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#when did time pass so fast?
hulloitsdani · 1 year
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Pov you’re Fjorm about to witness the prince of the nation you’ve allied yourself with get brutally betrayed by his own tactician.
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skunkes · 4 months
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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revvywevvy · 1 month
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hi guys im still alive lol. havent been drawing too too much lately (depressions a bitch xd) but i do have a few things yay yippee!!!! i ended up doing a style study of sorts a few months ago (i dated em so yk when theyre from) and ive been trying to make this my new style bc i really like it (with some hiccups but hey. arts hard lol) so heres some pyrrlinas :-] (yes ik its a redraw (and u may have to zoom a little bc the croppings kinda. yeah.))
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yoshistory · 2 months
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I did so good today I deserve like 5 slices of cake atleast
#I had to drive my car 15 minutes at 55mph+ in order for it to pass a test#And they recommended that I just drive it on the highway for 15mins to make sure it cycles#And I've been driving fast when I can to rack those minutes up but when it's intermittent it's hard to quantify#So I just made it CERTAIN and drove and counting the minutes#And it was tuff because the highways were congested so I literally couldn't drive fast enough#And today I finally got to a patch of highway that was empty enough to just gun it 15mins nearly straight#It took awhile to drive out of the congestion to find#And then I drove back and racked up more certain time#So tomorrow I'll be confident when I bring it in that it's cycled enough to pass .... *dies*#You get preddy far when you drive like 70mph for 20mins#I was far out and didn't know where I was. But now I know where that is#And then i drove back#All in all it was like an hour of driving for just that 15mins time#Cause I had to drive out to be able to go that fast#And I didn't wanna go halfsies and then count on the trip home to rack up the rest of the time#Because what if it was congested on the way back .... I had to do it then#And I did .... and I did very well#I'm much more of a confident driver since I moved out here but the thing is ...#When its 104 degrees out and your car doesn't have air conditioning .... it's like so much hotter than 100 IN the car#I swear I'm surprised my meat isn't roasted at this point. I'm practically slow roasting out there
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teakoodrawz · 5 months
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Cap'n : *sigh...*
Sweet : what?
Cap'n : nothing..
Sweet : you don't like the food?
Cap'n : I love the pepper steak and mashed potatoes with wine like it's one of the classic expensive food! but ironically I miss eating rice with only sugar so much right now.
Sweet : ????@%^&!%&&*(#&(?!!?!?
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kohakhearts · 10 months
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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so
i want to be a part of a big group of people who love each other SO BAD i want to have a friend group i want to care and love many people at once i want to belong feel a sense of community but i am so isolated i don't even have one single friend and am i just going to die alone probably yes right im already 20 years old and this 19 year old guy at office was like we were both waiting counting down the minutes till 4 pm so we could go home and we were like yaar kal parso bhi aana padega sunday kitna door hai but then he was like yaar do yk it's already been a month here and time is passing so fast and im not doing anything that people my age do im sitting in a locked office my whole day and aise hi sunday ka wait karte karte 2 saal ho jayenge fir job main bhi aise hi lagega and yaar aise tog puri zindagi hi nikal jayegi and i was like what the fuck shut up you're so right and im already 20 and i feel so lonely and other people are so fucking normal and happy and enjoy festivals while im sitting here worrying about how to finish my backlog watch lectures my life is so small limited to 10 books one course and i feel so on the outside of everything what the fuck man how do i live like this 🧍
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I don’t usually post myself on here but the dress I wore at the farewell party was too pretty not to show off
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dadbots · 1 year
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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ilonacho · 2 years
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the fucking audacity of watching the pixar short film “going home” while i’m home for my grandma’s funeral.
#like….. yeah#2 weeks ago i did not know id be here rn#i did not know she would take a turn for the worse this fast#im very thankful things worked out to where i could be here#for my wife and her support and i guess my boss and coworkers for their understanding#i have been lucky to not have been here for the very tough times#im thankful to be here with my family now#theyre doing a lot of new housing in my town now#many buildings i walked by as a kid have been demolished and are being rebuilt#we emptied my grandmas room today. she had only lived there for about 3 weeks before passing#we drive by my mom olds house. the house i grew up in. the new owner still hasnt torn down my old curtains in my old room#the old curtains my grandma had sewn for me when i was a baby#my dad is thinking about moving too. too many new buildings too many new people too much noise#two of my cousins have kids now! and the third one is getting married soonish? her fiance seems nice. he seems like he cares about her#my nephew and niece are so big now. i still havent met my other niece#i wonder if any of my old classmates have had kids? if they moved too?#ill be leaving again on tuesday. itll be a looong day#my parents have more and more grey hairs every time i see them#i dont see my brother as much as id like. hes following his dreams and im proud of him. hes a good kid#anyway the guy who made said short film is literally just like me fr#from germany and had been in the us 5 years (at the time) and making this short film?#just like me fr#anyway. this became one of those diaries for me posts haha#it just really captured how it is really well
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dingusships · 1 year
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bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
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bunnyb34r · 1 year
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Thinking ab my middle school special interest (one of many) which was roller coaster and water slide pov videos shdhdhdhdh like I would spend hours watching them and learning ab how fast they go, where they are, what their copys of
Like "Patriot" at Worlds of Fun is just "Raptor" from Cedar Point with a red white and blue color scheme and theme where as Raptor is green and black/purple with a raptor/beast theme. They're both owned by Cedar Fair. There's MANY clones in cedar fair parks and they will sometimes just remove an attraction from a park and move it to another, sometimes rebranding it.
Also sometimes they will just repaint an old ride and completely rebrand it by changing one thing. Like the Mantis ride was a stand up coaster at cedar point and it is now Rougaru (idk if that's the spelling) and I think they only changed the color (yellow to orange) and the seats bc it's no longer a standing one :( which I'm sad ab bc I wanted to ride it but was too scared to.
Oh! And the little tips ab the rides like Gemini (a duel track coaster where one track has a red car and the other is blue and you "race") and how the red one is usually the one that wins
And like when people point out stuff like "at the top of [coaster] if you look to the left right before the drop you can see [attraction/place]."
I really liked watching those before a trip to the waterpark or amusement park sgdgdg and then when I'd go on the rides I would know what would happen which was exciting like ahh here it comes!
Anyway agdgdgdg I just had a big memory of that and had to info dump ab it real quick 😅
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chqnified · 2 years
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The feeling of: yeah! I might be getting a proper job, one of those fancy 'life long' careers people talk about!!!
And also the feeling of: but. What do you mean.
#the realisation is hitting. and too fast#I'm going to start FINALLY learning to drive. I'm doing stuff by myself. applying for a job by myself. a fancy full time job at that.#i think realisation hit because i had to go get a bloodtest done by myself. mum was at work and so couldn't hold my hand.#dad was unwilling to go in with me#you know. i surprised myself. i managed to not only converse with the nurse!!! but also not fight her when i saw the needle!!!#and I didn't cry or scream#you may be laughing. but last time. around 5 months ago. i did almost cry and nearly passed out#big steps.#but again. it dawned on me as i was with friends doing regular adult shit. those boring things. or random things that scream middle age#shopping for bedding and having breakfast at the harvester screams mid life crisis. i should not be going through this at my age. alas.#and we drove there whilst listening to Britney spears. again mid life crisis hello???#it has been an accumulation of things where I've realised. holy shit. i was not doing this or thinking about this go back 6 months.#now look at me.#it feels weird moving on. there are so many things i feel like I've been forced to leave behind. a lost childhood perhaps.#i wish I'd had the opportunity to be less scared and anxious as a child.#i think that's a major part of the reason why I'm struggling to move on or let go of some things.#I don't feel like the same person. probably lot's of reasons for that. but somehow that is what makes it worse#thoughts ig#on a worrying note. y'all better watch out for when i get a car. nobody will be safe.
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💭
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blueshykitsune-blog · 20 days
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I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!
The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!
And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...
Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!
(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)
#I'm complaining.#because why does fun things gotta be so much!!!!!#Honestly though if a person who makes plushies by hand ever wanted to hire someone to just cut and draw the design onto fabric I would do it#or even for clothing. I like cutting things. and I can do it fast.#hence me having like three hand made plushies in a bag#two that are just hanging out#and a pair of pants.#all from 1 full school year worth of time. though in two different school years. and I also wasn't in the one technically but I had no other#class to be at as there was no room elsewhere and I took a bus so I literally could not just skip the bus either and it was the first class.#so I was lucky enough the teacher liked me and knew I was a good student. so actually minus like a week or two as I did sit outside for tw#twoish weeks before my friend practically forced me into their class without being in it on the records.#yeah I enjoyed it as I was allowed to chill... actually minus like 2 additional weeks from both half years. and maybe another 1 week and#that's about how much sewing I did and got all that done. though if you count back in 2020 I did sew a plushie monkey and a face mask...#then before 2020 I did sew like two small pillows. did a slight bit of embroidery... and then when I was like 8 to maybe 10 I sewed a bird#in sometime withing 8-10 and I may have done other sewing too...#damn. I did a lot of sewing compared to what people probably realize. like I sewed by hand and machine yet only embroidered by hand so far.#I'm not really allowed to use the sewing machines at my house sadly. so I only got to use it at school which honestly wasn't for too much#time as I mostly hand sewed everything with some exceptions...#wait I completely forgot I did all those sewing examples! and I had made a skirt... maybe two? and I had to help others with their stuff too#I already knew roughly how to use a sewing machine and well like two of the other students near me needed a lot of help I tried my best#however I did get frustrated but... I feel sorry for the one person as I wasn't really frustrated at them. I was just stressed and...#I tgink they still passed the class... actually that wasn't the only student I helped. qoth my friend's class I helped him and a few of the#nearby students. mainly because the teacher told them they could try coming to me for anything. also because my friend and I knew#I could help them too. however the one thing that was hard for me to sew was sometimes how to fix the issues they had... then again one had#a broken needle and that thing is hard to see unless you know what to look for because it's so tiny. so I did as best as I could.#sometimes they just needed helped threading honestly and well that's why I got frustrated with the one a few times but honestly I was just#worried about not finishing my own project... then when people used my machine... oh how much that urk me. we were assigned machines btw.#I wasn't too angry but I liked that seat and my box of my stuff was there and I don't really know much Spanish and the person sitting there#was spanish speaking so it was hard to communicate... didn't help that I was having a few if my mental troubles and on top of that an issue#with talking to people in general on my own... no I dunno the full reason why so I'm not making judgement calls.
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phoenixcatch7 · 8 months
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Nearly at the end of bayonetta and honestly whoever green lit that missile/Jeanne final fight chapter -
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#Like I'd seen all the boss fights and the general plot overview and the lore and of course the hitless stuff#That did not prepare me for the 1:30 hour SLOG without a save point that was that chapter ToT#Like I'd just come from the barge angel boss fight man give me a break 😭#And I had to fight that stupid spinning four fingers guy again. HATE HIM. HATE HATE HATE.#And I died sooooo many times to Jeanne too which fair enough!!!#But I was so wired and tired even before we got to the fight because of the STUPID long missile sequence!!#Literally half that time would have got the message across. Why did it need to last that long?????? Ten minutes straight??#Never mind how many times I died there at had to restart the whole thing :')#If I quit at Jeanne I'd have to do that again. No thank you!!!!!!!#Literally had to pause the game put the controller down and lie down mid fight I was sick of it#My fingers were genuinely sore q-q#There's a very small sweet spot where the slog repays in triumph and relief and then past that you're just glad it's over#That chapter passed that point somewhere back in the first missile phase FOR REAL#And to make things worse I'd used up all my healing items in the missile phase so I had to do the ENTIRETY of Jeanne ITEMLESS#It would have gone better if I'd ever been able to really practice my combos. I wish you could go into that loading area at will#The technique try zone doesn't count because it doesn't have that list along the side and the book you have to memorise and hope you know#When you do it right#Lmao the game loads too fast now!!#Anyway that was absolutely awful. You can really tell that game came out so long ago it would not have flown now#In fact I can't think of many games that still use stuff like save points it's all just save in settings and autosave areas#Definitely one progression for the better XD#Outside of awful chapter lengths I'm having a FANTASTIC time I'm definitely going to replay many other chapters#bayonetta#Bayonetta chapter
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