#which is why i personally always end up slapping both of them on my posts

[kyanitedreamer]

Alone Together

Hiei x (Fem)Reader

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Author’s Note: This fic came from the inspiration I got from reading other user’s works about Hiei and being such a huge fan of his character. Mainly written for me and my friend a fellow Hiei enjoyer, this is kind of a feel good type fic that has a lot of buildup playing on his curiosity and softer side. When I first wrote this I never thought about posting it anywhere, but the more I wrote the happier I was with it, and near the end I realized how proud I was of it and wanted to share it around. I may be posting another part or two, and if I do, feel free to send me an ask with suggestions if you liked this one :) enjoy!

TW: Blood, Hickeys, Biting, Fingering, Unprotected Sex, Pinning Down, Minors DNI, 18+

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Everyone had been asking why you were suddenly taking a different route home from class, not walking with your “friends”, and even going a good distance out of your way. Your explanation was always the same, that you just like being able to walk by the water - a lie of course. Your interest wasn’t so much the water glistening during the sunset, but a person who sometimes could be found there. Ever since you were young you’d seen and felt things you couldn’t explain, like the creature that knocked aside your parents car like a toy back when you were in middle school. Of course no one believed you, that your parent’s death in that crash was no accident, so you had learned to keep whatever you were seeing and feeling to yourself. Maybe that’s what drew you to him, the dark haired boy dressed in black, sometimes laying in the grass by the river other times miraculously standing on telephone poles nearby. You never really gave how he got up there much thought, all you knew was that like you, he seemed to be so alone.

Finally, you reach the river and like everyday, give a cautious glance around for the mysterious boy. Despite your numerous trips this way passing him, you’d never dared speak to him or even given him more than a passing glance. You’ve put yourself out there far too many times in an attempt to make friends, only to have your hand slapped away. It was enough that you and the boy could share in this moment of silence together as you strolled by, that, and your own imagination. But looking down the street you notice him, with a group, and your heart sinks. You retreat back behind the building, sliding down the side of it to sit on the ground, pulling your legs in. Of course he’s not alone, no one would be as lonely as you are.

You lean out from the side of the building to get a look at them all. The tallest one had orange hair in a pompadour, which was….certainly a style choice. Both him and the other dark haired guy looked rather plain, average even. The third guy had pretty features and long red hair, and then there was him. Though you’d never noticed before quite how short he is, it hardly seemed to matter, as his voice and demeanor easily dominated the conversation when he felt the need. You suddenly felt your face turning red, and realized you probably shouldn’t think about him and “dominate” in the same sentence. You shake your head to dismiss such thoughts and then you notice his ear twitch ever so slightly, he motions to turn his head but you’ve already retreated back behind the building. After a moment, you dare another peek and try to focus on what they’re saying, the boy seems to be disagreeing with something. Suddenly through the groups arguing you hear “C’mon Hiei”, which he seems to answer to.

“Hiei” you repeat back to yourself under your breath, though somehow he seems to have heard and whips around in place, and you can no longer be sure if he was able to see you as you darted back into hiding. Still you listen as they seem to resume talking, causing you to sigh in relief. You sit for a while with your eyes shut, listening for them to finally leave so you can finish walking home. Letting your mind wander, you think about how you’ll go about trying to approach him the next time you come this way. Not that you’d ever have the courage to do something as bold as that, besides you feel it’s doubtful he’d be interested in someone like you anyways.

After some time you hear them saying goodbyes and breathe a small sigh of relief, you open your eyes to get ready to go and yelp involuntarily. There Hiei stood mere inches from you, his stature meaningless since you are sitting on the ground. He stares daggers at you saying nothing, perhaps expecting you to merely flee yet you sit there frozen, staring at him as well like cornered prey. After a moment, your heart begins to pound in your chest, you’ve passed him countless times but never been this close. As much as you hate to admit it, you enjoy having him stand over you like this, right now he may as well be 8 feet tall. You yourself feeling so small and helpless, your mind spirals thinking about the possible things he could do to you. Suddenly, Hiei also blushes, seeming almost embarrassed and angry.

“THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT??” he blurts out before turning around seemingly to hide his face as he seethes.

“I…what?”

“Listen girl, I’m a demon, it would take less than a second for me to kill you.” He says turning around and pointing at you accusingly. “The idea of what I could do to you that would stimulate your sexual human desires should be the last thing on your mind! Now who are you, why were you listening in on our conversation and what are you doing here?”

You sigh, tell him your name and continue on to explain everything, he listens but clearly seems annoyed nonetheless. It feels rather strange that Hiei was just a stranger a few minutes ago, yet you find yourself so comfortable with him, demon or no. Hiei is surprisingly silent even as you finish explaining, perhaps some part of him understands your feelings, or maybe he’s just being polite - not that he seems like the type.

“So, is it…still okay if I come this way after school? Maybe talk with you?” You ask sheepishly, Hiei merely giving a vacant stare as though considering it, he closes his eyes and turns away.

“Do whatever you want, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that demons can be dangerous, and if you talk don’t expect me to converse with you.” Turning just his head to look at you, Hiei appears to be deep in thought, hesitating even.

“What’s the matter?” You ask tilting your head to the side, confident that he’s merely trying to find the words.

“...What even is ‘making out’ anyways” he says plainly, causing you to snicker a bit but turn red once more all the same. “Those words seemed to cross your mind a lot when I read it earlier, so what is it?”

“Um, well…it’s like you touch your lips together in a kiss but like, over and over. It’s what people do when they have a connection or you know like each-” You barely manage to get your description out at all then abruptly Hiei grips your side pushing you against the wall merely collapsing before he presses his body against yours to hold you up. He is warm, and a scent reminiscent of a campfire wafts about him, using his other hand he cups your face. Hiei’s staring at you once more but now there’s a curiosity in his glare, like he’s studying your reactions and wondering if they’re the right ones. Grabbing you at the back of your neck he pulls you down somewhat - into a kiss, your heart flutters and his warmth seems to spread through your body. After a moment, he pulls away, still keeping your faces touching.

“Is this what you had in mind, how you pictured it?”

You find yourself unable to find the words to answer but manage a few quick nods, Hiei then takes this as reassurance and kisses you again, then again.

Despite supposedly not knowing what making out was, he quickly finds his rhythm, even starting to grip your hair causing you to moan softly. You feel your breath getting heavy and the growing excitement between your legs, when suddenly he stops, pulling back to look at you while quite red himself. Slowly, he pulls away as you get your balance back, then turns on his heels taking a few steps away.

“Interesting.” Hiei says without turning around, and in a flash he’s gone. You slump back against the wall trying to process what just happened, soon enough however, you collect yourself and head home.

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The next day went by in a blur, all you were able to think about was Hiei, about feeling his warmth again. As you walked to the river, you couldn’t help hoping he’d be there and in the mood to talk - among other things. You shook your thoughts away once more, after all Hiei seemed to do what he did out of curiosity more than anything else. Turning the corner to the river, you peek around for your mysterious ‘friend’, and there he was - laying in the grass on the hill without a care in the world. Doing your best to still your rapidly beating heart, you approach, stopping once the sidewalk meets the grass.

“Hey Hiei, it’s me *****.” you provide your name again half expecting him to have forgotten you, he doesn’t open his eyes but answers you nonetheless.

“Yes, I knew it was you, human.”

“Is….it okay if I sit with you?” You request hesitantly, yet Hiei still does not move, hands supporting his head and his dark coat billowing in the wind.

“As I said, do whatever you like.” Hiei answered you plainly, he almost appears mad - frustrated even, although he’s doing his best to hide it.

Regardless you quietly step through the grass and sit a few feet beside him, setting down your bag as well. You sit for a moment enjoying the gentle breeze, the sunset glistening on the river, the soft fresh grass beneath you. You may have been alone and sat in silence for much of your life, but never like this, sitting beside Hiei gave you a comfort you’ve never known. He can struggle to hide it all he likes, but you can sense Hiei more than simply tolerates your presence, perhaps even enjoyed the moment you shared yesterday.

“You have an unusual level of spirit awareness, you know.” Hiei said suddenly, shattering the silence and startling you.

“Spirit Awareness?”

“...Demons can make themselves invisible to humans in this world, I’m doing it right now, and usually am for that matter.” Hiei turns his head towards you and opens a single eye as he talks. “So right now, you look crazier than everyone already seems to think you are.”

“...That’s…fine, I’m comfortable here - with you.” You manage to force the words out while looking away, and when you turn your gaze back, he’s staring at you. It’s just like yesterday, he’s gauging your reactions, searching for anything you might be holding back. You get the distinct impression he doesn’t spend much time around people, and he’s learned to be cautious, never risking giving something away he shouldn’t.

“You’re a strange one, finding comfort beside a demon.” He turns his head back to stare at the sky before continuing “You have no idea the things I’ve done, the things I’m capable of doing.”

“I’d say you’re a strange one for finding comfort with me then.” You cover your mouth unsure where you even got such an absurd idea in your head, but then again he does seem interested in you doesn’t he? Looking back at Hiei you see he hasn’t moved or reacted, perhaps he didn’t hear you? Just then he laughs, sitting up to lean back on his hands.

“Oh? I tried out a single human gesture, let you sit here with me, and that must mean I’m utterly infatuated is that it?”

“Typically that’s what would happen, yeah though not necessarily in that order.” You explain calmly once he’s finished attempting to make a fool of you. “However, maybe it’s different for demons.”

“If you must know, mating simply isn’t as big a deal.”

“Is that so? Then you didn’t feel anything after yesterday?” You retort but Hiei seems to have lost interest as he turns back toward the river leaning on one knee, at least so you thought. Even with the sunset turning the river into a shimmering stream of golden light, you can still see Hiei’s cheeks redden as he thinks to himself. You inch closer, again taking in his woodsy campfire scent, Hiei only turning to look once your shoulders are nearly touching.

“That feeling? Your body, sending the blood rushing to your face like that.” You whisper to him, even reaching out to poke his face to make your point, but Hiei continues to stare unflinchingly. “That's what gave me the idea you’re comfortable with me.” Feeling ever bolder, suddenly you cup his face in your hand, and kiss him - a long heartfelt kiss. You feel the familiar warmth spread through your body as Hiei hesitantly places his hand on yours, gripping it tight enough to pull grass up with it, as though he was afraid to get lost. When you pull away, Hiei’s expression fades back to normal ever so slowly, and he turns to face the river once more without another word.

After sitting together for a while, you finally attempt to get to your feet, only to realize Hiei is still holding your hand. You lift up your hand and Hiei turns, watching you curiously. Removing your palm from his grip, you then slowly take the opposite hand and interlock your fingers with his. You then give his hand a gentle squeeze and Hiei gives a much rougher squeeze in return, though he seems to get the idea. You smile and take back your hand but Hiei merely lays back down onto the grass with his eyes closed as he was when you arrived. Picking up your bag, you make your way back to the sidewalk, but stop when you hear Hiei call your name.

“See you tomorrow.” He uttered the words so simply, but you could feel the weight that was behind them.

“See you tomorrow.” You repeat back with more enthusiasm, then noticing the faintest smile on his face, you smile and head home.

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Another day of class, and another day of doodling poorly in the margins of your papers, constantly distracted by thoughts of Hiei. You haven’t been able to stop from wondering what else Hiei might’ve seen in your mind that day, what else he might be curious about. Funnily enough, you’ve never fallen for anyone, even your kiss with him was your first. Still what you lack in experience, you make up for in imagination, and the long list of dark romance movies you’ve seen has given you plenty to think about. You reach your typical meeting spot but Hiei was oddly nowhere to be found, you give the area a good once over to be sure, but eventually resign yourself to sitting back down in the grass.

Besides your spot you can still barely make out the indent in the grass where Hiei was laying just yesterday, you smile until a chilling thought slips into your mind. Remembering Hiei’s words about how crazy you must look to people since he’s invisible to everyone without Spirit Awareness, you fold your arms, looking back toward the river. After a moment you grip yourself tighter, reassuring yourself that you’re not crazy, Hiei is real and he’ll be here. Giving Hiei’s spot in the grass a few quick side glances, you take a moment to look around again, it’s mostly warehouses around here so there is rarely anyone around as usual.

“Hiei? Are you here?” You ask the open air beside you, considering that maybe your Spirit Awareness isn’t high enough to see him today, you have no idea how that works after all.

Suddenly, you’re startled by laughter from behind you, it seems you somehow failed to notice a group of boys from your class walking by on the sidewalk behind you. You blush and turn back towards the river, thoroughly embarrassed and hoping they didn’t notice you talking to thin air. Closing your eyes and burying your head in your arms, you sit there a while, reassuring yourself once again that you’re not crazy. Finally, after the boys have long gone and the dark of night begins settling in, you get up and head home.

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The next day you’re heading back, and although you get the feeling you’re being followed for some reason, you push on regardless. Hoping that yesterday he may have merely been busy, you hold out hope that Hiei will return today, even having thrown on some makeup and the star earrings you have left from you mothers belongings. Cautiously, you approach the river again, only to discover Hiei is once again absent. Even the indent in the grass has since stood back into full vigor, you make to approach the grass to sit but stop on the sidewalk, considering just heading home instead of waiting in futility. You’ve come this way for over a month now, and Hiei was always in this area, the fact that he hasn’t been here might mean he won’t come back.

“Did you come here to talk to yourself again girl?” A voice calls out behind you and in your desperation you whip around.

“Hiei?” You blurt out, only to see the boys who were walking by yesterday, you collect yourself as best you can and stand up straight. Though it’s not enough to hide the fact that you’re blushing in embarrassment, and the boys chuckle to themselves, certainly at your expense.

“Is that your imaginary friend’s name? It sounds like even your imaginary friend has left you, huh?” The other boys chuckle to themselves again, and you hold your bag tighter in your arms, you can’t believe you mistook this guy for Hiei and the frustration shows on your face.

“Hiei is not imaginary.“

“Isn’t he? Everyone who comes by here says you’re a freak who’s been talking to yourself.”

“That doesn’t make it true.” You insist back, though even now you’re second guessing your actions, one of the boys grabs your arm but you pull away.

“Why don’t you just admit you’re a freak, and this worlds better off without freaks.” He says back before nodding and the boys get a better grip on your arms.

“Stop it! Cut it out!” You cry out, but no one comes to your aid, the sound echoing off into the distance, before being drowned out by the sound of the river. The boy lifts his hand, taking hold of one of your earrings.

“You may be a useless freak, but these sure seem like they’d be worth something.”

“Those were my mothers, stop!” You yell and scream, but he gets a grip on it regardless, and instead of removing it he simply pulls it down. Tugging your ear harder and harder still, you stop struggling not wanting to hurt yourself but it doesn’t matter, he tears the earring straight out of your ear lobe. Tears start streaming down your face, it may be a small cut in your ear but between that and realizing you’re truly alone it’s just too much. You hear something faint over your crying but everything is such a blur, you can barely feel when he reaches for your other ear.

“Move another muscle, and I’ll end your pathetic lives.” You heard it that time, the voice and tone unmistakable, it’s Hiei. Sure enough his voice is enough to make the boys freeze, easing their grip on you as they turn their heads.

“What the-”

“I didn’t give you permission to speak worm.” Hiei’s voice sounds more aggressive, as though he’s teetering on the edge of erupting, similar to how he seemed to speak with that group before. “Release her. NOW.”

Shuddering at his words they comply, letting you slip carefully to the ground, you grip your ear keeping the pressure on it. You’re in a lot of pain, but you continue to shed tears of joy all the same. You slowly look over at Hiei several feet away through your tear-filled eyes, and he’s giving you the same stare he always has, though there’s a heat behind his eyes. He raises his head to stare at the boys, now backing away from him besides the one who ripped your earring out. In an instant, he closes the gap and has drawn a sword he’s touching to the boy’s throat, his expression unchanged. Each of the other boys starts freaking out and starting to calm down yourself, you can see why, their ears have been cut in a similar fashion to yours.

“I suggest you return that, before I make you.” Hiei hisses at the boy, he drops it onto the ground near you and raises his hands. Unsatisfied, Hiei slashes across the boy’s already bloody hand, though it doesn’t appear deep. Clutching his palm, the boy backs up to his friends and they run off. Hiei places his sword away and kneels down to your level, you can’t help but smile regardless of the state your face is in. “And just what are you grinning about?” He demands while placing his palm gently on your head.

“I’m just happy to see you.” You say simply, then Hiei gets to his feet offering you his hand and helping you up.

“You really followed me, Kurama?” Hiei questions as he turns his head, all the while keeping a firm hold on your hand.

“You can hardly blame me, Hiei.” Kurama answers as he steps out from the shadow of a nearby alley, he’s the pretty boy with red hair you noticed Hiei talking to the other day. “You were in such a hurry to get back to the human world, and I know all too well that’s not like you.”

Hiei gives a sharp exhale, tips his head in your direction, and releases your hand. Kurama steps over to you asking to see, and in seconds he’s healed your ear, apologizing that you’ll have to get it re-pierced. After a handshake and a quick goodbye, he takes off walking away, apparently not nearly as concerned about making a snappy exit as Hiei. Hiei takes a few steps away in the other direction, then stops and turns to you over his shoulder, staring at you expectantly.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” His voice much calmer now, he waits for you to grab your other earring, and you catch up to him offering your hand. Hiei hesitates, then holds your hand just as you had instructed the other day, obviously the difference in height between you makes it difficult but you make due.

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Hiei is silent most of the way home, despite the fact that your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest, being this close with him feels like a dream. Still a few blocks from home, he speaks up.

“I had something to take care of, duties, obligations.”

“I gathered. You don’t need to apologize, Hiei.” You respond in kind, but Hiei merely stops on the spot, unmoving.

“It was just humans this time.”

“What?”

“It could have been worse.” Hiei sounds tense, though not angry, like he can’t just bring himself to voice his concern.

You gently tug on his hand, and Hiei continues moving with you. When you reach your door at the apartment building, he stops again, releasing your hand. You unlock and open the door, Hiei turns away but you catch his arm.

“How…um…how much of what I was thinking did you see the other day?” You ask hesitantly, but he does not respond, and only turns back toward you. You pull his arm out of his pocket, and gripping his hand, you lead him inside.

Once you’re both inside, you set to work attempting to tidy up a bit, since you haven’t had a guest in - ever. Hiei looks about and finding your coat hooks, he removes his in one swift motion, placing his sword down gently near it. He takes a few more cautious steps into your apartment carefully taking in his surroundings, then stopping when he notices your open bedroom door. Once you’ve finished you walk over to where Hiei is and take his hand once more.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He whispers, usually you have a good idea of what Hiei is thinking, although he’s quiet his body is rather honest. Yet you can’t figure out what’s on his mind right now, maybe despite his usual calm collected attitude you’ll have to walk him through it.

You take his face in your hands and kiss him deeply, He returns the gesture whole heartedly. Pulling away, Hiei manages to sweep you up in one quick motion, princess-carrying you to your bed. Setting you down gently, Hiei wastes no time climbing on top of you, taking only a moment to gently caress your cheek. Staring at you and once again reminding you of your first meeting, a beast who’s cornered his prey, except you’re far more willing.

Hiei leans in and kisses you, letting slip a moan you lay back helplessly as he trails a line of them down your neck. You reach up to feel his side through his shirt, gripping it needily, your other hand snaking around his arm as his hand travels up running fingers through your hair. Slowly Hiei’s grip begins to tighten, tugging ever so playfully at your hair before biting down on your neck lightly, putting just enough pressure to leave his mark. However, it’s little more than a tease, Hiei’s taking it slow likely out of fear of hurting you. You mumble under your breath, and Hiei pauses to listen as you find the words in your throat.

“Harder . . . please.” You whimper to him and Hiei hesitates before obliging, getting a firmer grip on your hair, biting your neck deeper, sucking a second more intense hickey into your skin. His sharp canines threatening to pierce your skin, you yelp and moan all at once, your breathing getting heavier as you grip Hiei’s arm harder for comfort. When he pulls back you can hear him almost panting, his warm breath further teasing your sensitive new bruise. You lock eyes for a moment, your lips crashing against one another the next, your hands exploring each others aching bodies. Hiei’s hand traces teasingly over your breast, quickly throwing your uniforms tie aside and gripping the top button of your shirt then stopping.

You give a quick nod before tugging up his shirt in turn, Hiei instead taking it from you, repeating his previous trick and removing it in an instant. You giggle under your breath and Hiei gives a small smirk, kissing you again before moving back down to your neck, his fast hands making quick work of your shirt buttons. You take a moment to revel in his kissing while tracing your hands over his arms and back, his skin was warm, inviting to the touch, and coated in several scars depicting a lifetime of battle and hardship. It made it all the more comforting that he was being so careful with you, while so vulnerable at the same time.

Suddenly Hiei pulls your shirt open, and you sit up to remove it along with your bra. Placing his hand at the curve of your waistline, he ever so slowly moves upward towards your chest, teasing you. Taking and massaging your breast with one hand, Hiei kisses around your other before beginning to suck on your nipple, teasing it with his tongue and teeth. You squirm and moan beneath him from the sensation, running your fingers through his hair once more, the excitement beginning to grow between your legs.

After alternating, giving your chest the ample attention it deserves, Hiei gently traces his fingers down, slowly pulling up your skirt as he wraps his other arm around you. Coming to rest his hand over your underwear, you become aware of just how wet you are with excitement and moan, Hiei smirks as he pulls your panties aside. Runing his fingers along the wetness of your entrance, he teases it while rubbing his slicked thumb over your clit, you whimper in between moans.

“Please Hiei…” you beg and Hiei obliges, slowly inserting one finger, then two. You gasp from the sensation flowing through you and Hiei takes your exhale as a sign, beginning to slowly fuck you with his fingers, still tracing circles over your clit with his thumb. You cling tighter to Hiei, the edges of the room starting to soften, he holds you closer as you quickly begin approaching that peak. It all feels so surreal, of course you’ve touched yourself before, but here with the boy you’ve pined over for so long feels leagues more intense. You stare up at Hiei and he kisses you, moaning against his lips as he curls his fingers while maintaining the rhythm, quickly bringing you to a rather loud orgasm your muscles gripping fingers nearly in place.

You struggle to catch your breath in Hiei’s arms, his hand still idly teasing your entrance, he stares at you with a half smile still breathing heavily himself. Having calmed down a bit you run your fingers along the top of Hiei’s pants, taking a quick look at how excited he himself is, you flick your gaze back up to meet his.

In a moment you’ve both removed the last of your clothing, Hiei kissing you while lightly pushing you back into your place on the bed, you moan feeling the gentlist graze of his dick over your clit. Lining himself up, he begins grinding himself against your wetness, trailing kisses over your neck while pinning your hands above your head. Holding your wrists in place with one hand, he brings the other down to massage your breast once more, you can’t bear to hold back moaning as his kissing moves further up your neck.

“Hiei . . .” You barely whimper out between moans, yet he only nibbles your ear in response.

“Use your words, I want to hear you say it *****.“ Hiei whispers directly into your ear, hearing him say your name sending a shiver down your spine in the best way.

“Please. . .fuck me Hiei.” You beg in desperation, finally able to get out the answer that Hiei already knew.

With that, Hiei sat up somewhat to steady himself, flashing you a mischievous grin. You bite your lip, running your hands over his shoulders and back. The next second you can feel him starting to part you, moaning as you throw your head back, Hiei’s dick enters you slowly and completely as his hips meet yours. He moans along with you, leaning lower to wrap a protective arm around you, he pauses for a moment as if he’s overwhelmed which isn’t surprising given how tightly you feel yourself gripping him.

Then Hiei begins slowly but steadily fucking you, just as you begged, your nails now digging into his back. Keeping his pace as his eyes lock with yours, you kiss eachother deeply, and Hiei speeds up. Pounding his hips into yours, you can feel yourself approaching the peak again already, and based on Hiei’s sounds of pleasure you imagine he is too. Placing a hand on his face, you smile up at him, Hiei is thrusting hard when he suddenly cums and you along with him. The feeling of him filling you up pushing you over the edge, Hiei moans deeply between reaching the peak and your orgasmic grip on him as he does.

————————————————————————

The remainder of the night is a blur as you wake up, groggily rubbing your eyes you wonder what happened, your room is still a mess but theres no sign of Hiei.

Looking over at the clock, you realize you’re going to be late for school and hurriedly get ready. As you’re brushing your hair, and despite the bit of bruising on your neck, you can’t help but wonder if your night with Hiei was all a dream. Afterall, you can’t remember falling asleep after . . . on second thought, you probably shouldn’t think too hard about it in fresh underwear. Struggling to slip your shoes on, you grab the doorknob and pull it open. There leaning on the railing was Hiei, who turned around when you stepped out the door, you could feel your heart practically jump into your throat. Hiei sat staring, disinterested as usual, then held out his hand.

“Come on *****, I’ll walk you there.”

[tubbytarchia]

Ok my Smallidarity thoughts (this is long). Only because I was encouraged by Liauditore's analysis of Joel's playlists...

...to which the conclusion was closeted homophobic Joel. Ok so anyway uhh obligatory: I only talk about characters. Only characters. I swear to god. CC!Joel and CC!Lizzie make life more beautiful and this is not about them, this is about characters. Either way I love Jizzie dearly. Seriously though go read Liau's post. The part where they note down the structure of his most recent playlist kind of sums up my thoughts on him ("starting off with party songs -> "home" the wholesome love song -> a bunch of arctic monkeys songs including one specifically about regretting sleeping with a woman -> a bunch of songs begging for the other person to stay because they're all they have -> songs that get angrier and angrier -> final song has a chorus that goes "if this is a romcom I'd kill the director"")

I'm not here to analyse the playlists but I implore Liau to do so more publicly lol. The kiss from RL and the playlists (and Liau talking to me about them because they chose to hyper-analyse them against their own will) are the catalysts for why I'm so insane about Joel's relationships and smallidarity especially because we all know how normal I am about Jimmy 👍

(Before we get to smallidarity proper though, I have to lay some groundwork about my perception of Joel's relationships in general)

That post I made about smallidarity awhile back about mostly seeing them as brotherly friends um. Hasn't aged so well LMAO. I do not think smallidarity is the end game for either of them (unless...?), but I do feel like there's feelings here to be dabbled into now... I imagine Jimmy and Joel as having been very close friends since childhood and I still stand by my old smallidarity thoughts otherwise, that while I'm not a fan of Jimmy getting slapped around excessively, which Joel sometimes does imo, it's ultimately banter between him and Joel, even if weighed to one side, because it's not an attempt to assess control or to play Jimmy down past an initial laugh (ESMP1 still hurts me but I've said it before and I'll say it again, that at the very least Joel was creative about the "toy" bit and put effort into it, eg building a giant statue, and not just making a very surface-level joke out of it). When things get dicey for Jimmy, Joel will want to help, even when doing so offers him no benefit. Eg him wanting to offer his time to Jimmy in LimL or disapproving people for building a grave for Jimmy before he'd even died in SL. So basically they care each other

Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP etc. That's fine, that's just a goof, no homo. But I feel like anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL (thanks Liau). The kiss in RL I think makes sense with this too because Jimmy preceded it with "is this the closest we're over gonna get to making out?" even if the actual kiss was like. A peck lol. Gentle smooch. Which just makes me more insane that it was like that!!!!!!

And (characters guys!!! Characters!!!) what he does with Lizzie is constantly proclaiming "I have a wife" and maybe visiting her to show her something and yelling "I love you" a few times when it felt appropriate. Oh and Lizzie's "I always liked bad boys..." counts I guess lol. Imo, whilst Lizzie and Joel are evidently very close and cute still (I never and I mean NEVER stop thinking about Lizzie's SL birthday party to which only Joel showed up for the majority of it), I don't think lizzie gives that much of a fuck. To me the marriage is there because, it makes sense. They enjoy each other, uh, might as well marry each other. It's moreso about the status rather than deeper romantic connection imo. Something about Lizzie calling Joel a homie and not commenting on his proclamation of loving her after Sausage's Boat Boys play in SOS, or them voicing anything affectionate and then it not getting followed up by anything, or Joel trying to recruit Lizzie into Jeremyism in X Life but Lizzie didn't want to, and Jimmy was the first recruit instead (and if you've read my X Life thoughts, you know how I feel about Jeremyism in a symbolic sense), etc. Um do you guys understand why I was terrified to voice these thoughts. I swear to god if someone comes into my inbox to accuse me of being heterophobic or something I'm going to eat a nail. I figure some people are going to disagree with my perception which is totally fine!! But characters only please characters only..........

He pretty frequently has homoerotic or suggestive etc exchanges and bits with people like Etho and Jimmy though (eg, earlier examples, although there are soooo so many more). But always that, never affectionate... The closest it ever comes to affection is when he's acting out of genuine care when things hit the fan. This is the point where my claims stop being supported by whatever I see in canon (if supported at all, then by his playlists, lol) but... Joel to me feels like he uses his marriage status as a "no homo" pass. If things get a bit too homo he can always remind the others "I have a wife" and it's all good 👍 When in reality.... I think he might be... idk... might be into men a little bit... But he absolutely cannot accept that. He has a wife guys!! And yet still he indulges in those questionable exchanges like hm. hmm. But it's no homo guys!! He's just playin!!

Ugh so yeah. Closeted Joel who, maybe, isn't so put off by affection after all, rather just put off by the idea of being into men so he refuses to be affectionate with the people he feels a little too many strong feelings towards bordering on something other than friendship. And always makes sure to declare anything frisky a joke and reminding everyone that he's married and he loves his wife!! (Have no doubt that he does love Lizzie, just, again, not in this way) Or putting anything frisky on the other person, like he does with Etho "ugh you're so obsessed with me" because JOEL can't be obsessed, he's not gay!! Etho just can't get enough of him, and Joel's totally not into it!!

This is where the RL kiss made me so insane and tip over the edge into interpreting smallidarity as something other than platonic too. Because classic Joel. Contributing to this bit about "making out" because that's what he does. Gives Jimmy a little smooch. As a joke. Ugh. Jimmy claiming his lips to have been pursed makes all the difference too, they were both all-in... (vs that one fWhimmy kiss in ESMP2. Sorry but I just need you guys to understand how important the difference is to me)

I think Jimmy is very kind, and an incredible sympathiser. He's just in a pretty horrible headspace, so he never treats himself with the kindness he might offer to others. His biggest enemy is his inability to open up and ask for help. Joel would be much similar in this regard, where he wouldn't want to even entertain the things that his feelings towards certain people would entail. It's fine, it's nothing, he's a married man after all... So he most certainly wouldn't ever bring it up to anyone, because nothing's the matter!! But I think Jimmy, solely for how well he knows and cares about Joel, recognizes some kind of reciprocation of feelings he also has, but isn't going to admit to Joel. Maybe they kissed or even made out and maybe they made a baby once (the baby ordeal is seriously ruining my life. wtf was that) and it's just a one-and-done deal, maybe even a "friends with benefits" thing in some sense. Cause they're just friends. But Jimmy, though with his own struggles, knows how he feels, so of course he recognizes when Joel's in a similar dilemma

To me, there's such a strong appeal to smallidarity because the typical Jimmy role in relationships gets reversed. Jimmy's usually the one following along, the one seeking someone to depend on because that's what he's been conditioned to seek. He followed Martyn around, he followed Scott around, in X Life he followed Joel around too. Joel gave him something with Jeremyism and to me it reads like Jimmy feeling at home and developing feelings for Joel, the way I think he also developed them for Martyn beforehand. Only for Joel to step down as the leader of Jeremyism - this thing that Jimmy so desperately held onto and practically begged for Joel to remain where he was, but Scott took over, and even though Jimmy didn't like seeing Scott up there instead of Joel, he couldn't help but fall in love again, and then 3rd life happened. 3rd life, where Jimmy left a "I miss you" sign on Joel's plot of land. Where ideas of Jimmy and Joel teaming up were mentioned but they just barely missed each other for it to become reality. Where Joel burnt down the wall that further confided a claustrophobic Jimmy into a corner of the World with Scott, separate from everyone else

Anyway, Jimmy hardly ever prioritizes himself, so his feelings are irrelevant to him. What he cares about is Joel's wellbeing, so he'd encourage Joel to open up, ask him about things. For a change, he'd be the shoulder to lean on and be on the other end of a situation he usually would find himself in with people he loves. Where he's struggled to open up and ask for help, he's encouraging someone else to. Where the people he loves, including Joel, have failed to pick up on Jimmy's continued need for support, Jimmy doesn't, because he's been in shoes similar to Joel's It's nothing he'd be able to pinpoint, but subconsciously it'd help him provide Joel with the encouragement that can yield results. The understanding that he refuses to offer himself, but can offer to Joel. Jimmy fulfilling this kind of role in a relationship would do him SO much good, I think, to help him handle his own struggles. A trend in Jimmy's relationships and otherwise is that he can never take charge, even when he wants to. It'd take his mind away from his own troubles as he focuses on Joel's and exercises patience and empathy for someone else who doesn't just push him away. Especially when another thing that they are similar in, is their progressing frustration with either of their feelings. In which neither can do much to combat these frustrations (Jimmy indulges in them more and more, eg taking enjoyment out of hitting Scott around in SL, and Joel just tries to ignore them), but by virtue of trying to help Joel figure out his feelings, Jimmy would be helping not only Joel but himself too

Even if Joel were to come to a conclusion that wouldn't be him reciprocating Jimmy's feelings specifically, Jimmy would help him reach it anyway. Though Joel might figure out how Jimmy feels even if there's no direct admittance. Jimmy would hold Joel's hand if Joel doesn't draw back and ask how that feels, to help him figure out if he really does hate affection or if his frustrations lay elsewhere etc. Give him the affection that Joel actually craves but keeps refusing himself. And Joel would maybe finally admit to some degree that he does like it (he just doesn't like that he likes it). He'd still remind Jimmy that he has a wife but Jimmy would probably just laugh and they keep holding hands. If Lizzie found out she would just give a thumbs up. She dgaf. Or idk something like that. I've been writing this shitty post for 25 minutes what year is it. The more this has gone on the less sense it's started making sorry. Use code smallidarity at checkout for 15% off

[destinygoldenstar]

Here is a very random pet peeve I have with Ninjago:

Why did we not get a Jay & Nya wedding?!

Like, March of the Oni he proposed to her and everything. Then we DON'T get a wedding? How does that work?!

I understand like Skybound trauma or something, so they might want something private, but they never address that.

It would be SO WHOLESOME.

Why did we not get a Jay & Nya wedding?!

I think I kinda know why. The Wildbrain era wanted to tonally de-age the ninja back into teenagers. And two ninja getting married would be not doing that.

This kinda goes for the posts I spoke about Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu where I talked about my big change being that there was NO reverting back into teenagers, and instead it was a continuation of their transition into adulthood.

Have the premiere of the season BE their wedding! It would be so adorable and a fresh change of pace!

Like have Jay wake up Zane (from that Aspheera/Ice Emperor nightmare) in a panic about his hair for this big day, have Zane help him out and try to calm Jay down because Jay would be such a nervous/excited wreck. (And have Zane's calming attempts fail miserably. It would be funny and both play into what I said in other posts)

Have Nya be hesitant about wearing a wedding dress due to Skybound trauma. Lloyd could be there and she could talk to him about it, but be vague cause he wouldn't remember Skybound. Like, "I'm worried that I won't get a say in something if I say the words, like I want this, but what if it all went horribly wrong? The greatest love stories always end in tragedy and... I don't want that to be the case for me."

(Which, you know, would be FORESHADOWING)

And Lloyd could be unsure what to say (because Harumi trauma) but still encourage her that nothing HAS to end horribly. They've been dating for years, and they know they can trust that Jay wouldn't hurt her. She wouldn't hurt him. That's the beauty of a relationship, that you can trust them. It's a dynamic they both want. Even if something bad were to happen, her family would always be there. (Insert surrogate siblings hug)

But also it'd make them both realize that Kai is not here when he should be.

He's downtown. He's trying to pick up a wedding gift for his sister. It is taking FOREVER. It's driving him nuts because impatient hothead. Eventually he just snaps when the shopkeeper says it's not done being cooked. In my head he just snatches it, sets fire on it, throws it in the box, and runs out of the shop, throwing money at them on the way out. The whole time, he's just trying to run to the monastery for the wedding, with SO MANY setbacks on the way. (Take Across the Spiderverse with Miles trying to get to his parents party with that cake, kinda what I picture)

Cole and Wu could be on catering, they could talk about Wu being freshly retired and Cole getting into the baking business. (And we could have a running joke about Cole trying to sneak in a bite of cake and someone slapping him away.)

Nya & P.I.X.A.L could have some gal talk when getting ready and the droid gal could be encouraging. (I feel like since the Oni Trilogy, Nya's been getting more comfortable with being feminine, and I'm all here for that, I think that's really cute development. She could be so against this girly talk but then she tries it here and actually likes it)

Ed and Edna being SO overbearing in the wedding. Just smothering all over their son and their new daughter in law.

Have Wu give their blessing, trying to comfort a still nervous Jay, and Jay could just have all those nerves vanish when Nya comes out.

All ninja but Kai are there because First Spinjitsu Master does not want him to be at his sister's wedding. And you could have whoever else you want there.

Have them have a happier stress-free re-phrase of their confessions in Skybound. Nya could talk about how she didn't have a lot of friends as a kid and knew nothing about love or relationships, but Jay was the one person she let into her heart, and despite her fears and insecurities in the past about herself, she knew she wanted him to be the one. She felt free with him, she felt free to have a voice and say she wanted to be with him for as long as she possibly could. That's her wish this day. Jay could talk about how he was always looking for bright opportunities for himself, but the brightest he could ever have was her, a courageous strong willed smart beautiful amazing girl loving him back and seeing him as he was as the best version of himself. That told him well enough that this was love.

(I imagine Cole is the crier because that just seems like fitting characterization to me)

"I now pronounce you yin and yang-"

And just don't have Wu finish the phrase because one of them just jumps on the other in adrenaline and excitement.

The after party Ed and Edna are, again, smothering all over the couple. Cole just loads up with cake (that only he touches because he made it and he's a bad cook). Zane and P.I.X.A.L could be dancing, everyone's having a good time...

And then FINALLY Kai shows up, busts open the monastery doors, and stands there panting and a wreck. He stops the whole party and everyone just stares at him like "what?"

Nya would proceed to yell at him for BEING LATE TO HIS OWN SISTER'S WEDDING, and they could argue about what happened because they're both stubborn like that.

And the wedding gift Kai got for her? It's charred up. Because he burned it with his fire and didn't let the shopkeeper take care of it.

But he had something else he picked up along the way, which was something from their childhood that Nya liked (you can decide what). And like that Nya's anger drops and he thanks him for it.

And Kai did not get Jay any wedding gifts because 'screw my in law'

Jay calling this out prompts him to dance with Nya, she obliges, and the little sibling moment is kinda ruined, leaving Kai in the dust. (Again, my other posts where I said Kai would be trying to keep things the same)

And Lloyd was by himself, sitting in a corner minding his own business. He's happy for them, but he also has a hard time being comfortable because of what happened with him and Harumi. So he's trying to distract himself with looking through some job opportunities in some newspapers. He can't find any. Kai could find him, surrogate brothers moment, he could notice Lloyd looking for crime on the newspaper, and because this is post the Oni Trilogy, crime has slowed down, and this is supposedly their happy ending. You know, 'and they got married and lived happily ever after' and all that. But Kai, not accepting that, kinda butts in and agrees to take Lloyd out to town tomorrow morning to go look for crime to stop, just like old times. And Lloyd would go along with it cause 'well I'm a seventeen year old and past due with getting a job'

(And Zane decides to go with them because he's in the same boat as Kai, so technically it's just Kai, Lloyd, & Zane running around looking for crime to stop rather than the whole team. The other three still go to the pyramid though.)

That's my dream reality of s11's premiere anyway.

But even if that wasn't the case, I have to ask cause it bugs me,

Why did we not get a Jay & Nya wedding?!

There you go, that's my content for Jaya week. It doesn't fit any of the bullet points for the week but oh well.

[poisoned-pearls]

PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FANKIDS THEY ARE SO CUTE.... do they have unique magic?? what are their family dynamics (with their parents, grandparents, etc.)???

AH OKAY SOOO- I have quite a few (I’ll tag them all so you can scroll through their tags- despite not having an organized blog I do have it organized for them) BUT I shall focus on Nami, Enzi, Faraja and Viv because. I’m in a mood for my girls rn-/lh

Nami is an only child, spoiled to hell and back by Azul because look at that man. He was made to be a girl dad spoiling them. She can do no wrong to them and they will defend her and her actions until the end of time. BUT she is the more generous kind of spoiled (if she likes you. If she doesn’t then get slapped by octopus tentacle motherfucker-) where she will give you something like that because she’d always just get another one

she’s the only one to have a fully thought out um (because god why do they take so much brainpower to think of)- Sirens Song. If she wills it, she can use her voice as a tool of mass hypnotism. This ability goes as far as her voice does, so as long as you are in earshot of her voice, you are susceptible. (Which sucks for beastmen with good hearing)

in general though she is very close with both of her dads and admires both of them to an absurd degree. She wants to be just like them, if not better. She is ADORED on Azul’s side (because in my lore, octo babies are RARE. You will only ever probably have one, or maybe two if you are insanely lucky. It ties into their magical prowess) but on Jamil’s side it’s basically just Najma and Jaddah, but she barely sees her (in my lore Jamil’s mom isn’t a bad person, she just was stuck in a bad situation and was very mentally unwell. Jamil and Najma were both ripped from her arms right after she gave birth and it messed her up. Jamil let her hold baby Nami and she cried)

(Design wise she pulls from Ariel and Vanessa. And a bit of jasmine)

Enzi is also technically an only child, but it’s only ever been her and ruggie. She was quite literally plucked off of the street and she’s been with him ever since. She grew up side by side with Faraja, constantly having play dates and such. But overall, she just, loves her dad. They’re a lot more like friends then a normal parent kid dynamic because ruggie understands that as she gets older she wants more respect (and hyena gender roles come in a bit). He taught her things from his culture though (HISPANIC RUGGIEEEE-) and she is fully considered apart of their community. Even if she’s a grey hyena in a sea of blonde and brown.

Faraja is… oh god she is my angst baby. I’m so sorry girl- she is an only child as well. I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen- her other parent.. isn’t in the picture. One day she was at Leona’s doorstep with a note saying she was his, and a week later, after the tests went through, she was. Cursed with being a bastard in a royal family (despite how fucking upset about it Leona was and how much he fought her treatment) she was basically ostracized from the rest of the family except for farena’s wife and Cheka. Leona loves her though. She never got a royal budget so he works as a local magical history professor and gives her his budget instead. Her hair is used throughout her storyline to express her feelings and I have a post detailing some of her angst

Vivienne is Not an only child, she has her brother, Emil- and she’s a musician (a la Taylor swift- said somewhat jokingly) but she only started performed when she was 16, because Vil was absolutely not going to have her have the same childhood he did. Instead she was tossed over to rook and taken out hunting. She has a crossbow in her skirt enchanted to compress at all times. She’s close with her little brother (tho he is annoying. Like all siblings) and she’s pretty close with both of her parents. (She also loves her gf Faraja which was a uh. Shock for Vil, at first.)

[averageartistamber]

So, my thoughts on Side Order

Okay, so Side Order’s been out for a few days, so I may as well give out my thoughts on it. Obviously, this post is going to contain spoilers below as I go into more detail about my opinions and observations.

I’ve completed four runs so far (almost got five but failed near the end).

Overall, Side Order’s pretty good. It’s a lot of fun, a little rough in some areas, but worth the wait.

 First, let’s talk about mechanics.

Splatoon’s gameplay works well with a rogue-lite gameplay loop, and it’ll easily keep you occupied for at least a couple of hours (Some folks have 100% completed it on release day, but for the average player I’d reckon maybe 15-20 hours?). The permanent upgrade system allows a degree of control over the difficulty (even if it can be a grind to unlock things).

The chip system is cool, especially later on when you’ve made some really goofy yet strong builds. The Pearl Drone is some of the most fun stuff we’ve seen in the series so far. Letting her be almost as overpowered in the gameplay as she is in the lore is just really funny.

One thing that I feel does bring it down though, is the lack of variety. After a few hours you do start to notice that there’s only about five different floor objectives, and there’s not that much in terms of enemy variety either (although later floors add a mechanic where Battering Lentos can carry other Jelletons around on their backs…Which is a thing. Definitely would have preferred a few new guys instead.)  

As for the Jelletons…they’re…eh. They don’t really have the charm of the Octarians or Salmonids, but the devs seem to have intentionally singled out some of the worst aspects of those enemy rosters to design these dudes. With such a small bestiary, about half of them are annoying “screw those guys” (the flying sprinkler assholes and the Stinger But Even Worse dudes come to mind)…Which I’m not sure if that’s bad game design or really good game design honestly. They do their job as obstacles and video game enemies, and the designs are solid.

At least it’s not reskinned Octarians again.

There only really being five different bosses, with three in “rotation” (and one you only fight once), which honestly feels like a huge wasted opportunity. Would have been cool to have maybe a handful more options. Maybe even have an exclusive boss for each palette on Floor 20 where Eight has to fight a screwed-up version of whoever the palette represents. In this case Parallel Canon would be exclusive to Agent 4, and Marina would have a slightly buffed version of her fight, maybe with a different barrier mechanic to differentiate her from Overlorder.

And as always, the soundtrack absolutely slaps.

Not sure if I’m personally going to bother with 100% completion, since apparently the reward is a few secret lore files that I’ll probably find and read from the wiki or something.

Story, Lore and Characters

The story is serviceable, it’s pretty much what you’d expect from Splatoon’s storytelling at this point. There’s interesting stuff there which either isn’t explored in detail or is relegated to background lore files you can unlock and read. That being said, the lore we got is cool. Like, we all guessed that the Spire of Order was some kind of VR thing Marina made, and finding out she made it in order to heal victims of KamaboCo and restore the sanitised is both in-character and a very nice tying of ends from Octo Expansion.

I will say that if you haven’t played or are otherwise aware of the plot of Octo Expansion, some things might not make the most sense (ie. you’ll probably scratching your head over who the hell Acht is and why they’re neon green.) so it’s best experienced after reading or watching a video on the previous DLC to have the full context.

Thank Cod they didn’t make Marina the villain or have her be locked away for most of the game waiting to be rescued. Although she did get put under mind control, which I kinda expected…Seems to be at least one the Story Writer’s favourite trope at this point. Or just an odd choice of running gag. This story feels more character-focused than events and plot-focused, so not much really “happens”, but we get some substantial character interactions that make up for it.

The limited cast of characters works very well in the story’s favour. Adds to the weird lonely and isolated vibe of the Memverse. Pearl and Marina are great as usual, and there’s a surprising amount of scenes and dialogue for Pearlina shippers to lose their minds over. Acht/Dedf1sh is an effective straight man to all this, providing a foil to the other characters. The vibe of “Can we please talk about literally anything else” after the aggressive Pearlina banter is entertaining. It’s just really cool that the background musician characters are starting to get more relevance.

Cipher doesn’t do very much, but might have one of the best character designs in the franchise so far. It’s alright (I think the character uses It/It’s pronouns).

On the other hand, I personally think Order/Smollusk might be the weakest of the Splatoon big bads. They don’t really have the charisma and backstory intrigue of Octavio, the presence and build-up of Mr.Grizz (who to be fair had two a whole game prior to his stint as a villain) or the menace/“creep factor” of Commander Tartar.

In fact, Order kinda feels like a toned-down or Bowdlerised Tartar, as in which Order’s goal is similar and similarly horrifying, but they haven’t been getting away with it for god knows how long and you don’t ever see the result of their plans, (No ghastly Bad Ending cutscene of everyone getting their minds destroyed by the Memverse or anything), unless you count the thing they turned Marina into. I guess the whole Virtual Reality setting makes them feel like less of a threat? Maybe it’s just me.

And I dunno if this is just localisation weirdness, but did they HAVE to make his weakened form converse in Uwu-speak?

Although this seemingly isn’t what happens, I do quite enjoy the idea of Order/Smollusk slowly getting rehabilitated and redeemed as the gang hangs out with him (and kicks his ass) several times. Unfortunately, dude seems to be really clinging hard to the “Evil Overlord” shtick, which ultimately turns the character into a one-note laugh when we could’ve had a fun little arc.

One more thing about characters….

WHERE IN THE FRESHLY FRIED AND FILLETED FLIPPER-FLOPPER IS AGENT FOUR!?

The fact that they have a sort-of presence (being the Splattershot is explicitly called Agent Four’s Palette and not, like, Squidbeak Splatoon Palette, as well as the Parallel Canon boss) really seemed to be hinting at Agent Four making a physical appearance. Maybe it’s cut content? Maybe they’ll find their way into the Memverse in an update (like with Callie in 2’s Hero Mode)?

Them being the only Agent not to appear in Splatoon 3 just kinda sucks. Like, even Nintendo themselves seem to in on the joke with them being the un-favourite (see the “supposed to be a [BIG SHOT]” line from Pearl). But I really hope that one day Agent Four gets to be something that’s a bit more than a joke, y’know?

…So this ended up being way longer than I thought it would be. Might come back and maybe discuss some of the new lore a bit more, but that’s my thoughts about Side Order. I ended up really enjoying it, and I’m pretty excited to see if this leads to more experimental stuff with Splatoon going forwards. I’d give it a 7/10.

[fangshing]

Hello!

This a member of the TV Station trying to apologize to you. Originally, I was going to send you a direct message but you have all of my blogs blocked and I don't want to pull what Arty used to and make a blog just to message you. That's creepy.

I want to start off by saying I am genuinely very sorry for her harassing you in the past and while the entire situation seems like a joke, a horrible grab for attention or fake I promise you this is very much real it has been very much affecting my personal life and the investigation with Ezra.

Full disclosure; I don't know you. I never wanted your contact information or your Discord, people would usually just kind of relay others to me expect me to know what's going on but I really am trying my best to distance myself from the situation which is impossible when I'm the only person who's out in the open if that makes any sense.

Understandably I get why you wouldn't want to see what I post unless someone else's screenshotting it without my permission and posting it, both sides have done this and I don't appreciate it and I typically don't see it because I'm very rarely on Tumblr and if I do see someone reposting my stuff without asking (which I'm only paranoid about because one of Sunny's friends has edited my face white more than once) I can't do much to undo the action.

I can say I know that the blogs typically will reblog a post without any commentary because it was meant to go into drafts or something to be commented on later or archived on the internet archive or some other thing I really don't know and really don't care because this is dragging my entire reputation through the mud it's been making everything harder for every person in my life right now.

You have no reason to believe this is me and I don't really have any way to show except if I take a screenshot of this and post it which I probably will at some point, but I am deeply sorry for the harassment you've faced. You're welcome to DM me with any questions you have or for any explanations.

Two things we can say is that we don't have a fictive of Taylor's OC and Arty is a real person, her deadname is in Sunny's callout.

Ben

Since you're being polite and trying to clear the air, I'll refrain from being a sarcastic bitch in this post. I do not forgive you, but its nice that you felt the need to apologize.

That being said, I don't appreciate that you block-evaded, even if your intentions were good. I do not want to speak with you, Hau, or anyone else in the TV Station system. I have made that abundantly clear on several different occasions.

The thing with the archiving still puzzles me. Posts from people who are twice removed from the drama (that is, only involved because they are interacting with me) are being cataloged even if the post has absolutely nothing to do with you. Like, a post that was just lyrics from a nonsensical YouTube video was saved by one. Why?

This entire situation doesn't have to continue. You and your friends don't have to do this. There is nothing to gain from trying to defend your character online. Ultimately this hurts nobody but yourself. People have already made up their minds about you and no amount of convincing will get them to change their minds. They are inconsequential anyway; the likelihood of you ever meeting them in person is slim to none. Internet slap fights where someone is trying to protect their honor has never ended well and has always resulted in more trouble for them than if they let it go.

The nature of human beings is that people will always take offense to what you do, no matter what that may be. You don't have to acknowledge them or try to prove them wrong. Like I said above, its doubtful you will meet any of your online detractors, and even less likely that they'll know who you are if they do. The opinions of someone who is this unimportant doesn't have to matter. If you don't look at their accounts, you will never know what they said, and it can never hurt you.

You don't have to take my advice, but I thought I would at least offer my two cents instead of saying "lol fuck off" because that helps no one.

[shysublimecoffee]

Tsuna Sawada will always be a loser and even towards the end of the manga he still is one and I will always love him for not changing. Face it all those reunion fics I used to read back in the day really be enjoying giving every person who bullied or were mean to him give everyone face slaps as if i'm reading a chinese revenge dogblood danmei novel lol. This is pre-2017 I belive when I binged a lot of fics in the previous years of that particular KHR era lol. So take it in mind my knowledge was from back then.

Hell this shit is even applied to his parents especially Nana like maybe I can go more indepth if I have time in another post but like this women certainly loves her child. I know the infamous chapter really got me heated not gonna lie I don't think the way she treats her kid is fine but damn sometimes I feel she be villainzed too much. From the way I see their relationship it's one of love but I don't think Tsuna could rely on his mom when it comes to emotions and feelings hell he avoid it together it's kinda why he was a little shit if I remember correctly in the beginning of the manga but what 13 year old isn't. Like their relationship is more she wants her child to be like his manly father and hopes he can grow out of his ugly ducking dame tsuna phase but he can't because it's more than that the dude whole school normalizes calling him dame tsuna instead of his actual birth name and the way the faculty treat him and his peers who go back and forth in their treatment of him if he surpasss their expectations they acknowledge him if he doesn't he goes back to being just lame old tsuna. So tsuna gives right up at the start then even try because he's afraid at the attempt he'll just fail. Iemitsu I get 100% because he prioritzes work over family and expects his son to be like his mother and be fine he shows up out of nowhere. I'd be pissed too. Ironic he's the 1 shounen protagnsit with 2 parents that just aren't that great as role models or when it comes to teaching him but they do love him certainly. It's why when it comes to the basis of how their characters are written yes there are defintlly problametic things going on because of how dysfuncitional they are as a family but they do love each other so I really dislike it a lot back in the past since a lot of the times writers really try to up and take it to a 100 to make both of them more hurtful or cruel in fics than they are in canon just to really give them faceslaps X double. And the result is Tsuna being a depressed sucidal kid to really get it and the fic writer just blackening the parents even more lol. Like please a little nuance would be appreatied in their family dynamic would be nice.

Tsuna no matter what anyone says is a strong kid. He really doesn't get bothered like I don't recall him talking shit about the students in his school who bully him like yamamato and him are straight parells in their treatment because I'm damn sure yamamato has to be aware of others treatment of Tsuna because it's a refelection of how he could end up if he becomes a failure too. One tries their hardest to be the best and tries to jump because he can't handle it no more. But Tsuna the other isn't even bother by his mistreatment wtf he's just Tsuna he's normalized it but he isn't a sucidal depressed mess he's just accepts he can't do it and says welp whatever and he's fine. My boi is strong.

I know some can't accept how the ending is. But, You're reading KHR so many weird things are in the manga that make 0 logical sense and I just go through with the motions accepting it. A baby for a tutor, oh Mukuro went through literal hell, oh what do you mean fucking time travel is involved. You really expect me to care that much how the ending went lol. KHR is a legit a parody telling of a shonen manga, which evolved into a real shonen later on.

I get the appeal but Tsuna is Tsuna. I think he's a normal boy who doesn't fit the shounen mold and himnot fiting the package kinda fit the bill because he doesn't suit the audience fantasy on how they want their MC's to be. They want him to be a Naruto how everyone who hurt him apologize or acknwledge his awesomeness but nah Akira Amano really just sticked to this dude core character from start to finish. Tsuna grew when it comes to areas he lacked but he never changed about his personhood because that sorta what makes him define the story. Tsuna being himself got him allies and people who rely and look towards him and what made Reborn impressed with his student. He defines the genre he's like is a Deku from BNHA reversed when it comes to their development.

[cottagecrowe]

Ok I finally have words for some shit that's been bothering me SO BADLY, lol

So whenever some movies snuck in modern day feminism into things like Anne with an E, or the newest Little Women, etc., It always felt badly written, out of place, awkward, and just came off as cringe-y, and I had no idea why.

For something like Tauriel being slapped into The Hobbit, it was obvious. She was there specifically and only to give more "strong female representation", and the team even fully admits that... It just makes you wanna wrinkle your nose cause for one thing we do...? Have strong women in TLOTR??

I could go on a whole separate post just rehashing the problems with the existing material with women in it that other people have already talked about for sure, but for at least one kind of portrayal of strong women, it IS there.

I also think some of the eps in TROP gives us that in a bit of a more eloquent way, too. You know, in a way that just feels natural and part of the story and was written in well? Not like a separate modern day speech just copy pasted into a fantasy movie/period drama/classical book made into show/movie?

But it being inserted like that into recently made period dramas and/or classical books like Jane Austen and Little Women is REALLY rubbing me the wrong way.

1. I feel like even if they didn't write it that way and you go back and realize as much, you remember the lil speech they gave in your head using modern day language/terms when they like...are in fucking 1870 or something and would absolutely not be talking like that, lol.

2. Again, it just feels like it's copy-paste inserted into the moment they felt would work most to put it. If it's an original show, this just feels...forced? And if it's off of a book, it feels forced and inserted because that's exactly what it is, lol.

3. It's...always MODERN DAY feminism. Believe me I have absolutely no issue with feminism being in a movie/show, even if it's integrated to be more highlighted in a newer version of a book or something, like Emma, or Little Women~.

I will always and forever die on this hill, but I think one of the movies that has always done it the best in both a historical, AND fairytale/fantasy manner, was Ever After A Cinderella Story. Seriously, everyone go give that movie some more love. Jane Eyre, in general, also does.

BUT. Modern day feminism slapped into...historical fantasy/period drama...? What?? Lol, it feels so much more natural if you ya know...have it be verbage of the state of growth that feminism was...at the time in history your media is centered around..? From the way they talk, to the way they expressed their frustrations, to their mannerisms big and small, to HOW you insert it as naturally as possible and not just to have a big obvious speech moment like you think your audience is fucking stupid and not going to understand unless you have that kind of moment in it.

Personally, I always loved watching Jane Austen movies made in the 90's, and then going off with my immense love for them, and taking my own initiative to learn and do research behind the feminism of the times more.

Fuck, that's how I also ended up learning so much LGBT+ history, too, tbh, which helped to lead me to question the teachings I was raised on, and follow down a better path. And I still have so much more to learn of both.

I also love to SHARE that knowledge with other people, and part of me just feels like when it's more lazy like this, just any chance for more people to learn cool facts about our history, is sort of taking away a potential opportunity to look back on people of the past and understand the struggles of their time. To stop looking at them as inferior just because they lived a long time ago, and instead hear their voices and stories, and let them continue to be remembered.

Idk, I want more feminism in more media, but whenever I think about that fucking speech Joe gave to Laurie about marriage, or Anne gave her class about periods, while I have no doubt/am gladdened by the fact I'm sure it will help a lot more girls speak up and continue to do so...it just feels so ick, lol.

It's like I can feel the "ugh we just wanna capitalize off this, so get it out of the way and move on, whatever" energy that's with it. Sort of like how they kept building up the power rangers movie for having a lesbian, and we got the saddest and smallest little thing out of that ever, while everyone was making a huge deal about it, lol. Yes, baby steps are progress too, but idk. I feel there is still good cause in annoyance and anger over the stupid parts surrounding it, too, lol.

Honestly, we shouldn't HAVE to have baby steps towards any kind of progress like this. We shouldn't HAVE to fight tooth and nail for our voices to be heard and our trauma and bodies to be valued and shown respect.

Capitalism is the biggest con and conspiracy we could've ever done to ourselves, tbh.

Anyway, this went in many directions but if anyone related or understood what I was trying to put down and stuck out reading this, ily and thank you~

I do also understand this type of media may just Not Be Made For Me, and that's cool too~! But something about it just leaves an icky taste in my mouth, lol.

If nothing else, even if you enjoy these movies and shows, I beg of you to search for some way to watch the 90's/80's ones (yes, even the Pride and Prejudice bc you can dislike it all you want, if nothing else they filmed that thing beautifully and I'll die on that hill lol), and the og Anne of Green Gables, and take any love you grow for any of them as an excuse to learn more about women in all sorts of times and cultures, to better listen to their voices and merge them with your own. At the end of the day, that's all that's the most important, and even if the newer versions of these accomplish that for some people, I'll be a little happier, lol~

[straykidsreactionsandscenarios]

StayTeez Trope’Pril - Trope Prompt 4: Everyone can see it except them

Post Date: 11th April 2023 Content: Fluff - Everyone can see it except them : Chan x Fem!Reader Word Count: 1.5K TW?: Reader is in an emotionally abusive relationship/ Non sexual degrading/ belittling/ Chan and Minho are brothers/ Teasing

Summary: Being in a difficult relationship, you never realised that both you and your best friend Chan had the biggest crush on each other, especially with your situation, it made it complicated. But you knew what you had to do. 

~ Scenario Mobile Masterlist                                     Prompt List StayTeez Trope’Pril Masterlist If you like my stuff and wanna tip, just buy me a coffee!

"Why don't you pop over for an hour? You're welcome up at any time, you know this." Your best friend's boyfriend Minho suggests over the headset, knowing you're not feeling 100% in yourself. Feeling quite lonely as your boyfriend is busy with his friends.

Though you didn't really feel like doing anything, you felt like you should socialise more. You felt suffocated in the relationship like you couldn't have any male friends without being accused of cheating on him, but you had to socialise.

Plus, Minho has literally known you for seven years, throughout school and into adulthood. He was like an older brother figure that you obviously had a great relationship despite your many arguments over the pettiest things.

"Yeah sure, I'll be there in ten." You sigh, closing down the game and shutting off your console, throwing on a dress, wanting to make an effort for yourself.

Luckily, he only lives up the road with his older brother, Chan. Who you've talked to over game party, never actually meeting him which in all honesty, you were worried about meeting, purely for it to be a new person to meet face to face.

"We're around the back!" Minho calls out from down the lane beside the house, welcoming you over and scruffing up your hair as you walk past to sit on the chair beside him.

"It's nice to see you out and about. How's everything with that dickhead?" He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

You knew beforehand that Minho wasn't the biggest fan of your relationship, well... More about the guy you're with. He didn't think he was good enough for you.

"Minho! And we're fine, he's out with his friends so I haven't heard from him yet." You reply, forcing a smile as you slap his forearm for calling him such, but you knew deep down. He's right. Just can't show it.

"Hey, Minho. Have you seen-" Someone calls out, walking out of the kitchen door into the garden but stopping in his tracks when his eyes lay on you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had friends over." He rushes to leave you guys alone but Minho stops him.

"Chan, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Chan." Minho softly introduces you both, and when you look up at Chan to smile and wave it to him, your world stops for a moment.

Oh, he's handsome. With the most gorgeous smile.

Blush quickly rushes to your cheeks as you try to look anywhere else but him, but it was impossible. It didn't help that Chan couldn't keep his eyes off of you either, taking a seat opposite as Minho suggests to him, and you start getting into a conversation.

That conversation leads to being four years later, and now. Though you felt guilty. Chan has become your closest friend. Even hanging out with him whenever you could. Playing games with him and completely enjoying his company.

Which your boyfriend really hated. Every second of it.

The signs were there from the beginning that you were in a toxic relationship with him, but you never wanted to admit it. You were scared of being alone, scared of the way he'd react if you ended it for your mental health.

Sleepless nights, crying to yourself as he lays peacefully beside you. The constant screaming at you for the littlest things. Being belittled whenever you tried to do something or express a new interest to him. Always being on the receiving end of his comments such as "Why are you talking to me about this? I don't care".

And more recently, his emotional manipulation for affection and more of you, trying to control when and how you give him affection and other things completely against your will.

"I'm not doing this with you! What's wrong with you?!" You scream at Charlie - your boyfriend - who's recently gotten so jealous of your friendship with Minho and Chan.

Charlie gets close to you, and you quiver behind your arms covering your face, "Why is it that you seem to enjoy spending more time with your friends than me?!"

You step back, tears forming in your eyes, biting back at him which you knew better than to do because you'd always get worse back, "Because they don't talk to me or treat me like utter crap!"

"Don't lie. You're just a little whore for attention for cock, you'd do anything to be laid wouldn't you?" He snarls, making you feel physically sick at his comment.

Refusing to look at him, you rush out of the room, grabbing a bag with a few things before storming out of the flat, booking a ticket for the next train back home, and instantly going up to the brothers' house.

Knocking on the door with very little energy, you're greeted by Chan who welcomes you with a warm hug, holding you tight to his chest. He doesn't even have to ask what's gone on, your tear-stained cheeks say it all to him.

"He's doing it again, isn't he? Please don't lie to me, Y/N." He softly speaks into your neck, caressing the back of your head as he hears your choked cry into his shoulder.

Everyone knew what was going on in your relationship, but couldn't say or do anything for you. They knew when you were around them without Charlie, you were happier, smile more and felt comfortable. But you're different over game chat when you're back in the flat with him.

"Shh, it's okay. Come on, let's go sit down. I'm going to grab you a drink and tissues." He slowly leaves go, not to frighten you with any sudden movements as you make your way towards the living room, taking a seat on your claimed spot in the house as he disappears into the kitchen.

Within minutes, Minho shows up in the room, a look of concern plastering his face and looking at you with sincere worry, "You're ugly when you cry, you should smile." He softly jokes to make you laugh, laughing himself when you curse at him.

"Does Titch know you're up here?" You shake your head at Minho's question. Your best friend, Titch, knows a lot goes on, especially when you're phoning every night and most times experiencing the way that Charlie talks to you, "Do you want her up here?".

Shaking your head, you just sit back, wiping the tears with the back of your hand and Minho joins Chan in the kitchen.

"I fucking hate him, man. She's a mess, she needs to get out of that relationship, it pains me physically to see her like this." Chan sighs to Minho who nods in agreement, completely understanding that feeling.

"It's a shame she doesn't have a guy to make her feel like a princess rather than garbage." Minho winks at Chan, who looks at him puzzled.

Minho pats him on the shoulder, making his comment before disappearing into his room, letting this sink into Chan's head, "Come on, brother. I see the way you look at her, you can't tell me that you don't have feelings for her. The same goes for her. She's caged in fake love, but when she looks at you, she's literally glowing."

Trapped in his own mind for a moment, he realises how right Minho was about his feelings for you, but he worries that'll never be reciprocated as much as he'd love it to be. Picking up the drink, he walks back into the room and hands it to you, slowly sitting down next to you as you lean your head on his.

"I can't do this anymore." You sob, clutching onto Chan's arm as he gently puts it around you, pulling you into another hug and his heart aches more.

"You need to break up with him. I hate, well, we all hate seeing you like this because of him. You deserve so much better, to be loved and appreciated by someone, to be treated like a queen. He can't give that to you and you need to be selfish, Y/N. Look out for yourself".

Listening to his words carefully, you know he's right. But it also gets you thinking about how he could care so much. But that you shake off.

Looking up at him, your mind goes wandering as you stare into his eyes and a smile slowly grows on your face. You're comfortable, you feel safe. You felt at home. Something you've never felt once with being Charlie.

But it would be so wrong to let your mind get confused with emotions, especially at this time.

"We'll be here for you, Y/N. I'll be here for you." He whispers softly as he plants a kiss on your cheek.

Stupid move on his behalf but it felt right, it felt right for you too but you didn't know what it was.

"Will you two lovebirds get a room?" Minho snarls playfully as he makes his entrance known, receiving dirty looks from you and Chan as he laughs, running into the kitchen and Chan chases him.

"It would be so funny if you slip right now." You comment with a giggle, Chan looks back with a huge eye smile and bursts into laughter, "I was thinking the exact same thing."

That moment, with the same mindset, literally knowing each other a little too well personality-wise, you knew you felt this is where you're meant to be.

~

Taglist: @hipster-shiz, @ateezreactionsandscenarios, @whatudowhennooneseesyou, @bellscamander

[nightswithkookmin]

More Pictures of Tae and Jennie are out and at this point I'm kinda feeling bad for taekookers, at the same time they had it coming, shipping a ship that was barely there in the first place Vope was more realer than taekook that's how much content tae kook had. But anyways I'm starting to approve of Tae and Jennie before I was like hell no but now I don't mind it, do I think he could do better yes but at the end of the day it's his happiness, and that I approve of.

Oops I'm dead again

I knew they were fucked the moment it was with miss Jennie. Poor tuktukkers🥲

It breaks my heart for them

Its them coming up eith elaborate theories to explain why JK's brother allowed Jikook tags on his page for me. That was the last straw

Claiming the original poster unarchived her post- if all it takes for tags to show up on his page is to unarchive posts he's already tagged in, why don't yall unarchive your posts as well?? You know you want to

The lies they tell on Beyonce's internet.

About these two.

You know I saw one tuktukkers on my timeline saying they believe the dating rumors now but the leg and nose in the photos don't look like Tae at all....

To be honest I think Hybe needs to put all this to rest now. Confirm it or deny it and let us move on with our lives. I'm getting tired of saesangs putting their relationship in my face every few sec. They screwing. Cool. Know who else is screwing? EVERYBODY.

This is getting too much attention than it should. And it's becoming too much of new old news every single minute. It's like they don't want us to forget and the minute it dies down it circles back up. Which saesang has the time to orchestrate something like this? Serving tea one teaspoon full at a time?

Feels like a whole marketing ploy.

It was shocking, titillating the first few times, now it's just plain annoying.

And I'm gay. I do not want to hear nothing bout heterosexual people on my timeline always

Make it stop. Hybe. End it please. I can't take it anymore. They broken my ear with it😫

This certainly isn't my favorite couple reveal moment and this whole trajectory of the reveal leaves such a poor taste in my mouth. They are not being photographed on the streets by paparazzi or even being outed by owners of the places they staying. No. These are images ordinarily no one but them would have access to💀

And they all going about their lives like it's the most normal thing. When one word from either of them and both camps would nip this. Just one word.

If it was privacy invasion I know HYBE WOULD HAVE SLAPPED WHOEVER IS BEHIND IT WITH A SUIT. Tae would have cussed them out himself. Someone from both camps is behind it with their blessings. I said it.

People want to act like everyone wants to hide their relationship when it's like but if you've ever been in love especially the first time you just want to shout it to the whole world💀 Free Jikook in gcf.

I take little to no stock whatsoever in their dynamic. But out of love and respect for Taehyung I wish them well. Wish he's happy.

Tae deserves to be happy. If she makes him happy and he makes her happy- which he will cos I know that man a lover and she's very lucky to have him. Very, very lucky. Not sure I can say same for her cos I don't know her like that. Let's hope she does else I'm rallying up tuktukker's and starting a riot.

You'd be surprised how many people will lose interest in them the moment they confirm it. I'm here for BTS, to support their music and make them rich at my expense, what they do in their private capacity with private persons and persons outside BTS is none of my business.

But this whole Romeo and juliet trope they have going on irks me. They out there living their best forbidden love romance trope life thinking we don't want to see them together- like no. We just don't care 🤷🏾

Some of us just don't care at all😫

Miss Jennie lost her wow factor two public relationships ago for us to care who she dates anymore sorry💀

Then on the other hand, because this is Tae's first public relationship we care so much and have so many judgements to pass cos in our eyes no one deserves Tae but us🥺

But we do see the power couple potential they have😏

I just wish Jennie was Tae's second public relationship not his first.

Their shippers must be so happy 😊

That said, if Namjoon wanna date someone say tall, skinny, Asian, female, who is into pilates👀

Anyway this has been a rather satisfying jikook karma moment 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'll be in tuktukland all day🥳

[recklesswriter]

I'm sorry for being so MIA on here, guys! I think I've said it before, but I have a bad habit of forgetting I have a tumblr until I go to update one of my stories 😅

Anyway, I'm happy to say that after 2 years of it going untouched, I'm finally feeling inspired to write the last chapter of With Friends Like These. I've written half the chapter in the past week, and I'm hoping to get it finished and posted within the next two 😁

Here's the first scene of the chapter given to you early, since it's been so terribly long:

Sasuke runs faster than he’s run in his entire life.

The soles of his shoes slap loudly against the stone floor, the sound bouncing and ricocheting off the walls of the narrow corridor. There’s a sharp, stabbing pain in his side, in the space between his ribs, but he ignores it and pushes forward despite the lack of oxygen he’s managing to pull through his lungs. Despite his pounding heart, a part of it still screaming at him to turn around and go back.

Back to where Kakashi is fighting—his extreme skill and experience rendered practically useless against the likes of Obito Uchiha. There’s no way Kakashi can hope to best him, not without Sasuke to back him up.

He's going to die.

Sasuke bites the inside of his mouth, hard enough to taste blood. He wishes, just for this moment, that he could go back to when he was seventeen—back to when he didn’t care about anyone except his brother. It would be easier, that way. It would hurt so much less.

Sasuke owes Kakashi so much—for everything he’s done for him. But Sasuke has always been selfish, and so once again, he chooses Itachi. He’s always chosen Itachi over everyone else, even when Itachi hasn’t chosen him.

I’m sorry, Sasuke thinks. And prays, by some miracle, that his sensei survives.

He forces the guilt away—shoves it somewhere deep down in his chest where it can no longer influence thoughts and decisions. Instead he focuses on the desperate pull in his chest that is somehow guiding him. The one that’s blaring his brother’s name at him like a siren—

Itachi, Itachi, Itachi, Itachi—

Something has happened. Itachi is hurt somewhere, is dying, and Sasuke can’t explain how he knows this but right now he doesn’t care. All that matters is reaching him.

Sasuke refuses to lose him again. He can’t.

He skids sharply around the corner as he reaches the end of the hallway. He catches a flash of blonde hair and blue eyes widening, but he’s running too fast to stop himself in time—he collides with the person in front of him, a brutal smack followed by a surprised yelp, and both of them are knocked to the floor.

Sasuke catches himself on his elbows, wincing as the impact reverberates through his entire body. He blinks his vision clear.

Deidara is on the ground across from him, also blinking and grimacing in pain. “Ow! What the hell, man? Watch where you’re going!” He glances down at his arm, which got scraped up by the fall and is now bleeding sluggishly. He looks back up at Sasuke with a glare. “Look what you did!”

He shoves his bleeding elbow into Sasuke’s face. Sasuke shoves it away. “Where’s Itachi?” he demands.

The other Akatsuki member scowls at him. “'I’m so sorry, Deidara, for knocking you over. Are you alri—‘”

“Just tell me where he is! The two of you went off together to find Konan!”

“Yeah, and we split off from each other! Like I want to spend anymore time than necessary with that asshole! Seriously, what the hell—”

With a scowl, Sasuke pushes himself to his feet. He ignores the new soreness throughout his body. “Which direction did he go in?”

Deidara looks ready to snap at him again, but he looks at him and something on Sasuke’s face must give away the seriousness of the situation. The indignation flickers, replaced by uncertainty and concern.

“Why? What's happened?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hurt—badly, I think.”

Deidara pushes himself off the floor, wincing slightly and brushing off his black and red cloak. “How do you know?”

“I just do. Which direction?”

Deidara looks unhappy with that answer. Most likely he assumes Sasuke is lying and not wanting to explain, rather than the truth that he genuinely has no idea how he knows. He just does. But Deidara presses his lips into a thin line and nods.

“Alright. Come on, this way. We’ll find him.”

They turn around and begin going in the direction that Deidara just came from. They don’t run, like Sasuke was earlier, and Sasuke has to bite down on the desperation that makes him want to snap at the other man to hurry the fuck up. But they’re walking at a quick, urgent pace, Deidara’s longer legs causing his paces to be bigger than Sasuke’s. Sasuke is forced into something near to a jog.

“What happened to you?” Deidara asks.

Sasuke frowns. “What?”

“Your clothes—they’re ripped. They weren’t before, so it’s not from fighting with Sasori. Did you fight someone else?”

Observant of him. Sasuke clenches his jaw. “Obito knows.”

Deidara’s mouth drops open, panic in his eyes as he jerks to a halt. “What? Oh fuck—”

“Which is why we need to find my brother now! Okay? Because Obito knows he’s a traitor—he knows you are, too—”

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. This is all your fault, Uchiha. You’ve dragged me into your shit—"

“Me? You’re the one that attacked Hidan!”

“You killed him!”

“Because of you—!”

Sasuke cuts himself off as they round the corner. His breath leaves him, a sharp, choked gasp sucked through his teeth. His feet come to an abrupt halt as the blood in his veins turns to ice.

Beside him, Deidara freezes as well. Eyes wide. “Shit. Is that…?”

Deidara’s eyes are locked in the center of the room, where a broken, misshapen shape is barely visible in the dark. It’s Kakuzu, his body so shredded and disfigured that he’s barely recognizable. A bloody heap of flesh, surrounded by scorch marks and discarded weapons that tell tale of a battle.

But Sasuke—

Sasuke looks right past the sight. His eyes are on another body, a bit further into the room and more to the left. His Sharingan swirls to life, allowing him to see clearer in the darkness. Dark hair—purple, bloody fingernails against the gray stone floor—

Itachi.

It takes a second for him to fly across the room, for him to fall to his knees by his brother’s side. Something thick and wet immediately soaks through the fabric of his pants—blood, from the deep wound that’s sliced through his brother’s chest. The metallic, coppery scent is heavy in the air.

“Nii-san,” Sasuke says. “Nii-san!”

Itachi’s face is deathly pale. He doesn’t respond to Sasuke’s voice. Sasuke’s hands shake, his heart hammering painfully against his ribs, as he pulls the ripped fabric of the Akatsuki cloak back to get a better look at where the blood is all coming from.

He remembers two fingers against his forehead. Dragging a line of wet blood down his face.

(Forgive me, Sasuke. But this is it.)

No. No, no, no, no.

He’s on his side. One of his arms stretched out, fingers smearing blood against the floor, like he was trying to drag himself forward. Sasuke shifts his brother’s body slightly, his head lolling against Sasuke’s folded knees. There’s blood on his lips, and it makes another spark of panic go off in Sasuke’s chest.

Deidara drops down next to him. “God. Is he dead? Who did this to him? Kakuzu?”

There’s actually a thread of something close to fear in the blonde’s voice. Curious, considering how many times he’s expressed a desire to kill Itachi himself. Deidara cares, despite how vehemently he denies it, and any other time Sasuke would never let it go without comment—but right now it barely registers.

His trembling fingers shove Itachi’s hair aside to press against his neck. He finds a pulse there—slightly too slow, but undeniable proof of life.

Sasuke releases a breath. “He’s alive. For now. Help me stop the bleeding.”

“With what?” Deidara demands. “I don’t carry a medical kit with me! Fuck, fuck, fuck—"

“Shut up,” Sasuke snaps. Deidara’s panic is only making his worse. The momentary relief that Itachi is alive is quick to fade, the previous fear returning as he takes stock of the situation—of Itachi’s injuries, probably too serious for them to treat even with the proper supplies.

Sasuke strips off his Akatsuki cloak. He balls it up and presses it to Itachi’s chest in a pathetic attempt to stem the blood flow. “Who here knows medical ninjutsu? Anyone?”

Deidara grimaces. “Sasori.”

“That’s all?”

“It’s not usually an issue! Konan knows a bit of battlefield surgery, I think—Leader-sama, too—but this might be too much even for that. And we still don’t know if Ane-san’s managed to get him on our side, so he might be trying to kill us too…”

Great, Sasuke thinks. The only person with the capability to possibly save Itachi’s life in time is the same person that Itachi kicked through one of Sasuke’s portals less than half an hour ago.

He takes a breath. Looking down at his brother and resisting the urge to flinch at the blood on his lips. Unless Itachi bit his tongue or sliced the inside of his mouth on his teeth, that blood meant internal bleeding. Likely a punctured lung.

He brushes the bangs from Itachi’s face. “It’s okay,” he says shakily. “You’re going to be okay. I won’t let you die again, I promise.”

He turns his head to look at Deidara.

“I’m going to retrieve Sasori. I need you to stay here with him while I do.”

Deidara’s mouth drops open. “Wh—Me? No way!”

“It’ll only take a few minutes. I’ll be right back.”

“But what if he dies?!”

“Then make sure he doesn’t!” Sasuke yells back. Leaving his brother is the last thing he wants to do—but unless Sasuke can get him help, there’ll be no saving him. All Sasuke will be able to do is sit here and hold his hand while his life slowly fades away.

No. Itachi will live this time. He has to.

Deidara grimaces. He looks down at Itachi’s bleeding body, then back to Sasuke. “Okay, okay, fine! Just—hurry the hell back, you brat!”

Sasuke slides out from under his brother. His bloodstained hands, holding the wadded-up cloak tightly against Itachi’s chest, are replaced by Deidara’s. He stands up, pushing his hair out of his face and the rings in his left eye whirling as the power activates.

A portal opens up in mid-air. Beyond, Sasuke can see miles upon miles of desert—the same plane of existence where he trapped Sasori. Taking one last glance at Itachi, sending up a prayer, he steps through the portal and leaves the two of them an entire dimension away.

His feet land in the sand. The portal closes behind him.

[cleverthylacine]

why ravage beat prowl in that waterlogged cat poll

(Note:  I don’t think Ravage is much of a waterlogged cat, but I also don’t think that Prowl is one either.)

First of all, Ravage would scratch and hiss about a surprise hug because it’s made clear throughout all of IDW that beastformers who are not big and terrifying to average sized mechs have to put up with loads of unwanted touching just because they’re adorable and pet-sized, despite the fact that they deserve bodily autonomy just as much as everyone else does.

Prowl probably doesn’t have people always grabbing at him and trying to pet him and skritch his ears and calling him things like ‘poppet’.

But there is one very important very bad thing that happens to Ravage in the comics, aside from the general Shit Life Syndrome that most Cybertronians have.

SPOILERS FOR MTMTE ENDING under cut (and is anyone surprised that I’m the one answering this?  Lord I hope not.)

(attn @pits-of-kaos  = the post wasn’t rebloggable which I didn’t find out till I got done writing this and the damn poll was already over!  but Ravi won without my propaganda!)

Ravage gets shoved into the proverbial refrigerator at the end of MTMTE and both the reasoning and execution (haha) of Ravage’s death are colossally dumb as well as unnecessary.

Ravage is Megatron’s only confidant and therefore arguably the most important person in Megatron’s world. The writers never say that Ravage and Megatron are amicae, but that’s almost the only possible explanation for the fact that Ravage can slap Megatron across the face with claws out, and Megatron will not only not kill Ravage, but will simply grab and hold the offending paw until the cat calms down.

(The other possible explanation is something that only Riptide ever notices in-universe, which is that if you are willing to ignore the fact that Ravage is cat-shaped, because Ravage passes the Harkness Test with flying colours, it’s possible to look back at the relationship history of the relationships between Megatron, Ravage and Soundwave throughout the war and conclude that they are or at least once were all in love with each other and doing whatever it is that married robots in IDW actually do, which canon never tells us.)

Riptide asks Ravage which one of the two Ravage would choose, and gets asked if he’s feeling suicidal, which isn’t an answer.

So here we are at the end of the MTMTE run.

Megatron has made a vow of pacifism (which is not even slightly sus despite the fact that he made it right after a psychic attack from a villain who activates your internal guilt to incapacitate you), and swore that he will never hurt another living thing. From then on, he only plays a support role in the Lost Light’s battles. He won’t even touch a gun.

One could argue that he isn’t fully sincere, because the next time he gets psychic-attacked he yeets Minimus across the room, but whatever.

Anyhow, Megatron and his friends have all been marooned on the Necroworld, and they’re waiting for the DJD to kill them. The DJD also have Deathsaurus’ Warworlders backing them up, because Tarn has decided that he’s going to run the Decepticons now and Dezza’s going to be his warleader. Or figurehead. It’s not clear which. In Japanese G1 Dezza was Meg’s successor as Emperor of Destruction, though.

And JRo et al have written themselves into a corner.

Megatron won’t fucking fight. I don’t think this should have been that big a problem. They had Ultra Magnus, Rodimus, Cyclonus, Tailgate who can throw shuttles at people, and Drift down there, to name just a few. That’s a lot of heavy hitters. But they’ve also been hinting for ages and ages that Megatron’s intradimensionally fucked up frame is hiding a portal through which he can manifest black holes or antimatter or whatever.

It’s not like antimatter is the only thing that can kill DJD members. They’re scary because they have no brakes on them and will do fucking anything to anyone, not because they’re invulnerable to things like bullets and swords and energy weapons.

Somehow, the writers have to get Megatron to fight, because Chekhov’s got a gun. So Ravage and Megatron have a fight about why Megatron won’t fight, and Ravage is ashamed of Megatron, and stalks off all by catself into trouble, because that was a sensible thing for the most pragmatic person aboard the LL to do, wasn’t it?

Tarn, of course, finds Ravage.

There’s a single joint in Ravage’s midsection that joins Ravage’s front/top half to Ravage’s back/bottom half, and literally nobody this cat has ever fought before has noticed this massive vulnerability.

Tarn does, though, and he rips Ravage in half.

(Seriously, it’s ONE joint.  The MMC third-party IDW Ravage figure even duplicated it so that you can split Ravage in half for Tarn to hold, except that they’re not stupid, and you can snap your figure back together and Ravage is good as new.)

Megatron sees Ravage in pieces and in pain, and this motivates Megatron to break his vow, and go out and obliterate Tarn and the rest of the DJD with his fancy antimatter trick, and steal a Decepticon symbol and put it on his chest.

Despite being Ratchet, Ratchet can’t manage to successfully reattach the back half of a cat to the front half of a cat, even though Transformers are not supposed to be irretrievably dead unless the T-cog, brain module and spark have all been destroyed, and while the T-cog could have been in the joint, Ravage is still talking, and therefore presumably has both brain and spark.

As a result of this, Megatron returns just in time for Ravage to paw the Decepticon symbol, murmur something very ambiguous about not changing back (from Con to Bot? from Bot to Con? who the fuck knows) and literally die in Megatron’s arms.

Cut to across the galaxy at Sanctuary Station. Soundwave falls to his knees clutching at his chest. (This is something that only happens to TFs if their spark-twin sibling or their spark-bound conjunx dies, but Soundwave being a telepath is the generally preferred unnecessary explanation.)

This is classic stuffed-in-a-fridge bullshit. There was no reason for Ravage to die. Megatron could have taken a vow of pacifism later, or not at all. Ravage could have been repaired. Ratchet’s clinic was in Rodion when both Drift and Ravage were street people there, so there’s no bloody reason he shouldn’t know how Ravage is wired. The writers kill Ravage in order to give Megatron even more manpain, as if he didn’t have enough already, and probably also because they want to Strongly Imply CosWave (eurgh).

[dyslexicandakeyboard]

muah. muah, mauh. Anti bullshit. Don'r read if you like Talia. And don't go harrassing Talia stans.

I'm tired. So I'm just reading up No Man's Land and I came across Talia. Again. Yay.

I want to go through a scene with full context and say why it bothers me so.

So for context, Gotham destroyed after a plauge and earthquakes. Gov said, you are no longer in the country and Gotham was barred off. The LoA along with Talia did some shitty stuff too.

First intro to Talia is regular. These people have a habit of showing up unwanted or detected.

Then this

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive but I hate this. It's not like they both fighting. He's in his hotel room and she slapping (drawing blood) him for telling her to leave? And it's portrayed as a good thing (and that they still have feelings for each other? That's what some people say.)

He pulls away, rejecting her, multiple times.

Something which I've always found very interesting is that Talia (and Ra's) mainly call him nicknames given by them or his alias. "Detective" "Beloved". More on that as a wider topic in another post maybe.

I understand that point of her dialogue is to rouse Bruce and say that he's acting "dumb" in this situation. Maybe it's my modern sensibilities but it comes out wrong. Talia sounds more possessive (and objectifies Bruce basically) more than anything.

The idea that he's dishonoured her by being in a bad mental place. The lack of calling Bruce by his name. Constantly tying his worth to her. That his importance lies directly in the fact that she loves him.

Again, the same problems as listed up above. Also (small segue), I will never understand the constant posting of these panels (usually out of context) to state that either Talia and him had sex (it's vague and I'm pretty sure they don't) or that Talia values his consent (which is the hinge for their argument).

She undermined his consent at the very start of the interaction. Violently. He's told her to leave him alone. Multiple times. She doesn't listen.

What's interesting to me is that with this interpretation of the relationship, its explictly stated that they wouldn't work out due to the fact that Talia is more attracted to the ideas of Batman than Bruce as a person (evident by the fact that she never call him by his name) and that Bruce, now, has Gotham and protecting the citizens on his mind. It's also implied that Talia knows that it's an endless war between them because they are opposed on their morals. Making her visit to Bruce useless for the furthering of their relationship.

*deep breath*

Finally, if they did have sex, that would be real disgusting. I'm not saying they did, but if people do interpret it that way (it's a pretty vague ending) then this encounter would quite literally be rape.

Bruce:

A pretty clear no.

Talia:

If they had sex, those phrases have rapey-vibes. Plus, we never get any confirmation that Bruce did give consent. (And if he did, one could argue that is was more forced due to the circumstances)

[demadogs]

Hey! Can you rec your favourite snowbaz fics? I keep seeing some posts in between that mention them and i am curious of the names. (Also I know a lot of people in fandom who refused to read the other two books but pls give them a shot. Awtwb is my fav, even more than CO!!)

PS. Shoutout to you and @kidovna for being the only active snowbaz and byler fans i know of! I feel represented!

HELL YEAH I CAN!!!!!!! ive had people ask me for byler fic recs and i couldnt even give them an answer bc literally the only fanfiction i ever read is snowbaz. ive read maybe 4 byler fics total but i read snowbaz fics multiple times a week which is honestly crazy considering i first read the book like 7 years ago and im still wanting more content every day.

most of these arent that long bc i personally like to read something i can read in one sitting or at most 2-3 days. but if you do want a wholeass novel boy do i have an author for you (philaetos).

the wheel by sleepdeprivedphilosopher

this is one of my favorite fics ever and its also by one of my favorite authors. its an au but theres still magic. simon and baz are in this never ending cycle of constantly being reincarnated in a new life together. theyre always rivals and simon always ends up killing baz but every life the situation for why theyre rivals is different. (this isnt a spoiler you find out pretty soon) the reason for this is that the first time simon killed baz he begged fate, who is like an actual personified thing you can talk to, to give him another chance so she “spun the wheel” and allowed him to be able to have another chance every time he messes up and kills him. so theyve been reincarnated for like centuries. its so good that i wish it was a whole book with completely new characters. i hope this author some day actually write a novel like this i love the plot so fucking much. it kinda reminds me of the show dark which is my favorite show of all time.

do as your told by IL46

also one of my favorite authors. they havent posted that much but everything they have i LOVE!!!!!!!! this one is my favorite tho. simon accidentally curses baz with a compulsion spell that forces him to do whatever anyone tells him to do and they work together with penny to try and create a counter spell for this ancient illegal spell that has no current counter. bazs life is pretty much ruined and hes really going through it but simon helps him. lots of hurt/comfort. i really loved this one.

love alarm by nevergonnacallmedarling

my favorite kinds of snowbaz fics are ones with a spell gone wrong and this is one of those. someone casts a spell that makes everyone whos within ten feet of someone theyre in love with have an alarm go off in their heart announcing their love. so baz is fucked and hes avoiding simon at all costs its really fun (not for him).

kiss it better by krisrix

this one SLAPS simon gets slashed by a goblin in the leg and the only way baz could help is with the kiss it better spell but hes so scared to do it bc he has to kiss the wound and ya know vampire and all that. i love this one.

a room just for two by krisrix

another banger by this author. its just late night conversations between the two of them and they slowly become more and more friendly and open up to each other more and more.

dream with eyes open by krisrix

i love this author ok. this ones about simon invading baz’s dreams over the summer break with “psychological warfare”.

sweet dreams by annabellelux

simon has nightmares so baz casts sweet dreams on him every night but that just leads to simon having romantic dreams about baz.

dont hate the player hate the game by annabellelux

i fucking love truth or dare fics

and these are some much longer ones if thats more what youre looking for. i actually am all here for the slowburn and thats it so ngl to you i ditched both of philaetos’ fics after they kissed even tho theres was so much left but i still recommend it because the slow burn slaps.

wondrous and mystical by philaetos

i fucking LOVE philaetos theyre fantastic. this one takes place right after baz gets back from being kidnapped and it really explores his trauma bc the book really brushed over the fact that he was literally locked in a coffin for over a month. so this is simon and baz slowly becoming friends and simon noticing that somethings definitely wrong with baz. i also like fics where simon finds out baz is gay well before they get together and that happens in this one.

ours by phileatos

this one everythings the same but baz has extremely bad internalized homophobia. i havent seen any other fics that arent aus explore this concept and i wish more people wrote it its an interesting take. baz honestly reminds me of mike in this fic.

the truth will set you free by sorbriqette

another classic fucked up spell trope. baz is spelled to tell the truth if hes hiding something he wants to tell someone so naturally he avoids everyone at all costs for weeks

i could recommend so much more honestly there are so many talented writers in this fandom. about the second and third books, im glad you loved them but i honestly will probably never read them for the same reason as me not finishing philaetos’ fics. im here for the slow burn i really dont care about established relationship that much when it comes to enemies to lovers (friends to lovers i eat it up but enemies i just love the angst). and i know they break up in the second book and i just KNOW id put the book down the second they do and never pick it up again even tho i know they get back together eventually. i just think carry on was perfect and i dont want anything to risk ruining it.

[k--havok]

So the other day at my therapist appt I was telling her how I cannot finish anything to save my life (except, like... cooking and work-related things) and how, especially when it comes to my writing, its just incredibly frustrating.

The thing is, it really does frustrate me when it comes to writing. But it also affects everything else in my life; from doing chores and cleaning things to other hobbies. It's hard for me to get started, and even when I start, I cannot seem to finish things.

(and I say this as I type this next to a pile of folded laundry on my couch that needs to be put away. It would not take long to put it away. Maybe 10 minutes. But alas.)

Now I do not have a/d/h/d. But I have many symptoms of it and unfortunately it has been incredibly difficult for me to get help for my symptoms as doctors, therapists, and others insist I should get tested again and want to prescribe me pills I do not want to take.

But. Finally. It took over 2 years, but I have finally found a therapist and professional who sees that I am struggling and instead of putting me into a box and slapping a label on me, is getting to the root cause.

I don't usually talk about it much, but I don't have a/d/h/d because I have a T/B/I. And it affects everything.

Anyways, it's not just a motivation barrier that stops me from doing and finishing things. I'm great at stopping things when I am about 3/4s the way through or almost done with something and then just not picking it up again and not finishing it.

Sure, things I hate end up here. Like the folded laundry. But it affects my WIPs. It affects me when I try and play most video games (except online/live games). It affects TV shows, reading, painting, art, and even my weight-loss has been sabotaged by this. I have been working on getting down to a healthy weight for years now and have stopped at 10-15lbs from my goal weight. I'm not platueing. I know what I need to do. I just stopped those healthy good habits and now cannot pick them back up. It's bizarre.

I've known I'm neurodivergent for a long time but it was always something I read other people talk about and listen to. I never really used the word for myself and never had other people, from doctors to friends, also use the word for me. It's either all about pills and definite treatment options from the professionals. And from friends in the past, it was always a pissing contest about how they have it so much worse. (Who can take the most pills, go to the most dr appointments, who needs to be hospitalized, who has the most diagnoses, both real and self-dxed... etc.)

For the first time though, my therapist used it to describe what I was going through. And it felt... I dunno. Like I'm not faking things. Like my struggles actually matter. That I did not have to be put in a box and told that since I do not have X there is nothing to do about Y and Z symptoms. The first answer, for once, wasn't pills. Which was nice.

Anyways, the reason I am posting this long-winded, rambling post onto my writeblr blog and not my personal is, for the first time, I do not feel guilty for not finishing things. I got the dopamine release from working on the journey, which is my favorite part. I like working on things and being busy. If I come to a stopping point, if I finish, then the most fun part of writing for me--the actual writing--is at a stopping point. And then I have to do what I don't like to do much, which is edit.

For years, I called it writer's block. But that was never really what it was. Because I know what happens next. I know what I want to write. I just could not get my fingers to the keyboard.

I still don't have an exact word or phrase to describe why I cannot finish things. But now I know what it stems from, know why I perform this behavior, and know tricks to get around this part of myself to start being able to finish things.

I want to finish the first novella of Soft Touches, Godless Hands by the end of this year. Maybe it'll happen. maybe not. But I am tired of comparing myself to others and punishing myself for not living up to my own expectations.

I jump around to different WIPs not just because I like to have a different flavor of the week, but to keep things fresh. Interesting. To try different things. Because I love trying new things. Another important factor of my life that affects everything.

It may make my projects and blog harder to follow, that is true. But I write for myself first and foremost. My blog is a way to organize thoughts and jot down quick headcanons and flesh out my stories.

As long as I can follow along to what I am doing, that's all that matters.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

BTS!! Don't Hurt Yourself

BTS: Write a dvd commentary about a passage from the fic (I cannot pic a fav so I'm just gonna give any old passage, I chose this one because I have a fun backstory about when I wrote it)(Full disclosure I own dvds but its been so long since I watched dvd commentary that I don't really remember what it's like so I'll just talk about the passage and how I made the decisions I did and how it came about, you know, the making of the passage.)

Spicy. alright I can do spicy.

Stede had always thought that a desire to hurt another individual out of malice or hatred was something that was intended to be done without their consent, that it would be dampened by the thought that the other person was into it. He was somewhat surprised to find that Izzy’s openly asking for it did not cheapen his own sadistic pleasure in giving the bastard what he deserved.

And he did deserve it, Stede decided as he pressed the head of his cock into Izzy’s tight, wet cunt. Izzy deserved to get smacked around and spat upon. Not just for the stunt with the blow job and the secret phone call, but also for calling Edward a whore, and a twat, and every other unkind derogatory thing he’d said in that courtroom and out, and for being generally an unpleasant, nasty little man that no one wanted to be around, and for causing Ed so much grief.

First of all, Bonnet, you are also causing Ed grief by fucking his husband but I digress

anyway. Backstory: This is from Chapter 7 of Don't Hurt Yourself. A chapter which I slaved away on for I think about two months, because I had written up to the point where Stede and Izzy Yaoi prat fall onto each other and Stede ends up with Izzy's tit in his hand or whatever, and I had no idea where to go from there ie how to get Stede's cock in Izzy's cunt in a way that was at least realistic enough for me to be satisfied with it.(emotional realities not physical realities, as is my right as an ofmd fic author, David Jenkins school of writing ect.) It's a problem I have with writing both Jack/Stede and Izzy/Stede, I have to seamlessly bring them from bitching at each other like they do in the show to fucking each other. Its not as easy as it sounds.

The breakthrough of the writers block came for me the same night I did magic mushrooms for the first time. My dealer told me that they would take about 3 hours to kick in (they took half that amount of time) and I was like, well I have three hours to spare so I might as well try to bang out a couple paragraphs. (it was the day I posted "why is it so much easier to write when the edible is about to kick in" It was not an edible I was waiting on. Idk why I said edible I regularly admit to drugs on here lmao.) So I managed to write a lot of the dialogue and then these two paragraphs. But the shrooms kicked in as I was finishing up the last paragraph, which meant that I ended it with some absolutely inebriated drivel about the word fuck and how it's used to convey both hate (e,g. shut the fuck up, fuck you) and sex that I had to delete when I was sober and I very rapidly lost the ability to write after that.

Anyway now that the fun back story is out of the way let's actually talk about what's happening in these two paragraphs. Stizzy hate sex! Stede and Izzy are sometimes hard to make fuck because Stede simply does not think about him, but they're also incredibly fun to make fuck. Muppet vibes off the charts especially when they're doing bdsm (which is the only kind of sex Izzy knows how to have). Miss Piggy slapping Kermit energy but they're not married.

I also tend to think Stede has a dark side. He's as mean as he is nice and he's real fucking nice. I love it when he's evil, because I'm horny about evil men. I think if Stede would think about Izzy long enough he could get dark with it (a vibe which is not incompatible with muppetry broaden your horizons for the possible.) and I think the only way to make him think about Izzy long enough is to have Izzy wrong Ed and make it clear to Stede that Ed was wronged and put Izzy in Stede's direct line of sight.

Basically, I want Stede to have hate sex and I want him to realize he's a sadist. I tried to convey that here. I think that Stede as a character has the capacity for so much love and so much hate. It's an important balance to strike when writing him, if you go too far in one direction you turn him into an unrecognizable monster (which I've seen certain people do) but if you go too far in the other he becomes an unrecognizable woobie baby which is so fucking boring dude. I hope I got across his sadist awakening well. he still needs a second one where you learn you can do it to people you like tho...

The ask meme