#when i learn that there is a canon bald vessel

[motheatencrow]

(bald vessel based on this post)

[minijenn]

And now, cause im bored, here's every chapter of Keys briefly summed up in just a few words each (possible spoilers ahead??)

Prologue: The Thirteen Keys: MoM fucks with his students, what else is new

Chapter 1: Remaining Recusant: Riku rescues his boyfriend through the power of Gay

Chapter 2: To Guard the Light: Bunch of boring lore but Sokai makes it worth it

Chapter 3: To Seek the Darkness: Organization shenanigans; Vanitas divorces his shitty, abusive not-dad

Chapter 4: Hero to Zero: Uhhhhh fuckin' Hercules or somethin idk

Chapter 5: Go the Distance: Rage Mode angst is Fun

Chapter 6: Wandering in the Dark: Riku gets a haircut in the Realm of Darkness and Sora really needs to stop lying to everyone

Chapter 7: Promising Beginnings: Kairi and Lea are forced to wear a "get along" shirt

Chapter 8: Lazy Afternoon Streets: Sora has an Identity Crisis part 1

Chapter 9: At Dusk: YA STUPID ORG XIII FUCKHEADS BEST LEAVE MY SON ALONE OR ELSE ILL THROW HANDS

Chapter 10: Sinister Whispers: ^^^ BASICALLY THAT AGAIN ONLY I MEAN IT THIS TIME

Chapter 11: You've Got a Friend in Me: Being a living toy has gotta create some sorta existential crisis, right?

Chapter 12: To Infinity and Beyond: JEN IS GONNA THROW HANDS WITH YOUNG XEHANORT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM

Chapter 13: Chase the Shadows: Detectives Mickey and Riku play a round of "Where's Terra?" And fail miserably

Chapter 14: Paradise Found: Fun with Balloons and Grumpy Geriatrics

Chapter 15: Adventure is Out There: Sora may or may not fall to his death from ridiculously high up in the air i dont fuckin know

Chapter 16: Unspoken, Unheard: Kairi writes Sora a bunch of letters cause she loves him so much but wont say it cause she shy ahah

Chapter 17: How Far I'll Go: MOANA AND SORA ARE MY NEW BROTP

Chapter 18: Know Who You Are: Vanitas gets yeeted by the Ocean cause he a naughty boyo

Chapter 19: The Streets of San Fransokyo: Sora doesnt understand how Technology works what else is new?

Chapter 20: Immortals: everything's all fun and games until Sora's dumbass self-sacrifical complex kicks in (again)

Chapter 21: Depths of Despair: LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH MALEFICENT NOW TOO

Chapter 22: Rise and Fall and Rise Again: Sora and Kairi hang out and DAMMIT JUST KISS ALREADY YOU DORKS

Chapter 23: The Lost Empire: Lingering Will pops in to say hi and also uhhhh whatever the fuck happens in Atlantis goes down idk

Chapter 24: Where the Dream Takes You: Sora may or may not have PTSD, boi should probs go see a therapist

Chapter 25: Drowning in Darkness: Aqua throws hands then proceeds to get Norted

Chapter 26: I See the Light: Basically KH3's take on Corona but things actually make sense this time

Chapter 27: What Once Was Mine: In which that bit from KH3 where Marluxia knocks Sora out actually leads to some legit payoff smh

Chapter 28: Firsthand Experience: Kairi and Lea take a trip to Disney World and yeet Vanitas (again) right the fuck outta there

Chapter 29: The World Es Mi Familia: Being an (unliving) skeleton also is bound to raise an existential crisis, right?

Chapter 30: Recuérdame: I cry while writing this chapter, both for my baby Xion and because Coco is just that damn tearjerking

Chapter 31: Destined Reunion: ALL THE POLY DESTINY TRIO FEELS

Chapter 32: Something There: At this point even Riku be lookin at Sora and Kairi and shouting "KISS ALREADY YOU ADORABLE DORKS"

Chapter 33: Tale as Old as Time: Sora commits an Actual Murder (am i kidding? Who knooooows)

Chapter 34: The Realm of Darkness: DARK AQUA CAN STEP ON MAH FACE IMO

Chapter 35: Rise to the Light: Great, now Aqua has PTSD too, thanks for nothin, Mickey

Chapter 36: Return to Depart: Sora has another Identity Crisis, part 2

Chapter 37: Broken Chains: Vanitas challenges Sora and Ven to a fight in the Denny's parking lot and fucking loses what else is new

Chapter 38: So This is Love: YES THEY FINALLY KISSED THOSE DORKS

Chapter 39: Almost There: Frogs and also like... Voodoo and so many BBS callbacks so damn many

Chapter 40: Dig a Little Deeper: Sora is too damn stubborn to admit he needs help what else is new

Chapter 41: Follow the Light: Wayfinder Family Reunion saves my life

Chapter 42: Solving Mysteries, Rewriting History: Sora and Goofy meet Donalds family (who then proceed to take the piss outta Donald cause this is Ducktales fam why wouldnt they)

Chapter 43: The Other Promise: Sora has yet another Identity Crisis, part 3

Chapter 44: Vector to the Heavens: Sora and Roxas drink their "Respect and Protect Xion" juice

Chapter 45: Another Arabian Night: Sora, Roxas, and Xion fuck around in a B-list Disney Direct to Video Sequel

Chapter 46: Out of Thin Air: GONNA THROW HANDS WITH XEHANORT HIMSELF THIS TIME AROUND GET AWAY FROM MY SON YA OLD FUCKHEAD

Chapter 47: Alone on the Run: Sora has a Bad Time, Riku and Kairi also have a Bad Time, generally everyone has a Bad Time

Chapter 48: Trust No One: Ven and Roxas add onto the never ending Twin Pile that apparently exists in Gravity Falls

Chapter 49: Not What He Seems: I KNOW ITS NOT UF BUT LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH BILL CIPHER ANYWAY SOMEHOW

Chapter 50: A Heart Torn Between: Vanitas learns that Girls exist while Sora continues to have a Very Bad Time

Chapter 51: Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride: Riku's goin on a twink hunt, and dont think he dont know how to weeeeed em out

Chapter 52: Aloha 'Oe: Sora and Riku get into a bit of a lover's spat dont worry about it its nothin serious dont worry about it

Chapter 53: Treasured Memories: Namine is the Very First Person Ever to tell Vanitas he has emotional issues, its about damn time

Chapter 54: Let It Go: KAIRI'S FUCKIN PISSED SHE GONNA BRING HER DAMN DUMBASS WAYWARD BOYFRIEND HOME ALREADY DAMN also Sora hangs out with Elsa i guess

Chapter 55: Love Will Thaw: KAIRI KICKS EVERYONES ASSES INCLUDING SORA'S CAUSE LIKE I SAID SHES FUCKIN PISSED

Chapter 56: Back Into the Fold: Sora doesnt have an Identity Crisis anymore but he sure as hell has Anxiety now, part 4

Chapter 57: Farewell to the Wood: Absolute tone whiplash, brought to you by Winnie the Pooh and Sora's ongoing Existential Crisis too

Chapter 58: Link to All: Everyone just cries a lot for an entire chapter cause they all know they boutta fuckin dieeeee

Chapter 59: Face My Fears: I systematically rip every single one of our protagonists hearts out and stomp on each of them with no remorse whatsoever

Chapter 60: Fragments of Light: The B-Squad saves the day

Chapter 61: The Thirteenth Vessel: Sora hangs out with his New Fam, otherwise known as Organization XIII, family fun ensues and it totally isnt a massive angstfest i dont know what you mean

Chapter 62: Key to the Heart: Riku and Kairi throw hands with their boyfriend while also trying to save their boyfriend it makes sense if ya dont think about it

Chapter 63: The Final World: Sora is McFuckin dead and chilling in heaven with a cute baby plushie cat (hey its not a spoiler if KH3 did it first)

Chapter 64: At Daybreak: "But Jen, if you hate KHX so much then why do you keep making so many references to it???" BECAUSE THATS WHY NOW SHUT UP

Chapter 65: The Keyblade War: Keyblade Fight Club, either you Die or you DIE

Chapter 66: Clash of Light and Darkness: Bunch of teenagers throw hands with some bald old fuckhead, but in the end nobody wins except me

Chapter 67: Kingdom Hearts: You know you're in for something fucking nuts when the chapter title is named after the entire series

Chapter 68: The King and the Crown: Jen pulls off a plot twist so mind blowingly ridiculous that it would probably make Tetsuya Nomura blush

Chapter 69: Reconnect: Everyone has a happy ending except no not really i lied

Chapter 70: Don't Think Twice: Oops I Lied again :)

Epilogue: Dearly Beloved: Fuck KH3's ending this is my new canon now

[leviohhsa]

The Marauder’s Map: A Horcrux?

My friend had an existential crisis at 4am and sent me this.

(I definitely don’t think this is “canon” but it’s an interesting theory if you open your mind to interpretation/look at the HP universe as a whole instead of just what’s in the books)

What we know about the map (from Pottermore/the books/J.K. herself):

Remus, Peter, Sirius, and James created it.

Its magic is “advanced” and “impressive.”

They used the homonculous charm for tracking people in the castle.

It’s “enchanted to repel Snape” (Pottermore specifically says Snape because he was their “nemesis,” but he is also the only person seen trying to force the map to “reveal its secrets,” so it’s unknown/unlikely in my opinion that this feature is unique to him)

They were able to map the grounds from exploring them as animagi.

They mapped the inside of the castle using James’ invisibility cloak.

Filch confiscated the map in their 7th year.

Fred and George steal the map back in their first year.

The twins have always been drawn to mischief as naturally born troublemakers, but this wouldn’t explain why, out of everything in Filch’s “Confiscated and Highly Dangerous” drawer, they would take a piece of parchment? Yeah, they tossed a dung bomb and just grabbed whatever, but it’s a pretty amazing coincidence. Even more amazing is that they somehow figure out how it works with nothing to go on. How did they even know there was anything to work out? With enough certainty to devote “ages” to crack it? The label on Filch’s drawer could be it, I suppose, but even Filch only put it in there because of its association with the Marauders.  

“I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good” is not a common phrase… which is why the map had to help them, “flickering to life” when they got close. I could go on and on about this, I really could, but to keep it short: why would the Marauders waste time putting this into the spellwork? Hints for someone to try and get into the map? They wouldn’t. It just doesn’t make sense, meaning the map must be able to think for itself, and decided that the Weasley’s were fellow mischief makers…

Which brings me to my second Weasley-related-point.

“Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.” - Mr. Weasley, in the second book, which is ENTIRELY ABOUT THE ONE HORCRUX WHICH RESEMBLES THE MAP THE MOST.

Moving along.

Fred and George pass the map along to Harry in his third year.

Nobody talks about how weird this is. The map is the twins’ most prized possession- I mean, why wouldn’t it be? It’s amazing. And, yeah, they give it to Harry because they want him to be able to go to Hogsmeade/because they’ve already learned everything on it, but they’re giving up the ability to know exactly where every professor, let alone person, in the entire school, is at any given moment. All so some kid their brother is friends with can get butterbeer? I get that Harry is basically an adopted Weasley but that’s feeble. They could’ve just shown him the passage and kept the map!

Note: I recognize that coincidences are necessary in book land. I know that The Map is fundamental to PoA and is used as plot-lube. J.K. isn’t purposefully constructing a marauders-map-horcrux-connection, but it fits in with canon effortlessly when you actually apply logic outside of “well, that had to happen for the story.”

We already know that horcruxes can influence people in close proximity. It’s not an insane leap to make that, if the Marauders Map were a horcrux, it might influence Fred and George to pass the map along to the direct link of one of its founders. Or maybe, they were beginning to feel a bit too dependant on it… As Hermione said in DH, “You’re in trouble if you get too fond of or dependent on a Horcrux.“ Maybe this was their version of when Ginny tried to destroy the Diary…

Okay, so, horcruxes. Deep, dark, horrible things. Bad.

This is sort of where, in order for this theory to work, you have to bring the HP universe into a sort of reality and challenge wizarding society as a whole.

For example: who decides what magic is dark? Who decides what is good and evil?

What we know FOR SURE about Horcruxes:

Definition: splitting a damaged part of one’s soul off and putting it into another vessel.

Each of Voldemort’s horcruxes were created following an intentional murder, an act so evil it permanently wounds a person’s soul, and this damaged fragment can be extracted for the horcrux. This has lead us to believe that a murder must take place, however, J.K. Rowling’s definition says a horcrux is "a receptacle prepared by dark magic in which a dark wizard has hidden a fragment of his soul for the purpose of attaining immortality.” Nothing is said about murder. Murder, however, is likely the easiest and/or original method, and would explain why Horcruxes might have become a symbol for “dark wizards.”

“Hor” means “dirt, evil, impurity” and “crux” means “container.” This could translate into “container for evil”, which would explain the requirement of an act such as murder, but it could also mean “a container for impurities.” (This will be relevant later).

Horcruxes, to some extent, retain the identity of their creator at the time of creation. Example: Voldemort created the diary when he was 16 (around the same age the Marauders would’ve been when the map was created), and took the form of 16-year-old Tom Riddle when the time came. Despite this, though, it still seemed to be aware of events which had happened since that time, and who he was connected to. Example: “I am Lord Voldemort.”

Horcruxes can think for themselves but in the same thought patterns of their creator.

Horcruxes have certain magical abilities such as influencing those around them or even possessing them. Example: Ginny, obviously. Or Slytherin’s locket worsening the trio’s mood whenever they wore it.

They can sense destruction and will defend themselves magically.

Anyone with a horcrux may never be unable to leave “limbo” after death, unable to become a ghost or go to the land of the dead because the soul is unwhole.

So basically, horcruxes are putting your soul into something that is not your body. They were invented/discovered by a dark wizard and then used again by the evilest wizard of all time, so obviously they’d be revered as dark magic. But what would happen if a horcrux was created by one, or perhaps four, not evil individuals?

Answer: The Marauders Map.

Theory holes debunked:

1. “But what about that part- ‘For the purpose of attaining immortality?’” My theory is not stating that James, Remus, Sirius or Peter wanted to remain immortal- At least, not in the literal sense. Immortality doesn’t necessarily have to mean living forever. If you think these four boys wouldn’t have been into the idea of a way to continue to wreak havoc at Hogwarts forever, you’re wrong. This map would be their legacy. Wanting to live on, but not live forever, could have been enough.

2. “How did they split their souls apart without killing anyone?” My theory for this is, in a way, a reverse Patronus charm. There is a lot of soul-talk when it comes to patronuses and dementors, and a Patronus is a physical manifestation of the lightest parts of a person’s soul- but what would happen if a spell was created for the darkest parts? Parts so dark they were damaged and marred. A person’s absolute worst, more traumatic thoughts or memories. For Sirius, just about anything from his childhood as a Black would probably work. James is less clear, but as it’s never mentioned when James’ parents died, his father’s death could easily be it. For Remus- duh. Just duh. And for Peter, as we know, he had darkness lurking just below the surface.

3. “But then why didn’t they all turn into bald snake looking assholes?” The form we see of Voldemort is his new body, completely reconstructed from that weird potion thing that happened. That isn’t to say that splitting your soul up wouldn’t have an effect, it does, but at 7 Dumbledore said Voldemort’s soul was “pushed to the limit.” His physical body isn’t ever mentioned in regards to the horcruxes. In fact, Dumbledore says he underwent “magical transformation.” So sorta like plastic surgery. Makes him even lamer.

4. Why didn’t the map do evil stuff?” Because none of the marauder’s souls were, inherently, evil. My theory is that a horcrux’s influence reflects the original person and brings out those traits in whoever interacts with the object. For example, the trio all acted very differently with the locket. Hermione got sad (mostly), Harry got angsty, and Ron got angry and insecure. The horcruxes don’t make new behavior (with the exception of Ginny, but this was only after she was possessed), they just amplify already existing behavior in a way that mirrors the original soul. Starts to make a whole lot more sense when you think about the Twins, doesn’t it?

5. “How are they all dead then?” Okay, first of all, fuck you. Second of all… maybe they don’t have to be.

Other points:

If the map was just spell-work, it’s safe to say a good portion of it was done by James, yet when he died the spells remained intact. Throughout the books, the lifespan of spells in inconsistent, but for example, Lily transfigured a lilypad into a fish for Slughorn, but when she died, it disappeared.

This theory would explain some of the patterns of un-feeling when it comes to the Marauders. Remus sucking at relationships and remaining alone most of his life, Peter’s ease in betraying his friends, and even Sirius has flashes of difficulty dealing with emotions or having inappropriate/disproportionate ones

Another aspect of this I’ve considered is that, if the marauders figured out a way to do this, they might have given even less of their soul up because they were putting four pieces into one object, which would lessen any effects even more.

The map insulting snape shows that it can think in the present and on its own. (As well as it recognizing that Snape is currently a professor!) This is all speculation, but if James or Sirius tried to just enchant the map to insult Snape, Remus would absolutely point out the missed opportunity to insult anyone who tried to force their way in. It also proves the theory by showing the marauder’s personalities and that they know who Snape is and have opinions about his greasy hair. I think that if someone the marauders never knew tried to breach the map it would just write generic insults, but if it’s someone they knew by the time of making the horcrux the insults would be more specific.

The map would have remained undetected by Filch. He was a squib, so if he tried to destroy it or reveal it would have been without magic, which the map, or rather the soul fragments of the Marauders, wouldn’t have considered him a real threat. It’s also not very likely to have influenced him at all since he was so completely opposite to the marauders soul-wise.

Also, if all four souls were even smaller parts than what Voldemort had to use for his horcruxes, it’s likely any influence would be minute for anyone since the Marauders were four very different people.

Fred and George said they owed everything they knew to Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. They opened a prank shop. They were incredible wizards who used their power to make people laugh even in the middle of a war. I refuse to let go of the fact that their biggest influencers were the marauders in their younger years. Just look how different they are from everyone else in their family, and McGonagall even says they’re the same as the marauders at one point doesn’t she??? I’m pretty sure she does.

Harry uses the map in every book after the third, when he first gets it. I haven’t gone through the books to find every instance the map is used, mostly because it’s pretty often. I mean, obviously. Without doing any sort of research I can’t definitively back up the idea that the map somewhat influences Harry, but since this wasn’t a part of the story it’s unlikely there would be anything outright stating that anyway. This point is a loose one, but I think it’s valid enough to point out that Harry has a certain amount of assurance when using the map that might come from the resource itself, or possibly, something else entirely.

I honestly think the most undeniable truth is how similar the map is to Tom’s diary. Eerily. Sure, it didn’t converse with anyone per se… but it did give hints in response to the twins trying to crack the code, and honestly, did anyone ever try writing on it? Hm? Ugh.

They could’ve found out about horcruxes from anywhere, especially with James having an invisibility cloak. I think it probably started with them creating the map, but deciding it was missing something and being unsatisfied with it not being more clever, so they started to look for ways to achieve that.

Like a lot of things in the HP universe, a “soul container” isn’t an original concept and exists in mythology, legends, religion etc. and it is not always a sinister object. I think a lot of the idea of it comes from power leading to corruption of the mind, though, which is why a “good” horcrux would need to be made by people who didn’t have those corrupt intentions in the first place. Sort of like the whole “those who wanted to find it, but not use it” lesson from the sorcerer’s stone.

This is completely abstract and not really part of the theory so much as wishful thinking: it’s possible that, because they all did this, all four marauders end up stuck in limbo between the land of the living and the land of the dead forever. How to make this suck less: since Sirius entered through the veil, he stays close to it, and when James and Remus find him and figure out he can still see through the other side, they decide to walk back through together and live. Somehow. Let’s say that the freak hand Voldemort kills Peter with is enough to obliterate his soul so he doesn’t get this luxury. Only downside: Lily.