#with everything going on in the fandom recently I’ve considered abandoning this project but I recently got a burst of inspiration so im back

[beowarriors]

Riverclan

Taking the role of The Geats, Riverclan is located in the southwestern corner of Clan Territory. They are separated from Windclan to their north and Thunderclan to their east by The River. The Windclan border is known as “The Rapids”, where the water runs fast through rocky terrain, ending in The Falls, which is arguably the most dangerous part of the territories as a whole, and has claimed the lives of many cats. The river to the east, where the camp is situated, is much calmer, with shallow spots breaking up different, surprisingly deep areas. To their southwest is a farm, known to the Twolegs as Morgan’s Farm, which is connected to a tourist location known as Morgan’s Campsite. During Greenleaf, this has been known to cause issues with Twolegs and Dogs wandering into Clan Territory, and, very rarely, the camp itself.

Cats of Riverclan descent can be identified by their thick, sleek pelts and large, flat paws to help them swim. Cats with long Riverclan lineages are known to be able to hold their breath for longer than most other cats. They are known to favor silver, blue, or white pelts, and have an affinity for tabbies.

Compared to the other Clans, Riverclan is a very laidback group, though their kindness should not be mistaken for weakness. This is a lesson Thunderclan has had to learn time and again throughout their generations old feud over Sunning Rocks, which Riverclan currently holds ownership of.

Allegiances Under Cut!

Leader

Heronstar - Heavyset long-haired silver tabby tom with bright blue eyes

Deputy

Rosetuft - Pretty tufted pale pink she-cat with soft green eyes and sharp dark markings

Healer

Hollystem - Fluffy long-haired cream tom with brown tabby points & bright green eyes

Warriors

Ducktooth - Sleek short-haired dark brown tabby tom with deep blue eyes

Wildflower - Scrawny short-haired bluish-gray she-cat with pale grey eyes

Apprentice: Fishpaw

Tumblerapid - Tiny short-haired white she-cat with black van markings & bright yellow eyes

Stonepetal - Heavyset long-haired dark grey tom with soft green eyes

Flutteringhawk - Skinny short-haired russet & black she-cat with one missing ear & bright orange eyes

Apprentice: Rainpaw

Blackwolf - Large, long-haired black tom with cold amber eyes and long foreclaws

Apprentice: Wavepaw

Apprentices

Fishpaw - Sleek short-haired silver laced tom with bright blue eyes

Rainpaw - Fluffy long-haired black tom with white speckles & sleepy orange eyes

Wavepaw - Small blue-grey tabby tom with wide green eyes & white spotting

Queens

Lichencall - Tiny long-haired greyish-blue she-cat with dull green eyes

Kits

Spiderkit - Short-haired black and brown tom

Blossomkit - Long-haired orange tabby tom

Elders

Goldencloud - Massive long-haired golden tabby she-cat with soft green eyes

Shadedwillow - Wiry short-haired dark grey tabby tom with dull blue eyes

Honeyblaze - Plump long-haired golden she-cat with soft blue eyes

[lemonthepotato]

“Re reading” Higurashi

(Spoilers, also minor spoilers for Danganronpa UDG.)

The title is a bit of a liars work. You see, I’ve been deceiving you all this whole time. Because despite the fact that my account is heavily focused on Higurashi memes and commentary, I’ve never actually read Higurashi. Oh, I saw the anime. Since 2018, I’ve been obsessed with Higurashi. Well, except 2020. I had a short hiatus from the fandom. But in 2022 I decided to begin actually reading the visual novel. I began reading Umineko in 2021 and finished it in 2022. I began reading Higurashi early 2022 and finished it in 23.

Join me and my horrible memory as I get many details wrong.

Chapter 1:

• I don’t remember anything from the damn project, but the suspect list seems off. XXXX, XXX, XXXX, XXXXX and XXXX. The main offender is XXXX. I don’t quite remember much, so I’ll go without making assumptions. I don’t remember if Takano was involved in the dam project. (This aged terribly. I don’t know why I thought this.) I think the sonozakis has something to do with it. I don’t know. We can rule out Keiichi and Rena, and Rika and Satoko because of their ages/locations. We can also rule out Mion and Shion due to their ages. Miyo fits XXXX, the main perpetrator, but again, I don’t remember that being the case. I remember Takano was involved with some government bullshit. I watched Higurashi in 2018 and only got back into the fandom recently. (I lost interest briefly in 2020 and got back into it in 2021) I finished Umi, and I’ve only started the VN. I don’t remember everything about the story, and I didn’t care much about the dam project.

• Things are brought up in these games without much relevance. Umineko had the whole lotta shit that didn’t add up to much, like the shit with Virgilia and the vase.

• Teppei? Hojo has four letters. That makes sense, but didn’t Teppei not live in Hinamizawa?) I don’t remember, again, only recently got back in.

I’m abandoning this format

The reason why I only began reading Higurashi a few months ago was because I was under the mindset of “well, I watched the anime, so reading the VN would basically be the same as a rewatch.” I never rewatch shows. The only anime I’ve ever rewatched was Erased, and I don’t even remember why, because I didn’t even care for it much. However, as I’ve spent the last five months trying to get through CH1 (I am a very slow reader, I got busy.) I have realised it is a very different experience from the anime. First of all, I haven’t watched the anime since 2018. So my memory might be a bit bad, but there are a couple details that I already find intriguing. First of all, the literary world offers Ryukishi a lot more options than any other form of media. As a writer myself, viewing a story written as “a show, but in words” is dishonest. Writing is, in a lot of ways, a superior art form to cinema in some regards, and it falls inferior in other places, as all media do. For example, you might not be able to convey facial expressions as detailed as you can in television. But you can convey small details and explain why those details are there. For example, in CH1, there was a scene where Keiichi remarks about how Rika must be struggling with her dance. Considering I’m familiar with the twist about Rika, that I believe occurs in CH4 in the VN, it re-contextualises that scene. It makes you wonder if she was really struggling, or if she was worried about the festival considering that’s where things hit the fan. Second, Rika loses to Tomitake, making me wonder if she’s trying different variables, trying to roll the dice in the most minuscule ways, desperate for a change. There is also the whole ‘infirmary, rika, poison’ thing that straight up spoils who the culprit is. Of course, I don’t believe Takano is revealed to be a nurse at this point.

I like how Ooishi brings up Mion and Rika potentially being behind Tomitakes death and Keiichi is like “WHAT?! MION WOULNT DO THAT” like bro what about Rika.

Foreshadowing the fingernail scene TwT

I’m curious what the conversation Rena and Mion are having. I don’t remember it being in the anime? So, the obvious intention is to omit certain words to make Rena and Mion look suspicious. This is something that can easily happened. You ever overhear something that sounds suspicious, but then you listen closer and realise it’s two women talking about getting ice cream, not saying ‘he didn’t scream’? Me neither. Point is that I’m wondering what they actually said. Maybe they were talking about a person, because Mion says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe Satoshi? He was a member of the club, if I recall correctly. I wonder when Keiichi will get the bat. I don’t think Shion shows up this chapter, but I hope she gets fleshed out more in the VN. In the anime, I feel like she didn’t get much attention even in the original 2006 anime. And everyone who saw the anime just saw her as the “much blood. such murder.” girl. I don’t remember why she killed in the original arcs. Because she was trying to figure out who was responsible for Satoshi’s disappearance? He DID go missing, right? For ages, I always thought it was a mystery in the fandom what happened to him, but I feel that was a Mandela effect I created in my head. I mean I always just considered Outbreak non canon so it didn’t phase me when he showed up non-chalantly. But him being in a coma? Not what I remembered. All I remember from Shion’s arc was that she realised she had broken her promise to Satoshi at the end. Again, I’ve heard that out of every arc, Watanagashi was adapted the worst in the anime.

Onikakushi-hen is basically just a prank gone wrong, lmao. “MARKER PRANK, GONE WRONG!!!1!1!1” though I’m only at the morning scene where Keiichi discovers the bean paste and he starts overanalysing what in reality, was probably not a needle. I don’t know, because it’s been a while, but I’d suspect maybe a different sauce? Or something like candy?

I feel like Umineko’s creation may have been due to the success of the first Higurashi arc. Because the illusion side of things is really thorough here. A lot of things Rena and Mion say are completely normal. The only unusual thing would be Rena’s “LIAR” speech, which could’ve been her joking around, or in Keiichi’s head. Mion 100% probably did tease Keiichi about the diner, and when she said he needed to rest, it was probably with a ton of concern. Anyway, everything in Onikakushi is Ooishi’s fault lmao.

I remember Keiichi being a lot more aggressive in the anime. That’s probably me misremembering. The ‘horror’ in the anime feels a little different from the ‘horror’ in the visual novel. It feels more slow, more of a build up, though the whiplash can get a bit grading sometimes.

OK theory time. I’m not sure if this is how it happened, but I think Mion might’ve decided to prank Keiichi to cheer him up. So she got her classmates to follow Keiichi around (the car was probably not a coincidence though: I think it’s related to whatever that stuff with Tokyo and Takano was? I was too young to understand it back when I watched.) and she got the information somehow that Keiichi was buying or eating a flavor of noodles. She got Rena to make him dinner to cheer him up, or Rena did it on her own, and she relayed the information to him of what flavour he was eating, because she knew he was lying. Rena was probably sad that Keiichi was lying, but not aggressive. Whether or not the ‘usoda’ scene the first time was real or not is more debatable, as being pushed for details of your missing friend can push someone over the edge, but I think Keiichi could be been imagining that too. And as we all know, the ‘marker’ thing is coming soon.

‘Why would Rena go this far in pranking Keiichi with Mion’ well, remember two facts. Rena is already very mentally unstable due to her Dad’s inferred abuse and Rina. I don’t remember if Rena’s dad being abusive is in the original, but reading Gou again I notice it’s a detail added. Another factor is age: Rena is 13. 13 year olds don’t understand the limit to jokes that often. And with Mion being 14 (the demon year), she probably doesn’t know the limit either. The age of Higurashi characters amazes me. When I was young and watching the anime I thought Rena was 15, Mion was 16, Shion was 16-18, Keiichi was 16, and Rika and Satoko were 12-14. I just saw them as older. And to be honest, Rena seems older than 13.

Okay, see? Rena even admits she was messing around. She didn’t realise how paranoid Keiichi was. Her poor fingers… wait until the nail scene XD.

Keiichi, a lack of sleep increases paranoia. *sigh* also that line about how no one can decide except him if today would be- yeah. Rings different if you know the ending.

ITS TABASCO. Keiichi, If you weren’t such a paranoid, ableist and judgmental person you could’ve just talked to Mion and Rena. It’s incredibly disrespectful to dig through your friends pasts and not even talk to them, and disrespect their traumas. But still. Saikoroshi-hen is so good though, unrelated. Still unbelievable that Saikoroshi was in the same show as Hajisarashi and Hirukowashi, the latter that has a grown woman gushing over Rena.

CH2

Okay, time to figure out who is Mion and who is Shion. For the diner scene, I think it might be Mion, but I don’t know- I don’t remember. The way she is acting would make sense if it was Mion, because she wouldn’t want Keiichi to see her like that. Okay, the next ‘Shion’ scene I also believe to be Mion because she literally calls him ‘Kei-chan’ and blushes around him.

The bike scene. I’m not sure, but I’m leaning towards Shion. First of all, calling him Kei-chan is suspicious, so that’s a reason why it could be Mion. But at the same time, she hasn’t blushed around Keiichi, and if I recall, Mion’s gotten in trouble with the law before, even swearing out Ooishi in CH1, so why would she be so respectful to law enforcement? Wait… she’s blushing… hmmmm. Mion? The phone scene I think could be Shion, but it’s hard to tell. I feel like it’s Shion in the restaurant, cuz she’s acting less… you know, nervous?

Poor Shion. Keiichi really is subtly sexist. He even downplays the very real nature of what that man’s doing to Shion, it’s harassment. This makes the Satoshi and Keiichi scene from Kira or whatever much more deserved. Ugh.

Wonder if St. Lucia is part of the reason Shion (assuming it’s her) feels like this situation is her fault. St. Lucia basically puts a lot of expectation on the individual, and failing that system is a kind of personal responsibility. Mixed with growing up in a misogynistic world, it’s no wonder Shion is victim blaming herself. Also her shitty family.

“No means no.” Thank you Rena very based. Also I like how the first thing Rena does when seeing Shion is gush over how kyute she is. Shiirena confirmed???! /j (?)

Why is the tense changing. All the time. Ryukishi, it’s one or the other. I personally use past tense when writing, as it is a lot more… I don’t know, easy? Ryukishi also wasn’t really good at foreshadowing back then. Shion looking like she has demon blood. Really? Maybe it’s just because I know the twist about it.

I have a feeling Mion isn’t Mion.

Shion is definitely not crying on the other end of the line. She’s telling Keiichi to calm down, but I don’t think she herself is calm. Considering she heard those noises at the night of Watanagashi, she probably had Hinamizawa Syndrome. How Hinamizawa Syndrome develops is unknown. I don’t remember. I do remember there is a drug, H137 or something, that induces it, that Takano uses on Tomitake, but did she use it on Keiichi and now Shion, or did it naturally develop? It could be either. She encountered Keiichi, albeit in a public setting, so for Onikakushi it’s more likely he developed it on his own. But Shion, alone in that storehouse with Keiichi? Maybe. But then again, I doubt it. Also this music is hilarious.

See, I knew the “hic” shit was building up to a laugh. Now, the real question - is it one of sadism and deceit, or panic and frantic thinking, I don’t remember how Hinamizawa Syndrome affects people, and their logical state of mind. I feel like the anime might have doubled down on the “crazy” aspect too much, without delving into the psychology. Shion, as a person, isn’t evil. She expresses remorse for her actions, I believe, in later arcs. That’s why I’m curious on why she did it.

I have a lot of thoughts about the nail scene. So, obviously Mion is Shion and Shion is Mion. A fact about the Sonozaki’ sis that Mion was born Shion and Shion was born Mion, and they switched names at one point. To make things a little less confusing, I’ll refer to Mion (the one with the demon tattoo) as Mion, and Shion as Shion, not by their birth names, by their chosen names. Here’s my theory. Shion had long been resentful of Mion, because she was given special treatment by the other members of the family. Shion snuck into the storehouse, and Shion was punished for it by Mion. Shion already had signs of Hinamizawa Syndrome, so she was growing even more resentful. I believe, well, know, Shion didn’t kill Tomitake & Takino, yet, Shion, afflicted with HS, was scared that she had been cursed and was after next. Then, she began interrogating her family (which I remember from the anime) and none of them confessed, which she then passed the blame to Satoko, and it spiralled out of control. When Rena and Keiichi come over, and Mion is locked up, I can guess Shion’s thoughts during this. The ‘demon/oni’ in this context is Shion pretending to be Mion, and disgracing the name of ‘Mion’. The title of ‘Mion’ and ‘Shion’ are again, titles to them. Because Shion in reality, if I recall, is actually the older sister of the two, she probably wanted to take the name ‘Mion’ back. As to why she let Keiichi go, I don’t know. Maybe I’m remembering poorly, but I remember the anime cutting out Shion letting Keiichi go, and it cuts before she is about to do the nail stuff. But I could be misremembering. I don’t have many theories thus far. Why could giving the doll to ‘Mion’ (who I’m in the middle on being Shion) be such a big deal? Mion wanted the doll because she wanted to be treated as a girl, Shion wanted the doll because… it doesn’t make sense. I really don’t remember the ‘why’ of this arc, just the how. We all remember the infamous Satoko scene, after all. (Revisiting this while reading arc 6, after reading arc 5. I was surprisingly close to the truth, still.)

Wait, didn’t Shion push Mion down a well in the anime? Am I misremembering or was it just changed in the adaptation? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Takano being dead doesn’t make sense. She is a nurse, so? Maybe she constructed her own demise and framed it to look older? Maybe she got a wax figure XDDD? Maybe it’s someone who looks like her. Or maybe Keiichi has Hinamizawa Syndrome. No, Takano was alive. Whoever that was they found wasn’t her. Jirou, Keiichi and Shion all having Hinamizawa syndrome is possible but I doubt Keiichi’s would have progressed that far due to him not hearing noises.

Hints of Rika’s “juice”-addiction, Satoko’s abuse, both foreshadowed in a slice of life meta scene. Weird. Takano standing RIGHT NEXT TO Mion while she says there’s a mystery culprit, huh, Ryukishi do you think you’re funny. Do you think you’re a fucking comedian. Because yes.

‘Sayoko’. I didn’t know Satoko had a twin. Let’s see… is Sayoko a name? Oh, it is. It means ‘small child.’ I didn’t know Satoko had a twin. That explains a lot. Not really. It explains nothing. Is it a translation error? No, obviously not. This is clever foreshadowing to the show that shant be named and the manga adaptation midguri. (Edit as I’m approaching CH7: I forgot to mention but I like meguri slightly more than Sotsu. Both are still lacking but still.)

CH3

Keiichi has the ego of a brick. Don’t read into that metaphor. His “plan” for saving Satoko is a felony. He doesn’t even seem to care if Satoko would be happy living with him. And he was willing to give her to Irie. That says enough. (Edit as I’m approaching CH7: Come to think of it, maybe I actually was too harsh on Keiichi. If a child is being abused, you get them out of that situation point blank period. So I don’t know.)

Why didn’t… why didn’t Keiichi have cat eyes in Onikakushi-hen? He had HS too, in that arc, but no one commented on it. Now they are. Weird… idk why though.

Ugh. Keiichi. They’re clearly covering for you. Why would they not find Teppei? Because they moved him! But because Keiichi developed HS, he’s making crazy assumptions. He’s probably missing obvious social cues that his friends are trying to tell him ‘hey, we helped’ without outright saying it. Satoko was probably actually crying, somewhat bittersweet I’d imagine. The trauma is still there, but because it’s a change of routine, she isn’t able to process it fully yet. I’m sure she is happy her uncle isn’t bothering her, but she’s confused by it.

Wait, is this the arc where… okay, if I remember, Satoko is attempting uhhh… well she’s in a bathtub and it’s like, overheating? Or she’s like? You knowing with something? But I believe Satoko has HS in every arc to a minor degree, so… she does to Keiichi what she did to her parents? I don’t know.

“...If that was the case, then here's how it would end up. ...I was actually in a vegetative state due to a traffic accident, and I was currently dreaming in a hospital bed...” jeez K1 because that’s NEVER happened in ANY arc to ANYONE. Sarcasm.

This isn’t adding up. If Satoko had to count to 10,000, it takes 2 hours to count to 10,000. So she couldn’t have been in there that long. This could either be K1 hallucinating, or Kei-chan isn’t and Ryukishi was just. Not thinking about it. Now, if Satoko was counting by the minute, that would be almost exactly a week. (Edit: 2 hours is way too long to be in a hot bathtub. What was I thinking?)

Ah, I see. Satoko released an eruption so large when she pushed Keiichi that it affected the whole village. Nah, I’m pretty sure the mountain dogs have something to do with this. From Tokyo? Something something Takano something something grandfathers research. I don’t remember.

CH4

Yukie ain’t there, son. I bet. She probably wasn’t when giving birth, something happened likely. Maybe if you were there for her she wouldn’t have went alone but you know. L Alabama. AKASAKA. Not alamaba. Whatever.

So, I thought Rika or Takano could be behind the mysterious TIPS, so now we have confirmation that it was Rika. If this is because of the loops, then that means that Rika has been looping for longer periods of time than I suspected. I always thought she was reliving the same few days in Hinamizawa, but was she transported a few years back this time? Was Rika like this before she became a looper? Who knows.

CH5

Shion is just like me fr fr. I fully understand the mindset of “if I wasn’t born, I wouldn’t have had to suffer.” It’s the very reason I don’t want kids. I feel like life is just a game of suffer vs sufferer. Everyone is either a sufferer or the perpetrator, or a standerby, which is no better than the perpetrator. “Why was I born? Why did this world give birth to me? I shouldn't have been born. I wouldn't have had to suffer if I hadn't been. What was the meaning of my meaningless life?”

“Where did I go wrong...? When in my life did I make the wrong choice?”

*sigh* my mom made the wrong choice in having me. I was better off never existing at all.

“I’m sorry for being born” you’re not crying, I am. I mean, I’m not crying- fuck.

Sorry, opinions were mixed? Teppei is a legit horrendous person. Keiichi did nothing wrong. Does anyone know the Blanchard case? That poor, poor girl was horrifically abused, and got sent to jail because she retaliated against the abuse. Horrific. How could anyone care about a human who abuses a child? WHO? No, no.

So I’m realising from Arc 3, re-reading my notes, my point about Satoko counting to 10,000 is ridiculous because she was in either really hot or really cold water, which can take as short as 5 minutes. Fuck Teppei.

CH6

Rena’s mom and dad seem like bad people. Your child shouldn’t be responsible for cooking, fathers should know how to cook, clean, and look after their kids. Also, Rena’s mother reminds me of that case where a mother spoiled her child and then… killed that child and herself. But yeah, I know this is some deep literary anoysis, and no one else figured this out, but I think Rena’s mom may be getting a divorce 😨 I know, shocking. /s

My eyes are a bit wet because what Rena describes happened to me in my childhood, sort of. My mom and dad got into a really big fight, and me and my mom left and got into the car, and she started crying, and I started crying. I don’t like my mom, but what did my dad say that made me and my mom too scared to be near him?! I don’t know. I hate both of them.

“I know you're not naïve

But you ignore it all

Just look, you've been deceived

I don't forgive you either”

“Completely depending on someone means trying to earn even deeper sympathy from them. At that point, even though you're trying to comfort them. they just slip further and further into depression. By finding initial success through relying on someone and receiving comfort, they grow addicted to indulging in misfortune. That's a golden rule for psychologists, did you know? Mental trauma can only be be healed by the person who has it. If someone else helps a person out of their mental trauma. even if they succeeded that person wouldn't be completely healed. Kei-chan, people feel better just by talking to somebody. Sometimes, all they need is someone who does nothing but listen quietly.” Wow did Ryukishi just talk directly to me,?? Read my mind??

Also, hmm, Mion is strangely knowledgable about mental health. It’s a shame Mion never gets her own arc. And no, Wataakashi-hen does not count. I thoroughly hate Gou and Sotsu, but find Meguri… acceptable. I know not a lot of people like Meguri, and frankly I still hate Tatariakashi-hen. Some love to defend it, I don’t. And that’s all I’ll say.

I do find Rena hypocritical. She criticises her friends for not helping Satoshi, but then berates Keiichi in arc 3 for criticising them for not helping Satoko? Tbf, Keiichi was being a dick, but it seems… very parallel. I don’t think this is unintentional. Hinamizawa Syndrome, and this is surprising, may lead to a higher risk of stress. Crazy, right? They might begin blaming those around them. Crazy?

Couldn’t have seen that coming.

Mion must’ve felt really invalidated when Keiichi said “Are you kidding me? That's not why I called you here. I have to talk to you about something very important. I want you to listen without making fun of me,” in response to "Oh. I know. You want to give me a love letter, don't you? People usually use the shoe locker for that, you know?”

Like he already led her on by saying “We don't really do that in the city. A lot of guys hand over their love letters in person.” I mean yes, it wasn’t fully his fault- like he didn’t know. But damn. Poor Mion. Seriously. :((

I could only get “start.”

Rena stop looking at r/conspiracy and r/gangstalking. Sound familiar? Yeah I just posted this.

Finally, the brick line.

“No matter what happened in the past, as long as you're a great person at present, you shouldn't be embarrassed of yourself. Am I wrong? What's the purpose of living if we can never earn redemption?" I know this is a general statement but it’s funny in the context of. Like. Imagine killing like 50 people and then saying “hey it’s all in the past my guy.” LMAO.

Uhhh Rika I don’t think you can forgive a crime committed against Rena and Mion. Lmaooo

Bruh when Satoko said “Keiichi fought for me? I find that hard to believe” I laughed. She doubts Keiichi so hard 💀

"Very well we'll accept the second condition. But let us add another condition on top of that. We're going to send her a lawyer. You will only question her in the lawyers presence.” I want to see Saul Goodman defending Rena Ryuugu now. I will pay money for it. Unironically? Never speak to police without a lawyer present.

Yes, Rena was aware of her actions. To a degree. But does she deserve jail time? I don’t think so, but she clearly has some mental problems that need treated. I think Ooishi should be discharged from the police force for even entertaining her delusions. He was really mainly at fault. Even during negotiation. He couldn’t have done much else, but still. Was not helping.

FILE NO 34. Huh. This must’ve been obvious for the Japanese audience HAHA. So, the kanji for Miyo is the same kanji for san and shi, right? 3 and 4? Pffttttt. Okay, to be fair, names can be written in a variety of ways In Japanese. But still. Funny.

Oh never mind then it was meant to be obvious. It doesn’t actually give away the fact she’s the culprit I just jumped the gun

WOW HM ITS ALMOST LIKE THERE IS NO CULT AND TAKANO IS PLAYING YOU ALL FOR FOOLS.

“People who think it’s useless to talk to others usually haven’t really talked to others.” Eh, disagree. I used to. It never helped. No one else can solve my problems. No one cares about me. I only have one human looking out for me, and that is myself.

CH7

Oh, are we going to see Hanyuu Furude this arc? Yay, I love Hanyuu. She’s so cute. I wonder why Rika is referring to her as a brother or sister. Is this a flashback? Hanyuu is Rika’s great x8 grandmother or something, right? She’s also the village god I think.

Anyway, Akarigurashi chapter 8.2 just released and I liked it. Sorry, unrelated. Sorry, I like meguri, okay?

“So yes, if this piece, Ooishi, didn't intervene, then perhaps the victims of Rule X wouldn't have resorted to such violence.” I TOLD YOU. I TOLD you Ooishi was at fault all along.

“And well, while people in a single world may be able to reach such an idea, the widespread desire to place blame commonly causes A to be lynched by society while the environment that gave rise to A goes ignored.” Yeah, this is actually true for real life. Crimes happen. A “monster” committed them out of “evil.” The root of evil is never addressed. Human nature is never addressed, because it’s a “monster.” No one else feels responsible. In reality? It’s all of our faults. Letting the world be in shambles is every humans collective fault. That’s my perspective.

“She also may have to defeat Rule Z, just as Sonozokai Shion faced it in Meakashi.” Who is Sonozokai Shion? Crazy, first we had Sayoko and now we have Shion Sonozokai.

Hey, thanks Ryukishi. It’s awesome to hear Rule X, Rule Y and Rule Z being mentioned constantly even though I can’t remember off the top of my head the differences! Okay, Rule X is that the disease always makes one of Rika’s friends develop Hinamizawa Syndrome. Rule Y is that Rika Furude, Takano Miyo and Jirou Tomitake always die. Rule Z is that Ooishi and Takano always cause shit. Right?

So how long has Rika been looping? 100 years? How many time loops, then? If she looped the same June of 1983, and only the current arcs were what she experienced, that would be six months! But then, why does she say Rena, Shion and Keiichi lost it? Why is it never Mion or Satoko? Is that just a rule for all arcs, or because she only experienced these six arcs? And if she experienced her whole life six times, that’s 60 years. So, I’m going with the idea that there were either 4 previous loops, or… if she’s only experiencing one month, and June of 1983 had 30 days, then to make 1 month add up to 100 years, she would’ve experienced… 3000 loops? Is that correct? Yeah… if I had to loop the same month 3000 times, I would become a little jaded too.

Okay I might’ve overestimated, it’s around 1200. Still a lot.

I would love a Sotsu/Meguri style visual novel. Maybe a fan project? But it wouldn’t have the same charm as an official one. I truly believe after reading Umineko and almost finishing Higurashi that these stories can only truly be understood through the visual novel medium. Ciconia though? Uh… sorry, I’m not paying £40 for ONE chapter of a story. If that pattern continues, phase 2, 3 and 4 being released will add up to £160. I am not paying £160 for fucking Ciconia. I think the worst part is that no playthroughs are allowed past a certain chapter, 7 or 8. I understand why. But like- if the game wasn’t £40 I would understand more. I mean come on. It’s one chapter. Like Ryukishi, my guy, are you struggling financially or smth? Because we alllll are. Some of us, such as myself, don’t even have income because the job market is unbelievable! So the only money I can get right now is money from people on holidays. And at this rate, I don’t think phase 2 is gonna be released anytime soon so… oopsies. Yeah no. I’ll pass. Oh wait? It’s actually £30, and on sale for £20 right now. Tempting, very tempting, but ah! I can’t justify it right now. Sorry, but it’s on principle alone I can’t justify that. The question arcs of Umineko are around £20. Someone said Ciconia Phase 1 is double the length of Lotgw. If that is true, and each question arc is worth £5 (same logic as the Higurashi arc pricing, also it makes sense considering the price) then that should only be £10. It’s basic Math. But instead it’s being charged at £30. I would pay £10 for each phase. Not £30, not even £20. Sorry, but I believe in fairness. And no one can convince me £30 or 40 USD is a reasonable price for one phase of a four phase story. This is the sims 4 levels of bad. Okay, maybe not exactly that bad… but look. Huniepop 2 is £20 and honestly even that probably has more worth than Ciconia.

“The art is better” yeah? art is meant to improve over time. Why does that matter? Like come on, don’t act like the game is Mona Lisa levels of good.

Rika this has a very simple solution. In each arc, have Hanyuu follow everyone around one by one. Follow Keiichi. Suspicious behaviour? No? Follow Satoko. Suspicious behaviour? No? Follow… and follow… then follow Ooishi. No? Then follow Mion? No? Then follow Takano, and that’s where the money is. God, Rika, you’re pathetic. I could’ve figured this out ages ago.

Mandela, I remember her being very optimistic in the anime. Hanyuu, that is. I didn’t realise she was this negative. That’s a weird thing to misremember. Also I’ve been subconsciously trying to figure out the MBTI of every Higurashi character this entire time, and I think I have it down. Let’s start with Keiichi… my memory is very bad, but in none of the arcs I don’t remember him being very ne or ni dom… a… si dom? No… se? Maybe… he seems like fi-dom maybe??? It’s not that he doesn’t care about other peoples feelings it’s just that he’s kinda insensitive and clearly thinks of his own subconsciously. So… hmm… ESFP?? No wait, I just completely forgot Ti/Te existed! Uhh… That feels wrong… Rika is a clear ni-dom with heavy… I don’t know??? I can’t be arsed actually. Okay, actually…

Keiichi isn’t logic driven. I mean, Onikakushi and Tsumihoroboshi for example. It wasn’t until Mion educated him that he realised how silly he was being. Though I don’t know if I consider Mion more Tx or Fx. She has a lot of loyalty to her friends and the Sonozaki family, so I’m leaning Fx. But Fi or Fe? Well. I don’t know. Mion isn’t a Ne nor Ni dom, as showcased by her debunking Keiichi and Rena’s conspiracies. She doesn’t seem interested in “what ifs.” She doesn’t seem interested in thinking about abstract concepts very much. I don’t really understand how Se and Si users work, to be honest. I’m a very heavy and probably unhealthy ne-dom. I’m NeFi, ENFP. As far as I’m aware anyway… if you get different vibes from me because of this post, and want to suggest otherwise, please let me know. And yes, MBTI is pseudoscience, but it’s fun. So I really don’t care. Hell, you could call all of typology pseudoscience. You could call psych and sociology pseudoscience. But are you just going to dismiss entire fields of science as fake just because they aren’t scientific in the way you like? Pseudoscience consists of statements, beliefs, or practices that claim to be both scientific and factual but are incompatible with the scientific method. The scientific method is using empirical evidence to draw conclusions. Some things are just not provable. If I surveyed a town and everyone there said they liked curry, I could say that everyone in that town liked curry. (Chie watching me with a death glare right now) But, how could you truly know that they like curry? Even statistics can’t be reliable. What if everyone lied? It’s improbable, but not impossible. But do we dismiss sociology and psychology just because we can’t prove things beyond a shadow of a doubt? No. And typologies like MBTI are similar. Of course these are abstract labels. Of course there’s no way we can prove cognitive functions exist. And yes, there is probably many more “cognitive functions.” But MBTI is a framework of identity. Even Jung said he was probably mistaken. So why do we cling to it? To help us understand ourselves.

What was I talking about again? Oh, When They Cry

I want to see a Sotsu like story but Mion is the looper. Why? Because Mion has such a strong will and sense of responsibility, that I want to see her going through the loops. How would she react? Of course, a character like Rena looping was something I found interesting, but she’s already predisposed to insanity. Mion is the only relatively “normal” (as normal as a yakuza heir can be) one, so I would want to see that. The story could be… hmm… Imotokoroshi?? Look I was trying to find words that ended in shi because the visual novel tends to do that. But Mion and Shion are different people so it doesn’t always have to involve them both, I just couldn’t come up with a better title… ok this hypothetical is silly, moving on

A choice? Considering this is a linear visual novel, not that linear is a bad thing, I doubt this choice will affect anything, right? Also, unrelated, but Miirena or Shiirena? Like, which do y’all like more? Because I’m torn. They’re both different people but in Watanagashi and Meakashi-hen Rena thought Shion was Mion, so thus far there isn’t much Shiirena content to work off. There’s some for Miirena though. Ugh why am I bringing this up? We need more Shion content grrr. Every Higurashi girl has been my favourite at some point. I think Shion was my initial favourite?… then Rika, Then Rena, then Satoko. And now? Hm, I don’t know. To answer these kinds of questions, I ask myself, which character would I prefer over another in an arc? Well, okay, let’s go down the list. Who would I remove first? Honestly? Satoko or Rika. And it’s not that I don’t love them as characters, but I have to be honest. Then who? Maybe Rena? I’m just ignoring Keiichi’s existence btw. So Mion or Shion… I like them both a lot! I relate to Shion in a lot of ways but she’s also very immature tbh. So I don’t know. Maybe I’m going about this wrong… I always root for the underdog, probably why Satoko went from one of my favourites to “meh” when GouSotsu released. Yeah it’s not the best ideology. So I don’t know. Mion? You’re asking me to choose between my blorbos!! This isn’t fair!!

I would love a friend like Mion. If you are kin with mion, or synpath or anything, we should be friends! I bet you’re a mature, loyal person! So maybe we shouldn’t, because I’m the opposite. Well maturity wise anyway. I get treated like a kid anyway despite being an adult so I guess I’m not allowed to act like one anyway. Out of all the Higurashi main cast, I relate a lot to them all in different ways, except Mion. She’s just so grounded and logical. Okay, seriously though, does anyone actually have Satoshi as their favourite Higurashi character? Like… bruh. He ain’t even that interesting. Anyway, I think I relate most to Shion in her arc, which is concerning. I’m not as cunning as Shion. No, it’s not that I can’t hide my emotions, it’s that after suffering in silence for so long, I take every little piece of happiness and let it show. I let it show even when I know it’s not good for me, because what have I got to lose? When was the last time I was truly happy? Is happiness even possible? Anyway…

“All I'm saying is that dolls aren't for boys.” “I see.. Then I guess you can have it. Here.” Mion probably really needed to hear that.

I wonder what deadly vices the seven main characters would have. Rika, I feel would be sloth. Shion would be envy. That’s about all I’ve figured out…

So when Shion heard those footsteps, he was hearing Hanyuu maybe? She was infected with Hinamizawa Syndrome, much like Satoko has, so… maybe people with Hinamizawa Syndrome can hear Hanyuu. My big question is, what is Hanyuu doing following Shion around? Just to tell Rika about it?

Think about it kids. If Rika has looped 1200 times, that means the probability of Rena and… I’m torn on Shiirena or Miirena as ships so I’ll say either… getting gay married, is not impossible. The probability of Rika and Satoko getting gay married is also not impossible. Just remember that.

Irie isn’t a bad person? He literally simps after little children. Yes he’s a bad person. He wanted to adopt Satoko for his own sick purposes. Yeah, he supposedly also cared about her, but come on. This is one of the few criticisms I have with Ryukishi’s writing, the sexualisation of his characters. It’s a funny gag in anime. But it’s not actually very funny. I don’t know if Japan as a whole just doesn’t get bothered by these things and sense of humour, but anime culture certainly doesn’t. It’s just not funny, and I wish he would treat it with seriousness. Irie making jokes about children in maid uniforms, like Rena, is not funny, and that’s just dismissed entirely. At the very least, I don’t think Umineko has many jokes about Maria like that. I think they don’t anyway, but there might’ve been one in the earlier arcs.

Ryukishi, come on. Takano being the killer is so obvious at this point. Like it’s driving me insane. Rika, how did you never question this woman??

I changed my mind. Pride is Rika’s sin. There are plenty of reasons the re-incarnation of a village god could be killed. Maybe someone non-religious wants to make a statement, for example.

Didn’t Takano kill Rika’s mother, I remember seeing that in the manga? I haven’t read all of the manga but I own the first two volumes and I’ve read that part online somewhere.

“I went to a forest and got killed in July.” Ohk, so hide in Antarctica then. Then you’ll live until August, and then die of hypothermia.

Okay the implication here is wild. So, not only does Tomitake have Hinamizawa syndrome, that might mean Keiichi’s dad does too? Or maybe Hanyuu is just having more of a human like presence the more weak her powers get. I know for a fact in arc 8 she starts showing up around the others.

So, is this the arc where Satoko gets rescued from Teppei? Because well, it’s arc 7. So I have a little issue really caring when I know Takano will just kill Rika and it won’t matter. What was it Rika said in this arc in the anime? “Kill me slowly, so I remember the face of my enemy.” Or something… I haven’t watched the anime since 2018, but I remember that.

“Hanyuu is not with me twenty four hours a day. She sometimes falls asleep, and sometimes she goes out for walks. Though in her case, it's not a walk, but more like a stalk. She follows people around when she finds someone interesting, and she enjoys observing them.” Well that explains a lot.

Okay, this is a rant unrelated to arc 7. I think the main reason I prefer meguri over Sotsu, again, unrelated to anything here, is the one scene where Satoko snaps. In Sotsu, or the end of Gou? Don’t remember, Satoko says something along the lines of “all I have to do is break Rika,” after learning about the torment Rika went through. But in meguri, at first she is horrified, and THEN she finally accepts that she needs to cause a tragedy. Because think of it this way, if you were told your friend had time looping powers and looped over 100 years to find a happy ending, but you still end up miserable in the end, you probably would be horrified, but then you would try and change things. It’s not Satoko jumping into sadistic behaviour that I don’t see as possible, it’s the immediate jump. Though some of my dislike for Sotsu is probably the fact that when I was younger and watching Higurashi I related to Satoko, and I still do, and in Sotsu, I realised I was like her too in that already, and it kind of worried me. But I think what bothered me most was the ending of Sotsu. Call me a pussy, but I cried at the ending, because it was so lacklustre. I have never cried at an ending because it was so bad, EVER. Satoko destroyed the previous loops, however that works, got immediately forgiven and then a half assed Umi reference is made and roll credits. And for the record, I’m not saying Satoko can’t be forgiven, but I’m saying the line about “I will return Satoko Hojo” to you kinda annoys me because like- sorry I’m trying not to laugh, like genuinely, was witch satoko not a metaphor??? Much like how Rika becomes more jaded overtime, Satoko became more sadistic overtime and in her own way jaded. But in the end, all of her trauma and other issues is just, poof, fine, and they go their separate ways. But something I really hate about Sotsu is Tatariakashi. It really doesn’t matter what justification you come up with, because you aren’t thinking about the real world implications of Tatariakashi. Let’s look at this from a meta context. Satoko Hojo is a victim of abuse who wasn’t believed because of her past pattern of lying (which might not have even been lying, but just her young brain not fully comprehending things, as it is implied), even though she actually was being abused in 1983. However, tatariakashi has Satoko lie about her abuse, which feeds into the whole “oh, well you shouldn’t believe children victims of abuse in case they’re lying,” thing. I don’t care what excuse you come up with. This arc exists only for shock value, and has nothing more to say, in both Sotsu and Meguri, and I will stand by that. What does this arc say about child abuse? Nothing. Absolutely nothing other than the indirect effect this arc has. When your message isn’t intentional, you fucked up. And don’t just tell me I’m just misinterpreting it. That’s a lazy excuse. Do you know how many people also ‘misinterpreted’ this arc? Sorry, but if your story can be misinterpreted this badly by many people, maybe it isn’t our fault, maybe it’s just bad writing. Because it is bad writing. This arc is detested for a reason. Let’s make something clear: even if Satoko was lying in Tatariakashi, that doesn’t mean that the right choice was not believing her. You should believe victims. The implication here is that by believing Satoko, Rika couldn’t overcome the tragedy again. Do you fucking see the problem? When believing a victim of abuse indirectly leads to tragedy, you’re kind of promoting that it was the wrong thing to do. Like come on. I’m just using common sense here. This arc is offensive to victims of childhood trauma, and I say this as one. Sorry I got a little heated. I just don’t like being treated like I just don’t “get” Tatariakashi. I get it. I just think it’s disgusting. Moving onto CH7 again. Sorry.

“People can't live without hope. People can survive because they believe that something good will happen to them eventually, as long as they keep on living. I had nothing left to bet on. All I could do was get hurt and suffer devastation, Blood flowed from my broken heart and found its way out through my eyes in the form of tears.” Powerful words my friend, powerful words.

I remember that Shion was very angry in the anime over Satoko’s abuse, so I wonder how she’ll act in the VN.

Higurashi Abridged but the characters are going in a circle about calling. “Keiichi, I tried to ring you but you were busy.” “Wait Rena, I’m getting a call from Shion.” “Alright, I’ll call Mii-chan then.” “Keiichi, I tried calling Rena but she wouldn’t pick up.” “She’s calling Mi- wait I’m getting a call.” “I tried calling Rena but she didn’t pick up, have you tried?” “Mion- she’s trying to call you.” Okay, maybe my sense of humour is a bit broken but in my head this is the funniest thing ever. A bit tone deaf but idk. The brain works in weird methods. They just go in circles about it for like 5 minutes straight not even getting to the point.

Like okay, if I made an abridged series I would probably make a parody of GouSotsu. I would have Satoko become a looper, but when Rika got hit by the chandelier, the rest of the club in all other timelines became absolute dolts as a result of the “curse of the chandelier” or something. So in each arc, Satoko would try to cause a tragedy, but Hinamizawa Syndrome it affects them in ridiculous ways and they have weird motives. Satoko and Rika are the only straight men of the group… ironically. Rika figures out Satoko is the looper because she’s the only club member with a brain. Like come on that would be peak comedy. I’d eat that shit up as an abridged series. And the characters would have shit about them flipped. Rena wouldn’t be paranoid because of aliens, she would be paranoid because she is an alien and thinks the government is after her. Mion isn’t the heir to the Yakuza, she’s the heir to something really mundane like… a furniture shop, but she takes it super seriously. (Umineko joke here.) I don’t have many ideas for Shion because she’s already pretty unhinged. She’d just have a deep country accent and make meta commentary. Okay, I need to stop making up a story for a hypothetical abridged series I am not making. It was just a “what-if.”

My character tier list is tricky because I love them all, but who is THE blorbo? I like Satoko a lot, but I also like Mion, and I like Shion. Oddly, I think Rena is losing favour with me. Not that she’s a bad character, just not my favourite anymore. I could’ve easily said Satoko was the blorbo, before GouSotsu came out. Look, I just see villain Satoko and think “you could be written so much better.” As well as “she just like fr” but let’s ignore that. Satoko is a very high synpath for me, or even fictionhearted, but mmm. I don’t know. Satoko and Mion are the blorbos right now, but I love all of them. Also, I’ve been thinking, and I’ll probably play the bonus arcs and add them as a separate posts. When I did Umineko’s two bonus arcs, my drafts got deleted. For those curious, I knew Piece’s identity like 30-40 minutes in, but still. And the only commentary for the other one was the idea of intersex Sayo and I thought Kumasawa saying “this is going to be the best prank ever” funny.

Going to 2018 tradition of writing every Higu birthday, as I only got halfway down thenfirstday… what. That doesn’t word. That’s not a sentence. I don’t speak. Well.

'Satoko, you've been a good girl so I guess your cold is all better now. Go back to school tomorrow.” “Thank you so much. Thank you so much...” He was the one who told her to say 'thank you' when he gives her approval to do something. But it annoyed him to hear her say it over and over.

Ugh what an asshole. She’s so scared of him. And Oryou won’t help her because of her family name? Ugh I hate Oryou.

I’m not crying, you’re crying. It’s hard when you remember Satoko is literally a little girl who is severely traumatised. She’s only 11. I don’t know her fear exactly, but I know what it’s like to have scary figures in your life as a kid… even if my case was not as bad as Satoko’s. It was more emotional than physical on their behalf. I was never good enough for them. I told my therapist on accident once and she got concerned, I didn’t understand why. My dad got very mad at me for telling the therapist about what he did. It didn’t really click for me until 2020 that something was truly off about this. And I’ve been afraid to call it what it is. Even now I question if it was emotional abuse or if I was just overreacting. Abuse is such a strong word. When others have it worse, can I really say that? It’s not like I’ve been perfect either. I was a brat as a kid. But it still hurt. But some things I found out are normal. Being forced to do your homework while being yelled at for hours on end is apparently a common experience cuz I saw a Twitter thread of people saying they related. So what else I went through was normal? Was it all normal? Was it all okay? I hope it isn’t normal. I hope this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I wish I could be specific but my memories get foggy. I think I push them out for my own sake. Well, when I had breakdowns my parents would yell at me or mock me. My mom grabbed my throat once and shoved me against the wall. My dad pushed me down the staircase. They called me names. Was it an everyday occurrence though? No. Not every day. I don’t know how often. Weekly? Monthly. Yearly? Bi yearly? My dad has always yelled and insulted me for small things. But my grandfather did that too, when I spilled a drink on the floor. So is that normal or are my family just evil? I mean they are evil. My aunt recorded her 3 year olds mental breakdown once. They’re all evil. I don’t know why but I can’t remember anything! I’m trying but… I guess it was more emotional neglect than abuse, and when they were verbally abusive, the bottled up emotions just became too much to handle. My mom stopped taking me to therapy after I left school. I guess she thought that was the problem solved. She always treated me like a burden. They told me they didn’t care and that I was just crazy. My dad to this day tells me if I ever go outside when I’m not allowed to he will call the cops and say I am a ‘vulnerable youth’ and ‘too crazy to be out on my own.’ I am a legal adult btw. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t like thinking about this. I’ll never forgive them either way. But I’m not overreacting. I’m not too sensitive. If I was, why would I be so traumatised? Sometimes I hear trauma symptoms and I relate to them a lot. Disassociation is an issue I have been dealing with for ages, for example. I dunno… I don’t care. Either way, I still hate my family.

I saw someone say today “traumas still trauma no matter whos "fault" it is.” Which… makes me feel a little less bad about my previous paragraph. Even if it is my fault, I’m still traumatised.

Okay actually MBTI real. Keiichi I still have no fucking clue for. Te-dom? Te-Si? Is that ESTJ? But wait, I don’t see… I don’t see Si. I see Te but also Se. Actually I see Se-Ti. Logical isn’t the word I would use to describe Keiichi. But if someone came up to him and told him something, but used reasoning that SOUNDED logically sound, I don’t think he’d think too much into it. So he’s Se-Ti but just. Incompetent?

Could he be Fi-dom? Se-Fi maybe? Because he’s very rash about his decisions, like with Teppei in Arc 3, didn’t even consider other peoples feelings in that. ESFP? Maybe? I don’t know. It feels wrong.

Mion seems to be… is saying Se-Fi again silly? Cuz here’s my logic. I don’t see Si-dom. I can see Fe-aux. But if I don’t see Si dom, she can’t be Fe dom. look I’m bad at this, okay? What’s the consensus here? ESFJ? Yeah. I see more Fe than Fi for her. I mean she literally wanted to save Rena from being roblox oofed by the cops last arc despite Rena attacking her brutally. But Si? Actually sure. Makes sense.

Shion… yeah, so, maybe Se? Se-Fi? Uhh… I don’t know… okay, so the consensus is ENFJ. Yeah actually, I was considering that but… Hm. The problem with Shion is that she is introduced as a more intense version of her usual self so it was hard to see Fe-dom. But I see it. Ni aux makes sense. I guess I just default to se-dom when I have no idea.

Rena is a Ne-dom to the point where she is like hilariously Ne dom. Ne-Fi. There’s no question, ENFP there. Hm, people agree. Cool. This was a no-brainer.

Satoko is Se-Fi. Again this one is easy. ESFP. And people agree.

Rika is Ni-Fe, I think, but she’s also kinda careless of her friends sometimes. But Fi-Ne doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why I jumped to her being a feeler anyway. But others agree with me so my lucky guess.

Hanyuu is SiFe I think… oh and people agree…

Satoshi is boring we don’t even need to care about this.

Keiichi: we can’t use violence to solve our problems. Also Keiichi: *fights with old people and goes to the leader of the yakuza to convince her to change her mind.*

Did Mion even try at all? If Oryou is that fickle about helping Satoko, it really does make me wonder. But well, I suppose Keiichi’s “put up a fight” story works. Though why couldn’t Mion do the same? Say that she fought with her grandmother and almost killed her. But I don’t know, if it’s family maybe that’s different. I still hate Oryou. I don’t care about her reputation. When a child is being abused, you help that child, period. There is no excuse. Period.

I know this is ironic because of my beliefs but Mion and Shion’s mom kinda hot? What?! Just because I personally don’t agree with having kids doesn’t mean I can’t be attracted to a MIL- okay, I’m gonna stop. 😭

Akane is so interesting. Apparently there’s a manga airing right now called Higurashi Oni, about Oryou, but I’m avoiding reading anything outside of Meguri for spoilers. Yeah I know I’m aware of most things in the story considering I’ve been a Higu fan since 2018 but- I still want to re-experience things in a perhaps new light.

AKANE?! Keiichi and Satoko shouldn’t be together. Isn’t Keiichi like 14? Okay so Satoko is a year older than I thought. Still, 11 and 14 is weird. 12 and 14 is still weird I think. But the way Satoko is drawn vs Keiichi, yeah, he’s too old for her. No.

So Satoko set up a trap for Teppei?

“There were times when I went on a rampage too,” strange. I never thought Rika did that. I always thought she never harmed anyone.

Takano is soooo hot when she’s probably plotting Jirou’s oofment.

Theory: Rika loses her memories not because of Hanyuu, but because she drinks her, ahem, let’s say orange juice so much she has a… memory loss in the morning, AKA, when she wakes up in the… void? Is that it?

“How dare you talk to the police before talking to us!” Based Satoko? Also I think Hanyuu is ISFJ cuz she seems Si-Fe. Yes I’m still thinking about that.

There was someone? Hanyuu? Hanyuu. Hanyuu didn’t believe.

“What's outside of the well? Is it something worth fighting for? What's outside of the well? Is it something worth getting hurt for? What's outside of the well? I'm going to fight and get hurt in order to find that out. I'm sure what's waiting is a beautiful world. Even if I get to the bottom of the well again. The key to the new world is my willingness to get out of here. Even if I can get out or not, I will eventually get to the new world...” It’s so simple, but effective. I… I am not one to take ‘inspirational’ quotes as gospel. When I was younger, a lyric, a poem, could change my outlook on life. I’m too old to be that easily swayed. I’m too jaded to feel anything but. I guess this poem makes me think, and not a lot of stories make me think. What’s outside of the well? Is it worth fighting for? If my life wasn’t worth it, I would’ve gave up by now, right? So I’m alive because I have some hope, whether I like it or not. And if I’m going to exist without living, without putting in any effort into winning this fight, then I’m just a coward who gets what I deserve. What else can I do? If I look at my life goals enough, maybe, maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe it is my fault, maybe it isn’t. But either way, if I fight enough, can I win? Can sheer willpower make my life, or break me? I think I’d rather be broken than not try. I think I’d rather get my hopes up again than spend another 4 years never leaving the house. I don’t remember if it was 3, 4 or more. But 2022 was when I began leaving the house. This year, all I could do was sit around while other people did the work for me. Why? Why did I allow that? Because they wouldn’t let me. But why should I care what they let me do or not? It’s my life. If I want happiness, I have to fight for it. So, I don’t care what anyone says. If I want to go outside on my own, at my grown age, and look down my town to see if any job openings are there, I should be able to do that. Am I still scared of my parents? How pathetic. They were right, I never grew up. Just not in the way they think. If I’m an adult, I’m on an equal playing field with them. Even if they shelter me, does your landlord control everything you do? No. No they don’t. Can your landlord kick you out for that? No. But parents can. But is being kicked out my worst fear? No. It’s my dads threats to get me locked up in a mental facility if I try leaving, to lie to the cops. That scares me. But I can’t let myself be afraid anymore. So while I can’t let sentiments change my philosophy, it can change the way I implement my philosophy. And because of the existence of this quote, this level of reasoning is possible for Lemon. What do you think, everyone~

Wha- all these years I thought Takano’s first name was Takano. But if her grandfather is Hifumi Takano, then Takano has to be her surname. Isn’t her surname like Miyoko or something? Takano Miyoko. Miyoko Takano. Japanese prioritises family names. So is that a translation thing? No wait, that still makes no sense. Okay so her first name IS Miyo/Miyoko. I always got it the other way around. Easy mistake.

Didn’t need much reason, but have more to hate Irie.

Ryukishi’s words about mysteries makes me think of Scott Cawthon. Remember when the fnaf games were fun to solve and actually had somewhat clear answers? The golden era.

And, is that Bernkastel speaking to us? :0

CH8

You know , what if HS doesn’t exist? What if it’s just mass hysteria? Like sure H173 exists, but naturally occurring? What if that’s just like, a group reaction?

I know it’s just a coincidence, but Eriko is so similar to Erika. In Japanese, it’s very different. -Ko means child. Eri. What could eri mean? Collar? Picture laws of nature? Eri doesn’t mean much. Maybe Eriko is a word! Wait, it means collar child? Really? That’s pathetic. Erika Furudo and Rika Furude are more on the nose. They both can be written similarly to Frederica, I’d assume? According to GT, Frederica is “Furede Rika” in Katakana. I guess for whatever reason Ryukishi decided “ru” fit more than “re.” And Erika Furudo still sounds like Frederica backwards too. But yes, Eriko is just a coincidence. It may be one letter in English but in Japanese こ and か are different suffixes. Ka means flower I believe in suffixes. They’re both popular.

A lot of Higurashi characters have common name suffixes. Rika has ka, Keiichi has ichi, Rena has na, Satoko has ko, but you know who doesn’t? Mion. Mion and Shion aren’t really popular Japanese names. Shi means demon and Mi means uhh, flower I’m pretty sure. What does the ‘o’ mean? I don’t know. お and ん are different.

Bored a fuck won at Trivial Pursuit while listening to Takano’s war ramblings.

Oh, was Miyoko r-worded? I remember hearing that a long time ago, but I wouldn still pick up on it even if I didn’t. So, her friends were killed to set an example. She was taken to the bathroom and forced to… how awful. That’s a little girl.

Maybe I’m reading too deep into this, but maybe Ko was dropped because Miyo didn’t have a proper childhood? Like she felt like she lost her innocence. I know it’s a bit of a stretch but idk. Also I just remembered “4” can be written as both shi and yo, so it isn’t just a kanji thing like I predicted. I believe in Japanese, depending on dialect, different spellings occur? No; not dialect; something else. Sorry if I’m not wording this properly. So, the 34 reference should make more sense to Japanese people. Wait… Mi means 3? Oh! OH! Okay, so there’s two ways to read Japanese, right? So, maybe Mi means 3 in that! Because I learnt 3 as “San” and 4 as “Shi,” so the other way of reading it must be “Mi” and “Yo.” That is 34. I also believe it has relevance to the Greek alphabet, Lambda and Delta. I know Delta is the 4th letter, so I’m assuming Lambda is the 3rd. Bravo. Vi- FUCK, WRONG SHOW. I mean- novel?

Oh yeah, can’t Hifumi be written like “一二三”? Or am I misremembering? ALSO, DONT WHAT INSIDE OF YOU SATOSHI? These translators are dirty. Actually, maybe I’m dirty. Seriously, is that a translation error? I know it’s technically correct but like- it makes it hard to take it seriously when he’s asking the “other” him to not… ahem, “go” inside… his mind.

Shit? Did my draft erase?! Damn, I went on a speech about how it’s been 11 months since I started this journey and all that crap. Well, whatever. I’ll post this then go back and edit it. I say a lot of shit here so if I say anything that doesn’t make sense or is wrong I probably changed my mind along the way.

[sunriseverse]

For the fic writer asks: 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 13

2. Where did you first post your fics?

i actually spent years writing fanfic by hand because i didn’t have an email address to set up an account to post my writing with (probably for the better, since it was all quite bad by my current standards), but once i did i started off with ffnet—though my account there is in permanent hiatus and i don’t cross post anything anymore, and have a permanent “find me on ao3 at the same username” section in my profile, and it’s not just because the UI is terrible.

3. What was your first fandom?

i was going to say warriors, but then i realised i actually got into guardians of ga’hoole a year before i read warriors, so that’s the answer i guess. despite how flawed the books are, they hold a special place in my heart. also, seemingly post-apocalyptic owl society with magic and armour fucks. (i also got into the swordbird series years later, to no surprise, for many of the same reasons.)

4. A fic of yours you think is underrated?

probably daymare! it’s very short, and i mainly wrote it as a thought exercise, style experiment, and exploration of a dropped canon thread, and since it’s not shippy or about the main cast of the REST of the series it hasn’t gotten much attention, which i think is a shame because i, personally, think it’s quite good.

7.What's the best title you've come up with?

i’ll be honest choosing titles is one of my two most hated things about posting fanfic, so titles don’t stick with me too much (i usually cannot recognise my own works based off title alone). but i guess ghost rhythms isn’t a half bad original title when you consider i mostly steal from poetry or lyrics.

9. Do you read your own fics for fun?

yeah sometimes. i tend to enter a fugue state when i write so i genuinely don’t remember what i’ve written very well, especially after a few days, let alone weeks or months. my writing is decent so i tend to enjoy rereading it when i stumble across it again in a tag.

10. Do you post WIPs or wait until you're finished writing to post?

depends. most of what i write are oneshots, even if they tend to be 5k+, so i wait until i have the entire thing written before i post. on the other hand, the few times i’ve actively written multichapter fics, assuming they didn’t get abandoned, i usually just post update to update and don’t bother trying to write everything out before i post, because then i just get pissed and bored waiting. that said recently i’ve gotten into actually outlining my multichapter projects and, what would you know, it’s actually really helpful! and necessary for sunrise specifically, since it has so many moving parts.

[dostthouhavenochill]

Performance

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Castlevania (Netflix)

Word Count: 2.6k

Characters: Alucard, Greta of Danesti, Sypha Belnades, minor OCs (mentioned)

Relationships: pre-Gretacard, Trephacard (mentioned)

Warnings: none

Summary: Alucard muses on how life has changed since the head woman of Danesti, now Belmont, and her people have settled about his home.

The clearing was relatively quiet that afternoon, with the odd settler or two roaming around, enjoying a moment’s rest after doing their part in the rebuilding effort for the day. The setting sun warmed Alucard’s skin as he sat against a large oak tree. Strong winds shook the branches above his head, sending bursts of orange and red drifting about him. He brushed errant leaves out of his basket and plucked out a dark spool to finish his mending.

Aaliya and Rahim, bless their hearts, were the most rambunctious out of all of Alucard's children. So it came as no surprise when a few hours ago, Rahim came to him with pieces of what used to be a stuffed horse, “His name is Sumac, Father!”, wailing his dark eyes out. Alucard promised to make time to mend him by the end of the day. The toy was a well-loved thing, with stains and misaligned stuffing, all evidence of a boy who took his friend everywhere he went. The horse’s reddish-brown fur was now a muddled sepia and its once cream mane and markings now gray. Alucard just about had his fill of bloody horses, but he could make an exception just this once.

He wasn’t resting alone though. After depositing lumber and stone for Solomon and his building team, Greta settled beside him. She only dozed off a short while ago, but not before giving a knowing chuckle at his project and a snark about how he was finally as used to people as people were used to him. Absolutely maniacal. He couldn’t find room to complain.

So much had changed in just these last four months. Alucard would be lying to himself if he said that it wasn’t jarring to go from months of solitude to human interaction and back again, a hellish cycle that always seemed to end with him alone. But with the settlement of the people of Danesti, now Belmont, that cycle had been broken. Funny, considering how he had been hesitant towards the idea.

Except hesitant wasn’t an accurate description. Initially, Alucard had to wrestle with his desires for both solitude and companionship. As much as he longed for the latter, Alucard wasn’t prepared for its magnitude. Saint Germain, for all his scheming, offered a reasonable solution to a suffering people. Only that reasonable solution left Alucard feeling bare and scrubbed raw, as if the entirety of the world made itself at home in his ribcage before even giving him the courtesy of undoing the frog of his cape first.

Those first nights after the battle was when the enormity of his hospitality truly began to set in. He lamented the loss of his solitude. Protection, knowledge, and safety-he would never hesitate to offer, but with so many rooms holding so many personal memories, he’d unintentionally left his soul bare to all. He remembers all but dashing ahead of Greta while showing her the food supply to hide his makeshift companions from her teasing, scrutinous gaze.

But...it was nice.

It had been so long since the halls were alive, filled with laughter and with people milling about the halls. It hardly ever seemed like he was alone now. His role as champion along with Greta’s say-so granted him a founding role in Belmont and as such was bombarded with questions daily; someone asking for aid, someone asking for instruction, someone...just asking how he’s faring that day.

From beside him, Greta, with her arms crossed, snored softly. Alucard let out an undignified chuckle. For someone who had such hasty and scathing observations about settling at Castlevania, she seems quite content.

Greta wasn’t wrong when she called the Castle cold. Alucard remembers plenty of nights alone, abandoned, shivering and craving nothing but someone, anyone, to ease his loneliness. His mother. His father. Belmont. Sypha. Anyone. But after Sumi and Taka’s betrayal, Alucard began to appreciate the aura Castlevania emanated. It’s dark, cavernous windows and ominous silhouette, looming and judging those who came across it, a warning sign to all. It stood imposingly with cautionary tales skewered at its lip. Greta was simply experiencing the emotions Castlevania intended to elicit from oncomers; the cold, fear, and danger.

Even so, after everything that’s happened, Alucard couldn’t help but feel a sense of welcome and warmth in those dark, cavernous windows.

The windows that led to the study where Adrian spent years on years learning a multitude of languages, preferring the ones with lots of “s’s” because of the way it slithered off his tongue.

The windows that led to the southwestern dining room, where an infantile Adrian nearly chomped off his mother’s finger whilst she tried to stop him from swallowing a frozen carrot he’d been teething on.

The windows that led to the science hall, where he, Sypha, and Trevor spent the last few blissful days of their union getting drunk and blasting off various spells into the ceiling to see what would happen.

Yes, there had been plenty of warmth in the Castle, even before it had been graced with the people of Danesti. Almost every room he can recall with a smile and a fond tale. He’d had to convince Greta, he thinks. He can already imagine it; the disbelief on her face when he tells her he learned to shapeshift into a dire pup in a conservatory, a room filled with foliage and beakers and sunlight and all sorts of breakable things. And he can imagine telling her that Lord Dracula himself had to call for aid from his wife when their son burst through a window and pranced about nude in the outdoor sun. He can imagine that curious wrinkle in her brows before she thinks of something, immediately says it, and rarely regrets it.

He can imagine telling her so much about his childhood. About Vlad and Lisa Țepeș. About growing up the only dhampir, to his knowledge. He can imagine telling her so much about his past and about, ahem, possibly their present; what’s changed since he met her and what’s stayed the same. The tangled but firm bundle of feelings she’s elicited from him. He’ll have to ask for her time one day, one day when she isn’t exhausted from doing the work of half a dozen persons in a few hours time and taking a well-earned break.

Alucard was broken from his musings when he saw Sypha striding up to him in the distance. In the midst of Sypha’s pregnancy, her passion and spitfire were amplified. As such, she had enough of all the side looks and loaded barbs between them all.

They had talked, Trevor and Sypha and Alucard. They talked about feelings, about abandonment and betrayal and neglect, about Trevor and Sypha’s child also calling Alucard father. About how it was almost too soon to make such a leap, feelings too raw. About sentiments that could have, perhaps should have, been properly expressed before fucking off across Europe. About regrets and pain, about trust and building it back up. It wasn’t ruined, but it was worse for wear. Nothing that some regular maintenance wouldn’t help.

Alucard almost stands to offer Sypha a hand, but she politely declines, saying that if she gets down, she won’t get back up as easily. Besides, she was only here for a quick thing. Then, she took note of the sleeping Greta, and lowered her voice, saying, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so still before.” Alucard was inclined to agree. With her coat draped over her lap, and her head lopped to the side, Greta looked at peace. The tasks of a head woman were never-ending, it seems.

“What brings you out here, then?” Alucard asked, once he was able to drag his gaze away from Greta’s sleeping form.

“Rahim was looking for you,” she cocked her head, giving him a puzzled look. “He said that you would help him find some sumac?.” Chuckling into his chest, Alucard ties off the thread on the poor thing's left haunch and passes it up to Sypha.

“I believe I stitched together all the bits of his Sumac as best I could.” Alucard wonders if Sypha even heard him over all her soft albeit consistent cooing.

“Alucaaaard. I never knew you were so good with a needle,” she spoke as she ran her fingers lovingly through its sullied mane. “With the state of Trevor’s socks, he could learn a thing or two from you.”

And then the most terrifying thing happened; Sypha got The Look. To the casual observer, looking at the duo of Belnades and Belmont, one would think that the former was the sensible one. And they wouldn’t necessarily be wrong. However, what the casual observer typically fails to notice is that Sypha, for all her grace and intellect, was at least half as crazy and twice as impulsive as Belmont himself. Arguably, she was at her worst when she got mischievous, and the only tell for that was a distinct Look; one where her impossibly large eyes sparkled and her lips twitched like a kitten holding onto a canary for a little too long.

“You knoooooow,” she began, sounding like a child all too eager to tell an adult about some fact they recently learned, a fact that they had no business knowing. “It's never too early to start preparing things for the baby-books, clothes, toys and things. Perhaps little Trefor would appreciate something personal from his Alucard. Mayhaps if you had any miniature dolls of his parents lying about,” her bright eyes squinting in mischief, “Or something like that.”

Alucard would’ve liked the earth to swallow him whole or for a wayward night creature to snatch him away into the woods. He would’ve liked a multitude of things, but he was stopped by a soft snort coming from behind him. He turned to see Greta trying and failing to suppress a smirk.

With her eyes still closed, she gave up her storybook act and said, “I’m sure sunshine here could pull something off. Yours and Trevor’s resemblance is quite striking.” Sypha howls with laughter, calming herself only after Alucard throws her a glare, all the while blush painting his...well, everything. He sighs, turning back to Greta.

“I hadn’t known you were such a fan of my needlework.”

“Well, I hadn’t intended on saying anything.” Greta barely got her last word out before Alucard rounded back, still mortified.

“Quite unlike you. I ought to be worried.” Greta cracks open an eye at that, playfully raising an eyebrow at the dhampir.

“I thought you were asleep,” he said indignantly.

“I don’t know what gave you that impression,” Greta closed her eye again, crossing her arms behind her head, “ I was merely resting my eyes.”

“And your heart rate?” Alucard bent an arm against his leg, resting his chin in his palm and gazing at her through lidded lashes. “If I had poorer hearing, I would have almost certainly mistaken you for a sleeping person.”

Greta raised a single finger. “Almost. Key word: almost.”

Rolling his eyes under closed lids, Alucard said, “You would make an excellent performer, you know.”

“I am a woman of many skills.”

“Indeed. One day, I imagine you might even be able to successfully imitate a rock.”

Greta effortlessly lands a hit against Alucard’s thigh. There’s no real force behind it. It’s the same friendly banter they’ve always shared, the same heat that fills his chest, the same stir it causes in his gut, and the same burn to the spot she touched.

“Smartass.” As she draws her hand back, the smirk on her face never drops.

Alucard, chuckling and chest warming, cocks his head back to Sypha to ask if she needs anything else from him and is surprised to see an intensity in her widened eyes. Wide as they were when they first entered the Belmont hold, large and curious and flickering as she combed through every book she could find, devouring any new information at her grasp with a thrilling quickness. Before the embarrassment at being perceived settled in his bones, Greta spoke up, this time to Sypha, making her eyes softer than usual.

“How are you and the little one today, Sypha?”

“We’re well, thank you,” Sypha takes her hand and rubs it across her slowly increasing bump, giving the head woman a pleased grin. “I see you’re taking a well-earned break.”

“Nothing wrong with a little rest,” Greta shrugs, relaxing further back against the bark. Her brows get that curious wrinkle, however, and she says, “Especially for those of us with child who’ve been running about since dawn.”

Alucard takes solace in the fact that the air around Sypha tingles ever so slightly and he is, for once, not subject to embarrassment. If Greta sensed Sypha’s chagrin, as she almost certainly did, she didn’t make it known, aside perhaps from the cute crinkle around her eyes and nose.

But Sypha recovers much faster than Alucard ever has, giving Greta a self-satisfied smile. “I’ll have you know I wasn’t up and about until after the sun broke.” She then releases a long sigh. “But between Trevor, Khadijah and the other healers’ constant fretting, you’d think I was on my last legs instead of giving life.”

Mischief incarnate would do well to take note of Greta of Danesti, with a hand propped under chin, a single digit tapping her cheek, and a dangerous glint in her burnished eyes. “Foolish of them, then, to disregard the woman who battles night creatures regularly and moved an entire fucking castle as incapable of anything.”

“Foolish indeed!”

Alucard cast a sly gaze towards Greta, naughty of you to rile her up like this-Belmont is sure to get an earful later. Coy is never a word he would’ve ascribed to the head woman, but the curve of her lips and flutter of her lashes had him reconsidering.

Sypha says her goodbyes and goes to return the horse to its rightful owner. Stopping short, she looks back to Greta and says, “I don’t think you have much room to talk, however, Head Woman Greta of Danesti-now-Belmont-who-wakes-with-the-sun-and-slays-night-creatures-and-carries-lumber-and-.”

Greta ducks her head, sending the Speaker off with a wave, “Enough of that, Belnades.” She lowers her hand, her brows creasing as she says, “Thank you and be well.”

As Sypha departs, Greta settles back against the tree. With nothing to keep his hands busy, Alucard joins her in relaxing in the setting sun, hands folded in his lap. Being immortal, the dhampir never needed excessive amounts of sleep to function, per se. Perhaps he would just rest his eyes and enjoy the company. 

Alucard sighs as the cool breeze passes through his hair and picks up fallen leaves, carrying them across the clearing. Then he sputters as one flies straight into his mouth. The dhampir gets no warning as Greta’s soft hands pull his hair aside, causing him to jump slightly. Her slender fingers pick out the foliage from his hair and shoulders before tossing them to the ground beneath them.

She can’t stop herself from letting out one last chuckle at Alucard’s expense. “Are you sure you don’t have anything better to do that loaf about with me, sunshine?” Her tawny eyes held still against his. Alucard arched his head back against the tree to appreciate her gaze.

“Nothing in particular springs to mind,” he doesn’t bother smothering the smirk growing on his face, “Besides, as I understand it, Khadijah has ordered you to loaf about after your mishap two nights ago.”

That earns him quite the eyeroll. “Khadijah, the worrywart, would order me to loaf about if I tripped over a stick.”

“Tripping over a mere stick?,” he lilted, “ I’d think he’d need to examine your head if that ever happened.”

Another thwack. Another burst of heat. Only this time, Alucard held fast, catching her hand before it could completely fall away. Greta startled at his reflexes, her head teasingly cocked aside as her eyes flicked from his to their joined hands. Before he lost his nerve, Alucard placed his other hand atop hers, giving it a soft squeeze and resting it in his lap. “I’m sure. I’d much rather be here than anywhere else.”

[wolfhowlingdragonflyingsirensong]

spoilers

Since I recently played Life is Strange, which whoah, is totally an experience that I recommend to everyone, I’ve come to appreciate how well the game handles choices. It’s interesting how choices can seem meaningless good acts, like helping Alyssa avoid being hit, translates to her trusting Max enough for Max to save her. But, the game also points out how we can’t control consequences, since good deeds are done with nothing but good intentions can have fatal consequences, such as warning Victoria (and her believing you) leads to her murder, or the biggest good deed of them all, saving Chloe, leads to a storm that (can) kill lots of people. And ultimately, what’s cool is that every choice is canon, since Max it’s not a blank slate, meaning every choice the player makes is something Max considered. What do I mean with Max not being a blank slate? I mean regardless of your choices, Max likes waffles AND bacon and eggs. This is a minor example, but it serves for many things. Max can comfort Victoria or not, and later when they talk at the party regardless of your choice, Max at first is pretty angry, so she’s completely capable of standing up for herself and others. Max loves Chloe regardless of the player's feelings towards her. Max can be pretty uncaring or a literal angel, by Kate. And all of this is canon because even nice people contemplate not being nice all the time, even if it’s only a thought. This brings me to the ships topics. First of all, I’m glad that this game has non-ambiguous, non-sexualized, soft wlw romance (actually two counting BTS!) without the canon protagonist being turned evil or something, and I think that’s incredibly important. If the game had only Chloe as a love interest, I would totally get it and have no problem,  because the game is pretty much focused on their bond. Not that it matters to those who do, I personally don't ship it because I self-project (and I totally recognize it) on friendships I had in my youth that were a bit like Chloe and Max's friendship in the first episodes, and they were toxic. Don't get me wrong, I loved my friends and they were (are) good people. I like Chloe a lot, and there's no denying that there are strong feelings on Max's part for Chloe that are romantic, and it's up to the player to determine if Max is going to pursue Chloe. Denying it means that is both not reading Max's diary and erasing her sexuality. I write this because I don't want to seem like I don't ship them because I like Grahamfield, it's not that, I could very well be into both, and I think Chloe develops so much at the end of episode 5 that, while before I thought she was only in love with Rachel, at that point is totally understandable for me. If you ship Pricefield then that's awesome! You have all the canon content to back you up and a beautiful story of love with the childhood friends-to-lovers trope, can't get much better. Plus, the whole game is about their bond. It's incredibly well developed at the end mostly when you see Chloe growing out of her initial angry phase, and maturing in a beautiful way. So, shipping Grahamfield in this fandom sometimes feels like hey, you are a giant dick. I don't like hate on any ship or character (especially dunking on Chloe, because she's a representation of how trauma is not nice while actually being cool and kind, as well as being one of the few wlw canon protagonists), because both choices are completely canon, it's entirely up to the player. Again, if Chloe was the only canon love interest then that would be totally cool. Buuuut Max can choose to go on a date with Warren, write on his slate that he is cute, raise his grade (which can be done as a friendship thing only), help him in his experiment, kiss him, and if she does, she writes in his diary "I wanted one kiss from a boy I cared about", that to me, reads as having a canon interest in him too. And since Max is bisexual from what I understand, erasing that part doesn't sit well with me. Both Chloe and Warren have flaws, which hey is what happens with characters. Can you imagine having perfect characters? That would be so boring. He is a realistic 16-year-old boy to Max's 18 and Chloe's 19 years. He is extremely awkward, dorky, a little cringy, a boy with a harmless boy with a crush and that's normal at that age. He's helpful almost to a fault, and while some argue that's because he feels entitled, let me tell you, no niceGuy I've ever met has been so helpful if you don't give in, they don't back out after someone lets them down nicely, and he states his interest in Max clearly, and niceGuys don't tend to do that because they like to pine away and be angry that a girl didn't read his mind and magically fell in love with him. He believes Max from the get-go and helps her all the time, regardless of his feelings, which is like, basic decency, so if you want to call him a piece of shit I think that's going a little too far. If you want to take the words of others, Kate says he's a smart and silly cutie-pie with a good heart, suggests they take him with them to their tea-shop tour of Portland after everything and supports their date (besides them being friends, he brings her homework and is shown worried about her). I don't remember that part well, but I think Alyssa and Dana also support Grahamfield (and Brooke is very jealous!) so I think if he was an asshole they wouldn't be so supportive and Brooke wouldn't be into him, or Stella in another reality. My only point is that hey if you don't like him that's fine, but to call him a pervert or entitled or assholery is kinda uncalled for, to be honest, and using the nightmare sequence, in which EVERYONE is out of character (except Jeffershit) and shown being assholes, as a canon that he is bad seems to me like going out of your way. It's a nightmare for a reason, do you really think Kate would have said those things to Max if you save her? She's incredibly grateful. Or do you think Chloe would have done those things??? She would NEVER. Then why is Warren being treated as someone who would do those things for a nightmare? I don't get it. There are two myths regarding him: that he spies on Max and that he photoshopped a photo with them. First one, you can verify with mods that he can't see SHIT, he is merely waiting for her outside. Second, the photo is developed, not photoshopped, Max doesn't say hey we never took that photo, she merely is surprised he kept it. Now, he's a bit pushy when it comes to the drive-in (he acknowledges he's a pain in the booty), says like a stupid joke (a 16-year-old making stupid jokes, what a crime), and has that photo, which for some is crossing boundaries, and hey, that's fine. I, personally, just think a 16-year-old having a photo with his friend and crush is not creepy or bad. So, now that I'm over the ship discourse, which I hate but had to write to explain, I'm so glad this game brought so many interesting characters. My only complaint is that it felt a little too short when it came to other characters, I guess it's because the literal theme of the game is about abandoning youth and growing up as well, so that's because it's very focused on Chloe and Max's relationship, besides the romance. I adore Kate! I’m so happy we were able to save her, it was seriously one of the best moments I’ve ever seen in a game, I would have liked to see her future children’s book with Max’s photos, their tea sessions, and her coming back to school. I would love to have seen more of Stella, (a POC I think) that according to her words, faced an abusive home and poverty to end up studying in a prestigious school like Blackwell, busting her ass to work and yet being super cool and kind! I would have loved to see more of Daniel, how he faced bullying, how his home life is, his budding romance with Brooke, his future drawings. I would have loved to see more of Dana! How she dealt with abortion, a heavy topic, and yet she's super happy, nice, and in a loving relationship apparently. I would have liked to see more of Juliet's reporting skills, I feel like she could have been more important to the plot, or at least more exposés on bullying and the Prescotts. I would have loved to see more of Alyssa, what she likes, her relationships, etc. I would have loved to see more of Taylor! How her mom was doing, what steps was she going to take in not falling with the Vortex Club bullshit, her love for fashion, like Courtney. We didn't get to know Courtney at all I feel and I would have liked to! I would have liked to see more of Victoria, her insecurities, her relationship with her parents, her inner thoughts (she's totally bi too I bet), even her friendship with Nathan seemed deeper. I would have liked to see more of cool hipster Evan, or good skater boy Luke. In short, I would have LOVED to have them all hanging more with Max. The ending, oh man, what an ending. It's incredibly hard, and I hate that saving Arcadia Bay seems to go into "bury your gays" trope, because if there was a way to save them both I would. The writing is very powerful, ending the way it began. This leads me to my initial topic, choices. I love that the game gives us choices, and considering there are other alternative realities, maybe both choices are canon in different universes. If I was in Chloe's shoes I couldn't choose to sacrifice my mom, and Joyce dies if Chloe is saved, as well as many other innocents, so I can't choose that ending, I just can't (and I understand that's totally personal for everyone). A really tough choice, at least for me, and hey, if it wasn't specified that practically everyone died, I would have saved Chloe no questions asked. I do love, however, how Chloe matures so much in the course of 5 days and her bond with Max. She sacrifices for Arcadia Bay, and a lot of it is because of Max, because she doesn't want her to make that choice. So now if you excuse me, I'm still playing the funeral scene in my mind and the bathroom scene (totally broken) and had to write this as cathartic, so feel free to disagree with me or whatever you prefer, each one of us experiences a different game because of our different experiences in life. Next step: BTS and LIS2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9uy4V8SvPk

[furry-emblem]

You know what, after talking about how biases and stuff mess with 3H discourse, I'm going to go over my biases and personal experiences with each major faction leader because I feel like it. I don’t really want people arguing with me on these, but I would like to hear other people describing their experiences with these characters because that’s always interesting to read about. I'm listing the characters in order of how much I liked them.

Byleth

Also known as erotica, keyboard smash, Sothis, another keyboard smash, BoobBoob, and Boobama. I really dislike them. I’ve never been particularly fond of silent or self-insert protagonists. At best, they signal to me that the game isn’t going to bother with its story or character writing (and that’s fine when that’s the case), while at worst, it’s the writers taking the most important character in the story and then throwing their hands up and saying “we don’t need to write this one.” Byleth feels like the ladder and it’s to the detriment of pretty much everyone around them. Like, even considering that silent protagonists are supposed to be characters that the player projects onto, Byleth doesn’t do a good job at this because there’s enough canonical descriptions of them that you can’t really roleplay, but there’s so little going on that they don’t stand on their own two feet. So it’s like having a piece of cardboard dictate the fate of the country. They also primarily function as a wall for characters to exposition dump their backstories onto, which isn’t very interesting to watch. Like, 3H would have been better off without Byleth in it. 0/10.

Rhea

I just haven't had the chance to see a lot of her stuff, so I think I'm missing some of the stuff that makes people like her (and I'd prefer to not have that spoiled for me). Haven't seen her supports or the Church Route, but she just hasn't left me with a good impression. I don't like how possessive she gets of Byleth. Like, it creeps me out a little. I'm also a bit disappointed that you never get to play as her. I want the pope to bitch slap people (except not my people). I remember her being an antagonist in CF felt kind of forced to me when I first played because her reactions felt a bit silly. The problem wasn't whether they were justified or not, the problem was lack of context given and the fact that she was saying stuff like "You will BURN in the PITS OF HELL" while standing perfectly still and making this face >:(. And I just couldn't take that seriously for whatever reason because it felt cheesy and I didn't really understand what was going on. It also soured any endearment Rhea showed towards Byleth to me on future routes because her actions in CF gave me the impression of her being obsessive and controlling of Byleth. Like, she acted entitled to their loyalty, expected them to be something they never asked for, and flipped the fuck out when they rejected. It reminded me a lot of some abuse I've gone through and it made me dislike the character. Now that I have more context on the character, I get why she reacted so suddenly and violently because CF kinda threw all of her triggers at her. It feels like she dug her grave in that route, but she dug it in a way that resembles a Greek Tragedy more than anything else. My second route was Claude's route, which thoroughly disappointed me in terms of its writing. When Rhea was exposition dumping her backstory, I was like "I'm boooored," so that really didn't help my opinion of the character. I also don't really like how she gets damsels in three out of four routes. I still don't actively like the character very much because she left a really sour taste in my mouth, but I understand that I'm missing information and that there are reasons to like her. I'm open to learning more about her, but she just really rubs me the wrong way.

Yuri

I never finished Cindered Shadows and I have no real opinion on Yuri. I thought he was a girl when I first saw him and I think he's fun to play as in gameplay, so I guess there's that. I don't really see myself replaying Cindered Shadows if I even finish it because it lacks a lot of the major things I liked from 3H.

Seteth

Does he even get to count? Like, he's not in charge and Rhea should've probably been the leader of Silver Snow. Haven't played that route yet. I like Seteth. He's got good dad energy and also he's my wife (specifically in Verdent Wind). He's got good vibes. Also, if you kill Flayn in Crimson Flower, his English voice acting when he's like "Flayn Noooo" gets to me. I still really like Seteth. A solid 8/10 for me.

Dmitri

I wasn't following Three Houses advertising at all, so I didn't know anything about anyone going in. I was originally just going to skip him entirely because he looked boring and had shitty hair. So I did his route last. Partially out if curiosity for the character, partially because I might as well do every major route since I'd already done Claude and Edelgard, partially to get to know some of the Blue Lions, and partially because some of Edelgard's backstory is only revealed in this route and I was curious about that. Dmitri's route definitely has the best writing out of any of the routes. I really like how personal the route is and how much it focuses on how one specific event impacted all of the characters in it. There are some big problems I have with the route and Dmitri, like how the game uses psychosis to represent Dmitri being murdery and how him changing his mind felt more like Byleth's decision than his own due to their conversation being pretty bad. But overall, he has the best writing. I'd strongly recommend playing through his route if you haven't just because the writing's rather good there. The reason why he's ranked below Claude and Edelgard, however, is pretty simple: I just don't vibe with him. Like, the hero archetype bores the hell out of me, even when it is subverted like it is here. I also just didn't relate to the character on really any level while I did with Claude and Edelgard. The amount of Edelgard slander in his name also annoys me, but I don't think it really impacts how much I like Dmitri. He's a well written character that I just don't vibe with. I also remember his death in Verdant Wind and being like “wtf was that??” Like, the writers killed him offscreen.. twice. In the same route.

Claude 

I really enjoyed Claude as a character. He left a good first impression on me and I almost picked him for my first playthrough because he’s hot and sassy. Two good traits for any character. I ended up picking Edelgard, though, and he left a good impression on me during CF. I like that he held the alliance together and had a contingency plan for if he lost that battle. When I played his route, I ended up going Hard Mode NG+ Casual and I stuck everyone on a dragon. I did find it funny that throughout the school phase, Claude learns bow stuff repeatedly, then in one of the last months, he went up to me and was like “hey, can you start teaching me in axe and flying?” Which he had nothing in either. Then timeskip happens and he comes waltzing in on a dragon. Claude is where all the good memes in the fandom go. That said, I really disliked his route because Claude felt like an afterthought in it (because he literally was). I don’t like that I got out of the route and it felt like I didn’t know as much more about the character going out than I did going in. Some of that is because I didn’t see a ton of his supports, which is where pretty much all of the character work is. I like how Claude is open minded and actively tries to seek out the truth. So, overall, I found his route a bit disappoint but I still really like him because he’s a fun character.

Edelgard

I fucking love Edelgard. She was my first pick and therefore the character that introduced me to the game, and by extension, the series of Fire Emblem. I picked her because she’s pretty, she looked ready to fistfight god from the word go, and she seemed like the mascot of the game so I figured the writers might put a bit extra effort into her route (they didn’t, rip). My very first playthrough was actually a Normal/Classic run, but I had to abandon the run because literally everyone died four hours into the save (I swapped to Normal/Casual). Edelgard ended up carrying me through my first playthrough. I stuck her on a dragon and she killed literally everyone and everything. In my most recent playthrough of the game, I did CF and made her an archer mage dancer for the memes and that was also a ton of fun to play with. Her gameplay feel had a role in me liking her (like, Dmitri is also very powerful, but it was my third playthrough and I knew what I was doing better by then, so him being just as OP as Edelgard didn’t really influence my opinion on him as much as it did her). 

Besides the gameplay, Edelgard’s probably the major character that I relate to the most. Every character on this list (except maybe Byleth or Yuri, I know literally nothing about Yuri tho) has experience with trauma and is coping with it in some way. Edelgard copes by villainizing herself and shutting off her emotions, but despite that, she’s still a low-empathy person who’s still very compassionate person who cares about others and is trying to do the right thing. She also generally tries to express some amount of compassion to her enemies, even if it’s little more than saying “it sucks that Dmitri had to die.” She’s not as open-minded or as truth-seeking as Claude is, but she still tries to keep herself open to other viewpoints and will readily accept any she deems as valid at a moment’s notice. I just really like that about her because I share a lot of those traits in common with her. I also like the idea of her being someone who’s willing to do evil things to bring good to the world. That’s not something you normally get in a protagonist and I think that’s a cool idea. 

I still found her route to be very awkward, especially with no context. Like, I missed the line where Edelgard’s like “yeah, btw, I’m the Flame Emperor,” so I was just wondering what happened there. It’s an anticlimactic way to end the main plot of the first half of the game. I also didn’t really get Rhea’s angle at all. So the route just felt a lot like “I guess I’m doing this now??” In other routes, I found her deaths to be very hard hitting. The death in Verdant Wind only really got me because I really liked Edelgard and she was my original student and I could feel how much she wanted to make her future a reality and how her failing meant all of those sacrifices she made and the evils she’d done would now all be for nothing. I get that impression with Azure Moon’s ending too. 

Most of my appreciation for the character does come from her support conversations. I like how her chain with Bernie has her trying to learn how to not scare her off. Her interactions with Dorothea in their support chain are kind of sad because Dorothea is trying to show her admiration and love for Edelgard in a way that makes sense to her but then Edelgard’s low view of herself causes her to reject the offer. I really liked her Manuela support too (haven’t seen Hanneman’s but I’ve heard that it’s good). I like how with Manuela, Edelgard learns why people are religious and she that being religious doesn’t make you weak. I like her Linhart support where he calls her out for trying to dictate his life and she responds by trying to overhaul some of her own systems and assumptions about him, which leads to her giving him a role to the empire that also properly accommodates for his needs. I like how with Ferdinand’s supports, he has to learn to let go of their rivalry, but once that does happen, Edelgard takes into account his ideas and roles with them. I think it’s funny that she and Hubert flirt with each other by sending each other credible death threats. Edelgard just has a lot of very good supports. Don’t get me wrong, Claude and Dmitri also have supports that are good (I thought Claude’s support chain with Petra was cute and I really like Dmitri’s support chain with Flayn), but Edelgard’s supports go a long way to paint her as someone who is flawed but still really admirable.

Edelgard is definitely one of my favorite fictional characters, and I’d love to see more characters like her in the future.

[thevictorianghost]

A look back at 2020 - and a thank you to the Zutara fandom

Okay.

So.

I’ve never done this before. I know 2020 has been… a year. To say the least. A messy, sad, hell of a year. I’m not saying my 2020 was perfect. There were many events that were supposed to happen but got cancelled because of COVID. But if you could believe it, 2019 was so much worse for me, especially creative-wise. So I decided to make this post about how my 2020 went, because it went a lot better than 2019!

Never again, 2019. Never again.

Also if you feel like you haven’t been creative or haven’t had the energy to do everything you wanted to do, please don’t take this post as a “haha I did so much better than you guys!” Because that is ABSOLUTELY NOT what I want to achieve. I just want to give myself a pat on the back. Honestly, I think what really helped this year was when I got into a slump for one type of creative endeavour, I jumped to the next. I set myself to start something and finished it. Then, if I felt burnt out about that thing? Like writing a fic? I got into cosplay. Or video editing. Or something else. And then I came back to writing. It was really fun to learn new things and to do multiple kinds of projects through the year!

The Zutara fandom thank you letter is at the end, so if you want to skip my ramblings, you can find the title below! 

So anyway. Here goes!

Video editing:

It’s not that well-known on my Tumblr, but I have a Youtube channel! I made myself a video editing challenge back in January - and I crushed it! Back in 2019, I quit video editing for many months because I didn’t have the motivation to continue doing so. But then in December last year, I found a BUNCH of my old (and I mean, VERY old) videos I’d made as a kid. And it re-invigorated my love for video editing because I realized how far I’d come and that I wanted to do it more! So I told myself: one video a month. Twelve in one year. That’s it. Do that. And I ended up making TWENTY videos this year! I’m so proud of myself!

I even made MORE than twenty videos. A few of these just aren’t published. I made a few more “educational” videos because I’m considering making a brand new Youtube channel dedicated to History and pop culture! I don’t know if it’ll end up being… you know… a thing, but hey! Why not?

I also made some unpublished short edits for a possible Instagram account I’d like to create, too! All for Titanic. An example of those short videos can be found here! Again, I don’t know if that Instagram account will end up being… a thing… but I have faith!

Cosplay:

I got back into cosplay this year! And I learned new skills thanks to it! I learned how to work with EVA foam to create my own Blue Spirit mask (using this tutorial!). There’s a few projects currently on the backburner, but I’m sure I’ll come back to them eventually!

I also learned recently how to sew a pair of opera gloves (because haha, fuck you if you want to buy any that aren’t in size small!) for a Rose Dewitt-Bukater cosplay with my sewing machine I bought way back in like… March… but was honestly too afraid to use. But I did it! I pushed through my fear and I did it! I’ve been practicing more and more with my sewing machine as I repurpose old clothes for my cosplay. And it’s going great!

Writing:

I got back into fanfic! I hadn’t written ANYTHING fanfic related in a while, especially not multi-chapter fics. But this year, I finished THREE novel-length fanfictions. My fanfics The Prince’s Bride, my Star Wars/The Princess Bride AU, and Never Let Me Go, my Avatar: The Last Airbender/Titanic AU, are currently all published on AO3! I haven’t been much in the Star Wars fandom since writing The Prince’s Bride, but I did meet @stressedinadress with who I talk about Star Wars and anything in particular! Thank you for being my friend!

My other novel-length fic, All roads lead to Paris, a Miraculous Ladybug/A Monster in Paris/Ratatouille crossover fic is currently being uploaded every Wednesdays! I’ve also written a Titanic/The Great Gatsby crossover one-shot called Make it count; Meet me at the clock that had been living in my brain for years but I’d never had the guts to write it. But then I did!

I’m especially proud of Never Let Me Go. Not that I’m not proud of my other fics, but this one in particular has a very special place in my heart. It’s the longest story I’ve EVER written and made me love Titanic all over again. Zuko and Katara were the perfect characters to be cast as Jack and Rose. I got back into drawing entirely thanks to this fic. I’d been telling myself “I can’t draw to save my life” for YEARS but then I decided to try again and I’m much better than I was back then! I’m so humbled by all the comments, all the bookmarks, the kudos and the love this story has received. We’ve JUST REACHED 5000 HITS!! Before the end of the year!! That’s so AWESOME!!

I’m tentatively coming back to original fiction after writing a lot of fanfic, especially a Greek Mythology retelling (which is, you know, fanfiction but with stories that don’t have copyrights!). I think writing fanfiction really helped me figure out what I love about writing and has helped me tremendously in creating my own style and voice. It’s been an incredible journey and yes, my Greek Mythology retelling was inspired by a Zutara Greek Mythology AU! So you know, I’m staying on-brand! haha

I’m also currently working on another ATLA fic, heavily inspired by my “what I would have wanted for LOK” post you can find here. It’s going to be much, MUCH shorter than Never Let Me Go, but it’s already longer than Not Like Everyone Else, so I’m really happy with this one. A bunch of bite-sized chapters in the POVs of all these lovely characters after the War and my take on where they should have ended up - and the world.

Zutara:

And finally, but certainly not the least, I got back into the Zutara fandom and really contributed! I made metas I’m really proud of (like this one on Katara’s abandonment issues you can find here!). I wrote the aforementioned fanfic Never Let Me Go. I even made a video about Zutara after my latest rewatch of ATLA (you can watch ZUTARA | Zuko x Katara - BATTLESHIPS here!).

I also made friends along the way! @darkcrowprincess​, @harharj​, @angelsabloom​ and, more recently, @heavensweetheart​. I wanted to thank you for putting up with my weird rants and obsessions! :)

We’re all such a lovely bunch and don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! I want to thank, especially, @firelxdykatara​, @antarcticasx​, @my-bated-breath​, @peartarts​,  @pineapple-frenzy​ and @hayleynfoster​ for your metas, fics, art, etc.!  You’ve been making my 2020 better. This isn’t an exhaustive list, so if I’ve forgotten someone, I’m so sorry! 

Also I hope everyone who have been harassed recently, like @babytreehugger​, knows that we’re all standing behind you and supporting you.

This is a really special fandom indeed. It took me years before I could rewatch ATLA knowing Zutara wasn’t endgame, but even if it hurts that they’re not canon, we have countless fics, art, poems, animatics, even published authors whose books are basically Zutara AUs! As stated by those same authors! Isn’t that amazing?? WE HAVE A STAR!! WE HAVE A FRICKING STAR!!! Has anyone forgotten that??

And look. I’ve been, for the past few years, in the Star Wars fandom. I’ve been in many different fandoms over the years. It’s been… rough. But I’ve never seen such an encouraging, loving, compassionate fandom. I know it can be difficult outside of our fandom, especially with people fighting on Twitter and Instagram and even on Tumblr with people harassing others. But this fandom, fifteen years later, is so smart, so kind, so positive and so inspiring. 

If you’ve been reading up ‘till now, thank you! 

Also: You can do whatever you set your mind to! I believe in you! Go do the thing if you want to! And never forget to be kind to yourself. 

Happy holidays! Let’s hope (fingers crossed!) that 2021 will be a better year. 

thevictorianghost

[renegades-redemption]

So Now What?

Hello everyone! I’m both surprised and grateful for the support I’ve received on my project. This comic has become a fairly personal and ambitious project to me, and so despite it not being particularly known or popular, every like, every reblog, every comment I see makes the immense work I put into it a little easier. But not even lovely comments and signal boosting can get me everything I need, and so I have an announcement here. 

Despite Chapter 2 not being done yet, I’m going to be taking a brief hiatus. 

I can’t say exactly how long this hiatus will last, only that my Patreon updates two weeks earlier than other sites, and so if you’d like to shorten the break between updates a little and support me financially, please consider checking it out. 

This hiatus is to give me time for a few different things. 

To finish drawing all remaining 27 pages of Chapter 2, which will then be released on my regular Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule. 

Redraw chapter covers for chapters 1 and 2. 

To give me time to finalize scripting and editing Chapter 3, and work on following chapters as well. 

To finish designing certain characters who appear in following chapters. 

To work on other projects, both original and fanfic. 

As you can see, quite a lot of stuff I’m still going to be working on. But I don’t want to completely abandon this blog in that time, even if I can’t release full pages for now. 

And so, in the following weeks, please look forwards to-- 

I will be leaving the askbox open both for questions directed at me OOC, and IC asks for the characters. (Restricted to those introduced so far in the main comic.) 

I’ll be opening simple requests on my Ko-fi. (One ko-fi per character, any fandom allowed, no ships, no nsfw or gore, no backgrounds, references for OCs encouraged)

Every Sunday I’ll be posting updates about my progress on RR so far, and perhaps advertise anything else I’ve recently posted. 

Perhaps the thing I’m most excited for, I’ve been gathering incorrect quotes for characters appearing in this comic. I will restrict myself to only characters introduced so far. These aren’t meant to be viewed as canon, but they amuse me greatly. 

Again, thank you for your interest and support in Renegade’s Redemption! Have a wonderful day! 

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[cloudchaserandflitterexplain]

A “brief” talk about the future of CaFE

I’m sure several of you are probably wondering, or maybe have wondered, why did CaFE go on such a long, unannounced hiatus? they’ve existed before, much to my embarrassment, but never this long, and usually I’d at least say something after a few months. But this time, well, it’s been over three quarters of a year. That’s a long time. So what happened? Well, a number of things. There was, of course, my little tiff with CiM. Which has been long since resolved and we’re all friends again, even if I don’t work directly for them any more, which is currently for the best (though maybe I’ll return someday, who can say? It’s not in the foreseeable future, however). Then, well, there was just a lot of little things that affected my mental health as I was recovering from that. Nothing to cause a monumental delay, mind you, but a lot of stuff that just made me not want to, or just incapable of writing about cute ponies talking about card games. I did manage to write half of the next CaFE early in the year, but I never did manage to finish it. Then, well, the big thing happened. And, fair warning, it’s not good. How bad is it? Well, even Pinkie Pie knows there are some things that no amount of parties and balloons and cheer can help you with, and this is one of those. My father died in March this year. To make matters worse, it happened just about a week before my sister’s wedding (which was lovely, though very bittersweet considering the circumstances). And I did not take it well at all. Writing was close to impossible for a long time. And every time I thought about saying something about CaFE, I just couldn’t. I tried many times. I really did. I was not myself for months. I still managed to go to BABS and Everfree and put on a good show and enjoy myself, though I had to work harder for it. I’m not 100% I managed to mask everything entirely, and I’m sorry if I affected anyone negatively. For what it’s worth, I really did try my best not to. But let’s get back to the writing. It was hard. Very hard. I kept starting things I wanted to write about, then abandoning them. The best I could manage was the Surprise’s Cards that Beat the Odds series (which I think I did a decent job with, though it’s pretty close to over) and barely managing Silver Spanner (which I honestly think helped keep me sane as it was something I could do for everyone that involved very little effort on my part. Though there have definitely been more mistakes in the past few months than I’d have liked). The fact that I managed to finish two thirds of the Bichromatism mini series is, quite frankly, astounding to me as it has been about five times harder to write than something like this normally would be. But progress is progress, and I’m glad to have been able to make it. Bronycon has also helped a lot. I spent a lot of time with my non-CCG friends at the con, one of whom used to be a fanfic writer who published a book with a collection of her short stories from Fimfic and sold it at the Bronycon Bookstore, along with many other writers. It was a thing someone helped organize and push through for them all, and I couldn’t be more proud. Though, admittedly a little jealous since she was having so much fun with her writing stuff and I was just unable to write at all recently. But mostly, I was definitely proud, and enjoying her success alongside her. And, of course, I also did a lot of CCG stuff! I played a silly deck I made with Grand Pause (though we admit it needs a little tuning stil), hung out with people, chatted with people, and so on. I went to the “fire”side chat and asked questions about the next set, a few of which I think were actually pretty good! I even had the impromptu idea at about 90 minutes before Meticulous Talks started to join them in talking about those very same questions, completely surprising cursedchords and Hithroc and, honestly, myself. And overall, I managed to really connect with many CCG players again in a way I hadn’t really done since, well, since too long ago. Being the last Bronycon, of course, there was a lot to see, and do. I looked at all the cute costumes. Hugged Vikingerik’s Scootaloo suit twice.Bought a lot of stuff at the vendor hall (well, 5 things is a lot for me, anyway). Went to a couple panels. Told some jokes. Talked with a random stranger or three. Played board games. And overall, just had an incredibly and unbelievably good time. I even joined an impromptu sing-a-long of Smile Smile Smile (my 100% favourite MLP song, though I’ll easily admit several others are better). Bronycon’s healing process was incredible, and I think it happened at just the right time for me. The MLP fandom, as a whole, is just deeply, truly incredible. It is a community of love, understanding, and tolerance. And it is one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever been a part of (despite not really being much of a brony myself, outside the CCG. I know, it’s surprising considering how much I do for the CCG, but true). Which brings us back to CaFE. I’ve been thinking a lot more about CaFE lately, even before Bronycon. A couple weeks ago, I even thought to myself “it’s time to say something. It may not be time to write CafE again, but you should at least say something!” I didn’t, of course, but just thinking that was a good sign that I was on the right track again, even if still a bit away from the station. CaFE is incredibly and exceptionally special to me. It is legitimately the thing I am proudest of making or doing ever. No joke. I don’t know how well I can express this considering how emotional I’m getting typing these words (I’m tearing up on the plane home from Bronycon), but I think it needs to be put in to words. It’s the longest running project I’ve ever had, aside from my first job. I’ve had many people come up to me and praise how much they like it, even to this day. Folks have made fan art for me, including fan animations and comics! I’ve been asked to sign cards featuring one or both of the girls for people, which has always made my day (though it doesn’t happen much anymore). I’ve been told by more than one person it was their favourite pony blog period, despite being 90% just text! I’ve had players new and old tell me they’ve learned about the game reading my blog, and that they love the format of two cute pegasi talking to each other. Cloudchaser and Flitter have become practically synonymous with “competitive player” and “casual player” in this game, and almost everyone who’s read CaFE and seen how well they get along (despite their occasional fight) knows that they too can get along with the kind of player they’re not (granted, that could just be because we;re all MLP fans in general, heh). The girls’ expressions are used both on the official MLPCCG reddit and the official MLPCCG discord, and even in CiM’s Slack! Bots have been named after them by multiple people across multiple platforms. They were the first outside of Enterplay to give spoilers, and they’ve done so every set. And, most importantly, a girl at Nightmare Nights 2014 gave me a spontaneous hug when she learned I wrote that blog, she loved it so much. In short, CaFE hasn’t just touched my life, it’s touched all of yours. And many who don’t read it any more or even play the game any more. Heck, some people who stopped playing the game still read the blog (when it was updating, anyway)! Somehow, CaFE was even influential enough that I was invited to a panel at Bronycon 2016 to talk about them and how they managed to impact you all (along with several other panelists), and it truly is a time I’ll never forget (thanks Teej!).So there was no way I could let it end here. Cloudchaser. Flitter. You may be minor characters in the show, but to the MLPCCG community, you are beacons shining across us all. Bronycon may be over, and Season 9 may be ending soon, but the card game’s still going strong, even if not as strong as it was in years past. You’ve both got work to do. And, well, so have I. So, for those who missed the announcement at Bronycon and/or Meticulous Talks, I’ll say it here, and I’ll say it proudly. CaFE is coming back! In September or even late August. And I couldn’t be more excited. And I hope you all are too. See you all soon!

[ink-flavored]

11/11/11 Game (Triple Threat)

Tagged by @multimousenette​ and @bogbodybitch​ and @nectareouswrites​! Thanks!

I’ll put my questions at the top here so you don’t have to scroll through 33 questions lmao

Questions

Do you like to cook or do you prefer going out?

How meticulous do you like to get in your world building?

How do you relax when you’re stressed?

Do you have a creative hobby outside of writing? What is it?

Luck or chance?

Is there something that you’ve decided to keep in your WIP(s) even after someone told you to get rid of it? 

What’s your battle music?

What are you most proud of yourself for?

What’s your favorite dinosaur?

What would you grow on a farm?

Blood family or found family? 

Tagging: @royalbounties @rainy-rose @aesopsrachaels @purpleshadows1989 @frankensteinn @shadeshadow234 @startroubled @farrradays and anyone else who wants to!

Alright. Now comes the doozy.

1.      What’s your preferred writing and reading genre?

Fantasy for both, though I like to read a lot of different genres

2.      What’s your favorite thing about your least favorite character?

Least favorite is tough. The character I’ve been having the hardest time writing recently is General Zhai from The God-Dragon’s Wife, mainly because I haven’t solidified her motivations yet, but if there’s one thing I know about her, it’s that she takes no shit. Which is very difficult for me, because she isn’t taking my shit either.

3.      What’s your least favorite thing about your favorite character?

Again with the favorites! Teconia is fun to write, but I feel bad about making bad things happen to her and making her sad. She gets sad a lot and then I feel guilty. Stop doing that.

4.      Which of your characters do you feel most indifferent towards? Why?

Right now, it’s Park. I don’t think we’d be friends if he was a real person (robot?) because our values are so misaligned, but he’s not a bad guy.

5.      Which of your projects means the most to you and why?

Firesoul, no doubt. It’s been an idea I’ve had since I first started writing, and the fact that I’ve been continuing to write it after all these years is a huge deal for me (i.e. a person who comes up with ideas and then abandons them forever)

6.      Is there a theme that can be found in all of your projects? Was it intentional or dd you realize after the event?

Usually there’s a theme of overcoming – whether that’s overcoming self, overcoming oppression, or overcoming adversity. I don’t do it intentionally, but I think it’s definitely informed by experiences in my life, so it would feel odd to not have it.

7.      What’s your favorite book to read? Does it have any similarities to your any of your writing projects?

The Inheritance Cycle is my favorite book series of all time and it absolutely informs my writing style. I’ve read the first book, Eragon, eight times, and seven of those times was before I turned 16. I’d be shocked if it didn’t.

8.      What have you learnt while writing that you hope everyone knows?

That I can write whatever I want, and someone will like it, even if it’s not the someone I thought would like it.

9.      What’s your biggest strength in writing?

Description, for sure.

10.  What about your weakness?

Too much description.

Seriously, though, it’s plot structure. I suck at that, and I’m awful at outlines.

11.  How many questions do you answer on character profile sheets when creating new characters?

I try to shoot for all of the ones that apply! But I don’t do a lot of character sheets so…

12.  What do you love most about your writing?

I love my worlds and settings. I pour blood, sweat, and tears into them, and I think it really pays off.

13.  What’s your favorite type of character to write?

Smart dumbasses, people who Can’t Handle Feelings, and people who Have Too Much Feelings. I have no middle ground.

14.  What inspires you to write?

Life. That’s probably the most cliché answer on the planet, but I’m very informed by the things I believe and the experiences I have. Even my horror pieces (short as they are) come from places of feeling helpless in my own life, struggling with an undiagnosed anxiety and panic disorder for most of my life.

15.  If you could talk to your protagonist, what advice would you give them?

I would gently hold Park’s metal robot face in my hands and tell him to Stop Taking All Responsibility For Everything. Good God. It’s not all about you, all the time.

I would tell Xinya that it’s okay to feel emotions sometimes. Yes, even that one.

I would tell Teconia that trusting people isn’t always a good thing.

I would tell Hayden that he is capable, no matter what he tells himself.

16.  If you had to do an escape room with one of your characters, who would you choose and why?

Park is a robot and therefore would be very logical about all possible solutions. This could either be a great thing or a terrible thing, but I’ll take my chances with the guy with a computer for a brain.

17.  How did you come up with the plot for your current wip(s)?

The God-Dragon’s Wife is inspired by a (perhaps not astoundingly written) fanfiction I read and said “Psh. I can do that.” That, and my deep held desire to marry a dragon.

Firesoul came to me at an audition for a role in my dance company’s annual Christmas show. I heard this epic, haunting music, and had a vision, essentially, of a scene from the book. Teconia herself is literally a D&D character that I liked so much I gave her a book.

Out of the Park is inspired from way back when I used to regularly play Overwatch, and my main, Zenyatta, had a skin release that was a baseball team. The rest is history/

Dragon Raising actually started as a novel that I never did anything with, because something always felt off about the delivery. When I took a comic writing class in college, everything clicked at once.

18.  What’s one line/paragraph you’ve written recently that you’re proud of?

This is from a submission for a prompt month in a fandom I’m in:

Yugi didn’t believe in ghosts. It was fun to think about, sure, but he’d never seen any “real” evidence to support the idea. His friend Ryou claimed otherwise, but they’d long since learned to agree to disagree on the subject. Of course, they were both partial to a good scare – his second favorite genre for anything was horror – and they could talk about the coolest ghost stories they’d heard for hours. Still, he had never latched on to the idea of the “soul persisting after death.” It was ridiculous, for a lot of reasons. The idea of a ghost in his house – in anyone’s house – was almost laughable.

But he didn’t have a lot of other ideas to explain this.

19.  Do you ever draw concept art for your writing?

I can’t draw, but if someone made me art of my WIPs, I would die LITERALLY for them.

20.  What do you like most about one of your protagonists and what do you like least about them?

Xinya is a powerful woman. She’s capable and smart and will kick your ass in chess. But she’s so emotionally constipated it’s actually painful for me.

Teconia is kind, strong even if she doesn’t know it yet, and loyal to her friends and family. But she refuses to use her strength until it’s too late, which is frustrating for a lot of reasons.

Park is a dumbass. This is both the reason I love and hate him.

Hayden can do remarkable things, but he never gives himself credit for them.

21.  What’s the setting of your current wip(s) and why did you choose it?

TGDW takes place in a fantasy Imperial China, which I chose because I am so sick of Fantasy Medieval Europe #4564

Firesoul takes place in Fantasy Medieval Europe #a billion, but I’m not romanticizing it. Teconia is the poorest of the poor, a racial minority, and has to keep her mage identity a secret to avoid persecution. You see exactly what that’s like in Ethallia for the average citizen, and it’s not pretty, unlike most fantasy settings where Everyone Is Good Except Our Evil King, Who Is Evil For Vague Magic Reasons.

OOTP is my personal idealized Future America, which means there is So Much Socialism. Everywhere.

Dragon Raising takes place in modern day Chicago, which I chose because wouldn’t it be hilarious if someone had to raise dragons in the middle of Chicago?

22.  What are some of your strengths that make you a good writer?

I pride myself on my description and world building, as I’m sure people have picked up by now, but I’ve also been told I’m good at writing character interactions. I’ll take it!

23.  Do you listen to music/have playlists to get you writing?

I’m one of those people who can’t write without music to block out the sounds of the real world. I don’t have any specific playlists for writing – I usually just shuffle my whole library.

24.  Who is the character that is least like you and why?

Personality wise, it’s between Park and Yu-Qi who are the least like me.

Park thinks he has to be the one to change the world – him and him alone – which is just. Come on man. Dismount from your high horse.

Yu-Qi is closer to being the opposite of me because of our similarities, ironically enough. She’s obsessive, possessive, and in a true dragon fashion, she hoards and hoards and hoards. These are qualities I share, but desperately afraid of.

25.  What is the maximum word count you are hoping for your project(s)?

Oh, this is a good question. I’ve never sat down and thought it out specifically, but I think a good novel length is 80k-200k words, so I’ll shoot for that!

26.  Do you write better in the day time or at night?

Night owl. I blame it on being born at 1:30am

27.  What are your OC(s) zodiac signs?

Well, considering only two of them exist in our star system, I’ll just guess!

Xinya: Virgo

Teconia: Pisces

Park: Scorpio

Hayden: Libra

28.  Where do you fall on the beige to purple prose spectrum?

My prose is indigo, man. I am so close to purple it’s unreal.

29.  Are you well read in the genre you hope to go into?

Absolutely! I’ve been reading fantasy since I was in first grade.

30.  What are your goals for your writing career?

I want to open people’s minds and make them think about stuff that they might not have otherwise thought about. And entertain them, of course.

31.  How comfortable are you with critical feedback?

PLEASE give me critical feedback, I’m begging you. My life has been plagued by minimal to no feedback on my writing and it’s so frustrating.

32.  Do you enjoy reading or writing romance?

Reading it: depends. Writing it: yes, but I’ve only just gotten into it!  

33.  Do you annotate your books?

Depends on the book. If I’ve read it enough times to quote direct lines, then yes. I’ll never annotate a new book.

[amisbro]

Soooo Broccoli

Apparently the boys over at Brocc decided it was a good idea yesterday to drop some big news on us and then ,like they are apt to do, walk out of the room and leave us a speculation NIGHTMARE Fortunately for y’all...I’m here so we are going to go over the items that Broccoli mentioned and things are going to be interest going into the next DECADE and there is a phrase we need to learn the meaning of So in the immortal words of QUARTET NIGHT at the beginning of “The Dice are Cast” READY... SET... GO!!

10th Anniversary focus So according to a translation I have from a tweet here they said they will be focusing on the TENTH Anniversary which is next year.  I don’t THINK they are gonna leave us hanging on the 9th because that would be pretty bunk but the big anniversary is 10 years so they are going to want to put a focus on that.  If we don’t get A LOT of big time announcements this year I don’t think we need to be too upset (Like I was last year when it was all music related) but what will they announce for this Anni? WELL New Mystery game and console decision So its been announced that they have a new game coming out which...is interesting and its even MORE interesting because the console/device has not been decided. To sort of understand this we have to go back almost THREE YEARS to when Broccoli announced “Dolce Vita”.  This is important because remember at the time when they announced the game on the SIXTH Anniversary the characters that would be in the game are the Senseis ,Shining and then QN and STARISH respectively right? Well when 7th Anniversary happens it gets announced that they were making an update to the cast and that update would BE...Raging Otori and the 7 “Renegade Princes” from HEAVENS so there was THAT announcement.  Remember though that this was in 2017.  For two years there was no update or even a screenshot for the game and I want to say when we got close to 2018 it would be announced that the VITA was stopping production in Japan.  THIS is a big deal because of the fact that the game was to be on that system AND there was supposed to be a “port project” where all the games UP TO DOLCE were supposed to be released in sequential order starting with Repeat and ending with After Secret. SPOILER:  That project got abandoned Well...there was a good reason...kind of We have to remember that around August in 2017 Japan was starting to get Shining Live.  That game would end up coming out IN ENGLISH in 2018 in January.  I remember that because it was around then that I had to get my current computer when it completely crapped the bed on me which sucks but what can you do right?  Now this still led us to a situation because in 2018 we still didn’t get any update on Dolce right? WELL... 8th Anniversary becomes a thing and when it happened it was focused solely on the music (which DOES kind of make sense since the series’ literal translation is “Prince of Song”) but we hadn’t heard much about Dolce and at this point we are at 1 year since the HEAVENS announcement and 2 years since the game was announced AT ALL...what was going on? To be honest I don’t know but if I had to completely speculate what happened with the game it was a # of things and one was writing and recording HEAVENS’ parts (not sure about routes) for the game.  Well during the time they were doing this Sony announced stopping the VITA and the game card production outright. Because of THIS I think this caused them to pivot and they started to figure out if they were going to take the project and move it to a console or just outright scrap it!  I THINK when we get to 9th Anniversary we might learn the fate of Dolce and I think it has to do with this new game.  If I HAD to hazard a guess the console it was going to be on...THAT’S TRICKY! See the PS4 is on its way out (or at least games will slow production probably for 2020) so the idea would be to put it on the PS5 when that releases BUT they also could drop the game on the switch and make the game the first that I think would be on a Nintendo system (NOTE:  There WAS a theme for the 3DS but no actual games were made for a Nintendo console I don’t think) so we have to think about that.  I think it would do Broccoli well to put the game on the PS4/5 AND the Switch because UtaPri has been a staple in the Sony library in Japan so if it just up and left then I don’t know how fans in Japan would feel.  It would also be an interesting situation for HEAVENS fans because ,if we assume that this game will have them in it, then how many fans will get it for the switch beit domestically OR Internationally (NOTE:  The Switch is NOT Region Locked so importing is easy to do) so that is something to look at.  There are a lot of questions to deal with JUST on this subject and its why it took a bigger bulk of this post because of ambiguity but I am going to guess we will learn more at 9th Anniversary and I think it WILL RELEASE before the 10th Anni! Now another interesting part of the notes is that they are going to be focusing on Seiyuus and Lives...not sure what that means yet but we will find out in time This next part is SUPER IMPORTANT After the 10th Anniversary they will focus on making UtaPri “Everlasting Contents” Alright...I THINK I need to explain something I forgot to at the beginning here So when this tweet came out that someone was kind enough to translate EVERYTHING I am mentioning here was going UP TO 2022 so that’s a little over 3 years or so from now right?  Things have started to get more interesting here! So NOW the question becomes this “What will the plan be as far as an Anime goes?” If I am 100% honest...I don’t know...I know what my plan would be for 2021 and 2022 if they wanted to put one final bow on the Anime and wrap it up with one more 2 season arc but MY IDEA would be drastically different probably than that of the fandom...but I’ll share it in the future. You know what’s crazy about all of this as far as the timing of the news goes? THIS It had recently been announced that ,at the showing for “Maji Love Kingdom” (Or I guess more appropriately now called “Maji Love LIVE Kingdom” if you saw the second PV) they will have the cast there for a special talk...usually when something like that is gonna happen some stuff is gonna go down and IT MAKES ME WONDER if there isn’t something behind this...could we get a 5TH SEASON ANNOUNCEMENT or could it just be for a social thing?  If there is one thing I have learned about Broccoli’s methods in the years I have watched what they do with April Fools and so forth I wouldn’t put it past them to do that...it should ALSO be noted that at this time (and for the past 3 years) the 4th season website is still up!  There is a part of me that STILL BELIEVES if they were done with the Anime Project they would have outright taken down the website and used the official site to redirect to the movie...that hasn’t happened yet! Now someone will say (and I can see this in a reblog ,reply or message already) that “Doing a 5th season AFTER doing the Tokyo Dome in MLKingdom doesn’t make sense from a story perspective” and I hear that...but not quite right! IF we are to assume that I’m right and they do one more two season arc what could they do? WELL I’ve been told there is a place BIGGER than the Tokyo Dome called “Nissan Stadium” and so they could do THAT but if they did THAT then the idea would be “Well next for them would be a world tour” and then you run into the idea of “Do we do ANOTHER TWO SEASON ARC (although that might be 3) or do we finally put the Anime to bed?”  Remember the current plan is for AT LEAST 2022 but they ALSO want to create “everlasting content” too right? I have wondered this Since the “STARISH Solo Series” was announced was that Broccoli’s way of “closing the book” on that group?  If it WAS (and I don’t think it was objectively speaking) then you could do a two season arc with HEAVENS and QN and the STARISH boys could make cameos?  Hell I think I proposed an idea once where Otoya took over the school from Shining and then QN would become HEAVENS’ mentors but that part requires HEAVENS to break off from Raging and I don’t know if that would happen considering that the universe is currently built to have two different Agencies so...there IS that! Here is another interesting tidbit that might interest you I once looked up the largest stadiums in the world and like EIGHT OUT OF TEN OF THEM ARE IN THE US!  YES KIDS IF YOU WANTED TO DO THE BIGGEST STADIUMS A BUNCH ARE HERE?! Gets better too because like a bunch of them were College Stadiums...ponder that! (Although real talk:  I wouldn’t mind seeing UtaPri in America for an episode...THAT’D BE COOL!) So now we have to ask this question at the end of ALL OF THIS “Alright Joshua...WHAT do you make of all of this?!” Here’s my answer Broccoli has like ZERO intention of killing off the series!  I know the plan is up to 2022 but I have a feeling in the next 3 years they are going to really work on building it up even more and making the Lives that they do reach farther beyond the boundaries of Japan.  I think that was their plan from the start when they announced “Expanding the world of UtaPri” and they knew that was going to take some work.  They are just revving up the engines and stopping it cold NOW would make a lot of people upset as far as fans IN JAPAN and OUTSIDE of the country.  Broccoli HAS to know that their properties are getting popular outside because it wasn’t that long ago that they took off the lock for their YT channel in the US!  I think they are starting to see the value in expanding to the west and they are now looking at what to do to keep the “Foreign Market” interested. I will also say this DON’T be surprised if the next game gets some kind of localization with how SL has done outside of Japan.  Okay its about 100K people that downloaded the game in the US but that might have given Brocc some pause and go “Wait a second...maybe we got something here” And who knows...MAYBE they have a plan to get the game over here!  We probably WON’T KNOW until maybe a little past 9th Anniversary but I’ve been surprised before Alright alright one more thing With Idolish7′s second season looming in the distance and with I-Chu getting an Anime Adaptation soon I could see that as a big reason that Broccoli DOESN’T want to kill off the Anime Project yet.  They know their stronghold that they have and giving up the spot of “King of the Idol Anime” is NOT something you do without a fight and by God they have a plan to do it and now we are going to be in for one of the craziest 3 year periods (and beyond) in the history of a genre that I stepped into back in 2014 and now here we are in 2019 and its looking like a good fight kids...I’m just happy to have a front row seat! NOW...Imma ask you guys and gals Based on the announcements we got from Broccoli now what directions do you think UtaPri could go into and where do you WANT to see it go?  I got a lot of ideas in my dome for sure but the question is...what say you Oh and I almost forgot to link the tweet that was the source of all of this so do be a friend and check out the tweet...here’s the link https://twitter.com/ohayaho_news/status/1117801981517627392 take care lads and lasses

[rielity]

get to know the author?

I was tagged by @yaoyoroses despite me being totally MIA from tumblr and fandom in general recently, thank you!!! 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I’m snowdrops on ao3 - I was having a bleach phase and had an obsession with the thirteenth division of the gotei 13 when i created my ao3 account. the snowdrop is the thirteenth division’s insignia! it signifies hope.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

bookmarks:  red strings (dgm, lavilena + yullen, reincarnation au, 9.2k words) 

subscriptions: wandering spirits online (bleach x sao x log horizon, vr mmorpg au, 4k words, abandoned multichap) || the fic with the next highest number of subscriptions is red strings, which is a oneshot. in fact, i only write oneshots, with the exception of a couple of story collections, so why i have fic subscriptions at all is a true mystery.

kudos: herding cats (bnha, todobaku, neighbours au, 1.5k words)

hits: red strings (dgm, lavilena + yullen, reincarnation au, 9.2k words)

i’d like to point out here that this is probably not an accurate representation of the quality of my fics because red strings has been up on ao3 since 2014, and some of my newer fics have much higher pick-up rates relative to time elapsed

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

yato for my main (dgm) pseud, osamu for my hq pseud, sj13 for my kpop pseud and placeholders for the rest.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I have regular commenters depending on the fic I’m writing - for haikyuu it’s @aritzen @ennotanafuta @chamomilea @puffandhuff @sapphyrelily; for bnha it’s the tdbk server. but favourite commenters? anyone who comments and leaves encouragement for me to keep going, especially when I’m struggling with writing and myself, is a favourite for me! I also know who my regular readers are, and I’m always grateful for them even if they don’t leave comments! 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

here are some of the stories that have haunted me for a long time after i first read them, sorted by fandom: 

bnha:

make my body say (monoshin, E, 7.3k words)

whatever it takes (todobaku, E, fake dating au, 20k words)

dgm: 

staples of vocabulary (laviyuu, T, 33.5k words)

haikyuu:

city in the rearview (kuroyaku, G, 1.2k words)

lightning, unbidden (tsukinoya, G, soulmate au, 2.3k words)

midnight railway (kuroyaku, T, 4.6k words)

young, scrappy and hungry (ennonoya, G, 466 words)

parallel circuits (miyas, G, 833 words)

but his brother, sleep (miyas, T, 2k words)

finishing line. (kuroyaku, G, manga spoilers, 1.2k words)

rain, interrupted (oifuta, T, 13.9k words)

quicksilver lullabies (noyaken, M, 8.5k words)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

33 subscriptions (most of which are complete/from old fandoms that I no longer read) and 541 bookmarks across all pseuds

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I mostly write canon universe, but in terms of au it’s definitely college au  

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

33 subscribers, 393 bookmarks. i’ve been casually tracking the increase in stats here on this twitter thread. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

friends with benefits with feelings au, probably? though I don’t really care if people judge me for what I’m writing, so I guess it’s my own personal hesitance that’s stopping me from actually writing it. 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

one thing that I learnt from creative writing class is that I suck at writing visual descriptions, so I wanna work on that. I also want to be better at replying comments!!! 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i’m destined for rarepair hell

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

78, 39 of which were published this year....--- wait WHAT

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

do you mean stories i half-started, or story ideas, or stories i’ve actually completed, or

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I write them down on my phone, but more often than not they remain in that state lol

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

nope, and I’m not sure I’d be able to. I’m incredibly picky and individualistic when I’m writing.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Gunny told me that lots of writers were posting fic on ao3 too, besides ffn, so I looked it up and started hanging around

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

obviously not 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

what, no

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

hmm there are fic writers who made me want to write like them - themorninglark, asofthaven, carafin, among others - and also book authors - tolkien, cassandra clare, neil gaiman.  

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

keep writing. a little every day builds up to a lot in a year.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

it... depends on the story. I’ve plotted every single one of my Timeless AU fics thus far, as well as my longer fics, but for shorter fics I tend to let the story go where it wants to 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

mmm I got flamed on one of my crossover fics when I was starting out on ffn, but it was only the one time. I was rly young back then so I shall not reveal what I did lmao

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut, and physical scenes in general. writing them makes me uncomfortable

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

kacchako zine and supposedly hqss, except i haven’t started on hqss

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

,,,looks at the story ideas and plots spilling out of my pockets, you see nothing

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not now, because i’m way too busy with rl responsibilities to commit to writing

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

yes yes Y E S just look here, this is how a decade of writing looks like

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

as of 13 dec 2017:

molten gold (ennonoya, G, manga spoilers, 791 words)  

the weight of you (laviyuu, NR, 1k words)

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

my oldest works - the ones from my ffn that should never see the light of tumbr day

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

better, more daring, more experimental, and with yet more to learn

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

knowing the concept or the mood that i want to achieve (like plotting, but not really)

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

actually achieving/coming close to achieving that concept/mood (nearly impossible) & everything else, especially not falling back into cliches of my own writing

33. Why do you write?

because who else would write these stories for these ships if not me??? 

tagging: @ennotanafuta @directorennoshita @sapphyrelily @aritzen 

[officialmaleclibrary]

This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Fall Without Wings and Celebrity!Magnus AU. Lu is on ao3 as vulturemonem and on tumblr as @notcrypticbutcoy, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase! 

1) When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.

WELL. The first fandom I was ever a part of was the HP fandom, a solid 7+ years ago now, and I found my feet in this tiny little niche part of it in the most obscure place. That was where I began, where I learnt about what fanfiction was, and it was honestly a journey from there. I’ve been part of some very questionable fandoms and writing communities (if you want the details you’ll have to hit me up lol). I found the TMI fandom in maybe 2012? It was right before the CoB film came out, and I’d been totally obsessed with the books, because there were actual LGBT+ characters??? Like what?? (Alec and Magnus were the first gay/bi characters I’d ever seen in a YA book. I was enamoured immediately. Forgive me.) And then the show came out, and was everything I’d hoped for and so much more, and the rest is history, as they say! 

2) What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

The obvious answer here is to say Fall Without Wings, which has been more successful than I could ever have hoped for. I’ve put my heart and soul into that fic, and seeing other people loving it honestly means the world to me. The other fic I’d say I’m really proud of is the fic I wrote for Malec Week 2016, Day 3: AU Settings Day. You know when you sit down and write, and everything just spurts out and you read over it and you’re like, damn, did I actually write this?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That fic in a nutshell. I don’t know where it came from.

3) Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write? 

Magnus and Alec are definitely my favourite characters to write, but for entirely conflicting reasons. Alec, because I relate to Alec on pretty much every level, and so I find him very easy to write, and it comes naturally, most of the time. And Magnus because he’s also, to answer the second part of the question, such a challenging character to get right. He’s centuries old, there are a million facets to his character, and there are so many things to consider when writing him. He’s experienced more than I could possibly imagine. He’s also in my top 5 favourite characters in anything, ever, so I’m especially driven to do him justice! 

Having said that, though, I think the hardest characters to write are those we’ve got less source material for, because I’m never totally sure whether I’ve got their characterisation right. Also, Clary, because she frequently frustrates me in canon, so I often find myself writing her a little differently in my fics. (Admittedly, she’s annoyed me less as the show has gone on. I have high hopes for season 3!)

4) What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?

Honestly, I think there are lots of hard things about being a fic author. One of the hardest things imo isn’t unique to fic writing, but is probably true of writing in general. When you put everything into writing something that you care about, it can be really hard to see it get torn down by hate comments - even just a couple. Consciously, you know that people who come into your inbox on anon spouting bullshit are just cowards, and that you shouldn’t take their words to heart, but sometimes people manage to hit you where it hurts. Some hate comments are just plain hilarious, but some of them can run around in your mind for a while.

The other hard thing is staring at your WIP wondering why the hell you can’t just write this damn thing already.

The easiest thing is definitely generating ideas! I get far too many to ever write! It’s hard to finish a fic, and it’s hard to stick to an update schedule, but it’s much too easy to come up with the ideas! 

5) What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?

Literally everything and anything. Songs are often a big inspiration to me, or random little things I see on TV, or chatting to other people in fandoms about headcanons or such. And even just life anecdotes. 

I’m a bit of a biology nerd, so I always think it’s really interesting to read about where creativity actually comes from. There’s science behind why I always get my best ideas in the shower or walking to the tube station on my morning commute – Google “brain idling” and have a read, if you’re interested! 

6) Do you write original content as well as fic? 

Absolutely! I haven’t shared any of it online, but I do, yes. Recently, I’ve had my free time slashed in half, so I’ve had to prioritise a little, but I do still write original things when I get the opportunity. At some point, when the time feels right and I’m satisfied with what I’ve written, I’d love to get something published, but I’m not in a hurry at the moment. My life needs to settle down a little bit first, but watch this space ;)

7) Do you have a favorite fic from another author?

Several!

- and my heart is set on you by ohprongs is definitely a tick-all-the-boxes fic for me, and is impossibly sweet with just the right amount of light angst dotted in - Traveler by bumblebeeskness is absolutely heartbreaking and hilarious in places and overall so beautiful it’ll make you cry - Set Me In Motion by lemonoclefox is another great one, with a perfect mix of angst and fluff, as well as some great tension, pining, and some brilliant cooking anecdotes - Also anything by Lecrit – yes please!!

8) What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?

We’ve had hints that we might get to see some domestic malec, so that, of course! I’m also totally here for the Garrobane development we got last season, so more of that would be wonderful. And Sizzy?? If this Simon/Izzy slow burn is going to continue, sign me up. I think Em and Alberto are doing a great job with their relationship! (Although I am surprisingly conflicted, because I’ve enjoyed Simon/Maia more than I expected to, considering I was fairly apathetic to their relationship pre-show…)

9) Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?

I’m currently continuing Fall Without Wings as my main project, and I go back to dabble in my celeb!Magnus&cop!Alec AU now and then. Once I’ve finished FWW, I’ve got a super-secret (I’m kidding) multi-chap WIP that I started and have abandoned, so I’m hoping to finish that. I’ve also got two multi-chap AUs planned as full-time projects to start after FWW is done. (See, ideas?? Too many!!)

10) Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?

Honestly, just go for it. If you want to start writing in the hope of someday getting published, fanfic is a great place to start. If you want to write fanfic just because, then there’s nothing stopping you! There are two things I always recommend to people who want to write, in any way, and that’s 1) read as much and as widely as you possibly can, and 2) practise until your fingers fall off! (Not literally, but you know what I mean!)

11) Do you prefer to write in AU verse or canon verse? Why?

I’ve got to be honest, I prefer AU verses, both writing and reading. There’s much more freedom in an AU. You don’t get people in the comments picking apart little details you’ve changed, and you don’t have stupid plot lines/silly world rules you didn’t like in canon that you’re supposed to take note of. I find there’s more fun to be had in a good AU. Even if you’re just tweaking things a little bit here and there to change the backstory, I prefer it to writing in strict canon.

[flourish]

My life with comics

My best friend as a child has issues of Witchblade. Her parents bought it for her? Maybe. She has video games too, other things that I am allowed to engage with at other people’s houses but that I am not encouraged to bring home.

I love the sexy, powerful women in it. I don’t know that I want to be them, but I want to look at them forever. I don’t know how to get more issues. I know my mother wouldn’t approve.

I’m in high school. My best online friend is involved in scans_daily, and I’ve seen how much she loves superhero comics. I want to get into comics so I can talk with her about them.

There’s a comic shop about a quarter-mile from my house and I walk there in the Central Valley heat, ignoring the catcalls from the road. I’m used to it: in my suburb girls with long blonde hair don’t walk anywhere, and when they do they are fair game for any and all harassment. I’m still in the closet about being bi, still always femme, still painting my mouth with bright red lipstick. I don’t know any other way to be yet.

I get to the shop. It’s in a strip center that’s seen better days, and if you didn’t know it was still in business already, you might assume it was abandoned. I’ve been places like this to buy Magic cards before, got in and got out quickly, keeping my head down. I knew what happened when I played Magic with strange boys: they laughed at me, beat me hollow. After a few experiences like that I kept the cards not to play but just to look at the illustrations and imagine the worlds beyond them. I wanted to play, but I didn’t want to be humiliated.

No one speaks to me when I enter. I thumb through longboxes, feeling the eyes of the men behind the counter on me. I can feel the sweat drying on my back. I don’t want to ask questions. “Shopping for your boyfriend?” one of them finally ventures.

In retrospect, it was probably meant as a kindness.

At the time, I fled.

A few months later I’ve met a guy online. He’s into comics, so I gather up the courage to try again. This time when I go in to the same shop I can say “yes” when they ask whether I’m shopping for my boyfriend, but it’s not true. I have heard about Neil Gaiman’s 1602 and I want to get it weekly.

I go back over the course of months to pick up my one, singular comic. Once or twice someone tries to pick me up. Once the sales guy quizzes me on my knowledge, holding the issue hostage behind the counter as I struggle to explain that I don’t have a history with comics, that I just picked this one up because I like Neil Gaiman. He finally, grudgingly, gives it to me. “You should read—” he says, but then he catches himself: “it’s not out in trades and I don’t think we have all the issues.”

It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t afford to buy a long run of single issues anyway. My parents could, but I don’t have pocket money, and I’m supposed to be focusing on school, not getting a job. Or reading comics.

I like 1602, but I don’t get it. It’s so referential to characters I don’t know, storylines I can’t track. Every time I go into the shop, I feel more like an outsider. I’ve crossed the Rubicon. I am a regular, or anyway, a person who regularly comes in, even if I still don’t know anyone’s name. So why do I feel more left out than ever?

I end up at the same college as the guy I met online. He runs the comics library. Even after we break up, I’m welcome there. I finally feel like I can come in and flop down, pick up any comic I want, read it. I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to, and if I do talk to people, they are people I already know. I will not be quizzed.

The comics are in hardback books comprised of many single issues. I know they’re sent to a monastery to be bound together. (This is, though it seems fantastic, true.) I suppose that the monks are puzzled by the contents. My imagination doesn’t yet stretch to consider that some of the monks probably loved comics as boys, that they probably enjoy illicitly reading the issues as they bind them.

I can go back as far in comics history as I want to, here. There are first issues of all sorts of things. But I don’t. Every time I pick up something from the 80s or before, it’s too old, I don’t get it. When I try to pick things up in the middle, even the spots where people say “here’s where to start,” I feel that shivery misery of out-of-placeness. Maybe I’m not made for these. Maybe these are not made for me.

I read the full run of Ultimate Spider-Man, because I don’t have to know anything about what came before. I read V for Vendetta. I read Bone. I read Blankets. I read zines published by local artists. I don’t read any more superhero comics, after awhile. It’s not any individual person’s fault. It’s my fault, for not being more persistent. I shouldn’t have been put off by those actually-nice-guys who were just trying to be welcoming in an awkward way. After all, no one ever did anything really offensive. I should have listened more to my kind feminist boyfriend, to the scans_daily friend, even to my childhood best friend who somehow managed to get her hands on all sorts of pop culture that I wasn’t privy to. I shouldn’t have been daunted by canons that stretch back years before my birth. It’s me. I’m the one who’s at fault.

I watch people love superheroes from, it feels like, a long way away.

What if I loved superheroes?

I wax poetic about the new Spider-Man movie, about how much I hated the Tobey Maguire films because they weren’t really about a high school student. I scream with delight when the trailer comes on at SDCC, when I’m in Hall H and suddenly Peter Parker is in a high school comedy and Zendaya is flirting with him and it’s so great. Elizabeth is startled to find out that I care at all.

What if I was a fan of Spider-Man?

It’s not possible that I am a fan of Spider-Man. I know nothing about him. After all, I’ve only read Ultimate.

I feel confident at Comic-Con, going to the CBLDF party, walking around the floor. I know a lot about this stuff compared to most of the people here. I am a True Nerd.

I’m not a True Nerd. I only know a lot about comics compared to the Muggles.

The fact that I call them “Muggles” and not something else, something comics-specific, only illustrates that fact.

I read indie comics. My husband likes them more than me. I can’t compete with his expertise. I can’t compete with anyone’s expertise. So I begin to say, “I don’t read comics.” This is a lie.

I personally buy many of our comics, but they still feel like they belong to him.

I don’t look femme anymore, at least not high femme. I see myself in zines I buy at Printed Matter or at St. Mark’s Bookshop or online: people with long eyelashes and men’s haircuts. I don’t, somehow, connect these people with Witchblade, or with 1602. Their work is sold in bookstores. Their work is sold in Artists’ Alleys. They aren’t comics. Or they are, but they’re not that kind of comics.

They’re the kind of comics that I can read, not the kind of comics I can’t read.

I lift weights a lot. My favorite shirt reads THE SAVAGE SHE-HULK. I have never read a comic about She-Hulk.

I begin to think I might be non-binary, but I don’t care enough to insist on pronouns.

Maybe I do care enough. But I am set in my ways. People assume I’m straight, people assume I’m absolutely female. When I send up a test balloon about it, the reaction is stark: what the fuck. I don’t want to get into the argument.

I also don’t want to get into the argument about comics. I would rather not read superhero comics than have to defend my enjoyment of them, or have to fight my own instincts in order to enjoy them. So I don’t. I’ll study them and know all about them, intellectually, and I’ll watch the movie when it comes out but I won’t give my heart away.

This makes me a coward. I have recently come to recognize that I belong in Slytherin. I guess it comes with the territory.

I study fandoms for work. My closest colleague loves to read single issues, loves Marvel and DC. She follows a million superheroes, she writes criticism for fun in her off hours, she brings great insights. We do projects to look at superhero fandoms together and I know I’m resting in the fact that I can focus on just the parts I feel comfortable with and leave the rest to her. If I squint it’s almost like I’m just engaged in the fandom spaces I always have loved, the spaces that are familiar to me. The internet spaces where people write fanfic and make fanart. The spaces that are mostly female and enby.

On the internet nobody knows you’re a dog.

So why is it that I know so many women, so many women who are much more femme than me, so many women who are much more women than me, who embrace superhero comics?

Who identify as comics people, even if not superhero comics people?

Why can’t I seem to do it too, no matter how much I read?

I don’t normally self-disclose this way, for a lot of reasons. My work involves actively trying to ignore personal feelings about fandoms, checking and double checking against data to make sure that they’re being represented accurately and truthfully and honestly and fairly, and I think I do it pretty well. More to the point, I do it with a team, and we check each other.

Fansplaining involves criticism of fandom as well as celebration of it. A lot of times our experiences as hosts are beside the point. When Elizabeth said she thought we needed to do a big quadruple episode and address racism in Star Wars fandom, my stomach sank. Star Wars was my jam. I wept at the new movies. I owned a whole bookshelf of extended universe novels at one point. I didn’t want to look at how the fandom was flailing (and failing). But she was right. And my feelings were beside the point.

Still, it’s impossible to set aside everything you feel.

Are we really negative about comics on Fansplaining? I can’t tell. Or, I can: I combed through every time we’ve discussed them, and was satisfied that we weren’t. But then I got to the end and had another email from another listener saying that we were. I know from experience that perceptions are untrustworthy. My perceptions are untrustworthy. Relying on your gut means you get things wrong.

I resent that I feel obligated to write this post. I don’t want to talk about how easily intimidated I am. I don’t want to talk about my life as a teenager, when everything to do with gender felt momentous. And I don’t want to have my voice, as an upper middle class white person who isn’t usually visibly non-binary, be the voice that’s heard on this subject, when our interviewees on Fansplaining have surely been speaking from experiences of racism as well. But I guess I’m writing it anyway.

I don’t know how to unpick this knot. I don’t want to be unfair, but I don’t know how to be “neutral,” not in the podcast that Elizabeth and I manage to produce by the skin of our teeth around everything else in our lives. If it were my job I could do it. But I already have a job, and I do have to be neutral there, and I can’t do it any more than I already do.

There’s no answers here, but maybe there’s something useful.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 23: Writing Thought Spew

I’m not very content with my writing projects at the moment and I honestly have no idea why. I could work on literally anything right now. Except for my BFF fic, which I have plenty of time to complete still, I don’t have any ‘obligations;’ I could pause or even completely throw away literally everything and switch to utterly unrelated stories if I wanted to and yet… somehow I feel as if I actually cannot do that. I don’t know if this is those damned Puritan ancestors again or just habit, or stubbornness (for all the stories I have functionally abandoned, I’m still loathe to declare anything permanently unfinished).

I told myself that now that I don’t have any obligations, Big Bang or otherwise, I could just enjoy writing, work on whatever project currently inspires me, have a bunch going at once, not worry about progress or finishing things or posting things… That has seemed like the dream pretty much forever and yet. I’m still not feeling inspired or interested.

Part of the problem is that I’ve been feeling weirdly pessimistic about the whole process of writing recently. The shrew feeling: why bother starting to write when you’re just going to hate everything you write? Why bother starting if even the simplest thing takes forever to finish or even make progress on? Why bother?

I want to break this mood but just telling myself ‘hey, stop thinking that way’ doesn’t seem to help lol. Maybe this is my big bang fucking me up. Maybe it’s a reinforcement loop: every time I think this way, I encourage myself to think this way again in the future, and every time I convince myself before I even start that I’ll hate what I produce, I’m more likely to deem what I write to be crap.

This even though I’m rather proud of at least some of what I’ve written recently: my free writes and ficlets and the opening scene of my BFF fic. And the other stuff… I mean, I don’t hate it lol. I’m not crazy about it, but I write tons of stuff I’m not crazy about.

Maybe I feel defeatist because I’m not really inspired. I’m definitely not as engaged in this fandom as I used to be, or rather I’m not engaged with the source material, and thus a lot of my interest is in pairings, characters, and dynamics that are either gone or severely changed in the show itself and though I tell myself this doesn’t matter--sometimes it does. It can make me feel disconnected both from the community and from the work itself, sort of like… I’m trying to recapture a certain excitement I used to have, but don’t anymore. And I’m prone to overthinking more.

That said, I am always prone to overthinking, and a part of me thinks this is just an easy excuse.

It’s more of an attitude problem, and I don’t know how to just… be more chill, lol.

A part of me is like: well, you know what, since everything sucks anyway, do one of those long old projects that has been on the backburner forever. Just do it! You’re always saying you want to! 

I think part of the reason I don’t, that I make excuses not to, is that I’m afraid I’ll ruin them. That actually writing will be too hard or unpleasant or come up with nothing but shit, and then what?

And there’s this part of me that says ‘you’ll somehow earn the right to work on those if you just do this one other thing’ which !!!! Is so irrational. I see the words and I’m like ??? you’re an idiot. But that’s how it is in my brain.

Another related thing is that I can’t just have a bunch of scattered projects going on; I need to focus on no more than...maybe 4, at the utmost. So I can’t even really say ‘well just add this other idea,’ I have to be willing to give something else up.

Right now my front burner projects are:

BFF August: I am maybe a little worried about this, but, like, the least worried comparatively. Partly this is because it’s not due for a good long time, partly because it’s only five scenes and I’ve already written two, and partly because, while I have no strong feelings about scene two, I really like how scene one came out.

Bingo 1: Uhhhhhhhhhh this fic. I am legitimately considering trashing it, to be quite honest. I was worrying it around in my brain for a while and kind of… default assuming I liked where it was going and now… I’m stubborn enough to want to continue it, but that we’re even here in the realm of ‘let’s trash it’ is, uh, big. I feel like I’m not really following the spirit of the prompt, nor am I really creating something I’m terribly interested in. But then on the other hand, I can’t really pinpoint what I dislike about the single scene I’ve written so far--what it’s not living up to, what is actually wrong with it. So I’m stuck between ‘it’s basically fine, you may as well finish it’ and ‘you can’t do anything simply, this is going to take you forever, you’re better off spending your time and energy on something that actually excites you.’

So I don’t know. I’m really torn on this one. While I was stuck in my big bang, I so desperately wanted to do a light, fluffy, pointless Modern AU and now I’m like… Less interested?

[Slight update: I thought about this a lot on my walk home from work and I did get excited about it a little more...but this has not at all translated into actual words on the page.]

Big Bang Sequel: I was going to take more of a break but then when I was editing chapter five, I thought I might as well write down the outline of the next chapter, and then I started writing it. It’s about 1,000 words, one scene. Not sure if I’m going to continue poking at it or let it fall back into oblivion again. I have a desperate need to complete this monster but an unfortunately equally strong desire never to think about it again. It has caused, and continues to cause, me so much angst.

Sleeping Beauty: I probably shouldn’t put this on the list because I have not actually really picked it up again but I do want to. I feel like I’ve written so much on it (and even though the last time I poked at it even a little I realized the written/unedited parts would need a lot of editing), and compared to what I have written, what I have left is so minimal (though not objectively minimal), I should put all my effort into wrapping it up.