#whew...

[hyuckiestarz]

raw raw or whatever that one lady gaga song says...

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

THANK. FUCK.

[primamchorus]

i wanted to try my hand at making a kind of story video for my twin characters and how they feel about their mother -- the conditions they grew up with. i also wanted to try expanding upon what i know how to do in gpose in ffxiv to make something like this with the tools at my disposal versus just making little gifs.

even if it's far from perfect, i had a lot of fun, to be honest! there were certainly frustrating moments, but i learned a lot in what i can do. hopefully this means getting better at doing them!

[milkbreadtoast]

white ghost cookie🥺🤍👻

[maxladcomics]

Is it time for everyone to make a Vampire AU now?

[hauntedstrawberrygiver]

[yuseirra]

Yeah.. you all should go watch that movie, it looked so good!!

I didn't post the other characters but they also look outstanding too!

Mizi reminded me of Emma from TPN in the final arc where she decides to return to grace field... she just automatically reminded me of her, memories... she was so precious and pretty. I could see why she was so dearly loved. It's nice having a new song to listen to! I'm vibing to it, the singers did a great job with it, it's a fun song to listen to...

[kowaindar0u]

4 (sada), 9 (yuichi)

[ DEAR  DIARY          .    .    . ]

under the cut again cause lonnng

04.     entry made after experiencing a nightmare.

Dear Diary...

I can't sleep. I tried, but... a bit ago, I woke up from this dream... no, it was more like a nightmare. I was on sortie-- it was me, but it also felt like the entire rest of the honmaru was dispatched there too. Which... I guess might have been a good thing, because the enemies just kept coming, portals opening over and over again. But... one by one all my fellow touken danshi went down, until I was the last one left. I shouldn't have still been alive myself. I kept getting hit and knocked down and run through... and I was so tired... But I couldn't stop myself, I just kept fighting. Everyone lying around me... I don't think they'd broken, but instead they looked to me, and I couldn't let them see, y'know... that I thought I couldn't keep going anymore. So I just kept fighting.

I don't know how I even woke up. I think I was moving around in my sleep, maybe I hit something. I'm sore and I feel clammy.

Usually any nightmares I have are... scarier than this. Like, more big bad fears, or something catastrophic happening. This was... it was awful, but it didn't feel quite like that. It was more... subtly scary, I dunno.

I think I'm just gonna go for a walk or something and try to sleep again in a little while. Hopefully I can clear my head enough.

09.     entry made discussing their school day(s).

[dated sometime toward the middle of his first year of high school]

Hi again...

I still feel silly for even deciding to start keeping a journal. Nothing really happens to me. I go to school... I come home... I go back to school... I'm not interesting. But... I kind of want someone to talk to. I can't talk to other people on my own, and... I think everyone kind of knows that, so... I can't blame them for not trying, you know?

I can't hold it against them when... even a girl who just moved here at the beginning of the year... she seems really sweet, and I think(?) she was trying to be my friend, but... God, it's just so scary. I think she got weirded out, or... maybe I hurt her feelings (god I hope not) when I had trouble getting any words out, so she gave up.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not that I dislike any of my classmates. (There's... even one I kind of like a lot. He's already tall, he's cute, he... well, nevermind. It doesn't matter.)

It just feels like... they're all staring at me, or laughing at me, you know? I know all the judgement I feel from them is all in my head-- I'm not important enough for them to think or talk about me that much. But it just makes trying to talk to anyone so... daunting.

So... that's why I have you. You... you're not supposed to even be capable of judging me, right? (why am I asking you?! you're a notebook!) Clearly I don't know if that even really helps. Maybe it's more the fact that I'm writing to you rather than speaking.

For my first entry I didn't write much I think 'cause I was too nervous... which I think should tell you everything you need to know right there. But today... I'm thinking a lot. So I'm gonna try and spill. Well I already spilled some, didn't I? I mean... ugh. Whatever. Continuing...

My parents said I should join a club, maybe it would help me open up more. I don't think they understand at all. I want to be part of something with other people so badly... but I... I just can't do it. So at least once a week after school I go to Meigetsu-in and just... sit by myself. Some evenings I stay late and tell my parents "we" were working on a project.

Just saying all this ... it sounds so... pathetic. I'm fifteen. I'm supposed to have friends and hang out and do things, aren't I?! Instead I just... don't! can't!

I get the feeling that I'm going to be writing similar words on these pages every time I come to write to you. I'm sorry for that, ahead of time. Like I said before... not much happens to me. But thinking like this? It happens a lot.

[grlquartz]

chapter 15 is up- check tags for warnings!

[batmanego]

anyone else feeling unsafe in the environment

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Okay first of all, it took FIVE MINUTES for them to hit their goal lmao. Second, it looks like the Bipper figurine's gonna be a stretch goal so I guess I'm waiting.

[koslinas]

dude... koslina falls in love so easily its absolutely insane

[sparrowlucero]

like the most politically neutered movie of all time unironically

[globodamorte]

FOUND MY GODDAMN CAMERA

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[evercelle]