#whatever...was a fun little exercise ig | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

companionwolf · 5 months ago

Text

posting this here bc. it feels correct. and not too vulnerable or revealing. under cut though bc it's long as hell. it's my responses to the two module 1 topic 1 writing exercises for finding solid ground. which. module 1 is abt uh. grounding? topic 1 introduces it.

finding solid ground workbook module 1 topic 1 'grounding' written exercise answers --

exercise 1

it's 2024. uh december 1st. 2:02pm.

i am. the body? whatever. the answer is 25. i'm sitting on my bed in our childhood bedroom of the house on [location details redacted].

sight:

uh. the walls of the room are a blue purple lilac sort of color. slightly textured when i touch them. the floor is a light beige wood sort of thing. smooth. shiny. lots of stuffed animals on the end of the bed. there's a. uh desk in the far corner. it's brown and wooden. a laptop is on it. black. on that is a fake briefcase. that's my triangle agency boxed set. it's made of cardboard i think. it's smooth and well made. there's tubs of stuff. a metal shelf with the aibos and more stuff. my bedside table with the lamp and a bunch of shit. etc. our room is messy. the bookshelf is white with wolf's altar on top. then it's ttrpgs and other books. it's wooden. there's also the. brown bookshelf? it has random stuff on it and it's wooden. it's between the desk and white bookshelf. is this enough writing...?

sounds:

the fan is. making a weird shaking noise. not loud but notable and high pitched. i can hear the distant sound of the football game announcers in the living room downstairs; that's not very loud. there's something humming. electricity, high pitched. it's very quiet. i can hear myself typing on the phone screen. very muffled and soft. uh. that's it.

textures:

the wall is slightly textured. bumpy. kind of cold. bedsheets are not quite smooth but they're not uncomfortable. they're room temperature. the big wolf plushie is smooth and soft. a little warm from me leaning on it. the weighted blanket is very soft and smooth. not cold or warm though.

smells:

i don't smell anything.

post writing exercise 1 feeling:

uh. i feel more connected ig. more here. i think. i wish id written down how i felt at the start. it doesn't. it feels almost worse in a way. idk.

exercise 2

a) what makes me not want to ground?

uh. it can feel bad. to be connected. too much. it feels weird and. a lot. like rn ig. i don't like it.

b) anything you fear about grounding/connecting to the present?

ig im worried i can't handle it. always a bit dissociative i think. being here is. do people really always feel here? or in their bodies? that seems so strange. ig im also worried it'll. like. hurt me? to be grounded and connected. in a. overwhelmed way. so kind of what i said before.

getting a headache as i write this, fuck...

c) what do you abt dissociating etc?

it's easy. no effort. it. helps? i don't have to be so. it's less intense. it feels almost. not good but it's familiar.

d) what is scary or disliked abt dissociating?

not being sure who i am. the emotional blunted thing. i think it causes me distress? i get. idk. it's hard to describe. being numb is not fun though.

e) reasons to me it's important to be grounded

keeps you safer. helps you make better decisions. helps you know shit is now. not then. helps you heal and learn it's okay to be here.

pros of grounding:

- keeps you safer

- helps you make better decisions

- helps differentiate between past and present

- help you heal and learn it's okay to be here

- less distress?

- less identity confusion

- less numbness and blunted emotions

cons of grounding / pros of dissociating

- it's so fucking easy to be out of it

- it's less intense then being present is

- feels familiar

#other post #-pr #fsg progress #going to use that as a tag for this

1 note · View note

ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 4 years ago

Text

fearless - a close reading

this is louis speaking from the heart, getting so honest it hurts. good thing these lyrics are not directed at me bc wow i would be brittle. it’s louis the strong leader shining through, the wise older brother who gently offers advice when someone he cares about is going in the wrong direction. yea ig i did that sorry

i care about this one a lot, and genuinely it’s just another fucking banger, so here we go.

walls, track 8

*playground noises*

Cash in your weekend treasures For a suit and tie, a second wife

(another inconsistency with louis’s album booklet: there it says “cashing” - imp “cash in” makes the most sense, since otherwise there wouldn’t be a sentence)

“weekend treasures” - earns money over the weekend? has fun? good experiences? or is it sarcastic and is “you” just escaping for the sake of it

“cash in”: exchange your fun life for the one in a suit with a wife - living a double life

“suit and tie”: trope of the businessman with the family living a lie (- she)

superficial - looks, image of someone who has their shit together

Now I’m not saying that you could’ve done better Just remember that I, I’ve seen that fire alight

i’m saying you can be better though. i’m an old friend, i know you, and i can see now that your fire has been extinguished

Tell me, do you, tell me, do you still remember feeling young? Tell me the truth, tell me, do you still remember feeling young

conversation; louis is pressing the matter gently, repeating his question with added “tell me the truth” bc “you” is lying, to louis and to themselves

“you” can live a lie all they want but louis sees through it and won’t take them lying to him too. louis wants to get the truth out of them in order to help them

always “young” - old friends, lifelong experiences

And strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people?

“you” is not being strong atm, though they used to be

“enough” - implies that the challenges and expectations are high and it takes a lot of strength to handle them

“you” is afraid to fail, and though they used to be resilient enough to get back up when it did happen, they lost that will to fight

“all these people” - who are they? an audience, watching? people judging them? “these” also implies they’re still there, and also that they’re close to/ (perhaps) watching louis - otherwise he would’ve used “those”

general “they” on walls, always with the eerie connotation of people judging, exercising influence

“wonder what they’d say if they could see us now” - wmi

“don’t know why they put all of this on us when we’re so young” - wmi

“when they said a love like this would never last” - too young

“and they’ll say, ‘i told you so’” - only the brave

Just for tonight, look inside and spark that memory of you Strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people

stop ignoring yourself, for once

this person has thoroughly lost themselves: they need to spark the memory first, since that “you” is buried so deep down

“spark” - “fire alight”: keeping up the metaphor of this person’s personality and life force as fire, burning bright

Fearless, fearless Fearless, fearless

remember when you were fearless?

come on, babe, let’s be strong, proud, happy

Now if happiness is always measured By the life you design, that car on the drive

a life by design: fake

material possessions won’t bring you happiness, although “you” seems to be chasing happiness in that direction - got priorities wrong

louis’s own mentality about happiness shining through: it’s all about staying true to yourself, that’s when you’re truly happy

Then you should feel better than ever But you know as well as I, it’s all lies

“we’re in the same boat” - louis knows about this side of life: trying to chase happiness through wealth + living a lie

the life you have as a celebrity is not real: the riches, the attention, the stories; but “you” has lost sight of that, lost themselves in it - started living the lie without staying grounded in their real self, like they used to

implication that a celebrity always leads a double life, no matter what, and the way to stay sane is to keep that split in check, keep those lives separate

Tell me, do you, tell me, do you still remember feeling young?

SYNTHESIS

In Louis’s own track by track, he stays very close to the lyrics (for once) when explaining what the song is about. Additionally, our Peter Pan says that it’s about “encouraging youth and a little bit of recklessness.” *act my age starts playing*

This definitely reminds me of Louis’s relationship with a certain someone, but I’ll leave that in the middle. (There’s so many interpretations that I won’t interfere with your own findings, or my own future findings for that matter. I’d honestly love to hear whatever you think about this song!!)

In any case, Fearless is interesting in how it tells a story about someone else, someone Louis is speaking to and knows well, while it reveals a lot about Louis too. This “you” that has lost their way, lost their spark, has gone down a path that Louis could have gone down too, and maybe he almost did, or even tried out for a bit. Louis is full of patience and understanding, because he knows how hard it can be. He also knows, and says, that it’s necessary to keep re-evaluating yourself and what you’re doing in order to not get lost. He knows how easy it is to lose yourself and lose sight of what really makes you happy. It’s what he’s been singing about throughout the entire album.

Here, his friend, who he’s talking to as if he’s an older brother, almost, seems to have given up the fight without meaning to. What that fight is, in specifics, is something we’ll never know, of course, but Louis is still very revealing. Money, a second wife? If there’s one thing celebrities have said is how easy it is to lose yourself once you’re in the limelight. The attention, the money, the whirlwind of press surrounding you, a manufactured image to keep fans and labels/... as happy as possible... it sounds like hell to try to stay sane. If you have a network of people around you who genuinely care about your wellbeing, you might succeed in keeping your feet on the ground, but not everyone is that lucky. “They” might not have your best interests at heart, which is something Louis seems to have a lot of experience with.

Being a celebrity and staying sane as a someone in the public eye involves this image that’s all lies, but Louis seems to be saying that there’s no way around it. He’s definitely been vocal about how the industry is full of shitty experiences, Copy of a Copy of a Copy as a loud example of that, but he might be saying that the public image, the front that the fans and outsiders believe in, is necessary to be able to maintain some sanity, privacy, happiness.

What “you” has been doing, though, is leaning into that life, that image, that focuses only on material wealth, looks, having the picture-perfect job and relationship, and has lost of who they are along the way. And Louis, their friend since a long time, is asking them to calm the fuck down and use their brain for just one second to see if they can even remember who they used to be. (Honestly, if someone would ask me that? If I could spark the memory of me? I would burst into tears and sob until I was dehydrated. Seriously wtf.)

So, I definitely think there is truth in what Louis said in his track by track, but it digs a little deeper than just asking his friend to take life less seriously. As usual.

I hope the person who this song was directed to got the message and perhaps also made the decision to spend some more time with his old friend Tommo, bc he’s on the right side of things here. (As I think he usually is.) And he’s got their back.

#fearless #lyric analysis #walls analysis #i enjoyed this one very much <3 #such a good song with such great lyrics #also keep in mind that i'm purposefully only hinting at who this might be about bc really i have no idea #it's just a feeling #and it fits for me and that's how i like to roll yk #my brain my reality #anyways let me know what you think!!!

104 notes · View notes

uno-writing · 3 years ago

Text

UnO Main Cast Appearances and Accents HCs!

I literally have no reason for any of these HCs. Idk, I just like them. Also, the pics below are just panels I traced from the comic (I can’t draw I’m sorry) and colored them. I take no credit for the line art :)

Sera is p much the same. She just has freckles, I got the idea from @still-not-over-rei (your sera freckles look prettier btw <3) I think she’s got a slimmer build, but still muscular. Like a sprinter’s build. I think she’d have a pretty high metabolism. I think she’d have a Connecticut accent, however the way she says somethings are similar to John’s accent.

John’s Latino, idk why. I just think it’s really funny that he’d swearing at people in Spanish and non-Spanish speakers thinking he’s putting a curse on them or something. He has lil scars all over him, whether from when he got bullied or just from him doing stupid shit as a kid. He 100% was a problem child (still is tbh). I HC him to have the build about like an MMA fighter, though maybe less bulky since he prioritized dodging when he was pretending to be powerless, and his main forms of exercise seem to be punching and running. I think he’d have a Boston accent. Surprisingly, it’s not cause he’s from New Boston. He just swears too much to not have a Boston accent.

I didn’t really change his design. Idk why, I just like how he looks ig. Now…you gotta hear me out on this one…he was raised in the south but he covered up his accent so it’s kinda indecipherable where he’s from but every now and then his southern accent comes out, specifically when he's angry or when he swears (one of the reasons he doesn't swear often).

Remi and Rei’s mom is white and their dad is Afro-Latino. Rei’s a little bit darker than Remi but not by much. Remi ABSOLUTELY paints her nails to match whatever color bow she’s gonna wear. I say she’s muscular. Like I think she rowed (as a sport) a lot with her mom when she was younger so that muscle kinda stuck. I have no reason for this but I think she’s from somewhere near New Orleans, like she’s got the accent but she didn’t grow up in the city. obviously not because i think both remi and rei would be very attractive and near unstoppable with a new orleans accent

Blyke’s Italian. I don’t make the rules. I HC he used to be a bit of a chubby kid because he spent so much time with his grandmother and she just kept him well supplied with carbs. He’s muscular, he a gym boy. Pretty similar to John in build, however he’s got bigger arms than John does. He’s from somewhere in the New England states. Jersey maybe??? Whatever it is its not very strong. But he didn’t grow up in a city, more of a suburban area.

Isen’s white. He sunburns really easily and Remi and Blyke make fun of him for it (Blyke’s the type of mf to slap the sunburns as hard as he can. Like poor Isen gets whelps from it). I know uru-chan has said he dyes the dark part of his hair, however I HC that he bleaches the top of his hair bc his eyebrows are darker and match the dark brown part of his hair. When he first started bleaching his hair (after the dumbass trio were formed) he’d let it sit on his hair for so fucking long and it started to fry his hair. He only stopped this when Blyke asked him wtf he was doing. He still just lathers his hair in bleach instead of separating it and doing it how you're supposed to, so it’s a little patchy in some places. He’s p muscular tbh, but it sits on him differently so he still looks kinda skinny. Isen’s absolutely from New York and absolutely grew up in the city and he’s got a thick accent. He used to make jokes that he was in the mob with members of Blyke’s family and this continued until Blyke out bullshits him. “Oh yeah, Uncle Giovanni mentioned you. He said he wants to meet you at the docks.” Even though it’s the absolutely worst lie Blyke could have made and Blyke’s very obviously red faced the entire time, Isen just fucking panics because he thinks that Blyke’s uncle in the mob is pissed at him for making mob jokes. (Blyke doesn't have an uncle Giovanni btw, it's just the first name that came to mind)

***EXTRA****

Dumbass Trio my beloved <3 <3

#unordinary #unordinary headcanon #unordinary main cast #unordinary seraphina #unordinary john #unordinary arlo #unordinary remi #unordinary blyke #unordinary isen #dumbasstrio #berriwords

34 notes · View notes

valfeathers · 3 years ago

Note

You mentioned a rewrite in the tags, yes? If so, what's some of the chief changes in it concerning DRT? Any shakeups for whose in the main cast? Or character deaths?

Well... First off, forgive me for the unholy wall of text! This is a long post and i go into some writer speak so be warned ig!

I kind of want to clear up any real vagueness and let the story speak for itself, which means removing some of the unnecessary twists (like asa not being a real person in the flashbacks only to actually end up being a real person after all) and giving the plot beats more breathing room so that they can really have an impact. The illustrations would be heavy with symbolism and i'm definitely keeping imagery from the more abstract parts of the books but as a whole i want to tone down the story and focus on the characters and their motivations, that isn't to say that I'm going to neglect the plot, timeline or worldbuilding though! I just want to form a real connection here and really explore this unique situation/setting.

And I do want to mention that this project is entirely for fun and an exercise of my abilities as a writer/artist/character designer, which means I'll be taking several creative liberties. Which means you could call it an AU? Technically.

I want to go into this and leave no stone unturned! Recently I've been working on environment design as well as actually nailing down settings and even writing little drabbles from the perspectives of lesser known characters. Really exploring it, this is a good way to make something productive of my hyperfixation rather than leaving this untouched forever!

And now for some of the key changes that are definitely set in stone:

-For starters, and this may be controversial, but I'm removing the Kudan entirely. To deliver the short and sweet of it, Blue Ink is no longer secretly a prophetic god. I, however, will still be including cow imagery every chance i get, rest assured.

-I'm also scrapping nearly every cameo from other ingame characters, the only exceptions being Junko and the ultimate impostor. the reason that i decided to cut this is because i want it to feel more like a standalone series, and while the cameos from sakura, celeste, hifumi and the remnants were fun, i want to take the time to develop the antagonists that were introduced in the books ie (suzuhiko, kazuya, and the Hardly Mentioned At All assassins who were gunning for byakuya.)

-And this is technically me undoing a character death but whatever, Shinobu ends up surviving the events of the competition flashbacks. I'm giving her a few more years and Then killing her.

-Speaking of shinobu, I'm taking a slightly different approach to the k2k system and its effects. whilst yes, this is still a plot point its function is different. rather than fabricate false memories, it now, because of a malfunction, ends up erasing a portion of her memory for reasons that will be explained later, nerfing her memories of the majority of her time as a student as well as any real close relationships she had. this is a the main point of tension for her character as well as one of the (hopefully) most impactful twists of the AU.

-which means that the names of the main cast will stay the same, ie. Hiroyuki and Yuika Ketouin, potential heirs to the ketouin conglomerate will remain Hiroyuki and Yuika ketouin (i'm aware that they are characters from another series making a cameo but for AU purposes i'll be taking those aforementioned creative liberties). other than the ultimate impostor, you can assume that any name given to a character is the correct one. again, not only did i make this choice for simplicity's sake, but also as an opportunity to connect to these characters and make them feel more tangible and solid.

-this means that the events of the flashbacks happen just as they're shown as well! all of the siblings, their names, talents and the events of the competition are shown as they happened with no interference whatsoever.

-speaking of the siblings, i would also be extending the flashbacks in order to really get to know them as well, like i've mentioned in previous posts i've designed each of them and am working on getting designs for their parents finalised as well, although it's taking a while.

this post is getting long but this is just a fraction of what i have planned! i'll leave off for now

i'll be willing to answer any questions but it may take me a minute to respond!

#danganronpa #asks #dr:t #shinobu togami #drt asks

2 notes · View notes

cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

Text

• ROHAN WASTI•

IG info/bio: @/niceguyroasti | 175k followers | Just here for a bit of fun 🤹🏽‍♂️! They don’t call me the brown handstand king for nuthin, mate 🎪🤸🏽‍♂️

(23) 25 (26) years old

From Wolverhampton, England

Before you ask...no he’s never met Liam Payne but Rohan’s sure he’s a great lad. (He was asked this question in one of his lives, he secretly thinks it was talia from one of her secret burner stan accounts lol) He’s got a nice tune with a boogie w da hoodie that he likes??

Anyways...he’s of Pakistani heritage

His mother used to work for a printing press company until she along with 15 other employees were laid off back in Sargodha

She was out of work for months becoming a stay at home mom (which his father initially wanted)

While his father continued in ironwork

They uprooted their family to the uk two years later after Rohan’s father also got laid off

Rohan was about 7 years old when they moved to Wolverhampton

he picked up on the English language faster than his parents

Always a quick learner

He has two younger brothers

Who are really his cousins/friends of the family that his parents brought home from Pakistan after their parents passed in a tragic accident

he was eleven years old when he met them at the airport and was super excited to have sibs! & even encouraged his mom to let him buy them something they would like sort of like a ice breaker which they seemed to appreciate 😭

His parents wanted him to major in software engineering or any form of engineering really but that quickly became a “hell no” vs “hell yeah” after those courses started to rot his brain?

So what does he do? He decides he’s gonna major in psychology instead!

That seems more of his speed? Kinda? As long as he’s not dealing with that hardware shit then that’s cool with him tbh

Psych held more of his interest since he doesn’t have a issue with the whole science aspect tied into it but it’s deff lengthy and can be draining sometimes too

He doesn’t psychoanalyze everything like our girl marisol does

marisol will be like “hmm...you’re distributing narcissistic behavior based on your superego more than your ego ya know?”

but Rohan will either think it or think nothing of it and just continue to go with the flow lol. He’s that kinda guy

Why was he majoring in this in the first place? Just to say he had the degree in something maybe?

He’s 50/50 thinking he’ll just get the degree he’s halfway there but he really wants to be part of the circus

And now has circus themed tatts that he’s proud of thank u

Always had the obsession with all that comes with the circus, he had his paternal grandfather to thank for that

His grandfather used to juggle along with other forms of entertainment but mostly juggling on the street back in Pakistan to earn $ since there were a lack of jobs

The atmosphere there also was what got him into doing handstands cause why tf not

You can absolutely guess that the acrobats, trapeze acts, and tightrope entertainers are his favorites to watch

His parents just assumed it was a hobby of his and never took him serious even tho he openly said growing up that’s something he would like to do in life

He now understands the purpose of “freak shows” even tho he can honestly say those parts of the circus used to terrify him until he learned that not everyone is the same and there should be no shame in that

He will train on the side until he finishes his degree to make his parents happy but he knows he truly belongs in the circus and that’s where he will be someday whether his parents approve or not— after all this is his life

Lives on campus and is currently looking for a flat off campus to share with a roommate or two (he thought about asking jake & Tim but decided against it FOR NOW)

Mostly had temporary and odd jobs to get by each semester, has not had a steady job due to fully being a full-time student

He’s tried to be a full time student and full time employee (working as a package delivery man) just to burn himself out and never attempted to be a part time employee. It was not something he could handle sorry

His mother spoils him...he’s a bit of a mama’s boy

When it comes to relationships, it never seems to be what he thinks it is? One moment things are going great then the next he’s in the friend zone so he’s never quite sure where he stands with his significant others?

Which is why he thinks it’s safe to always start off in the friend zone or unintentionally puts those who have interest in him in the friend zone because that’s what’s comfortable to him

however if he’s really into you & you’re showing that you’re into him but it’s causal dating or whatever u want to call it? & you up and decide to pick the other over him catching him off guard he’s gonna be in his feelings about it 100% ex.) how he picked erikah over mc the 2nd time around and felt some type of way when erikah hopped on reeses dck

he wants communication even if it’s hard

and he wants someone to love unconditionally and for them to love him back

Definitely likes to sweep his loves off their feet

Especially when he’s kissing! The whole dipping you while you kiss, hand on the small of your back, or hands gripping your waist while he’s pressed up against you. Probably likes to bend you over things or have you pressed up against objects as well—Sign me tf up

I feel like he’s always warm and his hands are surprisingly soft with how many handstands he does in a damn day

He purchases hand moisturizing gloves

can always hold his own weight

enjoys core exercises

Will carry you on his back or his shoulders if you need to see better at festivals/concerts

He’s sexually fluid

It’s canon/hinted that something went on between him & jake when mc walked in that we missed by a few seconds or even a minute but I do think he’s attracted/was to jake and it’s canon that jake is bi bby

Plus he got excited when mc suggested that he’d date jake if jake doesn’t find someone in the villa so BOOM 🤗

Always active as a kid trying to do flips and shit likes he’s doing parkour much like Bobby ending up with bruises, scrapes, and surprisingly no broken bones? Well maybe scratch that last bit out...He did crack his head open a little bit once giving his mother a heart attack but his mother doesn’t dare speak of it — haram!

Loves his sleeveless shirts and silver thick chains

Keeps a five o’clock shadow + might grow a little stubble here and there, feels like it’s part of his signature look

Won’t grow a full beard due to the racism/prejudice he witnessed his father, grandfather, uncles, and cousins go thru!

Will spend coin on some aftershave, none of that cheap shit when it comes to that! Sorry he takes pride in his facial area

probably went thru a mild case of cystic acne when puberty hit & had some insecure moments when it comes to his appearance & still has moments where it’ll hit even tho he beat it thanks to some remedies but tries his best not to let it get to him

He knows how to manage his $ but can splurge every now and then but will never showcase what he has — that’s v corny to him to be overly flashy. He’s looking at y’all @/leggy @/jasper/@/miles

Doesn’t take high quality photos of himself, it’s always zoomed in or extra zoomed in photos—yup he’s got that type of feed

Regrets putting mc in the friend zone & wishes he put more effort in making things work with erikah

But slowly learned to be happy that she’s with Reese even if he wasn’t at first. He really thought there could have been something for him & erikah

he secretly thinks their “relationship” is superficial & based off of shallowness and lust. What else do they have? Nothing that he could have given her but what’s the point in being bitter over this?

Reese is a shit stirrer that thinks he can get anything he wants because of the way he looks & if he knows outside info that he can use again you, he WILL

& erikah? He doesn’t know where her head is at majority of the time. She likes to throw rocks then acts like she didn’t mean to do it but why do it in the first place if you didn’t mean to? + she seems to lose interest fast if they don’t fit her standards besides their physical appearance...yeah Rohan caught all of that

So did she even genuinely like him or want to besides what he brought to the table physically? Who knows

He just thinks people deserve their chance at happiness and he possibly could have had it if he wasn’t standing in his own way...and he absolutely won’t stand in anyone else’s way if they don’t see potential happiness with him

He’s cool with cherry but deep down he knew there wouldn’t be anything long term between him & her after some time. She’s a beautiful/hot girl but she wasn’t his type + he didn’t like how she portrayed herself in the villa even tho she claims there was more than what meets the eye when it comes to her

she proved that to him which she didn’t HAVE to!!! outside of the house and they actually remained friends unlike the now growing distance he has with erikah

I cannoned that him and Hannah give it a go. I think they’d be cute together? She told him from the moment they met at a festival that they were now dating after they ended up holding hands but he didn’t take her seriously since she was a little drunk?

She messaged him two days later asking him when they were going on their date and that was enough for him to give it a go

They only lasted for a couple of months since they outgrew each other slowly but surely. ‘Not all things are temporary,’ he had to remind himself

It was no bad blood thankfully and they continued to be friends with him wishing her well on her new relationship with Carl. He was genuinely happy for her as he always was for his friends

Cannot cook for shit but makes the best coffee with cinnamon & cardamom

once tried to make Aloo Chaat but with a twist! With the use of Potato Skins instead! for a family dinner party and his mum almost sent him home due to the insults his father spewed at rohan trying to fool them all that it was his wife who prepared such a thing

It is evident that his father only enjoys his wife’s cooking

he still makes it for himself when he’s starving despite what his father thinks

Is fluent in Urdu, English came second

Never ashamed of his culture although his father thinks he is...

His fav shows are misfits + the IT crowd and he is currently watching & enjoying truth seekers + mr. selfridge since Tim recommended it to him ofc

his fav American show is the challenge

when asked what his fav American movie is, he got dragged since ppl assumed it would be the greatest showman but he can’t take all the singing...musicals aren’t his thing sorry

But he’ll bust out a rap only if Tim & jake are around, he rarely does it alone

Even looked into producing music for fun but never took THAT seriously

closest with jake & Tim, doesn’t have much of a relationship with the other lads 🤷🏽‍♀️ but there’s no real beef with anyone he knows how to let shit go

But you’ll never catch him having a chat with Reese or following him back on ig. What they had to say to each other was already said and done so?

If erikah agrees to get engaged to Reese, he’s happy for her but cordial to him

if she doesn’t end up with Reese, he’ll be her shoulder to lean on if she needs it

his love language is physical touch with a splash of acts of service

Commonly sleeps curled up, his mum says he was like that in the womb as well—(same dude)

He’s probably a good 5’9 - 5’7 on bad days

Is he a Pisces? Idk

His signature cologne is probably Antaeus by Chanel which is described to have notes of: lemon, lime, coriander and sage w. A blend of thyme, basil and rose

Loves black pepper, specifically garlic, onion, black pepper, and sea salt all mixed together

has a vitiligo spot on the right side of his lower spine that is commonly covered with the waistband of whatever bottoms he has on

has a pogo stick

Wants to go skydiving next, has gone bungee jumping—which was such a adrenaline rush!!!

probably knows a few tips on how to survive in the wild or if the apocalypse hits...you can never be too sure

If he ever gets a pet he might get something like: Satanic Leaf tailed Gecko, Kinkajou, or a Pac-Man frog. He likes being different okay

he actually enjoyed season 3 despite the negative remarks made about it. It was “different” basically drama free which was a shocker knowing how production likes to take things take a shot every time ro explains his decisions/opinions as such lol

BUT he won’t go as far to say he liked it better than his season yet he did enjoy keeping up with it. He def has a crush on iona, aj, vieve, Camilo & tai

Yasmin actually joined one of his lives, which he doesn’t do too often but he couldn’t sleep one night and thought he’d give it a go. She’s quite nice & quiet but he ultimately felt calm around her + they bonded over bohemian lifestyle & his love for the circus + a little about their cultures

Long term goals? He doesn’t have a set timeline of when he wants everything to happen because pressure is not fun

but he wants to be in love and loved back, wants to be married, wants to have kids, wants to try out the circus for awhile and if that doesn’t work out he can always fall back on his psych degree—he just wants to be happy and share that with someone, that’s one of the biggest adventures he can possibly have

His anthem = Blxst, “No Love Lost”

34 notes · View notes

imaginaryhuman · 4 years ago

Text

Insecurities, Fortitude and the Unfortunate Phenomenon of Gatekeeping

Note:

1. I'm trying to not be afraid of my own opinions (this will probably get a different word wall)

2. This isn't a hot take or a "permanent opinion". It's just...current. I think opinions fit a dynamic mold. Or I think it should since circumstances change and experiences can change thought processes.

3. My initial draft for this was a lot more aggressive and angry. When I started writing, I thought I would only tackle the one thing I was very familiar with (insecurities), then I read an article that miffed me a bit because of the gatekeeping vibes, and for a while, I was angry about it but then I realized how common it was. I've heard it from my brothers, I've experienced it with fandoms, with books, with cooking, and with running. There's even a subreddit for it! 👀

It's not like I'd wake up one day and it will be gone. Still, it does push me a few steps back when it comes to conquering slight misanthropy. But it matters to me to say this cause I grew up seeing myself as some last draw.

_____________________________________________________________

"I feel most responsible for myself when I'm insecure" I've wanted to expound on this for a while so here goes:

I've grown to have an intimate (and rather painful) relationship with insecurities. I was a sickly child so I would be in and out of hospitals so frequently that establishing young friendships didn't come easy. Some kids didn't take kindly to impermanence too and it's not anyone's fault. It just happened to be that way. Growing up, I came to realize that I wasn't exactly great at anything. Had I not been exposed to extraordinary minds, maybe I would have come to terms with it much kindly except I wasn't. I always thought that people around me were brilliant, smart, and talented (until now). To the point where I felt the need to alienate myself from it all so I could remain in the forefront of my own mind.

Comparisons come naturally but having them weigh on you is a different ball game altogether. Learning ways out of it is always challenging because insecurities aren't just a singular form of monster-- Sometimes it's about the future, sometimes it's body image, sometimes it's the gripping idea of not being enough for anything you love and it's all so cursed and horrible.

There was that time when more things were piled up on the mental shelving. I was talking shit about someone. Sure, people do it all the time but I think that time I was... viciously and purposelessly nitpicking. Everything I could say about that person, I said it. Totally not proud of that moment and a friend thought so too! First, they told me to shut the fuck up. Just like that, really. Next is they pointed it out. As in told me "V, you have a problem and it's really fine being a total hater but you're not usually like this with other things you dislike. What's wrong?" and then we EXPLORED. Doing this can be so cringe a lot of times but hey, we face the music in this club! I was happy to not be thinking about it alone and the experience made me learn a new way of confronting things and issues that make me feel insecure.

We talked about the whats, whys, and hows of being one hell of a hater and how even if certain reasons are justified. Like, okay, someone did something bad to you and you hate them for it? That's totally valid. Do you find certain traits a bit off your tastes? that's valid too! But even if they are valid feelings, most of the time it's not enough to justify certain actions. The thing is, we don't really have the right to be so up in someone's business about every little thing they do. It's frustrating and I feel like a hypocrite saying this sometimes because I have the obsessive compulsion to keep everyone at arm's length but I feel like there's a parameter where peoples' businesses either become something welcome or becomes a blip on a radar that I'd aggressively shoot down. Although I know that my radar can get too wide and that I need some willpower to hold back snark and suspicion. What can I say, I'm weak to any notions of ill-intent (a byproduct of assault).

But fortitude would sometimes come from borrowed words:

"Don't deny yourself what you think but don't do yourself a disservice by not figuring out what it really is about"

I was told then. To be truthful but exercise tact (I'm neither tactful, clever nor silent hence the trouble that follows) and to be mindful of the undercurrents of my thoughts. I think it's important to take a step back and at least ask yourself the most honest and genuine whys.

Insecurity has a bad rep and is too often used derogatorily for something so common and rather natural. But I feel that ultimately, insecurity stems from an understanding of what you don't have and the frustration of having aspirations. Having aspirations being a good thing but the frustration makes us people act up in so many different ways. For me, insecurities have primarily manifested themselves through the urge to just hide everything that makes me happy because I couldn't (and it's still hard to) stand digs at the things I do to keep me sane. Plus I've always thought them (happy things) few and temporary so that's that. Younger me was weird about it omg.

The rule in this house now though is to express what makes me happy and I think I've saved up a bit of grit to not allow myself to be gatekept (by others and by myself**) from those happy things! I love a lot of things (baking, running, reading, pets, anime & manga, drawing...) and the gatekeeping going on with all those? Surprisingly plenty! A totally different word block (that I won't write because I think this has to be put to rest here), really, and also a total nightmare. But how it applies in the realm of insecurities is... Oh, boi. Ignore it-- it's just bad news as it is strong fuel to a fire you don't want to keep going. If you love doing what you do and you're not hurting anyone then just keep going. I know for a fact that the things I love doing are loved by many others too because running? Creating things? Reading? These are things worth loving without it having to be a competitive chore (If you wanna challenge goals though then hey! Good on you! YOU CAN DO IT!)

Draw your lines, plan your layering in a way that fits your style. Use the tools that work for you. Put on your shoes and get going. I'm only particular with speed because I want to get better (and lol I am not fast) but just being out there and moving? That's already running. Fail some recipes or nail em, whatever happens, just try. Fangirl over what you wanna fangirl about! Post it on your IG and all your other socials. A rather horrifying realization is that no matter what you do, someone's gonna take a dunk at ya. Worse, you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily. It's okay (not really but... if it happens, it happens ). Even if you're used to it, it will still get to you but maybe less and less through time. When the voice of apprehension guides you to retaliate in the most painful way you know, just keep the fear at bay and be strong to not let that urge take over your words and actions. Be frustrated! It's fine! And I really don't support self-harm so please don't misunderstand when I say that when it comes to fear and insecurity, there's a lot you have to take on yourself so you don't hurt others. A lot to unpack between you and your brain. There are people who can love you without patronizing you and those you can trust to reign you in when you lose better judgment. Be honest and let them in.

Have that conversation.

Extras:

- AH! But I got to say this cause I also saw a post that said "if you haven't ran 50 to 100 miles, you don't know what a hard run is" wow. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't. He's probably not a fun date.

- this: "you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily" is from experience. An extra worse thing is to be vilified for retaliating. Like...was I just supposed to sit there and take it?

- I used to not like motivational quotes! I mean, I'm alright with them now for sure! We were talking about them and I was asked "What's wrong with properly credited borrowed words? You use them all the time since you like referencing songs." and it was like a tunnel of light appeared before me! Sorry for those whose post I've frowned at! I had an angst phase! I am very genuinely sorry 🙏🏻

#personal #self indulgent #insecurities #word wall #writing #opinions and commentary #fuck gatekeeping

4 notes · View notes

mochi-marie · 4 years ago

Note

hello! I would like to request a haikyuu matchup please :D (I apologize in advance if I write too much aksjk hopefully it'll make it easier to match me up?)

1) I'm a straight female and use she/her pronouns

2) I'm about 5'6", have straight brown hair (my friend says it looks orange-ish in the sunlight??), brown eyes, and I've been told that I'm kinda pale (but unfortunately flush easily lol).

As for things that make me stand out, I have patches of eczema littered all over my skin. I have a few on my hands and wrists and even though ik they're not a good thing and of course would much prefer not having eczema, I kinda like that it makes me unique. I also have round glasses (my eyesight is extremely bad ㅠㅠ), wear a lot of black, and recently have been wearing this tan overcoat everytime I go out bc it's big and comfy. oh, and I've always loved black low-top converse!

I'm overweight so I'm kinda insecure about my physical appearance, but I've been dealing with it for so long that ig I've come to terms with it and have just accepted that this is how I am (but I have been trying to exercise... >_>)

3) I'm a gemini, istp-t, and enneagram type 5. I think I treat people how they treat me; if someone doesn't talk to me, I probably won't talk to them unless necessary, and if someone is very friendly and nice to me, I'll be a bit more open and talk more. I'm usually pretty reserved and go with the flow, but around people I'm more comfortable with I can be very sarcastic and playful. I'm kinda a mom/therapist friend. I'm very lazy and an expert procrastinater (I do what's necessary in the most efficient way possible, unless it's something that I enjoy).

Some things I enjoy: cooking & baking, arts & crafts, reading, sketching, 80s music, watching anime/tv/movies (especially crime, mystery, and thriller), and photography (as far as taking scenic photos with my phone goes lmao). idk if this counts as interests, but I'm planning on majoring in business administration and accounting. and as for my clothing style, I currently dress for comfort bc I'm always inside, but if I get a chance to redo my wardrobe I'd like to dress in a style more like dark academia/comfy casual? I have no idea if those are the right words to describe it 😅

4) I'm pretty sure my love language is physical touch, but I also really enjoy receiving spontaneous gifts or stuff I've been wanting (and money lmao I'm a big saver)! I've never been in a relationship, but I know I would definitely have to be friends with someone before even considering a serious romantic relationship, so I would ideally be comfortable around them already. I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions and I'm honestly a bit of a tsundere, so I think I might be shy in voicing my wants/initiating things. as for my type, I would prefer someone tall, mature but able to be playful and can take a joke (I sometimes use "idiot" as a term of endearment sksj I can be kinda mean sometimes tbh), patient since I'll take a while to open up, and ideally ambitious and willing to take initiative (bonus points if they're able to keep up with my sarcastic banter!)

5) I definitely like to sleep in, but if I need to wake up early and I can do so relatively easily. ig you could say I'm more of a night owl. I'm in a constant state of tiredness (possibly fatigued but idk) lol. I could technically live without music but would 100% prefer not to. my favorite song is "eyes without a face" by billy idol. I've never really thought about what my ideal first date would be, but I would like if it was well thought out and personal instead of the typical movie and dinner I suppose.

thank you so much for taking the time to do this!! I apologize again for writing so much 😅 hopefully you'll be able to have some fun writing, and I hope you're doing well! and no worries if you're unable to get to my matchup; please prioritize your wellbeing <3

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: i had such a blast reading through this entire thing!!! thank you for writing this much, seriously — i love it, it makes it so much more interesting and easier on my part to find a match!! <3

𝗞𝗨𝗥𝗢𝗢 𝗧𝗘𝗧𝗦𝗨𝗥𝗢𝗨

♡ . . . REASONINGS : filtering through the information, i have decided that, in my personal opinion, you are best paired with kuroo tetsurou!

starting off, the trench coat? comfy and casual dark academia fashion style? from looks alone, you seem like a pretty good match-up with kuroo. on the outside look in, i feel like you both would look like a really smart, cute, and sensible / mature couple! in all honesty, i think that kuroo would find your big glasses adorable ( and if you're prone to loosing them, he would find it sickeningly cute if you cling to him while you both searched for the glasses ). i imagine his breath hitches whenever his eyes lay on your figure in the setting sun, turning your hair into a pretty orange-brown shade that makes his heart beat a little bit faster. kuroo is used to being around more reserved people ( as he was once reserved, and now his best friend is rather reserved as well ), so becoming a friends-to-lovers dynamic would be easy. your playfulness and possible sarcasm seems to perfectly interact with his own, and considering some research about your enneagram and personality type, i think that your ( possible ) creativity and curiosity really intrigues him and keeps him curious and attentive with you. i feel that he might always be wondering what's going on in that pretty head of yours, curious to know what your next wonderful idea is or what your mind is thinking about. as an obvious friends-to-lovers trope, i think your relationship with kuroo would be very cute! i have a feeling that he'd love that your love language is physical connection, and would pick up on any ques if you're feeling cuddly and can't get the words out to ask for soft intimacy and cuddles! sarcastic banter? mature yet playful? i think your ideal type seems to perfectly match up with kuroo -- he would most definitely be able to take whatever playful insults you have to throw at him, and be able to throw some back. he knows when to be playful and understands if he ever goes too far, and will own up to any mistakes he may make. considering your hobbies and interests, i think your interest in crime shows / mystery and thriller movies / anime may really pique his interest, and he'd eventually be hooked right along side you. and he may not be the best in the world, but imagining the both of you together, baking or cooking something ( possibly late at night because of midnight cravings ) could be really cute!

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗-𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦

♡ . . . staying up late at night and ending up heading into the kitchen together to make a midnight meal doesn't happen too often, but sometimes all you both need is a look at each other as your stomachs growl after a food-related ad on tv. ♡ . . . would absolutely make you feel like a queen all day and everyday if he can help it! will exercise with you if you would let him, and would celebrate all achievements with you; big or small! ♡ . . . kuroo is surprisingly one of the most thoughtful boyfriends, in my personal opinion! i feel like the dates would be well planned, memories eagerly waiting to be made! ♡ . . . the banter between you both is so cute!! it can be sarcastic, but it's never hostile, always playful and light, a smirk plastered onto his lips in a charmingly charismatic way! ♡ . . . stay-at-home-and-watching-a-show-dates!! whether it be wide-eyed and open-mouthed concentration on crime shows, or close-cuddling while watching some thriller or mystery shows / movies / animes!

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 𝗠𝗢𝗢𝗗𝗕𝗢𝗔𝗥𝗗

𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗜𝗗𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗦

♡ . . . akaashi keiji, iwaizumi hajime, miya osamu, daichi sawamura

#boo.matches: anon 🍃

8 notes · View notes

twistedcharismaaa · 5 years ago

Text

Lost & Found Pt. 2

Summary: You’re living a suffocating life and you finally find breath in Masego.

Author’s Note: Hi guys! I’m back with chapter two as promised! For whatever strange reason, I’m pretty nervous about this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy! I love you guys and thank you so much for all of the feedback from chapter one! As always, leave a comment for ya girl! I live for the commentary!

“I see Lupita

You know I got the Jones

For my own Rashida

Can you put me on

With Danai Gurira

She stay on my dome”

Ladies violently swarmed towards the stage causing you to stumble forward instantly losing the grip on your phone which resulted in you watching it hit the floor harshly. Discombobulated. Disconnected. And maybe a little drunk since you weren’t much of a drinker. You squatted down and patted the floor in hopes your fingertips would seamlessly come across it. To your surprise, they did. But to your misfortune, some thirsty ass heffa kicked it further away from you.

“Fuck!” you yelled.

And where the fuck is Desmonde you thought.

“Ok ok, I see y’all are live in this mothertrucker. That’s what’s up.” Masego said while adjusting his shades.

He casually placed his saxophone on its stand and put his left hand in his pocket.

“So y’all wanna hear something new?” he continued completely enticing the crowd.

You stood upright and watched him in awe. You couldn’t believe this was the same man from earlier. What the actual fuck. You watched him standing confidently in his expensive velvet threads. A glorious, multi-talented giant he was. He worked flawlessly around his equipment. Conjuring soothing melodies with heavy bass drums that made you want to shake your ass a little.

“So today I met this shorty. She was mmm. I don’t even know how to explain it. But anyway, I wrote this song about her. I’ll tell you the rest of the story on IG. Alright, let’s go!”

“Ooh, I saw her and she hit me like (Tadow)

Saw that thing so beautiful (Tadow)

She just hit my heart, ooh (Tadow)

Full force and she got me like (Tadow)”

You smiled and partially covered your lips watching him sing passionately to the crowd. He pulled down his shades and walked towards the edge of the stage. Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours causing a subtle smirk to form on his lips.

“I be like (Tadow)

Baby (Tadow)

Why you so fine? (Tadow, tadow)

Gotta make you mine (Tadow, tadow)

So hard to find (Tadow, tadow)”

He winked at you and walked back to his music station smoothly. You tore your eyes away from his gaze and smiled to yourself. You looked up once more witnessing him becoming consumed by his music - entirely lost in it. Subconsciously, you bit your lip and tilted your head out of curiosity. It was something about him that turned you on. You couldn’t decide if it was his swag, his vocals, his talent, or his wit but either way, he had your panties dampening from his sweet melodies. Pulling yourself back to reality you wondered if he really saw you or did you just want to be noticed? Could it be possible that this song was about you? No, it can’t be. You’re buzzed, just really really buzzed you reasoned with yourself. Breaking you from your spiraling thoughts, you felt someone grab your arm from behind.

“C, I’ve been calling your phone all damn night! Why the fuck weren’t you answering?” Desmonde screamed with a concerned look on his face.

“I lost it! And Desmone you need to calm that tone down! I’m fine! Get off of me!” you yelled while snatching your arm away from him.

“How fucking long was that line to the bathroom?” you asked while looking him up and down.

“We should go,” he demanded

“We should.” you spat.

From the stage, Masego inquisitively raised an eyebrow watching the drama unfold between you and your boyfriend. You deserved better but if only you could see that. From his eyes, you were nothing shy of beautiful. Full lips, piercing dark brown eyes, mouth-watering curves, thick curly hair, and he loved the sound of your sweet, light airy voice. From the moment he heard it, he wanted to exercise your vocal cords in the best ways. He wanted nothing more than to cherish you and to pour back into what you lost. And maybe, if you would have him, you could show him what he lacks in this world of fame. After watching your quarrel with Desmonde, he decided that you needed a change of pace, a change of man, and a change of scenery and most importantly he wanted you. Correction, needed you. He had exactly two weeks to convince you, prove to you, and show you that he is worthy of your attention before heading to South Africa to finish the second leg of his tour.

“Alright, alright shut up. Too much new song,” Masego said jokingly as he continued his show.

------

*A few minutes prior*

“Well, this was fun,” Brittany said breathlessly.

“I gotta stop fucking you,” Desmonde said as he zipped up his pants.

“Tell that to your dick and not me,” she said as she fixed her makeup in the rearview mirror.

“This is the last time and I mean that shit,” he said sternly

“Uh-huh.” she answered nonchalantly.

“You don’t think I’m serious? Cause I am,” he responded.

“D, I know you love her. But you don’t love yourself, this is why you’re with me. This is why you’re doing what you do. Sure, you can stop fucking me. But there’s always going to be someone else.” she said as she added the finishing touches to her makeup.

Desmonde swallowed dryly taking in her brutal honesty.

“Why am I doing this? To myself? To her?” he thought.

“Don’t worry, I don’t judge. I’m not perfect either and in time I’ll face my demons but not tonight,” she said slyly.

“I’m going to catch the rest of the show. You might want to go head back to your girl,” she said before getting out of the car.

---------

An uncomfortable silence fell between you and Desmonde. The car ride home felt longer than usual. You cracked your window to let some fresh air inside. You felt like you were suffocating from the inside out. Everything around you seemed to intensify your irritation. Your tight dress, your high heels, the silence, and not to mention Des’ presence.

“I’m sorry that I snapped at you earlier,” he said while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Why were you gone for so long?” you questioned.

“Honestly, I don’t know... and that’s the truth. I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately or who I am. And I’m sorry I’m so shitty to you.” he said lowly while his hands gripped the steering wheel.

He pulled into the apartment complex and sighed deeply. After he parked the car, he opened the passenger’s side door and opened it for you. With hesitation, you swung your right leg out of the vehicle and then the left.

“Charisma, I am so sorry,” he repeated.

You swallowed and nodded as a response.

-------

A black satin bonnet covered your delicate curls and a white cotton oversized t-shirt covered your curvy frame. You rested your fatigued body on the cold queen-sized bed and waited for Desmonde to join you in the bedroom. Desmonde staggered to the bed after turning off the bathroom light. He plopped on the bed and grunted into his pillow. You inhaled his fresh scent and smiled at him.

“You drunk drunk?” you whispered.

A lazy smile crept upon his face and as he turned toward you.

“Drunk drunk.” he repeated.

“Des?” you replied while stroking his face.

“Yeah, baby?” he answered while kissing your fingertips lovingly.

“Are you really sorry? You mean that?” you quizzed.

“I am,” he admitted.

“I was thinking maybe we could - that maybe we should have...” you hinted.

“Sex?” he said in disbelief.

“It is my birthday….” you joked trying to ease the tension.

“Charisma.” he said while closing his eyes and bringing his hands over his face in frustration.

“Desmonde, please.” you croaked.

“We’re not as close as we used to be. I think we should try at least.” you continued.

“It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you-”

“Then what is it?” you interrupted.

“I don’t deserve to touch you like that right now,” he admitted.

“Isn’t that left up to me?” you quizzed.

“I don’t wanna argue. Can you respect that?” he snapped.

You sat up quickly and pulled the covers off of you in utter disgust. You grabbed your pillow and your favorite multi-colored blanket.

“Desmonde can you just admit that you don’t love me anymore? I just need to hear you say it. I know the losing the baby changed everything.” you said lowly.

“Just tell me so I can move on. So you can move on.” you continued.

“I do love you! I love you Charisma … I just don’t know how to love you the right way.” he replied while hanging his head in defeat.

Before you knew it your cheeks were covered in tears. You aggressively wiped your face and nodded in acceptance.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight. And Desmonde?” you paused. “I want you out of this apartment first thing in the morning and I mean that shit,” you said while closing the bedroom door.

-----

*Masego’s Video Post*

“Ok quick storytime. So I was checking into my hotel today. I seen this shorty and she was mmm mmm good. You feel me? Anyways, she’s looking at me and I’m looking at her right? Alright fast forward. So she’s bringing me towels that I didn’t ask for. Hold up rewind, I forgot to mention she works at the hotel. So anyway, she brings me these towels looking all gorgeous. And y’all know me, imma shoot that shot. So I did and I found out shorty had a boyfriend. And that sums up how “Tadow” came about. I made it right after I seen her.”

------

Part 1 Part 3

@l-auteuse @nizzle-mo @jamielennkeeler @thickemadame @ljstraightnochaser @pineappear @thadelightfulone @qweentbh @justanothernerdgirl @big-brows-bigger-dreams @ghostfacekill-monger @chaneajoyyy @soulfood-fics @miss-nneka @rosemilage @sarcastic-sunshines @mygirlrenee @keiva1000

#masego #masego music #masego fanfiction #masego x black reader #masego fic #masego x black!reader #masego x !blackreader #masego imagine

98 notes · View notes

triptychexe · 5 years ago

Text

TITLE: Initiation SUMMARY: The Trivium members receive ‘initiation’ by S.O.T and Tromme and complete three tasks in one night.

GENRE: Friendship, humor ig PAIRING: OT9, R3D OT3, BLU3 OT3, Y3LLOW OT3. WORD COUNT: 3.k WARNINGS: Swearing, initiation process (but no one gets hurt) A/N: this is the longest thing i’ve written for triptych lmao. i was thinking of breaking it up into parts but whatever. if you read the whole thing, thank you!! i hope you enjoy!

“I am not participating.” Ura frowned, crossing her arms defiantly. “I just won’t show up. If they want me there, they’re going to have to pry me from by bed.”

Van gave Ura a pout. “C’mon, they can’t do anything too bad. They’re our friends, they just want to have some fun to celebrate our debut.” “We all know that the only reason why they’re doing this to us is because Cal is annoying and they want an excuse to bully him.” Ura rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” Cal frowned.

Ura scoffed, ignoring Cal’s protesting whine. “It’s a little childish, don’t you think?” “I think you’re being a little... adultish.” Cal fumbled the fake work, his eyebrows knitting together for a second of confusion before continuing. “Plus if they’re going to roll me in honey and feathers, don’t you wanna be there to point and laugh at me?”

Ura sighed, unraveling her crossed arms. The two older groups invited them to an ‘initiation’ night at the boy’s dorm this evening after Trivium got back from their last activities for promotion. Ura thought it was bullshit, especially when she knows that neither S.O.T or Tromme have ever gone through initiation themselves. However, Van and Cal seemed to think of this as a great team bonding opportunity. Even though she didn’t want to be made a fool of in front of her new members, she also wanted to be there in case she needed to intervene to save her friends from bodily harm.

“Fine." Ura grunted. “I’ll go.”

Teo lit the last candle, shaking out the match. Around the boy’s living room were dozens of candles. The other six members sat in a semi circle in front of Trivium, all with blankets draped over their heads and shoulders.

Ura shifted uncomfortably, watching as Teo took his seat on the edge of the semi-circle, right next to Asa.

“Trivium,” Eli spoke, raising his hands. “You have completed your debut promotions successfully, ringing in new fans and opportunities for the group and the company. Even though these are great and appreciated accomplishments, you still have to pass initiation in order to be accepted by us, the founders.”

“The founders? We’re just as much of ‘founders’ as you are.” Ura arched a skeptical eyebrow. Eli lowered his hands slightly, not expecting the opposition to his statement.

Zim pushed her blanket away from her eyes. “Just go with it, Ura. We’re aiming for dramatic, not accurate.”

Ura rolled her eyes. ‘Dramatic not accurate’ might as well have been Triptych’s whole concept.

Eli continued, raising his hands back to their original height. “We have called upon the Kpop Gods to help us find the proper trials. First, you will do The Crawl to judge your strength. Then we will do The Beam of Balance, to test your agility. Then we will preform The Heist as a group, to test our compatibility.”

“Do you accept your challenge?” Yen asked, a grin under her hood.

The Crawl was kind of stupid, if you ask Ura.

The members had gathered their electronic wires and shoe laces and taped the ends of them to the walls in the hallway. You had to crawl on your stomach under the wires and string and get to the other side. The obstacle? The other members of Triptych were standing in the doorways of bedrooms with handfuls of flour, ready to pelt you with the white powder as soon as you got close enough.

The first trial was over and done with after about ten minutes. Van took the shortest amount of time, only taking about a minute to get through. Ura took about three, because she kept stopping to blink flour from her eyes. Cal took roughly six minutes because he managed to wrap a cable around his neck and needed Teo to unravel it for him.

Covered in flour and dust from the floor, the second trial began. The members had brought up two boxes and one wooden plank (that Asa said they found behind the company building after practice). The goal was to see how many ‘original’ members you could knock off the balance beam using brooms to throw their balance off.

Ura actually enjoyed this round. She was easily the one to beat out of all of Trivium. Van let Yen knock him over in the first round, earning him a collective boo for refusing to play rough with a girl. Cal was decent until Nia got on the beam and knocked him over with one good shove. Ura managed to knock down almost everyone, except for Eli, who was the last person she had to face.

The nine members collected themselves, shaking hands and resolving faux arguments about the fairness of the game. When they all calmed down, it was time to start the final round: The Heist.

Ura thought it would be another game, but she was gravely mistaken. When Triptych said a heist, they really meant it.

“We’re all going to split up into our designated color teams and sneak into the company to find some sacred HBH objects. Yellow team,” Eli announced, looking at Zim and Van. “The three of us will be stealing... Hak Bonghwa’s travel mug.” “The one with the frogs on it?” Zim clarified. “That’s the one.” Eli confirmed. “Easy.” Zim nodded.

“Blue team,” Eli turned to Asa, Yen, and Cal. “You will be stealing... HBH producer LeeBoi’s Supreme sweatshirt!” Asa, Yen, and Cal wrapped their arms around each other’s shoulders, uniting as a team.

“Red team,” Eli addressed, turning to Nia, Teo, and Ura. “You’ll be stealing... Vice’s First Win trophy.”

“Wait, why do we get the most difficult one?” Teo complained. “Just admit you’re scared of Vice and don’t want to upset them.” Asa teased. “I am not-” Teo started to protest.

“The items have been chosen from the Kpop Gods. We cannot change them.” Eli said dramatically. “The first team to collect their item and bring it back here wins!”

The corporate floor was eerily quiet at night. Van has only been called up here a few times. Once to go over his trainee contract and the other to sign his idol contract with Hak Bonghwa.

Moonlight filtered through the large floor-to-ceiling windows, casting long shadows of the three idol’s figures as they inched closer and closer to Bonghwa’s office.

“What are the chances that he left it unlocked?” Van asked. “High. He trusts all his workers a little too much.” Zim responded in a hushed tone.

They reached the office, which was completely dark except for the light emitting from the city lights outside. Eli reached for the door handle with his sweatshirt over his fingers, careful not to leave any finger prints. Just as they suspected, the door opened.

“Alright.” Eli straightened up. “We just got to grab the mug and we’re out of here. He probably has it in his mini fridge under his desk.” Van furrowed his eyebrows. “How’d you know that?” “He always makes himself an coffee before he goes home. He chills it over night in his minifridge so he has a coffee first thing when he gets to the office.” Eli shrugged. “He told me all about it when I was early for practice last week.”

The three idols made their way to Hak Bonghwa’s desk where the minifridge was concealed. When they ducked down to open the fridge, they were met by a small round face peering up at them.

“AH! CHILD!” Zim yelled, jumping backwards. “Shh!” The child pressed a finger to his lips. “Who the hell are you?” Eli asked, his eyes wide. “Hak Donghyun.” The boy responded matter-of-factly. “Who the hell are you?” “Language.” Eli stuck an accusing finger out to the child. “Aren’t you Hak Bonghwa’s kid?” Van asked, crouching down to the child’s level. From under the desk, Van could see that the kid set up a small campsite of blankets, video games, and mini snacks from the vending machines. “Yup.” Donghyun grinned. “You’re not supposed to be here.” “Neither are you.” Zim reminded him. “How did you get in here?” Donghyun pointed to the ceiling. The trio looked up to see a vent with the grate pushed aside. “I know all the vents. It’s helpful. You should learn them too.” Donghyun shrugged. “Anyways, my dad’s travel mug is in the fridge. Don’t touch my Gatorade supply or I’ll tell on you.”

The three idols looked between each other in disbelief, but were careful not to touch the kid’s Gatorade as they removed the frog-print travel mug from the minifridge. “Thanks, Donghyun.” Van said to the kid, who was now engrossed in a video game. “I want a signed album, though.” Donghyun looked up from his video game. “If I don’t get one by tomorrow, I’ll tell everyone you broke in and that you swore at me.” “I didn’t swear-” Eli’s eyebrows furrowed. “Deal.” Van cut his friend off. “We’ll see you tomorrow Donghyun. Have a fun night.” “Thanks. You too.” Donghyun grinned, resuming his game as the three idols left his father’s office.

“Where the fuck is it?” Yen hissed, checking behind the studio’s sofa. “Don’t tell me his musty ass finally decided to take it home to clean it.”

“Hey, Mi, relax, there’s no way LeeBoi would do laundry, that’s way too out of character.” Asa soothed his friend, coming out of the recording booth empty handed. “If it’s not in here, it’s gotta be in a locker somewhere.”

“A locker? There’s hundreds of lockers in this damn building!” Yen complained.

“We can split up?” Cal suggested. Both Yen and Asa frowned at him. “No, we should stay together. The whole point of this exercise is to build bonds with each other.” Asa reasoned. “I think the ‘whole point’ has changed to who can come in first place.” Yen disagreed, crossing her arms. "I don’t want to split up, but I also don’t want to lose to Eli. He’ll brag about it for ages.”

“Alright, so how do you wanna go about this?” Asa questioned. “I mean, isn’t the trainee floor off limits to anyone without a trainee ID?” Cal wondered. “So LeeBoi’s sweatshirt must be in a locker on the main practice room floor.”

“And knowing him, he’d probably want to take the least amount of time getting from The Dungeons to the locker. So he’s probably stored it somewhere on the third floor.” Yen hypothesized. “And LeeBoi is a pretty predicable person.” Asa nodded in agreement. “Alright, to the third floor we go.”

The trio entered the boys locker room and started opening up all the unlocked lockers. No sign of the producer’s sweatshirt. Yen was starting to get frustrated now. She flopped herself down on one of the benches and rubbed her temples.

“I can’t believe we’re going to lose to everyone. We’re even losing to Nia... Moon Yerin! This is the worst day of my life.” Yen complained melodramatically. Asa sat next to her and tried to make her feel better by cracking dumb jokes and rubbing her shoulder. Cal felt like he was intruding on a personal moment, as he felt every time Asa and Yen drifted off in their own little world like this. Feeling awkward just standing there, he took one last walk around the lockers.

Suddenly, something very strong hit his nostrils. The obnoxious cologne scent wafted into his lungs, making him gag a little. He back tracked his steps and breathed deeply. Coming from a locked locker was the unmistakable smell of LeeBoi.

“No way... Guys!” Cal exclaimed over his shoulder at the pair. “I think it’s in this locker... come smell it!”

Asa and Yen came over, pressing their noses against the metal grates in the locker door. “Holy shit, that’s gotta be it.” Yen’s eyes widened, her waterline tearing up from the stench. “But how are we gonna open the lock?” Asa questioned.

Cal’s eyes fluttered to Yen’s hairstyle; a high-risen slicked back ponytail. Yen backed away. “We’re not using my head as a battering ram.” She said sternly. “What?” Cal furrowed his eyebrows. “Bro, no. Do you have a bobby pin?”

The two gave Cal space as he worked on the lock with Micha’s bobby pin. After about three minutes, the lock finally popped open. “Dude, that was kinda hot.” Asa said under his breath in amazement. “How did you learn to do that?” Yen asked as Cal removed the lock. “I lived in London.” Cal simply shrugged. “That’s a little cryptic, but okay.” Yen blinked, opting out on asking more questions.

Inside the locker was the Supreme sweatshirt they’ve been searching for in all it’s smelly glory. Cal took it out with two pinched fingers, holding it away from him.

“Alright, let’s dip. I don’t wanna hold this sweatshirt for longer than necessary.” Cal suggested. The trio silently agreed and fled the locker room, barreling towards the elevators.

“We’re dead, we’re dead,” Teo muttered under his breath like a mantra. Ura gritted her teeth, fighting the urge to tell her group mate to be quiet. Thankfully, she didn’t have to. “Injung, chill. We’re just going to run in and then out.” Nia said, trying to sound calm.

Ura wasn’t really sure why her teammates were so worked up about breaking into Cyth’s recording studio. After looking around the trophy case in the main hall and realizing that Vice’s First Win was not there, they knew there was no where else it could be besides Cyth’s studio in the basement.

Ura let them lead the way, knowing that both of them wanted control over this situation. She didn’t mind going with the flow. There was nothing to worry about anyways-

“What are you three doing?”

The three Triptych members turned around. Walking towards them was Cyth, a coffee in his hand. He arched an eyebrow at them, taking the straw of his coffee into his mouth. “Not trying to break in, are you?”

Teo let out an anxious chuckle, instantly straightening himself up. “Haha, what? No. We wouldn’t do that.” Cyth looked between the three of them, taking a gulp of his drink. Then he let out a sigh and shook his head in disappointment. “I can’t believe it. I’m the worst senior ever. I never taught you guys how to properly sneak around the company after hours.” Cyth gestured to Nia with his coffee. “Your whole form was completely off. Your body was so tense, it gave the guilt away.” The rapper turned to Teo. “And you... what was that pained laugh, bro? I thought you only reserved that for the unfunny jokes Minho tells at company gatherings. That hurt.” Teo looked guilty, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“The only one who didn’t look guilty was Chiayu.” Cyth gestured to the youngest member. “What are you guys trying to swipe?”

“Your First Win Trophy.” Ura responded. “Ura, don’t tell him that-” Teo started to scold. “Take it.” Cyth shrugged, walking past them to open his studio door for them. The pair followed him inside, watching as he reached up and brought down the first place trophy from a shelf above his set up.

“How long are you guys going to need it?” Cyth asked, handing it to Ura. “Only for the night. We’ll return it tomorrow.” Ura responded. “Can I ask what for?” Cyth wondered. “We’re doing initiation for Trivium.” Ura answered, ignoring Nia and Teo’s warning glances.

Cyth chuckled. “Damn, you guys are really doing the most. In that case, tell them Ura had to sneak into the studio while you guys distracted me.” Cyth said to Teo and Nia. “Make your maknae look good in front of the others.”

Ura grinned at her two members, who looked a little awestruck. She couldn’t enjoy the satisfying moment, however, because her eye caught the clock hanging above Cyth’s door. “Shit, it’s almost two! We gotta get back to the dorm.” She swore. Ura turned to her senior one more time. “Thanks for helping.” Ura nodded. “Hey, no worries, it’s all in a day’s work, being the best senior and all.” Cyth winked.

“The Kpop Gods have spoken... and the winners are...” Eli motioned for the rest of the members to create a drum roll. Everyone banged their hands against the floor.

“Team Red!” Eli cheered. Nia, Teo, and Ura wrapped their arms around each other, a victorious smile on their faces.

“No fair, we would have won if Ura didn’t side check me in the hallway!” Yen complained, showing the rug burn on her kneecap. “Isn’t that a violation of the rules?” “We never said no to inflicting rug burns.” Nia grinned smuggly. “We won, fair and square.”

“What do we win?” Ura asked curiously.

“You win...” Eli motioned for another round of drum rolls. “A free from chores coupon! You won’t have to do chores in your dorms for the next month!” Eli cheered, holding up three post-it notes with “FREE FROM CHORES - ONE MONTH - ONE TIME USE” written on them. He handed them to each member of Team Red.

“Well, this was exciting.” Nia smiled, standing up from her spot on the ground. “But we also have practice at 10am and it’s almost four now. I suggest we all get some sleep before practice.”

The members all groaned, but they rose to their feet as well. Everyone exchanged hugs and good nights before the girls left the boys dorm, heading across the hall to their own dorm.

Ura and Yen entered their shared bedroom, preparing for bed. While they were changing, Ura cleared her throat. “Hey, I’m sorry about shoving you.” She apologized. Yen grinned, shaking her head. “Don’t be. It made the game spicy.” “Spicy?” Ura frowned, not understanding her friend’s use of slang. Yen shook her head. “Give it a couple of weeks and you’ll be talking like me too.” Yen promised. “All my friends do eventually.”

With the promise of finally belonging, Ura was able to drift off peacefully that night, thanking herself for agreeing to partake in initiation after all.

24 notes · View notes

clarasimone · 5 years ago

Text

A GREAT Iain Glen Interview

(pic edits by @favor757)

A really enlightening interview given by Iain Glen after the premiere of MY COUSIN RACHEL by someone who knows how to ask intelligent questions to actors, a rarity !!!!!!!

http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/78006

Capone talks MY COUSIN RACHEL and Game of Thrones with actor Iain Glen!!!

Published at: June 12, 2017, 10 a.m. CST by Capone

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here. The Scottish-born actor Iain Glen has made a career out of playing intense men on stage as well as the big and small screen. After finishing at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London, he went on to appear in a succession of highly touted stage Shakespeare productions, as well as the musical version of "Martin Guerre" and "The Blue Room,” opposite Nicole Kidman. Although I’m sure I spotted him in early film works like GORILLAS IN THE MIST and MOUNTAINS OF THE MOON, the role that first stood out for me was as Hamlet in Tom Stoppard’s 1990 film version of ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD, the ultimate statement on the plight of a story’s minor players, with Tim Roth and Gary Oldman in the title roles. I think it’s fair to say that Glen is the living definition of a working actor—always busy, moving effortlessly from television to stage to film. On the big screen, we had memorable roles in SILENT SCREAM; BEAUTIFUL CREATURES (opposite his MY COUSIN RACHEL co-star Rachel Weisz); LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER; many of the RESIDENT EVIL films; HARRY BROWN; KINGDOM OF HEAVEN; THE IRON LADY; KICK-ASS 2; EYE IN THE SKY; and the aforementioned MY COUSIN RACHEL, directed by Roger Michell, in which he plays the godfather and estate executor of Sam Claflin’s Philip, who falls in love with his cousin (by marriage) after believing she may have killed the cousin who raised him. Glen has been playing the Irish private investigator Jack Taylor in a series of made-for-television films for all of the 2010s, but he has also had significant roles in such television productions as “The Diary of Anne Frank,” “MI-5,” “Downton Abbey,” “Cleverman,” and most notably as Jorah Mormont on “Game of Thrones,” which begins its seventh season in about a month. Although I would love to do an interview with Glen that covers even a fraction of his dozens of roles, I think we do alright beginning with MY COUSIN RACHEL and moving on to a few other choice parts. We even dig a little into his life since beginning “Game of Thrones.” He was a tremendous interview subject and seems game to talk at length about pretty much everything. With that, please enjoy my talk with the great Iain Glen… Iain Glen: Hi, Steve. Capone: Hello, sir. How are you? IG: I'm very well. How are you? Capone: Good, good. It's funny, I just, last weekend, saw the filmed version of the Old Vic's recent production of "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” and it reminded me that, I think, that you were Hamlet in the original film version. That might have been one of the first times I ever saw you on screen. IG: Yeah, you're right. That was Tom Stoppard’s only sort of foray into [film] directing, I think. With young Gary [Oldman] and Tim [Roth]. Capone: Exactly. IG: Which was a ball. We filmed in Zagreb, Yugoslavia. Capone: At that point, in that early part of your film career, you had already worked with Tom Stoppard, Michael Apted, David Hare, and Bob Rafelson—you must have thought you were doing pretty well back in your late 20s. IG: [laughs] Yeah, I did. I'd cross over, sometimes, between theater and film when I started, when I left Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, all those years ago. I did a fair amount of work in the theater and film, and I'd done a play with Tom Stoppard—it was "Hapgood" with Nigel Hawthorne, Felicity Kendal, and Roger Rees, and we got on very well then. He always said, "I'd love to work with you again,” and then [the role of] Hamlet [in ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD] came around, and I’d just played Hamlet at the Bristol Old Vic, playing the full Shakespearean role, so it seemed obvious I was up to speed on whatever lines were required of me in ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN so it was fun coming into it. Capone: So in this film, most of your scenes are with Sam, and each time the two of you meet, he's in a different frame of mind when it comes to Rachel. I feel like that would have been much easier to do if you had been able to shoot those scenes chronologically. I'm guessing that wasn’t the case. IG: [laughs] Well, that's the art of film, and you get used to it. They never, eever film chronologically, except in very, very, rare occasions, so that's really part of the structure and the work you do as an actor before filming is to know where you are in any given part of the story. That was enhanced by the fact that Roger called a rehearsal before filming for all of us. We were all together for a week and went through it piece-by-piece, so we knew where we were on the journey. Roger is very consummate when it comes to working with actors. He's quite a rare breed. Sam Mendes is another, Stephen Daldry, who've had a great history in theater and done a lot of work with actors in theater, and has a very strong film career as well. But, he always zones in on stories that always offer great performances for actors. It's very reassuring having someone behind the lens whose taste you entirely trust. He does so much of the work for you, in a way. He's very clear about where he wants the story scenes to play out, where actors might be in any given scene. It never feels like a constriction. It's always a liberation, and he's up for change, as well. Other directors can be very confident with the camera and what the camera should do and leave you to your own devices in terms of performance. But, Roger is very nurturing throughout the filming of it. So you're right, I was predominantly with Sam, and I suppose the role, in its simplest sense, he's almost like a Greek chorus. In some ways, I follow the audience's point of view. I'm a benign, rational presence who has Sam's best interests in mind and can see him oscillating wildly as he gets caught by the passion of seeing this very exotic, beautiful creature from another planet who arrives in this sleepy, parochial setting. So, we're all very disconcerted by what Rachel brings to the story, so I'm the voice of reason trying to keep the character that I care a great deal for sane. Capone: It's funny you say that, because, you're right, in the beginning, we are looking at these events through your eyes to a great degree. But once we meet her and are charmed by her, we switch into seeing her through Sam's eyes and are bewitched the same way that he is. IG: Yeah, well I think that's right. And it's a testament to Rachel's performance, because I do think whatever preconceptions this story might lead you to believe before you meet her, she's utterly entrancing and charming when she arrives on screen. So, whatever preconceptions we have get slightly thrown out the window. We forget them, and then they reemerge later in the story when other details and facts come through about the history. But that was Du Maurier's milieu, and Roger did a remarkable screenplay. It's so much easier said than done to turn what is a fairly thin novel—very, very concentrated—into dialogue. You have to turn it into a screenplay where everything is told through the words or between the words. Roger did a great job of that. It’s a psychological thriller. It's all about questions being thrown into the air. Audiences are trying to decipher exactly what's going on, and it's very conscious of Du Maurier to not give you a clean landing. Then you say, "Oh, now I… that's what was happening. Yes, she’s definitely sinister” or “Yes, she was entirely innocent.” By the end of the story, my character, and I think the audience, deep down don't really know. Capone: The one scene that really stuck with me is the one that you and Sam have in which he's basically signing over his life and fortune to her. For your part, it’s an amazing exercise in barely restrained panic. IG: Well, I'm glad you thought so. It was good to play. As an actor, it's always lovely when the story is supporting you so well up to the point where the scene happens. There’s so much there that's been stated or understated, and my character's caught in a predicament of desperately wanting to look after his financial legacy, but not wanting to ruin their relationship. We've all been in those situations where we feel a loved one is making the wrong choices, and how do you offer advice without distancing yourself from them? In a way, people have to make their own mistakes, but it's just that the stakes are so high, because Phillip, the character, is willing to give everything over to Rachel. He just wants to express his love and his conviction by giving her everything, and my character just wants to say, "You can feel what you feel, but you don't need to do this. This is not a step that you need to take.” Yeah, I think that was one of the most enjoyable scenes to play. Capone: It's also the the moment, at least for me, where I remember that you’re his godfather, so that means that you've known him since the day he was born, and it make it that much more heartbreaking. IG: I think that's right, yeah. I've been his legal guardian and, again, just to contextualize, what makes sense in the psychology and certainly makes sense of what happens to the character Phillip throughout is that he's been bereft of a father and mother. He was orphaned and brought up by his cousin, who is also this absent figure who's now abroad and dies earlier in the film. So, he's not grounded in the way that other young men might be. The world of femininity is totally alien to him, so that explains why he oscillates so madly between his feelings of either hatred or love for the woman, because she's so exotic and unknown to him. I think that the world that the Kendall household is such a strong contrast to Phillip's household, which has never known a feminine hand. Capone: You also have a lot of scenes with Holliday Grainger, who plays your daughter and is very quickly becoming one of my favorite young actors. IG: She's gorgeous, isn't she? She's lovely. Capone: Tell me about the interactions between those two characters, because they are co-conspirators for good, we assume. IG: Well, I think in my character's ideal world, in some ways, Phillip and Louise would have been a perfect match, and I don't know, but I felt it when I watched the film, you almost want to scream out to Sam's character, "Please, stop looking that way, look this way because you have this beautiful creature here. She's good, she definitely would be a gorgeous wife and a beautiful mother to your children, and she's willing and uncomplicated." So I think, in my ideal world, that would be the match. But almost beyond that, I feel enormously protective toward Sam's character having been his legal guardian. And it's very painful watching your daughter because you know how much she adores him and wants him to look her way, but you can't impose that upon him, so you get that odd, tentative suggestion, "Would you like to say 'Hello' to my daughter just while you happen to be here, giving your entire life away?" So, yeah, it's a tricky one. And I think that's partly why people love period pieces so much. It's because there's a delicacy of manners and emotion there, a subtlety of behavior where everything isn't exposed. Everything isn't stated so quickly. And, yeah, hopping back to the past, I think people feel, somehow we were subtler humans back then somehow. What we required from each other was just a little more complicated and delicate and human. Capone: I was gonna ask you about that. There’s something glorious about a costume drama where someone is becoming unhinged, and they break through that placid façade that you're supposed to have in those movies. IG: That's right. I do love period films for that. It's worth remembering that Roger -- I don't know if you know this, but Roger Michell did this quite radical interpretation of PERSUASION quite early on for BBC, early on in his career, where he started to use hand-held cameras, which had never been done in period films before, and just messed it up. I think often, we have strong preconceptions about period, about what could or could not be done, which we don't really know, but we just put that on period films. Roger's very good at bringing spontaneity to scenes and losing an archness in the dialogue so there's a freshness to it, and I think MY COUSIN RACHEL has a lot of that. It feels very modern in a lot of ways, even though the world is very period. Capone: You've had a regular gig for the last few years that you have to keep coming back to, and I don't know how that impacts your schedule exactly. But knowing that's always coming around, how much time do you have between seasons of “Game of Thrones” to do other projects, and what sorts of things are you looking to do in those periods where you're not making “Game of Thrones”? IG: Well, it's a funny one. when you sign up for something like “Thrones.” I think when we all initially singed up, it was between three and five years and none of us knew, really, whether it was going to run or whether we were going to survive or how it would be received. You hum and haw about something that does feel a little bit like a sentence when you start up on it, and you have no idea how it's unfolding. But, the more “Thrones” has gone on, just a bigger and bigger treat it's been to be involved, and it's become such a global hit and it's opened up different possibilities. As an actor, if you don't celebrate the stuff when it's a massive hit, then you might as well just give up and do something else. I've loved doing it. HBO has always been very good. As long as you turn up looking roughy as you looked the last time they saw you, and you're there a day before you're required to film—they’ve gotten a little tighter, I have to say, over the last couple of years. It’s gotten so massive, and they want to protect the audiences. Maybe they feel it’s easier to suspend disbelief when they don't see you in competing series elsewhere. But generally, they've been very good about allowing the actors, a lot of the supporting cast and principals from “Game of Thrones,” to do other work. So, more than anything, I will feel a great void and loss when it's gone because it's been a part of my life for pretty much a decade and it's been nothing but good fun. Dan [D.B. Weiss] and David [Benioff] are just the best show runners you could ever hope to work with. It's a lovely, very tight cast, and the storylines are such now that we're all starting to overlap with each other and starting to enter the same scenes. Everything's accelerating towards the end game, so it's an exciting time, but it's nearly gone. Capone: So, are you done shooting? Am I allowed to ask that? IG: [laughs] That’s actually something, yeah ... I can't say, yeah. Capone: The new season starts in a little over a month. Is it a relief to a certain degree when a new season starts airing that you don't have to keep as many secrets? IG: Yes, it is. It really is. [laughs] It's funny, because whenever anyone asks you, you know deep down, they don't want to know. It's a no-brainer. But, for a part of them, it's a bit like a drug or something, “Oh, brilliant. I know! And then now I feel hugely disappointed and now I have a headache because I wish I hadn't done that because now I know.” So you just deny people that possibility. Deep down, people really, really don't want to know. Capone: As serious as some of your roles have been over the years, you always seem to find time for genre work. You were in LARA CROFT. You were in several of the RESIDENT EVIL movies, and obviously “Game of Thrones.” What do you enjoy about going the adventure route? IG: I just really dig the variety. I really dig the change. It's a very, very different working environment if you're in a massive-budget, action-led film. But it's one thing that's always been a benefit of being a British actor. There used to be quite a strong divide between film and TV, particularly in the states—if you were doing TV, it was probably because the film career wasn't quite working out as you hoped it would be. That's never really been the case in the UK. I’m as likely to bump into Judi Dench in a radio studio as I am on a TV series or a film or a piece of theater. We are much more mixed-medium over here. So, I just really enjoy change. I just did a small film with Lena Headey from “Game of Thrones” that was about the refugee crisis called THE FLOOD. It was all hand-held. It was all swiftly shot in three or four weeks. It's a great little story and it’s the total polar-opposite to “Game of Thrones,” and honestly, I enjoyed the difference, and that's the trick. Capone: Before “Game of Thrones,” what did people on the street most recognize you from? IG: Honestly, it varies. It’s quite ephemeral, so it depends what you're in. I've done a series for a while playing an Irish detective, Jack Taylor. If you reappear in something, then that roots people in your mind. In the early days, I did a TV thing, something called “The Fear,” where I was playing a London gangster. It's always a lovely, delightful surprise when some people says, "Aw man, I saw you in 'Henry V' at The Royal Shakespeare Company" or "I saw you doing 'The Crucible' at the Royal Shakespeare Company,” and when I did "The Blue Room" with Nicole Kidman here in New York. But it's mainly TV because it has massive audiences, global audiences, so they tend to be the things that people know you for. I've been lucky enough to land a few visible things over the years, but it changes. But, “Game of Thrones” definitely washed everything to the side. Capone: Other than THE FLOOD, is there any other work coming? IG: I hope to be doing something…I better not say the name, but a Second World War drama, which we're inches away from committing to. And that will probably be in August or September; that's a feature. I'm doing a second season of “Cleverman,” an aboriginal drama that I shot in Australia, and more “Jack Taylor,” the Irish detective, so there's quite a bit coming up. Capone: Iain, thank you so much. It was a really great to talk to you and reminisce about your days with Tom Stoppard. IG: My pleasure. Yeah, thank you. He's about to have a birthday party. I'll get his age wrong [Stoppard turns 80 on July 3], but he's an incredibly lovely, adored man in the theater and he holds these fantastic parties in the Chelsea Physic Garden, and he invited me and my family so that's next week or the week after. I'll be seeing him soon. Capone: Thank you again and best of luck with this. IG: Yeah. Take care, mate. -- Steve Prokopy "Capone" [email protected] Follow Me On Twitter

#Iain Glen #behind the scenes #my cousin rachel #favor757

33 notes · View notes

experimentalmadness · 5 years ago

Text

Cin Vhetin Ch. 4: Into the Depths Part 2

Chapter Summary: Din and The Rebel find themselves trapped underground while Din wonders if their unease truce still holds.

Pairing: Din x OC/Reader (however you prefer to read it) No warnings for now

Masterlist: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Ao3 Link

***

They were falling.

The light disappeared rapidly as they plunged into the tunnel, the bike showered sparks as it sputtered and crashed against the metal of the long drop. At this speed and with no bottom in sight, staying on the bike would be a death sentence. Din ignited the jet pack still on his shoulders and released the speeder, clutching the kid tightly to his chest. The baby laughed against him.

At least one of us is having fun.

Not for the first time he marveled at the kid’s resilience. Maybe whatever sorcery it possessed caused it to view danger in a different way. The jet pack flickered against him as he tried to gain altitude. The winds were strong. Some kind of a cross breeze from whatever lay underground and the canyon above. He gritted his teeth and fought against it. He jerked downward and hit his back against the metal tube. At this rate he had two options: continue fighting the winds only to crash regardless, or use what remained of the fuel to descend to the ground and find a different way up.

Din hit the side of the tunnel again as the wind crushed against him. Option B it was.

He deaccelerated down the tunnel, realizing it sloped gradually to one side and curved into a wider chamber. Once on solid footing again, he shut off the jet pack. The cavern was pitch black. Keeping one hand on the kid he adjusted a headlight. The area itself seemed both natural and manufactured. Wide, carved tunnels with metal encasing and wiring lay surrounded by geological rock formations jutting through old assembly lines.

“Abandoned factories.”

Din spun about, blaster drawn as he stared into another headlight affixed to a helmet. The Rebel had survived the crash? They were covered in soot and dust and their left arm seemed limp at their side. Still, their weapon was trained on him. “Glad to see you made it,” they said. “Sorry about that. I thought most of the underground factories on Akiva were further south of here. Still, we should be able to get out.”

“We? What happened to that fair fight you promised after we ditched the other hunters?” Din couldn’t quite figure out what this merc’s game was. First they try and sabotage his ship to get him out in the open, next they’re blasting him out of the sky without a warning, and now here they were trapped underground. It was a perfect opportunity.

“I don’t want to carry your corpse out through several leagues of tunnels and caves. Besides, between the two of us we’re likely to work out a faster way out. I don’t fancy staying down here longer than I have to,” The modulator crackled as they spoke. “Truce?” They holstered their blaster and held up a hand, though the left one still remained motionless.

“You broke your arm in the fall.”

Static laughter pierced through the modulator. “Was it obvious?”

“I could shoot you now,” Din said matter-of-factly, taking a page out of The Rebel’s playbook. “Leave you here, find my own way out.”

“I heard Mandalorians were all proud warriors,” they tilted their head. “You going to shoot an unarmed, injured person in the dark right after they just called a truce? That would be disappointing.”

Din hesitated.

“Or maybe my arm’s not really broken.”

Before he could blink the Rebel had two blasters drawn, one in each hand. Static crackled out of the modulator that covered for the obvious laughter as they quickly resheathed both weapons. “Just kidding. It is broken, but,” they removed their blaster’s holster and fashioned a crude sling. “This’ll do for now.”

Din’s confusion only mounted as they kicked the discarded blaster over to him. “Look, now you have my weapon so you know I must be serious. Ready to get out of here?”

“Are you crazy?” he pocketed the spare blaster.

“No. Just someone who wants to live,” they turned their back on him and stared out at the expansive cavern. From here there were multiple points of exploration. Three tunnels that he could see at ground level, another two were up a ledge that was easily climbable for him at least, his companion would have some difficulty with it.

“So,” if this was how it was going to be he could play along. He’d had stranger allies of convenience in his life. “Which way do you think?”

“No light, no fresh air, when in doubt go as straight as you can,” The Rebel said, gesturing down the center tunnel with their good hand before walking off.

Well, nothing for it now. Din holstered the blaster. The kid blinked serenely up at him. He shrugged. “Unless you have any suggestions?” he asked. As usual the kid had none. For now they’d follow the Rebel.

***

“Give me a boost, will ya?”

Din hoisted the Rebel up onto a high ledge, letting them scramble one-handed to pull themselves upright. The same gloved hand reached back for him to help him up. From their new vantage point it was easy to see where the factory properly began in the caverns. Din looked down at his feet, they were standing on an old assembly line. The rubber padding was worn from disuse and the elements, but the gears that would have moved it along its track were still visible.

The Rebel half bounced their way along the track and Din had to be fast to catch the child about to race after them to skip along at their side. He didn’t care if they were allies for now. That kid wasn’t getting anywhere near them. For all he knew they were just waiting for him to let his guard down so they could nab the child, shoot him in the back, and take off.

He’d anticipated it for hours now. But the Rebel remained affable, and wholly uninterested in harming either him or the child. He couldn’t get a read on them. The vocal modulator and the tinted helmet made it impossible. Maybe this is what everyone else thought of when they saw every other Mandalorian.

They walked along in silence, the only lights coming from their headlamps. The kid’s excited and curious coos echoed around the caverns. Din looked up at an old, rusted crane that hung loose over the cracked ceiling. Stalactites pierced through the holes in the metal plated roof. In the distance Din could hear the squeaks and flaps of some flying creatures. He hoped that was all that was down here with them.

He almost jumped backwards when his light refocused ahead of him, reflecting against an unknown, armored silhouette. There, standing in rows and rows were disused, decaying B1 battle droids. Din blinked back the sudden flashfire of explosions across his eyes and stepped carefully around the army of corpse-droids.

The kid tugged on his leg, a concerned noise leaving its throat. “I’m fine,” he replied absentmindedly, continuing to back up away from the rows of droids before he bumped into something solid and metal. Half expecting it to be the Rebel, Din was wholly unprepared for the sight of something he hadn’t seen since childhood.

The droid looked smaller than he remembered, but the B2 super droid still appeared as ominous as ever in the dim light, it’s attached blasters were held at the ready, it’s armored head, tucked close to its shoulders. The red light on its breast plate was off. It was off, Din reminded himself as sweat broke out on his, thankfully, hidden face.

“Told you these were abandoned factories. Shut down after the wars.”

The Rebel’s voice drowned out the screams echoing in Din’s ears and brought him back to reality. They were standing next to him although he could not recall them walking over. They were staring impassively up at the B2 droids. “Kinda sad, all these things down here in the dark? Never even got a chance to do anything?”

“Sad?!” Din could not keep the electric anger out of his voice.

If the Rebel found that unusual they were keeping it to themselves. They only shrugged at his outburst, never taking their eyes away from the droid. “I wouldn’t want to be left in a place like this. All alone.”

There was something to those words their modulator interrupted with static. They sighed and clapped Din on the back with surprising strength. “Guess that’s why I’m keeping you alive so we get out of here, huh? C’mon. Keep moving.”

Din forced himself to put one foot in front of the other. His every instinct screamed at him to burn the entire assembly line to the ground. Blast it right out of existence even if it buried all of them. But in a strange way the Rebel was right. They had been left down here, never living in the first place. IG-11 came painfully to mind at that last thought, but his brain was crowded enough with memories. He gave his head a shake and regained full control of his faculties, resorting to using an old breathing exercise he had learned during his early days of training to keep calm.

“Take it you don’t like ‘em too much?” The Rebel said tilting their head at the rows of droids they were still following.

The assembly track was angling upwards which for all intents and purposes had to be a good sign. Going up meant going out. The Rebel seemed to think so as well as they never deviated away from the track.

“No.”

An uneasy silence reigned after that as they climbed upwards. There must have been hundreds of unused droids down here. Thousands. That was not a pleasant thought. Even as they spiraled ever onward the rows of B1 and B2 droids didn’t change. At least they were deactivated.

The child giggled at his feet. “What do you have there?” Din asked.

It was holding one of the B1 heads in its little claws. It toddled over to the edge of the track and launched it off into the darkness, laughing as it clanked against the sides of the cavern on its way down into the blackness.

“Can we not toss things over into the abyss?” The Rebel asked, fingers twitching for their blaster.

A red glow spread through the cavern, illuminating everything.

Din had a blaster out without waiting. “What was that you said about these droids having never seen any action?”

A sickening echo magnified by hundreds caused Din to wince. The familiar sound of gears grinding and droid joints shifting made panic well in his gut. The Rebel had their weapon out too, whirling about wildly as the B2s spun their torsos about and leveled their hand cannons on them.

“Intruder Alert,” a deep, robotic voice intoned down the assembly line.

The kid’s ears pinned back in fear, it immediately scuttled behind Din, clutching his leg. “I’m guessing it means us,” Din grunted.

Blaster fire drowned everything else out. For Din it was easy to dodge the incoming fire. Grabbing the kid in one hand, shooting with the other, he gained height thanks to the jet pack. The Rebel, on the other hand… Din watched as they took a running leap at one of the B2’s, springing forward with one hand, twisting in mid air so that they could angle themselves up onto the second tier track and gain some cover.

“There’s too many of them!” Din shouted.

“I can see that!” The Rebel spat back, shooting one B2 unit through the connecting tubing against its torso and legs, the only place where the armor was weakest on those things. Most of the blaster fire bounced right off the damn things.

“There’s gotta be a way to...I don’t know...shut them down?” He flew in, laying some covering fire so the Rebel could reposition.

“Oh, do I look like the resident expert? Grenade!” Din had just enough time to fly further afield as the Rebel lobbed an explosive down onto the other track they had just been walking on.

The resulting explosion sent a blast of heat and fire through the cavern, decimating the immediate droids, but creating a massive gap in the track. Was he imagining things or did he just feel the cavern give a shake? A stalactite fell almost directly on him at the thought.

“Look up there!” The Rebel gestured with her blaster. “I...I think that’s some kind of central processing station!”

They were pointing at a boxed unit high up on the ledge closest to the roof of the cave. It would be impossible for the Rebel to climb up there with one hand and pinned down by droids, but for him? “Cover me!” he shouted and angled his flight towards the station.

The droids aimed their cannons at him, but the older, clunky droids telegraphed a shot a mile away. Din shielded the kid and tucked into a spin, dodging the blasts. From below he saw the Rebel concentrating their fire on one of the B2 units, firing shot after shot directly into the core of the droid until the armor super-heated and melted away. Without skipping a beat they shoved their hand directly into the chest of the droid before it could collapse and pulled on something internally, firing an ion blast directly from the hand canon. Their mask let out a loud crackle of static that Din could hear even from the air as they used the deactivated corpse of the droid to draw fire away from Din.

Not bad for one broken-armed merc.

He landed up at the station. A quick assessment proved the Rebel’s instinct corrected. It did looked like some kind of foreman’s station. But the controls were rusted over, and almost everything was already off. What the hell would shut down the whole row of droids if they were already technically supposed to be off? Din flipped a switch that looked like the backup generator’s. A weird relief swept through him as the station lit up and the control panel blinked and beeped to life.

Ok, step one. Turn on the military droid assembly station. That could only be a good thing, right? Din hoped this didn’t mean he’d just activated some distant row of droids further down the tunnels. Considering where his luck was at now…

The panel’s labeling was long ago stripped, so that he could only make out a few letters here and there. Nothing for it. He pressed random buttons and flipped a few switches. Hazarding a glance out the scummed-over window he could see the oncoming red glow moving like a wave over to where the Rebel still fought on.

“Not to hurry you along or anything but if you could—-” anything else they said was drowned out in static, masking their panic, fury, or probably a combination of the two.

A crazy idea struck him.

Oh, no. Absolutely not. He shouldn’t. It could very well bring half the tunnel down on them.

What was better? Dying by droid or being crushed to death?

Din slammed his hand down on the one button that was clearly labeled: Crane controls.

From above came a screeching, rusted over monstrous sound that temporarily silenced even the blaster fire. The lurching, ancient metalwork from above shuddered, curled and uncurled...and then careened straight at the assembly line and control’s station.

Din had just enough time to jet out of the station before it was crushed on impact. Below, the Rebel unstuck their hand from the B2 unit, tossing it aside before reaching for her blaster again, firing shots indiscriminately as they tried to climb higher.

The crane went tumbling from its rusted perch, slamming into station and track, ripping the gears clean off and causing the line with its many rows of newly activated droids to plummet over the long spiral into the abyss below. The ground gave a sickening roll and the Rebel lost their footing as they ran to avoid the falling track.

Din was speeding towards them, grabbing them without thinking as the whole assembly line gave way. He shot forward towards one of the smaller, more natural rock tunnels above the now collapsing roof of the factory where the control’s station had been moments ago.

For a moment there was nothing but the sound of metal scraping against rock, blaster fire from the hapless droids careening towards a more permanent deactivation, and the warning emergency sirens all fading out as they fell into the black. Then there was only the sound of his ragged breath, the child’s panicked coos, and the static modulator from the Rebel who never took their gaze off of him.

“Why did you do that?” they asked. “Why did you do that?”

They seemed rattled, but not from the fight. Their good hand trembled ever so slightly as they flexed their fingers to still themselves. Even their modulator couldn’t fully flatline their shock at having their life saved.

“We had a truce, remember?” Din slapped a hand across her back in the same mocking fashion they had done to him earlier. “Come on. We still don’t know what else is down here. Eyes sharp. Blasters ready.”

The Rebel pulled their own pistol out absentmindedly, giving him a small nod as if they had been soldiers together from the start. Din set the child down and drew his own weapon, reciprocating her nod. Why had he saved their life? He hadn’t even thought to question why it had happened so fast. He didn’t like the immediate answer that entered his mind. They fought like a warrior. Smart, adaptable, agile. Admirable. He thought back to their words earlier: no one should be left down here alone.

Brushing the thought aside he gestured with his blaster down the mouth of the damp, rocky cave. “After you.”

#The Mandalorian #Din x oc #Mandalorian x oc #Cin Vhetin #we really getting into it now

3 notes · View notes

jainarden-blog · 6 years ago

Text

A Little Bit Of Organization Wouldn’t Hurt A Bit

Today is a searching and researching online day for an end to the endless clutter I have lived with FOREVER! I am so ready to clear the decks both physically/mentally and offline/online and get to some #extremeproductivity.

This is going to involve a lot of thinking and a lot of trying out things to streamline it into this no-fluff ecosystem I am dreaming about, even as I am typing this. A big part of this is to go paperless and also to start using my IOS phone a lot more. The below may seem like a lot of places but the object of my game is to have places to put things where I can go back and retrieve them. My mind and life goes so fast a lot of the time that the clutter, even when it is just mental has a tendency to pile up and to overwhelm me. By clearing physical mess (most importantly paper) and mental overflow, I can create the space I need to be the best me. Two big goals are time to do online study and being fit mind and body.

Read on for tools and thoughts about them:

Tumblr - Reasons for Tumblr: braindumps, writing habit, connection my introvert heart desires at times, and ease of use. Tumblr is good just to write or to spend time reading. I find a lot of the people on Tumblr are pretty deep, creative and wildly entertaining. Tumblr is a good place for introverts.

Saved.io - to try and curb the worthless habit of saving fifty trillion bookmarks and adding to them daily without ever really delving into those websites or using them. No extensions for this. You just add saved.io after the http:// or https:// and to make folder (tags/labels) put a name in front of .saved.io. Super easy. Sign up for an account and have an online spot for bookmarking your heart out

Google Keep - I need something to take down my own thoughts in a browser as I am surfing/researching and do not want to make a big deal out of it. There is a Chrome extension or you can right-click to add notes with tags. Braindumps and a place to satisfy data pack-rat urges. Follows the line of thinking that I am using Google for a lot of things and it’s already there anyway.

Google Calendar - I have multiple Google accounts but one where all my emails and appointments go. I synced this as my main calendar on IOS instead of the default calendar. One calendar to rule them all! Same for the one gmail. There is also an extension to add events quickly, along with the right click option.

Feedbro - RSS feed reader - too bad Google did away with theirs. This takes away some bookmarks for favorite sites/blogs and gives me an easy and fast way to know that I am keeping up with things that are important to me. Clicking the extension lets you “Find feeds on this page,” save feeds and also to open up your feedreader. Feeds can be categorized into folders.

LastPass - I have used this for years on my computers. It is the best password keeper as far as I am concerned. AND FREE! Today, I put it on my phone. I cannot say enough about how great this tool is for your information.

Scanbot - app for scanning in documents by taking a pic of them. This will definitely come in handy for those on-the-go document situations. Things like bills, manuals, purchase papers, etc. I have at home will, most of the time, be scanned in using my printer’s scanner.

Bullet Journal (BuJo) - my offline to-do / to-did and short journal things. I have one for me and one for my computer. The one for my computer has already saved me this year when I was trying to figure out what program was conflicting with another. My memory was helped by my documentation on what programs I had downloaded and when. I also document computer problems: what happened and what helped. Everything in one book - I think everyone should have one of these and I am surprised I never thought of it before this year. My personal BuJo is not one of internet proportions. I tried that and failed miserably and lost all site of what the book was supposed to be for to begin with. I ditched the trying to make it pretty and doing weekly/monthly spreads. I am back to the original version that Carroll Ryder set forth with his inspiration and am a thousand times better for it. This is something I can hold in my hands and look back on from time to time to see exactly how my time on earth went.

SimpleNote - I have a Reminder label in this for to-do’s, but I mostly just write to-do’s on the calendar or on a post-it/index card to throw away. I also document to-do/to-did’s in my personal BuJo. No this program is going to be something I use for some time, I do believe. I decided I am going to document work with this, especially conversations. I never remember the specifics in time so this will be my second work brain. Tags will be people (initials, first name, or my nickname for them). I can then go back to specific conversations that I want to refresh myself on and also for people notes such as date of birth, family (kid/husband/wife name), and/or specific things about them. Also, dates of meetings, project dates,etc. This is in its infancy - I have high hopes for this going forward.

AirTable - This website/app has high potential. I really like that it is set up like an Excel spreadsheet. I have projects set up in it for tracking daily spending, pantry inventory, gifts, etc. etc. etc. This is so customizable!!!! In my pantry list, I can add columns to be able to know what my lowest price on an item was - so in essence, a pantry checker with a price book included. I figure the way I use it will grow as I get used to it and find its value.

mySymptoms - $$ App for tracking your health. This is the one thing I paid for. I can’t wait to get enough stuff in it for a good PDF download. It is customizable to you, just like the AirTable. You can add/delete the things you want to track and there is a big list of them: drinks, food, medications, supplements, mood, symptoms, bowel, energy, sleep, stress, exercise, environment, and other. Some of these can be extra helpful for people who struggle with certain diseases or triggers. This is certainly a make-it-all-about-you app that can show correlations between a factor(s) causing another factor(s). Or even for people who forget when or how long they took medications or supplements. In my new found goal of creating a life that serves my health - this one is a winning part of it. I will be a participant in my healthcare.

Instagram - because, at times, I like to take photos of food and things I see that I like. And because, I hate Facebook. IG also gives me an easy way to change the way the photos look and share back to myself for other uses and ways to share my account online with my online people-ha. Braindump for photos.

Twitter - because it’s fun... and sometimes informative. Twitter is the quick connection to the rest of the world and let’s anyone fit into it. My favorite parts of the twit are hashtag and whatever “new episode” tv show I am watching. It’s fun to join in with whatever other people think of an episode and throw your two cents in too. I never feel like I am sitting at my house alone on Friday & Saturday nights with #livepd. With the added gifs on posts, it can get quite hilarious.

GoodReads - This is hooked up to my Amazon account and my Amazon account is hooked up to my local library account through Overdrive. So... free books. I read every night on my Kindle app (you can read in your browser too). The books are automatically added to my GoodReads account. At this time, I am 8 books ahead on my goal to read 100 books this year.

Listal - As for movies, the best site I have found is Listal. You can tag, star and make lists for the movies/tv you watch (along with books, products, people, dvds, and games, if you wish). Many members do a Halloween movie list each year.

Pinterest - this place fulfills my yearnings to save a million quotes, presented in a pretty way and is the easiest way to make kick ass vision boards. I have multiple boards for this very thing: HouseVB, ClothesVB, ThingsVB and so on.

This is the big starting out list. I didn’t want to leave anything out because I need to be clear on what I am really using and be consistent on what accounts I use for what services. Pinterest may be a big black hole, but once set up with mostly productive boards, I can relax knowing that they are helping me visualize the things I want while also letting me do something that is fun (even if sometimes just losing time surfing the internet).The same with Twitter and Instagram. They are black holes for time. But this way they are serving a purpose of entertainment and braindumps to clear the way for good space in my life. I will follow up with this as being productive online is both an important topic for me and also a much needed topic discussion. In my research, I wish more people would post about their systems to help the rest of us out :D

#OCD #clutter #paperless #organize

2 notes · View notes

virtuissimo · 6 years ago

Text

pardon me for using my blog for its intended purpose, but I’ve gota talk about my life insecurities and the pathetic reality of my ongoing existence

if ur prone to thinking badly of ppl for having social difficulties maybe dont read lol

if uv talked to me more than a few times then u kno already tbh i sound like a broken record but I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS im so fucking mad about it, why is this so hard for me???

people say that you have to go to clubs, but honestly thats realy not enough advice for me because Findng People is not the issue, in fact i have been in several places where by all means i shuold have found someone to be friends with, but even if i do force myself to talk to people and be sociable and say uuh things and even if i do succeed in being funny and likeable (which is far from the norm and my self esteem takes a huge hit every time i exit a social situation having flopped & yes i am overly judgmental of myself but the fact that i dont got friends is proof that maybe there is some truth to it) , nothing ever comes of it!

and like i know this is a pattern with me, where ill try to do something consistently for a semester and then when i see no evidence of progress i give up. same thing happened when i decided to stick to a consistent exercise routine. i didnt feel any better, i didnt look any different, my health didnt improve, my body didnt even get any stronger my bodys limit on weight and time remained the same from beginning to end, all i felt was tired, sore, and depressed. i felt a little proud of myself for having stuck to it for that long (4-5 months? honetsly an accomplishment for me) but at the first excuse i could find i broke routine and was never able to get back on.

and honestly. same thing happened with that club. i went to almost every QTPOCA community meeting for one semester, but i just! couldnt! make!! friends!! a few people talked to me i think?? one girl named Cassie who i saw once and never again..augustine talked to me and i was really happy about that...they were very friendly and i like talking to them but i dont think our personalities mesh very well for us to be close, we also dont have any real shared interests and i dont think they particularly have fun in my company.

but other than those two people, thats it.... the meetings themselves are very different from what i expected, its absolutely not an environment conducive to my very uuh specific needs.

How did i make friends before?? i had friends in high school. or at least i thought i did. i guess thats why im not still friends with most of them. i never really went out to movies or to their houses or to get lunch or even had most of their phone numbers, & even those whose # i do have i never really USED them. maybe its cuz i didnt get a phone until high school. maybe its cuz my parents are workaholics AND overprotective and made it too much of a hassle to ask permission to go everwhere. maybe people only rly liked me for school work purposes. maybe im just too obedient and never snuck out. maybe im just too close to my sister and never felt the need for social interaction outside of school because i had her. maybe im just making a whole lot of excuses for what ultimately is an inability to interact with other people.

& its not like im not good at talking. im pretty quick and uuh quippy ig like i can say some off the wall shit, that just all goes out the window when im talking to strangers. idk. i can make phonecalls now, but only if i script out what im going to say in writing bcause even if i mentally script, by the time the other person picks up the phone my mind just goes blank.

i think its a part of my horrible personality maybe. like maybe i can only be in my element when i feel like i have power. my small high school & my ugly superiority complex made it easier for me to think of myself as better than p much all my peers maybe? but maybe its not that easy to do that in college since EVERYONE here got to college somehow (despite some of them actualy being dumb as fuck)? maybe?? idk if thats the case i gota change that personality quick cuz thats no way to live life. just the way im talking about it now makes it seem like maybe its not that but idk i think in actuality im a lot more egotistical than i come across as. which may or may not be saying something idk self awareness is hard.

probably also got something to do with the fact that i moved to texas away from the rest of my family & my parents work too much to make rfriends ot their own (and neither of my parents are very social people to begin with) so i never had adult social interactions modeled for me in a way that integrates friendships into ones life. thats probably just an excuse tho.

anyways. im really sick of not fitting in anywhere. im sick of not knowing anyone. im sick of being lonely all the time and feeling unlovable . and iv got like 2 friends on the internet that i rly talk to but we all know it aint the same & the MOMENT theyve busy i feel soooo fuckin lonelyyyyy

also FUCK another thing is that i am no ones priority, that shit SUCKS idk if im emotionally built for casual friendships cuz i care about all my friends so fucking much...i dont even gota be a best friend i just gota be ...important to someone lmfao maybe thast too much to ask fori know im just 21 but it rly feels like everyone already has their friends and thats that, and the worst part is that i could have made friends but i wasted all of college uuuh idk doing school or whatever LMFAO ok but other ppl can figure out how to have an active social life while doing decent in school why couldnt i do that...

whatever. if i die alone i die alone , nothin to be done about that. just gota put my best foot forward i guess. maybe learn to settle a little more. put more effort into things that arent worth it because id rather have something rancid than nothing at all.

#IM FRUSTRATED AS FUUUUUCK

1 note · View note