#admittedly I was listening to music while answering this and I think it got me depressed mid way through

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 9: Dear Future Baby Jikooker and Some Jikookers as well…

Listening to album D-DAY - by Agust D  ON REPEAT

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Dear Future Baby Jikooker,

Here is a letter from me to you, who have just stepped into this curious neck of the woods, but also for Jikookers, who presently might feel lost, in this neck of the woods. This is going to be a long-ass post, ops 😬. In my defence, it could have been even much longer than it is, but let’s be real, there is only so much you might be willing to read at this stage and, at the same time, only so much I can write before I stray well out of topic. BUT let’s start with a welcome, shall we? A very big welcome to those of you who have decided, for one reason or another and we will touch on that to be “Jikookers”. Welcome and congratulations: you’ve officially picked the most fear-inducing, hate-provoking, blasted-ass ship, perhaps, in history but that is just my perception, admittedly, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony might have been good contenders, by the fandom they belong to and most of all shippers within the fandom as well.

SO YES, welcome welcome welcome to the Tumblr side of Jikook things! Now, before we dive deeper into what awaits in my post, and most importantly, into Jikook-world, it’s best we get one thing straight, right off the bat:

Mmm … you might have already known this, in fact you are probably looking at me like “You ain’t gotta tell me that, bitch, like …” but truuuust me when I tell you that this is not as obvious or as known a fact as it ought to be … chiiiiiile 😩. 

That being said, there are usually two main starting points for people who end up here, and by here, I don’t mean specifically Jikook-Tumblr, but Jikook-world in general:

You have been ARMY / BTS fans / JK and/or JM bias for a while and are thus familiar with all members in BTS at a level that is above avarage.

You have no clue about anything-BTS, but you heard that there is this “couple” in BTS, so the name of the other members is probably as much as you might know. 

As you are ultimately here because of a possible romantic relationship between JK and JM, whether you are 1 or 2 doesn’t make you any better or worse than being 2 or 1. What it does however, is that it will 100% influence and condition the experience you might/will have. That, in addition with the answer to the following question which I highly suggest you ask yourself before you fully step in: 

“Why am I here?”

… Perhaps “I believe Jikook is 100% real”, or “I wonder: is Jikook even real right now?”, or “I have reason to believe that Jikook might be, but actually …”, or “I’m not saying but I’m saying, Jikook?!”, or “IDGAF I just think they look good together”, etc etc etc. Trust me, there is a Jikook blog that aligns with any and all conscious and subconscious states of mind, beliefs and/or opinions. So as you proceed, you will or might not realise that some blogs simply want to find people who are like-minded, some blogs just want to rave, rant and talk about the boys to their heart's content, some blogs want to build a following/clout, and some blogs might be up to no good amongst these, some might not even realise that they are….

I, for one, got into the Jikook-world coming from type 1. BTS found me when I needed them the most and I just ended up loving all 7 of them, in different ways, but all 7 nonetheless AND as you might or might not know, I am indeed OT7. One day, as it happens to all of us, I stumbled on a shipping video on YT, it was a Taejin one: I clicked. To begin I was initially shocked that BTS would still have ships at the point in their career (this was around 2021) and I actually thought Taejin to be real … and then you see SOPE, Namjin, taekook, there were so many and all had their reasons etc. After a while I just found them all very cute and didn’t take them seriously at all. 

Eventually, somehow, a Jikook video by Made in Busan appeared, I watched it and that was it: … I felt something. But even though I did feel something, I tried to ignore it because as a queer person pansexual I mostly walk around with my invisible hope on my sleeves ALL THE TIMES. So it felt that, once again, for the one millionth time, I would end up wanting them to be so real that the disappointment would crush me, making me feel that once again, people like me are undeserving of love, or at the very least, African and Asian countries are never going to accept this. At this very moment a great part of the USA, and certain parts of Europe, are the only places where famous people and not can live being who they are. 

In many other places in this world, particularly African and Asian countries, it is still taboo, dangerous and even life threatening and I am in-between these two types of worlds. So I rejoice everytime a queer couple publically comes out, because even though I know I cannot be them the maximum I can do is go to pride in my pink, yellow and blue outfit it makes me happy to know that had I been born in a different continent, within a different culture, that perhaps, it could have been me. Basically, it feels that happiness for people like me is attainable, even if not for me, if others can safely make it, it would be enough for me for now. 

I started from YT and WHAT A MESS IT TURNED OUT TO BE. I made the very big mistake of thinking that because jikook was so rare in the fandom, then people who believed in them were just like me trying to understand kindred spirits. I thought that we were in this to protect and potentially, if time ever would allow, to support what would have become a very influential gay couple. But as time passed, before I knew it, I found myself within the episode of the most toxic BL where, everyone heard voices, many betrayed each other for affection, all slept with each other to spite all, and some resorted to using fans in order to bully each other. The more accounts with this mentality started to appear, the more normal accounts started to disappear. It got to a point were I, a person whom in the meantime had forgotten was a OT7, started to believe that some members were indeed narcissist and any other non-self diagnosable trait. WHEN I REALISED I had to take a BIG-ASS breath,  slap myself out of fiction and get-out-style-ran myself back into reality: LIKE … WHAT THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED?!

I had completely forgotten about who BTS were, I got entirely lost in the wrong side of the woods for me, basically I completely forgot why I was even there in the first place! When I then myself in the only youtube channel I trusted at the time, who also suggested we should check a certain blog on Tumblr, when I did, I found a kindred spirit and never went back to YT (by that time wonsummernight had left, Made in Busan, like MizGator, were all gone). There was no forced narrative, the logical consideration of events, the unexplainable emotion of others, it was up the alley I had wanted to be. It brought it back to me just supporting real maybe-queer people like me, rather than fighting over fictional characters in a drama that had nothing to do with me at all. 

I regained my rationality, and peacefully lurked, until I got curious about certain topics and decided to send in asks, or just wanted to send words of encouragement to other blogs I began to like and were constantly attacked. Eventually I realised my side of the woods was also thinning out, and because I felt like I had a lot to say as well I began this blog, to just talk, talk and talk. It was fun talking, revisiting Jikook moments with other people who thought alike or people who respectfully didn’t and still kept it at a healthy level. Speaking with other queer folk was also a perk. I literally had no expectations upon coming on Tumblr, I just wanted to keep up with Jikook, while keeping my sanity and rationality. Writing my thoughts about them also helped me lay out my opinions and, through educated speculation, maybe realise things about Jikook hadn’t before and so on and so forth. As things stand in this very moment, within my boundaries, I still believe there is something between them. Chapter 2 is what, surprising, turning out to be as I predicted it would be, to a T except for JK’s weverse, that I couldn’t predict not a single one, for shit it is all very interesting to be honest, and though I can know see things will only get harder from here on, it is okay. 

Even though this place feels like it is about to become another, YT, twitter, etc. It is okay. I never had any expectations to begin with, but the fact that I know where I stand in my Jikook neck of the woods, makes my anger towards some bullshit very well directed towards said bullshit, and never towards jikook, BTS or any unrelated parties. I like that when I log off my life goes on. I love that even though I have times when I miss them a lot, it is just that and I am not going crazy over it. In the same way I love that there is a chance that within this global powerhouse of a band there might be somebody that loves like me. In the queer way I, and many others, do. 

So my dear future Baby Jikooker, find out why you are here. Understand what it is you want. If it is being in delulu-land that is perfectly fine I also go there from time to time, I find it fun, and when things actually happen right from delulu-land it makes it even more fun! Just gotta trade carefully, that's all. If you wanna find friends, if you wanna talk, whatever it is, just be aware of your decisions, and possible consequences, and you will not be disappointed, hurt or disillusioned, in the long run. If you don’t like all the other members, at the very lease please respect them, because Jikook surely do love them.

If you find that this environment is becoming too much for you, protect yourself the best way you can, leave if you need to, you have the right to do so. As you keep exploring make sure to find the blog that is right for you, and if you feel like it is what you want, write your own. If something feels too good to be true, check sources, always, original content is always available. If you are okay for them to be too good to be true, then do you, it is your experience, just be mindful not to ruin it for others and I hope nobody ruins it for you.

So once again, WELCOME TO JIKOOK-WORLD. I hope you don’t get too lost and you find what you were looking for. I hope you come out of it alive, if at some point you decide to run away. And if you survive all the bullshit that might take place between now and their military service (MS), if you are still around, and Jikook just so happen to be who we think they might be; then I’ll see you on the other side, or if you want come holla.

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[epickiya722]

For the anime ask game, can I ask :

Balance : Unlimited, Vanitas no Carte and ATLA?

BALANCE UNLIMITED 💴

Favorite Character: Haru Kato! From his design to his personality, Haru easily became my favorite character.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: The entirety of episode 4. It's just too funny to me that Daisuke left the house because he got natto for breakfast, left his phone by accident, and has to stay with Haru because he refuses to go back home. He slept in the bathtub! 😆

Character I Think is Underrated: The whole Detective Division. They're actually very enjoyable characters to me and a lot of the scenes they have together are favorites of mine.

Character I Think is Overrated: We all know it's Daisuke. Remember when that show came out?! Oh my gosh... still love him though.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: DaiHaru, that will always be my ship!

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: The gag that at the end of each episode shows the total balance of how much money was spent is something that I love. Whoever thought to do that, I applaud them. Also, just the overall vibe of the show. To me, it's an anime worth a rewatch. I find myself doing so once in a while. The opening song is one of my favorite anime openings still!

**

VANITAS NO CARTE ✒

Favorite Character: Noé is everything to me. He actually holds a very special place in my heart because he looks like a character I created way back in middle school.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: One of my favorite scenes has to be that Vanitas had pushed Noé to the point of being scary. First season when they're facing Roland and Noé takes Vanitas hostage. The way Vanitas reacts will always have me in tears and Noé? Me watching that scene "you're doing amazing, sweetie!"

Character I Think is Underrated: I feel like Amelia is underrated. She's nice, I like her.

Character I Think is Overrated: Noé definitely, but more so Vanitas is overrated.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: Vanitas and Noé! Their dynamic is everything to me, okay?

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: The anime, to me, is very beautifully animated to me. The music though? That first ending song, oh my gosh. That song is just... I can't even describe. You ever listen to a song and it just puts you in a trance and it relaxes you? That's what that song is like.

**

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER 💨

Note: ATLA isn't an anime. But I'll answer for it.

Favorite Character: ATLA has such a good cast of characters, it's hard to choose a character. But for me, it's Yue! When watching her episodes as a kid, I couldn't help but admire her. Still do!

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: Other than Yue scenes, The Beach is definitely one of my favorite episodes. Another would have to be "Firebending Masters". My favorite scene is when Aang and Zuko gets stuck in that trap and Aang yells for help and Zuko responds "who are you yelling to? No one has lived here for centuries!"

Character I Think is Underrated: Hmm... okay any Avatar that isn't Roku, Aang and Kyoshi. Avatar Yangchen being one.

Character I Think is Overrated: The main cast, but can you blame them? To pick... I'm giving it to Zuko and Sokka here.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: Sokka/Suki will always be one of my favorite canon relationships. It's just so sweet! And admittedly, I am also a fan of Zukka.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: The characters, love them. The plot, amazing. Music, on point. One thing I really like about the show is the number of memorable quotes. It's been over a year since I actually watched the show, but almost every day I or anyone in my family will quote something from it.

"Let us leave!"

"Lettuce leaf?"

"My aura has never been pinker!"

"My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurts."

"I CAN STILL FIGHT!!"

"It just says... 'bear'."

You get the picture.

Anime Ask Game

[chumpovodir]

tagged by @the-crow-binary! (this was a few days ago, but i just got a bit of free time to answer properly. also doing a new post so as not to clog up the OP)

--

Favorite Color: Sage green :3 very calming, versatile colour. i love it so much, i've made a concentrated effort to incorporate it into my everyday wardrobe, and even had the walls of my room painted in this colour. one day i'll actually put together an outfit with nothing but this colour and go out in public for a laff~

Last song: y'know i don't recall exactly atm, but it's most likely 'They Who Govern Reason' from the Octopath Traveler 1 OST. have had it on repeat during my commutes and while working. i hesitate to use the word 'epic', but that's precisely how i'd describe it - really pumps me up, as does the rest of the battle/boss music from OT1. give it a listen:

(i have no business enjoying this song as much considering i leveled my party to like. lvl 70 before ever learning about the extra sub-jobs. let alone unlocking them by defeating each boss. lmao)

Currently reading: nothing atm. i'm hoping to pick back up where i left off in the original Bram Stoker's 'Dracula' before this year's edition of Dracula Daily catches up to where i left off.

Currently watching: also nothing lmao. i have a long list of old anime i'd love to check out though, and the last one i had open, but haven't started yet, is 'Dirty Pair', an R+ rated anime from the 80s. actually idk why i'm putting off watching this that sounds amazing

Currently craving: like a good 2-3 months off work. paid, preferably, but i'd skip the money in lieu of just having the time to let my brain marinate in nothingness for a bit. also this one chocolate brulee cake from a local restaurant chain

Coffee or Tea: coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. my day ain't right if i don't get my morning coffee, preferably iced to really get that energizing feeling. tea is nice too, but admittedly i only really enjoy the milky or fruity ones, with the exception of green tea. nothing hits quite like a glass of ice cold, straight green tea on a hot day.

A hobby I'd like to try: too many. ceramics. sculpting in general. stained glass making. embroidery, knitting/crocheting, beadwork, quilting, needle felting. all the textile arts. anything tactile that uses my hands basically. edit: cannot believe i forgot to mention INSTRUMENCE!!! any kind really, but i've always rotated piano, guitar, saxophone, and harp in my head. hoping to give the harp an earnest try, if only because it's on the more reasonable side wrt to floorspace and storage

An AU you've been plotting: not necessarily plotting, but i keep coming back to my one Castlevania AU where Alucard wakes up post-CoD and him and Hector meet up. many implications for the story going forward, and it's fun to imagine them all.

--

think bc i answered this a bit later, everyone i had in mind to tag has already done theirs, so i'll just open this up to anyone that wants to try it out :3

[qqueenofhades]

Feel free not to answer this because I feel like it’s a really heavy and rather personal and emotional thing, but you’re also one of the people whose opinion I respect the most and who I think would be able to offer a lot of help with this, and I think it might help some other people too, if it’s not too pretentious to say that. It’s definitely too pretentious, isn’t it.

For context, I’m a cis female lesbian, which is… both a good thing and also the stem of these problems.

First of all, queer people travel in packs, we all know that. It’s amazing, and somehow, most of my friends and I found each other even before any of us came out. It’s the unconscious gaydar, I guess. And more recently, a lot of my friends are coming out as different flavors of trans and nb, and in some ways, it feels like I’m the ONLY person who feels completely comfortable with their birth gender.

God it sounds really bad when I put it that way, and I know it kinda is. I barely know how to describe it, but in some ways, it feels like I’m almost the odd one left out, when most of my friends have that bonding experience and this new struggle they have to deal with, and I’m not able to help them out and be there for them in a way that I was when it was just sexuality in question (and believe me, that took me forever to figure out, and I imagine it’s much the same for gender). And. I dunno. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m one of the ONLY cis people in my friend group, and I feel almost guilty for that? Online there’s all the stuff about “oh it’s the cis people” and like, that’s me, I’m one of the people in question, and how some people act, it’s almost as though I’m not queer enough or something, like being lesbian isn’t enough to actually make me queer and that I have to be some flavor of trans as well. And I know that’s horrible to think, it’s an awful mindset to have, but it’s kinda how I feel. And to clarify, this is absolutely not my friend’s faults, they’re not saying or doing anything at all to imply what I’ve just said, it’s entirely my own fault and that of the internet.

Anyway, I’ll just leave that there for you, because I don’t have a resolution for it, that’s the problem.

My second problem is kinda similar. My two best friends are both enby aroace. One of them is a sex-repulsed ace, and we share a lot of same fandoms and things that we enjoy. They’re a S&B fan, for one, and a while back I sent them WDMTTPL because I figured they’d like it because it’s fantastically written and I love it so much. This is nothing personal to do with you, I’d like to clarify that. Anyway, they got to the first E rated scene and quit and refused to read the rest of it. That’s totally okay, that’s fine, they have every right not to enjoy the same stuff as me. Another thing we both like is Phantom of the Opera, have you seen that? There are two songs, one in the original and one in the (admittedly a shitshow with a good soundtrack) sequel, that yeah, they’re kinda about sex, but they’re still very nice songs. My friend calls the one in the sequel (the song being Beneath a Moonless Sky) as ALW’s E-rated sex fantasy song. It’s… not terribly explicit, in my opinion, but like I said, of course we have different opinions, and that’s okay. But they hate the song so much and whenever it comes up on a playlist or something that we’re listening to together, they always go and skip it. With that musical as a whole, Love Never Dies, it’s a shitshow like I said and it has horrible writing and I really just ignore all of the plot in favor of enjoying some of the few good songs in it. And because of how much they hate that song, which I think has fantastic music regardless of content, I almost feel guilty for liking it and for being a sex-positive person myself. It’s not like my friend saying “I don’t like this and so no one should like this” but in some ways it feels almost like that’s what they’re saying. It’s absolutely not their fault, but it feels like the same thing again. I feel guilty for being straight and not “queer” enough, I feel guilty for being a person who enjoys sex versus an aroace friend who really doesn’t, and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty about things I shouldn’t feel bad about.

The third one isn’t really along the same vein as the first one, but I think it’s one that does put me in the wrong and that I’m very conflicted about.

One of my friends is very openly poly and was ranting to us the other day about some thinly veiled homophobic (and specifically polyphobic) comments one of her professors made, and how for an essay in that class she’s writing about how poly marriage should be allowed and was asking for our opinions and stuff. Personally, I think it’s absolutely okay, I wouldn’t even be opposed to a poly relationship myself. However, eventually they got on the topic of the poly relationship of the variety where one person is married to two different people without those other two people being married together, but consensual between all three. And… something rubs me the wrong way about that. Something feels very inherently unequal and unfair about someone in a relationship with two other people without those people being together, ESPECIALLY if we’re talking marriage. And then I proceed to feel horrible about that, because who am I to judge what kind of love is okay, what kind of poly marriage should be allowed and what shouldn’t? Isn’t that just as bad as, say, telling a bi person in a relationship with a person of the opposite gender that they’re actually just straight? I still don’t feel like being in two seperate relationships at once can be fair or healthy, even if it IS consensual, but I feel horrible for almost gatekeeping something like that, and for getting into a heated debate with the friend in question about it. She also had a boyfriend at the time, and according to her, she said he’d be perfectly okay if she was to have a relationship with a different person beside him at the same time. And then I felt horribly petty, because they broke up like a week after my friend said all of that to the rest of us and that breakup may or may not have been related.

Anyway I have no good way of wrapping this up, I feel like it’s just been one big rant, and I know it’s very very personal and heavy, but you really are someone whose opinion I respect and would really appreciate hearing. You don’t have to answer this ask, because I know it’s a lot, but either way, thank you so much for taking the time to read this anyway.

Welp. Okay. First off, I am very honored that you trust me to talk about this to you, respect my opinion, and are interested in hearing my thoughts. For context, I am also a cis lesbian, and I suspect that I am somewhat-to-significantly older than you (10-15 years). So this is coming from a queer person in their thirties (not in their teens or twenties) and while I have plenty to say here, I'll start with this:

Basically, this ask is an encapsulation of everything that rubs me the wrong way about the online youth culture that has grown up on social media and calls itself "queer" and "progressive" while also uh, not being those things at all and often just being American Protestant evangelical purity culture. I hasten to stress that this is not your fault in any way, and nothing about what you have said is going to make me point a finger and go BAD QUEER PERSON! Instead, I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for you and the guilt and stress that you're enduring and putting yourself through, when you really, really don't have to. I promise. Because if you just changed a few names and descriptions, you could be telling me how unhappy you feel in a religious fundamentalist cult! And that breaks my heart. Because:

You constantly feel guilty about whether you're "enough" for the overall authority/presumed "right way" to be a queer person, and constantly think that you have to do "more" to justify your inclusion;

You hang out with people and in shared social spaces that consciously or unconsciously reinforce the idea that you're "doing it wrong";

You worry constantly about whether being an ordinary human person with a sex drive makes you "unclean," "filthy," "evil," "lesser", etc etc;

You worry that you're in the wrong for expressing any opinion that might run against the prevailing wisdom, no matter what that opinion is or how you arrived at it;

You also worry that this is all "your fault" for not being good enough, and that if you continue to not be good enough, it will reflect on you as a personal sin and lead to your exclusion from the group, and that will be all your fault and nobody else's;

And on and on.

Anyway: as I said, this is flat-out conservative evangelical Protestantism with the names changed, and that's what makes me so averse to the so-called progressive purity/anti culture that has taken so much root in youth queer spaces. This isn't your fault or even that of your friends', it's just a result of what all of you have learned by osmosis and think is the only way to Be Acceptably Queer. And that is hogwash. It is total nonsense. It is absolutely not true. If you're hanging out in places or with people that are constantly feeding and reinforcing this message, whether implicitly or explicitly, then you DO need to find new places, healthier places, with maybe some older queer people who aren't as beholden to the niche culture of Performative Internet Wokeness as the younger terminally-online generation. Because it is a niche culture, it is very small, it is not at all representative of the lives and experiences of queer people all around the world, and you absolutely do not need to let it dictate your thoughts and behavior to the point of making you feel this way about yourself (or even at all). Because listen here:

I am holding your face in my hands, I am looking you in the eye, I am telling you from the bottom of my queer cis lesbian ace-spec old gay adult heart: I LOVE YOU, BABY GAY. YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. AND AIN'T NOBODY, NOBODY AT ALL, GOT THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU OTHERWISE OR MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR BEING BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Okay? Got it? I mean it. I am aggressively loving on you right now, in a healthy, boundaries-appropriate way, and telling you that IT IS OKAY. You are queer just the way you are. You're not a secret straight. You don't have to add an endless list of uber-specific micro-labels or nuances or explanations. You're you. You're queer. That's it, end of story, nobody can say otherwise. If people try to make you feel bad about it or shame you or imply that you're not enough, THAT IS THEIR FAULT and you can and should feel justified in calling them out on it. You don't need to torment yourself with guilt over having opinions, or liking sex, or ANY OF IT. Humans are humans! Humans (for the most part) like sex! Sex is a normal and natural and beautiful thing! Queer sex is beautiful! Het sex is beautiful! You can enjoy both or any or all of those things while also critiquing the sexified/commodified/heteronormative/repressive culture in which we exist! Our culture has been so messed up and fucked over (literally) when it comes to sex that once again, we've looped all the way back around to "I am a More Morally Pure Person if I Personally Reject Sex and This is a Totally Progressive Viewpoint" and like. As I said above, I am strongly ace-spec. I tend to enjoy reading about sex or having sexy headcanons more than I'm interested in actually pursuing it in the real world. But that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, and I have zero objections to them doing what makes them happy.

So enjoy E-rated fic. Enjoy E-rated songs. Enjoy sex if you like sex, in fiction, real life, or wherever. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, BABY, OKAY? If you know that some of your friends don't like what you like, you don't have to share those things with them or rely solely on their approval/validation (and as I said, if you're hanging out in places or with people that only make you feel bad about who you are and what you like, it's time to re-evaluate that time and how it's spent). Go out in your community, meet older queer people, volunteer in queer spaces, do whatever you would like to make you feel more connected to the real-life community with a broader variety of perspectives. But also, you don't have to do these things to be considered queer. You don't have to Earn Your Place Via Hard Work (oh hello again, Protestant Ethic!) You just have to be you. That is enough.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[stoportotouch]

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists? 🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately? 🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. ❌ What's a trope you will never write? 🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories? 🏆 What's your most popular fic? ✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to? Sorry for the quantity! You may omit some if it is much.

😅 what's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

i actually don't think there is one! or at least nothing like. since i was old enough for it to be worth mentioning. bc if you aren't embarrassed by the stuff you wrote at the age of 13 when you're older than 13 are you really writing.

🎶 do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?

i sometimes do, depending on what i'm writing. with one of my old projects (my untitled aurochs project, which is admittedly original fiction) i listened to the pathologic 2 soundtrack on repeat. however, that was last year and now spotify tells me that of late i have been listening to the pigpen theatre company's we stand alone a lot.

🛒 what are some common things you incorporate in your fics? themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

nothing specific i don't think but i do like some Religious Imagery.

❌ what's a trope you will never write?

now i have actually answered this question in the past, and when i answered it then i said that i would never write a polyamorous relationship. and we all know what i'm writing now. what shall i predict next?

🏆 what's your most popular fic?

at the moment it's it hurts to pray to god when god is dying too! i have no idea why! or rather: i saw it starting to get a lot of views early and went "hmm, better carry on doing That, i guess", and then got TWO very nice comments on it from @smileofacaffeinatedsaint, which Incentivised me. i have no idea what about it initially made people go "better get in on That".

✅ what's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

i do sometimes feel as though i am just kind of rehashing the same character dynamics and events over and over again. but then again i like opera, so this should not come as a surprise.

[slytherinshua]

Hopefully they will get a bit of rest before the show! They definitely need it after the tour though, the schedule seemed brutal. I don't think I'd be able to cope if it was me lol. You'll have to let me know what they are like to watch live, I'm sure they'll be amazing!!

Play is such a comfort song! I have definitely cried listening to it as well haha, also haze. I really do love how they have a song for every mood lol.

I'm honestly so glad that I started to listen to them when I did. I found them at a time when I'm finally starting to think more positively about myself and seeing my own potential, like seeing that I can improve myself but also being kind to myself when I inevitably mess up. I think the messages in their songs are really comforting and make me feel seen. (Although I still remember the night when hug by seventeen absolutely broke me ahaha) Finding a talented violinist who plays music that I like has helped me want to become better in that sense too, although admittedly I have wanted to improve for a while, but Yechan has actually given me a goal which is nice. (I've started to try and learn boogie man and my respect for Yechan has went WAY up).

I have wanted to watch super and for ages!! I never knew where to find it though. I found out about it because I'd started to listen to Hoppipolla and then would watch compilation videos of clips from superband. It seems so fun! And the amount of talent would make me cry ahaha. I'll and Ha Hyunsang's voices in 1000x almost made me cry the first time I listened to it because they blended so beautifully. After getting into Lucy, I was kinda like, the bassist in the awesome cover of the Coldplay song (I can't remember what it's called lol) was Wonsang?! Yechan played viva la Vida?? With Ha Hyunsang?? That made me want to watch it more ahaha (although I don't know if I'll be emotionally prepared to see Sangyeop cry)

I'll let you know if I have any ideas haha, but definitely keep writing for Lucy! I really liked your style of writing and thought you wrote Sangyeop really well!

Enjoy the show!!!!

okay now that I’m back from the show lemme answer this 🥹🥹 I think they did get some rest beforehand they were rly energetic and excited :( moreso than me cause I was so sore it hurt to stand and I was struggling when sangyeop wanted us to jump sigh

You could rly just tell they went all out for their last show of the tour and it was just so special :( I was right by wonsang bcuz he’s my bias and I wanted to watch him up close so most of the videos I took are of him. Whenever I could see sangyeop or get noticed by sangyeop I would die internally idk smth abt him live is just way too attractive and charismatic and he needs to stop being so fucking fine istg??? But wonsang was so cute I was chilling standing by him <33

I swear I can cry to any lucy song cause even the happy ones have sad or relatable lyrics… the sad ones hit so fucking hard absolutely when I need to cry colourless is my go to…. Sangyeop ugh 👹👹👹👹 and when it’s a song like boogie man I just cry cause of how beautifully crafted it is cause I think abt how hard wonsang works on every song LMAO IM SO EMO KILL ME

I also feel like I found them at just the right time but like for the opposite reason. I was going through intense burnout and listening to stove while I worked on schoolwork was the only thing keeping me going :( (along w bambam ty husband <3)

I NEED TO REWATCH SUPERBAND IN FULL TBH CAUSE 😭😭 I went back to watch the lucy stages but I just need to experience the WHOLE thing again… anyway here’s the link to the google doc with the google drive eps for you <3333 AND YES ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME COVER!!!! Absolutely adored it sm I remember how everyone thought wonsang was selfish and trying to make himself stand out by only picking guitarists while he was the only bassist but then he got all 5 votes cause his arrangement was so beautiful and chilling and ethereal and I love him sm I always call him my lil genius :(

Dropping some photos from the concert hehe

[mareenavee]

Tag 7 People You'd Like to Know Better!

AH catching up on tag games :3 Thank you to @boethiahspillowbook for tagging me in this!! (Here's their answers!) I haven't done a non-writing one in some time now so I figured -- why not? Tagging: @paraparadigm, @changelingsandothernonsense, @thana-topsy, @thequeenofthewinter, @kookaburra1701, @gilgamish, and @archangelsunited and, even though it's more than 7 people, YOU. Yep, tag me back if you do this one. :>

I suppose the rules are just babble about the questions asked herein!

Last song: What the Water Gave Me - the demo version by Florence + The Machine

Florence + The Machine is my favorite band ever, ever. So lots of their music is on pretty much all of my playlists. I was listening to my favorites list while I was writing yesterday and that's the one that cropped up last.

Currently watching: TV? Shows? I don't know her. I actually don't make much time for tv at all. I will catch a couple shows a year but they have to be really compelling for me to want to spend the time on that.

Currently reading: OOh a good time to share a few of the open fanfics I'm in the middle of right now! First four tabs but I have something like 14 or 15 open right now I rotate through. Hollow Men by @thana-topsy Gathering Souls by @paraparadigm and @polypolymorph Serious Mistakes by @changelingsandothernonsense In The Midst of Winter by @thequeenofthewinter I am also still reading The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by SA Chakraborty, which is admittedly fun and excellent, but I'm on a fanfic kick right now. My friends are fricken phenomenal authors, to be perfectly honest. And how often can you jump on discord and keyboard smash with your favorite authors about your favorite stories? This is why fandom can be so much fun when it's not being weird. :>

Current obsession: ...I'm a fanfic writer, what do you think my obsession is?

Okay, fine, TES is obvious. I can share a couple other things I suppose. :>

First is hand binding sketchbooks!

This is an older one but still a fave because it turned out super pretty :D It's a watercolor sketchbook I made for my friend.

idk there's just something super relaxing about not having to think once the entire project is set up and it's down to sewing the signatures together. Huge fan of the zen of making these and even though I don't personally need more sketchbooks I will often just make one for the hell of it. I'm also learning how to do case binding but it's messier than this.

The other is fountain pens! I don't do layout posts anymore like I used to, but I can still share some of them -- I use the inks in artwork all the time and anything I write on paper is usually done in fountain pens. My favorite ones to use right now are TWSBI Ecos -- specifically a white and rose gold one :> My favorite ink is LAMY Dark Violet but it's discontinued...so I am sparing with that one lol

Here's some old aesthetic posts I used to do for fun.

Anyway yes. That's all I've got for now. This was funnnnn LOL so I mean, yeah feel free to tag yourself if I didn't tag you! I'd love to see everyone else's other hobbies.

[divineprank]

OH OH TELL US ABOUT MUSIC THAT YOU RELATE TO GANONDORF

Oh I'd love to! What a fantastic question, I am a big music buff and this sort of thing is right up my alley. I have a character playlist that is, admittedly, still very much under construction, but I will absolutely pull a couple of songs that really hit that "Ganondorf" vibe for me!

The first song is Long Gone Day by Mad Season. While it seems to be a mournful song about losing lovers and regretting one's actions, some of the lyrics really seem to apply to Wind Waker Ganondorf, specifically his mood and overall melancholy tone. How, in Wind Waker, while he hasn't given up on his mission, he mourns the losses he and his people have incurred and how the amount of time he's wasted has delivered him nothing but a world he doesn't even recognize because it has completely moved on without him. All he has left are his memories.

So much blood, I'm starting to drown It runs from cold to colder. Time to time, the skies run down And help me lose my way Tears and lies for answers You and open veins, God knows I'm gone Girl I just want you to come on down... [...] See you all from time to time Isn't it so strange how far away we all are now? Am I the only one who remembers that summer? Oh-whoa, everyday each time a place was saved The music that we made, the wind has carried all of that away Long Gone Day... Who ever said we'd wash away with the rain?

Another song that reminds me of Ganondorf is The Package by A Perfect Circle. This is a song about a drug addict who is willing to go to any length to get what he wants. This includes lying to people, and pretending to be their friend in order to get what he ultimately wants. This is definitely familiar to Ocarina of Time's Ganondorf, who does just this very thing: he puts on a friendly act and he gains the trust of those he wishes to manipulate just so that he can get his hands on the Triforce.

Clever got me this far Then tricky got me in Eye on what I'm after I don't need another friend Smile and drop the cliche 'Til you think I'm listening Take just what I came for Then I'm out the door again Peripheral on the package Don't care to settle in Time to feed the monster I don't need another friend Comfort is a mystery Crawling out of my own skin Just give me what I came for Then I'm out the door again Lie to get what I came for Lie to get just what I need Lie to get what I crave Lie and smile to get what's mine [...] Give this to me! Mine, mine, mine! Take what's mine!

Another song that makes me think of Ganondorf is Would? by Alice in Chains. This song is actually about the late singer, Andrew Wood (note the homophone), the frontman for the band "Mother Love Bone". Unfortunately Andrew tragically lost his life from a heroin overdose, and this song is kind of an angry song intended to address the judgement that was aimed at Andrew Wood after his cause-of-death was released to the public. While I don't really apply this song to any specific Ganondorf I can more see it fitting the concept OF Ganondorf in general: he is this angry, ongoing soul that continues his conquest despite what it has earned him, and more importantly, despite how far away it has placed him from his people -- the very thing he was looking to save by beginning this mission of his in the first place. He is completely ruled by his greed, his interest in the Triforce, and he's lost so much as a result. The cycle always continues and it continues to take and take from him, but he still continues to justify himself despite what time, and his greed, has stolen from him. He tries to reason that his interests align with the Gerudo, but do the Gerudo even support him anymore?

Know me, broken by my master Teach thee, on child of love hereafter Into the flood again Same old trip it was back then So I made a big mistake Try to see it once my way Drifting body, it's sole desertion Flying not yet, quite the notion [...] Am I wrong? Have I run too far to get home? Have I gone? Left you here alone If I would, could you?

And finally, one more song that reminds me of Ganondorf! This one is Burden in my Hand by Soundgarden! This is a song about someone "sitting in the dirt". A destitute man who is coming to terms with the fact that he has murdered his girlfriend and while he knows he should be regretful, he just isn't. To me, this song seems to reflect how Ganondorf must have been feeling about Nabooru as the rift in their relationship began to occur. I know not everyone does, but I like to ship the two! I like to think that before Ganondorf lost his mind, the two were a couple and Nabooru got to watch first-hand as Ganondorf started to transform into something unrecognizable. She watched as he went from a King who was actively involved with his people, to someone that didn't give a flying fuck because his interests were elsewhere. We do know that she rejected his leadership and fled to the Desert Colossus, where Ganondorf eventually caught up with her and forced her to continue to support his exploits, through forced brainwashing. This song definitely hits that spot for me, and seems to tell the story of where Ganondorf was emotionally while this dysfunction in what little was left of their relationship was occurring. She stopped being a person to him, just a pain in the ass, and thus an object to break.

Follow me into the desert As thirsty as you are Crack a smile and cut your mouth And drown in alcohol Cuz down below the truth is lyin' Beneath the river bed So quench yourself and drink the water that flows below her head. Oh no! There she goes! Out in the Sunshine! Sun is mine The Sun is mine! I shot my love today Would you cry for me? I lost my head again Would you lie for me? Close your eyes and bow your head I need a little sympathy! Cuz fear is strong and love's for everyone Who isn't me Kill your health and kill yourself And kill everything you love And if you live you can fall to pieces and suffer with my ghost! It's just a burden in my hand It's just an anchor in my heart It's just in a tumor in my head And I'm in the dark I left her in the sand, just a burden in my hand I lost my head again, would you cry for me?

Aaaand yeah! Here's some songs that I relate to Ganondorf! I dunno if you guys see things the way I do, but I definitely had a blast writing this out and sharing it all with you folks. It kept my mind off of my toothache, so thank you so much anon for the opportunity!! :)

[shadow-pixelle]

Ask game thing!!!

4, 6, 11, 12, 19, 23, 24, 31, 38, 45, 49

(In response to this)

4. which cryptid do you believe in?

Gonna be honest with you chief, I do not know cryptids much? Like, they're neat, but they've never been something that's fallen into my research orbit or anything. So I don't really know if I believe in any of them cause I kinda don't know shit.

(Boring answer, rip.)

6. why did you do that?

Excellent question! Probably because

11. favourite extracurricular activity

Man this just shows how boring I am that I can't actively think of one... I go for walks sometimes while listening to podcasts? I knit sometimes when I can be bothered to get all the craft box out?

(Normally I say 'writing' but writing is kinda. Not counting here. It's not really an extracurricular when it's most of all you do)

12. what kind of day is it?

Blue. Not super light blue, fairly middling, like a fairly close Royal/Egyptian? Decent day, not super great because I'm Le Tired, but I've done stuff and might be able to do more stuff.

19. imagine we're at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

Now you see I would, but I'm very bad at it because I have kinda shaky hands when it comes to delicate tasks. Also the smell of nail varnish kinda gives me headaches. I'd still do it, I'd just prolly be sad about it a bit.

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

I adore it. Give me the cold.

Admittedly I'll bitch a bit if I'm cold indoors, but outside? Love it. Doesn't matter that I can't breathe properly cause it kinda hurts my lungs, I'll find a better scarf and tie it around my face some. Or go back to Big Covid Era and get a mask. Cold is great. Good excuse for super thick coats.

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Ok first I have questions about why a rooftop was the meeting place here, and then about the kind of rooftop. If it's flat, picnic time, because that shit sounds fun. Hell if it's night and clear, break out some stargazing. If it's slanted, then I guess trying not to fall off?

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

Honestly music for me is like, the anti grounding? I tend to have music on all the time, or if not that then it's a stream VoD or something, so a lot of the time if I've got music on I'm paying attention to something else, or alternatively daydreaming some.

38. a soap bar that smells good?

I hope you're not asking for brands here cause I don't tend to pay attention to that, lol. When it comes to soap I pretty much just pick up a pack and pray it doesn't smell like something that makes me nauseous or whatever. Pomegranate is super nice, though.

45. can you remember what happened yesterday?

Yes, super well, because it was a busy day with Stuff:tm: going on.

49. can you skip rocks?

No! I'm really shit at that! Doesn't help that there's no good ponds/lakes to practice in around here lol.

[vt-scribbles]

✨️🎶💖🎯 for the writing ask game!♡

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Okay SO. I'm really good at painting animated pictures inside a reader's head. I've got fun and likeable characters. I'm REALLY good at painting establishing shots and scenery. I think I have fun transitions sometimes, and I'd like to think I can be pretty funny when I want to be! Not like 'bust a gut' funny, but 'delighted snickering' funny.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

>> Answered here! &lt;<

💖 What made you start writing?

Ohhh man... that's a pretty long answer. I guess the short version is simply: I liked painting pictures in my head. And on top of that, just like how I started drawing, I wanted to Tell Stories. I saw all the animated shows around me, the manga I read as a teen, and the mysteries I read... and I wanted to make what they had. I wanted to make stories that made me feel like I did as a kid when reading something for the first time. Unfun fact though: When I first started writing in sophomore year of highschool, I asked my english teacher for feedback, and she silently read my story's first chapter [which was admittedly, not good] and then basically told me to give up writing, and that 'you'll never get anywhere with it.' And of course after being crushed for a bit I went 'fuck you' and decided to prove her wrong. I continued writing and roleplaying and developing my story-telling skills out of spite. Nowadays I consider myself a perfectly serviceable author when I have someone to work off of.

Fullmetal Alchemist was the true starting point of my art and writing career, when I was 16. I started off my true artist/author's path with one goal. "I want to create a story that people want to binge all in one go like I just did with this anime."

And... fourteen years later, I've done that. And past-me would be so proud and in disbelief.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

OH MAN...... WHERE DO I START LMAO. There's a few beta-readers in particular who are ABSOLUTELY CRACKED at theorycrafting and catching onto me and Corrie's writing for The Harvester. It started with simple things like 'X character is gonna blow up at X character' and stuff like that. But nowadays? TH has gotten SO complex compared to its starting arcs that the theorycrafting has gotten WILD.

As far as sharing which ones have been predicted... oh man. I gotta be vague since some people haven't read TH yet. Sooo... A major plot point abt Topaz. A major plot point abt Hemmi. The Big Thing that happened to Tita. Something in the future that happens with Blue Diamond. Hell... a couple friends of mine are so cracked that they have predicted the entire plot [with at least 80% accuracy] and they have no idea.~ And if you're reading this and you know who you are...... have fun with that info.

The Harvester is STILL ongoing [and will be for years to come], so I can't share too much... but JUST last night a friend of mine was staring at the Hematites' designs and finally put something together that I've been waiting 7 YEARS for someone to notice. And now I'm going to leave this here and let anyone who knows/reads TH wonder wtf it was ;3 [Hint: it hasn't become relevant YET, but it will by the end of arc 7.]

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 18 February 1954

Well, we've got two songs this week that I don't recognise whatsoever. Like, absolutely nothing. Both have vaguely interesting titles that give me absolutely no idea what to expect.

Ebb Tide - Frank Chacksfield (peaked at No. 9)

Well, it's an instrumental, and even before looking it up, I'd bet this is from a film, like Terry's Theme, the last think we heard from Frank Chacksfield. It's grand and undeniably orchestral, but a quick look suggests that no, this was just an original composition. Huh. How often do you get that, nowadays?

It's by a composter called Robert Maxwell, who was primarily a harpist, and it's had a surprisingly busy history, with versions recorded by Frank Chacksfield, ut also vocal versions by artists such as Frank Sinatra and the Righteous Brothers. It's got that lush sweep that I can see both of those artists eating up, actually - maybe I should give that a listen next?

It starts with something that's surprisingly modern, actually, which is a sample of some wave and seagull sounds. It's only after that fades gradually in that the tune comes in, with thick, layered strings, some delicate harp, trilling flutes and the main tune on what could be either a bassoon or a cor anglais. It's a slow, Romantic, wistful kind of sound, and very lush.

The chords, especially when the brass come in, are powerful and have a sense of longing to them. A more skilled music theorist than me could tell you why, and what chord progressions we are seeing. The whole orchestra moves at once, which I think helps, either way, creating this big, epic sweep.

And then it cuts away, and we're back to the more delicate strings and harp, with a (admittedly slightly cheesy) harp glissando into the final note, which fades back into the ocean sounds and the seagulls and then we're done.

It's a lovely, pretty thing, but I'm not quite sure why people were so into it. It's slow and atmospheric, more than particularly catchy - several listens in, I still couldn't have hummed you the tune. It would make a nice film soundtrack, and I'd get its popularity if it was used as part of a film, but I can't find anything that says it was? It's just providing a nice, dramatic background, I guess.

The one thing that is interesting is the sea souds, which - and this might be a reach, but bear with me - have something a little bit new-agey and ambient about them. Like, even if it's not a direct ancestor of new-age or chillout music, it's got definite links to the sort of exotica / lounge music vibes that will create tracks like Fleetwood Mac's Albatross, which just feels like the most natural comparison here. Interesting.

I wouldn't put this on frequently, but it is very effective at creating a specific chilled-out, floaty, not entirely blissful but definitely serene mood. Intersting.

Man (Uh-huh)/Woman (Uh-huh) - Rosemary Clooney & José Ferrer (7)

I'm confused by these songs, and more particularly, I'm confused by what, exactly, they're meant to be. Spotify doesn't seem to be helping me, as it turns up exactly one version of them, and it's a combined version with Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby. So not the version that charted, I don't think?

As far as I can tell, these were two songs by different artists, that were sort of cross referenced? Man (Uh-huh) seems to be by Rosemary Clooney, with José Ferrer providing backing vocals, while Woman (Uh-huh) works the other way round. It's a clever concept, and I'd like to see more songs doing this! Mostly charting tracks with two parts are just an A-side and a B-side that are unrelated. Having both parts being answers, or giving both sides of a conversation is clever.

Even more clever, we get little references to the medium itself. The end of each track, for example, has the other artist exhorting the listener to turn the disc over and listen to the literal other side, for the more metaphorical other side of the story. In particular, Rosemary's arch "Girls, turn this record over and listen to the wife's side" is deliciously knowing! I love it!

Unfortunately, it's the only thing I like about either track, as they're otherwise just really gross and stereotypical, a viscerally-upsetting, concentrated, time capsule of the worst period attitudes about women and men, and their relationships, wrapped up in a ploddy tune and some very dopey performances from both singers.

I listened to Man (Uh-Huh) first, and it starts fine. Man's a mystery, but "Whatever he is, we like him that way". Ooh, Rosemary, so flirty! So coy!

Sadly, this doesn't last, giving way to a sort of comedy misandry? It's the sort of thing that you sadly do still see nowadays, as a particular strand of "haha, aren't men the worst" feminism, and I just don't like it. It's kind of feminist, on the surface, but its generalisations are more about taking men down a peg than building women up, or actually addressing anything with any nuance, and so it lets all sorts of ugly ideas persist below the surface.

One strand here is about how man, in general, is "As easy to read as a page in a book", "He'll boast and he'll brag of the women he's spurned / But just like a doorknob his head can be turned". He makes his business work, but he'll "wind up at night under some woman's thumb". So we've got men as predictable, and easily manipulable - and women, implicitly, as wily, controlling seductresses. Lovely.

We also get the lines about how inept men are: "As strong as an ox or as meek as a pup, he's just a small boy who will never grow up". He certainly can't be expected to do anything round the house: "He knows all the methods of landing a fish / But still can't be trusted at drying a dish". I know men who are like that, and true, it got a laugh out of me the first time. But expanding this out to all men, and stating it like it's an unchangeable fact doesn't really help things. It just tells women to expect their man to be some sort of helpless man-child. He can't help it, he's a man!

Finally, we also see that things are apparently not happy at home - perhaps unsurprising, all things considered. Our man here "Complains that he's henpecked and treated so bad / But if he's ignored then he'll holler like mad". So we've got the sort of classic sit-com "I hate my spouse" joke set up. Again, gross.

These sings are compounded with a really dopey refrain of "Uh-huh (Uh-huh), Ooh-hoo (Ooh-hoo)". José in particular sounds as dim as he's being made out to be, so points for good character work. Unfortunately, it doesn't make for particularly fun listening.

Then we get the first hint at the horrors the other side has for us as José cuts in: "Say fellas, push her outta the way and listen the husband's version". Yikes. This sets up the kind of comedy abusive tone of Woman (Uh-Huh).

We get off to a flying start with the refrain of "Whatever she is, she's necessary". Which... oof. Okay.

Then we get a parade of clichés about how "A woman is something both evil and god / But too complicated to be understood". In fact, while Rosemary's side had a lot of different stereotypes, this is the main one here. Women, for José are contrary and changeable. We learn, for example, how " In the morning she does, in the evenin' she don't, / You're always a-thinkin' she will, but she won't". That's it, that's José's side of things

Actually, no, there's also a spot of abuse, from the nonsensical line about how woman's "Afraid of a cricket / She'll scream at a mouse / But tackle her husband as big as a house", and how "She'll bust his head open, but then be his nurse". This is just straight up abuse. Not funny abuse. Just regular abuse, played for laughs because it's a woman doing it. Again, gross.

I hate this so much. Hate, hate, hate it. You could maybe use it for a black comedy 1950s sitcome parody, if you were making a point about how messed up the relationships there were - like WandaVision on some very jaded crack? Other than that I have no conceivable use for these tracks.

My favourite here should be clear. No need for further comment.

Favourite track: Ebb Tide.

[istilldontunderstand]

I went home by a bus last week.

It was full, as it is on public holiday, everyone trying to get at home as soon as possible to enjoy some free time.

And in the midst of the crowded bus a man took of his shirt to change into another one.

And it got me thinking.

Yes, he got some weird glances, but all people just took a glance and let him change in peace.

But he was standing there, admittedly sweaty but still in the middle of public transport, thinking it's absolutely socially acceptable to shrug off his t-shirt, be half naked, body on display while looking for a clean shirt in his backpack to change into.

It got me thinking what reaction the same thing would elicit if it was a woman taking of her shirt and changing into a clean one in the middle of a bus in front of 60 people.

Why is it more acceptable for a man to do this than for a woman? If we also disregard the fact that it's safer for a man to pull this shit than for a woman.

I mean, why do I have the feeling like some of the unwritten social rules we ought to follow are disappearing?

It should go without saying that getting naked in public is a no no. No matter the gender. It should go without saying that when you are in a public space that has children in it, that you watch yourself to speak without swear words and wait to cross the street on green and not sooner. It should go without saying that you only listen to music or tiktok on a bus WITH bloody headphones not to disturb other passengers. It should go without saying that you don't fart or eat smelly food in closed space that is not designed for it like, I dunno, a PUBLIC TRANSPORT. It should go without saying that you respect others private space, that you don't touch them without reason or permission and that you first go sit alone in a bus, if there's free space. It should go without saying that if someone has headphones on and answers just hmmm or yeah or they look out of the window instead of making small talk they really DO NOT wanna talk to you.

Public space is PUBLIC. That mean be fucking aware and respectful of others.

[mrmidnightblog]

The Demon bride

Chapter 1: Catfishing It was a cold November evening, snow falling and grazing the ground as the black Charger drove down the road. The sound of the engine roaring; the driver, a man named Garth Foxworthy, was heading off. Were to, well, for Garth, it was the first date he's had in the last five years. He grunted, adjusting his collar, He wasn't used to wearing the button-up flannel shirt, but he wanted to look his best. "Just relax, Garth; just because you haven't been out on a date doesn't mean you need to over think it." He grunted while looking at the rear view mirror. His black hair is sticking up slightly; even with the haircut, he still looks like he just got out of bed. Though admittedly, he still looked better than the rat nest he had before. He took a second to check his breath. "Could use a few tic tacs." He muttered, reaching over his center compartment. While looking over it. His mind raced as he took another turn going down the dirt road. "Frick-en GPS," Garth grumbled while looking at the device, it said he was on the right path, but passing by the cornfield, he felt like he was going to end up dealing with he who walks behind the Row. He shook his head. "Come on, don't chicken out. You're at least going out to meet a girl, and you haven't done something like this since Tamera." He rubbed his eyes, damning those contacts, wishing he just came in wearing his glasses, but tonight, he wanted to impress Sarah. A cute girl who liked country music and long walks in the fields,  Sarah Green, the girl's tinder profile read, was five-foot-six, with blonde hair, with bright blue eyes. Nothing seemed off about her too much. Heck, he was most shocked that she swiped right on him. Garth was happy that she was even willing to go on a date with him to the movies, So Garth grunted, imagining how it would go. They probably grab some drinks get something to eat, and go out for the film, and whatever happens after that, well, that was all for fate to decide. Take the next left, and you will have arrived at your destination, the synthetic voice spoke as Garth realized it; he quickly turned the wheel and found himself going up the dirt driveway. "I'm here; well, better let her know." He quickly grabbed his phone, dialing her number, his fingers rapidly typing 937-555-0669. The phone's bluetooth connection to his car as he listened to the ringing—long pauses as he waited there. The phone rang once. Then a second time. Then the third time, that was when Sarah answered, her voice quickly spoke, "Hey there, Garthy." The sugary sound of her voice as she spoke to him, his heart raced fast, as he answered without hesitation, "Hey Sarah, I just got over to your place; I just noticed the lights weren't on; you ok in there?" He prayed to God. Sarah hadn't somehow forgotten their date. "No, I haven't. I'm just finishing getting dressed; come on up to the door; I left it unlocked just for you. No worries, Garthy." She let out a long draw on Garth as he gulped more, unable to believe his luck that the girl was this into him. Garth popped right out of the car, his hand slamming it behind him as he looked around. The sound of crickets chirping away as he stood there looking towards the house. The first thing he found about the place was that it looked close to falling apart. “What the?” He muttered, getting a better look at it. The place was more like a dilapidated shed over a house. Maybe at the most, a hunting lodge. Garth wasn’t sure what to make of the home. The only thing he knew was the place was not home. “Fuck, You’ve got to be shitting me.” He felt angry at himself for even falling for this, “No, Maybe I just put in the wrong address.” He reached over, pulled out her number quickly called her. Sarah promptly answered him, not even a moment's hesitation as he looked around, finding the place beginning to get quiet. “Hey there, Garthy, is something wrong?” Sarah said, speaking with that hushed tone as if she was ready for more, “Hey, I think I got the wrong address; you said you lived at 756 Morn star road, right?” He asked, more curious than ever as he looked around. The way the corn swayed across the road was setting off red flags for him. “No, that’s the right spot; I see you outside my window; just wait for me there, Garthy,” Sarah said, her voice sounding a little off as he listened into it as if she was growing impatient. “You know Sarah, maybe I should get going, I mean, It’s getting late, and I’m sure we’re just going to miss the movie and all that so—” Before Garth could finish his sentence, he suddenly found himself emersed in pure Darkness. His head twisted and turned, trying to scream, yet all that came out was a muffled yell. “Come on, get him inside.” One of the voices called out. Garth tried breaking free and doing something as he struggled. However, one had begun binding his hands down behind his back. Another one grabbed his legs; whoever they were was strong as they gripped him tightly. “Heavy fucker, Can’t wait till we get rid of him and get our wish Right Ariel!” A man who a gruff voice spoke out his chuckle, bringing no comfort to Garth as he said, “Get rid of. What do you mean by that?” Though his captives could barely hear him as he tried breaking free. Feeling his hands digging into the ropes, he panicked, scared about what had happened. He wanted to scream for help. But at this point, it was no use. So far as Garth knew, he was just fucked over six ways to Sunday. Garth felt dragged away. He could hear a door closing behind him. Pushing him down, Garth felt his back pushing into the wall—a hard nail going into his back. He tried moving around, getting more comfortable, but one of the strangers pushed him back into place, forcing that Nail to press harder against him. “What the hell? What do you want.” He grunted out though still none of them could hear him as they chuckled, “Are we nearly ready, Ariel?” “Not yet; just have to get a few things down, and soon we’ll be ready.” That voice, he recognized it, more it was Sarah, “Sarah? Sarah, what the hell are you doing?” “Will someone take off the bag? I’m not in the mood to hear his muffling.” Sarah, or Ariel, whatever her name was, spoke out, clearly annoyed, as Garth could feel the sack being ripped off his head. The room was dark, only lit with candles spread across the room; the most he could see was the brick walls and dirt floors. Three people were standing around. One of them was a bold man wearing heavy-framed glasses, a consistent pissed-off look on his face as he pushed his glasses up, wearing all black and a pair of leather gloves. The other man, off to the side, was a leaner, button-up shirt who popped his neck. The smallest of the group as he looked over at Garth, giving him a wave. Garth looked at him, confused. What was he supposed to do, wave back? He just looked back over. “So Ariel, this is the guy, huh? He doesn’t seem much.” The smallest said, his voice sounding more like a whiner as he shook his head. Garth couldn’t help thinking the guy looked like he wasn’t even seventy pounds when wet. “Son just got to get everything set up. It’s our only chance even to get this done right. I’m not letting you idiots screw this up for me.” Garth looked over to the woman's voice, and there he saw her, Ariel, at least who the others saw; now Ariel looked somewhat like Sarah's picture. That's if you ran Ariel’s picture through a whole bunch of filters and hinted with photoshop to make her smaller, more petite, cause she was a very hefty woman, as she is wide. Not someone Garth might have looked at twice on the streets. She stood there wearing a black robe that reminded him of a moo moo as she lit a few more candles. “Oh, Garthy, it’s so nice to meet you.” She spoke with a broad smile, and It was there. Garth cringed, somehow looking like her; Garth admitted it wasn’t as lovely as before, selfish, sure. Maybe he was a little judgmental, but given the situation, he was right; he felt he had some right to judge her just a little bit. “Well, nice to meet you, Sarah, or Ariel, whatever your name is. Would you mind letting me go? I won’t call the cops on you guys.” He wished he had his phone, but Garth had dropped it when they kidnapped him, so it was most likely lying around his car. Ariel cupped her fingers together like she was carefully thinking about what she would do. As she popped her mouth and said, “Yeah, no, not going to happen; we’ve been waiting for this long. Not every day we get a full-blood moon, and this is our shot.” She reached over, beginning to move the candles around, pushing them into a symbol one Garth didn’t recognize as he looked at it for a minute, “Your shot for what, kidnapping and catfishing some guy? Like seriously, not cool there.” “Well, It was easier for me to get you over here by pretending to be some beach blond bimbo,” Ariel said, the sneer in her voice as she looked at him, “Fair enough, though. I figured you’d want your next meal or something; instead of kidnapping, I thought fat people were meant to be jolly?” Garth felt the urge to go right under the belt for this one. Ariel looked at him, just staring daggers into his eyes for this response as she responded, “You know, you were only chosen from random chance, but after this, I will enjoy sacrificing you to satan.” Garth shook his head while he looked back, “You’re going to sacrifice me to Satan; it’s not the best date I’ve gone, for so not my top ten.” “Please, like someone like you had managed to get a date, and by the way, you are so not six-foot-one.” “At least I didn’t photoshop my picture, and by the way, I’m five-eleven. So I’m close.” Garth grunted; he wasn’t sure if he was more angry or scared of being in such a situation but by golly, was he going not just lay around and let them do whatever they were planning? “Ok, guys, we’re going to start this a little early; bring in the virgin!” “Hey, I am not a virgin!” Garth said clearly while the others looked at him; they shrugged as they reached over, pulling him from the wall and dragging him around in the middle of the wall; Garth tried wiggling around, making it more complex than them. The big guy growled, “Hey, quit squirming; we’ll make it much rougher for you.” “Oh, come on, little john, what is it you want so much that you are willing to sacrifice me.” “Names, Jack, and We’re sacrificing you to Satan, the light bringer, the great destroyer, and if we do, we will be given our greatest desires what we want. That’s where you will be used for.” “Sacrificing me for Jack shit, now how about you let me go.” Garth rolled his eyes, clearly not in a good mood about it, so what do you three want anyway? I mean, if you're going to be murdering me, might as well tell me what I’m dying for.” The three of them looked at him, blinking for a good minute; honestly, they seemed more surprised by his reaction, while the smaller one on the side looked back to the other two, quickly saying, “You know I was expecting him to be more screaming or begging for mercy?” Jack nodded in agreement while seeming more confused. “Well, not much to do for begging for my life; I’m kind of pissed I somehow ended up in the situation; heck, most likely, I’m in shock,” Garth muttered, clearly annoyed by the matter though Ariel moved in spreading her hands, “Enough, whatever it is we want, it doesn't matter; what matters is that we just get this ritual finished, and we summon Satan so that we can get what we want, alright!” She hesitated for a minute. As she looked at him “Miles, cover his mouth. I don’t want the meal to interrupt the ceremony, got it.” She looked at Garth with that hideous smile as it was clear she was missing her front tooth. Miles raised a hand and said, “With what? I mean, what can we do it with.” “Miles, did you forget the duck tape?” Ariel said, finding herself annoyed with the two as if she wished she’d done it herself instead of relying on these two. “Now 'cause Jack there forgets shit!” Though quickly, Garth found his mouth covered with the rag as his voice muffled. Ariel sighed in relief, “Thank Satan's tit, and we shut him up.” She turned, watching the other two pulling them back, watching them closely to ensure they didn’t screw this up. “Alright, just spread his arms and legs back, like the Leonardo de Vinci man.” The two nodded, Jack, giving Ariel a thumbs up. Who Nodded with much chagrin. The stale expression didn’t give much as she jiggled over to the center of the room. “Tonight, on this dark hour. We lay this soul out for the dark one, the one who was once the Lightbringer, now the dark ruler of our world. We follow your will and bring forth a virgin! So that way may present him forth and damn him so that we may have our wishes come true.” Ariel stood loudly, her hand raising in the air as she held the twisted dragger in her left hand. She circled as her two goons were chanting in what might have been Latin, but the way they mumbled it, Garth wasn’t sure. In truth, Garth might have imagined it was not very comfortable. He lay there for a good minute listening to the chanting continued. Their unison continued getting louder as they spoke the Latin words; he looked around, trying to break free, but one thing was for sure Jack might have known shit; he also learned how to tie a knot cause he was stuck there. It was then he started seeing it. Sparks behind Ariel, the way it began moving into a circle. Ariel began calling out, “We call upon Satan, we renounce The name of God and his teaching, grant us our desire, we give you this mortal soul, and so that we may appease you, the great ruler of the inferno, on this night of the blood moon!” The passion in Ariel’s voice as she raised her hand. Her body jiggled around like a bowl full of Jelly, and Garth wanted to gag watching it and wondering how such a person tricked him. Till remember, it was because of Photoshop. However, the sparks behind her began getting wider, opening up as he could see within them. Inside was Darkness, not the kind they were surrounded in. He somehow felt the seriousness of the situation. This Darkness was wrong, like a near-endless abyss where no light could enter. It stood out like nothing before. This scared Garth more than anything. He let out a muffled scream, his mouth still gagged as he tried to break free; his deep primal instincts made him want to run from the sight of this portal. The clowns had done nothing, but somehow the deep abyss within that portal made him take it seriously, his heart pounding, racing like a train driving through as he watched in utmost horror. He wasn’t even sure what was within that thing, but whatever it was. He didn’t trust it. “Ariel, it's opening; it's working!” The smaller one, Miles, spoke while jumping up and down in excitement, while Ariel smiled, “The book says we have to ask for what we desire, then make the sacrifice, now ask! We don’t have much time!” Jack knows shit, raised his head, and called out, “I want a promotion; I’m sick of being stuck at the bottom; I want to rise on the corporate ladder and run the company! Sick of them bastards looking over me, picking some ass kisser,” Jack know shit spoke more angrily, His hands balling into fists as he looked annoyed, as Garth felt a little bad for the guy, though, and shook his head off at that. Little Miles was next, popping right in as he called out, “I want to be big; I’m sick of being the small guy; I want to grow muscles so no one can fuck with me!”  Little Miles began to strike an entire post, trying to look masculine, but Garth rolled his eyes in annoyance. It seemed utterly predictable. Yet Garth’s eyes shot over to Ariel, the group's apparent ringleader, and this made him wonder: What does she want? I mean, she kidnapped me? What does she want so badly that she’s willing to kill? Ariel looked towards the abyss, the wicked grin plastered over her face as she raised her hands, asking the circle into the black abyss; no, it sounded like a demand, something she felt she was entitled to. “I want you to make me beautiful, and I want you to make me the most desirable woman around the world, So I might be able to find my knight in shining armor.” She hugged herself, the dagger pressing against her as she looked back at Garth, “Now, it’s time for the Virgin sacrifice; now, great beast, great Lucifer, we present a virgin! One that you may have for this fine hour to feast on the soul with Judas and Brutus!” She started climbing onto Garth, who let out a groan; if Garth could, he’d have pushed her off him cause this woman was crushing the very life out of him. Ariel didn’t need the dagger, and she could have crushed him. There was a long pause as they heard something coming from the abyss. The prolonged laughter continued while Ariel looked over, “Great lord of Darkness. Is that you? Are you preparing to hand us what we desire?” Ariel spoke loudly, her hand fumbling with the dagger like she was close to dropping the damn thing as she watched over, mesmerized. However, the laughter only got louder, like whoever was on the other side was amused by the situation. “Lucifer?” Ariel spoke more shocked, while she looked at the portal, and for a brief moment, she saw what looked like a pair of hands grabbing the edge of the portal. Garth wasn’t sure what he saw as he lost his cool. His body was shaking, trying to break free; unlike these three, his desire to live seemed to be in complete control as he kicked around; even Ariel was caught off guard as she found herself falling off Garth. “No, not Lucifer; I’m afraid you messed up by not sacrificing a virgin.” Slowly something began pulling out of the dark void, and Garth wasn’t sure what he was saying. His mind seemed fuzzy like he couldn’t comprehend what was happening. “But we picked a virgin, and he’s a man who had never been a part of the craft; how can he not be a virgin?” This only made whatever this creature was laugh. “Foolish mortal,  one has touched magic though never knew about it; he is not a virgin by that stance at all, but also the definition of your language version of a virgin one who has laid with another. He’s not even a virgin by that counts either.” Ariel's eyes widened as she looked back down at Garth, who, if he wasn’t pissing himself in fright trying to escape and get away from whatever was coming out of the portal, might have had a smug grin on his face. “But, you, my dear, are a virgin. You have also made a mistake by summoning me. Now it's time for the three of you to pay the piper.” The growl grew louder while Garth screamed in shock. He didn’t know what was happening as he passed out from fright. -000- Garth Foxworthy grunted, his head pounding as he woke up outside his car. The crack of dawn, The sun pouring over the cornfield as he let out a long groan, “What happened?” He mumbled under his breath, trying to think about what had happened, his knee was killing him, and his shoulder wasn’t helping him as he pulled himself up. He looked down, seeing his phone on the ground, a crack in the corner as he let out a long sigh. “Was it a dream or… You know what, never mind, I’m just going home; I got work in a few hours.” Garth took a moment looking back, seeing the shed that he thought was Sarah's house, just utterly destroyed like it collapsed in on itself, as he wondered what had happened to it. Everything seemed so fuzzy as he shook his head. “I don’t even think I want to remember what happened last night.” He bounced into his car, a hard grunt as he began driving off, hoping to forget about this weird night. Little did he know this was only the beginning. Garth drove home, a nearly half-hour drive. He yawned; the sun hit his eyes as it raised slowly; Garth let out a long yawn while looking at his phone, a slight grunt while thinking about needing to replace it, and shook his head, “Probably going to need to save up for that, at least for now.” He hated the thought but knew it would seriously screw him and his budget. Looking back, he might have spent a good bit of cash on Sarah or Ariel, “I am such an idiot.” Garth would turn the radio on, playing country music, as he heard the song Brenda put your Bra on; the song caused him to smile as he headed back home. -000- Finally making it home, Garth let out a sigh heading inside; he didn’t bother locking his car up as he moved inside; he sighed, seeing the empty place. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about anyone bugging me.” Garth headed to his room, imagining he might be able to get a couple hours of sleep, while he let out a loud yawn. The kind that was infectious to others that might have heard it. Garth shut the door behind him, as he shook his head, “Well at least tonights over with.” He started pulling his shirt off when he heard a feminine voice speak out. “Don’t get too comfortable there big boy, we’ve got some bussiness to discuss.”

[avo-kat]

2022 has been, surprisingly, the best year of my life so far. and I’m 31.

i had some very bad times, i struggled with depression and social phobia since i was a young teen, i’ve harmed myself in multitude ways and i came close to killing myself a few times.

im still here and im feeling the best and its only getting better.

theres a lot of asks on the internet along the nature of, what would you tell your younger self if you could?

and i found my answer. yeah, its cheesy, but: it gets better. it does. im the proof. ive been so very, incredibly, despairingly bad. i never believed i’d make it past 25. i literally could not imagine a future. especially not a future where i learned to live with myself AND love myself.

and i do. i absolutely love myself. i love who i am. with all my faults, with all my quirks, with all my annoying behaviors, with all my scars and all the bits and pieces society tells me i should hate about me. i love myself.

im not completely “cured”. i dont know if that is possible. i still struggle with things, there are still many things that scare me and that i dont dare to do. but it gets with each and every day. every day is a success, and every success makes the next step easier. i dont think ill ever stop having depression or social anxiety, but at this point in my life? my depression is at the lowest, ever. my standard day-to-day mood is neutral. its neutral. its not sad. its not depressed. its not despaired. its fucking neutral. i no longer dread getting up each and every day.

i wake up, get up and im looking forward to the day. im looking forward to do fun things, eat yummy stuff and just be alive and exist.

it gets better. but it takes work. the single most important thing for me was therapy. yeah. it helps. therapy helped me go from acutely suicidal to no longer wanting to kill myself. a huge, huge, huge fucking success. and therapy gave me tools for self-improvement.

it sounds silly, but those little tricks help. talk to yourself kindly, always. the biggest thing for me was to stop negative self-talk. it will still happen, but just let it go. ignore it, dont ponder on it, roll your eyes at those dumb things and think to yourself firmly “no, that is not true. im good. im kind. im nice. im funny. i deserve to live and to be happy. with all my faults and all my strengths.” it works, honestly.

(and yes, exercise and fresh air helps too, sorry! :D go stretch!!!)

anyway, back to 2022: WHAT A GREAT YEAR, WOW!

here my personal 2022 wrapped:

- put up wallpaper and painted my whole apartment, on my own, wow!

- got a cat, wow!

- got back together with my abusive ex but also broke up with him again and its almost 2023 and ive got not desire to get back to them, nice!

- went to a concert alone, amazing!

- went swimming by myself, such fun!

- bought a standing desk which i admittedly only used thrice for standing but is nice for adjusting height while sitting too!

- successfully made my favourite cake thats a bit difficult to do several times, so yummy!

- got diagnosed with ADHD and started taking meds (im off them currently again, i can deal okay-ish but i want to get back on)!

- found new music/artists that i love to listen to!

- celebrated my 2 year vegan anniversary and 2 years living by myself and doing a banging job about it! :)

- went on walks, managed to relax more and do more fulfilling things on the weekend instead of just mindlessly browsing, aw yeah!

- managed to drill holes into the walls to hang up my pinboard (has been waiting for 2 years), nice!

- discovered THREE whole new hobbies that i LOVE: needle felting, needle punch and embroidery! such stabbery! (hobbies, esp those you do with your hands are amazing for your self-esteem & mental health!)

(at least half of these can be attributed to being diagnosed with adhd and me finally knowing how to deal with the things im struggling with, hooray!)

happy 2022! happy holidays! happy slide into the next year folks!!!!

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

link to ao3

Chapter 33

They ate up all the yams that Morrie had brought outside. The roots were oddly satisfying, so Nick felt refreshed and full after their meal. His good mood however could've also been the effect of his companion's presence. Morrie hadn't said another word during their break and avoided to look at the rockstar once again. Still, it didn't concern Nick, since he sensed a connection between them and he was determined to prove it to Morrie.

After their meal, they went back inside the cave to fetch the rest of the treasure. While searching, a functioning flashlight surprised Morrie the most. He'd never give it away if he owned one. Nick cheered when the bright light suddenly illuminated the room. “Now you're the Lightbearer”, he shouted. Morrie honoured Nick's efforts with a lopsided smile. “Let's see what we missed in the dark.” With the flashlight's help, they found more little bits and pieces. A pile of Souvereins lay abandoned on the floor.

“Look at this!” Nick pointed at them. “We're rich!” Morrie's smile became sad. “I don't think we can buy our way out.” “Why not?” Nick began to like the idea. “They'd take the money and leave us here. Can't have Downers in town for peanuts.” “Huh...” Nick eyed the shiny coins. “You know what I would've liked as a treasure?” “Scotch?” Nick let out a wholesome chuckle. “You know me well. No, I mean a record player and a shelf full of records. Does nobody listen to music in here?” “How would you power that player?” “Huh...with my magic hands...” Nick wiggled his fingers. “Another one of your powers?” “I wish.” Nick shoved his hands into his pockets. “Do we take them with us?”, he asked nodding towards the Souvereins. “Yes. I wouldn't refuse a gift here. Perhaps they'll be useful for something.” “Home decoration.” Morrie snorted, but not mockingly. “I wouldn't mind to find a pretty painting one day...Anyway, let's gather what's most important and head home. I guess with all the stuff in here we'll need at least two trips.”

Eventually, they left the cave with full bags. Morrie carefully locked the door again and rattled at it afterwards to test it, concluding that it held good enough. It wasn't safe against brute force, but that was all they could do for now. Morrie was very positively surprised by how their journey went. Having a cave as a secret storage room or second home, if needed, was a nice change. A cave without dead bodies or Plaguies was indeed special.

“Do you think we'll make the second trip today?” Nick asked him when they left the site. “I doubt it. Depends...But we don't have to hurry. We won't be hungry for a while.” The Wastrel patted his purse full of yams. Nick smiled quietly, what made Morrie wonder. “Why the rush?” “No rush. I'd rather we don't exhaust ourselves too soon.” “Why not? Do you have any plans?” Morrie was stunned about the mere idea. How would he have plans yet? He rarely got along in the Garden District and he didn't know anyone else other than him. Nick darted a meaningful look at the other man. “Did you forget?” The heat shot back into Morrie's face. He never forgot anything. Why now?

His mind was suddenly empty. He couldn't think of anything they might've planned. Did he tell Nick about his plans to repair the house? But they had no tools yet. Was it about the houses they marked on the map? Why would Nick care so much about them? “Uh...what was it again?” It hurt to admit. Nick adored the pink tone of his cheeks. “You promised to show me the night.” “Oh!” It came back to Morrie. Their first race in the morning seemed to be days away. What was it that made him forget time and place, made him focus on the present? Rather, who was it? He looked at Nick as if he could answer his unsaid question. “Right...I guess I'll need a break anyway...”

Morrie really looked forward to doing absolutely nothing for a while. Staying away from Nick. Spending time with him was indeed entertaining, he grew to be admittedly a special Wastrel, but he was also exhausting. If Morrie was still alone, this trip would've been calming, just him and his plain surroundings. Nothing would disturb him. He would have made the two walks and then warmed himself up at his campfire, congratulating himself for finding this useful place. He would've listened to Uncle Jack's bedtime story, too. Gosh, he hadn't listened to Jack ever since had Nick showed up! He had given up his rituals to make up new ones.

Still, thinking of all this made him feel melancholic. This image was missing something. Pining for the nonexistent Nick in his head was definitely over. It would be ridiculous. Morrie shot a shy glance at his companion. He had underestimated how Nick's presence would effect him. He had thought he could have his revenge and then go back to normal. How wrong he had been. Nick would be here now. Always. If not in his house, he'd never be far away. The Garden District was bigger than the town, but it was still just a group of small islands.

“Morrie?”, a familiar voice brought him back. “Sorry, I...” the Wastrel blinked and shook himself. “I should stop doing that.” “Is it because of me?” Yes. “No. Don't worry about it. I'll get some more sleep when we're home. It's all I need.” “Okay.”

Nick wondered if it was the night that made him lose his head. In this case, it'd be very adorable. Morrie however told himself to get his shit together. That everything was fine. That he'd have his break, he'd tell Nick to leave him alone and then they'll walk around the house at night and that would be it. He wouldn't risk a long walk with this Newbie, even if Plaguies were rare in this part of the Garden. Hopefully, Nick would be content with this. If not, they'd have another fight. Good plans ahead.

“Morrie?” “Yes?” “Uh...I just realized...that I don't know anything about you...” Nick sounded careful. Morrie now realized it too. But also, he wasn't ready to talk about anything personal with this man. “There's not much to know”, he said quietly. “But you've been a talented musician.” That made Morrie laugh out loud. “Really? What makes you think that?” It was so absurd considering how Nick had sneered at him in the old days. Nick winced at Morrie's sudden outburst, but quickly caught himself. “You've been in my band.” “Ah...” Well, not for long.

“Listen, Nick, talking about the past is no good here either. If you wanna talk, let it be about something useful. How about...Do you see the herbs there? With the purple blossoms? You remember what they are?” “Er...” Nick half-heartedly searched where Morrie was pointing at. He hadn't expected him to give him an hour-long speech about his life, but he had hoped that the shy man would open up a little more. After everything they went through together. After admitting that Nick was good company, after all the laughs and happy moments they shared. But nope, back to the Garden and it's tasks.

Nick did his best to remember. He hadn't been paying a lot of attention when Morrie had explained the herbs to him. His mind had been distracted. Morrie complained about how Nick distracted him, but did he know how his own presence effected Nick? He didn't look like he knew. As much as he tried, Nick didn't manage to change the topic. For the rest of the journey, Morrie lectured him about the plants again and again. When their house was in sight, Nick could repeat at least some of them.

“Did you swallow a herbal book, or how do you know all this?”, Nick sighed. “People in Barrow Holm taught me”, Morrie said without emotion. “It sounds like a good place, this Barrow Holm.” Now Morrie became pensive. “It has it's good sides, yes...” “Why did you leave it?” “Ah...Nick...Another time, okay?” “Okay.” Morrie noticed how the rockstar's mood dropped, but he didn't feel capable of doing something about it.

They performed their usual coming-home ritual, looking for intruders, then they dropped their findings in the drawers. Morrie told Nick to put whatever he liked to keep in his own chest under the bed and was happy that the rockstar thankfully busied himself with collecting his new belongings. From another perspective, it was cute how that once rich man rejoiced over some odds and ends. From the perspective of the Garden, however, they were indeed precious belongings. It was strange how quickly Nick learned to value them. What Morrie didn't know was that Nick valued the mere gesture. Without knowing, he made Nick a part of his household, his life.

“Alright, I have to take a rest now”, Morrie announced after putting his loot away, looking forward to have some time alone. Nick wasn't happy to hear that. He shot the other man a begging glance. “What am I supposed to do in the meantime?” “You better rest, too, if you wanna feel fit at night.” Morrie headed towards his room, fleeing the scene. Nick's eyes followed him. When the Wastrel was out of sight, Nick sat down on his own bed and sulked. This wasn't how he had imagined to pass this day. “Resting” until nighttime? That seemed like forever. Considering Morrie's blackout however, there was a slight possibility that the man was really tired. Still, it felt like the man avoided him now that he tried to get to know him. And whenever he thought he succeeded, Morrie came up with something new. He won't give up, though.

Nick curled up on his bed, thinking that he had spend days in bed in his old life. It couldn't be so hard now, right? Even though he had no party favours to make himself pass out. He pressed his eyes shut and steadied his breath. This should work. Thoughts danced in his head, all focused on Morrie. They made him open his eyes again and stare at Morrie's room, wondering if he could find an excuse to disturb his sleep. But he still remembered the man's anger, so he stayed on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He busied his mind with imagining the upcoming night, playing it out in his head. Eventually, he dropped off.

He was surprised to see Morrie when he opened his eyes again. The house was dark, only the dim lights from outside illuminated it. Morrie had shaken him awake. Nick noticed it because he still had his hand on his shoulder when they looked at each other. Morrie was nervous. “If you still want that night-lesson...now would be the time...” Nick's fatigue faded and he gave Morrie a smile. “You remembered...” “Sure.” “Awesome. Just let me...” Nick slowly crawled out of the bed. He stretched and shook himself, fighting off his weariness. “Are you really ready?” Morrie sounded sceptical. “I am!” To prove it, Nick performed one of his high jumps.

Because the floor creaked when he landed, Morrie grabbed his arm.“Hey, careful with these old planks! They might not hold you.” When he realized what he was doing, he let go immediately. Nick regretted this, but he didn't let it show. Amused, he bobbed up and down, testing the floor. “Seems fine, though.” Morrie was about to grab him once more. “You better not try again. If you wanna jump, do it downstairs or outside.” “That's the cue”, Nick decided and headed to the stairs. His energy was back and he couldn't wait any longer. He gave the other man an eager look. Morrie realized that he was staring and began to move.

Climbing over the springtrap, Nick noticed that he could recognise less in the dark than he had expected. His foot got caught on the rope and he almost fell over. “Careful!”, he heard Morrie hiss over the rattling of the cans. There also was the anticipated touch on his arm again. “It's darker than I thought”, Nick explained his behaviour. “It's different without streetlights”, Morrie agreed and climbed after him, making no noise.

Nick turned his head to glance over the Garden and once again, the island didn't disappoint him. It was as beautiful as the night before. Now seeing it from up close, it was even prettier. The spots of red light seemed to come from a lush, blooming bush. The fog was back, drifting like clouds above the ground. It was strange that it didn't rise. But it's green light was pretty, too. The moon was almost full and shining brightly. The clouds that covered the stars were at least magically illuminated by the moon. Nick expected the best from this night. The only downside was the cold. For the first time, he really felt that he was rather underdressed and he wished he had non-shredded clothes for this occasion. He clenched his cold fingers into fists. Looking back at the other man, he did his best to look comfortable.

“Where are we going?”, he asked him full of curiosity. “Er, Nick, I'm not planning to take a long stroll with you...” “No?” Nick's eyes widened, begging. Morrie had to avoid them. He shoved his hands into this pockets, firmly. “It's too dangerous”, he explained. “But I want you to get a feeling for the night, so...let's walk around the house, okay?” Nick accepted the offer. It wasn't what he hoped for, but they could at least develop from there. Soon after, he learned that a seemingly boring stroll around the house would turn into an obstacle course at night. Not even two steps later, he stumbled over something that he only later recognised as a root. About to fall, he let out a shriek and waved his arms around, helplessly hanging in the dark. Morrie was quickly at his side to hold him. Because of this, Nick also learned to appreciate the obstacles.

In the meantime, it didn't escape Morrie that he touched Nick more often than before. He told himself it was necessary, to keep him on his feet, and it didn't mean anything. And that Nick didn't complain either, so there was no reason to worry about it. Of course, his mind wasn't so easily convinced. He noticed how close they walked side by side and he backed off a little, hoping that Nick was unaware. Nick however kept getting distracted by the beautiful surroundings. Turning the corner of the house had revealed another fascinating landscape, so he kept stumbling around, not even trying to see what lay in front of him. Morrie had no choice, he had to stay close to the other man or he would break his neck.

“Nick!”, he eventually said after the umpteenth time he staggered. “Are you doing this on purpose?” “Ow...”, Nick moaned, lifting his foot. His toes really hurt now and he wished he had paid attention. “No, I swear...”, he moaned some more. “I just...don't see anything...” “Of course you don't! You have to start using your feet, or your hands, if you must. You have to feel the ground and be careful with your steps. You've been clumsy enough at daytime, think about how long it took you to become adjusted to this.” “Ow...”, Nick sighed again and massaged his foot with one hand while clinging to Morrie with the other.

“How about shoes for the night?” “I thought about it, too, but they're making a lot of noise. Not very practical if you don't want to alert the night watch or the Plaguies.” “If you stub your toe you'll make a lot more noise”, Nick protested. “Don't do it then. Easy.” Nick panted. “Easy, he said.” “Shoes would just make you careless. Trust me, it'll be an advantage if you get used to this. Try it, Nick, this is a lesson after all.” The rockstar put his foot back on the ground and was glad to feel some soft soil underneath his heels. “There a way too many pebbles and roots around this house. We'll have to do something about it when the sun is up again.”

They went on and Nick really focused on the way this time. He got along much better now. “See? You're doing great!”, Morrie praised him, raising his spirits. In addition, Nick realized that this warmed him up. He didn't feel the cold anymore. Morrie's touches helped that, too. When they turned another corner, Nick's mood rose even more. They were about to reach some of the beautiful red bushes. From up close, he recognised that the bush was rather a couple of very large flowers with pointy petals that went from red to pink on the rims. Their spores were glowing too, creating dancing spots of light around them. Their were even prettier than he thought. Also, they helped him to see the next obstacles which made them easier to reach. Nick was eager to get to them.

Morrie noticed his new motivation and had to chuckle. Nick stopped in his tracks and glanced at him, wondering. “What's so funny?” The Wastrel waved him off. “Er, nothing, I guess every newbie is drawn to these flowers. They are impressive.” “What are they?” “Nightblooming Nonsuches. They're quite common here and I like to call them natural street lamps. I guess we'd be completely lost in the night without them.” “Why are they glowing and what do they do?” After all the herb lessons, this was the plant Morrie should've told him about. “I don't know and...I don't know...”, Morrie said in defeat. “They make a good sick up tea, useful if you ate something bad...but other than that? They're just pretty.” They were indeed.

Nick approached them. Soon he stood at a spot that was surrounded by Nonsuches. To his luck, the grass there was higher too, creating a soft surface to rest on. There he decided it would be a good spot. His feet hurt anyway. “I'm exhausted”, he moaned and made himself comfortable. “You didn't lie when you made a fuss about the night.” “And you didn't even see half of it”, Morrie added, actually glad that Nick paused. Him not moving felt easier to handle. But then he noticed that he didn't know what to do now. Join him? Remain standing? How long would he rest?

For some reason, this was a way different situation than their living room. There they sat close together because they gathered in front of the fire. Here it would be his own decision. As if Nick had heard him, he patted the grass next to him. ”Come here, Morrie. Don't make me feel like the only lazy bum around.” Morrie chuckled helplessly. “How about accepting the truth?” “Oh, you...!” Nick played offended. Seemingly defeated, he rested his head against the brick wall behind him. “What is it with you? You won't even sit next to me?” “It was a joke”, Morrie produced. His heart raced again. He scolded it.

This would be just a meaningless pause, goddamnit!

They would rest a few minutes and then move on, nothing to freak out about. But as usual, his heart was stubborn, as was his mind. Nick gave him a playful smile. It looked like he saw through him.

Oh, no, not this again, he can't see through me now!

He patted the grass again. “So, come here.” It didn't even sound like an order, what would've helped Morrie to refuse. His voice was soft and playful and soo irresistible. In the old days, he would've given everything to sit beside his idol in the night. Morrie's legs already moved before his mind came to a conclusion. Suddenly, he sat next to Nick, strangely close. He leaned against the cold wall and stared at the horizon. Racking his brain about what to do next, he plucked a Nonsuch and held it out to Nick. “There. That's what they look like.” As if he didn't see that himself. But all Morrie could think of was another herb lesson.

To Nick, this looked completely different. He accepted the flower and beamed at him. His look made Morrie realize what he just did. Nick sniffed the Nonsuch and palpated it's petals, giving Morrie an opportunity to make things clear. He began to talk about the flower's specific smell and how it's leaves felt like in comparison to others, as if Nick would ever mistake this plant for another. Nick nodded and pretended to be interested. Then his patience left him and he plucked the blossom. “Hold still”, he said to a confused Morrie and slid the flower right behind the other man's ear. Admiring his work, he wished he could take a photo of him now and keep this moment forever.

Morrie was thankful for the Nonsuches' red light, because they hid his blushing cheeks. “What are you doing?” He palpated the blossom in his hair, but he didn't rip it out. “If only you could see yourself now”, Nick swooned. “Why? Because it's funny?” Nick kept himself from rolling his eyes. How stubborn could a man be? “You think rather low of yourself, don't you?”, he whispered to him. Morrie was appalled still. “What? What makes you think that? I have no reason to...I don't regret anything!” He winded, fighting this off. How ridiculous, he was one of the town's most gifted musicians, he wasn't the one who drove everyone away and ruined his own career! If anyone,...

“Then you could...decorate yourself a little”, Nick softly went on. Morrie shook his head and pulled the flower out of his hair. He didn't throw it away, though. He kept it in his hands and looked at it while answering: “I don't need this. This is rather...your thing...” “Do you think I need this?” Nick's voice was soft as silk. Morrie hesitated. “Er, Nick...you really know how to use my own words against me...” Nick sighed. “I don't mean to. I just gave you the flower because I thought it would look pretty.” The other man wondered what to say to that. After a while, he came up with: “And did it look pretty?” He was shocked about his own mocking tone. He could feel Nick's eyes on him while he stared at the horizon again.

“Yes, very much. I wish you'd put it back.” Morrie shyly glanced at the other man. “You're joking”, he tried. “Tsk!”, Nick began to sound annoyed. “As if I'd joke about these things.” “I get it”, Morrie tried again. “We're alone...You haven't seen your fans since...seven days and...” “You know how many days we're together now?” The Wastrel blushed again. “Sure, you think I wouldn't keep a calendar in here? I still wanna know the date, I'm not a Neanderthal!”, he protested. “You never told me the date.” “You never asked!”, Morrie shouted. “Anyway”, Nick began after a pause, “Is there any chance I get this flower back into your hair?” The other man was stunned by the fact that this topic wasn't over. He wondered why he even allowed this to happen. Why he didn't just tell Nick to move his lazy arse before the night ended, to continue the lesson as they planned. Instead, he said: “If you insist...”, and put the flower behind his ear. Then he felt the rockstar's eyes on him again.

He cleared his throat and stared at his best friend, the horizon. “How do you feel now?” he asked. “Are you ready to continue?” “I feel better”, Nick admitted, “but I don't want to continue yet.” “U-huh”, Morrie produced. “And you didn't wanna feel lazy.” He sensed how the other man scanned him. “It's my nature...”, he sighed absently. Then they remained like this, with Morrie making an effort not to look at his companion. “Morrie?” Again, Nick was the one to break the silence first. Morrie was startled to notice that the had leaned closer, whispering in his ear. “Hm..?”, he only grunted, gaze staunchly averted. “Look at me.”

His voice melted through Morrie's defence, pleading and alluring at the same time. Morrie couldn't help but turn his head. His gaze unsurely flickered over the other man, clueless where to look at. Nothing seemed to be safe, not his eyes, not his hair, especially not his lips, but also not his shoulders and bare chest. He was glowing pink, just like everything else around. Way too close to each other, they held out like this.

Nick's eyes weren't as shy as Morrie's. They wandered over his body, fully aware what they saw. Morrie's gaze got caught in Nick's freckles on his cheeks. They were really adorable and Morrie wondered what they would feel like under his lips. The thought made him swallow hard. He couldn't say that he didn't know what was about to happen, that it had been unpredictable with a man like Nick. This would hover over them every day from now on if they didn't get this over with.

He could say no.

But...why would he? This was different. He wasn't a helpless little boy anymore. Nothing was at stake for him. And if this ridiculous little man wanted it, too...

Like in trance, he turned his head, finally focusing his gaze onto the half-opened lips. Nick's heart jumped at the gesture. Morrie leaned closer. He went for it.

Nick didn't have to move to be taken over by Morrie. Their lips touched, and for Nick they tasted as sweet as the flower's scent. He felt a hand wander to the back of his head, pressing him into their kiss. Morrie's eagerness aroused him and he was melting in his strong hands. Clinging to Morrie, he grabbed his shoulder to hold himself up.

The other man slid closer to him while not letting go of his lips. Also Nick moved, Morrie noticed him straighten himself, slowly gaining the upper hand. Sitting above him, he cupped Morrie's face and now it was Morrie who clung to him, hands digging into his shredded corduroy jacket.

It felt strange to taste him again after all this time. The strong vanilla flavour was missing, but it was actually a nice change. He didn't know how he would've handled the familiar taste. From this however, he couldn't get enough. Nick was tender. Their tongues played like old friends, happy to see each other again. If he even remembered? He might now.

Because his legs began to hurt, Morrie pulled himself up on the wall until he knelt over Nick. For a while, he played with the rockstar's hair, being shy about touching him further. Then he took courage and wrapped him into a tight hug. Finally, his fictional Nick and the real Nick melted into one. They felt the same. He held Nick in his arms, just like he had imagined, and it felt wonderful.

Nick chuckled quietly when he was pressed against the other man's body. Their lips lost each other for a moment and Nick felt loving kisses on his cheek and temple. Petting Morrie's back, he enjoyed them for a while, until he craned his neck to reach him again. Morrie understood. Eventually, they found each other. Morrie was afraid his mouth would be sore in the morning. Both of their mouths.

When Nick began to lustfully bite at his lower lip, Morrie raised his head, away from the eager rockstar. He kept holding him close and gasped for air. Only now, he noticed his heartbeat. And Nick's. The other man was out of breath as well while their hearts beat a fast rhythm. Nick didn't try another bite, careful not to lose the other man's affection. He cuddled against him instead. This was all he had wished for.

When his breath steadied, Morrie caressed Nick's hair again, because he simply couldn't keep his hands out of it. Then he kissed it tenderly while stroking his cheek. He noticed that Nick attempted to look up to him and let go, so that he could move. Wide, sparkling eyes met his. Morrie couldn't help but smile and fondle the thick, fluffy hairstrands. Nick reached out as well, touching a spot behind his ear. Oh, right. He was still wearing the flower. Nick seemed to like it and he was very adorable looking so happy.

Curiously, Morrie plucked a blossom himself and carefully placed it behind the rockstar's ear. Nick didn't avert his gaze once while Morrie adjusted the flower. With another stroke through his hair, Morrie finished and smiled at him. He was so beautiful. “This looks better on you”, he whispered. Nick looked confused. “No”, he replied and sniffed. “No, it doesn't...” Immediately, Morrie was concerned and upset. “What is it? What did I do wrong? Don't you like it? I thought...” Nick stopped the hand that attempted to pull the Nonsuch out and stroked it with his thumb. “Ssshh, it's okay.” While he kissed the hand, Morrie felt that his face was wet. “You're crying”, he said, still confused. Nick sniffed again. “Yeah...I guess old Nick has become soppy.” Morrie wondered about his answer for a moment, then he remembered the last time the rockstar had cried. Or rather, had been moved to tears.

Morrie didn't know what to say. He was moved himself. This Nick was emotional, sensitive, emphatic and helpful. He was a little bratty at times, but he always meant well. He wasn't the shining bright, infallible, omniscient Golden God he had imagined, but very lovable. Morrie didn't know better than to kiss him again, the cute tip of his nose, his soft cheeks with the adorable freckles and finally his tasty lips. To Nick, the kisses felt like a massage. He'd stay here forever, being caressed by this wonderful man who had saved his life. Who took care of him. Who showed a kind of affection he had thought to never deserve again. No wonder that his tears kept rolling. He sobbed into the kisses, certain that if Morrie didn't hold him so tightly, he'd fall apart.

“Nicky?” Morrie's soft voice comforted him. “It's getting cold.” “Yeah”, was all that Nick could come up with. “Let's get back inside, okay?” Morrie felt odd giving advise again, but they couldn't stay out in the cold, just lingering. And he was sure they wouldn't continue the lesson. “Okay.” Nick didn't even regret leaving the beautiful spot. His preferred place was in Morrie's arms. As if Morrie knew it, he held Nick's hand while they made their way back around the house. Nick clung to it, unaware how much Morrie needed to his hand in return.

[cloudybookash-blog]

for the ask-Andromeda, Aquarius, Aries, Corvus, Draco, Gemini, Hydra, Libra, Lyra, Pyxis, Taurus, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Canis Minor, Crux, Indus, Lupus, Puppis, and lastly Virgo-i copied u bc im lazy

Andromeda - Describe your main characters

Z: original a banished princess trope, very VERY fucken angry, too tall for her own good, educated and strong, a little insecure about her place in the world, just wants peace.

J: this bitch old af, old as time in fact, loves *checks notes* Aloe Vera? Created grey morality.

H.H: A lover not a fighter, dummy thicc, forgetful, thinks he knows more than he does.

M.E: responsible, guilt-ridden, takes on more than she should be able to handle but handles it well anyway, REALLY FUCKEN INTELLIGENT.

M: the youngest but the wisest, keeps to herself, is possible just as intelligent as M.E, humble, wants nothing more than to help others.

 Aquarius - Who’s your least favorite character to write?

Any of them, y’know, IF I WROTE.

Aries - Share a line that you’re proud of!

Make him run circles and poke himwith a stick. Tire him and find his weak point. Then devour him.

Bro I had to open and read through three different docs just to find this bullshit… I ain’t looking no more. That’s as good as it gets.

Corvus - Who or what is the villain of the story?

Anyone not on my heroes side is The Enemy™.

Draco - Who’s your favorite character to write?

Any of them, y’know, IF I FUCKING WROTE.

Gemini - What inspired you to write this project?

I was asked to join a voluntary, student run writing class in Yr 10. I think I had to write something to ‘introduce’ my style or whatever. It was REALLY shit in the beginning (I wrote in first person, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???) I don’t know where the idea originally came from because before that I read a lot of horror and contemporary/mystery so pulling a High Fantasy idea out my ass for the first time to intro myself to a bunch of Yr 11/12′s was whack but I did it. Since then it’s been evolving and morphing into other story ideas I’ve had.

Hydra - Tell us why you love your project.

When I was younger I could see the world a lot clearer, it was so easy to get lost in and even now when I write it, I can just fall forever amongst my creation. That and I created it when I was going through IT, I used the world as my punching bag to get my feelings out and seeing as it got me through so much, I just want to do best by it, is that too sentimental?

Libra - Which relationship dynamic do you enjoy writing the most?

GOD characters do not interact.

lol no, I like writing friendship dynamics? I guess. I enjoy characters that have a history that won’t be explained that have inside jokes , the ‘know what the other is thinking’ type relationships are my favourite… I’m bad at writing though so don’t expect too much.

Lyra - Give us a few songs that fit your project!

Gone Away - SafetySuit

Get Free - What So Not Remix, Major Lazer, Amber Coffman

Can I Exist? - Mission

Understand Me - Abel Miller

Young Forever - Jay-Z, Mr. Hudson

Numb - Linkin Park (probably, haven’t listened to it in a while for my own mental health.

Okay, not a few, and not all of these align with my project but they’re some of the inspiring songs/vibe to write songs.

Pyxis - Are there any major themes or messages you’re writing to show?

I started writing this when I was like 12 so, originally I wanted to portray to ‘The Adults™’ that kids go through the fucking ringer and we’re not just ‘over-reacting, being teenagers etc…’  I think I’ll try to keep that in later drafts, but maybe focus it more on validating teens and kids going/working through trauma.

War is a massive focus, child soldiers as well, pain (obviously) and how there are so many ways to deal with them and not all of them are good/healthy for you.

I’m fucking AMBITIOUS for a bitch who can barely write one (1) sentence nowadays.

Taurus - Tell us why you hate your project.

Despite knowing so much more now about the art of writing and the story’s direction as a whole, in comparison to when I first starting writing this story, I now lack the motivation and/or inspiration to write.

Ursa Major - What scene are you looking forward to writing?

I look forward to writing anything at this point… Pray for my creativity, pls.

Ursa Minor - What’s the setting?

Tall, old jungle that whispers if know how to listen. Mountain ranges that shake violently in their effort to move. Wild grasslands, and flowery clearings that’ll lull you into sleep if you’d only just rest your head for a little while, just a few seconds they swear - you look like you could use a rest, yes.

A world like ours unless you see it, hear it, breath it, or feel it. Smells the same though.

Canis Minor - Share an excerpt of old writing and new writing to see how far you’ve come!

fuckingfuckertyfuck…

Okay… So I went on a depressing ass walk down memory lane and I can tell you with complete confidence that my writing has RECEEDED. The super old stuff is problematic so I’m not sharing it, the plain old stuff is me working through repressed trauma so will also not be sharing it, and despite not being problematic the ‘new’ (ish) stuff is incomprehensible… Okay, that sucked, NEXT!

Crux - Villains or Heroes?

Heroes. I’m just basic, man.

Indus - Are there any characters or stories you miss writing? Tell us about them!

All of them, y’know, BECAUSE I NO LONGER FUCKING WRITE. I remember LOSING DAYS just to write. Anything, everything, jumping around from world to world - finding the warmest patch of sun and following it for 8hrs straight without breaks. Being able to come up with story ideas every other day. I remember seeing stories everywhere, and they sucked, oh hell they were fucking terrible - rip offs of movies and tv shows I’d watched. Nothing ever looked as good and clear on paper as they did in my head - no doubt I was horrible, but I had it at least. I just miss seeing it all so clearly, man.

Lupus - Have you abandoned other WIPs? Tell us about some and why you abandoned them?

A wise woman once said, “what HAVENT i abandoned holy fuck.” and honestly, same.

Puppis - Give us a piece of advice! (about anything)

Just breathe. Take big deep gulps, and hold it for a few seconds, then release. Relax your shoulders. Go pee for god’s sake, I don’t think holding it this long is good for you. Go at your own pace, don’t speed up or slow down for others. Always try to see things from the point of view of others, it’s interesting. And lastly, look after yourself.

Virgo - Describe your favorite tropes.

The duo that dies together, not because they both get caught but because one does and the other refuses to let them die alone. Characters that are super big and buff that struggle with their strength and in the end refuse to allow themselves to succumb to the wishes of others and live out their lives in soft handed kindness. That squad of characters that act like a pack of hooligans. Smart characters that rely on their intelligence over others to see them through problems.