#wish my wrist wasn’t hurt bc I really need to get this out through art

[fagbearentertainment]

As I was getting in the shower I looked in the mirror at myself and started thinking about how in an ideal world where I knew my parent would accept me, where my state hadn’t made it literally illegal to transition at my age, and where I wasn’t scared to be visibly trans I would be ~5 months on hrt and using my chosen name and pronouns irl and now I feel wrong

[trashbinbackyard]

jack/mirad & kai/helvi

I woke up at 8 and went like eeeh i can sleep another half an hour and them boom, 1pm

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

Mirad has grown past his most reckless tendencies, Jack however hasn't, but he's more at danger to himself than to others

Kai is very careful when he's out hunting and he's never alone. Helvi however has a habit of going into the woods alone

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

I don't feel like either?

If they had phones it'd be Helvi

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Mirad spoils Jack, lets be real, it doesn't turn into a competition bc it's in moderation, and mostly Mirad treating Jack to some of his skincare products

Kai miiiiight spoil Helvi juuuuust a bit, he doesn't mind getting up way earlier to fix her breakfast and help her tie her hair and acquiring many fur blankets

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

A few years for sure, when they both were sure about it. Probably talked about it too before Mirad proposed

Few years, if wasn't for Kai's role in the village they would've gotten married later, as neither really saw marriage as That important and just something they one day would like to do.

6. What was their wedding like

Small, just closest family and couple friends, nothing extravagant for the middle aged men

Whole day event basically with everyone from the village and surrounding area invited (against Kai's best wishes), Weddings, and especially high profile weddings like that are few and far between and they're quite the event. Small ceremony but then a huge feast with dancing singing and general revelry

7. Is their friends/family supportive

Ellen is very happy for them both, Mirad's parents were wary but approve later on, Marda is still sus about Jack

Very much so, Kory pretty much pushed them to get married already, Kat when she finds out is very happy for them both. Helvi's parents are so proud and treat Kai like close family

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Mirad talks to Jack gently, checks if he hasn't hurt himself, bring him a snack and drink. When Mirad's distressed Jack will ask if he can do anything and keep him company if he lets him

If Kai's in distress he tends to shut down and all Helvi can really do is keep him company and hold him. If Helvi's upset Kai will call a timeout and just go somewhere with her where she can calm down and talk things through

9. Which one dissociates

Jack mostly

-

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

Both. Mirad would be more cheeky (hehe) in his reaction while Jack is like "my booty?? :0"

Helvi. Kai blushes

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Both had their separate places, where Mirad's was very neat and organized and Jack's was a whole mess. Jack would still keep his place as a workshop while he pretty much now lives with Mirad, where he learns to respect the house rules

They share a two-story chief's house with Kory and a garm, they have the whole lower level to themselves pretty much, and it's quite big, it's very cozy and bit cabin'y even if it's larger

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Jack's a sad drunk, first thing Mirad knew about him tbh. Mirad doesn't drink if I remember correct

Neither of them want to get Drunk drunk, just tipsy. Kai loosens up and gets chattier. Helvi gets giggly and cuddly

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

Beware the morning breath. Mirad wakes up before Jack

Kai doesn't wake Helvi up when he leaves the bed to go prepare breakfast, but when that's done he will kiss her goodmorning

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Jack likes welding for fun too, he's made some little "art" pieces for Mirad with textures he knows he likes, and Mirad appreciates it. Mirad's big into working out and Jack will be out of breath in two minutes if he joins but it's a pleasant experience

Helvi loves making potions and instruments and while Kai knows little about either he's up for helping her if she asks, she also sings. I know this seems kinda random bc I just know thought of it, but Kai's into drawing with charcoals, it would be fitting for his "quiet kid with not many friends" character (it hits a little too close home lmao)

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

That's very much up Jack's alley

If they had phones, Helvi

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

Not kinkshame, more like kink-concern on Mirad's part like "Jack, honey, WHY do you wanna be choked that hard"

Neither of them have really out there kinks, though Helvi would be up to do it in the woods. Just have to be extra careful they're far enough from any civilization

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Jack, he's pudgy and wrinkly. Mirad doesn't mind it one bit and calling Jack a sexy beast on the regular makes Jack happy and less ashamed of his body

Helvi used to, before trans-your-gender spell hit, (and bc she basically got to decide what her body would look like of course she has no regrets) Kai is very body-neutral about himself, yeah that's a body, nothing special but ain't nothing wrong with it either

21. What is their song? Like the song that gives them overwhelming feelings?

Well I have listed Silent storm for them once and you know what, I stand by it

From Heilung Traust and Krigsgaldr (first half of it anyway), both were big inspirations for Helvi's character in general and Maria Franz is her voiceclaim too lol (also the guy on krigsgaldr second verse for Kai's voiceclaim (before 4.40 mark))

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Jack is a recovering addict, also depressed, and alcoholic (recovering when they get together). Mirad is also an ex-addict and while he's much further into his recovery he's not immune to the shitty stuff that still might happen, they're each other's peer support

Helvi used to have bad dysphoria

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Head, forehead for Jack (and lips of course) he's not that big into getting kisses on his body. Mirad is sensitive everwhere but IIRC neck and sides are big

Helvi's wrists and neck just below her ears. Kai's throat and forehead

30. Do they dance together

Mirad poledances, Jack enjoys the view

At their wedding sure, both lil tipsy and letting loose, both lost their flower crowns that evening

31. Do they sing together

More like hum if they feel like it

Helvi's the one signing, Kai might join in on a verse or two

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

Pretty safe with the occasional reckless on Jack's part

Safe

35. What be their kinks and do they try each other's kinks

Love and Care, and choking

They're pretty vanilla

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

Arguments sure about Jack's self-destructive behaviors sometimes but the rule is never go to sleep angry so they both reflect on it with compassion

Not really, at least before The Incident, apologize and kiss and make up

38. Which one's top, bottom, verse

Mirad's a top, Jack is a pillow princess vers

Kai's top, Helvi's bottom

39. What kinda sex they be having (gentle rough whatever)

Whatever they're in the mood for, some tender lovin'? Sure! Get hot and heavy? With moderation. Break into laughter in the middle of it? Silly is also a mood!

It starts off as hot and heavy but calms down to more gentle

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

Jack would just hit them with the "don't be meeeaaan 🥺🥺" Mirad I feel like would go the verbal route as well but more stern

It's common knowledge to Not insult the village shaman (the one who has illness remedies and the one who blesses you before you travel), and you DONT insult the the chief's kid/chief. They're both capable of defending themselves but Kai will step in if he happens to hear

44. Do they want kids

Nah, who needs kids when you got nieces

Yeah, and I've finally made up my mind, they're gonna adopt a bunch (and bc you dropped out of the campaign I can tell you how: a village not that near but not that far gets attacked by a power hungry druid and leaves bunch of kids without parents and the party will escort them back to Kai's village, before they go after the druid)

[themilky-way]

honey {din djarin}

gif credit: gameraboy1 on tumblr

pairing: din djarin/the mandalorian x female! reader

summary: the mandalorian never really cared for romance. he had never wanted it in his life, but some things are bound to change, right?

warnings: um nothing just fluff i think lmao 

author’s note: idk how many more ppl my heart can stan bc sir pedro pascal is adorable as fuck. in my mandalorian feels too lol i miss mando

-------

the sky set out in front of the razor crest was changing colors with every passing minute. a dark orange red adorning its surroundings first, and then switching to a deeper hue of orange and violet. the air around the ship was strong enough to cause some turbulence, which made the small green child aboard to yelp suddenly. 

the mandalorian, captain and designated owner of the crest, turned his helmet to see if it was alright, and when he determined he wasn’t hurt or in pain, he turned the cold stare his visor gave off back onto the controls in front of him. his chair, the pilot’s chair, was positioned directly ahead of the large front view window and he fingered with the buttons and screens for a while until he set a safe planet to land on. 

the mandalorian heard the child giggle again, but this time it wasn’t because the ship was shaking. he heard a pair of boots tread light footsteps from behind him before stopping near the child. he looked at the crib through the corner of his eyes, the action covered by the safety of his helmet, and saw a figure near it. a shadowed hand extended to pet the baby’s head, the coos growing louder with joy. his eyes turned back to look at the scene in front of him, his hands gripping the joystick just a little tighter. 

“din?” the voice behind it is faint, questioning. he doesn’t let himself look at you though, because he knows that if he just merely glances at you for half a second, he’ll drop every one of his morals. instead, all he does is force a noise from the bottom of his throat to respond. 

“you should go to bed,” you suggest. in your mind, you’re laughing at how stupid the phrase had sounded. you, a regular person with only minor knowledge in martial arts, telling a mandalorian to do something? a complete and utter joke. 

regardless, din knew what you meant. but words weren’t his thing; they never had been. so his eyes stayed planted straight ahead and just shook his head, muttering, “i’m fine.”

“no you’re not. i can take over for a couple hours. believe it or not, i’m more qualified in flying a ship than actual combat,” you assured, laughing slightly as you said the last part. you hoped that underneath that strong, emotionless armor he wore he was smiling. even the smallest curve of his lips would satisfy you, realizing that he was capable of feeling something, anything. 

you watched as din pushed a couple buttons at the colorful panel in front of him, hearing a whirring sound when a gloved finger gave a final press to a red disk. he got up, and with a gradual pace began walking over to where his cabin dwelled, and without shifting his helmet to look at you, said, “come with me.”

it sent shivers through you; your arms, your legs, the nape of your neck, they rushed cold when the sound of his words entered your system. you looked down at the child, which had a perplexed look on its face, and reached out to you with a tiny finger. you grabbed it gently, and whispered, “i know, weird right? i’ll be right back, okay honey?” the child made a noise of approval and you shook his finger lightly before letting go, striding over to where din was. 

when you got there, din was standing next to his bed with his back to you, and looking at a small shelf hung from his wall. you stood in the doorway, your hands neatly clasped together behind you, and you watched him. watched him as his hands laid rigid at his sides, his body tense like it always stood. his back, in particular, was where you believed he had the most pain, and you wished he would finally allow you to run your hands through his strained muscles to grant him some form of comfort. but the mandalorian couldn’t agree to this, regardless if he knew of your will to do it or not, for personal reasons. he respected his creed, and you respected him, so you never pushed boundaries you knew would make him uncomfortable. so once again, you pushed the idea of touching him to the back of your mind. 

“stop staring,” he ordered. his voice was rough, raspy from hardly ever speaking, yet when he directed himself at you, it had a slight tinge of tenderness. it surprised you, and even more so to him. 

“i’m not-yeah, um, okay, sorry,” you stuttered. heat rose to your cheeks and you scolded yourself for barely being able to talk right, but who could blame you? a mandalorian was making you blush without even realizing it. 

“why am i here?”

“i need to give you something.” he turns around then, and your breath catches in your throat. you’re never used to him. the effect he seems to have on you and you wonder, deep in your mind, if he ever notices. dyn lifts his palm up then, holding up an item too small and obscure in color for you to know what it is. “come,” he says. 

you start walking towards him, stopping right in front of him and close enough that he has to peer down through his helmet to see your face. “give me your hand.”

you do, too quickly for your liking, but he takes it in his gloved one lightly and rubs your palm softly with his thumb. it was instinctive to him, to touch you in such a delicate way. the action itself poured out of him without thinking, and it caught both of you off guard. how is it, that the man who belongs to one of the most merciless creeds in the galaxy, is touching me so beautifully?, you wonder. in a matter of seconds, as if he read your mind, his thumb stops moving along your skin, and places the item into your hand. 

extending it with both hands and bringing it up closer for inspection, you learn that it’s a bracelet. it’s a thin band of shiny white gold, much like his armor, and it’s decorated with multiple lavender butterfly charms all around. it’s elegant, graceful, a striking contrast to his own lifestyle. wrapping it around your wrist to clasp it, you find that it fits perfectly, recognizing that he must’ve gone into a shop during one of your many stops and had it custom made. 

“din...it’s so gorgeous. how did you-where did you ge-”

“let me help you,” he cuts you off suddenly. he doesn’t want you to ask him the question because he doesn’t want to answer it. he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t find you annoying anymore, he doesn’t find himself scurrying to hide in his cabin when you appear, he doesn’t dislike you at all now. it’s the opposite. maybe even more than that. 

“yeah, please. thanks.” you turn your wrist so the clasps are exposed to him, and his fingers work quickly to hook the clips together. once he’s finished, he lets his hand linger a little on yours, hesitantly almost, and you observe him. your eyes dart from his hands to back up to his visor to try and get some sort of feeling out of him. you watch as he begins to move his pointer finger from the base of your wrist down to the very tip of your middle finger. the cold leather of his glove tickles your hand a little and you smile. a childish, innocent smile. you can’t see him, but he smiles with you. the image of you like this, giggling like the baby right inside the cockpit of his ship, makes him happier than he’s ever been. 

with a sudden wave of confidence, you direct to him. “you can hold it, you know,” you voice softly, “it’s alright.”

your courage dissipates as soon as the words leave your mouth. maybe you’ve made a mistake in advising him to partake in such an intimate action. perhaps you were dreaming, this whole scene a mere conjuring of your own touch starved mind. it could also be that din didn’t even want to touch you at all, and you’ve placed him in an uncomfortable position he now has to escape from. 

but, suddenly, your hand is interlocking with his. the size of his hand envelops your own, and through the leather of his glove, it sends sparks flying in every direction. he feels warm, and through the material of his mitt, you can also feel the different shapes of his callouses. this completes him, fills him to the brim with joy; with something far stronger than liking and closer to that of desire. he tightens his grip on your hand, and you reciprocate. you drop your interlocked hands down, and your free hand starts to lightly play with the fingers of his other one. you’re smiling, a dent on your cheek forming. 

“what is it?” din asks, and you laugh. that sweet-like-honey, angelic laugh that makes his heart nearly stumble out of his chest. 

“nothing. i just like the way your hand fits in mine.”

[therem-harth]

h h hewwo owoo 22 / 23 / 29 / 31 / 34 / 50 / 58 / 61 / 88 in any order, and u can also just. pick only those that u want :3

hhhh-ewwwo? I did say I wanted to chat and I desperately do not want to do work or studies so buckle in for a long post (derogatory). 22. role model? Oh man, I don’t think I have any, like, specific ones for entire things, though I do fall in my hero-worship phaes and then fall out of them like everyone else. I think that taking an entire person and being like I wanna be like them is... not for me though. But I do look up to some people for specific things - I look up to, weirdly enough, Abigail Phylosohpytube who I didn’t watch before her coming out for her graceful coming out video though she admits that the experience wasn’t obviously as smooth. I look up to lots and lots of people for their ability to create and their art (not gonna tag my fav artists bc am tiny and do not want people to look at me, but i do be reblogging). I look up to people like ConcernedApe Stardewvalley and Supergiantgames Hades for their ability to put so much soul in their work, smth I aspire to do. I look up to @not-poignant for, among other things, their idk how to say it best, wisdom in understanding and communicating with others and with myself? I’ve learned a lot by just sort of being in their periphery and seeing how they articulate their thoughts and choose to be kind and witness other’s pain. Hell, I look up to twitch streamers and youtubers sometimes (the recent nice trait I’d like to have if I ever went into bigger content production is how ibxtoycat deals with parasocial relationship realities). 23. strange habits? Hm. I don’t think drinking tea whenever I need a pick-me-up is strange, that’s just probably forcefully assigning a British nationality to me. I think my insistence on misspelling words in a way I think is lowkey funny might be one, I say thamks bc it feels softer, or thank bc it’s funny, I say sleeb, I say finkers or tryink or otherwise replace g with k for lulz. I also don’t know if it counts as a habit but I have a small leather band around my wrist that’s been there for a year soon. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probs have like, stranger habits but I can’t recall rn. 29. best way to bond with you? Hmm. Well, if you show initiative and are explicit about wanting to spend time with me, that’s already a big chance of me spending time with you. And then if our interests match and I don’t think that you’re like, young in a way that automatically puts me in a position where I don’t feel comfortable really being myself around you bc in my head I have to look out for you (it has happened with two of my friends, sigh), and we regularly spend time together, voila, friend acquired. It simultaneously doesn’t take much and takes a bit to be my friend and bond with me - it’s easy af to become a casual friend cuz I’m always open to new people, but there has to be a level of trust to become like, a close friend. Respecting my boundaries, talking shit with me, being explicitly committal about wanting to bond with me are big steps that way. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Uh, I don’t do neither, but a current fave that is reasonably badass is my black tshirt with like, a ritual circle and a deer skull. V edgy, 10/10. I also used to have like a real edgy tshirt with a jester and some dice that said the game of life, but I threw it out bc dysphoria. or maybe I put it at the back of my closet along with one other shirt In Case I Get Top Surgery so I can wear them then. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Many, such is the nature of advertising, alas. I have managed to avoid most of it tbh though, so the only place I am forced to sit through ads so they stick is my scrabble capitalist nightmare app where I play and always beat haha my coursemate. And they have adds for those shitty apps where you have to solve a puzzle that ends up failing in the add and like, drenching a man in green goo. I find those kinda fascinating tbh. Who plays these games? Who plays these shitty shitty games whose ad has to be “prove your IQ“ to make you want to prove yourself to play them? Oh and also, the insidious nature of ads in media I consume - the mcelroys have gotten me informed about many many things bc they do it in a funny way. Have you heard about squarespace? What about meundies? I also literally installed honey yesterday that I knew abt bc of the relentless adds and I wanted to save, uh, 2.50 from my minecraft server purchase (and then spent some time googling how they make money before giving up. just say u sell my data, that’s easier than not knowing what part of this makes you money). I was tired and in a weird mood, ok. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? It’s always the stupidest jokes, what matters more is laughing together with someone and getting caught in a laughing loop. I still remember laughing with my siblings until our stomachs really really hurt bc I think one of us said a rug was vomit-colored and it was funny in the moment. How many times have I laughed like that with you too, vit. I know that Laura’s one is nostrilatu, right? :D :D It’s just something that catches you off guard, I think.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Oh shid. Hm. 1) My ability to analyze data and understand the basic building blocks of something. Makes me cool at studying and sexy at explaining things to my course-mates. 2) Not a talent more like a skill that I’ve worked hard on through therapy - but my inner positive voice/healthy parent is very strong and automatic (something I was sure would never happen). A good example is me going out for a walk, my phone dying so I can’t listen to music, when I went in my head “well I can always make music in my head. do-do-do *drum sound*“ and I could feel the wave of self-reprimand cresting but before I could actually hear any negative comments the positive voice said with a light of a thousand suns NO THAT IS ACTUALLY CUTE AND SEXY and just haaaaaaah. 3) I sing good. Need to sing more. 4) I think I’m good at making conversation. Even with people I don’t necessarily like or want to talk to. More of a skill again but whatever. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Do not come to me and ask for favorites, witch. Uh, I have some quotes in my notes app, like 7 from Pia’s writing :D. But imma go with “It’s a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world“ by Mary Oliver. It counts, ok. Or, wait, something I will for real one day either crosstitch of commission shitpostcalligrapher: “t’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. “What are we holding onto Sam?” “There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.“” 88. your greatest wish? Hrm. Right now? To have like a couple days with no responsibilities and without the outside world bearing on me as heavily, to be tiny tiny tiny so I’m invisible and can drink tiny tea on a tiny leaf. Uh, in general? My recently formulated wish or a goal is stability/peace. Then everything else becomes ok because you can bounce back to stable ground between feeling shit or everything happening so much. And I’ve sort of reached that. Also like, half a million euros would be nice too so I can get a house and a car and go on a few trips abroad. :D // there’s two ask memes in my blog recently, go wild

[arthurs-wife]

The Fine Art of Conversation

Anonymous said to arthurs-wife:

Hello! Just wanted to say that I love all of your Arthur Morgan x reader fics and I was going to ask if I could request one where she and Arthur are arguing and out of habit from threatening people, he grabs hold of her neck or wrist and continues to argue with her until he sees the fear in her eyes knowing that he is the cause of her being scared and please can it be fluffy at the end? I understand if you don’t want to write this because we all know that Arthur is a sweet little bean. Thanks!!

writing-in-hell said to arthurs-wife:

Hello, I know your requests are open but I always feel awkward doings these but could you do an Arthur or Dutch x reader (idk who you write for, sorry) where the reader gets really anxious over yelling/being yelled at. {Ps- not having a great night so I'm sorry if this bothers you. You don't need to write it either, I understand.}

(A/N: there were two prompts that were similar and i hate combining but im running behind right now, im sorry. anyways i hope you enjoy this bc i sure didnt im still crying bye)

Gunfire rang past your head, hitting a water barrel behind you. You were no more skilled with a gun than the kid down the street but here you were, ass end of a rifle and too many men to point it at.

“What are you doing, y/n?” Arthur called across the camp, “make yourself useful and shoot them!”

You took a deep breath and said a prayer to whomever, steeling yourself to get out there and make your new gang proud. Finally, you popped out of your cover, rifle at the ready to see..

Every Lemoyne Raider dead on the ground.

Your rifle dropped to your side. God damn it.

“What the hell were you thinkin’ kid?”

Arthur stomped over to you, revolver stowed and hands curled into fists. You had no idea how to deal with confrontation so you cowered where you stood, the giant of a man soon in all of your space.

“It was a mistake, Arthur,” Charles said gently, albeit at a safe distance.

“Mistakes can get you killed,” Arthur said, “and you almost got us, yourself, killed. You could have led those bastards back to camp.”

“I’m sorry,” you managed to choke out, “I wanted to help-”

Arthur grabbed you by the arm and looked like he immediately regret it. Your fight or flight response didn’t seem to be working. It was more like fight, flight, or completely shut the hell down. Tears stung in your eyes. You were a fool to think you belonged here.

“Can’t help no one if you’re dead, kid.”

Charles walked up silently and put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder, who seemed to sober almost immediately. He looked down at you and sighed, letting go of your shoulder. You rubbed where his fingers had dug in.

A last look up at him and you mounted your horse quickly and rode off.

“Damn it, y/n,” Arthur called, “wait!”

Luckily you didn’t have many things at camp but your hands were shaking so hard that it took longer than it needed to. Your breath came in short spurts at one point and you had to bury your face in your hands, trying so hard to keep your pain in the ass panic attack quiet.

The flap of your tent ripped open and there was Arthur. You’d had enough of him.

You grabbed your satchel and strode to your horse, head held as high as it could go. At one point you thought you could love the man. He was kind, gentle, caring for his family. But there was a beast within him, one you weren’t sure could be tamed.

“Y/n,” he said softly, “just stop and let me talk to you.”

You kept on.

“You stubborn…”

He grabbed your arm and spun you around but you were quick this time. The barrel of your revolver was pointed at his shocked face and your heart hurt and the look on it.

“If you touch me again,” you hissed, “one of us will die.”

Arthur gulped and the entire camp seemed to go silent. You felt a blush creep up your face and you put your gun down, spinning around and packing your horse.

“Can we go talk somewhere?” Arthur asked quietly. You turned to face him, ready to say no, to say I’m getting out of your life as soon as I can and you can’t stop me. But he looked heartbroken.

“Fine,” you said, “but what I said stands.”

“Fair enough.”

You two didn’t walk far, just beyond the light of the camp, before you stopped by the shore. The moon was waxing, just shy of a full moon and it danced across the lake, completely unaware of your issues.

“First off,” Arthur said, holding up his big hands, “is I’m sorry. There is no excuse for what I done and I hope you can try to see it to forgive me.”

“I’ll try,” you nodded, still not looking at him.

“Second,” he said, pulling something out of his satchel, “I want you to take this.”

It was a journal, new and black leatherbound. It must have set him back quite a bit.

“What’s this for?” you asked, turning it over in your hands.

“It was tough for me to start writing again,” he said, “after all that’s happened, but I’ve found it helps with the anger and sadness.” He laughed at your look. “Mostly.”

Your eyes filled with tears again and you looked up at him.

“I don’t want to pretend like I know what you’re going through, y/n,” he went on, “but I don’t want to be the reason it gets triggered. So I’ll do my damned best to help you, however you need it.”

You reached out and wrapped your arms around his waist and he chuckled for a moment before patting your head and embracing you back. You felt his scratchy beard on the top of your head as he kissed it and pulled away.

“Stay with us, y/n,” he said, “we’re not the most perfect family, but we will love you the most.”

You followed him back to camp and helped Abigail with her son Jack, telling stories around the fire and singing with Javier. After that night, your attacks came less frequently and you were able to track them with your new journal.

And it wasn’t until many years later, as you opened the old, tattered thing next to Arthur’s grave to the last few pages that you saw the small, folded piece of paper stuck inside of it.

“Y/n,

Just picked this thing up from Rhodes, I think it’s nicer than mine so you better take care of it. Dutch gave me my first journal when I was 16, taught me how to write in it and everything. I do wish I hadn’t lost it in Blackwater, I’m sure there’s some hilarious juvenile things in there that we could laugh about.

Anyways, I hope by the time you find this we’ve made it out west and thriving. I hope Jack is doing well and John has learned to stop being a dumbass. Not likely. I don’t really want to end up in Tahiti. Don’t tell Dutch but I’m not entirely sure I know what a mango is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

I hope I got the chance to tell you I love you.

All yours,

Arthur.”

[nqtkwtn]

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Romantically, there's one boy that I actually cares about, a lot. 2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? In the end I forgive everyone. 3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” Cat(?!) Maybe Tony Stark bc he's like a cat?? (sorry not sorry) 4: What’s something you really want right now? To see my mother I miss you 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? I'm afraid to fall hard in love, go slow doesn't hurt anyone 6: Do you like the beach? YAS 7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Ugh let me think, probably with friend 8: What’s the background on your cell? Plam tree in the purple sky. Very aesthetic I gotta say 9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? -Mine in my room -My friend's resort -My host sister's -idk im not in that many beds 10: Do you like your phone? Hate the fact that the amount of memory I get are not enough. 11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? I don't really know, does anything ever go as planned? 12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? thb I don't remember no one calls me 13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Why not both? My neighbour have an adorable, fat, and so not agressive Rottweiler. But poodle are cute and quiet; I like peace. 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional 15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? ART MUSEUM ANYTIME CONCEPT OF THE ZOO ARE JUST LIKE OH YEAH WHAT PROVILAGE WE HAVE TO JUST LOCK ANIMALS UP AND BOOM WE GET MONEY FROM THAT???!?? 16: Are you tired? YES SO TIRED 17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? My whole life (hello mother) 18: Are they a relative? uh yes 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? I have one. And if he love me back (which is kind of impossible) then totally. 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? That time I kiss him. 21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No I would want to do a lot of stuff that you won't get to do if you are married. 22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I don't think so. Though he's a good kisser. 23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? One. And that's my hairband. #standardwoman 24: Is there a certain quote you live by? Cannot think of one. Though there's a lot I like about science, art, and phylosophy. 25: What’s on your mind? Religions are kind of create wars and personally it is dumb I'm so angry. 26: Do you have any tattoos? No. I wish! My mom would kill me totally. 27: What is your favorite color? Black and White is the classic! For color-color, have to be mustard yellow, plant green (like dark green). 28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Totally 29: Who are you texting? No one ever 30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Nope it was very casual. 31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? A lot and that's not a good thing 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes and I live for them they are the best human existed in my life ever thank you 33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I think there's one or two, but really not sure. 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes but I don't think that was honest bc my eyes are boring af. 35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I wouldn't care that much since I don't care about him. 36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Yes to the lastest one. 37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Yes 38: What do your friends call you? Nine 39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Oh yes I'm a women of triggered 40: Have you ever cried over a text? Yes it's horrible don't do it 41: Where’s your last bruise located? My knee, it hurt like hell 42: What is it from? Have NO idea. 43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Month of March, my life was kind of shit and I want to go home. 44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? One of my exchange friend, we literally talked for the first time ever. 45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? My white adidas superstar, or my cheap sandals that I prefer over burkenstock. 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Depends on my mood. 47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Totally 48: Do you make supper for your family? Rearly. I'm not that good at cooking. 49: Does your bedroom have a door? If there's none I would have killed myself by now. 50: Top 3 web-pages? twitter, tumblr, ao3 51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Yes like almost all males in my life. (Except my exchange friend they are like crazy at shopping) 52: Does anything on your body hurt? My back is quite sore rn 53: Are goodbyes hard for you? Sometimes. 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Water. And intentionally. 55: How is your hair? Dry af bc I didn't wash it after swimming in the chrorine swimming pool 56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Grab my f phone 57: Do you think two people can last forever? If they really REALLYYYYY lucky maybe 58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? Oh yeah I wasn't dating anyone when I was seven I don't think 59: Green or purple grapes? GREEN ARE THE BEST 60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? When I have to leave everyone of this country and when I met the fimiliar faces. 61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Yes. On a beach, aesthetically tropical. Away from all the BS 62: When will be the next time you text someone? Prob tmr 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? In this bed I ain't going nowhere 64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Sleeping like a dead person 65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? No one ever 66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Hmmmm not always but prob my cousin she's like the sweetest thing 67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Nope 68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? It's okay. Not having panick attack or depression is nice. 69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Tbh I don't feel like I ever go all out on something bf 70: How many windows are open on your computer? Prob like 5 71: How many fingers do you have? 10 72: What is your ringtone? That's a good question 73: How old will you be in 5 months? 17 yas bitch 74: Where is your Mum right now? Working 75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? We broke up 76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My friend 77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? No 78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Yep bc he'a my ex 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Phoebe's boyfriend in Friends. 80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? No oh not that romantic 81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? A lot 82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Not the last 3 days, the last 3 weeks would be a yes. 83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? No 84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Mary 85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? I will care if it's effect their physical or mental health 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? The fucking butter (in the popcorn) went through my fucking favorite jeans and I'm forever mad. 87: Who was your last received call from? My exchange friend 88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? You can buy me with money go ahead I'll do it. (But will feel extremely guilty) 89: What is something you wish you had more of? social skill, life skill, money, good friends, time 90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Oh yesss this is sensitive subject it hurt like a bitch 91: Do you sleep with your window open? No never I'd be so f paraniod 92: Do you get along with girls? Sometimes, depends. Mostly I'm good though. 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No 94: Does sex mean love? Not always 95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? If sex is problem then yes? 96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? No 97: Did you sleep alone this week? All week bro 98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Sometimes, I don't like to depend my emotion on certain people bc they are so temporary 99: Do you believe in love at first sight? no 100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? my host sister