#white really just had the worst weekend of his life and didnt even know the reason why the whole time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bonny-kookoo · 4 years

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Carrots and Whiskers (JJK x Reader) 💜🔞🐾

🥕 Pairing: Rabbit!Jungkook x Wolf!Reader

🥕 Genre: Hybrid AU, fluff, smut because why not amirite-

🥕 Warnings: stereotyping, mild mentions of past bullying, fluff, oh god they’re so cute, Dom!Jungkook despite being technically food for Sub!Reader, Dirty talk, it’s sweet though he ain’t calling his baby a hoe don’t worry, unprotected sex because in this hybrid universe they’re unable to conceive due to their different species, please keep that in mind thank you, sweet sweet lovemaking, aftercare, buff boi JK, Big dick JK but what’s new I guess, yeah I’m done now

🥕 Summary: He’s the prey and she’s the predator. So why does she feel like the roles are reversed?

This is a oneshot! If you have any ideas for future content in this universe, feel free to send in asks or requests!

A reputation could easily define your entire life it it was bad enough.

Both sides knew this; Jeon Jungkook, being depicted as the cowardly prey hybrid he was, and Y/N, the bad bad wolf with always malicious intentions. However, none of these depictions were actually true.

Jeon Jungkook was an actually pretty rough and brave young man, never really backing down from a challenge, uncaring on who was in front of him. He got into trouble often as a kid, as a teenager, and now as a young adult.

Y/N was soft spoken, a caring yet quiet hybrid who liked to stay hidden, the spotlight being more of a fear than a goal for her. She loved the simple things in life, liked to be by herself or surrounded by people she trusted and loved.

And she also got a major crush on the bunny in her art and music class.

It was quite cliche really, yet it also wasn't- it was as if she was stuck in a bad joke, never to make it to the punchline. She knew for a fact that he probably didn't even knew who she was, and the worst part about it was that she couldn't even blame him. She loved to not be seen, after all.

"Uhm, excuse me?" Said the voice, forcefully hitting her as she looked up, her own eyes meeting the big brown orbs of-

wait.

"I eh, we're supposed to choose partners for this project, and I know for a fact that you can draw so eh, wanna be partners?" He asked, and she simply stared. Was he- talking to her? "I mean, Its okay if you don't want to-" He started, the squirrel hybrid girl behind him already perking up at her chance, making her swallow a bit.

"N-no, I uhm.. I'd like that." She squeezed out, voice quiet, but he thankfully still heard her. He smiled, brightly and so awfully cliche as his bunny-like teeth showed, sitting down next to her as he pulled out his sketches. "So uh, what did you have in mind.?" She quietly asked, and he talked away, as if he'd always known her.

"Well since we weren't given much other than the theme and colors, I made some small sketches. You know, I get Ideas that are pretty neat sometimes but then I forget them easily, so I have to draw or write them down right away, otherwise I'll wanna bite my own ass later on." He rambled on, gently moving the rough sketches towards her, his eyes watching her as she looked at them, carefully studying his lines.

"This- this one would fit, I think.." She mumbled, tapping on one of his more detailed drawings. He grinned again, nodding, seemingly in agreement. He attempted to say something as the bell rang, students around them both scrambling up to get out as soon as possible, either to catch a bus or to drive home on their bikes.

"Hey do you-" He stumbled, his foot catching on a stray chair as he almost fell. "Do you wanna meet up on the weekend? That way we can finish faster, you know, time to sleep in class." He said, and she simply nodded, until he held his hand out. Her head tilted to the side, ears flopping a bit as he chuckled, mumbling. "cute. Your phone, so I can give you my number?" He explained, and she blushed, stepping back a bit as she placed her bag down on the table next to her, pulling out her phone, charms on the device dangling, making him smile. She really was adorable. "Alright." He said as he took it after she'd opened the phone app, his fingers typing away, before he gave it back to her. "Do you take the bus home?" He asked, and she nodded. "Oh really? I thought the pink bike outside was yours actually." He chatted away as she walked next to him, now a bit shy.

"I actually.. well, I can't, you know, ride a bike, so.." She mumbled, and he laughed for a moment, until he went quiet, sensing that she was serious.

"I eh, I could you know, teach you, if you want?" He asked as he unlocked his own bike. "I mean, not now but like, this weekend?" He asked, and she looked a bit hesitant. "I mean, you don't have to. But I promise I won't let you get hurt." It seemed odd maybe, for a prey hybrid to say that to a predator, but for her, it seemed like the most cheesy and romantic thing she'd ever heard. So she smiled, and nodded. "I uhm.. I think your bus left-" He pointed out, making her ears droop as she watched the vehicle drive off without her. "I can bring you home. It's kind of my fault you missed it, after all." He said, scratching the back of his neck as he suddenly rumbled in his backpack, pulling out a zip hoodie, before folding it, and placing it on the bag of his bike. "My'lady." He offered, and she giggled, making his ears flinch in excitement.

She'd been unaware of him for long enough, and after a talk with his fellow friend Taehyung, he'd decided to finally act on his interest in her. Even though he did get some odd looks from his classmate Jimin, he didn't care about what she was- he cared more about who. Her drawings were always so detailed in a way that would show exactly what she'd though while creating each line, something he always found remarkable. She also had a talent for photography, a hobby he had for himself as well.

"Hold on tight okay?" He said, and she nodded, her arms moving around his waist, redness creeping onto her cheeks as she felt his toned body underneath his thin shirt and loose jean jacket. She held a bit tighter as he finally pushed the bike forward, paddling at a decent pace that made her hair flow a bit with the wind. She couldn't help but enjoy the moment; the way his smell calmed her, the scenery around her, and the fact that it seemed like everything was finally working out for her.

"I'm gonna let go now and you'll just-" He started, but she suddenly grew anxious, her wide eyes immediately finding his.

"no no don't let go I'm gonna fall-" She scrambled out, scared as he simply laughed, one hand on her back as he kept the other on the bike for now.

"I promised, didnt I?" He hummed into her ear, and she blushed at the gentle tone of his voice. He was everything she never thought a prey hybrid would be; he was cunning, brave, and confident in himself. He wasn't after attention at all, simply trying to live his life yet he pulled everyones gaze on himself wherever he went simply by nature. His ears seemed too soft to be legal in her opinion, black and white tuft of fur that was his tail seemingly completely out of place; the rest of his body was toned. It showed that he knew how to take care of himself, it underlined the way he held himself wherever he went.

He was the complete opposite of her it seemed.

She liked to hide in oversized clothing, hybrid features the only thing really giving away that she wasn't just a mouse in disguise.

To him however, it was an entirely different story.

She was so sweet, always trying to help, and always trying to not be a burden. She had so much talent, a unique way of seeing the world, and a gentle way of always looking out for others. It also didn't ease his crush on her that she was absolutely beautiful in his eyes; shorter in statue than him, surprisingly, but he was pretty tall for a rabbit hybrid, he had to admit. His mother had once told him about the different subspecies of wolves when she'd noticed his crush on the girl; her best friend having been a wolf hybrid as well when she'd still been in school. Apparently there were different subtypes for them; alphas, betas and omegas. He guessed that the girl on his bike was an omega, maybe, as it would explain all her characteristics.

"You're doing so great!" He said, bunny smile making her feel more confident as she noticed he only held her by her back; she was actually riding a bike. "See? You can do it!" He happily exclaimed as he helped her off, seat a bit high for her to get down herself. "Lets sit down there and exchange some sketches, yeah?" He offered, and she nodded with a smile, walking next to him as they both sat down on the grass, after Jungkook had put down a small blanket he'd taken with him. "Okay, hit me." He playfully shot her way, as she pulled out her sketchbook, simply sliding it towards him as he opened it, looking through the pages she'd opened for him. "Uah, these are great! I'd use a bit more color on these ones, but the rest is awesome!" He mumbled in thought as he proceeded to change the page, his eyes widening at a familiar pair of eyes, when two delicate hands held his wrist in place.

"Pl-Please uh, that's not for the project eh-" She stuttered, panic evident in her voice as her red face and tilted ears gave away her embarrassment. He simply stared for a moment, before his other hand simply loosened her grip on his wrist, freeing himself without much force. He slowly turned the page, revealing multiple rough sketches of..

Him.

It was him, not very detailed, but clearly visible. Small scenarios were drawn on the page, him staring out the open window of the classroom as he talked to friends, him at the sidelines of his basketball game as he'd taken a break, or him asleep on his desk during class. He studied the drawings, noticing how she'd not cared much about his clothing, or the background; even the desk or the window weren't really drawn very realistically, simply a fast sketch. What did stand out was.. well, his face. The way the sun reflected in his eyes, how his ears had been slightly damp from the slight rain outside, or the tiny things he would've never thought she'd notice about him, like the tiny beauty mark under his lower lip, the slight scar just above his cheek, or how the sides of his eyes crinkled when he laughed, nose scrunched up.

As he looked up she was looking down, hair hiding her eyes as her ears were flat against her skull, tail in her hands, which nervously fiddled with the fur. "I-" He started, before he began to open his own bag, ruffling around in it as his own ears lowered themselves while he tried to find something. "Hah!" He exclaimed in victory, hands sliding off the rubber band of his own folder which kept his messily organized sketches and finished works. He rummaged through them, before he started to lay some of them out in front of her, one by one. Slowly, her ears turned, attention on what he'd put down in front of her.

He always had a different way of drawing things, not really putting a lot of effort into the outlines or sketches themselves; but he had a way of coloring things, a unique style that made things feel almost alive. In every picture, he'd dedicated most of his effort to color the fur of her hybrid features almost perfectly- he also payed special attention to her postures in every picture. He never drew her eyes however- which she noticed. "I uhm.. I've never got the chance to see them up close, so I had a bit of trouble with them.." He explained. "I've noticed you pretty early when we shared our first classes together.. But I never really got around to talk to you. You and Namjoon-Hyung always seemed so close, I thought.." He revealed, scratching behind his own ear as he suddenly felt a bit bashful.

"You.. I mean, Joonie is a good friend but we uh.." She started, voice a bit low as she laughed a bit.

"I know, I know, he told me-" Jungkook answered, now chuckling. "Thats why I immediately took my chance when they'd announced the group project." He said. "It gave me a chance to you know, get to know you better. Get closer, you know?" He explained, and she nodded. "So uh.." He mumbled, before he smiled at her hopefully. "Wanna uh- get cake together today? Like a date?" He asked, and she nodded, making him suddenly jump up as he fist bumped the air, making a passerby elderly couple laugh. "Yes!"

"Carrot cake?" She asked, an almost teasing smile on her lips as he looked at her.

"What? Don't judge puppy!" He said, making her scoff scandalized.

"Hey, I'm a wolf, not a dog!" She explained as she stirred her milkshake with her pink straw before grabbing the spoon from her small metal plate.

"And I'm a rabbit, not a bunny. So guess we're even." He said, before his smile faded a bit, eyes stuck to the spoonful of whipped cream which made its way inside her mouth, tongue darting out to lick her lips clean before she noticed his gaze. He snapped out of it, suddenly the one growing a bit shy. "You uh.. wait, lemme just-" He mumbled, hand moving to wipe the corner of her mouth as he licked his finger clean himself, making her eyes widen before she mumbled a 'thanks' under her breath. He grinned.

"So uh-" He asked, pushing down his small cake fork to pick up a piece of cake, holding it out towards her. "open up?" He asked, and she hesitated a bit, before leaning forward a bit, lips parting. He placed the piece into her mouth, watching as she closed her lips, accepting his offering of food before she nodded her head approvingly. "See? Don't judge before you try!" He exclaimed, and she giggled at that.

He was right.

"I'm absolutely beat." He suddenly exclaimed, falling down onto the mattress laying on the ground in the corner of the new, unfurnished bedroom. The wolf hybrid sat down next to his sprawled out form, gently moving his blonde tipped hair away from his eyes. He'd dyed it months ago, his roots more than visible at this point, yet he'd simply decided to let it grow. "Come here~!" He playfully demanded, hands reaching out for her as he pulled her down with him, happily humming when she was laying on his chest. "Can you believe we're actually gonna live together from now on?" He asked, and she shook her head, moving around a bit so she straddled him, sat on his thighs as he suddenly watches her with hooded eyes, hands on her hips as his thumbs move in circles over the skin underneath her sweater- his sweater. "Hm.. I mean.." He offered, suddenly moving to sit up, changing position as she's now underneath him, his hair tickling her face slightly when he begins to kiss against her pulse. "I was about to ask if we should at least put up the bedframe, but having a mattress on the floor.." He started, hands wandering underneath the clothing of his she wore as he continued in a low voice. "..means I can't break the bed this time." He said, and she giggled at that, remembering the time their time together had been roughly interrupted by the weak frame of his old bed breaking. "Oh, my puppy thinks that's funny?" He wonders, making her grin as he kissed her deeply.

Moments like these made her almost forget the stereotypes she'd grown up with during her live- since Jungkook was nothing like the typically depicted rabbit hybrids. Because right now the roles seemed completely reversed, as he mouthed at her neck, feeling her pulse race as he continued to map out her body with just his hands, no need to watch where they were, able to seemingly paint a picture of her by touch at this point. Clothes suddenly seemed to tight, itchy, as if bitten by a mosquito. She whined as he chuckled darkly, helping her out of his sweater as he immediately grabbed her breasts, kneading them before he continued to undress her, making quick work of her shorts as he pulled down her underwear as well- her already glistening center clinging to the damp fabric of her underwear as she squirmed, making him humm in appreciation. He pulled his own shirt over his head as well, revealing his body to her as the sun outside painted glowing stripes onto it, the blinds drawing patterns on her skin as well. He finally freed himself from the confines of his own underwear as well, standing proud and ready as she became restless.

"Hm, puppy wants to be filled up yeah?" He asked with a teasing undertone, proudly making use of the privilege to be able to call her that- since she hated it when others did it. It was the same the other way around however; typically, being called a 'bunny' was an absolute insult to him, but for some reason it seemed like a cute nickname coming from her. Maybe he was just whipped. Or maybe she was just privileged as well.

He entered her slowly as he sighed alongside her, not wasting any time as he fell into rhythm, hips thrusting forwards as her hands reached for his, intertwining their fingers as he felt his soul warm up at the gesture. He felt so loved, so cherished, it made him fear for his heart, as he swore it stopped every time he was close to her like this. He felt complete, like he'd found his soulmate, his other half- it didn't matter to him what she was. Sure, his parents were a bit dissapointed since they couldn't have kids naturally because of this, but they both could always adopt in the future. Thinking about it made his heart swell as he thought about her, caring for their kids, making this small apartment into a family home one day. Maybe it was instinct, but he'd already been driven nuts by the way she'd helped him choose furniture and wallpaper for the small living space they'd be sharing; the simple fact that she wanted to make their apartment into a home feeding his inner instincts to build a home to keep her safe in.

He felt her legs shake a bit as he shifted a bit, making her whine as he suddenly picked up his pace, sweat already slowly beginning to coat his skin as he didn't seem to notice how the sound of skin against skin still echoed in the almost empty room since it lacked furniture- but it didn't matter for now anyways. They'd both fill it with things and memories of the both of them, and he couldn't wait for it. He huffed a bit as he moved, leaning down a bit to rest his forehead against her neck as she bared it for him, a natural instinct of hers to submit to him even if he was of another species with no need of such gestures. He'd adapted to it however, gently biting the skin as he felt her shiver underneath him, a sign that she was getting close. "Hm my baby wanna cum?" He asked, gently beginning to tease her as she nodded, eyes closed in bliss. "You want a knot huh?" He asked, and she shook her head no, as he chuckled. He'd felt a bit insecure the first few times around as he knew how things worked for canine hybrids, worried that he maybe couldn't give her what she wanted or needed, yet she'd always reassured him. Now it was more like a teasing thing for him, and a way to tickle a praise out of her- a way of reminding himself that she loved him just as much as she did her. "No? You don't?" She shook her head again, her fingers holding his hands tighter. "What do you want then, huh?" He asked with a grin as she whined.

"You- you, only want ngh.. only need Kookie-!" She pressed out, and he hummed approvingly, his thrusts beginning to grow sloppy as he neared his end.

"That's right, only me, only mine, yeah?" He asked, and she nodded, suddenly opening mouth as her head buried itself into the mattress below her, clenching around him as he groaned out, burying himself deep inside her as he spilled. "Thats it, take it like a puppy- good girl!" He praised, making her whine as he leaned his body down, kissing her neck, her throat, and then her lips as they both calmed down from their highs, breathing slowly growing more and more even as he moved a bit to grab a box as he slid it towards him, rummaging through it before he took out a roll of kitchen towels, grabbing a few as he slipped out of her, carefully catching his release and her own juices as to not make a mess. He had a gentle smile on his face as he carefully cleaned her up before he stood, walking towards another box where he pulled out a large pillow and a few blankets, instincts taking over as he began to cover her now rapidly cooling body in soft fabrics before cuddling up next to her, pulling another blanket over his own form as he made sure his partner was comfortable. She slipped out of her makeshift blanket burrito to invite him in, making him grin his signature bunny smile as he held her close, skin on skin as he closed his eyes, the only light in the room the streetlamps outside.

This already felt like home.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts #jungkook #bts reactions #hybrid imagine #bts hybrid au

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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years

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Home Sweet Home

Masterlist

You and Clark make the most of your time together and you clear up some confusion.

Warnings:Adult situations, Smut, Fluff, swearing

A/n: soo here is some Clark smut I have been working on hope you enjoy xx

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters @iloveyouyen @magdelen69

Home Sweet Home

Over the past months since you had returned home Clark hadn't managed to get out to you as much as he wanted, silly really you had no problem with it. But he couldnt help wanting to spend every moment of every day with you. He still made it out every weekend without fail. Tho he was cautious ,used to being able the fly in to his mother popping in and out whenever he pleased, but he couldn't do that with you not if he wanted to keep up the apearance of being a regular human. One who had to make a three hour journey to see you over the weekend, he had a system in place making it seem like he left work on friday and came straight to see you then left sunday early evening to get back. Each week you told him he didn't have to make the trip and each week he'd laugh it off telling you to stop being silly, if only you knew the trip took around a minute.If he was having a slow day. The worst part of the week was waiting around his mothers few hours before crossing the field to see you. As terrible as it seems sometimes he is thankfull that Superman is needed it makes the time go quicker.He tries to busy himself but most of the time he just waits it out in his mothers kitchen he had tried staying in the city but prefered being closer to you.

Just hearing the lull of your heart thumping away, or the soft humming you did singing when writing listening to music through your heaphones put him at ease. Sometimes if you had your headphones up loud he would sneak across and watch you work smileing to himself at the cute 'bopping' you did when you really got into a song a few instances getting up from yourseat having a little dance when you made your way to refill your drink. You rarely wrote around him saying you didnt want to waste the time you had together on work. Which was a shame, there was the other smaller things you did that made him smile the way you'd poke your tongue out wetting your lips as you concentrated or furrow your brows when a word escaped you,you'd start listing rhyming words out loud just replacing the first letter until one fit and made sense. He had learned early on when he crept over to make sure his phone was on silent as you'd text him occasionally asking him for synonyms when you couldn't manage to find something that fit.

But his absolute favorite bit was when you would squirm and blush, aroused at your own words, he'd hear your pulse pick up watching as a flush rose across your face you'd normally sip at the ever present coffee or juice that sat beside you, or nibble on the snack you had beside your computer. Something about seeing you work yourself up made him shudder. He would smell your arousal then suddenly you'd pull away from the screen fanning your face or covering it with your hands giggling whispering to your self 'was that to far' and 'lucky bitch I fucking wish'. He'd have to leave when this happend unsure if he could control himself. But when this did happen he always knew that when he came around you'd be biting at the bit to tear his clothes off and fuck him in the hall and on the stairs and the landing where ever you could, once it nearly happend on the porch... Not that he minded but you had freaked out when your lust addled mind heard the combine in the field and realised you was straddling his half naked form in just your panties on the porch. Either way times like that you rarely made it to the bed room. Well thats not strictly true you did once but that was because you lost track of time and thats were he found you, in bed legs spread hips rocking onto one of your toys. He had counted down the seconds that time sitting in his mothers kitchen tapping his fingers impatiently on the table watching the clock, willing time to move faster growling. Much to his Mothers amusment, she could guess what was going on and couldnt help but shake her head feeling a little sorry for you as she watched his face get more and more irritated ,reminding her of the tantrums he had as a child when he couldnt get his own way. His face glowered as he sat there and he listened to your wails of frustration as you desperatly tried to pound a climax out of yourself but couldn't. The only consultation was when he heard the various curses you threw at him turns out he had ruined you...And he couldn't help being smug about it. Hearing you from his mothers house trying to fuck yourself stupid was torture just like it had been that first night he met you. His mother had laughed the next time she saw you both saying she never saw him move so fast in his life, she had that knowing grin of hers as you both flushed and stutter..Martha had to much fun teasing you both making it worse she wondered aloud 'how there was any corn left in the field after the way he cut across it.'

He grinned walking up the stairs to the porch he juggled the bags of groceries opening the door to the house kicking it shut softly behind him slipping off his shoes as he entered. He smiled as he heard you the music from your headphones, you had been working tirelessly today making sure everything was finished. It was Sunday and to your own annoyance you'd gotten your dates mixed up and had to have your new draft completed and emailed in by tomorrow for checking then beta reading.

He walked into the kitchen dropping the groceries on the counter, choosing to let you continue your work. You'd had to send Clark out to do the weekly shop alone. He shook his head hearing you growl at the computer screen in living room. He sighed it was a shitty computer to be fair ,super slow and out dated. He didn't see why you wont just buy a new one, when he brought it up he always got the same answers 'everything is how I want it on here... I know where everything is...I know how it works' he rolled his eyes hearing you grunt at the pc, turning quickly put away the groceries it was best to let you get on with it. It had only been three months since the party but it felt so much longer in a good way you were both absolutely enamored with each other, your relationship was very much sweet and cheesy but neither of you would change a thing. You'd given him a key five weeks ago to all intents and purposes this was his home to you'd even moved all the spare clothes he kept at his mothers and placed them in his own designated side of the walk in wardrobe so he didn't have to always bring a bag each week.

Finally once everything was packed away he stepped through the door to the living room seeing you sitting staring intently at the screen scanning the documents as you flicked the mouse wheel searching for something. He smiled taking in the rare sight he loved watching you work it was the only time you wore your glasses; which he found incredibly sexy even tho you hated them, you thought they made you look older than you were. You felt his eyes and turned to face him and blushed at the sweet smile he had, leaning against the door frame arms crossed he pushed off the door walking towards you. You smiled apologetically at him slipping off your headphones as he came closer.

"I'm so sorry honey...I feel like I've ignored you this weekend...I'm nearly done tho and will have a few weeks off as they proof read it" he shook his head at you

"Don't worry munchkin" he grinned at you and placed a packet of your favourite biscuits on the desk beside you leaning in kissing your head. Your face lit up as you saw them, dark chocolate biscuits covered in white chocolate...

"I got these for you and I was thinking of doing pasta for dinner" you hummed placing your hand on his forearm leaning your head against it as he moved rubbing your shoulders.

"But I do Clark..We dont get much time together and I hate having to work when your here." he sighed as you pouted at him.

"Well I love seeing you work...It's the only time I get to see you in these" you scoffed as he poked the rim of your cat eye glasses, rolling your eyes you shook your head"I hate them." he nodded

"You might but I think they are very sexy anyway you carry on and i will go put dinner on then we can relax for the night" you huffed stealling a glance at the clock in the corner of your screen. Three pm. you sighed youd been at this since ten this morning you had saved your drafts all over the place and had to re-read many of them to make sure you was sending the correct ones out.

"No leave it I will do dinner just give me ten minutes-" he stopped you in your tracks with a raised hand and soft sigh

"No you do dinner every week I'm going to cook for you tonight" you smiled at him. This man was so sweet you couldnt help the warmth flood you, he made you feel all weak and giddy. He made to move away but you caught his wrist making him look at you.

"Thank you...But I promise to make it up to you after dinner" a slow grin formed across his face you could feel his excitment mount and kissed your lips tugging your hair back forcing you to moan giving him the access he wanted quickly lapping at your tongue nipping and sucking at it grunting as you tried pinning his down falling into a teasing battle. Which he won as usual slowly and reluctantly you pulled back sighing, one kiss was enough for your stomach to twist and your center to ignite. he pulled away retreating to the kitchen with a wink. You licked your bottom lip and twisted in your seat to carry on moving the files around into order as you heard him move around the kitchen. After another fifteen minutes of checking and double checking you smiled and moved opening your Gmail and began typing one out to your publisher attaching the book in order chapter by chapter. After sending it you waiting for the sent icon then switched off your external hard drive that held all of your writing and back ups.

Just as you closed everything and stood at full height behind your chair stretchering out your legs, headphones still in place you sighed moving the mouse then swore loudly.

"You? what are-OH MY GOD NO! NOOO! no no please you cant- YOU DON'T DO THAT!! FUCK...FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!" At your shouts Clark moved to the door watching as you frantically clicked your mouse he then saw the problem. A bright blue screen staring back at you. He shook his head he told you needed a new computer. You leaned further curseing as you computer died before your eyes.

"You-fuck you fuck you fuck you in the ass!" You growled and ripped off your head phones and sighed placing them on the desk glaring at the computer hanging your head sighing frustrated.

"That sounds like an invitation~" He moved quietly walking towards you and quickly sloted himself tight against your bent over form making you gasp cast a look behinde you going to stand straight but he stopped you with a slow hand pressing on your back keeping you in place making you flush. But quickly shook it off looking at the screen before you.

"Clark? Clark! oh my god Clark fix it- save it please you can can't you? is it salvageable? I swear you can fuck my ass if you fix it! " He laughed out loud at the way you casually offered your ass as collateral. He grabbed you placing both hands on your hips keeping you bent over the chair and looked to the pc.

"I'm afraid that is the blue screen of death...And I wont be able to fix it babe" He held you securely. You groaned at his remark whining dejected turning your face to him looking at the pc.

"Nooo... It can't...I don't want a new one!" you felt him hum grinding against you slowly. and just like that you were ready to go your blood pumping hot in your veins your pussy tensing preparing itself for the inevitable. You wanted to jump him there and then.

"Well I'm afraid you have no choice now munchkin, it has died" Your whine became a gasp as he moved finding a perfect spot to have you squirming, gyrating his crotch on your ass you shook your head and pouted. You leaned back as he arched over your form and kissed his jaw, wanting to make him as hot and bothered as you. He grunted humping his hips against you making reveling in your broken moans and breathless gasps. He felt your body humming to life withering against him.

"Wh-what am I gonna do? I don't know anything about this tech stuff" he smiled unable to resist moving closer to you letting you reach up and nuzzle his neck. His cock held snug between the two of you, so tight you felt him throbbing despite the thick jeans he wore, he groaned as you clenched your ass squeezing him lightly.

"Well I can help you there, I will find you a replacement" You dragged your lips across his skin and licked at his pulse then sucked harshly giving another firm squeeze with your cheeks making him moan Breathlessly. He fisted his hand resting it on the top of your ass. You giggled feeling him completely hard against your ass and wriggled hell bent on have a quicky befor dinner. He quickly brought his hand down making you hiss as the cotton did nothing to protect you from his open palm you whimpered when he kicked out your feet spreading your legs making you feel the damp cotton on your slit, your needy little center weeping onto your shorts now that you were held open. He smirked smelling your arousal then pressed harder. Not to be out done he tilted down pressing his balls to your mound searching for your clit and was rewarded with a high gasp as he found it. You jumped up trying to escape him but to no avail his palms held you still and the chair infront of you was wedged tight into your hips giving you no wiggle room. Without wasting anytime he moved insistently grinding on it relentlessly.

"Will-Fuck CLARK! will you-ca-clam down for a second?" he chuckled still moving against you in a teasing rhythm you sighed. That was your answer then.

"Cl-clark will the ne-oohh fuck please!" you begged quickly tensing holding the desk for dear life dropping your head hissing and grinding back on him as his jeans caused a delicious friction against your pussy. the rough fabric almost chafing you despite your shorts

"Yes love?"

"F-Fuck you! oh UGh! God please please? dont-YOur a shit! Will it be the same?" he huffed out a laugh enjoying the way you wriggled below him still trying to slip out from under him, dipping his face to you kissing behind you ear then huffed a deep breath to the shell of your ear. Your moans got higher and more desperate as he set a firm steady pace on your throbbing clit making you shudder your insides clenching tight with every drag of his hips. You were close he could tell from the way you trembled, legs unsteady the only thing holding you up was the back of the chair holding your hips high for him.

"I'm afraid not love, computer's don't come with xp anymore...How you have kept it running for so long I have no idea... Your new one will have windows ten" you groaned loudly slumping forward panting trying to push yourself back to him wanting to match his pace, or better yet beat it. You were so close feeling the heat pooling just above your pussy traveling down. You could feel yourself building fast and doubled your efforts unable to keep quiet as you tried to ride him into your climax with a frantic pace.

"OH OH-fuUUCK yes please please yes C-ClaAARK?!" you all but cried as he moved back just when you was about to cum. He chuckled patting your hip and retreated as you twisted round questioning him. You growled when you was met with a smug grin.

"Come on love dinner should be ready we can talk about it later for now lets try to forget it hmm?" you grunted and moved your hand to your shorts fully intending on finishing yourself off but he caught it shaking his head

"I dont think so~ you stay just as you are and we can continue after dinner" you gapped at him. What? you had to sit like this for dinner, blushing you tugged the shorts out of your ass he wrapped you up in his arms again kissing the top of your head. You sighed casting one last glance at the screen. There was nothing you could do tonight he moved back to the kitchen to dish up and you removed your glasses placing them on the shelf at the pc.

After dinner you found yourself putting the dishes away. He hummed twisting his head watching as you bent over to the bottom cupboard putting the pan's away. He bit his lip watching your tiny shorts rise up high almost disappearing between your cheeks, they rose high enough that it was clear you had opted to forgo any panties today... Fuck your ass was perfect. He was actually annoyed over the fact that he couldn't fix your pc, he would have definietly held you to your word. He licked his lips groaning as the creamy skin of the bottom of your cheeks peaked from the floral cotton shorts. His dick twitched uncomfortably in his jeans still excited from earlier wanting to just shuck down the flimsy shorts and use your perfect little body, fuck you till his heart content. He smiled slyly and silently he moved behind you. You squeaked as you felt him press himself tight against your slit and tugged pulling you out of the cupboard moving you into a slow rocking dance sucking at your neck, hands moving across your hips to your waist pulling your top up as he went catching the underside of your wireless sports bra, you didn't resist as he pulled them both completely off dropping them to the floor.

"Clark? whats gotten into you?" all you got in response was a dark chuckle by your ear as he bit at it making your toes curl and your heart pick up. You tried turning to face him but he just hummed at you smoothing his heavy palms back down across your skin cupping and pinching your already hard nipples still swaying slowly then trailed them to your waist making you shiver.

"I remember someone saying they would make this weekend up to me after dinner~" you shivered at the teasing tone he used and tried turning to him once more. Only for him to hold your pebbled nipples using them to force you still and grinded his bulge up and down the crack of your ass.

"Yes but not in the kitchen!" he hummed then looked around and grinned.

"Why not? the only room we have left to christen~" his tone became low and reverberated through your chest making you groan as memories of all the different rooms you'd fucked in flashed through your mind. He was right kitchen and loft attic. You'd even fucked in the basement when trying to sort out the fuse box after a powercut. The old 'is that a torch in your pocket or are you happy to see me?' resulting in a quick fuck against the wall.

Before you knew what was what you were being sat on the dining table you blinked...How did he move so fast?. Clark cursed himself for letting his eagerness get the better of him but brushed it off, if he ignored it so would you. Hopefully. Before you could dwell on the movement he had pressed firmly against you, tugging your legs wide around him making you moan grinding against him. You were still wet and wanting from earlier and didn't want to waste time on foreplay now, squirming in your seat threw dinner had made you impatient. Too impatient.

He laughed as you grabbed a fist full of his hair tugging him down into a furious kiss trying to get your point across. He was quick to dominate your mouth he angled his head to kiss you deeper groaning irritated as the move made his glasses rub the bridge of his nose. Smiling you moved your hands up and pulled his glasses out of the way sliding them across the table. You took a moment to admire him, he was stunning you'll admit you loved him with them on, it gave him a shy and sweet nerdy vibe and made him less intimidating. But without them. My god he was breathtaking so fucking UGH! he looked like a sin itself and had the nerve to still have a boyish charm, that had your insides quivering each time he flashed a smug little grin. He had a face people would pay surgeons millions for and it was all natural! how the fuck?. You moved your hands to his face moving slow you rubbed the slight red on his nose where the glasses had rested, he smiled closeing his eyes as you did he always enjoyed your loving touches. He moved down to your face twisting down to devour your mouth again this time uninterrupted by the glasses. You grunted letting him do as he pleased with you even helping him when he shuffled moving his hands to the waist of your shorts, with a few quick tugs you were sitting but ass naked on the table. You felt him smirk into the kiss pulling back taking in the view of you panting, needy and stripped waiting to be ravished by him.

He moved fast shedding his clothes kicking his boxers off behind him then quickly tangled himself around you again bending one of your knees up placing one foot on the table beside you. Spreading you open for him, he swallowed as he saw your soaked center as much as he wanted to feast away at the puffy lips he was far to gone, his teasing eariler had him on the brink already he needed to be balls deep asap. He took the small steps towards you moving his hand probing at your wide open slit moving smearing your arousal across you, always checking before diving in he didn't want to hurt you. You screeched as he teased your boiling little bud, it felt ready to burst; you was ready to burst wanting nothing more then to fall apart at the seams around him. He moved closer still running the crown of his weeping cock across your center. Resting his forehead on yours watching with dark eyes as your mouth formed a perfect 'o' keening and mewling as he kept a fast pace on your clit moving from rolling and plucking the tight button then tapped it. You whined panting faster as his fingers toyed with you, moving you locked eyes with him. The heated gaze was what drove you into your first orgasm of the night, you loved when he watched you, it made you feel dirty and sexy. Your body froze arching up and quaking, shivering moaning high and broken. Just as you began to come down he moved to capture your cum on his cock running it across your spasming center dipping in slowly hissing as the heat scorched his swollen head."Best not let that go to waste huh babe?"you moaned loudly and bucked towards him unable to form words making him smirk watching you tremble as the small stimulation made your climax last longer your pussy fluttering trying to swallow him.

"F-FuUCK CL-CLark please please I..I can't wait oh-AHNO!...UGH-STOP te-teasing meeee" he chuckled against you pressing a chaste kiss to you then slowly he tilted himself before grunting thrusting into you making your give a strangled moan.

Tho you still struggled with his size and he had the internal struggle of holding himself back as not to use to much of his strength. You had both become more confident, he knew just how much you could take at once. He'd found that he wasn't the only one who enjoyed a bit of pain. You tried catching the breath he had just fucked out of you as he quickly forced himself into your tiny heat pressing the last of his cock into you, your body yielded accepting him slowly. You cried out as he finally settled himself.

"FUUCK! fuck babe your still so tight~ such a good girl for me so good...fucking waited all week for this, I hope your ready?~" you moaned at his words he held himself still gritting his teeth, he had to pull himself in taking a second to maintain his control lest he moved too hard and snap one of your bones or something. Finally he opened his eyes then with a deep breath pulled back and began a slow deliberate pace making sure to catch your swollen little bud on each upward thrust making you yelp and withered below him.

He always love the small little gasps you made, the way you tried keeping yourself quiet it always made it sweeter when he forced you to scream for him. Connecting his mouth to yours he swallowed your breathless pleas as he moved back and forth. You feel hot and prickly as your nerves ignited you felt yourself clenching him, muscles working overtime as he put your body through its paces yet still your wonton pussy was inviting him deeper ,fighting to spread your legs further for him. He smirked seeing the frustration in your eyes as you tried to open your legs further for him, he pulled you closer to the edge of the table making you fall back on and your foot slipped. His hand ceased your knee and held it high keeping you stretched out for him, once he was sure you were secure he moved faster groaning as your walls tensed clamping around him as he began to pound away faster and harder with jerking movements. You closed your eyes tears rolled down your face as he kept going driving you higher and higher making you body twitch and tense. You screeched as he moved one hand to your chest cupping and squeezing your breast then he pinched your nipple pulling making you arch up into him the movement let him sink further into you as he fucked himself right into your cervix; something that you now craved, you loved it feeling the tiny pop as he forced himself as far as he could go. The way as soon as he felt that happen he seemed to rut into you with renewed vigor, like a primal need to breed you overcame him. It always made you weak, pushing you into a lust fueld frenzy as you tried mtaching his pace.

"Fuck y/n uUGH SHIT fuck your so good SOOO FUCKING GOOD YESyes thats it....AGH CUM! Yesyesyes shit I-CAN haha YO-YOUR TRYING ARENT YOU?" He ground out and alternated between grinding harshly making sure to press his pelvic bone on your vulnerable clit, and fucking you beyond what you thought was humanly possible.

"I can feel it! UHHGG YES BABY FUCK! CUM CUM NOW!!" You Obeyed screaming out gripping the edge of the table and curled up towards him tense as he forces you into your climax you shook bringing up your other leg as you gyrated against him unable to control yourself.

"Fuck-OOOHHH GOOD CL-CLARK yesyesyesyes please dont-dont stop love dont stop AH!" you panted throwing your head back as he fucked you through your orgasm, he was quick to cup the back of your head so you wouldnt hurt yourself as you shattered around him. He wasnt far behind you, his own end was creeping up on him he could feel it in the way his balls tghtened, the way your body was cramping around him made his cock twitch. he movements became sloppy as he groaned louder and louder.

"Fuck...sh-SHIT BaBE I'M GOnna FUUUUUCK YES THATS IT TAKE IT!" you wept when he rutted up into you one final time. He swore feeling squeezing his eyes tight then bit his bottom lip as he felt his eyes warm the tell tale tingling of him loosing control again he held himself still tuckjngnhis chin tight to his chest willing himself to calm down as he filled you. You shivered as he released, finishing as deep inside you as he could get then he held still you lolled back you twitch feeling his thighs quivering against you. You moaned weakly feeling his hot cum shoot up into you and smiled at him reaching up for him. He sighed finally feeling the tingling in his yes recede then opened his eyes slowly looking down through halflidded eyes and smiled panting. He moved kissing your knee softly then nipped you winced at him grunting reaching for him, he chuckled seeing how fucked out you were and lowered his face kissing you deep it wasnt long as you were both still out of breath. You blushed running your hands across him making him shudder as your nails tickled his sides. . He moved over you his hands molding to your sides tucking his head into your chest breathing you in ,you blinked tiredly moving to draw over his back he moaned and relaxed groaning out.

"I love you woman" you moved and racked a hand through his hair scratching his scalp making him groan contently. You poked his cheek and held out his glasses to him with the other.

"I love you to baby...come on up" you said patting him he grunted and moved to stand and carfully dislodged himself from you making you wince.

You tried to jump down and ended up yelping curling over holding your lower tummy. Although you may have both gotten used to sex and always enjoyed it, you still had light pain afterwards much to clarks regret. He looked down sympathetically

"Babe?" You waved him off and slowly stood straight resting one hand on his chest as he crowded you you whined taking a step which made him frown. This was what he hated about your size difference the hour or so of pain you endured after. He scooped you up making his way tothe stairs muttering apologies which you scoffed at, he moved to the bathroom medicine cabinet and pulled out some paracetamol offering you two. You took them quickly as he turned running you a bath. You sighed watching him fuss over you placing a towel on the heated rack for whennyou bet out and he added your favourite bubble bath to the water. He stopped leaning on the tub beside you.

"Im sorry, I try not to get carried away" you rolled your eyes

"I wouldn't have it any other way clark, I love you,I love our sex life! And besides its not as bad now as it was...we just have to keep at it....Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world now would it?" He smiled at that then placed you in the water sitting on the floor beside you. You giggled when he hissed as his naked ass touched the cool tiled floor.

"You know you could probably just squeez in with me~" he gave you a pout.

"Okay maybe not....we should get a bigger tub, a deeper one. One that covers my knees and tits!" He bellowed a laugh at that and nodded.

"I will put it on my to do list..really I've got to get some tools around here and make a start" you moved around the tub grabbing an exfoliating mit soaking and wringing it then began washing yourself.

"You got a wash cloth in there babe?" You looked at him seeing him staring at his glistening cock.

"What not do not tell me you have been using these ones? Clark? These are used on my face!" You gasped at him he just blinked at you

"I rinse them after" you sputtered at him.

"No! fucking get a new one from under the sink...The black one use the black one for that I don't want your cum on my fa- NOT A FUCKING WORD!" He snorted raising an eyebrow chuckling at your bright red cheeks and quickly got up fetching a new black cloth from under the sink and stood infront of it washing himself off still laughing out of the side of his mouth shaking his head.

"Any way what do you need tools for I'm not letting you change the bath over if thats what your getting at" you said moving to wash down your now soft legs. He kept his back to you but turned his head still wiping himself down.

"No I wont touch the plumbing, but the barn needs to be painted, theres a few loose boards on the back of the house and some tiles on the roof are missing, you also mentioned wanting a few planters out the back and a patio which would be nice for the summer then we can decorate our room-" he froze and blinked cutting himself off and took a breath.

"Y/n I'm sorry its just I'm so comfortable here and I forget this-" you cut him off as he tried to backtrack his own self consciousness rearing its ugly little head.

"So what did you have in mind for our room?" He looked at you stunned for a second trying to process what you said.

"You don't- I mean its not my house so" you frowned turning to him

"Look at me dumbass...My home is your home, you might not be here full time but its still your home. I thought I made that clear when I gave you the key. If I didn't then I'm sorry but I am now. Clark I'm in this for the long haul and I can see us making a life here together so why not have your input on the decorating we have lots of rooms to do as you can see I have only done the kitchen, hall and living room.. The living room isn't even finished and don't get me started on the garden" he stood speechless he hadn't thought you felt like that, sure he stayed here and had made himself at home, he treated it like a home but for you to say it...It warmed his heart honestly standing there now he could see it, in years to come living here full time with a small army of your kids running... flying about the place between here and their grandma's house across the way.

"So what did you think about doing in the bed room I want to keep the paneling but lighten it up...make it fun you know? that dark wood is horrendous"

"Well I thought of keeping the wooden panels repainting them white to match the floor and on the wall above it having a really bright vibrant wallpaper like something tropical like the parrot wallpaper or just palms" You smiled nodding it was pretty much what you wanted but you was going to paint the wall above teal.

"I like the idea of the parrots that would be really nice we could have a tropical theme" he stood there grinning unsure of what to do with himself he was still reeling from the revelation that this house had become his home in such a short space of time and it truly was they always did say home was where the heart is he definitely understood what they meant now, his own apartment seemed empty just bricks and mortar.

He was kicking himself in a way, if he told you he was superman he could come home whenever he liked! Hell he would make the move and stay here full time tomorrow if he could, its not like travelling to work was going to be a problem. But no he decided he would wait until at least six months had past just to air on the side of caution unless something happened where he had no choice but to reveal himself to save your life, which reminds him he did want to let the league know who you were soon so they could watch out for you just like you were all doing with Bruces new girlfriend and her little brother. He jumped pulled out of his thought by you waving your arms around infront of his face.

"Ah sorry love what was you saying I spaced out a bit there" you nodded giggling at him he really had.

"Welcome back...I asked if you wanted to jump in after me? Im almost done" he shook his head at you

"No I'm all sorted for now will have a shower when I get back tonight. Now you stay up here and get ready for bed we can watch tv for a while before I have to leave. I will go and clean up downstairs and get you a wheat cushion" You moved your head from side to side contemplating

"Actually I was hoping to come back with you...Im going to have a few weeks off now before I have to start writing again so thought I could stay with you for a bit" his face lit up at the prospect of having you with him for a few weeks

"That would be great! We can get you a new computer...maybe a laptop would be better either way there's bound to be better deals in metopolis then you can get used to it by the time you have to start work again" you smiled nodding.

"Sounds like a plan what time is your train"

"Six fifteen we should be at the apartment by nine thirty" you nodded that gives you around two hours to pack a bag and get ready. He leaned over giving you one last kiss then left. You stared through the open door as he made his way to the bedroom, watching his pert ass as he moved you pouted knowing he was going to go throw on some clothes,it was a shame he had to cover that glorious ass. Once he was out of sight you laid back in the tub you couldn't wait to spend a few weeks with him and then to come home and start turning this house a home for the both of you.

#superman smut #superman x reader #superman imagine #clark kent imagine #clark kent smut #clark kent x reader #clark kent x you #clark kent x y/n #dc x reader #dc x y/n #dc x you #dc imagine #superman x you #superman x y/n

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prettyoddfever · 4 years

Text

some of the earlier P!ATD lyrics that Ryan shared:

so these song titles weren’t what the songs were known as while Ryan was working on them (or even while some were demos), but I’m going to list what we currently know them as.

TIME TO DANCE:

shes not bleeding on the marble floor just for the attention.thats just ridiculous(ly on)..but she sure is going to get it.. (the attention, and the bullets) heres the setting- Fashion magazines lined the walls.now (its more like) the walls line the bulletholes...yea you sure let her have it. she didnt choose this role, but shell play it and make it sincere, so you cry. just look at hertotally faking.cant they see this is melodramatic and staged? But they believe it from the tears and the teeth right down to the blood at her feet. You call yourself a model, though you arent wearing this seasons overwhelming feel of envy well. I mean, how does your wedding turn to murder and life in jail have some composure, and where is your posture? oh no no no, your pulling the trigger all wrong. come on this is screaming photo op. Give me envy Flash Give me malice Flash Give me a tention Flash Give mea break. When I say shotgun you say wedding..or whatever comes to mind. this could be the worst day of the rest of your life. Here is complete surprise.(or)smile because you can already see the headlines.your face, this story in the papers.shes gone and your famous.

NAILS FOR BREAKFAST, TACKS FOR SNACKS:

Watch your mouth your speech is slurred enough that you might swallow your tongue. Im sure youd want to give up the ghost with a little more poise than that.(thank me later) Or was it god who chokes in these situations? running late?no, no, he called in Problem:the hospice is a relaxing weekend getaway. where you are a cut above every sick sad patient. Where youre on first name basis with all the top physicians. solution: prescribed pills to offset the shakes..to offset the pills you should takeum.. take..take it a day at a time(fix a vice with a vice.) Thats when you st st stutter something profound to the support on the line.. and with the way youve been talking every word gets you a step closer to hell. A pessimist? No I just cant help it. to say what everyone else is thinking..(let me state the obvious again). I am alone in this bed, house and head. She never fixes this but at least she makes me forget

BUILD GOD:

its when the cigarettes smoked after, seem so much cheaper than the sex. Its these substandard motels on the on the corner of 14th and Freemont Street. Appealing, only because they are just that un-appealing. Any practiced catholic would cross themselves on entering. the rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe a just dash of formaldehyde, and the habit of decomposing right before your very eyes. (along with the people inside.) there are no raindrops on roses or girls in white dresses. Its sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses at the shade of the sheets before all the stains and a few more of your least. Favorite. Things. Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin, accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie (shes getting a job at the firm come Monday) the Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney, moonlighting aside, she really needs his money. Oh. What a wonderful caricature of intimacy and not to mention, the constable. and his proposition, for that virgin.Yes, the one the lawyer met with on strictly business as he said to the Mrs. only hours before. After he had left, as she was fixing her face in a compact, there was a terrible crash. Between her and the badge. She spilled her bag and her purse held a purse of a different type. And here is where he entertains that proposition:arrested on possession, or. (now if this were you) think of what you wouldnt want to happen They ended up well, making love isnt exactly what Im looking for. But. You. Get. The. Picture. Oh. what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

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noahhernandez · 4 years

Text

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same !

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me.

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol.

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol.

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago.

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected.

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it.

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness.

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library.

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so. IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot.

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me.

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds.

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying.

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>???

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of.

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward.

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it.

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :(

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful.

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes.

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer.

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think 39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school). 40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart.

#personal

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dear--charlie · 5 years

Text

Dear Charlie,

Date: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 Time: 11:56 pm

I’m curious. Does anyone look forward to reading my letters? -calls out- “Anyone?” -dead silence emits so deafening, I stop talking-

So.. I was reading letters I have sent you. And, shit. The people who take the time to read these letters must think I am selfish.

All I talk about are men, my attraction to men, my desire to have a girlfriend, or whatever.

Which, if y'all know me, you KNOW, I’m going to get back to it.

But for a short bit, let’s talk about things that aren’t guys or girls.

Here are a number of facts about me you, Charlie, and other people reading this may not know about…

I’m very unsatisfied with my weight. I weigh about 195 pounds, and am working to drop to 120 pounds. I don’t feel attractive in my skin. I can’t see my vag anymore.

I haven’t orgasmed ever. I am 24 fucking years old. Why the fuck haven’t I cum yet? God..

Happier topics, Mare. Okay. There is this app I use called SLOWLY, where you create a username, and bio about yourself. You can start sending letters to people across the world. I’ve had letters coming in from China, India especially, the U.K., Australia, Taiwan, Russia, Portugal, tip of Africa. So many letters. And, you do get standard. ‘Yo baby. Send me nudes.’ This one guy got clever and asked me for nudes in Morse Code. I kindly sent him back to go fuck himself. The only person who gets to see my beautiful breasts is me, and the barren vag, cause I swear to myself, I never ever see Nic. (<– Sorry. No talk of guys for the next few paragraphs). The issue is.. like, there is an option where you can send three letters at a time. With an intro letter. One night, I thought it would he fun (WORST. MISTAKE. EVER.) to send 15 letters. (Keep in mind about 4 of the many letters I have sent, do I keep up a regular correspondence with. So, add 15 potential regular friends, and you have a recipe for disaster). Omgosh, Charlie + readers: I never have time to respond to these letters. Damnit, me. Why the fuck did you do that?

Okay. I started a new job. Yeah. You heard right. The ever so fucking afflicted depressed, intoroverted, frustrated, book crazy, bisexual who cant hold down a job, found a new one. Through a temp agency. I work with ______ _____ ____, at _____ _____, which is just 10 minutes from my house. The job is way better than the piece of shit I put up with for 6 mths. I love the different calls we get. But the mother fucking training at this call centre was mother flipping shit. There are so many 'processes’ you have to remember when helping a 'guest’ with a request that I want to cry. (I hope I keep at the job). Please fucking pray for me.

Did you know I didn’t always used to curse the way I do? Throughout high school, I would only curse when I would get hurt (like for example that time an anvil crushed my toe. Lol. This totally didnt happen. Though, this one time. I cut myself on this chunk of thick glass from a broken lamp at 12 urs old, that I was taking to the dumpster. It sliced my thigh, blood was gushing out I imagine. I started screaming. My mom, uncle, and cousin freaked the fuck out. I obviously lived to tell the tale. Y'all should see the scar.) And then I was influenced by boys (since I only hung out with guys through the last two years of high school) to curse. And now, I can’t seem to stop.

I make weird posts on Whisper. My username is ______ For anyone who wants to chat with me about my crazy life, follow me on ____ at @_______. Lol. (I hope y'all know when I include the blanks I’m being funny).

What other facts to share.. I made a friend on Slowly, but work really got me busy, plus I am always freaking tired. I didn’t respond for nine days with a letter, and I noticed she deactivated her account. It really hurt. Her name was Becca. She was trans, but didn’t tell her crazy conservative family. 19, super sweet. Liked video games and Eminem for a bit. I seriously miss her.

Other facts.. Did I mention (no, of course you didn’t mention Mare. All you ever talk about are failed relationships, current relationships, or almost relationships), I’m looking to learn Italian AND Spanish? Of course! Why the hell wouldn’t I try to influence my American self with my Mexican self? (Totally Hispanic in case y'all cohldn’t guess. My mom says I speak Spanish like a white girl. Well, shit… Time to go to Mexico and get ridiculed for being too white and not knowing Spanish or customs) Joking aside, I’m looking forward to teaching myself Spanish and Italian. (Don’t tell the family, but I prefer Italy over Mexico).

Y'all ready to get to the real reason why y'all stick through my letters?

Nic doesn’t want me to explore my bi side. Ken hasn’t been on Skype for a month. I miss him.. (Great, conflicted Mary is back again). Did I mention that today is my 3rd year anniversary with the Nicholas? Totally is. What did we do to celebrate? I woke up at 5 in the morning, waited for him to show up at 6, and ate tacos in my apartment parking lot. Then, I went to work, and he went home to sleep. We are going to Bastrop for the weekend which is just 20 minutes from my grandparents. Maybe I should go visit. (Why the hell don’t I call my family? Am I really that fucking self absorbed? Family trumps dudes any fucking day..) and I hope the trip is nice. I just texted him like 45 min ago of us drifting apart. Because… he will talk about things that seriously, Charlie, I could give two fucks about, then we will talk about ice cream, for example, and he goes off on a tangent about something little do with ice cream. Sometimes, I feel like I guilty stay with him because I do fucking love him, but I could be holding myself back from experiencing new things.

I want to write more. Bare with me for a moment, Charlie. Okay, I’m back. (That was a second break, in real time in case y'all were wondering)

My thoughts aren’t flowing as well. I wish I knew a friend who was bi or a lesbian who would like to explore with me. And not have it change things.

So, I have a shit sleep schedule. I’ll come home at 5 ish in the evening. I’ll sit in traffic for twenty min. Come home. Eat something. Fall asleep by 7. Wake up at 10, and stay awak indefinitely. Then wake up at 6, and start over. (What is wrong with me?)

Oh. More breaks from relationship shit. I saw a therapist. Three visits. It was nice. His name is Tim. (Had to stop because I literally have no fucking time to see a dr anymore psychologist or medical, because my schedule is a fucking bitch). He graduated from Harvard! That is awesome. His attire was well groomed, always. I never told him he intimidated me because of that. But he was a nice guy. Time to go to psychologytoday.com to look for weekend available therapists who take my insurance. I hope if I am to become a psychologist, that I’m a tiny better than Tim. He was lovely, I was just unnerved by someone focusing such time on me. But, that is kind of what he is paid for? So….

Oh. Have I mentioned at all to you, Charlie about how I want to start a YouTube channel? I want to read stories I find on the internet. Annnd, I’m pretty excited. I get my mic maybe with next weeks paycheck.

I feel like there is more to add. For anyone you may have lost touch with over the years, Charlie, does the thought of that person and the memories you shared together ever make you cry? I found a CD an old friend left to me for my birthday. And it broke my heart that we aren’t close anymore. I feel like I .. let my true relationships go in my worst state of mind.. And, I miss her so much. It really really hurts. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Also, I’m not sure if I mentioned, there are rare cases where I will laugh so hard at something I found to be funny, that I make others worried or uncomfortable. But the laughter turns to sobbing (sobbing such as my mom dying, or my brother getting hit by a car, or someone killing me) just as severe. I tried asking like crazy, and no one seems to know. That is, until a month ago, a friend from the meetings I go to (please tell me I’m not so vapid that I forgot to tell you I go to Monday meetings with DBSA for my depression) showed me what I have.. which I forgot the name of. But it is a treatable condition. Something to do with sensitivity.

I can’t hear well out of my right ear. I need to see a doctor.

Thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

I hope to have more news on my relationship status.

I seriously have like two friends on Tumblr. Why do I use this app again?

I love you, Charlie

Always,

Mary

#dear charlie #Mary

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mars-the-4th-planet · 5 years

Text

Yuri Gagarin harasses a truck driver and talks about politics with Penny Polendina

Yuri landed on the firm Russian soil in a rural town next to a gas station. Well, not that firm, but firm enough. At least, that is what the 4th panzer Corp thought while they rolled through the area, but that is neither here nor there. "Vodka, nyet kaliningrad luftpanzer kozorvorisc niemcy?" She asked the gas station person politely.

Roughly translated the gas station persons response was "No we do not have plutonium fuel, thats not actually a planet therefore it cannot produce fuel!"

Yuri moped excessively until the gas station person handed her a small lump of uranium. "Look, you can have this okay? Maybe you can turn it into plutonium."

Yuri handed it back and shook her head. "I apologize for wasting your time comrade, please have a nice day in our glorious soviet union."

"Our wha-"

"Penny are you a communist or a filthy cappie?" Yuri asked her robot friend, surprised that she never asked this before.

Penny put two fingers together. "I dont know... I am not really into human politics... Personally I think that the best solution would be a society run by robotics like in New Polendine Mesopotamia. It brought peace and prosperity to an otherwise chaotic and violent region."

Yuri Gagarin rolled her eyes. "That is just a mechanically led puppet state overseen and funded by the United States of America."

"Yes but us Polendinas cannot be corrupted by greed or power lust and we always make calculated and empathetic decisions according to our makers... So..."

"Robots supercede the working class Penny, so a nation run by them is anti-worker by default!"

Penny shrugged, a bit nervous about the conversation and to change the subject she pointed at a Republic of Amazon truck and exclaimed "Hey look Yuri! I did not know they had amazons in Russia!"

Yuri frowned and popped up next to the truck man as he applied gas to his truck. "Hello anti-comrade, what are you shipping through my beautiful motherland?" She asked in Russian.

The truck man looked at her, puzzled. His eyes were bagged, his shoulders sagged, his skin was pale and his limbs seemed frail. The man was in bad shape, but that was to be expected of Amazon workers.

"Ma'am... No hablo Español.." He mumbled and continued with the gassing of his truck.

"What are you shipping in this truck for the foul corporation of the Republic of Amazon?" She asked again, in English. There was a slight threatening tone in her voice.

The man blinked. "Bread, ma'am."

Yuri narrowed her eyes. "Right. Give me your keys."

"Are your robbing me?"

"No. I have authority granted to me by the USSR to search any capitalist vehicle."

"My truck does not have a political idealogy ma'am..."

Yuri powered on her rocket and raised her fist. "Silence. Give me your keys in the name of the Soviet Union."

The man sighed. "The soviet union is dead ma'am."

Yuri was about to strike him, but Penny suddenly grabbed her waist and pulled her back.

Penny moved in front of her. "Sir, I apologize for my friend. She is in much grief about the fall of the USSR."

The trucker put the gas nozzle up. "It's alright babe. I best be going now."

"BABE?!" Yuri Gagarin flared up. Literally. "You FOOL! This Penny belongs to ME!"

Startled, the trucker scampered back. "Wait! Fine, take the keys, I'm sorry!"

Yuri nodded and took them, and used the keys to unlock the back door. "Aha!"

"Oh... Oh my... Um" Yuri didnt know what to say about what she saw. "Where are you taking them?"

"C-China..." The trucker stammered.

Inside the truck were what appeared to be twenty humans wearing the yellow and white Amazon Prime uniforms, except they were lacking mouths and their heads had two colorful blue and pink horns or antenna (Yuri wasnt sure which) that were aerodynamic looking like the tail fins on the back of a plane. They curved up and swooped back. The strangest thing about them however was how they all looked pretty much the same. They all had pale skin and black hair, and the males among them were all tall and muscular. While the women were all small and slim and sleek. Every one of them had striking blue eyes that gleamed in the dark. One male was making hand motions but immediately stopped as Yuri Gagarin opened the door.

"Who... Or what... Are these people?" Yuri Gagarin asked. "How could you ship people packed in like this! Like property!"

"I honestly don't know ma'am please... I am just the driver... Amazon has my son in mandatory daycare and I had to take this job to save up for the fee to see him on weekends..."

"they have him in what?"

Penny explained because the trucker was clearly scared. "When Amazon employees complain about not having the time or money to properly care for their children, the Republic of Amazon files a statuate of neglect against them and takes their child into corporate custody. The parents can still visit their child, but it costs them a fee and the price is measured by the minute spent with them. Sometimes with a government permit the parents can get their child back, but only if they make a lawsuit about it and that is even more expensive."

The trucker started crying. "I miss my boy! Please, I know this transport is wrong but it pays well and I am saving everything to see him again! I havent eaten in three days!"

Yuri Gagarin sighed. "Typical abuse of the working class... We are clearly living in the worst timeline. So what are these people? Aliens?"

"I honestly have no idea..!" The man stammered, continuing to cry.

Penny shook her head. "They seem to have mostly human DNA. I would say they are genetically modified human beings made for servitude."

"Why don't they have mouths? How do they eat? What are those things on their heads?"

"I do not know the answers to the last two questions, Yuri my friend. But their lack of mouths is likely intended to keep in accordance with international law on the property rights on genetically modified life forms. If a creature is intelligent enough to speak like a human, it cannot be made into property. This does not apply to robots like me, because I am not a biological lifeform..." Penny added sadly. While she enjoyed her friendship with Yuri, she could not shake the fact that in her mind she was in servitude to her.

"That is rather disturbing, since they are probably just as sentient as you or me or this malnourished worker here." Yuri Gagarin said, and got up into the truck. "Hello comrades, my name is Yuri Gagarin. I believe that your time as chattel is over. Come with me, and we shall run down any who seek to oppress and exploit you. First we must make it to our secret communist headquarters, alright?"

They seemed scared by this, and backed away the best they could with how crowded it was in there. Amazon officials assigned to train these people were sure to really into the idea that any opportunity to escape was just a test, and that failing the test would result in horrible punishment. So they believed that Yuri Gagarin was just another setup to catch disloyals among them.

"Come on, let's go!" Yuri Gagarin insisted. "It is not often that I am optimistic about anything, but I am optimistic about saving you."

They did not budge.

"They are not the brightest beings in the bulb, are they Penny?"

"I think they are just scared Yuri my friend. But they are already in a big truck, why don't we just drive them there?"

"The truck could have a tracking beacon Penny."

Penny doubted that possibility. "You could be right, but my sensors do not detect one. Perhaps I could try to communicate to them that they are safe now?"

"Go ahead, but I don't know how you could do so better than me..." Yuri Gagarin moped.

Penny made a bunch of ASL hand signals to them, reassuring the people that they were safe and free to go now. She added that she was an EA-built robot unaffiliated with the corporate empire of Amazon, and so they had no reason to be afraid of her. For the most part they seemed unconvinced, because they were never taught sign language as that counted as a form of speech. The hand signals they made to each other was a simple code they made themselves, which was punishable whenever they were caught doing it.

Yuri Gagarins brief optimism about the situation seeped away. "Why does everything have go be so complicated and hard! Oh, woe is us!"

She grabbed Penny and held her for comfort. "Oh, my dear Penny! Do you see now the sins of capitalism?"

"To be fair Yuri my friend, many capitalist nations have placed an embargo on the Republic of Amazon for their treatment of their workers. And some other major companies refuse to do business with them. These genetically modified humans were on their way to a communist country anyway... So it is not merely capitalism at fault, but a few corrupt individuals who have a lot of power, and that is a recurring theme in every system. And I mean no disrepect to you by saying that!"

Yuri Gagarin held Pennys shoulders and looked at her eye to eye. She smiled. "You remind me of Freedom Sayori sometimes."

Penny frowned. "Sorry..."

"No no, I meant that as a compliment! I may dislike her beliefs, but I have... A strange respect for Sayori as a person. She is naive, but she is no hypocrite and practices the freedom and kindness she preaches."

Penny giggled. "Hehehe.. I think you like her Yuri!"

"What? No! Never!"

"We should get these people to safety now Yuri. The driver too. Even if there is a tracker, what can Amazon do against a Polendina and a Rocket Girl?"

Penny's sweet and determined smile brought some optimism back into Yuri. "You are right. I am prepared to fight for what I believe is right. Let us go, Penny, and bring some small justice to the world! Even if it is neglible in the larger picture!"

"That is the spirit Yuri!...I think..."

#Yuri Gagarin

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someguy1023 · 5 years

Text

Nobody’s gonna care about this, but maybe someone will

i think it’ll help convey why im so stuck on this, and why i seem to be focusing more on Holly and, according to messages i kept getting, “white knighting” for her. I’m not gonna justify Holly’s behavior. thats not what this is about. I just want this off my chest.

(im gonna regret this)

also, just to preemptively defend myself, i know how cheesy all this is gonna sound. But its the truth.

so. i guess i should preface this by explaining when I first heard about Holly. Maybe it’ll help this make sense in context. Maybe not. I don’t know but it doesnt hurt to try.

I didn’t actually learn about Holly through the internet like i assume most others did. I actually first found her through TV. More specifically, through that Heroes of Cosplay show SciFi has produced a few years back. I enjoyed it, but found myself mainly enjoying the work Holly and Jessica did while on the show. They were my favorite team, and I always tried to watch whenever they were in an episode. After a while though, I, like a lot of others apparently, got bored and moved on, and eventually forgot about Holly.

It was a few years later that I would find her again. This time, like many others, through Grumps. More specifically, through Ross and Steam Train. I was surprised when it turns out that one of my favorite members of GG was also married to one of my favorite people on HoC. Small world. I stayed a more casual fan, watching the occasional playthrough or crafting episode on her channel. I was more of a fan of GG and Ross, so I tended to watch more of his stuff than hers, but I still made sure to keep watching her stuff. It wasn’t anything major, she just made me smile.

A few years later, it meant something more to me.

In 2016, my father died. Normally, that wouldn’t be such a big deal for something like this. It was everything leading up to his death that was the problem. I always had a very “problematic” relationship with my father. He was abusive towards me when I was younger, lashing out at me for really minor problems. (for example, one time he had lifted me up in the air by my throat and began strangling me when I was ~6. Why? Because I had used some money our neighbor gave me for cleaning up his lawn to buy a popsicle from an ice cream truck, ate half of it, then put the other half in the fridge. He found it, got mad at me, and then began to yell at me. I had a nervous tic when I was younger where I giggled uncontrollably when I was scared. Sure enough, I began to giggle and could stop it, and then he, enraged, lifted me up. I realize years later he was probably drunk, considering he smelled really weird. It isnt a good memory.) He eventually left my mom and I when I was almost 7, moving down to Alabama with this lady he met in a bar, and proceeded to do pretty much every major drug imaginable. I didn’t see/hear from him again until a few years later at his mother’s funeral. He seemed remorseful for what he did to me, and a year or two later, moved in with his cousin back in the state I was living in at the time. I began visiting him when I was 13, and he seemed to be better. He apologized to me for what he did, he tried to be a good dad, and I believed him. That was my first mistake.

Flash forward to January 3rd, 2016. I was visiting him for the weekend after staying at my cousin’s, and was sorting through my things to make sure i didnt forget anything. We had visited one of his friends to get something he borrowed (according to him) then got back to his house. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and I thought he fell asleep. I noticed he had a cigarette in his mouth he was going to light before he passed out, so I went over to put it aside. I figured out he wasn’t sleeping. It turns out, he was overdosing, and what I thought was snoring was his throat closed shut and the air escaping his lungs. He was dying. I told his wife (at the time) what what happening, she called 911, and I went upstairs to hide in my bedroom. A lil while later, the ambulance came by, and the paramedics gave him whatever that stuff is they give addicts who OD. (At the time, I didnt know what was going on. He had really bad lungs, and I thought they were shutting down or something. I was told it was from him overdosing later that night.) He woke up, and they drove him to the hospital to make sure he was okay. I went back to my moms house, and stayed there. That was the last time I saw him alive

As it turns out, my dad had been using me for over 2 or 3 years. He was not only stealing money from me under the pretense of helping him with driving for over an hour to pick up/drop me off from my moms place to visit, but had also been heavily manipulating me for years in order to control me. He had tried to turn me against my mother and her side of the family, claiming she had used me to verbally abuse and control him when they were married, telling me lies in order to keep me under his thumb. (like how she threatened to abort me if he didnt marry her after knocking her up, or how she had him steal from his sister during her wedding, etc.) I began to despise my mother, arguing with her constantly, and, on his insistence, never told her anything about what he was doing or what he told me. It wasnt until after that day that I learned it was all lies.

I was devastated. I felt hurt, used, and betrayed. (I realize now...its because I actually was.) I was a wreck. It didnt help that 4 months later...he died. Needless to say, it was a very, very tough grieving period. I locked myself away in my room, unable to summon the energy to even get up in the morning. I had suffered from mild depression prior to this, but it was much worse. I couldn’t find a way to get through this, suffering for months, and eventually, began to think about suicide.

Thats where Holly came back in.

Besided the playthroughs helping cheer me up a lil whenever I put them on, it was her advice that really began my path to healing. Her kind words and support to others began to help me sort through the baggage I had been dealing with about my dad. I began to follow her advice on how to deal with my depression, and began to slowly ull myself back from the edge, and, over time, began to pull myself back up. Eventually, with her help, I began to attend regular therapy sessions, and managed to fully come to terms with what my father had done to me, as well as properly manage both my depression and anxiety problems. I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for Holly. She helped keep me going when I really needed it. She, for lack of a better expression, helped save my life. I’ll always be grateful to her for that...despite all of this. Ever since then, whenever I felt my depression weighing me down, or felt my anxiety creep back up on me, I could rely on her to help keep me grounded.

When all this happened, I couldnt help but notice I felt the same way as I did all those years ago. Despite the fact that its just some random lady on the internet, and shouldnt have mattered as much as it did...it still hurt on a personal level. The worst part of this whole thing? I can’t go back to the thing that helped me out whenever I felt this way. Not without being reminded everywhere I go of how everyone thinks of her.

So...maybe thats why I’m doing all this. Not just to stop people from spreading hate and rumors based on speculation...but because part of me cant/doesnt want to believe one of the people I relied on and put trust in could be the bad guy. Because part of me just refuses to let go or lose someone who meant so much to me. Because part of me wants to believe that things will get better...even if I know they wont.

If you read through this, thank you. Maybe someone out there feels the same way I do. Maybe, if they dont, someone can understand. Its been a rough month for me. I just hope things will look up somehow. I dont know if I’m gonna come back to this. Im realizing it probably isnt healthy. The only thing I have left to say, then, if I dont come back; please, try to spread good. I know this is the internet, and even worse, tumblr...but i think people need some light nowadays. and constantly spreading hate and cruelty...that wont help anyone. I know nothing i say matters, that nothing i’ve done has changed any minds. but even if you cant trust Holly anymore, or dont believe anything she says...at least believe in one of her beliefs. That kindness is the greatest thing to spread to others, and the world can sure use a lot more of it.

Good night.

#atelierheidi #commander holly #heidi o'farrell #heidi o'ferrall #holly conrad #jared knabenbauer #projared #projared scandal

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Ali & Carly

Ali: [Weds night before her bday] Ali: woman you home Carly: not mine y? Ali: because ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY Ali: and I need to come bearing gifts Carly: now? k then Carly: ill get there before u Ali: you @ one of the lads then? Ali: no rush 'cept I do wanna be the first so like b4 midnight cinders 🎃👠 Carly: i werent born @ 12 tho & u kno that from doing my chart 🔮🌟 Carly: but ur so cute Ali: tru but Ali: i'm excited Ali: can't start the party without guest of honour 7 Carly: aw Carly: i wont take these 15 💊s yet 👼 Carly: we can party together Ali: 🎁? Carly: idk can u call it a 🎁 if u have to give back Ali: Boo 👎 Carly: not what he said when we were done Ali: 🙄 still Ali: not very festive of him Carly: idc its been fun Carly: coulda stayed in w ma & da but its not a retirement party in the works like Ali: for now Ali: but I got better plans than either Carly: yea? Ali: 'course Ali: who am I Ali: who are we Carly: 🐅💙🐇 Carly: i barely knew u on my last bday 😢💔 Ali: it's insane Ali: you're so important and integral to me how did we not get together before then Ali: I'm not the only one with plans tho 🌌💕 Carly: too many lads to swap first ha Carly: i kno my ma has been planning all wk but idk cuz shes learned to be subtle somehow Carly: must b her new man teaching her things Ali: Eskimo sisters for life, baby 😂 Ali: 👀 come thru shaz Ali: sounds promising Carly: 🤞🌌🔮 Ali: not her new man, obvs Carly: hes no cavante tho still only a few yrs older Ali: if I beat you I'll hit her up for the scoop Carly: 🍀 Ali: 😬 Ali: I guess we've got her answer for the age old experience vs stamina Carly: could b where i left her wine drunk in the hot tub still Carly: falls asleep there more than the marital bed Carly: mermaid energy ha Ali: not wine drunk Ali: worse energy than coke rage, I swear Ali: watch out cat lady, protect your children Carly: aw ill look after them Ali: 👼 Ali: I'll take any bday bumps for you 💪 Carly: never liked coke or wine soz ma if thats my 🎁 Carly: still my hero 💙 Ali: those people are the worst Ali: lemme buy something for me and give it to you Ali: no sharon THAT IS NOT 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 SPIRIT 👏 OKAY 👏 Carly: my gma does that every yr! xmas too Carly: so boring unwrapping that bible each time Carly: good rolling paper tho Ali: 😂 Ali: the lord is in you, it's what she wanted Ali: just in your lungs but you know Carly: ha Carly: what r u bringing me boo? Ali: don't you want the surprise babe Carly: idk last time u really surprised me it was w a divorce so u could get ur man Ali: 😥 Carly: 😂 jk u kno i love surprises Ali: just devastated you're calling me predictable for the last, how many months Ali: cut me deep, birthday girl Carly: i dont surprise easy Carly: y the lads like me Carly: dont b sad baby Ali: never Ali: not when there's partying to be done Carly: yay Ali: and a 👸 to celebrate Carly: ur sweet 🍬🍭 Carly: i dont look like a princess rn Carly: no running away Ali: you always do Ali: even when you running from ogres Carly: ur gonna make me look worse when im crying too Ali: meant to save them for the party Ali: but I'll never tell Carly: ha its been a few yrs since a bday tantrum Carly: really had to wait for that bike tho Ali: and #werk baby Ali: you were as adorable then, how your parents didn't spoil you is a mystery to me Carly: ask them if u do get here before me Carly: but before i was medicated i wasnt as 👼 could b the answer Ali: lecture 'em on how wrong they were, more like Carly: ur a bias little 🐱💙 Carly: & u didnt kno me then even if u do remember i grew into my 👂s Ali: 😂 Ali: well I never grew into my 👁s and my 'tudes no better either and you still love me so Ali: deal with it, Walsh 😜 Carly: aw u were the cutest 👶 Carly: & u get cuter every yr Ali: hey, don't spoil my heartfelt message in your card! Ali: 😏 Carly: im sorry Carly: ill have 1 for the road & forget Ali: I think one of the boys just catcalled me without offering to give me a ride in their white van/carriage Ali: see me struggling here lads, is that part of the appeal? probs Carly: which y? ill threaten to uninvite him from the party Carly: 1* Ali: not the kinda bitch to resort to racism 'cos I'm mildly upset or angered but they really be looking the same behind the wheel of a transit, like Ali: think it was one of Ronan's brothers? Ali: and in fairness, never slept with you so whaddya owe me, kind sir Carly: ha Carly: if he could see & be seen @ the wheel then i reckon i kno Carly: & i have slept w him so he will b 💔😢 if he cant celebrate w me Ali: my hero 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: been thru every1 old enough in that fam now ha Carly: gonna have to move like Ali: I wish I could tell you the surprise was a hot new fam Ali: alas Ali: wouldn't fit them on my back, like Carly: 😢💔 Ali: I've let you down Ali: how could I Ali: gonna eat my feelings 🎂 Carly: 🍯🐝 no Carly: never Ali: what's the dresscode for this shindig then Carly: idk not allowed to go w bday suits Carly: my da overruled me Ali: gotta whittle down my knock you dead options Ali: even with those stifling guidelines, tah Mr Walsh, I should manage it Carly: i believe in u baby Ali: 👼👼👼 Carly: im back btw Carly: used my wings mayb Ali: damn Ali: was really hopinh for some 1x1 with your ma Carly: she will scoot over in bed for u Carly: not just me who misses u Ali: awh Ali: can we convince her to give you your present early or nah Ali: I say yeah Carly: me too so 2 votes Carly: my da will b asleep too deep to cast his even if she says no weve outnumbered her Ali: 💪 Ali: I'll put the phone down and run Ali: gimme 5 Carly: k Carly: be careful tho Carly: some of the 💡 r out Ali: 👌 Ali: my middle name Carly: fun is ur middle name Carly: how many do u have? Ali: as many as you want Ali: 😉 Ali: but just the one, actually Carly: hot Carly: u can have 1 of mine then wed both have 2 each Ali: are you actually 👑 Carly: my ma wishes Carly: queen of the site tho Carly: ha Ali: I've not bought her a crown Ali: not soz Carly: its k shes got her prom tiara somewhere Ali: memories 🎶 Carly: am i gonna peak before 18 too? Ali: never Ali: only way is 📈 baby Carly: u make me feel really happy u kno Ali: ☀🌻🍓🍯🐝🐰 Ali: it's mutual boo Carly: im crying Carly: & smiling Carly: its the 💊s ma Ali: it's the 💘 Ali: she gets it Carly: aw Carly: yea shes really 💘 w the lad from the chemist Carly: knocking our 💙 off the top Ali: can't be having that Ali: got all weekend to prove we're 🥇 Carly: til ur bf shows up Ali: nuuh Ali: it's all about you Carly: ur so nice to me Ali: you'll see feel and believe it ✨ Carly: 🔮🌌 Carly: r u gonna stay? Ali: can I? Carly: yea Ali: then yeah Carly: aw ur my 🎁 Ali: I haven't copped out that hard, don't worry Ali: come help me Ali: not very gentlemanly of me but I wanna be with you before we've gotta hear about the prom queen's glory days Carly: k Carly: 💪💙

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flawlesscharice · 6 years

Photo

Para || A Glimpse ||

Who: Charice, Trey Watkins

Where: Charice’s House, Manhattan

When: Saturday Evening

What: We get an update on Charice’s life through a glimpse of her Saturday night

Charice was always working, always taking care of the kids, always taking care of her friends but tonight she had no one to take care of but herself. The kids were spending the weekend with Dylan and she had finished up a few meetings and emails early last night so she cracked open a bottle of wine, picked up her phone and made a call. Dating was never going to be her forte. She was never going to be great at it. She was a full time working divorced mother of 5 kids and she was just 28. She didnt have time for a man. At least that’s what she told herself when Trey Watkins walked into her life. He was a 6’2 tall drink of something model who she met during fashion week. She took one look at him and knew he was trouble. And after giving in to some shameless flirting and a kiss or two in Paris, she figured she would never see him again. And then he sent flowers to her office. And when she didnt respond, he sent more flowers until she had no choice than to tell him that she was a busy woman. She had fun with him but she had kids and a job and an ex husband. She didnt have time for a boy toy. He’d made it clear right off the bat that he wasnt a boy toy and he wasnt looking for some play thing either. He wanted pure, unadulterated love. Something that Charice had forgotten that she also wanted. So she gave him a chance. They went on a date and that date turned into a second date, which turned into a 7th date which eventually turned into them dating for 6 months. He was different than she was used to. He was kind and gentle and so funny she nearly peed whenever he made her laugh. And he respected that she put her kids and family before anything else. She was nervous to introduce her kids to a man when all they had known was Dylan. That was who they had seen her love and be with but with Trey it was different. She was nervous about how the girls would react. Especially Mariayah who still had a mean streak. So she was waiting for the right time to tell them that she was dating and falling for a man that wasnt Dylan. She would wait until a weekend when they were out of town and Trey would come over and spend the days with her, either in bed, on the floor, or wherever they landed after they got handsy. She thought things would slow down after dating for so long but nothing was slowing down, not yet anyways. And even better, her friends liked him. Santana wouldnt stop talking about how hot he was and Brittany would turn red whenever Charice would share the scandelous things they would do together. Even Chris was drooling whenever she brought him around. So everything was perfect. Except now, it wasnt. Because as much as she tried to forget that two people she loved the most had shut her out, she just couldnt. Trey came over and in an hour they were stripped, out of breath and sweating on her living room floor. Charice licked her lips and laughed, her eyes closed. “Am I a bad mom? My kids play on this floor.” “We’ll clean it up,” Trey smirked, sitting up and leaning against the couch. He gently caressed her bare leg and kissed the top of her knee. “You want some wine?” “Water,” she asked with a nod and watched him get up, not a stitch of clothes on him. She smiled in content, his muscular back glowing from the lights of the fireplace they were laying in front of. He looked just as good coming back as he did walking away, his confidence oozing off of him as he sat back down and handed her a bottle of water. He started to rub her feet, a small groan coming out of her mouth. “God, you treat me so right.” “Damn right,” he teased. “So wait, what was it you were texting me about yesterday. Your cousin was back in town?” Another groan. “Please,” she sucked her teeth. “I dont even know where to begin.” He nodded. “Well you told me about her dating your brother in law, which I’m pretty sure is incest.” “Shut up.” “And you told me that he was cheating on his fiancee with her and she disappeared but that was it.” Charice nodded, taking a sip of her water. “That’s pretty much it. Except she came back. She was in Vegas or something with her ex-girlfriend and has been there for a year. I’ve been trying to talk to her, to reach out to her, anything. Cedes was like my damn sister. I loved her more than anything and she just dropped me like I was a bad habit… and then she had the nerve to come back and reach out to me for forgivenss. You believe that shit?” “Yeah… I do.” “What?” “Charice, you said her leaving was heartbreaking right?” Charice nodded. “So why wouldnt her being back be the opposite of that? Why wouldnt it be something that makes you happy? She left, yeah. And it was a bad bet but wasnt it you that told me you were over all the drama?” Charice say up, removing her feet out of his hands and cocked her head to the side. “This isnt drama Trey. They cut us all off because they’re fucking selfish. Look you dont know Sam and Cedes like I do. Their shit is nuclear and it sucks everyone in even if their lives are fine. And then we try and fix it and get our lives fucked up too. I’m over it. And I’m over them leaving and coming back and acting like shit’s clear now. Half of me is okay that she left. Like them being together is all kinds of bad news. They’re just the worst for each other.” Trey nodded, not meaning to upset her. He licked his lips and pulled her back over to him. “Come here, looking all mean and small. I’m not trying to step on your toes or nothing, okay? I get it. Family is hard and they’re assholes sometimes but what do we have without family.” “More money, less headaches, less drama,” Charice listed, giggling as he kissed her neck. “No dummy, you’re supposed to say nothing,” he teased. “We need them, even if they are a mess.” Charice shook her head. “It’s her fault I have all these crazy ass white people in my family now,” she said, trying to hide her smile. “You love ‘em…. Nah but speaking of family… ” “Oh no,” she said, knowing where this was going and grabbing her blanket to wrap it around her. “Charice.” “I know where you’re going and you know where I stand.” “No, I know where I stand. I know how I feel about you. I know that I sneak around like a high schooler just to see you because you think the kids arent ready but Charice I feel like I only have half of you. I told you when we first started that I’m not in this for games and some ass every once in a while… no matter how good the ass is… but I want all of you. Even the parts you try to hide.” He reached over and tucked a stray curl out of her face. “You dont mean that,” she shrugged. “Men always say they want all of it. All of this but in reality all of my bullshit is insane. It’s not just kids it’s so much more.” “And I want it.” “No you dont.” “Hey,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. “I’m not him. I’m not your ex husband who’s gonna hurt you and lie to you and hide from you. Look, you’re not the only one in unfamiliar waters right now. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to falling for someone this fast but what I do know is that I want all of you. If you really think the kids arent ready then fine, I’ll back off but I need you to think about the fact that it might not be the kids that arent ready for someone new.” “What?” she frowned. “I’ve moved on with my life. I’m ready for someone new.” “Yeah in your life but maybe not in your kids life. Look the last thing i want is to step on any toes. Talk to your ex and see how you feel about introducing significant others to the kids. Then think about what that might look like. Really think about it because once I’m in there’s no going back for me.” Charice sighed, searching his brown eyes and kissed his lips. “You’re too fine to be this smart.” “Rude,” he shook his head. “I went to school for engineering okay? I just happened to get discovered making some extra cash on the side. It’s not my fault.” “Ya damn right,” she nodded. “It’s your parents fault. And God. God did this.” Trey smiled, his perfect white teeth and dimples making Charice swoon. “Stop looking at me like that woman.” “Like what?” “Like you wanna sit on my-” She cut him off with a kiss, smiling against his lips as he kissed her back. “Bedroom. Now.” She got up, dropping her blanket and practically ran to the back of the house. “Yes ma’am,” he muttered to himself, getting up and following after her.

#para: A glimpse #dyfam rp #ooc: have I used trevante yet #am I insane for not using him #because damn he is fine

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beautyindisguise00 · 4 years

Text

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then?

Thursday night October 15, 2020 @8:23pm

How many hours has it been since you woke up? about 14.

Who was the last female you hung out with? my coworker nici. my room didnt have that many kids and didnt need two teachers so i was able to work with her today which was nice for a change

How many keys are on your key chain? What do they go to? house key, apartment building key, apartment door, mailbox, car keys so 5

What were you doing the last time 7pm rolled around? cooking dinner which was fried noodles with poached eggs

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? nope. my idiot self thought i had to one time. haha

Does your ex still think about you? i dont think so

What is something that always makes you feel pretty? when my hair is done, make up is done well, and a good outfit

What’s your favorite instrument? i guess i dont have one haha

Do you want to get married? very much. one day!

Is Catcher in the Rye in your library by any chance? no, it is not

Does the thought of moving out from home scare you? it depends on how far from here. i dont mind if it’s not more than 6 hours away

Do you find smoking unattractive? not for me, no thanks

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then? i’ll be 27. according to my younger self’s plans, i thought i’d be married by 26 and kids at 28. at this point, i just hope i’d be engaged by 27. just waiting for the boyfriend to finish school and for the both of us to save up. haha

When is the next time you’re going on vacation? not for a loooong time cause of this crazy pandemic

If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? nah, i’ll pass

If you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first? hopefully my older brother

Do you smoke weed? i do not

Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? my boyfriend well technically my work kids. haha. i think Colton told me today. haha

How old will you be on your next birthday? What are you doing for it? 25. no big plans. maybe a spa day with the girls

Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? hahaha yes and it usually escalates to other fun things. hahahah

Are you currently renting out your own apartment? no but i am renting an apartment

Do you currently have a job? yes. daycare teacheer

Are you pregnant? nooooo

Have you taken anyone’s virginity? not yet

Have you had sex in the past three weeks? ^^

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? eh, there’s a few bad tv shows but i dont know.

Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place and where? im on the couch in the living room

Did anything tend to make you extremely happy today and, if so, what was it? just having a decent human conversation with my coworker nici. haha because sometimes my other coworkers dont talk to me or else they rant or complain

Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? a friend dropped of a big fat brown bunny at my house one time. and we’ve dog sat for a family friend a few times

Are you planning on going to the movies with anyone at all this weekend? no, covid

What month is it and would you consider this to be your favorite month? october and no. 2 more months til my favorite month

Have you ever made your boy/girlfriend choose between you and someone else? not like anything serious

Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? what?

When was the last time you took a shower and was that too long ago? like 2 nights ago? i have to take one tonight

When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? walmart? i think

Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it? no, i just put it in my phone.

What color are your curtains and are you satisfied with this color? i have white blinds. the apartment came with them like that. i dont mind it

When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? i think i was like 13? just a regular bee. i remember it fly between my foot and my sandal while i was walking and i stepped my foot down and it stung me!

Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? my boyfriend’s brother and their family’s house caught on fire from an electrical fire

Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? oh goodness yes. especially in todays time where its normal for every singe teenager to have a phone

Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better? i’m sure

When was the last time you had a piece of cake and what was the occasion? i buy mini cheesecake bites for a small after dinner dessert

Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing and did you believe them? yes and no. haha while the rest of my family was blessed with musical talents, i was not

What’s your favorite kind of potato chip and are they cheap to buy? i like sunchips, funyuns, and any sour cream and onion flavored chips

Are you afraid to save your surveys because you think people will read them? nah, but this is the only place i post them How satisfied with life are you at this exact moment in time and why is this? i’m trying to understand my life circumstance right now and trying to be content with where i’m at. i’d say i’m like a 7 on a 1-10 scale

Are you thinking about anything that’s upsetting right now? not really, just wondering why my boyfriend hasnt called me yet when its 9pm right now and my bedtime is in an hour cause of work

Who was the last male you hung out with? my boyfriend via facetime but otherwise my brothers at the pumpkin farm

Are you self conscious? sometimes

What are you not looking forward to? getting my period. i think it’s coming up soon

What did you realize yesterday? uhmm, not sure

Who was the last person to drive you somewhere? my sister when she and my mom came to visit me this past weekend

Do you want someone you can’t have? a career, a lot of money, hahaha

When was the last time you cried? a few days ago watching “while you were sleeping” with my boyfriend as we finished the last episode.

When was the last time you totally broke down? last 2 weeks ago when my boyfriend and i got into a small dispute

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? a job as a wedding planner or even the assistant

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? not recent, but a few people i’ve grown apart or lost connection with

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a L? my boyfriend’s name starts with an L and the last time i kissed him was like three weeks ago when we were saying goodbye when i was in town for his grandpa’s funeral

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? going to bed

This time last year were you happier then or now? now. haha. this time last year, i was stressing over what to do with my living situation and work situation

Are you angry with someone right now? nope

Do you get stressed easily? sometimes

Do you have any problems? not any big ones

Do you have any plans for the weekend? nothing big. just get some work done and then a virtual meeting with my siblings

Be honest; name of the last person to text you? my coworker/coteacher Abby

Have you told anybody you loved them today? yes. i text my boyfriend a good morning text almost every day. i think i also told my work kid Colton i loved him too. haha he’s so sweet

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? no, i colored it 2 months ago

Do you want to see somebody right now? yes

Have you been under the influence in the past 24 hours? no

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? my couch

What color hair did you have when you entered high school the first time? my natural hair

Did the last person you kiss have piercings? nope

Is there a certain eye color you are drawn to on the opposite sex? not really

Will you be seeing your ex any time soon? nope

Have you talked about marriage with another person? my boyfriend, my sister and when i went to my boyfriend’s grandpa’s funeral, i saw a lot of his family so they asked

Do you remember who you liked this time 3 years ago? yeah and its still the same

Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? nope

Do you think you’ll make a good parent? i sure hope so. i think i’d do a decent job with discipling and teaching when theyre young but teenage years kinda scare me.

Do you think you’ll make a good husband/wife? i think so. im sure the first few years will be tough but i’ll get the hang of it! haha

#beautyindisguise00 #getttoknowme #q&a #survey #questionnaire

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chimcharstar · 5 years

Note

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

awe; how old are you?

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think...

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that.

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do.

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais??

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me...

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

#zee5starbug #chatty tag #HOLY SHIT #88 MORE TO GO LOL #ILU

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winstonhcomedy · 6 years

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“Dope A-F”- 1/24-1/25 - “Booed Off Stage and Reg Charity”

Sweet lord almighty. Thursday/Friday were some slobbrerknockers of shows. I’ve got three bad boys to cover so let’s hop right to it laydees.

Earlier in the week I got asked by Travis Carl if I could fill in for him at The Richmond Funny Bone hosting for the “Fresh Drunk Stoned Tour”. I of course agreed. Luckily the open mic this night was The Camel hosted by Jameson Babbowski. This was an early mic so I got to get two sets in.

I head over to The Camel right after work. I am the first comic there. The Camel always has a chill fun vibe to it. When Jameson gets there I look at the lineup and I know like half of the comics. The influx of new comedians continues. It is getting kind of insane. I feel like more and more experienced comics are either moving away/giving it up/taking a step back from standup. Which is a shame. I love the new comics, but I do miss the feeling of going to an open mic and it being filled with all the dudes I started with.

New comics are always good for a scene. As people trickle out you need more comics to trickle in. They bring audience members, and a sense of enthusiasm that is kind of gone from people who have been doing standup a while. The downside is when your scene becomes all new comics booking showcases becomes difficult. You want to give people opportunities, but at the same time a showcase full of newbies is just an open mic.

There is a family with a small child at the show. They tell Jameson they are ok with the swearing and are going to leave aft4er a quick bite. I get to see a few of my friends like Alex Castagne and Mike Engle. So that was a nice little hang.

Jameson goes up and does a quick hosting set before bringing me up. I go up and talk to the kid a little bit and get a few laughs. The crowd is interesting. Paying attention, but not really loving the comedy yet. My set goes pretty well. I need to write some new stuff because I am getting to the point where the new stuff I am working on is starting to become fully formed. The jokes go ok. Some hit pretty hard and some get nothing. All in all I was able to riff a couple new tings, and work on wording. I’d give this set a C-. I grab my stuff and run to my car to head to Short Pump to get to the Funny Bone.

It has been a while since I have been on a show here. I walk in and say hi to the staff. Every time I come by they have some new wait staff, but a lot of the people who’ve been there for years are still around. People like Cory, Derek, Buz, Brittany, and of course Jason the gm. I get to talk to everybody for a bit and shoot the shit before the comics from the “Fresh, Drunk, and Stoned” tour show up.

They were coming from VB so they had a comic down there drive them up and they gave them a guest spot. Drew Grizzly is the comedian who drove them. I have only seen him perform a couple times at clash so I don’t know much about his standup. I know the couple times at clash I wasn’t super impressed, but also that was forever ago and I think he was a super new comic at that time.

All three of the headliners were super cool. They were Tim Hanlon (LA), Matt Bellak (Chi) and Franco Harris (Chi). Very chill dudes and fun to hang with. all real professionals as well. Franco came in and had the complete run down written up ready to hand over to the sound guy Buz. I was going to be doing 10 up top, Drew was going to do 7, then each of them would do 20 each to close out the show.

They also did a great job of packing the show on a Thursday night. They didn’t sell out but they came damn close. I think there was close to about 220 people in there. Which is definitely a treat for a Thursday.

I go up first and have a super strong hosting set. I tried some material I’ve never done there before and it went over great. My “problems with China” bit hit super hard, and my “Angel/Devil” closer really got them. I’d give this set a B+. I really had them in a good place to get this show going and I bring up Drew.

I walk to the green room while he starts his set. I don’t really pay attention to it. He’s not getting a huge laugh or anything, but I don't think anything of it. I am talking in the back with the guys, and after like 2 minutes we start to hear a noise coming from the green room. I can’t really tell what the noise it, but is most assuredly not laughter.

I start to listen closer and realize it is boos. Drew is bombing so hard he is getting booed. Tim and I go out to check it out and we are just in awe. This crowd that was super into the show had now completely turned on him. Apparently he had started his set and said he had weird pubes. A woman responded, “you got a problem.” Instead of rolling with it he doubled down and started to be aggressive with the lady. He had not built up the goodwill in his set to warrant this type of response. So the crowd started to turn. He also mentioned that he doesn’t date black women (he is a black guy) which honestly is where he really lost the crowd (primarily black audience).

I have never seen this kind of shit before. It is surreal. People are losing their minds yelling at him, booing him, screaming to get him off the stage. People are standing up out of their seats. Like it had the vibe that someone was going to come up on stage and get him. Jason came out of his office wondering what was going on. It was too much for security to silence everyone. He was getting the light from the back, and he wouldn’t get off stage.

I don’t know how much time he did but it felt like a millennium in that atmosphere. It might be the worst set I've ever seen in my life. I was inching closer and closer to the stage trying to give him a hint. Also I was worried I was going to have to go on stage and take the microphone from him. The worst part is I have to go up after this. I tell Tim I am going to try my best to get the crowd back and do something before he gets on stage.

Drew finally gets off, and I go back up amidst a sea of boos. They’re still yelling and I give them a second to see if they’ll die down enough to try to get a word in. I finally grab the mic and say, “I think this is the first time in history where a room full of black people are like, ‘Thank God the white guys back’”, and it absolutely murders. People stand back up and are screaming and hollering. People are giving me high fives, and I'm really selling it leaning over with the mic stand talking to people and getting them pumped up. I bring Tim Hanlon on stage and the show is back on track. This is now one of my favorite comedy memories.

I go back to the green room and Drew is talking about it, and Franco and Matt are giving him good advice. Bombing happens, everybody does it, this is not a reflection of an entire comedians career or act. I do know that I have never in my life seen a worse set, and at least Drew knows it can’t get worse. He was in good spirits, and we all ended up having a dope rest of our night. I get a lot of compliments and I get to watch Tim, Matt, and Franco have super hot sets to end this amazing night. I also get a weekend of work from Jason in March. I love filling in dates on my calendar.

After the show I stick around, take some pictures, and meet some people. I say my goodbyes to everybody and then head to my car. I drive home enjoying the end of this awesome night.

1/25

The next day after work I took a nice nap, and then headed down to perform on Tidewater Tonight in Virginia Beach at Pinboys. This is a talkshow co-created and hosted by Roberto Lundgren Rodrigues. This isn’t a standup show. I had to create a character to be interviewed. I low-key love stuff like this, but I don’t get the opportunity to do it often.

I came up with the character several months ago when I was first asked, but I kept having to reschedule. I finally got an open Friday and was ready to unveil Reg Charity. Basically the character idea I had was I'd be a disgraced, southern, ex PBA bowler who was banned from the sport due to my rampant alcoholism. So after my PBA career I started inventing. All my inventions are supposed to do the opposite of what they normally do (sunglasses that brighten the room, chips that help you lose weight, whiskey that sobers you up, and a toaster that turns toast into bread). It slowly becomes apparent during the interview that none of them work, and I get drunker and drunker on my “non-alcoholic” whiskey.

I get to the venue early and am just hanging out with the people who run the show. Ryan Dix, Roberto, Laura Batty, and a few others. My buddy Nick Deez showed up also.

So after they set up for the show we wait for it to start. There is a tiny audience of maybe 5 or 6 who aren’t involved in the show. That’s ok though because everybody is super into the show. I am so excited to see how the video turns out because I am super excited about it. I improvised the entire thing. I feel like I went in and out of my accent, but I honestly don’t care. It was super fun, and I got people laughing. I had an absurd outfit on, and some great lines. I’d give it a solid B. If I get to go back I know I’ll do even better.

They do some ads, and a singing commercial. Then Donna Lewis goes up and is doing the character of an ex child star. She is having a hot one, and everyone is having a blast. The show ends and it was definitely a success.

They make several attempts to lift the couch up with me in it. We get some funny pictures of me falling out of it, and them failing to lift me. We keep chatting for about an hour, and just talk shop, and shit. It was a super dope show, and I can’t wait to do it again.

All in all this was a helluva two days of shows. A real hoot and a half. I just want to give everybody who reads this blog a million kisses. XOXO I love you and I’ll be back to recap the weekend tomorrow sweeties! GOODBYE LAYDEES!!!!

#comedy #talk show #standup #bomb #boo #epic fail #improv #jokes

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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Justin Timberlakes Super Bowl Halftime Show Was a Total Disaster

For someone so recently tone-deaf, its remarkable that Justin Timberlake managed to get out a note at all during his Super Bowl halftime show.

Then again, the sound design was so poorTimberlakes vocals were only decipherable when no instruments were playingeven that meager commendation is arguable. Whats inarguable is that after a string of jaw-dropping extravaganzas from the likes of Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, and Beyonc, Justin Timberlake delivered the worst halftime show of the traditions recent pop-star era. May the ghost of Prince haunt him forever.

Its one thing when a cynical media is preemptively eager to drag a performance. From the unjust optics of Timberlakes redemption for his part in the Janet Jackson nip-slip fiasco to the rumors that hed be using a hologram of The Purple One against his familys wishes, the lead-up to Sunday nights show was mired in controversy. But its another when the abysmal end product merits the inevitable snark.

Listless, muted, lacking any cohesion and spectacle, it was the Big Games biggest fumble.

These past weeks have served us an unwelcome Justin Timberlake reinvention as a Man of the Woods, with all the conviction of a thirty-something man who grows some stubble and starts telling everyone hes really into IPAs now, as if thats a personality trait. Sundays show thankfully spared us any more of that, opting instead for a stroll through memory lane soundtracked by his hit-laden back catalog. But it was also a reminder of how easily memories can be tainted.

Timberlakes set opened with a performance from what looked like Minnesotas least fun karaoke bar, warbling through his unremarkable new single Filthy with the finesse and enthusiasm of someone forced to get up and sing by their annoyingly drunk friends. Starting underground in the arenas hallway was an odd choice for kicking off pop cultures biggest concert, starting with a whimper in cramped quarters rather than a bang from the greatest stage.

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The whole thing was extremely claustrophobican awkwardness that lingered throughout the entire set, as Timberlake moved from one tiny, overly crowded stage to another, and finally into the stands where he was swarmed by fans desperate to film him on their iPhones.

Though its one of his more popular hits, were honestly surprised that he followed Filthy with a few minutes of Rock Your Body, the song he performed with Janet Jackson during the infamous 2004 incident. Youd think Timberlake would want to avoid any reminder of the scandal, especially considering how angry so many people still are over the way he handled it.

As Ira Madison recalled in The Daily Beast, while it was Timberlake who literally exposed Jacksons breast, he swiftly passed the blame onto her. She was blacklisted from TV and her music banned on radio stations, a cloud that hung over her career for most of the next decade while Timberlakes fame skyrocketed, landing him right back on the Super Bowl stage.

Its unclear whether an invitation was extended to Jackson to join Timberlake at Sunday nights show, but after so much speculation she did clarify that she would not be appearing. In response, fans had #JanetJacksonAppreciationDay trending on Twitter, paying respect to the pop star over the white male who disrespected her.

All of this is to say were shocked by the, well, rudeness of Timberlake choosing to sing Rock Your Body again on Sunday night. Its just as well, though, to remind us of how ludicrous we are as a society and selectively unforgiving and hypocritical we can be. We buried Janet for the nipple, but will we forgive Justin for the hate crime that was that Prince duet?

Word leaked earlier in the weekend that Timberlake was planning to pay respect to Minneapoliss greatest pop star by performing with a hologram version of him, a report that was eventually debunkedand at least the third time I can remember that a planned hologram performance was scrapped after public outcry over how tasteless and grim the entire idea is.

Still, the constant pop-culture threat of these things is exhausting. Who are the people who desire these holograms? They are macabre and appropriating and disrespectful and, even excusing all that, cheesy as hell. Its a baffling strategy if the idea is to amp up a live performance. What would make the thrill and the crackling energy of a live show where anything can happen even more electric? I know! A computer facsimile of a human.

Most of us presumed that no hologram meant no cringe-worthy Prince homage, but no, Timberlake dueted with a projection of The Purple One performing I Would Die 4 U. Princes family approved of the use of the projection. Social media certainly didnt.

That so much of the reaction to Timberlakes halftime show is in relation to its egregious connections to two other pop stars speaks volumes; despite the fact that the singer performed a hit-filled set of chart-toppers including Sexy Back, My Love, Cry Me a River, and Mirrors, there was no sense of grandeur that weve come to expect from the Super Bowl stage.

Timberlake has set his own bar as a phenomenal, electrifying live performer. Here, his dance moves werent as lithe and spritely as they once were, almost as if he was marking the choreographylike it wasnt rehearsed enough.

And, because it must be said, he was wearing what might have been the ugliest outfit Ive ever seen. Baggy camouflage cargo pants. A red bandana handkerchief around his neck. A button-up shirt with a still life of deer in a field screened on it. The assault on the very idea of fashion became a grenade to the eyes when he then donned a matching blazer for Suit and Tie, the debonair anthem and ode to suaveness, performed here in a camouflage suit.

Listen, we like Timberlakes hits. Hes a charismatic performer. When that song from Trolls comes on while were at Duane Reade, we smile and sing along and fondly remember that time we spilled wine on ourselves while dancing to it at our sisters wedding. But, momentarily absolving all his thinkpiece-fodder sins, the thing that ruined Timberlakes halftime show was a naked lack of ambition.

There was no political statement, sly as they might have been when Beyonc performed with only women on stage with her when she sang Formation, and then had a dance battle of the sexes against Bruno Mars (that she killed, obviously), or when Lady Gaga opened her show with a patriotic medley saying this is what America means to me, and then proceeded to put on a freak-flag-flying-fantasmic-supernatural-LGBT-empowering spectacular. (And in the first weeks of Trumps presidency, to boot.)

There was no feat of athleticism akin to the sense that Beyonc, Gaga, and Mars trained like a Super Bowl player for their shows, expending every ounce of energy they had in them in their explosive sets. There wasnt even a sense of superb musicianship, a la Prince or Springsteen, or any sort of regal ownership of the right to be on that stage, which Diana Ross, Paul McCartney, Madonna, and Michael Jackson had reigned supremely on before.

I mean, for Gods sake, at least give us a Left Shark. Then again, maybe his entire performance was Left Shark.

No costume changes. No stunts. No guests. (Not even NSYNC!) Just warbled noise. Once upon a time, Justin Timberlake brought sexy back. Now wed like a refund.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/justin-timberlakes-super-bowl-halftime-show-was-a-total-disaster

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2Erynx2 via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

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i had a nice weekend, amazingly enough. in some ways i feel we both made an effort but at the same time we didn’t. like we just chilled - didnt try to make plans or rush through, just accepted that this was the activity.

it helped to change the routine up a bit. since my roommate left, we decided to stay at my place. i had a friend over for tea before being dropped off at his place where we packed up some things and came back. we got weed and alcohol and watched the unabomber documentary on netflix. it was nice - no one was yelling, no one was bothered. i brought my bed out to the living room so we could watch the big screen and relax.

in the morning we went to the bakery and bought good stuff for breakfast. smoked some weed, finished the unabomber series and took a nap. then we went skating at the park downtown before buying ingredients to make a fancy pasta dinner at his house.

it was very nice. i felt that this was ~my christmas. we definitely needed time / space to enjoy each other as is instead of constantly rushing and or making plans for other things. the success of it and the lure of downtown began helping him change his min (as well as the fact he wants to live the life the unabomber lived and now he realizes its kind of crazy)tm

this week i have a doctors appointment and im supposed to get a tattoo. he leaves on friday basically but he should be back before the next friday which oesnt seem that bad at all? he’ll still be here for new years. and my birthday. considering i dont care about christmas anyways, seems like an okay deal and i’ll probably get free random shit from people anyways.

things are 20% less bad than they were on thursday/friday last week. it’s not great but i dont want to die. which is like .... the most normal level of being for me possible rght now. i am not “excited” to see my doctor because it means ive gone off the deep end but i am excited for the relief that i will feel upon talking to a professional who advocates for me. i am considering asking if he would want to talk to one of my friends who has been dealing with me to see if it would help because i think it would help to see that i have smart friends who are active in my life in positive ways - like i still want to provide proof that i’m not just some drug addict.

on the weekend i told him the story of my cat frank. frank died in really traumatic circumstances which was totally unusual for most people. frank was very very very sick and i took him to the vet by bus because my father was very sick. the vet took my cat, performed emergency procedures on him, then asked me to pay for it. when i couldnt pay for it they gave me the option of releasing it to the humane society, which the humane society woulnt take it and i would have to rive it there myself or put the now healthy cat down. so basically i had to put it down. they wanted me to pay to put it down as well. i had a friends father come in and he yelled at them and made a ig eal and they put it down for me for free.

in my life, i figured this was just ~ another thing. he asked me why this happened, how it couldve happened, that it was like a really terrible story if not one of the worst he’s ever heard and pressed for details. i did not fully realize at the time how unique my exprience was. i thought this went with my old line of belief - i was crazy. i was the crazy one just experiencing the world aroun me and reacting to it in a crazy way. i just “didnt understand” what was happening. i was 16 and alone and just dealing with this.

but i was not crazy. i had taken my family pet to the vet like anyone would in modern society on the expectation that they cared about animals. but they did not care at all and i dont think that people fully understand that the pet industry is about money - it is not about the animal at all. but most people will drain their bank accounts for a beloved animal. i know people who have spent thousands of dollars and acted like it was completely normal and okay.

is it though? i dont know. it seems fucked that we domesticated animals to an overabunance and then put a huge price tag on caring for one that they would otherwise kill. when this animal once survived in the wild without any care at all.

but i tried to explain the nuances of this story to him which he would have zero understanding of at all. it is a bit like racism. you would never understand what a black person felt if you are not black. you do not get the nuanced glances and little shuffles away from you on a daily basis that makes you feel inhuman. and you cant explain the depth of that to someone - it sounds like you’re overreacting and nitpicking when this bothers your soul because you were merely born into the world and others are reacting to you for no reason at all.

so i tried to explain the nuances of being in poverty, having an alternative style and possibly being perceived as not white. which is a weird and unknown factor to my life - i am perceived as not white. i cannot say for certain what i am perceived as - i’ve gotten mixed, spanish and asian. but many times i am perceived as “not white”. i believe as i am getting older and my “alternative” style has become more like an old witchy type lady who just wears black and i am judged even more based on my natural looks that i am in fact coming across as more native american now than since i was a kid.

it is kind of easy to tell by clothes if someone is experiencing poverty. kind of. sometimes people are still really insecure and want to portray themselves better off because they know its more beneficial to do so. some eople have no choice at all. as a teenager my “altnerative style” itself looked poor. i wore ripped jeans and band tshirts, i had weird colored hair that i cut myself and i probably had gross peircings. maybe i was wearing makeup from the night before. maybe my shoes had holes in them. maybe my jacket did. maybe i wore my leopard print coat. i dont know. i dont even know what i looked like or what i wore - i expressed myself through my style and i was very all over the place. maybe they judged me by this.

and its so easy to “understand” the judgement of “some punk kid” but the nuanced beliefs that follow it are not. punk to many is a criminal. a drug addict. someone who doesnt care. a kid is someone who does understand, that they can control and manipulate. someone in poverty has no choice and other people wont care. they wont care that this is a teenage girl saving her beloved pet, willing to work out payment plans and everthing else to do it.

he did seem to understand my perspective. i have alot to deal with. this is why its offensive when i have to hear him lament about some other person’s life - who i honestly have no doubt they struggled. i really dont. if i met them independently and they told me of their lives, i bet we would get along (provided they werent a drug addict anymore) because i feel we’d probably empathize with eachother far more than he ever empathized with us. and i have only heard stories from others and every story is terrible - their successes are few and far between and they actively make harmful choices. imagine how they felt life was like for them to come to such conclusions on how they’ll live. to make choices to shoot drugs and fuck with all these people without care - that’s probably a lot of people actively not loving you and/or serious mental illness.

but when the focus is on that and them and my struggles are taken without the same heaviness or seriousness or acceptance of how this would affect me .. it’s offensive. i do not want to be in competition with anyone for a shitty life. you cannot even be proud of that. it’s just sad. i’m sa for them, i’m sad for me - it’s just sad. but when no seriousness is taken on my life, i find myself trying to defend the belief that my life was not easy. and not just “not easy” like my parents divorced or i didnt get into the school i wanted. like really seriously not easy, likely equal to the not easiness of this person as well. i just had a completely unique not easy experience to them and perhaps it’s not as wild or entertaining? or i’m not the cute little white blonde girl?

i explained this to another friend about a doctor. as a teenager a friend and i went to the doctor to try and find some help for me. we were our usual teenage goth selves and the doctor pretty much laughed and thought we were lesbians (we were not, which i guess kudos to him for accepting our perceived homosexuality but that wasnt part of the issue at hand)

this is just the very obvious points. the examples you can see where most likely some judgement occurred but the actual bigger picture is what all these nuanced interactions equal out to. if everyday my interaction with someone is clouded by pre-conceived notions of being a drug addict, a criminal, “not white” (which in itself could be leading to the first two but is racist all around anyways) or to the lesser degrees - strange, not “socially acceptable”. but i am none of these things - am just me.

and you know, right now i am in a place much like my friend was as a teenager. she struggled with her racial identitiy. she did not want to be seen as “brown”. she carried hatred and resentment towards her culture and did not want to accept it despite being “brown”. so like her, i am very non-accepting of drug addicts because their existence makes mine harder. a drug addict many times lives in poverty. “not white” people are perceived as drug addicts. alternative styles are seen as drug addicts. and drug addicts themselves, many of whom i’ve interacted with, are not nice people. they are not people you want to be around and yes - they are still people. under the heroin and crack, they are still people hurt and struggling. i get it. but they just made the struggle for themselves and me ten times harder. so i have to fight and defend myself that i am not a drug addict which is so hard to prove because they can believe you’re popping pills or your trip to the bathroom took too long and it’s frustrating as hell.

unlike my friend i do not have to accept my identity as a drug addict because i’m not one. i realized that i did in fact choose to take a harder route in the struggles of life because doing drugs is the easy way. and yes, smoking weed is kind of the same but i’ve dealt and cried about life. every experience ive had with other drugs has been very numbing and exaggerated and an altered viewpoint. that is not how i react with weed. i dont know if others react differently and i wouldnt argue if they did. but this is my reaction. i would smoke 2 joints everyday before i took an anti depressant which i have taken and do not have the same very positive effects.

but when ihave done other drugs and if i chose to continue to do other drugs its a complete escape. 100% non functioning escape. and it’s not like “do a little” mdma and you’re just a little happier all day. PEOPLE ARE STILL AROUND YOUR WEIRD ASS which is affected by this drug in unusual ways like you’re a “little happier” and everyone else is uncomfortable. congrats. i do drugs and i am writhing on the floor like a piece of shit.

anyways, he told his mother the story about the vet and she essentially pushed it aside and said it seemed unlikely. she is why my life is shit. people ust like her multiplied into the thousands. for all the nuanced judgements and personal experiences - it seemed unlikely. but it did happen. this is my life. you’re telling me my life seems unlikely. this is exactly what happened. a grown man with a government job came in and yelled at them. i know his name. why would that occur? do you not understand WHY I AM CRAZY?

i am constantly looking for validation because of people like her. not everyone is like her. some people with vast life experiences or real open minds take you for your word. anything is possible in life. but many people don’t. and many of those people hold positions of power or authority which may even be as simple as being a teacher or principal. but those people will shape and guide the path your life in society is going to take. when i told people of what was going on - they didn’t believe me, they didnt care; it seemed unlikely. so i’m left questioning the importance, my sanity, my perspective as well as dealing with the actual active problem entirely on my own with absolutely no help or direction what so ever. thank god i was an egotistical cocky angry teenager. my punk ass attitude and anger and genera ignorance got me through things i honest to god probably wouldnt even do now. younger me was ten times harder. i was ready to do anything go anywhere but i didnt because i had guilt and apathy. i didnt have the same apathy as i do now, but there was some. i dont have guilt anymore and looking back had i followed through on my teenage dreams, i mightve been better off. i wanted to move out early. i wanted to move out at like 15 - 16 years old. if my dad had not gotten sick, i wouldve been working at a job where i made 350 - 500$ every week doing shit i was fully 100% capable of doing with no issue what so ever. in a home environment interacting with one other person. i realized i had earned like 4000$ in the 3 -4 months i was working there and had literally nothing because i spent it on weed and vodka and ecstacy. then i lost the job for being so stressed out and smoking so much weed before and during work that i couldnt even do the job anymore. which was like SHIT I DO EVERY DAY ANYWAYS.

at 17 i spent 3 months living by myself. literally. while working. an taking care of any responsibilities my sick father put on me and this is before hes even in the house. most people cant eve comprehend the idea of me doing this now but this is what i did. what you need to realize is that my mother at the time was also still alive. so for whatever reason she just ... didn’t give a fuck this was happening. she knew. she was fully aware. but not once did she offer anything. she just wanted to know if he was going to be dead or not.

17 year old me dealt with this by smoking an insanely large amount of weed which i do not think i have even matched to this day because never have i had that much disposable income again. but not only did i smoke weed, i did a shit ton of mdma and k and drank a lot of vodka which was my drink of choice at the time. we stole my dads van, three times, for lke no purpose. it was bad. this was essentially my most punk era of time which i now look back on pretty disappointed with myself because i had the wherewithal to get a job, maintain a job but then be a complete piece of shit teenager. that was my time - had i not given into drugs or alcohol i’d have been WAY different. period.

by not taking that way out - and i feel like people don’t understan i made a concious decision not to do it anymore but eliminating toxic people in my life and like completely removing myself from these situations. the last time of significance that i did drugs - my friend came from toronto to visit. this is what we did. the routine. she came and we woul get “bored” and decide lets just pool what money we have and get something. so i asked everyone on facebook - at the time i had probably 150+ friends (super unusual for me a really big number) and just asked anyone and everyone. a random kid who went to our school back in the day (we were probably 18 now) said he had some pills. we walked in the dark to meet this kid and he gave us 2 pills for 20$ which is a pretty big rip off but we didnt care. we went back to my place, popped them and got high as fuck. half way through our trip, my bf at the time randomly shows up. which was a big deal; he live 3 hours away and was surprising me. we were very surprised and it was awkward and weird and it wasnt like we could send him away. we had to spend a few hours with him awkwardly before she slept in the other room and i had an uncomfortable time “sleeping” with him.

i decided then maybe i was getting too old. i spent two years doing drugs and going through his routine and it was wearing on my body already. my teeth and gums were always sore from grinding, my lungs were always sore from smoking so many cigarettes, i was spending all of my money on drugs - there was times when the drugs were clearly mixed with other more disgusting drugs like coke and meth and it would result in way more fucked up reactions like the time i hit myself in the thigh with a baton for 30 minutes before my friend noticed and made me stop. but the repetition and pain were part of the enjoyment for me. all of the times i was on drugs, i was a different person. i was someone i would never actually be. sure, my inhibitions were lower but the filters of how i truly felt and would act are no longer there and thats not a real represenation of my actual true self. these are just deep layers of myself that i may not even want to share or would normally consent to sharing if the drugs didnt affect me. and that bothered me alot. it stil bothers me - my behavior on drugs. people out there have seen me in ways im not proud of. i’m embarassed and i only have myself to blame.

so thats the easy way. the hard way is living life within your true self and finding enjoyment in things when you can barely find the excitement in yourself. take a drug and do any activity - it’s fantastic. do nothing and it’s great. but fining things your true self wants to take part in -- long time drug addicts know the “boredom”. they never took the journey to find these passions and instead elected for the easy way to have the excitement handed to them.

and honestly? nothing really matches the thrill of mdma. or i guess crack or heron or whatever you do. i have never felt anything like it. every nerve is awake and aware, i am hyper sensitive to all of life and my mind is clear. everything is interesting and awe inspiring.

but thats not life. you cant carry that into the slums of the ghetto. you cant go outsie and stare blindly at the sun. you cannot do it. this is not life. and its okay to someones experience it. the same way its okay to experience the heat of the sun. you can do it lightly ad responsibly. any other way really harms you.

in the spirit of positivity, here are some things that really get me going:

- playing an entire song with no mistakes on guitar and possibly singing it without fucking up or forgetting the words. super exciting to my life in ways nothing else is. it’s not even like i’m trying to play for other people it’s just a personal knowledge that i can do this and play it and feel it and create it.

- making good food. not just like cooking food but the satisfaction of the actual creation of making something thats really good or luxurious.

- being physically close to the person i am in a relationship with. i like the warmth and i was very deprived of physical contact but i dont like it with strangers or friends either so its a rare and nice feeling to lay close with someone.

- a very fascinating tv show. like one that i have to keep watching because i neeeed to know. thats a unique and interesting feeling of human beings; being really curious. i guess it’s lke reading a book but i dont read much at this stage in my life but i hope ill become hat kind of person and when i do itll probably be exciting to have so much material in a world ive rarely visited.

- cats. i really love cats. all of the cats. i love visiting people’s cats and i like to become friends with them. cats are great because they feel very individual; no two cats are the same and no matter how much the owner impresses on to the cat, the cat is just a cat and it does what it wants so it’s like getting to make a new friend even if the person you’re visiting isnt that exciting. cats are always great. even the shitty grumpy ones. or the old ones that maybe arent into you. if you spend enough time, eventually they will be and you can be friends and people think you’re a cat whisperer. i have atleast two cat friends i see regularly but i see more cats than that. we’re just not friends yet.

- a really good song. either with really good rocking bluesy music or clever/well written lyrics.

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cheerstocrazy · 7 years

Text

Wahh

I’ve been feeling so sad lately bc I’m about to start my period, and last week I was nostalgic as hell for past memories. I’ve only been listening to Don’t Take the Money (unplugged version), Good Guy, and 89 (Bon Iver). It sucks to feel this way. Anyway, I think last week’s nostalgia was triggered by watching The Beauty Inside with Mary and Matthew. The date was just so sweet and intimate, and ugh I just wanted something like that in real life. So I thought back to my date right before I left to NYC, and how nice it was to be with someone so down-to-earth and upfront about his intentions. Someone who understood what I was going through and could recite my feelings back to me. I felt so seen (in the best way). I can’t believe he told me, “Why’d you agree to meet me before leaving? You’re at your most vulnerable right now? So anything is fair game, right?” I was still trying to process all my emotions that week so for him to realize I was at my most vulnerable made me feel transparent and like someone actually understood my current emotions. I was so taken aback that he was able to read me. Now that I’m home and don’t have much going on -- I think back to that night. It was a perfect date/night/finale before leaving. He was just such a good guy, I wish we could’ve stayed friends afterward, but I don’t blame him for not maintaining contact. I mean no one can really put their life on hold and wait for something that’s not even a guarantee. I just felt like the rest of the world ceased to exist that night and time stopped momentarily just for us. We didn’t skip a beat and he was just so curious and he spoke 3 languages (!!!!!!!) and was legitimately woke (!!!!) I remember us sitting at the taco place all by ourselves in the corner with our kind of strange seating arrangement. Eating messily and just chatting about random things like 2 people who had known each other a while. I think me leaving made us more uninhibited and allowed for us to really enjoy the 1 night we had. I wish it didn’t have to end, I really enjoyed how kind he was and sociable. Just an all around really great human. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I’m sure all his invitations and effusiveness were said out of hopefulness that this would continue when I got back. I wish what he said was true. He was so well-spoken and deliberate, which I really appreciate in a human, and it’s so rare to find that in a 20 something year old - especially a software engineer!! Ugh, I’m going to cry. Anyway, that was one of my favorite nights of this year, I’ll never forget it. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, and it came at a very strange time in my life. After the Snap guy and the Dr., I just realized that good guys who understand and vibe with me will be incredibly hard to come by. My favorite moments of 2017: 1. Date with the Israeli guy before leaving to NY 2. (Best/Worst) Nice at Hair in the Dog where I threw up my intestines - the entire day. From eating Japanese food, walking through Brooklyn, finding that wicked cool bar with awesome views. Eating that bomb burger at the South American inspired place with arepas. Waiting in the Sbux to kill time and for a respite. Walking around Brooklyn lost trying to find a club. Going back to the weird bar in LES and being pestered by the Asians. Getting free drinks, ducking to escape them. Eventually running in the rain to Hair of the Dog. Stumbling upon Andrew (hot guy) who just took us into the group and bought us drinks. Dancing with Orr’s friend then him, the hand job (lol). Being piss drunk, then not knowing what happened the rest of the night. 3. Salt Flat weekend with the Brazilians. Will be one of my favorite weekends of life. They were the sweetest and funniest guys ever, I cannot believe I found them. I remember seeing them at the bus station in Potosi and thinking omg, one of them is kinna fat and if he lost some weight, he’d be skinnier. I saw they were eating hot dogs and a bag of chips. Just laughed to realize they were my roommates. 4. The jam sessions and dinner in Cusco. 5. Coachella weekend: Bon Iver, Justice, Porteon, Jai Wolf. Having Julian take care of my the entire set and just swaying with me and keeping me afloat. That was absolute euphoria and a nightmare for me. *Bon Iver ft Francis - Friends (MY FAVORITE CONCERT MOMENT EVER!) 6. The bar by PP’s apt with the fucking disgusting couple making out for 3 hours. Camaraderie is everyone in the bar clapping, snapchatting, heckling that couple. 7. San Pedro de Atacama - absolutely everything in that desert took my breath away 8. FWB Dr. those 2 weeks were pretty fun to have someone on speed dial to hang out with 9. The marathon 15 hour workday with Kathy and Daniel when we were delirious and literally just putting binders together for 5 hours. 10. Going out with the Chileans to Ex-Fabrica, the taking photos snafu lmao 11. Hanging out with Tiare on my last night in Chile. That was so fun to get day drunk and just eat and walk around. 12. WATCHING THE KILLERS FROM THE ROOFTOP IN AUSTIN!!!!! ZOMG WTF!!! 13. Gorillaz set!!! at ACL 14. I think I ran a 7+ miler this year.... 15. The Huaraz hike, sinking into the mud, standing around each night to joke around with people. 16. The entire day at Machu Picchu which WAS TOTALLY SURREAL AND MEETING THAT GROUP OF PERUVIANS!! AND THE SHORT LIL MAN WHO LOVED ME. 17. Barranco!!!! I love that neighborhood so much!! 18. Going off-roading in Sedona with the random Canadian couple we met. 19. My cute as hell South African roommate!! Eek I loved him so much 20. Hiking Montana de Siete Colores 21. Staying with the cutest Peruvian family in Ica. MY HEART, I LOVED THEM.

Best songs of the year: 1. Francis and the Lights - May I Have This Dance? 2. Rhys - Swallow Your Pride 3. Frank Ocean - Good Guy/White Ferrari 4. Bleachers - Don’t Take the Money 5. Banks - Crowded Places 6. Mura Masa - What’s It Gonna B? 7. Haim - You Never Knew 8. Lorde - Supercut/The Louvre 9. Odesza - Corners of the Earth 10. Jai Wolf - Starlight 11. Kehlani - Do U Dirty Saddest Moments of the Year: 1. August 2nd - getting the call from Eastridge to notify me that I’d been let go 2. March - Seeing Sal, getting anxious that entire weekend, having no appetite, just the lack of control I had over my body. Dealing with his texting. Getting my car towed. 3. My mother not talking to me for 8 months. That took a toll 4. Dealing with insurance for months on end to resolve nothing. 5. In Banos, Ecuador to have my parents sabotage me for the first time and tell me to come home. 6. Cusco, when my mother wouldn’t take a photo of my vaccinations to which I sobbed on the floor. 7. The endless professional shitting -- all the you’re going to get hired/promoted blah blah. Nope 8. June 13th - when Bryan told me he was leaving the company. My heart sunk. Honorable Mentions: 1. Colombian straggler 2. Date with the tall ass weirdo who made me not date for 6 months afterwards lol 3. HEAVING AND PUFFING AND DYING AT LAGUNA 69 OMG KILL ME This was such a hard year for me mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m looking back and even though I did have lots of good moments (due to my South America trip), it was mostly a year that tested me. I just felt like I got walked all over and was taken advantage of. I felt so small most of the year at work and like my value wasn’t realized. It was a lot of feeling hopeful only to get crushed immediately, which I guess is what life is. It was so taxing for me to be at work and just not progress professionally and getting lead on. I didn’t deserve that at all. My best couple of months came from me being laid off, so I guess there’s that silver lining? Boys wise, this year didnt’ work out too well, lots of ghosts coming back into my life and another unsuccessful year of dating. My mother and I didn’t speak to each other for most of the year, which was ridiculous. There was a really big life event this year, and I definitely needed her to be there for me, and she wasn’t. That’s a year we’ll never get back, and I can’t really talk about it without crying. She’s talking to me again, but you don’t get to shut me out of your life for 8 months with no valid reason to talk to me again like nothing happened. This isn’t how it works. I don’t think our relationship will be able to come back after that, especially post election. It was just a really hard time for me, and it would’ve been nice to have a maternal figure for venting. I guess that’s when your friends come in. I remember being in the jacuzzi talking to Tam, and she told me about what my mom said and how she felt while I was away and like her heart sunk. And I was like what about me??? I don’t even know why she’s upset. I just teared up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after my trip, and coming back to reality. I just wanted to disappear for most of this year because I felt so insiginificant, and that’s why I ran off to South America. I wanted anonymity but under my call, not someone else making me feel invisible. All I wanted this year was to be seen and heard, and that rarely happened. This was such a hard year for me, I still can’t get over how difficult it’s been. At least I sleep a lot not and am not stressed out. I need to move. 2018 goal: MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA!!!

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