#who gives a shit if this soldier lost his whole squad bc he did give us a big win in the battle

[ashendalia]

I don't know what to do with myself so all I end up doing is starting off somewhere thinking about how Griff deserved so much better than what he was given in his life

[levmada]

“  i’m alone.  and it’s my own fault.  but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  ”

and/or

“  it’s better if i’m alone.  i can’t hurt anyone if there’s no one close enough to get hit by the debris of my fuck ups.  ”

hi gee 🥺🥺🥺🥺 how about reader who was promoted to captain not too long ago and lost their whole squad on a small capture/base construction operation. and they have been dealt a really bad deck of cards, like the families really harassed them on their Walk Of Shame back to HQ (S1 episode 22 vibes iykwim (bonus points if levi sees the families berate reader, i'll leave his potential reaction up to you)) and locks themselves away bc "fuck the world" or whatever. levi decides enough is enough after a few days and attempts to pull them out of their room, but it's so messy and cups are piled high and reader is highkey still crying/really depressed (naturally) and levi sees how bad they are feeling. maybe he tells them about farlan and isabel? maybe he just gives them advice? or maybe he just sits there and holds them as they cry

SORRY IF THIS IS TOO ANGSTY BUT YOU HAVE WRITTEN DEATH AND ANGST BEFORE???

I LOVE ANGST NO WORRIES!! i had a load of fun writing this when i was goin thru it pls. i rly rly hope you like it cece

content/warnings: descriptions of depression, hurt/comfort!!, soft Levi, references to death, canonverse, Section Commander!Reader

wc: ~1.4k

So much for being a Section Commander.

All those expectations, all the rallying to succeed, all the promises.

You burrow deeper into your duvet and sniff. All that blood, on what was supposed to be an easy operation.

You could swear, even in silence, you still hear the shriek of a widow, the tortured shouts of a father who just lost his daughter. You smell copper; it rolls over your tongue.

Not to mention taking advantage of Levi's kindness for a 'few days' of rest. You should be better. You should be stronger.

Your mind floats back and revolves around that day—yesterday? Two days ago, a week? You can't remember anymore.

The day he last saw you out of your quarters are all Levi can think about anymore.

He sits hunched over some papers crying out for signatures at his desk and closes his eyes, feels the world turn behind them.

The walk of shame back behind the Wall is always the cherry on top of the shit cake of any unsuccessful expedition; the ones where the weight of the bodies outweigh the boons those bodies devoted their hearts for.

A simple goal. And you lost everyone on your squad.

It's not enough for someone to look at you and not just hope it doesn't happen to them, but to understand the risk they take every time they go outside and shame you regardless. The civilians are the ones who hold the disgust, the contempt, the Why? How could this happen?

The eternal question that can't be answered.

Many knew of your squad because the news of your promotion made it all the way to Sina at one point or another. A promising up-and-comer not unlike Commander Erwin himself.

Only for this to happen: Four elite soldiers, devoured by Titans within the span of minutes. The lack of trees to maneuver with and the snowy weather combined with the fatigue of a thirty-hour day—they weren't kind to you, or the four under your lead.

A mother's crestfallen face, Levi recalls, dissolved into rage.

"How could you let it happen? Why? Why did you do this to my boy?" she howled through sobs. Louis' patch was pinned to her chest.

Of course Levi saw, how could he not when you fought on par with his own squad?—When you were now together?

Levi resonates with grief, feelings like black fire tearing through a chest, but not like that, not you. A new vengeful flame burned his veins to see you being accused of such a thing.

He had tugged his horse along and, sparing the woman, simply walked at your side so you wouldn't have to be the lone woman walking without her squad. It is a special type of loneliness, being surrounded by ghosts.

"Take a couple days off," he told you, a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I'll talk to Erwin."

You barely nodded, barely seemed to even register that Levi was there in the first place.

He shades his face in his hand now, wondering why the hell he said something like that now that a "couple days" has turned into a week straight without you. Surely... any other partner wouldn't let this go on. He misses feeling your arms around him.

Since he has gotten to wondering whether you have been eating, for days he has been taking your meals to you from the mess hall.

Because he resonates with grief.

But, enough.

And so he rises to his feet, in pursuit of you.

Knocking didn't do anything for him. Seeing how your bedroom, where he assumed you were, was a ways from your office, he didn't hear any signs that you were inside and simply hiding from him.

He figured you were hiding silently.

First of all, upon slipping the key back into his suit jacket, he finds that your office is a mess of books and papers, especially your desk.

Tray of stew in hand, he bypasses it. He has bigger priorities.

He knocks on the bedroom door and says your name, firmer than he met, then softer. "Dinner."

Some shuffling, but no reply.

Levi gets to thinking invading your space was one massive mistake, an overstep in boundaries, but he's in too deep now. Grief will either fell you, or you will fell it—those are the only options, and he's tired of your hesitating. Hesitation means death.

Surprisingly, your door is unlocked, no light. You're a lump underneath your duvet, a pillow cuddled to your front, evidently on your side. He knows you're not asleep.

First, Levi makes a place on your dresser for the tray while he cleans off your bedside, then strikes a match for your lantern. It wouldn't hurt at all to clean up around here.

Because he doesn't know what to say—what he could say. Some trauma goes beyond what words can do, so he pats your head with a little reverence before turning his attention back to the dresser. He hears you sniff.

"I brought dinner for you," he says again, opening and shutting drawers. "If you need anything..."

You don't stir until the first drawer shuts. With a sniff, you peek out from your pillow, and whimper. "Levi?"

"Yes." He turns back around, tray in hand, and sets it down at your bedside. Unsure of what to do, he simply stands. "Tell me what you need; you look like shit."

Your eyes close at this. "Thanks. Sorry... I didn't mean to have you clean, you... you don't have to do that."

"I can think of a few things I'm good at. For you," he replies.

An apology for nothing, and your hair is a mess. Your eyes look caked with eyeshadow and liner almost, the way they're rimmed red and hooded. Tired.

Giving you room to object, he sits himself beside your head, and the first sob escapes; a dry, hurt thing.

"I know. It hurts, I know," he tries to soothe, and turns. When a hand falls in your hair, you cry a little harder.

He frowns. "I'm here for you."

You accept the touch, but when your glittering eyes open, they're listless. "No. N-No. I'm alone.  And it’s my own fault.  But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

He shakes his head, stunned, and scratches your scalp a little firmer. "You..."

Levi's eyes shut, combing his mind for what to say. He never allowed himself to get this bad after his friends passed, but for that, he arguably turned out worse than better. Those feelings, an old agony, washes back over him to see you this way. He never processed any of that. Those shitty demons.

"You never know how things will turn out," he settles. "They got unlucky; sometimes there's nothing we can do."

His comfort is in tune with your soft crying, so leans to rub your back in slow circles.

Easy enough, since you're facing him on your side. This is the most he's gotten from you in a whole week, so he'll call it progress. Some days, tears are the most you can do, and that counts.

"I know. I know that," you whimper. You wipe your shiny face and move your head over to his knee. "But..."

He encourages you to lay your head in his lap. "But it hits you in the same way every time. I—I know. You and I aren't different in that."

"We're not?" you whisper. In a drastic shift, your head turns and peers up at him through your sticky lashes.

His thumb traces your cheek. "No. You know how I got into the Corps, but... I had friends with me at the time. It was..." He swallows. "My first expedition. It was, difficult afterwards. Keeping th-them alive was my purpose for so long, but they got unlucky. It was the Titans.

"It'd be a disservice to me to say you're ever alone in the way you feel—at least when it comes to me. I can... do something. Whatever it is, I can do it for you."

Tears well up in your eyes, and Levi sweeps them away with his thumb.

"Thank you," you whisper, bullying one of your arms low around his waist.

His falls on your back again, holding you as you cry. "Yeah. Just know, I'm here. I've got you."

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[vrisrezis]

Aot crush and relationship hcs

Tw as I talk about suicide for reiners bit

- liking you makes him guilty (if you’re a soldier that is) and he doesn’t completely know what to even do about the situation

- as stares at you quite a bit and is self aware it’s obvious and tries not to too much

- you’re special to him

- probably tries to bring you along home with him and bertholdt before he even confesses he likes you but it probably works in his favor

- he honestly wants to marry you, a thought in his head before he even confesses his feelings

- not a blushy boy all the time but whos to say he can’t? You can totally make him blush

- when he finally decides to confess, he’s quite nervous about it but hey.. he’s lost a lot that was important you guys don’t have much time left

- a part of him wished he never became the armored titan so he’d have a longer time with you but at the same time if it weren’t for that he wouldn’t have met you (again if you’re a soldier but ok)

- if not hey it’s fine, he got to know you growing up and had a bigass crush on you that was so obvious that porco would purposelessly flirt with you to piss him off

- in a relationship, hugs and cuddles are quite often from Reiner you make him all soft and he’s such a cuddly man look at them big arms

- he’s the best hugger and cuddler tbh

- even if it looks weird, he likes to be the small spoon sometimes, just to be held and feel safe and protected for once

- he’s just so used to protecting you, which he loves and insists on doing but sometimes just wants to feel safe and protected by you

- likes patting your head

- gabi adores you so much, you guys are besties at this point

- gabis just really happy Reiner could find somebody to care and love for, it’s about damn time

- does not like you fighting, but if you have to then you have to

- will spoil you and buy you whatever you want, he does it cause he wants to spoil you though...

- when gabi finds this out you know she’s coming along for your dates more often to just get something

- dates are as often as you and Reiner can have them, which is more than most of the characters I’ve written for already

- you being with Reiner comes with a lot of emotional baggage that he doesn’t wanna put on you, he’s put it on a lot of people and he’s gotten a lot of people killed (who died in order to protect him such as bertholdt and ymir and etc)

- just be there for him, he doesn’t need you to understand he just needs somebody to not see him as a complete piece of shit so he can feel less guilty about it

- he has so much guilt :(

- so much to the point he doesn’t wanna live in this life anymore, but you being there makes it easier for him to have a will to live, for you

- at this point in his life he goes along with whatever you want

- he hates the idea of being separated from you at all

- yeah he’s a clingy boy in his adult years because he knows his time is coming up

- when he dies he says he wants you to look after gabi

- while the idea of dying sooner makes him feel better, can’t say he likes the idea of leaving you though he is constantly at a conflict between whether he’s happy to be the armored titan because he gets to protect you, die sooner etc or if he hates it cuz he can’t live longer to be with you and actually grow old with you

- even with his short life span, he wants to marry you

- it’s his final wish

- deep down Reiner wishes you could’ve started a family ;(

- he tells you to forget about him when he dies and start a family though tbh

- he loves you so much

(S4 eren does not exist, the reason for that is the whole reason he became a shit head, I won’t spoil for the non manga readers or those that aren’t caught up with the manga, but yeah)

- this blushy boy can’t help the nervousness he feels around you and doesn’t always know what to say around you

- you make him at a loss for words honestly which isn’t like him

- he thinks about approaching you often, but he gets so tongue tied

- mikasa usually has to do the talking and we all know she isn’t the most talkative gal ever

- he might try to impress you, even in his titan form he tries to impress you

- especially if it’s early on and it’s a new development he’s gonna wanna show it off

- doesn’t like being babied (as shown with mikasa) so he might wanna be the one to protect you and do things for you

- would die at being complimented or touched in anyway by you

- people don’t give him enough credit, he’s lost his mother, he has lost other people he grew to care for, he’s a protective boy and is scared to lose you or fail you

- he is oblivious to any feelings that might be returned

- he is usually one to cling around often as well

- he feels comfortable being vulnerable and crying in front of you

- but he still wants to seem like he at least knows what to do and he can protect you and whatnot but truth is he’s really scared he’ll fail you like he did with his mother and hannes

- this will be a slowburn for a longtime unless you say something eren is a loser with this shit

- even with armin and mikasas encouragements he is scared to tell you

- so he simply asks you questions to see if he can get any indication that you love him back, or at the very least like him

- it takes awhile since he’s dumb but when he gets an answer he wants, he asks you out

- being in a relationship with eren means him constantly being at your side and attached to you at the hip

- if not soulmates why always together ??

- FR though

- he likes having an arm around you if you’re shorter, let’s not forget as an adult he’s 6’0

- kisses your cheek often

- jealousy is also often, he has a lack of confidence compared to others sometimes but it’s nothing that’s an issue or anything

- you teach him what freedom really is, the freedom to love somebody in full, unconditionally, the freedom to have that feeling and it being the most amazing feeling

- play with his hair, he loves it

- not so much when it starts to get really long just cuz it gets knots sometimes but brushing his hair and putting it up it always nice and he appreciates it

- can we all agree he looks better with his hair up

- forehead kisses if he’s taller, it’s likely to be a newer development since he was quite shorter/average height back then

- while he hates being babied, he will let you take care of him if he really needed it

- but mainly likes taking care of you

- neck kisses don’t have to be a sexual giving hickeys thing and eren is living proof since he loves giving cute neck kisses

- likes to grab your hands and just kiss em

- first of all, keep in mind this man is like in his early/mid 30s and now like almost 40

- he’s not gonna have this schoolboy crush, he thinks it’s childish

- at least that’s what he says

- he can be caught staring at you often, very often

- like he’s so obvious damn, but it looks like he’s glaring at you

- only hange and Erwin can tell that he likes you with his stares gonna be real!

- finds excuses for you to be around him, maybe that’s having you in his squad now, maybe it’s helping him clean, whatever it is he’s getting you

- so maybe in his own way clingy

- he often talks to you in a similar fashion that he does with Erwin and hange, somewhat more “casual” in Levi’s terms, or kinda “teasing” as teasing as a levi can be and it not sounding like teasing

- deep down worries for you often and is protective, eren is already protective enough because of who he has lost just think about Levi he literally loses everyone

- tries not to be overwhelmingly protective, it can be annoying and would make him obvious

- also if you think it’s impossible to make him blush think again all you gotta do is hug him, he doesn’t even hug back but still!

- eventually decides you could die at any moment, life is short, especially in this world

- so he just asks you out and gets it over with

- so now you date!

- it’s hard not to worry for Levi with the constant bullshit he goes through, but it does feel nice to have somebody worry about him so he takes it

- he just doesn’t like the idea of you worrying about him too much since he’s supposed to be humanity’s strongest, he wants you to have some hope/faith

- likes patting your head, doesn’t matter how tall you are compared to him

- nobody would have the balls to call him short except for you

- we all know he isn’t good at his emotions but he will allow himself to be soft and vulnerable when y’all are alone

- doesn’t tolerate pda

- he also keeps the relationship mainly secretive because you could become a target, he doesn’t care if eren and the others know though

- likes kissing your hand a lot, or your neck/collarbone

- totally into pressing your foreheads together he finds it nice

- he at least can hug back now but that takes a long time lol

- Yes. you can squish his cheeks. Will he be extremely annoyed? Yes. Will he do anything about it? No.

- he’s so soft for you? God

- has nightmares about losing you often, so you share the same room so he feels better knowing you’re alive next to him

- or you comforting him back to sleep works

- will buy you things if he can, likes spoiling you when he can but not toooo much

- if you suggest turning into a titan he says no

- while a part of him is like yeah a guaranteed 13 yrs he also is like no he wanna spend the rest of his days with you he cannot allow it

- yeahhhh so maybe he’s got some naive hopes, but this time he thinks he can achieve them and finish this shit ... he can only hope

- not enough people write for my best boy, sad day ;(

- him with a crush though? Let’s be real he blushes quite a bit it annoys him though especially if you ever comment on it

- you just make him all mushy and god he loves you so much

- hand on his smushed cheek with a goofy smile and just stares at you, this happens all the time

- Sasha loves to remind him of that like everytime he does it

- very defensive of you, if anyone disrespects you they are catching these hands

- so it is likely fights with Jean bc he disrespected you (even if he was joking) are often

- he always tries to make you laugh, especially when you’re going through a rough time. He wants to see you smile and laugh and hates seeing you sad at all

- probably flirts with you, but he makes it sound like a joke so it’s hard to take him seriously

- he’s protective if he has to be, he’s not as strong as others but he can hold his own very well. (He’s canonly the fastest or at least one of the fastest, so he can get you out of situations fast)

- is overall even more goofy around you than he normally is because he just wants you laughing

- he can be clingy even while just being friends, often finds excuses to hang around you

- gets teased a lot by Sasha and Jean about his rather obvious crush

- sometimes he just daydreams about you so if anyone hears him sigh dreamily or zone out they know it’s cuz he’s thinking about you

- like seriously daydreams about you so much, the only time he isn’t is when he’s around you (which even then it still happens sometimes) or during like fights where he could die at any moment

- would die at being touched physically, or being complimented

- he will be like “yeah ofc I am haha ;D” in a joking way, but he is dying on the inside

- gonna be real confessing takes a longer time than anyone on this list like even eren and Reiner because he is so scared of rejection and losing the friendship you have he holds it so close to him

- it’s extremely important since it’s not often he ever likes somebody? Plus you make him feel the happiest he’s ever felt like? Honestly he cannot do without you man

- when he finally does (thanks to Jean and Sasha pushing him to do so) he’s a blushing mess

- dating him though is wonderful, he’s attached to you at the hip, you guys are always together he hates being separated

- it’s annoying for everyone else though

- if you’re not around for some reason he doesn’t stfu about you

- he gets sad when you guys are apart ;(

- cheek kisses are often since they’re easy to give (it’s likely he’s shorter than you so just... easy cheek kiss... or because of the huge burst of height he gets as he ages he’s extremely taller and again cheek kisses are easy)

- loves hugging you, or just having his arms engulfed around you in some way

- terrible pickup lines? Absolutely. He’s mainly joking but sometimes he’s being serious

- before he’d do anything to make you laugh it’s even moreso now that you’re dating

- hand holding is often

- he is good at comforting you if need it

- would like to just be held after a tough day

- likes to hug you from behind

- loves kissing your hands <3

- my god if anyone is blushy it is Jean but I think we know this based off his interaction with mikasa

- cannot stop staring at you, at least Connie has some control and is just not aware of it. Jean is aware of his staring but has no self control.

- unlike Connie who has the confidence to jokingly flirt Jean doesn’t have that confidence. Acts like a cocky bastard but actually isn’t.

- probably says he made a move, or that he’s going to but hasnt and everyone knows it

- gets extremely nervous around you, palms sweaty, knees weak (arms are heavy)

- if you ever got hurt, protective mode (especially if it was to protect him cuz Christ he will lose it)

- scared to lose you, he lost Marco he doesn’t wanna lose you too

- he loves you so much, its come to the point where he can’t live without you. If you died he wouldn’t know what to do and he would probably go crazy without you around

- he’s always worried about you and watching out for you

- probably really jealous even before dating you, he’s constantly worried other people will have a better chance with you (if he noticed somebody else likes you he is all on that, he knows)

- he will try to impress you, also because of his jealousy but still. He wants to prove he can be good for you romantically

- so he’s constantly playing up how strong he is until you kick his ass in a fight

- however despite how nervous he gets around you, after some time he eventually is kinda himself. He doesn’t wanna seem like a dick around you so he acts overly nice but eventually you get close enough to where he can be himself

- likes to tease you sometimes

- probably calls you an idiot, especially if you are one or act like one at all. He don’t mean it but you know that.

- eventually will confess, because he’s sick of Sasha and connies teasing and lame attempts to be wingmen

- they’re so obvious abt it btw Sasha will just be there like “hey Jean y/n looks very cute today don’t you think so?” And Connie just nudges him, “yeah tell them how cute they are today, I think they look adoraaable” and he’s like “yes you’re very cute today” and then they just leave and make it awkward for you both

- when he tells you how he feels he’s stuttering so much, it’s painful

- dating Jean is still awkward, he’s still nervous but moreso that he might fuck up somehow and you’ll break it off with him

- eventually yeah, cuddlebug

- loves hugs

- clingy af

- mans can cook, you already know he cooking you something as much as he can

- loves giving you forehead kisses if you’re shorter, if not then cheek kisses are cool too

- before you dated he’d probably try to nervously compliment you and just stutter and die inside, in fact there was a time he didn’t talk to you at all because he never knew what to say

- he tries not to impress you as much but still does and is a jealous boy but less jealous cuz you’re dating him

- he needs constant reassurance

- he’s such a sweetheart deep down he is willing to do so much for you

- still calls you an idiot or any other nickname but more comfortable with it now that you’re dating and likes teasing you

- also eventually tells you how much he loves and cares for you, and tells you the extents of his love

- he loves always being around you and gets annoyed when Sasha and Connie tag along but you probably don’t mind

- he loves you though so he’s like . Ok

- he’ll follow you wherever you go tbh

- he’s also a blushy boy at times, especially if you’re in close proximity in some way

- complimenting him? Do you want him to pass out?

- I feel like people act like he’s overly mean to his crush but I don’t think he’d be mean. He’d try really hard to get along with them to the point where he might act like he likes the same stuff they do

- he’s clingy in general w/ you. Honestly not being around you for even a little feels like forever. Sometimes it’s just months before he can see you again, that hurts him ;(

- he’s such a softie deep down I can’t

- super protective as well (again I think everyone in aot is but mannn porco is so protective)

- he has seen some shit he knows what happens to people and he doesn’t want it happening to you

- very loyal to you tbh

- will find any excuse to touch you physically even if it puts a blush on his face, the first time he did he died but still... he liked the feeling and doesn’t ever wanna miss that feeling

- wraps an arm around you “casually” and “friendly” like all the time

- since him and pieck are pretty much always together, now it’s the three of you that are always together

- pieck finds it sweet though, and loves that he has somebody he could care for as much as he does

- ofc she tries to wingman, whenever he’s not around she asks you what you think of him. If you think of him as something more or what

- it’s because of one of your talks with pieck about porco does she finally encourage porco to tell you how he feels

- it takes awhile, he’s mainly worried of rejection or that he’ll lose you while you’re dating

- when you’re dating though, an arm around you at all times. If not holding your hand. (Ofc if you’re not currently discussing important matters)

- but yeah doesn’t mind pda, just not too much

- holds your hand if he is not having an arm around you

- kisses you like a lot, ofc when nobody else is around (or just pieck is around) but yknow

- he’s clingy, likes spending alone time w/ you but again wouldn’t mind if pieck was there

- gabi loves aww’ing at you guys and tbh so does pieck

- it does embarrass him sometimes but he loves you so he deals with it

- speaking of love he loves to remind you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you, he is not making the mistake of not letting you know how much he adores you

- teases tf outta you, like Jean would call you nicknames like idiot or something but he adores you too much for mean nicknames

- to make up for it he has pet names

- he’s also pretty jealous too btw

- make him feel better with lots of smooches

- he likes squishing your cheeks, surprisingly doesn’t mind if you do the same to him =)

- when cuddling he puts his face in either your chest or neck and peppers little kisses there

- pickup lines .. yeah they’re so bad he doesn’t care as long as they make you either blush or laugh

- low key just ... gently holds you, he loves u so much he’s so soft

[shellheadtm-a]

alright, y'all, fuck it, i'm not going back and rereading civil war again bc it literally breaks me every goddamn time bc my stupid ass will literally always reread the confession and the road to civil war, and leads to me rereading iron man: director of shield, which also breaks me, which makes me read secret invasion and dark reign, which makes me read fraction's run, which makes me-

you get the idea.

but let's.  let's talk about this a minute.  i'm not gonna rehash the entire comic civil war here, it's a lot, but you should read it if you haven't.  it's a big turning point in the 616 world and leads almost directly to the current state of things as they stand today.  you should read it.  period.  if you're mcu be prepared for a bigger gut punch than anything the films gave you, i sob like a fucking baby every time i read fallen son and the confession.  and...the end of the brain wipe, which i'll also get to here in a minute, when tony starts filling himself in on what he's missing.  it's different.  it's bigger, but more contained (as in us-based only).  it's nastier.  and it drags on a hell of a lot longer than what amounts to one fight in a walmart parking lot, i'm talking months.  there is no nomad bullshit in this (steve hasn't picked up nomad in a very, very long time and the circumstances were different).  what i'm saying is, civil war literally divided and tore the entire us superhero community apart.  people that were friends were suddenly on opposite sides of the debate.  it didn't just tear apart tony and steve, think of carol and jess.  think of peter parker caught in the middle.  think of all the people who loved tony and steve equally and found themselves torn on who to support.  think of sue and reed, and johnny and ben, who were all over the board and nearly ripped their family apart permanently over it.

civil war was no bullshit.  it hit hard.  it hit fast.  people died.  it left the superhero community in complete tatters.

so let's get going.

extremis:  there are things concerning this i want to touch on.  one:  steve rogers did not like extremis.  this isn't fanon, he vocally was displeased about what tony had done to himself.  he thought it made tony strange.  distant.  more machine than man. (he wasn't really wrong in some ways.)  but something i really want to point in connection with it, outside of execute program which is a nice move into civil war, is that...tony never once really used it to find the rogue avengers.  not once, not really.  he had access to every camera, every satellite, every...digital anything.  he had the upper ground there.  and yet, somehow, the new avengers always managed to mostly stay free.  funny, huh.

miriam sharpe:  there's something too right about her, which makes her feel too wrong, you get me?  there's something about her that...is too perfect at pressing tony's emotional buttons to make her...mmm...legit.  i don't know if she was a plant for sure.  i don't.  but i'd be completely, utterly unsurprised to find out she was.  i also wouldn’t be surprised if she also turned out to be a skrull, tbh.

the night before registration was signed into law:  the team leads were separated.  god, folks, outside of steve's touchiness about extremis, and execute program, this was one of the best teams of avengers since the early mansion years.  tony and steve were closer than ever, they'd put down the avengers and then when steve wanted them back, tony couldn't tell him no.  they were doing what they do best, and doing it next to each other (and i'm sorry, you can fight me, but steve and tony are at their absolute peak when they're working together as an unstoppable duo, they're a team within a team, they're partners, they're best friends - in a lot of ways they're each other's whole world and driving force).  but the night before while they'd all gathered together, steve got called to the helicarrier.  tony and steve were separated.  steve was given an illegal order and refused.  he had fire opened on him.  and he bolted.  he and tony never did regroup and circle the wagons, not really, to actually talk about it.  i don't think...in any way...things would have gone as sideways as they did if steve and tony had been together and presenting a united front.  and i think certain powers that be were well, well aware of that fact.

thor clone:  tony might have had a thor hair, okay.  sure.  i can see him thinking at some point it would be neat to see what asgardian dna looked like but uh.  did everyone forget that biochem's not his thing?  it's not his wheelhouse?  he's an engineer.  an electrical and mechanical engineer.  now...who do we know that's a biochem person that supported registration, one of the foremost scientists in the field, hmm...oh, that's right.  hank pym.  and...gasp.  it turned out...hank pym...was a skrull.  wow, what a coinkidink.  i'm sure that totally absolutely doesn't mean a thing.

steve's extremes:  okay, so...steve does some stuff that is...drastic.  like steve is stubborn.  he's bullheaded.  once he plants his feet, getting him to move is damned near impossible.  you know who can usually bring him around to some form of compromise or agreeing to disagree?  ding ding ding, tony stark can.  this is not the first time tony and steve have had a bitchfit at each other.  they're in each other's pockets, literally, at almost all times, they fight sometimes.  it happens.  but they always, always manage to patch up and walk away friends and better for having had that talk.  the supreme intelligence.  tony erasing him being known as iron man.  the whole shebang, if you're familiar with the older comics.  they fight, they make up, they climb back in each other's back pockets again and they go home happy.  so...this is it?  they've had bigger shit on their plate and this is the one that does them in as friends?  this is the one that makes them fight like they do?  steve...does some hinky as fuck shit here, no one is blameless in this, steve is not in the right, tony is not in the right, no one is.  that's the fucking point.  but the extremes steve went to:  tony meeting him in good faith to actually talk because they haven't and need to and tony knows that, and steve taking him out with an emp (which if it had shut down extremis completely it would have killed tony and don't think steve isn't aware of that - steve is far more tech savvy than you'd think).  tony begging for another talk to ask steve directly if he had anything to do with happy hogan's death and yet another ambush by team steve.  meeting in the mansion one final time to talk and he and tony literally beating the shit out of each other (or rather, steve really unfairly smacking tony around because tony dropped his armor, and had been practically sobbing, begging steve to talk to him) and parting ways for good.  the thing here is:  tony called steve and steve still picked up.  steve still fucking picked up even though they were at war with each other.  and...of course...that final fight.  tony's armor was disabled by the vision.  he was a fucking sitting duck, he could not fight back in any meaningful way against 220+lbs of pissed off super soldier.  his armor was dead.  and steve beat the everloving fuck out of him.  tony, laying there in the street, his helmet smashed to hell, jaw broken, face swollen, steve on top of him with the shield raised about to drop it on tony's unprotected face, and tony laying there...begging steve to end it.  begging him.  and then steve getting yanked off of tony by a bunch of civilians who saw steve about to murder tony right there in the street and took action.

is it all steve's fault?  fuck no, tony did some nasty shit, too.  which is my point.  they both did things that overall, were out of character for both of them.  tony okaying hit squads?  of supervillains?  to bring in kid superheroes?  tony?  are you fucking serious right now?  that is not typical tony stark behavior.  see:  young avengers for details, when it's very obvious he doesn't think steve coming down so hard on kids wanting to help make the world better place was necessarily the right thing to do.  steve rogers, the man who mourned bucky barnes for years?  because he lost his best friend?  about to kill his other best friend in cold blood?  in the middle of a street?  really?  really???

steve in his cell:  when steve surrenders and steve's in the helicarrier, power dampner on, under arrest, awaiting arraignment, and tony comes to talk to him...things i want to point out:  this wasn't like an extended period of time after steve surrendered.  this was...very soon after that.  please remember, tony had been beat to all fucking hell by steve.  he shows up in full armor, never removes his helmet, nothing.  extremis's healing factor is good, but it's not that good.  tony's still beat to hell.  i'm willing to bet he was using the armor's autopilot function, too, because if he could actually stand up straight i'd call you a fucking a liar.  steve flinging out accusations on tony's mental health like barbs (he's not wrong, though, but you can bet tony takes every fucking word to heart in the absolute worst way).  the last words steve rogers says to tony stark is "was it worth it?  answer me."  as tony walks away.

steve's death:  hoo boy.  okay.  so, let me just...throw this out here:  steve's death fucking broke tony.  broke him.  completely.  utterly.  unmade him entirely.  steve on his way to arraignment takes a sniper shot for someone else, because steve is that kind of guy.  sharon, under mind control, pumps three bullets (time bullets it later turns out) into steve's stomach.  steve bleeds out.  dies.  you know what happens?  tony, who was supposed to give steve's eulogy, loses it.  breaks down when he gets up to speak.  starts sobbing hopelessly.  has to step down, there's no way in fuck tony stark will ever hold it together to deliver a real eulogy like that for steve.  i keep saying i cannot overstate how important they are to each other.  i can't.  i really can't.  like...they're so close at some points i feel like they're one soul in two bodies.  anyway.  when asked, tony says finding steve was the greatest day of his life.  not only does tony just fucking lose it, it turns out they don't bury steve that day.  instead, the remaining of the original avengers (tony, hank, jan) meet in the ice fields they found steve in.  they give him a quiet send off, for just the three of them and steve.  it's where "i miss your battlecry" comes from.  namor takes steve's coffin, promises no one will ever bother it.  they put steve back in the ice they found him.  yeah that...sure sounds like...the treatment of a guy who hated steve rogers, huh, and this on top of the fact that, yes, tony watched steve's autopsy (through the helicarrier camers).  he tortured himself just like that.  clint never had to tell tony he might as well have pulled the trigger himself, tony was already telling himself that.  he saw what happened to steve's body after, just...what it looked like.  he argued with sharon.  and then made sure sharon was taken care of, as completely as he could, after everything, because that's the kind of person tony is.  he continued to completely fall apart and not deal with steve's death in any fucking meaningful way.  he talked to steve's body after they brought him to the helicarrier before his autopsy.  he told him literally everything.  he told him through snot and tears and sobs and a complete and utter breakdown.  he told him it wasn't worth it, because the truth is, tony stark cannot bear the thought of living in a world where steve rogers does not exist.  there's a flipside to this, hold that thought.

tony's breakdowns:  post civil war tony has...quite a few of these.  he hallucinates steve (a side effect of extremis, all the info he takes in on a daily basis gets shoved into the part of his brain that processes guilt to be sorted through, and then his brain spits out important information in the form of people who are dead that tony blames himself for - steve played a prominent role there).  everyone can see it.  he doesn't leave the armor most of the time.  he flips out randomly.  he loses his shit utterly.  he's put on admin leave barring a psyche eval as direct of shield (a position he got ultimately railroaded into).  tony doesn't deal, is what i'm saying.  steve's death?  fucking breaks him.  totally.  tony does not pull himself back together at fucking all.  he doesn't handle it.  he blames himself for everything.  utterly everything.  yes, he was at fault for some things.  yes, he made a lot of bad calls.  but he canonizes steve (who also did hinky shit) and then turns around and tells himself he doesn't deserve even the modicum of happiness.  he has good days and bad days.  sometimes he almost seems like his old self.  most of the time he's barely holding himself together with spit and bubblegum.  ...i'd argue he may have been more than a little suicidal, at points.  he does some really, really risky shit - riskier than normal.

bucky/steve's letter:  bucky comes to kill tony.  there's just no other way to put it.  and they fight.  and tony does his absolute best not to hurt bucky.  he'd just gotten steve's letter - via execution of steve's estate - and even in the thick of it...steve still reached out to tony.  that letter was like...a friendly shoulder squeeze through the veil, you get me?  tony needed that, he really did.  it was a bandaid over a bullet wound, but he needed it.  and he turned around, and because steve utterly believed in bucky, put the weight of his faith and his trust behind bucky completely.  gave him the shield.  knew no one else would carry on steve's legacy the way bucky would.  ended up trusting bucky enough as the new cap to give him all the info on iron man, and how to shut tony down permanently, if need be.

frank castle:  steve damn near kills him.  steve.  that steve.  steve rogers.  y'all get how weird that is, right?  steve is wound like a bowstring the entire goddamn length of civil war.  i wonder if...the purpose...wasn't to get him to snap utterly and you know what that could have culminated in?  that's right.  tony's death at steve's hands.  you'd never get tony to kill steve.  ever.  ever.  but the other way around?  if you...tweak it just right?  hmmm.

the brain wipe:  so tony just...magically doesn't have any backups that include the worst year of his life.  i'm supposed to believe tony "meticulous to a fault" stark didn't back up his brain more than once.  uh huh.  okay.  so he just...manages to forget completely how unfunctioning he was after steve's death.  wipes out how utterly devastated and destroyed he was because steve was no longer in the world, who was fine with steve hating him and never speaking to him again as long as tony could protect him.  okay.  sure, karen.  but also, as a point, he left the decision up to thor and cap, ultimately, whether or not to bring him back.  at the time, thor was...mmm... but they had don.  and cap was bucky.  but they also brought steve in, who was alive at that point, because everyone knew when tony said cap in that recording he meant steve rogers.  and the holdout was pepper.  no one else really hesitated.  of course they bring tony back.  the world needs iron man.  the world needs tony stark.  gee, does...does that sound...like the guy ready to turn his best friend's head to mush with his shield?  hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm.

brain wipe aftermath:  tony's not wrangled well enough.  i...will argue that leaving him alone with pepper and maria hill might not have been the best of things to do.  i get it, osborn was being osborn, but.  it played out as being vindictive, letting tony stumble upon all of that himself.  but the huge, key thing to note here is steve fucking rogers tearing into the building where tony's being kept, knowing what's up, demanding to know where tony is because tony's only very recently woken up and...it turns...out...he's playing catch up on the last year and...has found...he thinks steve is dead.  in that moment tony stark thinks steve rogers is dead and you know what he does?  what tony always does when confronted with steve's mortality:  he starts crying.  he gets upset.  and i definitely think how tony finds out sets the tony for things for...a good long while, especially between himself and steve.

and going on in the background of all of this melodrama is...civil war itself, of course, everyone fighting each other viciously over registration, the nightmare of the fifty state initiative, which does not...go well.  the shit with the negative zone and a huge flashing warning light in the form of tony telling carol that of course they have to bring their friends into custody.  if he and the mighty avengers don't, they will.  they being shield.  remember project wideawake?  think microchipping every superhuman.  think genetic testing for powers.  think sentinals for everyone, not just mutants.  think people like spider-man on a dissection table.  all the shit tony was trying to get in front of, and put a stop to.

secret invasion happens.  and the first person in the entire thing, openly, that gets taken out?  tony stark.  extremis is mostly shut down.  his tech gets taken down.  iron man is, for a time, effectively removed from the picture completely.  tony, having seen it coming, has set rhodey up with a suit that has no starktech.  has a plan in place.  tony seizes.  he damned near dies, really.  almost gets taken in by the skrull queen (who's been psing as spider-woman all this time).  and during all of this steve's floating through time, trying to make his way back to his own body so the red skull can't take it.  eventually succeeds at that.  what i'm saying is everything was a complete and utter shitshow.

norman osborn?  now director of shield.  it goes about as well as you think it does, him and his dark avengers.  he tries to lay siege to asgard (which is floating up above and near broxton, oklahoma) after going off the rails.  he does some naughty naughty things.  it's not good.  he steals tony's tech.  he damned near beats tony to death on live tv.  the rt in tony's chest doesn't just cover the brain wipe, folks, it handles the fucking brain damage norman osborn did to him.

things to particularly consider:  jessica drew was a skrull during all of this.  with pheromone powers.  firmly on the side of team steve.  just...think about that.  think about steve's aggressiveness.  think about how easily the real jess is able to like.  sweeten up the hulk (he made her a sandwich and it's the most precious thing) even when he's angry and in pain.  just.  think about it.

think about project wideawake.  think about how firmly tony opposed it.  think about how he saw the writing on the wall after stamford and knew they had to get in front of it.  think about tony going to all those kids' funerals.  think about how emotionally open he'd be.  think about how perfectly miriam sharpe played into things.  think about all the praise she heaped on tony every time he did something she wanted.  think about how tony's self-esteem issues work.  just...think about that.

think about how a lot of players in shra were all involved in anti-mutant stuff.  consider that a moment.

think about how easily the green fucking goblin was able to get into the good public graces by killing the skrull queen.

and the most important piece of evidence i'll give you:  civil war: warzones.  it's a what if.  a what if had civil war dragged on instead of ending in steve's death.  guess what.  turns out the skrulls had been escalating and manipulating the entire fucking time.

just.  think about it.  all of it.  and civil war starts to make a hell of a lot more sense.

[cloudybookash-blog]

for the ask-Andromeda, Aquarius, Aries, Corvus, Draco, Gemini, Hydra, Libra, Lyra, Pyxis, Taurus, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Canis Minor, Crux, Indus, Lupus, Puppis, and lastly Virgo-i copied u bc im lazy

Andromeda - Describe your main characters

Z: original a banished princess trope, very VERY fucken angry, too tall for her own good, educated and strong, a little insecure about her place in the world, just wants peace.

J: this bitch old af, old as time in fact, loves *checks notes* Aloe Vera? Created grey morality.

H.H: A lover not a fighter, dummy thicc, forgetful, thinks he knows more than he does.

M.E: responsible, guilt-ridden, takes on more than she should be able to handle but handles it well anyway, REALLY FUCKEN INTELLIGENT.

M: the youngest but the wisest, keeps to herself, is possible just as intelligent as M.E, humble, wants nothing more than to help others.

 Aquarius - Who’s your least favorite character to write?

Any of them, y’know, IF I WROTE.

Aries - Share a line that you’re proud of!

Make him run circles and poke himwith a stick. Tire him and find his weak point. Then devour him.

Bro I had to open and read through three different docs just to find this bullshit… I ain’t looking no more. That’s as good as it gets.

Corvus - Who or what is the villain of the story?

Anyone not on my heroes side is The Enemy™.

Draco - Who’s your favorite character to write?

Any of them, y’know, IF I FUCKING WROTE.

Gemini - What inspired you to write this project?

I was asked to join a voluntary, student run writing class in Yr 10. I think I had to write something to ‘introduce’ my style or whatever. It was REALLY shit in the beginning (I wrote in first person, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???) I don’t know where the idea originally came from because before that I read a lot of horror and contemporary/mystery so pulling a High Fantasy idea out my ass for the first time to intro myself to a bunch of Yr 11/12′s was whack but I did it. Since then it’s been evolving and morphing into other story ideas I’ve had.

Hydra - Tell us why you love your project.

When I was younger I could see the world a lot clearer, it was so easy to get lost in and even now when I write it, I can just fall forever amongst my creation. That and I created it when I was going through IT, I used the world as my punching bag to get my feelings out and seeing as it got me through so much, I just want to do best by it, is that too sentimental?

Libra - Which relationship dynamic do you enjoy writing the most?

GOD characters do not interact.

lol no, I like writing friendship dynamics? I guess. I enjoy characters that have a history that won’t be explained that have inside jokes , the ‘know what the other is thinking’ type relationships are my favourite… I’m bad at writing though so don’t expect too much.

Lyra - Give us a few songs that fit your project!

Gone Away - SafetySuit

Get Free - What So Not Remix, Major Lazer, Amber Coffman

Can I Exist? - Mission

Understand Me - Abel Miller

Young Forever - Jay-Z, Mr. Hudson

Numb - Linkin Park (probably, haven’t listened to it in a while for my own mental health.

Okay, not a few, and not all of these align with my project but they’re some of the inspiring songs/vibe to write songs.

Pyxis - Are there any major themes or messages you’re writing to show?

I started writing this when I was like 12 so, originally I wanted to portray to ‘The Adults™’ that kids go through the fucking ringer and we’re not just ‘over-reacting, being teenagers etc…’  I think I’ll try to keep that in later drafts, but maybe focus it more on validating teens and kids going/working through trauma.

War is a massive focus, child soldiers as well, pain (obviously) and how there are so many ways to deal with them and not all of them are good/healthy for you.

I’m fucking AMBITIOUS for a bitch who can barely write one (1) sentence nowadays.

Taurus - Tell us why you hate your project.

Despite knowing so much more now about the art of writing and the story’s direction as a whole, in comparison to when I first starting writing this story, I now lack the motivation and/or inspiration to write.

Ursa Major - What scene are you looking forward to writing?

I look forward to writing anything at this point… Pray for my creativity, pls.

Ursa Minor - What’s the setting?

Tall, old jungle that whispers if know how to listen. Mountain ranges that shake violently in their effort to move. Wild grasslands, and flowery clearings that’ll lull you into sleep if you’d only just rest your head for a little while, just a few seconds they swear - you look like you could use a rest, yes.

A world like ours unless you see it, hear it, breath it, or feel it. Smells the same though.

Canis Minor - Share an excerpt of old writing and new writing to see how far you’ve come!

fuckingfuckertyfuck…

Okay… So I went on a depressing ass walk down memory lane and I can tell you with complete confidence that my writing has RECEEDED. The super old stuff is problematic so I’m not sharing it, the plain old stuff is me working through repressed trauma so will also not be sharing it, and despite not being problematic the ‘new’ (ish) stuff is incomprehensible… Okay, that sucked, NEXT!

Crux - Villains or Heroes?

Heroes. I’m just basic, man.

Indus - Are there any characters or stories you miss writing? Tell us about them!

All of them, y’know, BECAUSE I NO LONGER FUCKING WRITE. I remember LOSING DAYS just to write. Anything, everything, jumping around from world to world - finding the warmest patch of sun and following it for 8hrs straight without breaks. Being able to come up with story ideas every other day. I remember seeing stories everywhere, and they sucked, oh hell they were fucking terrible - rip offs of movies and tv shows I’d watched. Nothing ever looked as good and clear on paper as they did in my head - no doubt I was horrible, but I had it at least. I just miss seeing it all so clearly, man.

Lupus - Have you abandoned other WIPs? Tell us about some and why you abandoned them?

A wise woman once said, “what HAVENT i abandoned holy fuck.” and honestly, same.

Puppis - Give us a piece of advice! (about anything)

Just breathe. Take big deep gulps, and hold it for a few seconds, then release. Relax your shoulders. Go pee for god’s sake, I don’t think holding it this long is good for you. Go at your own pace, don’t speed up or slow down for others. Always try to see things from the point of view of others, it’s interesting. And lastly, look after yourself.

Virgo - Describe your favorite tropes.

The duo that dies together, not because they both get caught but because one does and the other refuses to let them die alone. Characters that are super big and buff that struggle with their strength and in the end refuse to allow themselves to succumb to the wishes of others and live out their lives in soft handed kindness. That squad of characters that act like a pack of hooligans. Smart characters that rely on their intelligence over others to see them through problems.