#why am i more excited for tonight’s episode than i was for last week’s

[moonylouwho]

which do we think hurt more

[wosoluver]

Can you do a misa x reader where it's readers birthday?

Birthday girl

Misa Rodríguez x reader

Misa Rodriguez Masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

It was your birthday week. You were excited to spend your first birthday with your girlfriend and in Madrid. You had moved there months ago.

But every time Misa brought it up, your smile didn't reach your eyes, and you would somehow shut down the conversation. She knew something was wrong, you never shut up about how much you love to celebrate your birthday, and now that it was almost here, you didn't even bother to plan anything.

You had opened up to her, saying how weird it would be to not have your sisters or friends from back home with you. The step to move to Madrid had been a little tough on you, but you knew the importance of becoming more independent and being closer to great job opportunities. She understood how you felt, but she had set her mind into planning the best birthday possible, you deserved more than anyone to have a special day.

"Sofie, have you ordered the cake yet?" - Misa as usual, was taking matters very seriously, like she always did when it came to basically anything she felt like she had to succeed in.

"Calm down I got it, I'll order today" - saying quickly into the phone.

"You haven't yet!?" - annoyed at her friend for struggling at her only task.

"You know, when you said we were throwing a party I thought we were going clubbing or something."

"Your kidding right? I'm already struggling thinking on how I'm going to get her to Raso's apartment for the dinner. And you know she isn't really into people that are not her friends. She wouldn't stand 10 minutes inside a club."

"Right. It's fine, don't worry, we still got like 2 days."

"Two days go by like the blink of an eye"

and it did.

Misa's pov

Okay. It's 7:30 am. I have to get to practice by 8:00 sharp. Leave at 12:00, stop by to get some flowers and a café con leche from her favorite coffee shop. Should be fine. She should be waking up late anyway.

Stoping by the flower shop, I settled for a classic red rose bouquet. Besides being your favorite, they were the prettiest they had. Got the coffee and made my way home.

As soon as I opened the door I saw her laying on the couch, watching yet another episode of her comfort show.

"Good morning mi amor, these are for you..." - handing the bouquet in front of her - "Feliz Cumpleaños baby"

She seemed on a better mood than expected, taking into consideration the last couple of days.

"Buenos dias, guapa!" - jumping up from the couch and giving me a short kiss, taking the roses from my hands - "Thank you so much amor! And coffee?!? God I love you."

"You seem in a good mood, care to share why? Besides the obvious reason?" - looking down at her big smile.

"I sorry I didn't seem so excited the last couple of days, but it wouldn't be fair to myself or to you, to not let myself celebrate right? It's the first birthday I get to spend with you Misa!"

"Only the first of many."

"Kinda cheesy." - she says walking into the kitchen to set up the flowers in a vase.

"Excuse me? Can I be romantic to my girlfriend without being judged?!" - As I followed.

"Okay since I didn't plan anything before hand, can we do whatever I want today?"

"Yes, what would that be?"

"Shower and then lunch maybe?"

"Shower and lunch it is. I'll get the shower running while you finish it up here" - A weight left my shoulders when I realized it would be no trouble getting her out of the house.

After lunch we headed back home, the car ride was quiet and peaceful, and I decided it would be a good time to bring up we had plans.

"So... Since you were kind of down this week, I decided upon making plans for you. I mean us-" but I was quickly cut off.

"Misa, birthday sex doesn't need to be planned, it's kind of mandatory"

"Well yes but, I actually planned something, for tonight!"

"You did?! And you were able to keep it a secret? Wow, you really need to be praised then." - You said it half joking.

Back to the apartment.

"Alright so we have some free time until we need to start getting ready to go..." - I let her know while unlocking the door.

"I have the perfect idea to keep us busy till then..."

reader's pov

Standing both at someone's door, ready for whatever this was, you were excited to say the least. Misa never disappoints and that's been proved time and time again.

Not even 5 seconds later, there was Raso opening the door.

"Hello Y/N, happy birthday!" - She screams happily. The thick Aussie accent ever so present. "Welcome to my place and your birthday spot for the night!"

Hayley was the sweetest. You two had instantly become friends once you met. Unknown to you, when her friend asked for help to set everything up, she was the first one up for it, offering to take charge of everything. She missed Australia like crazy. And knew exactly how you were feeling.

Walking in and seeing the beautiful set up, made you smile and tear up immediately. Seeing all the girls you had grown close to, since you arrived in Spain made you feel so lucky.

The party initially started out as a calm dinner but by now it was a full on celebration, loud music and good drinks.

I saw Misa going out in the balcony, probably to get some air. And trailed off behind her.

"Thank you, my love. Really. It would've sucked to go through my birthday without a party." - I say looking into her eyes with the most love they could bare.

"I got you. Always. I'm so glad you liked it. Also really glad the cake was here." - Even though I didn't get the joke, I proceeded to thank her.

"This must have been a pain to organize. You know, we could of just gone clubbing." -

"That's what I said!" - Svava said from behind us. "I was looking for you two, the girls want to do karaoke!"

"I'm so gonna sing I want it that way."

"We'll be right there!" - Misa yelled through the loud music as she left us alone once more.

We stood there, just appreciating each other's presence. After sharing a kiss in a warm hug, Misa finally spoke again.

"First one down, forever to go!"

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

As always, would love to hear your thoughts! 🩷

[iantimony]

tue … wednesday,

gif warning on this one!

i was gonna post this last night but apparently i am now the type of person who gets extreme digestive distress from indian food :-( so i was too distracted by my agonies. much better today, and i feel like i had a worse reaction a few weeks ago from indian food, so maybe it's something that will get better with time like everything else ...

listening: so my brother spontaneously bought us tickets to see st vincent in [redacted] while we're on vacation...i haven't listened to her in ages but i was like sure why not...her new album dropped on the 26th and it's SO good. i'm kinda obsessed and very excited to see her live now. it's a good album. listen to it.

listened/watched the wtyp on five over ones, and started the more recent one on the camp fire.

reading: continuing 'how to read poetry like a professor'. yum. poetry.

watching: once again, dunmeshi (my boyf keeps asking "when is best girl showing up" (izutsumi) and i finally was able to be like "i think next episode"), more asobi asobase. insane show. the voice actors are masters of their craft, truly. good lord.

playing: fallow.

making: some stuff came out of the kiln that i actually like! the cave painting mugs!!! i made One fatal error - i put a 'satin' topper over the outside assuming it would be matte. it. kinda isn't? kinda is? made these weird "jizzy" (instructor's words, not mine, lol) streaks. thankfully it isn't too noticeable and they came out really good otherwise. the hardest part has been photographing them, the designs go all the way around and choosing a favorite is so hard...i made a gif to try and capture it all lol, and i really love the little handprints on the handles. these will go in their own post in the next few days so i can tag the inspiring artist :)

i also threw some new ones to make more! i do think in the future i will be handbuilding them though. i just really don't like throwing red clay for some reason. maybe i just need to practice more i dunno. i've since trimmed and put handles on these but i forgor to take a photo.

citrus juicer! it works!! it came out a little more Orange than i anticipated, the only downsides are manually scooping out the seeds, and also that it can kinda only handle one fruit at a time, but man, whatever, it's so cute.

mug/teacup that i tried a new underglaze technique on, where i put the flowers on the greenware and then use liquid latex to cover them to just slather the thing in the bg color: works well, i did this for the mug from last week too! my mistake with this one was putting that same jizzy satin overglaze on the flowers and it made them weird and blurry. it's cute otherwise though.

some stuff going in the kiln for bisque: fun texture bowl and a little trinket dish that i underglazed some cherry blossom trees on, inspired by something a friend in class did!

in terms of new things, today is actually the last day of class for me til i get back in july, so i will be trimming a pot and plate that i made last week but will otherwise just work on things i already have! the goal is just to leave things in a place where no extra clay work needs to be done; things can be left as greenware til i get back.

i also made some little watercolor palettes! for some reason the last one i made i didn't carve out material, i just sort of pressed in, and this made the whole thing a little wonky, so i'm hoping these will lay flat because i carved material out

eating: nothing of crazy note. made deb smittenkitchen's soy glazed chicken again because it whips ass.

misc: wough...fucked up day......butter chicken for dinner knocked me for a major loop last night and i wasn't able to sleep til like 1:30am from the Agonies, woke up to feed the cats and then went right back to bed...didn't get up til noon...but now i feel loads better so i might try to do some light exercise this afternoon before pottery, otherwise sleeping tonight is gonna be a nightmare lol. the goal for the afternoon is to submit my last thing for classes (takehome exam, it's not bad i just have to finish it up, and then i officially finished my masters degree (!!!)) and then do a little more for my meeting tomorrow morning. this time next week my brother will be here with me, and that following weekend we drive home together, so everything is about to happen very fast! i'm not gonna be home for as long this summer, and won't just be rotting in my room the whole time, so hopefully things will go much more smoothly mental health wise. fingers crossed! things are looking up! :)

[purplesurveys]

1876

[ red : anger ]

list three things that make you really mad. Animal abuse; encountering long lines when I'm in a hurry; afternoon traffic in Edsa.

do you throw things when you’re angry?  Oh, that's a never for me.

do you hit things when you’re angry?  Absolutely not. The closest I get to taking out my anger on items is smashing my fingers when I type, but that's it.

do you curse when you’re angry?  Yeah, usually.

have you ever cried from being so mad?  I have but it's not a given. When I get very angry I tend to just shut down and be very quiet and let myself steam it out.

do you get mad at yourself often?  I do.

do you get mad at the littlest things?  Mad, stressed, panicky, yeah. 

do you get angry when you mess up?  At myself, absolutely.

do you get angry at your parents?  Just at my mom.

[ orange : excitement ]

list three things that you’re excited for. We have one last free day in Vietnam, so I'm looking forward to where today will lead me before we head back to the airport tonight. I'm excited to see the dogs again, And I'm excited to see what the next four months will be like having Jin and only Jin back with us hahaha.

list three things you do when excited.  Depending on what I'm excited for, I'll sometimes clap and giggle; I'll talk more than usual; I also smile to myself at random moments.

to you, which holiday is the most exciting?  The only 'holiday' I really pay attention to is my birthday and it's not even technically one haha, more of just a personal special day.

do you get excited for your birthday?  I do! I celebrate it month-long so I usually very positive in April.

what about the future excites you?  Knowing I'll have many more opportunities to experience, places to visit, activities to do, food to try, concerts to go to.

list three things that used to excite you.  Waiting for a new episode of The Walking Dead every week (at least until they killed off Glenn), school fairs, going to parties.

[ yellow : happiness ]

list three things that make you happy. BTS, my dogs, traveling.

list three people that make you happy.  Angela, Reena, Hans.

are you happy right now? why / why not?  Yes! I'm in the middle of traveling and just taking this while I'm waking up, and have a full day ahead of me since it's only about to turn 10 AM here in Vietnam. It's a bit poignant at this point since we're flying back to Manila tonight – it's made even more bittersweet because it's a holiday this Monday but it was announced late, so we only booked to be here until late Saturday evening – but I mean I'm not too bummed about it. I've learned not to get too attached to the places I go to just so it doesn't feel as shitty going back to reality.

what makes you happiest in autumn?  I don't know what autumn would feel like.

what makes you happiest in spring?  Idk? BTS has a song called Spring Day that I really like but apart from that I can't relate, lmao.

have you ever pretended to be happy?  Yes.

does money equal happiness?  Yes.

[ green : silliness ]

do you have a good sense of humor? I mean, it depends on the person I'm with. Humor is different for everyone.

have you been called a class clown?  No, I hate to have any sort of title especially in a school setting haha. I never want to be the center of attention for anything.

do you like to make others laugh?  Only to people I'm close with as I would know how best to crack them up. I hold back with others as I don't want to potentially offend or end up telling a joke that doesn't fly and that I would need to explain lol.

have you ever laughed til you cried?  Of course.

are funny movies your favorite?  Not really.

do people say that you’re immature?  Nah.

do you mask your feelings with humor?  Sometimes!

are you able to cheer others up easily?  Again, depends on the person.

do you have a lot of inside jokes?  With my closest friends and my sister, sure.

[ blue : sadness ]

list three things that make you sad. Having to do work on a weekend or holiday; when people I know are currently coping with ill relatives; stories of abandoned or stray dogs.

list three people you go to when sad.  I just deal with it myself. Sometimes I'll go to Angela but not for all times that I'm sad.

does music help when you’re sad?  Yes, sometimes. It helps more for when I'm mad and need to calm down though.

do you write poetry when you’re sad?  Very, very, very occasionally. But it happens.

when was the last time you cried?  Earlier this morning because there was this dog meme I saw on IG and it reminded me of Kimi.

have you ever cried over something silly?  Sure.

does the past make you upset?  Nope.

have you cried over the opposite sex?  Not because they hurt me. But yeah I've cried over, like, Nacho and my grandpa though it's because they died.

do you like to sleep when you feel sad? Hmm my head is usually quite preoccupied when I have negative feelings (sad, angry, nervous) and that makes sleeping very hard for me to do. I prefer to cope in other ways.

do you know anyone who is depressed?  Sure.

[ purple : fear ]

list three things you’re afraid of. Driving somewhere far or unfamiliar; rats and cockroaches; fire.

do you like to watch scary movies?  It used to be my favorite genre. It's not anymore, but yeah I can still enjoy a good creepy movie from time to time.

have you ever cried from being scared?  Apart from when I was a baby? I don't think so. Crying's not my default when I'm scared.

are you afraid of where you’ll end up?  Not really afraid – more of pressured.

have you ever been to a haunted house?  Nope.

do you believe in ghosts?  I do not.

does commitment scare you?  No.

are you afraid of the dark?  Not for the most part. It just gets disorienting when I can't see anything in the first few seconds, but I get over it.

are you afraid of bugs?  Continued from a couple of days ago. Yeah.

is halloween your favorite holiday? Not really in that I don't take part in it as much as I used to; but it's always fun to see what others are wearing.

[ pink : love ]

do you have a boy/girl? are you in love with them? I don't.

actually, have you ever been in love?  Sure.

have you ever had your heart broken?  Yes.

list three things you love to do.  I like to playing with my dogs; having my alone time; and doing anything at night - can be having dinner, going to a comedy bar, watching a wrestling gig, shopping, etc, as long as it's in the evening!

list three people you love to death.  Angela, Reena, and Hans.

are you still in love with an ex? I am not.

what does love mean to you?  Selflessness.

do you believe in love at first sight?  Nope.

have you ever been cheated on?  I have not.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (part 3)

Warnings - not yet 😉

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

You'd accepted the role - it was only for a week, and you were there anyway. Clara would be killed off at the end of this week, sending Tommy into a crazy spiral that would last the whole series. Your class were so excited to see you in costume performing alongside the rest of the cast, they were thrilled for you. You kept playing it down, it was no more than a glorified 'extra' role, just there to set the story for the rest of the series - your actual screen time would be no more than two episodes.

You were catching up with Liane on Wednesday lunchtime over a sandwich and latte, she was grilling you about how your scenes with Cillian.

"You know, he's not at all what I expected. He's so down to earth and lovely. Really sweet. Patient too - thankfully. Hard not to forget your lines when you've got those eyes staring at you!"

"Is it not as awkward as you thought then?"

"Well he got rid of any awkwardness on Monday morning! His trick worked - we've been great ever since."

Your phone buzzed on the table and Liane couldn't help but notice.

"You exchanged numbers already?" She said, eyebrow raised.

"It's not like that - he used my phone to find his yesterday, left it in his trailer."

"You are not that naive Y/n... That's the oldest trick in the book!"

"What is?"

"The old 'lost my phone, can I ring it from yours' trick! He just wanted your number!"

"What if I did?" Cillian's suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere, plonking himself down next to you making you jump.

"Jesus Cillian, don't do that..." You laughed, clutching your chest.

"Sorry, I did text to say I was behind you in line but you were too busy discussing my ulterior motives for getting your phone number," he grinned, winking at Liane who was redder than a tomato.

"I um... Yeah I have to go do that.. thing.. I'll see you later y/n," she made her exit, and you shook your head, trying not to laugh.

"Would it have been so bad if she was right?" He leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.

"Was she?"

"No, I actually did lose my phone.. but quite a clever trick isn't it. And I do have your phone number now." His eyes were on yours again, you swore he knew the effect it had on you.

"You do indeed. What exactly do you intend to do with it?"

"Well I plan to call you later, some of the cast have arranged a drink in the hotel tonight. See if you wanted to join us?"

"Me? I'm hardly a cast member Cillian, I'm only here for a week?"

"You're as important to this show as I am y/n - without your character, Tommy's spiral into madness doesn't make sense. You're going to be a real focus for this series."

You pondered it for a few minutes. You didn't have plans that evening, just heading back to your own hotel and reading a book, nothing too exciting..

"Okay I'll come for one drink. Just one though, it's an early start tomorrow."

"Great! I'll text you later with the details?" You nodded and he headed back over to the canteen, collecting his coffee and out the door.

Your scenes done, you were in your hotel room getting ready. Liane was on her bed reading, giggling like a schoolgirl as you straightened your hair.

"Will you stop - it's a quiet drink with all the cast!"

"Mhmm. Yep. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time! I won't wait up, don't worry!" You threw a cushion at her, just making her laugh even more at you.

"Right, my taxi's outside. How do I look?" You stood up in your black jeans and flowing pale tan shirt, finished with black boots.

"Looking hot mama! His eyes are gonna be on stalks when you walk in!"

"Oh shut up, will you!" You laughed, rolling your eyes, heading out the door.

You walked into the hotel, and as promised Cillian was waiting in the lobby for you.

"You look amazing y/n," he kissed your cheek and offered you his arm to loop into. Nodding at the bouncer on the door, he led you through into the bar. The other cast and crew were already inside, smiling and laughing as they chatted about the first few days of filming.

"What's your poison?" He asked.

"Vodka and lemonade please." You got your drinks and made your way over to Anto, who was currently entertaining Sophie and Helen with dodgy Dad jokes. You were cringing before you'd even arrived. He saw you and instantly threw his arms around you.

"I thought you said you weren't coming!" He asked.

"She had a better offer, Anto!" Sophie giggled looking at Cillian, who's cheeks had flushed a little at her comment.

"Oh now, I see how it is, my eyes not blue enough for you?" Anto laughed.

"Well no.. they're brown?" You smirked, making Cillian laugh.

You spent an hour chatting with Sophie and Natasha, filling they were telling you how well your students were going and how much they enjoyed having them all onset. Natasha went to the bar to get a round in when Sophie nudged you.

"Don't look round, keep looking at me."

"Okay..."

"He hasn't taken his eyes off you. Not once y/n. Keeps glancing at you, he thinks I can't see him."

"Who?"

"Cillian! He's talking to Paul at the bar, but he's looking over at you."

"Come in, you're not serious?" She nodded. You blushed again, feeling a fluttery feeling in your stomach.

"He clearly fancies you y/n."

"Yeah, a multi millionaire Hollywood actor fancies some random university professor from Stafford? Come on Sophie, even I'm not that daft! I'm going outside for a smoke, you coming?" She shook her head, and you headed out the side door into the empty smoking area. Taking out your phone, you typed a quick text to Liane telling her you'd be back in an hour.

"You got a spare one of those?" Cillian's voice behind you startled you.

"I thought you were a non-smoker?" You handed him your packet and he took one, you lit it for him.

"Social smoker." He leaned against the wall next to you, blowing the smoke away. There was a silence between you. All you could think about was how the hell you'd ended up here in a smokers area with Cillian Murphy. The little fangirl inside you was having a hissy fit. The grown woman in you was telling you to stop being so damn stupid.

"You're a damn fine actress y/n." You turned to him and scoffed.

"Seriously. Too good for that dick of a director. Purely intimidated by you, that's why he didn't hire you."

"I'm intimidating, am I?"

"A little. In a good way. A very good way," he raised an eyebrow. Was he flirting?

"And what is it that's so intimidating, exactly?" He stubbed the cigarette out in the wall mounted ashtray and turned to face you properly.

"We've spent a lot of time together these last few days. You know your own mind. You're intelligent, confident, have just the right level of sass, attractive. It's a deadly combination y/n."

"Is that so?" Did he just get closer? You were rooted to the spot, you were sure he was closer than he was before...

"That is so. Qualities like that don't come around very often. He was mad to not hire you, and even more tapped to blacklist you. I'd star opposite you any day of the week."

"Would you really?"

"Yeah. The movies I could make with you..." he winked, before heading back inside leaving you to wonder what he meant. Was he flirting with you? You shook your head, finishing your own cigarette. If he was, clearly just after a quick fuck with a costar.. but he wasn't like that, was he?

[cuddles-and-kisses]

So The Cat's Out Of The Bag,,,

Another fanfic for Agapito (an OC that belongs to @yandereaffections) The story starts under the cut. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1,908 Trigger Warnings: Subtle yandereness, I can't think of any others

It’s 11 pm. I’ve been avoiding schoolwork all day and I’m in no rush to fix it. I've been writing fanfiction, of sorts, for the past 3 hours. On the bright side, the first draft is done! My back hurts from sitting so long while my butt hurts because I’ve sat on a wooden stool this long. I need to take a break but what to do? Oh, what to do? My weekly planner is wide open on a bookstand to my right. I could be productive, or I could keep avoiding them... So the planner is closed now. I’ve reorganized pens in a pen cup for the seventh time. Is there a limit to how many times a person can adjust a desk lamp before going insane? There has to be something else to do but what? As if on cue, my phone lights up with a text from my Baby. We’ve been official for 6 months so our dates are a lot more casual nowadays.

“Angel, I want attention. Unlock the back door” I’m aware it doesn’t seem like it but this is how he asks to come over. He won’t come over until I respond giving the green light. “Bold of you to assume I’m home and not partying at a random frat house” We both know I’m not doing jack at 11 pm on a Friday. Nonetheless, it’s fun to pretend I have a flourishing social life. “That’s cute. Back door please” Alright, now to get up and- ow, fuck, ouchie, ok, hold on. *POP* There we go!

I should probably pick my room up real quick. I made my bed earlier today so that’s not a problem. The svallerup rug from Ikea collects dirt a lot faster than I expected. Although would he really notice? It’s not bright in here. My dresser by the door looks fine. The futon is in couch mode, so there’s not much left I don’t have to clean up for him. In reality, I’m not cleaning for him, I just like having a clean room. The last thing I do is turn on the fairy lights above my head then light a vanilla candle. I know he’s coming over to cuddle or really do anything involving him getting affection. I might as well make my bedroom reflect that, right?

I half-jog upstairs to unlock our back door. Why the back door? It’s not because I love Jesus. Let me explain. The living room floor creaks way too loud. Also, my parent’s bedroom is right next to that door. The side door alerts our dogs to start pitching a fit. How can they hear it from the opposite side of our house? I may never be able to understand. Moonlight drifts halfway across the backroom. Sparse nightlights cover the remaining needed light. I flick on the backdoor lights followed by opening a few blinds to let more light in. Their orange glow overpowers the moonlight near the backdoor.

For whatever reason, the moon is far brighter tonight. Or my pupils are hella dilated because I’m thinking about my Baby. Either way, moonlight dusts over parts of the backroom and kitchen ahead of me. One last light to turn on. An LED light above our kitchen sink smashes through most surrounding darkness, making it almost impossible to see into the living room. White cabinets outline our kitchen. None of the cabinets match each other in this house. It’s as if this house was built in parts instead of planned out from the start. The counter is occupied with things you’d expect; a bread box, knife set, fruit basket, coffee pot, and an air fryer. Yet, there's evidence real people live here. Crumbs from a snack, mail by the fruit basket, half-empty coffee pot, as well as children’s toys forgotten all about

Everyone else is snuggled up in warm beds, sleeping. I can pick out each person’s snoring pattern when they poke through tonight’s ambiance. There are moments where quiet feels like serenity, others where it feels like emptiness. I can’t decide which one I’m feeling because I realize I’m about to have a visitor. A cup of coffee sounds like the perfect way to waste a few minutes while waiting for my lover.

Coffee cup out of the overhead cabinet. A coffee spoon from beside the coffee pot. Fake sugar off the shelves. Room temperature coffee in the pot from this morning. French vanilla coffee creamer out of the fridge. And just like that, a proper cup of coffee is served. Light reflects off the glossy coating painted over our pale coffee cups. Mom considers it a priority to have everything match or look cohesive. Appearing put together is a source of pride for her. A cup is a cup however matching cups make her happy. My ears perk up at hearing his tires pulling into the driveway. My coffee creamer swirls in the cup as he walks up the driveway. The coffee spoon clings against the inside of my coffee cup simultaneously with the creak of our back gate. All that’s left is to wash off this week’s coffee spoon then put it back. I have only a few more seconds until my Love is with me again. I’m a sappy and hopeful romantic for him, get off my back. He’s learned how to silently open the back door and if I didn’t have good peripheral vision, I would’ve yelped.

Intimate hands snake around my hips as a tender kiss is pressed against my neck. I can feel the tender smile tugging at his lips after the kiss, he had a really good day? His body is pressed against mine as he murmurs “Honey, I’m home~” behind my ear; earning a soft chuckle from me. I turn to face him, wrap my arms around his neck, and greet him with a deep kiss. This time on the lips. “Welcome home, my Love.” He’s so close to me, I can smell the cigarette he had on his way over here. The absence of alcohol or weed stench affirms he didn’t have a bad day at work. I can’t wait until these interactions become a daily occurrence. This man is breathtaking under normal circumstances; but, under the glimmer of moonlight,,, I can’t form a single thought while looking at him. The raw admiration and love this man holds in his eyes? Who could stand a chance against him? Not me. Wrong choice.

His hands linger along the sides of my hips. I hold his arms in an attempt to keep him close to me, just a little longer. “I brought you a few things. I’ll go set them on your desk.” He knows gifts aren’t my thing in spite of that he claims I deserve the entire universe. I breathed out, “Ok, I’ll be down in a minute,” then started moving to get my coffee cup, as well as a few snacks to bring downstairs. He starts heading downstairs content with how flustered I am. WAIT A FLUFFING MINUTE THE FANFICTION IS ABOUT HIM!! I whisper yell ‘Baby’ until his head pops back around the corner. I threaten him to not touch or look at my laptop. It was a pathetic attempt considering what he does for a living. In my defense, I tried. I forgot he’s in essence an overgrown teenager who will do the exact opposite of what he’s told. Wanna know what he does? Grin. I’m so fucked.

Agapito dashes downstairs and leaves me in unadulterated fear. I’m frozen in place, trying to come to terms with my fate as his footsteps fade. It’s not smut or anything, just a simple night and morning routine imagining that we lived together. This is going to be so embarrassing. Please spare me this treacherous fate and undying embarrassment. Deep breaths, just take deep breaths. Get your coffee then snacks then, simply, accept what’s just happened.

With arms full of snacks, I shut my bedroom door as gingerly as I can. Setting the cup on the dresser right by the door to make this a little easier. He’s standing at my computer, reading through the last page. Oh hey, he brought me Rolo’s as well as 3 Musketeers. Nice! Oh wait, he’s done reading. His shoulders aren’t tense; his breathing hasn’t changed; all the same, he’s just standing there. “Why did you write this out instead of doing it?” That’s a good question tbh. My Baby’s voice sounds hurt, despite that, he’s trying to hide it. Ok, he needs a hug. Now to throw the snack on the bed. He needs a rib-crushing hug and you bet your butt I’ll be the one to deliver. I tug at his elbow so he’ll face me then pull him into me. His shoulders are right under my chin when we’re facing each other. I bury my face in his neck while my arms hug him as tight as I can. Except why is he upset about this?

His love for me is nothing to scoff at. He loves me the same way he wanted to be loved when he was younger. We’ve figured out he’s catching up from his pre-teen years and onward. So about 13 years without a stable romantic relationship. When he was trying to court me I had to call him out all the time for manipulation. I know he’s terrified I’ll think he’s not good enough. He has episodes of frantic attempts to meet all of my needs, even if it’s not asked for or needed. What is going through his head? Does he feel like he’s not good enough? That he’s not loving me enough so I have to turn to a fictional version of him? Does he think he’s not good enough for me to do this stuff with him? None of those are true, obviously. I explicitly stated that in the story he just read. It doesn’t mean he won’t get stuck inside his head. I need to tell him the truth. Even if I wanted to lie, I couldn’t, he’s a finely-tuned human lie detector. One more deep breath. Squeeze him a little tighter. Look him in his eyes and come clean.

“The reason I didn’t just act these out is because, I didn’t know how to ask for it.” His expression shifts from confused hurt to understanding. I start rambling, “I want to have these experiences with you. I’d give anything to have that life with you but we've only been dating for 6 months and I just, wasn’t sure, how to phrase it.” I’m choking on my own pulse from emotions. I realize I was shifting my weight left to right when he pulls me in for another hug and kisses my forehead. We stand there in each other’s embrace for a few moments before he suggests I come to his house tomorrow night. We both know what he’s suggesting. I can’t help but adamantly agree. Excitement zips through my body thinking about tomorrow night. A smile pulls at my lips as I ask, “Do you mind if I wear this shirt tomorrow night?”

Tonight is about Netflix, snacks, and rediscovering the curves and contours of each other’s bodies. Though, not before I mess up his hair while calling him a butthead. It’s evident his insecurities are still tugging at him. Funny enough, his insecurities forgot they’re fighting against me for his attention.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Sept. 29, 2020)

@eponymous-rose‘s internet is out tonight, so I’m here late and without coffee! Let’s see how many typos we can fit into an hour and a half episode.

Tonight’s guests: Ashley Williams JOHNSON, oops!! & Liam O’Brien!

We open with Brian in light-up vented sunglasses and Henry at his side, as always. Dani is very excited to be back and has fun-buns in her hair tonight. So cute! Everyone talks about how much they’re Zooming these days for work, and Liam mentions he and Matt & Marisha did a digital cocktail night. He and Dani arrange on camera to have a distanced, masked meetup in the park so Dani can see Liam’s dog again.

No announcements! Tonight, we’re discussin’ episodes 110 and 111.

Starting with the end, Brian jumps right to it by asking how they feel that Molly is alive. Liam 100% thought we’d be back to him, but still wasn’t ready when it happened. Caleb doubted he was alive. Both Liam & Ashley marvel at the numerology that keeps cropping up throughout the show. Brian hates not being able to see it at the same time the show happens live; Ashley was biting her tongue not telling him spoilers. (He doesn’t want to hear spoilers unless Yasha dies so he can be there for Ashley if needed.) Brian says he has a little reality trauma from the night Pike died in the pre-stream game; it was the first time he’d realized how much it affected the players.

Ashley’s realized how much she misses unpacking the game with Brian when they get home. She just has to sit with it until everyone else gets to see it. Brian: “Instead she comes home and I have to fill her in on the Real Housewives of Amarillo, Texas.”

Reunion dinner with Trent! Liam talks about how the way things unfolded with Trent is not at all how he imagined it in his pre-game creation; he’d expected more of a fracas, more of an unexpected clash. “Caleb might have been a different person if he’d run into these people earlier in the story. The M9 changed him before [Trent & co] came back and got to him.” He’d imagined Astrid & Eodwulf to be complicated encounters, but says what Matt’s designed has been even harder than that. A fight on a mountain is one thing, but walking into a room with “what Trent dropped, is impossible to cope with.” It also means that if what Trent said is true, anything Caleb does now is effectively of Trent’s design, even killing him.

He doesn’t think Caleb would have gone anywhere near Trent & co without the M9. “The Mighty Nein--it took a long time--but they cracked Caleb open like a walnut.”

He thinks what Matt has done is much more murky than the simplicity of murder, such as the Briarwood arc. He can’t just exact his revenge now.

Liam says that the tempation to tinker with time is no longer as all-consuming as it was. He might still be tempted if Matt dangles a bunch of carrots in front of him, but he thinks that now it might be better to make sure that that kind of thing doesn’t happen anymore for anyone else (!!!). “It’s still a nugget in his brain and it’s still possible he could be tempted by the drug, but what he wanted in the beginning was entirely selfish, but now that the M9 are involved he owes it to them, to the people of the country, even on the Dynasty side--is so complex that if Caleb were to get that carrot and chase it, he would be risking everything.”

Ashley agrees that most of their choices are no longer black and white. Many of the situations feel more like real life. Liam agrees and says he’ll sometimes make decisions that he’s both really happy with and regrets at the same time. They both look forward to what Matt will reveal in Act 3.

Brian feels it’s tough to gauge how deep they are into what Matt’s planned for the campaign. Liam says that thanks to Matt’s skill, he really doesn’t know what Caleb wants right now.

Ashley agrees, and talks about how she created Yasha to have more to overcome than Pike. She loves what Matt’s doing in terms of allowing each of them to overcome more emotional hurdles than physical ones in this campaign.

Going back to Molly’s grave was very exciting for Ashley since she wasn’t able to be there when he died in the game & wanted to do what she could to honor him. Yasha, however, was very hesitant but knew what needed to be done. She’s not very open with her emotions, but both she & Ashley were stressed. They all could feel the energy in the studio & knew Matt was about to do something mind-blowing. Liam: “You could feel all the dust in the air coalescing around Taliesin.”

Brian trips over Eodwulf. Liam tries to help him find some pronunciation shortcuts. Ashley: “You say it so beautifully.” Brian: “Thank you.” Ashley: “Not you.”

Caleb knows how wickedly intelligent & ambitious Astrid is, and was heartened by the wavering he saw in her at the dinner. However, he can’t trust her until he knows why she’s where she is.

He really feels that if they’d had this dinner 60 episodes ago, Caleb might have tilted back along the evil axis and he would have had to retire the character. He had a playlist entirely for if Caleb turned evil and left the party.

The vision of Zuala was a huge deal for Yasha, even along every other instance she’s had of being mind-controlled, etc. “That’s guilt I think she will always carry with her, but at least she’s starting to forgive herself.” Losing the chains, sprouting wings again--Ashley reiterates that she didn’t know that was even a possibility, she just picked the skeletal wings because they were dope--were huge moments in the character development. Ashley’s glad Beau was there at the moment of the first flight; Ashley thinks of the quotation “Happiness is only beautiful when it’s shared,” and because Yasha tends to keep things very much to herself, having someone there to share it made it more impactful. “That was a cool moment. There’s been a lot of healing for Yasha these last episodes.”d

Ashley also says sometimes in that moment, when all eyes are on you in a one-on-one with Matt, everything goes muffled like Saving Private Ryan. “Wub wub wub.”

Dani feels that the only way she could even have the conversation with Zuala was to let her go in the first place.

Liam thinks one of the things that Yasha & Cad share is that still waters run deep. He loves how much Yasha hangs back sometimes, only to then reveal some new moment like the fighting pit. Apparently Ashley also has a knife collection, and uses that metal side of herself when she wants to let that new side of Yasha show.

Cosplay of the Week: Crystal Armstead (@riyuski on twitter) in a Reani cosplay. Beautiful!

How does Liam feel about the return to Rexxentrum? Very, very complicated. Caleb loves magic and lights up when he sees it, which is wrapped in the Soltryce Academy; he brought folks to the dance hall for the same reason, which was wanting the M9 to see the things that he loved about the city.

Yasha felt the same way about visiting the Chantry of the Dawn. It was a memory of a very traumatic moment (almost killing Beau), but given everything that’s happened between then and now it was cathartic to see again. There’s been a lot of healing in the past few weeks. It also felt like a physical representation of Yasha’s growth, the last time she was controlled against her will like that (or at least, until she was mind-controlled by Vokodo. Ashley sighs, aggrieved.)

Brian: “The tower really feels like a love letter from Caleb to his friends.” Liam: “It is, and a love letter from Liam to his friends.” When he looked at Caleb’s spell list, he remembered how amazing the mansion was in Campaign One and how many role-playing moments it led to and knew he wanted to incorporate it. However, he knew it could never be the same as Scanlan’s mansion because Caleb doesn’t have the same improvisational genius as Scanlan does. Liam has been “tinkering with this machine” for over a year, waiting for the moment to reveal it. He loves that he got a chance to see Jester’s room in time to have her tower room reflect reality. He’d discussed the tower extensively with Dani & Matt. Brian: “Hey! What am I, chopped--what’s the saying?” Ashley: “Chopped cabbage?”

Ashley marvels at the design of the dome. Liam talks about how Caleb knowing Caleb has been abused has been slowly getting better, but he also loves now being able to juxtapose that healing with his innate love of magic and how beautiful he finds it, how he loves to use magic as his artistry. The Soltryce Academy wasn’t “Welcome to DEATH SCHOOL,” it was the Sorbonne. It was amazing, everything he wanted. It was only one bad apple within that recruited him and turned it all bad.

Liam also points out how much it means in real life to be able to express his love and care for his friends in person too.

Ashley talks about how much she loves Yasha’s armor in a meta sense because it’s so cool and useful, and great for her armor class, but struggles with what it represents in game. She might not be able to let it go due to its sheer utility, and she may have to find an in-game reason to justify keeping it.

Ashley segues a moment into talking about her velvet top which apparently has a matching velvet scrunchie. She’s asked to demonstrate the scrunchie and ties her hair up in a way that I have never in my life seen someone do with a scrunchie before, and my hair’s been waist-length most of my life. I watch it again in slow motion. How did she DO that??

Caleb’s been looking for the right time to tell Jester about his past for a long time. She’s a good person and makes him feel like he might be capable of becoming a good person at the end, because that’s how she saw him. Liam knew from Laura that Jester wouldn’t condemn him, but Caleb put it off as long as possible. He also wanted to take the time to make sure Caduceus & Yasha knew the whole story too before they went to dinner with Trent.

Liam was also relieved to get it out, because he could never remember who knew and who didn’t, and now he doesn’t have to track it anymore. “Now we can move forward. Now we can heal wounds, maybe.”

Ashley feels Cad picks up a lot, more than most people realize. Yasha was really affected by Cad’s line: “Patience can be good, but it can lead to apathy.” She really feels it opened her eyes, and she appreciated the simplicity of him pointing out her hair’s growing back white again. Having a friend notice “hey, you’re changing for the better” really means a lot. She’s interested in seeing how this means things might change with Beau.

Dani points out that it also reinforced for Yasha that she can want things too--she can be patient and just continue to be with the group, as she’s wanted, but it’s okay to want more than that too. Ashley remembers Veth asking her what her purpose is. There’s a part of her that knows Yasha is still figuring that out, and she’s interested to see how Yasha will continue to change. She’s always spent her life serving somebody--the Sky Spear, Obann--and then even after she joined the M9, it was very centered on “what do you need, what does the group need, how can I help with our next job?” She’s going to have to take some time to figure out what she wants.

Fanart of the Week! Lovely Yasha & Beau flight art by @JMNP7888. The wings look amazing!

Brian: “One of the things we want to talk to you about, Liam, is about the Vokodo fight and the FUCKING disintegrate spell.”

Liam: “That was one of the most insane 60-90 seconds of gameplay that ever existed for the table, and definitely for me, in the entire history of the show. A lot of people think I just went, oh man, just bet it all on black. But what if I told you that...I Larkin’d the first 20 seconds of that fight and then at a quarter to midnight, I forgot that the reflection was a thing? I just forgot it was a thing! I spent that whole battle thinking I’m just here to banish things. I might buff my friends a little bit, maybe I’ll counterspell, but I’m just here to banish. And it didn’t work and it didn’t work and then it did! Finally it did and Jester made it work and then he was GONE. And then everyone got greedy and it was done but we brought him BACK. And it was a quarter to midnight and I’m not an animatronic D&D lesson machine, I’m just a guy playing D&D at 11:45 at night, and he came back and everyone started Goodfellas circling him and kicking him, and Beau & Yasha are gonna kill him, and then it’s my turn? Disintegrate! And then the room was quiet, and then time passed, and Matt asked, you really cast Disintegrate? And I said yes, of course, and Matt started rolling dice, and in the back of my head I started wondering why he asked if I was rolling Disintegrate. Oh no. In the back of my brain, I was like, well, just tell him that’s not what you did. Tell him you didn’t remember the reflection thing. But he’s already rolling dice! You can’t take it back now. Hold on a second. I’m going to take you on the journey I went through. I was thinking: you have a spell save of 17. This thing wasn’t that fast. +1, +2, maybe? Anything under 14 is okay. That’s 70%. 70%. That’s okay, right? And still no one said anything to tip me off that I was in ELDRITCH MADNESS at that point, no one said anything about the reflection! And then I realize it can reflect back on us, and I realize this is...disintegrate. And then I started becoming morbidly, macabre-ly fascinated at the puppet dance of death I had created. Well, this is a mess. I have made a mess. Let’s just sit in it. And somehow, nonsensically, spectacularly, it worked out in my favor. I went home that night and I got in bed next to my wife, who was fast asleep, and I stared at the ceiling going, dude. Duuuuuuuude. Duuuuuuuuuude.”

He apparently also told his therapist about this and how terrible it was and how close he “danced myself to the precipice like a crazy person!” Marisha (as told by Liam): “Epic roll, though.”

Matt told Liam that night that if it had been reflected, it would have gone back on him. “If a player throws an M80 in the middle of a room, it would reflect on that player who threw it.”

Ashley talks about how interesting that Yasha is not performative, and yet has been doing these public performances with the harp. It’s a great experiment for Ashley--Yasha doesn’t like the attention, but feels like she is making something beautiful for the world.” She’s trying to change something about how she views herself & her place in the world. She was raised to be a weapon for the Sky Spear, but she’s also extremely gentle and loves flowers & beautiful music, and the further away she’s gotten from the tribe, she’s falling in love with gentle, beautiful things. 

Liam also points out it easy (real, but simplistic) to make an entire character centered around a single personality trait: “I’m angry all the time. I’m sad all the time.” He thinks it’s more realistic to see nuance in personality.

Liam can see some paths for Caleb to find peace & do good. He doesn’t know if Caleb is conscious of those. He thinks it’s a huge step forward to admit he was molded in this direction at all and that it wasn’t all his choice, but doesn’t know if this is the same possibility as redemption.

He also mentions Essek in this answer: there was/is attraction there, both intellectual and physical--the forehead kiss was a big marker of that--and he’s interested in seeing where that goes because he’s invested in Essek’s redemption arc on its own, but Essek is not as high on the list as other things Caleb/the M9 need to work on. He loved the “high spy times” of the Essek arc and the tangled-up-ness of feelings getting involved at the same time as intense commitment to duty.

Liam always felt Matt would bring Molly back in some aspect, even though Caleb always demurred because he doesn’t believe in fate. Dani and Brian agree that this is the start of a new act.

Ashley cried at the Vilya reunion. She thought that was an incredible moment and was so glad to see Keyleth. Liam: “Keyleth as part of our story is everything to me. That story is really important to me, so getting just a glimpse of her again was so important to me.” They could all see how that affected Marisha & how special it was to her. Liam: “It was such a great note in her song or color in her painting. She achieved magnificent things and was powerful and great, but had a very heartbreaking and sad ending, so to have this sliver of joy go back in is so complex and beautiful and masterfully done.”

Aaaaaaand that’s all for tonight! Remember, no Critical Role this week. Talks will be back in two weeks. As always, don’t forget to love each other. <3

[annie-mit-ie]

Glimpses: Part 8 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Babysteps are taken.

Word Count: 1,8k

A/N: Hey y’all! I am really sorry it took me a while to get to this but tbh life hasn't been the easiest since I’ve last posted. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, even though it turned out completely different than I had anticipated. Definitely plan to throw another chapter your way this week. We’ll see :)

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Her soft lips move against yours as Kathryn’s hand finds her way into your hair. She pulls you closer and it seems like she wants to deepen the kiss, but before she gets any chance to do so, you break the contact.

“Kathryn…“, both of you are panting and you have to hold on to her upper thigh to steady yourself. You take in a deep breath as she looks at you with widened eyes, while a worried look is creeping onto her face. She immediately lets go of your neck. Still panting, she tries to form words.

“Sweetheart, I… I am so sorry! I… Oh my god!“ Her eyes widen and she removes herself completely from you and puts a few more inches in between the two of you. “Is this…? Did we…? Are you okay?“

You nod, slowly, because you need time to process. What struck you and made you speechless wasn’t the fact that she kissed you in the first place, no, you are absolutely confused by her harsh reaction to the occurring situation. You look at her, eyes wide open, as she is sitting way too far away from you and looks at you like something horrible has happened.

“Kathryn, hey, I AM okay. Very much so, stop worrying. All is good!“ You take her hand in yours. “I… I loved this. This is everything I have ever dreamed of…“ “But?…“, she impatiently interrupts you and you give her the look that a mother gives her children when they repeatedly reach for a toy they are not allowed to have. 

“But… This is not how I want this to go. Let me take you out on a date or something?  Let’s go eat somewhere or read or talk or just sit… But not in the back of a car in the middle of the night as we are both very much not sober, hm?“ She nods and the hiccup, that escapes her throat right after you take her hand into yours again, just tells you that you’re right.

The rest of the ride is calm and quiet as Kathryn clearly is tired and overwhelmed with all the love she has gotten all night. You opt to just sit with her in silence, noticing how her body slowly falls against yours until her head lands on her shoulder. She is asleep.

You move a strand of hair behind her ear - prompting a small smile to form on her lips and it makes you feel proud that you did the grown up thing and resisted the urge to take a step further, the urge to see how far she would go, not that you could sneakily slip your hand anywhere anyway, considering she was still wearing that one-piece that was hugging her in all the right places.

Shaking your head to get rid of the thoughts that are flooding your tipsy brain right now, you realize you’ve reached your neighborhood right as the car slows down on the side walk. Peter opens the window to look at you “Do you want me to take you directly to your house or do you want to walk the rest of the way?“

You really appreciate how considerate he is, but you have to tell your mom eventually anyway, so you opt for the safer option. “Take me directly home, please.“ He nods and his eyes wander to Kathryn, who is still asleep on your shoulder. “You’re good for her, I hope you know that.“, Peter says before closing the window again.

“YOU DID WHAT?“ You haven’t seen your best friend enraged like that ever before. “YOUR./NAME… YOU DID WHAT NOW?

Telling her that you were the one who broke off a kiss with Kathryn was probably not your smartest idea in a while. When you got home last night, you went straight to bed, but texted Alex that you were gonna call her as soon as you woke up to give her all the tea.

“I… I broke the kiss?“ You repeat and look at her, scared she will yell at you again.

“Honey! How??? Why? This could’ve very well been a one in a lifetime chance!“ She is not mad or anything, more shocked because she knows how much you’ve wanted this.

You look at her and both of you become serious for a moment. “It wasn’t right. We had too much to drink. I know she wanted it. We’ve had moments before, but… I just didn’t feel right, Alex. I don't know how to explain. Don’t get me wrong, I was into it, very much so, but I want the real deal. Not a car fling, you know?“ “You really are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I hope she knows how fortunate she is to know someone as respectful as you.“ It still felt unusual to talk about Kathryn that way. Even to your best friend. Even though you know you share everything with Alex that is there to share. Kathryn was Kathryn and you were… just you. But somehow, when the two of you are together, that doesn't matter at all. You don’t think about who she is when you are with Kathryn.

Right as you think about her, your phone lights up and you receive a message.

„Sweetheart, I really enjoyed having you around last night! Can’t wait to do it again. Packed week ahead, sadly, but would like to invite you to my garden again by the end of it? xxx K.“

For a moment, you smile and already want to text back, but you had read the message out to Alex as well and she doesn’t want you to text back just yet. “Can’t wait to do it again?“, she says. “Like as in the kiss or as in the night, well I mean the day, in general? DUDE. That’s huge!“ You hadn’t thought about it that way. Alex was wild sometimes. She would come up with things that you haven’t considered yet, but not always in a good way. Sometimes, she drops knowledge on you until your anxiety kicks in and she doesn’t even notice. Not this time, though.

This time, Alex’ remark only makes your chest swell with pride because, either way, it was a huge compliment. You let Kathryn know that you feel the same and you would love to visit her again.

The following week seems to be endless but somehow you make your way through it, especially with a Q&A that was announced Sunday night and would happen today. Kathryn is booked to watch an episode of her latest show Wandavision with some cast members on something like Zoom, where they can be seen by fans around the globe to promote upcoming shows and increase streams.

She had texted you a selfie earlier, and captioned it with how she was missing your compliments while getting ready, with a wink, of course, and you that made you even more excited to see her later. 

The event itself is cute, hundreds of fans are online and even though you can’t see the other fans, you all can feel the unity and love towards the cast. You’re sitting on your desk, laptop propped up in front of you with the stream, while you are FaceTiming Alex who stayed awake for the event like she always does.

“Kathryn is just soooo beautiful tonight.“ Alex swoons, as you watch her staring at the stream. Kathryn does look great. Her blue eyes are highlighted by the blue button up shirt she is wearing and her hair is loosely hanging down one side. Ben really outdid himself with tonight’s look. She smiles at something Lizzie says and they both laugh as they watch the scene where Agatha and Wanda are in the kitchen together.

“Many mouths make good gossip.“ Alex laughs and you can see Kathryn grin in the corner of your eyes as you look at her best friend. “Have you told her she looks beautiful yet?“

It was a logical question. Shooting her a message would be so easy and yet, you haven’t thought of it yet. You shake your head.

“Gurl! Take your phone and text her, NOW! Let’s gooooooo.“ She was right. You had the perfect chance right there and you were sure Kathryn would not be looking at her phone anytime soon. Most likely, she would only see your message after the event, so you decide to go for it after all.

“Looking really good tonight, Ms Hahn. ;)“ you finally type. It took you a couple tries and you reworded the message several times, trying to figure out what tone would fit best. After deleting the previous ideas, you just want to not send anything at all, but as you reread your final words , you feel satisfaction and that makes you decide to shoot your shot after all.  

Ales notices our internal struggle “Y/N! Send that freaking message NOW.“ You know she would take your phone and just press send if she was with you and you want this friendship to feel a little less distant tonight, so you immediately press send.

Immediately, the both of you keep your eyes on the stream to not miss any possible reactions and you were wrong. Kathryn actually does have her phone with her and you can tell she notices a message because she looses attention for a second and looks to her left.

You can tell she rethinks if she should pick up her phone or not, but before you can worry about the whole situation more, she reaches out for her phone and reads. The smile on her face is telling. She tries to tone the smile down but it still creeps onto her face on one side. You’re not sure, but you would also say that there is a little blush around her nose that you think is adorable and makes a warm feeling bubble up in your body. OH NO.

Shortly, she looks directly at the camera with the softest smile, before putting the phone back aside and giving her attention back to the cast and episode.

“JACKPOT!“ Alex celebrates an early win. „She loved it! See! Aaaaargh, I am SO GOOD AT THIS.“

 You roll your eyes. “You have a wife, honey, OBVIOUSLY you are.“

And while the two of you laugh about your antics and virtually high five because messaging Kathryn was a success,  the other fans on twitter are already freaking out about the mysterious message Kathryn has gotten and who it might've been from.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Are you excited about tonight and tomorrow bachelor finale? I heard that alums think that it will be the most dramatic finale in franchise history and it will rival all others. i don't believe it's going to blow every finale out of the water. LMAO. the alumni are being ridiculous. i AM excited to see claydough get dumped. and i'm not sorry about it. Like If I’m Rachel and Gabby and you slept w me to “test our sexual chemistry” and yet the one who wasn’t giving you any cookies is still the one you say want most? And ALWAYS wanted most as you took me to bed and screamed, ILY? Oh I’m cussing you out, but that’s just me.

IT BETTER BE DRAMATIC, ANON. I DESERVE IT.

(Unclear if any finale could beat Arie with how godawful uncomfortable it was. I have never been more on the edge of my seat during this show than that. Not in a good way though)

I've calmed down a bit since last week, though I'm still frustrated with the way everything went down. I want tonight to be dramatic but not frustrating, because after last week & Love Is Blind, I'm very over reality shows. I couldn't even watch the new regency-era based Bachelor knockoff that I was so excited about.

Also, I think my week last week didn't help how upset I got over the episode. It was a very stressful week and it honestly hasn't gotten better lol so I'm sort of dreading tonight. Like I'm already stressed & upset about personal things and now I have to watch THIS STUPID SHOW? And I have to do it all without my Bachelor bff because she's away on a work trip and I have to live text her what's happening while she's at a business dinner.

And so because I've had a week to think about it and I'm TRYING to be a bit more diplomatic, here's where I land regarding last week's episode:

1) yes, Susie probably should have brought up how important sex was to her, but also... is that solely on her? Why isn't it also up to Clayton to tell her how important sex is to him (in the opposite way, that he thinks sex is important to a relationship and so he wants to explore that with all of them, which is fine). Either way, it probably should have been brought up prior to the fantasy suites.

2) I wonder if Susie was prompted a lot by producers. Like maybe she wasn't THAT dead set against it until they got in her head. I wouldn't be surprised. I've also heard it posed that she didn't say anything as a sort of test to Clayton, which I hate the idea of because it really reinforces the manipulative woman stereotype, but... it also could be true (whether she was aware she was doing it or not)

3) I do NOT think Clayton was gaslighting her, which I do feel the need to bring up because when I posted the texts between my bach bff and I, she did use that word while we were both live reacting and very upset. I haven't rewatched the episode, but I don't think it actually applies. I still don't like how he responded, but I don't think it was gaslighting and I want to be clear on that because I think that word gets thrown around a lot. Same with "abusive".

4) I still sort of think he used the I love you's as a get out of jail free card. He said them so deliberately to all 3 women, even using some of the same language & phrasing to do it. With Rachel & Gabby, he turned around and yelled that he loved them as he walked away the next morning in like... the same exact way lol. And then his "I knew something like this would happen", he clearly understood that some of the women might not be ok with it, but thought "well I love them too, just a bit less than you" would get him out of it. Again, this is a theory and maybe not something he knowingly did, but... still

5) I sort of wish the conversation between Susie & Clayton hadn't been focused on the sex part. I don't even think that's the biggest deal breaker (though maybe it is for Susie). The fact is, he still told all 3 women that he loved them while knowing he could only pick one, knowing he HAD to break two of their hearts. And again, it was a decision he made, he did not blurt the words out. He made grand speeches.

6) no matter how this was handled and how it went down, it seems like Clayton and Susie don't have compatible views on some things and it's probably best they aren't together.

7) Still completely blindsided that it was apparently Susie? I swore it was Rachel.

8) there's no way Rachel or Gabby could get past this. Even if they're both totally fine with the sex stuff (which I think Gabby is), how do you get past him saying he loves all of you, but he loves the one that isn't you more? I don't think there's a way past it, tbh

9) Gabby for Bachelorette, please. PLEASE.

[highfivesandgoodtimes]

spooning - nolan patrick

****ya girl is back w another patty fic. this might be one of my favorite things I've written so let me know what you think! this is some tooth aching fluff with our favorite stoic boy.***** 

“Did you just throw a spoon at me?”

Okay maybe you were being a little over dramatic. But it was warranted, he said over and over that he would be done in 5 minutes yet, here he was, 45 minutes later, still in front of that damn TV. 

You knew the struggle of dating a hockey player and you were okay with them, most of the time anyways. Nolan was back on the ice this season and while you couldn’t be happier to see your boy back doing what he loves, he was driving you crazy. 

Nolan had this weird thought that he had something to prove to the team, to the fans, to the entire city. After missing a season due to injury, he felt that he had to come back 10x better than he already was. You told him over and over again that it was really unnecessary since the team had faith in him and he was already playing fantastic as usual and he didn't owe those loud mouth reporters shit. Yet, it went in on ear and out the other. He spent extra time at the rink after practice, working on his shot, his speed, his passes, anything and everything he possibly could. 

Which lead to right now. You had barely seen Nolan this week due to games, practices, and you working so tonight was supposed to be one night to spend time together. You were going to cook dinner and Nolan even agreed to help and cook with you. You were honestly pretty excited to spend some time together and actually have a conversation with him that wasn't “good morning” or “good night”. 

Except you were standing in the kitchen, alone, halfway done cooking dinner and Nolan was sitting on the couch watching tapes from the team’s game last season against the Islanders in preparation for this weeks game. You asked multiple times for him to pause it and he promised just 5 more minutes every time. 

So yes, you did throw a spoon at him. 

All you did was shrug when he asked and turned around to go back to cooking. 

“Babe? Did you just throw a spoon at me?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” If he wanted to lie about being done with the game, then you could lie about the spoon. It was obvious he didn’t believe you but you did hear him pause the TV and heard his feet shuffling around the floor. 

You faced the stove and stir the pot you had on the burners when you felt hands slide around your waist and rest on your hips. Nolan shoved his face into your neck and he nuzzled into your skin as he pressed his body flush against yours. 

He mumbled a “baby?” into your neck and you hummed in response. He pulled his head up a bit to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Why did you throw a spoon at me?”

“Why am I cooking dinner alone?”

The crickets were awfully loud tonight.

“Okay, so it appears I may have forgotten that I promised to help you cook tonight.” He leaned up and starting repeated kisses to your cheek. “I’m sorry honey, I got dishes tonight and dinner tomorrow, I promise.”. You still had yet to answer him. It may have been a bit dramatic but you were kinda hurt, all you wanted was a bit of quality time with him. Nolan continued to kiss your cheeks, your forehead, your chin, and all the way down to your shoulder blade. You still gave him not reaction and focused on the stove in front of you. It wasn't until Nolan rubbed his beard into your neck and started tickling his finger against your side did you crack.

“Stop it, I’m mad at you! Couldn’t you figure that out when I chucked a spoon at your head?” you were half laughing, half trying to put up a serious front. 

“Yeah, the spoon flying at my head kinda gave that away. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to forget. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He pouted at you, sliding his arms back around your waist. He pulled you flush against him once again and starts swaying side to side. 

“Nol, you don’t get it. I really missed you this week, we’ve barely seen each other. I was looking forward to actually spending some time together but noooooo you just had watch more stupid hockey tapes.” you grumbled out that last part and took a rather aggressive jab at the pan with the spatula you were holding. He sat quietly for a moment while still swaying you back and forth slowly. You felt him rub his nose against your neck before he pressed his lips softly against the side of your head for a brief moment. 

“You’re right. I got too caught up in being back and got lost in the hockey hype. I neglected you and our relationship. I’m sorry baby, I’ll try to not let it happen again. If it does, you have my full permission to throw more spoons at him.” he mumbled. You hummed in response, appreciating his words and knowing that he meant them. “Here, let me help.” he grabbed the spatula from your hands and bumped you out of your place in front of the stove with his hip. You stared at him in amusement as he started stiring the dinner in the pan. “Cmon, I got this. go pour some wine and put on your favorite song.” he smiled at your, nodding his head toward the bottle of wine sitting on the kitchen island. You sighed but did as he said anyway. You grabbed two glasses and poured you both some wine. You put on your “chill” playlist, a favorite of both you and Nolan, and made your way back over to the stove.

Placing the glasses on the counter, you wrapped your arms snuggly around his midsection and rested your head against his back. You rested against him for a minute and mumbled a soft “missed you” against his shirt. You watched as he lowed the flame on the stove and spun around to face you. His hands landed at your waist as he tugged you close to him. Your chin was on his chest as you stared up at him. He smiled down at you contently and bent down to press a soft kiss to your lips.

“Hi baby.” he said, pressing another soft kiss to your lips. He always had a way of making you feel like a giddy schoolgirl.

“Hi honey.” you smiled back at him, relishing on finally getting a moment with your boyfriend. He kissed you one last time before pulling away from your hold.

“C’mon you love this song.” He said as he grabbed your hands and pulled you into the middle of the kitchen. He spun you around by the hand and dramatically dipped you into his arms, which always made you laugh. Before long, the two of you were spinning each other around the kitchen, dramatically dipping each other. There’s a chance your attempt to dip Nolan failed majorly and he may have ended up on the floor while you cracked up but that was a story for another time.

The two of spun around the kitchen, smiling, laughing, and just enjoying the time you two had together for a couple songs until Nolan realized dinner needed to be finished. He returned to the stove, stirring food around in the pot, while you perched on the counter with your glass of wine. Nolan told you all about his practice and all the funny things the boys chirped at each other while you caught him up on all of the latest work drama and the conversation you had with his sister a few days before. 

You passed Nolan plates as he placed dinner on them and the two of you headed to the table. Dinner was lovely, the conversation flowing as smooth as always. Smiles were spread across both of your faces as both of you clearly loved having this time to catch up with each other. Nolan smiled extra softly at you as you told him how dinner with your friends went the other night and reached out to hold your hand across the table.

“You know,” he started as you finished your story, “this is all I want in life. I just want me and you, together like this, for the rest of my life.”

“I- you- what?” you stuttered as he caught you off guard. He chuckled at your surprise and kissed your hand.

“Babes, you can’t be surprised by that. We’ve legit talked about marriage and kids, why would I not want you for the rest of my life?” he asked you. Well he did have a point, we had talked often about your future together and have recent taken the step to move in together. 

“I don’t know, just caught me by surprise. It’s always nice to hear though, I want you forever too Nols. You’re it for me.” you said as you leaned over the table to kiss him.

“Thanks baby, you’re it for me too.” he replied back to you in his typical deep voice. He lifted the back the your hand that he was holding up to his lips, kissing it gently. Then, in true Nolan fashion, he casually changed the conversation to a story about the boys messing around and almost getting in trouble this morning after practice. 

The two of you ended the night by migrating to your bed, opting for a movie and some comfy clothes. You laid with your head on his shoulder and you two watched the next couple episodes of the newest show you had been binging. You rolled closer to him, resting your head in the curve of his neck and wrapping your arms around his shirtless torso. His hand fell into your hair and your eyes fell shut at the calming feeling. You felt yourself start to doze off but not before you felt Nolan pull you closer and press a kiss to the top of your hair. He mumbled a soft “love you” as you fell asleep, thankful that you decided to throw a spoon at him.

[kagedaddy]

you hangout - haikyuu!

Warnings: none

boyfriend scenarios [3] [masterlist]

daichi sawamura

You and Daichi have been hanging out a few times now, after you had given him the apology bento he in return made you lunch as well.

Oh were you surprised, that man can cook.

Both the men and women’s volleyball club have been holding joint practice recently and your captain can’t help but tease you everytime you’re in Daichi’s team.

“Ehh, careful (last name)-chan you might knock out Daichi-san this time!”

“So mean captain!”you pout as pink colours your cheeks and it gets everyone teasing the both of you.

“Don’t worry (last name) you can hit me anytime.”Daichi laughs and the whole gymnasium stares at the male, “what?!”you had become even more flustered.

What did that even mean?

“Wait-t!! That sounded wrong,”realisation hits him and he too flushes a bright shade of red, he awkwardly rubs the back of his head before the coaches call all our attention.

Practice had finally ended and you couldn’t be happier, today was extra exhausting. Too much running and your hands hurt from blocking the ball, as soon as you were dismissed you were out the door.

“(last name)!”you turn your attention to the out of breath male,”Daichi-san?”the male stops infront of you, hands on his knees as he tries to regain his breath. “We were planning on heading out to a cafe, wanna join?”his eyes meet yours and you can’t help but admire them,”uh sure.”he lights up at your answer.

You both walk back to the group,”(last name), Daichi. Sorry we gotta cancel we’ve got some group work we have to finish, we’ll catch up.”Sugawara sadly says but a small smirk plays on his lips. “Are you okay with that?”Daichi turns to you in question,”yeah it’ll be alright,”you shrug and you both wave goodbye to your friends.

Both you and Daichi silently walk beside each other. The cafe comes in view and it does look really nice,”the cafe looks really cute,”you whisper out as you admire the farmhouse looking cafe.

“Yeah it is, seems like a date spot though”you turn to Daichi, surprised he heard you,”this was Sugawara’s suggestion,”he quickly says before opening the door for you.

You both stand at the cashier, you scan through the menu,”Hi, good evening! What would you both like to order?”the old woman asks you,”I’ll just have an Americano and?”Daichi turns to you.

“Oh, I’ll just have a matcha latte.”

Daichi quickly pays for both your drinks before you could even get your wallet,”Oi Daichi, let me pay,”you pout at the male but he just laughs at you while he pats your head.

The old lady behind the cash register stifles her laugh as she watches the two of you argue together.

“Such a cute couple.”

“Ehhhh?!”

sugawara koushi

You and Sugawara have been eating lunch together, you told the grey haired male that he didn’t need to eat with you all the time besides you had made friends in your classes.

“Nee (last name)-chan, let’s have lunch,”Sugawara calls out to you from the door of your classroom, you blush red as your classmates start to gossip about the two of you again.

“Sugawara-san, you don’t have to keep having lunch with me. Your friends might miss you,”you rub your head awkwardly as you meet him at the door. He thinks about what you said before a bright smile rests on his face.

“Then let’s eat with them (last name)-chan!”the grey haired male happily takes your wrist and drags you to the direction of the school courtyard, where the ace and the Captain of the volleyball club sat.

“Oh, Suga you’re joining us for lunch!”Daichi raises a brow in amusement as you catch his attention,”(last name)”both Daichi and Asahi waves at you as they wiggles their eyebrows at Sugawara in a teasing manner.

Once all of you had settled in the table, you pulled out your bento and the spare container holding all the extra food you made for Sugawara,“oh, that looks so good,”Asahi, the shy long haired male praises your food and you smile in thanks.

You offer your extra food to the three males who excitedly gobbled down on the food, moaning and smiling in satisfaction.

Sugawara bumps your shoulder to catch your attention,”hmm!” you tilt your head in question, he only pouts at you jutting out his bottom lip. You reach up and pinch his cheeks and they heat up from your contact.

“They’re taking my share.”he turns his head in embarrassment as he points to his two friends eating the food you made. You giggle at the full mouths of the ace and Captain, taking a piece of meat from your own bento and to his,”there you go Sugawara-san!”

“I can see why you ditch us at lunch!”

asahi azumane

Once again you have been asked to deliver the exam paper to your sensei’s office, you were rushing down the halls since you wanted to get home as quick as possible.

Just as you took a turn you noticed a slumped figure at the hallway, curious you approach the figure.

It’s Asahi-san!

You carefully approached him, he was crouched on the corner, trying to hide from onlookers.

“Asahi-san are you okay?”you crouched down to his level, carefully patting his back, he tenses up and his head whips to your direction.

His eyes were wide, he shakes his head before turning back to face the wall. “I’m not evil,”he whispers, you almost didn’t catch it.

“(last name) am I evil?”he turns to you again, eyes wide with panic. You had witnessed one of his episodes but this was worse,”I think you’re the nicest and gentlest person I know.”you reassure the male.

He runs his hand through his hair, you instruct him with the breathing technique to help him calm down. “Just ignore what other people are saying, you’re a nice guy Asahi-san!”you continue to cheer him up.

“It’s cause I look all scary,”he sighs, both of you now seated on the floor, he tells you what people see him as and you both laugh at their ridiculous rumours.

“You know what always makes me feel better? Ice Cream!”

The exam papers needed to be passed now long forgotten.

nishinoya yuu

You and Nishinoya have been spending quite some time together, you’d both walk to school together and have lunch together.

You don’t mind since he was such an energetic male, always jumping and running around, providing you good entertainment as you ate.

“(last name) (last name)!”Nishinoya calls out your name as you and your friend walk to the courtyard table you guys always ate at, your friend’s been teasing you about the blonde streaked male.

“I’ve got a new move to show off!”the male says excitedly, he’s jumping up and down as he waves to you and his bald friend just shakes his head. “Alright but let’s eat first!”you laugh at the male, you and your friend take a seat, you blush pink as your friend pushes you to sit next to Nishinoya.

The male is taken aback and also flushes pink, you all dig in your lunch with Nishinoya entertaining you. Telling you about his tangerine kouhai and the new moves he’s been trying out in practice.

“That doesn’t sound too cool, I’ll have to watch one of your games!”you say imagining what he was talking about,”nee Tanaka, right my new move is so cool?”you both turn to the seats across you.

You’re both surprised to see that it was empty, Tanaka and your friend had ditched you both. You had been too engrossed in your conversation that you hadn’t noticed them leaving.

“Oh! They left us!”you say, searching the courtyard for the balding and your blonde friend.

“I’ll just show you my move now!”

tanaka ryuunosuke

Everyday you were graced by the presence of the bald male from Karasuno, he had been getting coffee everyday and if the cafe was empty he’d sit at your booth while you did your homework.

Tonight was one of those nights.

“Hi Tanaka, the usual?”you asked the bald male, he nods his head as pink dusts his cheeks, you get right to his order and bring it over to the table you both claimed as your spot.

“How’s school and practice going?”you ask as you take the seat across him, his eyes watching you as you write down the answers to your homework. “It’s okay, school is boring and practicing is so exciting. We’re training really hard,”you laugh.

Spending time together you’ve come to realise he hates school work and is really passionate in playing volleyball, he talks about it nonstop. You feel as though you know how to play just from listening to him, you weren’t really big on sports.

“Oh, that’s good! I hope you guys win!”You look up at the male who looks at you funny,”don’t you want your school to win?”he tilts his head in confusion.

“Oh true! But I want you guys to win too,”you tell him happily, he blushes a bright pink as he rubs his neck awkwardly. “Thanks, I’ll do my best to win!”he pumps his fist in the air, a new fire of determination in his eyes.

“I’ll definitely watch you play!”

kageyama tobio

Kageyama and you were now on your third movie from the list your sensei had given. Kageyama’s practice had gone on longer than usual due to the upcoming tourney.

So you both were meeting up together late at night, since your parents were out of town you thought it would be a good idea for him to stay over and finish through this weeks project. You weren’t worried about Kageyama, he didn’t seem like ‘that’ kind of guy.

You doorbell chimes and you open the door to a newly showered Kageyama Tobio,”uh, hi!”you say awkwardly as you let him in your house,”what do you want to do first?”You ask as he removes his shoes and shrugs off his jacket.

“We can finish off the next movie,”we move to the living room where he takes a seat on your couch, you nod and set up your laptop to connect to the television.

My hands start to clam up, you’ve never had a boy sleepover, you wipe down your hands before joining him in the other end of the couch, you pull the blankets up to your chest.

You watch Kageyama from the corner of your eye and he seemed calm, the same blank face, was he not fazed about sleeping over a girls house. “Kageyama, are you cold?”without thinking you sling the blanket you had been using over his lap and since the blanket was small you had to move closer to him.

Your face heats up as your shoulder brushes against his, you both were seated close to each other.

“Thank you (last name).”he looks away as his cheek heat up, he hides behind his hair as he looks away.

You feel giggly at the sight and bump your shoulders with him.

“You’re kinda cute Kageyama-kun”

hinata shouyo

“Hinata, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”you try to reassure the tangerine haired male as smacks his head on the papers,”(last name)-san, nothings sticking to my brain,”he wails and a laugh bubbles out of you as you watch the slumped male.

“Am I just that dumb?”he turns to you, tears forming on his eyes, you shake your head as you pay his fluffy hair,”of course not, English is hard but we’re getting through it,”you try to lift the male’s spirit but it does nothing.

You think for a moment on how you can make English easier for Hinata to remember before an idea hits you and you quickly get up from your seat the male looking up at you in wonder.

“I got it Hinata, I know how we can make English easy and fun to learn!”you take his wrist and he flushes a dark red, a female has never done that to him, he allows himself to get dragged by you.

“Do you have a volleyball by any chance?”at the mention of the sport he lights up and is now jumping up and down,”yes yes, it’s in my bag,”he runs to his bag and pulls out the yellow and blue ball.

“Perfect!”

You explain your idea to Hinata, how you’ll toss to him only if he gets the answer right, you thought it would give him motivation to learn the words if you incorporated something that interested him.

“Good job, Hinata! You did better!”you cheered as he answered the last question correctly, you knew he jumped quite high but you were in shock to see it in person.

“Yuss, thank you (last name)-san!”

You were taken aback when he tackled you into a hug.

tsukishima kei

Tsukishima could not be anymore grumpy, since your dinner together he has been walking you to school every morning.

You were surprised to see the tall male in your kitchen the next morning sipping on some tea your mother had made. “Hi?”you greet but it came out as a question, he turns to you a scowl plastered on his face. “My mom told me to walk you to school,”he says, voice monotone as he pushes his glasses up his nose.

“Right, shall we leave then?”you pull your school bag tight on your shoulder, he makes a grunting noise before following you out the door.

He pulls his headphones over his ears and you do the same, you both walk in silence in the direction of the school. Out of the corner of your eye you see Tsukishima pull out his phone and change songs.

“You like Burnout Syndromes?”you grab onto his arm which takes the male by surprise, almost jumping up and down in excitement. Not a lot of people were interested in their music, so it was quietly exciting to find someone who listens to them.

“Oi let go of me ばか(baka).”he rips his arm from your grasp, straightening his uniform before shoving his phone into his pocket, you pout at him but left him be.

Since he’s in his mood again.

After walking in silence, he suddenly speaks. “You like them too?”you whip your head towards the tall male and he’s still facing forward. You both hush over the band and talk about other songs and genre that interest you both.

“Tsuki, is she your girlfriend?”Yamaguchi asks as you both reach the entrance of Karasuno, you flush in embarrassment as Tsuki sounds a “tch” to Yamaguchi.

“Shut up Yamaguchi!”

“ごめん(gomen) Tsuki!”

yamaguchi tadashi

“Yamaguchi-san!”you tap the green haired male’s shoulder, he turns to you and you can’t help but let a smile play on your lips.

“How can I help you, (last name)-san?”

“I got more than 75% on my exam!”you shoved the paper you had hidden behind your back into his hands, his eyes widen and laughs at your giddy form. “I’m so happy for you (last name)-san!”he cheers just as excited as you.

“Tch, so noisy!”Tsukishima comments from beside Yamaguchi,”Oi we all can’t be as smart as you, salt shaker.”you stick your tongue out at the tall male, earning an eye roll from him.

Yamaguchi laughs at the exchange before offering you to sit at their library table,”thank you Yama-san,”you take the seat beside him.

You pull out the book Yamaguchi had recommended to you, it was boring at first but once you’ve reached the middle part it was quite entertaining.

Yamaguchi’s eyes light up at the sight of the book, you both talk about the story and how great the character building was, the loud scraping draws both your attention.

Tsukishima leaves the table in annoyance.

“Both of you are so loud!”

//

happy happy birthday to our dear (daddy) daichi [31|12] and (jesus) asahi [01|01], heheh! anyways things have been good, i’ve been doing things to distract me from my ex. slow and steady healing 💕 i’m thinking of streaming on twitch, tell me what you think and what i should do. i wanna do it to distract myself. have a great new year you guys!

all the love xx

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, so it’s 1 AM here and I’m listening to this podcast while very wired after spending tonight coaching the start of our new season and it was a big deal and really cool and I’m feeling excited about real life again in a way I haven’t for a while, but also it was quite intense, hence the feeling of being wired and easily excitable. That might be the explanation for why, when I heard the dialogue above, I repeatedly said to my phone, “Hey, that’s what I fucking said! I said that exact thing!” and then had to pause the recording to cut out the clip and show everyone.

I’m listening to Russell Howard’s episode of The Comedian’s Comedian podcast. It’s a very good episode, a lot of really interesting stuff in there, and I’m sure once I finish listening to it tomorrow I’ll have more to say about the actual reasons why it’s interesting, but right now, I just really need to show you all this clip and say that’s what I fucking said! Look, here’s what I wrote a couple of weeks ago after listening to a Daniel Kitson show from 2005:

“I was halfway up a very large hill today and just marveling at how many times I’d laughed at his story about running around Russell Howard’s backyard, from the night before that show. And I know when comedians say “last night” they don’t usually mean “last night”, but I’m pretty sure he did that time. The show was in Cardiff, and he explained that he’d done a gig in Bristol the night before and then stayed with a friend there before taking a train to Cardiff to be at the current show – I’m pretty sure it was a real story. Which means the stuff about running around a yard with Russell after the Bristol show really had taken place the night before, which means he’d written that story in less than a day. And it was as funny as most comedy material I’ve heard. Not just that he got lucky and had a really inherently funny thing happen to him the night before that show – the thing that happened itself was only a bit funny, but Daniel Kitson told it so well that it could pass for something that had been carefully written and worked on for months. And he just threw that out to a crowd in Cardiff one day in 2005, before getting on to his actual show. Daniel Kitson when he’s barely trying is as funny as most people’s final, polished stand-up shows. Kitson can add all the other magic and insight and stuff because the humour’s there to start with. The word “genius” gets thrown around and overused a lot, but Jesus Christ he is good.”

See? I was right. He does take shit that’s happened to him during a tour and turn it into material within a day. It happens that “that’s what I fucking said” works especially well here because I illustrated that point with a story he told about Russell Howard, and I’ve just heard Russell Howard say he has been there when stuff’s happened to Daniel Kitson and seen Kitson turn it into material that was better than the event itself. But it’s not just that one; based on the radio shows and stand-up shows I’ve heard from Daniel Kitson, he does that a lot. Just grabs whatever’s around him and it turns to gold in his hands whether it was that great a story to begin with or not.

I think I’ve also said before that Russell Howard is what you get if you kill some of John Oliver’s brain cells, so technically, the above audio clip is Russell Howard acknowledging that two things I’ve previously said were correct (the bit at the end about working with geniuses while not being a genius). But that’s not very nice of me and Russell’s great on this podcast so I’ll try not to be like that. Everyone has different skills and is a beautiful sunflower in their own way. John Oliver could barely get through a few episodes of Mock the Week without the life in his eyes visibly extinguishing, so Russell’s got him beat on the ability to do that, at least (I mean, whether that’s a good thing or not is up for debate).

[c-is-for-circinate]

Post-ep 123 Reaction

Wow, y’all.  What a ride.

You know, I used to do these after every single CR episode.  Every single one, 2 AM, exhausted and dazed, trying to pour out smart thinky thoughts onto tumblr because I’d be so overflowing with ideas and feelings.

I haven’t so much, lately, and I think part of that is just the fact that I have not been enjoying this Aeor arc.  I’ve hated the traveling along with Lucien in a way that’s made it unpleasant to watch, instead of fun.  (For me, personally!  Many people have been enjoying the tension, and I know the players have been enjoying the tension, and that’s fine!  Yay for them!)  Some of the ancient ruins explorations, too, have gotten just a little too creepy-horror-game for sitting alone in my apartment at one in the morning.  I’ve had less to say.  I’ve wanted to say it less.

And that’s not true tonight.  I can’t remember the last time I got excited about a CR episode like I was tonight.  Oh, there’ve been bits and moments I loved all throughout, there always are, that’s why I’m still watching live even in an arc that hasn’t thrilled me, but I loved the whole episode today, all five and a half hours of it, and god that feels good.

So in celebration, some specific bullet points:

The start of the episode, the discovery of the eyes on Beau and Caleb.  The attempts at science.  The fear, and yet, also, the glimmers of...okay but what if we could use this?  (The moment in the second half, after the Tombtakers ran off, when Beau suggests going into her dreams to ask for help to find them--yes.  Yes.  I still don’t have a lot of interest in evil wizard plotlines when you doom yourself/the world/etc out of curiosity, but the willingness to dive into this terrifying thing that might change you, might break you, because you need what it can give you in order to save a thing you love (your friends, the world) more than you need to be whole or sane or even, necessarily, alive--that is my GOOD SHIT.)     

Guys, I just loved every single minute of that white dragon fight, okay?  It was such a mess.  It was such a mess!  And look, there’s a very specific kind of frenetic energy that the table gets when they find themselves in the middle of a terrifying boss battle, and there’s a different very specific kind of wild ‘this may as well happen’ energy they get when things go terribly wrong entirely due to random chance, and getting the compound of both of those things at once is always glorious.  Nobody is prepared for anything!  Everybody is freaking out!  There’s good reason to suspect that, even if someone dies a bit, everyone’s going to make it out alive, but shit’s wild in the middle there and it’s just such a joy to watch.     

Likewise, I know that final fight was really stressful for both the cast and a lot of viewers, but honestly in so many ways I watched it feeling so much less stressed than the past few weeks have made me?  Yes, it was a horrible, horrible fight, the team in so far over their heads, so low on sleep and spells and any resources at all.  But, god, thank god, at least it was finally over.  There’s no going back to fake amity with the Tombtakers after this, no more playing along and trying to plot treason while the person you’re plotting against is probably hearing every word.  Enemies can be faced!  They can be fought, or fled, or defeated, they can be destroyed or put off for another day, but at least nobody’s pretending any more while trapped in wary uncertain fear of their own houseguests.  At least now it’s done.     

The fucking Iron Shepherds parallels.  Just.  Yes. I have hated the trapped feelings of traveling alongside Lucien and his crew, but the Iron Shepherds parallels are, while stab-me-in-the-heart painful, so fucking good.  The very best moments with Lucien have been the ones that mimic Mollymauk, not even because they bring hope that Molly could come back to us someday (although that’s there, that faint shimmering thread), but because it is always the best, worst, most glorious twist of irony. Molly died trying to save his friends, saving his friends, from the violence of a monster who was so very like him in all the ways he was terrified to know.  Lorenzo and his ragtag group of multiclassed minions, full of loyalty, arrogance, unexpected powers, here to torture and enslave.  The Nein have more power now, a little more negotiated control, they are different--but so much of it is just window-dressing as they’ve been dragged along on this pell-mell journey against their will, told when to walk and when to sleep, headed towards a place they would’ve gone anyway at the behest of someone they really do not give a shit about any more.  It’s so much the same. And the thing that is beautiful, and the thing that I love, the one thing for which I do love Lucien, is just--god, the irony.  The irony!  Because it’s not just that Lucien is like Lorenzo, that Molly turns out to be like the man that killed him after all; it’s not just Lucien, all unknowing, rebuilding old grudges and replaying old scenes without even knowing them.  It’s the fact that Molly’s death is the only reason this can happen in the first place. Mollymauk Tealeaf, murdered and buried, wanting only to protect his teammates from a megalomaniacal killer--sacrificing himself on a hope and a chance that maybe, maybe, he and his friends could all survive, and they’d all be fucked anyway if he didn’t--he died to do it.  And it worked.  They were safe, for a little while, for long enough to rescue Jester and Yasha and Fjord.  Long enough to keep going, to leave part of the world better than they found it, to canonize him in his own way.  Except now here they are again, worse and deeper into the same shit than ever before, and it never could have been like this if Molly had survived.  He derailed Lorenzo long enough to save them then, and created the forward path for the Lucien they’re facing now. It’s terrible.  It’s beautiful.  And that’s some damn good storytelling.

The start of the next episode is going to be very very hard for the Nein!  In so many ways, they’re back exactly where they were episodes ago when they first started traveling with Lucien’s crew to begin with: one threshhold crest in their possession, beat to hell and almost entirely out of spells, exhausted, in desperate need of a long rest, with a probably-pursuing enemy that doesn’t seem inclined to let them have one.  It’s as untenable now as it was then.

They have so much more knowledge now (was it worth it?).  They have their own connection to the city now (will it cost them more than they’ve gained?).  Maybe they have a direction.  Probably they’ve got options.  They’ve got an angel, an owl, a wooly mammoth, and a destination.  Maybe, if they’re very fast and very lucky, maybe, if Caleb uses a teleport spell or they somehow manage to navigate through the snow in their exhaustion with all their luck, they’ll make it to Essek in time to collapse almost safely.  They’ve needed backup so badly.  They’ve needed someone, anyone, to keep them safe for just a few hours so they can plan, and think, and sleep.

And they’ve been so busy trying to play nice, giving in to their fear, trying to avoid the fight they just dove into (with half the team exhausted and half their spell slots gone!), that they haven’t let themselves go and get those things.  And now they’re out the other side of that fight.  Now they know, just a bit more, what Lucien and his team are made of.

Now they can finally, maybe, maybe, start finding ways to take back their own control instead of keeling over with the fear.  I hope.  I hope, I hope, I hope.

[mercywestforever]

Not out of nowhere

“I know that it seems impulsive and out of nowhere, but it’s not ...”

This is a mess, I am a mess but so are they. Those two weeks are going to be the end of me. To somehow deal with all my thoughts and theories I put a little something down in words, a little scenario of what might happen but probably won’t. 

After all this time, I’m really rusty at writing, so please excuse any and all mistakes as well as the horrible title. Also please let me know if you think that I should post this on other plattforms.

But without further ado, here is (I can’t believe I’m actually writing this!) a new Japril fanfic!

“I finally got her to sleep.” He looks up at April entering the room. His heart is still beating at a dangerously high rate and he’s not sure if he’s been able to breathe properly in the last hours.

April on the other hand simply looks exhausted. He knows firsthand that Harriet isn’t particularly fond of thunder. Sometimes he wonders if it has something to do with the circumstances of her birth, if in some inexplicable way her subconsciousness associates storm with danger and loss.  

“So how did it go?” April wonders out loud and he is suddenly reminded that she is completely unaware of everything that has been going on inside of him. She looks at him expectingly and it throws him off. “Good- “ he clears his throat “I mean it was good. It was the right decision to go see him.”

She nods pleased and looks around the room, out the window and back at him. “It’s smarter if you don’t continue your drive. It’s supposed to get even worse. How about you stay here tonight, and you tell me some more when you’re rested. You look exhausted.” She smiles at him, so warm, so lovely. “Plus, that way you can get up when Hattie wakes in the night.” She laughs slightly at her own suggestion and has an almost mischievous glint in her eyes. She’s beautiful. When he doesn’t respond she moves on. “I mean I can only offer you the couch, but I made sure it’s comfortable when I bought it.” She smiles again as she moves the throw pillows from the couch and he just can’t take it anymore.

“I love you.” It bursts out of him and he is almost as surprised about it as she looks. She stops what she’s been doing and turns towards him, a frown appearing on her forehead. “Jackson, is everything alright? Did something happen?” She seems so worried and that’s definitely not what he was going for. This is not at all how this was supposed to go but then again, when did it ever with them.

“Everything is fine, nothing happened” he tries but telling by her face it’s not that convincing. And well, who could blame her, it is after all not the truth. “I mean of course things happened but nothing bad, April, you have to trust me on that.” His voice gets a pleading undertone.

She crosses her arms over chest averting his eyes and he can feel the hope waver in his chest.

“April, I know that it seems impulsive and out of nowhere, but it’s not sudden nor is it out of nowhere. I mean I’ve loved you ever since San Francisco, I never stopped. I wasn’t always aware of it and I tried to repress it more than I would have liked it and I’m just tired of it. I know why no relationship I start works, I know why I’m unable to love anyone and I’m sick of pretending I don’t. I love you, April. It’s you, you are the reason. Because I never stopped loving you, I never got over you and I’m tired of trying to because I don’t want to, I don’t want to stop loving you. I want you, April, you’re it for me.” He’s breathless and exhausted but for the first time in years he feels like there isn’t something weighing down on him. He can finally breathe again.

He looks at her expectantly, but she doesn’t meet his gaze. She looks anywhere but him, furiously wiping tears away under her eyes. “April,” he begs in a whisper, “please say something.”

She takes a deep breath and then straightens herself. He knows immediately what she’s doing, has seen it too many times for his liking. She is preparing herself for a fight.

“Jackson, I know that all of this is confusing for you, it is for me too. And I know that the fact that Matthew and I broke up makes it look like things have changed but they haven’t-”

“April no!” He interrupts her, he has to, or she will say things that neither of them wants.

“It’s not about Matthew. This is only about us. About how neither of us can ever really let go of the other. April, I love you, I’m in love with you. I still am and will always be and I’m willing to fight until you believe me.”

She is openly crying by now and he is too. He looks at her desperately, he needs her to believe him.

“You hurt me.” At first, she is so quiet he almost doesn’t hear with the storm raging on outside but then her voice gets stronger, surer. “You hurt me so much, more than anyone else. And I’m not saying that I’m without blame here, I know I hurt you. But I can’t do this again, I can’t let you have this power over me. Ever since we got divorced I- So much of what we did, so much of what you said hurt me. And I’m not saying that you did it on purpose, I know you didn’t mean to, but it felt like at a lot of times you didn’t even care. You said things about me and to me that were hurtful and quite frankly disrespectful a lot of times. But you didn’t notice what that did to me or you did but didn’t care and I don’t know which is worse. I thought that that meant that you had truly moved on and I couldn’t even be mad because it was my fault. And you were there for Harriet, you are such an amazing dad, and you were there for me sometimes and I thought that that is just the way how things are now. And I put myself back together, because you broke me … but I did, and I am so proud of myself for it. And I can simply not let you in again because I am sure that I cannot do that again.”

He feels like he got hit by a truck, like someone punched him in his gut and knocked all the air out of his lungs. She is sobbing and it breaks his heart. She almost doubles over from the sobs and he can’t just stand there and watch, so he doesn’t. He closes the space between them and wraps her up in his arms. She barely offers resistance and then clings to his shirt. He feels her heart racing against his chest. He feels sick.

“I love you Jackson, so much, but I am just not strong enough to do this again,” she whispers against his body and he takes a step back to get a look at her face. He doesn’t let go of her.

“You are so much stronger than anyone I know, April,” he says, and he needs her to understand that he means it. “And I feel horrible, I was horrible. I was wrapped in my hurt and everything else and I think that deep down I knew that if I didn’t hold on to this grudge, that I wouldn’t be able to keep away from you, to do anything but love you with everything I am. And I know that that doesn’t excuse anything, but you have to believe me when I say I’m sorry. There is no bigger regret in my life than letting you go.  I will regret that as long as I live. But please, let me prove to you that I can change, that I can do better, be better, be the man that you deserve.”

She lets out a heavy breath, squeezes his hands and looks directly at him. “You are a wonderful man, Jackson. Please don’t ever think that I think of you as anything other than that. But maybe we just don’t work. Maybe we aren’t good for each other and we just have to accept that.” She sounds broken and he hates everything about this.

“You can’t believe that April. We are wonderful, broken but wonderful. We are meant to be together.” She smiles slightly and he can’t help but join her. “I thought you didn’t believe in that stuff.”

“Well, seems like I’ve changed. And if you don’t have it in you right now, I can believe for the two of us for a while.” She laughs at that and he does too because he is very well aware of the irony. Oh, how things have changed.

“You seem awfully sure of yourself.” Her nose crinkles as she says that, and he can’t believe how long he was able to go without this, without her.

“I am. And I am very much committed to proving to you that I’m right. For the rest of our lives if I have to.”

“That seems like a terribly long time.”

“Can’t be long enough.” And she smiles at him and squeezes his hands and he finally feels better.  

If you have read through this don’t hesitate to contact me and theorize about this new episode. I’m so excited but also scared. 

[lilousmustaches]

L.A nightmares

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warnings: TW!!! Sexual harassement, authorities using their power in a nasty way, dissociating, anxiety. 

Notes: Hey! Here i am after years writing Jensen x reader again! How do you feel about it? But okay... this fic. I had this idea when i saw a thread on twitter that told a story about an event that Jensen was with Danneel, they saw a girl being harassed and Jensen immediataly intervened. I can't find this post anywhere but i truly believe that he is that type of guy. Be safe out there ladies! 

Summary: Jensen and the reader are co-stars and travel to L.A together, just to pass throught a series of unfortunate events. 

xxXXxxXXxx

"Here's the next week script (Y/N)." A girl that worked around the set said polity handing you a large new script. You had seen her around before, what was her name? Lauren... Laura! Was Laura. You hated not knowing people's name, especially those who worked with you and for you, but it was so many people walking around, everyday a new person, that made it a bit hard.

 "Thanks Laura!" You asked with a small smile that she retributed and walked away. You started to leafing through the next script seeing that you had more scenes in this episode than in the last two you appeared. 

 "(Y/N)!" Someone shouted making you immediately lift your gaze seeing a smiling Jensen in front of you. "I didn't know you would be here today!" He said hugging you and felt almost dizzy with his perfume. He was definitely one of most good smelling men you ever came across. 

 "You seen me yesterday J." You said laughing breaking the hug and the struggled. 

 "Still missing you though." He said putting his arms in your shoulders and started walking with you again. You had entered the Supernatural cast years before, being a really important character and recently, Sam's love interest. You didn't appeared on every episode but in the most of them, like Misha, for example. Because of this, he was one of your best friends, along with the boys that eventually you became inseparable. Always hanging out together, laughing and pranking each other. It truly was a family. Although you had to kiss Jared sometimes because of some scenes, you saw him practically like a older brother. But with Jensen... Well, that was a whole another story. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought that you had already taken the fight for L.A" 

 "I had to adjust some details of my last scene." You explained. "Why? You wanted me gone, that bad?" You joked hearing him huffing. 

 "Well, yeah, I can't even look at your face anymore." Jensen joked back making you roll your eyes and he laughed, squeezing you harder. "Just kidding sweetheart, you know pretty damn well that I never can bring myself to be tired of you." He said like it was nothing making you blush a little bit. Usual.

 You were already in the outside part of the set and spotted Jared and Misha coming at your direction. 

 "Good things to say Ackles, because I will be going with you to L.A" You explained when the boys came closer. 

 "Really? Thank god you will be saving me from a boring trip with that moron." Jared said stepping up in the conversation referring to Jensen, because Misha wouldn't be able to go to this one, and you smiled. You would take a fight a few days earlier than the boys but because of the problem with one scene, you had to go with them. 

 "Really, argh, I'm so excited." You said making a strange face and they laughed. "It's going to be my first award!" 

 "It's gonna be fun." Jared said and Jensen smiled in adoration looking at you,  lot shorter than him and a few years younger. 

 None of you knowing what kind of things this trip could bring. And man, there were a lot.

 XxXxXxxXx

"Wow." Jensen breathed out stepping up in the apartment you would share in this three days in the city of angels, Los Angeles. Some of the cast had to come to be present in a award that was going to happen in the city. Jared and Genevieve, his wife, opted to stay in a hotel but you had this friend that was out of town and offered her place for you to stay, and you took it, inviting Jensen since you knew he wasn't a big fan of hotels. 

 "Pretty nice, hun?" You said with a little smile realizing that it had been a while since you stayed in there and he nodded. 

 "Tell me about it." He said looking around. The place was pretty wide and cozy. A little fancy but with a lot of little fun things, like a orange table, some colorful frames around and a blue fridge. Your personal favorite. 

 You two adjusted yourselves in the two guests rooms that had in the apartment beside the suite and started to get ready for the dinner Gen invited you. It was some friends of her and some producers, directors and a bunch of kind of important people in the movie industry. You didn't recognize any of the names Jensen told you that would be attempting to it, but why the hell not, you wanted a fun night with some of your friends. 

 You finally finished your makeup and with a last look in the mirror you step out of the room going to the living room, only to find Jensen there, sitting on the couch, ready to go, scrolling throught his phone. Soon as he heard your high heels getting closer, he lifted his gaze, losing his breath for the second time this day. 

 "Wow." He breathed out looking at you with a loose short black dress, red high heels and lipstick. "You look beautiful (Y/N)." He said honestly staring at you and you felt yourself blush. 

 The truth was that you were completely in love with him. For a few years now. Since you started the series, Jensen caught your eye. I mean, how could he not? He was handsome, funny, sweet, always smelling good and the most important thing.... He was caring. Jensen Ackles was one of the most caring guys you knew. Got a problem? Jensen would listen. Hell, Jensen would solve it. And not just with his closest friends, but with everybody around him. He always offered help, not matter what. He makes sure his PA, and the people around set already had breakfast before work. He makes sure to offers to take water, every time someone get drunk on the casts parties. It was the details. And you loved them all. 

 You quickly became friends, and you were okay with being just that. Besides the friendly flirting it's not like you expected something else. Just having someone as incredible as him to call your friend was enough. 

 "Well, you don't look too bad yourself." You said and he laughed, rolling his eyes getting up of the sofa. "But thank you." 

 "I meant it (Y/N), you look like you could break some hearts tonight." Jensen continued to compliment you as he opened the apartment door. "But let's go miss, Jared said that we are already late." 

 You called an Uber to take the two of you to the restaurant placed in DownTown, a district in Los Angeles, one of your favorite parts of the city. Although you enjoyed every little piece of it, you just loved L.A, it made you feel good. After some minutes in the car, and some easy going conversation with Jensen, the driver announced you had arrived. Just for the entrance you could tell it was fancy. 

 "I thought it was just a dinner." You said immediately when you entered the place, looking around seeing that the restaurant was closed for the event and everybody was up talking and walking around. Some waiters were passing serving some food and some of them with trays serving wine, whiskey and champagne. 

 "Yeah, I thought so too" Jensen said, looking around surprised as well. "Hollywood, and their people with grandeur complex." He said making you chuckle. 

 "(Y/N)! Jensen!" You heard and spotted Jared smiling and waving you, with Genevieve by his side. You and Jensen reached them, after a waiter stopped you offering something to drink, you went with wine and Jensen with whiskey. "You finally got here! I was already thinking you wouldn't make it." 

 "Stop being dramatic, we were just a little late." Jensen said hugging his friend and then Gen. You doing the same. 

 "(Y/N) is so good to see you, it has been a while hasn't it?" Gen said breaking the hug and you agreed. Since you became friends with Jared, the friendship with Gen came along and you two just hit so well, in the set, your friends was mostly males and you loved having some girl company when she was around. She introduced you to her friends, that first invited her to the event. They were also actors, and they explained how they met in a project Gen was part of when she was just beginning her career.

 "So, are you guys excited about tomorrow? Heard you're competing in two categories right?" Aaron, one of Gen's friends, said referring to the awards you would be attending because of Supernatural. 

 "Yeah! Especially this girl here who is totally a award virgin." Jared joked putting his hands on your shoulders and you giggled, rolling your eyes.

 "Can you blame me? It's a big step in someone's career!" You defended yourself. "Oh it definitely is! I remembering when I went to my first award, I was so nervous and I wasn't even running for anything." Aaron laughed taking a sip of his wine. "It's just a great place to meet important people."

 "It sure is." Yan, the other friend, agreed. "But if I'm being honest, we are just in the right place for networking right now. Every big fish that can hire and fire you from any huge project in the industry is here tonight." 

 "I noticed... That guy over the balcony is practically one of CW's owners right?" Jensen said holding his whiskey, discreetly pointing at some guy behind you. Your turned around to look, after all one he was one of the owners of the channel Supernatural passed. The guy was a lot older, bald and plus sided, but you quickly turned around when he caught you facing. 

 "Yep, Tony Garcia." Aaron answered. The six of you passed a few more minutes talking and drinking, until they parted to talk to more people that was there. You got that Tony guy staring from time to time. You walked with Jensen for a bit, meeting some great and important people, as Yan had said. Talked for some time with Jared, he was already funny but got even funnier when he was tipsy. And finally, passed some time with Gen... until you had to go to the bathroom.

"(Y/N) right? The Supernatural star!" The Tony guy stopped you when you were getting out of the toilet, in your way back to Jensen that was laughing with some other three mans. You laughed a little embarrassed, why that guy knew your name? Okay, you literally worked for him but he was way far away in the enterprise. 

 "I don't if it could be called that, but yeah! I'm (Y/N), pleasure to meet you!" You said smiling extending your hand to him and he quickly shake his head. 

 "Nah, I don't do hand shakes with beautiful woman like you." Tony said with a laugh already pulling you to a hug. His hand in your back was dangerously close to your butt, his breath stank like whiskey - a great amount of that -, the tone of his voice and the intimacy he putted on the hug was enough to make you uncomfortable. This wasn't right. You could sense something was terrible wrong. "And believe me when I say beautiful, I mean something else." 

 "Ha ha." You gave him a yellow smile already grossed out by the man in front of you. What he was implying? "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Garcia, but if you excuse me I-..."

 "So you know who I am!" He interrupted you, interrupting your way to leaving the conversation too. His tone already implied power and dominance, as if his name had a big weight in the conversation. "Well, as one of the CW's owners I have to say Supernatural brings a lot of benefits for us. I'm happy about the success of the series! I can see why the audience increased after your entrance." Tony said with pure maliciousness in his voice looking you up and down, showing no shame, looking you as if you were totally naked. "I believe woman don't last much on the show, but it would be a shame if you had to leave." He said and you knew that it was a threat. He was threading you.

 You gulped feeling your throat burning from holding back tears. The only words that crossed your mind was 'Every big fish that can hire and fire you'. God, you were a woman, unfortunately harassment was something you experienced all your life but it didn't make any less painful anytime it happened. The fame industry was gross and you knew that. You heard horrible stories about girls having to do every kind of sick bullshit to only get a chance for audition. You were so thankful that none of it happened to you, that you found a show with the most respectful co-workers and producers you could ever think of. But there you were, face-to-face to some sick nasty man that had the power to fire you in a snap of his fingers. 

 "It would indeed." You said forcing a smile, taking a sip of the wine in your hands.

 "I have to say, you have such a beautiful mouth." He said. "I wonder what it can do." 

 "It sure can drink." You said laughing nervously drinking the entire wine that was left in your glass. Only your glass was still half full. It didn't burned more than holding back the tears though.

 "Oh princess, no need to be nervous around me." Tony said laughing and you immediately related to the sound of a pig. That was what he was. A pig. Once again he passed his arm around your body pulling you close and resting his hand, this time, just down your boob but close enough to be touching. You were trapped in his grip, so close to his face, feeling that alcohol breath. You couldn't think the last time you were so uncomfortable, you needed to get out of there, you just needed. Every single part of your body yelled dangerous. "We're all friends here.... We can even be more than it tonight." 

 "Hey." You heard a deep voice by your side and you almost missed the sight of Jensen's hard expression by the tears that now was blurring your eyes. "Let go man, I believe you're making her uncomfortable." 

 "Hey..." Tony laughed looking at Jensen, letting you go and you didn't noticed you were holding your breath until that moment. You immediately stepped away from Tony, going to Jensen's side. "We were just chilling... what? Playing Dean for so long that incorporated the hero type?" 

 "Yeah, it didn't look like chilling to me." Jensen said not losing his posture and not falling for any of his bullshit. Jensen was in the middle of a conversation with some directors, exchanges tips, when he saw you from far away simply drinking your whole glass of wine all at once. He knew you to well to notice something was wrong, and he didn't need more than 10 seconds to understand what was happening. "And relax! I know how to separate my character really well, but I do believe we have basic ethics principles in common." 

 "Okay smart boy." Tony said with now anger is his features. "Remembering who you are taking to. Supernatural can turn into a one star show really quick. And you..." He said turning to you. "Consider yourself fired."

 "As far as I know you don't decide shit about my show, but I do know that you need to start respecting women." Jensen said in the same low tone, with anger in every word. "Excuse me." 

 Jensen leaded you the way making sure you didn't even pass near Tony again, he was with a gentle hand in your back almost not touching you and quickly you two were already outside and you saw him calling a cab. 

 "I'm sorry (Y/N), I got so angry... You wanna go home or you want to stay more? That dick won't get any closer to you, I promise." Jensen asked turning to you and looking straight into your eyes with concerned. 

 "I just wanna go home Jens." You said with a chocked voice letting the first tear fall down. You were in shock, practically shivering. You always says to yourself that the next time something like that happens, you were going to stand, be loud and not take it quietly. But every time you freeze. Every fucking time. 

 You dissociated the entire way back home, with a million thoughts in your head and at the same time, none. You noticed with the corner of your eyes, Jensen constantly looking at you to check and typing something on his phone, probably letting Jared know what happened and why you headed off. He didn't try to talk to you, and honestly you were grateful for that. 

 Immediately when you entered the apartment, you went to the shower. The water was burning hot but it felt like nothing in your body. You didn't know what trigged you so hard, thinking about it, the situation was kind of quick and it could have been a million times worse. But you were so scared that he would fulfill his word. Mans like him don't just accept being rejected, you felt so small.... Almost guilty. Tears started to fall down desperately and sobs got out of your mouth. You didn't know how much time you passed in the bath but saw some clothes in the bed you were sleeping when you got out. A grey sweatshirt and some boys shorts. Jensen. 

 "Hey..." You said with a small voice standing by the door of the room Jensen was sleeping, seeing him sitting by the end of the bed scrolling through his phone. "Thanks for the clothes."

 "Comfort sweatshirt right?" He joked seeing you in his clothes, referring to when you stole it on set and he passed days looking for it until he found you sleeping in his coat and listen to the excuse that it was your 'comfort sweatshirt', that it made you happy and safe. "Hey... com' here" 

 Jensen said with a soft voice when he saw your face struggling to hold back the tears. He back out laying in the left side of the bed opening his arms for you to join him, and you immediately did. Nestling in his chest, he hugged you strong hearing you cry quietly into his neck. 

 "You know... This is not even the worst that happen to me." You said when you calmed down after some minutes of cuddling in silence and Jensen moved his face away just enough to stare at you, but stayed quiet waiting for you to get out of your chest whatever you needed. "These situations had been happening with me, well with all women, since before we even know what this means. Teachers, taxi driver's, superiors, random people in public places, friends... I just... Tell myself that the next time something like that happen I will stood up for it. But every time it happens I just loose all my courage." 

 "And this it's not on you (y/n). This is unacceptable, shouldn't be happening at all and it's not your fault not having a response for it. This shouldn't be a situation you must be prepared for." Jensen said frowning his eyebrows looking at you deadly serious. "I'm so sorry you have to go through that bullshit almost daily. It fucking pisses me off."

 "Yeah I'm sorry too." You said with a weak smile feeling him stroking his thumb slowly in your back where his hand stood. "Do you think he can fire me?"

"No." Jensen said with certain. "He has nothing to do with Supernatural productions. And even if he could, I wouldn't let them. If he wants you gone, i would be gone too." 

"Jensen..." You were speechless. "Us women really suffer daily, but it makes a little better knowing that there are at least some guys out there that truly respect us. I am lucky to have fell in a job full of you. I really appreciate what you did for me today Jensen." 

 "I'm always gonna be here for you (Y/N)... And it's truly that least I can do." Jensen said with a rough voice. "There was this time on set, before you were even in the series, that Jared's PA was harassed by a camera man... Nobody saw the moment and from one day to another she asked for resignation. Nobody understood and we continued to treat the guy like a friend for months until we finally discovered what happened. I just.... I'm just glad that I was there with you tonight." 

 You just gave him a small smile feeling your heart so full that could explode. It was an awful night, it really was. But Jensen... He was everything you could ever ask in a friend. You hugged him strong and got into a position where your foreheads were touching. Yours and Jensen's eyes were closed but you could feel his breathing and the warm of his lips almost touching yours. You didn't know how long you stayed in that position but you surely didn't want that to end. 

 "I could be like this every single day." You said before you even could stop yourself and frowned when the realization hit you. "Wait did I just confessed?"

 He squeezed your waist to make you open your eyes that stood close because of the embarrassment, and you had to hold your breath when saw Jensen's green eyes, so vivid, looking so close at your tenderly. 

 "Yeah? Cause I would too" Jensen breathed out feeling a weight off his chest. What that really happening? The women he had feeling for months now, in front of him telling she liked him? He saw in your eyes the relief you felt cause of his confession and slowly finally gave you a long chaste kiss.

 You both knew that this was enough for now. The cuddling, the comfort of each other and the lightness of knowing the feeling were both sided was enough. There was going to have the moment for your skin meet his and there was going to have the moment for a serious conversation about your feelings.

 But for now all that matters was being in each other arms, and sensing that the night that started like a nightmare turned into a dream.

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