#most me coded character to ever exist

[kafus]

beginner’s guide to the indie web

“i miss the old internet” “we’ll never have websites like the ones from the 90s and early 2000s ever again” “i’m tired of social media but there’s nowhere to go”

HOLD ON!

personal websites and indie web development still very much exist! it may be out of the way to access and may not be the default internet experience anymore, but if you want to look and read through someone’s personally crafted site, or even make your own, you can still do it! here’s how:

use NEOCITIES! neocities has a built in search and browse tools to let you discover websites, and most importantly, lets you build your own website from scratch for free! (there are other ways to host websites for free, but neocities is a really good hub for beginners!)

need help getting started with coding your website? sadgrl online has a section on her website dedicated to providing resources for newbie webmasters!

HTML (HyperText Markup Language) and CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) are the core of what all websites are built on. many websites also use JS (JavaScript) to add interactive elements to their pages. w3schools is a useful directory of quick reference for pretty much every HTML/CSS/JS topic you can think of.

there is also this well written and lengthy guide on dragonfly cave that will put you step by step through the basics of HTML/CSS (what webpages are made from), if that’s your sort of thing!

stack overflow is every programmer’s hub for asking questions and getting help, so if you’re struggling with getting something to look how you want or can’t fix a bug, you may be able to get your answer here! you can even ask if no one’s asked the same question before.

websites like codepen and jsfiddle let you test HTML/CSS/JS in your browser as you tinker with small edits and bugfixing.

want to find indie websites outside the scope of neocities? use the search engine marginalia to find results you actually want that google won’t show you!

you can also use directory sites like yesterweb’s link section to find websites in all sorts of places.

if you are going to browse the indie web or make your own website, i also have some more personal tips as a webmaster myself (i am not an expert and i am just a small hobbyist, so take me with a grain of salt!)

if you are making your own site:

get expressive! truly make whatever you want! customize your corner of the internet to your heart’s content! you have left the constrains of social media where every page looks the same. you have no character limit, image limit, or design limit. want to make an entire page or even a whole website dedicated to your one niche interest that no one seems to be into but you? go for it! want to keep a public journal where you can express your thoughts without worry? do it! want to keep an art gallery that looks exactly how you want? heck yeah! you are free now! you will enjoy the indie web so much more if you actually use it for the things you can’t do on websites like twitter, instead of just using it as a carrd bio alternative or a place to dump nostalgic geocities gifs.

don’t overwhelm yourself! if you’ve never worked with HTML/CSS or JS before, it may look really intimidating. start slow, use some guides, and don’t bite off more than you can chew. even if your site doesn’t look how you want quite yet, be proud of your work! you’re learning a skill that most people don’t have or care to have, and that’s pretty cool.

keep a personal copy of your website downloaded to your computer and don’t just edit it on neocities (or your host of choice) and call it a day. if for some reason your host were to ever go down, you would lose all your hard work! and besides, by editing locally and offline, you can use editors like vscode (very robust) or notepad++ (on the simpler side), which have more features and is more intuitive than editing a site in-browser.

you can use ctrl+shift+i on most browsers to inspect the HTML/CSS and other components of the website you’re currently viewing. it’ll even notify you of errors! this is useful for bugfixing your own site if you have a problem, as well as looking at the code of sites you like and learning from it. don’t use this to steal other people’s code! it would be like art theft to just copy/paste an entire website layout. learn, don’t steal.

don’t hotlink images from other sites, unless the resource you’re taking from says it’s okay! it’s common courtesy to download images and host them on your own site instead of linking to someone else’s site to display them. by hotlinking, every time someone views your site, you’re taking up someone else’s bandwidth.

if you want to make your website easily editable in the future (or even for it to have multiple themes), you will find it useful to not use inline CSS (putting CSS in your HTML document, which holds your website’s content) and instead put it in a separate CSS file. this way, you can also use the same theme for multiple pages on your site by simply linking the CSS file to it. if this sounds overwhelming or foreign to you, don’t sweat it, but if you are interested in the difference between inline CSS and using separate stylesheets, w3schools has a useful, quick guide on the subject.

visit other people’s sites sometimes! you may gain new ideas or find links to more cool websites or resources just by browsing.

if you are browsing sites:

if the page you’re viewing has a guestbook or cbox and you enjoyed looking at the site, leave a comment! there is nothing better as a webmaster than for someone to take the time to even just say “love your site” in their guestbook.

that being said, if there’s something on a website you don’t like, simply move on to something else and don’t leave hate comments. this should be self explanatory, but it is really not the norm to start discourse in indie web spaces, and you will likely not even be responded to. it’s not worth it when you could be spending your time on stuff you love somewhere else.

take your time! indie web doesn’t prioritize fast content consumption the way social media does. you’ll get a lot more out of indie websites if you really read what’s in front of you, or take a little while to notice the details in someone’s art gallery instead of just moving on to the next thing. the person who put labor into presenting this information to you would also love to know that someone is truly looking and listening.

explore! by clicking links on a website, it’s easy to go down rabbitholes of more and more websites that you can get lost in for hours.

seeking out fansites or pages for the stuff you love is great and fulfilling, but reading someone’s site about a topic you’ve never even heard of before can be fun, too. i encourage you to branch out and really look for all the indie web has to offer.

i hope this post helps you get started with using and browsing the indie web! feel free to shoot me an ask if you have any questions or want any advice. <3

[verm1c1de]

Zims entire personality is completely fabricated

Let me explain.

Zim, as we know him, is just a mask made up by.. well, Zim.

Zim doesn’t exist.

Because Zim, at his most genuine, loves.

And Zim is not supposed to love.

It’s been thrown around throughout the entire course of the series that Zim is, in fact, a very intelligent individual. Moreso than irkens, renowned technology-thieves, are known to be. It’s for this fact, that it would make sense, that Zim would not be completely ignorant of how the rest of Irken society views him.

The defect, the worst irken to ever exist, et cetera.

There’s no way to be that obtuse about your own infamy, and if there is, there’s enough hints and clues in the series to allow viewers to come to the conclusion that Zim isn’t unaware of it all.

And no, this is not a “Zim is a genius and knows absolutely everything” post. He’s definitely gullible. He absolutely has the worst priorities, he doesn’t know when to quit, too stubborn and set in his own beliefs, but he does Know a lot more than he lets on.

Multiple instances of Tallest Purple nearly revealing the truth about Zim’s mission or being too careless with his words are brushed away, either spoken over by Red or ignored completely by Zim, as if he didn’t hear it at all. Similarly, Sizz-Lorr exists as tangible evidence of everything wrong with Zim’s falsified identity as an invader. He shows up for one episode and that episode introduces some of the most important building on Zim’s coding and the consequences derived from his destructive actions on Irk. And his response to this, is to flat out deny it. Because with Purple, he has the expectation to not be aware. With Sizz-Lorr, everything he’s done is laid out in front of him, forcing him to acknowledge it. He won’t.

Zim, at his most genuine, is paranoid.

Paranoid enough to fabricate an entire personality from nothing after having the entirety of Irken knowledge downloaded into his PAK, only minutes after having been freed from his tube.

Zim is a bootlicker. Zim couldn’t care less about the Tallest. Zim seeks absolution from the Tallest because he knows that he was Made Wrong and that the things he’s done are unforgivable, but he can’t help himself. Zim only goes out of his way to gain their attention because he knows that’s what the average irken desires. All of these are true.

Zim is only drawn to invading in the most superficial way possible for an irken. He enjoys the idea of invading, not because it is personally "appealing" to him in any sense of the word, but because he knows that it is for others. It's an esteemed title. An invader gets to have respect. An invader gets to be addressed directly by the Tallest.

Being an invader is the best thing. Not for him, but for his act.

He needs the act. The act will save him from his imperialistic society. The act is the worst thing to ever happen to him.

Zim is nothing without it. He’s nothing with it.

He hates the act.

(“Hey, you’re a worse flier than I am!”)

And it’s very, very likely that he hates himself because of it. Much more than anyone else could ever hate him, because their hate for him is as superficial as his allegiance to the Empire is.

Zim does not fit in on Irk because Irk doesn’t need a Zim. Irk doesn’t need an irken soldier whose sole identity is to destroy.

Which is why Zim fits in so much better on Earth as its villain. On Earth, he gets to be a part of the story, not a fool that has to force himself on stage to even have some semblance of a spotlight.

Zim was already firmly set into his role before arriving to Earth; but coming there, and meeting Dib, further instills Zim with the drive to keep it up. Dib exists to be a hero, after all! And heroes need their villains. Zim fits into that role perfectly. And of course Zim, being nothing BUT a role, is drawn to it. He'll feed into Dib's alien obsession because Dib's alien obsession fits into Zim's "character". The big bad guy that needs to be fought against.

Which makes sense.

If he's the big bad that everyone hates, he doesn't have to worry about wondering if anyone loves him, because he knows they don't.

His first words were “I love you.”

The Zim we know does not love.

The Zim we know is nothing but an elaborate, one-irken act, stuck playing the same role in the same show for as long as he draws it out for.

One which would collapse if anything ever brought attention to it.

this post would not have been made without the help of @short-and-ugly and @animatorfun. seriously. like they wrote it. they were my editors.

this is NOT a headcanon post, im for realsies. this is metatextual analysis. i genuinely believe this is what zims character is supposed to be ((even if not necessarily intentionally))

[phoen1xr0se]

Nothing Lasts Forever - META

It's just really struck me how utterly bizarre the line "nothing lasts forever" is, considering that it comes out of THIS GUY'S mouth:

Don't get me wrong, this line has never sat right with me, it felt oddly placed and off - almost everything else he says and does in that scene could potentially be keeping in character with who he is, his arc, his trauma... but not this.

Why?

I mean, we're talking about Aziraphale here!

The one who literally collects ancient first editions and preserves them...

The one who wears old, worn clothes because they're comfortable and he likes them...

The one who almost killed a little kid because he wanted the Earth to carry on just a little bit longer...

The one who has desperately fought to keep his demon alive and away from the threat of Hell by any means necessary.

These are not the actions of someone who believes nothing lasts. He has spent his existence protecting the things he wants to last, often going to extraordinary measures, even going against his own moral code, consistently showing that he does, in fact, want it all to last forever.

So why say it?

The only explanation that makes sense to me is Aziraphale is trying to wave a warning flag in front of Crowley's face. Hes saying: "You know me, I know you do, you know me better than anyone and you know I would never say this."

The old "if you ever hear me say these words, you know I'm in mortal peril" bit.

The only problem with this, of course, is that Crowley has just confessed - all the things Aziraphale never ever thought he would hear him say, at least not yet, and not so openly... and it's the wrong timing, the worst timing ever, because Crowley is too wrapped up in his own emotion that he can't see what Aziraphale is too scared to say overtly (lots of sideways glances to Metatron just outside the window).

Aziraphale is waving great big "I am not okay help me!!" signs at him, saying all the things he would never say - "you're the bad guys" and "you can be my second in command" and "just like the old times"... and the big one, "I forgive you" instead of the "I love you" they both know it should have been.

The worst part is that Aziraphale expects Crowley to pick up on his signals, and is so hurt and frustrated when he doesn't... not just because it means he is putting his life at risk but because maybe Crowley doesn't know him after all. Maybe they aren't what he thought they were.

But can I leave this on a happy(ish) note?

With this in mind, I'd like to bring you back to the final scene with 'A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square' - most people believe that either Crowley queued it up to take Aziraphale to the Ritz, or the Bentley did it...

But if all the above is true, and Aziraphale has been desperately trying to get Crowley to see his coded messages, I humbly submit the theory that it was actually Aziraphale who set up the song to play.

One last attempt to show Crowley what he couldn't risk saying out loud.

Let's hope he got the message.

[pinkie-pop]

"We've Seen The Devil—He Was Hiding In The Mirror."

Part I Part II Part III

Featuring: Gender-Neutral Reader, Twisted Wonderland Various x Reader, Self Aware AU, Yandere TWST

Synopsis: The second oath revealed, a new character appeared.

Word count: 3k.

Includes: Obsessive and possessive behavior, PTSD, nightmares

"You are no savior—nor purpose nor God. You are damnation—a phony and fraud."

--------------

You flip to the first page and begin reading.

Entry 001: Names.

The Ramshackle Ghosts have informed me that they do not have names. Or, more accurately, that they have long since forgotten them. Grim says it is peculiar for someone to not have a name. I will have to trust his judgment on this. 

Entry 003: You.

Grim asked about you today. I, quite unfortunately, did not have much to tell him. Or rather, there was not much I was allowed to tell him. Whenever I try to speak your name out loud, my lips firmly close, like a flower blossom at night. 

When we are alone, you are all that he asks about. Not that I blame him for it, of course; I am just as curious as he. The ghosts are strange, though: they have never once asked about you. Perhaps they simply do not understand. 

Entry 005: 

Grim has revealed the truth of your existence to Heartslyabull. It was an accident, of course, but even so, I gave him a rather stern talking-to. They have directed all of their attention onto you. It’s true that I did not exactly like being on the receiving end of their “affections”, but at the very least I did not have to share you with anyone.

Entry 015: Fate.

I've been thinking more about names lately. Everyone seems to have one. I am no different. My name, Yuu, indicates that I am a stand-in for someone else. A blank slate for you to imprint upon. The others have similar names. Each one is an indication of our role. With just the names, you can figure us out. Are all names like this? Is each person's fate dictated by their name? 

What about yours? Your name is different. Your name is not a play on words, nor a foreshadowing of things yet to come. Your name says nothing. You are simply yourself. 

You are the only thing real in this world. You are the only thing who is not bound by the threads of fate. 

Entry 017: Love.

I had a very interesting conversation with the Heartslyabul students today. It was about you, obviously—for, what topic besides you could ever possibly be interesting? I had asked them about what they felt for you (rather accusatively, if we are being honest here. After all, how could they possibly feel anything, when they are nothing but code?) They responded that they felt love. Naturally, I had been expecting this answer, however, something about the way they said it made me pause. Perhaps it was the matter-of-factness of it all that caught me by surprise. They answered my query in the same tone of voice one would use to say that the sun will rise in the East and set in the West, or that the sky is always blue except for evenings and mornings. 

They said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. They said it as if they believed no other answer could possibly exist. I do not believe them to be worthy of your gaze, but even so, they have earned my respect. 

Entry 020: Real.

Some of those worthless NPCs doubt your existence. It is of little consequence, however, for your influence is all too real. Even those maggots cannot deny that much. You have changed this world without ever once stepping foot in it. 

Entry 027: Devil.

The characters you love are a complete mess because of you. They stretch themselves thin trying to win your affection. They pull all-nighters, throwing themselves into researching to bring you over to them. They destroy themselves when you’re away, and they ruin each other when you are here. 

They claim you are their savior—their purpose. Because of that, they put you on a pedestal. They worship you as if you are some god. But you are no god. You are its reverse.

You are a devil.

But don’t fret, my dear [Name], for I still love you all the same. When the others learn of your true nature they may abandon you, but I will always be there. 

You slam the book shut. 

“Hasn’t anyone told you that it’s rude to go through another person’s things?” Your surprise registers in your mind, but your body does not react. You do not flinch, though all of your senses are screaming at you to move. You recognize this person immediately, their silhouette is illuminated by the moon’s glow behind them. You had seen them before, but this is different. You are not just seeing the body, colorless and without soul—you are seeing the person. Now, you had seen their thoughts, their hopes, you had heard their voice. 

“Yuu…” Your voice trails off. You have nothing to say. What could you say? 

“[Name]...” They echo, voice eerily similar to yours. They smile at you—and what a smile it is! It is the kind of smile you only see in portraits. It is cheerful yet mysterious. Cunning yet serene. It is the kind of smile that betrays nothing of the smiler’s intentions. Pretty does not even begin to describe it. They are not just beautiful—they are beauty itself. 

Instinctively, you step back, unaccustomed to being on the receiving end of such an intense gaze. They close the distance easily. Before you can even blink, their nose is almost touching yours. You can feel their heartbeat on your chest as they reach behind you, hand slithering across your arm. Goosebumps rise on the skin where they touched you and linger even after they take the journal and step back. You think, for a second, that your response is out of attraction, only to realize faintly that you are afraid. It is the way they look at you, you think. Their gaze could be compared to that of a predator stalking its pray. 

The only difference being that no predator would dare make its intentions quite so clear.

They are still donning that smile of theirs. Only now it is wider, crueler. It vanishes as soon as it appears, leaving you to wonder if perhaps it was nothing more than your imagination all along. “Goodnight [Name],” they say, although it is far too late to properly be considered night, you suppose the distinction is not very important.

After all, they have already left.

———

Grim is standing over you. It is morning, you realize. The rendezvous from last night sits in the forefront of your head as Grim goes on about something or another. You are only able to catch the last part of what he is saying. ”Ya' got some wellness packages from the students—and letters. A lot of letters." 

Great. 

You step into your house slippers (when did you get those?) and head downstairs. Honestly, you were not expecting much. A few baskets with candy and first aid, get-well-soon cards and maybe, maybe a teddy bear—if they were really splurging. 

It’s like you were born yesterday. Of course it would turn out like this. Didn’t you see the offering room? And that was before they even had a reason to send you gifts. 

A mountain of gifts looms over you, casting a large and foreboding shadow across the dorm. Just looking at the giant amalgamation of well-wishes and apologies has you feeling overwhelmed. It takes you a few long seconds to gather the courage and determination needed to move it all indoors, luckily, you have Grim to help you with that (although, inexplicably, some of them had already made it inside even without the two of you). It is around the time you are dragging the fourth package indoors that you wish you had more people to help. 

Actually…

“Hey, Grim?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are the ghosts?” Grim pauses. Then, with a nonchalance completely unbefitting of the situation at hand, he replies:

“Dunno. They’ve been missing ever since Yuu shut down.”

“Excuse me?” Grim shrugs. “Three people go missing, right as a fourth turns black and white, and your response is to just…shrug it off?” Grim, at the very least, has the decency to look a little embarrassed at this. He tucks his ears flat against his head. Avoiding eye contact, his eyes dart around the room, likely looking for an excuse to change the subject. 

Grim picks up a letter from a pile. “Here! Why don’tcha read this one?” You take the letter from his hand, rather unimpressed with his attempt to fool you, but willing to look the other way for now. After all, suspicious as it is, the ghosts’ disappearance really has nothing to do with you.

“This one’s from Riddle,” you say, turning the envelope around in your hands. It’s white with a red rose seal. The address has been penned impeccably in red ink. The others in the pile are not nearly as fancy as this one, but they each follow the same formula. You suppose there must be a rule about letter-sending. 

You glance over at the other piles. Each has their own quirks that distinguish them from the rest.

Pristine white envelopes with red seals and red ink, courtesy of Heartslyabul.

Kraft paper envelopes tied together with string, “from Savanaclaw” penned plainly in black ink.

Grayish blue wrapped gifts with letters laid neatly on top, no doubt from Octavinelle.

Scarlet envelopes with what you suspect to be actual golden seals—an elephant and a scarab, surely from Scarabia.

Royal purple with silver encasings, long elegant calligraphy giving away its Pomefiore origins (although, one letter is drawn more sloppily than the others, you notice).

Most uniquely of all, a tablet that appears to function solely as a voice recorder, ready to be played at any moment, surely something one can only find in Ignihyde.

Gothic-style calligraphy and black envelopes with green seals, unquestioningly from Diasomnia.

You stare at the baskets of letters for a while, debating yourself on whether the energy of opening and reading each letter would be worth the effort. You decide that no, you’d rather not go through the ordeal, and instead, opt to stand up and stretch your legs, only to end up right back on the floor, reading through the letters you had just sworn to avoid. 

You really are hopeless, huh? 

———

“That’s the last one,” you say, tossing the letter aside and flopping down to lay flat on the floor. Getting through all of them had taken you hours, despite only having skimmed them.

“Jeez, they’re really persistent.” You nod, or you try to. It's actually rather difficult to make the nodding motion while lying down, but Grim seems to understand your sentiment, regardless. Your mind feels hazy; your vision is starting to blur. Perhaps you ended up straining yourself. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to rest your eyes, just for a moment.

You must have drifted off, because when you came to, you were on a couch, and not the floor. Just as well, you suppose, lying on hardwood for too long would hardly be comfortable. 

"Morning!" You feel a weight on your chest as your eyes shoot open. Yuu is laying on top of you, head resting on their hands and elbows digging into your ribs. Their face is entirely too close. You open your mouth to speak, but the words never leave your body. 

"Aw, I know you've got a lot to say to me, but it looks like we'll have to cut this conversation short. You seem to be waking up," they say, gracefully getting up and walking out of sight.

"Wait hold on—!" 

———

"—Wait, Yuu!" Your eyes shoot open as a feeling of Dejá Vu washes over your body.

"Hey, hey! Myah! Calm down!" A familiar weight settles on your chest as Grim stands over you, watching your expression worriedly. 

"I guess I must have dozed off. Sorry, Grim." 

"You okay? You were screamin' bloody murder." 

"Just a bad dream. I'm fine." Grim doesn't look entirely convinced, but doesn't seem interested in pressing the issue.

"You were screamin' about Yuu. Speaking of…where are they, anyways?"

“What do you mean?” You ask, a feeling of unease creeping its way into your stomach.

“They’re not in the bedroom anymore. So, where’dja put ‘em?”

“I…thought you moved them?” You bolt up the second that Grim shakes his head, frantically running around in search of something you know does not exist.

You are searching for the library.

It is then, as you are running, that something peculiar catches your attention.

It is a door. Now, that on its own is not at all a concern. There are doors everywhere, but this door…this door is different. This door is not supposed to be there. This is a door you have opened before. It is distinct from all the others—this door leads to the library. It was exactly the thing you had been searching for, and yet, now, standing in front of it, you hesitate. 

Your shoulders tense as you stare at the door. You look at it as if you are waiting for it to jump out and frighten you. But it does no such thing. It is, after all, nothing more than a simple door. This knowledge does nothing to lay your anxiety to rest. If anything, it only amplifies the growing pit in your stomach. 

You gather up as much courage as you can muster and twist the doorknob, even if only to lay your unease to rest. It is unfortunate, then, that your unease only grew upon entering. The door disappears behind you, and a feeling of dread crawls from you, emanating out in waves. 

This room isn’t supposed to exist—but you are very much here. 

“Come to read?” Yuu’s disembodied voice calls out to you. You silently scan the library for any signs of life. You find nothing. Perhaps there is nothing to find. “Looking for something?” You whip around, Yuu now standing behind you. They are smiling. It is that same cruel, bewitching smile from last night. Your throat feels dry. You are shaking. 

“You must have really missed me. We were only apart for a few minutes, you know?”

“What is this place?”

“I call it the Wraith. I don’t know exactly how it works, only that it has something to do with the subconscious. I came here when I shut down, and you come here whenever you lose touch with reality. It’s really fascinating stuff.” 

Lose touch with reality? As you ponder over Yuu’s words, images of your previous visits float through your mind.

And just like that, you are alone. It takes a moment for the realization to sink in on you: you are alone. And it is by your own doing, no less. What a terrifying lapse in judgment! What an egregious oversight!

Grim is standing over you. It is morning, you realize.

Your mind feels hazy; your vision is starting to blur. Perhaps you ended up straining yourself. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to rest your eyes, just for a moment.

You are searching for the library.

“But you know,” Yuu’s voice pulls you away from your thoughts. “a room like this doesn't just pop into existence. Someone has to make it.”

“And in order to make it, something has to be sacrificed.” They take two steps closer, and you take four steps back. It isn’t long before you are running out of space to hide. It isn’t long before your back is pressed to the wall, with their hands to either side of your head. 

“Want to know something funny?” They cock their head to the side as you stare at them, their grin only widening when you remain silent. “When I first shut down, everyone thought that something was wrong with me. But, really? I felt better than ever. It was like I was awake for the first time in my life. I was aware the whole time, I could hear everything. I saw the whole hunt, you know?” You are so still that you are not even breathing. When Yuu steps back, you suck in a breath and sink to the floor. They pay it little mind and continue on with their story. 

“Of course, I hated to see you so mistreated—but even so, I was a little glad. You finally saw them for who they really were, and I finally got to see you for who you really were. It was beyond frustrating, you know? Watching you get kicked around by filthy, vile creatures that could never be deserving of you.”

“Although, I suppose it was you who made them that way, wasn’t it? You’ve ruined them, you know?” The aura they’re emitting is nigh unbearable. Your body is screaming at you to run, but the fear has rendered you deaf. They smile. That same damned smile. Your breath hitches. Images replay in your mind as your head swirls

The mouth widens as storm clouds gather and swirl around you. Dancing around in a cruel ballet. Thunder cracks in the distance as acidic rain hits and sears through your skin. The flowers turn to gravestones, and the songbirds begin to scream in human voices. Thorny vines reach up and take hold of your limbs, cutting through your flesh and bones as if they were made of nothing more than paper. 

You are already halfway to being buried alive when you realize you’re being pulled in. Desperately, you try to claw your way out of the soil that threatens to swallow you into its suffocating embrace, but it's of no use. It isn’t long before you can no longer fight back. It isn’t long before you—

“You…what are you? You’re not…human.” 

“Does it matter what I am?”

“It does.”

“Then just call me yours.” They hold out a hand to you, urging you to take it. “I know that your presence ruins people, but I don’t mind.”

“Because I love you.”

[asterias-record-shop]

BINGOO! Can you please write a Miguel O’Hara sugar daddy story with prompt 15? I’m not creative enough to write a description for this but could you add a mention of the age gap? Miguel is Like 30 or something. Reader is young and wants money ofc. They met online and are meeting up irl. Thank youu

—𓆩[mi menté, cuerpo, corazón, y alma]𓆪—

I am so sorry anón honey, I got completely carried away!! I hope you enjoy it though!

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪 𓆩[updated bingo card!]𓆪 𓆩[bingo masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[join the bingo taglist!]𓆪

𓆩♡𓆪 CHARACTER - Modern AU! CEO! Sugar Daddy! Soft! Miguel O'Hara x Sugar Baby! Fem! Reader

𓆩♡𓆪 TYPE - fluff, smut, angst

𓆩♡𓆪 WORD COUNT - 3.1K

𓆩♡𓆪 SUMMARY - You loved being a sugar baby. Truly, you did. The only con was the fact that you had to get with someone who was literally a hair away from dying, so when Miguel found you, it was truly a saving grace. After a while, he made you cut off all of your other sugar daddies, easily matching what they give you and more. Things have gotten weird lately, though… and you’re not sure how to take it, even when he says everything is ‘strictly pleasure’.

𓆩♡𓆪 STORY WARNINGS - cursing and foul language || obsessive behavior || sugar daddy & sugar baby relationship || possessive! Miguel || his wife and daughter do not exist anymore 🤍 like at all || Latina coded reader || featuring Jessica Drew as another CEO because we love her (spider-verse variant) || sugar daddy & sugar baby relationship turned real relationship || i speak rancho spanish so i write rancho spanish, it ain’t google translate so it might not make sense- || miguel is lowkey an asshole so he is an asshole now || fighting || you make him fix himself || i’m ngl, i don’t know what the hell i did but i had fun and there’s smut so enjoy || this is so much more kinky than it initially was going to be- || kinda OOC Miguel || sub turned dom! reader || sub! Miguel || sounding || cbt || slight oral || praise & degradation || riding || non-protected sex || cumming inside || ending is supposed to be humorous I’m not weird ||

Finding a sugar daddy that wasn’t quadruple your age was hard. Very, very hard. What was wrong with men? Couldn’t they just become billionaires at twenty-five?

Bastards.

Oh, but then Miguel O’Hara came along. A man in his early thirties that absolutely towered over you at 6’9”, built like a fucking god with looks to match and wealth to pair.

In the beginning, though, you had your doubts, so many doubts. You didn’t know what made him drawn to you in the first place, mainly because you had over five sugar daddies and he easily matched the prices immediately and made you get rid of them. He easily matched all your prices, doing even more before purchasing a test to make sure you were ‘healthy’.

After that, everything else happened extremely quickly - him buying you a car, jewelry and clothes, but the most recent was having you move in with him in his extremely large mansion. The first thing you noticed was that he had nothing in his home that gave it personality. No pictures, just crazy expensive art and photographs of things that were also crazy expensive.

He didn’t even have plants. Or a dog. Or a cat, something to give him some sort of personality besides that stupidly hot face. And stupidly hot money, but that’s why he was at work while you were at a shelter, promising yourself that you’d take some sort of pet home. You had settled on a kitten, a tuxedo kitten with a little bow tie and a mustache, along with small little mittens on his paws.

He immediately curled in your lap, a giggle falling from your lips as you stroked the back of his head. “I’ll take this one… I’m gonna name him Hart.”

And with that, you took him home. You bought him his own bed and all of the toys he could ever want or need, and you sat in the closet you had made his room as you wagged the cat toy in front of him, Jessica on the phone.

“Y/N, I really think you’re going to kill him bringing that cat into his house!” She laughed, snacking on her latest craving.

“Oh, he won’t! You’re being overdramatic, he’s gonna love Hart,” you wiggle the stick some more, the kitten swatting at it as you heard Miguel’s loud voice yell out for you. “Oh! He’s here, I’ll call you later Jess! Love you!”

“Don’t get killed!”

You giggled as you hung up and quickly stood, running out and fixing your skirt. “Miguel!”

He was tired today, you could tell. His body was more tense than you had ever seen, the buttons at the top of his shirt undone and his tie loose with his blazer open. You paused, his clenched fists making you swallow slightly. You had your share of violent lovers, and you sure as hell weren’t going to have another.

“Hola, mi reina,” he whispered, voice hoarse as he set down his briefcase and his fists unclenched. He softly set his hand on your hip, kissing softly against your temple as he sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s been a tough day.”

You inhaled as he softly pressed kisses down your temple around your eye, along the apple of your cheek. “Wh-What happened?”

He shook his head, his hands going from your hips to the pretty skin of your thighs that was exposed by the skirt. “Stupid idiots who don’t know how to fucking do their job.”

You hummed softly as you stroked the back of his head, twirling the locks of his hair with your fingers as you kissed his sharp jaw. You were already on your tiptoes, his hands supporting you as he ducked down. “I’m so sorry, Miguel,” you whispered as he let out a soft hum. “I uhm… I got something.”

“Ah si?” he responded, his hands slipping under your skirt to tease your pretty cunt. “Es esto, mi reina?”

“No,” you giggled, shaking your head. “Lemme show you.”

He smiled as you dragged him along, pulling him toward the closet you turned into the kitten’s room before turning around. “You can’t get mad.”

He started to cross his arms, raising a brow. “Why would I get mad?”

“You won’t be mad because you can’t. That’s my whole point,” you say, nodding firmly. “Okay?”

“You can’t say I can’t get mad and expect me not to get mad.”

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed, shaking your head as he hummed softly and leaned down. “Just… trust me.”

He hummed again as you opened the door, the loud mews of the kitten making his eyes widen. You felt your smile disappear as you inhaled, shaking your head as you turned around. “This is Hart! He’s a little spy,” you giggled, kissing the kitten’s small head. “H-He was named after-”

“I know who he’s named after, Y/N,” Miguel growled, glaring at the kitten in your hand. “Why is it in my house?”

“Our house,” you correct him, a scoff falling from his lips. “What?”

“My house,” he basically growled, stepping forward as you started to step back. “Just because I fuck you like a ragdoll and cum inside of you like a cumdump doesn’t mean that this is your house.”

You inhaled as you held the kitten closer to your chest, scoffing. “You’re a fucking bastard, Miguel O’Hara. This is strictly business as always, isn’t it? You fucking asshole.”

He scoffed as you went around him, shaking his head. “This is mine, Y/N! All of it!”

“It might be yours, Miguel, but you don’t want it! You keep this giant house full of nothing that you love, nothing that you care for! You don’t even have a damn plant here!” You yelled at him, inhaling as you sent him a glare. “You’re a self absorbed bastard, Miguel.”

“I have you here,” Miguel spoke, something that completely betrayed his previous words. “You’re… all I could ever need.”

“You don’t need me though. The only thing that you fucking need is a damn whore,” you shake your head, keeping Hart close to your chest. “I will get myself a lawyer to get myself out of this contract, and we’ll never have to see each other again.”

“Y/N, wait-”

“No! Fuck you!” You were already rushing to your room - which was sadly one you shared with Miguel - locking it before he could come in after you.

“Y/N, amor… mi amor, I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not!” You yelled, sighing. How could you ever think this would go any other way? “Just… go away!”

To be honest, you weren’t sure what made you think you could love him. Actually love him and have it reciprocated, but you didn’t want to leave. You had worked so hard in this relationship with Miguel, gaining his trust and what you thought was his love, for fucks sake you couldn’t lose it now. What he said just… got to you.

It wasn’t until you heard a soft knock that you unlocked the door, Miguel slowly stepping into the room. “What do you want?”

“I just… look at this,” he gave you the binder, swallowing. “If you uhm… look at it, it annuls our last contract… if you sign it, mi amor-”

“What, are you gonna try and bribe me?” I ask, softly scratching Hart’s ear before he gives you the binder.

“Perdóname, amor,” he whispers, slowly falling to his knees in front of you. You certainly weren’t expecting this. “Read it.”

“Summarize it for me.”

“It says that you own me,” he says, tilting his head. “Everything I own, you own. Everything I am is yours,” he takes your hand, softly kissing against your wrist. “I’m sorry… that it took me so long to see how important you are to me. Soy tuyo, mi mente, cuerpo, y alma.”

You swallow as you stare at the dotted line, looking down at him as he kisses your skin. “Tu cuerpo? Es mío?”

He groaned as your hand shapes his jaw, softly tugging on his hair as Hart jumped down, sauntering out of the room as though he knew what was about to happen. “Todo es tuyo, mi amor,” he whispers, groaning as you pull his hair so he’d stare up at you. “Todo lo que quieras, es tuyo. Nomás me digas y es tuyo. Todo, todo es tuyo.”

You hummed, sighing as you moved your hips to come off the bed slightly. “Show me. Show me that you belong to me and I’ll sign it.”

He hummed, sending you a smile as he started to kiss against your wrist. “Of course, mi reina.”

You smile slightly as he starts to tug off his shirt, carefully unbuttoning and kissing along your calf before slipping off your heels. “If this keeps going, Miguel, you need to know that I’m not putting up with your bullshit.”

“Ya se, mi reina,” he whispers, his tongue flattening up your thigh as he pulls down your skirt. “I’m aware.”

“I’m going to sign that shit in your cum.”

He laughed, nodding. “If that’s what you want to do, mi amor.”

You tilted your head down at him, raising a brow. “That raises no red flags?”

“No, they’re actually green.”

You hold back a laugh as he slowly stands up, already taking off his clothes before you put up a finger. “I’m in charge, right?”

“Yes,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “What would you like me to do, hm?”

“Get on the bed,” you say, standing and slipping off your clothes. “Why are you just standing there? Go.”

Miguel smirked slightly, but followed your orders, his bare body looking perfect against the bed. “Well, what do you want me to do next, mi amor?”

You hummed, staring for another few minutes. “Get hard. I’ll be back.”

You go into your closet, but after hearing Miguel’s moans, you knew he listened to what you said. It wasn’t until you went into your drawer filled with sex toys did you know what you wanted to do - oh, you were going to make him sob. You grabbed the small silver toy you had never had the chance to use on him, biting your lip as you finished taking off the rest of your clothes and fixing your bra and underwear.

It was normal to makeup with Miguel with sex, then talk about what happened and why it should never happen again before you fell asleep, resulting in Miguel waking you up with breakfast in bed and another lavish apology gift.

When you walked out, you smiled when you saw Miguel bucking his hips into his hand, his thick cock dribbling precum out of his bright red tip. “Look how pretty your cock is, baby… so, so pretty.”

He lets out a dry laugh, groaning. “Oh yeah? Que vas hacer?”

You giggled, slowly sliding between his legs and taking out the metal sounding rod. “Voy a jugar con lo que es mío.”

He lets out a choked moan as the cold tip of the rod dragged in a circle along the tip of his cock, already lubed up so you wouldn’t hurt him, a giggle escaping your lips as you slowly pushed it into his cock. He lets out a choked moan as you laugh, watching as it slowly disappears inside of his cock.

“Hijo de su pinche madre,” he cursed, groaning as he bucked his hips, stomach clenching as you watched his body slowly fall to your mercy. “Amor, please, please- I'll be good, I just need to fuck you.”

“Cállate,” you ordered, giggling as you pushed it inside until the ring was showing, your mouth latching onto his balls and sucking softly. “Come on, be a good boy and fuck it.”

He cursed as he starts to roll his hips, following the sounding rod as he groaned loudly. One of your hands rubs along his thighs, giggling as you stared up at his face all scrunched and desperate. He really did make a good sub.

“Come on, don’t stop now, Miguel, you’re doing so good,” you move away from his balls but continue to cup them, moving so that his fat cock was settled on his abdomen and you rubbed your now bare pussy against his shaft. “Come on baby, I know you want to cum. As soon as you cum, I’ll put your cock in me and I’ll let you fuck me.”

He groaned loudly, almost growl-like sounds falling from his lips as he forced his hips to go faster, fucking into the sounding rod as he rubbed against your wet cunt. You couldn’t hold back your own moans, the friction of his cock perfect against your cunt and he wasn’t even inside of you yet.

“Amor, please, please!” He was begging to cum, even if he didn’t quite know it yet, a groan falling from your lips as you continued to squeeze and rub his balls. He had never been this quick to cum, and you knew you’d have to try this again soon. “I’m close, chingao, I’m close.”

You let out a laugh as you watch the sounding rod start to be pushed out, pushing it back in as he whined. “Not yet, amor mío.”

“Por favor, mi vida, necesito- fuck!” He screamed out as you continued to hump against his length, pushing and pulling the rod in and out of his cock.

“Say it again. That you’re mine.”

“Fuck, I’m yours! Soy tuyo, mi mente, cuerpo, corazón, y alma, ¡chingada madre!” He yelled out as you finally let go of the sounding rod, watching it pop out of his cock and a perfect, pornographic cumshot follow. You moved your hand from his balls, lifting your hips as you continued to pump his shaft. You watched as the pearlescent liquid spurts onto his toned abdomen, smiling before cupping your hand in front of his tip and gathering his cum.

He panted, watching as you slowly smeared it along your cunt and placed the sounding rod onto the nightstand. “Next time we need to go bigger.”

“Whatever you say, amor,” he whispers, groaning as you pull his cock to push into your cunt, another loud groan falling from his lips. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

“I know,” you spoke, laughing slightly as you gasped. No matter how many times his cock was inside of you, you never got used to it. “Fuck, Miguel, It’s like you get bigger every time.”

“Maybe I do,” he smirked, offering that playful wording as you finally sat on his pelvis, groaning loudly. “Look at how perfect you look with my cock inside of you, mi reina. Fucking perfect.”

You whimpered, groaning as you started to roll your hips, his cock feeling as though it was deeper than it ever was. “N-No, no.”

He smirked, tilting his head. “No what, amor? Tell me.”

“Stop that,” you order, knowing damn well if he kept talking like that you’d soon be on your back begging for him to fuck you. That’s now how it was going to happen, not today. “I’m in charge. Not you.”

“I never said you weren’t, amor-”

You leaned forward, pressing your lips firmly to his as he held your hips, helping you rock onto his cock. “Stop talking.”

He laughs as his other hand pulled you in for another firm kiss, your hands searching for the contract before his hips slam up into you. You pulled away, gasping as he lets out a loud groan, cursing. “Thought you needed some help, mi amor.”

Your hands claw against his shoulders as he keeps your chest pressed to his, using his strength to easily thrust up into you. For fucks sake, he couldn’t even let you have this, but you weren’t complaining as he grunted underneath you and you felt his cock rub against every place you ever wanted him to be. He repeatedly thrusted into you at that perfect rate to hit that spot inside of you that just made your body go limp, stomach twisting and turning.

One of the pros of having a man who knew your body like the back of his hand was that you could always count on him making you cum.

You gasped as his cock finally thrusted against that perfect spot that easily made you come undone, mind blurring as you basically see stars right as your nails dig into his skin. Your cunt clenched and squeezed his cock as a result of your orgasm, a hissed groan falling from his lips as he thrusted a few more times and finally came inside of you.

Your eyes rolled back, the added feeling of his cum spurting inside of you, filling you up as your inner thighs started to register slight heat from the power of his thrusts. You panted as you started to sit up, Miguel letting out a slight laugh before you grabbed the sounding rod and the contract.

“Q-Qué estás haciendo?”

You looked up at him, giggling as you dipped the rod into his cum. “I said I was going to sign it with your cum.”

“Mierda, Y/N, don’t do that!”

“What?! You think I was joking?! I said it was a red flag!”

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© asterias-record-shop

[azullumi]

“boyfriend messages” ; diluc & kaveh

info — random conversations between you two that are part of your daily life; alternatively, how does he communicate through text messages?

characters — diluc and kaveh (w/ gender-neutral reader)

tags — fluff, established relationship, modern au ; headcanons

words — 920

note — need me a gossip buddy who’ll film fights for me, also, ignore the timestamps and status bar !! i still have another fic coming up but i need to be focused while writing it (^^)/

;; 🍷

he’s often the first one to greet you in the morning, the first one to give you a call before you start your day, always the one to accompany you.

calls. call. calls. if it’s not so obvious already, this man prefers calling more than texting—prefers hearing your voice than reading words on a digital screen and having to imagine what you would sound like saying them. he always make sure that he calls you at least once each day, even if one of you has to hang up after a few minutes or if you two would only do their own thing and not talk to each other that much. in line of that, falling asleep during the call is something that isn’t uncommon between you and him.

aside from other close friends and acquaintances, you’re the only one in his contacts and the only one he always talk to—his call history is just you accompanied with a few others and your name is always on top of his messages. he has your profile saved with a sweet endearment as its name and a photo that he took of you, in which its existence you don’t know of.

a random thing about him is that he doesn’t use emojis at all, and prefers not using them. it’s not like he doesn’t understand the use of it, it’s just that he chooses not to. on that note, he doesn’t go ‘AHAHAHAHA’ in text whenever he finds something funny—he doesn’t go for the lowercase one either—he simply just tells you: “that’s funny.”

he’s not afraid to tell you that he misses you, that he wants to see you, and just one word from you, one message, a single statement, he’ll be right there at your doorstep to satisfy his yearning and yours also. even if he’s from the other side of the world, he’ll make his way to you as long as you also feel the same.

one thing that he often does for you is drop off gifts for you or have it delivered to your name without your knowledge and thus, he always end up surprising you—sending him a message as soon as you receive it with a bunch of question marks or anything. his gifts are often random, a variety, it could be food, could be books, jewelry, something that has been in your wishlist or cart for so long but couldn’t get, and many more. his reason? he just wants to. it’s not an exaggeration to say that your home isn’t filled with items that you got from him.

have i mentioned that he just loves showing off his affection to you in many ways that he can? he just loves you, that’s all the reason needed for everything.

;; 🌻

gossip buddy and lover boy. gossip is always found in your message history with him, it’s that one topic that has you two talking for hours, often diverting to another one before going back to it at just a mention of a word—“speaking of apples, did you know ‘toilet’ got into trouble because he threw one at the window? also, i heard that he cheated on his girlfriend.”

the most ridiculous code names are being used as a substitute for someone’s name and if someone were to ever hear you or see the chats, they would end up being confused on why are you talking about a water bottle and a shower head having a fight in a bar.

he is exceptionally good at expressing himself through texting despite the many struggles of others when doing so—he uses emojis, gifs, emoticons, images, and everything, it’s not shocking that he uses some combinations even and it’s not also surprising that you’ll get used to his texting language and even adapt to it. although, he often shortens his words whenever he’s in a rush: ‘sry hve 2 go, ppl r clling m’ is translated to, ‘sorry i have to go, people are calling me’ and there’s a mwa (a kiss in the form of words) at the end.

the type to greet you as soon as the clock strikes twelve when it’s your birthday, the type to send the randomest message at the most random time on the morning, and the type that will tell you in advance if he wouldn’t be able to message you for some time as he’s occupied with some things—mainly, his plates—which gets you worried because when he’s at that state, he will most likely forget to take care of himself.

that leads you to having to check up on him from time to time, asking if he had eaten anything and telling him to take a break. he appreciates it really, despite the scoldings he gets from you when you learn of the fact that he had neglected himself, it shows that you care.

he sends photos of himself, a selfie or a mirror photo showing off his outfit before he goes out. he hasn’t said it but he loves it whenever you rain him with compliments, it has him grinning like an idiot on his phone (mans kicks his feet and rolls around the bed).

he just loves talking to you, whether it’s through the mere act of messaging and calling each other or doing it in real-time, gossiping and discussing about rumors that would entertain you both for boths or simply just him admiring you with his eyes as he listened to you blabber about the most randomest things.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[hiraya-rawr]

so i betrayed you, my love– (2/5)

Xiao Version || Childe Version || Thoma Version || Gorou Version || Ayato Version

synopsis !! Part 2 of “You Were The Enemy All Along” featuring the aftermath of betrayal and confrontation, with more depth to their stories! (Part 1 of each character was also included to make reading convenient.)

contains !! some character lore spoilers / a little violence / dialogue heavy in some scenes / reconciliation but also complicated relationships mending together / cameos of other characters! / might be easier to understand if you knew the lore of the characters 

notes !! This was commissioned by the wonderful @mh8 who allowed this to be posted in public for everyone to enjoy! and honestly childe scares me to write bc I've barely written anything for him but I tried to bring out his charm? idk 😭

CHILDE

wc !! 2.4k

The noisiest of them all. He doesn't understand at first, tries to deny it by making jokes. The prank is up, what are you still doing? It's only when your betrayal becomes painfully obvious does he allow himself to laugh. It's ironic to be surprised coming from his line of work. He should really be used to these things.

"If you're this desperate for a fight, you could have just said so," He laughs, "Though, I warn you comrade, I won't hold back this time." It's so easy to drown in the adrenaline of battle and if he doesn't think hard enough, it feels no different than any of your usual spars together. There's a battle crazed look in his eyes at the thought of not holding back with you, but it's odd how numb he feels as Foul Legacy takes over. 

Whether or not he wins the fight, the result remains the same; with him lying in the middle of the battlefield, mask still on, staring blankly upwards. He thinks of the abyss he fell into as a child, and briefly wonders when did it all go wrong.

— Before Him

You sighed in relief, a long day of training was finally coming to an end. Dottore was not an easy harbinger to be a rookie under; aside from the harsh training requirements of a Fatui Agent, you also had to deal with a lunatic scientist for a mentor. You were lucky enough to have the doctor more distracted on conducting his experiments rather than training fresh meat like you. 

You leaned against a wall. You were in an isolated, snowy village, a mile away from the nearest Fatui training ground. It existed quietly, the villagers were as cold as Snezhnaya in that barren wasteland. You knocked twice on the concrete behind you, then an additional four times, then once more.

“Agent (Name), report.” A voice muffles from behind the wall, a figure you can't see.

“Pulcinella adopted a strange boy. . . He's coded as Childe. They say he fell into the abyss. He's quite strong, we've only sparred once but I know there's something off with him.” 

“Hmm. A peculiar new recruit. I've heard from the other agents.” Muttered the figure of the shadows. He doesn't talk much. You know it's to keep identities hidden and to avoid letting you know too much lest you get caught and the information forced out of you (and believe me, the information will be forced out of you).

“You think he could rise in the ranks? Perhaps become a general or diplomat?” You question quietly.

“I think he could be the next Harbinger.”

A sharp intake of breath, surprised. A Harbinger. The next and possibly youngest one after so long.

“Continue your work. Do what you believe is best for our organization. Leave any files you found useful under the gap.” Were his last orders before hearing the footsteps walk away. Work was never easy; you dealt with loneliness most of the time. The only comfort was when an ill-reputed plan of the Fatui failed, knowing it was only possible through your contributions and warnings. For every plan you thwarted was a step closer to revealing your identity and getting killed for it.

Yes, you're prepared. You've been preparing for it ever since you joined the Fatui.

With a sigh, you went back to the training grounds. 

— With Him

There’s a reason why Diluc Ragnvindr survived the hunt by the Harbingers when he sought out revenge in Snezhnaya. That should have been the first red flag for Childe. You were transferred early under his platoon, just when he was solidifying his position as a Harbinger. You were the subordinate he sent out to represent the 11th and, having the approval of Dottore (The old geezer, what a wack. Should he really be trusting a mad scientist? Childe questions this everyday) he trusted you enough to do your job.

Yet, the winery-heir-slash-fatui-serial-murderer escaped Snezhnaya with the help of those damned underground pests they've been trying to get rid of. Honestly, Childe could care less about the guy— if anything, he was immensely excited to try and pick a fight with him! But it still hurt his pride that one of his early missions as a Harbinger didn't turn out well. He needed to prove himself to the Tsaritsa after all! If not to at least make Pulcinella proud.

Going back to you.

It was always him and you; you and him ever since you transferred; sparring blade against blade. It was easy to get along when you were one of the only trainees close to his age, even easier when you managed to keep up with him in everything, bloodlust and all. 

You were his match and he was yours, or so he believed.

“Say, why did Dottore transfer you anyway? Did you get kicked out, pissed him off somehow?” Childe once asked, boots scraping the ground as he dodges an attack from you flawlessly. Despite Dottore’s rather crazed way of managing his platoon, agents were given a handful of benefits for being under a high ranking Harbinger with a budget larger than the others (Experiments don't pay themselves, you know!).

You huff, a little tired from the onslaught of keeping him entertained in battle, “No, didn't he tell you? I requested for transfer.”

“Oh really? What, did the good looks of a new Harbinger catch your eye?” He teases, going on the offensive once more as he sprints to slash his blade. You block it with yours, trying to push him back with force. When he does pull back, getting pushed a few meters away as hir boots skid on snow, you scoff.

“Good looks? If that were the case, I would have transferred to–”

He immediately sprints ahead again, blade nearly catching you off guard as you block the attack.

“Aww come-” Slash. Block. “-on! Don't tell me you're not-” Kick. Jump. “-even a little bit enraptured by-” Hit. Block. “-me?” He huffs heavily, finally catching your eye as your blade stays on his, pushing each other back with all your strength.

“Hmp. Must you be so arrogant?” You strain out, matching his force before– “Maybe. . . maybe just a little bit.” You avert your gaze at the very moment he catches sunlight in your eyes. Childe pauses, his grip on the blade loosens momentarily at your admittance. You take the chance— kicking his stomach back with force as he skids across the training ground, the sword clattering on the ground.

“Does this mean I won?” You giggle, your weapon still in your hand as he looks at you from where he crouches, a smile on your face.

Maybe it's the butterflies that erupted in his stomach, but he laughs out loud. Childe wonders to himself; Is this the thrill of battle? Or something else? You tilt your head in confusion.

“As if! I haven't even gone all out yet!” He yells enthusiastically, “Agent (Ņ̸̛͕͔̏̓ͅa̶͍͊m̸̲̫̄͝ȩ̴̹̙̄̀ͅ.)”

Your smile tenses. Your heart beats. Pensively, you also wonder to yourself; Is this the success of a mission? Or . . . something else?

— After Him .

You should've known.

You should've known, you should've known, you should've known that the Fatui would never have let a betrayal such as yours go so easily. The past few months after him was spent laying low, hiding from daylight and any chance that you could be recognized. A large bounty was on your head and the Fatui weren't cheap by any means. The organization shielded you as much as they could but even you had missions you had to continue fulfilling. You’d gladly risk your life for the better good; after all, if you didn't, you wouldn't have went undercover in the Fatui anyway. 

But now, he was chasing you.

It's back to the snowy forests of Snezhnaya, sprinting and dodging all the tall pines in your way. You hear him gaining speed from behind you, hydro blades swishing as they cut through branches, unbothered to waste energy on dodging. Distantly, the sound of a Fatui gunner prepares his shot. You immediately switch directions, a pyro blast landing inches from where you once were. It’s followed by more blasts, each hitting a little closer to you until—

“Ah!”

It grazes your shoulder, blood escaping the wound and soaking your clothes. You don't stop running, adrenaline keeping you alive and conscious. Childe barks something out in Snezhnayan. You’re too distracted with running to understand what he said, but the Pyro Gunner stops shooting and soon enough you focus on escaping.

A clearing appears in your line of sight. A field of snow and endless white and—

Crash! You're knocked off your feet, landing on the snow. You feel him on your back as you quickly force him away, rolling to the side and kicking. It's a blur from there on— a flurry of kicks, punches, scratches, the snow around you forming the most unrecognizable snow angel.

Until his hydro blade was on your neck as he keeps you pinned underneath him. No amount of sparring could've prepared you for a battle to the death with a harbinger. Your breaths fog together with every exhale, the proximity feels bad for your heart but finally, you get a clear view of the face you haven't seen for months.

“I win,” He says, an ever-so-childish grin on his lips, “Any last words?”

It astounds you how casual he is, as if you weren't running for your life just moments ago. Sparring had always been his favorite game but this wasn't like the other times. You do as you were trained (by both the Fatui and your organization)— you keep your mouth shut. Last words are worthless in the face of the enemy, you’d rather bite your tongue off.

“Hmm. . . the (Ņ̸̛͕͔̏̓ͅa̶͍͊m̸̲̫̄͝ȩ̴̹̙̄̀ͅ) I know would have barked back some words. You would've scoffed.” Childe says, the blade pressing deeper onto your neck, drawing beads of blood to the surface. “Or was that some personality you made up? Was it fun for you?” 

Silence.

The smile falls off his face. Something darkens in his eyes. “Alright. You won't talk, that's okay. Anyone who would dedicate their lives living undercover naturally wouldn't respond. I can respect that.” He starts, the blade doesn't move an inch on your skin, the snow numbing more of your back, “But at least answer me this. Not for your organization, not for you. . . answer it for me; was I ever anything to you?”

Silence. Keep quiet.

Something unrecognizable crosses his face. There’s a smile on his lips, but his eyes are pained.

“You know,”  He whispers, leaning down closer to you. “Whenever we sparred, did you feel anything? Anything at all?” His face contorts to a mix of frustration, “Because I sure as hell knew I loved you. I can differentiate things, (Ņ̸̛͕͔̏̓ͅa̶͍͊m̸̲̫̄͝ȩ̴̹̙̄̀ͅ.)! I knew what was bloodlust, it wasn't just me being battle hungry. I’m not dumb! I knew— know I love you!”

As if wanting to hide from your gaze, he hides his face on the crook of your neck. Forehead to the snow, blade stilling on your skin. Despite how cold everything is, the warmth of him seems enough to coax you in.

“. . . At least tell me how much of it was real. Please.” He mumbles slowly. Did you mean to cause this much anguish? Did you have to go fall for someone like him? 

The words fall from your tongue before you could even catch them. The lack of hesitation, the urge to come clean; “Everything. . . everything was fake. Even my name. (Ņ̸̛͕͔̏̓ͅa̶͍͊m̸̲̫̄͝ȩ̴̹̙̄̀ͅ.). It's fake.”

He freezes over you, listening intently. Snow falls quietly into the ground, you wonder if you'll be buried in— caved to become timeless underneath the ice. Briefly, you think it would be fine if it happens if it's with Childe.

“I know it's hard to trust me, but please— loving you,” Pause. You feel tears well up in your eyes, blinding your vision of the descending snowflakes. “Loving you was real. Is real. It was the realest thing I had in that life under the Fatui. I’m so sorry, Childe, I’m really sorry. And I’m sorry we have to end like this.”

“You mean it?” He asks, hushed.

“Yes, yes, archons I mean it.”

“Then what's your real name?”

Your breath hitches, “(Name).”

“(Name).” He repeats.

The awareness of the metal on your throat becomes all too obvious. Breathing too hard would cause it to press more against your skin. You try to calm down, trying to accept the falling of the snow (the fall of you) as the end of your life nears and suddenly—

the blade is retrieved. You hear the shuffle of leather as it's placed back into its holder. Blinking, bewildered, you glanced up at him only to see his boyish grin.

“You honestly didn't think I'd kill you, right?”

Your mouth falls open. You want to hit him.

“You're going to let me go?”

“I mean, I did kind of let the traveler go back in Liyue.”

“The senior Harbingers reprimanded you for that!” You sit uo, hands flailing as you grab a handful of snow to throw at him. He lets it hit his stomach, laughing.

“It's fine, it's fine! The higher ups don't really care about me as much as they do the others anyway,” He shrugs nonchalantly, “It gives me a whole lot of leeway. If I say I don't want to kill you, they'll just nod along.”

You stare at him longer than you mean to, holding his cheery gaze as the snow continues to settle around you. How quiet and peaceful to exist with him in that space. 

“Is this really okay?” You ask and he falls silent with you.

He looks away to the white horizon, speaking in a softer voice, “Well, of course not. You still betrayed me, I still got hurt,” He inhales, “But you love me. I think that's all that really matters, no?”

Tears well up in your eyes. You can't bear to think how close you were to losing your life (losing him) and how easily he pushes your lifelong conflicts aside. So who cares if you played for the opposing organization? Who cares if you struggled with love and truth?

You've faked yourself for so long but Childe would still embrace you, lies and all.

“Come on, the snow must be cold.” He extends his hand, gesturing for you to take it, “Sooner or later the other scouts would be arriving. You should keep running east.”

“Ajax–” You start but he hushes you gently.

“We won't be seeing each other for a while. I don't know when we’d meet again but. . . you know, I’m sure it'll work out if it's us. So don't cry anymore, (Name).”

Stiffly, you nod. It was this moment that you tried to memorize everything about him— his eyes, his ginger hair, the way your name -your real name- falls off his tongue. You replay every sound he made to say such a name, just for the sake of remembering.

“Now go—” He pushes you to the direction, “Don't worry! I won't let them catch the love of my life!” He grins widely, hydro blades appearing in his hands once more as you nod towards him, tear stained smile in response. Your feet take you away, further and further away as you hear the familiar sounds of his blades against his own agents. Icy wind whipping against your face. You can't help the laugh that escapes you, surely the agents would think their blood-crazed superior is in another one of his impulsive moods. 

You pity them and envy them all the same.

~

notes !! thoma is up next, featuring some of our fav inazuma characters <3 ill edit it into a post once my finals settle down (currently cramming in a cafe) I hope you guys liked this one

childe // i really tried to fulfill that he's the more talkative of the bunch! and honestly with childe’s history of forgive and forget, i dont think it's a surprise that he’d easily forgive MC and brush everything under the rug. if anything, he kind of likes the complexity as far as i could tell! by the way, did you like the inclusion of “before him, with him, and after him”? i think it was a poem or a dedication in some book. I really like the thought of it since it's a good way to divide timelines. BY THE WAY do you like the parallels? In part 1, he was left on the snow looking up at the sky. Now in part 2, ur the one on the snow looking up at him :D

[bookshelfdreams]

do it. gimme the Izzy straight-coded meta 👀

I feel like I need to preface this by saying that Actually, Izzy Is Straightcoded would be the inflammatory clickbait title I'd give this if it were written to draw traffic & ad revenue to my shitty website. So don't take that term too seriously.

There has been a lot of ink spilled about Izzy thinking he's in a story where one can only be subtextually queer. Some even by yours truly, but the more I think about it, the less sense it makes. What would be the purpose of queercoding Izzy?

In general, villains* aren't queercoded to show that men being attracted to other men is bad. It's often the outcome; but it's not why the trope exists. It exists because cishet people tend to be (and are encouraged to be) profoundly uncomfortable with gender nonconformity, and so, making a character gnc becomes a quick and easy way to make him appear twisted and untrustworthy. If he** can't even obey the fundamental rules of his own gender (rules that are inherent and unchangeable!) what other rules does he disobey?

Or: If a man is insufficiently masculine, he can't be trusted to have morals. The villain isn't gnc because that's an evil trait to have; rather, the gender nonconformity is a symptom of his evilness. Being evil is what enables him to embrace his feminine side, and embracing his feminine side is what others him and marks him as a villain.

This only really works when he's contrasted with a hero (or heroine) who is Doing Gender Correctly. The villain is foul to highlight how good the hero is. The Hero will be honest and straightforward, brave, physically powerful; the Queercoded Villain treacherous, cowardly, and physically weak. The hero is a Proper Man, a Good Person. The villain an Improper Man, and therefore, a Bad Person.

Of course ofmd fundamentally rejects this. The shorthand wouldn't work, because ofmd simply doesn't think effeminacy is creepy. It's uninterested in moralizing self-expression; it just lets people be how they are. There's a wide range of expressions of masculinity on this show, and none of it is inherently bad. People are allowed to be hypermasculine, flamboyant, and anything inbetween, can express their gender in whatever manner they want, and it's all fine - as long as they are authentic about it. Be however you are, but be yourself, and this is what Izzy fails at. The repression marks him as a villain. The strict adherence to what he thinks a Real Man Pirate ought to be like. He's very preoccupied with enforcing a traditional (and toxic) masculinity on himself and others. It's no coincidence the characters he antagonizes the most - Stede and Lucius - are also the most effeminate ones. And I know, I know anglophones have a much more casual relationship to twat and cunt, those don't nearly feel as uncomfortable for y'all as they do for me, so I don't want to assign too much significance here, but he is the only character who constantly uses this kind of language, and also the one who uses the most gender&sexuality based slurs (as far as I remember).

All of this while being clearly, obviously queer himself! I do not feel like I need to explain this; his flustered reaction when Lucius asks him if he's ever been sketched speaks for itself. The fact that he meets Stede and immediately slices his shirt off of him, speaks for itself. And so on.

Izzy isn't straightcoded in the sense that the story wants us to believe he's exclusively attracted to women. Much like a queercoded villain doesn't need to be shown to be attracted to men (and can even be shown to be attracted exclusively to women!) to still be queercoded. He's straightcoded in the sense that he's a stand-in for restrictive and toxic gender roles that society enforces on people. He buys into the idea that there's a way of Doing Gender Wrong, and this is presented as a tragic character flaw. Something he has to overcome to be able to do the thing that actually marks a hero in this show: express himself authentically.

Part of why I found his death so moving is because it enables him to set right the toxicity he spread. His rehabilitation arc was about himself; about finally allowing himself to be, accepting love, accepting community. His death was about taking responsibility. About fully recognizing the hurt he caused. Looking death in the face enables him to finally abandon the last shreds of that toxicity, to apologize and be granted forgiveness. In the end, he was not beyond saving, and the harm he has done will be healed.

*Izzy is introduced as an antagonist to both Stede and the central romance of this romcom. I'm not gonna debate this; if you disagree, fine, but you clearly have such a fundamentally wrong different view of the show that it's pointless for us to try and convince each other.

**of course Queercoded Female Villains exist s well, but they are a whole different can of worms and less relevant to this discussion

[gold-snek-hoe]

Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:

"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame

This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.

For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."

Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."

This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.

I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.

Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.

I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.

I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.

Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.

And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.

If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.

Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.

[diana-fortyseven]

I think it's time to share a secret with you: you don't have to see things you don't want to see on the internet.

Shocking, I know.

Most sites give you fairly decent tools to avoid concepts, topics, or people you don't like, and you should totally use them.

The smutty fanfic that makes you uncomfortable because it contradicts your headcanon for your favourite character? It's rated "explicit". If you click on it anyway and get angry? That's on you.

The AO3 author who keeps publishing smutty fanfics that make you uncomfortable because you don't even want to see the summaries of fics that have this one character fucking? Adjust your filters to only show you works that are rated "for general audiences" or "teen and up".

The AO3 author makes you angry now because they published so many fics you don't want to see? Mute the author. You'll never have to see any of their works ever again.

You also don't want them to interact with your fics? Block them too.

The Tumblr user who wants to see their favourite characters fuck? You can block them. It's fine. You don't need to see their posts.

Many Tumblr users want to see their favourite characters fuck? You can just filter the tags they use for talking about wanting to see their favourite characters fuck. You don't need to go into these fandoms' tags to complain about people enjoying themselves in a way you don't enjoy. The way they do fandom isn't about you. If you don't like what you see, don't go there.

I know that the tools these sites give you aren't perfect.

Tumblr for example still shows you that posts with tags you filtered exist, and you still have to scroll past them. Sometimes you don't want to block a user, you just don't want to see this one specific post or fic all the time. If you filter out a lot of things on AO3, it can be annoying to enter these filters every single time you want to browse your fandoms.

Good thing that using the internet on desktop opens a whole new world of browser extensions and user scripts for you!

Make Tumblr posts with certain tags or even words in the body of the post disappear completely? Possible with this script here. Make just this one post you hate so much disappear? Possible with this script here. Make just this one fic you hate so much disappear? Possible with this script here. Save AO3 filters? Possible with this script here.

I have this extensive collection of my favourite browser extensions and user scripts for fanfic sites on my Dreamwidth.

They're sorted by site, which makes it easier to find what you're looking for. All of them are free. Most of them can just be installed as is. If you need help with one of them you need to edit a little, let me know. I'll happily walk you through or give you the snippet of code you need to make it do what you want it to do.

Curate your own online experience. Other people on the internet aren't responsible for your decision to keep walking into spaces you don't want to be in. You can't demand that others censor themselves because you don't understand the concept of Just Not Reading Something.

(And honestly, even if you already knew that other people on the internet aren't your babysitters, you should check out my list of scripts! They're fucking amazing! :D)

[omi-papus]

What to me strikes as the most impactful part of the Hope speech is the fact that Al-An dosent entierly need it. The player is not once given the impresion that Al-An has any intention of giving up. Hes even shown being offended by the idea in the deleted voice lines. But there is always this feeling that he is running purely on the obligations to continue. Of not being able to concive of stopping because what would become of him?

A few times I might have mentioned the fact that Al-An hasnt always been Al-An. Actually Al-An has only really existed at all for a very short time. There has been the part of the network that seems to be handy good at science, but all that Al-An is has been born out of crisis. Even before his disconection, he was set as the sole lead researcher of the cure for Karaah, that might have been the first time he was ever truly singled out as unique. Not one of ten thousand voices but a leader, an authority. An authority that failed. Hes a head researcher that couldnt complete his research.

He was then the one who disobeyed the collective orders. Not the networks decision but his. And subsequently the one at fault for the destruction of the laboratory and the release of the disease into the planet. These are framed not as the actions of the architects but of an individual, and he clearly belives this too. He blames only himself.

And then he was Human seed code-Almanac, a single string, alone, unable to do barely anything, and ridden with guilt, nostalgia and petrifying fear.

Al-An is a collection the worst of him. Born in times of crisis, cemented in catastrophic failure, and given a name in isolation.

Within the character we see in game there is both the collective and there is Al-An. His actions throughout the game are what is left of the collective, of the architects mission. The task of procuring a cure for the Karaah and bringing it home. A task that is inherent and unquestionable reguardless of the method. One that at no point left him. Al-An is all the rest. The bundle of autism that tries to do a sarcasm to get back at his human host, who finds the idea of being put inside a fish disturbing, who is full of guilt and terrified of being alone forever.

The mission of the architects was never going to stop. Whats left of the collectives objective is unshakable in the face of all odds. Al-An on the other hand can break. Al-An might not survive the fallout of his actions. The cure would be brought to the homeworld, and then it will be done. Mission acomplished. But then all that will be left is Al-An. He will be the one who will miss the sounds of his people, he will be the one who has to face extinction on his own if he is the last one. And Al-An cant do that. Not alone.

And Robin obviously dosent make this overly complicated distinction. She dosent know that the will of the architects will drag his corpse for as long as it has to to acomplish its goals. Because Robin dosent know the collectives will. Robin only know that pesky englishman sounding alien that bullies her about her joints.

Al-An had never been reached out to with kindness before. Al-An had never been aknowledged in the way that Robin does. In that scene, we see the first time Al-An has been told that he is worthy of any type of positivity. That he deserves some peace of mind while he completes his mission. That he dosent deserve to agonize over his fate when hes busy fighting for a better future.

On a surface level, Robin is telling him to not give up. But really when she tells him to have hope, she is telling the vulnerable, guilt ridden person behind the voice that he deserves to feel ok. That he gets to look forward to being with his family again, instead of dreading finding them dead. That he gets to be enthusiastic about finally getting home. That he can imagine his planet prospering and the sounds of the network as vibrant as ever.

Hes being told that he deserves that. That Al-An, disgraces scientis Al-An, gets to make it through this too. Al-An isnt just his failures but also all the reasons why he dosent just have to, but wants to save his people. Al-An is the one that misses the networks thrum, Al-An is the one that is afraid of loosing everything they worked for, Al-An is the one who remembers the Torloque parades and the pets they used to keep. Al-An is his feelings and his dreams. And those dont deserve to die either. Because in that moment, Robin heard Al-An starting to slip. And Al-An contrary to the collectives will does need to be told that. He would have died if he allowed himself to suffer through that distructive dispair alone. Left a husk of himself driven only by the singular instincs to finish a job.

“Have hope” means “You dont have to suffer through this. You dont have to neglect and emotionally hurt yourself in order to succeed. All the things that make you you, good and bad, are important, and deserve happyness.”

Hope, is a coping mechanism designed for people after all.

[aroaceleovaldez]

i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.

(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)

This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)

You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.

In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."

Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.

And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.

Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.

And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists 👍

[odusseus-xvi]

Pomme's paranoïa

Because aparently I can't stop talking about this little egg. I wanted to touch this subject because it is something CRUCIAL to her character, and from what I've seen Richas, in his letter to Forever, has actually talked about that and how he is worried for her.

I want to talk here about WHERE that paranoïa might come from idea by idea (more in depth than my post about Pomme as a whole) :

Bobby died THE DAY after her arrival, that probably didn't help. That also caused a startle in everyone on the island making everyone a lot more paranoïd that they already were at Pomme's arrival, she then had the realization that life was EXTREMELY dangerous and limited on the island VERY early on, in a way a bit similar to Richas if we think about it, though Richas experienced it and so processed it wildly diferently, she got a dreadful suspense ; when is it coming to me ? To the others ? Because that's the thing, she is not as scared of losing her lives as she is scared of losing the others and the others losing her.

Not long after Dapper lost his first life to the code, that not only added to the already constant background aprehension, but that also made her the LAST egg with two lives, and from now on, everytime people talked about her was about how she was the next target of the code.

And then she WAS : Targeted by the code next to Ninho after everyone was worried of the tweet from Quackity Studios, and after she was saved THREE times from the codes she saw the people she cared about turn against each other because she had been not careful (Her french dads becoming suspicious of Forever, and therefore of Baghera.) (she was in fact "mind controlled" to come outside but from her POV it was still her fault.) From now on SHE CANNO'T let her guard down, this is both too dangerous for her and the people she loves.

A bit later was the attack that was then considered not canon by the admins because the attack was WAY too powerful : It broke a lot of totems at once and broke all of her armor. Though her death was not considered canon by the admins at first, Pomme (and the admin) played it as actually existing, not as a nightmare, not as non existant, but as an actual event she was saved from by someone or something : She talks about it from time to time, she truly died a bit that day.

(a little quote from that event from her diary because it's Heartbreaking)

"The pain was excruciating. It pierced my body, and with each hit, I felt the life leave my body a little more. The noise of the totems was deafening, the pain prevented me from running to escape. Just a few seconds later, I felt intense pain, even more intense than the previous blows. He had just finished me off. I no longer saw anything, I no longer felt anything. The pain had vanished in an instant. It was cold, I was scared. [...] While I was sleeping. something strange happened. As if the missing part of my soul was repairing itself. When I woke up, I no longer had any pain anywhere. But I'm still scared, more scared than ever. I'm terrified. [...] I never want to suffer so much again. I never want anyone to suffer so much again. I have no other choice; I have to get stronger. I'm going to have to live with this fear from now on, so I might as well put it to good use."

She then starts to actually show her paranoïa in a lot of aspects of her personality :

She is INCREDIBLY quick at trading her butterfly wings for her chestplate at any potential danger. She has also shown multiple times and SAID on her sign that her inventory hotbar is the most paranoïd thing ever : Filled with totems, her weapons, regeneration 2 splash potions (that are also very likely refilled with the backpack upgrade knowing her parents)

She, after learning the codes could imperssionate them now, immediatly figured out a code to make sure she was truly herself.

The day after ElQuackity was exploded by BBH and Max and that he threatened them, Pomme asked Baghera to build another safe room 200k away from spawn as she was not feeling safe in Ninho anymore.

One other interesting thing : She is not just the only egg with two lives, she is the egg that survived the LONGEST with two lives. And two things comes out of that : The fear of losing her first life because it would cause suffering to her AND her loved ones, but ironically also that SHE would be the one that could sacrifice a life to one of her siblings, she would feel terrible if one of her siblings died instead of her "simply" losing a life and she did nothing because she was scared.

A fun (not fun) little fact is that recently this paranoïa for the other's safety has started to transform into anger : She was first scared of ElQuackity, but the second she learned that Dapper was captured by him, she was FURIOUS, Baghera had to tell her multiple times to not go after ElQuackity, and though she is most of the time very empathetic of someone's situation, she has only expressed disgust and hate towards ElQuackity since then, talking multiple times how much she wants to kill him herself. (if that's how she loses her first life : dying trying to kill ElQuackity... I don't what I would do (probably cry))

I could probably find 100 more things to say but I'm writing that in the middle of doing something else and I'm getting a headache so I'll stop there. If you can't tell this was just an excuse to talk about the egg of all time. Let's finish by the quote (that I really like) that crowns her wiki page :

"J'ai beaucoup de questions mais je suis pas sûre de vouloir connaître les réponses"

"I have many questions but I'm not sure I want to know the answers"

[friendly-neighborhood-furry]

sometimes the state of the world makes me want to go outside and scream as loud as i can for help. sometimes it makes me want to crawl deep into a hole and never come back out again. sometimes it makes me want to fall to my knees and sob uncontrollably. sometimes it seems so hopeless that i cant see any better alternative other than just disappearing.

so much evil and destruction and suffering-- and for what?

what is it all for?

for the latest popular billionare to take a 13 minute flight? for the newest remake of a movie that changed my life to get turned into mindless sludge? for a never-before-seen species of animal to be discovered, then pronounced extinct the very next week? for millions of people to go broke for having cancer?

i tell my mother that i wont be able to afford a house. she says "no, you will." i tell my counselor that my government wants to kill me. she says "that's not true." i tell my teachers i don't see a point in doing well in school because i wont be able to get a job anyway, even if i have a college degree. they tell me "no, you'll get a job. school is still important." i email my senators begging them to stop funding the genocide in Palestine. i get a copy-pasted email back with a history lesson about why that wont happen. one million people died from COVID last Christmas and i'm the only one at my school still wearing a mask. my future as an artist was ripped from my hands in less than two years and pretty soon i wont be able to share anything about my art at all. i'm half mexican, but everybody says i'm "too white" to be a "real mexican". its been four years and i'm nowhere closer to understanding my gender identity than i was at the start. tumblr has been my only safe space for three years and now that KOSA might pass this week, where will i go?

and all the while, through all of this conflict-- people are still falling in love for the first time and rescuing kittens off the street and watching their children take their first steps and getting married and making fun little indie games and building elaborate cosplays of their favorite character and making the most heart-touchingly beautiful pieces of art you've ever seen and meeting lifelong friends and cooking amazingly delicious food and playing children's games and weaving baskets from pine needles and taking care of livestock and collecting little knick-knacks and having the best day of their lives and writing their first line of code and learning to play instruments and hatching baby birds and posting a 100K word thesis about a show they really like and uploading song covers for 19 people on Youtube to listen to and pushing the boundaries of what science can accomplish and discussing moral philosophies in the comment section of a Reddit post and feeling truly seen in the eyes of another human being for the first time in their lives and growing old surrounded by the people they love.

the future is uncertain, but the world will go on. the winds will still blow and the tides will still flow. people will continue to find joy in this hell and fight for it with everything they have.

so don't give up.

"don't give up," i tell myself.

"don't give up," i tell you.

"don't give up," i scream into the sky.

there is always something to keep going for. if you cannot find it in yourself, find it in others. find it in the people in your life and the people you see online. find it in the good of humanity you know to exist.

find it. keep fighting. don't give up.

[strxwberrychocolate]

˗ˏˋ realistic hi-lo the worst shitty dating canons࿐ྂ

notes: this is just for fun(fiction), plz don’t take is seriously. inspired by this post cuz me and my fellow delulu moots need to get it together, might do a pt 2 if I feel like it

warnings: some mention of nsfw, mentions of cheating, friends with benefits, mentions of choking, brief mention of kinks, toxic behaviour, periods, mentions of gaslighting and emotional manipulation, major delulu behaviour for the sachio one(I failed I’m sorry), I think I did Ryo and Kōhei dirty in this one but who cares

-ˏˋ fujio ˊˎ

He’s definitely a “where’s my hug at” kind of guy even after you both start dating

I’m just gonna say it right now, Tsukasa knows too much about your sex life

you got some weird kink?

called him “sir” by accident or like being choked or some shit like that?

Tsukasa knows (he doesn’t want to know but that’s beside the point)

He reminds me too much of my crush so this guy will definitely be flirting with everything and anything with a beating heart even if you’re dating him

Playboy fr

While you guys are in your lil talking stage he sends your picture to the gc for validation that he’s dating a pretty girl

They all want to warn you cuz you look nice but bro code comes first

Would definitely buy you menstrual products without batting an eye

His mom taught him better than to be grossed out

She’s a single mom which makes Fujio probably more respectful than the other guys around him

Does those cute couple tiktok trends with you

Talking to a bunch of girls while dating you

I don’t mean like cheating but he’s flirting too much with other ppl

Fujio doesn’t mean to flirt but he’s like super fucking friendly for no reason and is genuinely really nice so it comes off as flirting

Calls you baby, babe, princess anything really

Doesn’t look like he can keep his hands to himself

Spends time staring at you cuz you’re really pretty

Definitely the kind of guy that acts tough in front of his friends but is actually the little spoon

Unlike most the characters in this, he’s actually really sweet

But he enjoys his freedom

Is NOT the kind of guy that will let his friends make fun of you

He’s actually a pretty good listener

Will not help you with your homework cuz he didn't do it and wasn't paying attention

Has a very subtle couple picture of both of you as his lockscreen

Would 4.5/10 listen to his friends if they tell him to break up with you

-ˏˋ tsukasa ˊˎ

Cold, like super cold brrrrr kinda cold

Also a playboy like Fujio

I mean come on, look at him

Everyone loves pretty guys that look like girls with deep voices

Pretty privilege and he uses the fuck out of it

Definitely not a cheater but kinda toxic

Lies when he doesn’t really need to

Unironically calls you “pretty girl” when you’re mad

Does he actually like you?

You’ll never know

Honestly he seems like the kind of guy that’s only ever had like 1 girlfriend and all the rest are his hoes

He gets away with so much just cuz he’s good looking

I feel like he’d have your location but you don’t have his

Probably only started dating him cuz he’s pretty and he only dated you cuz he’s bored

He gives you skin care tips

Pretty guys are usually pretty freaky if you know what I mean

Doesn’t look like he can keep his hands to himself just like Fujio

He’s very mysterious and that’s what attracts people to him

Probably gets bored pretty quick tbh

You’re not gonna see him often because “bros before hoes”

But he values his private life so if he does genuinely like you he will only later tell his friends about it

Unlike Fujio, no one will no about your sex life

I think he’d be more on the possessive side tbh

So he won’t keep you as his lockscreen or ever post you (cuz why tf does anyone need to know who you are?)

If he actually wants the relationship to be serious, that’s when he’ll drop his hoes

Spends time staring at you like Fujio cuz he thinks your pretty

Will 1/10 breakup with you if his friends told him too

-ˏˋ todoroki ˊˎ

worst bf in existence (1/3) I’m (not) sorry

Probably hasn’t dated a lot but has a lot of hoes if you get what I mean

Tbh I’d be such a whore for Todoroki

He doesn’t think he’s all that good looking but girls seem to like him a lot and he takes advantage of it

Doesn’t really need his friends validation nor does he date because everyone else is and he doesn’t wanna be the one left out,, he doesn't give a fuck if he is

Mfer dates cuz he’s bored

if he actually likes you, no one will know who you are so forget the whole aspect of being shown off

you're basically his secret

You post him, he won't post you (lol tbh I wouldn't post my bf either,, maybe a pic of our hands but never his face)

Probably won't call you a pet name but maybe call you the nickname you're called at home if you have one or the same nickname your friends call you if they call you one

Definitely prioritizes fighting and the fucking Oya High leader ship more than you

You hate it but he's hot

does he actually like you?

You probably won't know

rarely actually pays attention to you

but when he does you have ALL his attention

tbh I see him dating someone low-maintenance where he doesn't have too put much effort in

not that toxic, just doesn't know how to fucking communicate

1/10 would breakup with you if his friends asked him too (doesn't need to validation)

-ˏˋ sachio ˊˎ

definitely an actual good boyfriend

I get major husband vibes from him (maybe cuz I'm super delulu for sachio but that's not the point)

not a red flag or toxic at all but somethings can be questionable

NOT the type to talk shit about his exes because he's mature enough to know problems can come from both sides

Yes I am picking favourites, my babes satchi can do nothing wrong

definitely gave you flowers the first valentines day you two were together for

honestly though,, like Todoroki, I doubt this guy would show you off too

Satchi seems to paranoid for his own good so don't expect to be going out in public with him

He's got a sister and I'm assuming(from popular headcanons) his dad passed away so his mom is alone,, therefore he had to be the man of the house

So he doesn't really give a fuck about periods

very knowledgeable about them tbh

seems like the kind of boyfriend that will gladly drive you and your friends around because he genuinely wants to be a part of your life and he thinks all of you are shitty ass drivers

friends with your friends because he wants to be apart of your life

Also takes what your friends say about you with a grain of salt because he knows all of you are ride of die type of ppl and they'd gladly lie for you to him

family oriented fr

went to ikea with you

you both are basically married

I'm so delulu for this guy omg

I don't see him as flirty

Doesn't pick up the signs when another girl is flirting with him and sometimes you think he's playing dumb on purpose

clingy mfer

you have each other's locations on

his contact name for you is just "♡" cuz no one needs to know your name

I'm not even kidding none of his friends will know who you are until maybe a long long time later

possessive but on the lowkey cuz he knows you value your freedom

Tbh I'm not even being delulu here, Sachio just genuinely seems like a really good guy

(not saying the rest aren't they're just very questionable)

long story short, I am his whore and I couldn't write anything actually realistic for him

0/10 would breakup with you if his friends asked him to

-ˏˋ yuken ˊˎ

I see him very similar to Fujio

Excpet Yuken knows he's being flirty

he flirts with other people on purpose cuz it's a bad habit now

also has major pretty privilege like Tsukasa

also uses the fuck out it

Jinkawa or maybe Shidaken or Sachio also know too much about your sex life

Like about that mole you got on your ass or some weird shit

they also unfortunately know about your kinks

It's like Fujio but in a different font

lets you do his hair and in return gets to do yours

doesn't know the definition of toxic masculinity so he will very gladly let you do his makeup

and sometimes his nails

Once again, not a cheater and actually not toxic

I already said he's like Fujio so this guy is gonna just be super flirty with everyone and everything with a beating heart

If compulsive flirting is a disorder then Yuken suffers from it

I wouldn't say he's a bad boyfriend but he flirts too much with other people and a lot of people consider that as cheating

Yuken seems like a pretty good listener

But he also likes talking a lot so be prepared to listen to his problems

lets you wear his glasses sometimes

When he's not busy he comes to your school to get you so you can go on dates

likes having all your attention

arcade dates are probably the most common

but he outshines out girls boyfriends ther by getting those girls stuffed animals and shit like that

I would say he's really a lot like Fujio

4/10 would breakup with you if his friends told him to

-ˏˋ kōhei ˊˎ

worst boyfriend in existence (2/3)

I doubt he even actually likes you

A complete asshole but you love that cuz you’re a lowkey masochist and red is your favourite colour

Randomly turns off his location and tells you “don’t worry about it” when you ask

Red flag (but in my culture we wear red at our weddings)

Doesn’t give you the time of day

is probably only dating you cuz you're hot and give him head or some shit

idk this guy is just really shitty

He's hot tho lol

gives me group leader kind of vibes

you never wanna date the leader of the group, they're always the shittest

his friends will never ever tell you the truth

I lowkey see him as a cheater tbh

and a gaslighter

"It was such a small thing and now look you've turned it into something huge when it doesn't even matter" type of guy

Just a fucking asshole

If you're with him I'm just gonna assume you're into pain or something

Or using him for his money (if yes then get that bag sis)

He also thinks you're with him for his money

If you actually aren't using him, it doesn't matter he just has major trust issues

good luck actually getting through to him

In the hypothetical situation where he actually likes you, prepared to be shown off

I see him as a very pda type of guy to show off how hot his girlfriend is to make others feel inferior

Probably won't give a fuck about what you're wearing if that is the case

he's also toxic asf idk if I mentioned that

Probably doesn't call you petname unless you're mad at him

7/10 would breakup with you if his friends told him to

-ˏˋ ryo ˊˎ

worst boyfriend in existence (3/3)

i did him and kōhei so dirty I'm not sorry

Loves Kōhei more than you

As hot as he is, let's be fucking honest with ourselves because part of the reason Kōhei thought he was so unbeatable was because of Ryo

Ryo let Kōhei get away with so much shit

and this hot ass mfer jsut seems like the type to listen to his friends and constantly need their validation

as hot as he is, plz don't date a guy like this

But unlike Kōhei, he's not a cheater

but he's pretty toxic

like he needs to know where you are all the damn time

crazy paranoid too

doesn't think you'll actually cheat but it's more his friends telling him you would

for him too be a good boyfriend he need to get new friends or like idk transfer schools

he definitely likes you, it's just he's so emotionally constipated that you can't tell if he actually does

only calls you petnames in private

I don't see him as the type to have hoes or flirt around

But that doesn't mean he'd be a good boyfriend

He lives for his friends validation

So if his friends make fun of you or talk shit, don't count on Ryo to defend you cuz he'll be laughing too

not a gaslighter but doesn't admit to the things he does and just tells you to leave it in the past

pisses you off but he's hot asf

tries to spend time with you but would leave your for his friends fr

102902/10 would breakup with you if Kōhei his friends asked him too

[derseprinceoftbd]

This is a rant I've been meaning to get off my chest for a while, but the conception on Tumblr, AO3, and sometimes here, that Jake is capable of "teasing" Dirk, and all that implies, irks me deeply.

Let me be clear: Jake English is not self-aware. He, in Canon, never does anything resembling self-awareness, maturity, emotional boldness, or anything else that requires a spinal column. This includes apologizing to anyone, talking about his problems in a way that doesn't end up being selfish, teasing someone, particularly Dirk, or transitioning. (I maintain this especially; he does not have the boldness, maturity, self-awareness, or nerve to have transitioned his gender presentation pre-Act-6.)

He has an *understanding* of pranks, if we allow Paradox Space as evidence, but that's it. He makes *Tavros* look like a fully-roleplayed-into-Class-shift Lord.

You know what the popular Fandom perception of Jake, as a member of a DirkJake relationship, lines up with? *John*, before his main writing trait became a deep, all-consuming depression and repression thing.

Like, John’s original Act 5 and earlier characterization before his underreaction to his dad's death and the spiral that sent him down towards his current "transition would not save her" characterization is what people use for Jake (charming, funny, actually seems to have his shit together enough to maybe be transmasc (man, remember *transmasc John*?), and, most importantly, seemingly capable of dealing with the levels of vaguely sociopathic bullshit that an even-close-to-accurate Dirk would throw at him), but DirkJohn/JohnDirk is less popular, to the point of not having a consensus order, simply because Jake and Dirk are *coded* as liking each other.

I think a lot of people miss that DirkJake is fundamentally the Equius of relationships; Hussie isn't one of those writers that feels pride in finding pathos in the ridiculous, but spiteful glee and humor. He genuinely does not care if he accidentally touches people's hearts in a way that doesn't involve Dave, or *maybe* Vriska. The fact is, DirkJake is a joke relationship, which is spelled out very clearly in their conversation.

You know, their conversation. The one they have together. The time we see someone who is actual Dirk Strider, not Hal pretending, not Aranea co-opting a memory, not a Brain Ghost, talking to Jake. That time.

Yeah, that doesn't exist. DirkJohn has as much conversational basis as DirkJake.

Edit:

LESS! GAME OVER! "I FAILED"! LESS!!!

DirkJake is a joke, a long, subtle one being made on everyone who saw Dirk's affections and immediately wanted him to get together with his disabled(?) ongoing harassment victim. Hussie was having a lot of fun making it seem like Jake found it important in the Masterpiece, I'll tell you that much.

@thelifetimechannel/@geejaysmith/@clonerightsagenda did magnificently wringing blood from this stone, I really do mean that, their Alphas are genuinely written better than Canon for 3/4, but that's all it ever was; every DirkJake writer is the YouTube comments under [this video](https://youtu.be/B7bpv5xyrOY?si=wYTCFDHM5ZzOY8fp) saying Equius could ever have been more than what he was.

TL:DR

1, Jake is pathetic, and we should remember this.

2, Hussie is a jackass who hates us one and all for the sin of caring and everything he has done with this franchise since maybe EOY2 has had an ulterior motive, and we should remember this.

3, Most people who write longfics set in SBURBless AUs, whether normalcy or fantasy, and want to ship Dirk and Jake should really be shipping Dirk with John, since now that history of Dirk-Jake interactions that justifies the ship in-Universe is gone at the Author's leasure, John would have the dynamic they want, and they talk *exactly as much*.

4, If you want to trans Jake, [there's a sensible way to do that](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619856), but there's no in-character way to make him transmasc.

5, Read DDOTA, I beseecheth of you. Like yeah the Striders are emotional to a kinda weird degree but apart from that they really got everyone down right.