#whoever made this decision im glad ur dead

[miseria-fortes-viros]

this is something that has sent me into a terrible rage ever since i was a child and i need to get it off of my chest or i’ll kill myself. why the fuck is the state shaped like george washington’s fucking head not the state named fucking washington

[missmeinyourbones]

HELLO I JUST WANTED TO SAY THE AOT CHARACTER IVKS KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT BUT ALSO HAVE MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST THREW UP SO THANK YOU!!!!

And!!!!

Can I ask for AOT character's as parents but like.. the stuff they do wrong that their spouse would get mad at them for and that makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE like??? "Why did you use a solo cup to feed Charles?" "All the bottles were dirty." I am LIVING for this stuff rn 😭😂

this is so fucking funny please. i love a good crack post, esp when its aot characters being stupid. here are some aot characters x stupid parent moments. also thank u for reading the icks im super glad they made you laugh ^v^ 

eren doesnt feed his babies real food. like food that will actually provide their growing bodies w nutrients and vitamins. you ask him to pack their lunch for school and you look over and see him putting in the whackiest shit: a few peanuts, a bag of cheetos, some oreos, a singular laffy-taffy. hes sick for that. also when his babies are really young and cant eat solid foods yet hes like babe can i give them a bite of pizza? can i let them try this cookie? NAUR 

mikasa read once that talking to your baby in a normal adult voice provides faster growth and development so she refuses to talk in a baby voice or play with your kid in a child-like manner. she speaks to your baby like a normal ass person (which has its pros!) but is so fucking funny to see her converse with the 2 year old like theyre 30 and paying a mortgage. shes like “what would you like for a snack?” and the baby babbles complete nonsense and shes like “ok, i dont understand that, can you enunciate a little more?” or the baby is making a mess and shes openly says “stop. thats annoying” WHAT DO U MEAN UR BABY IS BEING ANNOYING LMFAOOOOO

armin is that weird parent that doesnt let his kid watch shows like spongebob because he thinks its somehow connected to witchcraft and doesnt teach ur kid anything. like he only lets ur kid watch tv if its an educational program (fun police fr). you come home to him and ur 3 year old watching a documentary on photosynthesis. LET UR BABY WATCH SOMETHING NORMAL LIKE DORA DAMN

mentioned this before but jean lets his kids pick out their own clothes to support their decisions and encourage self expression and confidence! but the issue w that is the fact that his kid is like 5 and picks the ugliest shit that does not match....like at all.....so they leave the house looking homeless. im talking you come home and ur kid is wearing neon orange pants with brown boots and a yellow and purple blouse that says something stupid like TROUBLEMAKER <3 and ur like jean. tell me they didnt leave the house like that. (they did.)

connie complains about changing ur kids diaper every time he does it. EVERY SINGLE TIME. he still does it, but not without being such a fucking baby about it. youve been home alone watching ur baby all day and connie finally comes home and u guys are hanging out and ur like babe can you please change them im exhausted from today and hes like EW it smells so bad :/ or GROSS IT GOT ON MY HAND >:( and you can feel your eye twitching bc ur covered in baby poop and spit from the entire day 

sasha openly swears around ur child and then acts dumb/surprised when they repeat her words. she doesnt even think to censor herself when ur baby cant talk yet so shes all FUCK and SHIT around the house. which is fine until your baby’s first word is bitch and shes like O.O WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT. you come home and shes like show mama/dada/whoever what you learned today! and ur baby looks you dead in ur eyes and says bitch.

reiner does puzzles with your kid but gets equally if not more frustrated than they do when he cant figure it out. theyre doing a butterfly puzzle and reiner is trying to teach them how to separate the corner and edge pieces first. once they get to the middle pieces, the two of them are putting any piece anywhere it kinda fits, trying every combination and turning each piece every which way. he starts to get overwhelmed because why is this puzzle for eight year olds so fucking hard and ur daughter notices and is like “dad, its ok, i kinda wanna play dolls instead anyways”

im stealing ur example w the bottle for porco because its so fucking him. so nonchalant he doesnt even think twice about it. hes like oh the bottles are all dirty? why would i LOGICALLY THINK TO WASH ONE when i could just give them formula in a plastic cup? hes so fucking stupid he doesnt understand that babies like struggle swallowing and cant sip and stuff so hes like why arent you drinking? must not be hungry :/ IDIOT

[fthisimkmsing]

My notes cause I don't need them anymore (not a hail Mary attempt)

To the girl I've spent countless hours and days with I still love you more than life itself even though I may not need you i want you in my life your cute little smile when you fuck something up or when you can't reach something and you need my help your laugh and smile is euphoric and your character as a whole is amazing i love spending every waking moment with you you have been so helpful and kind to me hell you got me through many tough times and I'm sorry I am so inactive and don't like going out much I'll try to work on that but i just wnant to hold you in my arms forever and keep you close to me and safe you are absolutely drop dead gorgeous you will make a wonderful mother one day to our children or otherwise and I envy whoever you end up choosing if it's not me there's a couple of things i want to do again with you like another concert where it feels like just you and me or another round at the fair itd be wonderful i love you Rebekah so much I hope you know that and I miss you a lot too its 2 am so im gonna go to sleep goodnight  i promise if i have anymore to say ill come back and add on sleep well my beautiful angel <3 funny thing is im typing this to make myself feel better like im talking to you even though you probably won't ever see this i pray that you will find what you need in life you mean so much to me i told my new coworker about you and how gorgeous and smart you are i really wish i could just tell you all of this but you want me to stay away  i really hope we find our happily ever after whether it be together or apart but you will always be so many of my firsts and so many of my fondest memories <3 today I told my new coworker how proud I was of you getting your car and how you bought it yourself i really miss hugging you and cuddling you and seeing your gorgeous ass self you are really amazing and i love you so much I'd die/take a bullet for you in a heartbeat but today i really came to a realization you probably won't like to hear if you get back together with me i realized that even though im a little chubby and should really work out more i am the whole package I will be a great husband and have a great future and whomever decides to come along for that ride would really enjoy it i feel so if you weren't to come back you're missing out on a guaranteed great husband and great future which yes i know confidence much maybe almost downright cocky but I'm happy with what the future holds for me and whomever decides to come with me and if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times i wish it could be you i really do cause despite my being scared of you potentially cheating I have faith and deep down i know you won't cause you are honest and real with me (unless you weren't in which case awwwkwaaarrrdd) but yeah you'd be a great mother and whoever you marry will be lucky and happy they have you and same thing for me :) you know the funniest thing anytime i text anyone and so ok i love you too your name pops up first in my next word choice box cause that's what I did i loved you hell i definitely still do and for some reason if you asked me to marry you there would be no hesitation no i need time to think just one word yes cause that's who i am and that's how head over heels i am for you i want to hug you bad hell I'd give away my paycheck to fucking see and talk to you again and make you fall in love all over again you did something no one and nothing could do you made me truly happy like true true happiness i love you so much Rebekah sleep well baby girl I hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow you are the bestest ever forever <3 lol today was my first ever college football tailgate with my church college group in Greenville today was also one of those days I was sad but i wasn't at first i was fine just felt a little out of place but quickly threw myself in and i got away from everyone for a bit and checked snapchat and saw that you finally got your tattoo and I was so happy for you but sad at the same time cause I wanted to be with you maybe get one with you but sadly i missed that milestone

Im sorry for missing your first tattoo I wish i couldve been there for you and with you im so proud of you cause your tattoo couldn't be truer you are coming from nothing and making big strides that's a big accomplishment I love you hell maybe I'll get a tattoo soon you never know i saw the flirting posts that i "liked" so i unfollowed you on everything cause it hurt so much i like instantly started crying and what do they have i don't you are killing me it broke me all over again i did everything I could to make you happy i tried so hard and it feels like you're really not fighting or trying to better yourself it feels like you just want to get with someone else cause I wasn't enough for you my efforts meant nothing today a Sunday night i was with my small group and you "accidentally sent me a video of you showing off your new tattoo the day or so after i removed you from all social media since i found out unfriending doesn't make me disappear on your end so i blocked you sorry but i have to thank you for understanding and being respectful so recently I've really been going after God and it came to my attention that i was wanting you to be something you can't be and weren't designed to be aka i wanted you to satisfy me completely which is impossible only God can do that also i lusted after you so much even though i had so much love for you aswell but my lust being me using you for my benefit aka my happiness and stuff was wrong i should've been more loving aka sacrificial of myself to benefit or help you and I'm so very sorry about that i wish i couldve been a better leader for you sadly for right now at least it seems i am too late hey i just wanted to say even if we don't get back together I'm really glad i met you you were a wonderful first also you'd be proud of me i was gogogo for 17/18 hours from 4:50am to 9:53pm thats kinda insane for me lol I'm so happy today like i feel hella blessed and loved and it's not necessarily from a person i just feel so in touch with God rn i know ur probably like smh but for real im like on fire its awesome but i just wanted to let you know even though you might never see this and if you do its been a hot minute lol but it's not to hurt you it's to show you i guess my self improvement slash progression of life in general i suppose  also just wanted you to know but im sure u already do you are a really beautiful woman and I am saying that cause i can appreciate a beautiful woman you don't have priority anymore but i just wanted to let you know that god bless that was hard to explain but even that is obscure IM NOT HITTING ON YOU IM JUST APPRECIATING GOD'S CRAFTSMANSHIP BAM there we go ok so just looked at pictures of us on my phone and hot damn you fine lol (still appreciating the craftsmanship) hey its been a bit i went on a retreat with fuse and it was amazing i met a lot of guys and girls and am continuing to talk with some of the girls but the more i talk with them the more i miss talking with you i really wish we could at least be friends again but i guess not :( I'm glad I met you Rebekah you were a fantastic first girlfriend I just want you to know im not mad with you i respect your decision wholeheartedly you were great and hell I'll say it I miss you you were really fun to hang with i wish to tell you this but alas I'm here and you're nowhere to be seen in my life and I can almost guarantee you're not as affected and definitely not to the degree I am (it's not so bad for you you have to  journal your experience of life without me) part of my heart is with you and always will be because the sex we had same thing with you part of your heart will always be with me and im sorry for that today i thought about you and when you told me that you imagined us sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and it kinda made me think and i was like you probably gonna come back and I hope you do but if you don't that's highly unfortunate  it's felt like months since we saw eachother last but it's only been like 1 and a half  longest month of my life tbh

Its 9/23/19 I'm gonna talk to your mom tomorrow after i get off work to check up on how everyone is doing you will probably hear a little or everything that's going on with me it may not attract you in fact it's very possible it'll repel you but hey it really doesn't matter you're an awesome girl and I'm a pretty cool dude lol if you decide to go separate ways that is your choice and I'll respect it even if it saddens me because I'm moving forward  which is something else I never thought I'd be where i am today this early but I hope you you do come back you did make my life happier but now I'm happy even without you which is awesome I swear to never rely on you for my happiness I will look more towards the Lord and walk towards him with you by my side and no more big mistakes oh btw I talked with your mom and I'm glad I did your mom is a good mom I really miss you and your family and I keep praying for you guys and for clarity of who I'm meant to be with or if im not supposed to be with you at all and last night I dreamed about you so I think that was God telling me i need to be with you but I don't know I want to be with you don't het me wrong but I don't want to misinterpret my dreams it's now 9/27/19 and it hurt me to hear you were dating someone tbh but I'm glad you are getting out there and I'm happy for you regarding how well you are doing at church what I don't think is good is that you're dating someone that doesn't know the lord he has someone for you that knows and loves him thus you shouldn't be in that relationship in my opinion but as i said I just want the best for you

" we do bible shit"

[homebeneaththestairs]

garden gnomes and group chats

Sirius to felons or falcons: im ready to pass or die

Remus: I literally sent you a study package two weeks ago 

Peter: i left u my notes from last semester what are you doing with your life? 

Sirius: not studying 

Sirius: I thought that was really obvious

Sirius: cmon guys get with the program 

James to Remus: i left snape a step by step instruction manual on how to properly wash his hair 

James: its in his locker 

James: what do u think are the odds that he’ll actually figure out how a shower works?

Remus: first of all: oh my god 

Remus: secondly: good job.

Lily to Sirius: s2g black give me back my pencil case 

Sirius: it was an emergency 

Lily: you’ll be in the emergency room if you don’t give it back to me 

Peter to felons or falcons: guys guys guys 

Sirius: don’t u dare 

James: don’t 

Peter: reminder that college applications start today! 

Sirius: blocked. 

Peter: :////////:

James: yeah u think about u did 

Remus: I’m in the library right now filling out applications 

James: blocked. 

Sirius changed the group name to: if remus mentions colleges one more time i’ll kill him 

Remus changed the group name to: sirius stop using the group chat name to make a point 

Sirius changed the group name to: make me

Remus to slim slam dunk slimmies: I swear to god that i will kill whoever keeps leaving raisin boxes in my locker 

Remus: I’m talking to you James and Sirius 

Sirius: i literally have no idea what ur talking about 

Remus: someone keeps leaving those boxes of raisins in my locker and i hate raisins why do you guys keep doing this?

Sirius: I’m going to go with innocent until proven guilty, mate

Remus: I’m not an idiot 

Remus: its either you or James doing this how stupid do you think I am?

James to Peter: so when r u going to tell Remus that you’ve been breaking into his locker all year?

Peter: probably never

James: respect that 

Sirius changed the group name to: plexiglass fuckers 

Peter: wait what 

Remus: How does one even?

Sirius: carefully, and with punk attitude 

James changed the group name to: punk is really dead get over it black 

Sirius: im never talking to u again 

James: but u just did 

Sirius: damn it 

James to james potter is a secretly a walking talking jar of jam: im failing out of english and its a problem 

James: like seriously 

Sirius: yes?

James: literally not the time buddy 

Sirius: i always have time for u 

James: bro <3

Sirius: bro <33333

Remus: sirius shut up 

Remus: what do you mean you are failing out of english? have you done any of the readings? 

James: hamlet is literally the worst torture in the history of ever i can’t get through it and i’m so far behind i need help i just got a 40% on the paper and she gave me an extension to redo it but i don’t know where to begin 

Remus: you’re going to be fine 

Remus: i’m messaging a friend. maybe she’ll agree to tutor you 

James: bless u 

Peter to Remus: fuck u 

Remus: what on earth did i do to deserve this 

Peter sent to Remus three screenshots 

Peter: he hasn’t shut up about her dainty little wrists yet 

Peter: u did this 

Remus: oh my god what did i do 

Remus to Lily: how did it go with James?

Lily: I think I found the problem

Remus: he was dropped on his head as a small child?

Lily: ???

Lily: no he’s been trying to read a copy of Macbeth, not Hamlet 

Remus: why am I friends with these people?

Peter to four guys with great hair: i dunno y but sirius makes great decisions when drunk 

James: wait u went drinking without me?

Peter: u said u wanted to watch lily do homework at the library 

James: u make it sound so much creepier when u say it like that 

Remus: why did you call me 20 times tonight?

Peter: sirius tried making a fire 

Remus: with what??

Sirius: e v e r y t h i n g 

Peter: actually though 

Peter: it was a bit more of an explosion than a fire tbh 

Sirius to Remus: not to be controversial 

Sirius: but i really don’t like bbq sauce

Remus: literally wtf is controversial about that 

Remus: also its 3am fuck off 

Peter to the discount spice girls: i forgot we had homework in history 

Peter: someone skip history with me

James: im in chem but sounds coolio 

Sirius to the discount spice girls : wait we had homework 

Sirius: don’t leave without me guys 

Sirius: guys?

Sirius: g u y s 

Remus to Sirius: you submitted your applications right?

Sirius: ???applications,,,, 4 wat?

Remus: why are you like this 

Sirius: oh yeah college appLications 

Sirius: kind of 

Remus: this is the last day to submit 

Remus: where are you 

Sirius: in the libBBrary picking progRams out of a hat with James 

Sirius: do u think i could work with kids?

Remus: i think the kids would be to mature for you 

James to the Lily Evans Appreciation Group: she is so perfect 

James: she loaned me one of her gel pens today

James: GEL 

Sirius: ohhhh gel?

James: gel. 

James: purple gel pen 

Sirius: wow thats serious 

Peter: ^^^ :D

James: i honestly dunno whats better. the fact that she blessed me with one of her pens, or her eyes. 

Remus changed the group name to: mention lily’s eyes one more time james

James: they’re literally the most beautiful eyes i have ever encountered 

James: like they are honestly so green 

James Potter has been removed from group. 

James to Peter: have u seen sirius?

Peter: no

Peter: craig said he saw him hitchhiking earlier, looked pretty bad 

James: im grabbing the car 

Peter: i’ll meet you by the school

Peter to the Remus Lupin is a Moon Man: i got rejected by my safety school 

Sirius: im literally on my way with beer 

Remus: where are you getting alcohol from? 

Sirius: i broke into bellatrix’s apartment and stole her stash of candles and beer like yesterday 

Sirius: james the jim was the get away driver 

Sirius changed James to jamesthejim

James: honestly that school was stupid 

James: you’ve got plenty of time to hear back 

Peter: liar 

Remus: trust him on this one 

James to Sirius: he keeps baking cookies 

Sirius: aw shit 

James: we ran out of dairy already 

Sirius: no please don’t tell me 

James: he started making vegan cookies 

Sirius: sinful 

Remus to the Peter Won’t Stop Baking Support Group: he got rejected from another school and he’s moved onto making cupcakes 

Remus: I think he’s crying 

Sirius: i’m in the middle of calc homework i want some pie 

Sirius to Peter: james is making a move on evans 

Peter: omg no way 

Sirius: yes way 

Sirius: they’re at her locker 

Peter: im across school report everything 

Sirius: k well james tried that awkward leaning thing beside her locker and lily dropped her textbook on his foot 

Sirius: i dunno whats redder her hair or his face 

Sirius: nm his face is way redder 

Sirius: he asked if she wanted to meet up for coffee but she thought he meant for tutoring and im dying his face 

Peter: maybe this will be the end to all that is perfect about lily evans 

James to wtf does duolingo not have elvish????: Lily told me this really clever riddle today 

James: i didn;t get it 

James: at like all 

James: but she was so happy and so cute 

James: im gonna marry her 

Sirius: u jinxed it peter 

James to Remus: I GOT ACCEPTED 

Remus: I’m so glad Lily dragged your marks up for admissions 

James: ikr same 

James to the Peter Won’t Stop Baking Support Group: his mom started selling the cakes that he was making 

Sirius: i dunno y i keep offering to eat them 

Remus: he made over thirty cakes today 

Remus: half of them were coconut flavoured 

Sirius: so?

Remus: you’re allergic to coconut????

Sirius: yeah but if i die i don’t have to do homework 

James: lucky 

Remus: i hate you all so much

Remus left the group. 

James added Remus to the group. 

Remus left the group. 

Sirius added Remus to the group. 

Remus: i hate u both

Sirius to Remus: not 2 b political or anything but technically every war is a skeleton war if u think hard about it

Remus: w h y 

Peter uploaded a video to james stfu about evans: here we r blessed by remus singing starman 

Remus: i remember none of this 

James: i thought i was the one that sung that 

Peter: no u got really drunk and started moving your lips to the words and got excited that u learned how to talk and not talk at the same time 

James: wait what time was this even 

Peter: 10pm 

Remus: where’s sirius?

Peter: see that questionable lump in the right corner of the video? that’s sirius basically dead 

James changed Sirius’s name to questionable lump. 

questionable lump: y u do this

James changed the group name to: lily’s eyes are like glitter i swear

Sirius changed the group name to: literally no one cares

Sirius to Remus: i see u 

Sirius: posting some whimsy status about college acceptances 

Sirius: whatever 

Sirius: thats only a little cool, moon man 

Sirius: siriusly though congrats 

Lily to James: why did sirius throw glitter at me outside homeroom? 

James: oh my god 

James: im so sorry

Sirius to Peter: did u know that james has been stealing garden gnomes and hiding them under his bed?

Peter: that is the weirdest fetish 

Sirius: ikr i wanna hide them in remus’s locker 

Sirius: it’ll be really funny 

Peter: omg lets 

Sirius to the Baking Has Stopped Bless All: the oven is off 

James: oh thank god 

Remus: wait i was hoping he’d try doughnuts next 

Remus to James: do you know if sirius has heard back from any schools yet? 

James: dude i was just going to ask u that 

Remus: shit 

Peter sent three links to Remus: k so i know one of these is a literal dumpster but sirius basically is a dumpster 

Remus: i see no difference 

Peter: James liked the second one option for the apartment 

Remus: oh god i’ve agreed to live with james potter and sirius black in one house 

Peter: how bad could it be?

Remus to WHERE DID YOU GET THE GNOMES FROM: wtf guys 

Remus: my locker 

Remus: they all came falling out

James: wait 

James: where did the gnomes come from 

Sirius has left the group. 

Peter has left the group. 

James: damnit they found my stash of gnomes 

Remus: ????????????

Lily to Remus: why did you have my mom’s garden gnomes in your locker?

Remus: what 

Lily: the gnomes 

Lily: i recognized them from the ones that went missing 

Remus:this is definitely not what you think

Lily: black stole them didn’t he?

Remus: sure 

Lily to Sirius: im gonna find you

James changed the group names to felons or misunderstood falcons?: i wrote lily a poem 

Sirius: no no no 

James: roses r red, violets r blue 

James: i hate flowers but love u 

Peter: i can’t tell if that was sweet or not 

Sirius: u should totally give that to her 

Remus: sirius no 

James: im committed to the plan 

Remus to Sirius: have you gotten any news from the schools you applied to?

Sirius: yeah funny story 

Sirius: i sort of messed up applying 

Remus: wait so you didn’t send out any applications??

Sirius: naw just messing with u 

Sirius: i heard back months ago 

Remus: R U KIDDING ME 

Sirius: i broke u this is the best moment of all 88 years of my life. 

Sirius: yeah though. haven’t opened anything yet 

Remus: you mean you never opened the letters?

Sirius: yeah no i liked the suspense 

Remus: jesus christ open them right now i will cut you 

Sirius: cool beans i got in 

Remus blocked Sirius. 

James to Lily: i like u a lot 

Lily: ask me out then 

James: wait what 

Lily: i’ve been literally waiting all year 

James: jesus christ will u go out with me 

Lily: yeah y not