#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[tio-trile]

OKAY SAME ANON sorry this is the third one,, but im going thru the rest of your asks and im realizing so many things.

I agree, a show SHOULD be able to stand on its own as an individual thing rather than counting on a sequel to continue its story. Now that I'm looking at the show in this lens, it is very lackluster. I still do quite love it, scratches that slice of life itch,, but mystery wise? No. I loved how ominous the "Everyday" song was. I thought it was supposed to foreshadow Armageddon (which it did, kind of) but more so it was for the Beel Gabriel reveal in the end. Aziraphale ran around looking for clues, but the annoying thing for me is he never puts it together? It was just something he does for US, the audience. It would've been good if he acknowledged all those clues in the ending, or realized it faster than us. In the end it seems so fruitless for him to investigate bc it never really did him any good? It was just for the audience to see. Also the Nina--Maggie subplot was cute, but it was also lacking? I like the point of "you cant force us together" bc theyre humans and its not that easy. But as a subplot it was waaay too ignored for it to be any relevant at all to the plot.

The thing about you mentioned abt A/C being supporting charas in the book, I agree. The good thing abt their dynamic is even with little clues and gestures we realize how good they are w/each other. The subtlety is what makes everything MORE interesting. But s2 makes it revolve around the ship, to the point where its all just filler. I dont mind filler,, but as you said, canon-compliant filler would be better. I appreciate that they're the main characters now since more screentime but I'd love it if they weren't ship-focused and still had proper interaction and dynamics with people outside of their circle (which I liked from the book + s1).

Anyways,, I still like it. But I appreciate seeing your takes since it really changed the way I view the show now. I feel more neutral about it now somewhat? I'm not invested in fandoms anymore bc of irl stuff so I don't think I would've spotted these things like you did so I really, really appreciate all your insights. Thank you. There's a lot of things to fix if s3 ever gets announced.

I think Neil mentioned that Terry brought up the "Everyday" song as a song about the Apocalypse (the book or S1), which could have been so good and ominous......instead it got used on this random Beelz x Gabe romance that came out of nowhere 😂😂 I thought the Nina x Maggie romance had potential in the beginning, but also completely fell flat/didn't go anywhere towards the end. Again, my takes are NOT trying to convince people who liked the show that they should change their opinions and NOT like the show anymore -- I'm just trying to explain why I personally didn't like it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as you can! Unfortunately I had way too much insights about it for it to be enjoyable for me 😂😂

[red-dyed-sarumane]

quastion i think uve talked abt before but i wanna hear u talk abt it again if thats the case. which magu girl do you think would be fun as a sinner a la limbus company. like who do u think would be the best fit...

the only 2 ive talked about are the girlies bc u made the best art of them in the limbus spirte style but why dont i just go thru all of them to amuse no one but myself.

honestly with shoushitsu's perceived emotional distance it might be fun to see her as one. she has her own desires & is willing to act on them Clearly given she's alive in the series but the fact that she can bury that to seemingly deal with the problem unbiased (impossible but shes doing it better than anyone else) would make her an interesting sinner. everyone would see her as the normal one or the slightly annoying one until it would get to her canto & open a whole new perspective on her. she strikes me as being similar to faust, if just a little.

kyuuyaku i dont think would be the best candidate for a sinner. she has the motivation but the whole dying repeatedly & watching everything crumble with her is clearly getting to her. she's a fighter in the fact she wont give up but i dont think she has what it takes to do any abnormality suppression. i also think at some point if not right away the whole dante bringing her back to life thing is going to trigger some sort of panic attack or similar.

touhikou would also make a good sinner. she's willing to fight. she's willing to go off on her own if that's what it takes to get her answers. between kannagi & kyuuyaku being in the same time as her it seems to me she's dealt with both sides, praying & research, and decided neither of them were enough & she'd find her own way. she'd be good at suppression & likely the job in general, with the one problem being she also would end up disagreeing with the other sinners as she works with them, but due to contracts she cant just leave this time. she would be a fun sinner.

tenshi. WORST pick for a sinner. whats she gonna do. cry and make them feel bad????? girl's not saving anyone she's getting smushed by the first abno she meets. she would never be able to handle any ego or corrosion thereof. she's like u said she would be one of the cool npcs that gets killed before the end of the chapter. much like how she does in the series.

apoptosis is my other choice for good sinner. theres something so so wrong with her her ego skills would be So Something & with how she melts down in canon i bet shes prone to ego corrosions. shes also just so fucking awful she would have no problem fighting everyone and anyone like vergilus would have to scare her into behaving shes that bad i think. i dont even think her canto would be that deep i think shes just Like This.

maximizer could go either way. shes full of ..... idk if its whimsy exactly but shes at least pretending to be very lax which could either lead to a very dramatic canto reveal or very lackluster one. she'd see fighting & ego stuff as just part of the job & wouldn't have any real problems with it i think.

kanon could be interesting given shes willing to lie to manipulate others. like yeah she regrets that but its a thing that happened. she did in fact go that far. i think that could be a very interesting reveal if her canto was later; everyone working with her having no real problem with her, shes just there, and then suddenly everyone finds out its because of her influence & direction people got killed permanently & her outward way of handling it was just 'well that wasnt the goal sorry that happened'. like maximizer i dont think shed have any real problem with fighting anything given its in her contract, its probably just inconvenient for her.

ashura would also be a good sinner bc theres a lot going on with her itd be fun to explore in this setting. the whole controlled by external forces theme & all. but bc of that she might not be considered to become a sinner in the first place since she lacks her own motivations or at the very least wont act on them. i think she's bitter enough tho they should let her fight things i want to see her ego corrosions.

laboratory would be a bad choice for sinner too i think. shes a do as shes told oops i forgot to be a person type chara. she'd be one of the branches like research workers that gets killed mid chapter or like shrenne not a sinner. i dont think she has any fight in her anyway.

yamete. realistically i think she'd be in the same company as labo & end up getting killed slightly after her after spending all her energy fighting to keep labo alive & failing. that said in series it seems like she does have a lot of her own motivations and ambitions her downfall was purely buying into the "just do ur job" rhetoric she was pushed. she's bitter & she's biting as she goes down so i think itd be fun to give her a sinner role anyway.

kannagi i think would be a bad sinner on the basis of she's not really willing to fight for want she wants. she IS acting of her own will & has her own desires but she's so non confrontational about it, at least from what i can understand, that she would be like. useless functionally as a sinner. she can be an npc for funsies tho.

[saetoru]

how are u so good at writing . reveal ur secrets pls . but seriously, what advice would u give ??

HAGDFKJSHDF this is so kind :( to be rly honest, i personally don't have the best relationship with my own writing (as a lot of writers in all realness) so i cant say im rly confident in any advice 😭 but idk hopefully these might help u improve at least—which is always the main goal anyway

i have some advice on writing fics here

and i have advice on writing smut here if u write nsfw

and some more below the cut:

over all i would say that reading all types of media can really help you find a voice in writing—poetry can help you make better metaphors and have a more "deep" / "meaningful" writing voice, reading novels can help you develop an ability to tell stories and build a detailed world, etc. but yeah u can read fanfic, articles, journals, poems, books, wtv u read rly can help u pick up not just ways to develop writing voices, but also you can just learn about the world u know ?? i been reading a few articles about the royal family in the news and its taught a lot about how the inner works of royalty is set up—things that u don't rly take the time to care to know, but in my head as i was reading it i was like omg if i ever wrote a royal au this would be so useful 💀 so yeah, very basic tip, but reading is always number one advice. and again, dont limit urself to one type of writing !! writing is so vast, u can pick up something from any genre of it

also have a certain position / place / set up when u write. i know it sounds kind of dumb at first like okay whats the difference between if i write at my desk vs at my couch but its big !! for me at least. i find that if i try to write anywhere else besides by desk im just more easily distracted and then it cuts my train of thought and my sentences come out choppy and then my flow is ruined. theres actually a big difference in my writing based on location. and having a playlist helps !! whether its of songs with lyrics that inspire you (such as sad songs for angst, romantic ones for something more intimate, etc.) or just plain classical music. classical music has been a game changer for me. (don't ask me for recs i couldn't name a single song or artist if u held a gun to my head LMAONSDFG i just search random spotify playlists)

as far as writing goes, i think its important to start writing when u have a vague ending in mind—you don't always have to have the middle parts figured out, but having an ending can help guide u as u write and pick up momentum and figure out more things to say what the middle part will be to get u to that ending. i almost never write anything without an ending in mind. sometimes its one line and sometimes its an idea / concept of an event that will happen. but yeah an ending can rly help u figure out how to structure a fic !!

figuring out if ur stronger in dialogue vs the commentary portion of writing (for lack of better words LMAO but yall know what i mean—i hope) can also help u !! i think im a bit more dialogue suited as a writer, so a lot of the things i wanna convey, like a character's feelings and thoughts, are shown thru dialogue more often. if u focus more on what ur good at, the other things will kind of come on their own so u can continue—like when i say something thru dialogue that needs some context, the next paragraph might be some background on the character that explains it. which is just basic writing i know skjdhfjgdf but sometimes i just write out like a full convo of dialogue nonstop and go back and actually add the "meat" in between to it afterward. and that's bc the dialogue comes easy to me u know ?? and the commentary / story building in between doesn't, so focusing on one forces me to have to incorporate the other and by then i've somewhat figured out what to write by then. << this method can also rly help u improve ur dialogue too tho if u struggle on that bc seeing a convo just non stop without any background info in between to break it can give u an idea of how it sounds and what the dynamic between two characters is.

also to help with dialogue u can have a convo with yourself out loud 😭 i know that sounds dumb and weird BUT TRUST ME IT RLY HELPS KSHDGDF SOBSOB sometimes u just gotta talk to urself to have a convo flow !! and that way u can also really hear the words and know if they're a bit cheesy or cringe (we have all wrote a cringey dialogue here and there, no shame in it LMAO) but yeah 😭 talking to urself helps

i always suggest breaking things up into scenes that build into a plot. if ur having issues connecting parts of a story, just break it up into scenes. like my shin fic, if u read it (u don't have to for the example dw) but it was like literally like this in my drafts: shin and reader in shop, shin gets upset. shin and reader at home, slight confrontation / sex. shin + waka convo. shin hospital. KJASHGEHF (this sounds so dumb out of context LMAO) but yeah if u do that and then individually write those scenes out, its rly not much different than like maybe writing a drabble, which is far more manageable. and then u can connect them, and boom u have a full length fic !! but yeah that's something that helps me since im still developing my skills to write longer works

also rly discussing characters with friends, reading up on their information, and staying open to discussions that analyze characters is rly important !! we all have our own takes of a character so its okay if they're not always aligning with urs, but sometimes they can help u rly figure out a character and what u feel is their back story and the focal point of who they are—and the more u understand a character, the more describing them and portraying them will be easier. and trust me when u rly feel like u understand a character, the words don't stop, either when ur giving them dialogue or when ur just giving extra back story / commentary.

so yeah that was a bit rambly skhsd im rly sorry about that but i hope that helps a bit !! tysm for the kind ask and it rly did mean a lot to me <3 good luck on ur writing !!

[spitdrunken]

hi 😳 its disc anon here again...amd im having thoughts.

imagine giving ingo an aphrodisiac before his shift (consensually ofc because i personally am not into noncon) and hes just a wreck.. he's only halfway through his shift and on break hes just so desperate that he goes to the bathroom and tries so so hard to cum but he just cant without you...hes near sobbing and hes soaked but he cant cum! he calls you, too needy and desperate to function and so you pick him up and make some bullshit excuse that hes sick or smn and go home to fuck him...

ingo is completely gone, a mess of whines and moans, face utterly debauched and stained with tears as you make him cum over and over and over, clit so so sore but that just makes him feel even better...you end up fucking him w a vibrating dildo and maybe he lets his breeding kink slip out a little...anyways he cums so so much, squirting nearly every time bc ingo is absolutely a squirter, amd hes just so fucked out.

anyways you fuck him thru the whole night (and morning too 😏) bc the aphrodisiac mixed w his already high libido basically made him like a bitch in heat -📀

TOP TIER TOP TIER TOP TIER this got so long im sure you don’t mind but LKASLKDJLSKDFJ ur tapping into my brain right now genuinely

Ingo knew this was never going to work out well, but the idea had just been so terribly exciting to him that he couldn’t let it go! He even packed three clean pairs of underwear to change into, but he was through all of them before his lunch break. The aphrodisiac had his brain all fuzzy, and he was dripping constantly. During the morning, he didn’t have to battle trainers and was just making sure the railway system was functioning correctly, which he was glad for. He was in no state to battle anyone. 

Even before his break, he’s so horny he isn’t doing his job as well as he ought to be. As he sits behind his desk, he has his legs spread wide open as he grinds against the seat, trying to angle his hips just right oh please please please- He’s panting, eyes unfocused, drool dripping down on his paperwork. And then someone walks in, and he practically jumps off his chair. It rides backwards on its wheels until it knocks into the wall. Humiliating, to say the least. 

He’s so wet he can shove two fingers inside him with ease, immediately curling them and finding the sweet spot inside of him. It keeps building and building until he’s sure he’s going to cum, but nothing just happens! Ingo can’t shove himself over the edge!! He’s practically sobbing already, wrist aching from the uncomfortable position he’s forcing it in. First, he tries to listen to some of your voicemails to see if that helps, but all it does is make him realise what he really needs:

You. He needs you so, so badly. More than anything. 

Ingo calls you, and you think something terrible has happened first, because he’s sobbing so hard he can barely speak. His hands are even shaking so badly that he drops the phone once. The whole time, his fingers are still eagerly working away at himself, just trying to dip into the sweet release that will finally calm him down, but failing.

“Ingo? Please, take a few deep breaths. I don’t get what you’re saying at all.” On the other end of the line, you hear your boyfriend trying to follow your instructions, deeply in- and exhaling shuddering breaths. Obviously, you’re aware he’s under the influence of aphrodisiacs right now, but he sounds so distraught that you’re worried. Did someone figure out what he was on, or something?”

“P-please... Please come get me...” It’s all you can make out before he bursts into sobs again. You don’t respond to give him some time to calm down, but as he quiets down a bit you swear you can hear slick noises in the background, like he’s fucking himself on his fingers. And just like that: “I... I can’t do this... Can’t cum...”

When you get to Gear Station, you find himself still in the bathroom, fingering himself. He unlocked the door, just for you. His face is a deep red and is slick with tears and sweat, dripping so much that there’s a little puddle of slick on the lid underneath him. Ingo just whines your name and spreads his legs even wider, so you put your hands on the inside of your thighs. You take one lick at his sensitive clit, and he wails. But when you put your lips around it and suck, he cums instantly. He’d be screaming if you didn’t stuff some of your fingers in his half-open mouth, and still you can only hope no one heard.

He’s completely boneless after that. You can take his fingers out of him and suck them off without protest. Ingo needs a few minutes to recover, hazy eyes staring up at the ceiling as he has the tiniest smile on his face. His legs are trembling and you have to help him up. He’s leaning half of his weight on you as he walks. There’s no need to make up an excuse for why he’s going home: To any random observer, Ingo looks like he’s running a high fever and absolutely needs to go home. One of his coworkers even calls the two of you a taxi to bring you home! Thankfully, because you got him off once already, Ingo can at least last that long.

But he’s pawing at you as soon as the door closes behind you, giving you sloppy kisses while pulling at your clothes. The whole time, he’s grinding against you. When you try to tell him you should at least go to the bedroom, he whines, like the 10 seconds of walking would kill him. I guess I won’t be able to fuck you open on my cock, then. You end up telling him, and suddenly, he’s much more eager to make his way there! How surprising!!

You dive in between his legs and eat him out until your jaw is sore. Ingo is left only making the most garbled, incomprehensible noises. But every time you pull away, his hands find the back of your head, and he’s pushing you back down. It’s only when you put the toy into him and turn it on, that he’s getting impossibly louder again. At your first thrust, his mouth hangs open in a silent scream, but then there’s an endless stream of moans flowing from his mouth. He’s too exhausted to meet your movements, but that doesn’t make his enthusiasm any less obvious.

Slick, wet noises ring out with each of your movements, and you can see him squirt with each orgasm. You’re both sweaty and exhausted. Eventually, you end up collapsing on top of him while you catch your breath, your cock still vibrating inside of him as he begs for more. Ingo collects the last bits of his energy to grind against you, garnering enough thought to form a full sentence:

“Pleasepleaseplease... F-fill me up again... I want your cum inside me so... so much...” 

You hold onto him while you’re on the verge of passing out and sleeping, shallowly grinding your cock into him as he moans in delight, left completely and utterly wrecked.

...When you wake up the next morning, it’s to Ingo having turned you around and already getting himself busy riding your strap. As soon as he notices you’re awake, he apologises, but he makes no move at all to stop himself. 

[catfish-and-the]

bout 2 rant

the way my life has been full of suffering like from what i remember my friends have always treated me like shit from elementary school thru. undergrad and its not even the same group of ppl its different ppl but they all treat me the same and when i made a band i thot i finally had some people to count on but they let me down so many times and i just had to suck it up because i know that this is the best it was gonna get and i eventually got tired of putting up with all of it thhat i just got rid of them but since then i havent been able to put a working band together bc i literally just have to put up w ppl asking me out and showing up at the wrong gig venue and not learning songs bc thats still more than any other musician has ever done for me and now im in graduate school and i sit on my ass all day coding bc i have so much homework and studying to do i cant do anythknng else and i cant go to concerts because all concerts do is remind me that everyonees friends treat them better than i get treated for over twenty fucking years and iget jealous bc i just want someone to be nice to me and i hate my program i didnt even choose it my parents forced me to go into grad shcool right away i wanted to get a gap year to see what i wantd to do and they didnt let me do that so now im stuck doing something that i hate and its sucking up my life and i hold a grudge agaisnt my parents but i also know that theyre only doing it bc thtey care about me and its really capitalism at fault but i cant help hating them and hating musicians for treating me like shit all the fucking time and ruining everything that ive ever loved and i just dont see how anything is gonna get any better bc all u do after u graduate is work 9-5 so its not any different from me coding from the moment iwake up to the moment i go back to sleep all i wanna do ever is drink and smoke bc its easy and it forces u to be happy and it takes no brain power cuz im exhausted at the end of the day all u do in life is get abused and work ur life away for money im seriously just considering k*lling myself bc i dont see how this is gonna get any better now that i dont have to do things i like and most of the things i like have been destroyed for me by all the years of mistreatment so i dont know what to do the only solution i cant hink of is su*c*de because my alcohol tolerance has increased by like 400% soon its not gonna help me either i dont know what to do i am just so angry that ive worked so hard whether it was for the band or for school i tried so hard to make everything in my life tolerable and in the end it still came out like this like it didnt work it didnt even help a little bit and if its been like this for over twenty years i dont see how its ever going to work out in the end so i feel like i just need to end it now to shorten my suffering like this is horrible this is awful

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[1990jeevas]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[magical-agatha]

What's you fav weapon type in soulsbourne (this ask sent by the halberd gang)

oh halberds are beautiful. the perfect compromise between the speed and flexibility of a sword, the range of a spear/ultra weapon, and the dmg of a greatsword or ultra. good shit. ruined by the blight that is the splitleaf. that is to say i love halberds but i wish ds3 had better balancing and wasnt like, abandoned and never getting patched again bc there is a huge balance issue with the splitleaf. but halberds are dope and ur valid. historically i would have said ultra greatswords or greathammers bc like. bonk. maximum damage in one hit. but these days im not rly sure what my favourite is. i recently played thru ds1, ds2 and im working thru ds3 for the umpteenth time. and ive been on a kick of like, light fast weapons. dex + magic. the biggest thing ive used in months was a greatsword (ds3, got the onyx blade early by running to the dork who has it in dlc 1 and using force to cheese him off a cliff).

i really like daggers though. its fun to be hyper aggressive and proc status effects on people. and ive been rly drawn to like, fist weapons and basic curved swords lately. painting guardian sword was my main in my last playthru of ds1 and it was great. ive still never gotten around to making a build with the dragonbone fists in ds2, tragically, or the dual shields in ds2. ds2 is just so long i get worn out and never finish whatever goal i set that motivated me to replay. ricard's rapier in ds1 is also competing as something thats just so over the top and fun. the heavy attack does SO much dmg with crystal magic weapon...

i feel like i cant answer this succinctly so im gonna just try to bluntly pick a favourite weapon in each category instead.

daggers: scholar's candle for the way the gesture works when you dont have the faith requirements, instead of lighting it and having a torch you just sort of, fondly stare at the weapon for a few seconds, its cute (close 2nd was the trusty bandit's knife)

fists: malformed claw or demon's fists

straight swords: barbed straight sword

thrusting swords: ricards

curved swords: threeway tie between painting guardian's, warden winblades, and the dancer's enchanted swords

spears: partizan or moonlight horn

halberds: demon catchpole

greatswords: the moonlight greatsword of course

katanas: never used it much but the washing pole is so dumb i love it

curved greatswords: server (its rly pretty if u look close its got like, gold inlay all over it)

axes: thrall ofc

greataxes: black knights

hammers: heysel pick (i rly need to make a dedicated build for this thing its rly nifty)

great hammers: tie between dragon's tooth and the ds3 spiked mace

ultra greatswords: crypt blacksword

misc shit that i have strong love for: darkmoon bow, izalith/blackwitch staff, all the greatbows and ultragreatshields, the weird chime shields in ds2 that can do fucked up stupid high dmg, friede's greatscythe, the white hair talisman, the crystal chime, and ds2's binoculars for letting me quickscope great lightning spears into other players <3

favourite weapon overall is probably the moonlight greatsword but its so hard to pick just one type of weapon lmao... theres sooooo much good shit in these games. and i havent even talked about demon's souls or bloodborne or kingsfield...

tho i realised im not answering the question right so uhh, favourite weapon *type* would probably be catalysts or dual curved swords. it just feels so nice to bonk ppl with a wizard staff, or in contrast to cut them to pieces with two elegant and decadent curved swords buffed with transgender magic (darkmoon blade).

also i hope they put the scraping spear in elden ring so i can hurt the feelings of meta players

sorry for the huge answer lol i could talk for hours about soulsborne.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 30

30 issues wow...forget the fact that I skipped like 5 issues of crossover event nonsense

another big ole swerve recap omg

this trial is so messsyyyyyyyyy lmao 

hvbajdfbahsjkfdbhjs starscream listening to meagtrons speech looking like ‘hmmmmmmm I may have miscalculated’ 

prowl looks pissed af meanwhile optimus just looks dead inside lmao

I mean. megatron kinda does have a point. this is like, the most biased, conflict of interests lookin trial of all time, in that all the major participants have some sort of long, complicated history with each other. what a mess

optimus, listening to megatron’s speech: wow this is worse than divorce court was

oh shit I totally forgot that those decepticons attacked the trial 

MAGNUS HAMMER AYYYYYY

a guy saying ‘objection!’ as optimus prime punches half his face off...that pretty much sums up idw op lmao 

op: oh thank god, I can punch shit now. I'm not cut out for this bureaucracy nonsense

megatron: thanks, random decepticon, for the attempted rescue, but I'm super old and I just want to nap so no thanks

random decepticon: wtf- [gets murdered by optimus prime]

I love op’s big ass antennae 

meanwhile, brainstorm goes to a bar and instead of buying anything, pulls out his own drink. I feel like that isn't allowed in most bars, or is at least frowned up vbsjdhfbhjdkfn. ily brainstorm 

also? big ass mood I was so broke last time I was on a barhopping vacation w/friends that I brought a cheap giantass bottle of mixed drink in my backpack and just drank that at all the bars lmao

WHIRLLLL I love his humansona sm. and also I love that whirl is into artsy french movies or w/e omg

brainstorm, drinking thru a wrist funnel: sorry I cant take my mask off rn it isn’t plot relevant yet

‘earthlets’ lmao

I love that rung is like, too pretentious to care that much about movies and would rather read earth books lol

and then bluestreak is like ‘yeah they have books...comic books’ can this man not read

I still cannot fuckign believe that the argument that got megatron out of a for-sure death sentence or w/e was ‘its not a war crime if we’re on the moon’ liiiiike what the actual hell lmao

also I love that, once again, we see magnus’s strict adherence to the law, technicalities and all

magnus: you cant really stop a trial and move it somewhere else where the laws are better suited to the outcome you desire

prowl: what are you, a cop? fuck off

also op being like ‘ok whatever all that doesn't matter...what DOES matter is that it would look bad for us to move the trial to cybertron in an obvious attempt to circumvent the rules, and public perception is what’s most important, fuck all that ‘morality’ bullshit’

meanwhile, rodimus is dead! and ambulon is also dead, which makes first aid sad, which makes ME sad

ayyy, rodimus is still alive! well, one rodimus is alive, at least 

rodimus and megatron really have the vibes of ‘stepfather and stepson forced to work together on a family road trip gone wrong after dad decided to sit this one out’ lmao

ah yes, ‘malaise’ the medical diagnostic term for ‘I don't feel so hot and idk why’ that practitioners like to throw under the ‘diagnostic notes’ section of lab orders to explain why they're ordering every blood test under the sun for a patient 

I love medical terminology. ANYWAYS

BE NICE TO MY BOY MEGATRON. 

rodimus: listen I have to come to terms with the fact that there's another version of me right here, and he’s DEAD, which means we can’t fuck, which is super lame 

I firmly believe that rodimus would be team ‘hell yeah id have sex with my AU self’ tbh 

I find it interesting that megatron is often casting blame for his actions onto others - here, he says that rodimus made him realize he doesn’t want to stop doing stuff w/his life, and then says that starscream forced his hand w/the whole ‘luna 2 law’ thing, and previously he’s said how whirl beating him up in jail is what led to him abandoning pacifism - take responsibility for your actions and decisions dude!

though he goes on to say here that he resorted to violence because he realized that the system that was in place could withstand everything else he would have tried to use to change it, which is super interesting 

megatron: okay, yes, I MIGHT have murdered billions, but I could help find us a new planet, which would be baller, sooooo...how about you co-opt your lame son’s frat boy ship and put me in charge? 

op: sounds fair to me. now how about we do some more Big Speeches before I make you somebody else’s problem

vbhdjskfbhaskdjf the ‘team rodimus’ lineup setup reminds me so much of the ‘together we make the ______’ meme with the different members being like, ‘the power’ ‘the gay’ ‘the awesome’ ‘the guy with no ears’ hbvhjdkfbs

chromedome: if I do this I could die

rodimus: that sounds like a you problem bro

‘this one time’ YEA RIGHT c'mon cd honor your dead husband’s wishes

omfg I forgot abt brainstorms ‘early early warning system’ lmao

I love nautica soooo much oh man

ooooof drift :( :( oh no

dead future rodimus!! uh oh is right

rodimus, known himbo: I'm sure I can defeat the inevitability of future events! all I have to do is cut my own arm off!

tailgateeeee he’s so cute...I love that he can tell stories of his daring escapades, just like at the beginning of mtmte, but this time its actually TRUE

OH SHITTTT GETAWAY

he looks so fucking sinister there lmao how are we NOT supposed to realize he has bad intentions from the get-go

‘you’ll make a prime one day’ well, getaway, you’re right about that at least...

cyclonus in the bg like 🤨🤔 at getaway

seriously I cant get over how getaway has such a slimy kinda vibe to him, like specifically in his interactions w/tailgate - this is before things even really take off but I'm still like TG GET AWAY (lol) FROM THIS GUY

cyclonus: somebody flirting with my crush? better go stare out a window instead of communicating absolutely anything to said crush about my feelings!

honestly I feel like, while megatron renouncing the decepticons and becoming an autobot is certainly interesting, it would be equally interesting for him to remain a decepticon but try to change the philosophy of the movement 

like, I get why op had him give that speech - to prevent the cons from trying to free megs again/thinking that he was being coerced into things (ironic considered he WAS coerced into giving that speech) - but it’s kinda the easy way our for megatron - being able to completely abandon the decepticon cause and not deal with it at all, and start over anew as an autobot

it would've been a lot harder to remain a con and try to reform what he has broken in the decepticon movement - but I think that would've been really interesting

though from a writing logistics standpoint, I get why jro didn't go for that bc we don't get a lot of other decepticons in the cast for that to work, and also megatron still definitely DOES have to face down all his mistakes w/the decepticons w/the djd and overlord and whatnot

anyways. I cant believe that all megatron had to do to join the lost light was make ONE speech denouncing the decepticons. like, they should've at least had him do a tiktok dance too or something, just to make it a really tough deal

I love the rodpod vbhjfsdkfbjaskjndfj

ok but I still don't really get the logic of making megs CAPTAIN like ouch. poor rodimus 

I feel like making megs a bartender at swerves or st would've been WAY more useful in showing him humility or w/e. OR it would've made him evil again, which, fair, 

ratchet: don't worry, we’ll medically poison him, it’ll be fine

ok but rodimus is right, this is SO messy, op wants to prove his ex husband isn't 100% evil so he’s like ‘ill let my rebellious son deal with him’ lmao god. I love this setup so much, its so wild

ratchet is also right, rodimus’s fuckup definitely pales in comparison to megatrons All That 

OH BRUTALLLLLLLL when ratchet says the list is fake ‘because my name’s not on it’ FUCKING OUCHHHHH

‘only bad guys say ‘unhand me” rodimus ily

omfg ‘we’ve practiced this’ of course they've done evacuation drills...magnus ily

lmao it’s the panel where it looks like rodimus and megatron are doing karaoke or having some sort of rap battle

and the lost light is GONE! oh shit!!!!

and there closes issue 30! once again we’ve gotten a lot of setup and exposition - which, while definitely necessary, means I don't have too much to say

I will say, throwing megatron onto the lost light has definitely mixed things up, and it’s interesting to see new dynamics already forming

so, until next time!

[originlist]

bron thots and hcs 99% harvested from rambling i sent to charri and didnt wanna retype yet

thinking about avicebrons workshop as i write. it is... a nice place to be i think. in my terms of nice. avicebron keeps it comfortably warm bc he likes it better that way. it smells like earth. warmly lit. there are various comfortable chairs because he used to just have one or two for himself and then he realized people kept coming by so hes just [sighs and adds another good chair and someone else drags in a bean bag or some shit]. hes got a bookshelf full of things. theres clutter but its an interesting kind of clutter and he knows where everything is anyways and the floor is cleared so ur not gonna trip over anything except maybe a golems whos keeping it tidy. its a chill place to read a book and if u ask nicely u can use some of the clay he keeps to makes lil figures with for fun. thonk bron: im going to make a place i like being in as a workshop narrator: this means other people will also like being there and sometimes hang out with you, which means you will be forced to acknowledge The Existence Of Other People bron: fuck. ive played myself

one day i will reread my source on kabbalah and itll be the end for everyone bc ive been interested in it since freshman year but its hard to find sources. and i have Thots about his golems but ill properly phrase them once im able to look thru my other primary source, for now i just ramble but basically his current golems except Adam arent like True Golems and even Adam is iffy because its moved past what a golem is

so proper golems are entities made thru certain specific magical rituals, and they are beings created generally by rabbis with a background in mysticism in order to help the community. a proper golem is highly autonomous and able to think on (almost) human level on its own, somewhat similar to a homunculus in proper homunculus lore but also, not. dont worry about it. i dont have the time to get into it. but one day. thats a threat. the final piece to animating them is writing on either them or an amulet they are given, which they can be returned back to earth by erasing the first letter they are, specifically, made to either help or protect which is why the reactor core thing is [singsong] bullshiiiiiiit

avicebrons golems are quickly made things that are more like basic familiars, as they possess a lower level of thought and dont follow ritual, the handoff of being less autonomy in exchange for being able to make a lot of them very quickly and easily so he doesnt count them as Proper Golems but he also classes them as More Useful For Our Situation Than A Proper Golem they can do chores and they will keep u safe but they also dissolve after a few hits

look the man’s disabled and he uses golems to make up for the fact, he doesnt need them to be durable or fully sapient he just needs them to do chores when he cant move his arms all the way and his back hurts

adam however (his NP) is a Proper Golem Plus Some. im ignoring the part where its like 'in fgo he also would need a mage or high level reactor to be its core' because thats stupid a proper golem doesnt need a core it just needs mystic words and some other stuff, but in exchange ill say he writes life into it using some part of his own magic plus whats drawn from his master, and the rest of Adam's unique reality marble ability is that it can pull mana from the earth directly quickly made familiars have mineral cores in order to like..... cores are the equivalent of when u pull back a ball on those clacker desk toys, where they keep going back and forth for longer than they should? the core jump starts the mana conversion procedure allowing it to create energy to move bc gems in fate are a good prana conduit

he can still do the thing of like. fuck i forget the word for it. earthbending. like he does in apoc where he just kinda draws shapes out of soil, but its only for various kinds of dirt. cant rly fuck with gems or metal but hes got bigass clay jars in his workshop full of dirt and clay and Various Rocks to make stuff ut of that he can control with a hand wave. it makes his life easier. bron vc do i LOOK like i can lift anything. i thought not.

uuhhhh other random bron infodumps bc i made other posts and then deleted them

no legge, prosthetics start at the hip ball-and-socket joint. arms yes. the second pair of arms is removable and attached to a thin plate that he can attach under his shoulders. the secondary shoulder joint is technically hypermobile and its easier to dematerialize/rematierialize them instead of putting them on and off. theyre usually not out unless he needs them for something. he is ambidextrious with all four of them and will show off in the name of efficient multitasking.

got a lotta facial scars from having acne as a young adult. pockmarks and the like. on top of his whole body being fucky.

does not like the cold!! makes both his physical and prosthetic joints feel stiff. will not mention it but will just [slowly recedes further into his cloak]

his hair is not as fun as it looks (to me). he hates having a body in general and so he will intentionally refuse to care for any non-prosthetic part of himself properly for it until it gets bad, so his hair is generally kinda dry and messy. its not Bad bad but its not great.

he takes better care of his fake legs than he does the parts of his body he cant replace and u should yell at him for it.

his cloak is also not as heavy as it looks like it should be. its carefully balanced. he can and will however bonk you with the pointy bits if you stand too close to him. forcibly mandated 4-ft personal bubble.

THIS MAN CLICK CLACKS WHEN HE MOVES AND I DONT CARE WHAT APOCS LACK OF SOUND EFFECTS TRIES TO IMPLY. this man WILL go click clack between his feet and the metal decoration thingies on his cloak bonking each other.

people who know shit about golem lore feel free to tell me all my books are packed but thoughts ping like ping-pongs

actually just tell me about folklore in general from any of u i like legends and mysticism 

if u have read this far tell me about some of ur folklore

[sargentr]

my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K 

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint. 

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing. 

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes. 

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war. 

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws. 

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. 

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot. 

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!! 

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated  / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT. 

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

[yoitscro]

tw: depressive/anxiety talk, suicidal thoughts

its 2:42 am while im writing this, because i cant sleep.

i thought distracting myself enough during the day through working on cosplays and watching youtube videos would help, but after a while it starts to become repetitive enough for my mind to start wandering. specifically to what led me to try and force myself to fixate on it as a distraction in the first place.

a lot of the babbling is going to be weird nonsense that only close friends of mine will get, or people who have no business being on my blog. you know who you are.

the last week has been me dealing with feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and depression. all drifting into an overall feeling of helplessness. not as bad, but feeling just as bad as when a very close friend had ghosted me in late 2018. not as intimidate either, woof, but still bad. 

i spoke up about one of my many feelings about a particular fandom issue in a way that got me into completely avoidable controversy by those who wanted to think ill of me. i was then baited into a spotlight of purposeful humiliation in front of people i either respected, tolerated, or have had the willingness to support thru my own wallet. 

i left the space due to not wanting to be further witch trialed, after already previously put in a panic due to things being dealt with in a less than mature light. my heart was racing, i had to go to work, and i kept trying to keep from tearing up at the wheel.

the conflict was stuff destined to build up. stuff unspoken about due to the unwillingness to solve issues early on and to make things easy on everyone involve. and in return, ive found a similar pattern that i have with many online situations; tolerant relationships to unspoken beefs, an eventual boiling point, and separation.

i think the thing that stings the most is that if anyone of witness to said spotlight thought of it to be too far, that im certainly not being assured that my relationships aren’t forever poisoned. that anyone is at my side or willing to speak up about how bad things are versus sweeping it under the rug like it never happened. i havent really had anyone directly a witness to it talk to me since. not that they have to, but it makes a situation feel less ignored, or eerily erased. less salt to a wound of previously short responses and ignored conversation from those (some) who enabled abuses of power.

good ol homestuck drama.

(i also keep getting accused of chasing for clout due to not being drastically defensive about sharing a space with others, but that’s its own thing.)

the night after, fitting enough, i got into a fight with my mom over something that didn’t call for dramatics. a very similar theme: she spoke over me, blamed me for things in a blatant form of manipulative psyche play, and threatened to kick me out of the space. after, i left the house during the warning of tornadoes to be by myself, and eventually stayed at a kind friend’s place. i cried and drove with a dead phone battery hoping to run into something by freak accident for the sake of not having to deal with the now. i dont think it was a panic attack? i wouldn’t know. 

a few days after, she asked me to help with groceries.

like nothing happened.

i asked my dad about it, and he was very centrist in his ideals and talked about what i should do better versus at all acknowledging the wrongs of my mom.

this is a theme that keeps happening.

i feel like this is always going to keep happening, bc these issues aren’t the firsts. i feel that if i keep attempting to go about my business in a space that something’s always going to come up regardless of how serious the situation actually is. and that someone is going to be out there waiting for me to slight them in some minimalist way to call fault while others know and do nothing.

the home life makes me feel like im no where close to leaving the situation easily, especially with little open help within proximity. i want to move, but it doesn’t seem likely for a good bit.

the fandom life makes me feel like my ability to create things for a series i care about is dampened due to direct behavior from those most relevant to it, and further more makes me unsure who i can casually converse with who hasn’t been told something. who pretends to be tolerable. most of the issues stemming from me venting in private spaces about callous situations (as if i’m the only one to have done this ever) , or from issues that never happened.

it’ll probably happen again for the hintings in this very vent: being put on a spotlight in front of multiple witnesses and contacts over a situation misconstruing my morality. fuck off if i dont have my own space to vent about being put in a vulnerable situation and my boundaries ignored.

i dont think im completely free of judged behavior. i just think others (guess whichever one at your leisure) are not exempt from their own, what it causes as a reactive antagonizing, and neither the people who’ve enabled continuation or dismissed the boiling points. 

i dunno. i felt like typing something out. the last week ive mostly felt glued to the couch.

i dont have a solution but if anything i just want to sleep so this isn’t on my mind.

ive been having very drastic thoughts recently since i feel backed into some kind of corner with the options my luck gives me, but i guess im lucky im too cowardly to do shit.

again, i was distracting myself with cosplay stuff earlier. ill probably distract myself with drawing on a later date. but i cant help but feel like things will either get worse or i’ll have to endure acting like things are fine. again.

i suppose the best thing is sticking to my own and continuing to do my own thing even if things dont look up. even tho ive been doing that.

that’s all.

night.

[boojersey]

content warning for this long ass fucking story: lots of medical fuckups and body horror in the doctors office. this is super graphic depiction of my doctor visit which entailed a procedure. you have been warned >;)

i went to the foot doctor today to get my lifelong ingrown toenail issue corrected on one toe after i stubbed it so bad the nail split down the middle and the entire top half of my toenail unseated and snapped off and this was easily the weirdest doctor visit ive ever had so strap in folks. so i was talking to the doctor and she was telling me about the procedure and i was like i get to watch right and she was like uh ya if u want ! and she was literally drop dead beautiful in an intelligent and passionate slightly frazzled doctor way and i was so fucking chill every second she was in the room.

the nurses come in and tell me theyre gonna apply the anesthetic and one of them is brand new and in training and i was like UH i need to be laid down. bc if i see the syringe while you do this i WILL pass out. and they were like sweet ok just fine and so the anesthetic involved two syringe applications (since both sides of my toenail get ingrown) basically ballooning up my foot with some anesthetic and as they did this they “froze” my toe with i believe nitrous? it was weird bc it wasnt the same chemical i was familiar with that was a numbing agent but it was a freezy thing anyway. anyway the first syringe goes smoothly. the second one???? FUCKING snaps in half on the way in. the plunger literally *pop* snaps in half and theyre like ...........thats never happened. so they go for another syringe and im like. heave ho in the brain trying to be ok but i was SMART AS SHIT before going to this appointment because i knew what the surgery would entail and i Wanted to watch. so i drank about half a twisted tea and i was feeling very liquid courage otherwise i literally mightve cried during this appointment. anyway. they come back and administer round two again? and THE SAME THING HAPPENS. and my toe is NOT NUMB YET and so i FEEL as the nurse says well im not wasting another needle AND MACGYVERS IT PRETTY MUCH TREATING MY TOE LIKE PLAY DOH AND SQUEEZING ANESTHETIC AROUND SWISHING IT THRU THE FLESH. ALL WHILE I FEEL HER FORCING THE ANESTHETIC IN BY HAND AND NOT BY PLUNGER BASE.it was seriously terrible.

nurses eventually finish. they have to bring me a cup of water. anesthetic didnt totally do its job. i still feel on the bottom of my toe. they say its fine. im thanking the gods im tipsy. i feel as she pokes the bottom of my toe with the surgical pliers again and im about to ask if they can just do it anyway because im so terrified of more anesthetic. the beautiful doctor reenters and im suddenly feeling completely better. she tells me the fact i can feel only on the very bottom is no big deal.

i dont give a shit about the anesthetic. she tourniquets me up at the base of my toe (this is usually something that my phobia kicks in with since its usually a sign im getting a needle; pretty doctor is here so all is well and my anxieties do not appear) and goes ‘still wanna watch?’

the nurse who was training the other answers first saying im skittish. i say yes. her jaw drops. ‘you cant take the needle but you can take watching your toe get ripped apart?’ i nod eagerly. i do not tell her this is because i watch dr miami’s snapchats and ran a gore blog in my teens. i can tell the doctor likes me. she goes into a story about how she’s kind of glad about the new safety features corona brought because she is less able to smell patients with foot odor. as shes saying this shes inserting something inbetween the receding nail and the skin it has so long bruised and hurt in my life and in one smooth motion pries my skin apart. i watch, rapt, as she sections off the piece of the nail she deems ingrown with a pair of scissors, then takes the pliers and like a first grader’s baby tooth yanks and removes the nail. the piece that had been causing me so much pain was ENORMOUS. im talking like a centimeter wide which is a lot for a nail. it’s jagged and sharp, having grown only into whatever flesh it could. she pries out a few more bits, then picks up an object that reminds me of a microscopic spoon? if you’ve seen the tiny kitchen videos it reminds me of what an ice cream scooper would look like on there. she takes this and cores out the area like an eye on a potato. its insane to watch happen to myself, especially with the reminder that its happening to myself in that theres still a dull thumping feeling regardless of the anesthetic during this procedure, theres just no pain or Feeling feeling. she repeats this on the other side, then tells me about the chemical shes going to be inserting into the now gaping wounds in my toe. it’s got a 99.9% chance of making these changes to my toenail width permanent, meaning i should never be plagued by a purple and sore toe just because my brittle nail broke the day before. im practically crying in relief as she takes pointed qtips dipped in this chemical and spin cycles them into the wounds like a pneumatic drill. she gets up and says i should think about the medical field if i dont get queasy at such an event, and i let in on my phobia to the room of her and the two nurses. theyre all clearly confused by the parameters of it as i tell them i have a tattoo and pierce my face, i just cant Look at a syringe or ill pass out. the doctor leaves and im left in her wake of calm as the nurses wrap my toe in bandages. theyre red. it looks like a clown nose for my foot.

i hobble out of the room and schedule my follow up for the other foot. i need a sharps bag taped around the lower portion of my sock because it’s raining as i climb the stairs of my apartment. i have had to piss like a motherfucker the entire procedure but was too afraid to interrupt. i cant wait for the rain to let up to take my socked foot up to the third floor.

my mother tells me its disgusting that i cant shower for the day. i go into my room, drink the rest of the twisted tea, and promptly fall asleep for four hours.

send tweet.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 21

"DOUBLE JEOPARDY"

Notes by me

- uh daniels hair is long again???

- when the guy says that he knows them. My kids got a rep ayyyy 🤙

- bro I doubt theyve met you

- Jack just gets up and walks away and nobody notices????

- tealcs cheek muscles jumping out of pure rage

- daniels hair is bothering me. Doesnt he have it short for the rest of the series??? Why would they have it long for one ep

- this guy has the BIGGEST crush on cronos and his wife is literally helping the rebels

- DIRECTED BY MICHEAL SHANKS

- "he called me major" ????? Is this another dimension of sg1 wheres shes still a captain??? She did say the realities overlap

- cronos looks like my homophobic aunt

- uuhhhh he brought up killing tealcs dad thats it someone hold my beer

- hello what the hell is going on

- he gives Jack a lil shake of his head. I'm going to jump off a cliff

-uuhhhh Daniel just got his head BLASTED off????? and he closed his eyes to accept it

- FUCKIN!!!!! ROBOTS!!!!

- that makes sense actually. He said there were two of them and Sam said something about 8 hrs earlier and i remember they cant leave the planet for a very long time

- ALSO this means I was right. Robot Jack didnt bury the gate and someone owes me MONEY

- I guess the robot duplicates are in trouble this should be fun! TWICE the fun haha get it

- actually now that i think about robot Daniel accepting death is really on point for the character bc he would be really depressed about not being able to go home and continue his work. Plus he would have all of OG daniels mental health issues. Maybe he felt there was nothing to live for...no sha're.....lost all his research.....all his possessions.....his house.....his job. I'm depressed now

- KOMTRAYA

- jacks like no please anyone but him

- "what are you" robots!!!

- Sam said she built a portable charger for the robots in their chests but then why did robot Sam say they only had 8 hrs?

- "what is it that you do?"

PLEASE TELL ME I NEED TO KNOW

- they ignored the question and im about to throw my phone out the window

- what do they have on their resumes??? "Space Shit"

- "your robot counter part is equally as good at following orders as you are"

- daniels not in this one I guess. Michael shanks had to be behind the camera the whole time to Direct

- they're not gonna HELP?? Arent you guys suppossed to protect the planets you liberate or do you just drop them when your done with them? Bitches

- P3X729

- Jack taking them down from the bushes likes a ninja

- "your the Other PAL"

Jack on Jack violence

- robot Jack sad about robot Daniel :(

- whos this lady in all black with the worst lipstick

- "what the hell you think your doing?"

"What you do.....only BETTER"

Robot Jack petty as fuck I love him

- confirmation Jack gets embarrassed when he does something wrong

- "come on fly boy!!" Guys....guys this isnt gonna help *scuffling in the backround*

- Jack 1 has Jack 2 in a headlock, ref is starting the countdown

-

- "sirs!" Sam is done with your SHIT

- who would win a fight. Jack or Jack

- "its not like you havnt lied to yourself before" ooooooohhhhhhhh snap

- "I so own you" aldjsjdjdjd

- FINALLY they are saving the planet like they SHOULD

- daniels lovely decapitated body on the table is a bit unappetizing

- this is like the 3rd version of Daniel that is dead btw

- "this kinda thing happens to us all the time" Sam has had a rough life

- they can communicate with their brains??? You cant tell me they didnt fall in love and become poly

- "its simple....." I seriously thought she was gonna finish the sentence with You shove it up your ass

- robot Jack can take a hit!

- several hits

- is he dying

- "got gas" has just gonna let one rip and he'll be fine

- robot tealc came here to FIGHT

- shooting him not gonna work you gotta get close and rip his arms off

- its always fun when they listen to me

- robot Sam starting a bomb like a bad bitch

- ah for fucks sake when will cronos DIE

- TEALC TEAM WORK

- "for our father"

- and all the robots are dying ??? This isnt fair

- robot Jack is the last one left oh god

- "are we still so far from real to you?"

"No......i guess not"

- he gave up. U know he probably didnt think there was any point in living if he didnt have his team with him

-this ep ripped my heart out I'm prepared to sue

~

Robot tealc whump: hands tied,manhandled, forced kneeling electric pain?, shot, noises, fought, death

Robot Jack whump: shot by zat, passed out, shot in arm and leg and side, "bleeding" out, death

Robot Sam whump: hands tied,manhandled, forced kneeling, electric pain? , forces hand thru force shield (painful), cut on cheek revealing circuitry, death

Robot Daniel whump: hands tied, manhandled, forced kneeling, executed, decapitated by staff blast, death

Original tealc whump: staff blast, fought with cronos

🤓no glasses!Daniel for about 15 minutes up until robot Daniel dies

🎶listening to 10,000 Weight In Gold by The Head And The Heart🎶 "it never feels like treasure, til you lose it all" thinking about how they lost everything when they had to stay on the planet and how they wanted to keep fighting and do the right thing. How much they cared about each other. Im spiraling

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life