my thing is, i want to talk to people. i want to be good at socialising. but i've never really had much practice, so i don't know how? i don't know how to carry on a conversation. it makes me nervous and anxious and makes my stomach hurt and it tires me out. i would love to have a constant back and forth. it'd be swell lmao
unfortunately. i cannot and it's confusing. i want to talk, but i can't. and i also don't want to? mental illness cocktail gets in the way
like earlier i was going to speak to people, i'd typed a couple messages out!! but i figured they wouldn't want to talk to me which is fine i know that's likely just the anxiety. so then i thought "i know, mitigate the risk!! i'll ask if people want to chat about a specific topic with me so they have to opt in" and then panicked because that would mean people would talk to me? which is what i wanted? LMAO
confusing and irritating, so i made a meme
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Books of 2024: What I'd Like To Read By The End Of The Year.
I was feeling ~Whelmed~ over the weekend about all the things I still want to read, and I thought to myself, "Gee Why Is That??", so I pulled everything off my shelf and stacked it up basically in the order I'd like to read it and then went "....ah I see, carry on."
Now this stack WOULD be fine, except everything from ALWAYS COMING HOME down through HOUSE OF LEAVES is stuff I'd like to read adjacent to writing projects, namely: 1. IN BETWEEN (which I'm working on now but need to wrap up by the end of August) and then 2. NANO (which, y'know. Starts on November 1). So the sixteen (16) books between ACH and HOL are for the next three (3) months, and then I'll come back for the side-leaners during/after NaNo, I think.
(Not pictured in this stack is STARLING HOUSE, which I don't have in hand yet but will also be a NaNo Prep book!)
Basically my plan is to read down through this stack in this order and see how long it takes me! I finally got set up with my coworking space today, so hopefully I'll be writing late a couple nights a week starting. tomorrow. Which. will eat into reading time pretty significantly, hopefully.
But there's so much cool stuff I want to read! And write! And knit!! You see why I'm having A Time, huh.
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getting back into ffxv 5+ years after the first time means I have to migrate my playlists to a new music app, which sadly I have to do by clicking on each individual song because every service hates me and I hate them all too
also this has revealed to me that Google mysteriously deleted some of my files (don't worry I have a backup)
BUT more importantly I am reconnecting with my Noctis playlist, which includes discovering that I still remember all the words to some Gackt songs from 2000 😅
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hm. came with one idea yesterday which suddenly fleshed out whole au's plot. not saying that the idea itself was scarrry since it's 6 subsequent works or so but i won that battle. at least with simple sketches but i won
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Wouldn't it be hilarious if during the time Thorin worked as a blacksmith, he ended up marrying Bilbo for his money but Bilbo ended up agreeing to the marriage because the blue mountains is prime mushroom farming estate and the dwarrow just doesn't see the value to it? Like, they're both golddiggers who thinks the other is their sugardaddy or something and they both feel really guilty for only marrying the other for their material possession.
A slow burn fic where they slowly fall in love with one another but feels supper guilty in doing so.
Bilbo, who probably has gift-giving as his love language, keeps on buying things for Thorin and Thorin being super guilty about taking advantage of Bilbo's generosity and is now panicking that maybe Bilbo will stop supporting him financially when Bilbo finds out that he only married him for his money.
Thorin, who probably has acts-of-service or quality time as his love language, spends more time with Bilbo doing menial tasks and just is always there and Bilbo being super guilty that he's taking advantage of Thorin's "genuine feelings" to get access to those mushrooms that made all the other hobbits green with envy and is now panicking that maybe Thorin might stop his mushroom gathering privilegea once Thorin picks up on the real reason that he said yes to him.
Also dwarrow and hobbit cultural difference and miscommunication on what they value the most (dwarrow thinking that mushrooms as a courting gift is just scandalous, while hobbits thinks that giving money is akin to buying someone's affection or something)
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more.
He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
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not trying to wish away the weekend but I really need it to be february already
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