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#whatever. whatever. im going thru something
orpheuslament · 1 year
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summers like. you will feel a loneliness so profound youll fear it has no end but also sometimes God will place their cooling hand on yr forehead & you will feel held for the first time
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the-acid-pear · 2 months
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Not to get into drama the first fucking moment I open my eyes after but calling the Phoneys slaves is such a bad take because the whole game is about that not being true. Like the whole fucking point is that by All Means they're not people. Not to the law, at least, and much less to Freddy's. This is the narrative you've been sold on since the very first game and that it's trying to disprove. Trying to show you thru their back stories and ending dialogue that, hey, these are actual people too!
Sure Jack can still be a turbo cunt to them but the Phoneys still do whatever the fuck they want if they so wish. Jake LITERALLY threatens with walking out on you like on the first month he's in. But this is also a major part of the plot like Where Else will they go if they're not here. Their choices are fucking dying or working at Freddy's Independent of Jack. AND THE POINT ALWAYS TENDS BEING FOR JACK TO BE BETTER BOSS THAN EVERY ONE THAT CAME BEFORE (unless he's evil but he rips Dave's head off he's just off the shits there he killed a baby dude c'mon he's no point of comparison for anything.)
Like to boil it down to "jack x phoneys bad because they're slaves" is literally Ignoring the whole game and all its trying to say. People starting these dramas are probably still in school you can't be so bad at reading baby it's concerning.
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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ough brain is doing SO bad but sometimes. there are colors
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tamamorikun · 4 months
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Day 4 - AU - pokemon!
(hosted by @minthe-drawings !)
Do I really love something if I don't draw a pokemon au for it? Galar linoone is an obvious choice but purrloin (and liepard) seemed fitting cause he's definitely a pokemon contest boy.
I ended up being late cause it's past midnight again but 🥲
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quaranmine · 2 years
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i know tumblr gives us a feeling of safety but it IS a public platform and as such there is literally no reason for CCs not to be able to use it just like we do. they're members of the public. we're members of the public. you see this right?
so i'd like to introduce you to a concept that i've been holding myself to since i made this blog: if you aren't prepared for a CC to potentially see something, don't post it at all!
now, realistically, i still post stuff i would cringe if a CC saw. it's a calculated risk i take, then, when i maintag these, because i count on the statistically low chance they'd see it. i accept that they might see something, and if they do see it or comment on it and i get embarassed then, well, i knew i could never eliminate the possibility completely and still chose to post it.
however, to further break it down--if you reallly don't want a CC to see it, don't main tag it. if you're even more serious about it, block the CC's blog (if it's known) and make sure to do it in blog settings if you use a sideblog. and if you still really, really, really want to be safe from a CC ever seeing it, then don't post it publically at all. dm your friends about it or whatever
idk, man. just control your own online experience. that doesn't only mean filtering/avoiding things you don't like, it also means being conscious of the things you put out into the world as well
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rouge-the-bat · 2 months
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wait like... do some ppl actually check all the blogs of people that interact with them? to vet out all the ones they dont want around? bc if so that sounds. exhausting?? how do people have time for that??
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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natsmagi · 8 months
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SORA VALENTINES DAY IS REAL OH MY GOD
HAS ANYONE CHECKED ON THE VALENTINES DAY ANON THEYVE WAITED A YEAR FOR RHIS
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angelstrawbabie420 · 11 days
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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aropride · 1 year
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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toytulini · 3 months
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wish my fucking brain worked
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kathrynmhahn · 11 months
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if this sadness gets any stronger i fear it might root its way into my bones and break them
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cartoon-skeleton · 6 months
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Ok I painted for at least 17 million hours this weekend and I’m not done with my final project yet BUT ALMOST. They’re kicking us out of our studios on April 3rd so I’m trying to finish them by then. lamow
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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Why can I only ever feel dread and never excitement, I'm just incapable of being excited until I'm physically doing whatever it is
#like months before going to austria#i had to apply and everything#and just would have horrible horrible panic attacks and was losing it#and it was just so so so much dread and absolutely no excitement#i had to just resign myself#and then whoops i get there and its a whole month of fun!!! like was really barely every upset#and then: Austrian GP#same situation like dying about it. literally physically sick the morning of#i get there....oh okay fun fun fun!!#anyways this is about how atm i have the possibility of going to COTA#and like i know i should and i kmow i shouldn't miss out on something like this#but god the dread and existential crisis is so bad#like i cant even pinpoint *why* and its always been this way#i just need to someone to assure me and tell me i should push onwards 😭#my brain: what if its disappointing. what if it doesnt live up to whatever preconceived notion you have#me: my brother in f1. this is literally my brainrot that i obsess over daily! why wouldnt it be fun?????#its just some mental hurdle i really struggle to get over and like i just can never feel excitement#like theoretically im like ofc yes this would be fun! but in reality can only dread it#but i really thinm i need to push thru it even tho i feel horribke abt it#bcs its the same exact thing every single time#and just all these stupid inconsequential things always come up in my head#like the fear of missing out on content on here. can literally bring your phone 😭😭😭#anyways panic attack yayyyyyyyy#i just really should go right? AGHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭#trying to think positive is genuinely impossible. theres some other part of me that reminds me of all the potential bad things#and also this like weird guilt of 'people will think im greedy and spoiled and etc etc etc for getting to go to two'#its not like i really believe any of this but its also like so unavoidable#catie.rambling.txt
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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andrrrgynous · 8 months
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seeing skating polly tomorrow but i'm considering taking a two hour train on friday to see them then too bc i fucking loved this band sm when i was 18 i need to do it for younger me
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