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kritischetheologie · 6 months

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Advice for a 26 year old? Apart from the normal.

oh jeez. oh gosh. I just turned 30 and my god if I could undo 90% of the decisions I made between 24 and 29... anyway here's some advice that I do think is generally applicable and isn't just me talking to my younger self. and also a little bit of me talking to my younger self.

At some point between 22 and 30, you will find that hangovers are instantly 3x worse than before. The only silver lining on this fact is that having to cut yourself off earlier in the night is cheaper. But mostly this is one of those aging things you just need to accept.

2. You need to find a form of physical activity that works with the body and the lifestyle you currently have. I don't care if you played [insert sport here] in college. If you're only able to play it once a week, you will injure yourself trying to perform at the same level you did previously. The people I know who have the worst relationships with their bodies are the ones who get stuck in the cycle of pushing themselves too hard, getting injured, having to take time off, lather rinse repeat. Find ways to move your body that make you feel like you inhabit it fully, that make you proud of what you can do now, that get your mind engaged, that expose you to the goofy experience of being bad at something new... let go of whatever came before and live in the now.

3. If your reproductive system came with ovaries, a uterus, etc: for the next decade of your life, everyone is going to have opinions on what you do with it, and these opinions are going to be self-contradictory. knowledge is power. learn about your hormonal cycle, so you can know what's going on in the body you inhabit. I highly recommend tracking your cycles-- there's a million apps that will do it, pick the one whose UI makes you want to throw up the least. This is important no matter what you want to do with your reproductive system. Learning to recognize the signs of where you are in your cycle, the effect of different hormones on your mood, etc. can help you predict and adjust for the way you fluctuate throughout the month. Tracking your cycles can also help you catch hormonal irregularities, issues like PCOS, etc. Find an ob-gyn you can be honest with about what you want to do with your body. get pap smears--I'm constantly amazed how many of my friends get regular STI testing but always forget about pap smears (cervical cancer is no joke).

4. second of all (this is a subset of #3, but tumblr doesn't let me do sub points): when it comes to the question of whether and how to reproduce, you have to decide what is important to you and be willing to defend it. maybe you know you want like six kids, you know you never want kids. maybe you're queer, and you aren't going to be doing it the old-fashioned way, and you know you really want to gestate a child, or really don't. maybe you feel strongly about passing on your genes, or about not. I would encourage you to think seriously and capaciously about reproductive options. by this I mean: don't just sit around waiting to someday wake up knowing. treat the question as an invitation to explore. think about all the ways that people build families. meet people who have fostered, who have adopted, who have had children alone by choice (or not by choice). look at the people around you, and the trade-offs they have made, and decide which lives look the best to you. pay attention to the people whose lives make you go "shit, I didn't realize you were allowed to do that," or "how do they get away with that?" or even, "who do they think they are, doing that?" I think we have an overly negative view of envy as an emotion. it can point you towards what you really want. and if there's things you want to accomplish before you reproduce, career-wise, or in terms of personal growth, or just a whole bucket list of shit you want to do, get started checking things off that list, and also don't be afraid to add more.

5. this one was also originally part of 3 but it also gets its own block because tumblr keeps trying to cut me off and it's super important anyway: you have so much more time to do everything than our culture wants you to think. you have time to change your mind about what you want, even. but you don't have time to drift on the cloud of vague ideas you internalized from your parents and the walt disney corporation. that's not me saying not to get straight married and do it the old-fashioned way, or not to become a doctor because your family wanted you to, or whatever. that's me saying that even if you're going to do that, you get to--you have to--decide what that relationship, or that career, looks like. you get as much say in building that life as anyone else. in both your personal and your professional life, you have time to pivot, to start over, but if the prospect of being 29 when you finish a three year pivot horrifies you, you need to realize that starting it at 32 will be even worse. that post about how "it takes three years" "the time's gonna pass anyway" is so fucking true. I'm still learning this one.

6. Making friends as an adult is as hard as everybody says it is. You have to be the one who does the ask. You will feel like the one doing the ask more often. Do it anyway. A corollary: if you were ever very, very close with someone, and you've drifted apart due to time and space, there is no amount of time and space that will make them not glad to hear from you if you reach out. don't think that if you haven't spoken to someone in a year you're not allowed to again. you don't even need an excuse. you can literally just hit them up like "hey, i'm sorry it's been so long since we've talked. i'd love to catch up-- i miss you! let me know when you're free for a phone call." and it will work. everyone is as lonely as you. people are so grateful to be asked. but also, everyone isn't going to be your best friend. if you can go to an event, or join a thing, or work in a place, and come out with one true friend, and keep adding one true friend everywhere you go, you'll have a whole bunch by the time you hit 30.

7. there is no correct amount of maturity for your late 20s. some of your friends are going to hit what feels like their 30s early-- doing all the conventional bourgeois success markers, the marriages and the houses and the babies. some of your friends are going to keep partying like they're still in college. I wish this was the part where I told you there was a secret third thing (the secret third thing is doing both, at the same time, and it's maybe the worst of all). for the next five years of your life, I need you to just stop thinking about your "developmental milestones." facebook and instagram and your parents' friends are going to make this hard for you. remind yourself that you're not a toddler. there's nothing you're supposed to be able to do at this age. there's nowhere you're supposed to be at this age. this realization can be really hard to handle, especially for people who got validated earlier in life for doing things early. it's impossible to read above grade level once you're out of high school. that freedom is hard. i'm not being condescending, it's genuinely fucking hard.

8. the conclusion of #7 is a subset of this: the great tradeoff of adulthood is that you get agency, but you have to take responsibility. if you find yourself in a situation where it feels like you have responsibility but no agency-- where you're constantly being blamed, but never get to call the shots, for example-- get the fuck out. whether that's a relationship, a job, whatever it is. if you find yourself exercising agency but not taking responsibility, sit with yourself and learn how to own your choices. you can't only have one.

9. if you aren't sure what you're doing with your career, you could do a hell of a lot worse than just trying to be whoever it is you wanted to be when you were 10. or at least, asking yourself what it was you liked about that thing, and figuring out a way to do it. if you aren't sure what to do with your career, get a job that pays your bills, and find fulfillment in the things you do in your free time, instead, for a while.

10. the thing I regret most about my late 20s is how much of it I spent in the waiting room of my own life. assuming that I would be leaving a place I lived, so not investing myself in making friends there. assuming that eventually, things would either get better, or worse, in a relationship, so I would be able to tell whether it was working or not. you have to sit down every fucking day (ok, not literally every day, but like... many of them)... and think about the life you want to have someday, and then you have to do one concrete thing to make that real in the moment. every day. and if you have some vision of where you want to end up eventually, but you're miserable every single day of the path toward that thing, I need you to consider seriously that achieving that goal will not make it worthwhile. I'm not saying to blow everything off and sit on the beach every day, but fuck, man. I spent, like, 26 to 29 hanging on white knuckled to a life that I thought was setting me up to be where I wanted to be when I was literally, like, 60, and eventually I just said you know what? I've got 30 fucking years to get somewhere good at 60, and I'm miserable right now. don't hold your present self hostage to the future.

11. get a cool fucking jacket and make it your entire personality. or a big pair of boots. or a haircut, or a tattoo. you might feel like a poser, at first, but you have to do it anyway. actually, that's a general rule: trying to be the person you want to be will always feel like being a poser at first. do it anyway. that's how it becomes real.

12. it's genuinely offensive how often the solution to what feels like the world ending is drinking a half-liter of water and having a snack.

#thank you anon for this ask #I hope the advice helps #whoever you are wherever you are i believe in you and feel free to come back for more advice #answered asks

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