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thatdiabolicalfeminist · 5 months

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I'm so tired of getting rotten produce in my delivery orders that I can't afford to replace and Walmart won't even refund because I'd have to bring it back to the store which would cost me a week in recovery time (physical disability) ntm the uber costs 😒

Like if i could just go to the store like that I wouldn't be getting my groceries via delivery in the first place!

#atp im sure I've paid hundreds of dollars for rotten food like #I'm about to have the most depressing salad ever for dinners this week #this kind of shit is another hidden cost disabled people have btw there are so many problems that are only solvable with a “quick errand”#which not everyone can physically do

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dailyloopdeloop · 4 months

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DAY 71: shy

#codacheetah #isat #loop isat #isabeau isat #isat spoilers #i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image #top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade #like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky #they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower #second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops #ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon #for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful #(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the #obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus #that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop #theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them #theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing #tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies #idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone

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mayxo-hxh · 6 months

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Im about to get controversial.

Out of chrollo, illumi and hisoka, hisoka is canonically the least likely to flirt to get anything he wants, if at all.

A lot of people think he's a natural flirt but I fear I couldn't have disagreed more. He only "flirted" a single time and that was solely to piss off machi, knowing she'd never agree. Hot take? He would've never asked if he knew she'd agree.

Also, bro's the biggest humanphobe in the anime. He keeps his distance from everyone. The only human physical contact he ever made was through fighting people. (If you're a person thats interested in seeing more evidence, I have an entire long thread about it on twitter that I do plan on posting here soon)

so u cannot give me 1 reason for hisoka to flirt with someone at a random bar but chrollo and illumi? i can think of a few.

chrollo, he already canonically flirts to get what he wants. straight up goes on dates gets a suit and shit. he has no reputation among the general public that hes concerned of that isnt the spider. Illumi? He's a manipulator. I HIGHLY doubt he never flirted to get something in his life from people who are too easy to win over. He's someone that wouldn't care what people think of him. He's also anonymous. People have no idea who tf he is anyways. If it affected the zoldyck reputation? Thats a different story.

Hisoka? he would fucking NEVER. Him specifically? HE HAS A REPUTATION. And whats that reputation? That hes an absolute disgusting freak that no one should dare to approach. He kills people. He fights live and makes sure the audience is always disgusted and weirded out by his actions and performances. You look at him and you should immediately look away and pray he hasn't seen you.

So riddle me this. If his entire shtick is making sure everyones afraid of him and avoids him, then why the hell would he get himself a reputation that makes him approachable????

Why would he get himself a reputation that makes you, as a person who only ever heard of him picking people up, want to approach him.

On top of that, I just.. don't see him picking random people up..??? random weaklings that dont even know nen????? he literally treats them like trash that inconveniences his time. You're saying he'd EVER give them the privilege of sleeping with him???

And then you'd say, oh so he'd sleep with strong people! HERES THE THING. Why would he sleep with them..... when he can fight them. Him getting off from fighting comes NOWHERE to actual sex. What people don't understand is that he gets off to killing people and seeing them crumble in front of him when they realize theyre going to die. Torturing people to death. What's... that got to do with like. yknow. actual sex bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭

this turned into a huge rant probably but do you know how genuinely depressing it is seeing a unique character like hisoka that gains lust through FIGHTING and KILLING reduced to. sex addict in fics. Like. be so fucking serious right now. He called himself a FIGHT ADDICT in the manga. Can I see more of him actually spending his time killing and fighting people instead of whatever the hell bros doing with a random npc.

Anyways this is also why I hc him as asexual/demisexual NEXTTTT

#When a fic is so good but they make a hisoka a sex god instead of a murderer. like dear god. Ya Allah. Mercy on me.#can i please get more fics where he absolutely fucking murders people in deranged ways like god (Togashi) intended instead of....#(checks notes) .....sex???#sorry to me this is 1 fanon characterization that i just gag from i cannot physically stomach that shit anymore.#also the way he never touched a single human and is not a touchy person yet the musical made disgustingly touchy with everyone including go #i saw red when i saw that one scene.#thats not fucking hisoka morow thats hekosa pedoro #if togashi wanted him to sleep around he would've so simply and easily made him mention that. Like even leorio said he jacks off.#yet togashi didnt. because HE DOESNT.#HISOKA GET BEHIND ME #anyways asexual hisoka morow canon goodnight everyone #also trans hisoka can we get a little more content of that i know its completely unrelated but pls im starving #i would put the “ill do it myself meme” WHICH I DO I HAVE A DEMI HISOILLU FIC but im so slow at writing fics sobs and throws up #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoka #hisoka morow #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #hxh #hunter x hunter #my post #my analysis

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aroaceleovaldez · 1 year

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non-exhaustive list of canon powers Nico di Angelo either has shown or is heavily implied to have:

Shadow-travel

Manipulation of shadows/darkness (also possibly use of shadows as a pocket-dimension a la Magicians using the Duat in The Kane Chronicles)

Becoming intangible/shadows

Complete control over skeletons/bones (dead or alive, including summoning, reanimation, and/or changing shape of them) and being able to sense their presence

Summoning, reanimating, commanding, and dispelling the dead/undead (Skeletons, zombies, ghosts, etc & varieties) and being able to sense their presence

Ability to understand/communicate with the dead/undead and potentially other beings of the Underworld

Inherent complete comprehension of Latin

Ability to perceive the usually unperceivable/possibly look upon a deity’s true form without repercussion (at least moreso than the average demigod, though possibly is restricted to chthonic beings) (ex: Tartarus, potentially also interacting with his parents, etc)

Interacting tangibly with ghosts (implied to be a Ghost King thing rather than a Hades/Pluto thing)

Partial or complete immunity to different effects of the Underworld/things within (can consume food/drink of or in the Underworld without repercussions, effects from the Lethe wear off over time instead of being permanent like usual for mortals, etc)

Astral projection/”Walking in dreams”

Dream manipulation and projection (Sending dreams to others, etc.) (presumably includes sharing/projecting dreams with others) alongside inflicting sleep upon others even from a distance.

Illusions

Manipulation of emotions/aura that inflicts specific emotions on others (ex.: radiating fear/death onto enemies)

Projection of emotions and memories onto others (can be so forceful it causes physical damage like a shockwave)

Geokinesis (all forms but also specifically generating black marble) (presumably also specialized control over precious gemstones & non-paper currency)

Temperature manipulation (seemingly only lowering temperature)/creating frost)

Control/manipulation of souls, including living beings (ex: ripping out Bryce Lawrence’s soul)

Perceiving/reading/judging of souls (most likely also a Ghost King thing over Hades/Pluto thing, but possibly both)

Converting living into dead/undead, aka instakill (ex: disintegrating monsters to bone with one touch)

Lowering or manipulation of own vitals (breathing, heart rate, etc)

Death Trance/pseudo-hibernation (possibly also general control over states of consciousness at least for self, in combo with control over vitals & dreams)

Sensing death (impending or when it occurs, sometimes receiving dreams/visions of it occurring)

Able to sense other children of Hades/Pluto (potentially also other chthonic beings in general/able to identify based on sense alone) and also just living beings in general, such as mortals (possibly via souls).

Improved navigation underground/in the Underworld and ability to traverse restricted or normally unnavigable parts of the Underworld

Enhanced strength/abilities when in the Underworld

Inherently unnaturally quiet (possibly able to silence sound on a designated target)

Hiding/shielding self from being perceived (seemingly related to shadows/silence)

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #long post //#MY BOY IS OP AS FUCK and i love this about him #so many of these are so underutilized #when will Nico get to use his geokinesis again #we only see him make marble once in BoTL and then never again #based on that he should theoretically be able to do everything Hazel can do. which also implies Hazel can do everything he can do #let Hazel summon a skeleton for once and Nico hits somebody with a rock cmon #also i still firmly believe Nico should get to turn invisible #we've seen him become intangible. his dad's notable item is a helm that makes you invisible. let him turn invisible.#but yeah big 3 kids are op. look at nico go. and this is just physical abilities not including stuff like Annabeth being smart #or cabin 7 kids being good at music or whatever #presumably for Nico/Hazel it'd be like a penchant for diplomacy and legality-related things presumably #and i like to hc he has a personal inherent knowledge bank of everyone who has ever died in his lifetime - just details about their deaths #mostly anyways and then like basic facts about who they were/next of kin/etc #so they can tap into that at any time and be like ''hold on lemme look this person/their relatives up real quick''#i usually like to write that as how Nico confirmed what was up with Jason when they first met #he just kind of squinted at Jason and went ''okay. hm. who are you next of kin of? Beryl - OH YOU'RE THALIA'S BROTHER''

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halloweeneva · 22 days

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I remove my mask (ADHD) only to reveal a second smaller mask underneath (Chronic Fatigue)

#chronic illness #chronic fatigue #adhd #not me slowly realizing that my energy levels are not in fact normal #took me 17 years to figure out that being in pain all the time wasn’t normal #of course it’s gonna take longer for me to find out that most people can do Multiple Big Things #and also #there’s this whole physical disabilities VS neurodivergencies that seems to have taken root in the disability community #which firstly I think is dumb because from what I’ve seen of chronic depression it acts a whole lot like chronic fatigue #and the brain is part of the body #and neurological disorders can absolutely be dehabilitating #driving wedges between these communities doesn’t help fucking anyone #especially when working together means more activism and pushing for resources and accommodations for everyone #but also because it tends to erase the people with both #because having both means that they stack onto eachother and make things even harder #my disability experience is fundamentally effected by my adhd #to focus on solely the physical stuff ignores just how much harder it is to have both #and really invalidates

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queeraang · 12 days

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(CW: mentions of various kinds of abuse)

I finished kevin can fuck himself (recommend it, it has so much fun with genre) which is essentially a dark comedy about a woman breaking away from a narcissistic husband and i keep seeing people having theories of like "i bet he was physically abusing her but we didn't see it" which i think misses the point of the show.

not saying it doesn't happen but it's less common for someone to say "my partner hit me" and be brushed off with a "that's just how marriage is lol". the show is about how someone can subtly abuse and manipulate you for years before you realize how bad it's gotten. combined with how they can downplay their harm so everyone around you laughs it off.

to that point i've seen a few people like "i don't get it, he's not that bad" because the harm he causes is funny or 'not a big deal'. like she can't hate him for ruining her life unless he hit her.

it's similar imo to when all the stuff around nickelodeon shows was coming out where it seemed like people almost wanted dan schneider to have sexually assaulted a child and weren't satisfied with "his conduct was questionable also he was constantly screaming at children" like if all he did was berate kids, that is deplorable enough, things don't have to be the absolute worse case scenario before someone's allowed to complain or remove themself from the situation

#tbf there's a couple times where his bullshit does cause her physical harm #but to me that was less 'he wanted to hurt her on purpose'#and more 'he cares so much more about himself than her that worrying if she could be hurt doesn't factor into his decision making at all'#which is how he treats everyone around him. it's less maliciousness and more selfishness to the point of negligence #but yeah i think people have an obsession with like deep cruelty when they hear stories and like to jump to the worse case scenario #it's like how ppl think the weird guy in the parking lot is going to kidnap and traffic them #which if he was going to do any crime (he isn't you're paranoid and maybe racist) he'd just steal your fucking purse #most people are normal. you just want people who upset you to be pure evil so you don't have to think about your own capacity for harm #kevin can f himself for ts

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teakoodrawz · 4 months

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" I'm a Psycho, loving it~ "

#[album]#ask to tag #cw #Music Shot #S-2 #also i just wanna mess with its expressions and poses cuz it's fun #he can turn the black face into a screenface. changing any shapes and expressions as it pleases #horror. realistic eyes. tv static. etc but he prefers the original triangle smiles more #also i'm planning to redesign S-2 right now #S-2 focuses only on killing / violence to gain LV and he's stuck that way and called it a purpose to wipe out population #He got so focus on gaining LV because it made him feel so powerful and wanted more feeling like it's the only thing that made him feel aliv #i'm okay to spoil his story and all. He's made out of human determination in Mark's body and became a split personality to him #that's why S-2 and Mark are both corrupted because they're still not compatible to each other in one body #instead of being unstable in physical form. his mind is. because Gaster used a different formula but failed again #Gaster was trying to cure Mark because he was really ill and about to die #I only took the references/theories from the original undertale amalgamation obviously #S-2 was formed from Mark's own negative emotions and personalities then it became its own character #which causes the two (or Mark or S-2 themselves) to self-loathe with each other #it's literally like looking in a window as a mirror talking shit to each other #The real good Mark in this au is Mark himself. he just needs to be set free from this misery (and need to get rid of S-2 if possible)#that's why in my old Mark death posts. S-2 was gone from self-forgiveness meaning Mark forgives himself and deserves to be happy #(because everyone don't deserve to hate themselves)#i'm gonna keep the left eye joke not being available when doing the horror screenface cuz still wanna make it a Mark thing to him #cw horror #cw eye contact

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winepresswrath · 3 months

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the thing about revisit of the fight in 1x5 is that Louis started it and Louis kept it going and Louis threatened to kill Lestat but it's kicked off because Lestat put his hands on Claudia. that's what tips Louis over the edge into physical violence.

and the other thing about that fight is that Louis was not going to leave Lestat. He's not focused on trying to get away or comfort Claudia, though he is enraged on her behalf. He is trying to hurt Lestat. He can't really hurt him but he doesn't know that yet. He wants to punish him for both what he did to Claudia and for Claudia leaving in the first place. honestly knowing Louis probably for some other stuff while he's at it. he's been punishing him for seven years. But I really don't think he was going to actually try and leave him. that's so fucked up. they're so fucked up.

#something about power in relationships and how you can't put it down even if you want to #louis can do whatever he wants to lestat and on some level it doesn't count #i mean it does count but there's nothing he can actually do to physically hurt him and his ability to emotionally wound is predicated on #lestat making an active choice to stay with him #whereas louis! might not even want to leave but does it matter?#it's still lestat's choice #to let him go or drop him two kilometers #lestat gets to choose if he's going to take it or walk out the door or be the monster #but what neither of them can actually choose to do is have a real fight #either lestat restrains himself or louis is paste #cw: abuse #womp womp #press says iwtv #genuinely curious about how the show is going to handle armandaniel if they get this far because like.#the show makes the point that dating a powerful vampire #if you are not yourself a powerful vampire #would be a tightrope even if they were very kind and sane and good at being in a relationship #the power disparity is just a lot #and also our exhibits a and b of powerful vampires are like #deranged traumatized in possession of questionable relationship ethics #really primed to be absolute nightmares #which is entertaining television #and i suppose that's my answer rip everyone the torments will be continuing as scheduled #all i ask is that ghost claudia gets to do bloody vengeance #interview with the vampire

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dailykugisaki · 6 months

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138 | id in alt

Being delirious leads to mistakes, one of those mistakes is not noticing a curse on your back and attached to your neck. AND. it's ugly.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #itadori yuji #I WAS BUSY AGAIN. ASS. my chickens remain out bc im tired of their bullshit right now #Kugisaki can like physically handle curses she just dosent wanna #i like to think at one point they can into a smart acid spitting curse which caused Kugisaki to just start throwing hands with Itadori #everyday i live reminding myself that i kill gojos and Fushiguro's on SIGHT. in fortnite. this goes for Montagues too bc hes greasy #basically everyone #i have a hater streak #i like to think that gojo just stands in front of random higher ups cars to stop them from doing anything. SOMETIMES HE BRINGS HIS STUDENTS #harrass the rich! harrass and bite and rip at the hands barring you from living YAAAAAAAAA #Kugisaki needs to curb stop the fuck out of something i have decided

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 5 days

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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction #Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me #I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population #and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both #I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways #but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons #I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues #And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness #which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult #so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child #Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child #I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them #But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be #But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations #And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible #because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things #Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen #And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association #So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much #Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much #Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore #they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel #(I hate writing less than drawing)

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haarute · 21 days

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something i realized in the recent years is that while my mom is a very nice person and i can understand why she is the way that she is sometimes, she had a history of always dismissing and throwing away things that were important to me, and in hindsight that certainly had an effect on both my trust in her and how much i was willing to ever share, and also just turned me into a dumpster goblin because i just gave up on ever having nice things so why bother ever caring about my personal space at all ✌️ i'll just live in the filth because we'll never have anything better after all !!

#i remember i used to have a bunch of cool anime and game posters i collected over many cons for a couple of years #and one day i just came back to my bedroom being fully repainted and everything was thrown out #same with some figures i got. i had a nice bleach collection and they were all broken due to rough cleaning #some just straight up gone because haha who cares they're just toys toss em out #and it was a situation of if i complained i would only get dismissed as being pissy about stupid things. so i just. didn't.#i just accepted it and decided ''i guess i'm not getting anything again'' and didn't even bother going to cons after that lmao #now that i'm in my late 20s i'm FINALLY buying cool physical items for myself and not letting anyone even come close to my room #and a part of me feels guilty about spending. but like... yeah no.#i deserve that 1/8 makise kurisu figure i found the other day. or gunpla. or mtg cards. or manga collections. i can do whatever i want.#and i should also be retroactively pissed at how dismissive everyone was over my belongings because #EVEN IF they were all silly unimportant items. i was like 15. why would you throw away a kid's belongings like that. even if “dumb.”#not to mention how unimportant i was already feeling at the time. none of this helped.#and i was fully convinced that yeah this is what my life should be like. i don't want to be selfish so. i'll just embrace minimalism.#that is what i deserve.#which only later as an adult after i started comparing my experiences to other people i realized #hey. what the fuck was that.#do you guys really not remove all of the layers that make you human??

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g0thsoojin · 2 months

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.

#i know theyre just stupid entitled and arrogant assholes #who think they know me and anything abt my life but #i still get so angry bc ppl constantly judge me for everything #which is why i developed avpd in the first place lmao #but how can they say that im not even trying #i do. i exercise i journal i meditate. i beg for therapy (its almost been a year and still nothing lol)#i try. but avpd esp untreated avpd is actually a disability #ppl dont understand but avpd makes u passive and unable to do anything #even if my fav artist releases an album i procrastinate listening to it for weeks sometimes #ppl dont get avpd at all #i am a prisoner in my own mind and there is NOTHING i can do #i am in severe mental agony and pain bc of it #im scared bc im useless and worthless and cant take care of myself #but my mom's leaving me and im terrified of ending up homeless bc im not a survivor #im a loser pos nothing who is incapable of doing anything by myself #plus like yeah... my mom cant do any of this anymore and is close to breaking down #so im scared she'll just move and let me become homeless bc she feels so desperate and suffocated (not just by me)#i HAVE to get my shit together #i HAVE to do my assignments and pass my classes #and apply for university and student housing #and i HAVE to do this this year #it is so so so soon and im freaking out #im 25 and dont know how to be an adult #but im gonna be forced into that soon or i'll be homeless so im terrified #god... i hate everyone and i hate society bc in this world #you are all on your own #there is NO compassion or empathy or help #you gotta make it on your own otherwise you will die #and making it on your own with any kind of mental or physical disability or disorder or illness is so so so much harder #and ppl dont see or acknowledge that they just beat u down for not being 'strong'

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running-in-the-dark · 5 months

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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).