#when can i start talking about white women tears: trans women addition

[snekdood]

if ur gonna make the argument that trans men suddenly gain the privileges of a cis man when they pass you gotta make the same argument for trans women who pass as cis women,,,,, , ,

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Maybe a pregnant trans Sirius feels insecure about his appearance and James comforts him, lots of fluff and NSFW 🥺

Sirius knew, logically, that he was chock full of hormones, which made him overreact and all around feel ridiculously emotional.

Unfortunately, logic didn't make itself known when he was on the verge of tears because his shirt didn't fit anymore. It wasn't even his favourite shirt. He tugged on the bottom, trying to see if this would be the time that it finally stayed lower than his belly instead of rising back up so half of his stomach was hanging out-- or at least that's how it felt to him, like half of his stomach was out. When he was wearing the maternity trousers-- the ones with elastic on top and made to look like jeans on the bottom-- his skin wasn't showing, but right now, he was wearing regular sweats that were slung under his stomach since he was just walking around the flat. Unsurprisingly, it slid higher, and he gave a pathetic sniffle as the tears spilled over.

He had maternity shirts. He could wear those; he knew that. But wearing the maternity shirt was like admitting that he was going to get bigger. Which, yes, he knew that that would be the case, logically. Logically, Sirius wouldn't have even tried to wear this shirt because he knew that he would be too big for it. Realistically, Sirius didn't want his body to change, in spite of knowing that it was inevitable as his pregnancy continued.

There was nothing wrong with the maternity shirts. He'd tried them on before he bought them, and they were comfortable. It was just... well, he'd had to buy them in the women's section. It didn't mean anything; he knew that. It still irked him.

"Hey," James called as he stepped into the flat. He kicked the door shut and toed off his shoes while holding a grocery bag in one hand. "I picked up some butter pecan ice cream for you." Then James looked over and his eyes went a little wide in alarm. "Woah, hey, are you alright?" He walked over even though he'd only managed to get one shoe off. He set the bag on the counter and put a hand on Sirius's back.

Sirius sniffed, tugging again on the bottom of the shirt. "Hormones."

James, ever watchful, noticed Sirius messing with his shirt. He pushed it higher so he could slip his hand against Sirius's skin. "I think you look amazing," he said in a low voice.

"You have to say that; you're my husband," Sirius muttered, wiping at his face.

"I have to say it because it's true, and I love you," James said. "There's a difference." He pressed a kiss to the side of Sirius's head. "Is that what was bothering you? You don't like how you look?"

"I dunno," he said, because it was hard to feel bad about himself when James was around. Not to mention, his hand felt wonderfully warm against his skin, and it was difficult to be worried about anything when his thoughts turned in that direction.

James hummed, acknowledging what he said. He didn't push for more, and he didn't move away. He pressed another kiss to Sirius's head.

Sirius sighed, leaning into him. "All the maternity clothes were in the women's section. I like my shirts."

"The maternity shirts are still your shirts," James reminded him gently. "I saw how you looked in them, and let me tell you sweetheart, that was some good shite. Come on, let's go make sure it's still true."

Sirius snorted, hearing the smile in his voice and knowing exactly what he was thinking about. "You just want to get me naked."

"I would never," he lied, grin widening.

"Uh-huh," Sirius said.

"Is that a yes?"

"Sure," he said, wiping at his face as the last few tears leaked out. Chances were that James couldn't make him feel worse, even if putting on one of those shirts was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Great," James said, pulling his hand back from Sirius's stomach so he could put the ice cream in the freezer.

Sirius thought about going to their room before him since he knew that was where they were going to end up, but he wasn't exactly in a hurry. Logically, he knew that he was going to like how this ended, but it wasn't settling and calming him down like he wanted. So he stayed where he was and waited for James to take off his other shoe and throw it towards the door, then take his hand and lead him away.

It did make him feel a little silly. Almost like he was a little kid. Except the being-led-away-by-someone's-hand was the only part of the entire day that was like being a kid.

James let go of his hand when they got into their room, and he walked to the closet. He headed straight for the left side and reached to the back where Sirius had shoved the maternity shirts so he didn't have to see them. "What about this one?" James asked, holding up a blue and white striped one. "I like this one."

"Yeah, I like it too, but that's not- James, me liking it isn't the problem."

"Are you sure? I mean, have you tried it on since you actually got big enough to need it?"

That was a good point, and Sirius hesitated before he answered. "No. But I really don't think it'll make a difference?"

James pulled the shirt off the hangar. "Humour me?"

"Fine, but you have to pick up dinner tonight. From Bodelli's."

"Deal," James said, as if he hadn't agreed to fulfill Sirius's every single food desire the moment they'd found out that he was pregnant.

With a small huff, Sirius took off his shirt-- conscious of his protruding stomach-- and pulled the striped one on.

"How's it feel?"

Sirius tugged on the bottom to get it situated, but it hadn't been necessary. This shirt covered his bump perfectly. He'd be able to walk around like normal, without having to constantly adjust it to make sure he wasn't flashing skin. Wearing clothes from the women's section usually had a chance of fitting entirely wrong at the chest or being too tight under the arms; this one was fine. Which, yes, he'd known that from when he'd originally tried it on and bought it, but time and a heap of worry had made him forget that. "Good," he said reluctantly. Reluctant because there had been an irrational part of him hoping that he'd get to wear his usual shirts if these were horrid. He knew it didn't make sense, but crying over his shirt not fitting also didn't make sense and he'd done that not five minutes ago.

"Good," James echoed with a smile. Soft and loving, as it often was these days. "And trust me, you look great."

"I can't take your word for it," Sirius said, only half-joking. "You'd say whatever I wanted to hear."

"I most certainly would not," he replied.

"Liar."

James rolled his eyes and closed the closet door so that the floor-length mirror was available. When Sirius didn't move, he walked over and nudged him into position. Once there, he rested his chin on Sirius's shoulder. "See? You look incredible."

Sirius thought that 'incredible' might be overexaggerating. He looked good, he would admit, but great? Incredible? No way. Of course, James had a massive blindspot where Sirius was concerned; he always had. "Two seconds ago, I only looked great."

"Is great a downgrade from incredible?" James asked, but he let his voice go quiet and turned his head so that his voice was in Sirius's ear. "I always thought they were equally wonderful."

"Oh so now I'm wonderful too?"

"Of course you are. There's no need to go fishing for compliments, you know. All you have to do is show up."

James really was sickly sweet, at times. Fortunately, Sirius loved it. Loved it so much, in fact, that he was a touch oblivious to what James's hands were doing because he was so busy listening to his voice. It came as a bit of a surprise when James's hand slipped inside his pants, then. "Fuck," Sirius breathed, leaning back against James more heavily. He knew that James could take his weight, even with him ballooning up the way he was.

"I hope that's a good reaction," James muttered, moving his fingers in small circles as he kissed Sirius's neck.

"You know it is."

James started to pull his hand out, and Sirius caught his arm, holding tight.

"Don't you dare stop," Sirius said. He may not have had this in mind ten minutes ago, but in addition to being close to tears at any given moment, he was also unbearably horny. Really, the last time he'd been this desperate, he'd been a teenager. One little touch from James, and he was wet and roaring to go. He would rip James's head off rather than stop, something James was well aware of.

"I was just going to move to the bed."

"Fine, but you're on thin ice," Sirius grumbled. He let James pull him over a couple feet, and he shucked his sweats and underwear before climbing on the bed. He thought he was being wonderfully accommodating and that James should follow suit, but James didn't bother to take off any clothes before following him on. Rude.

He was appeased for a minute when James kissed him and slid two fingers in, but after a little bit, he said, "I thought the point of an afternoon shag was where you actually shagged me?"

Undeterred, James said, "We ran out of condoms yesterday, and I haven't had a chance to get more."

"Who gives a shite? It's not like I can get more pregnant."

"You hate the mess," James said, still not moving from his current position.

That was true but, "For god's sake, just fuck me already."

James snickered but dutifully pulled his fingers out so he could get undressed.

"If you're laughing at me-" Sirius started to say.

"I'm not."

"Then what're you laughing at?" he asked. He sat up so he could pull off his shirt-- just because it wasn't as horrible of a maternity shirt as he'd been worried didn't mean that he wanted to get shagged while wearing it-- then laid back down.

"The way you said it. Like we're some couple that schedules when we have sex because we don't like each other. No time for talking because we’ll only fight."

Sirius snickered, because now that he thought of it, it had sounded that way. "Yeah, that's our problem: we don't like each other."

"Oh, absolutely," James said with a grin as he got back onto the bed. He kissed Sirius's cheek before his mouth because he was a sappy idiot that way. "Our marriage is hanging by a thread."

"We're having a kid to try and save it."

"How horrible of us," James said, and Sirius's chuckle turned into a moan as James slowly slid inside. "God I love you," he breathed. "You know that, yeah?"

"Joking about it didn't make me think it was true, you know," Sirius managed to say. He was so easily overwhelmed these days, but he knew that it didn't bother James, so it didn't bother him either.

"Good," James said with a warm smile, leaning down further to kiss him again. Sirius's stomach was going to get too big for them to do this soon, but for now, Sirius curled a hand around his neck and enjoyed it.

[ucflibrary]

Pride Month has arrived! While every day is a time to be proud of your identity and orientation, June is that extra special time for boldly celebrating with and for the LGBTQIA community (yes, there are more than lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender in the queer community). June was chosen to honor the Stonewall Riots which happened in 1969. Like other celebratory months, LGBT Pride Month started as a weeklong series of events and expanded into a full month of festivities.

In honor of Pride Month, UCF Library faculty and staff suggested books, movies and music from the UCF collection that represent a wide array of queer authors and characters. Additional events at UCF in June include “UCF Remembers” which is a week-long series of events to commemorate the shooting at the Pulse nightclub in 2016.

Click on the Keep Reading link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the 20 titles by or about people in the LGBTQIA community suggested by UCF Library employees. These, and additional titles, are also on the Featured Bookshelf display on the second (main) floor next to the bank of two elevators.

A guide to LGBTQ+ inclusion on campus, post-Pulse edited by Virginia Stead The research in A Guide to LGBTQ+ Inclusion on Campus, Post-PULSE is premised on the notion that, because we cannot choose our sexual, racial, ethnic, cultural, political, geographic, economic, and chronological origins, with greater advantage comes greater responsibility to redistribute life's resources in favor of those whose human rights are compromised and who lack the fundamental necessities of life. Among these basic rights are access to higher education and to positive campus experiences. Queer folk and LGBTQ+ allies have collaborated on this new text in response to the June 16, 2016 targeted murder of 49 innocent victims at the PULSE nightclub, Orlando, Florida. Seasoned and novice members of the academy will find professional empowerment from these authors as they explicitly discuss multiple level theory, policy, and strategies to support LGBTQ+ campus inclusion. Their work illuminates how good, bad, and indeterminate public legislation impacts LGBTQ+ communities everywhere, and it animates multiple layers of campus life, ranging from lessons within a three-year-old day care center to policy-making among senior administration. Suggested by Tim Walker, Information Technology & Digital Initiatives

Afterworlds by Scott Westerfeld Darcy Patel has put college on hold to publish her teen novel, Afterworlds. With a contract in hand, she arrives in New York City with no apartment, no friends, and all the wrong clothes. But lucky for Darcy, she’s taken under the wings of other seasoned and fledgling writers who help her navigate the city and the world of writing and publishing. Over the course of a year, Darcy finishes her book, faces critique, and falls in love. Woven into Darcy’s personal story is her novel, Afterworlds, a suspenseful thriller about a teen who slips into the “Afterworld” to survive a terrorist attack. The Afterworld is a place between the living and the dead, and where many unsolved—and terrifying—stories need to be reconciled. Like Darcy, Lizzie too falls in love…until a new threat resurfaces, and her special gifts may not be enough to protect those she cares about most. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon Aster has little to offer folks in the way of rebuttal when they call her ogre and freak. She's used to the names; she only wishes there was more truth to them. If she were truly a monster, she'd be powerful enough to tear down the walls around her until nothing remains of her world. Aster lives in the lowdeck slums of the HSS Matilda, a space vessel organized much like the antebellum South. For generations, Matilda has ferried the last of humanity to a mythical Promised Land. On its way, the ship's leaders have imposed harsh moral restrictions and deep indignities on dark-skinned sharecroppers like Aster. Embroiled in a grudge with a brutal overseer, Aster learns there may be a way to improve her lot--if she's willing to sow the seeds of civil war. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

And Then I Danced: traveling the road to LGBT equality: a memoir by Mark Segal On December 11, 1973, Mark Segal disrupted a live broadcast of the CBS Evening News when he sat on the desk directly between the camera and news anchor Walter Cronkite, yelling, "Gays protest CBS prejudice!" He was wrestled to the studio floor by the stagehands on live national television, thus ending LGBT invisibility. But this one victory left many more battles to fight, and creativity was required to find a way to challenge stereotypes surrounding the LGBT community. Mark Segal's job, as he saw it, was to show the nation who gay people are: our sons, daughters, fathers, and mothers. Because of activists like Mark Segal, whose life work is dramatically detailed in this poignant and important memoir, today there are openly LGBT people working in the White House and throughout corporate America. An entire community of gay world citizens is now finding the voice that they need to become visible. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Basically Queer: an intergenerational introduction to LGBTQA2S+ lives by Claire Robson, Kelsey Blair, and Jen Marchbank Basically Queer offers an introduction to what it can look and feel like to live life as lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, two spirited and trans. Written by youth and elders who've lived these lives first hand, the book combines no-nonsense explanations, definitions, and information with engaging stories and poetry that bring them to life. Basically Queer answers those questions that many want to ask but fear will give offence--What is it really like to be queer? What's appropriate language? How can I be an ally? It also provides a succinct and readable account of queer history and legal rights worldwide, addresses intergenerational issues, and offers some tips and tricks for living queer. It does so in an easy and conversational style that will be accessible to most readers, including teens. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel Meet Alison's father, a historic preservation expert and obsessive restorer of the family's Victorian home, a third-generation funeral home director, a high school English teacher, an icily distant parent, and a closeted homosexual who, as it turns out, is involved with his male students and a family babysitter. Through narrative that is alternately heartbreaking and fiercely funny, we are drawn into a daughter's complex yearning for her father. And yet, apart from assigned stints dusting caskets at the family-owned "fun home," as Alison and her brothers call it, the relationship achieves its most intimate expression through the shared code of books. When Alison comes out as homosexual herself in late adolescence, the denouement is swift, graphic -- and redemptive. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections, and Schuyler Kerby, Rosen Library

Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado  In Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado blithely demolishes the arbitrary borders between psychological realism and science fiction, comedy and horror, fantasy and fabulism. In this electric and provocative debut, Machado bends genre to shape startling narratives that map the realities of women's lives and the violence visited upon their bodies. A wife refuses her husband's entreaties to remove the green ribbon from around her neck. A woman recounts her sexual encounters as a plague slowly consumes humanity. A salesclerk in a mall makes a horrifying discovery within the seams of the store's prom dresses. One woman's surgery-induced weight loss results in an unwanted houseguest. And in the bravura novella "Especially Heinous," Machado reimagines every episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a show we naively assumed had shown it all, generating a phantasmagoric police procedural full of doppelgangers, ghosts, and girls with bells for eyes. Earthy and otherworldly, antic and sexy, queer and caustic, comic and deadly serious, Her Body and Other Parties swings from horrific violence to the most exquisite sentiment. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Inseparable: desire between women in literature by Emma Donoghue Emma Donoghue examines how desire between women in English literature has been portrayed, from schoolgirls and vampires to runaway wives, from cross-dressing knights to contemporary murder stories. She looks at the work of those writers who have addressed the "unspeakable subject," examining whether same-sex desire is freakish or omnipresent, holy or evil, as she excavates a long-obscured tradition of (inseparable) friendship between women, one that is surprisingly central to our cultural history. Inseparable is a revelation of a centuries-old literary tradition — brilliant, amusing, and until now, deliberately overlooked. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann Claire Kann’s debut novel Let’s Talk About Love, chosen by readers like you for Macmillan's young adult imprint Swoon Reads, gracefully explores the struggle with emerging adulthood and the complicated line between friendship and what it might mean to be something more. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Little and Lion by Brandy Colbert Suzette returns home to Los Angeles from boarding school and grapples with her bisexual identity when she and her brother Lionel fall in love with the same girl, pushing Lionel's bipolar disorder to spin out of control and forcing Suzette to confront her own demons. Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center

Myra Breckinridge by Gore Vidal Myra's personality is altered by her sex change operation and Myron is transported back through time to the year 1948. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Subject Librarian

Reflections in a Golden Eye by Carson McCullers Set on a Southern army base in the 1930s, REFLECTIONS tells the story of Captain Penderton, a bisexual whose life is upset by the arrival of Major Langdon, a charming womanizer who has an affair with Penderton's tempestuous and flirtatious wife, Leonora. Upon the novel's publication in 1941, reviewers were unsure of what to make of its relatively scandalous subject matter. But a critic for Time Magazine wrote, "In almost any hands, such material would yield a rank fruitcake of mere arty melodrama. But Carson McCullers tells her tale with simplicity, insight, and a rare gift of phrase." Written during a time when McCullers's own marriage to Reeves was on the brink of collapse, her second novel deals with her trademark themes of alienation and unfulfilled loves. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Subject Librarian

Speak No Evil by Uzodinma Iweala In the tradition of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah, Speak No Evil explores what it means to be different in a fundamentally conformist society and how that difference plays out in our inner and outer struggles. It is a novel about the power of words and self-identification, about who gets to speak and who has the power to speak for other people. As heart-wrenching and timely as his breakout debut, Beasts of No Nation, Uzodinma Iweala’s second novel cuts to the core of our humanity and leaves us reeling in its wake. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Tash hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee Fame and success come at a cost for Natasha "Tash" Zelenka when she creates the web series "Unhappy Families," a modern adaptation of Anna Karenina--written by Tash's eternal love Leo Tolstoy. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

The Boys in the Band by Mart Crowley The Boys in the Band was the first commercially successful play to reveal gay life to mainstream America. This is a special fortieth anniversary edition of the play, which includes an original preface by acclaimed writer Tony Kushner (Angels in America), along with previously unpublished photographs of Mart Crowley and the cast of the play/film. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Subject Librarian

The Sleeper and the Spindle by Neil Gaiman On the eve of her wedding, a young queen sets out to rescue a princess from an enchantment. She casts aside her fine wedding clothes, takes her chain mail and her sword, and follows her brave dwarf retainers into the tunnels under the mountain towards the sleeping kingdom. This queen will decide her own future -- and the princess who needs rescuing is not quite what she seems. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

Very Recent History: an entirely factual account of a year (c. AD 2009) in a large city by Choire Sicha  What will the future make of us? In one of the greatest cities in the world, the richest man in town is the Mayor. Billionaires shed apartments like last season's fashion trends, even as the country's economy turns inside out and workers are expelled from the City's glass towers. The young and careless go on as they always have, getting laid and getting laid off, falling in and falling out of love, and trying to navigate the strange world they traffic in: the Internet, complex financial markets, credit cards, pop stars, microplane cheese graters, and sex apps. A true-life fable of money, sex, and politics, Very Recent History follows a man named John and his circle of friends, lovers, and enemies. It is a book that pieces together our every day, as if it were already forgotten. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Victim directed by Basil Dearden A highly respected, but closeted barrister, Melville Farr, risks his marriage and reputation to take on an elusive blackmail ring terrorizing gay men with the threat of public exposure and police action. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Subject Librarian

Why be happy when you could be normal? by Jeanette Winterson Traces the author's lifelong search for happiness as the adopted daughter of Pentecostal parents who raised her through practices of fierce control and paranoia, an experience that prompted her to search for her biological mother. Suggested by Lindsey Ritzert, Circulation

Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson The most beguilingly seductive novel to date from the author of The Passion and Sexing the Cherry. Winterson chronicles the consuming affair between the narrator, who is given neither name nor gender, and the beloved, a complex and confused married woman. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

[scenarios-on-ice]

That you are!

“Ma'am, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but whatever it is- either Furuta or the toxic side of the YoI fandom started it!”

I used to be firmly for Trans!Mutsuki but now I’m not so sure. I’m mostly just annoyed and kinda sad at how this particular issues is tearing the fandom apart…keeping away from major spoilers, when Saiko was trying to ask Mutsuki about something important a few chapters back Mutsuki was like “So….yeah. You figured out that I’m actually a girl.” and then abruptly left. That was mostly where the doubt started: Mutsuki refered to themself as a ‘girl’. Did this stem from insecurity about revealing themself as trans or was it because Mutsuki actually sees themself as female?

And then later on, “I’m almost embarrassingly female.” Does this mean that they find their female body a burden/embarrassing, or that they can’t help but acknowledge that yes, they do identify as female in the end? Doesn’t help that their expression during this scene is very difficult to read (the scene itself is quite disturbing in nature as well).

Then people started connecting the dots. During the auction arc Mutsuki once said to themself ‘It’s not that I think like a man’ and was disgusted when they felt men’s gazes following them. Add this to "I want to ‘live’ as a man" instead of “I 'am’ a man” and the fact that they were probably molested by their father as a child and the theory that maybe they’re just pretending to be male because even as they fear men, they believe being male to be a symbol of power, one that will keep them safe, becomes quite a bit more plausible.

Even more confusing since most of Mutsuki 'I am female’ moments seem to come during mental breakdowns so the fandom is up in arms about that too. Does the mental breakdown mean that they’re not in their right mind and just rambling, or does it make them speak the truth and stop hiding (like Kaneki’s memory breakdown during the Tsukiyama arc; it was then he finally stopped warping/denying his own memories about his mother)?

I personally believe that Mutsuki might turn out to be female after all (especially since this is a Japanese manga; Japan might be more accepting of the LGBTQ community than other East-Asian countries but from what I’ve learned it’s still got quite a bit of prejudice and stereotyping going on and LGBTQ individuals are viewed differently from how they are in the West. It would also tie in with Ishida’s overall writing style) but I don’t bash those who believe them to be trans because I really, really wanted them to be trans too…

I just wish the fandom would stop being so aggressive about this ;-;

(That parody tho)

True, true, Jean would make a good Angelica ^^ as for Dear Theodosia, don’t most of Burr’s songs fit really well with Jean? I think it’s proof that the Jean-Burr casting was meant to be.

OH YEAH I totally forgot about that. Hide-Peggy makes much more sense now XD they should form an 'awesome forgotten characters’ club!

Speaking of Hinami though, SPOILER but apparently she’s going to meet Akira soon.

Yeah, the only realy Hamilton AU we could achieve with TG is one where characters are forced into roles that don’t necessarily fit their personalities and therefore changes the outcome of the story (which could actually be a good thing; for example, if we cast Amon as Hamilton Say No To This would never happen).

But wait (lol). Doesn’t Urie actually fit much better with Burr?

In that case, it doesn’t matter who we cast. Urie-Burr would probably make the exact same mistakes as Musical!Burr did (if we’re talking about pre-character development Urie).

Well, to make up for Hide’s second death (who am I kidding nothing could make up for that) you now have the mental image of Tsukiyama rapping Guns and Ships at Yoshimura-Washington (or Shinohara-Washington).

And Koma like

“THE DEVIL APE A BARISTA SPYING ON THE CCG I TAKE THEIR COFFEE ORDERS, INFORMATION, AND THEN I SMUGGLE IT UP TO KANEKI’S REVOLUTIONARY COVENANT I’M RUNNING WITH THE GHOULS OF LIBERTY AND I AM LOVIN’ IT SEE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE UP AGAINST THE RUFFIANS WE IN THE SHIT NOW, SOMEBODY’S GOTTA SHOVEL IT ENJI KOMA, I NEED NO INTRODUCTION WHEN YOU KNOCK ME DOWN, I GET THE FUCK BACK UP AGAIN”

(I could probably have made it rhyme/fit in with the actual lyrics if I wanted to but unfortunately I’m too lazy OTL maybe some other time

Also fun fact if you didn’t get to that point in the manga: Kaneki does have his own 'ghouls of liberty’ now)

As for Furuta, I think he’s probably going to get a tragic backstory too- everyone in TG gets the angst treatment. Ishida’s probably going to expand on his daddy issues. Also, there’s that one birthday poem Ishida wrote for him that strongly implies he’s suicidal/places little value on his own life, plus the fact that we can already assume he had a terrible childhood.

I’ve never heard of that anime but now you make me want to watch it…is it really worth a watch despite the 'wth’ elements? (Your Lie in April was the only exception I made for romance animes, but I’m willing to give anything a try as long as it’s got decent character development, is respectful with whatever themes it chooses to handle and doesn’t have too much fanservice (because frankly I find anime fanservice more cringey than anything…I always feel so embarrassed for everyone involved when it happens XD)).

And oh, thanks for letting me know! :D I hope it wasn’t too weird of a request ^^;;

Thank you so much for the ‘ripped s/o’ request! :D I really liked it!

Like, maybe it’s just me but I think Viktor (once he got used to it) and/or Chris might actually think it was hot. Dunno, just, in VIktuuri I can see Viktor being the sub (plus it’s kinda obvious that he’s really, really into Eros!Yuuri) so I think he’d find the idea of his s/o being a powerhouse appealing…especially since they don’t look it outwardly (what with being so smol and cute). He’d probably be determined to 'unleash the beast’ lol

(or maybe it’s just my personal bias because while I don’t have much of a preference when it comes to figure I still think muscular women look great)

Yuuri would probably be very much in awe once he recovered from the shock.

As for JJ, I think once he stopped flailing around his reaction would be a mix of betrayal and slight jealousy- “Wait, so all those times I was totally not struggling to carry you bridal style, you could have told me there was a reason you’re so heavy! And also, did you just let me treat you like a fragile doll when you were actually (not) stronger than me all along? WERE YOU JUST STROKING MY EGO BABE NO

Also let’s go to the gym together as soon as possible because I cannot wait to kick your ass

Nobody is allowed to be stronger than the King JJ

Not even his girlfriend”

Then s/o picks him up, throws him over her shoulder and takes him to his bedroom like 'boi, you need to calm down’

Peek-a-boo!

“Nimura Furuta died this morning (if only). I need a favour.”

That seems so complicated >_< I think I’m gonna stick to trans!Mutsuki (referring with he/him), simply because I haven’t reached that part in the manga and am still in the ‘Mu is male’ mode. Yeee, I don’t wanna go into that part of the fandom, I get enough shit from the yoi fandom already. Gaah, it really is complicated. I mean, I’m open to any Mu and don’t quite care if he decides to be male/female or genderfluid or whatever. I just want everyone to be happy ;-; And that’ll never happen because we’re talking about TG here. No one can be happy. It’s simple impossible.

The only thing we need now is a Hamilton for Jean... Ye, I don’t quite think we’ll be getting one. Except for Eren, but that LEAVES ALL THE PROBLEMS WE’VE DISCUSSED. SHIT. I’d pay to see Jean singing Dear Theodosia. 

We can add Hide and Peggy to the club of forgotten characters along with Hinami (she is being forgotten it seems) and a few other characters I can’t think of right now XD

That’s the problem with TG. Most AUs are impossible, since the characters just don’t fit the roles nicely, they’re too grey to fit in. Gdi Ishida, you love making us suffer.

Oh yeah, Urie would be the best Burr! He’s a calculating character who’ll kinda suck ass to advance in positions. To think that this guy’s my favourite character along with Haise/Kaneki and Ayato...

I WANNA SEE TSUKIYAMA RAPPING HELL YEAH  HIS ACCENT WOULD MAKE IT SO MUCH BETTER LIKE, HED BE ABLE TO IMITATE LAFF SO WELL I AM CRYING HELP

You’ve seen my ‘I’ll manipulate everyone out’, didn’t you? That one fits evem worse than this, so shush.  I did reach that part, tho. One of the last things I remember is that hella sexy white suit Kaneki panel. I liked that one a lot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Doesn’t everyone in TG basically have a tragical backstory, though? Like, name one (1) character who lived a nice and happy life without daddy issues suicidal stuff and so on.  There are none I can remember. Well, I guess you could say that Tsukiyama had a pretty nice childhood, but he’s pretty messed up now, so I don’t count him. 

Hmm, I think some people would be able to ignore them, but I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t like the anime. I mean, it’s quite rushed with little character development and has sO MANY WTH MOMENTS, HE’S 15 FOR FUCKS SAKE, WHY DOES HE SLEEP NAKED WHY ARE THERE SO MANY INNUENDOS WHY DO THEY KISS IT LOOKS CREEPY WHYYYYY

No, don’t watch that anime. If you want to watch a romance anime that’s really good and has development, watch Kyoukai no Kanata. AND MAGI. AND HOUKAGO NO PLEIADES. I can always hit you up with anime suggestions if you need them *finger guns (and ships)*

Ooh, I like those additions so much! Would you mind if I added them to the actual post?

[maria-marsden]

“No more fiendish punishment could be devised, were such a thing physically possible, than that one should be turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members thereof”. – William James, (1890),The Principles of Psychology.

“I is for Intersex, not Invisible!” – a popular LGBTQIA+ Pride slogan.

I am intersex, but I have not always identified as such. An intersex person is someone who is born with variations in their biological sex characteristics that do not conform to what is biologically or culturally considered typically male or female.

Sex characteristics are genitals, reproductive organs, chromosomes and hormone patterns.

In my case I was born with Mullerian Aplasia (aka MRKH or Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser Syndrome) and unilateral gonadal agenesis. MRKH affects about 1 in 9000 of the world population. Intersex people as a whole number >1.7%. We are more common than autistic people. We are more common than people born with natural red hair.

Like many intersex people, l was born with more than one intersex variation. My uterus was not formed properly, I was born without a cervix and 3/4 of my vagina canal has been absent since birth. I ovulate and have very bad period pains, but have never “started my periods” in the typical understanding of the term.

At birth, I was presumed to be female. I had a vulva that appeared typically female. At puberty, I developed breast tissue, pubic hair ET cetera. However, by the age of 18, l had still not started my periods. I was very thin then and at first, doctors thought this was due to me being underweight.

In 1989, I had a laparoscopy. The female doctor informed me that I was born without a uterus and with a very short vagina [ about 2 centimetres ]. She said that I would never be able to have sex without surgery and also suggested that I might find it very difficult to find a partner who would accept me.

“But there are a few nice men out there,” she said. I was told that I should come back and have surgery when I was about to get married. The surgery would involve cutting skin off my arm and grafting it into a vagina. It’s a lot to take in when you are 18.

I was actually just about turn 18 at the time....traditionally the age of reaching adulthood. I reached a state of something, but I couldn’t articulate what it was. I couldn’t articulate what I was.

Of course, there was a part of me that really wanted to challenge the doctors. I wanted to say things like, “what do you mean I can’t have sex? I can already have orgasms.” I wanted to say, “How do you know that I am heterosexual? I might be a lesbian for all you know.” (I hadn’t answered the question of my sexuality then. This medical trauma always intruded on my attraction to women.) I wanted to shout, “How do you even know that I want to be a female? I might want to have a penis!” [ I didn’t, but l certainly considered this option] I wanted to ask, “but what about anal?” But I didn’t dare. [ I was a shy, withdrawn 18 year old. ]

I did have sex and healthy relationships, including penetrative sex without dilation or surgery. I’m happily married, but for a long time I thought that by having sex without medical treatment, I was doing something wrong. This is one of the perils being diagnosed a malformed female.

Whatever you do misdiagnosed as a malformed female, you're always going to think that you're doing something wrong... that you are wrong or inadequate in some way.

When I tell people that I am intersex, a lot of folk assume that being intersex is a term that medics diagnosed me with. The truth is that since the beginning of gynaecological medicine, doctors and surgeons have hardly ever diagnosed anyone as intersex.

When medics first became interested in what they termed “hermaphroditism” or “people of doubtful sex”, their interest was not in diagnosing intersex, but just the opposite. Medics were then (and still are) only interested in finding intersex patients so that they can diagnose our true sex as female or male and force treatments or surgery that will make us less queer in the minds of those around us. Politically and throughout Western history, this is to maintain white cis heteronormative male privilege.

At the age of nearly 18, I wasn’t diagnosed as being intersex. I was diagnosed as a malformed female who hadn’t formed properly and would never do so without intersex genital mutilation [surgery] or prescribed self harm [ dilation with a glass dildo/test tube].

Medics suggested that as much as possible I keep what little information they have given me about my body to myself. For the most part I did. I spent the next 30 years of my life living in shame and secrecy. This shame and secrecy was compounded when my female friends talked about their periods or sex life. I was different. I didn’t have a language for describing my experiences.

I didn’t have the exact same experiences in terms of rights of passage assumed to be common to all women. I felt included in the category of female, only in as much as I was excluded by a body that didn’t conform and the lack of language for my experiences. I felt invalid as a female and invisible.

I didn’t have intersex genital mutilation. I was almost persuaded to, but I became traumatised by the pre op dilation and the thought of having to continue to do this.

Being diagnosed a malformed female destroyed all sense of my personal and body integrity. The only way that I could keep myself together, was to tear myself apart. I was ending up in A and E every other day with severe self harm. The only way to make myself visible, was to visibly disappear. I became anorexic. I had been starved of the opportunity to grow up knowing other intersex people. I was in my own prison of shame and secrecy and on a hunger strike.

I ended up spending two years as an inpatient in various institutions in the psychiatric system. I was further pathologized and invalidated by the psychiatric system in the UK . In addition to my diagnosis as malformed female, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

BPD is basically the mark of Cain of the DSM. When a BPD diagnosis is put on a person, whole heap of assumptions are made about that persons personality. These assumptions include, manipulative, attention seeking, passive aggressive, incapable of healthy personal relationships, emotionally immature, unable to grow up, promiscuous, reckless, impulsive ET cetera

Indeed a number of studies and critiques have shown that sexual minorities, trans, non binary and gender non conforming people are more likely to be diagnosed with BPD. Some psychologists and mental health professionals even have the audacity to suggest that what psychiatrists now term “gender dysphoria” is caused by having a borderline personality disorder. One psychiatrist had me fill out a questionnaire to see how much my gender conformed to what is considered typical for women. (To this day, l don’t know why).

I certainly did not come out to psychiatrists as being agender/non binary. I did acknowledge identifying as a lesbian and experienced some psychiatrists trying to tell me otherwise. Despite never having had surgery, one psychiatrist felt it necessary to put in my medical notes that l had a vaginoplasty (even though l had no such thing)! He even asked me if l hung around dark alley ways late at night so that l could get raped. (WTF??????)

Not all the psychiatrists l saw agreed that l had “borderline personality disorder”. The psychiatrist whom l did get along with and who was my main psychiatrist diagnosed PTSD and depression. He said that “borderline personality disorder” was just psychiatric speak for “bugger off and die!”

At that time under the 1983 mental health act in the UK, BPD was deemed “untreatable”. This meant that if a psychiatrist diagnosed a patient with BPD and they committed suicide, the psychiatric team would not legally be held accountable. Indeed, in one hospital a psychiatrist who had insisted that l had BPD said that if l were to leave the hospital and jump off a multi storey car park, he wouldn’t try and stop me!

I did not have a borderline personality disorder. If l was guilty of anything, it was a kind of “trauma re-enactment”. Traumatised by medical violence and psychic mutilation at age 18, I turned to mutilating myself and seeking help from the very same people who had traumatised me in the first place, [the medical system].

Self mutilation led to more psychic mutilation at the hands of the psychiatric system. Now, not only was my body and sex malformed, I was told that my personality was malformed too.

With the help of some good friends who were also psychiatric survivors, I eventually managed to recover and distance myself from the psychiatric profession, challenging their assumptions about me. It took me a long time after that to feel brave enough to reach out and find other intersex people like me.

In 2020 during the first Covid 19 lockdown, I reached out to MRKH groups and found others with the same variations in sex characteristics as myself. I wasn’t alone anymore but I was still a female with missing pieces.

I found the missing pieces in Esther Leidolf’s “The Missing Vagina Monologue and Beyond”, the documentary “InterseXion”and Hida Valoria’s book “The Spectrum of Sex”.

I learned that I wasn’t a female with missing pieces, but an intersex person who had been mistreated, misunderstood and misdiagnosed as a malformed female. I found my community, my anger, my grief and I found myself.

I admit, that when l first learned that MRKH is considered an intersex variation by intersex activists, l had a huge fear of reaching out to those communities. In many ways, l was afraid to become the person that l am today. I was afraid of being someone who could talk just as easily about being intersex as l could about being autistic.

I was also afraid that if l were to come out as intersex, people might make assumptions about my genitals. To be honest, l got so much support from the intersex community that l very quickly realised that other people’s assumptions were not my problem.

It’s much easier now that l am comfortable being intersex to chat with my female friends when they talk about their periods or sex life. As an intersex person, l am not incomplete, invalid or inadequate, l am just different from the majority.

The main benefit of connecting mostly with intersex groups (as opposed to MRKH “syndrome”) groups is that l no longer have to focus on what is supposedly “wrong with me”. I don’t have to see myself as broken. I have had trauma certainly, but I am no longer broken.

I still connect with the MRKH community. As an intersex activist, it’s important that l understand the issues faced by those who identify MRKH as a female variation or condition. I certainly would not have found my way to the intersex community had it not have been for some of my MRKH Sisters and Siblings.

I spent the first thirty years after my laparoscopy, diagnosed as a malformed female, forced into a space where I would be alone with my difference, silenced and invisible and unable to grow.

Finally, having found the intersex community, I feel like I have found an environment to nourish me, to enable me to grow my way and become my myself. I am unlearning and learning continuously about myself. I have some new language and l am beginning to create my own words and terms.

I am nearly 50 now and have come to the conclusion that life is too short not to be myself and l don't give a shit about what other people might think or gossip about me.

I use identity first language. The natural variations in my body and mind are not disorders. I am an autistic intersex person, rather than a person born with autism and an intersex variation. I mean how many people say that they were born with maleness or femaleness?

And just because l describe myself this way l am not saying that being intersex and autistic are the only things about me. Yet to me, they are important things about me because l would much rather have been born with a very fertile mind than a fertile reproductive system.

Many intersex people are autistic or neuro diverse. I feel that l am "inter" in many ways other than just biological sex characteristics. I travel between worlds and have had visitations since childhood from other worlds. The indigenous people of America understood this. Intersex autistic people were seen as the "bridges between worlds" and had important roles in the healing of their communities and as peacemakers. Perhaps this is why l have developmental topographical disorientation. (l can read physical maps well, but get lost in familiar places). I am not broken, just different. Where l lack development in one area, l excel and am evolved in others. Nature does not make mistakes.

XOXY