitude of fixes and additional content. It was clear this was an attempted re-launch of the game, but you know what they say about first impressions…

Now, to give the developers some credit, there were legitimate attempts to improve the game and add more worthwhile content. They didn’t just cut and run and leave players holding the bag. Effort was put in to making the game better and trying to right the ship, though the damage had already been done with the game’s reputation. Even as someone who got the game far after every patch and fix went out, I still encountered a ton of issues and on my last-gen PS4 console the overall experience was still rough. It feels like a game that really should have been next-gen only, but was pushed out to the last-gen systems to get as much profit as possible, in a manner similar to the ill-fated launch of Cyberpunk 2077. The sad truth here is that regardless of patches and additions to the game, no matter how many bugs they fixed and feedback they implemented, there were problems with the very core of the game, and in order to properly address these issues…they would have been better off making a new game from scratch.

THE GEAR SCORE MAKES THE HERO

One of the most hotly debated aspects of Marvel’s Avengers was its status as a live-service game. At a time when the “games as a service” bubble was about to burst, fans had largely grown intolerant of more games coming out competing for their time and money, and if you are going to market yourself as a “forever game” with tons of ways to spend money and get players to log in every day, you have to make it worth it for them and…well, I think the game’s overall reception and failure speaks for itself.

So much of Marvel’s Avengers is grinding for grinding’s sake. Everything takes longer to unlock and build up than it should, clearly designed in such a way to squeeze money out of the playerbase. After a certain point, the goal is no longer to make a satisfying game for players and instead to make it into an infinite revenue machine. At the game’s launch you had TONS of cosmetics that could only be gotten through a tedious grind of in-game currency….or you just pay up with real money. At one point the developers even tried to market an experience boosting item for players, before it was removed due to protest. Keep in mind this was a full-price game. Just a few years prior we had Marvel’s Spider-Man as a solid single-player game that had NO microtransactions at all, and a TON of costumes you could unlock by…playing the game. How novel! Speaking of Spider-Man, let’s not forget that one of the most popular superheroes of all time was made into a PlayStation exclusive for no other reason than greed. Now, I’ve played the game long after the final update just unlocked all cosmetics for players to enjoy for free, and what few things I have to unlock from in-game vendors shows me that this grind must have been awful to live through, and it must be even worse if you HAD paid for stuff without knowing that one day it would be made free with the flip of a switch.

On top of all of this, there was also artificial bloat inserted into the game’s progression systems with the focus on loot and raising your player’s Power Level. Over the last few years I’ve seen a lot of games worship at the altar of “gear score” and I hate it every time. They completely miss the forest for the trees regarding what makes loot and loadouts work in other games. Often times your own abilities as a player are downplayed in favor of forcing you to micromanage your gear, and it unfortunately infects the Avengers experience. Despite the fact that you’re playing as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, you don’t feel all that powerful unless you have the right arbitrary number attached to the endless loot you sift through during missions. Hulk Smash….but only if you put on the wrist guards that give him plus 5% damage when it’s raining outside. Remember how in Spiderman: Homecoming Peter has to grapple with being a hero despite Tony taking away his fancy suit with all those gadgets? Or how this game’s own campaign is constantly touting the platitude that “Good isn’t a thing you are, it’s a thing you do?” Yeah well actually the gear makes the hero, so get to grinding if you want to actually embody these characters!

You constantly have to deal with gear you get from enemy drops, finding them in strong boxes, or completing missions. While you do on occasion find some gear with some tangible effects that you can tuck away for a specific mission, the bulk of gear is garbage and exists almost purely just to sell off to get a pittance of currency in exchange, or later on to feed existing gear and make it stronger. But with each mission you’ll get better and better gear, constantly having to replace what you already had, so don’t get attached. So many of the modifiers and stat bonuses to gear are so minor they don’t even feel noticeable, and what’s more, it’s all there to keep up the illusion of progression.

There’s no actual progression from the gear system; the game automatically scales to whatever your Power Level is when selecting most missions. There are SOME missions that have a higher Power Level by default that you can’t take on until you’re at that level, but they didn’t feel noticeably more challenging than other missions. Now, I never hit the Power Level cap with any character, and I’ve seen evidence that some missions are hidden from view unless your Power Level is high enough, so I can’t quite speak for the pure endgame content, but the bulk of the game showcases just how horrible the gear system is as a progression system. It’s worth noting that there’s also individual levels for each character, which actually works FAR better as a real progression system. Each level up gets you a skill point that can be put towards multiple skill tress that further expand each character’s moveset and allows for experimentation to suit different playstyles and strategies. Gear systems CAN be down well, but it doesn’t work in this game, and I can say with confidence the entire experience would have been better without its inclusion. Getting off of my soapbox then, we should probably discuss the actual contents of the game itself, starting with what many touted as the best part of the whole game….the single-player campaign.

AN INHUMAN CAMPAIGN

A fair bit of the pre-release coverage of this game was focused around the story. Well before we saw any gameplay or even know what type of game Marvel’s Avengers was going to be, they were hyping up the voice cast as if it was a movie. Despite all of that focus, the single-player campaign didn’t exactly live up to my expectations for more than a few reasons, despite a decent start.

The premise is an interesting one for starters. The Avengers are blamed for a tragic accident and forcefully disbanded but years later a superhero fangirl, Kamala Khan, sets out on a journey to help clear their names and get the gang back together. Kamala is one of a few newer Marvel characters that has gotten a fair amount of buzz, similar to the likes of Miles Morales, and it’s undoubtedly great to see her take on a major role in a game like this. The early bits of the game put you in her shoes as she struggles to come to grips with her new found super powers, and the dynamic she has with the Avengers is endearing. That said, over time it started to feel like the story was being stretched thinner and thinner, and more problems started to emerge that sadly weren’t solved by the ending.

For starters, Kamala takes up the bulk of screen time. I don’t mind her being the main focus of the narrative, but for a game named after the Avengers…the team itself actually doesn’t do as much as you’d think. While we get to Hulk and Iron Man early enough, and Black Widow has a decent behind-the-scenes impact on the plot, I really feel like the narrative didn’t know what to do for Thor or Captain America. By the time the whole team is back together the game is about over, and any fun banter or moments they could have had together was mostly relegated to how they all feel about Kamala. There are times when the game’s narrative almost feels like it was written like Kamala’s fan fiction, where she is the center of everything and the other Avengers seem far too trusting and supportive of her right away, not to mention she faces little to no consequences for her actions at times. I want to stress I DO like Kamala and I think Sandra Saad does a good job portraying her, but the game gets awfully close to being a game about Ms. Marvel, featuring the Avengers, and that’s not exactly how the game was advertised.

Outside of that, I take issue with the game’s focus on the Inhumans, or rather, the lack of focus. In the comics, Inhumans are descendants of humans experimented on by the alien race known as the Kree. When exposed to “Terrigen Mist” they develop superhuman abilities, and there’s also a lot of political stuff with a royal family of Inhumans that live on the moon. In this game however, the alien aspects of Inhumans are severely downplayed, and the event that ends up releasing the Terrigen Mist and creating Inhumans here is more or less implied to be completely manmade, with no mentions of the royal family either. While it’s possible the game would have delved into the Inhuman’s alien origins later on (as certain missions do tease the Kree quite a bit in the postgame), all we’re left with in the base game is…effectively bootleg X-Men. There’s this guy, Theo, who can teleport people here and there, and he’s also bright blue…and he kind of just comes across as a less-cool Nightcrawler in every way. When you meet the Inhuman resistance later in the game, they end up being led by…Ant-Man? Because I guess they couldn’t think of or use any other prominent Inhuman character aside from Kamala. For the last few years, as Marvel began really pushing the Inhumans in the comics, TV shows and now games, it was largely as a response to not having the X-Men film rights and not wanting to promote them once the MCU took off. Many fans likewise dislike the Inhumans and view them as poor replacements for the X-Men .While I think both could have their place in the Marvel world and the premise does have potential, this particular game doesn’t really do ANYTHING of note with them.

Then there’s the lack of notable villains. While on the one hand I appreciate that the developers weren’t just reusing villains already seen in the MCU like Loki, Ultron or Thanos, their use of A.I.M. and M.O.D.O.K. leaves a lot to be desired. I’m sorry, but M.O.D.O.K. isn’t a strong enough villain to carry the rest of the game, and while there are a FEW other notable Marvel villains in here, I find they’re not used well. Taskmaster is a tutorial boss fight, and Abomination is fought early on…and then that’s about it in the base game. With both of them copy and pasted into post-game missions with a vague “oh, they’re just clones” justification. It wouldn’t be until the other story expansions that we’d get a few more villains like Maestro, an evil version of the Hulk from the future, or Ulysses Klaue, a notable Black Panther villain, but at that point it felt like too little too late. And that’s not to mention that most of the basic enemies in the game are just robots with no real personality or designs that really pop, or else fighting waves and waves of “guy with gun.” What a notable roster we’re working with here.

For all of the potential that the early hours of the campaign showcased, the cracks started to form quickly and my opinion of the story only went down with time. We started with nice cinematics and character banter, some intrigue with how it was all going to come together…but steadily it became apparent that most of the Avengers were being sidelined, the villains were weak, and the emphasis on hand-crafted single-player levels and setpieces would dwindle with time, revealing the game’s true colors.

AVENGERS: AGE OF REPETITON

For as negative as I’ve been so far, I do want to stress that I DID enjoy the moment-to-moment playing of the game and it’s clear a lot of time and effort was put into making a fun action game with Marvel characters. Now, there IS a certain level of balance here to make sure everyone is equally viable, which leads to some characters not quite living up to the power fantasy. Black Widow can take on enemies just as effectively as Hulk can, while Thor and Iron Man’s flight is slow to keep them from leaving everyone in the dust. Despite that, every character has enough tools to make them pop. Hulk can grab minor enemies and use them as weapons. Kamala’s stretchy attacks let her be a menace from any range. Smacking enemies with Thor’s hammer, or flinging Captain America’s shield at multiple opponents never got old. Even the non-powered characters like both of the Hawkeyes or Black Widow were plenty fun to use, armed with a lot of tools to take on enemies and get around the giant levels. From the intricate takedown animations for each character (Thor having a penchant for wrestling, while Kate Bishop uses teleporting to take out enemies in style) to the heavy amount of customization with everyone’s skill trees, there was a lot to like about the combat…but that can’t save a game that is so dull and repetitive elsewhere.

After the first few hours of the campaign I was suddenly forced to start selecting missions on the War Table and saw the game for what it truly was; the same handful of maps, enemies and objectives repeated over and over and over again. Compared to the curated single-player levels, the main missions, designed around multiplayer, are filled with massive maps that honestly felt way too big for their own good. You have to wander about as you look for small enemy outposts dotted here and there, fighting a pretty pathetic roster of enemies along the way. Not only are most enemies rather uninspired robots, but so many of them are just annoying to fight. Snipers that teleport away from you the instant you get close, endless turrets and drones that are always picking at you from far away, and more “elite” enemies that have tons of health to chew through in lieu of being more challenging to fight most of the time. Bosses are especially bad about this; most are huge damage sponges and play similarly to each other, completely shrugging off any attacks you land and taking forever to take out. I understand they’re balanced around four players but even so they would take so long to defeat and required barely any real engagement. Just dodge the big telegraphed attacks, sneak a few hits in and run, then rinse and repeat for several minutes.

Outside of just fighting enemies, your main mission objectives rarely change up in a meaningful way and just a few hours in I had seen most of what the game had to offer with objectives. Save some Inhuman hostages by opening up their cages, or defend some allies from waves of enemies. Maybe you need to use JARVIS to hack into A.I.M.’s database, so defend those computers from enemy hackers! There is on occasion some “puzzles” that would require a BIT of coordination, hitting switches or stepping on pressure plates to open doors for more loot but ultimately that was about as advanced as it got. Most level design would vary from gigantic open environments to linear corridors that are repeated so often I knew them like the back of my hand after just a handful of missions. Now, again, maybe that endgame stuff does change things up, but I’d rather not wade through so much of the same content over and over to see for myself.

And that’s the real shame here…for all the potential I see in this game, it gets exhausting quickly. It takes so long to actually flesh out your character movesets and try everyone out, but by that point you’ll have done the same handful of missions to the point of getting sick of them. Even with the expansions there just isn’t enough meat here to justify the grind. Sad as it is to say, it was painfully clear just why this game failed after just a few hours of playing.

AN UNENVIABLE LEGACY

The domino effect of Marvel’s Avengers’ failure is arguably just as interesting as the game itself. The poor showing for the game cost Square Enix a LOT of money, and was likely a factor in their decision to sell off their Western developers, including the developers of this game, Crystal Dynamics. The year after this game’s launch, Eidos Montreal’s Guardians of the Galaxy game ended up getting the cold shoulder from fans…despite the fact that it was exactly what many fans had wanted; a solid single-player experience with a great story that had a lot of love for the source material. But fans saw a Marvel game with Square Enix publishing it and assumed it would follow in Avengers’ footsteps. Elsewhere, the frosty reception to DC’s live-service superhero efforts with Gotham Knights and the yet-to-be-released Suicide Squad game can be at least partially attributed to this game’s poor performance. While Gotham Knight’s full release was devoid of microtransactions, the grindy nature of player progression and multiple in-game currencies to juggle points to it possibly being removed later in development. Meanwhile, the instant the word “gear score” was uttered at the gameplay reveal for Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League the game was attacked by fans and the game has suffered multiple delays and as of now, it’s not clear what state that game will release in. All due to one poorly-received game!

(One screenshot was all it took for people to turn on this game)

It’s clear that the live service bubble has burst; you can only get so many people to sign up for so many “forever games” before something gives. While your mega hits like Fortnite might continue on, it’s clear by now that you can’t quite compete with that and I wouldn’t be shocked if major game releases start to pivot away from this model. It’s also been argued that the superhero bubble might have burst in mainstream pop culture. Several superhero films over the last few years have not done particularly well with fans OR at the box office. From MCU misses like the third Ant-Man movie, or the latest Thor release, to DC’s extremely costly failure with The Flash, it’s possible that superhero games might also be on the way out. That being said, Marvel does still have SEVERAL other games in the pipeline, such as the next game from Insomniac, Spider-Man 2, so it’s possible this game’s failure wasn’t enough to scare them off.

It’s sad to see how poorly this game performed in the end, even if it’s easy to see why things went this way. In another world, this game could have been a smash hit, creating a platform filled with fun things to do and multiple Marvel heroes added over a very long life. I can only imagine how they might have made certain characters work if they had only gotten the chance. Had the game launched in a better state, or hadn’t gone the live-service route, things might have been very different, but regardless the damage has been done. With Square selling off Crystal Dynamics and Eidos to Embracer, and mass layoffs hitting multiple Embracer entities, Crystal Dynamics included, there’s no hope of a second chance with this title. I can only hope the best for the people involved that they can use their talents on a better game down the line

With Marvel’s Avengers officially delisted from all major storefronts and the future of the game’s online services somewhat uncertain, I thought it important to talk about this game before it is lost to the annals of history. For all the problems I had with the game, I was happy to at least play it before it was too late. I can see that this was far from a cheap cash-in title, and a lot of talented people gave their all on a game that just didn’t work out for a multitude of reasons. I can only hope that someday we can get a more successful spin on Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, and game developers can look at this game as a cautionary tale for how to somehow ruin what should have been a guaranteed success.

Excelsior!

-B

[sweetpeablog]

5 January 2023

I saw somewhere that if you’re lonely, maybe you should start a blog. Maybe it would help you process stuff, help you feel less lonely, keep track of events and appreciate them later, etc. I don’t know, but I figured I’d try it, since I already journal. This is like a public version of it. I’m not going to be sharing this to anyone else, I’ll keep it off private, but it’s really just for me. I feel like keeping it off private is almost like I’m being heard in the world. I guess I’m already feeling a bit less lonely. It feels like someone could read this and listen to me.

I’ve been pretty rough this past year. Though just a few days ago, I had a grand opening of a tattoo shop I own : ). It’s different from my last shop though. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t enjoy college until a client came to me in grand opening and asked what I had been doing that last semester. I said that were a lot of bad influences in my life around that time and I don’t really like to think about it. Then I started to talk about the semester before that… but I didn’t really enjoy that semester either. That semester? I had started to see my previous shop as my best friends and social life. I really enjoyed being at my last shop.

I accidentally isolated myself from everything else around me that wasn’t my last shop. I kept feeling like anything that wasn’t tattooing or my friends in the shop, was very draining to me. The only joy I really felt last year was through the shop. The same sort of applied with the year before. I was tattooing, had my ex, but we went through a lot of rough patch. Though even when I was with them, I still isolated myself due to covid and just wanting to be with my partner really.

The only real joy I felt for the past couple of years has been art, tattooing, dating (then all inevitably breaking up after 2 months), and the friends at the last shop. I had never felt so accepted into a friend Group before. I’d had really close friends, though for the first time ever, there was a pretty large group of people who all wanted to hang out with me. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, so it was nice to finally felt like I fit in… yet didn’t at the same time ?

Being in this friend group was very toxic. They did a lot of heavy drugs, had a very offensive sense of humor, and made most people around them feel bad (including myself). Just to give a little taste, this friend group constantly harassed me into saying “fag” (at the time I just said “the f-word”) and al song with that word, constantly harassed me into also saying the n-word. Fag got the best of me, as a gay, though I never understood any reason to say the n-word in any joking matter. Keep in mind, the “friend group” harassing me into this were neither gay or black. One particular man in this group (we’ll call him… Dick. yeah that feels right. He was also my boss of the tattoo shop) also supplied to me a massive amount of drugs everyday. He would constantly tell me that “he couldn’t wait for me to be able to micro dose shrooms while I tattooed” or that Speed (cheap meth) was the best tool to keep you focused for a tattoo and would tell me that I should try it. Along with micro dosing shrooms during the day and tripping balls with shrooms at night, he would often take acid as well. Ecstasy was another one too. I’ve heard of him doing other hard drugs with needles and such, though he never directly talked about those ones. I only knew he had a massive drug addiction in the past on those, but his most recent was the previously listed drugs.

With that all being said, I look back and don’t know why I love him and the group so much. Especially with that all being said. He was just someone I looked up to. Keep in mind I met him when I was 20 and he gave me my first tattoo as a 33 year old. Then when I was tattooing by myself for a year, I always mentioned him (and his other coworker that me me feel comfortable. We’ll call him Cody on this blog). Then I was hired at his shop by him, eventually doing drugs and hanging out with them, let me crash at his house as a roommate (horrible decision), then joining their shop pool team (which I still Love pool so much), etc. I don’t know what happened.

When all the “dating drama” was happening, i remember just telling our other roommate (we’ll call him Gin) I kept saying all month that I just wished things were simple again and that I never wanted any other the things to happened that did. I just loved having friends and being happy there. I was completely content. Though my loneliness got the best of me, accepting this grown ass 36 year old man. Who definitely just manipulated me.

I don’t miss At All being with Dick. I very much miss being in a friend group. It makes me the most sad that I don’t feel like I have anyone that I connect with anymore here in this town. When I think of trying to make new friends, it also sort of exhausts me. I feel very… emotionally tired. I really want to be by myself, but at the same time I want friends who want to hang out with me. I’m not sure what to do about all of this. It feels like everyone is either using me, or that it doesn’t feel the same. or that they find me awkward. Which I never felt awkward before, I’ve just been told that many times. It’s starting to feel like the truth and making me even worse at socializing. Sounds dumb, but maybe I’m going through some sort of depressive episode. Though when I finally do have friends, I feel like I don’t deserve them. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to die. I don’t want to kill myself, just to die.

Anyway lol. What I’ve been doing recently to make myself feel better and treat me is rent movies every other night !! Here’s my list so far : )

* vivarium (1 Dec. 2022)

* don’t worry darling (2 Dec. 2022)

* promising young woman (4 Dec. 2022)

* swallow (11 Dec. 2022)

* the thinning (5 Jan. 2023)

hmm. not as many movies as I thought. oh well. anyway, I’ve just been trying to enjoy this time on my own.

Though because I had all of my social life be my last shop, that was my social hour. That’s when I was able to talk to people and so at the end of the night. I used to never feel sad, just because it felt like me time that I wanted to have on my own. Though now, it makes me really sad because… at the previous shop, everyone was sort of forced to stay there all day and be walk-in warriors. It was all sort of a time that I like to hang… In my shop now, I’m not forcing anyone to stay there full time. Only to be there. a decent amount of hours and to be able to pay rent… That just means that my social time is gone. With that being gone and having no friends in college (only one friend in all of this town it feels like. We’ll call her Rocky). I feel like I have so much time to myself and no one who wants to hang out with me outside of class or work.

It’s been really hard. I won’t lie, I’m having a really hard time getting over my past friend group at the shop. Again, I don’t miss being with Dick. I just miss having a friend group that I felt like loved and accepted me. In hindsight, they did not. Though it did feel nice while it lasted.

[postitivehaze]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I hope all of you had a great holiday and a happy new year!

This isn’t my normal posting, but I think it’s important. I do hope you read all of it, or at least the TLDR haha.

The end of 2021, my life started going absolutely downhill, it wasn’t even covid related. So many things were happening, it seemed like every week when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. I often asked myself: “why me?? How do I stop this, how can I fix this, how do I change and do better?? I’m so tired…” But, I was in such a slump I only got out of bed to go to work and go to school, which I’m not even sure how I managed that.

By the beginning of 2022, my boyfriend of 3 years, who I was so so madly in love with, broke up with me. My last straw, I was done, I couldn’t believe it. (Or maybe I could, who knows) I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat I couldn’t do anything. I lost 30lbs within the month, I was so depressed, despite trying so hard to be the best version of myself even with everything that had been happening that year. I mean, life has never been easy honestly, but that year just…man.

After I’d pushed myself to limits with everything that happened before that, I couldn’t do it anymore. What more could this life take from me, what else could go wrong? Of course, many many things went so terribly wrong after that.

I made this blog to see only the good things, I was tired of the negative, I really wanted something positive in my life. Although, I lost the energy to post after some time. I was just trying to stay afloat, and many times there were “those” thoughts. It took every ounce of my being, my soul, my everything to stay here.

We’re 2 days into 2023, I’m going outside again, I made new friends and the person I thought was the love of my life is my best friend, even though sometimes it hurts me, I still love him and I’ve managed to make it another year despite all of these trials or whatever it is. This super hard level that I got stuck on, I finally got through.

It’s not easy, but I forced myself to try and live a happier life. To try and pursue the dreams I once had, even though my motivation is still fairly low, I really want this to be my year…our year. For me, for my friends, for everyone.

I hope everyone out there who’s going through rough times, I’m begging you, don’t give up so you can find the joy life you once had. It doesn’t get better right away, and there will always be rough patches but there are so many things waiting for you.

Surround yourself with people who support you, with people who you can relate to, people who reach out when you’re feeling low, with people who will be there no matter what. Even if you have only one of those, even if the only thing you do is talk about life, play games, talk on discord for hours and hours. That’s fine! That’s great! It’s something.

I’ll be your friend man, I’ll always listen, I’ll always be here, or try to be even if I have nothing to say or don’t know what to say, know that you’re never a bother. Although, I can kind of annoying. Im also the person who has nothing to say or can’t stop talking. No Inbetween. I’ll spam message, send you funny memes and videos. You’ll get at LEAST 2. Haha.

Anyway, only looking up for here, Kay??

TLDR;

Life is really something, it can be hard. But there’s so much it can offer. Let me be your friend thanks lmaoo😌

Tell life to eat it!

[a-bbbjournal]

To A Distant Memory.

The first time we talked, I felt a tiny spark. I kept telling myself that i shouldn't feel this way because I'm in a relationship. It felt like i was betraying the one person who accepted me through it all. It wasn't even a meaningful conversation, it was literally just about work. So, I didn't put any sense into it. I just let it be.

Months passed and you messaged me again, this time it wasn't about work. It was about my profile picture in our work chat. "Kakampink!", you said. And that was officially the start of our friendship.

I enjoyed your company. I looked forward to work because that meant i get to chat with you the whole day again. It turned into chatting everyday, which was all the bliss i needed because i was in a rough patch with my girlfriend at the time. I'm not gonna lie, i needed an escape from my relationship, and you were there so i took the bait and simply just enjoyed your company.

Work chats turned into social media chats. We talked the whole day even if it wasn't a work day. I was slowly forgetting i was in a relationship with someone else. And you did too.

Wholesome chats turned into sensual chats hidden in the dark. Our partners had no idea. We were cheating on them. It was a conscious choice we both decided to stick by. I'm not proud of this choice, and neither were you.

I broke it off with my girlfriend of 5 years simply because i just did not love her anymore. At the back of my mind, i was hoping you would do the same to your girlfriend. And you did.

I thought it was also the end of our little illicit affair, but it went on. It went on for another 3 months. We met up on September of 2022, and it was amazing. Sex was great, company was even greater. I didn't expect much of it, after all, we were just friends with benefits. But it still went on. We still talked every single day, started saying our good mornings and good nights. Started being sweet to each other. "This is it,", I think. "He's starting to have feelings for me".

October of 2022, you started telling me that you liked me and you like where this is going. I didn't think much of it because at that point, i didn't really have any deep feelings for you just yet. You kept your consistency though, and i officially gave in. By the end of the month, I knew deep in my heart that I was catching feelings for you as well.

I wanted to nurture it. For the first time in a long time, i felt happy, free, content. I found someone who was very chill. I liked that about you, aside from your impeccable music taste. I wanted to see where this connection goes, so i stayed and didn't push away.

November of 2022, we watched a concert together. I was at my happiest. I was glad that i was spending that time with you. I was glad that you accompanied me. We had so much fun, or at least i think i did.

When i came back home, things changed. You didn't really talk to me anymore. Replies were very distant and cold. I was overanalying everything. Was it something i did last weekend? Did i say something that pushed you away? What did i do?

By the end of the month, you decided to end things. You told me you were overwhelmed and not ready for a relationship. That left me confused. What was that all about then?

I moved on with my life either way. Couldn't sleep nor eat properly for a month. I found my way to heal on my own, do things that i like doing. Pursued my hobbies again. A part of me died in that 3-month healing progress. But i felt myself healing, growing, thriving.

Fast forward to April of 2023, I landed a new job. Moved out. Thriving. And then you hit me up again..

To be honest, i was relieved. I knew it was unfinished anyway. So we decided to meet up. And when i saw you, i felt myself about to shatter. I didn't want to waste the months i spent healing and nurturing myself. But here we are again. I distanced myself the first time we met on April. Strictly just sex. Nothing more. I didn't hold your hand, didn't make any motive. Just. Friends.

But you showed a more persistent motive. You would initiate dates, initiate the hand holding, would start to ask me about my day. I straight up told you that i am scared. I am scared that I'm going to fall into this hellhole again. But then you assured me. You never did that before. You assured me that it's different now, and that you like me.

And i gave in once more.

I never should have. Because you left me the same way you did seven months ago. You pushed me away again because your ego was so strong, you couldn't be bothered to see that i was there for you through it all. You used me. You just needed an escape. You shattered me to a million pieces. I never should have trusted you so easily. "I know we felt things the past weeks, but I don't feel it right now", stung. It hurt. It hurts to the point that i can't fucking breathe.

We ended it on June 11, 2023.

I'm too drained to function. I feel my sadness and grief from head to toe. I really did like you, but it turns out you didn't feel the same way for me. A part of me still wants to keep you close and beg you to be mine. But that is no longer my responsibility. I shouldn't be forcing people to be part of my life.

Healing and moving on is really easier said than done. Only thing i ever wish for right now is that i wish i never had met you.

Everything just fucking hurts down to the core and i don't know how I'll be able to bounce back from this.