#which for one: not even close to what I asked for. where are you getting this idea from. I said being there Saturday is fine

[33lol]

Experiment

Pazzi (paige x azzi)

SMUT

warnings: sexual content, first time, mentions of kinks, thigh riding, slight choking, pussy and ass slapping, oral, fingering, 69, slight degradation, aftercare and fluff

MDNI

wc: 3.6k

It was a late night in the two girls' dorm room. Their teammates were out god knows where doing god knows what. Paige and Azzi had been roommates now for a whole semester. They’ve spent their days growing closer as teammates, roommates, and friends. Friends. Best friends. They’d grown so much together in the few years they’d known each other, but still tiptoed around anything that seemed to have feelings tied to it. That is until this one night—quiet and intimate.

The pair had gotten ready for bed, each taking turns showering and doing their night time routines.

Azzi put on her favorite sleep shirt—which was actually Paige’s. It was a worn-in, oversized Hopkins t-shirt with Paige’s old number on it. She always wore minimal clothing to bed, as their dorm room was notorious for being pretty warm. Paige was used to this, but it still took her a minute to avert her gaze somewhere else everytime—trying to ignore how she could always see Azzi’s nipples through her shirt and knew she only had a thong on underneath.

Paige threw on a thin, grey Calvin Klein bra and a pair of old boxers that rode low on her hips. She hated wearing anything under her boxers, as night was the one time she could feel free.

Azzi sat on the edge of her bed, “Will you detangle my curls please?”

Paige smiled at the younger girl, “Of course ma”

Azzi tried to hide her blush as she dipped her head and handed over her comb to Paige. Paige sat behind her with her legs on either side of Azzi. Azzi let her eyes fall closed and relax after a long day of classes. She always loved when Paige did her hair, or massaged her scalp, or even just brushed curls away from her face. It was the small things that really got to Azzi. And for some reason, with it being Paige doing those small things, it intensified those feelings greatly.

Azzi hummed as she let her head fall back, “That feels so good.”

Paige smiled and finished her last section, “You know I always get you right”

Azzi smiled back and Paige got up from behind her. You would think after having a full day of classes, film, and practice that the two would be exhausted. However, what they didn’t let the other know is that they were very much the opposite—awake and minds racing. They both climbed in their separate beds, shutting off the lights—only leaving a small sliver of light from the window creeping in, giving the room a peaceful vibe to it.

It was only after about ten minutes of Paige lying awake thinking, that she heard Azzi shifting around in her bed trying to get comfortable. Azzi was flipping back and forth on her sides, kicking off the blanket and then pulling it back up—unable to settle down. Paige looked over at the girl and smirked, knowing what this usually meant.

“Can’t sleep?” Paige asked curiously.

“…Is it obvious?” Azzi giggled back.

“Come over here”

Without any hesitation, Azzi climbed out of her bed and padded over to Paige’s. When she stood up from her bed, however, her shirt rode up—leaving her long tanned legs out on display, even in the dim light. Paige lowered her gaze while watching Azzi walk over, knowing it was dark so she couldn’t get caught.

Azzi snuggled right up against Paige and tucked her head into the crook of her neck with her right hand on her chest. She hooked her right leg over Paige’s waist and Paige rested one hand on her thigh and her other was cradling Azzi’s back. Paige started drawing on Azzi’s back with her fingers, letting the peacefulness set in. Azzi tilted her head up at Paige and Paige looked down at her curiously.

“You tired babygirl?”

Azzi always liked when Paige used those little pet names for her. She let out a soft chuckle, “Actually no.”

“Yeah me neither. Wanna just talk?”

Azzi nodded against Paige’s chest. This dynamic has always worked for them—touchy, clingy, affectionate. They never shy away from being near one another. They do everything together, even if it means Paige sits on the counter in the bathroom while Azzi pees on the toilet. There’s never been a filter or a wall. And that’s what they both appreciate the most about the other. They can do and say and be whatever—no judgment. So naturally, they use these late night conversations as a way to share even more.

Paige exhaled slowly like she was contemplating something, “Do you like how touchy I am with you?”

The question caught Azzi off guard because she had never heard this uncertainty before. She looked up at the blonde with eyebrows knitted together, “Why?”

“Just wanna make sure it’s never too much for you.”

“Never. P, you make me feel safe when you touch me. It helps me read your moods depending on the way you touch me. I don’t want you to overthink that. You’re the only one I’m open with like this. And I also kinda like that your love language is physical touch because it gives me an excuse for you to rub my feet,” Azzi added lightheartedly.

Paige smiled and nodded, then squeezed tighter on Azzi’s thigh and pulled her almost impossibly closer. “I’ll rub your feet anytime,” she replied softly.

“Can I ask you something?” the older girl continued.

“You don’t have to ask to ask me anything” Azzi said gently.

Paige was hesitant, not wanting to overstep, “Umm.. whenever you’ve been with someone else.. has it been good?”

Azzi sat up a little straighter so she was on her elbow looking at Paige, “What do you mean?”

“Like.. I don’t know.. it’s stupid, never mind.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid P. Are you asking if anything I’ve done physically with anyone was good?”

Paige nodded, not making eye contact.

“Well actually.. I haven’t really done anything.. with anyone.” Paige looked up at her finally as Azzi continued, “I mean you know there was that one guy in 7th grade I kissed because of spin the bottle—which might I add was terrible because his lips were so wet.” Paige giggled at this.

“And then another time in like sophomore year, one of the football players came up behind me at a party and just started grabbing all over me while kissing my neck.” Paige’s jaw locked tight when she heard this.

“So basically every experience I’ve had has been bad.. and I haven’t even had sex yet. Which wouldn’t have been good anyway if I had in high school because then it would’ve been with a guy.”

Paige took this all in. Hearing how vulnerable Azzi was with her, it made her heart crack open. It also made her realize that she didn’t really know that part of Azzi’s life, but she wished she had—and is very glad to know Azzi is not into men.

“I didn’t know you liked girls,” Paige said softly, stroking Azzi’s back.

“Yeah I guess it just never really came up. But I wasn’t hiding that from you just so you know.”

“I know,” Paige said sighing. “Thank you for telling me all of that.”

Azzi smiled at her and hummed from feeling Paige scratch her back.

“You know… I haven’t either.”

Azzi tilted her head, “Had sex?”

“Well.. really kind of anything. I kissed one girl in 8th grade after her friends dared her to, but then the next week she got a boyfriend.” Azzi hummed with a frown. “And then in high school nothing happened because no one felt like the right person.”

Azzi used her right hand to play with Paige’s hair, “I’m glad you didn’t feed into the pressure of rushing something as special as that.”

“Me too. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about it though. Not to sound like horny middle school boy, but I actually think about sex a lot—what I would like and want to try.”

“And that’s not weird. I think about it a lot too. I actually have a lot of things I know I’d like and wanna try,” Azzi agreed.

Paige asked barely above a whisper, “Can I tell you my list?”

“Only if you wanna hear mine,” Azzi said playfully.

Paige smiled and kept her hand on Azzi’s thigh, rubbing circles on it with her thumb. “No judgement?”

“None P. It’s me.”

Paige hesitated awkwardly, “Uhh ok, well, I know I’d like a lot of different positions with a strap—doggy, cowgirl, but also stuff without. Scissoring, thigh riding, 69 even.”

“Would you ever wanna be strapped? Like receiving?” Azzi questioned.

“Probably.. if I trust the person.”

Azzi nodded with a softness in her eyes listening to Paige intently. Paige continued, “And then kink wise…” Paige paused blushing hard, grateful for the dim light once again.

Azzi moved her hand up to Paige’s jaw giving her reassurance.

“Um well some of these I would like on me and some doing them to the person. Uhh spitting, choking, slapping—”

Azzi cut her off out of curiosity, “Slapping where?”

“Umm I mean.. kinda anywhere? Face, tits, thighs, pussy even,” Paige admitted.

Azzi hummed and smirked warmly. “Anything else?”

Paige thought for a second, “Being blindfolded and tied down, and being called daddy.”

Azzi raised an eyebrow at this and Paige covered her face with the hand that was just on Azzi’s thigh. Azzi immediately pulled her hand away and brushed her jaw with her fingers. “Please don’t be embarrassed. I like all of that too. I mean not the daddy thing but…” She added with a breathy giggle.

Paige huffed a short laugh, “Yeah?” Paige asked in a small voice.

“Yeah,” Azzi replied softly.

“Can I hear the rest of your list?”

“Of course… I also like spitting and choking, all of the positions you mentioned—and more,” she added quietly with a giggle.

Paige smiled and moved her hand back to Azzi’s thigh. “I also would wanna try sucking the strap, and fingers. I would like my ass being slapped and grabbed—and more stuff like you,” she said again laughing harder.

Paige tickled her lightly at this. “Anything else big head?”

“Oh yes,” Azzi said dramatically, which Paige just smiled at. “Neck kissing and biting—well really anywhere, especially my ear. Nipple play, hair pulling…” Azzi looked at Paige shyly adding the last thing, “And also degradation… like playful slut shaming.”

Paige heard all of this and began tickling the younger girl again, both laughing while Paige breathlessly said, “Damn mama!”

Azzi just laughed until Paige stopped. They both settled back against each other, taking in what each other shared. Then after a beat,

“Would you ever… wanna like, experiment?" Paige asked genuinely.

“You mean with you?”

Paige just looked at her with those piercing blue eyes and nodded.

“Yeah actually,” the younger girl quickly added, “but I also don’t wanna take away from your first experience if you’re waiting for the right person like you said.”

Paige brought her hand up to Azzi’s face, running her finger over her cheekbone, then her bottom lip. “Azzi, you are the right person. You already have my complete trust.”

“Oh..” the younger girl said, then smiled at this revelation.

Paige smiled back and tilted her head while looking at Azzi’s plump lips, “Can I kiss you then?”

Azzi nodded with her lips parted. Their lips connected and Paige kept the pace nice and slow. Azzi ran her tongue against Paige’s lip, who immediately let her in. They made out like that for a few minutes. Eventually Paige pulled back while pulling on Azzi’s bottom lip with her teeth. When they looked at each other after the kiss, they both saw raw desire in each other’s eyes.

“Can we try some things we said we liked?” Azzi asked breathlessly.

“Anything you want mama. Just tell me what you wanna do first babygirl.”

“I want you to mark up my neck and chest.”

“Ok I got you baby. Can I ride your thigh while I do that?”

Azzi nodded immediately and eagerly.

Paige flipped them so she was on top and slotted their thighs so Paige could rest her weight on one of Azzi’s. “Wait,” Azzi said. “Can you take your boxers off? I wanna feel you.”

Paige smiled and nodded and leaned back on her knees before she got up, “Can I take your shirt off before I kiss on you?”

Azzi smiled back, “Please”

Paige stood up and removed her boxers, revealing herself to Azzi for the first time. Azzi reached for her to climb back up, “Come here beautiful.”

Paige climbed back on the bed and got between Azzi’s legs before leaning down to kiss her again. She pulled back and Azzi lifted her arms for Paige. Paige reached for the hem of the shirt and pulled it over Azzi’s head—exposing her perked breasts and hardened nipples. She threw the shirt to the floor and let her gaze roam Azzi’s body.

“Fuck Az. You’re perfect.” Azzi smiled looking at the girl above her.

Even though Azzi was now only in her thong and Paige was just in her bra, they didn’t feel exposed and uncomfortable at all. They felt secure and seen.

Paige leaned down and started her descent of licking, kissing, and biting marks all over Azzi’s neck and chest. While she was sucking a spot into Azzi’s skin below her jaw, Azzi grabbed the backs of Paige’s thighs and guided her onto one of her own. She slid her hands up Paige’s hips guiding her to start grinding down, “Mmm you’re so wet.”

“Because of you” Paige said, breathing against Azzi’s ear.

Paige started grinding harder and faster, but still controlled, wanting to feel everything. Paige bit at Azzi’s ear and ran her tongue over it softly. She groaned roughly and then kissed down Azzi’s jaw, running over the marks with her tongue in circles after. When Paige got further down her chest, she licked over one of Azzi’s nipples before taking it into her mouth and using her hand to play with her other tit. Azzi moaned loudly at this and squeezed Paige’s ass hard in response.

Paige jolted at the sensation and nipped at Azzi’s nipple a bit harder. Azzi let out a whine and arched into Paige which also made her thigh come up further into Paige’s core. Both of the girls were overwhelmed with sensations. Paige kissed on Azzi’s other nipple before trailing her way back up to her lips. “Does that feel good?”

“Feels so good baby. Are you good?”

“Yes ma… I’m so close,” Paige said in a low voice.

“Ok, I got you baby. Keep going,” Azzi encouraged.

Paige dropped her head right by Azzi’s ear letting out short breaths and high pitched whimpers. Azzi ran one hand through Paige’s hair, pulling just enough to have the pain be masked with pleasure. Her other hand was still harshly grabbing Paige’s ass. It only took a few more grinds of Paige’s hips on Azzi’s thigh for her to be a moaning mess while cumming.

“Fuck mama—I’m gonna cum”

“C’mon daddy… let me feel it”

Paige groaned and circled her hips one more time before collapsing on Azzi’s chest, feeling her slick drip down her leg. “Yeah I really liked that.”

Azzi stroked her back and asked, “Wanna keep going?”

“God yes. I wanna get you right baby,” Paige said knowing Azzi hadn’t gotten off yet.

Paige sat up, “Can I take your panties off?”

Azzi smiled and lifted her hips up. Paige hooked her fingers into the waistband and stripped Azzi bare. Not wanting Azzi to be the only one naked, Paige took off her bra showing herself fully. The two took a second to just look at each other—admiring the soft vulnerability they are giving to each other.

Paige leaned down, trailing her lips over Azzi’s bare stomach, creeping lower to the place that’s aching for her. Paige sucked at her hip bone and Azzi lifted her hips, chasing the contact she really wanted. Paige used her left hand to slide up Azzi’s body and settle at the base of her throat. “Can you stay still for me mama?”

Azzi nodded with her hands by her side, not knowing what to do with them. “I want you to play with your tits like a good little slut. Be a good girl for daddy. You can do it,” Paige said in a sultry voice staring up at Azzi from between her legs. Paige took her other hand and ran her fingers through Azzi’s slick, “Fuckin dripping for me huh?”

Azzi shut her eyes and tilted her head back on the pillow. Paige didn’t like that as an answer so she slapped Azzi’s pussy. Azzi gasped sharply and looked down at Paige. “I wanna see you baby.”

Azzi kept her gaze locked on Paige now as she continued running her fingers through her folds. Azzi let out a guttural moan when Paige finally ran her fingers over her clit. Azzi instinctively threw her head back again, gaining her another clap to her pussy—this time harder on her clit. Paige squeezed her throat a little firmer looking up at the girl with warning eyes.

“Keep your hands on those pretty tits for me babygirl. I got you.”

Paige moved two of her fingers down to Azzi’s entrance, sliding them in slowly. Azzi moaned in a high whimper that sounded heavenly to Paige. As a reward, Paige spit onto Azzi’s cunt and started pumping her fingers in and out of her pussy.

“Daddy—fuck—feels so good P”

Paige lowered her lips to Azzi’s clit, kissing and giving kitten licks. Paige began pumping her fingers in harder and faster while sucking on Azzi’s clit like she was starving. One thing’s for sure—if Azzi could be Paige’s last meal, she would make it happen.

Azzi was now a moaning mess. Paige could tell Azzi was getting close when her hands slowed on her tits and her walls got tighter around Paige’s fingers.

Reluctantly, Paige pulled away from Azzi. Azzi immediately feeling the loss of all sensation started to protest, “Wait why’d you stop?”

“Don’t worry mama, Imma make you cum. I just wanna taste you while you taste me,” Paige reassured.

Paige tapped on Azzi’s hip and pulled her hips up so they could flip over. Paige got under her and guided Azzi to turn around and straddle her face.

Paige immediately yanked Azzi’s hips and ass right over her face, trying to pull her lower. Azzi was hesitant, not wanting to hurt or crush Paige—even though that would be Paige’s preferred cause of death. To get Azzi to settle down, Paige smack her ass hard. Azzi whimpered at this and lowered lower. Paige smacked her other cheek, “My good girl.”

Paige began eating Azzi, sucking up her slick, running her tongue over every fold and around her clit. Azzi immediately felt her climax rush back and started grinding into Paige’s mouth. Azzi then leaned down between Paige’s legs, using her hand to stroke her folds. She gathered her slick and spread it over her clit, making Paige twitch from the slight overstimulation after having already cum once.

The two found a rhythm, matching each other’s movements. When Paige would suck on Azzi’s clit, Azzi would suck firm on Paige’s. This is how they both got to their high so fast. Paige groaned into Azzi’s pussy when Azzi licked into Paige’s cunt. The back and forth stimulus was electric. Paige ran her hands over Azzi’s ass again, grabbing hard and slapping it again. And again.. and again, until Azzi’s legs started to shake. Azzi hummed into Paige’s cunt, signaling she was close. Paige doubled down at this, which in turn made Azzi also intensify her movements.

After one last slap to Azzi’s ass and Azzi moaning on Paige’s clit because of it, they both reached their peak—gushing white heat on each other’s faces. Azzi pushed off and turned herself around so she was back facing Paige. She fell onto Paige’s chest, both breathing hard. They let the moment settle and their breaths sync before either of them said anything.

“Fuck,” they both said at the same time.

They giggled and Paige rubbed circles on Azzi’s back. “That was better than I could’ve imagined, Az. I’m really glad it was with you.”

Azzi looked up at her with tired eyes, but none the less warm, “Me too. I think… I think I only want it to be with you.”

Paige held Azzi tighter, “I want that too. I want you. I’ve wanted you—for a while now.”

Azzi leaned up to Paige’s face, kissing her again—full of intention and love.

���Stay here baby. I’m gonna grab something to clean us up with.”

Azzi nodded at her. Paige went to the bathroom and ran warm water over a wash cloth. She came back to Azzi on the bed, “Spread your legs for me baby.”

Azzi listened and let her legs fall open. Paige was careful and gentle. Azzi just stared at Paige with so much to say, but so little words available right now. Instead, she reached for Paige’s wrist and rubbed her thumb over her pulse point. Paige looked up at her and noticed a small tear falling down her face. Paige surged forward, wiping the tear away, “Are you okay mama? Did I do something?”

Azzi smiled up at the worried blonde, “No P. You didn’t you anything wrong. You did everything right.”

Paige pecked kisses all over Azzi’s face—her forehead, each cheek, the tip of her nose, and then finally her lips. “I love you, Azzi.”

“And I love you P…I mean daddy.” Azzi said now laughing.

Paige poked her stomach, shaking her head, but smiling nonetheless.

“Can we buy a strap at some point?” Azzi asked quietly.

“Definitely mama,” Paige assured.

Paige finished wiping herself up and tossed the rag in the bathroom. She climbed back in next to Azzi, pulling the covers over them and resumed her fingers scratching on her back. They finally drifted off to sleep knowing they had each other fully. They always did, but now they got to show it.

[slutzforbueckers]

congrats on ur milestone!! here to kindly request smut prompt dialogue 3 and/or 17, plot 19?

A REASON TO STAY

♡— pairing: paige bueckers x fem!reader

♡— warnings: smut

♡— synopsis: paige doesn’t want to leave home so she makes sure she won’t.

♡— a/n: i’m sooooo sorry this took so long 🩷

paige sauntered out the bedroom, a proud smile on her face because she just knew you were definitely going to have something to say about her outfit—that’s what she was aiming for. you were sitting on the couch scrolling through your social media when she stopped right in front of you.

“how do i look?”

you lifted your head at the sound other voice and your eyes roamed over her body—up and down, over and over. she was wearing a pair of light-washed, baggy jeans, a crop top that stopped right under her belly button, a cropped, black leather jacket, a carabiner that had a few charms you’d made and one with your initials, and a black belt. the worst part about it was that her boxers were peeking out the top of her jeans.

you dropped your phone onto the cushion next to you and turned your body so you were completely facing her. you furrowed your brows and hooked your fingers in her belt loops, tugging her a little bit closer. “where are you going again?”

“to meet a friend, remember?” paige said as she placed her hands on your shoulders, lightly squeezing them. you let out a dry chuckle as you breathed out ‘right,’ and you ran your hands over her hips and up her sides.

“paige, you—you really think you’re going out in that?” you asked, genuinely confused because she honestly thought she was just gonna walk out the house looking like she just stepped off a playboy magazine. hell no.

“well, yeah?” she shrugged, like it was no big deal, and lowered herself onto your lap, her arms crossing behind your head. you slid your hands over her ass, your fingers pressing into her as you pulled her closer. “what’s wrong with it?”

“what’s wrong with it? its too hot, its too sexy, its—you’re not wearing it.” you blinked at her, pressing your fingers into her hips to make your point. paige smiled because she had you right where she wanted you—one more smart comment away from ruining her.

paige tilted her head slightly and leaned in, not kissing you but close enough her breath ghosted over your lips. “then take it off me.”

“you really wanna go there?” you asked, dropping your voice an octave. your hands were already moving up her sides and over her shoulders to pull the jacket off. paige hummed and aided in getting the jacket down her arms and onto the floor.

“i can take it.” she murmured, teasingly rolling her hips against your thigh. you let out an audible breath of air and before either of you knew it you were laying her down on the cushions. her breathing was already picking up, legs parting to let you in even though her jeans were still secured around her hips. that didn’t last long though, your fingers were already moving on her belt and pulling it off.

paige reached down herself and started to undo her pants—which made you laugh because of how impatient she was being but you sat back on your legs and pulled them the rest of the way off, along with her boxers. your hands fell to her knees and when you parted her legs again and saw how wet she already was, you let out a small groan. “fuck, paige—haven’t even touched you.”

“i know. i just want you that bad.” she parted her thighs wider and you didn’t make her wait any longer. you lowered yourself between her legs and pressed soft kisses to her inner thigh, all while keeping eye contact with her. paige let out a soft breath when you got closer to where she needed you, biting her lip hard to keep herself from just pulling your head into her.

your mouth was on her in a second, your tongue swiping through her slit and curling around her clit. the moan that came from her was instant, breathy but still there. your eyes fluttered shut as you basically started to make out with her cunt—sucking her clit into your mouth, lapping up her slick, letting your spit falling onto her. it was nothing short of nasty. paige’s lips parted and her brows pulled together, her hand shooting down to grip your hair.

“oh my god,” she mewled as her hips jutted up involuntarily and her head tipped back. you wrapped your arms around her thighs and hiked her legs up over your shoulder, holding her in place. the sounds were obscene and loud—from your mouth working on her to your moans going muffled in her cunt to her whines and whimpers spilling from her lips.

you slipped a hand down and teased her entrance with your fingers before pressing two inside. she was soaked, warm and already throbbing around your fingers causing her to let out a guttural moan and look down at you. “you feel so good—shit—” paige shifted her hips closer to your face and when she felt your phone under her she got an idea.

when you looked up at her again she was holding your phone in her hand and it was tilted down to capture everything you were doing. paige’s cheeks were flushed and she had a tight grip on the phone, trying to keep it still enough that it would actually be enjoyable to watch later on.

“are you recording?” you asked as you pulled away slightly but your fingers never stopped moving, if anything you just pressed into her faster and harder. paige nodded her head with a loud moan, her hips still grinding into you.

“wanted to—wanted to watch later.” her sentence was broken by a loud moan from you curling your fingers just right.

“you’re such a freak.” you smirked but ducked your head again and went back to work, your eyes locking onto the camera to put on a show. your phone picked up every noise being made, every thrust of your fingers, every flick of your tongue—and paige watched too as her pleasure began to peak.

she could hardly keep the phone steady anymore, her hands were shaking, the phone moving slightly with each jerk of her hips, but she refused to let it go. paige was biting down on her bottom lips so hard she almost tasted blood, her eyes were glassy—flickering between watching you through the screen and watching the real thing.

you flattened your tongue and dragged it up her slit before flicking at her clit again, feeling her tighten around your fingers. you pulled away just enough to speak into her pussy, “you gonna cum f’me? so i can watch it later?”

“yes,” she cried out, nodding her head quickly. “yes—fuck, i’m gonna cum—”

her fingers tightened in your hair as she held you against her, her orgasm ripping through her. the phone dropped out of her hand and you picked it up immediately, angling it to capture the way her cum coated your fingers. her hand shot down to grip the cushion beneath her and her thighs closed around your head—her back arched with a choked moan, her muscles tightened, and she came so hard she couldn’t breathe.

when you finally pulled back, your mouth and chin was glistening with her slick, you fingers flooded with her cum. paige’s legs slid off your shoulders as she relaxed against the couch again with a soft sigh. you ended the video and leaned over her again, kissing her cheek, her jaw, her nose, her lips—to which she laughed and slid her arms around your neck.

“you’re gonna be late.” you murmured against her lips but you kept kissing her, making it harder for her to respond.

“i didn’t really wanna go,” she admitted while pulling away so she could fully look at your face. you shook your head slightly and she just gave you a bashful smile.

“now i have a good reason to stay.”

[itzserein]

"Platonic? What part of this is Platonic?"

Daniela Avanzini x Fem!reader Angst, toxic best friend!Daniela, suggestive, mentions of e-cigs & alcohol

Masterlist

A/n: Hi this is my first upload here holy- I'm so sorry this took so long and I hope that you all like this🤸‍♀️ and yes hi I'm the anon on Jay's asks that said this was way too similar to that anons request and I PROMISE I DID NOT COPY THIS I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS MAYBE A YEAR NOW😭 SO NO ONE CANCEL ME PLS </3 anyways please enjoy

The world around you felt like it was constantly spinning at such a fast rate at that and it only seemed to be increasing by the second and you felt dizzy, super dizzy that it wasn't even an understatement. It didn't come a point where you wanted to throw up everything you had digested just yet but it really felt like you were just underwater.

Everything was so distorted, and it definitely felt like there was some sort of immense pressure coming from your head at the sensation. Your senses felt dull, at the same time everything felt too much and yet here you were, still attempting to do the impossible as you tried to make out whatever was around you.

Or was that just a problem with your actual vision? You honestly had no clue but even if that was the case you were still completely aware of your surroundings and what was happening.

Kinda...

Okay that was a lie, you weren't totally conscious of everything but you still had somewhat of a grip of what was going on.

Right now, you were in the middle of a booth that you were unfortunately cooped up in next to your best friend, also known as, Daniela Avanzini. From what you could register right now, you could see the Cuban girl talking to some of her friends that were next to her, people who you were also kind of acquainted with, you could say, due to the amount of times you had met up with them whenever you were together with Dani.

You didn't technically know a lot of information about the group, just that they were friends that Dani had met through school and a couple of other mutual friends they had. You never really got together with them unless the girl invited them out. They had their own lives and studies to worry about anyways. Besides, it wasn't like it was your intention to even obtain that kind of closeness with them in the first place.

The group was just talking (a bit too chaotically) to one another, the topic they were going on about? You honestly couldn't care less. You just watched as they conversed amongst themselves, and you weren't surprised when you saw that they had somehow waged war against on one another as they constantly fought over Daniela's vape. Apparently, the group of friends didn't have one of their own which was well, reasonable given how expensive they were.

If you were being honest, you found the interaction kind of amusing with how often they kept launching themselves at each other just to get a hit while Daniela herself constantly complained about it being passed around so much that her juice was about to run out because of these so-called hyena's, in her words.

Back on your side of the booth, there were your actual close friends. You had met them through an event from school that your academic organization had set up. At the time, you weren't technically too open to the idea of being grouped together with a bunch of freshmen for a stupid game to be honest but for some odd reason you clicked with them despite your initial disapproval.

They were a group of friends you actually hung out with a lot and talked to almost every opportunity that you could get and since they were just freshmen, the reality dawned upon you pretty soon that you were their senior (unfortunately). So, this would always result in them asking advice for specific classes or just straight up complain to you about how hard the subjects were whenever they saw you, but they were surviving, somehow.

They were also currently having their own topic, another new conversation you weren't entirely listening into with how nauseous you felt. Despite that, you could somewhat still make out the shot glasses that you guys had prepared already in their grasps. That only indicated one thing, another round of shots was already going to start being passed around the tiny and cramped booth you all were in.

This very group of friends that you had beside you were the entire reason why you had come here and ended up all nauseous and out of it in the first place. You guys did this often though, so everyone was already used to having this kind of outcome whenever you guys hung out. Compared to the first time you came here though, it felt like a whole different story.

The entire thing was just chaotic and very unplanned to say the least. Your classes scheduled for that tiring day had already ended and you were just waiting on their last class to finish up, all because you simply refused to go home early that day. By the time you guys arrived at your destination and drank a couple bottles, you were instantly drunk and to your demise, they had taken videos of you to remember the embarrassment that had gone down, which you still complained about whenever they brought it up.

From that point onward, it had become a regular occurrence for you guys to go out and drink occasionally you guys would even play a few games of pool in between. Though that was just an activity to keep you guys from getting absolutely wrecked and it was only for some of you that wanted to play whenever drinking.

Just a few minutes ago, you were peacefully playing a game with a few of your friends even taking a drag in between whenever it wasn't your turn. The usual stuff really but you guessed today was definitely something, very different than what you were used to. Everyone was, for some odd reason, feeling confident and you obviously weren't prepared for any of the chaos that was happening right now.

This is already the fifth freaking bottle you all had today and gosh it was at times like this that you really hated having a low alcohol tolerance cause what the actual hell, you don't think you can last any longer with how quickly they were passing the shots around.

Heck, this was technically already your sixth one of the day. You had been here since earlier this morning and you had already shared an entire bottle just with this girl that was beside you (said girl being none other than Daniela). You didn't have classes to worry about thankfully but that still didn't change the fact that you didn't even know how on earth you were still conscious and aware of what was happening when you were usually the first person to back out when the alcohol started to take its effects on you, knowing how weak your tolerance actually was.

Right now, you were resting your head on the Cuban girl's shoulder, not daring to get up with how dizzy you were. Besides, you felt comfortable in this position and gosh, you could distinctly smell her scent despite everything that just seemed purposely try and clash with your senses.

For some reason, Dani's scent has always been something that comforted you and you still didn't really know the entire reason why, it just somehow did and she didn't seem to mind how clingy you became to her because of this. You had let her know just how much you loved it from the start anyway, so she probably just let you since it seemed perfectly normal to do so between best friends, despite it probably being weird to an outsider's point of view.

"Hey, you doing okay there?" she asked, noticing how quiet you had been in spite of all the noise around you both. You didn't bother to speak though, only humming in response to her question. You didn't want to move that much or even talk right now with how much your head was spinning.

Though despite not wanting to, you couldn't help but shift just a little closer to her, inhaling a bit more of her intoxicating scent which had somehow helped calm down your spinning head a tad bit. Not as much as you hoped it would but it did still help "Do you still remember our talk last Tuesday?" she asked all of a sudden which made you confused because why the hell was she asking that now of all times?

Despite your shock though, there is absolutely no goddamn way you could ever forget about the talk you guys had literally two days ago, you don't think you could ever forget that even if you tried.

The two of you had situated at her house, inside her room to be exact, alone. A usual occurrence since her parents were always at work until late into the night and you always dropped by her place. You usually dropped by when your classes ended earlier than the set time and you didn't really feel like going home just yet but were too tired to hang out with other friends. It's not like her place was that far from yours anyway. It was just a 5-10 minute bus ride away anyway depending on traffic.

You were initially practicing a song to play on her guitar, something you've always been doing whenever you visited ever since you two did that cover of "we fell in love in october." Ever since that day you two impulsively decided to do that cover, you had been learning new songs to play cause well why the fuck not?

Daniela on the other hand, was on her phone at the moment, annoyed with you which left you having to constantly apologize to her. Apparently, she was trying to draw you playing the guitar a while ago and didn't want to tell you because she wanted it to be a surprise.

You, obviously not aware of this, now had to try and make it up to her since she was now sulking, you did not know how you could do that though so you just held her guitar up and told her to start drawing again if she wanted too. She just pouted and put the notebook she used to draw back into her bedside drawer.

The two of you dipped back into silence after a few moments and despite the fact you still felt a bit bad, you decided to just drop it in the end and continue practicing the song. Nothing else could be heard in the room except the strumming of the guitar and the occasional errors you made every now and then, well, until she decided to talk to you again that is "You know? I just realized something, you are the gayest person I have ever met and yet you still haven't kissed someone." You could only roll your eyes at this remark because seriously? She had decided to tease you now? Way to hurt your pride.

You gave the girl a dead serious look on your face just to show her that you were not at all amused with this and you could literally see the smirk on Daniela's face when she saw the expression you had, it made you really wanted to wipe that smug look off right about now.

"Why are you volunteering?" you asked with the same amount of playful teasing in your tone. If Daniela was going to tease you, who says that you were gonna let her off so easily? You weren't going to be 'tormented' like this without putting up some sort of fight against it, especially if it's Dani who starts it.

When the Cuban girl hadn't replied for a few moments, you started feeling confident, thinking that your words had finally made her back down. You weren't expecting Dani to have some kind of comeback to that but you are literally taken aback when she speaks up and just casually says "Why not?"

And with that you were literally choking on nothing but freaking air, now thrown into a sudden coughing fit from how surprised you were from the response. She looked even more smug when your playful demeanor (and confidence to answer her like that) had suddenly disappeared.

What did she say just now?

You couldn't process that for short period time, you were literally just staring at the girl with wide eyes, trying to find the right words to refute whatever she had just said. You couldn't deny that the confidence Daniela had was unbelievably high, you had already known beforehand that her confidence was already over the roof but damn you didn't expect it to be this goddamn high. At this point did a barrier even exist?

"How about let's do it when you don't have a boyfriend then" you told her, playfully. Your tone was not at all serious because you knew, Daniela would never go through with it, or she would be risking everything set between you two.

With that you went back to playing the guitar peacefully not thinking of anything else but the placement of your hands to play the right chords, while Daniela just went on her laptop to find something else to do.

Low and behold, the day after that very conversation, Daniela's boyfriend had broken off their relationship for some stupid ass reason the boy most probably came up with on the spot. Right after that happened, she had called you and you honestly weren't surprised when you had gotten a sudden call from her.

The Cuban girl always calls you out of nowhere and you were used to it, to the point you were seemingly unbothered by it every time it happened. She'd usually just call to tell you a random joke or simply just to make you jealous because she was in a 'steady and 'happy' relationship and would always make you feel the irony of being a single for literally your entire life, but this time it was different.

You weren't shocked when you received the sudden call from her, but you were definitely surprised to hear that she was crying on the other end.

Almost instantly you grew worried and the two of you talked it out for almost an hour just so you could have somewhat of an idea of what was even happening that caused her to seek out some sort of comfort from you.

You tried to console the girl the best you could despite it just being over the phone. Even when your entire being was just practically screaming at you to hang up and run to wherever she was just to hug her, let her know it was going to be okay, maybe not now but soon. You wanted to let her know that she wasn't alone in this and she never was going to be alone dealing with all of this.

Today was now Thursday and Daniela had unsurprisingly gotten mad fucking drunk as hell all because of that stupid guy. You honestly still couldn't comprehend the reason as to why he had broken it off but you just assumed it was completely unreasonable, you didn't want to find out either way.

She managed to sleep off the alcohol in her system at least and was now currently sober but that did not without her causing a total ruckus and you having to take care of her for a couple of hours. Whatever the case, she was okay now and no longer going crazy at least.

As of the moment, you were honestly just confused as to why she even brought that topic up again in the first place?

You couldn't help but pull away from your comfortable position on her shoulder and sit up straight at this, now staring at her with a confused expression plastered especially when you saw the small smirk on her face once again. As mentioned earlier, you might be a bit lightheaded from the copious amount of alcohol you consumed. That in no way meant that you were no longer aware of the events that were happening right now.

"Well, I don't have a boyfriend now" she says with the same daring, cocky tone she has always used whenever the two of you were teasing one another. It almost made you believe that she was actually going to go through with it, almost and it honestly made you scoff. This girl really was something.

"As if you'll actually do it" you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes as if you were challenging her to just do it even though you knew she wouldn't actually dare to. She may have been teasing you literally two days ago just to rub it in your face that you had no courage to actually kiss someone but you highly doubted that she would push through with it here out of all places for multiple factors.

Number one, being the most obvious, she and her boyfriend literally just broke up. It hadn't even been a full 24 hours and even though you didn't really like the guy, you didn't want to disrespect him like that. Number two, the both of you were in between all your friends and the moment any of them caught you two in the act, your friends would go absolutely ballistic. They'd mostly direct that energy at Dani though because everyone knew you have never had a relationship ever in your life and were very 'innocent' when it came to these kind of things.

Three, Dani was your freaking best friend, the person you have been with through thick and thin and trusted with your life but that did not mean any of you could just casually cross this specific boundary though. Four, this was a public place literally anyone else could simply walk by and see the two of you making out, you may not know these people and vice versa but that would not make the secondhand embarrassment of the act go away.

Lastly, the so-called simple action would definitely change the dynamic of your friendship with the Latina girl on a lot of different levels. Hell, it could change the both of you entirely and you had no idea if any of you could ever face the consequences if you two actually did it. You knew she wouldn't risk that and you knew that the girl would think better than that.

God forbid- you were so completely and utterly wrong to think all that, you had totally forgotten how impulsive Dani was.

Because at the very next moment after saying all that, you felt one of her hands slowly creep up the side of your neck and damn you couldn't believe it. She was so gentle with you even as she pulled you just a bit closer to her and it had caught you so completely off guard. You've seen this soft side of Daniela often, but you never thought you would see it in this kind of context.

All this was just making your mind spin even more (if that was even possible). You didn't even register the fact that her lips were already on yours until she pulled you even closer and tenderly caressed your cheek just to help you relax even if it was just tiny bit more. You couldn't help but close your eyes at the simple gesture and it was because of all this that you tried to savor the moment.

You were so taken aback by how soft her lips felt and how sickeningly sweet they tasted and yet before you could even try and reciprocate it, she had already pulled away. The kiss had left you breathless and you were frozen in place, not knowing what to say, heck you don't think you could form a proper coherent thought at this moment in time.

"Wha-" you thought, the whole scene loading in your brain. It was like your mind was literally buffering because what the freaking heck, did that actually just happen? Dani's lips were actually on yours? Did she really just kiss you? This could not be fucking real.

Was this legitimately real life? Because if it is holy fuck, Daniela Avanzini, your best friend, had just stolen your first kiss and you let her.

You were stunned, you couldn't believe that had happened but despite all that, there was one thing you were sure about in your clouded mind, you absolutely fucking loved how her lips tasted. With your mind so distorted from the kiss or maybe it was really just the alcohol taking its effects on you, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

A sudden rush of adrenaline had entered your system and it was because of that rush that you had somehow gained the courage to ask for one more from the girl.

You honestly expected her to laugh it off and tease you, you expected nothing more from her but no. She was immediately giving in to what you wanted, leaning closer and initiating it all over again. This time, instead of immediately pulling away, she had let you set the pace and she let you savor it.

Oh gosh, was this how kissing someone really felt like? Cause it was absolute heaven, the way she was so gentle with you made you practically melt against her.

You could easily tell that Daniela didn't want to overwhelm you since it was your first time and you felt touched by the simple thought. Dani had intentionally let you take your time and she was letting you adjust to it for however long you needed to. You honestly could've stayed like that forever and if air wasn't a necessity to keep living, you think you would've but alas you couldn't do anything about it.

You forced yourself with all the will power you had to pull away and with that you slowly opened your eyes to look at Daniela, really look at her and you don't know what came over you to feel all these things but you were just there stunned, heart beating so loudly that you felt like it was about to jump out of your chest.

It was like you both were stuck in your own little world that no one could step into but you two. She was just staring at you with a small smile on her face, as if reassuring you that it was done, that everything was okay now. While here you were in front of her, out of breath and not knowing what to think.

The girl had taken notice of your dazed-like state and could only shake her head out of amusement at your reaction "You must be drunk, you would never let me kiss you like that twice if you were even the slightest bit sober."

That put you out of your trance, you just rolled your eyes at her words because of course she'd choose to tease you after all that just happened "Shut up" you said lowly before shoving her shoulder in a playful manner.

She only laughed it off and pulled on your arm as she got up and out of the booth "Come with me to the bathroom for a moment?" she asked and you could only nod in response, not trusting your voice and you really weren't being given a choice anyway as she was already pulling you away from your friends.

If murder was actually legal, you think you would have already killed Daniela on multiple occasions. Sadly, it wasn't, so you just settled into planning in your head the multiple ways you could have possibly ended her a long, long time ago.

Dani had been teasing you non-stop ever since that night happened (hence the awakening urge) and you swear if she teased you one more time you would actually kiss her again just to shu- wait what? No.

Anyway- whenever you were talking to Daniela, she would somehow always, always find a way to weave it into the conversation she knew how shy it made you each and every time she did bring it up. You couldn't even look in her direction whenever she reminded you about the entire ordeal.

You wanted to get back at her for all the playful banters, but you knew that no matter what you did, you would always end up being the embarrassed, blushing mess you were. It was like all ounce of fight that you had in you would leave the moment she would talk about it and it was honestly crazy how you still hadn't found a way to rebut all her teasing towards you.

Right now, you were thankful she hadn't reminded you about it today. If this was any other regular day, she would seize every chance she got just to embarrass you and it was really a miracle she hasn't yet.

You knew the Cuban girl and her playful nature and you knew that she wouldn't last an entire hour without teasing you. You figured that it was because she knew you were busy and decided to give you a small break, for now.

It was now a new week, Monday, and exactly seven days before your finals would start. You were again hanging out at Daniela's place. The two of you were chilling as usual, for once, you weren't busy tinkering with the girls' guitar and practicing another new song to possibly cover. Instead, you were cuddled up next to her, the two of you just doom scrolling, watching the random videos that would appear on her feed. Neither of you bothering to bring up what had went down last Thursday.

You sighed contentedly, the weight of everything from school slowly lifting off your shoulders as you shifted closer to the girl, growing sleepy. If it weren't for the fact that you knew that you weren't in your own home, you would have fallen asleep the moment you arrived.

Honestly speaking, you were tired, extremely tired since you both had just came from school and just being inside the damn building already drains the life out of you. You had taken a grueling quiz earlier that day and it was so hard that the moment you got out of the room and saw the girl patiently waiting for you, you were complaining nonstop about the questions and how difficult it was to answer them even though you studied so hard to ace it. You were honestly praying that you somehow passed because you knew just how much of your grade it could effect if it was ever too low.

Daniela on the other hand, had skipped her classes again, she wasn't even trying to catch up despite missing half a semester's worth of classes. You were not really surprised by this, but you also didn't get why she would enroll in the first place if she wasn't going to attend any of her classes anyway.

You didn't dare speak up about it though, you just decided to shut up and let her do whatever the hell she wanted. "My life, my rules" is what she would argue the moment you would try to bring it up to her anyway. So you didn't, you instead chose to enjoy the peace of the moment you were sharing with her right now.

"You're extra clingy today" Daniela says. She wasn't using the usual teasing tone that you were used to hearing, it felt like it was more of an observation that she just had to point out.

"I could stop" you said, immediately moving to get up and off the bed but before you could even attempt do so, she was already grabbing onto your arm, forcefully pulling you back into your previous position.

You felt your body lose balance at the force she used. She had clearly underestimated the amount of strength she had and it causes you to land right on top of the girl. You immediately tried placing your hands on either side of her body so you could hover above her but you're already too late when you feel your head land on her chest.

You could only look up at her and sigh at her mischievous antics "Stay, I like it" she says to you with a small, cheeky grin plastered on her face. Despite the playful look she had on, you could sense that she was being genuine saying those words.

"Good then" you said, returning the smile with one of your own.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, neither of you even minding the intimate position you guys were in and yet, you both could still feel the sudden rise of tension in the room.

It wasn't the usual light and comforting presence you felt whenever you were with one another, but it wasn't really a bad kind of tension either. It felt almost electrifying, like a major turn of events was about to take place at any given moment.

The two of you didn't realize the growing tension though, you were quite literally just staring at each other too caught up and mesmerized by one another's simple presence. It honestly made you want to laugh at how stupid you both probably looked right now but you couldn't. You didn't want to pull yourself away from whatever this was and if you were being honest, you were actually anticipating the girls next move.

You see the way Daniela's gaze slowly moves down from your eyes to your lips and that small movement makes your breath hitch. You see her smile turn into a little smirk and you knew exactly what was on the Cuban girl's mind at that moment so you brace yourself.

Without another moments hesitation she was immediately pulling you further onto herself just to plant your lips on hers. You don't know what to say, not like you could say anything in that moment anyway. You honestly don't really know what to do either, you just stayed like that shocked like it's the first time all over again.

Yet you can tell that Dani knows exactly what she wants. You feel the way her hands roam your body like she was exploring your entire being, like she wanted more from you and you feel those same hands take place on your waist urging you to shift and sit down on her lap instead. Your bodies move accordingly, as if it was second nature like the two of you have done this a million times before.

You don't protest, you don't make any move to stop whatever is happening and you have no intention to do so whatsoever. Quite the contrary actually, you want more, you need more and without even noticing yourself you had already wrapped your arms around her neck and pulled her even closer, deepening the kiss.

It was just the two of you, alone in her room, trapped in your own little bubble that no one could step into even if they dared. The crazy part? You loved it, loved being in the confines of her room kissing her like there was no tomorrow, like it was your own little secret in which it kind of was.

You loved the feeling of it all, the feeling of freedom like you could do whatever the hell you guys wanted, the thrill you experienced, the feeling that there were no constraints, no nothings, no what ifs. Just you two, enjoying your own little world.

Neither of you minded anything else that was going on around you guys. You both just enjoyed the moment, savoring the taste of one another.

The two of you only pull away when the need for air arises, still neither of you speaking a word. You both were just left panting, catching your breaths as you both processed what just happened, afraid if one of you spoke it would ruin the moment "So...."

"So" she follows, the two of you not knowing what to say or do at this moment. You just chuckle, gosh you couldn't believe you both were acting shy as if you guys weren't ready to jump each other's bones and break so many forbidden boundaries just a few moments ago.

Daniela lets out a small laugh too, the realization of the situation hitting her and she was honestly glad you seemed to be thinking the same, like why would you two be shy now? After everything you both have been through together, the two of you thought of acting tense now? It was so stupid "Can I?" she asks and you knew exactly what she meant.

"Just don't go too far" you answer her, you don't care at this point.

"Duly noted" the Cuban girl says, before leaning in once again. Her hands taking place on your waist again to keep you steady on her lap while you tangled your hands in the girl's hair, pulling her impossibly closer and you two stayed like this for a long while.

It had been a couple weeks since that scene in Daniela's place happened and honestly, it was crazy, you think that all of this is just fucking insane. Just the fact that the two of you would still continue to do it whenever you were together was absurd and yet it was always so quick, never that discreet for others to not notice what you two were up to but it never went on too long for other people to complain as much.

It was honestly just absurd but the more you thought about it, the more you wanted to see her again, the more you want for it to repeat.

It was like a fire had set inside you and you were burning with need, need for more of her, need for that thrill you had whenever with her, that rush. It scared you, how much it had grown over the course of the few weeks it had been happening but at the same time you didn't bother with it much.

You had a lengthy discussion about all of this with your friends, the very same people you were with the day it went down and to no surprise, they were livid. Not at you of course, but at Dani for even proposing such a thing in the first place (even if it was a stupid joke).

They warned you of the dire consequences of this weird set-up you two had. The group treated you as if you were their baby after all, knowing you had never been in a relationship before and had gotten yourself into such a fucked up situation, they couldn't help but worry for you and how things would end up.

You could have your heart broken by this or worse, they didn't want to see you end up like that and they didn't want the reason of your heart break to be over a stupid situation like this.

The thing is whenever it was just you and Daniela together, you guys would always talk it out and openly communicate on what kind of boundaries neither of you should ever cross with one another. The only problem? Even with all that, you still found yourself faltering, especially when the girl would do all these gestures toward you, actions that she would never do with just anyone.

She would update you constantly after the break-up happened, claiming that she was used to updating someone and needed to do it to keep her sanity in check. She would even tell you to come by her place more often to the point that you actually had to start rejecting her offer a couple of times just to put your own life first and that was all just because she didn't want to feel lonely at home due to being alone for majority of the time.

She'd just practically be on you all throughout, physically or not and it was a cycle you were unconsciously getting conditioned to follow even if it was against your own will.

Like a freaking puppy, you would obey every word and it was honestly a bit weird to you how you couldn't even try and go against her word even if you wanted too because you knew every time she would ask, she'd make the time you were with her worth it and she knew that you would always love it, need it even.

You needed her even when your brain screamed no and that this was all just a ruse and it was because of all this that you slowly started to question yourself. Were you really just doing this for the thrill? Or was there something more?

You were getting tired of everything, especially with how often it was happening, the confusing feelings, the constant overthinking, the repetitive reminders, just the entire situation.

So without even thinking, you impulsively asked your friends to hang out after classes ended. You guys of course went to the usual spot, back to where it all fucking started.

It was there that you took out everything you were feeling. You would take a shot every time you would think of her, start to overthink everything all over again, remember the way her lips tasted, remember the simple gestures she would do while you were together, everything.

It was so frustrating, that you couldn't get Daniela off your mind and it got to the point where you started to question your own decisions all over again because why the fuck did you let her? Why didn't you pull away the moment she even tried? Yell at her for starting this with that simple teasing statement? Just why? You just wanted to blame the girl for all these confusing feelings and for letting the entire thing get this far.

You knew that deep down you couldn't though, you were as much of a willing participant in this as she was, you brought this onto yourself too. You sighed to yourself at this before you took another shot, feeling the burn of the alcohol as it went down your throat. It made you grimace slightly but you didn't care, you just wanted to let out all your pent up frustrations, to feel or think of anything other than that.

"Yo Y/n! You up for a game?" one of your friends Lara asks, successfully cutting you off from your deep train of thoughts.

You nodded immediately and got up from your sitting position as the Indian girl moved to start setting up the table again. Lara had always been the first person in your little group to say yes no matter who asked to go out, she was always the type who just wanted to have a good time after all but she was also aware that you never asked to go and hang out like this unless you were going through something. As much as she wanted to ask what was going on though, she respected your space, you would tell them whatever you were thinking of when you were ready.

"So anything interesting happen?" she asks cautiously as you grabbed one of the cue sticks from the side as well as some chalk for your hand so it would glide smoothly between your fingers.

"A lot" you answered her dryly, as you leaned down and onto the table. You shifted your thoughts from the Latina woman to focus all your energy into your break at that moment and as you let the cue slide onto your fingers, you successfully broke the little triangle at the end of table, signaling the start of the game.

Lara watched you carefully, taking note of the amount of strength you put into that shot with how the cue ball rolled all over the table before she moved into a suitable position to start her turn since nothing fell into the pockets "Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks softly, like the girl was only suggesting because she was Lara Raj, and you knew that she would never force you to talk about something, hell she wouldn't even ask that kind of question to someone unless she noticed how pent up the person actually was.

You sighed as you looked over behind you right at the very booth you all were sat in that night, you didn't want to bring it up to be honest. You came here to get rid of these thoughts, to just enjoy the night for once without having to think about it even more than you already should, without actually having to go to sleep at night filled with the guilt of everything you were feeling "Am I going to be given a choice that I don't want to talk about it?"

"From me? Yeah. From the others? Highly doubt it" Lara says as she prepares to make her shot which to no one's surprise was successful.

You shook your head at her answer out of amusement because it actually was true. Lara had never been the type pry or push people into talking about things these kind of things but your other friends were an entirely different story. It wasn't that they would push anyone to tell them for the sake of drama, just that they insisted that the person needed to talk for them to understand and help even though it was too much at times, for you personally anyway "It's just about Dani" you started.

"About your weird set-up?" the girl asks as she made an attempt to pot another ball but narrowly missed it making her groan out of frustration.

You chuckled at her attempt before nodding your head at the question "Yeah."

"Have you talked to her about it?" she asks as she moved away from the table to let you make your turn.

"All the time" you answered as you made your shot with a lot more force than necessary, that didn't matter to you though since you still successfully potted a ball.

Lara could only grimace at the amount of strength you were using with each time you hit the cue ball. She was honestly a bit scared you were going to make it fly off the table and hit someone but the girl knew you were just trying to let out everything that you were feeling through the game and she was glad that you had an outlet to channel all that negative energy somewhere else but that still did nothing to ease her worry for everyone else's safety.

Lara has honestly never seen this side of you, none of your friends have actually. You have always been the person who stayed chill no matter what the situation, the type that just went with the flow and what happens, well, happens. You always stayed calm, kept a level head even when everyone else was already losing their cool at something that had happened or something they were talking about with the group.

You truthfully didn't have a care in the world about anything else other than your academic performance and other personal stuff that you didn't share to anyone even Lara herself that openly, so to see you like this was so new.

"So what has you so frustrated about it then?" she asked as you made your way across the table.

You sigh not knowing how to give an answer that question when you yourself were unsure of everything that you were feeling right now "She's just so, I don't know...confusing?"

The Indian girl just stares at you, perplexed by the answer you had given her "Do you mind expounding on that or-"

"Okay wait, I mean that- like, she does these things while we...kiss and it makes me feel things and then there's the fact she keeps updating me like she can't survive unless she does it. She's always asking me to come by her place and I honestly don't know anymore if I'm just doing this for the thrill or if there's something more and it's just so frustrating that I can't even tell her any of this because I know that she'll think I'm weird or I'm-"

"Woah, okay calm down" Lara cuts you off, surprised by how much you were actually able to tell her. She was completely fine with it, she just wasn't expecting you to tell her so much. You weren't much of an open person after all so to say that much to her caught her a bit off guard.

"Sorry" you quickly apologized as you quickly made another shot in potting a ball, this time it was unsuccessful.

Lara takes a few steps closer to you before she places a hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you even with the simple gesture "It's alright really but really I don't think drinking this away or a game of pool is gonna make you feel any better about all this, talk to her about everything your feeling. Not just specific things that are happening in the moment, let her know I'm sure that she'll understand."

"The thing is I don't even know what I'm feeling" you answered, your voice going a whole octave lower than it usually was due to all the thoughts in your head mixing together and it caused nothing but chaos.

You were feeling frustrated all over again because of this conversation but you also knew that Lara meant no harm when she asked, it was your choice to tell her anyway. You could have chosen not to honestly, but you trusted the girl and you knew that she could help you figure out what to do. You did admit more than once that Lara gave out one of the most realistic advice in the group and you would prefer that more than comfort or reassurance that it was going to be okay honestly speaking.

"Well than answer this for me, do you have feelings for Dani?"

You looked at her, questioningly because why the hell would she ask such an absurd question in the first place "What- okay, she's hot, kind and really talented but I don't thi-"

"Y/n, calm down it was a simple yes or no question. I don't need the details, I just want you to answer it directly" Lara cuts you off once again. She really wanted to laugh at the reaction you were giving her right now but she knew you didn't need someone teasing you. You just needed a wake-up call, someone to knock you back into reality and she obviously did not want you rambling and saying something you could possibly regret later on too knowing your other friends were also there. It's only then that you start to think though, really think for a moment.

Did you have feelings for Daniela? Looking back at it all now with that thought, it could actually explain a few (A LOT) of your actions but you didn't think that you having feelings could be the actual reason. You never saw the girl in that kind of way....

Okay, never mind maybe you have.

Maybe you have imagined way more times than you'd like to actually admit. You have had those kind of thoughts but you it's not like you chose to drone on about any of them further than you were supposed to. Daniela was your best friend and it was wrong to like your best friend, hell even think of them in that kind of way.

Still, you couldn't help it when started taking notice even of the smallest details about her, it was like you could read her like an open book. From her little habits like the way her eyebrows would furrow even deeper the more she concentrated on something, the slight shift in her mood whenever someone mentioned something she didn't like, the cute way she would always stick out her tongue teasingly whenever you were taking a video and pointing the camera at her.

God, just how many things about her did you not even realize you learned about. Were you crazy at this point? To know someone better than they probably did than themselves. You didn't know, it was all just insane. You didn't know why each and every detail you found out about her made you look forward to just seeing Dani even more, maybe it was the fact you loved learning all these little things about her. What she liked and what she didn't, what she would do to simply pass the time, what kind of antics she would do during specific situations. You weren't sure but you did know one thing, the way you were feeling definitely wasn't something between friends.

"I think...I do" you finally answered the girl's question. You were still somewhat unsure actually but you having feelings did bring light to the problem in this entire situation and it actually made you realize so much.

Lara clapped lightly, a teasing smile starting to grow on her face. She figured now would be a good time to start lightening the mood between you two and she was right when she saw you just give one of your regular death stares that you gave instead of looking away and staying quiet. Though she would never admit it, that glare did scare her too since you could really kill someone with that glare "Congrats on finding out something we have all known way before you have" she said and it just made you roll your eyes at her behavior

"Shut up" you said as you pushed her away with the other end of the cue stick. She immediately dodged, not wanting to get a sudden injury.

"Alright, alright I'll stop!" she yelled, surrendering as she saw you moving closer to her with the cue stick that you were now holding with both hands.

You smiled at this and patted her head "Good."

"So what are you going to do about this now?" Lara asks, wondering how you were going to deal with this now that you were aware of this new problem that had arisen. You sighed, not knowing how else to solve this except by simply telling her.

"I guess I'll talk to her about this so we can finally stop this bullshit of a set-up"

"Finally, a good idea from you"

"Oh shut up!" you say, shoving Lara's shoulder playfully.

It had grown late into the night, no vehicles had been passing by for a bit so the streets were more or less quiet. Besides, you figured that most people would be asleep by this time anyway and that gave you the perfect opportunity to talk with Daniela.

On your way here, you had been watching as the neighborhood which was lit up with bright lights that had nearly blinded you a few minutes ago slowly went out one by one, turning into a chilling darkness. Only a few still had signs of life in them, including the one you were sitting in front of which obviously was none other than Daniela's place.

You had sent the girl a text on your way here that had you wanted to talk but you never mentioned about what, much to her dismay. Hell, you even told her that you weren't going to waltz in her place like you usually did because what you were about to talk about was definitely going to be quick so here you were.

You knew that after this conversation with her the dynamic that you two had would change into something unrecognizable and you honestly had no hopes that you two would go back to the way you guys used to be after everything. Then again, you weren't doing this to salvage your relationship with her, you were doing this because you just wanted to get this over with and end this fucked up mess.

You just sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the inevitable to happen. You had texted the girl a few minutes ago that you had already arrived so you were expecting the girl to be out in a few moments. When you did hear the door open and her foot steps that slowly came closer to you, you didn't even bother looking back. You just stared at the road ahead, your hands supporting your upper body as you had placed yourself in a leant back position.

With how relaxed you looked no one would have expected that the conversation you were going to open up about was going to be one of the heaviest conversations you were ever going to have in your life "Hey" Daniela greeted you.

You hummed, acknowledging her presence as you enjoyed the peace and quiet the night had brought. To you, the chilling night wasn't something to be terrified of, it was more like one of the only times you could have the peace and quiet that your heart craved to be.

For Daniela though it was the total opposite, she's always felt unease in the darkness, which is why she always had some kind of light on and right now that unease didn't go away, it heightened even, she was puzzled and she was definitely on high alert. While she was used to you showing up to her place out of nowhere, that didn't mean she wasn't scared with the way you texted her with such a serious message. What was so important that you needed her to come out of her own home just so you two could be alone?

She took a deep breath in just to try and calm her nerves down a bit but as she did, she could smell the distinct scent of the alcohol you had drunken earlier, catching her off guard. Daniela then turned to you just to confirm if the stench was really coming from you and that only confirmed her suspicions when the smell became stronger "Are...you drunk?" she asked, curious. You never went out and drank without her, ever.

"A little" you replied, plainly. You didn't bother to hide it and you didn't care if she found out whether you drank or what and she wasn't used to this. You always asked her first if she wanted to come, you always went to her first. Everyone knew that Daniela was your go to person whenever you wanted to hang out, so what was going on? Why didn't she ask you this time?

The girl just shakes her head, disappointed by your actions but she knew that you didn't come here just to be scolded by her. She could only sigh and just get straight to the point, she knew it was already so late and that in your current state you should be getting home as soon as possible to rest, plus her parents could get mad at her for being out here so late "So what did you wanna talk about?" she asks.

"I think you already know why I came here, Dani" you said as you slowly turned your head toward her. She wasn't looking at you and you knew exactly why. Daniela knows your mannerisms and she knows that you aren't the type to actually look someone in the eye. So, the Cuban girl opted to stare at the road too, she knew there was no way on earth you would look at her eye to eye even with such a serious conversation at stake and she would never force you to do.

Still, you watched the way her brows furrowed at your words because she really had no clue on why you wanted to talk to her "I don't though" she says.

You just sighed, you weren't that surprised that Dani was this dense to be honest, but you still had some kind of hope that you wouldn't have to spell it out to her. It was obvious after all why you had come here "Alright then, it's about this stupid set-up we have" you tell her and it comes out a bit harsh. A kind of tone Daniela has never expected to hear directed at her, especially from you.

Daniela turns to you, slightly bewildered but she doesn't take your tone seriously "Why? I thought you liked it?" she says, a small teasing smile starts to show on her face.

You know that the girl was completely oblivious to your seriousness and that she doesn't realize you were completely done with the entire thing. This wasn't funny to you anymore and this wasn't just some everyday thing that happened because of stupid hormones. This entire situation was becoming real, too real and you needed this to end before it got in the way of too many other things in your life.

You were exhausted enough as it was, you didn't need this draining you even more than it already has "At first I was, but Dani we both know we crossed a line that night. A line that none of us ever should have crossed in the first place, you know that I've never had a girlfriend and still decided to go through with it, why?"

Daniela is taken aback by your answer and it's only then that it finally dawns on her the seriousness of this conversation that was taking place but if she was being honest she didn't know herself why she initiated it. It was a decision purely out of whim "Well I thought it'd be fun and I don't know? Just to get it over with?"

Your expression darkens, you expected a much better reason than that. You already knew prior to this that there was no salvaging what you guys had after this talk but you didn't think the reason that she started all this would actually be this stupid. What was all this to her then? "What the actual fuck? Are you saying that this was all some sort of sick game?"

"Y/n no, that's not what I said-"

"Except it is Dani, it is exactly what you're trying to say. Did you find fun in the fact you took one of the most important experiences in my life just because? That is so fucking messed up"

"No, I don't know why okay, I just. I wasn't thinking and you seemed to enjoy anyway so I gave it, isn't that what you wanted?"

"Dani, I said all that because I knew you that wouldn't, I never expected you to actually go through with it and okay...maybe I did enjoy it for a time. Until it was all becoming too real."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Daniela asks because she doesn't get it, she doesn't understand why you were telling her all this, why now were you having second thoughts.

You let out a frustrated huff at that because you didn't know if the girl was just playing dumb or what, could she really not read the room? "For fuck's sake Avanzini, I think I have feelings for you!" you screamed out. You didn't care who would hear what you said, you didn't care about the fact you two were just outside her house fighting by the side of the road.

You just needed to get it out there because you know if you waited just a bit longer, you would lose yourself. You didn't want this to consume you anymore than it already has and you couldn't carry the weight of it all any longer.

Daniela was shocked by this revelation because you both had promised that this wouldn't happen, that it never would. You swore you would never fall, hell you were the first person to say it, to mention that if any one of you fell, they'd be stupid but here you were "Y/n..." she says, her voice cracking by how stunned she was by the sudden confession.

Daniela doesn't know how to take it, she doesn't know how to respond. She doesn't want to hurt you with reality that she doesn't like you back but she also doesn't want you to be led on. You knew that, from the start you did and still fell and it was stupid because you knew that she would never see you that way.

"I know...I swore that I never would but the longer this kept going, the longer I felt so confused by all these thoughts and...the longer this kept going the more I questioned myself on why I let you do it in the first place. I just can't do this anymore Dani, I can't keep pretending that this is nothing to me" you said. You knew that you were just adding oil to the fire you had just set with those next words but it was either that or let yourself explode if you kept it to yourself any second longer.

The Cuban girl was frozen in place, processing everything you had just said. She didn't expect you of all people to suddenly confess their feelings to her like this and she didn't know what exactly to do about it "I'm going back in" she said, quickly getting up from her position as she went back inside.

You scoffed when you heard that but you had no intention of stopping her. You know that Daniela was like that by nature. You just watched her as she got up and walked inside her home before you got up and proceeded the walk back to your own. Knowing how late it was you couldn't hail a cab and you didn't have the money anyway. You could only sigh as you looked up into the night sky and quietly walked away from the place you once found solitude in.

At least you had told her.

wc: 10.1k

ctto for all the pics used here

[buckybarneslittledoll]

Forbidden Photos

Pairing: dbf!Bucky Barnes x Reader (Reader is Steve Rogers' daughter) Tags: dad's best friend bucky, smut, shameless smut, explicit photos, size difference, flrty texts, fingering, shameless moaning, thigh riding

Summary: In which Bucky is your dad’s best friend and he takes you to the mall.

“Thank you, Mr. Barnes. I’ll see you in about two hours.” you said, stepping out of the car. You grabbed your purse from inside the car and slid your arm through the strap. “I’ll see you then. Text me if you’re done early, and I’ve told you to call me Bucky. Mr. Barnes makes me feel old.” he told you, slightly chuckling. You smiled and nodded, before closing the car door. You waved as he drove away.

Bucky was your dad’s best friend. Over the years, you had grown quite fond of Bucky, but he was significantly older than you. You were only eighteen, but that didn’t stop you from admiring him.

You were visiting your dad for the next two weeks. Your dad was going to drive you to the mall, but he got called into work so, he asked Bucky to drive you and after thirty excruciating minutes in the car, you were finally at the mall.

You were never sure how to behave around Bucky. He always turned you on and made your heart race a million miles per minute. Being around the handsome brunette man made it difficult to maintain self-control.

You entered the shopping center. You were nearly done after forty minutes. You found a dress to wear to a party in a few weeks and returned the shoes you had purchased that were the wrong size. Buying a new bra was the only thing left to do.

You headed into Victoria’s Secret and headed to the bras that were your size. You instantly found a few that you liked and walked towards the dressing rooms.

You set down a few pairs of bras and felt your phone buzz. You saw a new text from Bucky: “I finished my errands early. I’m waiting in the parking lot, once you’re done :) ”

You felt your insides tingle and felt a new rush to finish up. You quickly typed out a response and hit send: “Okay! I’ll be out in a few minutes. I’m almost done”

You moved on to the bras that were waiting for you. You tried on each of the four, unable to choose between your top two. You took brief pictures inside each bra. One was a lace-covered bra in a dark red color, while the other was a black bra with white accents.

You asked your sister which picture she preferred after sending her the pictures in a hurry. You couldn't wait to see how your sister would react. You thought that would simplify the choice.

Instead, you saw a text from Bucky that read: “Fuck, doll. You look hot in both of them, but I’m assuming you didn’t mean to send that to me”

Your cheeks were growing redder by the moment, and you could feel your blood run cold. You checked to make sure, and sure enough, you had emailed him the images. You were unsure about what to do. 

You wanted, above all, to never see Bucky again. You were aware that shame would be your demise. You could never make it through a whole car ride home with him.

You made up your mind right away to purchase both bras and made your way to the parking lot. You searched for Bucky's car, keeping your head down. 

He motioned you over when he spotted you.

You got into the front seat without saying a word. You couldn’t even look at him. “Hi, doll,” he said, softly. You muttered a quick “Hi” and then looked out the window.

Bucky accepted that you didn’t want to talk about it and put the car in drive. He started the drive to your dad’s house, where you were staying.

After about ten minutes of silence, the car pulled up to a red light. Bucky looked over at you and saw you still looking out the window. “Doll? Look at me.” he said, tapping lightly on your thigh. You hesitantly looked over at him and he gave you a soft smile.

You pleaded with him, "I really don't want to talk about it." 

He put his hand back on your thigh and used his thumb to massage circles into your flesh. 

Your face started to get hot once more. He whispered, "I know you're embarrassed, doll, but you don't have to be. We can both act like it never happened, you truly don't need to worry about it. The photos were very spectacular, by the way." he said, his genuine smile turning into a smirk.

You were even more ashamed. You knew you had nothing else to lose.

It was difficult to determine if he was kidding or being serious.

He pulled you in for a kiss while grabbing hold of your jacket's collar. Before you could even register the kiss, cars began to honk behind you.

You both pulled apart and realized the light was green. He looked away, focusing on the road. You wrapped your arms around yourself. Neither of you said another word to each other as he continued to drive. Bucky drove past the turn to get to your dad’s house. 

“Bucky, you missed the turn.” you said, finally willing yourself to look at him. Instead of turning around, he just smirked and kept his eyes on the road. “Relax, doll. We’re making a pit stop” he said, moving his hand to rest on your thigh.

You could feel a fluttering feeling in your stomach as his hand inched up your leg. He was only inches from where you needed him, and he stopped. You practically whined. “Patience, doll.” he instructed.

You squirmed under his touch. You started to rub your thighs together, trying to get some friction and relieve a bit your discomfort. “You’re so needy, doll.” he said, his words practically making you moan.

He slipped his fingers into the waistband of your leggings. His fingers ran over your lace panties “God, you’re soaked. Do you need me that badly?” He asked, not moving his fingers. You nodded while biting your lip. You started to grind down on his hand, trying to get the release he was denying you.

“Look at you, so desperate for my touch. The least I can do is help you out, isn’t it?” he said, moving your panties to the side. He ran his fingers through your folds, collecting your wetness. Your hips bucked up and pushed against his hand.

He pushed two fingers into you at an agonizingly slow pace, curling his fingers as he began to pump them in and out of you. “Does that feel good?” He asked you, quickening his pace. You bit down on your lip and eagerly shook your head. 

“You don’t have to be quiet. I wanna hear you.” he commanded. His fingers hit your g-spot, causing you to call out his name. A cocky smirk grew on his face.

His thumb started to rub circles onto your clit. You threw your head back against the headrest. “Fuck- Bucky...faster please.” you begged him, breathlessly. His fingers sped up, ramming into you as you clenched your thighs around his hand. 

You could feel the coil in your abdomen begin to tighten. The pressure continued to build. “Bucky, I’m almost there.” you moaned. Then, the pressure disappeared. You noticed he had completely removed his hand from you. You also realized you were in his driveway. 

Bucky wiped his hand off on his jeans. “I was so close. My ex-boyfriend could never get me that close.” you complained, the last part said more to yourself.

“That was nothing, doll. I’m going to show you what it’s like with a real man.” he whispered, before pushing a piece of your hair behind your ear, “But not here in a car seat.”

You two exited the car once he had opened the doors. Taking hold of your hands, he dragged you inside his bedroom. He held your hands in his while he perched on the side of the bed. 

You felt your nerves hit you like a brick wall. Realizing how much this may alter your life just now. After having sex with your father's closest friend, there was no turning back.

He moved his hand to cup your face. “Doll, before we do anything, I want to make sure that you’re really okay with this.” he said, gently. You pressed a light kiss against his lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” you admitted, looking into his eyes.

That was all that he needed. He dragged you into his lap by grabbing your waist. As soon as you made eye contact, your hands found themselves in his hair. Rolling your hips into his, you tried to generate as much friction as you could.

He pushed you off his lap, and then pulled your leggings down your legs. You stepped out of them and stepped towards him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you finish before. I wanted to be able to watch you cum for me.” he said, kissing your temple. 

Then, his eyes lit up. He patted his thigh. “Sit right here for me” he said, gently. You straddled his thigh. “Can I?” you asked, softly. With great anticipation, he nodded his head and put his hands on your hips. You ground against his thigh, rolling your hips forward.

“Cum on my thigh, doll. I wanna watch you.” he said, watching you. You rested your arms on his shoulders as you slid yourself back and forth on his thigh. The harsh material of his blue jeans only added more friction. 

A soft whine passed your lips. “That’s it, baby. You’re doing so well.” he said, placing light kisses along your jawline. His words only turned you on more. You could feel a warm feeling in your stomach as you got closer to your peak.

“Bucky- Fuck, I’m almost...there.” you moaned, breathlessly. The coil came back and got more tighter. He started to increase the friction by bouncing his leg up and down. "Oh...Bucky, fuck," you exclaimed as your hips swung more quickly. Overwhelmed by ecstasy, you closed your eyes. All that was left of you was a whimpering mess. “What a wonderful job, princess. Let go for me.” he murmured.

You fell over the edge; your vision went white. Your hips slowed down, and you leaned against Bucky’s shoulders. You panted as you came down from your high.

“You are so beautiful” he said, peppering kisses up and down your neck. You noticed his bulging cock against your leg. “I want to make you feel good too.” you said, starting to unbuckle his belt.

He grabbed your wrists and stopped you, “You don’t have to do that. I just wanna be inside of you, doll” he told you. You pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. He used his metal arm to flip you over. You watched him as he stepped out of his boxers, and his cock sprung free. You watched it slap against his stomach. You clenched your thighs together as he thought about having his large cock ramming into you.

He stroked himself a few times. You whimpered to yourself, and your hand found itself inside your panties. “Doll…” he said, scolding you. You quickly removed your hand and looked back into his eyes.

“I can’t wait to fill you up and have your tight pussy wrapped around me.” he said, crawling on top of you. As you pulled him up to kiss you, you cupped his face. One of your hands caressed his length and he groaned into your lips. 

He casually tossed your panties away after dragging them down your legs. He made light figure-eight drawings on your clit to tease you. You took off your T-shirt in a hurry. When he saw that you were wearing the dark red bra, he stopped what he was doing.

“Fuck” he muttered under his breath. You noticed that his cock was throbbing. “Your tits look so fuckin’ good in this bra.” he said, cupping your breasts through the bra.

You reached around your back to unclip the bra, but he stopped you. “Don’t!” he practically growled, “Keep it on. I want to fuck you while you wear it” he said, not moving his eyes from the lacy material. Then, without warning, he pushed into you.

He watched as your face contorted in pleasure. “You’re so fucking big.” you moaned as you wrapped your arms around  his neck, holding on as he thrusted into you. He smirked down at you, “You’re taking me so well, doll” he moaned in your ear. You grabbed onto his shoulders, leaving little crescent indents. You moaned as he continued to stretch you out.

Your walls clenched around him. Your eyes rolled back, and you threw your head back against the pillow. “I’m getting close, doll. You’re so fucking tight” he moaned. 

You pulled him into a kiss, “Need you to be faster.” you begged him. He paid attention, increased his pace, and lowered his thumb to gently stroke your clit.

You could feel the coil tightening in your stomach. “Close” you mumbled. He moaned out your name as he quickened his pace. “You gonna cum with me?” he asked you, and you quickly nodded your head. It was like he was in overdrive. He was ramming into you. The room echoed with the sound of your skin smacking together and the mattress creaking. He continued to accelerate, seeking his pleasure.

“Doll…” he moaned, and then you could feel him cum inside of you. It was enough to send you over the edge, and your orgasm hit you. “Oh shit…” he moaned, as your walls tightened around him.

You could sense your own heartbeat. For a long time, none of you moved as you lay there. You both made an effort to regain your breath.

Eventually, he pulled out of you and then cleaned you both up. As he went into the bathroom you quickly dressed yourself. “What are you doing?” he asked, pacing over you. “I, uh, I’m getting ready to leave. Don’t worry I’ll call a cab.” Bucky quickly stopped your rambling, putting his hand on your shoulder. “Stay.” he whispered, “Call your dad and say you’re staying over at a friend's house. I’m not gonna let you walk away after what we just did.” You nodded, smiling to yourself.

“God, you’re so beautiful” he said, pulling you in for another kiss. “Bucky, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. No man is ever going to measure up to that.” you whispered. He smirked to himself, proud of his work, “Well I guess it’s good that this wasn’t a one-time thing.” he said, running his fingers up your arm. You had a fluttering feeling in your stomach as you listened to what he said, “It wasn’t?” You asked him, raising your eyebrows.

“Hell no, doll.” he said, before pulling you in for round two.

Masterlist

[iizora]

Hi! Can I ask for a Reader x Rumi where here Reader is a Solo Artist like IU and have known the girls way before the movie started.

The reader and Rumi have been rivals since their Trainee days (but what it really is, is Rumi and Reader having a crush on each other and not knowing how to deal with it and being in denial when Zoey and Mira point it out) so when the rivalry with the saja boys happens the reader is jealous and goes to the signing event to sort of kinda but not really ask Rumi if she's replacing her with the pretty boy which sort of develops into her confessing to Rumi indirectly when Rumi asks if she's jealous or something. (Inspired by ruruumin's mira x reader true rivals)

Denial is a river in Egypt

I didn't read the fic because I am scared that if I do I'll doubt my writing ability and then I'll never get it done because it might not be up to your standards. I hope you liked this

Another one of your performances was ruined due to demons. the concert didn't go too smoothly causing it to end early so you could probably despos of them.

it's going to cause major backlash but you'd rather that then ask huntrix for help. Rumi would never let you hear the end of it despite being trainees together in the past, your relationship with her was never good.

She was too bossy and held you back from what felt like your true potential. The freedom you got from singing on stage like a bird in the endless sky was everything.

Leaving was still hard moving away from your teacher and friends no matter how much you hated a person those memories still stung and hurt your wings on stage never fully lifting off the ground.

You often visited, arrange meetings, and etc. each time you did though the mood would get a bit weird with you and rumi face heating up from the close proximity in the car ride bickering like a married couple all the time.

But sometimes you wonderd what it would be like to stand next to her for old times sake flying together instead of being apart. was the voice in your head really telling you that Rumi was really as bad as you thought she was or is something in your heart preventing you from thinking it.

Phone buzzing for the third time in a row not needing to know who it is answering the call heart beating at the sound of Celine's voice on the other line "reader you let another demon attack happen during a concert. I've tried to be patient with you but this solo rebellion of yours needs to end sooner or later" she hissed voice cutting your chest like a knife but she was right you couldn't do this on your own as much as you hated to admit you needed them... Needed rumi.

"Am sorry celine it won't happen again."

"It better not... Reader I know I might sound harsh but please come to me if something is wrong" her voice sounded worried but it quickly cut off by the harsh deep from your phone ending the call looking out at the Honmoon. Even apart the your joint efforts made it glow brighter than ever you were so close to making it gold so close to proving to yourself that you don't really need them as much as you think you do, but you knew that was a lie to.

The next day your made a decision you're going to check up on huntrix just out of curiosity heading towards there agency and up the elevator to their room with determination maybe they were also somewhat struggling.

To your embarrassment they seemed fine.. A little to fine the kind of fine that makes you suspicious, then just to be proven wrong, but you're actually right kind of fine! And you're gonna figure out what's going on. The whole time you and Rumi were down each other's necks trying to push out answers.

"They are totally trying to flirt" Zoey chuckled in the background of your bickering making Mira snort out laughing. "Zoey!" Your heads snapped in sync to where they were laughing right when booby entered with some bad news not even minding that you're here. "Aha! There is something" you grinned to yourself as bobby showed the saja boys new hit single wiping them off the charts you could laugh if it wasn't so pathetic.

"Zoey control those shoulders" the two girls yelled in frustration but in her defense it was kinda catchy. You took your leave but made sure rumi saw the massive smirk on your face as you did at the arrival of saja boys.

Looking back on that moment you never wanted to slap yourself in the face more at the arrogance. you didn't think the saja boys would have been such a threat to you and your pride but rumi does is go after them. Why? I mean where they close? A ex lover in the group maybe? And why would you care out of all people what rumi does with her time.

If there was something going on she would have told you not because of your closeness or anything but just to rub the fact she's in a relationship before you. And the signing event was the perfect way to make sure she couldn't avoid you.

5:pm was the time you woke up none of your staff was here so you could slip away undetected and wait till they open. 12:30 am the doors started to open seeing rumi made your heart skip a beat your view of her face was thankfully blocked so she couldn't see your face or the hint of blush. "Bring a chair for the saja boys" you heard bobby's voice head slowly looking up in front of you to see them.

Blood boiling with anger caused careless action to reveal yourself to the crowd causing some of your fans at the signing to cheer "quick bring a chair" booby instructed smirking as you took your seat next to rumi satisfied that she wouldn't be alone with that jerk.

"What are you doing here" she gritted her teeth trying to look happy for the fans you couldn't help but keep your sly smile "just wanted to check up on my favorite singer. It's such a coincidence I was just walking by and here you were" fluttering your eyes at her. she just muttered liar before turning her face away to you and towards the dark haired Sana boy counseling the blush that was over powering her makeup.

Just the thought of her facing him was irritating "Rumi look at me" pulling her hand away from her face tangling it into your's locking eyes "why do you care about him so much" voice laced with jealousy "that's none of your business" returning your eye contact the look of irritation plastered on her face. "What do you mean its none of my business were supposed to be friends rumi"

"Don't say that. Were not and will never be" tone harsh but fair you've never put in an effort to be friends "Rumi... Please just tell me that you aren't replacing me with them. That's all I want to know then I'll get out of your enormous hair" your was heart shattered you just needed that reinsurance to leave. Breaking eye contact at her silence then the following chuckles using her hand to lift your chin up "don't tell me your jealous" her teasing tone made you blush "am not!" Sound much louder than the whisper talk you were using "no one could replace you" hand leaving your chin wrapping itself into yours so you couldn't leave her side.

The whole time you were there she had a tight grip on your arm and the biggest smile any of her fans have ever seen it made you completely forget about the same boys because you were just so irreplaceable to her.

[universefcb]

Heyyy queen could you do a fanfic for cubarsi?

Like where reader and him are on vacation and she’s like scared of the water so he is patient with her and slowly gets in the water with her and is the whole time by her side 🌊🩵

BLUE SEA, CALM HEART

→ Pairing: Pau Cubarsí X fem!reader

→ Warning: Mention of Reader. Fluff, confort.

→ Author's note: Photos by @footballerimaginess but the frame and effect were made by me.

And sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.I hope this is what you asked for!

The sky was such a vibrant blue that it looked like it had been hand-painted, as if each brushstroke had been made with that morning in mind. The sound of the sea was constant, lulling the scene with its natural and hypnotic melody. Gentle waves broke on the sand, forming white foam that flowed back delicately. The salty breeze tousled the hair and brought the fresh smell of the water, mixed with the light scent of freshly applied sunscreen.

It was summer. The kind that feels like a gift. And Pau Cubarsí smiled as if he knew it.

The rented house on the Costa Brava had a wooden balcony, windows open to the sea and a hammock gently swaying in the wind. It was the kind of place that made time slow down. That made any worries seem small. It was just the two of them, together, with bare feet, light hearts and a silent promise to live every second of that vacation as if the world outside didn't exist.

Pau had been in the water for a few minutes now. There was a calmness to the way he moved that caught your attention—he swam steadily but unhurriedly, as if each dive were a silent dance with the ocean. The muscles on his chest and shoulders glistened in the sun, and the drops of water ran slowly down his dark skin. Every now and then, he turned his face toward the shore, looking for her.

She was there. Standing right on the edge of the sand, her feet sunk in the wettest part, where the tide lapped gently. She was wearing a light blue bikini and a sarong tied around her waist, but it wasn't the outfit that kept her from going into the water. It was fear. The fear I'd had since I was little. The discomfort that I hid with a shy smile.

His eyes locked onto hers.

“Honey?” he called, his voice full of affection, raising one of his arms as if inviting her for a hug from a distance. “Come. It’s delicious here.”

She hesitated, looking away to the horizon.

Her heart was beating faster. It wasn't just because of the water. It was because of him too. Because she didn't want to disappoint him. Because she didn't want him to see her as weak. But at the same time, her fear was greater than her desire.

Pau understood everything. He always understood.

He stepped out of the water with calm steps, his body dripping wet and his skin still covered in goosebumps from the dive. The sand stuck to his feet and shins, but he didn't care. His eyes were only on her. When he got close, he extended his hand, but didn't touch her right away. He waited for her to look at him.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his voice lower, almost a whisper.

She bit her lower lip, embarrassed.

“I… never learned to swim,” he confessed, almost in a whisper. “I always panic when the water starts rising. I freeze.”

Pau didn’t react with surprise. Or laughter. Or judgment. Instead, he simply nodded with such genuine affection that it made her want to cry. He moved a little closer and held her hands carefully, as if he were holding something precious.

“Thank you for telling me that.”

She let out a shaky sigh, as if expecting some kind of disappointment.

But what he received was a long kiss on the forehead. A gesture full of tenderness, which said more than any words.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” he said, running his thumb over the back of her hand. “But if you do, I’ll stay with you. Every step. Slowly. I swear I won’t let go.”

Her eyes filled with emotion. He made it seem easy to trust. With him, even fear seemed lighter.

The warm sand massaged her feet as they walked to the line where the sea kissed the beach. Pau walked beside her, not pulling or rushing her. His hand intertwined with hers conveyed security. With each step, she felt her heart tighten a little… and then loosen when she looked at him.

The water reached her ankles, ice-cold. She shivered.

“Everything okay so far?” he asked with a smirk.

“Yes,” he replied, with a small nod.

They walked a little further. The tide was now up to their knees. She stopped. Fear began to spread through her chest again.

“Breathe,” he said. “Feel the wind, the smell of the sea. I’m with you. I’ll stay here, remember?”

She took a deep breath, the salty air rushing into her lungs.

“One step at a time, right?”

Pau nodded proudly.

The water was rising slowly. Almost to her waist now. She began to shiver, her body tensing, her hands gripping tighter. But he didn’t let go. Instead, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Look. If I hold you like this… you float. You don’t have to do anything. Just trust.”

“Trust the sea?”

“No. In me.”

She looked him in the eyes. And then she nodded.

Pau smiled, and gently eased her back slightly, resting her on his arms. The water wrapped around her body like a liquid blanket. Her heart was pounding, but there was a new peace there. A kind of relief that only comes when someone holds you so tightly that the fear melts away.

“See? You can do it,” he said, his eyes shining. “You’re doing so well.”

She smiled. A wet smile, somewhere between a nervous laugh and the joy of overcoming something with him.

“This is almost magical.”

“Almost nothing,” he laughed. “It’s totally magical. And you’re the most beautiful witch on the entire beach.”

She laughed more lightly, letting her body relax on the water. After a few minutes of floating, she stood up, still holding his hand.

"Thanks."

"Why?"

“For not laughing. For not pushing me. For not thinking it’s silly. For being so… you.”

He smiled, and his eyes said it all.

“Thank you… for letting me be that person with you. It’s an honor. And just for the record… I will never leave you alone. Even if the sea is rough. Even if you’re scared. I will stay. I always will.”

She pulled his face close and kissed him. It was a calm, moist, sweet kiss. One of those that only exist when there is true love. There, between soft waves and shy smiles, two hearts discovered that love also lives in patience. In care. In the simple gesture of not letting go of each other's hands.

Then they came out of the water together, lying on the warm sand, wrapped in a large towel. The sun was beginning to set in the sky, painting everything with orange and gold tones. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, and sighed, finally at peace.

“Do you think one day I’ll swim alone?”

Pau smiled, running his fingers through her hair.

“I think that one day you will swim until you pull me by the hand and say: 'Come, now I will guide you'.”

She laughed, her eyes closing slightly at the heat of the moment.

“But until that happens…”

“Until that happens, I’ll stay here. By your side. One step at a time.”

Taglist: @paucubarsisimp @nngkay @meganesanchez @htpssgavi @merinott @luvvpedri @moonvr @joaosnovia @httpsdana @ilovebarcaaaa @p4uul0vr @pedricando @barcapix @owala6789

[deansbeer]

HIIII idk if u remember me but i dm'ed u about ur 40s!dean bot couple of months ago or smth(⁠T⁠T⁠) love ur works and bots queen!!!

so since ur reqs are open now i wanna ask if u have any thoughts on young jensen like in his late teens-early 20s because im wild about him in this era. fluff or smut doesn't matter I'll eat anything with this man on it

hi, sweet angel, i do remember you!! thank you so sooo much 🤍 since you gave me free will, i paired him up with model!reader, since i feel the 90s were very fashion and modeling centered (???) i don’t know lmaoo, but yeah <3

warnings 𓏵 smut | fluff | mentions of alcohol | industry pressures | struggling times | intimidation/nervousness around successful people | semi-public sex | period-typical 90s stuff (?) | oral sex (both f&m receiving) | overstimulation | car sex. (i’m definitely missing some, but i’m too tired to check)

[ cutesy type shit ]

you meet jensen at some industry mixer in a cramped west hollywood penthouse, the kind where everyone’s trying too hard to look like they’re not trying at all. he’s nursing the same beer all night because he can’s afford another one, wearing a dark flannel that’s seen better days over a white tee. when someone introduces you as “that girl from the guess campaign,” he gets this deer-in-headlights look before recovering with ”oh cool, i think i saw that on sunset boulevard.” (he definitely stared at that billboard every time he drove past it).

he’s so broke in those early days, like scary broke. you catch him at craft services during a modeling gig where he’s doing background work, loading up napkins with bagels and fruit “for later.” instead of calling him out, you just start inviting him to lunch after shoots. he always protests at first — “nah, i’m good, i got...” — until you say it’s your treat. his pride takes a hit but his empty stomach wins.

jensen’s got this beat-up toyota corolla that makes concerning noises when it turns left. you’re used to drivers and being driven around, but there’s something charming about him picking you up for dates in his piece of shit car, apologizing when he has to slam the door three times to get it to close properly. “sorry, she’s temperamental. like an old cat.” the radio only gets two stations clearly — classic rock and spanish — so you learn all the words to the songs that had a catchy tune or beat whether you wanted to or not.

he lives with three other aspiring actors in a two-bedroom apartment. the first time you come over, he spends twenty minutes frantically cleaning, which apparently just means shoving everything into closets and spraying an entire can of febreze. his roommate walks out in boxers halfway through your movie date and jensen looks like he wants to die. “dude, i told you she was coming over!” “oh shit, this is her? nice.”

watching him at auditions is painful in the sweetest way. he practices his lines in the car beforehand, running them over and over until you have them memorized too. when he comes out and you ask how it went, he always shrugs and says “probably terrible”even though you know he nailed it. the day he books his first real speaking role (two lines on sweet valley high), he picks you up and spins you around in the parking lot.

he intimidated by your modeling career at first, not in a macho way but in a “what are you doing with me?” way. you catch him looking at your magazine spreads with this expression like he can’t quite believe you’re real. “you know you could date like... actual famous people, right?” he says one night. you shut him up by kissing him senseless. he never brings up the topic again. and if he does, it’s because he loves when you slam your lips on his as a way of shutting him up.

jensen writes his parents these long letters every sunday, telling them he’s doing great, bookings are rolling in, everything’s perfect. you watch him carefully craft these lies with the sweetest intentions, not wanting them to worry. when he finally books days of our lives, the first person he calls is his mom. you can hear her crying in glee through the phone.

he’s weird about money in that prideful small-town texas boy way. when you try to pay for dinner at nice places, he gets this look like you’ve physically wounded him. you learn to be sneaky about it — “accidentally” leaving your card at the bar, telling him you have a gift certificate that’s “about to expire” he knows what you’re doing but eventually stops fighting it.

late nights at denny’s become your thing. 2am grand slams after you wrap a shoot, him coming from waiting tables at some beverly hills restaurant where they make him wear a lil’ bow tie. he does impressions of the customers, you tell him about the photographer who made everyone do nude yoga, and somehow these fluorescent-lit conversations feel more romantic than any fancy date ever.

the way he looks at your portfolio is different from how other guys in the industry do. instead of that calculating, “what can you do for me” gaze, he studies each photo like it’s art. asks about the locations, the photographers, if you were cold during that beach shoot. he remembers every detail you tell him!

when he’s learning lines, you help him run scenes. you’re terrible at it, of course, making him break character and laugh when you dramatically overact the nurse or secretary role. “baby, that’s not... i’ve never heard anybody talk like that.” “excuse me, i'm giving you range.” he starts requesting you specifically as his scene partner, swearing you’re his good luck charm. and he never ever criticizes your bad acting, always finding it amusing.

jensen gets star-struck in the weirdest ways. not by the big names but by working character actors he recognizes from childhood shows. “holy shit, that’s the guy from murder she wrote!” he’ll whisper-yell in your ear at catering, making you giggle. but when actual celebrities hit on you at parties, he just gets quiet and holds your hand a little tighter.

he keeps every magazine you’re in, even the random catalogs and newspaper inserts. you find them stacked neatly in his closet one day. “it’s not weird,” he defends, ears red. “i just... when you’re famous-famous, these’ll be worth something.” you both know that’s not why he keeps them.

summer days by his apartment complex’s questionable pool become your escape. he’s self-conscious about being pale (tv auditions always want that california tan), so you lie on cheap loungers and quiz him on lines while he slowly burns then freckles. the pool is probably 40% chlorine but it’s free and private-ish, minus the kids doing cannonballs

he practices his headshot poses on you, trying to find his “angles.” you teach him the modeling tricks — how to find his light, the tiny chin movements that make all the difference. he feels ridiculous but listens intently, and when his new headshots book him three auditions in a week, he credits you entirely.

[ freaks come out at night type shit ]

that texas boy thing extends to the bedroom — all “yes ma’am” and polite restraint until you make it clear what you want. then something shifts. he’s got this whole southern gentleman act that dissolves the second you climb into his lap, his hands gripping your hips like he’s been thinking about it all day (news flash, he has).

car sex becomes a necessity when you both have roommates. his Toyota’s backseat is barely big enough but you make it work, windows fogging up in some lonely parking garage at 1am. he jokes about feeling like a teenager until you do that thing with your tongue that makes him forget how to speak.

he’s got a praise kink a mile wide, even if he doesn’t know that’s what it’s called. the first time you tell him how good he feels, how perfect he is, he actually whimpers. gets this desperate look like he needs to hear more, so you tell him exactly what he does to you, how he’s ruining you for anyone else, and he loses it completely.

jensen’s possessive in this quiet, intense way. not jealous of your job — he’d never — but when photographers get too handsy or male models hit on you, you see that jaw clench. that night he fucks you like he’s trying to mark you, sucking bruises low on your hips where they won’t show on camera, making you say his name until your throat turns hoarse.

hotel rooms after your out-of-town shoots become your paradise. he drives hours to meet you in random cities when he can scrape together gas money. shows up tired and scruffy from the road, but the second that door closes, he’s all over you. months of sexual tension worked out on random hotel sheets.

he’s absolutely obsessed with going down south on you, could spend hours between your thighs if you’d let him. gets actually upset when you try to pull him up, mumbling “not done yet, darlin’” against your skin. you learn to just let him have his way, gripping his hair while he takes you apart for the third time.

the first time you blow him in his car after an audition, he nearly puts his fist through the window. “fuck, fuck, baby you can’t— ‘m gonna—” barely gets the words out before he’s coming everywhere, then apologizes for like twenty minutes after. you shut him up by climbing onto his lap and riding him until he stops talking entirely.

he’s surprisingly dominant once he gets comfortable, that whole ‘yes ma’am’ thing morphing into him calling the shots. pins your wrists above your head and makes you beg for what you want. “that’s not very specific, sweetheart. tell me exactly where ya need me.” makes you spell it out while he smirks down at you.

quickies in your agency’s bathroom become risky routine. you on the counter, legs wrapped around his waist, his hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. the thrill of maybe getting caught, ruining both your reputations, only makes it hotter. he always fixes your hair after, makes sure you look perfect before you go back out.

phone sex while he’s working late shifts at that fancy beverly hills restaurant. he huddles in the back alley on his break, whispering filthy things while you touch yourself in your empty apartment. “wish i could see you right now, bet you look so pretty falling apart.” his voice gets rougher when he’s close, forgetting to be quiet. he almost got caught once by his boss who stepped out for a smoke and he played it off as if he were trying to scare away a raccoon he’d found digging in the trash cans outside.

that texas stamina is no joke. young and eager and so focused on making you feel good. recovers stupid fast, ready to go again while you’re still catching your breath. “just gimme five minutes,” you pant. “i can wait,” he says, then proceeds to kiss down your spine until you’re begging for more and more rounda.

he’s got this thing about marking you where others can’t see. loves leaving bruises on your inner thighs, bite marks on your ribs, fingerprints on your hips. gets off on you being at some fancy shoot, knowing what’s hidden underneath all the designer clothes you wore. “think about that when they’re posing you,” he murmurs, admiring his handiwork.

hotel balconies at golden hour become your favorite risk. you in his lap on some tiny chair, sundress hiked up, him trying to keep quiet as you ride him slowly. the city spread out below, chance of being seen from other buildings, his hands bruising your thighs as he fights not to thrust up into you.

he starts getting more confident as pilot season approaches, that nervous energy manifesting in the best ways. fucks you against his apartment door when his roommates are home, hand over your mouth, daring you to stay quiet. takes you in casting office bathrooms, in his car in broad daylight, anywhere he can get you alone for ten minutes.

the night he books his first series regular role, you celebrate in every room of your quiet apartment. kitchen counter, shower wall, living room floor — he’s insatiable, high on success and possibility. keeps saying your name like a prayer, like you’re his breath of fresh air, like he plans to keep you forever. “gonna move us somewhere better,” he promises between kisses. “gonna give you everything.”

you believe him. because in your eyes, jensen can do anything.

[hockeyboistrash]

i wanna be the one you call | m.k

So here it is. The first part to my firefighter au. This has been cooking for a while after reading @theonottsbxtch amazing firefighter!oscar fic (which you should definitely check out) I’d also like to thank @captain-huggy-bear for listening to me talk your ear off about this au 🫶🏻

I’ll put warnings up for each chapter but generally there will be mentions of blood and accidents because ya know they’re firefighters. I don’t go into too much detail though.

chapter summary: after another failed date, michael is ready to give up on finding love. however, bumping into you changes that. chapter warnings: none

masterlist

Michael walked down the quiet street, a takeout box in his hand. Another failed date to add to the ever growing list. This time she didn't even stay for dessert. That's what was in the box he was carrying, the cake he had ordered for the two of them. Now he was taking it home to eat by himself as he watched trashy tv. Michael didn't know what he did this time. It was always the same criticisms. He was either too loud, too much, or his job got in the way. He couldn't help it though because that's just who he was. Michael was someone who loved with his entire heart and that included his job as a firefighter. 

When Michael rounded the corner he was met with someone climbing a tree. It wasn’t a super tall one but enough for a cat to get stuck which is what the stranger seems to be doing. The tree was one of multiple that lined the street, bringing greenery to the area. It was currently spring going into summer, the trees losing their blossom to make way for the deep green leaves. 

You thought it’d be a quick rescue, you’d entice the cat enough that they’d get closer to you so you could grab them. The cat however had other ideas, deciding to climb up to the branch above. “Oh come on.” You groaned. You knew exactly who this cat belonged to. The fluffy ginger cat belonged to Mrs Hardy. You wish that woman would keep George inside because it’s not the first time he’s got stuck, and probably won’t be the last. That cat has a proclivity for high places and yet is scared of heights.

You were so close to reaching the cat when you felt your foot slip. You shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the contact with the pavement below but it never came. Instead you were met with a pair of strong arms catching you before you hit the floor. You slowly opened your eyes to a pair of brown ones looking back at you, searching your face to make sure you weren't hurt. “You okay?” Michael asked, gently placing you down. His hand still ghosted your side making sure you were steady. 

You nodded, struggling to string together a sentence. Any and all coherent thoughts were gone. The man who caught you was tall and handsome, his voice was deep. The sleeves of his button up shirt were rolled up showing off his tattoos. It made your stomach do flips. “I’m good, thank you.” You managed to get out just as the cat miraculously got down from the tree when his owner called him, trotting off like he wasn’t just stuck. 

“Mrs Hardy’s cat?” Michael asked, familiar with the cat's antics and recognising the area to be where he hung out. 

“Yep.” You confirmed with a giggle. It was contagious. Michael couldn’t help but join in.

“I’m Michael by the way.” He introduced himself. You told him your name and he repeated it, memorising the way it sounds coming out of his mouth. 

“I should probably let you go on your date.” You said after a moment of silence. It wasn’t awkward but rather comfortable. You couldn’t quite explain why you felt relaxed around him. He was a stranger yet you didn’t want to leave.

“Oh I’m actually coming from a date but she left halfway through.” Michael admitted, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Well it’s her loss.” You told him. “And leaving before trying the best cake in town? She’s missing out.” Michael couldn’t help but smile at that. You were so confident in your words that he knew you weren’t saying it to try and make him feel better but that you actually meant them. 

“D-do you wanna share it?” He asked, gesturing to the takeout box he was carrying. He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his, worried that you would laugh in his face and walk away. Kinda like the other girls did. You weren’t like those girls though and Michael was quick to learn that. 

“O-okay. Yeah sure. I’d like that.” You said. The two of you then began walking towards the bench that was just up the road. You were side by side, your hands brushing. You could feel your hand twitch, the urge to hold his hand was strong. 

Michael sat down next to you, not leaving any space between you. His leg and shoulder pressed against yours. It wasn’t difficult though due to Michaels size. The two of you took it in turns taking a bit of cake, talking about random things. To an outsider passing by you wouldn’t be able to tell that you have just met. 

Even with the cake finished you still sat on the bench talking. The sun began setting, casting an orange glow on the street. Michael looked at you, really looked at you. The way your eyes twinkled in the sun, the way little dimples appear when you smile. He reached up, his hand cupping your cheek. His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips. You leaned forward, your nose brushing his. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to taste his lips on yours, the slight sweetness from the cake. You were going to kiss him but then his phone rang interrupting you both. Michael groaned as he looked at his phone. He mumbled that he had to take it and stepped away.

When Michael came back to the bench his smile was gone. “I-I’m so sorry. I have to go. That was work. There’s an emergency and-”

“It’s okay.” You assured him with a huge smile, placing your hand on his arm. Relief washed over Michael. He wasn’t expecting that reaction. His last girlfriend always got upset at him for being called into work unexpectedly during their dates. He couldn’t help it though. It wasn’t like fires stopped burning because he was on a date. “Here.” You said, reaching for a bit of scrap paper to write your number down. “That’s my number. You can message me if you want. I heard the lemon cake is good.” 

“Yeah. Yes definitely.” Michael said, unable to hide his excitement. 

-x-

The grin never left Michael’s face and his friends noticed. They had just come back from the call and sat down at the table to eat. Logan and Josh snickered between them, gesturing to how engrossed in his phone Michael was, ignoring the food on his plate. “Take it the date went well then?” Logan spoke up. 

“No, she left halfway through.” He told him. Some of the other guys had stopped what they were doing, curious about what Michael was telling them. They loved hearing about his dating life, or lack of. 

“Then why are you grinning like an idiot? Josh asked. “Well more than usual.”

“I- err- I met someone.” Michael admitted. He didn’t know why he let it slip knowing full well the guys will tease him for the next couple of weeks, months even. “I saved her from falling out of a tree, we talked, and then she gave me her number.” The guys cheered and hollered, happy for their friend.

“Have you texted her yet?” John asked, leaning in between Michael and Logan. 

“No, I-I don’t know what to say.” 

Jack sighed, plucking Michael’s phone out of his hand. “All you need to put is ‘Hey, it’s Michael, the guy who saved your life. Are you free this weekend? I’d love to see you again’.” He said as he typed out the message. “And send.”

“What?! Why did you send it?!” Michael exclaimed, snatching his phone out of Jack’s hands. 

“Because you were never going to text her.” He said, holding his hand up while the other snickered. It was probably true. Michael was so scared to mess things up that he didn’t want to text you. 

As soon as the text sent a chime could be heard from the entryway. Everyone in the dining room glanced at each other before rolling back in their chairs to see who it was. There was no way the girl Michael had texted was in the firehouse, right?

“Guys. That’s her.” Michael whispered, afraid that you’d somehow hear him. 

“Wow she’s pretty.” Josh said, earning an elbow in his side.

“How does she know Cap’?” Logan asked, watching as you and Clay greeted each other with a hug. 

“That’s his sister.” Alex said out of nowhere, sat on the couch reading the newspaper. Everyone but Michael started laughing, finding it funny that the girl he was talking to and was interested in turned out to be their captain’s sister. 

Michael excused himself, needing somewhere quiet to think. He chose the floor where the fire engines are parked when they weren’t out on a call. He started cleaning one of them, berating himself that he almost kissed his Captain's sister. That he saved her life then shared some cake. He had to have the worst luck in his lovelife. There was no way he could continue the relationship. Not only does it break the unspoken rule of ‘don’t date your friend's sister’ but Michael owed everything to Clay and he couldn’t ruin his trust.

“You didn’t tell me you were a firefighter.” You said, leaning against the fire engine. You clearly spotted the firefighter before he could hide, not that you could be stealthy at six foot five.

Michael sighed. He was going to do it. He was going to end your relationship before it could even start. “I don’t think we should go out again.” Michael said, looking straight ahead, not being able to look at you knowing he would lose any resolve. “Your brother is my captain and I think it’d be best if we cooled it. I-I’m sorry.”

You bobbed your head, trying not to let him see how affected you were by his words. “Okay then. I’ll see you around I guess.” You rushed out, wanting to leave quickly so you could break down crying in your car. You were hopeful that this time was different, that you had met a genuine guy who was interested in you. Instead you were destined for heartbreak.

[ms-demeanor]

Hiya I have a quick question, I was helping someone with something and they've been using PayPal's direct debit thingy which says it gets you paid faster but like I was like lmao why do you need this sort of thing (like we have stuff in the UK which can give you predatory payday advances like micro loans and there's some companies which do some other predatory stuff with payday advance payments for like financial collateralisation) but like during chatting with them they said it was pretty normal for companies in the USA to still give people cheques and you then have to cash them which takes like 7 days?

Like seriously is that still super common? You don't have like first of all that's a long time ours is max like 4 days and it can appear next day with some cheques, secondly what if you lose your cheque? Thirdly you don't just have automatic transfer? Like how many jobs literally give you a cheque? I've never had that even on my job which was a temp job for like one day doing ticketing they just pay straight into your account. The PayPal stuff said it includes government jobs what???

Checks/cheques are not uncommon in the US, and often they actually take 10 days to clear. Direct debit is becoming more common, but.

Okay.

SO. I got my first personal checking account with Washington Mutual when I was 19. It was a free checking account that didn't have any minimum deposits or requirements.

Washington mutual ate shit in the financial crisis and my bank closed. Chase picked up my account, but there was a $15 monthly fee and I had to carry a minimum of $100 in the account or they would close it. So I closed the Chase account because I couldn't afford it and for the next four or five years I would take my paychecks to the issuing bank, cash them there, and would hold on to the money. I had a credit card at this time, so I used to take cash from my cashed check to either a stationary store or walmart to buy a money order to pay my credit card. Sometimes I'd also cash my check at walmart, but you pay a fee for that and you don't pay a fee if you cash the check at the issuing bank.

I don't know what kinds of minimums and fees banks require in other places, but in the US banking can be expensive, especially if you have limited options nearby and rely on cash for anything.

Paypal is often a stand-in bank for people who either don't have bank accounts or whose bank accounts are difficult or expensive to use.

If you lose a check, you ask the person who issued it to cancel the old one and re-issue payment. I know that happened at least once with my paycheck. (Lost checks aren't like lost cash; to accept a check you need to verify that the person handing it to you is the account holder, which you do by checking their ID; I remember at the gun store we used to write this little cross on the corner of the check where we'd put the person's Driver's License number and our name and the date and something else to say who it was who took the check and verified the ID, so it wasn't like someone else could pick up a found check and use it to pay for something)

Most jobs can give you a check if you insist on it, but I think direct deposit is more common these days. I have uncashed checks from one job that I had for two hours and from a class action lawsuit filed by Denny's employees (I worked at Denny's for about a day, so my portion of the settlement was like seven dollars). I get my tax returns as a check, and older people still give checks as gifts sometimes.

The government payments to PayPal may be paychecks, but more likely it's for stuff like social security payments or tax returns.

[shinysobi]

love's labour lost (lee jihoon)

in the end, all he does is run away.

☆ lovers to strangers: lee jihoon x composer! reader ☆ w.c: 2.5k (shortest yet!) ☆ genres: idol au, angst, dissolution of a relationship, jihoon is an asshole here i'm sorry (or am i) based entirely on all my love ☆ written for bella's event !! thank you so much for letting me write this haha i had a lot of fun! ☆tagging: @bella-feed (bc it was her event) @mylovesstuffs (because she's the one who listens to me yap) @gyubakeries (my comrade in this mess) and @hannieoftheyear bc she loves a toxic romance masterlist

All my love has amounted to, is this. 

Jihoon doesn’t know where exactly he went wrong. He did the things that were expected of him, he said the right things, he went to the right places, met and schmoozed with the right people, and yet, at the end of the day, he was there, and they were not. 

Jihoon knows who he is, really. He knows he’s not the most expressive guy; knows he is a bit slow on the uptake, knows he comes off as intimidating and standoffish most of the time. He’s not the easiest guy to get close to, unfortunately. 

Which leaves him here, looking at the phone screen in dismay, rereading the final two texts he’s sent them. Even now, looking back at the relationship, he wants to ask, what happened? Where did he go wrong, where did they go wrong? There is nothing apparent within the texts; they’re meaningless, accounts of a bad day that Jihoon had been having, updates on his meals, everything that was mundane and bleak and yet, they contained so much of his heart. 

In the end, the conversation had petered out easily, like the final burst of a firework, there were no explosive arguments, no throwing things, no tears, nothing at all. No spark in his life, nothing that told him about the steady dissolution of something that went on for perhaps too long. Jihoon doesn’t know how to live life without them, and yet, somehow he does, muscle memory pulling him through the motions of the day with an accuracy that scares him at first. He wakes up, brushes his teeth, goes to the studio to write, and ends up staring at the blank pages of his diary for far longer than necessary. He goes to practise, goes through the motions of being a dancer with a degree of precision that scares him at first, but now, now he’s used to it. 

The rest of Seventeen leave him alone, whispering amongst themselves about how Jihoon has been pulling away from the world even more. Have you talked to him? They ask, and Jihoon has to use force to get Seungcheol out of his studio, an action that Cheol protests by sitting in front of his studio doors for an hour until they have schedules together. He’s supposed to be working on song lyrics for their upcoming album, but all he can think of is the last time he met her. It had been a hasty meeting, held in one of the many boardrooms at HYBE, and he kept avoiding her gaze as she tried to explain the new concepts that management wanted them to try out for the album. She had kept trying to meet his gaze, and he had kept avoiding her, feeling the weight of at least thirty pairs of eyes on his every reaction as she stumbled through her words and her scratch tracks. He had shook his head, trying to control his reactions as much as he could. She was a phenomenal writer, no doubt, but no one took her seriously, not in PLEDIS and HYBE, at least. When he stood up to present his work, with similar themes to hers, they all murmured compliments and nodded with positive affirmations. Out of the corner of his eye, Jihoon could see her shrink into her seat. She was never really someone who would speak up for herself, and Jihoon knew that. 

He doesn’t say anything, even when he knows he should. Instead, he sits back, and allows himself to take credit for her work, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach. Her eyes follow him for the whole day, a mix of sadness and something else entirely. Jihoon knows what that is, he just does nothing to change that look in them. 

She looks like a wounded animal, he realises that night at three a.m, sipping on coffee as he works on tracks sent by her on a single USB. the files always have the same names, nothing of note, nothing of importance. Just the name of the song she’s sending it in for, and the date and version of the file. There have been times where she’s sent in files with nothing but the name, Song Draft#1, or something like All My love, draft #2. He likes the way she writes these, likes the way her filenames leave nothing for him to question. On the other hand, Jihoon sends the producers and songwriters drafts named (very creatively) Vernon is being a bitch, or as on one single, memorable occasion, how do I kill Seokmin and bury his body without anyone knowing? They had looked at him like he was crazy, but really, Jihoon doesn’t mind. He likes being known as the crazy one, the problem child of the company. Jihoon remembers the one time he went on lockdown in the studio to make a whole album from scratch in a week, and the rest of the company gave him a wide berth, because really, no one wants to fuck with Lee Jihoon, the insufferable genius of Pledis. 

Which makes entire sense as to why she left him, of course. 

Jihoon is not a stranger to how awfully their relationship began. Even by his standards, the way he asked her out was shitty. They had been sitting in his studio, drinking coffee and working yet another late night, when he had turned to look at her, and said a single word, “chicken?”

“Huh?” she had asked, looking up from her laptop, “right now?”

“No, I mean later,” Jihoon had clarified, looking slightly exasperated at how slowly this was moving along, “chicken. Fried chicken. Do you want to get some with me?”

“Uh, sure.” She had turned back to her work, and Jihoon had nodded, murmuring, it’s a date, then. 

That was how it had begun. Jihoon knew he should not have begun a relationship, or even dated anyone like that, attaching himself to the first person who caught his eye after recovering from a breakup. He knows he should not do it, but he does it anyway. Watches as she gets grilled by higher-ups during meetings, watches as he opens his mouth to say something, but keeps quiet instead. Even his bandmates, people who barely knew her, tried to speak up when they could, but he kept his mouth shut. 

Why did he do that?

At first, it was to maintain distance, to maintain the farce that while they were professional colleagues during work hours, he was not pressing her up against the couch in his studio afterwards. A way to let himself know that the Lee Jihoon of Seventeen was a different person to producer Lee Jihoon, who was a different person to just Lee Jihoon, the man who was using a woman for his benefit. 

It all grew hot and cold, after a while. She stopped expecting things from him, he hadn’t been doing anything for her in the first place. Even with his growing guilt, Jihoon couldn’t stop going back to her day after day, taking whatever she gave, and leaving without giving anything in return. He had it down to a science, almost. 

They were caught once. Well, he was the one who was caught, and it was Seungkwan of all people, who had run into him one late night. Seungkwan was there for practice, and Jihoon was there because he wanted to unwind fuck in peace. They ran into each other in the company elevator, and Seungkwan just stared at him for three seconds, before opening his mouth, “don’t do this, hyung.”

Jihoon stared at him, too. What the hell? “What do you mean,” He’d asked, but from the look on Seungkwan’s face, any explanation was unnecessary. 

“Don’t hurt someone just because you’re hurting too, hyung,” Seungkwan muttered, before getting out of the elevator, “She’s not someone you can hurt and leave when you want to. No one is.”

With that, he was gone, leaving behind Jihoon, still in the elevator, thinking. Hewas free to do whatever he wanted, Seungkwan and his fucking stupid moral policing be damned. And she was an adult. She knew what he wanted, she knew what they were getting into. There was nothing that Jihoon had not told her, so this line of thinking was irrelevant. 

—

Slowly, things start to change. Jihoon suspects Seungkwan’s involvement, but without any proper proof, he can’t even charge the man with anything. She becomes slightly more confident, slightly more outgoing. Earlier, when he called her after work, she came running, no matter how busy she was. Now, he found himself waiting for hours for a reply, and even then, it was all noncommittal, nothing more than yes, maybe, or sorry, no, I’m busy. He got the second text far more often than the first one. 

And then one day, Vernon came into the studio, visibly excited, and started talking about her, “did you know?” He said, “she’s composing the music for this new film.”

“She is?” Jihoon can’t even hide how much it rankles, the news that she’s moved on beyond him, that now she’s begun work as a film composer, “which movie?”

Vernon, who apparently got the news from her, says the name, “it’s going to be shown at Jeonju International Festival, and the lead actor came here today! They finished production on the film, and he came to congratulate her and take a look at her workspace and all.”

Ah, so that was why. Jihoon doesn’t say anything, gives a grunt and goes back to his work, a sign that Vernon interprets as get out. He leaves his studio an hour later to go to the cafeteria, and he sees her eating with another person. The actor; he thinks, and then turns around to leave before she catches his eye. If he saw her, she would come over to greet him, he knew her well enough for that. 

And, he’s never seen her laugh that way 

—

Unfortunately, somewhere between using her for his emotional benefit and discovering she had moved on without him knowing, Jihoon’s feelings had changed. He now looked for her in every meeting; her absence rankled in a place that was not quite familiar to him before. Hell, he even missed the way she ate her food, it was a trivial detail, but now he remembers the way she would carefully arrange everything on her plate and obsess over calories, insisting that she needed to have a certain amount to not keel over and faint. 

Then the conversation peters out entirely. Even when she was actively ignoring his texts outside of work, she would respond to his emails, send over USBs with the song files she was working on, sit in on meetings to workshop lyrics. Those stop too, and now he gets USBs through harried interns who don’t know who they are from, or gets his emails rerouted to another (usually higher) person in charge. Nothing non-professional, nothing he can fault her for. It’s annoying. It’s fucking annoying, how in the end of this twisted fucking mess, Jihoon is only one with mud on his skin. He’s still the terrible toddler, she’s the one whose reputation is pristine. Jihoon didn’t much care for his reputation either way, but if he was getting called an asshole, with rumors of him pursuing and abandoning an employee, he wishes she were affected too. It's selfish to be thinking about another person like this, but Jihoon does not care. He wants everyone to suffer along with him. 

It’s been about a month now. Within this time, he’s been the worst version of himself, locked Cheol out of the studio, ignored everyone’s calls and threatened to kill Seokmin on three separate occasions, but it’s been a month. A month since she stopped responding, a month since he’s had any sort of news from her. He knows he doesn’t deserve it, but he craves it anyway. 

He runs into Seungkwan on the way to the studio one morning, and the younger man takes one look at him and shakes his head. Jihoon doesn’t say anything. He walks into the studio and closes the door behind him. 

“She’s left.”

Jihoon turns. Seungkwan had walked into the studio, and was looking at him with a mix of pain and contempt, “she’s left PLEDIS. Left HYBE.”

“Wait, what?” It’s his turn to not believe his ears, “who did?”

“The girl you were actively trying to fuck over, hyung, she left,” Seungkwan sighs, “and one more thing, I think it’s a good thing she did.”

“What?”

“She’s now a fully-fledged film composer, hyung,” Seungkwan replies, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “she’s composing scores for two more upcoming films and one television drama. She no longer needs PLEDIS.”

The subtext is clear. 

Jihoon says nothing, just allows Seungkwan to leave. 

—

Three months later, her film premiered at Jeonju International Film Festival. Four of them go; make a show of it, as per Cheol’s orders. He wasn’t aware of what Jihoon did. If he knew, he wouldn’t have let Jihoon go. Anyway, the four of them go, in show of support for an ex-coworker. It’s too much, even for them, he thinks, who the hell organised this? 

He gets his answer before the show, when Vernon shakes her hand enthusiastically, grinning, “I knew you’d be a phenomenal film composer.”

She doesn’t even look at him. 

They take their seats, it’s refreshing to be in a crowd of cinephiles where no one cares about who the hell SEVENTEEN are. Jihoon settles down into his seat, and the starting credits roll. 

The score remains with him even after the film ends. Jihoon doesn’t care for movies, not like Vernon does anyway, so he focuses on the score; which is haunting, stretching like a yawning cat over the expanse of the film, occasionally baring its claws to let people know the genius of its composer. She had done well, and now he thinks the reason why everyone was so critical of her was because they were scared. Cheol claps enthusiastically, Seungkwan claps like he’s the person behind her success (with all his subterfuge, he might as well be) and Vernon even lets out a whoop to show her how much he’s enjoyed her work. Jihoon, out of all the four of them, doesn’t do anything, doesn’t clap, doesn’t smile. He can’t even think properly. So she left the company to do this. To be a film composer. Why did it matter? Why did it matter to him how she lived her life? He used her, she left him, in the end, it was his own actions that led him to be this way. She has always remained the pristine one, unbothered and unaffected of anything that happened in any space. In the end, Jihoon doesn’t even clap, because he’s afraid of tainting her. To be associated with me is the equivalent of throwing mud on yourself, he reasons, as they walk out of the theatre and into a waiting car, this is better. This way, she doesn’t have to remember me anymore. 

Now he knows what he feels, but it’s far too little, far too late. As always. In the end, the guy does not get the girl. In the end, Lee Jihoon remains where he has always been, waiting, a spectator in someone else’s curtain call. All his love has amounted to, is this. 

[undyingdecay]

(not requests! just thoughts) GAWD I cannot stop thinking about john. I hate that man SO MUCH!!!!! but freeuse!john being busy, attempting to finish a mission report late at night and drunk!user legit just finds him and rides his face until content. He doesn't even bother to argue about it, shutting his eyes and planting his hands on their hips while eating them out until they're shaking and has a droopy smile plastered on their face. OR... AND STAY WITH ME... Perv!user being caught in his room........ either huffing his boxers or humping his pillow, I don't know, but I can just imagine him grabbing them by the hair and forcing them to look at him while he just absolutely insults them, saying how they're such a slut, so nasty and gross, how they make him feel repulsed and user just absolutely gets off from it.

anyways, love your writing! make sure to take breaks bc you're legit my fav author and it'd kill me to see you burnt out <3 -🧣

perv!reader is precious to me bc they’re so pathetic and so genuinely strange about it, so warped in their own little world where it makes perfect sense to do the most deranged shit in the name of love, even when no one asked. especially john — especially a man like that, mean and careless in ways he’ll apologize for with a kiss to your temple and a slap on the ass before going right back to it.

and of course you start worrying. because that’s what you do, right? pacing the kitchen at night while he’s out too long. staring at your phone. wondering who he’s talking to, who he’s thinking about. and he’ll always come back, eventually — but what if one day he doesn’t?

that’s when the jar happens.

it starts without a plan. a little leftover in a condom he couldn’t be bothered to tie off, a streak of it across your stomach you wipe up with trembling fingers. you should clean up properly. you don’t. because it’s his, and it feels wrong to wash it down the drain. so you scrape it up, gather what you can, glass jar trembling in your hands.

and it’s disgusting. it’s pathetic. it’s the sort of thing no normal person would ever dream of doing. but you’re not normal, are you? you’re his.

it doesn’t take long for it to become routine. an ugly little ritual you tell yourself is harmless. collect it in the dark when he’s asleep, when he’s gone, when he pulls out to finish across your stomach with a grunt and a slap of your thigh. sometimes you even bait him into it, mouthy and difficult until he’s pinning you down and using you like he’s angry about it, which he probably is. you act like you hate it. you don’t.

the jar fills slow. little bits at a time. cloudy white streaks clinging to the glass. and you tell yourself you’ll stop soon, you’re just being cautious, just a backup plan. but then comes the night he leaves for two days without telling you.

and that’s when you break.

pour a little inside you, trembling fingers slick with it. tell yourself it’s to calm down, that you’re just keeping him close. it’s not even fresh but it doesn’t matter. feels good. feels like possession, like some sick little claim you get to keep when he’s not there to fuck it into you himself.

and you sleep better like that, full of him.

when he comes back, you don’t tell him. you just fuck him mean and desperate, biting his shoulder when he calls you a crazy bitch because he still comes inside you anyway. still tells you you’re his when you make him. still leaves you aching and ruined and grinning into the pillow.

ANYWHO THIS GOT TOO LONG LOVE YOY MORE DW IM IMMUNEE TO BURN OUT,

[luvyuuma]

HIII I SAW YOUR TOUCH STARVE POST AND TOUGHT IT WAS CUTEEEE. may you do EJ with “may we stay like this a little longer?”

for and inspiration, maybe the scenario could be that he’s super stressed from leader duties and just need a little love

AUTHOR'S NOTE: yes!! thank u for the ask. here you gooo

SYNOPSIS / in which euijoo is very closed off about his feelings. when he finally breaks down, you're there to catch him.

TW / none!

WC / 0.8k words

PAIRING / euijoo x gn!reader

touch-starved &team prompt list

EJ + "May we stay like this a little longer?"

One thing about Euijoo is that he’s a man of few words.

He’s always been that way.

That’s not to say that he won’t say anything about what he’s going through. Rather, he will explain it in short sentences, ending it with, “It’s okay though. I have it sorted.” Even when he really doesn’t.

When it comes to you, he listens to all your problems, gives you comfort and provides effective solutions to combat it. So you can imagine how you feel when you can’t do the same for him. You wait for the opportunity, try to dive deeper into Euijoo’s mind but he doesn’t budge.

Until one day.

You’re laying in your bed after a long day of work and you can hear the door opened. 

“Euijoo?” you call out.

There’s no answer. Just heavy footsteps.

You furrow your eyebrows as you sit up.

“Eui—“

He opens your bedroom there and just stands there. It seems as if the man himself became possessed because there was no thought going through there.

A few beats of silence go by.

“Are you okay?” you ask.

It takes him a while. 

Finally, he shakes his head.

Euijoo looks up at you, a small pout on his lips, “Hold me.”

Your heart softens at the sight as you open your arms to him. He comes to the bed, slips under the covers with you and for once, lets you hold him.

“What happened, baby?” you ask.

Euijoo’s hands are wrapped around your waist, face in your neck and breathing you in. Your scent brought him so much comfort. It was what he needed after what he went through today.

“I’m so stressed at work.”

You thought that was going to be it. He wouldn’t say anymore than this, he never does. 

“The company is at our necks, they’re putting so much pressure onto me and the boys. I honestly don’t know if I can do this anymore. I can’t do it. I really can’t.”

You run your fingers through his hair, letting him get it all out.

“It feels like no one is listening to me. I got into a fight today with K and I feel awful. I can’t seem to do anything right. I’m really not cut out for this—leading and all that,” Euijoo explains.

You’ve been speared in the heart.

You’ve never heard him talk like this before. 

Having to handle Euijoo like this, all broken in your arms is a blessing in disguise. As selfish as it sounds, you’ve been waiting for this moment. The moment where he’d crumble in your arms and tell you what was in his heart and let you console him, tell him that it was all going to be okay.

“I know it’s hard,” you begin, running your fingers through his hair. “There are going to be days where you’re going to have to get into arguments with your members, disagree and it’s gonna fucking suck. So I understand how you feel.”

“Mhm…”

“But you need to give yourself more grace. You are leading a group of nine, not eight. You’re also leading yourself—you need to be kinder to yourself, baby.”

He twitches in your arms, looks up at you with his eyes widened.

“Is that you?” he asks lightly. “I’ve never heard you speak like this.”

You push him back into you, “You never give me a chance.”

He pauses for a second.

“I don’t wanna burden you,” he replies, hugging you tighter. “You don’t deserve that.”

A warm rush blooms inside you.

You slide down on the bed so that you’re facing him instead. This is something you have to tell him, to his face.

“You’re never gonna burden me,” you declare. You cup his cheeks, swiping your thumb on his cheek. “Not now, not ever. Please promise me next time that you’ll tell me what’s on your mind.”

You put out your pinky for him. Euijoo slowly hooks his pinky onto yours, eyes never leaving yours.

Then, he pulls you flush against him.

“Now that I think of it, there’s more I have to tell you. May we stay like this a little longer?” he asks, blinking at you.

You smile, “Of course! I’m all ears.”

END.

[jilyawards]

June

clearing the air (WIP, 11.7k as of 30 June 2025) by lovelystag. Rated T.

“Can we talk?” “Look, I’m not really looking forward to having another row with you–” “Me neither, I just want to clear the air.” OR A series of events in which James and Lily (and sometimes the others) end up talking things out, finding common ground.

Formidable (WIP, 8k as of 30 June 2025) by @yallthemwitches. Rated M.

“Been practicing your French then?” Sirius sniggers. “ My, wonder why you’d want to boast knowledge of such a romantic language.” “Because it’s the polite thing to do while visiting a foreign country?” “Or—” Sirius hums, taking a drag. “You are trying to impress a certain redhead who—” “Who is my friend, ” James cuts in, with a stern look. “A friend, Pads. Really. Nothing else.”

Catch the Wind: The Remastered Edition (WIP, 33.4k as of 30 June 2025) by @yallthemwitches. Rated E.

When she had stepped off the train in Hogsmeade station, Lily Evans had promised herself one thing: don't be stupid. She isn't quite sure where letting James Potter get under her skin falls on the spectrum of idiocy, but it's definitely up there. 

Icebreaker (completed, 281 words) by @tedwardremus. Rated G.

James never backs down from a dare

When the Void Calls, Will You Answer? (completed, 3k words) by @yallthemwitches. Rated T.

“If anything happens– y’know, to me–will you take care of her?” The question hangs in the air like smoke. “Nothing is going to happen to you mate.” “I know, but I’m speaking hypothetically–” Frustration rises like a wave in his chest, making him want to strike something hard and deliberate. “And I’m saying hypothetically or not, nothing is going to happen to you.”

under the july sun (completed, 3.6k) by @tainwho. Rated T.

A Saturday in Central London is no joke, and several times in the last few minutes, Lily has had to unceremoniously grab James’ arm to prevent them from getting separated. After what feels like at least an hour, James remembers to ask: “Evans, where are we going?” And Lily, with that same, dazzling smile thrown over her shoulder, says: “To get ice cream, obviously.” Or: James and Lily hang out the summer after Sixth Year. James tries to be normal about it.

Second Breakfast (completed, 3.4k) by @tedwardremus. Rated T.

Lily hadn’t realized that the playful talks she’d had with James about getting a house together after Hogwarts were more than just jokes until she found herself standing in the doorway of the cozy little cottage they now shared.

A Sound, Whoever It's For (completed, 2.6k) by @yallthemwitches. Rated E.

It will take a lot of mental scrubbing later, but even through the waves of regret, he knows it will be worth it. How many nights had he laid awake wondering where the creamy ivory of her skin led to under some short pair of jean shorts or muggle skirt? How many casual moments had she accidentally flashed the view of her knickers at him whenever they went swinging in the park or climbing trees out by the industrial mill? He’d banked up years worth of stolen moments like those, each one as precious as the last and he hadn’t even been able to touch her. Now, Potter sits back on his heels and takes for granted the gift he’s been given and it boils his blood deep into every artery. 

january is for lovers (completed, 13.6k) by @ohhevans. Rated T.

“James?” “Lily.” Snow is falling between them and half obscuring his face, but she would know this face in any weather, in any place. Nine years ago she closed a door and left this face, and she has thought of it ever since. She has thought about how the contours changed from eleven to twelve to thirteen to fourteen to fifteen to sixteen to seventeen, the jaw sharpening and the stubble growing on his cheeks. She has tried to accelerate him forward in time, from seventeen to twenty-six, and see how his face looks now. The answer is: as she expected, comforting, familiar, glowing even in the weak January light and the snow. “Is it you?” Lily whispers. “Is it really you?” “It’s me,” James says, “it’s really me.” -or- A series of people places things and moments from Lily Evans' life, and a love(r) story.

Waiting Is A Horrible Game To Play (completed, 1.4k) by @tedwardremus. Rated G.

Lily wants to smash the clock on the mantle—anything to silence its relentless ticking, counting down every minute James is late returning from an Order mission.

i don’t know why i like you (but i do) (WIP, 43k as of 30 June 2025) by @firefeufuego. Rated E.

‘You are so exactly the person I thought you were, James Potter.’ That’s his girl, still so condescending even when she’s put down. ‘Yeah,’ he says, not looking back, ‘I guess I am.’ Lily and James read History together at Balliol College at Oxford. Unfortunately, they just can’t seem to read each other for shit.

Magnolia (WIP, 9.1k as of 30 June 2025) by @theesteemedladydebourgh. Rated E.

Exploding Ministry memos and one or two requisite dragons and cursed magical objects. Old school romances with a dash of new workplace flirtation. James Potter and Lily Evans may have missed each other the first time around…but not this time, if Ministry regulations have anything to say about it.

there's a war going on out there (completed, 2.6k) by @ohhevans. Rated G.

It’s a wedding ring. James Potter is married. James Potter is married and pressing a kiss to Lily Evans’ cheek, and she is tipping her face up to look at him, to accept a kiss on her lips, because James Potter is married to her, to Lily Evans, to Lily Evans who swore up and down when they were fifteen years old that she detested Potter, that Potter’s stupid crush didn’t mean anything to her, that he meant nothing to her, and yes she’d thrown all that out the window for a bit in their seventh year, but that was proximity, wasn’t it? Head Girl and Head Boy, it was bound to happen, surely she would come to her senses. Instead, she got married. Instead, she married James Potter.

another way of saying "i love you" (completed, 10.6k) by @ohhevans. Rated E.

His internal alarm clock is usually impeccable, has him up and gently disentangling himself from her to go on his morning run and then to get ready for work long before what most people would consider a decent hour, but every now and then it fails him, as it has today: It’s his birthday, but the universe has granted her the gift of waking up first.

a picture is worth a thousand words (completed, 765 words) by @emeralddoeadeer. Rated G.

James puts his time to creative uses while in hiding...

one more time now, with feeling (WIP, 136.8k as of 30 June 2025) by @gigglesandfreckles-hp. Rated M.

“Why us?” “If memory serves,” Dumbledore says, with a gentle, knowing smile, “you two were once rather good friends.” Lily feels something twist painfully in her stomach. Dumbledore’s gaze moves pointedly toward James. “And forgive an old man’s nostalgia, James, but I seem to recall you having quite a profound affection for Miss Evans at some point during your time at Hogwarts.” His blue eyes twinkle slightly, corners crinkling behind his half-moon glasses. “Whether that holds true today, I cannot say—but I find that such history can be remarkably persuasive when circumstances require...believability.”

Fever for Her (completed, 1.7k) by starlitscribr. Not rated.

as James Potter leaned against the brick. His hazel eyes, usually glinting with mischief, were fixed on the sliding glass doors, searching for her. Lily Evans. It had been six months since she’d left for her study abroad program in Florence. Six months since he’d last seen her fiery red hair, her sharp green eyes, her smile that could stop traffic. Six months of torturous longing, James Potter was obsessed.

Choose Your Own (sexy) Adventure (WIP, 360k as of 30 June 2025) by @ghostofbambifanfiction. Rated E.

Too many cooks can occasionally write a story.

When Flowers Bloom (WIP, 42.6k as of 30 June 2025) by @number1abbasupporter. Rated T.

lily evans and james potter are both tired of their best friends’ nonsense about their obvious like for each other. the only logical thing for them to do is to take it into their own hands. However, neither of them think about what all the time they spend together will do. or, jily falling for each other while setting up wolfstar!!

Roman Candle of the Wild (completed, 4.4k) by @secretlanguage. Rated G.

James couldn’t figure out what had suddenly changed. One moment, his chin was slumped on his hand, his elbow resting atop the sticky wooden table, as his eyes followed Sirius and Peter, who were attempting to get Madam Rosmerta's attention and fetch their group a round of butterbeers. The next, he was looking right at her, irrevocably enthralled by every single detail enveloping Lily Evans.

Until the Very End: Preparing to Fall (completed, 70.2k) by @thejilyship. Rated T.

The past Victors are all gearing up for the 74th Hunger Games. Lily Evans won the 66th games when she was only 14 years old. She's been doing this for almost ten years now and she just wants to get this years games over with. In the years since she's won, she's alienated herself from her sister and she's started fighting with her childhood friend. But she'll paste a smile on her face for the Capital and pretend like all is well. Having won the 70th games at 17 years old, James is still considered a new comer. It's his first time being a mentor. He knows there's not much he can do to help his District's tributes, everyone knows it. He won his games but with each passing year, it feels more like he lost. The Capital citizens love Sirius Black. He's from District 4 and they are fascinated by him. He won his games at 13, the youngest ever! He's all over billboards and he's invited to all the parties when he's in the Capital. If they're lucky, they can snag him for a date. Everything about his life looks so glamorous, and he hates all of it. All of their lives take a dramatic turn when Mary MacDonald throws a wrench, into how the games always play out.

Just enough shades of messed up (completed, 6.3k) by octaviajeune1544. Rated E.

Lily gets stood up, caught in the rain, and found walking home in a soaking-wet dress by her best friend's godfather. James Potter really shouldn’t stop for her. He definitely shouldn’t offer her his jacket. And under no circumstances should he pull over on a quiet street and let her crawl into his lap. Gratuitous car smut to satisfy my, and anyone else's, need for James Potter with DILF vibes.

you can hear it in the silence (completed, 2.7k) by @oakheartedmuse. Rated T.

"When Lily accepted Mary’s invitation to that damned college party, she couldn't have been more disheartened. She would likely end the night more stressed than when she had arrived. But she had never been so happy to be so wrong." Or, Lily has the best night of her life. And she wants more.

do the hustle! (completed, 1.1k) by @theyonlytoldthemoon. Rated G.

sometimes i listen to music and all i can do is think about them. this is pre-relationship jily, first kiss, all that good stuff. if you want to (and please do, it really sets the mood), listen to The Hustle by Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony!

December's Valentine (WIP, 34.6k as of 30 June 2025) by @stonecoldhedwig. Rated E.

Sometimes, a one-night-stand with a guy off Tinder is just that: a one-night-stand. No lasting feelings, no strings attached. It's the kind of thing that's easy to get your head around when you're trying to get your heart around the end of a relationship. Sometimes, it's not that simple. Sometimes, you're a journalist, and you get assigned to write a piece on an up-and-coming restaurateur, who just might be that one-night-stand from Tinder that you can't stop thinking about. And sometimes, to make matters worse, the two of you get snowed in... **** Or: Lily shags James, and thinks she'll never see him again. Right? Wrong.

Find the previous months' recs: November & December | January | February | March | April | May

[alethialia]

Hi, hello, I'm a frequent reader and commenter on your Rabbot fics! While I'm over here twisting in the wind with longing for the next chapter of your current WIP (for which I very lovingly shake my fist at you) I decided to reread all your other fics and I noticed a sort of general trend. And so I thought I would come and bother you about it.

It's about the yearning. Excellent job on making some of the tastiest yearning I've ever read for this pairing. But I did notice a sort of... difference? Between how you write Abbot yearning vs Robby yearning.

Okay. So Abbot POV is like: <hi I'm Jack Abbot I'm a doctor and a veteran and Robby's best friend. I'm in love with him. It's fine.> He's more settled about it. Like, it aches but he's accepted it and his primary driving desire is to be around Robby and to take care of him in whatever way he'll allow. In one fic (the one where Abbot gets offered a Colorado job) he's so certain about Robby's friendship being enough for him that he doesn't even clock it at first when Robby asks about them having "more." When Abbot gets a clue that Robby might want what he wants, he grabs hold with both hands, pushes past all hesitance, but he's generally not on the lookout.

Meanwhile, Robby seems... constantly on fire? I mean the man Suffers beautifully and you've really brought that out in your writing. Even when it's Abbot's POV with Robby pining (the one where Jack speedruns a sexuality crisis) I can just *sense it* that Robby over there has NOT been having a good time, with a couple of failed relationships as collateral damage. In the current fic, he tries so earnestly to be "it is what it is" but he keeps crashing up against Jack's... everything, in close proximity. This is HARD, for Robby.

This all makes instinctive sense to me, it feels right for your versions of Robby and Abbot, and I have my reasonings for why this difference feels so satisfying to read. But maybe my own characterizations are influencing my reading? So do tell me if I'm (generally! broadly speaking!!) on the mark, dear writer, and please spill your authorial thoughts on why you've written them this way.

And thank you, as always, for the soft places to land 💕💕💕

Hi there! Thank you so much for this incredible question. (And I hope you enjoyed the end of the story!) You are spot on here! In my head, Abbot and Robby do yearn differently. Let us discuss...

As I see it, Abbot's already had a great love. With his spouse, whom he lost. So he knows both the joy of it and the agony of a love ripped away. Because of that, he's careful about minimizing loss. He knows he and Robby could have something great, but the friendship itself is also a special thing that he values on its own. He's careful not to push too hard, lest he break that. (Sometimes this is even to his detriment because if he did push a little harder he could get what he wants; but there's a risk in that.)

When Abbot says their friendship is enough, he's telling the truth. Their connection is a rare and special thing; he'd be content leaving it there. He wants, of course, but he wants not to lose Robby even more. And this is a man who knows loss. He will do what he can to avoid inviting it in. He's also deeply aware of all Robby's issues, he's watched Robby's relationships crash and burn, he knows this guy's MO. He recognizes that he already has something amazing, and there could be something more to it, but he can be patient and wait until the time is right, if that time ever comes.

Robby, otoh, has not had a great love and oh, how he wants it. His yearning is hungry. He knows the connection with Jack is special and he wants nothing more to grab hold and burn with him...while at the same time being terrified that he's going to fuck it up. Convinced he's going to fuck it up. He always fucks it up. With an added dash of Robby being so hard on himself for his failures, thinking Jack should really be with someone Better because that's what he deserves.

Robby knows he's flawed and his need to protect his partners from himself puts a wall between them. He doesn't do that with Jack, though, and that instinctive trust and sense of safety makes him ravenous - for more, for all of it. He knows Jack could handle his shit and that idea is just...intoxicating. When Robby says the friendship is enough...well, he thinks he's telling the truth. But the desire plagues him, always there, this thing he's never had, and shouldn't he get to? But because he hasn't done the work, he doesn't have the tools to handle it well, so he just stews in the agony of it.

These aren't set in stone, btw. When I start writing a story, I first figure out where they're at emotionally. So sometimes I play Robby's desire for Abbot as a thing that messes up his other relationships, other times it's his inability to be vulnerable, sometimes they go hand-in-hand, it really depends. But in every version, they're well-matched - equals who deeply respect each other, with perfect trust and instinctive understanding of the other on a fundamental level. Which is why it will always work out. Because, at the end of it all, they're willing to do the work for each other. <3

[jacksabbotts]

✧ closed doors — ❪ part four ❫

pairings .' dbf!jake seresin ( topgun ) x fem!artist!reader

summary .' in which you ( the reader ) find out your father has asked jake to help out with his barn renovation plan and conveniently left that part out when he asked for you help. you and jake share a heated argument in said barn.

tw .' lowercase intended!!! | age gap ( reader is 23, jake is 38 ) | NO USE OF Y/N | dbf!jake | your mother is a literal piece work | disablities ( specifically hearing loss ) | verbal abuse from your mother | self isolation | very distorted self image | verbal/emotional abuse from a parent ( aka readers awful mother ) | internalized ableism | depressive self-talk

notes .' i am on the literal edge of my fucking seat tryin not to go feral for this man ughhhhh. reminder that i am not responsible for your media consumption. read at your own discretions. this is 18+ so mdni.

masterlist | series masterlist | join the taglist | dividers by @cafekitsune

you hadn’t drawn in five days.

not one line. not one curve. not even a mindless scribble in the margins of junk mail or an old receipt. the urge was gone. hollowed out of you like a bad tooth. excised by your demon of a mother.

she had effectively crushed your spirit and your self esteem once again. a single moment and you were reduced to the child version of you who believed everything your mother spewed. even though you’d worked so hard to get to a point in your life where you didn’t need your mother validation.

you also hadn’t cried today. so that was new.

the other four, though? rivers. sobs that stole your breath. curled up in bed with your face in the pillow, convinced you were disgusting, inappropriate, obsessive. a girl playing grown-up with thoughts too big for her body and your mother’s voice echoing through it all like poison in a well :

no wonder you’re alone. he wouldn’t ruin his life for a girl like you. you confuse lust for love.

she hadn’t yelled. she didn’t need to. she’d said it with a tilt of her head, a disappointed little sigh, and the sketchbook on her lap—open to a page you wished you could set on fire.

you should’ve thrown it out. all of it. every sketch of him. you’d tried. got as far as the kitchen trash bin before you’d chickened out and shoved them under your bed instead.

you didn’t wear your hearing aid. not even in your left ear. not even when you were utterly alone. everything was easier when the world stayed quiet.

your phone had gone untouched. food too. you drank water because it was automatic. sat by the window but didn’t go outside. watched birds hop around the power lines and wondered what they sounded like.

so when your father tapped gently on your bedroom door and asked if you’d help with the barn this morning, you almost said no.

almost.

but he looked tired. and part of you—some barely breathing, twitching part—still wanted to be useful.

so you nodded. tied your hair back. tugged on jeans stiff with disuse and a hoodie that still smelled like your old apartment. no makeup. no hearing aid. no expectations.

just barn dust and something to clean.

you did not expect jake seresin. you were starting to think that the universe was fucking with be because there he was again.

already inside when you arrived. already rolling his sleeves to the elbow like this was his place. like it hadn’t been a week since the last time you saw him—back in aisle six with a cocky little grin and a box of condoms at your feet.

he turned the second he heard you. you saw the recognition bloom. then the smile. ‘hey, darlin’,’ he said, easy and warm. like it was the easiest thing in the world to do.

and oh god—he was still riding the high of that grocery store moment like it was still yesterday. his tone was syrupy, teasing, like you were both in on some private joke. however you didn’t smile back.

you didn’t even say a word.

jake’s expression didn’t fall right away, but his posture shifted—subtle. less open and less assured. ‘your dad ran to the hardware store,’ he said, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck. ‘said you’d be meetin’ me here.’

you nodded, eyes fixed on the pile of boxes by the barn wall. ‘okay.’ jake blinked and then straightened a little. ‘we’re just cleanin’. shouldn’t take long.’

another nod. still no smile.

you moved past him, grabbing a crate, not because it needed grabbing but because you couldn’t look at him. not like this. not when he was glowing and you were rotting from the inside out.

five days.

five days since you flushed your sketchbook down the emotional drain. five days since you believed anything good could come from the way he’d looked at you—talked to you. five days of convincing yourself his words meant nothing.

that you meant nothing.

so now, here you were. standing in a barn with him. cleaning with your back stiffer than a rod and a silence that made your stomach churn.

you had to keep you distance.

jake moved around you like he didn’t want to startle you. using soft footsteps and careful hands. he didn’t want to hovering, but never far and you hated how kind it was. how gentle. and now you stomach churned for a whole other reason.

you hated that it made your throat feel tight. you spiraling was cut infinitely short as you heard jakes voice carry across the barn. 'are you okay?' he asked. it had only taken him ten minutes of strained silence to break.

you kept your back turned. 'yeah.' a mumble that could barely be dignified as a response.

he paused. 'you sure?'

'I’m fine.' ( you weren’t ).

and jake was no fool. his eyes kept glancing toward your face. he noticed the hoodie sleeves pulled over your hands. the way your replies came a beat too late, like your brain was buffering. and maybe—just maybe—he noticed the tiny tell, too : the way you kept tilting your left ear toward him when he spoke. not your right because you felt you needed to deprive yourself of everything jake related and unfortunately that meant listening to him with your bad ear so his words were muffled and barely legible.

eventually, the rhythm returned. a little.

you worked side by side, sorting and stacking. you turned away when you caught yourself lingering. now pretended to study a box labeled ‘xmas lights - dead’ in your dad’s handwriting ( you chuckled, because of course your father would save stuff like this ).

every time he bent near you, reached past you, brushed against you—he watched. not in a predatory way. not even flirtatious. but with attention like he was cataloging the changes in you. noting every shift. every dullness. every piece of the girl from aisle six that seemed to have vanished.

and you felt that.

jake had made you feel seen and your mother had made you hide away. and the fact that jake could still read you like a book, somehow made it worse.

you moved to the far corner of the barn and began wiping dust from a shelf just to give yourself something to do. something safe. your fingers trembled just a little.

jake came up behind you. far too close. 'you sure you’re alright?' he asked, voice quiet now and suddenly serious. a complete shift from the one who smiled at you when you walked in.

you closed your eyes. 'please don’t.' his face fell. like actually fell. his brow furrowed, his head lulled as he peered down at you, lips downcast in the literal personification of a frowning emoji. he hesitated. 'don’t what?'

'don’t ask me to lie again.' you looked absolutely anywhere but at him and he looked nowhere but you. he didn’t move. didn’t step back. 'then don’t.'

the works left his mouth so easily you thought maybe the task would might mirror. that it might be easy to just tell jake the truth. to tell him your mother was an awful woman and always has been but then you would be opening a can of worms you could never take back. the silence stretched.

you swallowed hard. 'i’ve just been… off.' ( lies ).

'yeah,' he said, but not unkindly. 'i noticed.' your breath stuttered.

'i didn’t mean to…” you paused and hook your head. “i didn't mean to be rude or anything. you didn’t do anything wrong.'

he didn’t press. he just stood there. still, warm and solid. you were cold. inside and out. every bit of warmth had been drained from you days ago, but this? this barn, this moment, this man?

it stirred something.

jake finally stepped back with a sigh and reached for a toolbox. he must have notice your uncomfortableness because him next words immediately put you at ease. 'alright then enough heart to heart. let’s make your old man proud. yeah?'

you nodded again, throat still tight. but for the first time in five days, your heart beat just a little louder than your mother’s voice. and that felt like the beginning of something.

the both of you had been working hard, on you own tasks, opposite sides of the barn, but you just couldn't help yourself. you really didn’t mean to stare. but how could you not.

jake was bent over, leaning towards a toolbox. the sun had peeked through the broken boards of the barn and hit his golden blonde hair in such a way that made your knees wobble.

stop it! god, stop! he wasn't hear for you to ogle, he was here as a favor to your father. he's his best friend ( you'd mumbled that in your head as if that was enough of a deterrent to stop the thoughts from swirling. )

you weren’t that kind of girl. you didn’t want to be that kind of girl. the kind who salivated over a man like him—older, confident, tan in all the places that suggested he worked hard and slept well. you weren’t some dumb teenager crushing on the mechanic next door.

but your body didn’t know that. your body was a god damn traitor.

every time he moved near you, you caught yourself—sensing the heat he gave off. wanting to lean into it. your mind replayed over and over the grocery store incident. the things he had said.

you hated that you replayed it. that it made your thighs press together at night when you couldn’t sleep. you hadn’t drawn him again. not since the sketchbook incident in which your mother berated you for your imagination.

but the images were still there.

jake turned and suddenly it was just like your sketchbook, holding up a screwdriver like a prize ( the only difference is in this moment jake seresin is fully clothed ).

you blinked and turned sharply back to your task—a shelf of tangled cords and a broken lamp, none of which warranted the hyper-focus you gave them. you lifted your arms to get down another tub. ‘here,’ jake said behind you. ‘let me get that.’

you flinched as his arm came over your shoulder, close, his chest barely brushing your back as he reached for the tub above your head.

you stepped forward quickly—too quickly—and smacked your hip against the corner of the worktable. ‘shit,’ you hissed, stumbling.

jake’s hand came to your waist instantly, steadying you.

you stiffened and in turn he froze too.

‘sorry,’ he said quickly, pulling back like you’d burned him. ‘didn’t mean to crowd you.’ he mumbled as he set the tub at your feet. you didn’t answer or thank him for his help. you just pressed your hand into your side where you knew the bruise would bloom later, head ducked, throat tight.

you couldn’t do this. couldn’t survive a day of this.

‘hey,’ he said softly, ‘you okay?' and that makes three times in the last two hours that jake has asked if you were ok and it was beginning to make you lightheaded. 'fine.'

'didn’t hit too hard?'

'no.' you grabbed a handful of cords just to keep your hands busy. 'i’m good.' jake didn’t push. just went back to his task, quieter now. you hated the distance. you hated that you needed it.

but most of all, you hated the ache. the thing inside you that wanted to turn around, grab his wrist, and say—no. don’t stop touching me.

instead, you pretended the knot of old christmas lights in your hand was the most important thing in the world. you worked like that for another hour—him on one side of the barn, you on the other. close enough to hear his breath when he exhaled too hard. far enough that you didn’t have to see the way his shirt tugged when he lifted something heavy.

but you felt it.

you felt everything.

and your thoughts got darker. quieter. not lustful—punishing.

what was wrong with you?

you weren’t special. you were a mess. stupid and emotionally stunted and worst of all—you were desperate for scraps of attention from a man who smiled at your mother with the same mouth he used to call you darlin’.

you didn’t even deserve that attention.

you bit the inside of your cheek. you hadn’t tasted blood in years, but today felt like a relapse. you deserved pain. embarrassment. you had drawn him nude, for god’s sake. you might as well have carved his name into your thigh like a schoolgirl.

jake’s voice cut through the silence.

'you’re not wearin’ your hearing aid.'

you stiffened. 'what?'

he came closer, carefully, like he knew this was a minefield. jake’s voice cut through the scrape of metal and the whir of a box fan somewhere near the open barn doors.

'you haven’t worn it since the cookout.'

you froze mid-sweep, the broom handle clenched in your fists. and like a broken record, you mumbled again. 'what?' as if he wasn't reiterating what he had just said.

he didn’t repeat himself.

you turned toward him slowly, the dust swirling between you catching the light like smoke. he wasn’t looking at you—not directly. he was crouched beside the workbench, sorting through a pile of rusted nails, but his body was too still. like he was bracing for something.

'i just . . . i noticed is all,' he said finally, voice lower now. 'you haven’t had your hearing aid in. not since that first night. at the cookout.'

your stomach twisted. it wasn’t accusatory. it wasn’t even pitying. it was worse. it was gentle. you cleared your throat. 'jus' forgot it.'

jake nodded once but not like he believed you.

you didn’t speak. you couldn’t.

the silence stretched. the longer it went, the more unbearable it became. the barn was hot. the dust was heavy. the air pressed against your chest like hands.

jake straightened. looked at you now. not at your ears. not at your mouth. just you. 'your mom say something again?' he asked. the breath left your lungs like a slap.

your jaw clenched. 'she, uh, says a lot of things.' he nodded again, slow and thoughtful. 'most of them wrong, i bet,' he said.

that did it.

your composure cracked—not all the way, but enough for your voice to come out smaller than you meant. 'i don’t need you to—'

'to what?' he asked gently. 'feel sorry for you?' you flinched. jake stepped closer. not enough to crowd you. just enough that you felt it.

'i don’t, i haven't,' he said quietly. 'not once. not ever.”

your pulse fluttered.

'i just notice,' he added, 'when you look at me with your left ear tilted like you’re pretending it doesn’t matter. i notice when you laugh at the wrong beat or nod too fast or keep your hair down even though it’s hot as hell in here.'

you didn’t realize your hand had drifted up to your hair until he glanced at it. you dropped it like it burned.

jake’s voice softened even more. 'does it hurt?' you blinked. 'what?'

'not wearing it.' he shrugged, eyes still on yours. 'does it make things worse?'

you swallowed. 'sometimes.'

he nodded again.

you expected him to say something clever. something placating or sweet. but he didn’t. he just looked at you like he was memorizing your edges.

and then—quietly, with that goddamn tenderness you didn’t know what to do with—he said, 'you don’t have to pretend, darlin’. i already see you.'

your breath snagged on something sharp.

you don’t have to pretend, darlin’. i already see you.

god!

you felt it like a punch to the ribs. like someone had opened your chest and peeked inside without permission. and you felt woozy, light headed, like one wrong step and you'd be done for.

you took a step back. hake's expression flickered. 'hey—'

'i’m fine,' you said, fast. too fast. 'didn’t say you weren’t.'

'i didn’t ask you to notice,' you snapped, voice cracking at the edges now. 'you don’t have to watch me. or hover. or—' You shook your head, hot and trembling. 'or make this your job.'

jake straightened, the line of his mouth tightening. 'i didn’t think it was.'

'well, it feels like it,' you said, hating how your voice trembled—how everything inside you was shaking. 'and i don’t need that.'

silence. just the whistling of the air flowing through the cracks of the barn and your heart thundering behind your ribs like it wanted out.

jake stepped forward. 'i wasn’t trying to—'

'just drop it,' you said, louder than you meant to.

his brows drew together, pained. 'darlin’—'

'stop calling me that!' Your hand flew to your temple. 'you don’t know what i want. you don’t know what i need. you think just because you’re nice to me at dinner, or in the barn, or—'

your voice faltered and your head pounded.

you didn’t want to say or in the grocery store, because that meant remembering the way he looked at you in aisle seven like you were something soft and sweet and worth touching.

but the memory was already there and it made you ache.

'i’m not your responsibility,' you said finally, quieter now. 'so stop acting like i’m something to be managed.'

jake flinched like you’d hit him.

the worst part?

you meant it. and you didn’t.

because you wanted him to care—but only if it wasn’t out of guilt.

because you did want someone to worry about you—but not if they felt obligated.

because you were falling—and it felt so ugly, so loud, so wrong that you didn’t know how to bear it.

so you turned and you walked away. out of the barn. into the sun. into the weight of it all.

you didn’t see jake run a hand over his face. didn’t hear him curse under his breath. didn’t know he stood there for a full minute, guilt and longing tearing through him like wind through the rafters.

✧

your room was dark.

not because the light didn’t work—you just hadn’t bothered. there was something comforting about the stillness of it. like if you didn’t turn anything on, the ache in your chest couldn’t quite reach its full volume. like maybe if you stayed quiet enough, the spiral in your head would slow down.

it didn’t.

you sat on the edge of your bed, legs curled up, hoodie sleeves stretched over your hands, your sketchbook untouched at your side. you hadn’t touched it since your mother found it. since she flipped through the pages like they were gossip rags. since she made that face—the one that said everything without saying a thing.

you rubbed at your eyes. your glasses slipped crooked again, and you didn’t fix them. couldn’t bring yourself to care. you hadn’t cried since you came upstairs. but your face was tight from trying not to. your throat felt like it was full of paste.

you told your dad you were sick.

you weren’t sick.

you were unraveling.

and the worst part? jake had seen it. he’d seen it in the kitchen. in the barn. the grocery store. every time you thought you had the mask firmly in place, he’d caught a crack. you hated that. hated how easily he saw you. hated how much it mattered.

you heard a knock at the door. gentle. just once.

your stomach turned. You wiped at your face, cleared your throat, and croaked out. 'busy.'

it was quiet. then— 'didn’t come to bug you,' jake said softly. 'just… makin’ sure you’re alright.'

you stared at the door. said nothing.

he was quieter when he spoke again, but you still heard every word. 'i know you’re not sick.'

the silence on the other side was louder this time. dense. your throat closed.

'i just—' he swallowed, hesitated. 'i can’t stop thinkin’ about the way you left the barn earlier. you looked at me like… like i’d said somethin’ wrong. like i shouldn’t’ve said anything at all.'

still, no answer. you sat frozen. he lowered his voice until it was just barely a whisper.

'i haven’t been able to get you outta my head. not since the store. not since the cookout, if i’m honest.' a pause. 'but i’m startin’ to think you might’ve gotten me outta yours.'

the door stayed shut. but your fingers twitched against your thigh. your heart knocked against your ribs. 'i’m not askin’ you to come down. i just wanted you to know someone noticed. someone gives a damn.' his throat tightened. 'even if it’s just me.'

you had told yourself—begged yourself—not to move. not to open the door. not to look. not to care. but when you heard him start down the stairs, something inside you lurched. buckled.

and your hand moved on its own.

you turned the knob. opened the door. stepped into the faint glow of the hall light.

'jake.'

it wasn’t a whisper. it wasn’t a shout.

just your voice. soft. raw. cracked open like a bruise.

he froze.

the back of his shoulders stiffened, posture going still, like he’d just stepped on glass. he turned slowly—his body already facing down the stairs, already halfway out the door—but he turned.

and then he saw you. his eyes landed on you like you were a ghost. you wanted to duck your head, but you couldn’t. he was looking at you like he’d never seen anyone like you. like you were light.

barefoot. hoodie two sizes too big. hair a tangled mess you hadn’t bothered to brush. left ear bare—no hearing aid. no defense. and god fucking help him, you were wearing your glasses.

just you. looking like something fragile. something forgotten.

his eyes drank you in like he couldn’t help it. like he wasn’t sure you were real.

'i’m not sick,' you said finally, your voice barely carrying. jake stared at you from the top step of the stairs, like he didn’t know whether to fall to his knees or run straight back up to you.

your pulse thundered in your ears. it was hard to breathe. but you said it anyway. 'and you apologize too much,' you told him, stubbornly. 'i don't need you to apologize to me so much. it really doesn't matter.”

there was a beat. then jake turned fully, one booted foot climbing the stair. then another.

he didn’t blink. 'come again?'

your breath hitched. you wrapped your arms around yourself, nails digging into your sleeves. 'i mean i don't know why your being so nice to me,' you said quickly. 'i don’t— i mean i’m not— i don’t matter, so you don’t have to—,' you exhaled, shoulders slumping. 'you don’t have to feel bad. not about dinner. or the barn. or… me.'

jake climbed two more stairs. slowly. deliberately. like he was afraid any sudden movement would make you vanish. 'you think i’m apologizin’ because you don’t matter?' he said, low and sharp and stunned.

you couldn’t answer.

he climbed higher.

'you think i’ve been losin’ sleep over this because i’m bein’ polite?'

you didn’t look at him. you couldn’t.

he climbed again.

'darlin',' he said, softer now. 'you really believe i’ve been checkin’ in on you, worryin’ myself stupid—because you’re nothing to me?'

your mouth opened. but you had nothing to give him.

he was almost at the landing now.

'your dad told me you were sick upstairs and i thought—hell, maybe someone should give a damn. maybe someone should ask if your okay.'

his voice cracked at the end. just barely. you still didn’t speak. your eyes flicked up.

'you’re not nothing,' jake said. 'you’re the only thing i’ve thought about the last three weeks.'

you flinched. he saw it.

'and yeah, i noticed,' he continued, softer still. 'that you haven’t been wearin’ your hearing aid. not since the cookout. not since i watched your mother pull it right outta your ear.'

your heart stopped.

that pulled your eyes up to his.

and when you looked at him—really looked—he wasn’t smug. he wasn’t playful. he looked wrecked. quiet and open and wrecked.

you forced out a laugh. it sounded awful. bitter and scared and frayed at the ends.

'it’s not your responsibility to notice,' you snapped, the words harsher than you meant them. 'i’m not your problem, jake.'

jake’s expression didn’t change but something in him—behind the eyes—shuttered. it took him a moment to speak.

'no,' he said quietly. 'you’re not my problem.'

you waited for him to turn.

to leave.

but he didn’t.

instead, he climbed the final step.

now he was standing right in front of you, close enough to reach. his gaze locked on yours, jaw tight, eyes flicking over your face like he was trying to memorize you—trying to figure out where the hell he lost you.

'you’re not my problem,' he said again, this time firmer. “because your not a problem.”

your lip trembled. you bit it hard. jake reached out—so slowly it felt like the world held its breath. his hand hovered beside your cheek, just barely not touching and you leaned into it.

just barely. just enough.

his palm touched your jaw. his thumb traced the hinge. you closed your eyes. and for one split second—one heartbeat—you forgot the fear. forgot the shame. forgot your mother’s voice in your head and the sketchbook in her lap and the way you had been trying so hard not to want this.

your lashes fluttered.

your nose brushed his.

and for a suspended moment—too short and too infinite—you leaned in.

so did he.

his fingers, once cradling your jaw, had slipped lower. to your throat. his thumb grazing the hollow just beneath it. like he needed to memorize your pulse, feel the flutter he’d put there.

your hand—god, when had it moved?—had curled into the fabric of his shirt. not his sleeve. not the safe part. but right over his ribs, low and warm, fingers splayed like you could burn the memory into your palm.

then lower.

you didn’t mean to. you barely realized.

but your hand was suddenly at his waist. thumb dipping just beneath the hem of his shirt. jake sucked in a breath—shaky and quiet.

his own hand, the one not on your cheek, had slipped to your hip. the touch wasn’t crude, wasn’t firm. just there. warm and steady. like he needed you to know he was real. that this was real.

and then—

'jake?' your dad called up the stairs, voice casual but far too close. 'you fall in, son?'

you both tore away like wildfire meeting wind. your hands dropped. his did, too. jake stepped back, eyes wide, chest heaving like he’d just run miles through dry brush and smoke.

you turned away, one hand bracing the doorframe, the other shaking so badly it took you a second to grab the handle.

jake dragged a hand through his hair, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like fuck under his breath.

'i’ll be right down!' he called back, voice pitched too light, too forced.

there was a pause downstairs.

then your dad yelled, 'don’t forget to light a match!'

jake barked a single, broken laugh. but you didn’t laugh.

you couldn’t even move.

your skin still tingled where he’d touched you. your lip still ached from where you’d almost leaned in.

jake turned toward you again. opened his mouth. closed it. when he realized you had already retreated into your room. the door closing so softly there wasn't even a sound.

he nodded, slow and solemn. then started back down the stairs.

you inside your bedroom pressed your hand flat to your chest like you could keep your lungs from combusting.

because jake seresin hadn’t kissed you.

but he may as well have.

and you didn’t know how to recover from that.

🔖  .   @spooky-librarian-ghost  @soupie_MeowMeow  @gardeniarose13  @kmc198899-blog  @coldmuffinbanditshoe

[icyboineptune]

Mi Vida Loca and why it's about Ivan

(editor's note: this post started being made the day before Karma but since I've seen it, I've added lil things)

Vivimeng, you've done it again. Broken my heart. I'm terrified for tomorrow with Karma, but hey, what better time to go on an ALNST rant.

(Look at my boy. I love him.)

First off, my delusional ass wants you to take note of the Ivan written in the large, leftmost heart.

And then, the shirt of Till. Normally, it's covered in a mixture of Mizi and Ivan's signatures, but not today! Rather, that cat with an eye mimics when Ivan is portrayed as a cat chasing Till in official art.

The background colour is Paratise's blue, inverted. In fact, whilst the preview was the inverted colours of the Unknown Till The End, the actual album doesn't fit into the same colour scheme at all. It's... well, I'll show you.

Remind you of anyone’s colours, hmm? Look how little pink and green there is (Mizi colours) compared the overwhelming red/white/blue/black representing Ivan.

Now onto the lyrics! See, as of right now I'm unsure whether Till meant the song directly for Ivan, or whether he meant it for Mizi and Ivan snuck in there. Regardless.

"I feel so pathetic whenever I stand in front of you/I can't say a word, I turn back around every day"

Do you remember in Black Sorrow that scene where Till and Ivan were so close to escaping Anakt. Till hesitated and turned around to head back for stability in the form of reliable faces and reliable punishments in the garden since he couldn't face the unknown of freedom like Ivan could?

He is expressing his guilt here over not taking the opportunity now that it is much too late. He wants to turn back around every day that he did not, back to Ivan. But just as he couldn't say a word back then to explain himself, he cannot say a word even in this hypothetical idealised world he wishes to have made.

Doomed yaoi, am I right?

"Scenario: CRUSH"

Remind you of a certain pink-haired lady's desire to crush, anyone?

It's similar perhaps to 'error: no better options' which refers to how the deep idolisation and love for Mizi Till felt was a product of his socialisation, deeper than anything he could say in words (hence his performance of Unknown to show that no, it was much more than her being 'pretty' that meant he cared for her)

I think this demonstrates a sense of awareness from Till that he is susceptible to crushes, without the agency to act upon them the way he wishes.

"My stimulating love explodes"

There's not as much to note about this line yet imo other than the idea that his feelings are kept so badly in check due to how earnest he is in essence that they will always build up and explode out of him, thanks to this lack of self-regulation he has.

"Open up your ears, please understand me"

Ivan does not listen to any sign that he could be genuinely happy around anyone, I don't think. He doesn't pay much mind to the people that admire him for his princely persona, he's put off by Mizi's false optimism, and he's jealous of Sua's reciprocated love.

The latter makes me laugh in hindsight because Mizisua has just as many issues in their relationship. If anything, the perspective that it's better not to tell a loved one your feelings till the end (get it?), though it made Ivan deeply unhappy and ended up with the mess that was round 6, turned out to be a lot kinder on Till than Sua's love was on Mizi.

But yeah Till asking him to listen and understand instead of 'shaking it off and stand(ing) tall' like Ivan sings despairingly about in Nowhere feels very purposeful in recontextualising unrequited love as miscommunicated requited love, something I will defend with my life

"Don't you leave me"

Till has never once shown himself to be demanding of Mizi like this, even in Unknown he innocently 'want(s) to know all about (her)' rather than ever make a demand about her presence.

Rather, this is a call to Ivan, an urgent demand for him to return and explain himself. He doesn't want to be a victim of Ivan's 'shallow emotions', goddamn it, he wants him back! The biggest constant in Till's life cannot simply just up and leave to the Great Anakt after throwing the competition and a tantrum by unexpectedly kissing and choking him. He can't leave him, not like this.

It reads almost like a plead to which he'll never know: if you loved me, why did you leave me?

"I'll probably get it across to you for sure"

*klaxon noise*

press X to doubt

There have always been little signs that Till cares for Ivan, even if we have been robbed of a Till POV comic so far that depicts his side of things. But not enough for Ivan to notice.

"Close the distance between us/To be inside your heart"

Up until now, the main one to be mentioning being 'inside' another person as a representation of their desire to forever occupy a space in someone's life is Ivan!

Though 'to live in you like parasite', works as a parallel in that they both wish to be within each other, 'bury my secret deep within my heart' captivated my interest because it feels as though Till is saying to Ivan what he was initially to Mizi: he wants to know about Ivan through his heart, his love, his secrets, everything.

One of Till's love languages seems to be the wholehearted desire to acknowledge and accept a person and all their hidden facets, and part of his frustration thus stems from the fact that he ironically cannot seem to fully break past the masks people hide behind until it's too late.

"Do you love me? I do" AND "Don't you hate me"

Ivan and Till had a love-hate relationship in their lives, and too often I see people disregarding one side of their relationship simply because the hate is more easy for Till to express than his love.

See, while Mizi is more someone to uplift Till, or at the very least make him flustered enough to not express himself properly as seen in the comic where he could say nothing but "you're pretty", Ivan called Till a loser. Like, literally called him a friendless loser that he plays with and Mizi doesn't.

That will hurt coming from someone you spend a lot of time with, especially Till who has - as far as I know - barely any other people who actually like his presence to converse with, save for his bisexual awakenings.

Ivan beats him up and teases him a lot in general tbh. They had to stop because Ivan and his '4 hours of sleep for the GAINS' scheduling meant their physical difference was too big.

"I get scared again like an idiot/Widen the distance between us"

The meteor scene is going to actually kill me. The meteor scene is going to kill meeeee aughhhh

Till once again lamenting for what could have been in his life had the mutual awful communication skills and fear inherent to their beings as pet humans not widened the gap between what is done and what is meant, driving a rift between them.

"Mi Vida Loca"

Damn, boy, your life do indeed be crazy

"They say this is a beautiful song/And they open their arms wide for me"

Till has a 2.5 vocal skill rating (absolutely FOUL, Akugetsu is Ado's brother from another mother and deserved 5/5) but still made Alien Stage because he has prodigy level musical talent. He was stolen from Io because he genuinely liked singing and they took notice of that. I have the feeling aliens don't like the rock-ish genres as much as others, hence All-In being how it is. Mi Vida Loca being loved since it's a pop song thus makes sense, and Unknown skyrocketing him to Top 3 status is because of his performance and stage presence.

His rebelliousness is commoditised despite its existence causing him suffering; he is only conditionally 'loved' by alien society, directly contrasting Ivan's love for his authenticity.

"But more than the countless spotlights I want you/My light is born from you"

OHOHO. Tasty line, this. Light is born from shadow, one cannot exist without the other. Well, Ivan describes himself as Till's shadow: 'What's closer than light is shadow'.

Till's connections with the people around him are the things that keep him going, in essence, which is something I truly admire about him.

"You(r) smile that doesn't love me"

This can apply to Mizi and Ivan to be honest. Mizi smiles and fawns as a way to dissociate from her reality, and Ivan practiced fake smiling in front of puddles to the point of it being one of two expressions he allows himself to show (the other being apathy).

Till's unreliable narrator shows again though, because both of the two definitely cared for him. It's the classic self deprecating thought process of: I really hope they care for me -> of course they don't, just look at me -> but what if I did something new, maybe I would have a shot then -> they're pretending to but they actually hate me, etc etc it goes on forever

"I'll also smile at me that doesn't love myself"

My son has self-expression and self esteem issues. No wonder, what with literally everything that has happened to him in his life. I'd have issues too, gawd dayum.

Why I wrote this is not out of malice for my girl Mizi (girl you're not a witch ahufwdfggsobbinf).

It's because Ivan makes me a sad little man since every one of his songs, original or covered, is the most fucking depressing piece of music to analyse the lyrics of from his perspective. Whether the fact Till loved him back is a win or not is debatable, because that means he hated himself so much he doomed his own relationship (TvT)

Anyways. I DEFINITELY didn't cover everything, but here. My two cents! :D

Yours sincerely,

a guy who submitted an essay analysis of Ivantill to be graded and got a Distinction.