#which ok does not necessarily mean they are transphobic or homophobic but just to be sure i checked

[brobotsbro]

...........if this was not somehow readily apparent by the constant talking about queer robots. this blog is run by a real life queer person. and I will not tolerate transphobia or homophobia and if I find out you are those things I will block you. Just letting anyone who may have somehow not gotten the message know. Trans rights isn't just referring to the transformers.

[rpbetter]

How do you feel about all the 'proshippers dni" warnings in so many meme and resource blogs? If this is too hot of a subject to answer, that's ok!

Oh, I'm going to make it even hotter by being absolutely honest and saying that I hate it. For me, it acts as its own reverse-DNI. If I see that on someone's blog, I'm going to block. It's gotten bad enough that I won't reblog memes or resources without checking for it because I'm damn well not going to spread that around...and I'm not the only one.

It's also such an incredibly bizarre thing? lmao like every DNI that isn't "minors, don't interact," muns with that in their rules get weirdly bent out of shape when it is followed. My supposition is that either no one was actually supposed to notice their virtue-signalling bullshit so that their reblogs don't take a hit or the hope is that when they have an inevitable issue with someone, they can scream about how a proshipper violated their DNI. So, when muns who either are proship or who just feel this is a huge purity culture flag stuck in a meme/resource blog's front lawn don't interact, hit the block button instead...they're kind of out of luck on both.

I suppose I should, in rhetrospect, let people who might be new to the terms know what they mean before I proceed:

DNI - abbreviation for "do not interact." Usually found in a blog's description, pinned post, and/or rules. States who the mun of the blog (be it an RP blog, personal, help, resource, meme, or other blog) does not want to interact with their posts.

proshipper - someone who does not care what others ship or what might occur within the ship. A proshipper is not necessarily an "anti-anti," but they can be, and often are, both. They do not believe that fiction = reality - it does not have an influence on reality as relates to someone writing a ship in which something like incest or underage occurs making people in real life feel like either are normal or desirable. Neither does it mean that shippers are condoning whatever it is in real life, normalizing it, excusing it, or any other ridiculously charged language.

anti-anti - proshippers who have had enough, usually, but anti-antis are just as often simply reasonable adults who find it absurd that people seem to think shipping, liking a character, or enjoying a piece of fiction is activism. They are often concerned, like proshippers, about the language and methods used by antis and purity culture cultists as they frequently mimic the same language and methods used by various radical, exclusionary "feminists" and religious radicals. The difference tends to be that anti-antis are more actively vocal, taking on statements and arguments made by antis, running blogs specifically to counter that culture, and so forth.

purity culture/purity police/antis - people who seem to have no idea that they've been had by homophobes/transphobes/violent religious ideology, or that exactly nothing coming out of their mouths is new or a hot take, it's all just been mildly rebranded and rephrased in order to attract younger Millennials and all of Gen Z to keep peddling this shit. They believe that if you enjoy a character, ship, story, trope, plot, or anything else they've deemed as terminally problematic, that you, yourself, are the vilest non-human to exist. That's the crux of it, it's meant to divide, isolate, and remove the human element so that no one feels bad for bullying people. Just existing in one's own space isn't enough to not be called a pedophile, rape apologist, abuser, and so forth by an anti because you are considered to be an active threat to real people for liking the wrong cartoon people together.

Okay, I think that about covers it for those somehow spared thus far, let us proceed!

I feel that it's so disturbingly prevalent and spreading because purity culture operates on control by fear and exclusion, and is helped along by ignorance.

If you've just decided to start a resource blog, you might feel that it's just the thing to do to have a DNI that states this. (You might also feel that it isn't offensive or ridiculous if you're not directly stating something like "nasty ass pr*shippers dni," but that's still what you're saying so...) This is how you replicate what some popular blogs are doing, it works for them, right? And it's obviously the only way you can reblog their memes or other resources, by displaying that you're so far from being a gross proshipper that you also have a DNI about them on your blog.

Now, let's also say that you're young, kind of new to both fandom and the RPC, and have either managed to avoid discourse or ended up having friends on the anti side of it. You've come from a fandom that is meant for children, it's children's media like a cartoon centered around characters who are children or a live-action movie/series that's also meant for children and stars real children. So, the position in your first fandom has, not unreasonably, been that it's nasty to ship the child characters together in an explicitly sexual way. Much of your experience is having this posed as something that protects you from dangerous, disgusting people who would see you, also then a child, as a sexual object. Everyone who is proship is, then, A Predator.

What is cause for concern in one situation, like an adult who wants a minor to write a ship with them in which child characters are aged up enough to be legal adults, isn't modified as has to happen when approaching fiction and other people as an adult. They might not even actually know what proshippers stand for. Instead of being taught legitimate boundaries and warning signs, let alone being properly watched out for by adults "allowed" to be in a fandom, they've been indoctrinated.

Like children who grew up believing that queer people were Against God, these people are parroting what they've been taught into young adulthood because they genuinely believe they're doing the right thing. It's very...we've taught the children the rallying cry of "think of the children!"

So, yeah, I think this is a primary way it has reached so much of the RPC, specifically, and that it's symptomatic of the whole problem of purity culture, right from where it begins to how it starts exhibiting to how it ends up being weaponized. I mean, have you seen many rabid purity police older than about twenty-five? Me either. Probably a reason for that.

How many times have you seen posts written by former, now older, antis who expressly lay out how they were, effectively, indoctrinated in this way? Every time I see them, I reblog them everywhere. Not because I think any present bad actors will listen, they won't until they're in the appropriate cognitive and emotional places to see anything but red and any other option than reblogging the post themselves to, by turns, refute, callout, or make fun of OP. No, I reblog them for everyone else's education or validation.

As an evil proshipper myself, I'm pretty vocal about ship-and-let-ship and write-whatever-you-want, but not this. This isn't just fiction, it's a real problem, it's purity culture. Period. And purity culture, again, is meant to limit by any means necessary, preferably, it seems, by bullying very real people.

I feel like, if you're uncomfortable with the way muns might use your memes or resources or uncomfortable with the muns themselves...you need to reassess having such a blog.

People have the right to like and dislike whatever they want, on any or no grounds, and to cultivate their space. If you don't like what someone is doing, you have every right to not interact with them. But when you have a blog designed to put out interaction material not with yourself but with other muns on their blogs, that's fucking ridiculous. I cannot put it any more politely, it's that ridiculous and immature.

As well as being astoundingly obtuse to not realize that what you're doing is asking demanding in offensive tones that RPers cultivate their dashes according to your wishes. You...literally aren't interacting with any nasty proshippers lmao they're interacting with each other. Yes, they're using material that you provided, but why are you providing any material meant to be widely spread and used when you're aware that you're putting it out to a huge community like this?

(Look, I have no problem whatsoever if, say, a fanartist draws a canon friendship that fandom ships and it bothers the artist, so, the image's post specifically states it isn't to be tagged as that ship. Alright, that sucks if I ship it, but it's your original artwork, I'm not going to tag it as that. It's fine. If you're nasty about it and call everyone shipping it something vile, then I'm not going to reblog it at all and will just block you so I don't accidentally encounter and spread your work. That's how it works! You don't have to like my ship, I don't have to like your attitude. But it's very different than spreading memes around, things legitimately meant for community consumption, most of which aren't even original material.)

Most of that material isn't even lascivious in nature, either, which says even more about this problematic shit. They're not saying that they don't wish proshippers to use their memes in order to write the offensive material (imagine that, it's usually sexual), they're saying that they don't want a proshipper to touch even a meme about how their muse feels about snow. Doesn't matter if they're writing the offending whatever, being proship is enough.

It's like the statement itself, and others like it.

A decently well-adjusted adult in their RP blog's rules: I need dubcon tagged or I can't interact with your blog.

A purity cultist, anywhere: I'm okay with everything, except nasty freak shit like -giant list here- stay the fuck off my blog proshippers!

Stating one's boundaries in their own space is something I highly recommend, it's the only way we can be respectful of each other. Honesty and having boundaries is necessary and good! Flying off the handle because something nebulously exists somewhere out there in fiction, is not any of those things. It's a boundary alright...the boundary where being a respectful, mature adult ends.

It's not necessary to state any of this the way it is. Every bit as wildly unnecessary as hyper-controlling your memes, or resources, because that's totally even possible in an environment where muns just hit reblog from the dash and never see your DNI.

I love it when it's an aesthetic blog. I want to ask them if they think reblogging this image of a tree in the fog they lifted from a google image search/pinterest (not problematic, apparently, to repost a real person's photography or artwork, only to have two or more fake people fornicate incorrectly) is somehow personally violating them because I believe that someone else out there can ship my NOTP.

Little bit ironic, as well, that they tend to drop and reblog the actual most PSA's about treating RP too seriously. Normalize fucking off on everyone, it's just RP, it's not real! Normalize deleting your entire inbox because you reblog twenty memes a day while only wanting them for your preferred ship, it's just RP, you're here to have fun! Normalize treating other muns like entertainment machines and calling them out for having a problem with that, it's not real, it's just RP! Gosh, you little sparklebean angels, it's not real, you haven't any right to experience a single positive or negative emotion related to RP, and most certainly not to spend more than minimal time or energy on your hobby!

Weird how justifying and validating ill-treatment of other real people is fine because it's just fiction, but that doesn't apply to letting people engage with and create fiction as they please like adults. It's almost as though the fiction isn't actually the foundation of either of these things. It cannot possibly be that both things have more to do with policing other people who do not fit one's preferences, or that both serve the purpose of mob rule.

So, no...no, my feelings on so many meme and/or resource blogs slapping that on their dashes, or right there on the memes themselves, are about as far from positive as I can get with anything that happens online. I think it's part of a large problem that has severe, lasting, negative impacts on the RPC in the same ways that it does fandom.

DNIs are a part of purity culture when they go beyond age restrictions, and I know that's an incredibly unpopular take, but it's my honest opinion. You don't need a list like that. No, not even to list out every possible iteration of homophobia, racism, sexism, etc. We all have that same DNI, it doesn't actually need to be said in your blog descriptions that you don't want a damn TERF or nazis interacting with your blog. And newsflash, it's not going to stop anyone, it serves no purpose whatsoever. It's only become an extra space to virtue signal, place a callout or three, and establish oneself as being invested in purity culture/insulate oneself from bullying by throwing one's hat into the hate ring.

If you're an RP blog, you really shouldn't have to list all that in your rules either. It shouldn't be assumed that if you simply make the statement that you don't tolerate any manner of hate on your dash, it means you support or are this checklist of horrible things. But, if you're going to, likely because you're afraid of not doing so, your rules are the place for it. Not an additional DNI.

If you're a resource, help, meme, or other such RP-adjacent, RPC-support blog putting things out there for the community to interact with, you have the additional responsibility of what you're putting out there with how you engage with others and present yourself. Having DNIs that align with callout/purity/policing culture is not helping this community. You are not representing anything good. Your responsibility is to state that you are a minor inappropriate blog if that is the case, what sort of memes/resources you post, the language you use, how you tag.

The end, no resting drama face needed from you.

[jfg22]

The more I read into asexuality. The more I realize I’m asexual af. I’m definitely demisexual and graysexual more specifically. Also hearing my friend’s friend talk about her kinks is like whoa I have never felt more asexual because I’m not interested at all in talking about sex or kinks.

I have spent numerous time in a male strip club thinking I am in no way sexually attractive to men in that setting. Sure they are aesthetically pleasing but I wasn’t thinking I want to get to know any of them better. Yet I’ve been to a female strip club and I’m aroused but also weirded out because I respect women and I don’t know what is the level of inappropriate touching in that setting. In addition, to this I also find some transwomen and transmen beautiful af. In fact, I have made out with a transwomen and I also made out with lesbians. That being said I find certain cis-hetero men and cis-women attractive but....that doesn’t mean I necessarily mean I want to have sex with them. 

And yes I’ve had a boyfriend but I’ve no interest in having one at the moment. I have no interest in having sex with anyone right now. Not even with myself! I need some semblance of bond, attraction etc. I remember having sex with my ex boy-friend and towards the end of the relationship I wasn’t even remotely sexually aroused. I also had a lot of male hookups but I didn’t really care to have a relationship with them because they were kind of assholes.  

I always thought what is wrong with me but maybe I’m just me. Pansexual, asexual hot mess of a person. lol. I tried dating apps and I can’t say that I found myself attracted to many people. I thought maybe they’re cute but that doesn’t mean I wanted to jump the gun and have sex with random people. There was one I liked but he didn’t like me back enough because he ghosted me. The other one was semi-attractive but in the long run I can’t say that I cared to be a relationship with him either. He was just sort of vanilla and boring. I’m fairly certain I can’t be with another white guy again... unless he’s some sort of other race. For the record my ex was Polish American. I always have this hang up of oh god does he like me? Or am I fulfilling some sort of a weird Latina fetish this white guy has? Meaning does he think I’m girlfriend material or he thinks i’m good enough to fuck and that’s it. Maybe I’ve had bad experiences with white American males but you get my point. It’s just psychologically exhausting to deal with that shit. And I don’t want to deal with that again. At least I knew from my ex that he loved me for who I was at the time we were together. I remember he was my friend before I developed feelings for him. 

It should be noted that I’m generally picky as fuck. Meaning I like what I like. I find dark hair attractive and dark eyes. Generally don’t find blue or green eyes attractive in the least bit or blonde or red hair for that matter. Science says you like people genetically similar. I myself have dark hair and eyes by the way. I generally think some Asian men are hot as fuck. Maybe because I hooked up with a Filipino guy who looked like an Asian Joseph Gordon Levitt but shit when my friend said we looked similar I didn’t see it until she pointed it out. Also I spoke to him long enough to be like oh we have things in common this is cool! Again....bonding. Which also explains why my love language is quality time AND physical touching comes second. 

I had a sort of one night stand but I had already been talking to him for awhile before we hooked up. He dumped me but looking back I didn’t like him in the long run because he came back around and I thought he was needier than I was. I’m needy for the record so there can only be room for one needy-ish in a relationship! In my defense after therapy I am not as needy as before....I can’t say this with certainty for the mere fact that I haven’t been in a serious relationship in a long ass time. Like I don’t even know how long ago that was... maybe 10 years ago? smeh.

As I look back I can’t say I’m into hooking up either. Yes I had a few guys I found sexually attractive but this was only after we bonded on some level. So before you go on thinking I’m a slut or weird....know that I can count all the men I’ve slept with on one hand. Also the idea of dating 2 people at the same time is kind of repulsive to me for some reason. I’m not ruling it out or judging people who do but it’s not my style for sure.

In terms of sexual attraction things I find attractive are arbitrary. Yes I find dark hair and dark eyes attractive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like a guy with hazel eyes. My ex had hazel eyes and light brown hair btw. Also I know I say I like tall guys but I’ve had sex with guys who are shorter and in no way doesn’t that mean I rule out anyone below 6 feet tall. As long as they are an inch taller than me I’m ok with that. And here is where it gets arbitrary as fuck. I have made out with lesbians who have dark hair and fair skin but I made out with a black trans women. Again I’m not ruling gender expression out. I definitely not interested in dating apps of any kind. I noticed I’m more productive when I’m not in a relationship.

Also I am not interested in getting married or having kids. I know women my age are either dying to get married or are married with kids. I can’t say I’m the type of person that was planning their wedding dress since I was a little girl. Definitely not ruling it out the possibility but, I’m not in a rush to get married by a certain age. In fact, I’d be happy just finding someone who isn’t an asshole and treats me right. It’s funny one of cis-hetero female friends asks me if I”m every having kids and my answer has always been the same. Maybe I haven’t met the right person, but I honestly can’t say I have my biological clock ticking telling me to have a child anytime soon. The idea of having one is daunting af. As a survivor of sexual abuse, all the racist and transphobic/homophobic shit that’s been going on my entire life I can honestly say I think it’s rather sadistic to bring a child into this world. Not to mention the fact that global warming will fuck up the planet and I’m not sure if that’s going to be reversible but rather just extend our quality of life for a few years. People are assholes. I’ve been hurt many times. I’m sure I’ve hurt people too not even meaning to. I have no desire to bring a child into this hell hole we call a planet. 

On a more positive note, I’m perfectly happy being single. When I think of the future potential relationship. I want someone to love me unconditionally. Someone kind, open minded, tolerant of my LGBTQ friends/family, (I can’t be dating no transphobes or homophobes, the only phobia permitted is germophobia!) generous to others (not just myself), thoughtful, humble, attractive by my standards. Mostly someone who will be there for me till one of us dies. Someone who sticks around even when life gets hard. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes. And I know for a fact I can get that. It’s not even the law of attraction it’s just a certainty that I know within myself that I will be with someone of a different ethnic race than mine. I’d also like to have 2 cats and a cute little puppy. Preferably one that looks like a little fuzzy brown stuffed bear. I’d like to have a cute cozy house. I don’t desire a mansion. I need someone who isn’t going to be a little pretentious fuck and is okay with not having the most expensive bullshit because in the long run that doesn’t matter. I know I am a writer and I can live off that eventually. I just need to buckle down and finish my shit which is taking longer than anticipated. I procrastinate writing several things (like this post.hehe) but also I like reading things to make me a better writer. That being said maybe I’m not as weird as I thought I’m just fantastically pansexual, asexual, unique af. Happy Pride month y’all! 

To my LGBT friends and people reading this, I love you and desire that one day we can live in a world where you no longer have to fear for your safety and people will love and respect you for who you are regardless of how you identify or who you are attracted to. I have faith that the younger generation will be more tolerant than past generations. I hope to instill that in my nieces. I remember I used to have a shirt that said “Labels are for jars and you are not a jar.” I don’t remember what happened to it but I can honestly say that always stuck with me. 

Today is my best friends birthday and 8 days ago it was my cousin’s birthday and I can honestly say that I have loved them regardless of what anyone says about them. And I will stand up proudly for them if anyone starts saying transphobic/homophobic shit. I will love them and respect them until the day I die. (Hopefully that won’t be anytime soon). I am blessed to have them both in my life and teach me to be more mindful of what is going on in the world. And an overall better human being. I take the life lessons they teach me with me for the rest of my life and hope that I can be of somewhat comfort to them in knowing that regardless of what happens to us they will never lose that love, appreciation and respect I have for them. 

[dysphoric-dumbass13]

All of them. Every single fall themed ask at once. Lets see how you like it. (love you)

Whatever. Something to do in bio. Love you too boo.

Lantern: (how did you meet your best friend?) I have three. For Evan, they said something about the flannel I was wearing. I didnt like them that much to start out, they were too bubbly for my taste. For TJ, I was friends with his best friend in 6th grade. She left and I didnt have any friends so J tried to become friends with him and Angel. I loved him, he was so sassy and cool. For Kass, the asshole who's making me do this, it was 6th grade science. I didn't know what to call them and spent the entire year trying to figure it out but being too afraid to ask. They were actually pretty cool. Idk what all of their initial opinions of me were.

Frost: (if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?) Quit pretending you're an adult, itll just hurt you. Let yourself dress masculine, it's ok to do that. And it's ok to like girls like you do, dont be afraid to express yourself.

Maple: (is there a hobby/skill you've always wanted to try but never did?) Yeah, I always wanted to be on a little league football team when I was little.

Harvest: (what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?) Dean winchester. Because I am just..... basically him if he wasnt raised in an environment with toxic masculinity *cough cough* John *cough cough*

Fireside: (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) Flannel, band tees, everything would be from the Mens section. Some binders for masculine and nb days and lots of mens skinny jeans. Also David Bowie Vans, pride converse, and combat boots.

Cider: (a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?) Idk. For a period of time I hated coffee, I dont mind it now.

Amber: (share an unpopular opinion that you may have.) Oof. Um, christians aren't necessarily bad, the ones we all know of are because they hide behind the bible to hate people.

Fog: (how well do you think you'd do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?) Either really well or terribly. I'd either let then get me, or wear a medieval suit of armor and just walk through everywhere boss mode. And Costco.

Jack-O-Lantern: (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) Ruby rose.

Spice: (have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?) Yes. Mine. Creepy baby handprints in the basement. In keeping the spirits occupied with my old Barbies.

Orchard: (share one thing you'd like to happen this autumn) Oh, that's hard. I think I'd want a partner so I dont go into winter depressed like I always do.

Crow: (which school subject do you have an aptitude for?) Math or English? Does choir count? Idk

Bonfire: (describe your dream house) Idc that much. As long as it has a library and multiple bedrooms, and the people I care about loving with me/nearby

Cinnamon: (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) Either Ireland in the medieval times as a knight, or the 70s in Europe or the US.

Cranberry: (what is one physical feature you get complimented on?) Annoyingly, my boobs. Apparently they're big and nice, whatever. Recently, my hair though. I just cut it short.

Maize: (share the weirdest encounter you've had with a stranger on the street.) Last year, I was at the mall in a bathroom and an older woman (idk maybe 60?) came up to me and said "I'm either having a drink or I have to pee. You're living the golden years kid, not me." In hindsight I think she was just quoting John Mulaney at me, but it was weird to me when it happened.

Quilt: (how do you take your tea or coffee?) Tea, chai and Irish breakfast are my favorites, I really like green tea though. It has to be sweet though, I can't stand unsweetened tea (theres my mom's Texan coming out)

Pumpkin: (do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?) Neither, I think people are born blank slates and our experiences shape everything about us.

Moonlit: (are you a neat or messy person? Is your room/house orderly?) Hahahaha, what's a floor?

Flannel #1: (have you ever gone on a bad date?) No. I've only ever been on one date, and I thought it was pretty good. I dated one person who was an asshole but that's it.

Cocoa: (if you could have any type of hair, what color and cut would you have?) Probably my natural color (light brown, easiest to dye), cut short, but curly in texture instead of this wavyish shit.

Ghost: (is there someone that you miss having in your life?) Yeah. I mean she isn't dead, but my 6th grade best friend. I miss her.

Pumpkin spice: (what is your drink of choice?) Mt Dew, Dr. Pepper, or tea. But it has to be sweet.

Wool socks: (what is something you look forward to in fall?) If I lived anywhere but where I live this would work, my wardrobe is actually fitting for the type of weather. Coolish, with some breezes, and crisp. Warm sometimes. My flannel is great for that, but stupid Colorado snows nearly year round.

Falling leaves: (you're stranded on a desert island and here's the twist: what three things do you NOT bring with you?) A boat so I can live in solidarity, thank you very much, anyone that's homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, racist, etc, and peanuts.

Smelly candles: (what's your absolute favorite scent?) Fredh baked apple pie 🤤

Big sweaters: (do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between?) I'm practically a living heater. So cold weather.

Halloween: (if you could dress up as anyone/anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?) Idk if this counts, but whatever gender I currently identify with (nb, feminine, masculine, in between). If that doesn't, then Jensen Ackles.

Cozy blankets: (where do you feel the most safe and at home?) With TJ. He's my family.

Hot tea: (when was the last time you kissed someone?) July 21st at around.... 5 or 6am?

Flannel #2: (what's your favorite day of the year? Is there a reason it's your favorite?) I don't really have one.

Chilly air: (what's your least favorite and favorite type of weather?) Is it weird that snowing is both my favorite and least favorite type of weather depending on the time of year?

Scarves: (if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?) My pair of black ripped guys skinny jeand with my dark blue distressed flannel and my wolf shirt.

Apple cider: (if you could throw a party and invite absolutely anyone, who would they be?) All of my close friends, plus the one I haven't seen in forever that I miss too much, and Misha Collins.

Haunted houses: (what's your scariest memory?) It was a dream I had when I was 5 that I remember in perfect detail. When I find the time I texted it to Kass I'll make a post with a screenshot of it.

Fuzzy boots: (if you could live in any year/era, which would it be and why?) See cinnamon above

Thanksgiving: (what is someone/something that you're most grateful for? Any particular reason?) That's hard. Can I say my best friends? That's only 3 people. And because they're always there and care about me and I love them.

Black friday: (what is one thing, if anything, that you would sell your soul to own?) The rights to be the writer of a Supernatural sequel.

Apple picking: (if you could go anywhere, where would it be and why?) Ireland. Castles. About 60% of my heritage. Green.

Corn mazes: (do you have any secret talents/abilities?) Not secret ones

Hay rides: (if you could pick absolutely anything to be your form of transportation, what would it be?) A 1967 4-door black Chevrolet Impala. Obviously.

The color orange: (do you have a specific song that reminds you of autumn? What is it?) Yeah, a few. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood, Trees by twenty one pilots, Smithereens by twenty one pilots, Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blackbird by The Beatles, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran, Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood, and What I Got by Sublime. To name a few.

Windy nights: (if you could go to any concert whose would it be?) Live Aid lmao. If they dont have to be alive then Queen, if they do then either Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, or Panic!

Holding hands: (do you believe in soulmates?) Kinda? I think I want to. I think you feel it at one point, if you meet someone you love that dearly. But idk, maybe I'm just being stupid.

Kass, thank you. And I hate you.

[vtori73]

*me recalling a post someone shared on labels*

Okay... it's still bugging me so I'm going to just talk about it. So, a post I saw ON HERE not twitter or Instagram or anywhere else but HERE where I normally don't expect to see posts like this waa reblogged to my dash. Im not going to say it's necessarily all bad but I am still a bit surprised that I saw it & just... doesn't really, at least too me, make any good arguments and more so comes off as wanting to police identities & caring more about understandability then actually caring about LGBTIA+/ Queer people.

Instead of forcing you all to scroll through my whole post if you don't want to read my word vomit I'll add a read more (quick cw for brief mention of harrasment/assault):

Now the basic gist of the post was wanting people to change the conversation of if certain labels are "valid" to "are these labels necessary or useful" which... in my honest opinion I think both conversation either way are kind of... pointless. They just feel like they kind of take time away from actual important topics that we, the LGBTIA/Queer community, should be having. Why are we still bothering with this pointlessness of labels similar to how people are overly obsessed with flag discourse or slur discourse NONE OF THIS ACTUALLY MATTERS FOR FUCKS SAKE in the grand scheme of things.

I'm not saying some labels can't be problematic of course... well probably. Like, for example this one I heard someone bring up that was put on a wiki about "wanting to have pure bloodlines" or something like that but... I feel like I shouldn't have to explain ALL of the why's to why that one shouldn't count as a legit example. Anyway, I bring this up because this WAS brought up as a counter to the argument someone made about labels, most likely a pro-label argument I don't remember exactly what was being said though this was Twitter not Tumblr though so it was unrelated to the post I'm discussing here.

This tumblr post I saw just seems like the thinking/foundation for what I see a lot in the gate-keeping LGBTIA+/Queer community. Bi people who are Panphobic using similar arguments against each other or against the other lesser known mspec identities such as Omni or Poly. Or more recently the arguments against mspec lesbians or more specifically bi/pan-lesbians and usually the arguments I find being used against these labels make LESS sense then pro-labels people who go "labels are valid."

Anyway I bring this up because when it comes to people against labels, discussing the importance of legitimacy of labels, and similar arguments tends to sound exactly like the arguments people who do police identities and such like transmeds, terfs, homophobes, biphobes etc. Why do our labels NEED to be useful, need to be understood? We don't seem to care about straight, cis, allo people understanding so why should we care when it comes to people within as well? Being "understood" also seems kind of... what's the word... "Pointless?" No, not exactly what I was going for but... it's close enough. Even when non-queer people DO understand us and our labels it doesn't somehow automatically make them allies to us, even the self-proclaimed allies who understand can still work against our best interests so why are we putting importance in ANYONE understanding our labels?

For example purposes I will breakdown the arguments against the label.

Okay so, people who are doing what op said they wanted to see more of in the post I'm referencing here were basically saying (that's isn't just x is bad) "Bi lesbians are harmful to the Lesbian community because men will use it as an excuse bother us/it shows men were available to them. Bi lesbians are also bad because they are tearing down something Bi people worked hard for, to have their own separate community. Bi-lesbians also are bad because terfs created the term."

Alright, so for the first point this one isn't obvious to some but is for many other how messed up the argument is because it basically amounts to nothing more then victim blaming, basically "your asking to be harassed by men if you can possibly be attracted to them" which is a huge slap in the face to straight, but ESPECIALLY bi women who ARE statistically more often victims of abuse. Not to mention this argument makes less sense you you recall that lesbians often DO voice how men will continue to hit on them REGARDLESS of what they say their sexuality is so if straight men decided to use "bi-lesbians" as an excuse one day it only really proves how insidious they are and not the labels legitimacy.

For the second point this is normally made by Lesbians and... look im not saying you can't speak up for us but what made this even WORSE specifically was that Lesbians at the same time were saying that ONLY Lesbians can speak on this "bi-lesbian" discourse which just... voids any good will they may have had initially. You don't GET to speak about others identities & their histories while ALSO telling them to shut the fuck up because thats NOT how this shit works especially when you're spouting ahistorical nonsense. Which yeah, they were/are. The argument was not only bad because of the speaking over Bi people but it was also just legitimately WRONg... well, maybe at the least just glosses over some BIG details. Like, for example that, yes, Bi people DID work hard to make their own space BUT were you also aware that Bi people WERE apart of the Lesbian community with open arms for a time before political lesbianism became a thing & took power in the Lesbian community which resulted in kicking out anyone they didn't like because I feel leaving that out is kind of wrong but I guess it does make their argument look bad. Also not to mention that as a Bi person bi-lesbians don't bother me, they don't negativity effect Bi people just by existing so I have no qualms with them & a decent amount of other Bi people feel the same so... like I said before don't speak for a community you're not apart of, especially when you're also telling us to shut up at the same time!

The last point is also wrong, I'm not bringing up sources but basically the idea that terfs started is actually, you guessed it, due to terfs! Sorry.. that's probably confusing but actually terfs don't like the label so they started the misinformation that terfs(& similar) started it to get people against it which makes sense if you understand who terfs hate. Terfs, specifically the ones within the lesbian community are not much different from political lesbians & I wouldn't be all that surprised if thats what a lot them were or would have been if that was still a thing. I would say a closer equivalent would be "gold star Lesbians" or anyone who thinks it's a good term but ANYWAY the point was that a lot the Lesbians who hold one of these beliefs/identities TENDS to hold the other because they aren't all that much different so it's easy to see why they would want to destroy the term vs actually want it around.

I almost forgot one part of the argument though, and that was that the misinformation was that "terfs created it too separate trans lesbians from the lesbian label" which... Look I'm sorry but if you know terfs this honestly doesn't make all that much sense, yes terfs ARE mainly against trans people it's in the name but don't lie and tell me that plenty of terfs also haven't been found to be against queer, bi, & asexual people as well so I don't see them wanting to ever create the term "bi-lesbian" even if it is to be transphobic. But if we disregard that line of thinking the argument also falls flat when you immediately just... TALK to any Bi-lesbian and ask them why they use label because most who use it tend to be non-binary people who have fluid genders and thus have complicated relationships with their sexuality. Even then some just use it too mean they have strong connections to the Lesbian community for whatever reason! There are probably other reasons but my brains fried so that's all I'm listing but I feel like my point should have sank in by now anyway.

So, after having bare through my long example I hope my point has gotten through but if it hasn't I will summarize: not all labels in the end are going to be "helpful, useful, or needed" BUT that's doesn't make them bad just because of that fact and policing labels & identities in the end is more harmful to the community then not. Instead of caring whether a label is useful or not let's instead focus on making sure we don't allow harmful, bigoted rhetoric and thinking to continue to thrive and permeate our communities, whether online or not so we can keep them from overtaking our spaces... again. And if there really are ACTUALLY harmful labels popping up let's MAKE SURE they are actually harmful and then deal with them accordingly!

Note: if your curious as to why I wrote "LGBTIA+/Queer" I'm going to explain below:

Basically I do it because I feel its weird to put Queer in the middle of acronyms that fall under the queer umbrella. Not to mention that I think it makes more sense to have it be a separate thing considering plenty of queer people don't care for the term being used for them or with them/etc. I like to use Queer for all people who can fall under the term & are accepting/ok with it being used for them more then I like to use the acronym but the acronym is good for anyone who doesn't like to use Queer or for allies to use. I'm not saying it's perfect thinking or other people should change how they use the labels/acronym but that's just my reasoning and I don't see any actual negatives too it so I used it here but as always I'm open to being wrong!

[cinelikeme]

Butches are Disappearing

https://youtu.be/ryUktDRu15k

The Argument

I’ve had many people tell me that they’re sad that butches are disappearing and that this is just another way to “convert us into heteronormative boxes.”

00:13 Physical Transition and Bodily Autonomy

I have some fundamental core values which I will not compromise. One of these values is bodily autonomy. As long as you aren’t harming anyone else, you can do what you want with your body, because it’s yours, no one else should tell me what to do with my body. Trans-exclusionary feminists seem to have this idea that transgender people are influencing butches to transition. I have never in my life seen or heard anyone telling anyone else to transition. Ever. You know what I have heard, plenty of trans-exclusionary radical feminists telling people not to transition. When a community tells a group of people what to do with their own bodies, that sends up major red flags for me. Now I know I said “as long as you’re not harming anyone,” and I understand that some people think transitioning is harming oneself, now this is arguably subjective, but at the end of the day, look I’m good and healthy, not in pain right now yay me.

I’m still butch. I’m not “disappearing,” I’m not going anywhere. I will never be heterosexual, I will never be straight, I will sure as hell never be heteronormative. You know what /is/ sad, is that my period almost killed me, twice. Because of the body I was born into, I could have been wiped off the face of the planet far too early, all for a set of organs I will never ever use for anything. And whenever I tried to address this, medical practitioners made it all about future babies and preserving fertility. That’s what’s really fucked up. My diction for top surgery was made partially because of gender reasons, partially because of non-gender medical reasons. Anti-trans feminists seemed horrified that I removed “perfectly healthy body parts,” but mine weren’t perfectly healthy. And also even if they had been, there would be a higher chance that one day they wouldn’t be. Now I don’t have that concern. Additionally this rhetoric doesn’t take into account the wonders that surgery for the right person can do to their mental health. There were a lot of factors that contributed to my choice; no decision is ever made in a void.

02:08 Peer Pressure

I see so many TERFs talk about butches being “pressured” into taking T. I don’t know who these people hang out with, but that isn’t safe, it isn’t nice, and it sure as hell is neither my experience nor does it reflect the ideologies of the community as a whole. I have never seen or heard of anyone being pressured to take hormones. While I have heard many trans people and medical practitioners to caution people and to tell them to take their time and really think about things before making any irrevocable decisions.

Anti-trans people advocating for the “preservation of butches” talk about how the transgender movement “pressures” butches into transitioning. The only pressure I have ever felt from anyone in regards to transitioning, has been the deliberate and consistent pressure from anti-trans people to not transition in any way. I have never felt pressure from any trans person, association, or movement, to transition. In fact I have felt very rigid forms of gender and sexual policing within lesbian spaces (Wear a push up bra or a sports bra, but never a binder. Date femmes, not butches. Be monogamous. Don’t date trans women, only date cis women. Dating someone double your age is unacceptable and frowned upon, even though you’re well into your twenties and a mature adult who can make their own decisions. You have to love your breasts, you have to love your period and bleeding with the moon, even though both these things clearly make you miserable. Even some old-school lesbians have said that using a strap-on means that I want a penis, and that the only “real” lesbian sex is without any toys.) A while ago, before I really identified myself as non-binary, I went out to a lesbian bar, and the lesbians thought I was a man, as though I can be butch, but not /too/ butch. Here’s another example, I am butch, and I am attracted mostly to other butch people, sometimes femmes but less frequently. But after a few times of hitting on butches in lesbian spaces I learned very quickly that that was not ok. Butches would react to me the same way a homophobic straight man might react to a gay man hitting on him, they seemed repulsed, they didn’t just politely reject my advances, they seemed incredibly offended that another butch would find them attractive, as though I was “threatening their masculinity” or something. In my eyes that kind of behaviour reenforces the heteronormative (homonormative) binary way more than taking hormones does.

Ironically- or perhaps not at all so- I have found far more acceptance for alternative modes of being and modes of desire in trans spaces than lesbian spaces. I have always felt and received such unconditional acceptance from the trans community.

04:40 The Trans Cult

I also see a lot of TERFs refer to the trans movement as a cult, yet a defining feature of a cult is cutting off social ties with people outside of the cult, and conforming to the cults standards of being. As I said earlier, I have received far more pressure from lesbians to conform to a certain standard and to be a certain way. All the advice I’ve gotten from trans people is “You do you. Figure out what you want to do with your life. Don’t make decisions to quickly, take your time. Find support people outside of the trans community.” None of this is cult-like behaviour. And it seems to me that to this certain group of anti-trans people, you can’t question your gender, you can’t have that freedom, they seem vehemently against people having trans friends, I’ve seen them actively trying to persuade people not to transition. Their behaviour reminds me of the Christians standing on the side of the street handing out gay conversion therapy leaflets to queers walking by.

05:39 Being Butch and Trans

Much academia supports the idea that Butches have always been trans. That’s not to say trans men, or that butches are interested in what we understand today as ‘transitioning.’ But that the concept of being transgender has often and largely incorporated gender non-conforming people. This also highlights the fact that they aren’t necessarily two distinct categories. See Ivan Coyote, Leslie Feinberg, Jack Halberstam, these people are butch and trans.

06:13 Forgetting Butch Trans Women

The other problem with this argument is that you refuse to acknowledge that butch trans women exist too. (List a few: Ricki Wilchins, Jo-I-Dunno, and I know a few wonderful butch trans women personally who I’m not going to out here). So you may feel like you're loosing some butch women because they come out as trans women, but some other people are trans women who are butch lesbians, and if you refuse to acknowledge that they are women too then you’re transphobic plain and simple. And if you acknowledge that they are women, but that you would never date them and so don’t count them in your pool of eligible butches, then you’re looking at butches as objects for your own sexual gratification, and that’s really fucked up.

As a side note, there’s been this conversation going around about if you’re a lesbian and a trans woman discloses that she has a penis, and you choose not to have sex with her or date her any more for that reason, does that make you transphobic? The answer is no. A lot of TERFs seem to think that trans people are saying they have to fuck women who have penises or else they’re transphobic. No, no one’s saying that, in fact I’ve never ever seen or heard a trans person say or write that. You don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with, plain and simple. Consent is mandatory in all things.

But plenty of trans women have had genital surgery, and saying they’re not women, because of their assigned gender, is a shitty thing to do.

07:43 Attacking the Wrong People

Many studies on young trans kids show that social transitioning results in less feelings of depression. TERFs saying it’s because gender nonconformity is punished, and by transitioning the TERFs assume that the trans person if now being celebrated because they’re adhering to gender norms. While trans activists say that young trans people having access to early care is going to be wonderful for the future mental health of the trans community because, puberty is bad enough, imagine going through the wrong one. It seems to me that regardless of which of these is true, attacking trans people is not the answer, it’s not productive. If you’re worried that gender nonconformity isn’t being celebrated enough, then by god celebrate it! Amplify the gender nonconformity you have in your own life. Also knowing the trans people I know, they’re a lot more likely to buck the gendered expectations of their gender identity once they feel comfortable in the amount they’ve transitioned, because they’ve already had to put up with that bullshit once.

08:42 Detransitioning/Trans Regret

Some people regret transitioning. It happens. Of course it happens. For a variety of reasons. Do some people wish they’d never transitioned, yes. Are those people a large proportion of the people who transition, not at all. Does that mean we shouldn’t talk about it, no. But does that mean that we should stop everyone from transitioning because some people are sad that they did, of course not.

The stories I hear from people who detransitioned were:

They felt they had to make a decision quickly because they weren’t given breathing space to identify as ‘gender questioning’ for a while- hey you know what places don’t let you identify as gender questioning? Anti-trans spaces that’s where.

Trans and depression. Talk about transition as seeming exciting, depression is not looking to end it, it’s looking for change. If gender becomes more fluid and transition becomes normalised I believe it wont appear as an appealing out for people with depression trying to figure out how to fix themselves.

I must stress these two examples are a tiny percentage of an already tiny population. Statistical outliers, whose needs must be addressed, yes, and whose stories should be told, yes, but do not for a moment pretend that they represent a majority of experiences.

10:46 Feminism

Kids asking about gender. “Are you a boy or a girl?” When you let them know there are other options, you expand their world view. I love the idea of embodying a hormonal and surgical middle ground as a visible representation of possibilities outside of a strict gender dichotomy. Surely this can only be good for the deconstruction of harmful gender ideologies, which must be overall a positive thing for feminism.

11:15 I Love Butches

Visibility is important. But the things is, if someone who I thought previously identified as a butch cis woman comes out as trans, I’m not loosing anything in life, I’m not left here with a gaping hole in my heart. There are plenty of other butch role models for me to look to.

11:34 Afterword

It’s interesting too, I feel, that some older trans folks are worried that the increased availability of puberty blockers to young trans people, and the vast resources that allow children access to gender clinics, means that in future trans people are going to be less visibly trans. That more trans people will pass as cis, and visible trans people will start disappearing. This anxiety that the anti-trans lesbians have about butches disappearing is echoed across the LGBT communities. Gay men are worried they’re loosing men to transition, lesbian women are worried they’re loosing butches to transition, visibly trans people are worried they’re loosing young trans people to cis-passing privilege, bisexuals have never been visible so they aint worried about shit, and also many bi and pan people love people of any gender so they don’t seem too invested in this weird sexual and gender puritan ideology. The general theme is is that LGBT people seem to be worried about queer visibility being on the decline, but more people than ever are coming out as LGBT.

I myself am concerned for the future of lesbians, shunning their trans friends and allies and committing in-group fighting within the LGBT community; that is how the real enemy wins. That is how the conservatives get us. They divide and conquer.

Links: http://www.handsomerevolution.com http://www.butchwonders.com/blog/our-25-most-powerful-butches http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/10/05/record-numbers-of-young-people-are-coming-out/ 

Note: Yes this content doesn’t lend itself too well to a video format, it would probably be better as a written article. But this is my forum and mode of delivery. I’ve had enough of anti-trans lesbians attacking me, or trying to “save” me, which is incredibly condescending and erases the years of research and soul-searching (I actually prefer soul-creation) I have done. So I wanted to put all my thoughts down into a (big) “bite sized” chunk here to direct them to when they start to vomit a world salad at me. 

There are a couple more arguments that I had had hurled at me that weren’t addressed here: 
Equating trans gender people with “transable” people- apparently able bodied people who deliberately become amputees or blind themselves. My transition has not made me reliant long term on ability aids or other people’s help. I am just as physically and mentally capable as before so your argument falls short. It makes no sense.

TERFs arguing that the statistics of the murder rate of trans women is fabricated or exaggerated. Many trans women do get murdered just for being trans women. I personally have never quoted any numbers, fabricated or otherwise. And whether or not that is true, does not invalidate my identity. (I mean, I’d actually be glad if it weren’t true, that would mean less trans people were getting killed and that my life would actually be safer.)