#what in the hell was going on over there?? that isn’t even the weirdest gay childhood story shit that’s like how was I not out sooner lmao

[romantically-yours]

Thinking about that time in 6th when me and my friend at the time were just casually talking about how oh when we grow up we should just move to the French countryside together

[livvyofthelake]

movie may RANKED worst to best i think is more fun so let’s go <3 ok there’s only 30 because i didn’t feel like including the comedy special in the ranking. anyway.

30. starting off DEAD LAST NO CONTEST. not another teen movie (day 16 pt 1). it was bad. movie that claims to critique misogynistic tropes in teen movies while upholding a worse more disgusting misogyny. wow. also i didn’t laugh once. however i do think chris evans should have been contained to this genre instead of superhero movies this is literally where he belongs. anyway. movie was bad

29. friday night lights (day 5). listen the show isn’t the best thing ever but truly this movie made it look genuinely groundbreakingly progressive. i don’t really even remember this movie but i remember that it sucked

28. after ever happy (day 15). easily the second worst after movie.

27. all the wilderness (day 27). frankly. i don’t know why i watched this it wasn’t on my list it just has a guy in it. anyway it wasn’t that good but it wasn’t the worst thing i’ve ever seen

26. naked singularity (day 24). movie based on a book i didn’t read and i feel like the book is probably much better and makes way more sense. but john boyega is kinda fine soo…. also my buddy bill skarsgard was there. and olivia cooke. and she was hot. there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes. see number 30.

25. romeo and juliet 2013 (day 17). julian fellowes tries to ruin romeo and juliet. fortunately there was enough slay in the flop that it didn’t suck that bad. my friend benvolio :)

24. the lost girls (day 30). like if the sisterhood of the traveling pants was about wendy darling. and bad. but bad with a Vision. feminism win also. love it when women can’t act

23. three months (day 8). not good but made me cry so. and troye sivan was there

22. 80 for brady (day 11 pt 1). LOVE comedies about old women!! who are WEIRD about that man!! (tom brady). yeah it was as bad as you expect it to be but it was fun <3

21. footloose (day 19). there was so much flop in this movie. and yet there was enough slay to even it out in the end. i loved ren and willard’s gay little dance lesson montage so much…

20. shakespeare in love (day 29 pt 1) if a good movie was bad. if a bad movie was good. yeah

19. the count of monte cristo 2002 (day 22) some would call this movie bad. they’re right of course but also WRONG AS HELL. you had to be there. teenage henry cavill is there and that’s not even the weirdest part

18. merlin’s apprentice (day 13). HATERS will hate this two part three hour miniseries. they did not understand it though. first of all the two romantic leads of this got real life married after they met here and now have three kids. and one of them is meghan ory of abc’s once upon a time fame. so love is real jot that down

17. game night (day 4) FUN movie. and rachel mcadams was there

16. the beguiled (day 18). i liked the part where they killed him :) also i think sofia coppola slayed the aesthetics of this so i will never be watching the original peace and love xoxo

15. murder mystery 2 (day 23). i had SO much fun at the adam sandler jennifer anniston murder mystery sequel….

14. moxie (day 16 pt 2). very good movie for what it is, i think it should be required viewing for all teenage girls. however if you expect it to be really deep and a Perfect representation of feminism… you’re asking too much lmao.

13. the craft (day 3). loved it however i think those girls should have lezzed out wayyyy more also i hated the boyfriend stuff

12. dating amber (day 9). movie made me cry like a little baby so fuck this movie but also yes it was very very good and i WOULD recommend

11. the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society (day 11 pt 2). too many downton abbey actors but it’s pretty good anyway! sad though. however the primary reason i’m ranking it so high is because of how they did the end credits. some movies have a post credits scene, THIS movie has the characters talking and laughing over the credits instead of music it’s so slay seriously watch it it’s so good

10. promising young woman (day 28). well you all were there when i watched this. it was. an experience. some thing i didn’t mention however that i liked was how we never see nina at all but her presence hangs over the entire narrative and informs everything. her seymour slaughterhouse rulez swag. her laura palmer realness

9. palm springs (day 14). it was just cute! and it made me cry. and my buddy was there. can’t divulge more info than that i don’t like to talk about that but. well. always fun to hang with the old pals!

8. cyrano (day 29 pt 2). MASSIVE SLAY. what if there was a movie like 2017 beauty and the beast but it was really actually good and didn’t have an over abundance of cgi. sorry i keep making that comparison it’s just real yk. except that the beast kind of sucks and cyrano would literally never. he’s a feminist

7. not okay (day 12). caroline calloway was in this. the movie about an influencer scammer with depression… also it’s insane

6. crazy rich asians (day 25). yeah i’ve seen this movie before so maybe i shouldn’t have put it in my ranking but i just like it <3 THE movie to watch with your mom this summer! for the 5th year in a row!! god my mom loves this movie, you would not believe…

5. the map of tiny perfect things (day 31). goes so crazy…. like. what if we broke the time loop with love…… holy shit….

4. practical magic (day 2). LOVED the witch movie about men dying!! ty and livvy could do this also. that’s not relevant to the movie being good though. i LOVE you sandra bullock and nicole kidman!!!!

3. freaky (day 1). literally an insane slay. whoever thought of this concept needs their shit sucked so serious. sorry for saying that in that way i just really believe in it… and kathryn slayed… and also, and i didn’t even expect him to, vince vaughn slayed really hard as well…. also i loved the love interest boy soooo much he literally wanted to kiss her so bad he did it WHILE SHE WAS IN THE KILLER’S BODY. ok freak.

2. moonrise kingdom (day 21). i loveddddd this one…. this is the only movie may movie i’ve already started rewatching i just want to hang out with it…. i want to eat this movie like a buttery flaky perfect croissant. i also want to swim in it. it’s complicated. i loved it though <3 also it was soooo emma and jules core

1. the secret of moonacre (day 6). GIRLFANTASY WIN!!!!! this was a perfect film for me… it has EVERYTHING. AND the protagonist has a gay boyfriend. AND it was directed by my close friend gábor csupó. of jess fame…. it’s so good it’s so everything to me. i need to acquire it on dvd immediately but i haven’t yet… i can’t recommend it because if any of you watched it and didn’t feel this passionate about it i would kill myself. but i loved it for me <3

[dekusleftsock]

I've seen multiple posts lately talking about how bkdk shippers tend to have fairly accurate analysis/predictions of canon events, despite people saying bkdk shippers have unrealistic expectations. What do you think?

I mean, I may be a bit biased, but I honest to god believe that, yes, we have better takes.

The thing with any form of storytelling (and is an inevitable part of analysis) is that we will always project onto the characters. It’s just, what we do. Humans find patterns and because we have amazing pattern recognition we connect that pattern to our own patterns/experiences.

Projection is just a fact to accept of life when it comes to any form of telling a story. The new definition that’s gotten popular over the years, “kinning a character”, is an obvious symptom of that human experience. Our ability to put ourselves in the shoes of a character is both normal and expected. In fact, a lot of times it’s even wanted; that’s just what main characters are for. For shonen specifically, people usually want to envy the character in some way. Cis men like to feel powerful and that’s just, a fact of life for those who don’t seek the help they need.

This is in contrast to a shojo, where the point is so that women can relate and/or envy the magical girl genre. The idea that you are more powerful than you look which is VERY popular within women and afab communities. The security you have as your own guard dog in a weird way.

And I’ve noticed a pattern (I’m sure I’ve already said it on this account at some point lol) but most people who hate Katsuki.. are usually projecting their own bullies onto them. Or they could also be projecting a toxic relationship/friendship onto him, anything. “If I was in dekus shoes..” that’s the thing dude. You aren’t in his shoes.

Now, another factor, most people who ship bkdk are also writers! Or analyst’s! People who are able to read the subtext, and generally are more open minded people to forgiveness or anything else.

This isn’t an intelligence thing, in fact sometimes it’s not even a projection thing, but what I DO know is that out of all the groups of shippers in this fandom (and I’m a multi shipper, I’ve been in a lot of them) bkdk shippers are generally the nicest and are able to dissect the show overall. It’s very welcoming.

It has its bad parts. In fact I think most of the reason why this app specifically is so nice is because people fought and died to make this a nice space. (sorry tumblr love ya) You will end up reading piles on piles of fanfics that create a distorted view of bkdk (hell, even make it toxic asf) and think that the way it was written was okay and healthy.

There are tons of iffy people out there, and fandom manages to get out weirdest and grossest parts of people sometimes. Like tiktok! (Derogatory)

But just as bkdk has a lot of good people, really intelligent people a lot of the time too, so does izu//ocha, or kiri//Baku, or todo//deku. Nothing is really linear. No ship should ever get in the way of how we treat each other unless it’s outwardly hostile. Who cares if someone ships like, idk, todoroki and iida, but I ship todoroki and sero. (I like both of them but besides the point, it’s an example dammit)

Also, I honestly think the reason people think bkdk shippers have way too high expectations is because the story itself is a parody. That’s what this show is. It’s a parody of the normal shonen. It’s going to dip it’s toes into gay and non monogamous relationships (tsuochatoga???? Like ochako is way closer to tsu than Izuku but ANYWAY-) through our mc and his supposed “love interest”. Maybe I’m delusional, but I think it’s better to take a leap and be optimistic and get your hopes destroyed than to constantly live without the positivity of just, being hopeful. Being pessimistic is miserable, I’ve done it before and I’m not doing it again.

I think the idea of having “too high expectations” as a justification for why bkdk wouldn’t be canon, or how “it’s a shonen” isn’t necessarily based in any actual evidence, rather our own pattern recognition. And think about it; this was one of horikoshi’s FIRST MANGAKA’S. We know close to nothing about horikoshi’s writing other than what he’s done in mha.

So, what we think is just as valid as anyone else who thinks it’s unrealistic. I’m tired of being told I’m wrong by people who don’t even see most of the subtext or symbolism within bkdk or mha as a whole.

[krispytidalwavesheep]

Hopes and Dreams Part I

.I have this idea in my head since I saw the first trailer of Resident Evil 8, which was in March? This will be multichaptered and english isn’t my first language, so if anyone of you likes the story enough and is willing to be my beta, I would greatly appreciate it. *** About the story: Reader was Alcinas first lover and got reincarnated over the centuries. Alcina lost her everytime and after the fifth, she just gave up on ever finding reader again, because she couldn’t take losing her anymore times. But as fate would have it, the reader will find her.... Chapter One

Five. Five times Alcina has seen you reincarnated and crossing her way, and yet, fate always found a way to take you from her. The last one was particularly grueling. She remembered the day she lost you, as if it happened yesterday and considering her immortality, it may have been. You looked so happy and excited when you said your goodbyes, and Alcina could understand that. The titanic was a big thing then, even more so after the tragedy that unfolded. You were one of the many victims of the sheer stupidity of men, at least in her opinion and she hasn’t been the same since. Every single one of your deaths was devastating, but the last one was the one that broke her. Bela was there to take care of her, but something died within Alcina when she heard that fate had taken you away from her yet again.

When Cassandra and Daniela came into her life, it certainly helped, but she still grieved for you to this day. Usually, she would search to the ends of the world for you, but she couldn’t stand to lose you, if she ever found you again. She couldn’t do that to either you or herself.

She straightened her dress when she got to her feet again, gently stroking a hand over your grave. Well, the first you, anyway. The only one where any remains were found to be buried. You loved the lake near the castle, no matter in which life. Some asked about the tombstone, but she would just smile and say that it was someone she cherished when she was young, never revealing the whole truth. The first you lived the longest and happiest, before Alcina was turned. Centuries before Mother Miranda found out about her and the other lords.

Her musing was disrupted when she heard distant howling. It seemed like Heisenberg’s Lycans had found another victim, and they were oh so messy in their killing. She harrumphed and started her trek back to the castle, ignoring the ever-closer growing howling. That was until she heard rustling and a figure, cursing like a sailor rushed out from the bushes. Your eyes met and time seemed to stop for both of you.

***

You were furious with yourself for letting your guard down. You have been hiding away in this remote village for two years now, so far avoiding any supernatural beings. But it seems your luck had run out. You were checking your traps in the forest, never noticing them sneaking up on you. Which was a feat in and on itself, normally you could smell them miles away. During your travels you had to fight of many supernatural beings, a pack of Lycans shouldn’t be a problem, but the forest was dense in these parts and you knew when you were at a disadvantage. So, you ran, hoping to distract them with the chase long enough to form a plan.

Meeting her wasn’t part of the plan. You have never seen the lady of the castle, but you heard enough to know exactly who you were looking at, her height being one dead giveaway. Yet something about her made you stop dead in your tracks, the pack of Lycans chasing after you completely forgotten. Her honey-colored eyes stirred something in you, some feeling of familiarity you couldn’t quite place. Your heart clenched, not entirely in an uncomfortable way, because she was just so stunning. If you weren’t gay before you sure as hell were now. What intrigued you even more was the look of utter shock in her eyes, mixed with other emotions you could have named, if it weren’t for the Lycan crashing into you and propelling you down the small cliff you hadn’t noticed before.

“Motherfucking mutt!” you hissed and pulled the knife from your boot. You skillfully spin the Lycan underneath you, stabbing the knife into the Lycans chest to soften your fall. But another four already jumped right after you and you were still distracted by the lady, who apparently decided that watching you would be a nice way to kill some time. With a sickening crunch from the dead Lycan you landed on the edge of the lake. The others where circling you, growling menacingly. With another sickening crunch you pulled your knife free and took a defensive post. You kept most of your concentration on the Lycans, but the woman was still distracting you somewhat.

‘Might as well try to impress her’ you thought and grinned up at her, which was your second mistake that day. You felt sharp claws digging into your left leg and hissed in annoyance.

“Not cool, man!” you huffed and kicked him in the throat. The desire to impress equally impressive tall, beautiful women left your mind and you made quick process of the remaining Lycans standing in your way. You kicked the corpse of the one that got you for good measure, cursing under your breath. When you turned around you noticed that the lady had made your way to you, still staring you down as if you were the weirdest thing around here.

“I would help you, but it seems you have the situation under control,” she said, and a shiver ran down your spine. Her voice was like liquid honey and your heart clenched again. You absentmindedly rubbed your chest and said “Well, they are not the first supernatural being I have encountered, and they aren’t the most dangerous ones.”

She seemed impressed with your answer if the slight smirk was anything to go by. Her gaze wandered down to your leg and something in her eyes changed. Some far away voice in your head screamed for you to run from her, but you felt weirdly safe around her.

“Believe me when I say that I taste quite awful,” you said and grinned. That seemed to pull her out of her daze, and she stepped closer to you. You gulped a bit when the realization of how tall she truly was hit you, but you wouldn’t back down either. Craning your neck to keep looking at her face you stood still and waited. You should be scared shitless and still you felt as if no danger was coming your way. Yet.

“You should take care of that, before you attract more of them” she simply said and turned around. Sheer stupidity, paired with a malfunctioning brain to mouth barrier made you utter your next words “Well, shouldn’t you be the one to help me out, considering that I only got hurt, trying to impress you?”

She turned around so fast that you just knew she popped something. She was upon you in seconds and hissed “Excuse me?”

“I- I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” you stuttered and felt a blush creeping up your face. All her beauty and your weird feeling aside, she was still someone infinitely more dangerous than 200 Lycans combined. What exactly had you gotten yourself into? 

***

Seeing you tumble out of the woods came as a shock to her system. No matter how many times you got reborn, she would always recognize you, though you certainly looked more different than ever before. Not that Alcina had much time to look at you, when just a few seconds after your eyes met a Lycan barreled into you. Her feet moved on her own, ignoring the other Lycans tumbling down the small cliff, when she rushed to the ledge of the small cliff just in time to see you landing on the dead Lycan.

You were certainly feisty and skilled this time around and the grin you threw her way made her feel things she thought long buried. Until one Lycan got to you and she saw red, but when she came down, she only saw you kicking a dead Lycan before he turned into dust. Alcina was rather impressed when you made that off-hand comment about encountering other beings before. Which would explain why you didn’t react to her like normal people do.

No matter how many times you two met in the course of history, there were certain things that never changed: you always looked similar to your you before, and your smell. Looking at you now, she realized that this time, a lot has changed. The most obvious being your smell. You still smelled like you, but something was underneath all that, that made you somehow all the more alluring to her. Something in your blood sang to her and it confused her a great deal.

You were always kind of shy and timid around her when you first met, but the confidence you oozed made you all the more attractive and Alcina felt as if she was betraying your past lives with that thought. Hearing that you encountered supernatural beings before made her stop dead in her tracks. What was your life like until you met? What happened to you to change you so fundamentally? But your next words shocked you more than she would ever admit

“Well, shouldn’t you be the one to help me out, considering that I only got hurt, trying to impress you?” you said with such an insufferable grin that Alicna had the impulse to strangle you for the first time in her long life.

“Excuse me?” she hissed and clenched her hands. Not that you would notice. But apparently you didn’t mean to say that, if your blush was anything to go by. Still, Alcina was fuming at the blatant rudeness, but also shocked at your bluntness. Your new personality was… still somehow endearing and interesting. She couldn’t fit your current you into the picture she had of you which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“What is your name?” Alcina asked and took a few steps back to get a better look at you. The smile you gave her was apologetic when you said “Excuse my poor manners, I really don’t know what has gotten into me today. My name is y/n.”

“I am Lady Alcina Dimitrescu, but you will call me Lady Dimitrescu or my lady. You would do good to remember your manners, little one.” She said and offered her hand to you. You gave her another stunning smile as you took her hand and bowed to give kiss to her knuckles that did ABSOLUTELY not fluster her, before you purred, “It is a pleasure to meet you, my lady.”

You would be the certain death of her this time around. She was certain of that. She should keep her distance from you, it wouldn’t do to become to attached to your, your attitude would get you killed rather sooner than later. But what she said was: “Come now. The castle isn’t that far, and night is almost upon us. It wouldn’t do to stay out here, with you being injured.”

[austajunk]

Please PLEASE go into detail about how protective he is over Chiaki!! I literally am begging to finally hear someone else actually acknowledge their friendship/relationship especially after having to deal with a pretty toxic anti-bi/pan Nagito rper I was on a server with for a good part of a year! (Sorry went kinda ranty but hopefully my anguish is understandable!)

Oh my lord, you’re giving me a chance to shine with my fixations?! I can’t thank you enough! Now, please understand that this is based on my perception of the series as I’ve played through the second game twice. I’m pretty good when it comes to being the person who has unpopular opinions and ships and I know claiming that Nagito is bi/pan/Demi is probably one of them. But honestly, it comes from the desire to see this boy get as much love as possible. Because he sure needs it.

Ultimately, Nagito’s sexuality is never canonly specified, so I think whether gay, bisexual, Pansexual, or what have you, we’re all well within our rights to just have fun and see what we want to in a really flawed and relatable character. And that’s what makes it interesting.

That being said, let’s talk about Nagito and Chiaki. Friendship or romantic, I don’t think you can deny that Chiaki is at least special to Nagito in some way.

Upon replaying the second game, I’ve realized how protective Nagito actually is towards Chiaki interestingly enough.

In chapter 2, she leaves to go question Fuyuhiko but Nagito stops her and tells her not to let Fuyuhiko get rough with her. Every time Chiaki’s skills help them advance, he deeply praises her. Even after he’s stopped praising all the others (which he does mostly after Chapter one, hinting he does not like some of them as actual people). But for some reason, especially during the trials, Nagito is quick to jump in and mention how wonderful Chiaki is and compliment her (only to be usually cut off by someone when he starts to ramble).

It should also be noted that Chiaki and Nagito both share an appreciation for games. Nagito seems to like more luck-based games for obvious reasons, but he also mentions that like Chiaki, he likes the Twilight Syndrome series. Both of them similarly state that they felt Monokuma was butchering a favorite game of theirs.

They also both have an odd way of trying to cheer Hajime up and joke with him, the examples shown coincidentally beside one another. Chiaki says she’s gonna look for a dirty book, throwing Hajime off and Nagito “jokingly” tells Hajime to lick his boots and now to him, but Hajime is extremely put off when he claims it was a joke. These oddballs get each other in the weirdest of ways is what I’m saying. They’re both incredibly antisocial, but their hearts are reaching the same place too when they try to make an effort.

In chapter 4, when Chiaki teams up with Nagito and Kazuichi, then leaves because they’re both being clingy, Nagito quickly follows and chases after her to make sure she’s okay. Then he chastised her for running off, looking deeply concerned. Even after his attitude change, he will answer her more directly and not ignore her. When she tells him to be quiet, he politely obeys... or maybe it’s because he’s deep in thought about her motives as he mentions he was watching the trial carefully to decide on who the traitor is.

I may just be mentioning this because they’re my OTP, but if you know about their school time together and pay attention to Nagito’s Hope versus Chiaki’s Hope, I think it’s fascinating.

Okay, now let’s head into Danganronpa 3 territory. Now this is the part where I am the most shaky as I’m still trying to determine what I take canon from this series. The thing is, a friend who got me into the series informed me that the production was way rushed and that Kodaka never wanted to do the anime in the first place. But! That being said, Chiaki and Nagito have some great moments in this and the anthology comics along with it, so let’s get into some stuff.

First of all, Nagito warmly mentions that Chiaki being their class rep makes her the true Hope of their class. And you can tell he’s serious because as he’s saying it, he’s doing that thing where he’s staring at his hand desperately like he wants eat it. You know the look.

Moving on, it’s clear that aside from Chisa, Chiaki is the only one to value and treasure Nagito. And this makes sense. In her own dying words, she loves her classmates. They are the world to her. All of them. And of course, she loves Nagito too with all her heart. As evidenced as she cradled him protectively in her arms while he’s injured. At first when Chiaki and the others are determined to stand up to Junko and get their teacher back, Nagito pleads with Chiaki not to. That his luck could not overcome them. He knows they can’t win in this situation and I do think he was actually trying to talk Chiaki out of it. But of course, when Chiaki pushes back and says she wants to go anyways, he literally can’t help himself when it comes to wanting to see Hope shine. So he agrees and praises her again because of course he does.

Until it all leads to the Pain Train with Despair coming out on top. Chiaki is brutally slaughtered and we see something new from Nagito. He breaks down crying. Tears are streaming madly down his face as a forced and twisted smile appears on his lips. He even beseeches Chiaki’s name. “You understand right? You know you’re a stepping stone for Hope!” “What has been done to Nanami is unforgivable...” Nagito’s already trying to cope. To rationalize something horrible that he just witnessed in his mind. He’s trying to protect himself as he’s utterly being destroyed and breaking down like all of his classmates. Chiaki’s death literally shatters his mind. It’s a pretty well done scene even if I’m not a big fan of the brainwashing stuff. Not to mention, the way he says “You understand right, Nanami?” As if he’s begging for her forgiveness as he falls apart. It’s so very very tragic. And of course, when being made apart of the Neo World Program, his desire to see Chiaki once more, just one more time like his classmates, brings her back to him(and the other classmates) in AI form.

Honestly... it’s pretty beautiful. Chiaki is apart of Nagito in some way and is imprinted into his mind and heart. He longed to see her as much as everyone else. This person, who doesn’t seek out relationships because his luck either gets them killed or he finds their Hope to be too weak, has a connection with Chiaki like that. This is literally a person who believes his life is just a stepping stone for better and more worthy people, someone who knows their existence is a formality at this point. And still, he does have connections. There are people capable of caring about him and loving him and Chiaki was one of those people. And he wanted to see her again in the Neo World Program. Like Chiaki said, it’s no less than miracle.

But alas, this is getting rather long, isn’t it? Well in the D3 anthology, Nagito also is concerned when Chiaki avoids eating because of her hyperfixation on gaming. Chiaki skipping out on self care?! Not cool, Chiaki. And so he challenges her to a game to make sure she’ll eat lunch. Fucking protective as hell. And yes yes, the anthology isn’t canon... but that’s the thing about Danganronpa. The series is over. Any additional info and stuff added to it is meant to enrich the experience for the fandom, so it’s canon to me. What’s the fandom gonna do? Whine at me and tell me it isn’t? That Nagito wouldn’t do these things when official anthologies and content that’s sold for Danganronpa tells me he would? So... yeah.

Ultimately, whether you ship them or not, I think this fandom is missing out on the Komanami side of things and how good their relationship is when you really observe it. :3

[bald-tales]

NEW LIFE FOR COOPER - PART TWO

By Titan

Coopers flatmate becomes Coopers Daddy Bear.

Part Two:

It took Cooper a few seconds to realise he was back in his small apartment.

His head- ached, ‘what a night’ he said out loud to himself as he got himself out of bed.

His mind was muddled aided by the copious amounts of beer he’d consumed. He felt heavy and looking down at his stomach he realised why?

Where he remembered a flat, perfect six-pack now sat the beginnings of a beer-belly.

‘Fuck! Where did that come from?’ he almost shouted.

‘Oh! I hear sleeping beauty’s up at last?’ a sarcastic voice came from the hallway.

It was Coopers flatmate Kevin. ‘What happened to you last night?’ he asked as he approached Coopers opened bedroom door. ‘Oh my god! What the fuck happened to your hair?’ he started to laugh. Then he noticed the belly, ‘and what the hell did you swallow, a beer keg?’

Seeing Kevin looking at his hair he put a hand to his head and felt the familiar, thick locks but as he brought it down the back he could only feel stubble.

He rushed to the mirror on his dresser and did a double take. There sat the weirdest hairstyle he’d ever seen.

‘You got a sort of gay look going on Coop?’ Kevin asked as he touched the shaved sides. ‘Feels kinda cool though?’

‘Cut it out’ Cooper said brushing Kevin’s hand away.

Despite the bed-head look from a deep sleep, his new hairstyle was very obvious. The top was long and thick, almost covering his eyes, but the rest had been shaved down to the skin. Pale skin showed everywhere even though stubble remained its blonde colouring made it look like he’d been shaved clean.

‘So where can I get a look like this? Kind of rockabilly meets pompadour isn’t it?’

‘Fuck that barber!’ Cooper said as he tried to smooth his hair back over the top of his head getting it away from his eyes. Now it looked even weirder with all the hair piled on top.

He was starting to remember despite the headache.

What had seemed like a dream had been totally real. He’d actually let the old geezer suck his dick. He started to feel weird at the thought. Though something at the back of his mind told him he should do it all again as it had felt fantastic.

‘Kinda suits you roomy but I think someone needs to head to the gym asap’.

Kevin said pointing to the protruding belly.

‘You can talk,’ Cooper shot back, looking at Kevin.

Kevin was shorter than Cooper and not nearly as athletic, which made him look overweight, something he was conscious of but his trips to the gym were very few, and unlike Cooper, he did love his beer and his pizzas. He’d never been into the gym or sports for that matter.

At 5 foot 8 inches and rather plain looking he was very envious of his flatmates looks. Cooper always got the girls and seemed to do well at everything he did.

Even his hair was perfect; well it was! By comparison Kevin’s hair was light brown, fine and even starting to recede at the temples while a bald patch had started to develop on top. To probably compensate for the loss of hair he’d grown a decent goatee, something that made him look older than his 20 years. His thick, body carried a lot more hair than his flatmates, something he became a little self conscious about. A few times he tried shaving his chest but most of the time he found it all a bit much. So he let it go. He just hopped it didn’t start growing on his back.

‘Well I’m not the one with the fixation on my body am I?’ Kevin shot back.

Cooper wasn’t listening as he kept looking at his new image. Something about the baldness on the sides and back was fascinating him as he rubbed the glistening stubble, then he remembered how he came to have that look. Electric clippers! Those huge heavy-duty monsters the barber used had done this to him, and it started to make his dick happy.

‘What the?’ He said to himself, as he rushed past Kevin making his way to the bathroom to hide his problem.

Shutting the door he was more than alarmed to see how turned on he was. His dick was at full mast. What had that barber done to him. What was in that beer?

He went under the shower to relieve his tension only to find himself turned on by the sight of the new, round, ball belly that was developing thanks to all the beer he’d consumed.

Rubbing it as he watched the beads of water cascade over it he became very excited.

Why did he like this fattening look? He never did before, or did he?’

As he shot his load all he could focus on was on how alive he felt at the beginnings of a decent beer belly.

After his shower, still confused, he stared at himself in the mirror.

The hairstyle changed his look considerably. All that thick hair piled on top of his head did kind of give him a cool, hip look, but he knew he’d be the laughing stock on campus, so he’d have to go back to the barber and get him to fix it. What he could do, considering the lack of hair on the sides and back, Cooper didn’t try to dwell on. Sam did this so Sam could fix it.

The thought of him going back to the barber known as Samuel Jasper didn’t scare him too much as he’d remembered the great, free beer that was provided as well as that blowjob which should of bothered him but didn’t.

No, there was something about that Barber and his shop that seemed all okay almost like a cosy atmosphere where he had nothing to worry about.

Well, only his hair!

A few hours later Cooper was sitting back in Sams big traditional barber’s chair, chugging down a huge pitcher of drug filled beer.

It was too early to drink so he didn’t know why he was talked into it. He knew it probably wasnt helping his waistline, but Sam insisted saying he thought the extra weight looked good on him. On top of all that, it seemed to relax him.

Brushing the hair straight back while he was talking, ‘So you decided you didn’t like your new hairstyle. Well I did try to talk you out of it but I think the drink was at fault last night. You saw the photo and you said I want a pompadour.’ Sam lied. He had given this hairstyle to his new slave knowing it would bring him back as soon as he sobered up. And with the tight fade up the sides and back made the pompadour the more unusual.

He knew the kid wouldn’t be able to change it without going considerably shorter.

‘So I really asked for this?’ Cooper said watching Sam as he added a thick gel to hold the long strands in place, carefully combing the long bangs back over his head.

‘Well you were really hammered.’ Sam answered as he took his pipe from the counter and lit it.

‘Well my flatmate is giving me grief so I’m sure the same will happen at uni.’ Cooper said starting to feel the effects of the smoke that was filling the room.

‘Is he? Maybe you should send him here and I can correct his attitude for you.’

‘Would you? That would be great, his always been a smart-arse.’

‘Is he as atheletic and handsome as you?’ Sam pushed wondering how much control he had over his slave now the beer and pipe tobacco were working there magic again.

"No, his short and fat, and balding too.’ Cooper exaggerated.

‘Well that aint such a bad look is it? I mean, look at me.’ Sam said smiling.

A little embarrased Cooper quickly said, ’ no sorry Sam, it suits you, and maybe I’m being a little tough on Kevin. His not that bald or fat and he has a pretty good goatee going on. I could never grow one that’s for sure.’ suddenly Cooper felt he was being unfair to his friend. He actually looked good this morning, something he hadn’t really noticed before.

‘Well he sounds interesting so you’ll get him to come in so I can meet him won’t you?’ Sam ordered.

‘Yeah I guess.’

‘Tell him about my free beer with every haircut policy.’

‘Oh, he will definitely go for that.’ Cooper smiled knowing how cheap his flatmate was.

’ Now what about you? Still not big on your new look even though I’ve gelled it all back?’

Looking in the mirror, Cooper had to admit the barber had improved the style with some gel and a comb but he was a little on the conservative side. ‘No really Sam, I can’t go around looking like this.’

‘So what am I going to do with your hair?’ Sam asked puffing continually on the pipe.

’Can’t you shorten it a little, you know, not make it look so high and thick,’he said starting to feel the effects of the smoke.

‘Well of course I can shorten the top but to take away the height I would have to remove a lot of hair. There isn’t much I can do with the sides, of course taking all the hair off would fix the problem.’

You mean shaving it all off?’

‘Yeah. You’ve got a great shaped head’.

‘No, no, thats pretty radical…. isn’t it?’ he added looking at Sam’s smooth head wondering what he looked like when he had hair.

‘Not really. Many men shave there heads, even when they have a full head of hair.’

‘Huh? Even if they aren’t balding?’ Kevin asked though he knew some guys at uni that were bald by choice.

‘Sure! But I see you’re not ready for that step, at least not yet!’ Sam said with a little change in his voice.

Starting to feel totally relaxed now he wriggled back in the chair and said, ‘well I’ll go with whatever you think Sam, I know you are a good barber.’

Sam couldn’t believe how well these drugs worked. He wasn’t sure what was in them but Ivan, his master had supplied him with them after he set up Sam in his new life as a Barber, just for this very situation.

You see it was Ivan, known to his trainees as a ‘Master Barber’ that had induced and changed Sam to his new career as a barber. And so it was up to Sam and the new trainees to find others to work their skills on, mostly by force. In fact, Ivan had been notified about the new customer, Cooper.

But more about Ivan later. That’s a whole different story!

‘Oh! Just good. Wait until you see what I can do do make you into a perfect, masculine gentleman. That’s my specialty! You’ll be telling everyone I’m an outstanding barber.’

’Something beneath his relaxed state told him he should be worried. Did he want to look different?

‘And you will only let Sam be your barber, because he is so outstanding!’

‘Of course Sam. Only you.’ Cooper felt this was the right thing to say, and for some reason he really believed it, even though he’d only just met the old barber.

’Good. Now for that haircut. Why don’t you take your clothes off so I don’t get any hair on them?

Putting his drink down he started to remove his shirt and jeans, without too much hesitation, ’Oh, okay…. Ah…….this is a little….ah….different! ’

As he sat back in the chair he couldn’t help notice the belly he now had. He started to stroke it, admiring the firmness of weight he was now carrying. He hadn’t notice his cock growing harder.

‘Okay. Lets try something,’ and with that he picked up a set of black, Oyster branded clippers. The motor was a deep pitched whirr as the blades approached his head and once again there was a stirring in his groin.

‘You trust Sam don’t you Cooper?’ The barber said noting this kids growing penis.

As the pipe smoke became denser and the beer emptied, Cooper was putty in Sam’s hands.

‘You want to make me happy, just like I make you happy?’

‘Yes Sam. Happy!’

‘So what haircut do you want now?’ the warm blades already touching the shaved skin making Cooper even more turned on.

‘Hmm, I don’t… don’t know?’ Cooper said a little confused. Didn’t Sam always know what was good for him.

‘You want a flat top don’t you. Now thats what you asked for, wasn’t it?’

‘A flat top?’ Cooper asked.

‘Yes! A nice short flat top. That will make you stand out.’

’A flat top. Stand out……’Cooper mumbled trying to remember what a flattop looked like.

‘I thought you’d see it my way.’

Cooper looked on mesmerised as he stared at himself in the mirror.

Slowly, the barber was fashioning a very exacting level deck on top as he changed to different comb attachments.

It didn’t take long before the hair was reduced to a very exacting high and tight. It looked as if a spirit level had been used on the top, it was so straight and angular.

The style did suit Cooper, Sam thought, maybe a little too much. Well he knew it would only be a temporary look for his boy. There was more changes to come, as instructed by his master Ivan.

‘Now to finish it off, you want me to shave the sides smooth, don’t you?’

‘Ah! Do I?’ Cooper said looking at the new style and turning his head from side to side not knowing if he liked it or not.

‘Yes. You do. It will look very good. You can trust whatever I say Cooper. You do trust me don’t you Cooper?’

‘Trust you. Yes Sam.’

‘And you do all that I tell you because I am your master. I tell you what to do and you like that. Who am I Cooper?’

‘My….ma…master!’

‘And I will decide what you should look like. You want me to turn you into my slave don’t you boy?’

‘Your slave?’

‘Sam’s slave for life. Who is your master Cooper?’

‘You are Sam.’

‘And I will make you into my perfect slave. You cannot wait.’

‘I…I cannot……wait.’ Cooper stammered now totally under Sam’s control.

Soon, warm lather was being spread around the sides and back of Coopers head.

As the razor removed the remaining stubble Sam whispered in Coopers’ ear, ‘you love the feeling of being shaved of your boyish, blonde hair, it makes you feel very sexy. All that bald, smoothness. you want more and more. you are so turned on. What do you feel Cooper?’

‘Turned on!’

Sam smiled as he noticed Cooper stroking his cock, ‘and I think just to make it smoother why don’t I give you another shave against the grain, you’ll love the feeling.’

‘Yes! Yes! please…….I…I…love it…..ah!’ Cooper dreamily returned.

‘But first another beer to relax you. You love my beer don’t you?’

‘Yes Sam, it’s the best!’ Cooper said looking forward to another beer as much as more head-shaving,completely oblivious to the fact he hadn’t loved beer too much before coming to Sam’s barbershop, let alone the feeling of being shaved.

Well after another gut-filling pitcher of special brew, he knew Cooper was ready to say thankyou. ‘Why don’t you make me happy. You love all that I do for you, don’t you Cooper? All the changes to help you become a real man?’

‘Love all you do,’ Cooper repeated rubbing his developing beer gut.

‘Well I can do more but first you should make me happy. Why don’t you suck on my cock. you know it will make me happy. You want to make your master happy?’

’ Yes Sam!’ Cooper said climbing off the chair and without a beat unzipping Sam’s trousers, exposing a impressive cock for an old man but of course Sam was actually only 29. His current look had been created by the ‘master barber’ remember.

Taking the thick cock into his mouth as if it was something he had done many times before he swallowed the head before Sam guided the stud’s mouth down the whole shaft then back. A few more times and Cooper was doing it all himself without gagging. ‘That’s it Cooper. You are loving sucking your master’s cock? It feels very natural, as if you were born to be a cocksucker. The best of all cocksuckers. But you will only get better if you practice. And practise you will. At every opportunity you will be hungry for men’s cocks. You need to show everyone how good you are, and with more practice you will be the best. You want to be the best, especially for your master. That’s it, enjoy that cock, the first of many.’

Suddenly, Cooper felt warm cream being applied to his head. More lather, he couldn’t believe it. Then the blade of the straight razor going over smooth skin. Cooper sucked deeper as he realised Sam was going over his head again, and for some reason, he loved every scrape of the razor, knowing it was creating complete smoothness.

As Sam shot his load down Coopers mouth he noticed Cooper shoot his own load all over his cracking linoleum. Perfect timing!

‘Well done slave. You have the makings of a professional cocksucker,’ Sam said as he zipped his trousers back up. ‘So what are you Cooper?’

‘I’m your cocksucking slave, master.’ And then Cooper got back up onto the chair. Wiping his mouth he wondered why he had enjoyed his masters cock so much, but he soon forgot about that when he saw himself in the mirror.

Ignoring his state of dress, particlarily his dripping cock, he ran both hands over the sides of his head, mesmerised at how smooth it was.

‘So what do you think?’ Sam asked as he cleaned up the mess on the floor.

As he looked in the mirror he couldn’t believe how much it had changed his appearance. His blonde hair looked a little darker in areas as it had been cut a lot shorter but with the combination of no hair on the sides or back, it still looked quite thick on top. Sam had made the perfect flattop. Cooper, feeling the contrast between where the hair finished and the smooth skin started, he wondered why he had never tried this style before.

LATER

‘My God! What were you thinking going back to the same barber? Maybe you should just sign up for the marines and be done with it.’ Kevin chuckled when he saw his flatmate come through the front door, though he had to admit it made the stud look very hot, but he’d never say that to his face.

Still a little inebriated from the beer and under its influence Cooper looked at himself in the hall mirror.

‘Shut it, Kevin! I think Sam did a great job. He said it’s very popular at the moment.’’

‘Sure! Maybe in the East Village, sweetie!’ Kevin said in an effeminate voice.

‘Fuck off! You’re just jealous you can’t pull off a flattop with your balding hair.’

’Yeah! That’s it Coop! You are spot on.’Kevin replied, knowing full well he couldn’t carry off a similar look with his thinning hair but angry at Cooper stating the obvious.

So how much is this barber charging for a looser cut like that?’

‘Actually he only charged me 10 bucks, along with all the free beer I could drink.’

‘Looks like you got your money’s worth, judging by that stomach.’

‘I can work this all off in no time,’ Cooper said as he rubbed his expanded belly, knowing full well he loved the extra weight.

‘Yeah, yeah! Mr gym bunny. Say, did you say free beer?’ Kevin said suddenly interested.

‘Sure did’. Cooper said as he stared at his new look in the mirror. Then remembering Sam’s instruction to get Kevin to come to the barbershop, ‘Maybe you should try him out? For first time customers he has a no charge policy.’

‘And beer for free eh?’ Kevin asked as he ran a hand through his hair ‘Suppose I could do with a trim. Where is this shop exactly?’

Kevin was interested if for no other reason than the free beer and free haircut. Though he’d make sure the barber didn’t try one of his ‘Cooper styles’, plus he’d get his money’s worth of beer, something he had trouble getting being underaged.

Cooper was happy the smart-arse was going to to get an attitude adjustment, according to Sam.

SAM’S BARBERSHOP

Sam licked his lip and stroked his thick moustache as he took in his latest client.

‘So, your’re Cooper’s friend.’ Sam said as he went back to get a beer for his latest customer.

‘Well, I’m more a flatmate really.’ Kevin said now sitting in the big, red leathered barber’s chair.

‘Really?’ Sam sung out from the back. ‘He seemed to speak very highly of you. I thought you might even be a couple’.

‘Huh? No! You’ve got the wrong idea there. We’re both straight. No homo’s at our place, that’s for sure.’ Kevin almost spat out as quick as he could, trying to over-compensate for the inference.

Sam noticed straight away. He smiled to himself as he realised this was going to be easier than he thought. He actually liked Kevin’s plain look and fire-plug body. It was more his type, and more importantly, ready for the transformation he specialised in.

Kevin wondered why Cooper would say anything nice about him. He only shared with him for convenience. Cooper showed very little interest in Kevin usually.

‘Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause offence. In fact I’m one of those homo’s.’

Sam answered as he brought a large pitcher of beer to his new client.

Well that explained Cooper’s haircut, Kevin thought to himself then realising his big mouth, ’ sorry mister, I have nothing against peoples lifestyles as long as they don’t try to force it on others.’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it dear boy. Now drink up and we’ll get on with your haircut.’

‘Ah, gee, thanks! Now Cooper said the first haircut is free?’ Kevin asked checking Cooper hadn’t lied about paying as he devoured the cold, frosty beer.

Now if you hadn’t worked it out Kevin was cheap. Really cheap.

‘Well for clipper cuts only, I don’t charge for the first time visit. No style cuts of course!’ He decided to try on the cheapskate.

Kevin didn’t go in for the fancy salons anyway, maybe because they charged more. ‘Yeah! Clippers is fine but not too much off. And there’s no way I want the super short look you gave Cooper.’

‘You didn’t like the flat-top. I thought it suited him. Do you mind if I smoke?’ Sam asked taking his pipe and lighting it without waiting for a response.

‘Sure!’ Kevin said stunned at the appearance of the pipe. He had nothing against smoking, he just preferred to stay a non-smoker.

As the smoke filled the small shop Kevin couldn’t help but cough as the thick, sweet smoke enveloped him.

‘No I think you need something more masculine. You seem to be worried about going short but with the thinning hair on top, I think you’d be best going short. It hides receding hair more than keeping it long!’ Sam said as he started to comb the hair back to expose the pronounced widows peak on Kevin, exaggerating Kevin’s thinning hair.

‘In fact I think we should go for a crew cut.’ Sam pushed,

‘No way! I want to have some hair left old man.’ Kevin said nervously as he emptied his glass. Knowing he was loosing his hair made him worry, especially seeing the bald look on the barber before him.

‘Oh, believe me I will leave you some hair. Now what about that goatee? It looks a bit unruly. Maybe a bit more styling and fixing you up with a sharper moustache.’

‘Ah! No I want to leave the beard alone. It took me along time to grow.’ He blurted as he realised he was at the mercy of a barber that didn’t mind taking everything short.

’Well in that case why don’t we add to it. What about a full beard instead? Yes,

that’s what we will do. We wont touch that marvellous facial hair. I fact, you will leave it alone until it’s a full beard, then you will come in for some of Sam’s unique, beard styling, alright?’

‘Ah….okay!’ Kevin agreed wondering if he could grow a full beard, or if he really wanted a full beard for that matter.

Starting to feel confused and with another beer in his hand he just stared at himself in the mirror as the barber outlined all the things he could do.

‘Maybe if we changed your hair colour everything would stand out more.’

’Hey, this is all a bit too much…. new hair colour….surely that is going to cost extra?’he stuttered, starting to feel the effects of the beer and pipe tobacco.

‘I think you want me to make you over. To change you into an older, more mature man, not like some freshman that was able to grow a little bit of facial hair, you know the girls are always attracted to older looking guys.’

Kevin looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t realise he looked so young. Maybe that’s why the girls avoided him. Not that he was that interested in girls. The fact was Kevin wasn’t sure what he was into. Still being young he just hadn’t really had much experience but he was a little afraid that he may be gay despite never doing anything much with a boy before. Oh! Except a little groping in the showers at gym a few months ago but he was trying to forget it. He also ‘liked’ his flatmate more than he let on, and would play with his cock while imagining being in bed with Cooper. But his upbringing had been strict catholic, so there was a lot guilt building in the young mans mind.

Okay, so Kevin is gay! He’s just slow on the uptake like many of us were, me included.

‘Yes sir. Sam is going to make you over into a real man. A man’s man if you like. I’m sure Cooper would like you more as a older, wiser stud!’

‘Cooper? Like me?’ Kevin asked now with his inhibitions broken by the drugs.

‘Well? You want Cooper don’t you?’ Sam asked as he started to arrange Kevin’s hair in different ways.

‘Yes Sam! More than anything.’ And then Sam noticed Kevin’s cock stir

again. Now Kevin was hooked, ‘So….how can you….make me ….more attractive….to Cooper….?’ Kevin asked starting to go along with whatever was voiced, as long as Cooper was the end result.

‘You trust me don’t you Kevin? Look into my eyes.’

Kevin found himself drawn to the barbers eyes in the mirror ahead.

He repeated, ‘you trust old Sam don’t you?’

‘Yes.’ Kevin said now totally under Sam’s control, ‘Trust you!’

‘You want me to turn you into Cooper’s ideal man?’

‘Yes Sam. Please…..whatever Cooper wants…….’

‘You do have it bad don’t you boy?’

‘I…I…love…..Cooper….please…..can you make…make me attractive….?’

‘Yes! I will, but attractive is not the same for everyone. Cooper wants an older boyfriend. Someone who can take care of him.’ Sam said as he readied his equipment.

‘Older?’ Kevin asked confused.

‘Yes Kevin. But not just older. What about wiser and more sophisticated.’

‘You think he wants all this?’

‘Of course. You will let me make you over into a mature and masculine man.’

…….mature…?..’

‘You want to look very mature. Not like the boy you see in the mirror.’

‘I want to look very mature…….not like…….a boy…….’

‘Yes Kevin, you want to look very mature, stylish even. Cooper demands it.’

‘I want to look very mature……..stylish…….’

‘How much older would you like to look?’ Sam pressed not realising this was the exact same way he’d been made over to look older by his master Ivan, but more about that later. ‘You like how I look don’t you?’

‘Yes….. you are an old…I mean, you are……distinguished for such an……old…..’ Kevin mumbled not sure what he was suppose to say.

‘Now Kevin. I’m not much older than you. I’m only 29!’

‘29? But…but you can’t be, I mean you…you….look…… like……an old….I mean, mature…’ Suddenly realising he wasn’t trying to offend the man it was just he couldn’t believe Sam was only 29.

‘Yes, yes but my master chose this look just as I’m choosing your new look. I’m looking out for you and remember you told me you wanted me to help you look older for Cooper, you know he doesn’t like fresh faced kids.’

‘No Sam, I….I don’t want to look… some kid……no…..’

‘You want to be just like Sam. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what Cooper wants?A nice older man to take care of, not some 20 something boy?’

Sam continues his control over Kevin’s mind by assuring him Cooper wants him but only as an older guy. The drugs were working. After another 20 minutes Kevin was looking at himself in the mirror, thinking quite differently. Why shouldn’t he change his look. Here was someone who knew what he should look like. He didn’t get much attention looking like he did. Why not go older? Younger didn’t really work for him. And if Cooper would like him more

‘So how much older should we take you?’ Sam pressed.

Kevin wasn’t sure how much older he should look to please Cooper. It was confusing as something told him this wasn’t normal. Then again his mind was completely open to whatever Sam said.

‘Maybe we try it in stages and you tell me when to stop.’

‘Oh! …..Yeah,…..whatever you think, Sam.’ He looked at Sam and wondered if Cooper would like him to look that old? He had to admit, he was starting to admire the balding horseshoe and thick white moustache on the barber. It made him look very mature and stylish.

‘But we need to edge you up quite a few years.’ Sam said as he puffed furiously on his huge briar.

‘How much older?……I’m not……sure…’ Kevin stuttered completely under the barbers control.

’Yes you are! Remember you’re sick of looking so youthful, you want people to respect you, especially Cooper. He wants you to become mature. A nice older man. You want to be that mature, distinguished man you’ve craved deep down, and now Cooper craves?

No more back-breaking, sweaty gym sessions worrying about your body. Imagine eating and drinking whatever you want? Not having to worry how you look?’

‘Yeah! No more gym!’ Kevin said with a glazed look in his eyes.

‘Well as a older, mature man you won’t be expected to watch your figure. Now you can put on some decent weight. You like that idea? Putting on some pounds to go with your new distinguished look.’

Suddenly Kevin felt the need to rub his already substantial belly. He’d never been thin and found it very hard to keep his body trim.

‘Feel that nice growing belly. It suits your new look. You want to let it grow so others can admire it. You want to be fatter. Cooper wants to feel that belly.’

‘I want….want ….’ Kevin didn’t finish as he found it hard to work out if this was what he wanted.

‘You want to be fatter.’ Sam pressed puffing even more on his pipe.

‘I want to be fatter!’ Kevin repeated without hesitation.

‘It will all go with your new image. Mature, distinguished and successful. Maybe you should try to start smoking a pipe too, it is very relaxing.’ Sam said as he took the pipe from his mouth.

‘A pipe?’ And before he could think about it the pipe was thrust between his lips.

‘That’s it. You look years older already.’

Kevin’s initial shock was taken over by something that made him start sucking on the pipe. As he went to place a hand on the pipe to remove it, Sam changed tact.

‘No! Leave the pipe in your mouth. You are now an ardent pipe smoker. You love it, it helps relax you, and it will help relax those around you.’

‘Yes! It relaxes.’ Kevin said leaving his hand clamped on the pipe, puffing away as if he’d been a pipe smoker all his life. Now the special drug was entering his body in a much more concentrated way, as the smoke entered his lungs and the bloodstream. He was now at the mercy of Sam.

‘Now how mature should you be?Let’s work you up to 60. You’d like that, wouldn’t you Kevin? To look like a real, mature but stylish 60 year old?’

‘Yes… a stylish 60 year old.’ He repeated as he happily puffed on the pipe.

‘In fact I think you’d make a nice daddy for Cooper. He needs a daddy to take care of him. Would you like to be Coopers gay daddy bear?’

‘Whats a daddy bear?’ Kevin asked.

’It’s what I will make you into. You want to be Coopers and only his! Well he needs a daddy and you will be that daddy. A big, over-weight, balding, bearded,ageing bear. And in return, you will have your man. You want Cooper don’t you?"

‘Yes! I want Cooper.’

‘I knew you’d see it my way.’ And with that Sam started on changing Kevin’s whole look. He had the time.

Taking the clippers he switched them on ready to attack Kevin’s hair. And all the time Kevin just sat puffing on his new pipe and staring at himself in the mirror.

And all the time Kevin just sat puffing on his new pipe and staring at himself in the mirror.

[fruitcoops]

SIRIUS/REMUS PLAYING WITH PUPPIES WHILE ANSWERING FANS QUESTIONS

Please know that if we ever met in person, I would literally lift you off your feet and hug you for suggesting this. My afternoon was filled with adorable puppy videos because of this!

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Can I have them?” Remus asked softly, staring at the person behind the camera with big, pleading eyes. “Please?”

“Do the introduction and then we’ll set ‘em loose,” Marlene said.

“Fine. Hey, everyone, welcome back to Lion Pride! I’m Remus Lupin and I’m here today to play with puppies.”

“And answer questions.”

“And answer questions,” he added. “Maybe, like, one or two in between snuggles.”

“You’re going to answer all of them,” Marlene said more firmly.

He rolled his eyes and took the lid off the jar of paper slips. “Can I have the puppies now?”

A door clicked open behind the camera and Remus lit up as four puppies tumbled into frame, racing straight for him. “Hello, babies!” he laughed as a tiny golden retriever jumped on his chest. “Oh, I love you so much. Come here, come here, let me give you kisses.”

“Question number one?” Marlene prompted as he began playing with them and rolling their toys around.

Remus sighed and pulled a question out. “What would I be doing if I didn’t become a hockey player? Physical therapy for su—ope, okay, you can have that one.”

The Irish Setter puppy growled playfully as they played a short game of tug-of-war until the paper tore.

“Oh no, it broke!” Remus exclaimed, giving the pup a scratch behind the ears while it chewed on the leftover scraps. “Yes, that’s all yours now. Next one: what is the best part about playing professional hockey? I get to do interviews like this.” One of the puppies, a medium-sized black one, began chewing on one of the laces of his Converse. “Excuse me—excuse me, young man, that’s my shoelace. Are you chewing it because it’s rainbow? Is this homophobia?”

“Remus.”

“Sorry.” He lifted the puppy into his arms and kissed his head. “Okay, munchkin, what’s next? What’s next? You’re so fucking cute, I just wanna squish you. Um, what’s the most common thing fans say when they meet me?” He laughed and the puppy licked his cheek. “Usually they look at me and go, ‘god, you’re tall’, which surprises people because I’m always around these gigantic guys. Do these dogs have names?”

“If I tell you their names, you’re going to get attached.”

“We have crossed, salted, and burned that bridge, Marley.”

“The one you’re holding is Mercutio, the red one is Juliet, the retriever is Pip, and the fluffy one on your lap is Lucie, after Lucie Manette.”

Remus’ jaw went slack. “They’re named after book characters?” he asked in a small voice.

“Yep.”

“Oh, no.” He reached out and pulled Juliet and Pip into his arms for a moment. “Oh, no, you all have to come home with me now. The next question is…would I ever do drag? Probably not, but I looked hot as fuck in eyeliner, so do with that what you will.”

“Which video was that?”

“It was the fear pong one, which I played with my fiancé and my friends James and Lily!” His voice pitched up as he turned to talk to Mercutio. “I did, buddy! It was so fun! Yes, it was!”

“Remus. Questions.”

“Right. What’s one of my weirdest or funniest fan encounters? There was this one lady, she was like forty-something, and she came up to me while I was at the post office and asks ‘are you Remus Lupin?’ and I said, ‘yes, that’s me’ and she’s like ‘from the Gryffindor Lions?’ and I said yes again and then she went—” He narrowed his eyes and nodded his head slowly. “—‘I knew you were gay. Good for you, kiddo’ and then left. It was the weirdest fucking thing, especially considering I had played, like, one game with the team by that point.”

“Are you serious?” Marlene asked.

“Totally honest. I never saw her again, either.” Juliet put her paws on the front of his Lions hoodie and began licking the edge of his jaw. “Hey, sweet girl, thank you for the kisses. Can I grab another question? No? Okay, we can stay here.”

Pip began yipping and Mercutio wiggled out of Remus’ hold, launching himself at the other dog with a tiny growl.

“Mercutio, no!” Remus gasped, scooting Juliet aside so he could put the two puppies under his arms. His hands were big enough to almost cover their whole bellies. “We’re not here to start fights, you two. Apologize.” They turned their heads to lick his cheeks. “I didn’t mean apologize to me, but okay. You’re so soft and warm, what the hell?”

“Next question?”

“What’s the craziest rumor I’ve heard about myself? A solid group of people thought I asked to be on the team, which isn’t true. I didn’t even know people were considering it until James and Lily’s wedding. Coach wanted it to be a surprise while he cleared it with the organization.” Remus shook his head and slowly petted Lucie as she napped on his thigh. “Is there a celebrity I’ve met that left me starstruck? Ha! Yes. There was a fundraiser a few months ago and Sam Neill was there, which I didn’t know until I turned around and he was about two feet away.”

“What did you do?”

Remus laughed and turned faintly pink. “Um, I made a sort of squeaking noise and he kinda chuckled, which was mortifying in and of itself. He goes, ‘hi, I’m Sam’ and I nodded because duh, he’s Sam fucking Neill, and then I mumbled something about Jurassic Park and he smiled and said, ‘son, you’re blocking the water’ and I just about died on the spot.”

“Did anyone see you?”

“Sirius was standing next to me the entire time and silently laughing his ass off. I saw them talking later, and when were about to drive home he hands me this napkin and it has Sam Neill’s autograph on it.”

“He didn’t,” Marlene gasped.

Remus nodded. “He did.”

“That’s the smoothest move I’ve ever heard of.”

“It was incredible.” Juliet waddled closer and nudged a red ball out from under Remus’ knee, which he picked up and tossed before taking out another question. “Do I appreciate when fans come up to me in public or is it annoying? Oh, it’s never annoying. It’s a little weird if I’m eating lunch somewhere or running errands and someone tries to sneak a picture, though. I love all the fans and it’s super fun talking to everyone, so please just come over and say hello instead of failing to be sneaky while I’ve got pizza grease on my face.”

“Even if you’re on a date?”

Remus snorted. “Okay, well, use some common sense. Pip—babycakes, stop trying to eat the questions. There we go.” He settled the puppy into his lap and rolled the ball for Juliet again. “In a movie about my life, who would I want to play me and Sirius?” He paused and looked at the camera. “I would want us to play ourselves, but only because neither of us can act and it would be so fucking funny to make the absolute worst movie.”

“Come on,” Marlene groaned.

“I’m being a hundred percent honest right now! I think it would be hilarious. We’d be terrible.” Juliet pawed at his arm insistently until he grabbed the ball, but she wouldn’t let it go and they ended up playing tug-of-war despite the fact that she had no traction on the floor and kept sliding around. “Aren’t you a feisty one, sweet girl! What is the most memorable moment of my life that I want to cherish forever? This. Right here, right now.”

“Really?”

“I have two dogs on my lap, one under my arm, and the other slobbering all over my hand. This is the best possible place to be. Wait, hang on a second.” Remus carefully lifted Lucie up and laid down, settling her on his abdomen as the other three clambered over to flop on him. “Oh, yeah, this is the peak of my entire life.”

“You’re not going to say your engagement? Maybe the day you started playing for the Lions?”

“Nope. The engagement was incredible and one of my favorite memories for sure, but I was shaking in my skates.”

“Just read the next question.”

“Okay! What’s my go-to karaoke song?” He hummed for a moment, then laughed as Lucie scooted up to rest her head under his chin. “I think it’s probably ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’ by Whitney Houston. Lily and I did a duet of that a year or so ago, and it rocked.”

Pip began gnawing on the cuff of his sweatshirt. “Pip,” Marlene scolded; her foot appeared in frame until Remus waved her off with a smile.

“It’s okay, he can chew if he wants to. It’s an old sweater anyway, and it’s not even mine!” He scratched behind Pip’s ears. “No, it’s not, peach-a-keen! You can go nuts with that as long as you’re cozy. What is…my favorite behind-the-scenes Lions moment? Our groupchat, no contest.”

“Does it have the whole team?”

“Most of us, yeah. You have to earn your spot.” Remus looked over at the camera and Lucie put her head on his neck. “Looks like I’ve been banned from turning my head now, huh?”

“Are you comfortable?”

“Marley, there are very few things that would make me happier than I am right now. I’m being slowly crushed by puppies and I get to cuddle them for free.” He reached blindly into the question jar. “This is a two-part question. Do I prefer big dogs or small dogs, and how is Hattie doing? I love all dogs, but I think I prefer big ones because they’re always so much fun, and I don’t feel like I’m accidentally going to break them if I move wrong. Hattie’s doing well! She’s almost eighty pounds and she’s at home with Sirius right now, probably getting snuggled within an inch of her fuzzy little life.”

“That’s the dream right there.”

“Tell me about it. Alright, sorry ladies and gents, but I have to sit up to get to the questions.” All four puppies made noises of protest when he started sitting up and he sighed, eyebrows pitching upward. “I know, I know, it’s really hard. Here, how about we…” Remus carefully gathered them until he held all four against his chest; their tiny faces looked out over his forearms and he placed a kiss on each of their heads. “Much better.”

“Can you get to the jar?”

It took a bit of maneuvering, but he managed to reach in. “Do you want to read it?” he asked Mercutio as the puppy tried to bite the slip. “No? Okay. What is my favorite thing about playing on the same team as my fiancé? That is an excellent question. My favorite thing is that we finally have the same schedule, so we can build in time to hang out more easily. It was hard to do that when we were doing different things.”

Pip yawned and the entire camera crew ‘awww’ed; Remus made a soft noise and nuzzled his floppy ear.

“I adore you,” he murmured. “I really do. Last question: What is my advice to those who want to follow their dreams? Oh, jeez.”

“You can take a minute to think.”

Remus crossed his legs and lifted his knees up so he could hug all the puppies at once while still looking at the camera. “The only reason I got big and strong is so that I can hold four puppies at once. Just thought people should know that. Uh, my advice to those who want to follow their dreams is to persevere. I never in a million years thought that I would get to play on a professional hockey team, but I worked really hard to overcome my injury and stay connected to the sport because I love it. If there’s something you love, don’t be afraid to hold on to it.”

“Wise words,” Marlene remarked. “Do you want to tell the fans where they can find the puppies?”

“At my house,” Remus joked. “But if that doesn’t work, they are up for adoption at Friendly Paws Animal Shelter, which is just south of downtown Gryffindor and has tons of adorable friends like these guys. Can I call Sirius real quick?”

“Sure,” Marlene laughed.

Remus gingerly lowered Lucie into his lap and pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing a quick number before putting it on speakerphone and setting it down to pick her up again. “Re?” Sirius sounded confused. “Aren’t you still with Marlene?”

“Yeah.”

“…did something happen?”

“Nope, all good. Can we get another dog?”

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line. “Marlene, what did you do?”

“It’s just an interview!” she called.

“What kind of interview?”

“Baby, they gave me puppies,” Remus said gleefully, burying his face in Lucie’s fluff for a moment. “Like, really good puppies.”

A long-suffering sigh came through the phone. “How many are you holding?” Remus hesitated. “Sweetheart, how many dogs are currently in your arms?”

“Four.”

“Holy shit, Marlene! You gave him four dogs?!”

“They named them, too,” Remus added. “Pip, Juliet, Lucie Manette, and Mercutio. Baby, they named him Mercutio.”

“This was a recipe for disaster.” Despite his protests, Sirius sounded intrigued. “How old are they?”

Remus glanced up at Marlene. “They’re all six to eight months old,” she said.

Sirius blew out a slow breath. “So they’re babies.”

“They’re all up for adoption.”

“We have Hattie already.” Sirius was wavering. “But…she might possibly need a friend. Maybe.”

“You already love these dogs and you haven’t even seen them,” Remus said with a grin.

“The names are perfect! What was I supposed to do?”

“I’m going to sign the video off and then call you back, okay?”

“Okay. Don’t let go of the dogs until I get there, please.”

“Wasn’t planning on it. Love you!”

“Love you, too.”

Once the call ended, Remus faced the camera with a smile. Juliet and Pip had already fallen asleep. “Thanks for tuning in, Lions! Be sure to like and subscribe for more content. Endless thanks to Marlene McKinnon for allowing me to spend an hour holding tiny dogs. Have a great day!”

[kaypeace21]

Rebel Robin podcast (ep 3 &4 analysis)

For those who haven’t read them yet. Here’s the analysis for podcast ep 1&2. Analysis of Rebel Robin book-here. And eastereggs from rebel robin novel- here.

So the main things I noticed in ep 3 was how Robin spying was shown as a huge NEGATIVE-and Mr Hauser got upset over her doing so. Robin listens to mr. Hauser’s phone call (like Karen with Mike in s3/ us gov spying on calls in s1) & on a different occasion Robin also eavesdrops on a private convo he is having with someone else in his classroom ( like El spying on Mike talking to Lucas in s3). And when he finds out about this he tells her how wrong it was to spy on other people like that. In the past, I also talked about how the theme of spying is shown for many other st characters ( in the show) and how it  isn’t romanticized like people think it is- here .

Anyways , Ep 3 ends with a call from a h*mophobic teen( Dash) telling Robin to “stay away” from Mr. Hauser cause he’s “dangerous”. Why he thinks he’s dangerous is solely for the fact he’s gay.I think this theme may come into play in s4 Hawkins (in relation to the satanic panic). In ep 4 Robin jokes to (gay) Mr. Hauser  : “ So what are you into... satanism?” (Sadly most queer people have been told over and over we’re going to hell for being gay/lgbt+. it’s sadly an almost universal experience.) For those unaware- the ‘satanic panic’ was a right wing christian movement in the 80′s that WRONGLY associated certain things with supposed satanism.  Just some of the many things they demonized : rock music , stephen king , wearing black,  horror/fantasy media, and of course queer people and d&d (hellfire club - the name is a a xmen ref but in the show it’s probably an inside joke about the satanic panic and people being scared of d&d). We see foreshadowing of the satanic panic hinted in s3 (in relation to d&d)- on tv the narrator asks if “satanism” (pans to d&d set) is to blame for the odd occurrances in Hawkins. And given how the s4 el-trailer had the clock say 3:00am for the “witching hour” also called “the devil’s hour” since it’s supposed to be a subversion of jesus dy*ing at 3:00 pm. And the possibility s4 may take place around Easter.  I think we’ll see that religious (Christian) extre*sm  causes many people in Hawkins to interpret the supernatural as ‘satanic’. And no , I’m obviously not talking poorly about all religious/christian people).

After this Mr. Hauser jokes how Hawkins is like “lord of the flies” and how he “worries” what would happen if teens were left to their own devices-like in the book. The themes in the book mostly focus on the dangers of ‘mob mentality’ and how human beings can become v*olent and turn on each other- if the safety of civilization disappears...

This I believe is foreshadowing - i mentioned in a post a while back (here). How movies on the s4 list had the theme of :  a supernatural event indirectly causing towns people to act irrationally and turn on eachother v*olently. Despite literal monsters attacking them from outside (they chose to turn on eachother instead). In the end some townspeople become the real monsters via mob mentality/v*oence/false witch hunts (the mist, the birds, etc). In ‘the birds’ (while people are hidding in a store)- they wrongly  blame certain characters for the supernatural chaos. Similarly, in ‘the mist’ (crowd of townspeople are trapped in a store) and some  start interpreting the monsters as being sent as punishment by god- some town’s people start quoting the bible and saying the only way to stop the punishment is to start “sacrificing the s*nners and nonbelievers”. BIG YIKES.ST references mapple street (where the wheelers and sinclairs live). It’s based on the twilight zone ep of the same name “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” .The ‘monsters’ of that episode -were the townspeople turning on eachother because they incorrectly think their own neighbors are part of an invading supernatural army. The enemy was actually the paranoia/mob mentality-not the supernatural force they feared.  And yes i do think this concept is linked with 80s satanic panic and will cause some town division/obstacles for our heroes to deal with . **I also think the s4 bts of the Hawkins blood clinic-may be used to show h*mophobia (linked to satanic panic) in the town. Like in one s4 movie “paradise lost”the punk rock boys who were into black clothes, rock music , horror/stephen king books- were accused by the town’s people of being gay AND have demonic powers that are k*lling fellow town’s people.

Mr Hauser says he thinks steve Harrington is Ralph from lord of the flies. And Robin disagrees saying he’s Jack. Personally- since this was when Robin didn’t know/hated Steve. I think Mr hauser is right that Steve is Ralph (one of the oldest boys) who’s “commitment to civilization and morality is strong”. But Jack  (perhaps the popular s4 kid Jake?) and his savage crew take control of the group and start trying to attack Ralph and his friends (steve’s crew- over satanic panic?). How this begins is -

 Jack, torments Ralph and others. And some kids begin to develop savage personalities, after someone claims to have seen a Beast (demongorgan?) in the woods. This creates fear among the boys, which allows Jack to access more power.Ralph gets into an argument with Jack, who splits from the tribe. Many of the other boys follow Jack, who uses fear to manipulate the boys into leaving Ralph. And Jack’s crew begin attacking Ralph and his friends.

----------------

Ok, next topic of ep 4- the sentimental part of my brain got emotional when hearing how upset Robin was. And than Mr Hauser-telling her she’s wrong and she’s not “broken” or “rotten” and “nothing about her needs to be fixed’” (got me right in the feels) . As a queer person- I feel like every lgbt+ kid/teen needs to hear what Mr. Hauser said to Robin. 

However,  the analytical part of my brain -did notice some easterggs/ series parallels.

The convo starts with them talking about music Mr hauser likes (such as Bowie). And transitions to Mr Haauser asking about things she likes, whether she’s being bullied, and he later tells her “ DON’T let other people’s small mindedness make you fell bad about yourself. you don’t need to change yourself-no matter what anyone else says” . And Mr Hauser than says him calling her the “weirdest girl in Hawkins” was a compliment (not an insult-like she initially assumed). 

This is remarkably similar to certain scenes in s1/2. In s1, Jonathan mentions musicians he likes such as Bowie, asks Will about what he likes,  and tells Will “don't like things cause people tell you you’re supposed to-especially not him (their dad who called him h*mophobic names)” . In s2, Jonathan tries to cheer Will up after asking if he's being being bullied. And calls Will  “a freak” (and says it’s a good thing) and he should be content with being a “freak “ and compares Will to Bowie ( who was openly queer since the 70s) . 

In ep 4, Robin also mentions how sad she is that her parents won’t let her ride her bike anymore cause their paranoid about her safety  (like what happened to Will in s2).

Robin (before Mr. Hauser comforts her) says she feels like she has a “rot” inside her  . This is a s2 eastergg that could be linked to either Will or El. Will says his now-memories are “growing”, spreading”, and killing.” Later Kali says the emotional pain caused by her father  caused a “wound” to “spread”. Later allusion-Brenner tells El she has a “terrible wound “ (“a rot”) that Will “grow, spread, and kill.”

The reason Robin rants about feeling like she has a “rot” inside her is because she’s being bullied, and  lost all her Hawkins friends and says  “maybe I’m broken maybe there is just something about me that drives people away? I’m the only common denominator-there’s something wrong with me! There’s something inside of me that’s just rotten and there’s nothing i can do to fix it”. Which 1)-poor Robin. 2) I feel like could easily be How Will feels in s4(who will be the same age as Robin is here in the podcast)- his dad abandoned him, all his hawkins friends are gone , the st s4 movies have h*mophobic bullying in them (and he was bullied in the past). In a interview Noah said Will in s4 “doesn’t really get along with people-it’s just him and Mike.”  I think it fits more so with Will than El . But they may feel similar:  it’s implied in s4 audition tapes she’ll be bullied too,  she moved away from her friends,  and her father (Hopper) fake “passed away.” It could easily be how both Will and El feel in s4- that there is  something “broken”/ “rotten” about them . In fact, in the rebel Robin novel there is even a character named Sheena. Sheena reminds me a bit of a mix between Will and el . She is very quiet, queercoded, and is often bullied. And she finds mean notes and other things stuffed  in her locker- placed there by bullies. A bit like how Will found the zombie-boy note in his locker. A teacher doesn’t stop her bullying just blames her and says “ This wouldn’t happen if you made it just a smidgen easier for PEOPLE to understand you.”(sort of reminding me of that Noah quote about s4 Will not getting along with most people/Jonathan saying not to change himself cause “people” say to). But sheena can be another name for Jane (there was also a 80s show character named Sheena who was psychic) so ...maybe foreshadowing of el/jane being bullied in highschool? Along with Will?

*It’s not a eastergg/parallel...just speculation. Unlike the rebel robin book... in the podcast (in multiple episodes) almost every time she opens up to Mr Hauser about her problems she says it’s ok for him to do the same and she’ll be supportive and listen. However, Mr Hauser (so far) always rejects her offer-much to her hurt/frustration. In ep 4, she asks if he has someone his “own age” he can talk to about his problems-which he says he does. Now... since in ep 4 Mr hauser is paralleled to Jonathan maybe Jonathan will have someone his own age to talk to about his problems (maybe his new friend Argyle?) We see similar to Mr Hauser giving advice/pep talks to (gay) Robin. Jonathan is always giving advice/peptalks to our (gay-coded) Will. But so far- Jonathan has no one he really emotionally leaned on in the same way (Will does with Jonathan). I also wonder if Will in s4 starts gets tired of how he always confides in Jonathan (but Jonathan never does the same with Will  in return)? Like Robin with Mr. Hauser?

[maxwell-grant]

i have been watching old (and sometimes new) gmod animations and i grew up watching enough ytps to know the general idea behind them, and i recently gained a sort of fascination for them. there's something special about them that i couldn't quite put into words, but i think you got it down perfectly in your post about grand guignol. basically, thanks a bunch for that.

Well thank you! And, yeah, I pretty much grew up watching GMOD and YTP constantly and even today I still come back to those a lot when I'm restless and taking a break from work, and I think there's genuinely a lot that can be learned or discussed from them as uniquely 21st Century art forms.

I've been rewatching a lot of Raxxo's content lately and I think it was his content in particular that kind of convinced me that the "GMOD/SFM - Grand Guignol" analogy wasn't nearly as much of deranged word salad as I assumed it was, because in all honestly, if you had to try and condense his videos into a genre or definition or something of the sort, what the hell else can you possibly call this that in any way comes close to describing what you experience?

Like, all of his videos are described as "GMOD animated in SFM", because SFM is usually associated with more straightforward dramatic content while GMOD has been cartoon madness from the start (and it's fascinating to watch just how tame even the early Rubberfruit videos are compared to the kind of stuff Eltorro64 or Dr Lalve are putting out), and Raxxo is the latter in the style of the former.

And his videos are not just a non-stop barrage of brain-breaking, because they have weirdly dramatic pauses, and moments of straightforward action, or simple sentence mixing, and there's continuity between his videos, and incredibly smooth and natural gestures following by the characters stretching and deforming like jello monsters on the next second as their screams warble to drown the soundtrack and then everything's back to normal, and then they start doing things that kinda even make some sense as a narrative, but you cannot even begin explaining properly why, and I've watched these so many times that I even kinda start to see what makes sense and what doesn't, even though literally no one other than Raxxo is ever going to guess why he made the choices he did, and god these jokes must have taken hours if not days to render, why does the scretching Soldier head saying "Sputnik!" shows up in everything he does, and oh did I mention he also makes up the soundtracks he uses himself and they don't match in the slightest most people's perception of his content?

And for the finale of the Soldier Dispenser saga he created maybe the most batshit collaborative animation effort on Youtube, which is about an hour's worth of 200 animators all creating their own little batshit mini-stories in reference to his own and, seriously, who the hell could have possibly predicted something like this existing back when computer game Team Fortress 2 was announced in 2007? Or when Youtube was created?

Who could have possibly predicted something like this existing at any point in human history? Where else could anyone possibly experience this much audiovisual chaos anywhere? I can't even bring myself to watch the video in full again, but that this exists at all, and that it's far from the only one of it's kind, and that Team Fortress 2 fan content has spiraled so hard past anything the creators could have possibly predicted that it has self-sustaining meme ecosystems (Remember when smexuals were a thing? Or the Freaks?), that it's still fucking going 15 years past the game's debut, is, it's kind of a lot, is what I'm saying.

Like, I'm speaking as someone who studies a lot of pop culture and combs through it's most obscure and weirdest recesses to find stuff to write about, I'm still just as baffled by how far these things have gotten as I was when experiencing it for the first time. And you can find a lot of stories like these digging through Youtube Poop and the specific styles of certain creators or certain developing memes for franchises that grow and grow and permutate.

Think about what has to have happened to make a video like iteachvader's What'll It Be? happen.

Long John Baldry, blues musician extraordinaire, voiced cartoon villain Dr Robotnik in a Sonic cartoon. Said Sonic cartoon and performance was lucky enough to survive through Youtube clips. People noticed one of said clips of his performance has him saying a word that sounds like penis in a funny way, so they start making jokes about it, and parodies, and then literally hundreds of parodies popularizing the concept as a source of comedy, some of which take the form of music. Said music is done by cutting, remixing and splicing audio from said performance over music beats, which can be a PAINSTAKINGLY LONG PROCESS as someone who's tried doing that several times now, all this to make something with "Poop" in it's name (which I guess isn't that different from pulp writers spending weeks and months breaking their fingers to put out a novel's worth of content every month, for newspapers and magazines that were literally going to be used as toilet paper later)

These parodies catch on a bit and die out for a bit, until iteachvader comes along, and he proceeds to build a career not just by making funny parodies of said cartoon, but also knocking out genuinely really, really good musical parodies, editing voice clips of said performance to make it sound like the villain's singing (and additionally, he also creates his own tunes, and he's shown that literally every sound he uses is taken from the show, which is just, absolutely mind-boggling effort). He's also created over the years a running joke of Tails being Dr Robotnik's son that people liked enough to ask for more, and then we come to the video above, which is a song about Dr Robotnik spoiling his son Tails asking him what he'll want, which is not at all in line with how the two characters are canonically. And said remixes would eventually get remixed even further, even with crossovers with other characters or musicians, and so forth.

And that is the story of how dozens of creators working separately, and with little intent other than goofing around, single-handedly revived a dead man's music career, as the voice of the fan reinterpretation of a animated adaptation of a videogame villain, popular to the billions if not dozens of billions of views over a decade in the making, on a broadcasting platform said man didn't even live to see being created.

I think sometimes we like to think of ourselves as advanced and jaded enough that nothing surprises us anymore, and if we went back in time and showed an iphone to our great-grandparents they'd start screaming in sheer confusion. And, maybe they would, yeah, but imagine if you were Long John Baldry at any point in his life, even after he finished recording his lines as Robotnik, and someone showed up to you and explained that all of this was going to happen to you, to your voice, to your performance. Imagine if you were one of Valve's lead developers working on Team Fortress 2 during the nine years it spent in development, and someone showed you Raxxo's work and Soldier's Dispenser Quest and just, everything that had happened to characters you hadn't even fully created yet.

I imagine Long John Baldry would have taken it well enough eventually, by all accounts he was a fun person who loved to try new things, and he was an openly gay British vocalist in the 1960s when it was literally illegal to be gay in Britain, so I imagine nothing could possibly rattle his cage that deep in the long run.

But can you honestly tell me you wouldn't freak out at least a little trying to understand just what exactly the future was showing you? Can you honestly tell me your cynicism and world-weariness would be worth anything in the face of all this knowledge about what the world was going to do with your creations and work?

Can you honestly tell me, just now, that you have any idea what the hell is your legacy or reputation as an artist, or even what your art is known for, going to look like in a decade or two from now? And that things aren't going to get weirder than they are now?

I find that fact both frightening and strangely assuring at points, and exciting above all.

[murdershegoat]

(inspired by this // on ao3 // ko-fi)

she’s had the voice in her head for as long as she can remember

well, it’s not exactly a voice, more just like a really strong, disembodied feelings that echoes loudly in her head and body. like, it’s not her gut feelings, it’s an outside force and it’s loud and sometimes scary.

so whatever she calls it a voice when she’s explaining it to others.

this voice, it guides her decision making. it’s not an exact science (yet) but if she thinks in her head ‘i’m gonna go get ice-cream’ the voice will either say WARMER or it’ll say COLDER

well, it won’t say it because it’s not a voice. it’s more like this disembodied feeling feels like it’s saying WARMER or COLDER and she’ll physically feel it as well.

if she’s supposed to get ice cream, she’ll feel a sudden warmth

if she’s not supposed to get ice cream, she’ll feel a sudden chill

she doesn’t know why the voice makes the decisions it does, but she has to assume that it’s leading her towards something, towards success or whatever

at the very least, she has to believe that it’s trying to keep her alive. it’s a survival thing. whatever it is, it’s kept her alive for 26 years and counting.

and though it keeps her alive, it doesn’t always save her from pain. the voice tells her kissing veronica sinclair in the horse stables is a warm idea and veronica ended up breaking her heart and humiliated her in front of the whole school.

when she was four, the voice told her to trust lillian. and that’s led to a whole life of pain.

anyway. the voice. 

andrea is the first person she tells about it.

they’re hiking in the amazon during spring break. and, as happens sometimes in life, they come to a diverging path and have to choose. left or right. andrea looks at the compass. ‘it’s not working,’ she says. ‘how fucking convenient,’ lena replies. she sighs and steps to the left path.

‘we’re going left,’ she says emphatically as she feels a familiar warmth roll through her. ‘why?’ andrea asks. ‘i just have a feeling.’

only andrea isn’t swayed by ‘just a feeling.’ she demands more and she refuses to go left until lena finally breaks down and explains the voice

(not a voice.)

‘well what happens if we don’t listen to it??’ andrea asks after a barrage of questions, her analytical mind whirring a mile a minute. lena shrugs, ‘i dunno. i’ve never taken the risk of not listening.’

they go left.

they survive the amazon. the voice is always right.

‘you know,’ andrea says, her head resting against the plane window. ‘my nanny used to tell me stories.’ ‘isn’t that what all nannies do?’ ‘she would tell me stories about people having unexplainable powers or whatever, i don’t remember the details… but i remember her saying that the powers always lead people to the thing they need the most. and it could take months or it could take years but it’s a part of your soul, like, intrinsically in you.’

andrea’s xanax kicks in soon after that and she sleeps for the rest of the plane ride home

lena stays awake the whole flight, wondering what these choices are and what this voice is leading her towards.

the voice leads her through the end of high school and it leads her to MIT (fun fact: she’s never felt a firmer COLDER than she had when she held harvard’s acceptance letter in her hand.)

it really helps her in college. sure, she still makes a lot of what she deems voice-sanctioned mistakes (sleeping with veronica sinclair is at the top of that list) but her grades are stellar and she’s on track for getting her second masters and she has a load of friends.

and then her brother goes insane and tries to kill superman. the sky is red and lena stands in lex’s office overlooking downtown metropolis. ‘join me lena,’ he says. ‘help me and we’ll be unstoppable. we’ve always been a strong family  but believe me, we’ll run this country together one day, i promise you that. all i need you to do is trust me.’ he holds out his hand

for a second, she considers doing it. she doesn’t want to lose her family. i am going to trust my brother. 

the voice says COLDER.

lena listens to the voice. she always listens to the voice.

it’s the first time the voice has made her lose something - someone - as important as lex. it’s the first time she thinks that maybe this voice thing doesn’t know what it’s doing because it’s never hurt her like this before. 

the fallout from lex’s breakdown feels cataclysmic. her friends stop speaking to her, her professors stop calling on her in class. she can’t even work at the library without being harassed.

and to top it all off, she becomes the youngest female ceo of a fortune 500 company. which means board meetings and strategy sessions all while writing a thesis. 

but meeting jack spheer feels like finding a life raft in the middle of a ferocious ocean, keeping her afloat, letting her catch her breath. he’s cute and he’s funny and well-to-do, and he’s the type of person lena knows she should date and possibly marry.

jack is the second person lena tells about the voice. she’s scared because she isn’t sure he’ll believe her, that he’ll drop her like the rest of her friends have.

but jack, bless his heart, just asks a hundred questions. ‘so even things like which sodas to drink?’ ‘the voice doesn’t let me drink soda.’ ‘whoa.’

jack is the first person who’s not veronica sinclair lena tells her other big secret to. they’ve been out drinking and eventually they stumble back to jack’s place and she feels brazen enough to blurt it out while he makes her a grilled cheese sandwich. she doesn’t even have time to wait for the voice’s opinion; the truth just falls out of her, unable to stay contained any longer.

‘i’m gay,’ lena says. ‘and i understand if you don’t agree with that lifestyle, but i’m still the same person i’ve always been and i would like to remain friends with you.’

‘a person with terrible gaydar apparently,’ jack replies. ‘as the kids say, it takes one to know one. i would’ve told you sooner but… i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner.’ she surges forward and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. neither of them lets go.

the grilled cheese burns.

‘should we just get chinese instead?’

the voice says WARMER.

she’s scared of starting over in national city, but the voice in her head seems to think it’s a WARMER sort of idea.

so she packs her bags and jack says goodbye to her at the airport and before she knows it, she’s looking down at NC from her pristine white office. the CVs of two assistants she’s interviewed. ‘i’m going to hire jess chin-salva as my PA,’ she murmurs to herself. ‘WARMER,’ says the voice.

when jess tells her two reporters are at the door, the strapping frame of clark kent isn’t whom she is expecting. she also isn’t expecting kara danvers to follow close behind, kara danvers whose smile is much too bright and friendly to work for a hardened journalist, whose blue eyes twinkle with a kindness lena has seldom been gifted by others, whose biceps are clearly visible through the cardigan she wears.

lena doesn’t have a choice to make, and yet for some reason it screams at her. WARMER. WARMER. 

and then it says something new.

WARMEST

the feeling won’t leave lena’s body, and she struggles to focus on the interaction with the journalists, but she thinks she’s managed to tell them the truth. she’s just trying to rebuild her family’s business. she just wants to do good things and make the world a better place. but it’s hard to focus on any of that when her mind and her body feel like they’re on fire.

it only dies down when kara leaves the room, and lena’s pretty sure that there’s something special about that woman.

except maybe there’s just something about the blue eyed women of national city. because later that day lena’s helicopter is shot down and she finds herself being carried to safety by supergirl and the voice goes batshit crazy again.

‘focus on the fact you’re about to die,’ lena tries to tell it, but it doesn’t listen to her. so instead, she doesn’t look away from supergirl’s steady, reassuring gaze until she flies away. and she wonders why supergirl is a ‘WARMEST’.

‘i heard you almost died,’ jack says when he calls her that night. ‘who cares about that?’ she responds, ‘the weirdest thing happened with the voice.’ she tells him of feeling ‘warmest’, of feeling it twice in one day with two different people, of how it refused to go away and occurred without any decisions to make.

‘ok i’m about to share a document with you,’ he says, and lena can hear him typing on his laptop. ‘there, open it.’

it’s a spreadsheet. holy shit.

‘this is every big decision you’ve ever made,’ jack says. ‘there are also some medium sized decisions thrown in, but mostly just the big ones.’ ‘how the hell do you know all this?’ she asks, shocked. ‘why else do you think i’ve been asking you about all this for so long?’ he replies. ‘every time you tell me something the voice says, it’s gone into this spreadsheet. now, i only have limited knowledge of decisions you made before you met me, but i’ve been able to put in a lot of them based on your stories alone. i thought, what better way for you to try and understand this than to put it into words you understand best?’

‘you’re phenomenal,’ lena tells him. ‘i just… i never thought of this. i just assumed it was all some unknowable hippy dippy nonsense.’

‘i mean, it could definitely still be hippy dippy nonsense. but still take a look at it, see if there are any patterns or anything.’

‘i love you, jack.’ ‘too bad i’m gay, huh’

lena sees a lot more of kara and supergirl, though never at the same time. kombucha dates with kara and supergirl swooping in to save her life every now and again. the voice isn’t as overwhelming in their follow up visits, though a pleasant hum of warmth resides low in her being whenever either of them are around. 

maybe, lena thinks, it’s not the voice at all. maybe, she thinks, it’s about time she starts dating again. 

but none of the women she sees bring the same warmth that kara and supergirl do.

the decision data that jack put together doesn’t seem to make much sense either. but she continues to add to it, bit by bit.

and then something weird happens. 

‘you’re getting more potstickers?’ lena laughs. ‘don’t you have any self control?’

‘i’m only human, lena.’

‘i suppose i should believe you.’

COLDER.

COLDER? she’d never gotten a COLDER near kara before. and why? she shouldn’t believe that kara’s human? of course kara’s human! she’s just an awkward, sweet, kind girl from midvale. it’s not like she’s supergirl, for crying out loud!

holy shit

what the fuck

kara’s supergirl?????

kara’s supergirl. it totally makes sense. why hadn’t she seen it before??????? had she been willfully blind to it?

she made a fool out of me, lena thinks. i should hate her. but the voice says COLDER. huh. so hating kara is off the table.

 maybe, she thinks, maybe i knew and i didn’t want to admit it to myself. because clearly kara doesn’t want me to know. and i don’t want to push her into telling me because i don’t want to lose her. i can’t lose her. because i lo---

‘i’m so fucked,’ she tells jack over the phone later that night. ‘kara is supergirl and she doesn’t know that i know and i--’ ‘what is it?’ ‘i think i’m in love with her.’ ‘oh my god FINALLY,’ he yells into the phone. ‘i havent even met kara and i knew you were in love with her. you know she’s all you talk about right? like, you run one of the biggest companies in america and you have a disembodied voice that lives in your head and a million other things going on in your life, and the only thing i’ve heard you talk about for months now is kara danvers.’

‘you did not know’

‘i really did. but im glad you know as well because i can finally present you with my biggest theory on The Voice.’

‘not a voice’

‘remind me what it was that andrea’s aunt or nanny or whoever thought it could be?’

‘that was a million years ago,’ lena says; she hasn’t thought about andrea in ages. she should give her a call. ‘i think it was something about… these types of abilities lead a person to thing they need most in the world.’

‘right. i’ve been doing a lot of new age reading and it hasn’t been pleasant at all and i sort of hated every moment of it, but i think i have some idea of what this could be. it’d explain everything.’

‘well then, what is it?’

‘i don’t think it’s the thing you need most in the world,’ jack says. ‘i think it’s the person you need most in this world.’

‘you mean like-’

‘a soulmate. think about it. somehow every decision that voice has gotten you to make has led you to standing in your office in national city where you met kara for the first time. and what did the voice say when you met kara, completely unprompted?’

‘warmest,’ lena whispers. 

‘exactly. warmest. as in, as warm as can be. because the whole time, the thing this voice has been leading you towards is kara danvers.’

lena’s plan for handling all of these revelations is drinking herself into a stupor. and it’s truly wonderful for the most part.

that is, until she wakes up with a headache and someone pounding their fist on her front door.

‘wHAT,’ she yells as she throws open the door.

‘do you want to explain the voicemails you left me last night?’

oh shit. lena’s hungover brain processes that it’s in fact kara standing at the door. she ushers kara in and shuts the door behind them.

‘to be honest with you,’ lena says as she puts on a pot of coffee, ‘i think i’m still a bit drunk and i definitely dont remember what those messages said.’

you said you know i’m supergirl. you said you’re not angry at me for lying to you--’

‘oh that’s not so bad’

‘-- and you said you have proof we’re soulmates.’

fuck.

‘do you want to explain yourself?’

‘can i drink my coffee first?’

… kara watches her drink her coffee.

‘okay,’ lena says. i’ll explain but you can’t ask any questions til the end. deal?’ kara nods.

the third person lena tells about the voice is kara danvers.

‘my whole life i’ve had this… this sort of voice in my head. and when i have a decision to make in front of me, it says WARMER or it says COLDER. it’s how i’ve made every choice since i was four years old, from the clothes i picked to the type of coffee i drink to the college i went to.’

‘like intuition.’

‘not intuition. fuck. i shouldnt tell you any of this.’

COLDER.

‘well. guess i should tell you about this.’

WARMER

‘it’s not intuition. it’s not a gut feeling. it’s not a part of me. it’s something bigger and otherworldly and it’s been leading me my whole life to something… i can only assume something much bigger and more important than i am. except i also think that the thing it’s been leading me to is you. and you don’t have to believe me at all, and god, you don’t have to believe in soulmates but… but far out, kara. i’m in love with you. i’m so in love with you it’s insane. and if you don’t feel the same way, i understand, but please don’t shut me out. i can live without you being in love with me, but i don’t think i can live without you in my life anymore.’

they stand in silence, lena’s plea still hanging in the air between them.

‘on krypton,’ kara says softly. ‘there’s only one way to know if somebody’s your soulmate or not.’

‘how do they do it?’ lena asks, imagining a blood test or a swab or something.

instead kara takes a step closer to her and she puts her hands on lena’s hips and she presses their foreheads together and she says ‘do you feel it?’

‘what--’

but she feels it. a sort of calm washing over them both. the air stills and lena swears she can hear kara’s heart beating and she feels serenity like she’s never felt it before.

‘wow,’ kara says, and before she can stop herself, lena kisses her softly, barely. but it’s still a kiss.

and she can’t really describe it, but she feels the voice leave her. 

‘i want to kiss you again,’ lena says. but there’s no voice that says warmer or colder. all there is is kara danvers, nodding her head and saying ‘then kiss me.’

lena has many thoughts about soulmates. she thinks if the universe gives you some sort of magical powers, it should also give you an instruction manual for them. she thinks her soulmate is the most perfect soulmate that’s ever been created ever. but this is the real kicker: lena knows that the voice may have led her to kara, but she’s the one who has to make sure she stays there. they have to put in the work together. love isn’t just a magical feeling, it’s building trust and learning to be selfless and letting someone into your life in a multitude of intimate ways. and now that kara’s in her life, in all of her wonderful glory, there’s no way lena will ever let her go.

[toorumochi]

KaruShuu OTP Questions

Ah- I created ehhh 4?? I suppose KaruShuu head-canons posts today but do I regret it? Absolutely not, I loved it. So here you go, have another one, don't be shy, read it.

Also, please keep in mind that these head-canons are completely made up by me in a way of that it's just how I would see it sksksk also here, KaruShuu would be probably adults?? Also married??

Anyways, enjoy~ 🌸

Who is the most affectionate? Sinceee they got married, I'm sure the longer into the relationship, the more they have opened up to each other? Karma would be the type to wake up first in the morning and kiss Shuu good morning, but since Shuu is an early bird, he would wake up before Karma and make breakfast for him. Thats how he shows affection ❤️🧡

Most common argument? Sad to think that they NeEd to argue 🙄💅 but oh well- I thinkkk they would argue over super silly things. For example what to watch (If you have read my previous head canons, you will know what I mean by 'Shrek Marathons'):

"Let's watch something"

"Sure, what do you have in mind?''

Karma would just grin over to Shuu and Shuus eyes would widen, "Hell no"

"Absolutely ye-"

"Karma don't you dAR-"

They ended up watching (again for the 12 time this week) Shrek.

Who apologizes first? Karma apologies fly out of his mouth faster than they stop arguing. Karma would rather apologize than not let them talk for the next few hours.

Favorite (non-sexual) activity to do together? They enjoy getting massage! Ifff KaruShuu was too lazy to go out to get a professional massage for a few hours, they would do it to each other. (It usually ends with them making out later on but I'll delete that part)

Who is most likely to carry the other? Karma would carry Shuu ❤️😩 Ugh bridal style to embarrass him 💀💅

Nicknames?

For Karma, by Shuu: Tamponhead (I used this one in my fanfic and I will forever love it), Moron, Karma. Tbh, I don't think neither like these pet-names or nicknames since that think they are 'cringy'.

Tho, Karma has quite a few: Shuu (Main, he doesn't use 'Gakushuu' but when he does, Shuu melts lol), Pumpkin, Orange, pumpkin pie, Strawberry shortcake (bc he loves strawberries so why not call Shuu one 😌🤚🏻), Sugar cube (Idk I think it's cute, tho I don't know if that's even a nickname- 💀💀)

Also a note: They would definitely not use 'baby', 'babe', 'honey' bc- noooo 😩💀

Who proposes? Karma 💅

Who sings along with the radio? Karma would sing along but he is horrible at singing and Shuu makes him KNOW it by him singing and Karma shuts up but finds it hilarious at the same time.

Who worries most? Both do, depending on the situation. Shuu would be worried about stuff like paying taxes or things like that, meanwhile Karma is worried for Shuus health, if he is eating enough as well as getting enough sleep every night. Shuu is a hardworking bee after all ✨

Who always wants to take selfies with the other? Karma wants to, for example they are traveling somewhere for vacation and Karma wants to take as many pics as possible with his husband so he can later on put them into an album ❤️😩 (KaruShuu as a married couple >>>>)

Who likes to playfully tease the other? Ohhh~ Karma teases Shuu all the time, but there are times where Shuu would feel playful so he would tease back

Who has the weirdest taste in their music? Karma I'm begging you- his music taste changes every week and road trips are a disaster for Shuu

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant? Karma remembers because Shuu is always ordering the same things since he is minimalistic lol but Karma is a living chaos when it comes to food so Shuu can't remember it all.

Who is embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the other? Lmao no matter for how long they are already together, no matter if they are married, no matter how many times they had done it, Shuu would be the one to be embarrassed about it every time.

Who tops? ...Okay so here, personally as someone who writes Fanfics, Karma tops. Always. I just- I just can't imagine Shuu as a top?? my friends gave me some really valid reasons for Shuu to be a top but I just can't see it 😩

Who initiates kisses? Both I guess? But mostly Karma

Who reaches for the other's hand first? Oooo here an example! If they are driving in the car, and Karmas hand is free, Shuu usually reaches for it but as soon as Karma needs it to drive, he has to let go. Or if they are in the cinema - Shuu would definitely hold onto Karmas hand the whole time - as comfort, since they usually watch Horror movies together so yea 😌

Who kisses hardest? Who is most ticklish? Both is Karma, but when it comes to tickling, even tho Karma is more ticklish, he is also stronger than Shuu so he can easily pin him down and tickle him, just for the sake to see Shuu giggle which kills him bc God damnit isn't he adorable?

Who brings an animal they found home? Lol depends on the animal. I would say Karma is a cat person and Shuu is a dog person b u t Shuu is allergic to cats so they can't have cats. But I think if Karma would be the one to bring an animal home, it would be a dog.

Who holds the umbrella for the other when it's raining? Karma's shoe laces often get untangled, so when Karma bends to tie them, Shuu stands over him with an umbrella to keep the rain from pouring on him.

Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public? Karma 😭

Who kills the scary bugs? Oh lemme tell you about this one:

Shuu HATES bugs, since he always had the feeling of his father having a bunch of centipedes around himself whenever he acted manipulative and so on so he hates them. So one time when Shuu was taking a shower, and Karma was in the kitchen, Shuu suddenly screeched so Karma went to check on him. He walked onto a Shuu, covering himself with a towel and looking absolutely T E R R I F I E D at the ceiling, stuttering. Karma was hella confused so he looked up and oop here we go, a spider. Karma obv took the spider off the ceiling to free it, but first he had to tease and scare his husband a little by walking towards the shower stall, "Shuu look~ He wants to be friends with you~", the way Shuu screamed at this made almost all of the windows in the apartment break.

Who asks the weird questions at random in the middle of the night? Karma does that on a daily basis, but when Shuu is a little bit drunk, he would ask weird questions to which Karma never has an answer but he jokes around.

Who hogs the blankets? Karma hogs them and Shuu ends up having a cold the next morning 😭

Who wakes up first? Shuu is an early bird, but Karma wakes up first for work.

Who wants to stay in bed just a bit longer? On weekends, they both stay in bed a bit longer to cuddle ❤️💕

Who always makes coffee for the other each morning? Karma makes coffee for Shuu before he leaves for work 🥰

Who cries during certain films or when reading sad books? Lmao Karma cries during Shrek every time the scene comes up where Shrek had an argument with Donkey 😔

Who gets scared during horror films? Shuu 😩😩 He would (as said before) take Karmas hand for comfort

Who tells their friends/family about the relationship first? Lmao none since GakuHOE is well, a hoe so they won't trust him b u t I have the feeling of Karmas mom being actually super supportive?? But they wouldn't tell her, she would just get the hint and then when she receives the wedding invite she goes "oh-".

What do their friends/family think of the relationship? Rio was shipping this since the beginning of middle school aight, she loves it and she even threw a party for them. #IstanRioNakamura

Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them? Karma would ask Shuu to dance obv but Shuu would go along 😩💕

Who cooks best? Karma! And Shuu loves his cooking! :D

Who wears the other's jacket? Shuu is the one to wear long coats, and Karma those thicc jackets. Shuu usually gets super cold even with the coat on, so Karma gives Shuu his jacket on top of the coat lol.

Who uses cheesy pickup lines? Karma- anywhere. Have an example:

"Hey Shuu, could you feel the shirt?", he asked Shuu while they went shopping and Karma wAsN't sure about his T-Shirt choice so Shuu was running his fingers slightly over Karmas chest with the shirt still on and thinking about the material, then Karma went: "Know what it's made of?", and Shuu looked at him and was about to answer him, but Karma was quicker and continued, "Boyfriend material", ObViOuSlY with a grin and Shuu was a gay blushing mess 💅 but then Shuu went along, "What do you mean boyfriend? I can only see Husband material", and tuRNED AWAYYYYY~

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during inappropriate times? AAAA I T H I N K I've written sum like this before- So two things that happened:

KaruShuu were invited to a funereal or sum and pls the church was quiet and stuff but obv Karma had to joke around and he leaned over to Shuus ear and whispered a joke into his ear which made our stubborn Shuu giggle and the church was this close👌 to throw them out lmao

Shuu was at work, and Karma likes to call him randomly, but oh well Shuu picks up and Karma starts to tease him over the phone maybe something very sexual stuff (knowing Karma he would) and Shuu just- he is sitting at his desk and his workers are giving him looks about why is he blushing so much.

Who makes the other laugh most? Karmas jokes always make Shuu laugh, sometimes even cry since they are hilarious.

Who would have to bail the other out of jail? Oh my God- Shuu would have to bail Karma out of jail maybe during college years, but I think Karma would mature a bit more as an adult

What would be their theme song? YOOO- A WHOLE PLAYLIST WOULD BE NEEDED-

Who would sing their child back to sleep? OOO!! Karma would be the type to read stories, but Shuu would sing them to sleep :D

What do they do when they're away from each other? I can imagine that they both have those business trips from time to time, so when they are apart, they FaceTime each other every evening to check on each other. Yes indeed they must stay at fancy hotels for their business trips and they are being served food, but they still check that the other one is eating and sleeping well. Oh and good morning and goodnight texts™️🥰

A headcanon about them that stabs your feels? Oh- oH GOD- That maybe they tend to act very distant at first in their relationships?? Or more cold? For example Shuu, he would not really know nor show much affection to Karma and Karma at first thinking that Shuu doesn't love him at all (which isn't true bc Shuu loves him deeply) but then he after some time figures it out when Shuu opens up to him more.

A headcanon that mends the previous one? That they both after some time spend together, have the opportunities to open up to each other, know each other better as well as find out each others weaknesses and strengths which makes their relationship stronger. I absolutely love them ❤️😩

[fictionplumis]

A Lambert/Aiden Thing

Okay, bear with me here, this might be long. And maybe at one point I'm gonna try to RP this but unfortunately there's no one on the Lambert/Aiden RP tags on the site I use. So I'm just gonna put this here for now. And if anyone wants to, oh I don't know, write a fic or whatever based on this, PLEASE link me 'cause I wanna read it but anyway. 

Set after the Wild Hunt, one of those rare AUs where Aiden genuinely did not survive.

While traveling together as super cool witchers, Geralt ends up telling Ciri all about helping Lambert get revenge for his Cat friend, right? 

Time passes, and Ciri starts trying to really solidify her control with her ability. Geralt ends up spending more and more time at Corvo Bianco and Ciri is out on the Path, but every so often a girl needs a break, y'know? So sometimes she'll disappear for a couple days, maybe a few weeks, just off in another world. It's a good way to practice. 

In one world, she ends up running into this man named Aiden. (This world being our world. Not a modern Continent thing, not some point in the future, I mean OUR world.) They talk, and he ends up mentioning his roommate Lambert, and the more he says about Lambert, the more it becomes obvious that it's LAMBERT. 

Now Ciri has absolutely no intention of doing anything about this. It's not her place, telling Lambert would be an AWFUL idea, and going to meet that world's version of her uncle just seems like a bad idea. But she is curious about what kind of man can inspire such a strong sense of friendship in Lambert, so she decides to pop into that world every so often, "accidentally" find Aiden, and just kind of get to know him a little bit. Plus it's another way to practice her abilities, not just pin-pointing and traveling to a specific world, but to where a specific person is. 

She does that on and off a few times, enough where her and Aiden are sort of acquaintances. 

Now in this world Aiden isn't a saint, okay? This boy pretty much grew up on the streets. He has a past that he's trying to get away from. He knows his way around a knife fight, has ample experience running from the cops, and has been through so much therapy. (I don’t get into detail here but any kind of modern Aiden I usually have some kind of neurotypical. Might be something as simple as ADHD, though I do love bipolar!Aiden and psychotic!Aiden as well. I’d imagine at this point he’s good at managing it, with the help of therapy and medication. Now the therapy wouldn’t be all that accessible with where this is going, but Ciri could help him make sure he has his medications. Hell, if wanted to have him keep things consistent with his therapy too, he could move down to appointments maybe once a month and Ciri could make sure he could get to them, the same way she helps attain other things later on in this snippet. I absolutely support positive and accurate depictions of mental illness, I’m not just using the terms bipolar or psychotic lightly.) And unfortunately his past ends up catching up with him. 

Ciri happens to get there just in time. Before Aiden can end up with a bullet in his eye, she's teleporting him to the first safe place that comes to her mind: Corvo Bianca.

Now poor Aiden has no fucking idea what happened. One second his old "friends" have him backed into a corner with a gun to his face and the next he's experiencing the worst motion sickness of his life and throwing up in a pot that smells like shit. He spends the next two days sleeping off some major jet lag and when he comes to, he had no fucking idea where he is. 

Then comes Geralt and Ciri having to awkwardly explain the whole witcher thing to him, the Continent in general, the time period, the fact that monsters and sorceresses and magic exists in this world, all that happy shit. And it's a lot to process. Before they can even get to the whole "do you want to go back to your world and handle the deal with people trying to kill you thing" Lambert shows up. 

At first Aiden doesn't even think, he's just like oh thank fuck a familiar face, I know you hate hugs but I think this can be forgiven because I've had the weirdest most stressful week of my life.

And then he's like, wait a second. Lambert is... Thicker. 

Like Lambert's always been a very physically active guy, he's a mechanic or whatever you want a modern day Lambert to do, but his shoulders weren't THAT broad before and under those spiky metal arm things are some impressive biceps. Also what are those spiky metal arm things? Lambert, what are you wearing? How the fuck did you get here? Holy shit your eyes--

He puts two and two together. Right, the name Geralt sounded familiar because Lambert's mentioned the name. That's his adopted brother. So if this Geralt is a witcher, then Lambert in this world is a witcher. And Lambert is also having a minor breakdown because, y'know, AIDEN. 

Let's just say Geralt warned him. Explained the whole situation and asked Lambert to come back to help with this, and Lambert was very torn because it's not HIS Aiden. It'll hurt too much, to see someone so much like Aiden but just slightly to the left. He knew it would. He just didn’t expect this Aiden to be SO MUCH like his Aiden. By this point Aiden has had to change his clothes into some of Geralt's trousers with a belt to hold them up and a loose tunic, but it's fucking him. 

They all talk a bit. Aiden pretty much admits that yeah, there are people after him. And they probably won't stop until he's dead. That's how gangs work, y'know? You can't really... Get out. He tried, he really fucking did, but even if it's not the ones that cornered him before, it'll be someone else. So yeah, Ciri saved his life and going back is probably not the best idea. 

Now I absolutely don't want to fuck over another world's Lambert just to make Continent!Lambert happy, so we're gonna say the two were really good friends. They were roommates, they were close, Lambert was pretty much Aiden's only friend, but they weren't lovers. Lambert was with a woman named Keira. A doctor. They were good for each other, y'know? When Lambert first started dating her, Aiden thought she was kind of a bitch but as time went on she kind of mellowed out. It wasn't that she became less full of herself, but more that she actually felt confident enough that she didn't feel the need to try to take on the world anymore. And Lambert's happy with her. So leaving Lambert behind in that world kind of sucks, yeah, but he'll be okay. And this Lambert is so similar that to Aiden, it doesn't feel like he's losing someone. 

Now we have Aiden getting to experience the Continent for the first time. Getting to experience witchers for the first time. 

Lambert. Sword fighting. 

And that's so fucking cool. Can you please teach me that?

Which of course has Lambert a little iffy, because this Aiden is human and no fucking away is he letting this Aiden anywhere near a monster, but Aiden is like, nah, relax, I just want to learn because sword fighting is really cool. Look, I'm really good with a knife, teach me some cool sword stuff. 

So Lambert gets to teach Aiden some cool sword stuff. And how to make bombs, which Aiden LOVES. And maybe some alchemy, too, because Aiden asks about the potions and Lambert is very adamant that he never drinks any but Aiden likes at least knowing how to make them. It's fascinating. You all fucking know you would love to make potions out of gross monster parts and herbs if you had the chance, don't even lie. Lambert even shows off some signs and Aiden is delighted. 

This eventually leads to one of those serious conversations about what it takes to become a witcher, and what all Lambert went through, and how people view witchers. And Aiden gets it, maybe not completely, but he gets the just of it. Because he knows about the other Lambert's past, and his shitty father, and all that stuff. And Aiden's brown, and people don't like that. And he's gay, and people don't like that either. Lambert's whole thing kind of reminds him of the X-men. 

And Lambert doesn't know what the fuck that is so Aiden explains comics and superheroes and the X-men to him. 

Because in his world they don't have witchers or magic, so they make up stories that have people like witchers, that have magic, and in those stories, those people sometimes face very similar prejudices. So to Aiden, Lambert is a lot like a superhero. 

And Lambert's like uh huh, no way, definitely not any kind of hero, that's pretty boy's job. 

To which Aiden responds, no, I definitely think you're a hero, even if you don't, so suck it up. 

And they probably kiss and stuff. 

Eventually Aiden gets restless and he's curious about the rest of the Continent, and he's tired of wearing Geralt's ill-fitting clothes because he's used to skinny jeans and shit so he gets Lambert to take him into Beauclaire for clothes. 

And Beauclaire is fucking beautiful, he loves it. 

The clothes are okay. Eventually he just asks Lambert what he used to wear and they go see the armorer instead. Aiden's not entirely sure about it, because Lambert looks like he's swallowed a mouthful of tacks when he sees Aiden in the Cat armor, even without the chest piece or the gauntlets, but Lambert assures him that he's fine. 

It just doesn't quite ease the restlessness. So the next time Ciri pops in, Aiden asks for her help and together they scheme. The next day, Aiden tells Lambert to go find something to entertain himself with for awhile because he needs to spend some quality time with his BFF. 

A few hours later they find Lambert sulking out in the vineyard, Aiden looking fine and fresh in a brand new pair of skinny jeans that show off his very nice ass, and some well-fitting combat boots that aren't nearly as durable as actual leather boots on the Continent but they have studs and buckles and look really cool.

Lambert is torn between thinking Aiden looks like a fucking idiot and thinking that he's never wanted to fuck Aiden more in his life.

Then Aiden drops the news that he also put together an outfit for Lambert because in his world, when you're interested in courting someone, the first thing you do is take them on a date. And he wants to take Lambert on the most stereotypical first date. What's that? Why the movies, of course! There's an X-men movie that just came out (I don't know which one, okay? I don't watch the X-men. You figure it out.) and he thought, maybe, he could show Lambert a little bit of the world he came from. They wouldn't be there for long, and they wouldn't be going to a theater anywhere near where Aiden's old gang would be. Nothing would be tied to Aiden's name, and he would be with Lambert, so he would be safe. 

It's a big change from the Continent. 

Lambert's never seen so many fucking people in his LIFE. Aiden had warned him about cars and technology and Lambert is pretty quick witted so while he's absolutely amazed, he manages to take it in stride pretty well. The thing that throws him off the most is when they go to buy popcorn and the girl at the counter goes, "Oh my god, I love your contacts! Where did you get them? They look so real!" 

Lambert doesn't know what the fuck contacts are, but Aiden steps in all smooth-like, "Fuck, Lamb, you've had those forever, haven't you? I think he got 'em off some cosplay site." 

Then he has to explain later that sometimes people put these little discs in their eye to help them see better or to change the color of their eyes for costume purposes. To which Lambert has the understandable reaction of, "Who in their right fucking mind would CHOOSE to do this to their fucking eyes?" 

Well, y'know, they can take contacts out whenever they want. It's a cosmetic thing. They don't know what you had to go through to get your eyes to look like that. You'll probably have some old conservative people eyeing you weird, thinking you're some Satanist or whatever, but most other people will just think it's a cool choice you made, to put those in to go to the movies.

The world is weird. Lambert can't decide if he likes it or hates it. 

He definitely likes the movie, though. And the popcorn. Probably finds the soda to be a little too sweet for his taste. There's still a lot of people, which makes him a bit on edge, but they came to the theater at an off time and not many people are actually in the room with them. They sit at the back and hold hands and Lambert decides he loves it. Ciri picks them up like a proud parent driving her kid and her kid's date home, only instead of driving she's teleporting and neither of them are her kids but whatever. 

But Aiden isn't done scheming. When they get back he tells Lambert to stay put and gets Ciri to take him back for one more little errand. 

A couple hours later they clang back into Corvo Bianco. CLANG back because each of them has a weird metal cart piled high with items and they're laughing their asses off. 

So you might be wondering, how did Ciri and Aiden afford clothes? They stole them. How did Aiden afford movie tickets and popcorn? He pick pocketed. Boy grew up on the streets. He knows how to steal wallets. And now they performed the greatest "run out the doors of Walmart with carts full of shit" EVER. Because as soon as they were out of sight, they teleported, no one the wiser. 

Aiden is thrilled with his non-purchases. Firstly, he has about a year's worth of toilet paper. he throws a package at Lambert, who's like, what the fuck is this. Toilet paper. What do you use it for? To wipe your ass after you shit, Lambert. Trust me. Once you use it, you'll never go back. It's a blessing, you'll thank me for it. There might not be indoor plumbing here, but god dammit, I want toilet paper.

He then hands Ciri two boxes of pads. Yeah, she was there shopping with him, but he just kind of dumped stuff in carts without explaining anything, and while Ciri knows what most of the things are, do you really think she's thought about how other worlds deal with menstruation? Because I menstruate, and the thought would genuinely not cross my mind. I would continue using whatever method I used back in my original world. So Aiden leans in to whisper what they are, because he's polite, and he becomes her favorite uncle just like that. And when Geralt and Lambert are like, uh, what? She tells them it's for menstruating and, "Oh, don't make that face at me, Geralt. I bleed, it happens."

Aiden admits that most of the other purchases are for Lambert, and when Lambert tires to protest Aiden makes it very clear that everything he bought is NORMAL in his world. Not even luxury, just NORMAL, so Lambert just needs to shut up and let Aiden make his life a little easier. 

First up, sunglasses. Because Lambert mentioned how painful it can be to take Cat and then step out into sunlight before the potion has run out. He tosses a pair at Lambert, who tries them on with a frown and is like, "Oh. Huh. Alright. These might actually be pretty useful." Aiden got himself a pair too. They match. There's also a tent. It folds up pretty small, but witchers travel, right? And Lambert mentioned how shit it is to camp in the rain, so here's a tent that’s better than the shit you can buy on the Continent. You lay out your bedroll in it, and you don't have to worry about bugs, and it helps protect you against the weather. It's small, but it looks kind of easy to put up, should be durable enough. 

And maybe just big enough for two, because Aiden isn't stupid. Eventually Lambert will need to take to the Path again, and Aiden wants to comes too. He wants to see the Continent. He can't help with the monsters, he knows, but maybe he can do something else to help them earn money. Who knows, right? This world isn't run by capitalism. He could make a living doing nearly anything. He can figure something out. 

He even got a water filter, and a couple filter replacements because witchers can probably drink any kind of stagnant water they want but he would rather not die of dysentery, thanks. And he got himself a sleeping bag. And he got Lambert a very, very soft fleece blanket just because he thought Lambert would like it. (He does.) Oh, also, Lambert, smell this soap. And this shampoo. Using a bar of soap has not done Aiden's hair any favors, he got actual fucking shampoo. The BIG bottle. And now Lambert has some nice pomade to use in his hair instead of bear fat. Won't make his hair greasy plus it smells better. Also there's bubble bath, just because. And beard oil for Lambert. Some moisturizer. Here, Lambert, put on some chap stick. Trust me, you'll love it. 

They set out on the Path and it's not always easy because Aiden worries CONSTANTLY. But Lambert is good at what he does. The few times they're ambushed, Lambert always keeps Aiden safe, because in this household everyone fucking survives. 

Aiden likes seeing Lambert in action. He swoons and calls Lambert his hero. 

There are some stunning places to visit on the Continent. Aiden's favorite are the elven ruins they sometimes come across. Only after Lambert deals with the wraiths, though. 

Aiden learns how to play Gwent. He's not that good at it. Aiden learns how to cheat at Gwent. He's VERY good at it. Lambert teaches him how to fish with bombs. Aiden is fucking delighted. 

Eventually he realizes how he can make money. He copywrites Disney. 

He's no bard. He can't sing or play an instrument. But he CAN tell stories, and no matter how much you hate Disney, there are probably a lot of Disney movies everyone can quote by heart, and they're either already time-period approved, or they can easily be adapted into something time period approved. Lambert comes back from a hunt to find the entire tavern listening to Aiden with rapt attention while he's in the front of the room putting on a one man performance of the whole, "I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die," while jumping back and forth to play each part. He's clearly having a blast with it, because who doesn't love telling other people every little detail about their favorite movie? 

As he's heading upstairs with Lambert, he just keeps raving about how he can't believe he actually made money with that. He hands Lambert a handful of coins, just like, "I don't know how much money this is, but look, it's money!"

Which probably leads to some conversation about capitalism and how easy it was in his world to feel insignificant, to feel like everything is pointless, and how much happier he is with Lambert. How it's even given him a new outlook on the world he came from. He doesn't want to go back, per se, but he doesn't want to completely leave either. He wants to show Lambert the best parts of it, to re-experience his world through Lambert, to really feel the amazement of it all the way he's supposed to, the way that's so easy to stop doing when you're actually living there. It's so easy to take it all for granted, but when you're showing it to someone who's experiencing it for the first time, you can really appreciate it all. 

So every winter they head back to Toussaint and Ciri takes them back long enough for them to do something FUN. They play laser tag. They rope Geralt, Eskel, and Ciri into doing an escape room with them. They go kayaking. They do one of those rope courses and zip-line things. They go to an amusement park. A water park. They walk around a nature trail. They go to a comic convention. (Lambert wears his armor and so many people want pictures with him. He's just sad Aiden wouldn't let him bring his swords, the kids would have fucking loved to see a sword.) They have so much fun. And Aiden stocks up on modern supplies for the year while he's there. Another year's worth of toilet paper, a new tent, another fuzzy blanket, a few pairs of sunglasses because Lambert always ends up breaking his, a nice backpack because Lambert really likes having a bunch of different pockets in his bag for organizing things.

And you know what? Give it ten years, Aiden's bordering on his forties, and he finds some way to make himself functionally immortal. Magic, fairies, a curse, a blessing, I don't know, I don't care. Their plan becomes to live until one of them dies of something--probably Lambert, because he's the one Aiden always has to patch up (he now always buys a very large, well stocked first-aid kit from his world too) what with fighting monsters and all, and the other will follow. It's morbid, sure, but it works for them. With the way things are going, neither of them thinks they'll need to do that anytime soon anyway.

Basically, they live happily ever after, okay? 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

[platypanthewriter]

Soda

This is for Harringrove April day 12, Soda!  The dude in Steve's night class is a little grouchy, and a little beautiful.

Steve locked up his photography studio, set his shoulders, and drove to the college.

He rethought all his choices as he stared around at all the children in the college classroom, and wondered for a second whether he’d wandered into a highschool.  The thought made him shudder, and he stood rooted with dread in the doorway as somebody edged past, growling under his breath.  

The dude dropped into a seat in the middle of the class, shoved the hood back on his burgundy hoodie, and looked like he was Steve’s age, so Steve headed over.  He’d just walked up when the guy squinted at the whiteboard, muttered furiously under his breath, and moved two seats closer to the front.  He had tawny curls pulled back in a messy bun, a stubbly, well-defined jaw, and crow’s feet, and Steve shifted forwards to stay next to him, breathing a sigh of relief.  He grinned as he listened to the muttering.

“Hey,” Steve said, then watched the guy bury his head in his arms, pulling the hood back over his face.  “...glad to see somebody else who isn’t twelve,” Steve tried again.

The guy snorted.  “Yeah, we’ll see how long I last,” he groaned.  “You know how sometimes when you know you’re gonna fuck up, you might as well sooner than…” he rolled his head to smirk over at Steve, and then his blue-gray eyes widened, and he trailed off, licking his lips.  Steve waited politely as he cleared his throat.  “...later?” he whispered.

“You have to stay in this class,” Steve hissed as the teacher came in, grinning.  “You’re the only one I can talk to, you won’t fuck up, come on.”  

The guy blinked slowly at him, then ducked his head, smirking again, and grabbed a tumbler off the floor and slurped at it.  “It’s soda,” he shot over, rattling the ice.  

“Okay,” Steve said, laughing, and nodding at the low sun pouring in.  “I won’t rat you out, man, I wish I had something cold right now.”

The dude laughed, and Steve jumped on his chance.

“Come back tomorrow and the next soda’s on me,” he whispered out the side of his mouth, and got back a warm grin.

 After class, the guy climbed up to sit on his desk, facing Steve with a smile like a lighthouse beam now he was awake.  He had circles under his eyes, and it looked like he didn’t have a shirt on under his hoodie, just tan skin all the way down, but Steve had had rough mornings too.  “I’m Billy,” the guy said, leaning in and cocking his head.  “You wanna go for—”

“Uh, Steve, I’m Steve,” Steve said, wincing at his own lightning wit.  “What kind of soda you want me to bring?”

“Oh,” said the guy, going still for just a second, like Steve had said something weird, and just as Steve was trying to figure out what it was, he laughed and hopped off the desk.  “Sprite or something, whatever’s fine.”

Steve jogged to catch up.  “No caffeine?”

“...doesn’t matter,” Billy sighed, walking faster, and Steve slowed down, and let him get away.

 The next day Billy had on a rainbow chainmail bracelet, and Steve grinned as he handed over two cans of sprite.  “That’s neat,” he said, pointing to it, and Billy narrowed his eyes, studying Steve’s face like he was acting suspicious as hell.  After a few seconds, Steve laughed nervously.  “I’m not gonna steal it,” he said, and Billy groaned into his arms.  

He agreed to study before class at the picnic tables outside, though, and Steve got treated to hours of his freckled face sipping his soda, and grimacing faintly, like it was a depressing surprise every time.  When Steve went to take a piss, he grabbed some root beer and some Squirt, to see if that got a better reaction, and Billy blinked, then grinned his laser beam grin.  

Didn’t look like he liked them better, though.  The next time Steve was at the grocery store, he hit the fancy aisle.  He bought elderflower soda, and ginger brew, and orange cream.  At the last minute he stuck a kombucha in his basket, just to see what face Billy would make.

It was satisfyingly revolted—betrayal, and disbelief—but Steve grabbed it back, laughing his ass off.  “Don’t drink that,” he cackled, “—I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“See if I take notes for you again, you fuck,” Billy grumbled, wiping his tongue with a napkin, but his ears and cheeks were turning pink, and Steve couldn’t stop snickering.

 As the semester went on, Billy started wearing a rainbow lanyard, and rainbow clips holding his flyaway curls, and a big ol’ sticker of a cat shitting rainbows on his soda tumbler.

“Wow, you sure like rainbows,” Steve said when the barrettes appeared, instead of his first impulse, which was to offer his ex’s little sister’s abandoned hair care collection.  It had pink plastic poodles clips.  Billy’d have looked hilarious in them, grouching about midterms and scratching his graying stubble, and Steve bit back a smile.

Billy stared at him, then grabbed his soda tumbler and drank, holding eye contact.  It was full of the lavender lemon artisan soda Steve had found on sale, and Billy spluttered, coughing.  “Where do you find this shit,” he asked, grimacing, and Steve laughed.  

“I can stop.  You just make this face when you drink soda—”

Billy’s mouth quirked, and he sighed.  “...nah, it’s...uh.  It’s...nice.”

“Don’t fall all over yourself in gratitude,” Steve told him, and Billy kicked at his legs under the table.

“It’s not like you aren’t having the time of your life feeding me this shit,” he hissed, and Steve snickered.  

 Billy started talking again about dropping out around midterms, fiddling incessantly with his soda, and losing sleep again, if the crinkly, bruised skin under his eyes was anything to go on.  “I’m gonna fail anyway,” he breathed.  “Why did I even register, I always do this, I get—”

“You’re not gonna fail,” Steve hissed, then stared at the whiteboard.  “Are you?!  You said I was getting it!  Are we both failing?!”

“No!” Billy laughed.  “No, no.”  He reached across the aisle and squeezed Steve’s shoulder.  “No, man, you’re good, you’re fine—”

“Don’t say that shit then,” Steve told him, narrowing his eyes, and Billy took a deep breath and blew out, swallowing.  “Look,” Steve said, steepling his hands—like he always had to stretch them after basketball—the way Robin always said looked like a supervillain.  “Look, okay, come over.  Before midterms.  We can get a pizza.  Stay the night.  We’ll play Super Mario and go to bed at like eight pm like we’re in first grade.”

Billy cocked his head, biting his lips together.

“I’ll make sure you study and get to sleep,” Steve said, leaning closer, and Billy laughed, kind of darkly.  “Lemme know,” Steve said, and slid the weirdest soda he’d found recently—Schooner’s Coffee Cola—over like they were making an under-the-table drug deal.

Billy looked down at it and burst into snickers, curling forward to rest his face in his arms on the desk, and then kinda sighed tiredly, and half-smiled over at Steve, and Steve wondered what he’d said wrong.

 Steve came early every day to grab their picnic table, and Billy showed up more and more, in rainbow sneakers, and after a while, a purple button-up, unbuttoned, with rainbow pinstripes.  Steve watched him wave his soda and cigarette around, and swear about the people calling tech support.  “I get my degree, they said they can promote me,” he said, sighing.

“Sounds like you deserve it,” Steve told him, with a suave double thumbs-up into finger-guns that nearly made Billy spit his soda.  

“I brought you cherry-lime,” Steve told him, waggling his eyebrows, and the bottle, and Billy groaned, holding his hand out, and Steve pulled it back.  “You can say no,” he pointed out, and Billy laughed, waggling his fingers.

“I’m weak to peer pressure,” he said, grabbing it, unscrewing it, and dumping it right in with whatever was in there while Steve looked on in horror.  He tossed back a swig, and then grunted, grimacing, and pressing his lips together, his eyes shut tight.

“Spit it out!  Spit it out!” Steve yelped, snickering.  “My feelings won’t be hurt!”  

Billy pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, and swallowed with a shudder, and Steve tried to yank the tumbler away from him, but Billy jerked it away, waving it in the air.  “Not so bad,” he gasped, lying.  “Want some?”

“Don’t do it!” Steve hissed, trying to grab it, but laughing so hard he was clumsy.  Billy finally chugged it despite Steve’s melodramatic pleas, and Steve threw an arm around him, cackling and leaning into Billy’s shoulder.  Billy had an enamel pin on his denim collar of a carton of milk that said 100% HOMO, and Steve snorted, laughing harder, yanking out his phone.  “Can I get a picture of your pin?”

Billy turned to frown at him, then frowned and patted his collar, and bit his lips together, raising his eyebrows.

“My best friend’s a lesbian,” Steve told him.  “She’d love it.”  That got him a slow blink, and then Billy nodded.  

He seemed distracted after that, and didn’t look at Steve during class.  

 “...I have a really horrible soda I was saving for after midterms,” Steve told him after class, running to catch up.  

“If it’s shitty, why’d you buy it,” Billy hissed at him, and stalked off, and Steve watched him go, squeezing his bag with the terrible-sounding dandelion-burdock soda.  

“I fucked up,” Steve told Robin, sitting in his car.  “I don’t know, he’s pissed—”

“This the guy with the 100% HOMO pin?” she asked dryly, and Steve blinked.

“Yeah, but I mean, I wasn’t a dick about it, or anything?”

“Hrm,” she said.  “I saw some of that soda.  Maybe he’s mad you poisoned him, you ever think of that?”

“I guess,” Steve sighed.  

“Maybe he’s just not into you?” she suggested, with what sounded like a grimace.  “I mean, just because he’s gay—”

“Wait, what?” Steve asked.  “No, I—I didn’t hit on him, jesus—”

“...wait, what?  What are we talking about, then?” Robin asked flatly.  “What’d you fuck up, if you weren’t asking him out?”

“...he might just stop talking to me,” Steve said, wincing.  “He stomps off a lot.”  He considered.  “Uh, I could—I could wear that bi pride shirt you got me.  See if he says anything.”

“...he might just think you love pink and purple unicorns,” Robin said, but it sounded like she was snickering, so he took it as a win, and when he got home, he puttered around through the bi stuff he’d gotten at Pride—he tied on the friendship bracelet, and relaced his shoes with the pink, blue, and purple laces, and put the belt buckle on with the speech bubble that said ‘Be Gay, Do Crimes’ like his dick was talking.  

He looked like a very pretty princess in the mirror, but a hot one, he thought, taking a couple of selfies of the way the tight unicorn shirt clung to his biceps and pecs.

 Billy didn’t show up the next day, or answer texts, though the professor said he’d emailed in.  Steve texted a picture of ginger ale, grimacing.  “I got you an antidote, I’m sorry,” he sent, but he didn’t hear anything until the day of midterms, when Billy was already slumped on his desk when Steve came in, even though he’d have had to walk the whole long way around the building to avoid their table.  

Steve settled in and tried not to nervously click his pen, or tap his foot, or squeak his shoe against the leg of his desk, but eventually Billy shot him a glare, and then just...stared.  Steve glanced over at him, cautiously, and the instructor cleared her throat.  “Eyes front!” she called, and Billy swerved his glower back to his own test, staring down at it until he shook his head, and started scribbling with a will.  He was one of the first to turn his test in, and then he stood by the door with his eyes on Steve’s pen, as Steve tried to write an essay.

 The classroom slowly emptied, and there Steve was, dressed like a unicorn princess man, and utterly failing his midterm.  His teacher glanced up from her book occasionally, and then glanced at the clock, and once, she sighed, and Billy stood there watching Steve be a moron.

He had to already know, Steve figured, rereading the question one more time, and understanding less.  Billy’d helped him with homework assignments, and notes, and seen what an idiot he was, and that was why he’d never said anything despite being 100% HOMO.  Steve bit his lips as the words ran together.

He gave up on the last question, and turned in his exam with a sinking feeling of finality.  He grabbed his bag, heard the swish of the definitely-gross soda in there, and groaned in the back of his throat.  

“Do you just fucking like unicorns,” Billy asked, falling into step with him as he left the room, and Steve was left with the announcement he’d been trying to avoid, so Billy wouldn’t have to avoid him.  “...bi...corns,” he mumbled, and Billy said “Fuck,” and grabbed his face, kissing him hard, then laughing awkwardly and gentling it.  His lips were soft and warm, and a little chapped.

He tasted like soda.  Steve ran his fingers over the rainbow hair clips, and through the curls at the back of Billy’s neck, kissing that smile finally.  Billy sighed shakily against his mouth, yanking Steve closer by his unicorn-shirted shoulders.  “Jesus, why didn’t we do this sooner,” he breathed.

“Why didn’t you,” Steve muttered, cupping Billy’s jaw and kissing him again, instead of letting him answer.  “...wearing all that Pride shit, but you never asked me out, I figured it was kinda obvious you—”

“I what,” Billy hissed, and then scowled.  “No, wait, you shithead, I waited that whole damn time, I drank like four cans of Sprite, and then I couldn’t miss you coming out—”

He’d been nervously sucking it down the whole test, and Steve thought he might have grabbed more while he waited—and sure enough, he shoved Steve away, as Steve laughed, then leaned back in for one more hard press of lips, and said “Shit, I gotta take a piss, I’ll be right back, don’t fucking move.”

The whole school was quiet in the early evening, as everyone ran home after night classes.  Steve waited.  When he heard the squeak of Billy’s sneakers echoing in the silent halls, he dug out the awful soda.

“I got this for you,” he said, as Billy ran around the corner, looking around like Steve might be gone.  “—but I wanted to ask if I could—let’s go out, somewhere,” Steve said, laughing nervously.  

“Jesus, anywhere,” Billy said, laughing as he took the soda, and Steve’s hand.  “On a date, right?  It’s a date.  For real.  This time.”  

“This time?” Steve asked, leaning in to kiss his smirk, and then again, as Billy’s eyes closed, and he made a contented noise in the back of his throat.  Steve snickered, kissing along his stubbly jaw, and then had to kiss his mouth so he’d grin again.

Neither of them wanted to stop, but finally Billy pushed him back, laughing and flushed.  “Don’t wanna get arrested for indecent exposure,” he said, smiling, and then looked down at the soda Steve had handed him.  He raised his eyebrows.  “...dandelions?  That’s a new low.”

“You really probably shouldn’t drink it,” Steve laughed, giddy at the feeling of Billy’s hand in his.  He leaned in for another kiss, feeling Billy’s root beer-flavored lips part against his, and Billy’s lips curving in a wide, irrepressible smile.  “Come on, there’s a bar around the corner.  I’ll get you something better.”

Billy stilled for just a second, and then ran alongside him, like the bar was gonna run away.  “So we’re dating now, right,” he said, and Steve laughed, grinning over.

“You expect more?  You greedy fuck, after I bought you like a shipping crate of soda.”

“You owe me for that soda,” Billy told him, laughing.

 When they reached the bar, Steve hauled him to a table.  

“What can I get you,” Steve asked him.  “Not soda, not if it’s running my debt up.”

Billy’s fingers whitened on his soda tumbler, and he licked his lips.  “...don’t think you’re gonna wanna pay?”

“Come on, it’s a date,” Steve told him, laughing, and Billy echoed it, softly, glancing at the menu above the bar.

“...I am bad against peer pressure,” he said, swallowing.  

“No pressure,” Steve said quickly, “—just it’s a date, I’ll treat you—”

“Wonder how bad I fucked up the test,” Billy said, laughing.  “Where’s today going.”

“What?” Steve asked, feeling like the conversation was getting away from him.

“...double whiskey,” Billy said, with a crooked grin, dropping into his chair.  “Go big or go home, right?”

“I didn’t…” Steve paused, thinking of the way Billy’s hand always reached for the tumbler, but he always looked startled and kind pissed off by what was in it.  Peer pressure, he thought, grimacing, and remembered how Billy had been excited about a date, but stalled out when Steve suggested a bar.  “No, no, I didn’t—they’ve, um, they’ve got...mocktails.  Billy.  I just—you don’t like soda, maybe—um, iced coffee, or—”

Billy stared at him, his hands tightening further as his shoulders hunched.  “Shit,” he whispered.

“You don’t have to drink,” Steve told him, pretty sure his guess was right, and wondering how badly he’d fucked up, this time.  “Fuck, I’m sorry, this place was just—close, we can go, uh, what—what if—dinner?!”

“You just—you fucking figured out I’m a fucking alcoholic, and you want dinner?” Billy growled, rubbing his face and groaning.

“I should have asked you where you wanted to go,” Steve admitted, grimacing.  “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—make you, uh, make you tell me...anything.  D’you still want a date?!”

“Yeah, I fucking want a date,” Billy snarled back, and Steve laughed with relief, dragging him back outside by the hand, and leaning in to kiss him around his bared teeth.  

“...let’s get you something that’s not soda, though,” Steve whispered against his lips, laughing.  

“Fuck, you seriously don’t care?” Billy asked, pulling away to stare into his face.  “...I’m a mess.  I’m working at a fucking call center.  I kept my commuter mug full of whiskey.  I had my last drink the morning we met.”  Steve listened, running his fingers up the back of Billy’s neck, and into his warm curls, as Billy’s explanation of why they shouldn’t date started to turn into why they should.  

“I agreed with my little sister to taper it off last year,” Billy told him, watching his face.  “I did, I swear.  Started drinking less.  It was less,” he said again, like he thought Steve might not believe him.  “I was just having one now and then when somebody was around to stop me before I went too far.  I’m not—shouldn’t go in bars and order doubles, I just thought—I—” he laughed shakily, and Steve leaned his face in close enough to kiss, but not so close he was cutting Billy off if he had more to say.

Billy leaned into the kiss with a soft whine, and as Steve kept kissing him, he started smiling, and let Steve drag him for bubble tea.  He liked it better than soda, Steve was pretty sure, from the look on his face, but they agreed the boba wouldn’t fit through the mouth of the cup.

“Gotta start buying you different drinks,” Steve told him, stroking his chin, and Billy burst out laughing.

“Oh, fuck,” he whispered, leaning his head on his arm, and grinning up at Steve.  “Anything but that.”

The other Harringrove April prompts I’ve done

[cto10121]

Top R&J Adaptation Pet Peeves

Adaptation is hard. Really, really hard. Shakespeare especially knew it; he was one of the best adapters for theater ever, and he himself adapted R&J from Arthur Brooke’s Tragedie of Romeus and Juliet. Since then Shakespeare’s play itself has been given the adaptation treatment and hooo boy, are there doozies, misses, and fascinating failures. Most are published fanfic flops, like the ones I reviewed for my blog, but others tend to be more complicated than that. So without further ado, let’s dive into the Top Adaptation Pet Peeves I’ve personally encountered, or simply tropes and patterns I find annoying.

The two families/groups not being alike in dignity. Yes, I’m looking at all the productions and adaptations that decide to switch the whole rival houses dynamic for a race or class one. The ones who pit a marginalized group against another marginalized group, like Romiette and Julio (Black/Hispanic respectively) are fine-ish. West Side Story also does this, but unfortunately the whole “white ethnic” gang is no longer a thing now, as most non-WASP ethnic white groups are considered functionally white nowadays, so it does become a problem re: the Puerto Ricans being the underdogs to the white ethnics. Some have done a poor/rich, privileged/marginalized dynamic, but you just can’t do it with R&J; it breaks the equality of the pairing. By far the worst of these is the anime Romeo X Juliet, which had the evil Montagues be the corrupt ruling power who usurped the throne from the Capulets (????). Look, the whole point is that the two groups’ differences are superficial and stupid, and that they are more alike than different. This doesn’t work if one group is favored/discriminated against over another. It also leads to disturbing implications—namely, justifying a dangerous and destructive feud and intergroup violence and hatred in general. Another side effect is that it ruins the mutuality of the lovers by bringing in unequal power dynamics where it isn’t needed.

Juliet as a #girlboss/badass/“strong female protagonist”. Many adaptations do some measure of this by having Juliet resist even the first mention of Paris, talk back to her parents and the Nurse, and, for Gong’s These Violent Delights (Juliette Cai as the dagger-wielding daughter of a gang) and the anime Romeo X Juliet, (Juliet crossdressing as the vigilante the Red Whirlwind) actually kick ass and generally “strong female protagonist”-it up. I think this is largely a reaction to Juliet’s canonically marginalized position as a sheltered 16th century maid, mistaking the passivity and lack of agency of her status as a character trait. As a result, we get CrouchingTigerHiddenDragon!Juliet. Just no. The original Juliet, as everyone should know like their own name, was no shrinking violet, but neither was she a YA/anime shonen dominatrix either, and I feel she wouldn’t be even in an AU. Also, by this point it’s so cliché. Juliet is so well-written as she is; why stuff her into this Katniss Everdeen peg?

Juliet as an immature ~bby. Not so much adaptation!dumb, thank goodness, but I’ve seen this small trend in play productions that take the “Juliet-is-thirteen” thing waaaaaay too seriously and either have a tween-looking actress or make the actress play Juliet a facsimile of what a thirteen-year-old is supposed to be like. I especially will never forget the Orlando Bloom production that had poor Juliet deliver her “Gallop apace” on a swing. Awful.

Mercutio being turned into either 1) wacky, comic relief gay or 2) a mystical/sad tragic gay. Mercutio occasionally gets done dirty in either of those two ways and it’s sad. That French Canadian film Roméo et Juliette is by far the most damning offender of the latter take. I don’t like either trope, and I certainly don’t like it for Mercutio, for whom it doesn’t really fit. Also, I feel it’s important to note that as the Prince’s kinsman Mercutio is the most higher ranked and privileged of the three, his being forced into a “sad, tragic gay” mold feels ludicrous. Even his death comes about because he wanted to avenge Romeo’s honor (or, well, more like he really wanted a fight), not because he was Bury Your Gay’ed. Cocciante’s Giulietta e Romeo musical does something unique and has him as an omnipotent narrator, which works a little better than it should, but overall it’s also a miss. Mercutio is Romeo’s foil and a fun side character; outside of that, it’s hard to make him work without changing his character entirely.

Romeo being turned into 1) an immature woobie/“cinnamon roll,” 2) bumbling hero, 3) a himbo/idiot, or 4) evil (!!). My poor boi has been done the dirtiest in so many different ways, it’s hard to quantify or even name them. They range from flattening his character a little to “romantic idiot” to full-on Ron the Death Eater-ing him (yes, that’s a thing, twice!! See Juliet Immortal et al. Or rather not). The last two are mostly in the realms of salty fanfic, thankfully, but the himbo idiot and woobie still inform some actors’ performances. Needless to say, I hate all of this. Romeo is no idiot, himbo or not, and he is as mature as the rest of the youths (he is at least praised by Capulet as a “portly gentleman”). Canonically he is shown to best Mercutio in a game of wits and explicitly restrains himself from revealing himself at Juliet’s balcony. Act 5 shows him coldly but effectively convincing an apothecary in less than a dozen lines to break the law and sell him poison. I don’t exactly know from what stems this woobification of Romeo. Actually, no, I do. Romeo may be climb high orchard walls, playfully roast his friends, talk about how chastity vows are stupid and hope Juliet would cast off that pesky virginity of hers, and kill two characters all he likes, but as soon as he weeps immoderately over being banished/separated from Juliet and the possibility of her not loving him anymore, he renounces his Man(tm) card. Hello, gender roles-based sexism! God, I hate you so much. Please die.

“It’s a dark, ~crazy world!!! Verona is a violent, crass, tacky, dangerous hellhole!!!” Okay, so this is mostly shade thrown at Baz Lurhmann and the Hungarian version of Presgurvic’s RetJ, (the latter more fondly than the former) but it still disappoints me. The whole “fair Verona” thing aside, I think it’s clear that Shakespeare’s Verona is supposed to be a violent, steamy clusterfuck, but with the veneer of wealth and prosperity and genteel good taste that papers over the cracks. It’s the whole appearance vs. reality thing. I still think French RetJ does Verona best, and fortunately most productions and versions get it as a “quaint pretty small town is actually a hellhole” thing (hell, I think even that Gnomeo and Juliet movie made the suburban lawns nice). I just like the contrast, what can I say?

“Benvolio, Mercutio, Tybalt are more interesting than R&J, let’s make it all about them instead!!!1” This is the weirdest thing, but I think there were some web series (at least one, and no, not Jules and Monty) that literally did this, a weird modern Tycutio AU. But in general, adaptations that overdevelop the feud and the whole Benvolio-Mercutio-Tybalt thing at the expense of R&J are a no-go for me. I like the three and they all have their little crannies of character nuance, but they are less developed and the feud drama less interesting overall than R&J. I also don’t like the ships with any of the three, Bencutio and Tycutio being the most popular set-up. Canonically Mercutio and Benvolio spend most of their time either searching for Romeo or talking about him and how much he’s changed. As for Tycutio, Mercutio disdains Tybalt’s dueling skills and overall they don’t seem to know each other well personally. Both ships have no chemistry with each other and are firmly into fanon territory.

“R&J’s love was like a cinnamon roll, too good, too pure for this world…” Some adaptations, uncomfortable with some of the high-scale eroticism of the lovers, tend towards this. They’re teen sweethearts, high school, if you will, so let’s make them as cute and chaste and ~uwu as possible. Romeo X Juliet tends sickeningly towards this, but that just might be the demure Japanese culture informing the text. But I don’t know. R&J are not exactly horndogs, but they’re not dead either (horny bird metaphor, anyone? Also Juliet’s whole famous I-wanna-bang monologue). It’s secretly condescending too, in that it tries to put down and dismiss R&J as puppy love…puppy love that leads them to an uncompromising position and a double suicide, but okay. Sounds fake, but okay.

“R&J was just lust and it’s kinda their fault, actually—” Nothing will make me loathe your adaptation quicker than this. Fortunately most adaptations know enough not to go that far, but Baz Luhrmann’s version definitely has some of this vibe, along with some forced comedy. Kill it with fire.

[boredfanwrites]

Love, Simon Harringrove AU

I'm sorry (not really) this is probably a bit long but I've already started writing this fic and these are just outline bullet points.

Anyway, what I mean is after a short reprieve following the submission of my assignment: I'm back and please take this poor persons Harringrove AU.

First - Billy isn't as big of an asshole (my AU so I say so).

Second - modern day, pretty much exactly the same setting as Love, Simon.

Third - Neither of them have their cars, this is important later.

Fourth - I have complete control over characters so if I say Barb lives, Barb lives.

Moving on.

Steve is Simon, Billy is Brahm but also not really.

Steve is the one to kick things off, he places an ad in their school paper, not blog because he knows fewer people read the papers and the kind of people Steve wants to meet are the kind that pick up the papers.

He intends to communicate through the ads but the editor adds the email address he'd created to send in the submission.

Hi, lets get things straight: I'm not. I'm gay. I'm not expecting advice or a congrats or whatever. Hell you don't even need to publish it. I just, I needed to get it off my chest somewhere. I've spent my whole life either not knowing, or hiding when I realised. I don't know why I'm even doing this. I don't wanna be alone anymore, I think that's it. I can't be alone. I'm gay, that's normal, I'm fine the way I am. I'm sick of hiding, but I don't think I'm ready to truly come out.

In comes Billy, reading Steve's little piece, obviously not knowing its Steve. And against his better judgement Billy finds himself writing a reply.

I'm like you. Gay that is. I've known since I was thirteen and I kissed a boy in the bathroom of a dingy movie theatre. I've been hiding ever since. I've always been scared of what it meant. But maybe I'm not so alone. If you want a friend in this, I can be one.

It's the first time Billy's admitted it out loud, even if it is only on an electronic document. It's his first admission that he's not the son his father wants him to be so desperately.

Max is still his step-sister, but he gets along with her far better in the AU. She's still a little shit of a sister but she knows when to back off and Billy knows to not take his anger out on her. It's not her fault.

They don't have a good sibling relationship in the slightest but they're doing ok.

Steve still drives around the nerd herd. Still babysits Dustin - though it's less babysitting more making sure he doesn't accidentally kill himself.

Steve reads through the reply, the only reply he'd gotten and he's thankful. He wanted a friend so badly. He had Robin, of course, they were both gay but it was kinda difficult to give each other advice, dating or general LGBTQ+, when they didn't like the same gender. Steve could give a few tips but his track record left nothing to be desired. And Robin barely interacted with boys.

Steve has Jonathon and Nancy, but they don't know so it's not the same. Not really. Besides they're usually too coupley to give a shit about his poor sad single life half the time.

Billy and Steve are hesitant friends, they're both friends with Jonathon so are civil to each other, they're around each other a lot but they're not friends.

So Steve writes something back, and so does Billy. They ask the stereotypical icebreaker questions: favourite foods, colours, places etc. But they both want to dig a little deeper.

After a few emails, Steve suggests fake names to sign off with, a way to get closer.

Billy agrees but only if they can be named after their absolute dream cars - Billy is stuck driving Neil's beaten down pile of crap and needs to remind himself what he's working towards.

So they become Beemer and Camaro and boy does Billy have a field day with Beemer.

Regardless, having names to address each other by leads them to open up more. The person on the other side of the screen becoming more real.

Steve talks about how he's not doing so good academically but he wants to be, he's trying but it's never enough. How nothing is ever good enough for his parents but they're never around to see him either.

He mentions that there's this kid he looks after and how he's basically the little brother he never had and how much his mom wants to adopt him. Steve admits if it wasn't for appearances he's sure his parents would jump at the chance.

Billy admits that as much as he can get along with his stepsister she can be such a little shit. He's supposed to look after her but 'she's 13 for god's sake, she has her own mobile phone, and I can't do anything' and how his dad will beat on him if she's not home by a certain time.

It frustrates Billy to no end because even she's home by curfew she'll offhandedly mention something else that Billy did that his dad didn't like him doing. His dad finds a lot of reasons to punch Billy black and blue.

Steve finally gets given his own walkie and he feels honoured. He uses it to communicate with everyone, but Dustin informed him there's a special channel just for Steve that is one on one if the others ever need him and only him. Steve teared up a little bit.

Billy's been happier than ever talking to Beemer and Neil notices, starts finding even smaller reasons: not placing his plate in the dishwasher, not picking up after Max, not helping Susan unpack the groceries (he wasn't even home, how was he supposed to know?).

Max isn't an idiot. And one night she hears a resounding thud and Neil storming off and the shattering of glass. An engine rumbles and roars down the street. Max races into Billy's room, only to find the boy unconscious on the floor. She screams for her mom but Susan pretends not to hear, so she does the only other thing she can think of.

Steve has been having worse bouts of insomnia so he's awake, trying to be productive when his walkie goes off. Imagine his shock and horror when Max’s voice heaves out between sobs that Billy isn’t waking up. So of course he grabs his keys and goes running.

Billy wakes up to Max’s heavy breathing and an unfamiliar pressure just below his left eye. He struggles to open them but then hears a familiar voice telling him to ‘relax, don’t force it. You’re gonna have a great shiner in the morning but other than that you’ll be ok.’ And Billy knows that voice, that’s Harrington. Why is Harrington in his house?

An hour later, both eyes open and a few scratches patched up, Billy and Steve sit on the end of his bed, Max on the floor in front of them. None of them say anything, but Steve holds out a pinky to Billy and Billy takes it.

A few days after Steve takes a moment to think. Camaro said his dad beats on him. Unless Billy got in a fight earlier and it was a delayed reaction it could only be his dad.

So Steve tests the waters, admittedly his most stupid mistake.

I was trying to be productive a few nights ago. You know how my insomnia is getting. Anyway one of the friends of the kid I babysit called me and said her brother wasn’t waking up. I go over there, patch him up and then we don’t really say anything else. I’m glad my first aid training came in to play, lord knows I’ve patched the kids up too many times. But it was the weirdest experience of my life, honestly.

Camaro drops off the face of the earth. So does Billy. The only reason Steve knows he’s alive is because both Jonathon and Tommy text him updates from time to time. Tommy doesn’t go into detail, doesn’t really give a shit, just a thumbs up whenever he sees Billy.

But Jonathon. Steve is very thankful for Jonathon’s friendship. He tells Steve whenever there’s a new mark on him, how Hopper picked him up and Joyce had bailed him out. How Will was getting along with Billy so well since he’d camped out on their couch a few weeks ago.

It’s been so long. Months. And Steve is so lonely. Even before Camaro, he didn’t realise how much he and Billy actually interacted, how much time they’d spent together. It was back to just Steve and Robin. Which wasn’t bad, but wasn’t the same. Steve had given up hope.

Look. I know we know who each other is now. I know that’s not good English, I’ve had a couple beers so forgive me, King Steve. I like talking to you, I really do. But I meant it when I said I was scared. I can’t do this. Just give me a week or two, I’ll be back in school and we can go back to how it was. I’m sorry.

Steve doesn’t think it can go back to how it was.

Billy doesn’t want to go back to how it was. He doesn’t want to lose Steve now that he has him. But his body felt like it was falling apart most days. The only reprieve was the few nights every couple weeks he spent on the Byers’ couch. Even if he did get a worse beating after.

Steve tries to make life easier on Billy in the ways that he can. Brings Max back at least fifteen minutes before curfew, he offers to help Susan here and there when he sees her, offers to babysit Max if he’s looking after the rest of the nerd herd.

Neil likes him, Steve hates Neil. But he never sees Billy.

It comes to a head one day. Steve has to pick up Dustin when he hears arguing. Heading out to the back he sees Max stomping about, yelling at Billy and god, Billy just looks tired. So Steve heads over, places himself between the two and tells Max to wait with Dustin in the car.

He turns to Billy, sees his glassy eyes, and sees how much weight Billy has lost. And did all of this stem from him and Billy not talking or was there more.

Billy takes one look at Steve and breaks. He babbles nonsense about how he would never hurt Max, would never lay a finger on her. Steve shushes him, carefully placing his hands on Billy’s shoulders. Billy doesn’t notice.

Steve wonders where it came from, what was going through Billy’s head. He pulled him closer until Billy’s hands fisted in his shirt, a patch on Steve’s chest dampening.

I really fucking like you. You’re so good. And I’m scared, I’m so scared.

Billy. I really fucking like you too. It’s ok that you’re scared. I get it. I just want us to try. It doesn’t have to be now. It’s only ever gonna be when you’re ready but I’m going to be here.

Billy has only ever wanted someone who tried. Someone who was going to stick around for him. There Steve was, making promises. Being way too good for Billy.

Steve doesn’t let him go.

There’s gonna be a few scenes in the fic that weren’t mentioned, mostly because I will be writing this fic at some point and I want a few mysteries and extra stuff. Likewise for the emails, they’re all gonna be included.

Also, currently I’m not sure I like the ending, I was planning on doing a few fluffy, epilogue one-shots once the fic is done but I don’t know whether to keep the ending I’ve got or whether to stick more closely to the Love, Simon (Steve trying to do something big and public etc.). But for now, take what I have and be on the lookout for either the first instalment or just one long-ass fic in the near future.

[lampmeeting]

Charles for the ship meme!!

i’d love to, thank you!! :D

My NOTP for them: him/Knubbler... sorry to anyone who likes them but i... don’t kjghjd... also him/Murderface (like... Pickles already stretches him well outside his comfort zone, i don’t think he can stretch that far) and him/any woman (i hc him as gay even though i hc everyone else as bi, i have no idea why this is it’s just always been how i view him haha)

My BROTP for them: him and Nathan. i don’t ship them but i do think that with Nathan as the band leader and Charles as the manager, they’ve probably had a lot of one-on-one interactions and hung out a lot. i like to imagine they go golfing together sometimes and maybe like...i dunno, tennis? Charles is obviously very athletic, and Nathan at least used to be and probably still has an interest in sports

My OTP for them: him/Pickles 8′) the perfect husbands. thinking about them cleanses my spirit of all negative energies.

My second choice pairing for them: Magnus ;~; the drama of it all... the heartache...... the incredible fic and art my friends have made about them............... *lays on the floor*

My fluffy pairing for them: i honestly can’t think of a fluffy ship for Charles that isn’t just Pickles so i’m gonna say Pickles again and call it a day hahaha

My angsty pairing for them: besides Magnus, definitely Melmord. i mean the look on Charles’ face both when Melm pulls the sword on him AND when he’s looking over the ledge at the train. i don’t think he even planned to kill the guy. he probably didn’t consider him enough of a threat, and then Melmord made himself a valid threat. anyway, i think Charles feels bad that he essentially killed the guy, but is too proud to show remorse or sympathy after Melm is put back together, and then add in a healthy dash of weird antagonistic lust and hoooo boy :’)

My favorite poly ship for them: again, i’m trying to work Charles/Pickles/Magnus/Toki around in my head like the hellraiser puzzle box (and who the hell knows what will emerge when/if i finally figure it out)

My weirdest pairing for them: *unfurls a full ream of dot matrix printer paper full of furious typing* ONE-SIDED CHARLES/SETH WITH SETH TRYING TO GET AT CHARLES BECAUSE HE ALWAYS WANTS TO HAVE WHAT PICKLES HAS 8)