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#what to do while in your twenties
willowfey · 1 year
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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prototypelq · 4 months
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I have slayed the bastard.
Now, I will make Barioth extermination my crusade. I want my entire house built out of Barioth parts. Ugly horrible rags with head everywhere. Silverware from it's fangs. Bath out of it's back scales. I will hunt every. Single. Damn. Barioth In Existence.
#i am seething at this monster#truly seething#i am spewing so much lava in its direction right now#i want to stand on a mountain made out of barioth bones#hell what a fight#i actually hate it#you know i was wondering it barioth is worse than kushala or diablos and no#i don't think barioth is worse than diablos and literally nothing is worse than kushala#kushala is just antifun completely sucked out of joy and boring#diablos is infuriating with its hitbox but evading it does bring some sparse fun (its still horrible)#barioth is the opposite this bastard is the dark souls boss that takes your mere existence personally#this bastard will fly st you with a supersonic speed and the force of a train three times while you stumble around cause you forgot to swap#decorations and dont have stun negation#barioth is one of the most oneshotting fights ive encountered its infuriating too#i do not know how do you go against this bastard with a slower weapon i genuinely do not#he doesn't have Any openings and will pummel you into the ground if you dare to think to push the attack button#i am seething again#in other news i am a filthy cheater because i tried grinding fairly and it got me nowhere because the goddamn parts. just. dont. drop.#so now i cheated myself a bazel switch axe cause i wanted to try it out for a spin it is fire damage and it looks sick#also i obv cheated an odogaron glaive cause i freakin Worked for it those 40 odogarons died literally for nothing#also no more pukei slaughter for toxin sacs#basically i am happy to be a filthy cheater and i finally have Weapon Variety! yay#for a game that is so dependent on items and part drops in its core gameplay mhw handles them extremely poorly#or it just relies on multiplayer so much it thinks the players won't mind killing the same monster 40 times over (they will)#okay i think the seething is lessening i need to sleep on this#i am still going to make twenty ugly rugs out of barioths#mhw
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corvidaecircus · 3 months
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuk I hate everything
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ancientdreamkdj · 3 months
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I'm trying to watch dead boy detectives but I get so much second hand embarrasment from the characters actions, it makes me manifest physical symptoms of anxiety
#The plot of the show makes me really interested tho#That's why I have been battling the second hand embarrasment symptoms#I'm actually putting in effort to push through the discomfort so I can know how the plot develops#But damn if it isn't a bad idea to put teenagers (even if if they're many decades old and dead for a long while) in life and death situatio#Sure sweetie ofc you know what you're doing *draws one more time in the bad choice streak*#You're so mature wow no worries *dials up a therapist* so good in navigating your feelings. Ofc I trust you with your decisions#They be like “I am sure of this” and I'm like an intolerant parent rolling my eyes... sweetie itll pass#Just wait until the character development hits you in the next 20 minutes#Or in the next episode#It's just a phase#Oh look! I am sure the thing you're hiding from others will bear no consequences!#*episode ends* oh. It was the spinjing point of a conflict. Who would have guessed that!#Teenagers being teenagers#By the way... not a single one of them looks like a teenager#Jenny scoffed at Crystal saying she is twenty two and I felt personally offended... I thought she was in her thirties!#Until that point I was so sure crystal was in her thirties as her age hadn't been addressed in the show before!#Just because someone dresses alt and does weird things like talking to the voices only they hear they are a teenager?#That's very prejudiced#What on earth is the reference for apparent age to americans or britishs...#Thoughts#By me#Review#dead boy detectives
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borom1r · 7 months
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having to actually give a shit about canon LotR ages (beyond like, a conceptual awareness) for this text game has been a trip and a half. besties the writing ideas!!
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0xo · 8 months
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had a funny moment the other day where my wife said "we should maybe buy some powdered milk?" (because it's useful for baking and cooking and when you run out of real milk)
and i said "eughhh, i know it's fine but it reminds me of being very little and very poor," (which is true, i drank it a lot as a kid, takes me directly back to stale-fresh-constant cigarette smoke of my grandparents' house - they're both dead now, crazy - isn't it funny how there's always cigarette money but never milk money?)
and she said "babe, we ARE poor." (and my wife isn't wrong but i don't think it's the same kind. we don't walk to the dollar general for all the groceries we buy. or rely on our twenty-two year old daughter with three jobs to bring us the rest. and she only does that to make sure we feed her toddler that we're watching, because we're the closest thing to free childcare she has access to, even though she wishes her baby wasn't in that smoky smoky falling-down house. but she's poor, because we birthed her poor and raised her poor and gave her nothing but all kinds of hunger. so she'll take what's free and hope we don't leave the baby hungry too. and it's not free cuz the groceries add up. and she'll keep bringing groceries, even after the baby's in school and she's got just the one better job. and daycare those five years might've been cheaper, all told. isn't it funny how there's always so much for an eldest daughter to give you? even when she's a mother too?)
anyways. i know powdered milk is a baking staple and i don't mind it mixed into things but i will never have a glass of powdered milk again. it tastes like marlboro ashes.
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neverendingford · 10 months
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#so I have officially been to a club/bar now#tag talk#it was a country bar which was actually cool cause they played like. actual old country none of the post-9/11 shit#except everything else about it was ugh awful. music too loud drinks FUCKING EXPENSIVE holy shit stay home and drink instead pleaseeee#it was a work thing but none of my coworkers I'm friends with actually knew what they were doing so while I wasn't actual awkward they were#and the thing about social interaction is that if no one knows what they're doing it's not very fun#I grabbed someone and started a pool game because the table was open and both of us were absolute garbage at the game#but I was laughing about it and they were like... apologetic about being bad?? d#I did have the classic experience though where your friends disappear and you end up alone because you don't know where they went#all in all an interesting experience but not one I'm eager to repeat.#I did get invited to someone's Christmas Eve Party though which is cool and they gave me their number to make sure I have the info#so probably worth going just for that I think. got their phone number so we can communicate so that's like. successful social connection.#we're already friendly at work but easier to talk to someone when you're both not busy on the opposite side of the store with customers#anyway. who tf out going to clubs. awful environment.#I was like.. twenty percent of the way to being comfortable going out and dancing but hard to just swallow your hesitation#and a) alcohol as liquid courage is hmm not ideal and b) it was expensive anyway#oh well. it'll take more time to come out of my shell and I'd literally never been to a bar/club before in my life.#so I'll have some patience with myself and not be annoyed with how I could have done better or been more confident.#literally totally new environment. also... country music was nice but not a group of people I could really be comfortable around yaknow?#Lotta old white straight couples dancing the country two-step so I didn't really feel like I fit in.#anyway. interesting experience. neat to have. if I ever have a reason to go to a bar again I'll know more about what to expect#also... no one carded me. no one asked for ID? aren't they supposed to#oh wait. comment about the yodeling cause it was actual old country but they didn't do the voice register changes for it#I was like WAIT ARE THEY GONNA YODEL FOR REAL??? but then he didn't he just jumped intervals without shifting voice.#was a little disappointing but maybe a lot to expect from a random stage show at a bar.#wait wait I'm also proud of myself because the bartender asked open or closed and my mind scrambled for half a second to figure it out#but then I realized it meant open tab or closed tab like ordering more drinks and then paying at the end and so obviously closed#cause I ain't buying more than the one drink holy fuck it was so expensive also they mix them way stronger than I like#I like my drink weak ass and pathetic. alcohol is like spice I like a little to taste but not a lot. complimentary not overpowering#I drank it and then remembered I never ate lunch so I was like fuck and immediately went and ate something (work party so free food)
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wereh0gz · 1 year
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I love giving my ocs random ass interests and hobbies like yes the giant wolfdog monster who could crush your skull in their paws also likes to make cute little plushies and yes the cat that can literally see into your soul and reap evil spirits is a Gamer™️ and has an interest in entomology
It's fun
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mirmidones · 2 years
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bit out of nowhere, but mother gothel from 2010 rapunzel not only wasn't a master of manipulation, but she had so many years to figure out a strategy that would let her keep rapunzel in the tower and she failed so bad it's embarrassing. she should have just pretended that it was her that needed rapunzel instead of the other way around and the girl would have felt responsible for her well being and never gone against her :/ easy peasy
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timeisacephalopod · 1 year
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I've seen, repeatedly, that every accusation is a confession from the political right and honestly nothing rings more true to that than the claim that university is liberal indoctrination and this is a problem for right wingers for reasons I can't identify when they have the Joshua Generation.
At least libs only indoctrinate adults who are paying thousands of dollars for it instead of literally breeding a billion kids they all homeschool and abuse the fuck out of with the hopes they'll all become Clarence Thomas and fuck America 18 different ways to Sunday. What an odd thing to even bitch about if they're ok with literally doing what they falsely accuse universities of except to literal children from birth to, if they had their way, death while also flailing around about "false accusations" like they aren't throwing them out as fast as they're having kids they force their other kids to raise while treating that abuse like a Funny Little Organization System. Kids are such blessings you know, that's why they don't even bother raising half of them and force their daughters to do all that work for them.
I'm actually surprised I don't see more people who left this lifestyle as adults who were raised into it speaking up about this stuff. There's more of it now, half these things were mentioned in the Shiney Happy People doc and I found out about the Joshua Generation from a podcast called Kitchen Table Cult that is hosted by 2 people who left similar beliefs to the Duggars but I'm honestly surprised it's not like. A huge thing in news everywhere but that's probably because this type of shit isn't even a blip on the map of all the fucked up things the political right does so often it's exhausting to keep up with let alone hold anyone accountable for. Too busy bitching that trans people shit and do so in public bathrooms sometimes. Priorities, you know. Think of the children, but not the ones being bred and abused to further their parents political ends.
#winters ramblings#like BRUH if you want to talk about school and indoctrination clean your OWN mess up before pointing fingers#at least unis are 'blanket training' babies into obedience if you look this up its HORRIFIC child abuse be warned#nor are they irresponsibily having 80 000 children they dont even fucking raise THEMSELVES#while criticising OTHER PEOPLE for habing a bunch of kids!!! like ???!?!#yall motherfuckers will turn women into breeding horses until they DIE or can no longer reproduce and you whine about#PEOPLE OF COLOR who only have like FOUR kids compared to your TWENTY??? okay bud#like yes that last one was a direct duggar callout but they arent alone in these contradictory beliefs that make NO sense#like michelle bitching about trans women taking a piss like shell get raped by her as if she wasnt housing a FUCKINF CHILD MOLESTER#in HER house while blaming the VICTIMS and downplaying their abuse WHAT right does this fuckswizzle have to say SHIT about sex pests#if michelle gave a shit about that she wouldnt be a part of the HORRIFICALLY abusive IBLP so shut your irresponsible child abusing ASS#michelle. and stop calling your kids blessing when you didnt even RAISE most of them your fucking DAUGHTERS did that FOR you#why even HAVE all these kids if THATS what you do to them? shelter them from ANY outside opinion abuse them#force them into your pokitics withthe hopes theyll TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY YOU LIVE IN LMFAO#dont complain about indoctrination when you have MASSIVE swaths of your politicsl party okaying shit like the duggars#or ACTIVELY participating in turning children into politicsl weapons instead of appreciating them as individuals#you know. since theyre allegedly blessings and all that not just convenient and easily controlled political pawns
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vogelmeister · 1 year
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one of the worst things i have ever done in the name of art is decide that the final monologue would be in poorly written dutch and then have to translate that into English and then decide how you’re going to display this bc its way too much dutch for the little footnotes you have been including when a character does use a dutch word but also you also like,, need to translate this into english so now you have an appendix and that's way too fancy but it's still in Dutch and you still need to put it in English and it's not even hard Dutch like its basic yet your head hurts still looking at it even though you know what you did and what you wrote and words are hard and you simultaniously know and don't know and this long ramble is exactly how your brain was operating at the time so yay. me.
#and before you wonder why it's in dutch i'll tell you the worse my dutch is the better my point comes across#its meant to represent the moment where you have been hurt badly and you struggle to understand your feelings about it#so yea literally the worse it is the better the point of “i don't understand how i feel right now and i can't express it” comes across#anyways yeah felt wrong. hated doing it. but it had to be done.#i feel bad for whomestever has to perform merel in any form#bc if the two page monologue i wrote in a previous work isnt enough. bc lbr thats evil.#like I look at that monologue and go. oh. oh boy thats intimidating#if you have been here a while you know what i mean#i think this may be worse even though its shorter#purely bc its written in my poor dutch#at LEAST theres no monologue in goud that makes me go 'the convincingness of this character relies on this monologue's delivery'#at least not for merel . maybe for anne-fleur#but eh write the monologues that if i was asked to perform would make me shit twenty two bricks yeah whatever#also like i know een beetje nederlands i may as well use it or try no matter how shit it is thats why its in my brain#this makes it seem impressive. its not. its really basic. which is again the point#and it confuses merel to no end#bc like writing is her thing! so to suddenly not ge able to write emotions and simply be like ‘im angry’ would indeed be shocking#if you read it u would see what i mean#dagboek (english version) is the new taylor's version and we fight at dawn.#at least maybe i know tuesday in dutch. maybe. we will see. i mix her and thursday up#dutch language found dead
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dirt-str1der · 2 years
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Not to be a shipper but its so fun and makes me soo happy bobo
#Listen to my problems#this wasnt prompted by anything i was just thinking about how a lot of things for me are now skewed by the relationship persepctive not even#purely ‘romantic’ ones i just now think in terms of this person interacting with that person ... ...#i was also thinking about kiryu and majima again (i lied this is what really prompted this) and how they ddint even text each other#like you get wrapped up in all sorts of passions as a kid (in your twenties) and then when its over you part ways and not talk to each other#one of you is honourbound to stay behind and watch over things. and the other’s happiness and peace of mind depends on them ... kiryu told#him to take care of daigo and majima was like okie doki and dedicated his life to that#like i KNOW !! he had his own reasons for doing so. he wasnt just doing it for kiryu he was doing it for saejima (who by the way i havent#been introduced to a single member of his so called saejima (seajima) family) but it matters so much that he stayed and put up a fight about#it thinking since this is the last time we’re gonna see each other lets make it count !! and then get the crap beaten out of you and then#have a smoke break with him all well ... take care. because im not going to call or visit you lol. and i hope you forget about me because i#know ill be thinking about you and thats a pain in the ass innit ....#majima constantly has so much on his mind at all times always he cant even live for himself he just has to do it for other people ... so its#fucked up that kiryu just left him like that... call him at least let him know you think about him ... let him know its okay to come bother#you once in a while ..! bitch. that reminds me i have to finish watching breaking bad
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valkyrien · 1 year
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wHAT
I JUST HAD TO READ THE TAG ‘I PREFER MY READERS TO BE 21+ YEARS OLD’ ON A FUCKING FANFIC
LIKE
WHAT THE BUGGERY DO YOU THINK YOU’RE WRITING THAT YOU BELIEVE WE NEED TO BE PUSHING SODDING MIDLIFE CRISES WITH A HEAPING SIDE OF POST-VOTING-AGE-EXHAUSTION AND SATURATED WITH AT LEAST TWO SHAGGING DECADES PLUS WORTH OF EXISTENTIALIST DREAD TO BE ‘READY’ FOR YOUR WORDS YOU FECKING CENSOR-HAPPY LITTLE TWITBIRD?!
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readymades2002 · 2 years
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*in tears* okay i just need to finish these drawings and then i can draw whatever i want i just need to finish them i just need to finish them i just need to f
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domesticmail · 1 month
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went out last night with my ex. solid -1000000000/10 experience
#let's see! i can't remember most of the night#what i do remember: going to the bar#throwing up (and proceeding to call him while he was driving home)#he came back and brought me my fav gatorade#and then it gets REALLY blurry. i think he held me while i cried for like an hour#then i woke up this morning and threw up three times (yay thats sooo fun and awesome/s)#popped on the phone and saw i snapchatted my best friend a bunch AND took pictures i don't remember taking#one of which was captioned 'im so attracted to this man its stupid' (true)#saw i texted him to apologize and he responded 'you promised to stop apologizing' to which i said 'yeah but i just had to make sure'#(i don't remember even texting him let alone promising him to stop apologizing) he liked the message#and so now here i am missing my ex and waiting for my job interview on wednesday and just hoping i can get through this somehow#i just turned 21 and this is not the life i'm expecting to live but it is my life#i feel gross and hungover and sad and i wish i could hang out with him and i hope he still wants to play games with me#and i also feel like i could talk about this feeling forever. is this what they mean about your twenties. is this what they mean??????#it's like. i love him and i loved him and i miss goofing around with him. i miss being close to him. i miss rubbing his back and running#my hands through his hair. laying my head in his lap. bringing him water (with the right amount of ice cubes). kissing the top of his head.#and i KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW other people exist. and i will probably love someone else someday. but i am sad that this special person is gone#and it'll never be the same again! i can never get it back unchanged! and that fucking SUUUUUUUUCKS!#anyways. time to deep dive into some random conspiracy i saw on ig reels today#personal#tldr: breakups bad
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